Pride in Disability

VOL. 168 ISSUE 12 JULY 26, 2021

NEWS

OP INIONS

ART S & C ULT UR E

H UM O UR

Renaissance Coffee prepares for reopening

Don’t forget about the delta variant

A food fight everyone can enjoy

Homer Simpson is out to get me (and you)

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Learning to take pride in disability U N D O I N G I N T E R N A L I Z E D A B L E I S M A N D G A I N I N G S E L F -A C C E P TA N C E P. 9

Volume 168, Issue 12

Maggie Benston Centre 2900 Simon Fraser University 8888 University Drive Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6 Phone: (778) 782-5110

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COVER Maple Sukontasukkul THIS WEEK’S CONTRIBUTORS Vrinda Kapadia, Jae Stafford PEAK ASSOCIATES Charlene Aviles, Lubaba Mahmud, Jacob Mattie, Shaheen Virk STAFF WRITERS Kelly Chia, Carter Hemion, Nancy La

NEWS Mandarin Chinese Medical Translation and Interpretation program to run in the fall

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Meera Eragoda eic@the-peak.ca COPY EDITOR Paige Riding copy@the-peak.ca NEWS EDITOR Michelle Young news@the-peak.ca

OPINIONS Let’s switch to more environmentally friendly period products

NEWS WRITERS Karissa Ketter, Jaymee Salisi OPINIONS EDITORS Dev Petrovic, Marco Ovies opinions@the-peak.ca FEATURES EDITOR Marco Ovies features@the-peak.ca

FEATURES Who told you that SFU Burnaby had no campus life?

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR Sara Wong arts@the-peak.ca HUMOUR EDITOR Kyla Dowling humour@the-peak.ca PRODUCTION AND DESIGN EDITOR Siloam Yeung production@the-peak.ca

ARTS & CULTURE

ASSISTANT PRODUCTION EDITORS Brianna Quan, Josh Ralla

Songs to help you get through your darkest hour

PHOTO EDITOR Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson photos@the-peak.ca MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Karla Salazar multimedia@the-peak.ca

HUMOUR

ASSISTANT MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Rashi Sethi

An inspiring tale of exceeding expectations

BUSINESS / ADVERTISING MANAGER Yuri Zhou business@the-peak.ca 778.782.3598

Get involved!

How it works!

All SFU students can contribute to The Peak and get paid for their work! Contact an editor or come to our weekly pitch meetings over Zoom at 3 p.m. (the link can be found on our Facebook page).

The Peak is the official weekly student newspaper of SFU and is published every Monday. We're funded by a student levy and governed by a board of directors. Any SFU student can become an editor, and we hire an editorial team every semester.

We reserve the right to edit submissions for length, as well as style, grammar, and legality. We also reserve the right to reprint submissions at any time, both in print and on web. We will not publish content that is sexist, racist, or otherwise prejudiced.

We acknowledge that The Peak's office is located and our paper is produced, distributed, and read on the Unceded Coast Salish Territories of the xwməθkwəy̓əm (Musqueam), Səl̓ílwətaʔ/Selilwitulh (Tsleil-Waututh), Kwikwitlem (Coquitlam), Kwantlen, Katzie, Semiahmoo, and Skwxwú7mesh Úxwumixw (Squamish) Peoples. Unceded means that this land was never surrendered, relinquished, or handed over in any way. We recognize that the unceded land that we occupy includes not only the SFU Burnaby campus, but extends to the land occupied by the Vancouver and Surrey campuses as well.

PROMOTIONS MANAGER Julie Vu promotions@the-peak.ca WEBSITE MANAGER Reza Shariatzadeh web@the-peak.ca DISTRIBUTION COORDINATOR Deby McIntosh BOARD OF DIRECTORS Kelly Chia, Pablo Clairmont, Emma Dunbar, Jacob Mattie, Angela Wachowick, Yuri Zhou

NEWS

July 26, 2021

BETTER LATTE THAN NEVER

Renaissance Coffee prepares to welcome back the SFU community in the fall The store is undergoing renovations and recently acquired a marketing team

This comes after business struggles due to COVID-19.

P HOTO : Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Peak

JAYME E SALI S I // N E WS W RI TE R

As September and the return to campus approaches, local vendor Renaissance Coffee plans to upgrade the shop in preparation for campus reopening. The shop closed briefly last year due to COVID-19, but reopened in September 2020.

The Peak spoke with the store owner, Parminder Parhar, for an update on the business and its plans for the upcoming term.

“I’m really dying to see the energy back on the campus,” Parhar said. He added Renaissance Coffee plans to renovate, “look fresh and ready for reopening, and improve our menu.”

They also have a new student marketing team. They were responsible for establishing the business’ new social media presence on Facebook and Instagram.

“They were looking for [a] project, so we joined hands and we are helping each other out,” Parhar said. “I’m really excited about this and exploring the opportunity.”

Due to low traffic over the summer, the shop has limited menu offerings of coffee and baked goods. They are also serving lunch items including sandwiches, butter chicken, chana masala (chickpea curry), rice, and naan.

Although business has been slow, Parhar said he was happy to see people support the shop when they came to campus.

“As the new added energy comes back to the campus, we’re going to get better,” Parhar said. He also aims to make the shop’s full menu available again in September.

According to Parhar, the pandemic has caused some shop losses. “Hopefully that is behind us. Majority of

Senate Report The Senate discussed extending elective grading system, delaying Spring 2022 semester, and ongoing reconciliation efforts Karissa Ketter // News Writer Content warning: mention of residential schools Elective grading system extension to Spring 2022 Senator Elizabeth Elle brought forth a motion to extend the pilot elective pass/credit/no credit grading system to the Spring 2022 term. It had previously been approved for all three semesters in 2021.

The briefing report stated this “will allow the Registrar’s Office to have sufficient data to inform a full analysis of the program.” They will use this data to determine if the elective grading system will become a permanent system at SFU. Past registrar Kathryn Verkerk noted the data analysis will look for “how many students opted into the program,” which programs used the grading system most, and how this affected students’ academic performance, among other things.

When asked about whether the system could be expanded to core courses, Verkerk said it will be “available for departments to opt in for required courses.” This means the program plans to stay consistent with its pilot.

Elle noted they are looking to hear from students on whether this program remains beneficial.

Senator Daniel Leznoff said the “cost of doing this is exceptionally low. I think the benefits are very high.”

This motion passed unanimously.

Delayed start of Spring 2022 and Summer 2022 semesters Senator Stephen Spector, the chair of the Calendar Committee, proposed a motion to delay the beginning of the Spring 2022 and subsequent Summer 2022 classes. The motion suggests beginning the Spring 2022 semester on Monday January 10, 2022 instead of the original Wednesday January 5, 2022.

Spector explained this is needed to allow instructors and students more time to prepare after New Year’s Day because both Christmas and New Year’s Day fall on Saturdays. This includes grade processing.

Spector noted this would reduce instructional days from 63 to 61 and extend the exam period to April 26, 2022.

The motion also moved the Summer 2022 semester courses from May 9 to May 10. This reduces instructional days from 63 to 62.

The motion passed unanimously.

the people are vaccinated and things are looking great from here on.

“We take a lot of pride in our food and we do a fantastic job on that and we will keep doing that. At this point in time, I really need support from the community.”

At the moment, the shop operates in full staff service to reduce potential COVID-19 touch points.

All staff are required to wear masks on duty.

Following SFU’s COVID-19 guidelines, customers are expected to practice social distancing and masks are recommended. To protect staff and customers, the shop also has limited seating and uses protective barriers.

Stay connected with Renaissance Coffee on their Instagram and Facebook and find them at the SFU Burnaby campus at AQ 3000.

Senator Matt Martell questioned if the Senate should consider moving towards a 12-week schedule instead of 13 weeks. As an instructor, he finds he is left with 12 instructional days and is then forced to rearrange his teaching schedule to accommodate the shrinking semesters. He said switching to 12-week semesters would allow SFU to adjust the course hours accordingly.

“It may be time to revisit how we are delivering our 39 hours, as students don’t get their full money’s worth in terms of course hours,” said Martell.

President Joy Johnson said the Senate would not be discussing that matter at this time. Spector noted the Calendar Committee is aware of this concern and in the coming weeks would discuss the 2023 schedule.

Joy Johnson updated Senate on reconciliation efforts “We as a university have been working towards reconciliation across our three campuses,” announced Johnson to the Senate.

In light of news of the mass graves being recovered under residential schools, Johnson acknowledged the responsibility the university has to support Indigenous communities.

Her update to the Senate mentioned the SFU flags have remained lowered, the university is working with host nations to enter into a “memorandum of understanding,” and they are exploring ways to “continue our path and deepen our relationships with our local First Nations.”

The Senate proposed a working group to establish a new Indigenous leadership position. The working group is being co-chaired by Squamish counselor, spokesperson, and SFU alumn Chris Lewis and vice president, academic and provost Catherine Dauvergne.

Johnson also reported they are currently examining ways in which the university can financially support Indigenous students.

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NEWS

News Editor Michelle Young

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News Writers Karissa Ketter and Jaymee Salisi

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news@the-peak.ca

GAINED IN TRANSLATION

SFU to run medical translation and interpretation certificate program The bilingual program is for Mandarin Chinese to English interpretation

KA R ISSA KET T ER // NE WS W RI TE R

Tuition will be the same for international and domestic students.

The information session held an ethics workshop to prepare incoming students.

P HOTO : Julia Zyablova / Unsplash

The presentation noted the median income for working medical interpreters is $27/hour in Canada, but often ranges from $19 to $33.23 in BC.

SFU is running a three-month, part-time medical translation and interpretation certificate program. The bilingual Mandarin Chinese and English program gives students the experience, training, and qualifications needed in order to pass credential exams held by the Society of Translators and Interpreters of British Columbia.

Rose Jen highlighted the importance of “confidentiality, impartiality, accountability, accuracy [ . . . ] and transparency” when working in the medical field. She explained interpreters need to develop skills such as sight translation, shadowing, note-taking, and cultural competency.

Rose Jen and Wendy from the interpretation and translation program at SFU hosted an information session on July 16, 2021 to provide information on the programs.

Field training allows students to practice their skills with health-care professionals, “giving [them] that preparation before throwing [them] into the pool,” explained Rose Jen.

The course centres around ethics training, medical terminology, and hard skills. The required courses will cover practice, interpreting skills in medical and health-care settings, protocols and field training for medical translators and interpreters, and foundational medical knowledge.

“We invite [ . . . ] real life health-care professionals from different fields and specialties [ . . . ] to share their experiences with interpreters,” said Rose Jen.

The tuition fee is the same for domestic and international students: $3,950. Students must have an undergraduate degree and proficiency in English and Mandarian Chinese to apply.

The certificate also contains courses on medical terminology, the human body systems, and field training.

The program is recognized in Canada as well as countries such as China, Australia, and the United States.

Wendy said the overall labour market in BC is seeing a 52% replacement of retiring workers and 44.8% of new jobs due to economic growth. “This industry is looking for new blood,” reported Wendy.

The program takes place from September to December of 2021 and involves synchronous remote learning three days a week. Students work in class sizes of 20 students.

Council Meeting Council establishes official reopening date for the SUB and plans protocols for in-person gatherings

Vice president (VP), equity and sustainability Marie Haddad added Black student activists helped to create a community space for marginalized students in their work fighting for space for Rotunda groups.

Jaymee Salisi // News Writer

This motion for an August 23 SUB opening date was carried unanimously.

Student Union Building (SUB) opening plan The SUB working group brought forward a motion proposing that Council set the opening date for the SUB as August 23, 2021.

Between this date and SFU’s campus reopening on September 8, the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) aims to use the time to allow students to explore and identify potential areas of improvement before campus officially reopens.

“The building itself is substantially complete,” SUB building manager John Walsh said. He added the building will receive a full occupancy permit from the City of Burnaby once the building structure is officially approved by SUB consultants.

The building provides office space for groups including: •

CJSF radio station

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Disability and Neurodiversity Alliance (DNA)

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Embark

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First Nations Students Association (FNSA)

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Simon Fraser Public Interest Research Group (SFPIRG)

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Students of Carribean and African Ancestry (SOCA)

Commercial tenants such as Blenz Coffee and a convenience store will also be found in the SUB.

By the opening date, the SUB will be open to access by the public during regular operating hours of 7 a.m.–7 p.m.

According to Walsh, CJSF, Embark, FNSA, and SFPIRG have moved their belongings into their respective building spaces and some will soon be sending in tenant requests to improve the accessibility of their rooms. After visiting their site recently, SOCA is deciding what renovations might need to be made. DNA has used the space but has requested some changes.

Walsh said the SFSS will cover the cost of any space changes for DNA, FNSA, and SOCA. In addition, council members hope to create a prayer room, ablution room, a gaming lounge, and genderinclusive washrooms.

The prayer room and gaming room are finished with minimal tenant improvement requests. With approval from Council, space will be made for the ablution room and washrooms.

The SFSS has a cleaning agreement with BEST, an association of unionized cleaners. There will be one “designated cleaner during core hours,” “daily cleaning in high-traffic spaces,” and “biweekly cleaning in office spaces.”

SFSS president Gabe Liosis said, “We have built a plan to [open] in a safe way — in a way that is open, accessible, and inclusive.”

Outdoor in-person events VP events and student affairs Jess Dela Cruz brought forward a motion to support outdoor in-person events leading up to August 23. After this date, “We will all have access to the SUB building, follow public health guidelines, and our own indoor event guidelines.”

The motion requested the SFSS allow limited outdoor events to take place prior to the SUB’s official opening date as COVID-19 restrictions loosen across the province.

Council members have been creating guidelines for clubs, student unions, and constituency groups to hold outdoor events.

The guidelines state event organizers must provide access to masks, hand sanitizer, appropriate cleaning supplies, and a contact tracing list. Masks, hand sanitizer, and cleaning supplies will be supplied by the SFSS. Groups who wish to gather will be required to promote COVID-19 safety protocols on their event advertisements.

Before the SUB opens, Dela Cruz said, “We won’t have any in-person events in the SUB just yet.”

However, this motion offers the opportunity to plan outdoor gatherings.

This motion was carried unanimously.

In light of the recent findings at residential schools across Canada and the calls of Indigenous peoples to implement the 94 Calls to Action published by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in 2015, The Peak is reproducing these calls over seven issues. We hope slowly publishing these calls to action will help non-Indigenous readers understand what they are, reflect on them, and think about the ways they can show up in allyship.

Please find Calls to Action #1–70 in our previous five issues.

Calls to Action In order to redress the legacy of residential schools and advance the process of Canadian reconciliation, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission makes the following calls to action.

Reconciliation MISSING CH ILDREN AND BURIAL INFORMATION

71.

We call upon all chief coroners and provincial vital statistics agencies that have not provided to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada their records on the deaths of Aboriginal children in the care of residential school authorities to make these documents available to the National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation.

72.

We call upon the federal government to allocate sufficient resources to the National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation to allow it to develop and maintain the National Residential School Student Death Register established by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada.

73.

We call upon the federal government to work with churches, Aboriginal communities, and former residential school students to establish and maintain an online registry of residential school cemeteries, including, where possible, plot maps showing the location of deceased residential school children.

74.

We call upon the federal government to work with the churches and Aboriginal community leaders to inform the families of children who died at residential schools of the child’s burial location, and to respond to families’ wishes for appropriate commemoration ceremonies and markers, and reburial in home communities where requested.

75.

We call upon the federal government to work with provincial, territorial, and municipal governments, churches, Aboriginal communities, former residential school students, and current landowners to develop and implement strategies and procedures for the ongoing identification, documentation, maintenance, commemoration, and protection of residential school cemeteries or other sites at which residential school children were buried. This is to include the provision of appropriate memorial ceremonies and commemorative markers to honour the deceased children.

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We call upon the parties engaged in the work of documenting, maintaining, commemorating, and protecting residential school cemeteries to adopt strategies in accordance with the following principles: i.

The Aboriginal community most affected shall lead the development of such strategies.

ii.

Information shall be sought from residential school Survivors and other Knowledge Keepers in the development of such strategies.

iii. Aboriginal protocols shall be respected before any potentially invasive technical inspection and investigation of a cemetery site.

NATIONAL CENTRE FOR TRUTH AND RECONCIL IATION

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We call upon provincial, territorial, municipal, and community archives to work collaboratively with the National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation to identify and collect copies of all records relevant to the history and legacy of the residential school system, and to provide these to the National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation.

call upon the Government of Canada to commit to making a funding contribution of $10 million over 78. We seven years to the National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation, plus an additional amount to assist communities to research and produce histories of their own residential school experience and their involvement in truth, healing, and reconciliation.

COMMEMORATION

79.

We call upon the federal government, in collaboration with Survivors, Aboriginal organizations, and the arts community, to develop a reconciliation framework for Canadian heritage and commemoration. This would include, but not be limited to: i.

Amending the Historic Sites and Monuments Act to include First Nations, Inuit, and Métis representation on the Historic Sites and Monuments Board of Canada and its Secretariat.

ii.

Revising the policies, criteria, and practices of the National Program of Historical Commemoration to integrate Indigenous history, heritage values, and memory practices into Canada’s national heritage and history.

iii. Developing and implementing a national heritage plan and strategy for commemorating residential school sites, the history and legacy of residential schools, and the contributions of Aboriginal peoples to Canada’s history.

80.

81.

We call upon the federal government, in collaboration with Aboriginal peoples, to establish, as a statutory holiday, a National Day for Truth and Reconciliation to honour Survivors, their families, and communities, and ensure that public commemoration of the history and legacy of residential schools remains a vital component of the reconciliation process.

We call upon the federal government, in collaboration with Survivors and their organizations, and other parties to the Settlement Agreement, to commission and install a publicly accessible, highly visible, Residential Schools National Monument in the city of Ottawa to honour Survivors and all the children who were lost to their families and communities.

82.

We call upon provincial and territorial governments, in collaboration with Survivors and their organizations, and other parties to the Settlement Agreement, to commission and install a publicly accessible, highly visible, Residential Schools Monument in each capital city to honour Survivors and all the children who were lost to their families and communities.

83.

We call upon the Canada Council for the Arts to establish, as a funding priority, a strategy for Indigenous and non-Indigenous artists to undertake collaborative projects and produce works that contribute to the reconciliation process.

In addition to reading these calls, please read the Assembly of First Nations’ 2020 Progress Report to find out how Canada is doing on implementing these calls.

OPINIONS

July 26, 2021

MENSTRUATION FRUSTRATION

WHAT GRINDS OUR GEARS?

Course planning Be it the grading scheme or the professor, more often than not, something is always missing from mySchedule

Diva Cups are an affordable option to reduce your plastic waste.

PH OTO : Oana Cristina / Unsplash

Reasons to consider transitioning to eco-friendly menstrual products Eco-friendly menstrual products save money and reduce consumer waste without compromising health regulations.

CHAR LE N E AVI LE S // PEAK ASSO CI ATE

There are a variety of menstrual products and brands to choose from, but the majority of those sold in stores are single-use. These disposable products, such as tampon applicators and menstrual pads, are made up of 90% plastic. If we were to transition to eco-friendly menstrual products, we would reduce the amount of plastic waste we produce by about 12 billion pads yearly.

The average menstruating person uses approximately 11,000 tampons in their life, and the accumulating waste from menstrual products poses a concern for ocean health.

Sustainable use of menstrual products goes beyond ingredient lists and packaging, as customers must also responsibly dispose of their products. Despite the fact that tampons should not be flushed, consumers continue to do so. According to the London Assembly, “1.5–2 billion menstrual items are flushed down Britain’s toilets each year,” which leads to blocked pipes and pollution. In Canada, between 3,000–3,500 tampon applicators end up on Canadian beaches annually. In addition to menstrual pads and tampon applicators polluting oceans and prompting beach closures, they can take up to 800 years to decompose.

When creating eco-friendly menstrual products, manufacturers should consider all stages of the product’s lifespan, from manufacturing to disposal.

Alternatives like the Diva Cup offer customers in Canada and the United States the opportunity to recycle their cups through their Diva Recycling Program. Through this program, Diva Cups’ materials are turned into furniture, tiles, and other products.

Reusable menstrual products may save consumers money in the long term. In contrast to boxes of tampons, which can range anywhere from $3 to $11, reusable silicone menstrual cups may cost $38 and are replaced yearly.

The transition to eco-friendly menstrual products does not require consumers to compromise health standards.

Due to health concerns, some period products like plastic tampon applicators are single-use only, but there is a wide range of product alternatives that are durable, eco-friendly, and sanitary.

When creating eco-friendly menstrual products, manufacturers should consider all stages of the product’s lifespan, from manufacturing to disposal.

When taken care of, menstrual cups can last for years. However, consumers should also be aware that menstrual cups have a low risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS), similar to tampons. For those with sanitary or TSS concerns, there are also biodegradable pads that only take 18–24 months to decompose.

I realize each person has their own budget, preference, and comfort level for period products. Given how consumers “[menstruate] for about 7 years during their lifetime,” people should be aware of the environmental impacts of their purchases. My hope is, after reading this article, you will think more critically about what period products you use and the environmental impacts they have.

“Here we go again,” I sighed as I opened the email about my enrolment appointment last month. I scrolled through the Fall 2021 list to see what courses were available. Of course, mySchedule wasn’t ready until June 28, even though enrolment would begin on July 5. As a visual planner and a full-time co-op student with limited time, this was already frustrating.

But that was just the beginning. I looked for an upper-division required course and was surprised to see the name of the professor and course syllabus were still missing from the course description. Okay, move on, let’s see some electives. There were very few that fit my schedule and were relevant to my concentration.

I found a rare course that seemed really interesting — but it had no grading scheme again! Fabulous.

It’s really difficult to choose courses without the grading scheme. Without it, students have limited options to play to their strengths and keep up their GPA. I, for one, try to steer clear of exams with a lot of weight attached to them, especially after remote learning difficulties. I prefer assignments and essays since they actually help improve vital skills like research and writing.

We’re just asking for some basic information, SFU. It’s ironic that we’re always told to plan ahead as students, when we don’t have access to a lot of important information required for said planning.

Written by Lubaba Mahmud Illustrated by Michelle Chiang

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editors Dev Petrovic and Marco Ovies

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opinions@the-peak.ca

PANDEMIC PRIORITIES

We should be more cautious of the delta variant Reopening guidelines shouldn’t dismiss the pandemic altogether

MICHELLE YOUN G / / NE WS E D I TO R

BC is bolting into its reopening plan. At stage three, we can have personal gatherings, organized gatherings at half capacity, and national travel. At the time of writing, BC had 52% of the population fully vaccinated. With concerns surrounding the delta variant, we still need to be cautious and continue to integrate pandemic guidelines such as masking, distancing, and being mindful of ventilation.

While the large majority have received their first dose, they still have about a 20–50% chance of contracting the original strain of COVID-19. It is still unknown how vaccines will protect against variants; the delta variant has already infected fully vaccinated individuals. With findings showing it is the most contagious among all the variants — spreading during the early stages of infection and potentially taking up to four days to detect — I’m not sure why there isn’t more concern. Emphasis on vaccinations also disregards those who are unable to be vaccinated due to underlying medical conditions.

COVID-19 cases are declining in BC; however, some aren’t considering that the pandemic is still ongoing.

There was a huge street party on Commercial Drive following the Italy win of Euro 2020 — where people were crammed together and largely unmasked. I’m not sure how so many people could have ever thought it would be a good idea to gather so unsafely.

It’s important to follow COVID-19 precautions to contain the delta variant.

P HOTO : Fusion Medical Animation / Unsplash

It’s well-known that COVID-19 is a sneaky virus. In countries where the pandemic response has been praised, places like Seoul are now struggling with lockdowns due to the delta variant — with more cases and heavier measures than previously recorded.

frankly, I’m not excited to be breathing the same dirty oxygen as the rest of you.

We have been in this pandemic for over a year now, and I’m just as eager to sit in a café without worrying about COVID-19 as the rest of us. We’re simply not there yet.

It is still unknown how vaccines will protect against variants; the delta variant has already infected fully vaccinated individuals.

I don’t understand why we wouldn’t be more cautious when experts have been warning us for months to be wary of variants, especially when the large majority of current COVID-19 cases are made up of variants.

Even SFU is gearing up for a full reopening without the requirement of masks in all areas — largely ignoring the needs of immunocompromised students.

BC guidelines have relaxed mask regulations, making them a recommendation for those who aren’t fully vaccinated. However, it is nearly impossible to know who actually has their second dose. I’m not sure why we’re opening up the air to be so full of germs again, because

Taking all of this into account, I think we should be concerned about our reopening. At this crucial point in the pandemic, all of our progress can quickly be thwarted by pure carelessness. Jumping into our routines again isn’t something to take lightly. It should be done mindfully. If we don’t, it could cost lives.

DOESN’T ADD UP

We’re teaching math wrong Everyone learns math, but most don’t like it. Why?

If we don’t change how we teach math, the resentment of the subject will just continue to grow.

JACO B MAT T I E // P EAK ASSO CI ATE

Math is among the most common topics in education worldwide, yet it is a favoured subject of complaint among students. Math slander is common in advertisements, the media, and even in conversations (where lack of mathematical ability can sometimes seem like a point of pride).

Why is this?

Either there is some genuine fault in the subject that renders it widely inaccessible — which is doubtful, given how old and widely-spread mathematics have been throughout history — or there is some flaw in how it is currently being taught.

I am convinced that it is the latter.

Elementary, middle, and high schools teach addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, as well as their

extensions (hello exponents and logarithms). A few detours into geometry and graphs seem to round out the knowledge, but by and large, math education primarily focuses on attaining that “holy grail” of mathematics: calculus. Here lies the problem.

While there is value in calculus, it’s far from representative of math as a field. 3D animation and CAD (computer-aided design) software are built entirely on linear algebra, which is about as separate from calculus as painting is from music (although both fall under the umbrella term of “art”). Formal logic is another topic which, despite being the subject of some people’s entire lives of study, is lucky to get a week’s practice in introductory math courses.

Formal logic, or learning how to accurately phrase a question, reduces a concept to its bare essentials and recognizes when said essentials are missing. These are pillars of mathematics typically neglected in favour of getting just a bit more practice with the quotient rule

P HOTO : Jeswin Thomas / Unsplash

(finding the derivative of a function that is the ratio of two different functions).

The inability of our number system to divide by zero is generally disregarded under a statement of “just trust me,” ignoring the entire field of number theory which gives a solid explanation as to why this is so.

It’s no surprise students become jaded and frustrated with math. We spend too much time working towards an arbitrary goal and forget about the diversity of math as a topic. Pages of tedious worksheets and pressure to memorize formulae make it difficult to appreciate the material, and a lack of perspective squashes any interest that may have remained. I make a plea that we slow down and teach the full breadth of math at an introductory level first.

There is so much more to math than computation and calculus, and until our current curriculums reflect this, mathematic vitriol and apathy will continue to grow.

FEATURES

I’m proud of being disabled Embracing my disabilities has improved my self-esteem and brought me into an amazing community Written by Jae Stafford

ILLUSTRATION: Maple Sukontasukkul / The Peak

I can't count the school days I missed growing up because of my disabilities.

Gastrointestinal issues like GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease), IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), and functional dyspepsia (recurring signs of indigestion with no obvious cause), alongside my anxiety and depression, kept me from participating in my classes. I had so many absences in high school, my school threatened court hearings to investigate my missed days. Even when I was made fun of for my OCD's "quirks" and I hardly socialized at all, I didn’t consider myself to be functionally impacted by any conditions because I was often adored by teachers for being quiet and reorganizing their things.

In some ways, my disabilities are tied to the ableism that closely follows them and to the systemic barriers I face. Some health-care providers, professors, and even my peers have taken them as a reason to treat me with little respect. While I do struggle with how others may treat me based on some of my disabilities, I know there is much more to being disabled than the trauma we sometimes live through. While being disabled has meant, for me, experiencing ableism, my disabilities are much more intertwined with the love I have for my community than the barriers we face. Disabled people are everywhere, and we are worthy of respect and love.

In just about every sport and PE class I participated in since I was 12 years old, I’ve required accommodations and breaks to manage my chronic pain and fatigue. By the end of high school, I was showing up to practices with four braces, a splint, and medical tape all over me. Still, I shook the idea that I could be disabled. It was a word I was raised to believe could never describe me, and one that was cloaked in shame and distress — or so I had been taught.

I no longer think of my disabilities as something that went wrong like I internalized growing up. This is who I am, and whether I was born with disabilities or developed them later, they are a part of me, and I embrace them. I still struggle to manage many of my symptoms and can never live a totally symptom-free life; however, that does not make me worth any less.

These parts of me are just that: integral to the way I view and interact with the world around me.

I have had disabilities most of my life, and it took starting university for me to really acknowledge them and unlearn the shame with which I was raised.

Now that I have embraced my disabilities as part of me, I’ve realized just how inseparable being disabled is from the rest of my identity.

Since accepting chronic conditions as a part of my life, I’ve become more confident in myself. I have learned to use a cane some of the time to manage my balance, pain, and fatigue. Buying my first cane was not the scary experience a younger version of me might have thought; it feels freeing to embrace something that makes me more confident in safely moving around — and I even painted fun colours on it to express myself!

When I came to SFU, I had to leave my then-team of supporters. This included my therapist, two clinics of physiotherapists, an orthopedic surgeon, and the family clinic that had all gotten to know me well. As I developed new conditions and my older conditions remained, I was still hesitant to consider myself disabled. Then I found my new support team. It wasn’t until connecting with other disabled people through SFU and the greater disability community, and recognizing the ableist barriers I face, that I really understood I have a place in the disabled community.

In my first year of university, I began experiencing more severe symptoms of what has now been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder and bipolar I disorder. I also had traumatic experiences before moving and during my first year, which exacerbated symptoms to dangerous points. By my second year at SFU, I saw rapid changes in my inner ear condition, Ménière’s disease, which further impacts my hearing and causes me unpredictable episodes of severe vertigo, sudden falls, and poor balance. Watching myself lose more and more functionality over the years was a wake-up call — I could no longer hold onto the discomfort I had. Why would I be uncomfortable admitting I need some support or that I’m limited in what I can manage in a day? Why should anyone be ashamed of their disabilities?

As I embrace my disabilities, I am more comfortable fighting against the barriers I’ve faced my whole life. I have learned to coax pride out of myself and wear it everywhere, more like a blanket than armour.

Growing up, I may never have imagined that I would be disabled, but I also never imagined the amazing community I would find or the journey I would go on because of my disabilities. I am proud of who I am, disabilities and all.

PHOTO: Igor Haritanovich / Pexels

FEATURES

Sword Fern (Polystichum mun

LET'S EXPLORE SFU'S CAMPUS LIFE Learn about some of the plants that occupy SFU Burnaby

Written by Jacob Mattie Illustrated by Shaheen Virk

The sword fern is an incredibly old a considered a weed by most industria that the sword fern is exclusively nati North America. Its range extends alo down to just above Mexico.

This plant can be identified by its lon 1.5 meters from the base. Leaves are and grow in an alternating pattern. T live for several years. The leaves (kno are attached by a small stem in an a small protrusion resembling a sword

The rhizomes (a type of underground plant can grow underground roots or are difficult to access and prepare, b and peeled as a starvation food sour peoples. Its fronds are plentiful and h coating, leading to their historical us cooking pits, and as food preparatio rhizomes, stems, and young leaves h distilled to reduce pain — ranging in to childbirth — as well as a remedy t have been used to treat burns and th stinging nettles.

Paper Birch (Betul

Paper Birch can be most easily recogn whitish in hue, and generally smooth a quickly and reach maturity at their bark begins to peel into

During the fall, the many leav and make for a delightful fall

B

urnaby Mountain — whose base is named Lhuḵw’lhuḵw’áyten by the Squamish people in reference to its groves of Arbutus trees — hosts a variety of life. Currently designated as a conservation area, Burnaby Mountain is recognized as both provincially and ecologically significant.

Paper birches are considered “ are among the first to grow after case, they are replacing the s were clear-cut in the 1940s

Each plant listed here has a range that spans the traditional territories of numerous Indigenous nations, and so is known by many different names.

In this article, we will use the common English names and the relevant binomial nomenclature. It should be noted that the majority of human interaction with these plants throughout history has been under different identifications than those used here.

Paper birch trees are a stap number of uses. The leaves th the soil and make it more tena low in nutrition, the sheer number birches an important food source f their range. Their bark is eaten by and porcupines. Various birds are dr potential offered by the tree cavities.

I am neither a botanist nor a doctor, so please use your discretion, and respect the plants if you choose to interact with them. Medicinally, it should also be noted that, just because people throughout history have supported certain traditions, this does not validate them. Put quaintly by the weed science department of Purdue University: “There are historical reports of ancient Romans eating [horsetail]’s tender young shoots for medicinal purposes; however, the Romans also thought lining their aqueducts with lead was a good idea.”

With this all said; let’s learn about some plants.

The paper-like bark, from which they g carry written messages by people thro to build lightweight and robust canoes name — the canoe birch.

Paper birches are susceptible to dama when cut. This sap can be reduced to the past to make birch beer.

nitum)

and prolific species. Despite being al agriculturalists, the fact remains ive to the coastal areas of ong the coastline of Alaska

ng fronds, stretching up to e attached by a small stem These fronds typically own on ferns as pinnae) alternating pattern, with a hilt — hence the name.

d structure from which the r stems, like a ginger root) but they have been cooked rce by many Indigenous have a naturally non-stick se in beddings, basket linings, on areas. Medicinally, its have been selectively eaten or n severity from sore throats to diarrhea. Its spores he itch caused by

Holly-Leaved Barberry (Mahonia aquifolium) If you keep your eyes open near the Diamond Alumni Centre, you might notice clusters of blue berries tucked around thorny leaves.

These are holly-leaved barberry plants, also known as Oregon Grapes. While they are technically edible, students in need of a snack might be disappointed. The berries are very acidic in flavour and contain large seeds.

The plant itself is often grown ornamentally. Although it is evergreen, its appearance changes dramatically throughout the seasons. In the spring, it flowers brightly in yellow clusters, which ripen in the summer to the blue berries.

The leaves finish with a deep burgundy in the fall, a colour which they carry throughout the winter.

Pollinators find food in this plant’s springtime flowers, while birds and other wildlife eat the berries (which have been described as being excellent for making jellies). The berries can be used to make a purple dye, and the inner bark of the larger stems & roots yield a yellow dye.

la papyrifera)

Horsetail (Equisetum arvense)

nized by their distinctive bark — and flaky. The trees grow moderately around 70 years of age, whereupon paper-like sheets.

Horsetails are incredibly common, old, and widespread. They’re considered “living fossils,” meaning they’ve remained relatively unchanged for hundreds of thousands of years. Fossil records show they were the dominant form of plant life during the Devonian era, predating the existence of fish, insects, reptiles, and mammals. Turns out it’s the ancestors of horsetails that have turned into the coal we use today.

ves of birch trees turn a bright yellow l ambiance.

“pioneer” species, which means they r an area has been cleared. In this sections of Burnaby Mountain that s.

ple of the ecosystem and offer a hey shed in the fall serve to enrich able for other plant life. Although of leaves they produce make the for deer and moose throughout y Luna moth caterpillars, beavers, rawn to the seeds and the nesting

get their name, has been used to oughout history and has been used s, leading to the paper birch’s other

age and bleed great quantities of sap a syrup and has also been used in

Horsetails have a distinctive appearance — a tall segmented stem, with rays of hair-like leaves branching out. It is a prolific and resilient grower, often found in large clusters. Because of this, it’s often considered a weed, despite being fairly forgiving to other plants. With decent soil, water, and proper drainage, most other plants can still establish themselves and grow alongside horsetail, meaning issues over a horsetail infestation are mainly an aesthetic concern.

Practically, horsetail has a huge number of uses. It’s comprised of over 35% silica, giving it a crusty sort of texture, making it particularly well-suited as an abrasive.

Hikers and others have used it as a cleaning brush for cookware, woodworkers used it to sand projects, and it’s been used to polish pewter and other metals, leading to one of its many colloquial names; pewterwort.

Its shoots have been cooked in soups and stir fries by Indigenous and Japanese people, but its safety as a food source is under some controversy. Horsetail is a diuretic, contains nicotine, and breaks down thiamine (Vitamin B), potentially leading to a deficiency and permanent liver damage. Medicinally, its high silica content can be used to promote the healing and strengthening of connective tissues, as well as promote bone growth.

11

12

ARTS & CULTURE

Arts & Culture Editor Sara Wong

|

arts@the-peak.ca

BY CHARLENE AVIL E S

Food for Thought:

Boodle Fight Dive into the cultural, political, and personal significance of food

Many of my family members live in different countries, so there are few occasions where we can all gather together. Whenever I visit my parents’ hometowns in the Philippines, my relatives always greet us with food to celebrate our family being reunited. One food experience on my bucket list is a boodle fight, or kamayan feast.

A boodle fight is a Filipino feast served on banana leaves and traditionally eaten with one’s bare hands.

Depending on the region, food served at boodle fights varies, but it usually consists of steamed rice and a type of protein (like fish or pork), incorporating Chinese or Western influences.

This feast, originating in the military and arranged on one long table, encouraged soldiers from all ranks to mingle with each other instead of branching off into separate cliques. This tradition later became popular among tourists.

Since typhoons are common in the Philippines, boodle fights are also a time to count one’s blessings. Coming from a family that sells rice, I recognize the time and dedication involved in cultivating rice crops. During typhoons, many farmers struggle to salvage their crops, so boodle fights are often a time to be grateful for one’s health, safety, and family.

The boodle fight is on my bucket list because it would allow me to taste more authentic Filipino food. Since I have not visited the Philippines in 10 years, food brings back comforting memories of my last visit. Some ingredients, like fresh banana leaves, are scarce in Canadian grocery stores, making me look forward to my first boodle fight even more.

1. Cover the table in one layer of clean, fresh banana leaves.

2. Place rice in the middle of the table.

3. Add your protein on top of the rice.

4. Evenly distribute vegetables.

5. Prepare a bowl of vinegar or other dipping sauces for each individual.

6. Enjoy!

If you're looking to try a boodle fight in the Lower Mainland, check out Grandt Kitchen by SFU Surrey.

ILLUSTRATION: Alyssa Marie Umbal / The Peak

BYO BONUS

SFU alum cocreates new app encouraging cafés and consumers to go green Out with paper cups, in with reusable mugs NANCY LA // STAFF W RI TE R

Bringing your own cup is now even more rewarding.

Bringing your own (BYO) cup to cafés to reduce waste is already a great act of sustainability, but two climate activists have created an online platform to make it even more rewarding. Founded by SFU alum and former chair of Embark Sustainability Priscilla Lam and UBC student Angelica Tso, the BYO app aims to develop a more sustainable café culture by decreasing the usage of disposable cups. Through the app, users are encouraged and rewarded for bringing their own reusable cups to participating stores.

I downloaded the app and tried using it myself. The app is built by students, and while there are pauses during the loading process, the app runs smoothly when scanning barcodes. I visited one of BYO’s two partner cafés, Teaspoon & Co (the other being Kind Cafe in Mount Pleasant), and got a free topping for using the app. Instead of paying five cents extra for drink toppings, the money went towards the Eden Reforestation Projects. Every five scans equals a tree planted. This exemplifies the mentality of “every small act matters” that Lam and Tso built into the project itself.

The app’s purpose “is to bring visibility to a practice that is normally invisible,” Lam said. “We saw that there was no centralized platform or centralized place for people to bring their own cup and feel comfortable doing it. The whole point is to normalize bringing your own cup so that the default is not disposable cups, the default is reusables.”

Paper cups have long been regarded as the greener alternative to plastic cups used at cafés, yet according to Lam and Tso, the truth is much more complicated.

“The outside part [of the paper cup] is made of paper [ . . . ] but the inside always has some sort of waterproof, plastic lining,” preventing the cup from disintegrating, Tso said.

“That’s why the recycling process also gets complicated because that means, when it does get recycled, they would have to separate that lining.

And often, that process is so much more energyconsuming/time-consuming, and it just ends up being thrown in the landfill because it’s not worth it

P HOTO : Courtesy of BYO

for recycling companies to have to go through that process,” Tso explained.

Instead of going for paper cups, Lam and Tso want consumers to shift towards a “reuse” culture.

“There’s a reason why recycling is at the bottom [ . . . ] it’s really intensive,” Lam said, pointing to the three Rs — reduce, reuse, and recycle.

As the BYO app illuminated in an Instagram post, a July 2020 report from an international panel of health experts stated “reusable systems can be used safely by employing basic hygiene.” However, many cafés have continued suspending reusable cup programs due to COVID-19. BYO’s goal is to continue raising awareness about Vancouver’s disposable waste problem and encourage reusable solutions whenever possible.

You can download the BYO app on Google Play or through Testflight for iOS. More information can be found on their website.

ARTS & CULTURE

July 26, 2021

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

Flickering Storm’s pop culturethemed creations give back to communities in need Sisters Bernice and Brianna Mau turn their pandemic hobbies into a popular Etsy shop CARTE R HEMI ON // STAF F W RI TE R

Flickering Storm sells embroidered goods, stickers, and prints.

SFU student Bernice Mau and alum Brianna Mau created Etsy shop Flickering Storm almost one year ago. The sisters embraced art when the COVID-19 pandemic started, with Bernice designing prints and stickers and Brianna taking on embroidery.

This transformed into her part of the business: creating stickers and art prints. The design process can take Bernice anywhere from days to weeks to develop. From there, she said, “Once I can clearly see it in my mind, I can normally draw it out pretty fast.”

Brianna said she and her sister initially started the business “out of our love for Taylor Swift.” The sisters’ art was mostly inspired by Swift’s lyrics, tours, and music videos. Now, the business has expanded to include art based on other parts of pop culture they enjoy, like Olivia Rodrigo, Gilmore Girls, and more.

Bernice grew up doing art and taking art classes in school, but she started taking it more seriously in 2020. Quarantine provided her a chance to get more into digital drawing. “It's just a lot of fun because there's just so many different things that you can do with it; there's endless possibilities,” she said.

Staking out the embroidery side of Flickering Storm is Brianna. She had been interested in the craft for some time. Inspired by friends, she took the leap in Summer 2020 and taught herself. She said embroidery is “a way for me to express some of my artsy side.” Her designs are often inspired by trips to fabric stores and browsing different patterns.

Embroidery usually takes between one to three sessions of work for Brianna to complete. She begins by choosing a font for quotes, and if there is a more

Vrinda Kapadia

PH OTO: Courtesy of @flickering.storm via Instagram

complicated design aspect, she gets Bernice to create it digitally. Brianna then traces it onto her fabric and starts embroidering.

The sisters’ intention for the business was less to make a personal profit than to use their hobbies to help others. Brianna said, “I personally really believe in redistributing funds as much as possible.”

Flickering Storm donates half of their profits monthly.

Brianna explained part of the reason to donate funds was starting the business during the COVID-19 pandemic. “There is so much need in the world, and so many things were exacerbated by COVID.” For the month of July, donations will go to the Black & Indigenous Self-Care and Healing Fund, Braided Warriors, and giniw collective.

MONDAY MUSIC: BURN MY BLUES

SFU STUDENT

Courtesy of Partisan Records

I dedicate these songs to those who are internally screaming for a real connection. Whether you’re scorning the prevalence of online dating apps or dealing with friends who are incapable of truly connecting with you, these songs aptly describe the wretched moments when you feel alienated, helpless, and miserable.

Courtesy of Dayglow

“Can I Call You Tonight?”

By Dayglow

The essence of this song is the disorienting feeling you get when you’ve been in your head so much that the boundary between reality and imagination is blurred.

The lyrics suggest the speaker’s state of mind is anxious and confused. In the chorus, he exclaims, “I hear your voice on the phone / Now I am no longer alone / Just how I feel.” This song conveys the hesitancy one faces when reaching out to friends after months of isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Apocalypse”

By Cigarettes After Sex This song expresses a certain weariness. The monotonous, repetitive rhythm and terse verses are tediously drawn out. The lyrics suggest the speaker feels empty without his love and reflects he is “locked in there forever / And [he] just can’t say goodbye.” This song is like a hefty, miserable cloud that makes you feel devoid of emotion. Despite the gloomy atmosphere, this song provides me comfort in my dark moments.

Courtesy of RCA Records

“Cigarette Daydreams”

By Cage the Elephant

The melody of this song is pieced together by beautiful instrumentals and the youthful voice of the singer. Lyrics such as “You were only 17 / Soft speak with a mean streak / Nearly brought me to my knees” suggest the speaker is reminiscing about his high school crush. This song is very relatable and dear to my heart. What can make you more miserable than the nostalgia of your high school days and young love?

13

14 HUMOUR

Humour Editor Kyla Dowling

|

humour@the-peak.ca

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT

SFU student accidentally wins award for culinary excellence An inspiring story of what a few wellplaced fumbles can achieve WR IT T EN BY JAC OB M AT T IE

Second-year SFU student Luke Kee was surprised after being voted the winner of an international award for culinary excellence on July 25.

“Man, I don’t know,” Kee said to The Peak in an exclusive interview. “This whole thing just got way out of hand. I was on Grindr trying to score an easy fuck, and I claimed to be a chef. It was a joke. I was trying to make a pun about “cook” sounding like “cock” — I’ve never learned to cook in my entire life.”

Taking us for a tour of what food critics worldwide are venerating as hallowed ground, Kee pointed out the areas of his kitchen that contributed to his success.

“Like, over here, I’d gotten some milk, but I forgot it on this counter. A few days later, it was midterms season, and I just didn’t have time to put it away. My date came over for the dinner I promised to cook, and I was so nervous that I accidentally knocked the carton over. It spilled all over the place, but there were some chunks in it — they looked alright and weren’t on the ground for over five seconds, so I figured they were good.”

Reaching over, Kee picked up a battered-looking pot, which he described as the source of what critics are calling perfectly al dente spaghetti.

“The chunks went in here with some noodles,” he told us. “I forgot to make sure they were cooked properly, but I think I was able to cover it by bringing out the burgers.

Which, if I’m being honest, kind of caught me off guard.

I thought burger was a type of meat, but it turns out you have to actually make them.

“My family had given me a steak because they were worried I wasn’t eating properly, so I cut it up with the cheese grater and added in whatever that yellow bit of the egg is called — I fucked up on the cracking and it was all I could salvage after I spilled the rest of the egg on the counter. I put in some of those pepper packets they give you at McDonald’s and put it in the oven. Of course, it wasn’t until my date got here that I realized I hadn’t actually turned the oven on. At that point it was too late to turn back, so I just served them as is.”

Kee’s date, Sal Minella, had this to say: “I wouldn’t have trusted this guy to know which end of the fork to use, but I’ve got to admit, he really showed me that you can’t trust first impressions. He looks like a mess, but he turned out a cacio e pepe like I couldn’t believe, and that steak tartare was unrivaled.

“I asked him if I could keep some of the meal, whereupon I sent it into the competition. The judges were floored,

P HOTO : Bank Phrom / Unsplash

and the meal won first place by a landslide. He asked me later if I’d be willing to help him get some meat in the Avocado. He phrased it kind of weirdly, but he’s clearly a culinary expert and knows what he’s doing — I told him to call me anytime.”

I’M NOT A SIMP, SON

The Simpsons predicted my death LET THIS BE A WARNING FOR ALL THOSE WHO WATCH THIS OMNIPOTENT ENTITY

WRITTEN BY MARCO OVIES

So there I was, scrolling through Disney+ for literally anything to watch, when I stumbled upon The Simpsons. I had never watched it before, so I thought I would give it a shot. Hell, it’s been running since 1989, so it has to be good . . . right?

knew was not yours because you ate your share at 2 a.m. crying while watching Monsters, Inc. after a breakup.”

“Hey! I was making a lasagna with . . . lots of onions. That’s why I was crying,” I said.

Homer grabbed my ankle as I was trying to make my escape, pulling me down to the floor.

I pressed play. The face of Homer Simpson, looking straight at the camera (is it a camera if it’s a cartoon?), filled my screen. He stared for a couple of seconds, long enough for me to check if I had accidentally clicked pause.

“There is no time for toxic masculinity, child. Not when death awaits you for your crimes.”

“Well, Bo Burnham is my favourite comedian. I mean, did you see how good he looked in that sexting bit?” Homer said casually as he pulled me in closer. “You had to have seen how big his dic—”

“Marco Ewald Ovies,” he said, still looking directly at the camera.

The remote fell with a clatter to the floor. God, what a terrible middle name I was given. Ewald?

Thanks, Mom and Dad. Like my last name didn’t already sound like ovaries. You just wanted to guarantee I was bullied, huh?

“I am talking to you, my child,” Homer said, blinking slowly. “Judgment Day has come.”

He wasn’t looking at the camera. He was looking at me. I quickly moved to turn the TV off, but the remote wasn’t working.

“I am as old as time itself,” Homer continued, “Tempting mortals for long before you were born.

I am the serpent in the Garden of Eden. I am Pandora’s box. I am the last bit of ice cream you

A mustard yellow hand reached out from the television and grabbed my living room table.

Homer started to pull himself out of the television like that creepy demon thing with the long black hair from that movie I can’t remember the name of but am too scared to watch.

Startled, I pushed the living room table back with my feet so it would slam against the TV stand.

“What crimes?!” I yelled, watching the TV fall forward onto the table.

“You knowingly chose to watch a show that has hints of racism,” he said, lifting the television up and finally crawling completely out. “You know full well that Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is voiced by a white man.”

“No!” I exclaimed, scrambling up from the couch and beelining towards the door. “That can’t be why! Bo Burnham dressed up as Aladdin when he was 17; where were you when I watched his new special Inside?”

S CREEN S HOT: Disney+

Summoning a burst of strength, I kicked Homer in the face and he let go of my ankle. I got up quickly and turned around to take one last look at him. His dots for eyes had turned a deep red.

“You can’t just give him a pass because he’s your fave!” I shouted as I left.

It’s been three days and I’m still on the run. Every time I think I’ve gotten away, he always appears right around the corner. People always say The Simpsons is great at predicting the future, and I guess sometimes they’re right. But not for me — I’m in charge of my own destiny now.

About the author: Marco Ovies died minutes after submitting this piece by running into traffic at the sight of the yellow M&M’s mascot. He requested a GoFundMe be set up in the event of his death, but he never specified what the money would be for. So we did not do that.

HUMOUR

July 26, 2021

Your Weekly Horoscopes

July 26–August 1 Written by Marco Ovies

ARIES — Mar 21–Apr 19

LIBRA — Sept 23–Oct 22

You might think ordering one of the many different kinds of fruity Starbucks Refreshers is a good idea, but most people forget those things are loaded with caffeine. I know you’re going to order one anyway, but trust me when I say your sociable personality is already a lot to handle before all this caffeine. Take that as a compliment if you want.

A caramel macchiato is the yin and yang of coffee.

Bitter espresso with sweetened milk, one relying on the other, always in balance. Wait! Don’t just drink the milk at the bottom of the cup first. I don’t care what TikTok told you. You need to mix the drink before drinking it.

TAURUS — Apr 20 –May 20

SCORPIO — Oct 23–Nov 21

Since you’re ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty, your perfect summer drink is the Tequila Sunrise. You can admire how beautiful the drink is, despite it basically being an unmixed Shirley Temple that tastes worse. I will personally give you $5 if you know what grenadine syrup is.

You don’t need to rely on fancy drinks or party tricks to impress people, Scorpio. Instead, order a beer. Piss warm.

Drunk straight from the can. You don’t need to worry about anyone making fun of you for your drink choice . . . well, except for me. I’m making fun of you a little bit.

GEMINI — May 21–Jun 20

SAGITTARIUS — Nov 22–Dec 21

You’re fast, you’ve got places to be, you’re channelling big #girlboss energy, and you’re doing it with your black iced coffee with three extra espresso shots. You’re drinking it so fast that you could get this drink from any coffee shop — you’re hardly tasting it anyway.

For these horoscopes, I usually have to look up stereotypes for each star sign. But guess what? I literally don’t care. I’m a Sagittarius, and I want an iced coffee with vanilla in it. Oh, that’s not what you want to drink?

Fuck you. I’m the main character.

CANCER — Jun 21–Jul 22

CAPRICORN — Dec 22–Jan 19

Being ruled by the moon, you are not quite as fast as some of the other signs. So enjoy your herbal tea, grandpa. Just don’t spend too much time drinking it, or else you’ll be late for your 3 p.m. game of Scrabble with the boys.

I know you won’t be satisfied with whatever I suggest for you. Nothing will ever compare to the espresso you ordered from that “hole in the wall” café when you went to Italy on your school band trip. Trust me, we all know.

You won’t stop talking about it.

LEO — Jul 23–Aug 22

AQUARIUS — Jan 20 –Feb 18

You’re the leader of the group, so take initiative and order whatever $15 specialty drink the bar is serving.

Sure, it’ll only amount to a couple of sips, but all eyes will be on you when everyone sees how elaborate it is (and when the bill comes).

I should preface this with the fact that bubble tea is actually very good. But what you call “bubble tea,” Aquarius, is something else entirely. Enjoy your Brown Sugar Crème Brûlée BTS Collaboration Milk Tea with cheese foam mixed with half-sugar, less ice, and the ashes of a burnt print-out of that selfie of Olivia Rodrigo with Joe Biden.

VIRGO — Aug 23–Sept 22

PISCES — Feb 19–Mar 20

There is only one drink always guaranteed to be made right, and that drink is water. But I’m sure you will find something wrong with it anyway.

It would be too easy and predictable to give you just water (and we already stuck Virgo with that throwaway option), so why not try adding a little bit of zest and giving sparkling water a chance? It’s everything you love about water, except spicy.

15

16 DIVERSIONS

Business Manager Yuri Zhou

|

business@the-peak.ca

CROSSWORD Across 1. Party 5. Aquatic plants 10. Swiss peaks 14. Stratford-upon-____ 15. Oyster gem 16. Burger order 17. Metallic sound 18. Eye-opener 20. Advantage 21. Unrefined metal 22. Initial 23. Country path 25. Resorts 27. Fundamental 30. Act of leaving 35. Draw out 37. Male descendant 38. Stretch across 39. Mar. follower 40. Extreme 43. Pose 44. Mets' old stadium 46. Grand ____ Opry 47. Cheddar, e.g.

49. Lacking flavor 52. Complete 53. Body powder 54. Not wild

56. Desert springs 59. ____ voyage!

60. Address word 64. "Gone with the Wind" setting 67. ____ Valley (vineyard site) 68. Related 69. Combine 70. Throat-clearing sound 71. Visualizes 72. Book part 73. Tempt Down 1. Ogle 2. Greedy 3. Extensive 4. Cherubic 5. Kitchen garment 6. Ogled 7. Bestowed 8. Right you ____!

9. Building extension 10. Manet and Monet 11. Animal's den 12. Experts 13. Shipped

19. Not nearby 24. Corrosive substance 25. Location 26. Sudden fright 27. "Beauty and the ____" 28. First Greek letter 29. Fathers 31. 19th letters 32. Unexpected victory 33. Elevate 34. Go onstage 36. Internet pest 41. Actor ____ Guinness 42. Buddy 45. Goes to 48. Everlasting 50. "____ of Eden" 51. Curly or Moe 55. Building addition 56. Elects 57. Healing plant 58. Mall event 59. Wren, e.g.

61. Honolulu's island 62. One who mimics 63. Notre ____ 65. Pierre's pal 66. Knockout count

SUDOKU

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