The Year of the Snake
They’re trying to build for the next generation, but the next generation doesn’t have a seat at the table to tell [stakeholders] what they want.
JULIAN WELLS · CO-FOUNDER OF STUDENTHAUS
The EU, including Germany and Spain, have a lot more solar [than Canada]. California, Arizona, and Hawaii are also far ahead of us
ANIL HIRA · DIRECTOR, CLEAN ENERGY RESEARCH GROUP
There are a lot of problems with the way fashion sustainability is happening right now, and I don’t want to be a part of that.
kAt · EVENT FACILITATOR, EMBARK
Poillievre’s fierce insistence of axing the tax is not only the wrong way to go about addressing the affordability crisis in Canada, but also a factor that enables climate scepticism during a time where more action is needed.
What remains in question is why the university, a place of community where people of all ages and backgrounds come together for the noble pursuit of knowledge, prioritizes dominance and authority over the growth and community of their students.
FEATURES
Myths state that twelve animals were called together to partake in a race. The emperor, who orchestrated the competition, told the animals their placement in the race would dictate the order of their zodiac.
Rat 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020, 2032
The rat is known for their ability to think quickly and effectively, which helped them secure first place in the race. Other attributes include being “smart, versatile, and good at saving money.” Every new cycle of the zodiac animals starts with the rat, meaning that 2032 will be the next time the calendar refreshes itself.
Rabbit 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023, and 2035
Universally speaking, rabbits are regarded as cute, cuddly animals, though the Chinese zodiac views them a little differently. Because of their nature, the characteristics most associated with this zodiac are “longevity, peace, and prosperity.”
Ox 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021, and 2033
Those born during the year of the ox are seen as having “diligence, perseverance, honesty,” and more. You’re a hard worker with a loyal heart. In the context of Chinese New Year celebrations, the ox symbolizes “agricultural abundance” and “prosperity.”
Tiger 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022, and 2034
Tigers carry great significance in Chinese culture. Highly regarded as “the king of all beasts in China,” this zodiac animal is known for being cool as a cucumber with unparalleled confidence. Go get ‘em, tiger!
Horse 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014, and 2026
If you’re born during the year of the horse, the horoscopes typically say that you are “hardworking, warm-hearted, and independent.” As well, it’s said that the horse has an energetic and extroverted spirit.
Dragon 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024, and 2036
While the tiger is a big part of Chinese culture, the dragon may be considered an even bigger factor. Dragons are thought of as “majestic and powerful,” in part due to their intimidating personage.
Snake 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025, and 2037
2025 is the year of the snake. Similar to the rat, this zodiac animal is renowned for their intelligence, as well as their “charm, elegance, and transformation.” The year of the snake begins on January 29.
Rooster 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017, and 2029
The rooster is a confident animal that has a very high sense of self-worth. A blunt animal, they prides themselves in working for what it’s owed and keeping things honest. With their extroverted personality, they can command a room like no one else.
Goat/ram/sheep
1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, and 2027
In Chinese culture, the goat (also known as the ram or sheep) is described as being very “nurturing” yet determined. A docile character, the goat is more of a caretaker compared to some of the other animals’ individual and hard-willed personalities.
Monkey 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016, and 2028
Like the rat and the snake, the monkey is thought of as a jokester who uses their penchant for entertainment to exhibit its fast thinking and wit. Monkeys are highly intelligent animals that “can be great companions.”
Dog 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, and 2030
Those born in the year of the dog are loyal to the highest degree. These animals aren’t loyal like the nurturing goat — instead, they regard their loved ones like partners. They won’t coddle you, but they will do everything in their power to ensure your happiness.
Pig
1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, and 2031
The final animal of the Chinese zodiac is the pig. As the last animal to finish the race, the pig is regarded as a symbol of “wealth, felicity, honesty, and practicality.”
Some even claim that piggy banks were inspired by the zodiac animal’s characteristics, as people believe that the animal will “bring good luck monetarily.”
BACK-TO-BACK FAILURES
You couldn’t go ten feet without running into a gaggle of jersey-clad kids carrying hand-made signs or a row of older women rocking beer league sweaters.
CBC promises this new TV show won’t be a snooze-fest!
Trudeau’s 10-year leadership of the Liberal party is coming to an end. Liberal party officials have announced new party regulations for leadership races in the future. The party has declared a partnership with CBC to manage all of its official leadership races for the rest of its lifetime (estimated at 0.5 years).
Their latest joint venture is a new reality TV show: Shark Bowl — Canada’s Liberal Leadership Contenders. The president of CBC told The Peak that “this TV show is not affiliated, associated, endorsed by, or in any way affiliated with Shark Tank” and that the show will help increasve the network’s viewership from “two to five households.”
CBC announced the show via its MySpace profile, which The Peak spent hours dusting through and deciphering. The judges will consist of five disgraced BC United party members (sharks) who will elect the new leader of the federal Liberals based on their pitches. Each candidate (rumoured or confirmed as of January 15) sent a brief intro statement to The Peak Let’s take a look at what they had to say.
Mark Carney
After being an economist and big honcho banker for a few years, I think I know how to run a country. My campaign slogan? Lower your expectations, Canada, and raise our interest rates. In fact, my campaign promise is to do absolutely nothing but hike interest rates in order to keep spending low and people chill.
If I am chosen to be prime minister and run against Pierre, I can say cool things during the debate like, “You ain’t a banker, bro!” or “I never supported the carbon tax!” and my favourite: “I am a political outsider!” I worked for Goldman Sachs and the World Economic Forum (the home of totally non-elitist and nonbillionaire-friendly people); I am a man of the people. And no, I’m not in the Illuminati (wink, wink).
Justin Trudeau
*dramatic music* (Mr. Trudeau said this himself; there was no dramatic music). You thought you got rid of me? Well, mon ami, I’m baaaaaaaackk. In the 3 seconds after I resigned, I heard the immense love from Canadians who wanted Canada’s best back in action.
As I reminisce about my time in office, I have decided that my number one priority if elected leader is to grow back my beard. This will take us back to the good old days of stellar polling numbers and truly restore the soul of the Liberal party. Sunny ways, my friends, sunny ways. Thank you.
Chandra Arya (don’t worry, we had to Google him too)
Hi, you probably haven’t heard of me before and there’s like a 0% chance that I’m winning this thing. I feel kinda nervous being next to all of these popular peeps! The only way we can win the next election is by renaming the Liberal party the Conservativ party
(without the e) to play mind games on our voters. Ha. Ha. Ha. This will help fast track my vision for our party, to kill it by 2026. Thank you. And P.S., my French isn’t that bad. As they say in French to say goodbye, piña colada!
Chrystia Freeland Hey Canada, it’s me, Chrissy, former finance minister. When you look at me, you might connect me with a few different things: Justin (still my BFF), the worst economy of your lifetime (oopsie daisy), expensive gas, and the high cost of living.
Trust me, I feel you . I know you . By “know you,” I mean that I read the headlines. You know what, vote for me or not, milk will still cost $13 a gallon. Just someone please give me my book deal already ugh.
Frank Baylis (once again, had to Google him)
Mr. Baylis refused to give a statement and threatened to buy The Peak with his billionaire pockets.
Karina Gould I announced my intentions to run for leader of our party in a scary video of me slowly walking toward the camera while viewers trembled with fear. You fools, I will make each and every single one of the sharks do the same so I can rule this pathetic country. You don’t deserve me, Karina Gould, House Leader of Parliament. I am too good for you and you know it. Bask in my glory.
Mason Mattu · Official Liberal party propagandist
ILLUSTRATION: Cliff Ebora / The Peak
Snake 1965 (Us???), 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025
Snakes, 2025 is going to be your year. Want to know why? Since this year is the year of the snake, it’s time for Reputation (Taylor’s version) to be released! You’ll be spending your entire year listening to “. . . Ready For It?” on repeat, wondering when the next fake album drop will be. Congrats, maybe this year really isn’t all about you after all. Yay!
1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016
Your best year will be 2028. Sure, you’ll have to wait a good three years before then, but hopefully by then you’ll finally get into all the classes that you need to graduate. We love waiting, don’t we? Yay!
Pig
1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019
Who’s calling to tell you what your year will be? Come on, my year of the pig friends, you should know. Take your time to think about it. Let me give you a hint, he’s got a human body, a pig head, and 350k Instagram followers. Do you think you can gain that following before your year comes in 2031? Yay!
1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022
Sorry tigers, but your prime isn’t hitting until 2034. Want to know why? It’s because you still have that ridiculous broccoli haircut from skibidi ohio ago. Yay!
Horse
1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
Hello, that’s me! If you were born in 2002, like me, hooray! Next year will definitely be our year. After all, we’ve been a bit busy contemplating the political and economic state of the world over a bowl of soup. Neigh! Sorry, yay!
Rooster 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017
Cock-a-doodle doo, roosters! Please, get out of the avocado. The journey is just as if not more important than the destination. Hear me out — take some time to preheat the oven and you’ll be ready to go when your prime year comes around in four years. Yay!
(b)Rat
1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020
Hi there, bRats! For you, brat summer hasn’t ended. You’ll be pulling hair out of your Mugler bag, doing bad things under the table at the Brit Awards, and repeating “bumpin’ that” until your year comes in 2032. Yay!
Rabbit 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023
Rabbits, don’t worry about the fact that your year isn’t until 2035. You’re taking your time because you need to hold space for the lyrics of “Defying Gravity.” Yay!
Goat 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015
Hellooooooo, my goat babies. Just like LeBron James, you are my sunshine. To make sure you don’t forget, I will sing it to you loudly, offkey, and nonstop until your prime hits in two years. Yay!
Dog 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018
Five years until you hit your prime? That’s OK, year of the dog folks. You’re just a chill dog. Yeah, that’s right, this campus is big enough for more than one anthropomorphic dog. Cultivate that community and you’ll be thriving in 2030. Yay!
1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021
In this zodiac, ox, we’re all fam. Just because your year isn’t until 2033, it doesn’t mean you can’t continue posting online like your life depends on it. The LinkedIn spies lurking on all of your social media pages can’t hurt you now. Yay!
Dragon 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024
Hey dragons, I’m coming at you with a pitch you’re sure to enjoy. You know those fun, ethnic tea drinks in which “you are never quite sure about its content?” Great news — we’ve created a new, more fun, lighter-shaded version of this drink that strips it of all of its cultural significance and slaps it into a can! Yay!
Monkey
SUDOKU