tend
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Over the past four years, my definition of wellness has changed almost as much as my relationship with it. As a high schooler, I associated wellness with $1.29 sheet masks from CVS and yoga classes. While I think it’s valid for these “objects” to play into someone’s definition of wellness, I now understand that it is much more than just tangible items. Capitalism has inched its way into every aspect of society, and, unfortunately, wellness isn’t an exception. In fact, according to the Global Wellness Institute, an entire $4.5 trillion (yep, you read that right) industry has evolved out of the basic need to care for our bodies, minds, and souls. The worst part about this, though? Capitalism makes us base our self-worth off our productivity — makes us feel we only deserve self-care (or, rather, a commercialized version of it) if we’ve “done enough.” As I explain further on page 20, wellness doesn’t have to be achieved by purchasing Gwenyth Paltrow’s $70 (excluding shipping) vagina-scented candle. If items bring you joy and improve your mental and spiritual well-being, that’s great, and I am by no means judging you or trying to police how you get your wellness on. I’m just trying to encourage a way of thinking about wellness that doesn’t solely rely on capitalism. How are we — members of a new generation grappling with climate change, a tense international political sphere, and the weight that comes with navigating our own identities — expected to “be well” when we can’t afford a jade roller and don’t want to involve big companies in our methods of wellness. How do we show up for ourselves in a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, fatphobic world while simultaneously trying to eliminate these stigmas and prejudices (and the discrimination that comes along with them)? How do we individualize wellness? Wellness can’t be approached with a one-size-fits-all mindset. Our needs are different and vary, on an individual level, every single day. Sometimes our bodies need what we don’t want. Sometimes our minds need something that doesn’t align with what our bodies need. Sometimes our spirits need something that we don’t even know how to go about achieving. All we can do is try our best to show up for ourselves.
Be well (whatever that means),
2 Pearl Cadigan, Editor-in-Chief
TABLE OF CONTENTS
4 Dear Tend 6 Mom, Granny’s Lighting Up Again 10 Finding Self-Love in Lexapro
12 Tender Picks
Sober in a Sorority 14
The Paloma (Nix the Tequila) 16 Shove it, Goop 18 The Balancing Act 20
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DEAR TEND: You ask us your sexual wellness-related questions. We get sex therapist Dr. Terri St. George to answer them.
Tend: What do I do if my anxiety is physically preventing me from having sex? Terri St. George: Without doing a full assessment, it sounds like what we might be looking at is a condition called vaginismus. Vaginismus is a relatively common condition [in people with vaginas] involving involuntary contraction and tightening of the pelvic floor muscles in anticipation of sex (vaginal penetration). This involuntary reaction occurs if penetration is perceived as or expected to be painful or scary or risky. Fears (sometimes unconscious) of sex being painful, fears of your vagina being too small or whether or not you can “fit” a penis, fears of STD’s or pregnancy, religious or cultural internal conflicts, all can lead to this condition. Often [people] with vaginismus also describe being unable to use tampons, have a GYN exam, and even insert their own finger into their vaginas. It can feel painful or it can feel tight and closed up, like you’re hitting a brick wall. The good news is that vaginismus is totally treatable. With the right help and support (GYN, pelvic floor physical therapist, sex therapist), you can learn to relax those pelvic floor muscles and enjoy sex (intercourse), if this is something you want. It might also be helpful to consider intercourse as just one menu item in a full, satisfying meal. If you can expand your idea of what “sex” is, you can enjoy all the other things you can do (solo or with a partner) to have pleasure and connection.
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T: Is it abnormal to use lubricant during sex? How many women need it in order to have a pleasant experience? TG: It is completely normal to need/want/enjoy/use lubricant during sex! I don’t know how to emphasize that enough. Many [people] regularly use and enjoy lubricant for all sorts of reasons. It makes things feel better and makes condoms work better. If you happen to believe that you “shouldn’t” need it or that you are “too young” to be dry or you “should” be able to go for a third time because your partner is ready, I would suggest you challenge that line of thinking. If you worry about not lubricating “enough” or losing lubrication during a sexual experience, I would be interested in learning more about your experience. My first question would be: Are you aroused (physically & mentally) enough? Do you know what that takes? For many women, sufficient arousal means 15-20 minutes of “foreplay” type activities (think clitoral stimulation) before they are ready for intercourse. Another thing to consider - is your head in the game (are you mentally aroused – you’re not distracted and able to stay present and focus on your pleasure/sensations/erotic thoughts or fantasies)? Needing lubrication doesn’t mean you are broken or abnormal. It doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to your partner; it doesn’t mean you don’t like sex. But it might mean that your body isn’t ready for intercourse at that moment; or you’re not really into it; or you have already climaxed, so you will naturally lubricate less, or using a condom is naturally drying so lube is a must. As always, if you have concerns about your ability to become aroused and/or lubricate, make sure to check in with your GYN. Sometimes medications like antidepressants and birth control pills or health conditions can negatively impact arousal & natural lubrication levels, so you’d want to rule those factors out.
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T: Can it be psychologically impairing to be too dominant or submissive during sex? TG: I think what this question is getting at is: What is the line between dominance and control? and between submission and victimization? And perhaps what are the risks of each style? I would imagine that the risks of being “too dominant” during sex would be that one might confuse dominance with (or use the dominant style or label as a cover or excuse for) aggressive, sadistic, entitled, controlling, manipulative or abusive behavior. In this scenario, consent could easily be dismissed and ignored. On the other hand, the potential risks of being “too submissive” or having a passive sexual style would be: being taken advantage of, used, assaulted, abused. Someone who has a more passive sexual style might not know how to say “no,” set boundaries, give consent, or get their needs met. I’m not sure if this question is also talking about BDSM roles – Dominants & Submissives — and whether or not folks who identify as such can be psychologically harmed by this play? Harm happens when there are consent violations – inside and outside of the BDSM community. However, to the point above, there is no evidence that folks who are kinky and identify in this way are less psychologically healthy or have more childhood trauma than anyone else. In fact, some studies suggest the contrary – that they have better psychological health and well-being than those who don’t participate in BDSM. [A 2013 Journal of Sexual Medicine study expresses this idea].
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T: What creates a fetish? TG: A fetish, for those who don’t know, is being aroused by a non-sexual object, body part, or bodily secretion. The classic example of a fetish is a foot fetish. But there are a multitude of other less well-known examples. Having a fetish is not a consequence of trauma, and it is not inherently unhealthy or pathological. A fetish may become a problem when it interferes with normal functioning or causes extreme psychological distress or negative consequences. The most honest answer to the question of where do they come from is - we don’t really know. All we really have are some ideas and theories. One of the most popular theories is that fetishes are learned and originate somewhere in our childhoods when the “object” of arousal (feet, leather, urine, navel) was associated with sex and arousal (the non-sexual object or body part was sexualized). Some people are able to remember and identify this initial experience and others are not.
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NEW TREND SPOTTING:
Mom, Granny's Lighting Up Again Among the growing legalization of cannabis, a record-high number of Americans are experimenting with marijuana — even an unsuspecting age group. Cannabis, the plant often associated with hippie culture and a case of the munchies, has made a recent resurgence in a surprising demographic: seniors. Just in the past five years, Americans aged 50+ have substantially increased their usage of the plant, whether it be in the form of CBD (a compound in hemp — cannabis with less than 0.3% of THC) or marijuana (cannabis with more than 0.3% THC). According to the Journal of American Medical Association, marijuana use among American adults 65 years and older increased from 2.4% to 4.2% between 2015 and 2018, nearly doubling in a mere three years. A 2020 study in the Journal of the American Geriatric Society also found that 15% of 568 Americans 65 or older had used cannabis within the previous three years, with 53% reporting daily or weekly use. Along with this, CBD, which has become popular (and legal) within the past two years, is used by approximately 19% of all adults aged 50+, as reported by the analytics company Gallup. So why are our grandmothers and grandfathers now more likely to get a medical marijuana card or include a couple drops of CBD oil in their morning cups of tea than people of the same age group in previous generations? One physician, Dr. Anthony Leno, believes that this phenomenon can be partially explained by a decrease in the stigmatization of cannabis, which has come largely as a result of increased legalization across the nation. “It [cannabis] has so infiltrated conversational nomenclature in places where it’s legal that there is almost no stigma anymore,” Leno said. “I think that it [stigma around cannabis use] is absolutely dropping away,” Several states have fully legalized marijuana, and many others have legalized it for medical use. Along with this, CBD became federally legal, and, in turn, widely available, in late 2018. These changes in legislation have encouraged a greater number of adults to change the way they think about cannabis. Another explanation for this increase could be greater, more widespread awareness of the plant’s possible benefits. Marijuana has been linked to helping chronic pain, relieving symptoms of glaucoma, increasing appetite, and more. Some advantages of CBD include relieving joint pain, helping with insomnia, and alleviating mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. 8
One of the most notable benefits of both THC and CBD, though, is that they can serve as natural alternatives to over-the-counter medications such as oxycodone and hydrocodone. Not only are medications like these highly addictive, but they can also cause seriously detrimental side effects such as seizures, kidney failure, and even death. Cannabis, on the other hand, has very few side effects and has never caused any fatalities, making it a more beneficial, safer option in some cases. Leno recalls a 70-year-old patient who suffered from chronic pain and took too much Oxycodone but adamantly refused to smoke marijuana. Leno certified her for a medical marijuana card, recommending she try edibles or tinctures instead of flower, and within weeks, the patient’s life had changed for the better. Debra Gerson is one of the many people whose lives have changed for the better because of CBD. Gerson turned to CBD six months ago in hopes of relieving the pain of her injured knee. “It wasn’t getting better after six months of resting and physical therapy, and even though I didn’t really believe it would work, I was desperate to try something. So, I started to use it, and after a couple of weeks, I started to feel better.” Despite a seemingly never-ending list of possible benefits, Leno made it clear that, like every other medication, cannabis is not a one-size-fits-all solution. The majority of older adults who use CBD use it for inflammation. Gloria Stoddart, a 63-yearold who used CBD for a few months in 2019, was one of them. Stoddart began using a CBD tincture in hopes of reducing her inflammation but didn’t notice any significant effect. “I tried it for two or three months and it really didn’t do that much for my inflammation or as a muscle relaxer,” Stoddart said. “Maybe the psychological factor helped but not enough for me to want to stay on the path of taking that — I really wanted it to do something else.” While CBD wasn’t as effective for Stoddart as she had originally hoped, she recognized that this might not always be the case for others in her age group. As older Americans increasingly join millions of others benefitting from cannabis’ natural effects, users, skeptics, and health professionals alike can all agree on hoping for more research and a better understanding of the plant. The general consensus for now, though? Do research, speak to a health professional, and stay open-minded.
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Finding S in Lex
I was hesitant to start taking anxiety m Lexapro taught me that self-love does If you know me, you know my anxiety. As someone who has an anxiety disorder, part of my excessive worrying comes from never wanting to be a burden, which often means that I keep my issues to myself and deal with them on my own, no matter how difficult my struggles are. This is the way I handled pretty much every obstacle in my life for the past 22 years, until last summer when I made an appointment with my physician to talk about starting medication to help me better manage my mental health. One of my very first memories of anxiety is preschool-aged me putting herself in a timeout over something that my parents weren’t even upset about. Several years after that, the late-night creaks that my old house makes resulted in a sleepless summer that ended in me experiencing my very first panic attack. The uncontrollable leg shaking, shortness of breath, and fast-paced heartbeat would become all-too-familiar to me, and my anxiety would go on to evolve and manifest itself in different aspects of my life over the next ten years. Throughout the past six or seven years, I’ve tried to manage my anxiety disorder in a number of different ways. I’ve tested multiple homoeopathic remedies, taken yoga classes and meditated, stopped drinking caffeine, and talked to therapists a few different times. While all of these treatments have been somewhat effective — some more than others — none of them had been able to help me to the extent that I wanted and, frankly, needed. As someone who has been dealing with the same struggle for so long, the idea of taking medication for my anxiety has come up multiple times, but for years, it was something I viewed as a very last resort. I was fearful of taking medication for multiple reasons: I worried about becoming dependent and relying too heavily on it, I didn’t want it to change who I am as a person, and I was scared of potential side effects. More than anything, though, my anxiety disorder was something that I wanted to be able to handle on my own. I didn’t want to ask for help, and I viewed medication as an easy way out. My stubbornness and ego had such tight grips on me that no matter how many times I’ve had to excuse myself from class because I felt like my throat was closing up, no matter how many times I’ve gotten physically ill from anxiety, no matter how many times I’ve missed out on living life to the fullest because of illogical fear and nervousness, I did not want to even consider a remedy that has helped so many other people. I was not alone in this mindset. According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, only 36.9% of those affected by anxiety disorders receive treatment. The likely explanation? I’d guess stigma. As long as there is stigma surrounding mental health (which there inarguably is), there will be stigma surrounding medicating mental health issues. 10
Self-Love xapro
medication for years, but finally starting sn’t always have to be practiced alone. This stigma had affected my mindset all throughout high school and the first two years of college, but that summer, something changed. For one thing, the pandemic worsened my anxiety. As I’d later find out, this was a worlwide phenomenon — the World Health Organization reported that during the height of COVID-19, anxiety and depression became 25% more prevalent. Along with this, though, I’d been putting a lot of effort into prioritizing myself, which inevitably forced me to work on communication and getting comfortable asking for what I want and need. I’d been trying to make the necessary changes in my life to better support myself, and figuring out how to best manage my anxiety was a huge part of that. I realized two things: one, that taking medication doesn’t have to be a last resort, and two, I had reached a point where I was in need of a last resort. After almost a decade of suffering, I re-evaluated my views on medication and set up an appointment with my doctor. My breath was short and my palms were sweaty while I sat in my doctor’s office waiting for her, and part of me regretted even making the appointment in the first place. Despite this, I pushed myself to stay and be completely vulnerable with her about my situation and what I thought I needed to better control it. I walked out of her office with a prescription for an SSRI and immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I’d finally done something that I was so apprehensive about for so long, and instead of feeling ashamed and weak, I felt empowered and free. I genuinely could have cried out of relief while driving to pick up my new prescription from the pharmacy. While in the past, my stubbornness prevented me from seeking external help, I now understand that an important part of being there for myself is allowing others to help me. Nobody besides myself was expecting me to solve my problems alone, and even though asking for help is often still uncomfortable for me, I know that it is a necessary part of putting myself first, and it does not make me a burden. I’ve realized that there is absolutely no shame in wanting to struggle less, and that if medication can potentially help me achieve that, there is no reason to not try it out. Everybody’s circumstances are different, and I’m not trying to say that everyone needs to, or even should, take medication for their mental health — in fact, these medications are likely prescribed too often. Rather, I encourage those who are only hesitant because of stigma to reconsider the option. Over the past year and a half, my anxiety medication has helped me in more ways than I can even describe. I no longer wake up with a lump in my throat; I feel capable of handling anxious thoughts when they do come up; I am cognizant of the important conversations I have had and memorable experiences I’ve lived that I previously would have missed out on due to my anxiety. Medication isn’t the only answer, but it is a good one for me, and I have no shame in saying that. 11
TENDER PICKS: While wellness isn’t about spending money, these products, apps, and media may help bring some tenderness to your daily routine without breaking the bank. By investing in these, you’d also be supporting non-corporate entities — many of which are women-owned and/or Black-owned.
Total Peace & Wellness’s “Chill Tonic Tincture” Not only does the full-spectrum 400mg formula include ashwagandha (which helps reduce anxiety), but this Black-owned business also donates 5% of sales to a non-profit striving to promote equity in Black and brown communities affected by mass incarceration.
Unwell Women In her debut book, Elinor Cleghorn writes about the long, complex relationship between women and medical malpractice — myths, misdiagnoses, and more. Drawing on personal anecdotes, historical context, and case studies, Unwell Women paints a picture that every woman, especially women of color, disabled women, and plus-size women, can relate to.
Rebel Eaters Club This podcast is the anti-diet culture fix that we’re all in need of right now. Hosted by writer and activist Virgie Tovar, Rebel Eaters Club features guests like dietitians, food journalists, and authors who talk about topics like the BMI myth, the connection between anti-blackness and fatphobia, and much, much more. 12
Insight Timer With apps like Insight Timer, which contains 100,000 free meditations, meditation can happen anytime, anywhere — your commute to class, walking around grocery store aisles, or even during the pregame to the pregame. We don’t judge!
Kin Euphoric’s Kin Spritz Sometimes, we need to let our bodies — and minds, quite frankly — take a break from substances. While simply taking a night off is helpful, exploring non-alcoholic options like Kin Euphorics’s Kin Spritz makes going out sober a fun option.
Exhale Exhale is a well-being app designed by women of color, for women of color. The free app includes meditations, breath work, and affirmations curated specifically for Black, Indigenous, and women of color (BIWOC).
Unbound’s Bean Sex Toy This toy has a variety of speeds and patterns, but it’s also nearly silent and accessible for all bodies. Bean is waterproof, can be used for solo- or parter-play, and costs only $30!
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Sober in a Sorority Tend spoke with 21-year-old Lucy Massam (@l_massam on Instagram) — a senior at the University of California, Santa Barbara — about her experience being substance-free in a culture that encourages an under-the-influence existence. Tend: When did you decide to become sober? Lucy Massam: I decided to go into treatment in December of 2020. I had known I had an addictive personality for quite a few years, but the beginning of the pandemic was when my drug use was uncontrollable. My drug of choice was marijuana, and I had been very dependent on it since my freshman year of college. I knew that my heavy weed smoking had lead me to have severe anxiety and depression, fall behind in school and other obligations, and lose sight of myself in general— but I couldn’t quit. Weed is one of the most behaviorally addictive drugs, but since I was under the impression that it wasn’t addictive, I didn’t think it was a huge deal that I kept smoking. Turns out I was very wrong. T: Did you cut out certain substances before others? LM: During the program I had to be sober from everything, as I was getting weekly drug and alcohol tests, but I was thinking that I would be able to casually drink once I stopped smoking and got sober from that. Since I never struggled with my relationship to alcohol I didn’t see why I needed to stay sober from that. It was then when my doctors told me they recommend someone stay sober from everything for at least a year before making the decision to drink alcohol again. ... I have no plan of ever introducing alcohol back into my life because of how happy I am sober. You wouldn’t tell an alcoholic to just go smoke weed, it’s the same thing the other way around. I am sober from everything, and anything mind-altering is not my friend. T: How did the people in your life respond to your decision to become sober? LM: I am extremely grateful for my parents’ reaction to me telling them I needed to start rehab. I could not have asked for a better experience and my family was extremely supportive. They had no idea I was doing drugs so often. Telling them was extremely difficult, but they immediately booked a session with my therapist to learn more about what they can do to help and got rid of all of the alcohol in the house. My experience getting sober came from a very privileged situation — my parents were understanding and I never had to worry about affording treatment. I am very aware that this is not everyone’s situation so I am very grateful. My old housemates were extremely judgmental over my sobriety, and they just didn’t understand. Not only did they not understand, they didn’t care to. They would make comments about blacking out right in front of me and had no regard for what I was going through. I completely distanced myself from all of those people, but that didn’t stop me from hearing about what they had to say behind my back. Its hard because drinking is such a 14
part of the culture for college students, so when anyone doesn’t do that they are marked as different or “other.” I’m used to the feeling of otherness by now, but it was a brutal adjustment. T: Did these reactions vary among people of different age groups? LM: Younger people are usually a lot more judgmental or just have more questions that are not exactly coming from a place of empathy, but I remind myself that if a year ago someone my age didn’t smoke weed when I offered them some I would have asked them why not. So I’m not too judgmental over peoples reactions, we are all learning. I just either educate them, or completely distance myself, its not worth the emotional turmoil of getting my feelings hurt, especially because my sobriety is the most important thing in my life (over any friendship). T: What are the hardest parts about being sober at such a young age? LM: The worst part used to be not being able to partake in most of what youth culture is at a college. Drinking and partying are such a huge part of the social scene at UCSB and in my friend groups, and I could no longer do any of that. I can’t go to anyone’s house if I know any of their roommates smoke weed because that would be a massive trigger for me. So mourning the loss of being able to do those things was the hardest part. I turned 21 when I was nine months sober, and you always have that vision of finally going to bars and clubs legally to celebrate, but my 21st wasn’t like that — it was so much better. I went to a nice dinner and remembered the whole day, I can’t remember many of my last few birthdays so this was very refreshing. I had more fun than I ever did drinking, but it was still bittersweet. T: What are the best parts about it? LM: The best part is knowing that I have put in the work to heal myself. Being sober is my superpower. I feel so confident in my ability to graduate college sober and get a real job, and I never would have been able to do those things without getting sober. So although I can’t do the normal things a college student does, I get to wake up every morning feeling great and so happy that I have become someone who I love. T: How does being sober interact with and/or relate to your self-care? LM: Being sober is my self care. It is the biggest decision I could have made for myself and my well-being. I am a better person and a healthier person since getting sober. A large part of self care for me is setting boundaries, and I can do that so much better now that I’m sober. 15
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The Paloma (Nix the Tequila) Ingredients: 1.5 ounces of lime juice (fresh if possible, but we don’t judge) 1 ounce of grapefruit juice 1 ounce of sparkling water or club soda 1 ounce of agave syrup (or your sweetener of choice) A pinch of sea salt
Recipe: Rub a lime wedge around the rim of the glass you’re using and dip the glass into a small dish of salt. Combine the lime juice, grapefruit juice, and sweetener in a cocktail shaker (or a Mason jar) and shake until the shaker/jar becomes noticeably cold. Pour the contents of the shaker/jar into your glass over two or three ice cubes. Garnish with either a lime or grapefruit wedge. Give your liver a much-needed break.
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OPINION:
Shove it, Goop In a society that commodifies self-care, is it possible to value wellness in a way that doesn’t center capitalism? Two words: vagina candle. I’d (maybe naïvely) assume that most of us are familiar with Gwenyth Paltrow’s wellness and lifestyle brand’s collaboration with fragrance company Heretic, which took the world by a very confused, slightly intrigued storm when it launched just over a year ago. “This Smells Like My Vagina,” Goop simply titles the candle’s scent, which they refer to as “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected.” While — we have to agree with the Goop team on this one — the idea of a candle that smells like Gwenyth Paltrow’s vagina is undoubtedly a bit funny, the fact that this item is one of many overpriced wellness products that Goop recommends to its audience is not so funny (and actually a bit problematic). First of all, I want to make it clear that I am not trying to say Gwenyth Paltrow and her team are stating you must purchase this candle in order to achieve total physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. They are definitely not — that would be ludicrous, even for them. Rather, I am simply making the argument that this candle, along with the other expensive “wellness” products that Goop endorses, represents an exclusive, unrealistic idea of wellness that isn’t accessible. Yes, Gwenyth Paltrow is an incredibly wealthy middle-aged white woman, and I’d assume that most of Goop’s followers fall into the same demographic. Despite this, I’d argue that Goop being one of the biggest names in modern-day wellness has the potential to be somewhat harmful to communities outside of this one. A quick trip to Goop’s online storefront will show that some of the wellness products they put forward include a $200 vibrator, a $1,300 “rainbow mat” (?), and a $55 set of “love cards.” And it’s not just Goop; companies like Ritual, Noom, and Calm are raking in billions and billions of dollars from wellness products and services. If you have the resources to spend your money on wellness, go right ahead, but where do those of us who don’t and may never have these kinds of funds get our wellness? And what if we don’t want our wellness to be white-washed and commercialized? The fact that there is a “wellness industry” in the first place exemplifies this, and shows how far we’ve strayed from what it actually means to “be well.” Communities outside of the ones that Goop or Ritual represent and target have been “doing” wellness that doesn’t center capitalism for centuries. For example, Indigenous Americans have been harvesting and creating natural medicines from a plethora 18
of different plants since long before colonialism infected the United States. Along with this, Ayuverda — a holistic system that came out of India over 3,000 years ago — strongly emphasizes the benefits of yoga and meditation (practices that have since been westernized and commodified). This all goes to say that wellness has existed and been accomplished by a number of communities and cultures long before the term ‘wellness’ was even coined (definitely longer than a wellness industry that has accumulated over four trillion dollars existed and much longer than Goop’s 2008 inception). The white-washing and commercialization of wellness and self-care is not surprising, but it is unfortunate. A “Goop-ified” idea of wellness appears to be at the forefront of modern American culture, and although the lifestyle that Goop expresses and recommends is accessible to upper-class white women, it by no means represents the majority of Americans. So, the question stands; is it possible to take care of ourselves and our well-beings in a way that doesn’t play into capitalistic ideals? Can we decolonize self-care? Is it realistic to stop comparing ourselves and our methods of care to ones that are idealized by society yet out of reach to so many of us? To be honest, I’m not sure, but I’d like to believe so. It’s cleary been done before, but I worry that wellness has become so intertwined with money that it could be impossible to remove from the sticky web capitalism has spun over the world. For now, all I can recommend is trying to center yourself, not capitalism, in your self-care, and hopefully society will follow. 19
FEATURE:
The Balancing Act In a time when activism doesn’t stop at marches and sit-ins, how do activists make time for self-care? Is wellness in the age of digital activism possible? On May 25, 2020, George Floyd — a 46-year-old Black man living in Minneapolis, Minnesota — was brutally murdered by a white police officer, Derek Chauvin. A bystander’s video of the murder went viral on various social media platforms and led to public outrage, which many expressed using the same social media networks on which they originally learned about Floyd’s murder. According to the Pew Research Center, the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter garnered nearly 50 million uses between May 26 and June 7. Although certain demographics — largely Black and Latino social media users — are more likely to spread awareness and look for information using social media apps than their white counterparts, the Pew Research Center also found that there has been a general increase among young and middle-aged people regarding how they view the importance of social media when it comes to getting involved with and expressing their opinions on social and political issues. While platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter can undoubtedly be helpful in raising awareness for, spreading information about, and raising funds in support of different social issues, digital activism blurs the lines between work and rest. When the app that you scroll mindlessly through when seeking relaxation also becomes a digital space that you use to gather and share meaningful information and have important conversations, is it possible to separate the two? If so, how does one go about doing this? Before I get any deeper into this conversation, I want to address the privilege that I — as a white woman — have in being able to simply choose to step away from activism. I recognize that many people, specifically Black people in this situation, do not have this privilege because their lives depend on the activism that is being done. I do think, though, that it is often only possible to best show up for your community and others when you are devoting time to your individual needs — especially the basic ones: sleeping, eating, and hydrating — even if this means staying home from a protest but instead posting information about the protest as well as other actions your followers can take to support the cause you’re fighting for. In a Pew Research Center study done in July 2020, 55% of adult social media users reported feeling“worn out” by the sheer amount of political posts and discussions they saw on social media — a number that had increased by nine percent in only one year and 18 in four. Any form of activism can, and probably will, be exhausting if it is done without incorporating any self-care practices, and because many of us constantly have access to social media in the palms of our hands, digital activism seems to be especially difficult to step away from — despite the exhaustion that it clearly produces. While part of this problem is likely the easy access that most of us have to social media, another seems to be a “culture of selflessness” that is encouraged and perpetuated by social justice organizations and activists alike. This culture, which sociologist Kathleen Rogers cites as at least 20
partially influenced by activists’ “commitment to the cause and guilt at not being able to do more” in her article “‘Anger is Why We’re All Here’: Mobilizing and Managing Emotions in a Professional Activist Organization,’ makes people feel ashamed for taking a break and diminishes the importance of self-care and community care in activism. I’d guess that this culture of selfishness is strongly felt by digital activists, who maybe don’t feel like they need or even deserve a break because posting something on social media “shouldn’t be” draining. Despite the common sentiment that taking a break is selfish and maybe even unnecessary, many studies, such as a 2016 one published in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking journal, prove that reducing time on — or, better yet, fully taking a break from — social media can be beneficial to one’s life satisfaction and emotions. Environmental peacemaking researcher and educator Rebecca Farnum is one person who finds “electronics-off time” an important part of their self-care routine. “I used to really roll my eyes at old people who were like, ‘You need time without your phone,’” Farnum said. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or because the pandemic really messed everything up, but I have now been intentionally enjoying turning off the Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok notifications for even two hours.” Farnum also points out that even though many of us are engaging in social media activism, the actual efficacy of our actions is important to question. She explains that unless you somehow go viral, the likelihood that your posts, reposts, and conversations will be seen is quite low. Instead, she recommends saving the energy that it would take to write something that maybe a hundred or so people will read and put that into finding and highlighting powerful voices from people who perhaps gain energy from writing. Further, Farnum emphasizes the importance of learning where your energy comes from and using that to your advantage. “Genuinely, that can be work, and that can be activism as well as books and baths and chocolate and hiking and Drag Race watching,” she said. “Figure out where energy comes from for you and make sure that you are intentionally building in those kinds of activities in balance. It’s less
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"I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE ````````` WORLD. IT'S TOo BIG. BUT I CAN CHANGE SOME PERSON'S WORLD." REBECCA FARNUM 22
about work-life balancing to me, and more about energy flow balancing.” As Farnum explained to me, even though talking to people and speaking publically don’t phase her, she is much more of an introvert than it may appear (meaning she renews her energy by being alone rather than around other people). She’s learned that in order to be as successful as possible, she needs to take at least one afternoon a week to be on her own and not have to speak to another person for five hours. Maybe you’ve realized that you’re an extrovert. Instead of scheduling alone time, maybe you need to schedule a lunch date with a friend. Or maybe you gain energy from watching shitty reality televion. Maybe your Sunday morning needs to consist of a minimum two-episode binge of Love is Blind. Whatever brings you energy — ideally this would be an activity that doesn’t involve social media if you’re a digital activist — make a point of incorporating, or even forcing it into your daily or weekly routine. Kind of ironically, Farnum prevents burnout and exhaustion by having her fingers in multiple different pies. If you’re like me and had never heard this phrase before, no, she is not literally putting her index finger in a cherry pie and her pinky in an apple one — in fact, she much prefers cycling as a method of self-care to baking — she’s speaking of being involved in a multitude of activities. As a self-proclaimed workaholic, Farnum is basically always doing something. When she doesn’t feel capable of taking on one responsibility or processing something she’s just seen on social media, she’ll choose another task (maybe a less mentally-involved one) to focus on for the time being. She is realistic and flexible in her goals and expectations of herself, a mindset that has helped her since her time in college. “I think that there are a lot of people who are clued in today, especially via social media — where you start to see just how much is messed up, and that can feel so, so daunting. But, probably around halfway through my undergrad, I got the point where I was like, ‘I’m not going to change the world, it’s too big. But I can change some person’s world. I can change what the world looks like for a particular individual or community or experience or in a moment,’” Farnum said. I can’t do everything. Neither can you. Neither can Farnum. Coming to this realization may be difficult, especially when social media bombards us with bad news from all over the world, but it’s important (if not absolutely necessary). It may be helpful to pick one or two causes to focus your attention and energy on and truly reflect on what you as an individual can realistically do to help these issues. Again, maybe you’re someone who gains energy from writing. Or maybe you gain energy from sparking conversations with people in your personal life. Or maybe you gain energy from petitioning. Figure out what your activist “superpower” is and really hone in on that — it’ll benefit you and the cause you’re supporting more than trying to do everything all the time will. If you’re someone who is especially affected by the mass amount of bad news that are pretty much constantly being published and shared all across social media, actively searching for and sharing good news can and should be a part of your activism. As Farnum shared, good news inspires action and joy, and joy is a form of resistance. Through my conversation with Farnum, I’ve realized that self-care is not only activist, but it is oftentimes also radical. It is necessary and it can and should take up space in your everyday routine. “There are poets and whatnot who have said this much more eloquently than I’m about to, but as you’re changing the world or healing the world, don’t forget that your world also matters and is worthy of healing. It’s really okay if that’s the world you’re fixing at times, that’s not any less activist. That’s not any less important,” Farnum said. 23
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