Volume 4 Oct-Dec 2012
A Pecan Tree Publishing Magazine
Single and‌ Masturbating Waiting Praying Repenting Saved
Relationships According to Paul Get Married Young Man Have we Forgotten Single Parents in Ministry
For Every Church Music Department! Available on Amazon and most online bookstores. Cynthiadstargell.com
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SPIRIT RISING MAGAZINE is a quarterly publication designed to help readers live with strong and certain Biblical strategies as their guide. The magazine’s focus is to give very practical and applicable information on living in and through the Word of God. This is done through detailed per issue topic exploration. Topics relate to matters which directly affect a reader’s ability to live a fuller, more focused, more determined and purposed life. The subject matter discussed will be covered and explored through various angles.
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief E. Claudette Freeman Contributing Writers Pastor Keith Hassell Crystal Phipps Prophetess Ajah Cobb Deborah L. Jones-Allen Creative Director E. Chantaye Watson Graphic Design Jenette Sityar
SPIRIT RISING MAGAZINE is published by Pecan Tree Publishing, www. pecantreepress.com, Hollywood, Fl 33020. Pecan Tree Publishing chose to present the publication in the online format to shatter the readership restrictions on some print publications. While there will be no subscription rate for the online edition, allowing free and continual access to issues; the publication may also be ordered in a print-on-demand basis for a nominal charge. For submission or editorial guidelines, as well as questions, comments or general feedback please email: spiritrisingmag@pecantreepress. com. For advertising inquiries, please email: solutions@pecantreepress.com. Our office hours are Monday – Friday, 10a-2p. For inquiries not listed here, please call 877-207-2442.
AT FIRST I WAS EMBARRASSED. ME, A CAT, LIVING WITH A SINGLE GUY. BUT WHEN I WATCH HIM PICK SOMETHING UP WITH HIS HANDS AND EAT IT, I CAN’T HELP BUT LOVE HIM. — MARU adopted 01-10-10
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Success Mountain Empowerment Institute (SMEI) provides empowering community-based workshops and seminars, that connects and enhance the lives of those who have the inner desire to reach their potential. SMEI goal is to promote, cultivate and strengthen individuals to advance educationally, personally and professionally within the scope of his/her gifts and talents. SMEI is committed to the community, while also serving individuals and organizations nationally and globally. Our purpose is two-fold: 1. We believe that despite the odds- you can make a difference and that each of us was born with purpose regardless of age. 2. We believe life’s adversities should not halt you but are foundational elements that will thrust you forward; they are building blocks for you to mount upon and climb towards your destiny.
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SMEI’s mission is to promote individual responsibility by empowering people to grow and become emotionally and economically stable, inspire individual success and partner with today’s generation. SMEI’s driving force is to form a relationship and partner with commerce, environmental and technology institutes. To aid emerging leaders in developing a spirit of excellence in the process of his/her pursuit to purpose and success. We believe in you and regardless of your circumstances you have the power to choose. SMEI owners are open to the Spirit of God in order to empower and raise consciousness as a change-agent within our community to make a difference in the lives of others. At the same time awaken an individual’s talent to create opulence in the midst of a global recession through the evaluation of strengths, weaknesses personal commitment and sacrifice. Contact Us: Dr. Deborah Jones-Allen 305-343-4282 Rev. Yvonne Strachan 786-443-7406 Email: success.mountain@yahoo.com Success Mountain Empowerment Institute P.O. BOX 421789 Miami, FL 33242
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s e g a p e s e ithin th
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The Relationship Notes For Every Single Person (And Some For The Married Folks Too) The Apostle Paul
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Saved, Single and Satisfied? Elder Veronica Bedford
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“Contentment” By Vonda L. Chappell
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Get Married, Young Man by Alex Chediak
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Single, Saved and ……(fill in the blank) 10 Challenges Facing Singles Christians Today By Prophetess Ajah T.W. Cobb
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How To Have A Successful Christian Singles Ministry Kervin Jean Baptiste
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The Single Parent - Are they Lost in the Number? Pastor Lionel Reckley
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Dating and Sex At 50…In the Church By Cynthia D. Stargell
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The Secert Challenges of Being Single and Saved Dr. Deborah L. Jones-Allen, Ph.D., MBA
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Love on a Two Way Street: The Stacy Lattisaw Story Craig N. Stafford
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Embracing the Inner-Conversation About Being Single Lawanda Scott
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Being Single, Saved, & Satisfied Elder Vikki Kennedy Johnson Prayer Of Salvation
If an adult suddenly collapses, perform Hands-OnlyTM CPR. Call 911
then push hard and fast
in the center of the chest.
Hands can do incredible things.
handsonlycpr.org S P I R I T R I S I N G |7
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Sermonic Mark 12:25 ESV For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
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The Relationship Notes For Every Single Person (and some for the married folks too)
The Apostle Paul
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very once in awhile, it is our desire to SHAKE THINGS UP! With that in mind, we thought who best to pen this issue’s sermonic exploration on the theme SINGLE, SAVED AND…. Then the one man who is still quoted thousands of years later – The Apostle Paul. He eloquently, poetically and with straight forward advice gives encouragement and admonishment to those who are like him – single; those who find that being single is becoming too much of a temptation and to those who have chosen to be married. Paul’s sermonic exploration is found in First Corinthians, Chapter 7, with his notes pulled from the Amplified Version of the Bible. 1
Now as to the matters of which you wrote me. It is
well [and by that I mean advantageous, expedient, profitable, and wholesome] for a man not to touch a woman [to cohabit with her] but to remain unmarried. 2
But because of the temptation to impurity and to
avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband.
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3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]. 5 Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of
your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. 6 But I am saying this more as a matter of permission and concession, not as a command or regulation. 7 I wish that all men were like I myself am [in this matter of self-control]. But each has his own special gift from God, one of this kind and one of another. 8 But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do. 9 But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire]. 10 But to the married people I give charge—not I but the Lord—that the wife is not to separate from her husband. 11 But if she does [separate from and divorce him], let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband. And
[I charge] the husband [also] that he should not put away or divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I declare—I, not the Lord [for Jesus did not discuss this]—that if any brother has a wife who does not believe [in Christ] and she consents to live with him, he should not leave or divorce her. 13 And if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, she should not leave or divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart (separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination, and affiliated with the Christian people) by union with his consecrated (set-apart) wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart and separated through union with her consecrated husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean (unblessed heathen,[a]outside the Christian covenant), but as it is they are [b]prepared for God [pure and clean]. 15 But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace. 16 For, wife, how can you be sure of converting and saving your husband? Husband, how can you be sure of converting and saving your wife?
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17 Only, let each one [seek to conduct himself and regulate his affairs so as to] lead the life which the Lord has allotted and imparted to him and to which God has invited and summoned him. This is my order in all the churches.
31 And those who deal with this world [[e]overusing the enjoyments of this life] as though they were not absorbed by it and as if they had no dealings with it. For the outward form of this world (the present world order) is passing away.
18 Was anyone at the time of his summons [from God] already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the evidence of circumcision. Was anyone at the time [God] called him uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised.
32 My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord;
19 For circumcision is nothing and counts for nothing, neither does uncircumcision, but [what counts is] keeping the commandments of God. 20 Everyone should remain after God calls him in the station or condition of life in which the summons found him. 21 Were you a slave when you were called? Do not let that trouble you. But if you are able to gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. 22 For he who as a slave was summoned in [to union with] the Lord is a freedman of the Lord, just so he who was free when he was called is a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah). 23 You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for by Christ]; then do not yield yourselves up to become [in your own estimation] slaves to men [but consider yourselves slaves to Christ]. 24 So, brethren, in whatever station or state or condition of life each one was when he was called, there let him continue with and close to God. 25 Now concerning the virgins (the marriageable [c]maidens) I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion and advice as one who by the Lord’s mercy is rendered trustworthy and faithful. 26 I think then, because of the impending distress [that is even now setting in], it is well (expedient, profitable, and wholesome) for a person to remain as he or she is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you do not sin [in doing so], and if a virgin marries, she does not sin [in doing so]. Yet those who marry will have physical and earthly troubles, and I would like to spare you that. 29 I mean, brethren, the appointed time has been [d]winding down and it has grown very short. From now on, let even those who have wives be as if they had none, 30 And those who weep and mourn as though they were not weeping and mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they did not possess anything,
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33 But the married man is anxious about worldly matters—how he may please his wife— 34 And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs—how she may please her husband. 35 Now I say this for your own welfare and profit, not to put [a halter of] restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and in good order and to secure your undistracted and undivided devotion to the Lord. 36 But if any man thinks that he is not acting properly toward and in regard to his virgin [that he is preparing disgrace for her or incurring reproach], in case she is passing the bloom of her youth and if there is need for it, let him do what to him seems right; he does not sin; let them marry. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart [strong in mind and purpose], not being forced by necessity but having control over his own will and desire, and has resolved this in his heart to keep his own virginity, he is doing well. 38 So also then, he [the father] who gives his virgin (his daughter) in marriage does well, and he [the father] who does not give [her] in marriage does better. 39 A wife is bound to her husband by law as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she will, only [provided that he too is] in the Lord. 40 But in my opinion [a widow] is happier (more blessed and [f]to be envied) if she does not remarry. And also I think I have the Spirit of God.
About the Author: Saul (Paul) was born around the same time as Christ. His given name was Saul and later he would be called Paul. Paul was a citizen of the capital city of Cilicia, Tarsus. This country was a Roman land located along the river Cydnus. Saul’s father was of the tribe of Benjamin, pure and unmixed was his Jewish blood and he was molded it what one would interpret from his youth to adulthood in a staunch and upright character.
Saved, Single and Satisfied? Elder Veronica Bedford
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ell, I guess two out of three ain’t bad. For those who were anticipating a sermon, hermeneutically and homiletically crafted (as I normally provide
for Spirit Rising), please allow me to extend my apologies in advance. The Apostle Paul has covered that angle for us in this issue. Let me state, for the record, I’m saved, I’m single, I love my life and I love the Lord, but I’m not always satisfied in this current state. I wish that we would be honest with our feelings and desires for companionship and
intimacy, but unfortunately we’ve become so conditioned to wearing our religious masks and so accustomed to hearing and/or speaking our religious clichés and colloquialisms that it leaves us entangled in the bondage of fear – fear to say where we really are, fear to express what we really feel. I thank God that I have been delivered from internalizing the frowns and unrelenting scowls of the saints. God created us for relationships (Genesis 2:18), so it is only natural for us to desire connection/intimacy with an-
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other person. If we examine our relationship with the Creator, we can see that it exemplifies intimacy. God desires for us to share our every concern with Him and in turn he knows everything that concerns us. When God created Adam, God knew that even though he gave him the entire world and a relationship with Him, Adam still needed a physical companion. If I hear another sister tell me that Jesus is her man, I think I will lose it. Due to the fact that God created a help meet for Adam, God is clearly aware of our need for intimacy. Jesus is the Savior, God is the lover of your soul, the Holy Spirit is your guide, your confidant, your teacher, but Jesus, God nor the Holy Spirit is your man. That is not the role Holy Trinity. I am of the opinion that if we stopped spiritualizing our physical needs and desires, it would result in a healthier, happier church, more specifically, happier, healthier black women in church. I am also of the opinion that we do not need another married person preaching to us about the struggles of single life, we live it, we are aware of it. We do not need another spiritual hype person to telling us how grateful we should be, because we have so much more time to devote to working in the kingdom. What we need is a safe space where we can be real about our struggles, a place to ask the questions we have about living in the tension of being righteous beings and sexual beings, an arena where we can take off the mask and not be judged. What we need is an honest examination of our lives (desires, wants, secrets, habits, frustrations, disappointments) that relate to us being righteous beings and sexual beings at the same time. My word of advice for all the single people is to love you enough to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you desire a relationship and why you desire it. If your answer boils down to sex, it won’t last. Ask yourself are you ready and prepared to be committed to another individual? Do you have what it takes to stick and stay through the difficult times? While you are asking yourself these questions, don’t forget to ask yourself how much you love yourself. The Bible clearly instructs us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
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strength and with all your mind.” Then the scripture goes on to state “and, love your neighbor as yourself.” Intimacy is not always about sex. Do some confuse it? Absolutely!!! Intimacy is more about having a deep connection with another person, something that is not superficial/shallow. If you love truly yourself, you will not violate your values or lower your standards. It is when we focus more on having the relationship that we wade in troubled waters. It is then that we end up with regret and pain. Loving God first does not mean being overzealous, but rather it means seeking to do the will of God with your whole heart and being transparent before God about your heart’s desire. Loving yourself means embracing the best of you while working toward improving the worse of you. 1 Corinthians 13 gives us a definition of love, it is patient, it is kind, it does not envy…rejoices in truth…always protects, always trusts, always hopes. Love God and yourself enough to remove the mask. Love God and yourself enough to be real (with those who are mature enough and can be trusted) about your struggles. Love God and yourself enough to stop living in religious exercises/dogma that only keeps you frustrated while you continue practicing habits that leave you mired in guilt. Love God and yourself enough to be willing to do the work it takes to become the person another can’t help but to fall in love with. While we are on this path, believing God for the relationship that has been ordained for us, let’s remember to love until we find our love.
About the Author: Veronica Bedford is an ordained minister with over 14 years of experience in preaching and teaching Biblical principles. She is the founder of Latter Glory Ministries, a ministry dedicated to providing practical Biblical instructions and holistic spiritual and personal growth. Elder Bedford has a Masters of Theological Studies Degree and certification in Religious Education from the Candler School of Theology at Emory University. She has also developed curricula for ministers-in-training, church leadership development and addressing the challenges experienced by women in ministry. For information on the curricula and Latter Glory Ministries, please contact Elder Bedford at: latterglory_ministries@yahoo.com.
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Living It Out Hosea 2:19-20 ESV And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.
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“Contentment” By Vonda L. Chappell
An excerpt from Lonely But Not Alone
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veryone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly and exclusively, but God says to a Christian,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content, with being loved by me alone; with giving yourself totally and wholeheartedly to me, with having an intense personal and unique relationship with me alone. Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another, until you are united with me; exclusive of anyone or anything else and exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing one that cannot be imagined. I want you to have the best. But, please allow me to bring it to you! Keep watching me and expecting the great things, I have in store for you. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am and keep listening and learning the thing, You just wai!. That’s all…
Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at what others have or at that which I have given to them. Don’t look at the things you think you want, you just keep praying and keep looking to me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready, I’ll bless you with a love far more wonderful than anyone could ever dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,(I am working even at this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time) so until you both are satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, will you be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and thus is the perfect love. And my dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and for you to enjoy immeasurably and fully the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love, that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you wholly I am God, believe it and Be satisfied”.
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And now you too, know just how empowered one can feel after reading the above devotion, words, prophesy, etc. It’s enough to bring “goose bumps” it’s as if you can hear God himself speaking those very words to your spirit. I tried to underline the words that ministered to me the most (if you noticed, that was all of them), maybe they ministered to you as well or maybe there were different ones that ministered to you specifically, if so go with those words and grow from them. You know after reading it for the enumerate time I realized I had placed so much emphasis on loving and being loved, that I forgot about the important things already in my life. Things like; my spiritual walk with God, lost souls, those loving relationships already in place and all the other goals I had planned for my life. All for something I didn’t have and have never had. Is desiring things wrong? No. It’s unacceptable, when you make them more important than your service for God. I’m sure you noticed by now that I keep referring to the above as devotion rather than a poem but devotion is far more powerful than a poem, Webster says devotion is a strong attachment or affection. And this is an attachment to this chapter and strong (although putting it mildly) it is just that. I have said so many things up to this point but the above says it better than I have thus far so much so that I won’t even attempt to elaborate or take away from those words. I’m sure we’ve all heard the song or saying, “He may not come when you want Him, but He’s always on time”. My mother often said she didn’t understand the words because God is always there when you need Him. But there are times when it appears that God has no intention of helping us to meet our deadline. So you begin to worry and pray and worry some more and the day before or the day of God shows up right in the nick of time. Then you know what happens? You sit there and wonder how you could have ever doubted God and his omnipotence. For God knows all, sees all and has control over all. Am I right, have you ever been at this place? Or should I ask are you at this place right now Than I say this to you “DON’T DOUBT THE LORD”. Easier said than done, I know? We have all experience both sides of that coin, the side were He comes through and the side were He doesn’t. That’s in order to teach us patience and resilience something we need throughout life’s trials. God’s time, is not our time and the sooner we understand this fact the better of we will all be. The time between I Do means taking care of you; mentally, physically and spiritually and busying yourself
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with the things of God until He blesses you with your end. If you are married, the time after I do is equally important, because there are still those things that you believe God will bring into fruition. Therefore, until those things come to past, decide to be the best spouse/person that you can be. It’s the time between now and what you have asked God for that will determine how fast God will act on your behalf. Always remember, the person that appears to have it all, still has something they desire and can not have. No one has everything… Maybe this chapter is off the subject a little but I just can’t stress enough how important time for ourselves is, especially if you are single… The biggest thing that I feel I have to stress here is, “don’t” sit around in your betweentime and think about what you don’t have or what trial you are going through at that present time it defeats the between-time purpose and sends you to the muddy grumps and that’s not a good place to be. I leave you with these encouraging words, 1. Learn to be happy with oneself, 2. Learn to experience life to the fullest (spiritually speaking), 3. Learn to seek God’s plan for your life and finally, don’t allow circumstances to rob you of a relationship with God, for your relationship with God will mirror your relationship with others. So, on that note I end another chapter and I pray I said something that helped you in your between-time that will bring you to your contentment. God says in 1 Timothy chapter 6(vs. 5 and 6) Perverse disputing of men of corrupt minds, and destitute (means entirely lacking) of the Truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.
About the Author: Vonda L. Chappell is a teacher, minister and author. She is also the founder of Time Between I Do, a Christian Singles Movement. Vonda’s decision to remain a virgin until she is married is what prompted the movement and her book; Lonely but not Alone. Abstinence until marriage has become her speaking platform and at thirty-nine, she still doesn’t mind letting the world know her plight.
Get Married, Young Man By Alex Chediak
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any of us men grew up with a limited picture that being an adult meant independence — being able to live where we wanted, come and go as we pleased, make some money, and see the friends we wanted to see. Those aspects are certainly part of an adult life, but a key ingredient is missing. I’m not referring to community, accountability, or being involved in a good church. All those things are good, but in and of themselves they just can’t function to produce all the blessings that God designs for us. I want to talk very candidly about why a godly wife, for most of us men, will bring blessings that nothing else can. Perhaps what I’ve said sounds selfish: finding a wife to “produce blessings” for me. But we all naturally pursue what we think is in our best interest. That’s how God has wired us. Sin arises when we seek happiness outside of God, or when we do not prize Him as being greater than any wife could ever be. That kind of attitude can lead to our pursuing good things (like a girlfriend or wife) in ungodly ways (like among non-Christian women or through sexual experimentation). But I’ve found that an opposite problem is common today among men — particularly Christian men from good churches: not trying to find a wife at all. I had that problem myself for a number of years. The Lord got a hold of my life in some unusual ways when I was in my early 20s. I had plenty of friends through church, and life seemed great. I had lots of free time, plenty of money to eat out, travel and give, and could do what I wanted whenever I wanted. I lived a pretty lax spiritual life in college, not getting into too much trouble but not going hard after God either. At 23, that changed and I wanted more of God than I had ever had before. I wanted to read theology books, be in as many Bible studies as possible, and know everything about God and His ways that I possibly could. But the desire for a wife came slowly, and seemed in some ways unnatural. I hadn’t been hearing that I needed a wife — after all, wasn’t God enough? Didn’t Paul say that it was good to remain single, as he was (1 Cor. 7:8)? And that each one should remain in the condition in which he was called (1 Cor. 7:20)? I told myself I could marry if God called me to, but that unless He made that unmistakably clear, I would — and should — stay my bachelor course.
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I’ve known many single guys who think this way. The logic goes like this: “I’m a Christian. I love God. I currently don’t have a wife. If God wants me to marry someone, He’ll make that explicitly clear. For me to get proactive in the process is to imply that I don’t trust God to make it happen. And seeking a wife seems less spiritual than taking on another ministry responsibility. After all, I’m single. I really should commit all my time to God, and not be distracted with thinking about girls.” The problem with this line of thinking is that not every man who has the status of singleness is gifted for singleness. God requires all singles to be celibate until marriage (to abstain from sexual expression in thought and deed), but because most singles aren’t gifted for lifelong celibacy, most should seek to marry. Other writers on Boundless have ably addressed the gift of celibacy and how to discern whether you have it. Briefly, I agree with what they have said in noting that it is a rare gift that is accompanied by a Spirit-endowed ability to cheerfully and without bitterness or rancor abstain from sexual intimacy and the deep emotional companionship that only comes with marriage and having children. In many cases, I believe this is accompanied with a particular life calling that greatly profits from the status of singleness (e.g., missions, a life-threatening vocation, excessive traveling, etc.). The Scriptures say, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). So the man is said to “find” a wife, and that a wife is a good thing. The favor from the Lord part shows that, yes, God is the One who ultimately gives the wife, but it is still our job as men to be proactive in the finding process. In Matthew 19, Jesus gives some very tough teaching on the permanence of marriage. The Pharisees taught that a man could write up a divorce notice to his wife for any reason at all. They chose to put Jesus to the test on the issue. Jesus replies that even though Moses permitted (not commanded) divorce, it was only as an allowance in light of the reality of sin (“... but from the beginning it was not so,” Matt 19:8). Instead, Jesus floors them by saying that
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“whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Not only are the Pharisees stunned, the disciples are too. How do we know? Their response is basically “If that’s the way it is, Jesus, we should all just stay single!” And, interestingly, Jesus does not dispute their astute observation. Rather, he qualifies it: Yes, singleness has undeniable advantages, but “not everyone can receive this [concept], but only those to whom it is given.... Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” As a single man in my early 20s, I could not “receive” this. By God’s grace, I was not fooling around or hooked on pornography, but I found sexual thoughts and attractive women to be a recurring distraction from my walk with God. Every few months it seemed that a platonic or professional relationship with an attractive non-Christian woman would develop alluring sexual potential. You don’t have to date a woman nowadays to get into compromising situations. A single man with strong sexual interests (and that’s most of us men) and available sexual encounters (and that’s most of us) is in frequent danger. I’ve found that protection against sexual sin and the opportunity and the pleasure associated with monogamous sexual intimacy with the woman I love to be a very real benefit of marriage. But there are others. Marriage enhances my walk with God. Living with my wife forces me to deal with sin issues that were more easily overlooked in my bachelor days. A wife is not very much like a guy roommate — the emotional synergy she will look for from you is far more encompassing. And just because we overlook (or are not forced to deal with) certain sin patterns as singles doesn’t mean they aren’t there. In fact, one of the dangers of staying single too long is that the quirks we get away with as bachelors can turn into habits that our wives will not appreciate and that we will find hard to break. It’s significant that an elder should be one who manages his own family well (1 Tim 3:4). Paul apparently saw this as a litmus test of how a man will lead in God’s church. By trying to love my wife as Christ loves me (sacrificially, intentionally, perseveringly), I am blessed by reaping the good
fruit that comes from a joyful partner and friend. Likewise, my failures are amplified because both she and I suffer. Marriage makes me more fully recognize the principles of stewardship. Finally, marriage calls me to be a provider and protector. I need to be wiser with money, because I’m looking out not just for myself but for my wife and daughter (and the other kids we hope to have). That demands a degree of maturity in me that I don’t think I could have mustered any other way. There’s nothing unspiritual about wanting marriage. Marriage is an important, normal, sanctifying, biblical aspect of adulthood. It provides protection from sexual sin, companionship, and the privilege to procreate and give back the gift of life. Just as it’s not necessarily sinful to be discontent and take action if you’re unemployed or hungry, God has wired most of us with a longing for the sexual and emotional intimacy of marriage. Yes, our ultimate and primary satisfaction must be in God, and His purposes can shine forth in our lives regardless of our marital state. Nevertheless, if you’re not gifted for singleness, go ahead and seek a wife. You’ll be more valuable for the Kingdom of God as a sanctified husband and father than as a single repeatedly getting tripped up with the sexual or emotional struggles common to singleness. Marriage won’t solve all your problems. But your life will generally reflect a deeper maturity and winsomeness that will open doors for relationships and ministry. Know that God’s grace will be with you as you step out in faith. Men, what are you waiting for?
About the Author: Alex Chediak (Ph.D., U.C. Berkeley) was an apprentice at The Bethlehem Institute under the leadership of pastors John Piper and Tom Steller of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis (2005-2007). Now a professor at California Baptist University, his recent book, Thriving at College (Tyndale House, 2011), hit the Christian Bookseller’s Association best-seller list in May 2011. It was recognized by YouthWorker Journal as one of the best resources of 2011. He regularly contributes to Christianity Today and Focus on the Family’sBoundless webzine. He’s been a featured guest on Focus on the Family and Family Life Today. Have Alex speak at your church, high school, university, or ministry organization. Contact him at: http://www.alexchediak.com/contact to discuss details and availability.
To order these books by Alex Chediak or to Have Alex speak at your church, high school, university, or ministry organization visit http://www.alexchediak.com. S P I R I T R I S I N G |21
Who would have thought? Dr. Charles Drew did in 1938. The Blood Bank, developed by Dr. Charles Drew,
is just one of the many life-changing innovations that came from the mind of an African American. We must do all we can to support minority education today, so we don’t miss out on the next big idea tomorrow. To find out more about African American innovators and to support the United Negro College Fund, visit us at uncf.org or call 1-800-332-UNCF. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Š2007 UNCF
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Journalistic Song of Solomon 3:5 ESV I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases
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Single, Saved and ……(fill in the blank)
10 Challenges Facing Singles Christians Today By Prophetess Ajah T.W. Cobb
T
his writing assignment took me to a greater depth than I was prepared to go... I talked to a lot
of people and I promise you that their “REALNESS” kept me needing to come up for air. Their truthfulness sharpened me, cut me, healed me and gave me more hope for the redemption of God’s people. I have interviewed, reviewed, cried, held my head, prayed, praised, and celebrated over the information that was shared with me. I experienced a roller coaster ride of emotions listening to those that willingly poured out and shared their concerns about the challenges that they face while being SINGLE & SAVED.
So here we are single,
saved and…:
Desiring to be married, Masturbating,
Fornicating, Parenting, Committing
adultery, Ministering, Hurting, Encouraging,
Serving, Separated, Giving life our best shot
as we maintain our joy and health, Improving our finances and overcoming financial challenges, Returning to school, Living life for the first time alone, Starting businesses, Starting over at 40 and 50 years old, Getting over the hurdles of being a teen, being saved and keeping our virginity, Dating and Seeking to grow
It takes integrity to write an article like this and it takes even more to look inside yourself or into a mirror and receive self-correction through God’s Word. I appreciate all of those that were willing to keep it real. I spoke to men, women, a teenager, all that when it comes down to it are SINGLE, SAVED and DESIRING to LIVE RIGHT before God yet they mess up (LIKE ALL OF US)! So as you read, please reserve the judgment for yourself as we strive to get to God and SIN no more. Our first keeping it realer is Dana Hopps, Assistant Minister at Indiana Apostolic Church in Chicago, IL. At 39, she is a mother of three, grandmother of three, legally separated and waiting for the divorce papers to be signed. As a separated woman preparing to date, she says that “the RULES are DIFFERENT, now that I am saved!” She has a standard that she wants met yet the most difficult part is finding the right person. Because she honors the anointing on her life she isn’t willing to just let anyone into her world. She says that a person has to be “interested enough to make an effort to make it happen, they have to be right
and be in order. Being single is more of a struggle after all of these years of being married.” While dealing with the emotional challenges of a divorce she found herself in a one-night stand because she felt that she had been left uncovered by an adulterous husband. She quickly confessed to God, REPENTED and CONFESSED to her circle of accountability partners that covered her in prayer, by strengthening her and helped her to get to a place of RESTORATION to fulfill her KINGDOM PURPOSE. Dana enjoys the solitude of her singleness, the fact that she doesn’t have to call and check in enables her to pick up and leave with no concerns of cheating, cooking for others and cleaning. She says “I am finally on my own; which I have never been. No one is questioning me!” She says because of her relationship with Christ, she now knows her worth. She encourages others by letting them know that, “We are worth someone taking the time.” In desiring to be married again she wants someone DIFFERENT and shares what we should look for in a future husband: 1) he should
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singles, has struggled with masturbation. Saying, “I have done it but I know it’s not right!” When we are not covered and left open, anything can happen and we can find ourselves in places that we never intended to be in taking actions that we never thought we would be taking. Through prayer, our sister finds her strength to wait on God and walk in His will for her life. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. Single, saved and a father, Pastor Kevin McLemore says that he had to “relearn dating after 12 years of marriage!” The now divorced single father has defiantly set a standard. He is a man that does not enjoy or appreciate the chase. A recent encounter brought him to the realization that women are desiring to “live out an entire marriage in a weekend.” And that is a definite turn off. He would rather spend quality time getting to know the possible future MRS!
cover you financially and spiritually 2) he should be able to intercede for you and the family, 3) he should be a man who can get on his face and go into warfare when a full frontal attack comes. “You don’t want a man that won’t commit” she says, “you want to have who God has for you. You don’t have to compromise. You don’t have to compete….as soon as you feel you have to compromise he is not for you!” In keeping it real she suggests having accountability partners, “I need someone to watch me. Being saved doesn’t exempt us from trouble, we just handle it differently.” Now Dana just deals with her children attempting to set her up on dates. Single, saved, divorced, parenting and having returned to school after 40 best describes DAEJ of Northwest, GA. As a married woman hurt by infidelity, she found herself attempting to maintain a household with no help from her then husband. After the divorce she found herself with an all exclusive membership to the single moms club. Relentless and determined to make it, she capitalized on her moment by returning to school to complete her education while her two daughters are still young. “The hardest part of being single is being found” she states. Dealing with the singleness isn’t easy when sex was available legally whenever she wanted it. She, like many
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He finds that women are doing more of the pressuring this time around. Yet, his moral compass is on point as he states that there is “honor in knowing a person.” Dating has presented a society of lasciviousness that he is not willing to participate in as he lives by example. Pastor McLemore finds parenting frustrating at times as he goes between parenting and ministry. While seeing after everyone else and everything else, he often runs out of time for himself and has to resist becoming bitter when pulled on all ends. His children are his greatest concern while he knows that the call on his life impedes their childhood and he has to properly protect them. The balancing act of being a single dad isn’t easy; yet, he puts his best efforts forth. Parenting is one of the most unselfish acts that we can perform and the benefits are often great. There is a certain attraction to the strength of a single man raising children; yet Pastor McLemore won’t lower his standards. “Dating should have a purpose and be taken slow. It brings exposure to the real intentions of both parties. It tells whether one is racing to the bed or to the altar and we have to know the motives of who we are with.” Stating honestly that “most men do not have sex control;” he further advises that “it’s okay to say I like you and just talk!” When a relationship is from God there is no sorrow added to it. We have to return to the basics. When asked if the role of the wife is no longer necessary because of all the casual sexual relationships that are common to our times he replied that, “the role of the wife is never obsolete. Women are the gatekeepers and they set the standard!” He advises women to “connect to a man’s spirit before connecting to his loins. Connect to a man through prayer and respect. For a man RESPECT means LOVE! Love
has nothing to do with sex it comes through respect. Love doesn’t equal sex for a man; that is why a man can have sex with a woman and say that it meant nothing.” The refreshing of innocence with a standard that has not been tainted by the world! Single, saved and a VIRGIN dedicated to God and completing her education is what I found as I spoke with 17 year old Alexandrea Gaines. She states point blank that as a single teenager “you SHOULDN’T be having sex! I am waiting until marriage.” She has friends who are sexually active, but she refuses to succumb to peer pressure stating that “others’ opinion don’t affect me” as she graciously bows out of the conversations about their sexual experiences. She has witnessed the consequences of teenage sex; she says that some students become pregnant, some experience sexual diseases and some don’t return to school. She despises ignorant come-ons by guys her age. Learning her standards from her parents has helped to keep her in check. She states that the benefits of virginity are that there are no STDs, pregnancies or long-term residual effects of a relationship going wrong. Alexandrea is focusing on her education and is a member in her church and school choirs. Upon graduation from Cass High in Detroit, MI, she will be attending college to pursue a degree in Criminal Justice. Even while overhearing the sex conversations and the discussions on masturbation with her peers she is staying saved, single and focused on her purpose until marriage. She says that “Yes, sometimes I feel left out but I recall the consequences!” Her faith and those consequences keep this virgin on point as she heads for a future packed with success! Single, satisfied, successful, content and taking care of her businesses describes our sassy, successful and on point entrepreneur Sis. Micki Esposito. Now divorced, she was married at 17 with no one to guide her. Life has taught her wisdom and given her a desire to live it to the fullest. This single mother of three adult children says that “the minds of singles are consumed with making the right connection with another single.” Concerned with right motives she asks “How do you really learn to operate in this world and not be a part of this world? We have to do it without being pulled into demonic activity.” Experience allows her to serve as an example to others. She says, “How I carry myself allows people to see the God in me.” Sis. Micki believes in finding, “Someone who is honest; a believer that you can see operating in their faith, bearing fruit.”
She finds that some just say that they are “Christian” to get in the door. She says that she sometimes finds singleness lonely because she doesn’t have a lot of close female friends, yet she is comfort with her singleness. She enjoys eating alone and venturing out on her own. Her singleness allows her to spend a lot of time with God as she states joyfully “I stay in front of Him all day long.” Sis. Micki uses the social network Facebook to share victories; as well as mistakes in an effort to stop others from treading in trouble areas. While she married as a mere teenager, with no life experience and no mentors, now as an entrepreneur, her integrity is challenged by the world daily. She says that “if a deal challenges my belief I walk away from it. All money is not good money!” She says she has the “wisdom of borders to prevent me from being pulled in.” She eloquently states, “who I have to answer to has all the money in the world.” Money is not a driving factor; freedom and independence “to go” are her reasons for being in business. As a successful single woman, she always remains approachable. She is always herself, yet men find this intimidating because of her appearance. Men who are not secure within themselves won’t be comfortable around her. Content with where she is in life she believes that God has made one man for her and that she will remarry when God reveals him to her. Seeing the joy in all that she has been through, she reflects on Romans 8:28 embracing all of His promises and counting it all joy! A woman of standard, elegance, class, integrity and grace learned to encourage herself by focusing on Him, by repeating His promises ad keeping herself before the Lord! The right man will be respectable, honorable and know the Word yet you have to delve into his character. “At the end of the day it is the character” she states. She advises to “forgive quickly and to operate in the fruit of Spirit” as she does with her daily walk. “As single people we have those trials and situations and all we have to do is turn to God.” She is continuously developing and strengthening her relationship with God. She advices women to protect their hearts, “Have a man prove that he is deserving of our time and attention.” She says, “In business know what your beliefs are, know what you stand for. Let your integrity speak for who you are. All you have is your name, protect it and keep it blemish free! Don’t be driven by money. In life you learn to be patient and wait on God instead of being impatient and going the wrong way.” Single, saved and SATISFIED! With utter boldness, Minister
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Debra House declares with all certainty that “I love my walk with God; He gives me more than enough. He is my orgasm. He is all that I need!” Closing with the fact that she has to put it like that so the people that she ministers to can receive it. She has been single, married and divorced three times. She admits her mistake, “I picked them and I never waited on God. I didn’t think God knew how to do what I did! I felt that sex was where my control was and I felt that I could do some things that other women can’t do. I BELIEVED THE LIE! Believing the HYPE cost me; but today God is the center of my joy. I am at the place of intensity of practicing His presence.”
“Single at 50 is better than in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I’m single and all the children are grown.” Her only responsibility is to God. She says, “It took a minute to take full advantage of God’s companionship. When you go freely, servitude is magnified, I LOVE IT!” Ministering to prostitutes and teenagers in group homes is her focus now and being single allows her to go and minister freely. “With a mate, you still have to consider them.” She says that the singles position in serving Christ “should be like that of nuns ~ to serve all mankind.” She is married to God stating, “I can be His ambassador and representative.”
Minister House is the founder of Sister’s Touch Ministry in Chicago, IL. She has found that as a single woman in ministry men find her intimidating. Her experience has been that their “objective is to break me down and have me come over to their space. They are wolves coming after the sheep.”
She is surrounded by her Mom, children and grandchildren takes delight in knowing that all of them are with her. Her children are raising their children and she enjoys every opportunity to “kick it with the grands.” For her “FAMILY is a badge of success, flaws and all in the sight of God.”
As a single woman in ministry she says, “Without a covering you are open to all these things and viewed as weak and not able to keep a man.” She feels more pressure from women to get married than men though. She has the ability to keep it real and bring it home; stating “women view their relationships as power!” With all honesty she states, “My flesh desires to get some all the time.” Giggling she says, “My desire for a husband is to be LEGAL ad get some.” She now finds herself single, saved and a caregiver to her recently widowed mom. The recent death of her father and the necessary attention given to her mom allows her not to focus on marriage now. “I’m committed to Mom right now.” With all that she does, she states, “You don’t have a life but I gave up my life!”
Single, saved and the COME BACK KID! At 32 years old, Prophetess Trea Pullings has been churched all of her life spending her first 27 years under the same Apostle. Between the ages of 19 and 21 she did the inevitable and ventured out to experience the world to the fullest. Sex and drugs had her life spinning out of control. In fact, it had her living a double life. Trea said that, “God took the pleasure out of what I was doing.” She felt the pull of God saying “I wasn’t ready but God’s POWER was greater.” She has always been armed with the mantle of prayer and the love of God’s presence. Everything she does is done from a place of prayer. As a Prophetess she is always saying what God has to say.
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Living a saved life again at 21, she began to refocus. As a nurse at 25, she became consumed with image and got off course, with the ability to wear pants she became aware of her body. She says that, “it’s easy for a saved woman who dresses like the world to get with an unsaved dude! With long skirts men did not approach me.” She began to use chat sites to fulfill her craving for attention yet she kept a rule (coming from a small community) to never date men in her city. The city that she lived in was so small that she did not want to be recycled through its relationship system. In all that she has done she never intended to be a stumbling block! When asked how she fairs in singleness today, she replies that she’s “been alone for two years now, it feels like now it is time for a companion because sex is not important right now. Knowing your body is important to stay out of temptation.”
As a young single woman, she wants for nothing. She knows that she will be joined with her husband so that they can build together. Being single has afforded her time to come out of debt. She declares that singles should be the biggest sacrificial givers. At this stage she has become bold in and with her salvation. Once a woman of image and not of character, she became openly exposed. She was in the newspaper and on television for stealing money from a client without her knowledge. She repented of her wrong doing and paid restitution for her crime. She is now a woman of integrity and character. Single, saved, parenting and launching a dream in this season is where that we find Chef Linay Hilts, co-owner of Sweet & Delightful Treats of Kannapolis, NC. Linay is a graduate of Johnson & Wales University in Providence, RI, where she studied Culinary Arts. She is a mother of four. For Linay, parenting is not challenging but it can get lonely. “I would like to have another adult to talk to,” she states. Geared on staying focused and not falling for the wrong person while wanting attention she gently says, “I want what married people have. Being careful not to jump in the arms of a stranger; that is the challenge with being single. It’s tough when most of your friends are married.” She advises that we should, “make sure that we don’t fall for the wrong person. Do everything on purpose to stay focused!” She desires marriage and friendship; wanting her husband to be her best friend. She warns that, “Men that just want to sleep with you will never provide that. I want someone that I can relate to.” She wants the simplest things like to just dress up and go out.
This single mom’s desire to take care of her family caused her business to be birthed. She looked around to see what was in her house and that is how Sweet & Delightful Treats was born. She loves working for herself and looks forward to her business to growing nationally. Through prayer, she is expecting increase. She says that the best part of being single is having her freedom. She feels that a husband will bring order to the home. “I don’t want to be single, I want to be married!” she states with sincerity. Armed with wisdom and forgiveness she is positioning herself to be found so that the empty void can be filled. God will give us our heart’s desires. Single, saved and delivered is the most adequate way to describe Prophetess Donna M. Allen. She has literally known church all of her life with a father as a deacon ad a very active mother in the Baptist church. She solidified here relationship with Christ at age eight; at the age of 16 she was preaching and received her calling. By seventh grade she was struggling with her self-esteem. Never fitting in, she became the butt of the jokes, the outcast at and the one bullied by classmates. At that time she only had two friends. Rejection was the tool that satan tried to use to destroy her but God used it to toughen her! With all that she was felling, she turned to people that were wrong for her. Having a Dad that did not say that he loved her until she was 28; she began to look for love in all the wrong places. She began to have sex at an early age; at 16 she was forced to have an abortion so images could be protected. She admits that she did not always act saved! At 18 she began to see a married man that was twice her age. Between the ages of
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20-22, God really began to deal with her about how she was living and at 22 her Mom passed away. In October of 1994, she was filled with the Holy Spirit and God began to break up the affair until it was destroyed! From the age of 25 to the present, she has been seriously walking with the Lord and believing Him for a mate. She advises single people to, “Be in a WORD church that doesn’t compromise the word!” There was a time when she felt split in two; like she was being pulled by God and the devil. Being under God’s anointing set her free from perversion, adultery, fornication, masturbation and everything that she has done! God spoke to her with force; telling her to let Him deal with it or she wouldn’t remain on the earth. She has learned so much in her young life. The man that she had the adulterous affair with died from lung cancer “Satan called the note due,” as she puts it. Soul ties that she found herself entangled in took five years for God to thoroughly deal with and destroy. She reminds us that God made help that was adaptable for Adam. God had to teach her how to be His wife first. “We have to be careful not to be ruled by the flesh because we don’t understand that we look at what tastes and feels good…we are compatible because of the appetites that develop. We have to know that the wages of sin is death.” Now being armed with power, her pastor trained her to avoid lust through disciplining the flesh. She declares that “I came to do the will of Him that sent me. Our will, flesh and emotions have to die. Christians don’t date they wait!” (1 Cor. 1:34) When temptation comes knocking she urges to do what you must to resist it, “don’t answer the phone! Don’t respond!” She reminds us of the word in Psalms 107: 9, know that God will meet every need. Thanks to his transparency and ability to be approached Pastor Alfred Harvey assisted her with receiving her full deliverance. She says that we should, “Allow the Holy Spirit to give us what we need. We should walk by faith believing God for a mate and know that we will pay a penalty for operating in sin!” For her dating became disastrous. She has been single and celibate for 10 years now. She says that she is happy either way because she knows that it’s about purpose. Any man that desires to enter into her life will have to answer the question of, “Can you carry the oil that I have?” Her mate will have to be a mature believer, know who he is and is walking in his purpose, he must be able to hear from God, be obedient, working, well off (wealthy), have a strong relationship with God and he must be doing what he is suppose to do. She refers to Genesis 2:20 as she states that her purpose is to help her husband fulfill his purpose. She says that, “I am a spiritual womb and what you put in me I produce (through oil and sperm).”
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“A standard has been set, holiness must be restored and we must not give place to the devil…satan wants dominion on the earth.” She reflects on a time when she watched porn and masturbated and the incubus and succubus spirits entered in through perversion. She is in love with God now and still experiencing deliverance. She declares that “being clean and whole with holiness is a lot better than being fragmented! God is most important in my life.” Said as only she can say it, “ain’t nobody that fine or that good with sex,” to get her caught back in that trap. Staying occupied helps to keep her focused as she builds her house and makes it well for herself in her field! She is business minded and likes that she doesn’t have to consult anyone but God. She owns and operates D.M. Allen Signature Events and Catering. She is a certified wedding planner, event planner and event designer. She is the founder of Words for Life Ministry, Relationship Diva Life Coaching. My prayer is that each reader will see how God was glorified in every circumstance. See how He allowed everyone to come out on top; although each person may have had a different opinion on how to deal with their situation. I pray that their testimonies have stripped, strengthened, encouraged and arrested you and brought you to a place of repentance and/ or encouraged you to maintain a standard of holiness. It was hard to delve into the lives of others yet God did a new thing in me and matured me all the more with their testimonies. Be encouraged in your salvation and in your singleness. Ajah Cobb, Spiritual Nutritionist ajahtcobb@yahoo.com
One way to walk through your single life is to connect with others who are open and transparent about the struggles, here’s how you can connect with those referenced in this piece: - Minister Dana Hopps can be reached at: danahopps@ yahoo.com - Pastor McLemore, Director of Coming Home Again Marriage Ministry, can be contacted at rev.mclemore@yahoo.com. - Micki Esposito would love to share with you at micki@ lhuillierltd.com - Min. Debra House can be contacted at asisterstouch@ inhisgrip-ministries.org - Prophetess Trea Pullings can be contacted at prophetess.trea@gmail.com - Linay can be contacted at linayyanil1@yahoo.com or sweetanddelightfultreats.com - Prophetess Donna Allen can be contacted at businessworksstudios@gmail.com
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How To Have A Successful Christian Singles Ministry Kervin Jean Baptiste, Lead Coordinator Angela Rowe, Co-Coordinator, I.M.A.G.E.S. Singles Ministry
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he measurement of success has many vantage points. Victories, triumphs, or wins come in various forms resulting from what is the vision/definition of success.
In the area of ministry, success is an ongoing living, albeit breathing organism. The statement may seem strange from a logical perspective, but ministry is not about logic. Ministry is God-centered, vision-oriented and faith-based. These components are significant to any ministry, inclusive of a ministry targeting the single (unmarried) person. The definition of singles comes in various dynamics: single never married; single with children; and single due to divorce or death of a spouse. To encompass each of these dynamics, an effectively active/functioning singles ministry requires a holistic approach in dealing with the various lifestyle dynamics. A singles ministry must affect the physical, spiritual, emotional, financial and even sexual components of Christians who are single. This ministry is called to the “out of the box” method in being open to all topics and not shy away from day-today issues that we as singles all encounter one way or the other.
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There is no “ONE” list of things that can be done to ensure a successful ministry, but following are implementations that have been tried and proven to not only enhance a singles ministry but has proven to create a sense of family and quite a few “in it for the long haul” friendships.
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Don’t let the focus of the ministry be about finding a spouse. This is important, but the main goal is to help single Christians be useful in God’s service and to grow in their faith. When this happens, the singles are better prepared to enter a relationship. Pray together often. This is especially important for single Christians because they will need God’s power and wisdom in order to live successfully for Him in a society that will not always be friendly toward Christian values. Romans 12 and verses 11-13 encourage Christians to not give up and be faithful in prayer.
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Serve your community as a group. This helps you take your mind off not having a spouse, and it also allows you to minister to others and share God’s love and truth with the less fortunate. For example, you and the group can visit abused women’s shelters in your city and offer spiritual counseling to residents.
Mentor teenagers in your church and teach them God’s design for courtship and marriage. Be a living example that a real relationship isn’t based on sexual gratification alone but on commitment, loyalty to God and each other, respect, and shared values. Study the Bible together. When you read about what God commands you to do as Christians, you are equipped to live the Christian life. It also strengthens your faith both individually and as a group. Volunteer with or for other ministries in and outside of your home church
Always think of fun ways to do things. Don’t just stick to normal meetings. Social settings are a wonderful way to interact and just enjoy life. Try movie or game nights, attending art galleries or plays, and even taking classes together – cooking, foreign language or fitness can be fun. A successful ministry is one that is tailored to meet and know the corporate character of the members of your ministry. What works at one church may not work at another. Those in leadership must seek God to ensure that sound doctrine teaching and always, always an atmosphere of freedom to speak is needed.
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The Single Parent Are they LOST in the Number? Pastor Lionel Reckley
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here is a considerable amount of single parents in the church today and their task as a single parent alone is not an easy one. They act as both the father and the mother to their child or children, even though those are two distinct roles. Therefore, it requires tremendous amount of perseverance and patience to raise and disciple their children. However inside the church, the single parents are often forced to join the single’s ministries - which offer a different approach and cannot cater to their specific needs. Singles and single parents have different needs. The single parents play a very significant role to their children, which is quite opposite to those who are just singles. This is a very obvious fact that most churches often overlook. This makes the single parents the individuals who are not so significant in the churches anymore. For the young single parents, the usual traumas that they have experienced are also evident in church: prejudices, snick-
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ering, unwanted pregnancy, misconceptions about being on the prowl for another parent in the relationship and rejection. Another thing that we see is that people in leadership positions often doubt the abilities of a single parent when it comes to being given more opportunities to serve. Some would think that because of their wrong decisions and failures in the past that caused them to become a single parent, they are not worthy to be trusted and be given responsibility in the church. This narrows down the opportunity for single parents to serve. The other side of the coin is that often serving puts excessive demands on time, cutting into a parent’s needs to attend to home, homework, and parenting a well-rounded child. Those a single parent is very quickly labeled – disloyal. The key person to handle these cases is the church pastor. As an overseer, we (the pastors) must see to the need of the single parents. Consider designing a program that cater specifically to their unique daily needs. To begin the program, the pastor can start on a simple gathering that is specially designed for single parents. This allows the single parents to
feel that the church is taking good care of them, their children and assuring the strengthening of their holistic welfare. As a result of this the church will gain their trust. When the church gains their trust: teaching and training becomes easier, and it will not be hard for them to participate in church activities and projects. The church can gain materials from other experts who are specifically focusing on how to deal with single parents. But the best material that the church can use is the Bible itself. The Bible is the sole authority of faith and practice; therefore, it must be the first consideration when it comes to the materials you need.
About the Author: Pastor Lionel Reckley was born in Miami and grew up in South Florida and New York City before joining the military. After more than 20 years in the United States Army, gathering international knowledge on religion and matters of faith, he returned to the states where he joined the ranks of civilian federal employees. He founded Healing Place Ministries in 2004 and currently serves as its Senior Pastor. He is married to Maria Reckley and he is a proud father, grandfather and greatgrandfather. He is the author of On One Accord: 21st Century Growth for a 21st Century Church (Pecan Tree Publishing).
So if the church is wise enough to take good care if the single parents and trained them, God can unfold limitless potentials for the church.
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Dating and Sex At 50… In the Church *This article appears courtesy of Beloved Magazine By Cynthia D. Stargell
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he edges and streaks of gray are more prominent. Hair coloring works, but why is the gray too stubborn to keep itself under wraps? Knees now share their own testimony following a dance—whether a church step or a club one and memory is at best, good some days. The desire to be young teeters on the balance of having end of life care in place. Does a seasoned Christian have a different dating experience than those younger than themselves? As Christians, can we really talk about sex after 50? Members of the 50 and older population are discussing real topics affecting them and one of them is Dating and Sex at 50…In the Church. WHAT’S YOUR EXPERIENCE? At the 50 year old milestone thoughts turn toward mortality. ‘I can still do this’ is a recurring sentiment, when in fact, the natural body and mind says otherwise. With dating opportunities still in view, what’s going on out there? And more specifically, what’s going on with Christian dating after 50? P.B., 50, says, “I am going to be 51 in a hot minute. I have found that (speaking from my experience) men carrying a Bible is not that much different from men who don’t know what a Bible is. Bible thumpers will quote the scriptures
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but all in all, their agenda is the same. Remember this is my experience.” J.G., 50, shared, “I live in…[City withheld]Tennessee where most men my age are married or have baby-mommadrama. There is no such thing as a “dating-scene”; in or outside of the church. I did the Black-Singles online.....we met on a Sunday after church for dinner...he was parked in the “handicapped” space and his son joined us. I had more conversation with his son…My sister says my expectations are too high...I say I can do bad all by myself. I’m blessed to be an empty nester at an early age; the result of being a teen-aged mother and a divorcee....so what are my options?.....my petition to the Lord in 2012 is a husband or a home. If I get the home, I’m done, cause I don’t want to have to relocate.... in the interim I’m waiting for Kandi Burruss’ line of “toys” to come out ‘cause the pillow just ain’t gettin’ it. ......this is my confession!” The case for finding suitable companionship after broken relationships, adult children, and attempts to lower preexisting standards is most assuredly, challenging, but some have found that Christian dating after 50 is a comfortable place to be. Listen to Mr. O.W., who is a hearty 62: I find that a good Christian friendship with Christ-like principles has been more effective for me. Many people looking for relationships are seeking them for personal reasons instead of looking to be good companions to each other. You don’t have to be in a relationship to enjoy each other and this has been learned by my from an early age from Christian parents and family. If you take the time to be a part of each others lives, when and if you enter into a serious relationship, it has a better chance at survival... In a friendship and Loving it.” TRUSTED BY GOD Does contemporary Christianity speak to the needs of the newly single? After all, certain activities, including sex,
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were a part of married life. What should you do? Watching world relationship behaviors become prominent in the church – is the 50 and older group more apt to lean on wisdom and discernment now, than in their younger days? P.B. says, “Oh yes. When I was younger, I was just flowing. But now…I am very discerning and so smart (lol)…I am a Christian for real. I strive to do God’s Will. So sex outside of marriage is a no-no for me. God is blessing me tremendously and I will not mess that up for a roll in the hay… settling [into celibacy] does not mean you will not be tempted, but you make a choice to be trusted by God no matter how tempting it is (like my former 6’3 Jamaican with gray eyes who walked up on me at a gas station recently. LOL) DISAPPOINTING FACTORS Some have elected to stay out of the relationship circle altogether. Why? Too many resemblances to a secular world. When asked to share three to five things that proved to be disappointing in Christian dating, one individual shared: 1. I find many Christians think it is stupid to marry without having sex first. One person even asked me if I will buy a car without test driving it. This came from a Minister. 2. Having a girlfriend and still trying to get with me. 3. Spreading rumors. [He]”didn’t get any” so let me give her a bad reputation. WHAT ABOUT THE COUGAR? Daydreams of youthful (or lustful) excitement are appearing to give way to actually making those dreams come true through May-December relationships. The cougar attraction is very real even in the church, because at the core of any relationship are the people involved. J.G., 50, notes: The “cougar” attraction is a reality. I work on a college campus, with students; adults and minors, for lack of a better description. And it doesn’t help that I look ten years younger than I am... On the other hand, the desire for sex
has never been a problem for me. I grew up in a very strict Pentecostal home and what nurture didn’t give me, GOD’s Grace has. I have a good understanding and conviction of the impact that sex outside of marriage can have on the anointing on your life. But a sister wouldn’t mind a dinner or movie date every now and then. ABUNDANT LIFE IN CHRIST The secret to a life of happiness for 50+ Christian singles is of course, to be happy with oneself. After years of seeking happiness for others, reaching 50 is a great time to thank God for the ability to reach such a milestone in tact. Being 50 doesn’t mean one has to dry up like a prune, lifeless, without the desire to experience life and have fun. Quite the contrary. This could be the start of a new life in Christ. The experience of the past can attest that you can weather any storm—including the storm of loneliness. As Datingforseniorsover50.com suggests, start by getting involved with church groups and events, then perhaps you will decide if internet dating is for you. Finding others with similar interests makes for great shopping, exercise, or movie buddies, but the main focus is knowing that to live an abundant live no one is forced to cross the lines of living a holy and acceptable life as unto the Lord. Those that would suggest test drives and other means to obtain sex outside of marriage are not operating with God’s will in mind—even if they are over 50. Each individual will have to give an account of their deeds, whether good or bad, so think again before Dating and Sex at 50…In the Church.
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About the Author: Cynthia D. Stargell is an Adjunct Professor of General Education Studies at Carver Bible College. She is a former Evening School Instructor at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and a published author. She has traveled around the world on missions and serves faithfully as Minister of Music of Cathedral of Faith COGIC.
In fact, three granules of lead dust are enough to poison your child. Let’s make all kids lead-free kids. To learn more about the simple steps you can take to safeguard your family, log on to LEADFREEKIDS.org or call 800-424-LEAD.
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For more than a decade I have been empowering families and individuals with invaluable financial concepts and principals designed to help them obtain their financial goals. In addition to writing financial articles for several publications, I am licensed and certified in such critical areas as Investing, Retirement Planning, College Education Funds, Life Insurance, Debt Reduction, and Loans which allow me to provide solutions to the financial problems that concern people most.
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Counseling/ Coaching Isaiah 56:4-5 ESV For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. S P I R I T R I S I N G |41
Dr. Deborah L. Jones-Allen, Ph.D., MBA
For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.� Matthew 19:12.
If you are not married, then you are a single man or woman. Being single is an exciting time to serve God wholeheartedly and singles are important in the kingdom and to God. There are many who are single and born this way specifically for the kingdom of heaven. These are men and women who have
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accepted their calling in Christ and welcome serving Him without complaints, regrets or emotional struggles. They are complete in Christ. On the other hand, being single could leave one stressed, discouraged and depressed, if they have not
found their true identity in Christ as a loving Savior. Contributing factors for not being content or wrestling in their singleness may include: financial struggles, parenting challenges, confused about one’s purpose and calling in the ministry, or internally desiring of a mate. Cognitive-behavioral ther-
apy seems to be the only method to help negative emotions line up with the Word of God. As, they learn new methods to see life from God’s view point.
extreme cases they not forgiven them-
Researchers believe that neurotrans-
selves for their, regardless, if they were
mitters (brain chemicals) are associat-
not the one at fault or in the wrong.
ed with the development of depression.
Scripture reminds us that, ‘as a man
They include serotonin, norepineph-
thinks in his heart so is he’, thus, singles
rine and dopamine. Neurotransmitters
In reality for some, this is not an easy mission, even though they are serving a loving Savior who promised them to live an abundant life. Instead of living an empowered life they are often bitter, broken, and lonely, some have emotional shame resulting from a shattered past. Many singles are often living with un-forgiveness or in
are creating a corresponding behavior
serve many purposes throughout the
that reflects his or her mind-set. It is
body and brain and with the correct
imperative to help clients seek to un-
balance one will be emotionally stable.
derstand how they are emotionally pro-
However, when insufficient or exces-
ducing brain chemicals to substantiate
sive quantities of these neurotransmit-
these negative feelings, if they are to
ters occur in the brain, the may cause
overcome the challenges and struggles
or contribute to the development of
of depression and the burden of single-
depression over time. Causing one’s
hood in seasons of barrenness.
energy level to decrease, hormonal im-
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balances, disrupt sleeping patterns and altering your eating habits, as well as a causing changes in thinking and your personality. If you are anxious in your singleness then you may need a spiritual and emotional tune up. Could it be that you have a desire to love or be loved? Are you fearful of growing older and doubting the manifestation of your prayers? “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NLT) Still many of today’s single men and women will have to come into the knowledge of Truth, that all believers are not married! But still, they remain with sexual desires and passions, as they witness couples in ministry serving the Lord with joy and gladness. It is important that you become comfortable with these natural feelings and know that our loving God put these desires in you. However, these power emotions can only be contained within the power of His enabling grace. His grace is a spiritual protection that will keep you from falling or stumbling during these seasons and tests. When you walk in obedience and faith, God always makes a way of escape. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1Corinthians 10:13 NLT) And still, many singles are seeking counsel because of sexual temptations that quickly led them into a passionate relationship because of non-verbal messages or the result of emotional weakness in stressing times. This is why having a clear and renewed mind will aid you in focusing on spiritual matters, when you are too close to the
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flames. It also prevents God’s people from being broken and fragmented in the body of Christ, because of loneliness, depression and unresolved emotional baggage. God’s amazing grace will aid you to overcome sexual temptations in this case. His saving grace allows one to recognize and avoid sexual relationships within the contemporary church, when their mind is stayed on Him. Serving God in your singleness can be a challenging role, and at the same time, a season to become well acquainted with a loving Savior, as you fulfilled your calling in ministry with joy. The scriptures, reminds us that “Even if we feel guilty or emotionally toxic, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything about us, and those who come to Him, can come with bold confidence. (1 John3:20-21). As you focus your thoughts on God, He enables your mind to rest in Him when life becomes unbearable, because God cares for you. One of the secrets to serving in the kingdom of God as a single is learning how to wait. Waiting is not just wasting time, but rather enjoying an abundant life in your singleness. It is important that you take action and re-focus on some of the things that you have longed to accomplish in life. Journaling your feelings and thoughts will help you track cycles of negative feelings. Then go search the scriptures to see what God has to say as you lean the truth and re-align your emotions to a healthy state. The Word will bring healing and deliverance to those areas that are weak, when you seek it. Meet knew friends who are doing what you want to do in the Lord and form new relationships in order to keep active and connected to like minded believers. Doing
so, will gradually decrease your time alone and dwelling on issues that are designed to strengthen your faith in God. Remember, as you are waiting and serving a loving Savior, He is actively fulfilling His promise to you and preparing you mentally and spiritually in the process for greater service. So adopt an attitude of gratitude and surround yourself with people who are content in their singleness; this will help you to guard your heart and mind against the negative influences of this world. Being Single and Saved in Christ is an honorable position. So, I encourage you to trust God’s plan for your life and serve Him as a vessel of honor with reverence. And know that God is working everything out for your good.
About the Author: Dr. Deborah Jones-Allen is the Director of Daughters of Siyyon, a Chartered Counseling Ministry Center of the National Conservative Christian Church. She is a Licensed and a Ordained Minister receiving a Ph.D. in Clinical Pastoral Counseling, a Doctoral of Ministry in Christian Counseling. She is a graduate of Carlos Albizu University where she majored in School Guidance Counseling, receiving a Master’s of Science. She is the author of “Mirrored Reflection: You’re Only Looking At The Surface of Things.” Sharing her wisdom and personal journey of overcoming childhood abuse, low self-esteem, rejection and family struggles, Dr. Allen’s passion is to advance hurting people who are in need of restoration through emotional healing.
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Love on a Two Way Street:
The Stacy Lattisaw Story
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W
hat was 80’s R & B singer Stacy Lattisaw going through when she sang the words to her hit song “Love on a Two Way Street?” The lyrics, “I found love on a two way street and lost it on a lonely highway,” explains it all. She
was going through love lost and love pains. Ladies, have you ever lost love? Can you remember where you lost it? Maybe a back road, maybe in a dark alley, maybe you lost it on a main street for all to see? Where you lost it is important, however, where you find it is a matter of life and death. Love isn’t about the other person. It’s about YOU. Love is a one way street. How can you love someone else when you can’t love yourself? When you love yourself, I mean really love yourself, you will never give up on remaining actively still for that tall, thick, smooth swag, Mr. Boaz to find you. Remaining actively still means you are in the place of being prepared for the one Bo that is right for you in the God-given way- financially, emotionally, socially, personally, spiritually and sexually. The kind of man you can call your girlfriend on the phone and say “Bo makes me feel like a natural women.” Sister girl, sister girl good things sure do come to those who wait. I write this article for one purpose, to sit you down and let you know that you are worth all the good God as planned for you. So, grab a cup of tea, turn on some jazz music and read what I’m getting ready to share with you carefully. When you close the doors to your heart, you are telling yourself, God made a mistake when he fashioned me. God doesn’t make mistakes, He makes masterpieces. You my dear are a masterpiece. The Bible eloquently states in Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) that “we are God’s masterpiece” and I encourage you to know that every piece of you is one hundred percent awesome! As a Life Coach, I want you to know that if you have given up on love, you can also give-in to love once again. Take comfort in the soothing words of 1 Corinthians 13 “…love is kind…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…Love never fails.” God is saying your Boaz is guaranteed. There is no way for you to fail- He promises you will have unfailing love. You are fashioned for the best. God will do His part. You have to do yours. You have to say to yourself day in and day out “love is beautiful” and you have to know that God will give you beauty for ashes. So, here is what I want you to do as homework: • Go on Youtube and listen to Love on a Two Way Street by Stacy Lattisaw • Then listen to This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole • Read 1 Corinthians 13 • Write in your journal about the two types of love (failing and unfailing) based on the above two songs and the scripture I’m Craig Stafford aka Think Happy Guru, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker www.morelifelab.com | www.facebook.com/thinkhappyguru
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Journaling/ Discussion 1 Corinthians 7:32 ESV I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
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Embracing the InnerConversation About Being Single Lawanda Scott
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What is this business of living single and saved? I say it is a journey, one that is unique to the individual based on their personal precepts. It is one that goes far beyond this notion of mastering the art of celibacy or abstinence. Living as a saved single person, is a highly emotional and spiritual state of being that requires true love for self, a love for God and a love for life. It is these singles who define and affirm the positive aspects of living fulfilled single lives, rather than accepting society’s flawed and unrealistic standards. This all too often seemingly unpleasant journey can be and is one of the most enlightening experiences of life! When I was a young girl, I dreamt of getting married, having children and literally living happily ever after! I remember thinking twenty-one was the perfect age for this transition into adulthood. However, as I rounded my senior year of college, I was not at all interested in marriage. My grandmother, who truly was my biggest fan, had often suggested that I put off marriage to live my life. She was a wise woman of God who understood the value of education and knew the limitations one placed on oneself when starting a family too soon. Her hope for me was to embrace opportunities that were not afforded to her. “Live your life, get an education, travel, do things and go places I never could. You will have plenty of time to marry and have children.” She often said. In many ways I know this message shaped how I governed my life during my young years, and while I dreamed of marriage, I knew I was obligated to enjoy living single. As such, for a very long time it did not bother me that I was not married. I took her message to heart putting off my dream for a time that seemed more appropriate and only after I did all I desired to do without being tied down. As I near the beginning of what I would call my seasoned years; I have heard the gamut of what people assume about single women. It’s as if there is an unwritten rule that requires we provide an explanation for being single. It is prompted with the “Are you married?” and immediately following no. The more shallow believe there to be something wrong with you, while others question your sexuality and still others label you hard to get along with. Whichever description they choose, for some it can be very damaging causing one to question their self worth. Rather than question why you have been charged with living a saved single life, seek the wisdom of God for your life. Saved singles need to know who and whose they are! Scripture teaches us that we are created in the very image of God, that even before the beginning of what we know to be life, He saw us as we are today. Fearfully and wonderfully made, we are spiritual beings who carry the very essence of God in us, and yet we somehow allow ourselves to be discouraged and devalued by an external society who attempts to tell us otherwise.
LOVE FOR SELF On this single saved journey one must know how and what it means to love oneself. It is about reaching a place in life where you are truly content with whom you are. It means you are no longer concerned with the perceptions of others. You become comfortable with answering inquiries, of why you are still single and the insensitive responses of strangers, who assume they too know. It is finding satisfaction with your decision to wait for the Lord’s choice in a mate. It means accepting that it is ok to be single, knowing it is not the end of the world or a punishment. Challenge yourself to consider the following when thinking of how to best love you. • Am I comfortable being single? If not, why? • Am I being true to myself with how and why I seek companionship? • Why do I really want to get married? • Is my desire to be married for the right reasons? • Are my perceptions of marriage realistic?
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LOVE FOR GOD Your love for God is the most important part on this journey. When you begin to fully understand who you are in Christ, your love for Him increases and your desire to please yourself decreases. Embrace this part of your life with open arms knowing that it is not by chance that you are still single. God does not make mistakes and His word says that all that we experience in life is meant for our good. When you begin to grow weary in your wait for the right one, immediately recognize the enemy’s attempt to distract you from being in God’s perfect will. Your obedience to God is far more beneficial than that relationship you are trying to make work. Understand your value to the Kingdom of God and commit to your part in the work that needs to be done. Challenge yourself to consider the following when thinking of how to live a life that pleases God.
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How much value have I attached to this relationship?
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Is it worth what I am giving up?
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Is there a return on my investment?
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Am I compromising myself and/or my beliefs?
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Does this relationship please God?
Is the relationship worth it? Specifically, if it is not one that is pleasing to God, and you are engaging in sexual sin, are you at least happy? Can you clearly see the road to marriage? Or are you just perpetually dating? Determine your worth! Establish a standard and stick to it. Make your intentions and expectations known up front. Decide and discuss your Christian beliefs and values before entering a relationship, so that your intended partner is clear on your unwillingness to compromise your faith. Be willing to make the hard decisions. Find and/or create an exit and take it! LOVE FOR LIFE Finally on this single and saved journey one must consider the importance of loving your God-given life. Singles all too often put their lives on hold waiting for the right person to come along. Living a fulfilled life means doing away with societal norms. Learn to celebrate you even if it means celebrating alone. Enjoy a walk in the park, a movie or dinner at a nice restaurant without the company of a mate. Be deliberate in living. Choose to work wholeheartedly in ministry, for a civic organization or youth group. You will discover that when your focus and energy shift to what you have and what you can accomplish, you will find the fulfillment you seek. Challenge yourself to consider the following when thinking of how to live a life that is more deliberate.
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How can I live an intentional rather than incidental life?
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What is my contribution to furthering the Kingdom of God?
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Am I focusing my thoughts and energies on things that are positive?
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Am I working to my fullest potential in ministry?
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What community causes am I passionate about?
Life is a gift intended for our enjoyment. The Lord said He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly! Live my single friends. Accept the challenge to focus on the gifts you do have and put those gifts to good use. Redirect your thoughts on how and when you can seize opportunities to enjoy being single.
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Being Single, Saved, & Satisfied Elder Vikki Kennedy-Johnson, Associate Pastor of Women at Kingdom Worship Center, Towson, MD
1 Peter 3:4 “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in the sight of God.” Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the issues of life.” God is able to keep that which we commit to Him against that day.”
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You must know that our passion (sexual passion) is a formidable battleground, specifically for single Christians. Too many singles grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in their heart is for “a spouse.” To love, get married, and have children is thought to be the only script that will satisfy a single heart’s deepest longing. No person can satisfy this longing that is in every man or woman’s heart. Only God can do that! Contentment is not about finding the right man or woman ~ it’s about being the right man or woman. God’s woman. God’s man. He or she recklessly abandons themselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, diligently uses his or her single days, trusts God with unwavering faith, demonstrates virtue in daily life, loves God with undistracted devotion, stands for physical and emotional purity, lives in security, responds to life with contentment, makes choices based on his or her authentic convictions, and waits patiently for God to meet his or her needs. Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of and tapped into your God-consciousness. When two incomplete singles get married, their union will not make them complete but will only double the misery. Marriage is intended to complement you ~ not complete you.
THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO TOUCHES YOUR BODY TOUCHES YOUR SOUL! God made you that way and God desires to protect your heart from being ripped apart by any man. You cannot make love to a man or woman and remain emotionally untouched, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, if God knows that the man or woman you think you love cannot care for your heart, He does not want you to give him any
part of your body. A condom won’t protect your heart. God wants to protect you from the devastation of condemnation. With that in mind, here are some points to chew on in your study, connect or small group: SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE ALWAYS CHANGES THE INTIMATE FRIENDSHIP! 1) What are your thoughts on this statement? Can anyone truthfully share that this has been the case for them? We must learn to concentrate on FRIENDSHIP not ROMANCE! 2) Share what you believe is expressed or observed in a friendship that may be overlooked in romance. 3) How does getting to know someone in a more natural and sincere manner change when romance comes into play? Be a person of: CONVICTION; CONSECRATION; CONTENTMENT 4) What do you do when your heart’s desire is not God’s will? 5) What do you do when your emotions battle your thinking? 6) Please share personal testimonies about being convicted by the Father when it comes to your behavior as a single Christian and how you then consecrated yourself to be content in that lifestyle. Being single is priceless! Enjoy it! Your circumstances and geographical location do not threaten God’s will and purpose for your life. You can be single AND HAVE PEACE! Don’t resent the waiting periods in your life.
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Prayer of Salvation Father God,
I welcome this moment as my call to salvation. I ask you now Lord to come into my heart, renew my mind, forgive my sins, and grant me the grace to live my life according to your plan. Today, I receive you as Lord and Savior of my life and I submit this confession as an indication that I believe you sent your son Jesus Christ to die for my sins and rise again on the third day to give me the opportunity to receive the salvation I am now tapping into. Strengthen me as I begin my walk with you, make your ways my way, your thoughts my thoughts, and wrap me in your unfailing love from this day forward.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Jaylen LaGrande Chief Steward/Visionary Religious Expressions, Lubbock, TX S P I R I T R I S I N G |57
The LATCH system makes it easier to be sure your child’s car seat is installed correctly every time. Just clip it to the lower anchors, attach the top tether, and pull the straps tight. To find out more, visit safercar.gov.
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Odds of a child becoming a top fashion designer: 1 in 7,000 Odds of a child being diagnosed with autism: 1 in 110
Some signs to look for:
No big smiles or other joyful expressions by 6 months.
No babbling by 12 months.
No words by 16 months.
To learn more of the signs of autism, visit autismspeaks.org Š 2010 Autism Speaks Inc. "Autism Speaks" and "It's Time To Listen" & design are trademarks owned by Autism Speaks Inc. All rights reserved.
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