November 2017 by Peekaboo

Inside:

Called to Adopt

The Adoption Issue

Sewing and Storytelling

Where Do I Begin?

FREE

November 2017

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OUTSTANDING.” XAVIER LOVES THAT THE NEW SCHOOL GIVES HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO TACKLE A TOUGH MATH EQUATION, PLAY PETER PAN IN THE SCHOOL PLAY AND SHOOT HOOPS WITH HIS FRIENDS. “The New School really expands your mindset and I want other kids to experience that.” THE NEW SCHOOL IS A SPECIAL PLACE where a welcoming environment is matched with a challenging curriculum. Teachers here are focused on classroom learning that leads to real world discovery. “My favorite subject is math because math is in everything. This building, math made it happen so it’s really awesome to know that math is in everything.” Our low student, teacher ratio and dynamic learning environments help students look at the world in a new way.

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Family KIMBERLY ENDERLE Editor-in-Chief editor@peekaboonwa.com | 479-957-0532

JONATHON ENDERLE Creative Director jon@peekaboonwa.com | 479-586-3890

Kim and Jonathon with Gwen, Holden, Grant and Ava Enderle. PHOTO BY ASHLEY MURPHY IMAGES

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DISTRIBUTION/ CIRCULATION Joyce Whitaker Judy Evans Marcedalia Salinas

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Please send inquiries to: editor@peekaboonwa.com or call 479-957-0532 www.peekaboonwa.com Peekaboo may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Views expressed herein are those of the authors and advertisers, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the magazine.

PEEKABOO Northwest Arkansas accepts writing contributions

6 November 2017

JENNIFER CRISTOFARO Events

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From the moment your baby is born through childhood and adolescence, your relationship with a skilled and caring pediatrician is crucial to the health and wellbeing of your child. That’s why it’s so important to find a pediatrician who makes you feel comfortable and confident every step of the way. At our Northwest Physicians practices, we focus on providing preventive care, such as routine checkups, sports and school physicals, immunizations, allergy care, and diagnosis and treatment of childhood illnesses.

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THE WAY.

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Inside

NOV 2017

Also 18

Called to Adopt by: Kellie Socia

Home for Single Adult Moms & Children Opens in Springdale

The Beckcom's Adoption Story

Why Grace Haven BY: WAYLON MARTIN

BY: SARAH BECKCOM

Where Do I Begin? by: Justin Heimar

Improved Surgical Experience for Breast Cancer Patients

God's Timing, and Not Ours by: Randy & Lindsay Hillyard

Mom to Mom

Adoption is Love

WITH MEAGAN RUFFING

BY: ANDREA FERGUSON

Dad's View with Ben Lacy

Friendsgiving by: Heather Foitek

The Art of Tidying Up by: Kodi WIlson

CMY

A Few of Our Favorite Things

Saying Yes to a Teen

Sewing and Storytelling

BY: KELLY KROUT

BY: EILEEN JENNINGS

ON THE COVER Cover Sponsored by: Northwest Health www.northwesthealth.com

Liam and Beckham, sons of Dr. Adam Socia & Kelly Socia of Rogers. Photos by: Haley Gibbons

10 November 2017

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A look ahead: If you have a story to share, or an idea for a story, email editor@ peekaboonwa.com and be a part of the Peekaboo family!

From the Editor

HERE IS A LOOK AHEAD! _____________________________ DECEMBER is our holiday gift guide! Do you have a story or business that would like to be a part of this popular issue? Email editor@peekaboonwa. com by November 1st. JANUARY is our update issue. Do you have a favorite family or story you would like to see an update from? Let us know! I have started this letter approximately 10 times -- or 10 hundred times, if you count the versions that I wrote in my head when I was driving. I'm also pretty sure I wrote it once in a dream! Each time before this one, I would be interrupted by kids, the doorbell, a phone call (or text message), or some other form of distraction. Each month I have the unique opportunity to share with many other parents a little insight into my own interpretation of life as a mom. Though a little NWA notoriety is nice, it's also fun to meet new people who don't know me or my family story -- or even the number of kids I have. For instance, last month, on a quick getaway, I sat down next to another mom in the swimming pool holding a baby. In her mind, she figured I was a new mom, just like her, with an infant. Then, my oldest daughter Ava came up to me to ask a question; two minutes later, Grant came to give the baby a hug; and, a few seconds later, Holden yells out, "Mom, look at this lizard I caught!" I had to laugh when the other mom asked me if I was the mom of everyone at the pool. I'm sure, to her, watching the number of kids calling me "Mom" go from 1 to 4 in a matter of minutes was the equivalent to watching a large group of clowns exit a small car. A shirt I saw online (and had to have) said it best: "I live in a madhouse run by a tiny little army that I created." So true, and so exactly where I want to be--equal parts crazy and beautiful. There is no other role or experience in this world that compares with the range of emotion that motherhood produces. The spectrum of parenthood spans from extreme joy to frustration, pride to guilt, to heartpounding love--and, most of the time, all of these can be felt to some degree before breakfast. There is no other experience like that of being a parent. You can go from days that are so exhausting, they make you question every decision you have ever made, to days where you are so full of joy that your cup doesn't just runneth over... it floods the house! Feeling it all--the good and the bad--gives my life purpose and makes me feel more alive than any other adrenaline sport in the 14 November 2017

world. To be honest, though, I gotta admit that this stage of life is hard. Like, really, really, really hard. You would never know it, though, because, as hard as it is, it's also 100 times more wonderful. A rough day can be erased with an extra long hug goodnight from your little one. The heart-wrenching pain of watching your child struggle with a subject in school can not only be "un-wrenched," but made to explode with pride when they show signs that they are having an "ah-ha!" moment. I often hear Facebook feeds referred to as the "highlight reel" of one's day, but I like to think of it more as the "celebration portion." The images in the photos aren't digitally created, after all--they really happened, and the screaming and fighting or the major messes created that might have occured before the image are all part of what led to that special moment. It isn't the single point of "good," it is the culmination of the entire experience summed up. In that vein, even though I realize how truly beautiful being a mom is, there are still parts of me that recognize that the struggle is real. In fact, last month I broke a crown on my tooth--which, I understand, is pretty hard to do--because, instead of showing stress on the outside, apparently I take it out on my teeth and hold them in a permanent grind position throughout the day. Shout out to childhood friend Trent McCord at Mint Dental in Centerton for the fix! Having four kids with four different schedules is a balancing act like no other, day in and day out, Don't get me wrong, though... there were also a lot of spinning plates when I only had one child. Somehow, this stage of life is the one when the clock hands seem to spin faster than ever before. Things that feel like they happened just yesterday actually happened two years ago, and your kids are becoming little adults, sprouting up right before your eyes. Because you know this, you want to hold on so tightly to your sweet little people... and also find solace in the fact that those occasional "teeth-grinding" phases will soon pass. If I can keep that in mind, I can look into each of my children's eyes and be present for them, and tell them I love them, because they're worth every moment. Until next month... - Kim Enderle

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CALLED TO

Adopt by: Kelly Socia

or many of us, hopes, dreams and aspirations of becoming a parent don’t quite dissipate when told infertility is our dilemma. I speak from experience, as I recall that fateful day when I received a call from our doctor delivering us the debilitating news. The emotions that went into that evening and the days ahead surged an energy in us to go through whatever possible to ensure we would eventually be holding a baby in our arms. While our story isn’t quite the normal adoption journey, my hope is to educate, inspire and encourage anyone reading this seeking to adopt. While fertility treatments can be draining emotionally, physically and financially, the question of “Why don’t you just adopt?” isn’t always an easy answer. My husband and I had always thought we would have one child of our own, and then adopt; the thought never crossed our minds that we wouldn’t be able to conceive on our own, and that adoption would be our only answer. Many of the exciting aspects our friends got to experience throughout pregnancy, delivery and even early days of being home with their newborn, were all things that we thought adoption wouldn’t quite afford us… and I’m thankful to say we were truly wrong. 18 November 2017

When we decided we couldn’t bear another round of IVF and that adoption was officially our next step, the weight on our shoulders seemed to lift, and hope entered our hearts. We didn’t know the first step, and thus we consulted with the only friend we thought would have answers--Google. We researched for days, and quickly discovered we had many decisions to make throughout the process. Would we adopt internationally? Within the US? Or focus just within the state of Arkansas? What ethnicity was our preference, and what age were we seeking-newborn, toddler or child? How would we obtain our baby: boutique attorney, agency or non-profit organization? Note that fees range drastically depending upon your selection, and a list of all fees associated from start to finish can and should be given to you when you’re interviewing with organizations. Some questions really tugged at our hearts, and I quickly realized this process would be an emotional one. Would we be willing to accept a baby with an illness, or one that would potentially need surgery throughout his or her

life? Would we be willing to accept a baby who had been exposed to drugs, alcohol or smoke during the pregnancy? What amount of exposure would we be comfortable with? I remember looking to my husband through tear-filled eyes, asking, “Why can’t we just have a healthy baby? These are all such tough decisions to make.” While the decisions were difficult, the end goal of having a baby truly kept us forging ahead. As we narrowed down our options and decided we wanted a newborn within our own state, we also decided to move forward with a boutique attorney.

The hands you place your adoption journey into are very important and I encourage you to research heavily. In my opinion, inquiring about their success rates (meaning the birth mother didn’t back out) and how they cared for the birth mother were two of the most important questions to ask. We made the appointment with our attorney and went in hopeful. While we’d done our research, we left that meeting realizing there were many items we still needed to do before we could move forward in the process. During the application process, we were forced to dig in deep and put our thoughts on paper as to why we truly wanted to adopt. I loved answering those questions, and my answers flowed easily. I remember crying and smiling all at the same time as I shared how we couldn’t wait to love, nurture, protect and instill strong values into a child of our own. These questions were a welcome reminder that this process was just that-“a process”--and a means to an end in eventually becoming parents. Part of the process is also completing a four-part home study with a social worker. We received a referral from someone through our church and, fortunately, Bruce was a true delight! I recall walking into his office, shaking his hand and laughing as he said, “Forgive me but I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that this process will be incredibly intrusive.” We quickly noted that our laughter was due to our comfort with intrusion, as IVF was definitely just that! We had several meetings with Bruce and he used that time to get to know us as a couple and as individuals. His questions ranged from what kind of marriage we had and how we handled conflict, to what kind of home we both grew up in and how our parents raised us. The last visit took

Turn the page …

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that with true humility... within the process you honestly forget that you’re being reviewed against other couples. In the grand scheme of it all, this is a great benefit to the birth mother, as this allows her a good selection process to feel comfortable and secure about who she’ll be placing her child with. While our attorney only had 5 couples at a time, my husband and I decided we wanted to cast a wider net and thus began looking at agencies. Agencies are the primary choice for many birth mothers, and we knew our chances would be greater, and hopefully our timeline much shorter.

place in our home to allow him to survey the type of secure home our child would be raised in. I love to host, and, in my research of the home study, I’d read that this is a great opportunity to cook and/or bake and really help ensure that the social worker feels right at home. The visit took place on a chilly spring night, and I thought homemade chili and cornbread said comfort better than anything. I even made homemade cookies! All of my preparation came tumbling down, however, when at the dinner table I noticed a strand of my own long brown hair in my chili. Much to my dismay, both my husband and Bruce noticed, too! Fortunately, laughter was a theme of the evening, and we wrapped up the study with Bruce giving us a hug and telling us that any child would be incredibly fortunate to be welcomed into our home and into our lives. We waited about four weeks until I texted the attorney to check in. We’d been warned the process could take 1 – 2 years, so we knew weekly checkins wouldn’t be happening. The attorney informed me that he’d actually shown our profile book to a prospective birth mother just two days prior, and she’d decided to go with another couple. As I read the text, tears streamed down my cheeks. Through all the excitement, preparation and research to ensure our profile book was incredibly appealing, it never dawned on me that a birth mom would look at our lives, our love for each other and the oh-socute pictures of our wonderful dogs and then choose someone else. Let me pause and say that I mean 20 November 2017

It was a chilly Friday in January when we made our way to Little Rock to meet with the agency we’d chosen, and I could hardly contain my excitement. In my research I’d completed in the early stages of our decision to adopt, I’d felt so certain about an agency I’d found, whose mission statement aligned so succinctly with our own strong faith and beliefs. After two hours of meeting with the owner, we were certain we’d found the woman who would help us find our baby! In fact, her program was so successful, she confirmed we should be paired with a birth mom within a year, at most. We completed their application within a few days, and quickly followed up with them to ensure our name was “in the mix” should the right birth mother come along. Unfortunately, agencies are a bit different and they conduct several background checks and studies of their own before accepting you into their program; thus, we had at least 2 weeks before we would hear back. A few weeks passed, and one random Thursday night, around 7:30, my husband and I sat down to unwind from the day and watch TV. My phone rang and illuminated a number I wasn’t familiar with. I assumed it was a telemarketer and, after hesitating, decided I’d go ahead and answer. Much to our surprise, it was the owner of the agency. She made small talk and then said, “I have great news, you’re officially accepted into our program!” She quickly followed that up with, “I have more news: I have a birth mother that I’d like to pair you with.” Excited and nervous, we exclaimed that that was great news, and before we could get out another word, she said, “I have even more news: it’s twins, and she’s due for a C-section next Friday!” I put her on mute

and shouted, “What?!” as my husband burst into laughter. As our unbelievable luck would have it, that C-section would be coming much sooner. She started contractions about an hour later and we would need to give our answer by 9:30 that night. The anxiety and energy surge we’d both felt during that initial call calmed down and, after praying and talking it over, we knew with certainty that we desperately wanted those babies in our lives. When we signed up to adopt, I recall many thoughts going through my mind. Will the birth mother let me be in the delivery room? Will she let us cut the umbilical cord? What do hospitals allow for the adoptive parents? Will we get to spend a lot of time with the baby while in the hospital? When we arrived at the hospital at midnight, we were taken straight into a room and treated as if I had delivered the babies. A nurse walked in and said, “Mom and Dad, you have two very healthy baby boys. They are both around 6 lbs, and they’re doing great. We’re getting them cleaned up now and we’ll take you to them in a few minutes.” She also confirmed the birth mother was doing great. The process was beautiful. I didn’t feel, nor was I treated for a moment, as though I didn’t give birth to those children. I remember God slowing my thoughts so I could truly take in all that was quickly transpiring around us. I can say nothing will ever compare to the feeling we had when

they placed those babies into our arms. Beckham Isaiah, born at 11:43pm, and Liam Crosby, born at 11:45 pm, were placed into our arms at 12:30 am Friday morning, and time seemed to stand still. My husband and I took in every second of it as if it were our last and we couldn’t believe the time had finally come--we were officially a mom and dad. The agony of adoption is the waiting, as you can never be certain when that call confirming you’re matched with a birth mother will come. The joy, however, is the moment when you receive that call. The last 8 months have been filled with so much joy that I could write a novel documenting the fun and laughter we have experienced. Becks and Liam have changed our lives in ways we never dreamed possible, and they have completed our family beautifully. I can only pray that, for those reading this and considering adoption, you feel as though some of your questions have been answered and your faith inspired. While our story isn’t the typical adoption story, the same details apply, and that is this: a loving birth mother made a very tough decision, but did so to ensure her babies would have a great life. Daily we seek to honor that tough decision and ensure they’re incredibly well taken care of and that they know just how loved they are. Little do they know, they honor us and show us how loved we are, as Becks says “Dada” and Liam smiles and says “Mama”.

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Home for single adult moms and children opens in Springdale

ore than 150 supporters and friends of Arkansas Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries recently gathered to dedicate the new Springdale Family Care Home. The Home, designed for single adult mothers and their children, officially opened its doors on September 26. “Whether it’s counseling, education, or parenting skills--whatever the moms need to work on, we’re going to help them do that,” said David Perry, executive director. “We’ll also be sharing with them about the Lord Jesus Christ and our belief that He can help them, and that we can rely on Him to give us the strength to make changes.” The Hall Family of Northwest Arkansas donated funding for the construction of the Home. Cross Church of Springdale donated the land for the Home, and many other area donors provided funds for furnishings. Riggins Construction & Development of Fayetteville built the Home, as well as donated $150,000 to the ministry. Bentonville First Baptist Church created a prayer garden in honor of their pastor, Phillip Smith, while Tommy and Christy Papasan provided a playground. Among attendees at the event were Lt. Governor Tim Griffin, State Representative Robin Lundstrum, and Springdale Mayor Doug Sprouse. Speaking to the crowd, Griffin praised the ministry to single mothers. “What is awesome today is that you, the Arkansas Baptists, saw the need, and you are doing something about it,” said Griffin. “Thank you for seeing need and taking action.” Also speaking at the event was former Baptist Home resident Lindsay Hillyard, who brought many in the audience to tears.

“I’m afraid of where I would actually be today without Arkansas Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries,” she said, adding that Arkansas Baptist Children’s Homes probably saved her life. “I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have the husband that I have today. I wouldn’t have the friendships, and I wouldn’t have the connections,” she said. One of three Family Care Homes in the state, the Springdale Home will house up to seven mothers and their children and will include a live-in resident manager. The home will assist single mothers through residential group care, mentoring, financial planning, teaching, counseling and referrals to valuable community resources. The 7,000 square-foot home features seven private suites, a large family room, foyer, play room, huge kitchen with six refrigerators, large laundry room and dining room. The Home has six suites with two twin beds, plus a private bath that adjoins a child’s bed room with two bunk beds. A single room has two twin beds and a private bath. Kara Riggins of Cross Church of Springdale and several church members spent countless hours decorating the new home. Waylon Vande Hoef, new Fayetteville Area Director for Arkansas Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries, said the Home will benefit single mothers just like his own. “I could have been raised in home like this if my single mother had not had support from her family,” he said, adding, “I just think about these ladies who don’t have anybody. How are they going to do this? How are they going to survive?”

“We now can help struggling single moms in Northwest Arkansas.” For more information on the Springdale Family Care Home or for referrals, call 479-521-9622, or email wvandehoef@abchomes.org or smartin@abchomes.org

NOVEMBER Mini Camps Empower learning when school is out at the Scott Family Amazeum! Reserve a place in our short but mighty powerful mini camps full of fun adventures.

Zing Olympics

November 20-21, 2017 | 9am - 3pm Soon the Winter Games will be here! Are you ready? Amazeum is hosting its own Zing Olympics to get you geared up for the competition. Campers will create team flags, design medals and have a closing award ceremony. They will participate in a great mix of activities inspired by actual Olympic events. $120 members | $140 non-members

Slime Time

December 16, 2017 | 9am - 3pm One slime. Two slime. Red slime. Blue slime! It’s time to get your hands icky sticky exploring the fascinating world of polymers. Grab your lab coats for a day of experimenting with all sorts of slimy, gooey creations! $60 members | $70 non-members 24 November 2017

1009 MUSEUM WAY • BENTONVILLE, AR AMAZEUM.ORG • 479-696-9280

Game On!

January 15, 2018 | 9am - 3pm Investigate how science, numbers, and creative thinking are used to develop amazing and challenging board and card games. Explore how logic is used in Amazeum’s temporary exhibition, Mindbender Mansion and then work as a game designer to build your own game. Explore strategies and game thinking to defeat your friends or win together! $60 members | $70 non-members Ages: 6-11 years old advanced reservation and payment required amazeum.org/events-and-programs/camps

Spring Break and Summer Camps at the Scott Family Amazeum are presented by

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Where do I begin?

JUSTIN HEIMER Heimer Law, PLLC

hat is the question I get several times each week. People call and say they want to adopt a child, but don’t know where to begin, or even how it works. Ever wonder the same thing? Usually, potential clients will start with an inquiry through my website (www.myadoptionarkansas.com) where they tell me they think they are ready to begin, but have become confused by the research they have done. There are so many acronyms and nuances in adoption that many people who look into it quickly become overwhelmed. I always discuss adoption through the “five roads” analogy. You see, outside of stepparent adoption, there are five different paths, or roads, that families can walk down that could lead them to adoption. One thing to consider is that once you start on a particular road, it won’t intercept the others again. For example, if you decide to adopt through an agency, you won’t also hear about available children in the foster system. So, it’s important that you choose the road that is right for you.

THE FIVE ROADS. 1 Foster to Adopt If you are considering adopting and are open to an older child, I strongly recommend the foster to adopt program. This road meets two specific interests a lot of people have for adoption. First, it allows them to “help” a child who needs it. You see, there is a misunderstanding that I hear from people who say, "I want to adopt because I know there are so many babies that need a home." That’s not really true. Honestly, I have almost no trouble finding a home for any baby. However, as the child gets older, it is much harder to find 26 November 2017

them a home. Adopting through foster care really does allow you to help a child that might not otherwise get a forever family. Second: it is free. Many people are shocked at the costs of some roads to adoption. Foster to adopt is the cheapest way to adopt, and can have the greatest impact. The biggest downside is that it can be difficult to adopt an infant through the foster care system. If you are open to adopting through the foster care system, check out The Call at www.thecallinarkansas/ nwa/ or Project Zero at www. theprojectzero.com.

2 International Adoption I have several friends who have adopted internationally. In my experience, you have to have a unique desire to adopt internationally for this road to make sense for you. In international adoption, it is, again, hard to adopt an infant, and it can be very expensive. The cost depends upon the location chosen and their requirements for in-country time. Those travel expenses can make international adoptions cost up into the tens of thousands of dollars. The upside to international adoption is that you may be truly saving the child’s life. Even kids here in Arkansas that have poor foster parents (though, thankfully, there are very few that do) will have basic needs met. However, there are still places in the world where a child who isn’t adopted will quite possibly die. 3 Adoption Agency This and the next two roads to adoption are the most common for our office to handle. These roads allow families to adopt infants born here in Arkansas. The costs vary between the options. With adoption agencies, you work with an agency that helps walk you through the process. They have specialists there to answer your

questions and social workers who care for the birth parents well. Agencies can be a great road to adoption. The fees vary greatly, however; most of the ones I work with charge between $15,000-35,000, depending on the amount of care and resources the birth parents need through the process. I regularly recommend adoption agencies to families wanting to adopt. I think they are the best way to make sure everybody’s needs are met. The best agencies will care well for the birth mother while walking confidently with the adopting parents. We do legal work for some of the biggest agencies here in Arkansas, so I get a special vantage point to see how great they are and how lucky we are to have, them. 4 Doctor/Attorney Placements Arkansas law says that a baby may be placed by a doctor or an attorney. I, along with a few other attorneys here in Arkansas, will help match babies

to adoptive parents. We all offer a different set of pros and cons. Generally, you won’t get the same level of attention that you would from an agency, but sometimes that can mean lower costs. Most of my adoptions cost less than $13,000, and our goal is to get almost all of our adoptions fully reimbursed by the federal adoption tax credit. The downside to working with an attorney is that the process may be slower. Few of us spend the advertising bucks that agencies do to help find birth moms. 5 Birth Mother Placement This is when you find out your neighbor’s sister’s friend’s cousin is pregnant, and doesn’t yet have a plan. I always tell families about this road, and that there is so much opportunity here if you cast a wide net. I recommend to couples who want to adopt that they should tell their plan to everybody they know. Who knows where the connection

might come from? A woman who hasn’t chosen a family to place with will often times see you as a solution to their problem. This means you aren’t competing with other families to get chosen, and the birth mom can still get great care if you bring an attorney with a social worker into the process as soon as possible. The other great thing about this is that the cost to do the adoption is far less if you don’t require being matched to the child. This means that your entire adoption could cost only a few thousand dollars. Of course, the downside to this is that it isn’t easy to find a baby, and it can be hard to be vulnerable and let everyone you know in on your desire to adopt. These roads can be long, and bumpy, and expensive… but they are your options. If you want to adopt, choose the road best for you and start walking. Your child may be at the other end.

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Adoption Story THE BECKCOMâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

BY SARAH BECKCOM

wanted a sister for as long as I could remember when I was young. I remember asking my mom (really, begging her) for one, to which she replied, "I'm not getting remarried, so there is no way for you to get a sister." My father had passed when I was four, and my mother did, indeed, never remarry. This small fact had me screaming, "Just adopt!" That was how this all started, I honestly never understood why adption wasn't just something people did. I feel that you either have the urge to adopt, or you don't. It can change over time, the idea growing in your mind, but most people I feel are driven toward it, if its' meant to be. My plan was always the same: I wanted four children when I got married. I'd have one naturally, then adopt, then have another, and then adopt one more. When I met my future husband, I told him that this was the plan, and if he wasn't on board, we couldn't be married! Looking back, I laugh at that comment from me. If you know my husband and I, you know that I am always the one pushing for something, and he is the one looking at it rationally. This decision, for me, was always very rational: kids need homes and I want kids! We decided, when our first son was 5, to go the foster to adopt route. We did the paperwork, home study, and bought a few items. If I was going to go through the heartache that this route could potentially bring, I felt like my reward was to chose the sex. We had a boy who was 5 already, so we 28 November 2017

decided for a girl under 5 years of age, but all other things were left open. The first call we received was for a sibling group of two girls: one was 6 and the other was 18 months. That placement only lasted 2 weeks, and when we did the drop off at court, I bawled my eyes out. I knew I had to distance myself the next time around and make sure to not wear my heart on my sleeve. Three weeks later, the call came again-newborn twins, a boy and a girl. I couldn't believe it! This wasn't part of "the plan," and my reluctant husband would never go for it, so I thought. So,

I told her, "Of course, we'll take them!" and was informed we would hear from their social worker later that day. One day stretched to two, and then three, and I assumed they had found another home. It was 9:48 in the morning on Sunday, December 12, 2010, when the phone rang, and I knew this was it. Somehow, your mind just knows when something amazing is going to happen in your life, and this was that moment. The twins were ready to be released, and we were the first callback, with the question, "Will you take them?" I told her I would talk to my husband and call her back within 15 minutes. After hanging up the phone, frantically, I started begging "I will change all the diapers! I can take off work! It's perfect, because it's almost Christmas, so we have extra time off..." My husbands first reply was, "But there are two of them... that's a lot of work." He barely got the "Okay" out before I hit "call back" and told the social worker yes. Six hours later, with snow fluttering down lightly, a navy blue Chrysler pulled up in my driveway. Two tiny little angels were in the back, with only a car seat and an "I love you 'beary' much" hospital shirt apiece to their name. After bringing them in

and signing a few pieces of paperwork, the social worker was gone. I looked at my husband and realized that we were both in shock... what would we do now? The next month passed in a haze--sleepless nights that we hadn't been prepared for at all. But who ever is? No one told us until the five-week mark to wake the other up when one wakes to eat. Apparently, it's on page 1 of the official twin booklet, but we never got a chance to read that, seeing as how we only had a 6-hour notice! We were at their one month check up, bags under our eyes and sleep-deprived when the doctor shared that precious knowledge with us. It was like a lightbulb went off and I nearly cried. From then on it felt like a breeze, having one schedule and two feedings was much easier than not sleeping at all! Turn the page â&#x20AC;Ś

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Five days later, after coming home from a previously booked business trip, both twins were wheezing and coughing. It was 8pm when I landed, and I spent the next 14 hours in the ER before we learned it was RSV. It was at that moment that my resolve fell, and I knew I would do anything for them. Keeping my heart safe was no longer a question. I was attached, and knew that losing them would devastate me. This is the part of foster care that isn't talked about much, but, at the end of the day, our adult hearts can take it. Not having someone hold you when you are sick, or to rely on when you need help, isn’t something many kids can take, however. The risk, for me, is worth the reward, time and time again, because the ones getting the reward are children, and the risk comes from love. I lost my heart to them that day, and prayed I would get the chance to be their full-time mom.

It took 9 months for their parental rights to be terminated, ads put in the paper seeking one of 5 potential fathers, and a court date to be set. After the termination, we waited another two months to officially adopt them as Beckcoms. One year and nine days after we first laid eyes on them, we could finally share pictures, change their names, and welcome them as our family legally, though they had been part of our family in our hearts for over a year. The best Christmas present I have or will ever receive came in the back of a blue Chrysler, weighing in at 5lbs 4oz and 4lbs 9oz, on a silent night, as snow lightly fell around us. It was never part of the plan to have adopted two children at once--never in our thought process that it was even an option. I had dreamed about what my family might look like since I was too young to even know who I would marry. But our plans changed, our life took a turn, the story got better, and the journey became more complex. We finally did have our fourth and final child, so we now have 2 boys and 2 girls that fight like crazy, but love each other more. I didn’t write this story, God did. He had a plan all along, and I just thought I had control. Our story isn’t perfect for everyone, and we went through several bumps in the road to get here, but it’s perfect for us. Our crazy, wild, and loving family is exactly the way it was always supposed to be. I often get asked, “Are those your children?” Having biracial children shouldn’t provoke those kinds of questions, but it happens all the time, unfortunately. “How can you adopt another child?” they'll ask, and my response is always the same: “How can you not?” With over 554 children in foster care in NWA alone, the need for suitable foster and adoptive families is greater than ever before. These are children that only want one thing--a loving family. Families come in all shapes, forms, and colors, from all incomes and backgrounds. There aren't a lot of free things in the world nowadays, but the one thing that can be given and received freely is love!

30 November 2017

A GET AMP C L O CO LE V N O IL BENT ! T R T-SHI

NORTHWEST ARKANSAS

THANKSGIVING CAMP 2017 A DAY OF SPECTACULA R SCIENCE LEARNING!

CE A EXPERIENF MIN D O FULL DAY SCIENCE! BLOWING

AGE APPROPRIATE FOR 4 TO 13 YEAR OLDS

Monday, November 20 10-11a.m. 11-12p.m. 12p.m. 1-2p.m. 2-3p.m. 3-4p.m.

Build Your Own Estes Rocket Rocket Launches, and yes you keep the rocket! Lunch and T-Rex Dinosaur Tooth Castings Fun Science Games interactive with participants Laser Light Show and Make Colorful Butterflies Finish Fossil, Clean up & Cotton Candy for All

Bentonville Community Center • 1101 SW Citizen’s Circle • Bentonville, AR

www.super-sci.com • 479-444-0303

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Improved Surgical Experience for Breast Cancer Patients

ue Murray, a retired nurse, was startled to learn in mid-September 2017 that she had breast cancer. However, she hasn't ever been the type to feel sorry for herself. She just wanted to get it taken care of. “There’s always a chance of cancer in anybody’s life,” she said. Murray felt better after learning that the form of cancer she had was the least aggressive of all the forms. Murray’s surgeon used new technology during her lumpectomy on Sept. 28, avoiding many of the challenges posed by the guidewire localization procedure. Surgeons and radiologists use the new technology to precisely locate and direct the removal of a tumor within 1 millimeter of accuracy during a lumpectomy or surgical biopsy procedure. “This precision can help preserve healthy breast tissue, increase the rate of complete cancer removal and decrease the potential for follow-up surgeries, which are huge advantages for breast cancer patients,” said Dr. Christopher Menendez, board-certified fellowship-trained breast surgeon. Willow Creek Women’s Hospital is the first hospital in the state of Arkansas to use a nonradioactive wire-free localization system during breast conservation surgeries, building on its commitment to offer the most advanced treatments for breast cancer patients. The system features a small device called a reflector, which can be placed into the tumor days prior to surgery, and a wand-like tool that emits a tiny radar signal to locate the reflector during surgery. 32 November 2017

“Breast cancer surgery can be physically and emotionally distressing for women, and we strive to find ways to create a better experience—and better outcomes—for our patients,” said Sharif Omar, Chief Executive Officer of Northwest Health. The wire-free radar localization system uses nonradioactive radar technology to provide realtime surgical guidance during breast surgery. Traditionally, patients would arrive several hours prior to their scheduled surgery to have a radiologist place a locator wire in the breast, which stuck out externally. The wire guided the surgeon to the lump being removed. There was also a risk that the wire could move, making it harder to remove the cancerous tissue, resulting in the need for a second surgery and a less pleasing cosmetic result. Prior to the lumpectomy or surgical biopsy, a reflector is now placed in the target tissue under ultrasound or mammogram guidance, up to seven days prior to surgery. This eliminates the need for the patient to undergo two procedures on the same day, in addition to reducing patients’ anxiety and stress. Murray attested that this method is more comfortable and protected than the wire method. With the new device, a reflector is implanted in the breast, which replaces the guidewire and eliminates the concern of the wire moving. “I just think this device is so much more convenient,” she said. Murray was under local anesthetic when the reflector was implanted at Northwest Breast Imaging at Willow Creek. She didn’t feel any pain, but did feel some pressure.

HALF OFF REGISTRATION FEE! “I had absolutely no trouble,” she said. The system uses safe and non-radioactive radar waves to detect the location of the reflector within the breast, which allows the surgeon to precisely pinpoint and remove the tumor and the reflector. Murray had peace of mind knowing that the surgeon knew exactly where to remove the cancerous tissue. “They knew exactly where to look, and what they were looking for,” she said. Murray also said that her experience at Willow Creek was a good one--that the nurses were excellent, friendly and knowledgeable. “They knew what they were doing,” she said. While Murray will still need to undergo hormone and radiation therapy, she is recovering well from her lumpectomy.

To schedule a mammogram, call 479-757-4165 or visit NorthwestHealth.com for more information.

Now Enrolling! Children 3-5

SUNSHINE HOUSE

EARLY LEARNING CENTER 2460 N. Old Wire Road Fayetteville 479-443-2000 www.sunshinehousekids.net

Come join our school family! We are a Better Beginnings Level 3 Child Care center located in Fayetteville, next to Gulley Park. We offer a home-like environment with low staff-to-child ratios. We take pride in offering high quality child care in our community. We believe in learning through play while teaching each child the social emotional skills needed for life. We offer full time and part time positions. For more information, contact Jessica at 479-443-2000 or jbutler@sunshinehousekids.net

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Thanksgiving Break! Wednesday Through Friday November 22nd-24th

$17.99 plus tax

Per Person/Per Session

All You Can Play!

Includes:

A $5 Arcade Card, Unlimited Power Alley Bowling, Laser Tag, and Pl Play Structure Access!

Sessions:

Wednesday and Friday 11 AM - 5 PM 5 PM - 11 PM

Thanksgiving Thursday 4 PM - 10 PM

Shoes included. Not valid on reservations. Subject to availabililty. Play Structure access for kids 12 and under.

Save $2 on Thanksgiving Thursday when you present this coupon.

Couponnmusttbeepresenteddatttimeeoffpurchase..Limitt11perrperson..Validdonlyyonn11/23/2017.

www.fastlanebowl.com 1117 N Dixieland St. Lowell, AR | 479.659.0999 34 November 2017

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WHY BY: WAYLON MARTIN “Feeling like we are alone and that no one in our immediate circle understands everything we emotionally and physically have felt.” “Isolation. The fear that no one gets it.” “Ignorance and lack of understanding regarding the challenges we face.” “The fear that this will never get any better.” “The loneliness and lack of validation from basically everyone we knew.” “The daily struggles of behavioral issues and fear for what the future holds.” “The feeling that no one on this earth could possibly know how this feels.” These are just a few of the comments we have received from our adoptive families in regards to the struggles they face. In recent years, a growing number of individuals and organizations have begun to realize the importance of adoption. Increased public attention has been brought to the needs of waiting children, many sermons have been given from many pulpits, and people of all backgrounds have come forward to bring family to those who so desperately need it. As wonderful as this increased awareness has been, far less attention has been given to the needs of families after an adoption has been finalized. By its very nature, adoption results from a traumatic event. Whether this trauma has occurred over the course of a pregnancy or over the the course of years of childhood, it has effects on the development of a child. Often, children who have been through such trauma have difficulty attaching to their new families. This can lead to difficult behavior patterns 36 November 2017

and broken relationships, sometimes resulting in a child losing their family yet again. During these times of struggle, parents and children frequently feel as though they are alone, with no one to understand or support them. They often isolate themselves from their communities, at the very time they need them the most. At Grace Haven Ministries, we feel it is unacceptable for adoptive families to face trials alone. We believe not only that every child deserves a family, but that every family deserves the tools they need to be successful. We approach this challenge from three major directions. We want to assist families in crisis through therapy services, emotional and spiritual support, and referral to appropriate community resources. In the near future, we hope to include the addition of trained respite families to care for children when necessary. When families are struggling, it is critical that the parents have occasional breaks to recharge. For so many families, this has not been an option. We also want to support the development of attachment in families through family therapy services, social gatherings and small group activities sensitive to children's needs. These programs will connect with the child on their current developmental level. This also includes our upcoming Dwelling Place program, consisting of therapeutic trauma-focused Christian yoga for both parents and children. We believe that consistently working on attachment and self-care throughout every phase of the adoption journey will result in far fewer crises. Finally, we believe that, in order to achieve real change in the quality of support given to adoptive families, the community must allow itself to be equipped partners in this support. In a recent local survey of approximately 80 families, almost half reported that school and medical providers did not understand or give support to the issues facing the family. Perhaps more surprisingly, more than half reported the same lack of support from their home church. Many families reported that their friends, family and community were very supportive of their decision to

We feel it is unacceptable for adoptive families to face trials alone. We believe not only that every child deserves a family, but that every family deserves the tools they need to be successful.

adopt, but appeared unable or unwilling to support them during difficult times with their adopted children. Our Transformed by Grace program seeks to inform churches, schools, doctors, and any other providers who care for our families about the effects of trauma, and to give them tools to better serve with grace families walking through difficult times. Together, we can give hope to families who have felt hopeless. We are a Christ-based ministry, but serve all adoptive families regardless of faith, beliefs, or any other dividing factors. We are currently moving into an office in the Center for Nonprofits at St. Maryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in Rogers. From our new location we will be better equipped to both

provide therapy and support to our families, and to provide training to the community. We expect big things from the coming year, with lives changing for the better. We are also always awaiting the opportunity to fulfill the vision for our Grace Haven Ranch, a future home that would allow for family retreats, a community garden, animal therapies, and so much more. We have many plans and dreams, and will need so much help from all of you to make them realities. We would love for you to connect with us on Facebook (@gracehavenhome) or at our website (www. gracehavenhome.com). We are also available through email (waylon.martin@gracehavenhome. com). If you need support, or want to play a part in meeting the needs of a family who does, we want to hear from you!

Thanksgiving NOVEMBER Library Story Times:

Bentonville Public Library: bentonvillelibrary.org Fayetteville Public Library: faylib.org

Break!

November 2nd

Springdale Public Library: springdalelibrary.org

Sequoyah Smartathon

Mt. Sequoyah 6pm-9pm Mount Sequoyah will be hosting our first "Sequoyah Smartathon" to benefit the renovation of Parker Hall. This trivia-based event will be on Thursday, November 2nd from 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Tickets are $50, which includes dinner, drinks, trivia competition, and FREE childcare, if requested. Tables and sponsorships are available as well. Tickets can be purchased at this website: https:// mountsequoyah.networkforgood.com/events/3769-mountsequoyah-s-1st-annual-smartathon. For more questions or to request child care, please contact Emily Gentry at emily.gentry@ mountsequoyah.org.

Rogers Public Library: rogerspubliclibrary.org Siloam Springs Library: siloamsprings.com

Wednesday Through Friday November 22nd-24th

Passion is a volunteer organization through the Bentonville Public Schools that visits community sites to promote activities and athletics for youth with disabilities and their families. The event at Crystal Bridges will feature art projects that glow in the dark at the Buckyball, and a glow ride to Orchards Park with a cookout by Mojo Cycling.

$17.99 plus tax

SUP NWA Grand Opening Class

November 10th Per Person/Per Session One Night of Hope

All You Can Play!

2103 SW Regional Airport, Bentonville 9am and 11am www.supnwa.com

November 3rd

Includes:

Cross Church, Springdale 6-9pm We are excited to announce that Project Zero will host its first annual "One Night of Hope Summit." One night with multiple organizations, all working together to raise awareness about adoption and foster care in Arkansas. Our purpose for this event is to raise funds that will assist Project Zero with matching events for waiting kids and waiting families. It is our goal to raise awareness about the need for more adoptive and foster families, and to educate the community about the process of becoming an open home, a mentor and/or an advocate for foster kids. We plan to do this in a fun creative way. Hear from local adoptive families and foster teens as they talk about their experiences and hope for the foster care system. The night will include dinner, raffle items, a silent auction and door prizes, along with music and entertainment.

A $5 Arcade Card, Unlimited Power Alley Bowling, November 4th Laser Tag, and Veteran's Memorial 5K 8am Fayetteville NationalPlay Cemetery, one of only 136 national Pl Structure cemeteries in the entire country, opened in 1867. Since 1984, the nonprofit Regional National Cemetery Improvement Corporation November 11th Access! has raised money to purchase and clear land to expand Gender Reveal / Open House First Friday Bentonville in Toyland

Downtown Bentonville 11am-8pm Walmart toy vendors come from around the country to showcase their new toy lines.

Fayetteville National Cemetery. The purchases, since being turned over to federal government, have more than tripled the size of the cemetery. But, with the passing of the WWII generation, Fayetteville National Cemetery will be full and closed to further burials in just a few years... unless you help. All proceeds from the 11 -5 PMfor the race will go toward the acquisition andAM clearing of land expansion of the Fayetteville National Cemetery. 5 PM - 11 PM

Sessions:

Babyface and More www.babyfaceandmore.com 9-4pm Amazing special on gender that day ($60 for gender reveal). Families are encouraged to come see the new studio and meet the staff. Gift certificates are available for purchase.

Wednesday and Friday

Storytime Thursday NovemberThanksgiving 8th Play with Passion

4 PM - 10 PM

Museum of Native American History

10:30-11am Crystal Bridges Storytimes are geared towards preschoolers, but are great for all 5:30-7:30 Shoesand included. Notoutdoors valid on ages. Join Crystal Bridges Play with Passion at thereservations. to availabililty. Play Buckyball for anSubject evening of glow-in-the-dark fun! Play withStructure

access for kids 12 and under.

Save $2 on Thanksgiving Thursday when you present this coupon.

Couponnmusttbeepresenteddatttimeeoffpurchase..Limitt11perrperson..Validdonlyyonn11/23/2017.

www.fastlanebowl.com 1117 N Dixieland St. Lowell, AR | 479.659.0999 38 November 2017

Mother Nature Storytime Hobbs Visitors Center - Stories the Osage Nation Tells 10:30 AM - 11:30 AM Children of all ages are welcome; however, most stories target children 3-6 years of age. It’s not every day that we observe Mother Nature, because she is particular regarding when she can be seen by humans. One of her favorite stops, however, is Hobbs State Park. Every 2nd Saturday of the month she drops in at the Park’s visitor center to tell timely stories to her little human friends. Readings begin at 10:30 a.m. Story time will be followed by “hands-on” nature-craft activities.

November 17th

and celebrate thanks with mouthwatering selections from fourtime James Beard Award Semifinalist executive chef Matthew McClure at The Hive’s Thanksgiving celebration. Friends will be impressed. Family will be thankful. The hardest part will be choosing between the house-made campanelle with butternut squash and rosemary, the swordfish with brussel sprouts and shell beans, or the traditional smoked Falling Sky Farm turkey with cornbread stuffing and whipped potatoes. Pretty good problem to have, if you ask us. A table d'hôte menu is available for adults, 4 courses from $45-$54. Call 479.286.6575 for dinner reservations

SDIA's 10th Annual NWA Turkey Trot 5K

November 17 – November 18 Nov 17 at 9 PM to Nov 18 at 6 PM www.nwaboutiqueshow.com Shop over 150 boutiques, ALL under one roof, with gifts, home décor, clothing, gourmet food, children’s items, furniture and SO much more! It’s the holiday shopping event of the season!

9-11am SDIA will host its 10th Annual Turkey Trot 5K at the Center for Nonprofits in Rogers. Participation in (or donations to) the NWA Turkey Trot provides the funding needed for our Christmas Outreach program, which gives the children of struggling Sheep Dogs (military, law enforcement, fire & rescue, and EMS professionals) gifts of toys, clothing, and necessities to open at Christmas. In addition to the traditional 5K run, there are two other options for families and fitness enthusiasts – as well as a “virtual 5K.” For runners preferring a shorter distance and families walking together, there is a 1-mile Fun Run/Walk. Those wanting a more challenging course can participate in the Wild Gobbler 5K Adventure Run, which will have stations of exercises throughout the run route. Pre-registration for the Turkey Trot 5K (and Virtual 5K) is just $25 per person; the Fun Run/Walk is $10 and the Wild Gobbler 5K Adventure Run is $27. The first 400 runners & Wild Gobblers will receive a commemorative 2017 Turkey Trot 5K t-shirt, and there will be giveaways and prizes for the top finishers. Participants can pre-register at 2017NWATurkeyTrot. eventbrite.com

November 18th

November 20th

Winter Wonderland of Lights Downtown Square Fayetteville 6 p.m. The lights illuminate the square each evening fom 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. Nightly carriages and pony rides, fresh hot chocolate and festive holiday music make the Lights of the Ozarks an event that cannot be missed. The romantic and breathtaking display of a half-million twinkling lights is cherished by the locals and visitors alike that stroll or drive through the Lights of the Ozarks each year.

2017 NWA Boutique Show

Lighting of the Square 4 to 6:00 pm Bentonville Downtown Square Join us for the annual Lighting of Square and we'll begin celebrating the holidays! Grab a warm drink, enjoy live bands at 4pm, and at 6pm the mayor will turn on the lights! BEFORE THE LIGHTS | 4-6pm 12pm | Ice Rink opens at Lawrence Plaza First National Bank of NWA Found Santa! Take pictures in his sleigh In front of the Walton 5 & Dime. LIGHTS ON - 6pm LIGHTING OF THE TREE - 6:30pm The Ice Skating Rink at Lawrence Plaza

November 23rd

Thanksgiving Dinner 12:00 pm to 07:00 pm The Hive at 200 NE A St, Bentonville A day being preoccupied with a giant bird in your oven doesn’t sound like something to celebrate. Give yourself a break this year

Super Science All Day Thanksgiving Camp 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Bentonville Community Center Super Science one-day camps are most popular with 4- to 12-year-olds, kept busy with Estes rocket building and launches, T-REX Dinosaur tooth (fossil) casting, light and laser shows, fun science games, and more... culminating with all-you-can-eat cotton candy. Yes, there is science behind the invention of cotton candy! Price $95 ($85 members) per kid To register, call 479-696-0200 or visit www.playbentonville.com

November 25th

Christmas Parade of the Ozarks Emma, Springdale 6pm The Annual Christmas Parade has become a Springdale tradition, bringing many different groups together for a special evening.

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40 November 2017

ENROLLING FOR FALL ER - MAY ss R SEPTEMincBlud SCHOOL YchEA ing a Bridge cla ildren ages 3-5 years

Classes offered for

Our staff of early childhood professionals provide children learning opportunities to promote growth of the whole child and tailored to develop individual skills and needs. High quality, developmentally appropriate environment for children ages 3,4 and 5!

905 South 13th Street â&#x20AC;¢ Rogers

A MINISTRY OF FIRST CHRISTIAN CHURCH

Call today! 479-636-3338

VIEW POSTS OF ACTIVITIES, CLASSROOMS AND PLAYGROUND BY VISITING US ON FACEBOOK

LEVEL 3 CENTER MEETS OR EXCEEDS ALL STANDARD AREAS OF ADMINISTRATION, STAFF AND FACILITY REQUIREMENTS

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God’s Timing

and Not Ours Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37: 4

BY RANDY AND LINDSAY HILLYARD

e knew from the beginning of our marriage that children were something we both wanted, and almost immediately we started trying to conceive. After a couple of years with no luck getting pregnant, we took it to the next level and went to see our doctor. Tests were run, and, in spite of our efforts, we remained childless. Our faith in God was strong and unwavering. Once, when Randy was in his prayer time, God spoke to him and said we would have a baby girl, so we knew it wasn’t a matter of if we were going to have a child, but when. Then the years started passing by, and we watched as friends and family

gave birth to precious children. Each time, a little part of us got bitter because they were enjoying something we so desperately wanted, but each time, we regained focus and continued praying for the baby girl promised to us. In 2005, we moved to Northwest Arkansas and our struggles to conceive continued. About a year after moving here, we went back to the doctor to help us figure out other options we might have, and our doctor set us up an appointment to see a specialist. The doctors focused primarily on Randy and a battery of tests were performed to find a solution. A few days passed before we got the news, “You have no viable sperm.” Randy’s heart broke. He left

the doctor’s office that day feeling like a little piece of him was dead. Randy did not understand how God could promise us a baby girl, only to find out years later that it was impossible for us to conceive. Randy looked towards the heavens and said, “Lord, I don’t understand why I am hurting, and I am confused, but I will praise you in this storm." The news was gut-wrenching, and telling me was even worse, but we both agreed that our faith in God would not be broken, because the God we served was a God of hope and healing. More years passed, and still a piece of us was missing. Then, one day, a friend approached us at church and told us about a young lady who was pregnant, but wasn’t financially able to take care of the baby. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption. Immediately, we said yes, and we made plans for all of us to go out to dinner to meet the young woman. Afterwards, she told us she definitely wanted us to adopt her baby. We were thrilled, we consulted an attorney and began paying the young woman’s expenses, including rent, electric, phone, and clothes, and provided her with transportation to various places. We found out the baby was a girl, and we were overcome with joy as we felt this was God’s promise being fulfilled. Everything was falling into place. We picked out a name and set up the nursery. One day, the young woman called me and told me she had changed her mind -- she was going to keep her baby. There was so much anger at first, which gave way to hurt and confusion. We lost another little piece of ourselves that day. “Not God’s will” is what everyone told us, and deep down we knew it to be true, but that didn’t help with the pain at the time. About the time we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, Randy had accepted the fact that we would never have a child; however, I never lost faith. Randy’s faith wavered, and he began to believe that those words God spoke to him so long ago were just a figment of his imagination. Since we didn’t have any children, and we both loved children so much, we decided to look in to foster care through the Arkansas Department of Human Services. We set up our initial interview, and about six months later we attended Foster/ Adopt Pride training. During this process we also purchased a home and settled in West Fork, AR, where we had been attending church for the past seven years. Shortly after we got settled, our home was opened to receive foster children and right away we got our first child, several more came and Turn the page …

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left. All of them were good kids, and we enjoyed loving on them. It seemed that just about the time you would get used to the noise of children in the house, they would leave and the house would be silent again. Michael came to us in December 2013. Lindsay picked him up after work from the DHS office and brought him home, along with a pizza. Michael had been in foster care for a couple of years, and rights had already been terminated for his biological mother, but his mother had filed an appeal, so he was just in limbo. I remember how unkept Michael looked when Lindsay brought him home. He was in bad need of a haircut, so the next day we went shopping and got him some new clothes and a proper trim. Michael smiled when he looked in the mirror after his haircut--for once in his life he had a little pride and self-esteem. A week later, in the middle of the night, we got a call to take in two more children, a sibling group ages 1 and 3. They were so scared, and crying when the case worker dropped them off. We gave them a bath and spent the next few hours calming them down and getting them to sleep. They were precious little kids and we quickly got attached to them, as did Michael, living up to the big brother role. For the next 14 months, we were a family. We ended up adopting

Michael on October 1, 2014, and it looked like we would be adopting the other two as well, but at the termination of rights hearing, the judge ruled that those two angels we had grown to love so much would go live with grandparents in another state. We were devastated, as was Michael. We cried for days and for the next month we prayed day and night that somehow, someway, God would bring them back to us. However, after a month or so of praying for God’s will to be done, we finally heard him tell us that it wasn’t His will for them to come back. So, we prayed together for their safety, for them to grow up knowing they had a God that loved them, and we asked God to let us see them again someday. In the weeks that followed, we considered closing our home. The pain of losing those two was too great, and we didn’t want to face that ever again. One day a friend who ran an emergency shelter for children called us. He said he had two sisters that were almost out of shelter days, and he thought they would be perfect for our home. At first we told him no, that we were thinking about closing our home, but then recanted and said we’d have to pray about it. Randy called his mom and told her about the two girls, and she asked him what we were going to do. He said he didn’t know, that we needed some time to pray about it, and in a moment of motherly wisdom obviously inspired by God Almighty she said, “Randy, the only reason you want time to pray about it is because you think you can get out of it, but you already know what God wants you to do”. She was right, Randy knew God wanted us to take those two little girls. Randy got off the phone and cried because he didn’t want to get attached to these two precious girls, only to have them ripped from our home a year later. That was when God softly and tenderly spoke to him, saying, “Randy, not everything I call you to do will be easy,” and with that he said, “Yes, Lord." When Lindsay came home that day, Randy told her they needed to take those girls... they needed someone to love them and teach them about Jesus. A couple of months later, we got another call from DHS asking us if we would take in a newborn baby girl. With some hesitation, we agreed, and two days after she was born we moved her in. She was such a tiny little thing, weighing a little over five pounds, and she was so beautiful. We never had a baby before and, unfortunately, our baby skills were lacking. She had digestion issues, so for the first few months of her life she had a lot of stomach pains because she wasn’t digesting the formula. This made her cry a lot, which panicked us because we didn’t know how to help her. Top that with the fact we didn’t want to get too attached

and it all caused us a lot of stress. Randy remembers one particular day when he thought his head would explode. He picked her up, looked into her beautiful blue eyes and prayed, “Please, God, give me the patience I need to help her because this little girl deserves the best”. He answered R a n d y ’s prayer in a way he wasn’t expecting, He made him fall head over heels in love with that little girl and, from that day on, taking care of her was just natural. Move ahead a year, and we added those two sisters to our forever family. We were officially able to introduce them to the world as Avari Grace and Breanna Noel on May 18, 2016. Our family was growing fast, and it was overwhelming at times. We went

from 15 years of marriage with no kids to three kids in three years, and on December 21st, 2016, that sweet, beautiful little blue-eyed girl was ours forever. Brooklann Louise Hillyard would be the final addition to our family. It is all about God’s timing, and not o u r s . God’s plan was to bless us with more children than we had ever expected. He heard us pleading with Him all those years for a child of our own, He heard our cries as we watched couple after couple get what we so desperately wanted and He never gave up on His promise to Randy, although Randy had given up on God’s promise. Not only did God pour out blessings on us with four beautiful children, but also our final one: that baby girl He told Randy was coming all those years ago.

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to A COLUMN FOR MOMS, BY MOMS, AND FOR THE LOVE OF MOMS By Meagan Ruffing

THANKSGIVING

Bloopers VULTURE STRIKES Some of the strangest things happen around the holidays. Last year I was driving home from my in-laws’ house when something crazy happened. My son, Dylan, and daughter Elinor were in the car enjoying a movie and relaxing after a big Thanksgiving meal. I was on the phone with my dad when out of the corner of my eye I saw a large, dark “thing” fly from the tree tops smack into my windshield. I screamed, dropped the phone, and started crying. I pulled over to the side of the road and called my husband, who was still at his parents'. “I think a vulture just hit my car,” I

screamed. Amused and holding back his laughter, my husband asked me to repeat myself. Once I had explained what had happened, he was pretty sure a turkey had hit my car. This “thing” hit my windshield so hard that the rearview mirror flew off and dangled back and forth. There were tiny bits of glass all over my dashboard from where the mirror used to be. There were so many cracks running up and down that it looked like a bunch of thin branches had sprouted right on top of my windshield.

Once I regained my composure and reassured my children that we were in fact, all still alive and what I had thought was something out of Harry Potter was really just a turkey, we continued our drive home. I drove about 40 miles per hour the whole way and called the windshield repair people the next day. When I explained what had happened, the guy on the other end of the line thought I was joking. “You mean to tell me that a turkey hit your windshield on Thanksgiving?” He asked. “Um, yes. squeaked.

That’s

right,”

“In all the years I’ve worked here, this is a first. I have never had someone tell me a turkey hit their windshield on Thanksgiving.” He laughed. And the funniest part of all of this? I am a vegetarian. What are the chances that a vegetarian happens to be driving home on Thanksgiving when a turkey hits her windshield? When I received my invoice in the mail, under “cause” for damage it said, “Vulture Strike.”

BABY OVERDUE Thanksgiving is the time for family to get together and share what they’re thankful for. But, with extra family members and friends who you haven’t seen in a long time--maybe even years--well, that lends itself to becoming a breeding ground for funny things to happen. Take, for example, Haley Frederickson of Bentonville, who was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant when her family decided to take a last-minute trip to Target. She and her husband Ryan had just pulled into the parking lot when their 17-month-old son Eli threw up in 46 November 2017

the backseat. Ryan ran inside to buy new pajamas to change him into, and on their way home, Eli threw up again. “Ryan is one of those people who gets sick when he sees other people getting sick,” explains Haley. “I pretty much told him to suck it up, and a few hours later he got sick.” Haley’s in-laws were in town anticipating the arrival of the new baby, and it was a good thing, because later that evening, Haley says she started feeling contractions. “I was like no way! Not today!” After the day they’d all had, Haley didn’t want to go to the

CAUGHT ON FIRE

hospital, so she texted her mom that night to let her know she was having contractions and they were five minutes apart. Her mom told her she better get to the hospital, since this was her third baby. Haley’s mother-in-law drove her to the hospital at 5:20am, and baby Isaac was born at 6am. “Ryan missed the whole thing,” says Haley, “because he was at home in bed sick. My mother-in-law tried to put him on speaker phone while I was giving birth so he could be part of it, but he kept running to the bathroom.”

The holidays also seem to be the best time for family members to show off their savvy skills. Heather Sines says, “On Thanksgiving, my dad and uncle decided to see what it would be like to blow up a gallon of gasoline by putting a flame in front of it and shooting through the flame.” When the dry leaves that were on the ground caught on fire, Heathers says they had to put the fire out with blankets and jackets. What funny stories do you have from Thanksgiving? I would love for you to share them with me over on my Facebook page, writermeaganruffing using the hashtag #Peekaboothanksgivingplunders. Be sure to make some memorable moments around the dinner table this year, and don’t forget to tell each other what you’re most thankful for. A holiday like Thanksgiving is a great time to pause, hit the reset button, and give thanks.

Specializing in: Early Gender Determinations 2D, 3D/4D

RAW TURKEY Or what about the time when Lisa Olson invited her family over for Thanksgiving and while the turkey was cooking in the oven, and the power went out? “My sister drove in with her kids from three hours away,” says Lisa. When the power went out, the turkey

was only half-done. My husband had to cook it on the grill for about an hour.” Lisa says their dinner was pushed back a few hours because of this, and her sister’s kids ended up getting sick one by one and had to leave, so they never even got to taste the turkey!

Meagan Ruffing writers about all things parenting for regional parenting publications across the United States and in Canada. Check out her work at www.meaganruffing.com and snag a signed copy of her book, “I See You: Helping Moms Go from Overwhelmed to In Control.”

Fetal Realistic View Ultrasounds

4D Ultrasound Studio 3810 N. Front Street, Suite 2 Fayetteville, AR 72703 479-438-0728 or 479-214-1188 Hello Baby 4D Ultrasound of NWA peekaboonwa.com

48 November 2017

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ADOPTION IS

BY ANDREA FERGUSON

I never thought Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be a single mommy, by choice, to two beautiful babies who came to me via the miracle of adoption. All my life, I've had a strong desire to one day become a mommy. I love children! But, when I found out I'd never have babies of my own, my life was forever changed. After years of pain and suffering from severe endometriosis and over 10 surgeries, my doctor and I discussed how I ultimately needed a hysterectomy. This was a hard thing to hear at the age of 30. It was during this same visit that my doctor asked if I had ever thought about adoption. Of course I had, but first wanted to know if carrying babies was in my future. When I learned it wasn't, I was ready to start the journey towards adoption. My doctor told me stories about how birth moms came in from time to time, when they had not seen an attorney or lawyer. If that happened again, he would call me. Two and a half weeks later, at 7:45 am, I got the call that would forever change my life. The doctor was calling to let me know that there was a birth mom in our local hospital in labor, and that if I wanted this baby, I better get a lawyer and get up there ASAP. Wait, what? I hadn't even made an appointment with an attorney yet. Or had a home study... or done a background check... And I didn't have anything for a baby yet! But, God knew what he was doing, because His timing is always right, and two days after my son was born, I took him home. Then, a short 10 days after he was born, he became my son forever! From the moment I saw him, I fell in love and knew he was mine. I love Kade Matthew to infinity and beyond! 50 November 2017

Once a year, we visit my attorney's office to say hello. It's always fun to reconnect with the special man who helped me bring my son home so quickly. My attorney would always ask, "So, when are you gonna be ready for number two?" I always thought I'd be done after my son, but quickly learned I had a heart for adoption, and a desire for my son to have a sibling to grow up with. When I decided to adopt again, I started out seeking birth moms on my own. One day, I took a potential birth mom situation into my attorney's office and, after discussing it. with him, I realized it was not a good situation--one I would not pursue any further. Two weeks after reviewing an out-ofstate situation, my attorney located my daughter's birth mom. She only lived about 3 hours from us. He made the initial connection with her, and, once again, helped us through every step. My daughter's adoption went smoothly, overall, and I was in the room when she was born. Witnessing her birth was a beautiful miracle, and she and my son are now the best of friends. I cannot wait to watch these two continue to grow up together. I love you Khloe Ann, forever and for always! Additionally, the love I have for both my son and daughter's birth moms is amazing! They both were completely selfless and gave me the two greatest gifts. Adoption is love. Adoption is amazing. Adoption truly is a miracle.

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to a Teen s e Y

Saying

n New Year’s Day of 2016, we opened our home to foster care for the second time. We had closed back in 2012 after adopting our fourth boy, as that same day we came home to find out we were pregnant. So, we went from 3 boys to 5 rather quickly! We needed some time to regroup and upsize our home. Our first placement last year was a little premature baby. He was deliciously tiny and precious, but a terrible sleeper! So, our general rule was that we wouldn’t be taking any more placements until he was either reunited with parents or started sleeping better! But, in October, I kept hearing about a teen boy DHS couldn’t find placement for. He was staying in a shelter way past the allotted days, and was looking at being moved to a boys’ home in Little Rock. I couldn’t stand the thought of him moving across the state his senior year. I went to my husband, sure he’d say no (as he’s generally the voice of reason when it comes to new placements). He was on his way out the door for work and said, “Text me more info, but I’ll think about that.” I could not believe it! I was sure he would think I was out of my mind for even asking. 52 November 2017

A lot of people worry about bringing teens into their homes with smaller children. And, of course you have to be wise. This is why I love working with the foster care workers in our area. His caseworker was the same worker who had worked with our first placements, including our adopted son. She was, and is, very protective of him and the other kids in our home. She told me as we discussed him, “I would not knowingly put a kid who would be a danger to one of MY kids in your home.” Building relationships with DCFS workers has been such a blessing and huge piece of our journey. We decided to meet him first--even though we were already a yes. We would never have agreed to meet him and then said, “Nah, no thanks.” But we wanted him to get a chance to see and meet us and the kids, and let him know that someone cries every day, often several times a day. It’s a lot of little kids here! We explained a little about how things work at our house, and asked if he’d be interested in coming to live with us. Often kids in his scenario have lost all control in their lives. We wanted him to start off with us knowing he had a say in the

by: Kelly Krout

matter (even if his options were few). His worker told me when she picked him up that he asked if he could just come that night! We got set up for him to move in the next day. You rarely know the timing of a foster placement, but it was pretty evident in this scenario that he would be with us until he turned 18 the next fall and went off to college (hopefully). I will be totally honest. We didn’t go into this expecting to love it. My husband and I literally had a conversation before meeting him that went something like, “What if it’s completely awful and we regret saying yes?” “Well, we can do anything for ten months to help a kid get on his feet and into college.” How’s that for special? We just knew we were supposed to say yes. That doesn’t always mean it’s going to be dreamy. So we were prepared for awesome, or disaster. Somehow, this fun kid provided both. We walked through some tough stuff with him, navigating waters I didn’t plan to figure out in my early thirties with a teen. A short time after he moved in, he was expelled from school. Well, that put a bit of a kink in the plan! We did not have many educational options, and a wonderful administrator who had known him as a kid helped us find a way for him to finish his high school degree online. This meant he was home with me and our two preschoolers all day, every day. At first I was really worried about it. I didn’t sign up to be a stay-at-home mom to a 17-year-old! But I can honestly tell you this past year was one of the greatest. It was a little awkward in the beginning. He was supposed to be at school, but now he was basically a stay-at-home mom’s sidekick. I went to Bible study, and he went and volunteered with buildings and grounds while I was there. I went to the gym, and he went and did

school work in the lobby. I went to the store, and he loaded the groceries and helped buckle kids in car seats. That part wasn’t so bad at all! I told him one day, “How did I even GO to the store with two babies before you?!” and he whipped back, “I was just thinking of you when I got myself kicked out of school!” I can’t even tell you how many times he did things like fix my computer, troubleshoot WiFi, or teach me how to use my phone, or even how to make a Power Point presentation. I think him being home with us every day allowed us to get to know him so much faster, and my husband and I just loved this boy. He seemed to have missed so much of just being a kid that playing with the younger boys seemed therapeutic. Of course, the younger ones loved it too when he would play football in the backyard or a game of basketball in the driveway. He’d hold the baby so I could take a phone call. He would check out creepy noises outside if my husband wasn’t home. People question the safety of bringing in older boys all of the time, but I can honestly tell you I felt safer with him there. He was able to stay and graduate high school. He even got to walk with his class! He got a job, saved money and was able to buy a car. He assistant coached one of our boys’ baseball teams. He has even spoken on panels at foster care trainings and encouraged other homes to take in teens. And that WORKED. I think something about meeting an actual teen in the system just makes it seem much Turn the page …

less scary. The pride on his face when I told him a family from the group he spoke to took in a teen because of HIM was priceless. While he was here, we were able to adopt the baby we’d taken in before the teen. At the adoption hearing, the judge looked at our teen (the obvious oldest of all of our children) and said, “I’m asking you on behalf of all of your brothers, why do you guys want to adopt baby Wes into your forever family?” I gulped and wondered if he would say, “Um, I’m a foster kid, too.” He just grinned and nonchalantly said, “Well, obviously this kid is adorable and we all love him. Of course we want him to be a Krout forever.” No one in that room would have known our teen wasn’t a biological kid based on how he responded. Of those who DID know he wasn’t, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. I like to share (with his permission, I promise) that some things WERE out of our league and overwhelming. On paper, he did not look so good. But that did not make him not worth it. And it did not make us love him less. I never want to sugar coat taking in teens like it is all easy peasy, but I do want to try to dispel the myth that all older kids are scary or are beyond being able to be part of a family. He needed us and we needed him. The need for more families for older kids is so crucial, because teens are a minute away from being expected to function as adults. To get to be a small part of prepping a kid for school, paying bills, budgeting, cooking, and just adulting in general is pretty amazing. It’s much closer to immediate gratification anyway! It takes years to teach a kid to have manners or use a toilet. We’ve barely known him a year, and we’re

54 November 2017

getting to watch him go to college, hold down a job, and even date a girl who puts up with him. And he slept all night and needed zero help in the bathroom from the day I got him. On a day in, day out basis, older children are much easier than infants and toddlers! No question. I still talk to my parents several times a week and they help me out all of the time. These kids need that home base security too, but we have so few homes willing to take them in. If sharing our story about him encourages even one family to consider fostering an older child, I know he’d agree that’s worth it. If you are interested about learning more about fostering, check out TheCALLinArkansas.org and register for an informational meeting. I’ll be there!

Symphony of Northwest Arkansas

Paul Haas, Music Director

SoNA and Walton Arts Center present

The Snowman: A Family Concert

DECEMBER 17, 2017 – 2PM Walton Arts Center

Your favorite holiday treat returns to Walton Arts Center for a fourth year! Experience a very special screening of the award-winning film “The Snowman” as SoNA musicians bring to life the extraordinary score in an afternoon that is sure to enchant your little ones.

Tickets & Subscriptions On Sale Now! / sonamusic.org

100 West Center, Ste 101 Fayetteville 479-444-7778

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DAD’S VIEW with

Ben Lacy

Helpless or Help Less? So, we’ve got this dog. Chocolate lab. Female. Craves attention. Bit of a drama queen. Socially awkward. Shockingly clever.

Anyway, due to her allergies (oh yeah, forgot to mention... she is super high maintenance) this 100-pound ball of over-caffeinated fur is an inside dog. Therefore, her provisions, namely food, water and a gargantuan-sized box of treats, are found in the kitchen. The dog, Sadie, has developed a great way of advising us when she is out of water. She goes into the kitchen, grabs the water bucket in her teeth, and chucks it across the room. Nice. Sadie acts helpless, since she can’t hop up on the counter and turn on the water. I’m sure she has dreams of scaling the counter in search of our finest meats and cheeses, but she’s also afraid of heights, and the whole opposable thumbs thing would probably come into play. However, if we aren’t around, she eventually trots into the bathroom and… well, I’ll just leave what happens next to your imagination. She’s getting less help, though, so she learns not to be helpless. If only she could teach our kids… But first, more background. Years ago, the fam and I got caught in a brutal, bashing, blistering snow storm somewhere in Colorado. We had zero experience in this sort of terrain and temperature, and were desperately looking for somewhere to weather the weather. Out of sheer luck and absolutely no skill (our windows were frozen solid and visibility was somewhere between Mr. Magoo and the dark side of the moon) we found this really swanky hotel. The valet took one look at us, felt pity for my frozen family, and hooked us up with a ridiculously low rate. When we got to our room-which was after midnight and after a dozen hours of traveling--I collapsed. Problem was, the munchkins needed some munchies. Here’s where I messed up. I introduced them to room service, which produced a reaction similar to when monkeys discovered fire. To them, it truly was the greatest thing since sliced bread – or at the very least, Cheez-Its. Here’s where I messed up a second time. I taught them that you can leave your tray of dirty dishes outside the door and someone 56 November 2017

will come and pick it up. One of our kids really caught on to this process; so much so that they continued this upon returning home. Yes, you see they now think you can eat meals in your room, put the dishes outside your door, and miraculously they will disappear. As you might guess, this is irritating, agitating, and--if the Mrs. of the house catches them--quite dangerous! The kid has requested installation of a dumb waiter to transport food and other merchandise in lieu of taking the stairs; however, so far the only dumb waiter they’ve found is me – because I pick the dishes up. I should help less, but instead treat the child as helpless. Another urchin loves to eat, listen to music, play video games, do homework and pretty much every other activity at our kitchen bar. Problem is, the tyke believes it is an actual “bar” where you can order drinks, snacks, etc. from the “bartender”. Again, this helpless behavior doesn’t jive well with the parental figures. But, in the hopes of maintaining a calm and quiet kitchen, I usually cave and keep the water glasses filled. Again, instead of deciding to help less, I’m letting the kid act helpless (and I never get a tip). The other kid (we have 3) chooses to adopt an antifeng shui form of housekeeping by never hanging up clothes. Ever. However, instead of constantly reminding them to hang up their clothes, I act as the maid and just do it myself (No, I don’t wear a maid’s outfit, but good luck getting that image out of your head). Again, adopting the philosophy that the child is helpless instead of choosing as a parent to help less. As a dad, I’ve been sort of helpless at learning to help less, and choosing to do so is a dumb doctrine, an idiotic ideology and requires ridiculous reasoning. The thought process is totally Nike. You know, “Just Do It”. That’s solid advice in sports; not so much when parenting. And yes, I’ve tried all the traditional methods of persuasion to encourage my kids to do more. You know, loss of electronics, taking of keys, removing of doors, detachment of finger nails (just kidding), annoying kids-aren’t-like-they-used-to-be speeches, non-specific screaming and lots of veiled threats. Nope, the only way to make them less helpless is to actually help less. It ain’t easy at first, but it is way easier in the long run.

B Y H E AT H E R F O I T E K

here are so many great things about living in Northwest Arkansas right now, but one of my favorites is the sheer number of people that relocate into NWA, making the community so diverse and eclectic. There are people from all over the country and world residing in our little community. Oftentimes, people are living many miles, states and continents away from their families, and don’t have the opportunity to make it home for the holidays. Friendsgiving is the perfect solution for this! Friendsgiving is a time for friends of all types to come together and share in the season of togetherness and thankfulness. After all, as the saying goes, friends are the family you choose. Have you ever thrown or attended a Friendsgiving? If not, I am here to walk you through the basics of hosting an unforgettable gathering of friends! If yes, hopefully I can provide you with some fresh ideas. You can make Friendsgiving as formal or casual as you prefer, but, generally, it is a more casual affair with lots of different people. This is a great time to invite friends from different circles. That way your friends are meeting new friends, and everyone will be having a great time in no time at all! The first step is getting all of your friends to Save the Date, as we all know the holidays are the busiest time of the year. Friendsgiving can be held anytime within the two weeks preceding Thanksgiving. I like to have it two Saturdays before Thanksgiving, because, in most cities around the country, the annual Christmas parade and lighting of the Christmas tree is the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Once you select the date that works 58 November 2017

best for you, send e-vites or Facebook invites, or go a little fancier and get paper invites printed. Your guests will love any option. The invitation is the perfect place to start building the theme. The most successful Friendsgivings are potluck events where everyone contributes something. This works well for a couple of reasons – first, if you are hosting, you will appreciate not having to cook a full meal for all of your friends. Second,

A few other details to make this a Friendsgiving to remember: • Don’t forget to spend a little time on the Thanksgiving playlist, as background music really sets the tone for the night. There are no wrong choices--you know your friends. • For adult beverages, consider making a fun fall punch or having a few mixers on hand, plus wine and beer • Are your friends competitive? Work in a best dish competition and give away a fun prize! • Play Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving for the kids to relax and unwind after dinner • Allow some time for the adults to talk about what they are thankful for this year. It is nice to just slow down a little and reflect, and doing so with friends is even better • Don’t forget the board games

this is actually a great opportunity to allow your friends to give a recipe that they may be making for Thanksgiving a trial run, and take some pressure off on the big day. See? You're just throwing this party to help your friends! The host does always prepare the bird(s) and the gravy. Depending on the number of guests, you may need more than one turkey. We like to smoke a turkey and deep fry a turkey to give guests a good variety. Do take into consideration friends that are vegetarians, or may have dietary concerns. Aside from turkey, I also like to prepare a few extra-special details and a couple of appetizers so that no one feels pressured to arrive on time. I love making homemade flavored butter for Friendsgiving. People always get really excited over flavored butter; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the little things in life, especially during the holidays. Next, the kids' table and play space. If your home allows, it is great to give the kids an area to play together within earshot, but away from the main congregating space. This allows the adults time to unwind and chit-chat, and allows the kids to have the freedom to play and use their imagination with friends, new and old. Consider having one or two activities for them to work on, in case

that is better for them. You can make (or buy) plain sugar cookies and edible markers (as kids love decorating cookies), or purchase some fallthemed foam stickers, provide paper and let the kids sticker away. For the kidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; table, print off or purchase Thanksgiving coloring sheets/placemats, provide the crayons and let them design their dining space. Kids love crafts, and if some parents prefer to have their kids closer, this provides that option. You may also consider getting a babysitter or two to help keep an eye on the kids, in order to allow your friends to relax even more. Be prepared to send leftovers home with your guests, or you may be stuck with leftovers for days. Avoid the turkey and stuffing burnout--share the leftovers! If you can, pick up some extra storage containers to have on hand, if not, just ask your guests to bring take out containers with them. Many would be happy to oblige if that means they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to cook the next day. I hope this helps to inspire you to host Friendsgiving for your friends this year! It is such a great event to host before everyone gets really busy over the holidays, or, if nothing else, as an excuse to get together with some of your favorite people! Happy Friendsgiving!

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The Art of

Tidying Up Article by Kodi Wilson, contributing writer Kodi holds a Master of Arts in Teaching degree from the University of Arkansas

“Tidying ought to be the act of restoring balance between people, their possessions and the house they live in”. -Marie Kondo "Where could she be?" I began to ponder to myself, once I realized that ten minutes had passed by without hearing from my frequently chatty six-year-old. I swiftly raised myself from the couch, stepped over a puzzle piece from our set we had been working on that morning, and made my way down the hall to her bedroom. I passed by two partlyfinished coloring books with one broken purple crayon lying next to them, a stuffed cat, and a set of beaded bracelets that she had spent precious time making, only to never touch again. I walked in her room and found her spread out in her bedroom floor with yet another coloring book, as if the first two that she had placed in the hallway were not good enough for her anymore. “What are you doing?” I politely asked. “Coloring,” she responded. My mouth then said exactly what my brain was thinking. “Don’t you want to finish your other two coloring books in the hallway before you begin another?” “No.” No. That’s all I got. There was not a reason why or any other comment about the extra two coloring books that were out of place in the hallway. Instead, I received a simple “no,” and that was that. What would any parent, guardian, or nanny do in this situation? There are two options. You could sigh exhaustedly, turn around, and exit the room to clean up the toys yourself because you do not have the energy to argue with her. Or, you could get a stern look on your face, place your hand on your hip, and demand that she get up and put her extra toys away before she colors another line on her paper. Either way, she is not doing the one thing

that you want her to do the most--put her toys up away herself without any redirection or assistance. Simply put, children are excellent sources of messes in the home. They are not, however, excellent sources of picking up after themselves. A lot of the time, we assume that children know the principle of how to tidy up at home already. We clean up as much as we can after ourselves and after them. Isn’t modeling the behavior enough? Shouldn’t children do as you do? If that were the case, then children would be expected to cook, clean, pay the bills, go grocery shopping, and walk the dog without assistance. Children are not taught these skills, so therefore it is not in their nature to do them. They see that as their guardian’s job. Once you begin to clean up after your child, that is yet again what gets them to believing that it is your job to clean up their mess, just as it is your job to cook, clean, pay the bills, go grocery shopping, and walk the dog. Tidying up is an art. It is a skill that children must learn to apply to their life each day. So, how do we teach our children the art of tidying up? How do we teach our children to intentionally pick up after themselves as a part of their daily routine?

Teach respect for yourself, others, and your possessions.

Who doesn’t want to respect the people and the things that surround us each day? We all do! However, this is a skill that children need to be taught. What does it look like to respect others?

What does it look like to respect our personal belongings? In the circumstance above, any tired adult would end up performing the clean-up alone, or attempt to demand the child to tidy up. Instead, coaching the child to respect her personal belongings is the first step to guiding her to where you want her to be in the tidying up process. “We love Mommy, don’t we? We want her to be respected and shown that we love her.” The sweet six-year-old might begin to look at you. “We love our coloring books, too. Just like Mommy, we want them to be respected and shown that we love them. We can do this by putting them in a safe place so they do not get messed up.” Consistency is key. The more that you mentor the child on how to respect others and their possessions, the more they will be able to recognize it on their own.

Be consistent.

In order to be consistent with your expectations for your child, you must be consistent with your own tidying up actions. Decide what level of order is important for you and your family, and make

it routine! If something of yours is out of place, it might be important to go ahead and put it away in front of your child so that they can see you model the expectation of picking up. If our children see us valuing and respecting our belongings, they will begin to notice the significance behind why we should tidy up.

Be specific.

Most kids cannot take on the demand, “Go clean your room”. It is too big of a task, and can be overwhelming for them. Instead, say things in a specific way that allows them to know exactly what it is that you want them to pick up. We might say things such as, “You need to pick up the toys in your bedroom floor.” The child will then look at everything on the bedroom floor, get a sense of feeling overwhelmed, and will not be willing to put forth the effort to tidy up. We could rather say, “The crayons have been laid out on your floor. If we respect them and do not want them broken, then let’s go ahead and put those away.” The natural desire to be orderly is a substantial skill that we can begin to empower our children with. Just as tidying up is an art, coaching our children to tidy up is a beautiful art as well!

Sewing and Storytelling BY EILEEN JENNINGS

PROFESSIONAL PHOTOS BY: BETHANY BLAIR PHOTOGRAPHY

s you pull those extra chairs out of the closet for the holiday dinner, or dig through the storage in the garage for the turkey roasting pan, you see them. The hand-embroidered table runner from great aunt Helen, the smocked christening gown that went through four generations before suffering irreparable damage, great-grandma Marguerite’s stack of personalized handkerchiefs, and many more heirloom items. They sit in the closet and get packed and repacked with every move, always with the intentions to bring them out more and share the stories of the people and memories they represent. But, you don’t. They sit in the closet, waiting for their stories to be told.

A few years ago, I finally decided to bring the lovelies out of the closet and start telling their stories in different ways. It was intimidating at first. These were items that were considered sacred--they were to be handled with care. We needed to keep them in “good” condition so future generations could enjoy them. But we didn’t enjoy them. We just repacked them and put them back in the closet. I mustered up my resolve to become story collector and teller, and do something different with the sacred, special items. I pulled them out the closet and cut them to pieces! Well, more specifically, I turned the heirloom items into new things for new generations. Grandma Marguerite’s personalized hankies became key pieces in a new project, alongside the salvaged lace from the damaged christening gown. The latest heirloom piece I completed was for my sister and the upcoming arrival of my baby niece. I have tried to make a quilt for each of my nieces and nephews (seven so far), to be given to them when they are babies. Some of the quilts have had a theme or specific color palette, some have had quilt squares designed by friends and family members. All have been unique and special. 62 November 2017

When I asked my sister if she had a style or theme in mind, she said, “I’d love for you to use some heirloom linens.” Green light! I received the clearance I needed for my next project. I reached out to our family members and asked if they had any items that I could use for the quilt. There was a hand-embroidered linen table cloth from the forties with pretty pink flowers, mismatched linen napkins with embroidery, baby clothes from one of the grandmothers, personalized handkerchiefs from my sister and brother-in-law’s wedding and some other pieces I could use. I sliced and diced and created a collage, of sorts, of all the lovely things. I tacked them down to the fabric and started painstakingly stitching around the pieces. At first, I thought that the quilt top might be too busy with all the different elements, but, the more I stitched, the more I appreciated the depth of the layers and how all the different pieces worked together. When I stood back and looked at the whole piece, I realized that the top was an accurate representation of family; pieces of different sizes and shapes, some over-lapping, some bold and some subtle. Each piece had an individual story, but also, collectively, told a story of family love and hope for the next generation.

The quilt was finished (only because my niece was 10 days overdueâ&#x20AC;Ś worked in my favor!) and shared with my sister and family. It brings me such joy to see family members recall the stories behind the pieces that make up the quilt and share them with us.

wishes and prayers for health, safety and happiness. If I am sewing for a grieving widow and her daughters, the objects are covered in thoughts and prayers of strength, comfort and, with time, hearts at peace. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make things for things. I make things for the people who are going to enjoy them. I can confidently say that this is how past generations of makers felt as well. We create things for the emotion it evokes in others and ourselves. We create things as a tangible expression of our love and caring for the recipient. We create things to tell a story. So, get those things out of the closet. Learn their stories and find a way to enjoy and pass them along. Maybe the items become a quilt, pillow, stuffed animal or another piece of art. Whatever it may be, it will be loved by the current and future generations. Need help bringing your idea to life? Reach out to local makers and share your vision--they will be happy to accept such a heartfelt commission.

As someone who has sewn regularly for almost 30 years, I always want people to use and enjoy the things I make them. I want them to know that making something for them has brought me joy. The time spent working on the item is time spent thinking and sometimes praying for that person. If I am sewing for a new baby, I embed the object with

Eileen Jennings is native of Northwest Arkansas. When not at her sewing machine, she works as a commercial banker for Arvest.

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A Few of Our

Favorite Things... Lorena Canal Rugs www.lorenacanals.us www.silipint.com

Until you have children, you don't quite realize just how much of a challenge it is to find the right cups for you and your little ones. All of them either leak or break easily, and if they don't, then they either aren't dishwasher safe or have 100 parts to clean out. That is why we love the cups from Silipint for the whole family! Want to have tie-dye wine on the beach? Personalized no-spill sippy cups at daycare? An easy-to-clean dog bowl on camping trips? A glow-inthe-dark pint glass for a midnight pick-me-up (because why not)? For all of these situations, and countless more, Silipint has you covered, with their brightly colored and patterned silicone drinking containers! Silipint was founded in Bend, Oregon in 2010 by Rick Fredland, who was inspired by the versatility and usefulness of silicone. After all, silicone is cheap, durable, doesn't shatter (!), and is soft and malleable in the curious little hands of your children (and furry friends). We especially love the Silicone Travel Lid in tie-dye 'Hippie Hops,' which fits Silipint wine glasses, pint glasses, sippy cups, and tumblers.

jennypresent.com Fewer gifts are more special than personalized jewelry. With each new baby, I have looked forward to a new piece to wear that represents each child in a way that keeps them close to my heart. Jenny Present necklaces are each designed with the smallest details in mind. From hand-stamped charms with your child's name, to pieces that commemorate a half marathon accomplishment, there are a number of great pieces perfect for each individual at jennypresent.com 64 November 2017

When you hear the words "bear rug," normally the first thing that jumps to mind is a combination of fearsome fangs, 70's nostalgia, and questionable taxidermy skills. Lorena Canals is here to change all that, with a new Bear Rug for children that's not only soft and washable, but covers a huge area of your kids' floor in an adorable baby bear face. The soft browns of the rug will go with any color accents, and kids will enjoy long hours of comfortable play with the sweet (and fang-less) expression of the bear to watch over them. Plus, parents can rest worry-free knowing that their kiddos are shielded from the hardwood floors, grass, and/or nice carpets in their lives!

Now Offering Aesthetic Services Women's Health Associates is excited to now offer skin care services to look and feel your best! We offer medical-grade products and treatments including:

LATISSE | OBAGI VI PEELS | DERMAPEN MICRODERMABRASION DERMAPLANING This allows us to provide individualized, high quality care for each patient. We would love the opportunity to discuss your cosmetic and skin care needs. Initial consultations are always free.

Meet our Aesthetician Randi Saunders, LMA, CLT, PB

Randi is a licensed medical aesthetician, licensed permanent makeup technician and certiﬁed laser technician with over eleven years of experience. She received extensive laser training from the IMAJ Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona with the most advanced aesthetics curriculum in the nation. She has additionally been certiﬁed by the American Institute of Intradermal Cosmetic Arts and Sciences in Boca Raton, Florida. She also has advanced training in paramedical micropigmentation and permanent makeup.

500 SECenter PlazaPkwy., Ave Suite Bentonville, Akansas 2900 Medical 370 • Bentonville, Arkansas

479-876-8111 www.whanwa.com

Our ofﬁce is open Monday-Friday 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. 66 November 2017

Winter Wonderland Princess Ball

CRAFTS • MINI MANICURES AND LIGHT MAKEUP APPLICATION • FACE PAINTING SWEET TREATS • DANCING • LOTS OF OTHER FUN ACTIVITIES Plus PERFORMANCES AND SING ALONGS BY ALL THE PRINCESSES

Saturday, December 16th 4-6pm • John Q Hammons Center General admission is $50 Includes one free adult admission. Additional adult admission $7.50 Siblings under the age of one year are free

VIP Tickets:

Includes general admission plus the following: Custom Princess Bag Keepsake rhineston tiara #PrincessSquad tee shirt Early entrance to the ball to mingle with the princesses and get an early start on all the fun! Emailed personal video invitation from one of our princess hosts

Call Us Today! 479-799-6133 www.PrincessPartyPalaceNWA.com Info@PrincessPartyPalaceNWA.com

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At a

Glance ARTS and MUSIC

Amazeum (Pg. 24) (479) 696-9280 Crystal Bridges (Pg. 23) (479) 418-5700 crystalbridges.org Symphony of Northwest Arkansas (Pg. 55) sonamusic.org Trike Theatre (Pg. 31) (479) 464-5084 triketheatre.org Walton Arts Center (Pg. 25) waltonartscenter.org Wing Studios (Pg. 54) wingstudios.net

BANKS First Security (Pg. 51) www.fsbank.com; www.onlyinark.com

CHILDCARE/NANNY SERVICES ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 63) (479) 202-5691 abchappykids.com Better Beginnings (Pg. 65) (800) 445-3316 arbetterbeginnings.com First Friends Preschool (Pg. 41) 479-636-3338 Maryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Little Lambs Preschool (Pg. 69) (479) 273-1011

CLOTHING Aster & Black (Pg. 39) asterandblack.com Elysian Boutique (Pg. 59) www.shopelysian.com (479) 464-9261 Oh Baby Boutique (Pg. 53) ohbabynwa.com

DENTIST Pediatric Dental Associates & Orthodontics (Pg. 57) (479) 582-0600

DERMATOLOGY / SKIN CARE Advanced Dermatology / Skin Care Center (479) 268-3555 (Pg. 27) NWA Center for Plastic Surgery (Pg. 2) (479) 571-3100 nwacenterforplasticsurgery.com Women's Health Associates (Pg. 66) whanwa.com

EDUCATION/TRAINING

Academic Math & Language Therapy (Pg. 15) (479) 253-3256 Goddard School (Pg. 61) (479) 262-0970

To advertise email: editor@peekaboonwa.com GoddardSchool.com New School (Pg. 5) thenewschool.org Sunshine House (Pg. 33) sunshinehousekids.net Super Science (Pg. 31) (479) 444-0303 www.super-sci.com Taglioni Academy of Performing Arts (Pg. 16) (479) 372-6418 Thaden School (Pg. 21) (479) 268-5321 Woodland Academy (Pg. 4) (479) 621-1060 Wing Studios (Pg. 54) wingstudios.net

FAMILY FUN / ENTERTAINMENT Amazeum (Pg. 24) (479) 696-9280 Crystal Bridges (Pg. 23) (479) 418-5700 Fast Lane Entertainment (Pg. 34, 38) (479) 659-0999 www.fastlanebowl.com Princess Party Palace (Pg. 67) princesspartypalacenwa.com Rogers Historical Museum (Pg. 37) (479) 621-1154 Starlight Skatium (Pg. 45) (479) 444-STAR Super Science (Pg. 31) (479) 444-0303 www.super-sci.com Trike Theatre (Pg. 31) (479) 464-5084 triketheatre.org Walton Arts Center (Pg. 25) waltonartscenter.org

FOOD / DRINK TCBY (Pg. 3) (479) 636-8229 (TCBY)

HEALTH AND WELLNESS Advanced Dermatology / Skin Care Center (479) 268-3555 (Pg. 27) Arkansas Children's Northwest (Pg. 70) ARchildrens.org Arkansas Laser Solutions (Pg. 59) arkansaslasersolutions.com Best Start (Pg. 19) (479) 575-9359 Family Foot Health Center (Pg. 44) (479) 636-9393 Friendship Pediatric Services (Pg. 49) fccare.org Northwest Primary Care (Pg. 8-9) nw-physicians.com NWA Health Solutions (Pg. 11) (479) 636-1324

JEWELRY AND GIFTS David Adams (Pg. 55) davidadams.com (479) 444-7778

LAW FIRM

To advertise email: editor@peekaboonwa.com Adoption Arkansas (Pg. 71) myadoptionarkansas.com

LEARNING CENTER Academic Math and Language Therapy (Pg. 15) (479) 253-3256 www.amltherapy.com ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 63) (479) 202-5691 abchappykids.com Bright Horizons Learning Center (Pg. 43) brighthorizonselc.com Maryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Little Lamb Preschool (Pg. 69) (479) 273-1011

PEDIATRICIAN Northwest Pediatric Convenient Care (Pg. 7) (479) 751-2522 NWA Pediatrics (Pg. 40) nwapediatrics.com Ozark Pediatrics (Pg. 33) (479) 544-9432

SITTER SERVICES Sunshine Sitters (Pg. 13) sunshinehousekids.net

SPORTS

NWA Happy Feet Soccer (Pg. 48) nwahappyfeet.com

THERAPY Academic Math and Language Therapy (Pg. 15) (479) 253-3256 www.amltherapy.com Friendship Pediatric Services (Pg. 49) (479) 524-2456

ULTRASOUND Baby Face & More (Pg. 29) (479) 270-7391 Hello, Baby! (Pg. 47) (479) 438-0728

WOMEN'S HEALTH Lifespring (Pg. 35) (479) 271-0005 Parkhill (Pg. 57) Parkhillclinic.com Siloam Springs Women's Center (Pg. 12) (479) 524-9312 Women's Health Associates (Pg. 17) whanwa.com

To advertise and become a part of the Peekaboo Family email: editor@peekaboonwa.com

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70 November 2017

ADOPTION LAW FIRM We exist to help you adopt. An Arkansas adoption, at its most basic level, is a legal process. However, anyone considering adoption understands that it is an emotional, spiritual, and relational process too. At Adoption Arkansas, we have the training and experience to help walk you through the process with confidence and the support you need. You paint the nursery, we take care of the rest. PRIVATE ADOPTION AGENCY ADOPTION STEP-PARENT ADOPTION GUARDIANSHIPS

1 East Center Street, Suite 331 Fayetteville, AR 72701 479-599-8677 â&#x20AC;¢ info@myadoptionarkansas.com

myadoptionarkansas.com Adoption Arkansas is a practice area of Heimer Law, PLLC. Justin Heimer, J.D.