pen
chants
Which AP course r u??? Pg. 4.0 gpa
Musical analysis of “We are #1”
Pg. 0.001 Irvington | Sea Dubble-u SEa
the pen chants Irvington | bouta hear some fire alarms
Irvington High School’s Creative Writing Club is a student-run, interest-based club dedicated to providing a welcoming environment for writers of all kinds to convene and share their ideas outside of an academic setting. Members get a taste of publication through submitting to The Penchant, our online literary magazine. Meanwhile, monthly prompts, in-club competitions, and major writing contests are provided to allow members to explore the implications of writing, improve on their own techniques, and receive feedback from their fellow peers. Overall, our collective mission is to enable the students of Irvington to write what they wish and have their voices heard. All rights remain reserved to the original owners of the images displayed. Link attributions are provided near the end of the magazine. A number is on each photo to signify which citations belong to which photo. Creative Commons Photos were retrieved from Pixabay and are all public domain CC0 photos. To learn more about us, go to penchantlitmagblog.wordpress.com/. To see our submission guidelines, click on the “Submit To� tab on the menu bar, or follow us on facebook @penchantlitmag. *Disclaimer* This edition is the April Fools edition and all content is meant to be purely for entertainment. We have no intention of discrediting the subjects that are alluded to in the magazine. We hold the highest respect for our school and the students in it and have filtered out content that may be inflammatory. The views presented through the memes and the articles are not necessarily representative of the views that The Penchant staff may hold. If there is content that you find offensive, please let us know, and we will try our best to ameliorate the situation.
Foreword The candle in the darkness Is that window in the distance Also lit at 4 a.m You promised to spend the whole day studying But the time-traveling powers of YouTube Have brought you here You should really keep working But you can’t help but open facebook And scroll into your favorite pages Because there can you find friends Who truly understand the struggle That is just so real The only way to let them know That you are still alive Is to tag them in the comments Lost in the peaceful oblivion Of memes that restore your faith in humanity And maybe in yourself The candle in the darkness Is knowing that You are not alone
1
ES KET IT Thesis by Dr. Pepper
WHAT YOU SAY
what you say vs. what you mean
What did you get on the test?
WHAT YOU MEAN a) b)
I really hope I beat you this time I really hope I didn’t get the lowest grade in the class
May I go to the restroom?
May I walk around the school twice and think about life before I come back to this soul-sucking place?
I need some sleep
I need to stop binge watching videos every night
Yea, I remembered to get my advisory signature yesterday
Just got the teacher to sign my piece of binder paper… clutch
I studied really hard before this test
I studied on the car ride here
I’m passionate about _______________
I’m passionate about making you believe that I’m not completely lost about what I want to do and how I want to do it
How’d you do on the test It was really hard and I’m today? trying to find out if I’m just stupid or if everybody failed and the curve will be thicc Have you done homework yet?
I haven’t done my homework and would feel better if you also haven’t started
Let’s start on this group project so we can finish early
LOLLLLLLLL see you at 12:00am the day it’s due bro
CRAMMING DURING BREAK LIKE
WHICH AP
COURSE ARE U? AP BIO ● ● ● ● ●
AP CHEM
2
“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” Corrects someone when they say Chee^2 instead of Kai^2 Parents want them to be a doctor Is a master at guessing mastering bio “Bacteria. The only culture some people have”
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3
Is pH > 7 Enjoys watching things change color Back of the book is their friend Like dissolves like “Can I borrow your Scientific calculator?” LEO the lion says GER Breaks everything they touch
APUSH
APENG
5
4 ● ● ● ● ●
Watches videos at 2x speed Thinks documentaries are better movies CoRnElL NoTeS are my FavoRiTe Histnotes. Nuff said. Typical body composition: 40% essays, 20% fear, 10% water, 30% ??????
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Only has American Dreams at night Has a fascination with green lights Smears half of their in-class essays Wot is HaNdWrItInG? Will correct your grammar Reading a book can take anywhere from 2 days to 2 years in different classes AP how-much-can-you-BS
APAH
AP CALC
7
6 ● ● ● ● ●
Expert at quick maffs Likes curves :^), but gets curved Where’s Calc BC?? El’hoSpitals rule Hates the letter C bc they always forget to add it (and it’s their grade but they won’t admit it)
AP PHYSICS 8 ● ● ● ● ● ●
F = ma = my (grade) average Excellent at drawing……Free body diagrams Q.E.D = Quite Easily Done Waves their hand a lot Using ur right hand instead of left hand Likes throwing things at different angles
AP PSYCH
● ● ● ● ● ●
AP MT
AP _________ LANGUAGE AND CULTURE 9 GoOgLE TrAnSlAtE
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● ● ● ●
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Keeps a collection of flashcards Walks on things they shouldn’t Has excellent presentation skillz Khanacademy is their life line Uses spicy vocab words in their essays Wishes they were a statue, but can only impersonate it
●
Freud the boiiii Is better at reading people than actually reading Obsessed with iceberg analogies Great at listening and gives good advice Is the parent in a friend group
10
Has touched a piano before Doremifasollatido Drawing clefts is their weakness Phrases their sentences Judges ur playlists Probably can sing better than u
MUSICAL ANALYSIS OF “WE ARE #1”
by anon1241
12
...one cannot travel far without hearing a bored clarinetist’s rendition of “We Are Number One” echoing through the halls. What makes “We Are Number One” so memorable is its backstory from a casual meme to one that dominated the life of meme viewers, or “edgy teens,” everywhere. A common meme arc often involves the meme being discussed amongst peers before its appearance of several meme pages. While most do not immediately react with a “lol” or “lmaooooo,” the meme does make a significant impression on them. From this stage, the meme is “We Are Number One” is a either disregarded or claimed by the landmark piece in the genre of so-called “meme” music. With the popularization of majority of the community. This decision often depends on pieces ranging from “Shooting Stars” to the prevalence of other memes or the “All Star,” it is clear that this genre has timetable of standardized tests (see become a fundamental component of report on PSAT memes of 2017 for more today’s society. Such pieces propagate information on the subject). “We Are across the internet, with their subtle Number One” made an exceptional integration into culture until they are brought to light by apathetic students. For recovery considering it was popularized during the great Meme Massacre of example, the casual reference to an 2016. And yet its influence in pop instance where the meme may be culture depended on the input of appropriate is often met with a stifled YouTube personalities and bored chuckle or, more often, the gratuitous teenagers. One may attribute such eye-roll. And yet this subset of melodies success to the subliminal messages of often find themselves being inseparable this critical piece of the Lazytown from people’s lives today. soundtrack, while others may cite its Take the sample population of catchy beat. Nevertheless, all can agree Irvington High School, where one cannot that it’s impact on future generations travel far without hearing a bored cannot go unnoticed. clarinetist’s rendition of “We Are Number One critical example of this One” echoing through the halls. Although effect is evident in a poll taken in this masterpiece often receives a negative December 2017 at the aforementioned reaction (with 95% of students claiming Irvington High School after the Meme that they would cheerfully snap the Concert that took place at lunch a month musician’s reed if such an incident were previously. The Meme Concert featured ever to occur again), it remains in the stand-up Shrek comedy and a listener’s mind for hours upon hours. performance of Irvington’s own Consequently, this piece becomes part of the student’s experience of the day. As they ostracized meme musicians™ along with crowd-participation during the closing go from class to class, attend their ceremony to sing the chorus of “We Are extracurriculars, and scroll through Number One.” While a hearty 23% of profound posts on Facebook, they attendees unironically enjoyed the inevitably recall the intricate complexities performance, about 68% claimed that of this tune. This process is amplified as they would “gladly give up internet they hear the remarkable remixes and access for a whole 25 hours if they could ironic comments from their peers. erase this horrible memory.” (The Eventually, this exemplary melody remaining 9% were in tears, either from becomes part of their daily routine.
happiness or utter pain, and were unavailable for comment). Of the 68% who chose the “please take my internet access away oh goodness I will actually give up my streaks if I can erase this horrible memory it literally haunts me every day I can’t keep living like this” option, one junior named Brad le Clogeo explained the agony that haunted him for the following weeks. “I’m ironic,” Clogeo explained, his voice quavering. “I - I used to be ironic. My friends knew I was ironic - I referenced Rick and Morty without watching it and had perfected my eye roll. But I - I don’t know who I am anymore. I listen to remixes of this song on repeat - my Spotify is corrupted and there are random people following my meme playlist. My reddit consists of Lazytown references and I understand all of them.” Clogeo was unable to provide additional comment as the flashback to the event was apparently detrimental to his well being. Although the benefits and drawbacks of this iconic song remain disputable, it is unquestionably clear that this meme has influenced this generation. With the incorporation of its harmonies into tracks of actual music and the widespread call of its title, no teenager can truthfully say that this work has not impacted their life (unless, of course, this teenager does not have internet access, in which case they have sorrowfully missed out on a repetitive song that remains ingrained in one’s mind during literally the worst possible times). The worldwide reception of meme music may remain ambiguous for years to come, but it is certain that songs like “We Are Number One” will shape the musical endeavors of artists for years to come.
LOTS OF WORDS
ME LUV
math
Dear math, You’re a facade Without a ground plan. You’re a frame without It’s portrait. You can barely Require any thought and yet And yet I still Mess You Up. What am I doing Wrong Or what have I even done Right Is it not right to believe that I might have a chance Of making my 20 percent climb Crawl up Two more? Or is that grade just another Asymptote One that I’ll always seek to Reach but never Attain? Is it not in my domain to meet Success? Or is it imaginary? Just another complex speck In my field of Thoughts. Just another inverse graph without its constraints Rendering it Simply Inexistent.
But you were the one who taught me to believe To trust that even simple things are never What they seem. Cube root of 729 Is not simply 9 Don’t forget the Imaginary roots That exist And don’t Exist At the same time. And you were the one that proved to me that Right can be wrong When the solutions are Extraneous And wrong can be Right When the angle is 90 Degrees. Degrees in math is probably one I won’t obtain Not even in radians or a Bachelor’s In vain But maybe if I looked at you From a different angle Observed you from a different Range Maybe then I’ll understand what I’m missing And step forward To face my next fate You partially decompose My every shred of dignity. I can’t rationalize my thoughts In light of my absurdity. If I counted the roots of My inevitable failure It would be a sum that Vieta couldn’t even Explain.
by enjoyment and challenge
(a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2
13
Explain. Explain why I can’t function Why can’t I pass the Vertical line test Of society That divides the Worthy And the ones That were Close But not close Enough. What else can I do to Complete the square Before I End back up in Square one? Life is just another series of Challenges Find the common difference between Those above you And those below you Maybe then you’ll find A way to improve, They say. But even with that advice I can’t find the formula For success If I don’t know the first term. If I can’t even Figure myself Out. Perhaps all I found was A limit As my education approached college. Or my knowledge has met A hole In my continuous record. Or maybe I’m just all around Inconsistent. Not doing enough Not trying hard enough Not staying up late enough Not going through the notes Enough.
But every time night turns day And my stack of scratch Paper piles up Even higher I question what more can I do Do I try to perform row reduction On My rows of other commitments That so plagues my calendars? Could -b over 2a help me maximize my productivity And minimize my disappointment? Or should I pray to God To turn my sins Into sines and The periods of depression Into excess time? What if what’s happening is another proof By induction, Just this time The statement of trying Hard and achieving my goals Doesn’t hold true? Either way Answer or not I’ve learned much from you. And that’s all I need And all I would want. .
So thank you
14
It’s not easy being an AP Biology Test I’m always crammed in the filing cabinet with my brothers and sisters. We’re taken out and freed from the cabinet once a year on Test Day, only to fall into the hands of a student who stares at us for a whole hour, sweating and sometimes even crying. To be honest, I’d much rather spend quality time with my siblings in the filing cabinet, but I guess it’s our job to torture AP Biology students. This is why Test Day is the worst day of the year:
1.I have to suffocate under a pile of other papers. Every year on Test Day, for the first half hour of the class period, the students ignore me and push me under their binder papers and graph papers. They don’t take me out until the last half hour. Why do they always start with my brother, Multiple Choice? Why am I always chosen to be the first to suffocate under the pile of other papers? It’s the worst feeling ever––your brother, at the top breathing fresh air, while you’re forced to suffer alone at the very bottom of the pile. It’s not like I’m inferior or anything. In fact, I think I’m the most talented out of all of my siblings––I can make the students cry the most.
2..The students like to disfigure your face by writing on you with their sharp pencils, even though the instructions at the top clearly say not to. Once, I named a girl “Scar-Giver” after she decided to do all her calculation work on my face. I remember the incident vividly: When I saw her lowering her pencil toward my face, I had screamed at her, CLASS COPY! DO NOT WRITE ON ME! CLASSCOPYCLASSCOPYCLASS COPY. DO NOT WRITE. DO. NOT. WRII felt the scratches of a pencil down my face before I heard them. My pristine white skin was ruined as the pencil clawed dark marks into my papery flesh. I felt her etch ugly, long lines onto my face.
This happens to me every year, without fail. Over the years, my wounds from pencil stabs have accumulated, and now, I have over thirty stray marks on my face. I wanted to preserve my youth and my clean skin, but the pencil marks make me look wrinkly and old! Why can’t these students follow instructions and keep their merciless daggers out of my face?
3. When the students are taking the test, they sweat. A lot. And it gets all over me. I can’t tell you how many ugly stains I have on my face after years of being tortured by sweaty students. I get a front-row seat view of their faces as sweat begins to form on their foreheads and on the tips of their noses. I particularly remember when I was given to a student who was extremely nervous for the test. His skin was visibly moist with sweat. Even worse, whenever he picked me up, I was greeted with a faceful of his sweaty hands. During the test, I faced my worst challenge when the world stopped around me for a moment as I focused my attention on a single bead of sweat sliding down the boy’s nose, slipping closer and closer to the tip. For your information, the tip of his nose was situated about three inches above my face, and gravity likes to pull things, like sweat, downwards. I really don’t want to talk about what happened after that. The point is, I’d rather not be a sweat-collector for the students. The job really doesn’t suit me. Maybe go ask Multiple Choice, my brother, or Tissue, my cousin five times removed. But don’t ask me. My answer is no.
4, They also cry a lot. You think I’m just a sweat-collector? Oh no, I’m also the students’ personal tear-collector. Just last year, my victim, a girl with purple-rimmed glasses, almost drowned me in her tears. She began her test by staring at me with large eyes flooded with nervous anticipation. I watched as her eyes ran over the first line of instructions: “Calculate the chi-square value.”
REASONS WHY AP BIOLOGY TEST DAY SUCKS by a unit 8 ap bio test 5. Did the students even study? It really bothers me when a student decides to thoughtlessly write down a ridiculous answer to a question. In one of my early days, I was given to a student with curly brown hair. On a test question asking her to justify her answer, she leaned back in her chair and stared off into space for a whole five minutes, engaged in deep thought. I was a little concerned by the fact that she was counting on her fingers even though the problem had nothing to do with math. Finally, she sat up, smiled, and whispered excitedly, “Yes! I think I remember now!”
Four words. Four words was all it took to make her freeze mid-breath. Her face morphed into one of pure horror as she just stared and stared at me. To be honest, it was making me feel uncomfortable, having someone stare at me as if I were some kind of monster. I can’t be that bad, right? But disaster struck when I noticed that the girl was tearing up, eyes filling to the brim with liquid. Pretty soon, I was splotched with dark wet spots that, believe me, ended up taking a really long time to dry. Luckily, her tears stopped as quickly as they came when she finally realized how to calculate the chi-square value. I watched the reflection in her glasses as she drew a square, labeled it “chi”, and proceeded to calculate its area. I’m sure she shed some more tears after she got her test back, because I’m fairly certain that is NOT how you perform a chi-square test.
I peered over at her answer sheet while she was writing. “This is the answer because the textbook said so, in Chapter 12, somewhere in Section 3. The textbook was written by professional science people, therefore it is always correct” was her brilliant justification of her answer. By the end of the period, I was crying internally. Sweetie, that’s not how you’re supposed to “justify”!
And that’s why Test Day is not what I would consider the greatest day in the world. I’ve faced horrendous things over the last couple of years, and because of this, I question my identity and my existence in the cruel world. I was created to torture AP Biology students, and the AP Biology students are here as my victims. But sometimes, I wonder if the roles are switched.
Is the student the victim, or am I the victim?
4 Dead Memes for Fed Up Teens
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by i love comic sans
CITATIONS Cover: Anonymous (It’s me but we keep it anon). “Hotgulls and Seadogs.” 2016. 1. Anonymous (me again). “Sideways Rosies.” 2017. 2. “Free Image on Pixabay - Dna, String, Biology, 3D.” Free Illustration: Dna, String, Biology, 3D - Free Image on Pixabay - 1811955, pixabay.com/en/dna-string-biology-3d-1811955/. 3. “Free Image on Pixabay - Flasks, Erlenmeyer, Chemistry.” Free Photo: Flasks, Erlenmeyer, Chemistry Free Image on Pixabay - 606612, pixabay.com/en/flasks-erlenmeyer-chemistry-606612/. 4. “Free Image on Pixabay - Auto, Map Of The World, Font.” Free Illustration: Auto, Map Of The World, Font - Free Image on Pixabay - 3236000, pixabay.com/en/auto-map-of-the-world-font-3236000/. 5. “Free Image on Pixabay - Table, Aerial, Cafe, Calligraphy.” Free Photo: Table, Aerial, Cafe, Calligraphy - Free Image on Pixabay - 3268746, pixabay.com/en/table-aerial-cafe-calligraphy-3268746/. 6. “Free Image on Pixabay - Learn, School, Nursery School.” Free Illustration: Learn, School, Nursery School - Free Image on Pixabay - 2387228, pixabay.com/en/learn-school-nursery-school-2387228/. 7. “Free Image on Pixabay - Monastery, Cloister, Abbey, Gang.” Free Photo: Monastery, Cloister, Abbey, Gang - Free Image on Pixabay - 3130879, pixabay.com/en/monastery-cloister-abbey-gang-3130879/. 8. “Free Image on Pixabay - Board, School, University, Research.” Free Photo: Board, School, University, Research - Free Image on Pixabay - 2853022, pixabay.com/en/board-school-university-research-2853022/. 9. “Free Image on Pixabay - Font, Lead Set, Book Printing.” Free Photo: Font, Lead Set, Book Printing Free Image on Pixabay - 705667, pixabay.com/en/font-lead-set-book-printing-705667/. 10. “Free Image on Pixabay - Piano, Music Score, Music Sheet.” Free Photo: Piano, Music Score, Music Sheet - Free Image on Pixabay - 1655558, pixabay.com/en/piano-music-score-music-sheet-1655558/. 11. “Free Image on Pixabay - Time, Clock, Head, Woman, Face.” Free Illustration: Time, Clock, Head, Woman, Face - Free Image on Pixabay - 1739629, pixabay.com/en/time-clock-head-woman-face-view-1739629/. 12. “We Are Number One.” SiIvaGunner Wikia, siivagunner.wikia.com/wiki/We_Are_Number_One. 13. “Sad Frog (Feels Bad Man).” Desmos Graphing Calculator, www.desmos.com/calculator/pyrldgmv7x. 14. Anonymous (u know by now). “I Wish it Would Rain More.” 2018. 15. “Dwight Schrute (Maddisontuscarora).” Pinterest, www.pinterest.com/maddisontuscarora/. 16. “Mr Krabs Reactions (@MrKrabReactions).” Twitter, Twitter, 17 Jan. 2018, twitter.com/mrkrabreactions. 17. “The Unlikely Origin of the White Guy Blinking GIF.” Mandatory, 21 Feb. 2017, www.mandatory.com/culture/1217947-the-unlikely-origin-of-the-white-guy-blinking-gif-meme. 18. Wagner, Laura. “The Evolution Of The Michael Jordan Crying Face Meme.” NPR, NPR, 31 Mar. 2016, www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/03/31/472330783/the-evolution-of-the-michael-jordan-crying-fac e-meme.