19 September Issue 19

Dr. Ian Erasmus

TANDARTS / DENTAL SURGEON

Oral Hygienist available for cleaning Nooddiens beskikbaar Tel: 012 362 5773/4 2nd Floor Hateld Plaza Burnett Street, Pretoria Tel / Fax: 012 362 5773/4

Tuks se amptelike studentekoerant / Official Tuks student newspaper / Kuranta ya baithuti ya semmušo ya Tuks

19September2011

year73issue19

The top ten

Forged UP degrees

Res cleaners back at work

Idees vol vrees

P3

P4

P5

P7

Election results delayed NINA VAN WYK

Once again this year students lined up to cast their votes in the SRC election which took place on 13 September.

Charl Oberholzer, Chairperson of the SRC 2011, said, “The nal results of the election are not out yet. There are votes that cannot be counted yet, because of some problems with ballot papers on LC and there will be a re-election there, but besides that the election went smoothly.”

Chairperson of the IEC, Wesley Timm, also reported that the elections went well. Timm said, “Voters were safely allowed to cast their votes and there were no incidents that put people in physical danger. Naturally there were minor logistical hiccups but most of them were sorted out immediately.”

Timm also said that there were three issues that the IEC has referred to the Independent Monitoring Body (IMB) to consider whether they have affected the fairness of the election. Timm preferred not to comment on these issues until the IMB has considered them. He said, “The IEC will issue the results as soon as these issues have been resolved and the auditors have given their approval as well. We expect this to be early next week.”

There was reportedly a crisis on Mamelodi campus during the elections. This case has been sent to the IMB, because SASCO lodged a complaint requesting re-elections.

In their letter to the IMB, SASCO said that students on Mamelodi campus have informed their organisation that members of the IEC had told them that they are not aware of society ballot papers and that led to students only voting for individuals and not societies. “This is a gross violation of election procedures as stipulated in the constitution of student governance,” SASCO wrote. SASCO demanded that the Mamelodi votes be declared null and void and a new ballot be held “where all societies will be afforded equal opportunity and students at Mamelodi campus be given the right to vote for their faculty candidate and society of choice.” SASCO declared that they will not accept the current outcome of the Mamelodi elections should the IEC fail to do reelections on the campus. They ended their letter with, “Failure of the IMB to concede to this request will result in the South African Students Congress taking drastic action.”

However, PASMA also sent a letter to the IMB beseeching the IMB not to call for re-elections at the Mamelodi campus. PASMA accused other parties of political sabotage. According to PASMA, the situation at the Mamelodi campus was resolved as early as

aandklas presents

possible because “by the time the voting started that side, it was only after six students had voted and all those six students were called and given the second ballot papers for societies, meaning that a crisis was prevented in time, and afterwards the elections proceeded normally as expected.”

Oberholzer, on the other hand, who is also the Chairperson of AfriForum Youth on campus and the National Chairperson of AfriForum Youth, also said, “AfriForum is condent that we won the election, but we are still waiting for the nal results. AfriForum is the most active organisation on campus and enjoys a lot of support from students.” According to Oberholzer, students realise

ROCK Thursdays

that the SRC has real value in student life and that the pressure that is on some student traditions led to more students voting.

Normally, a constitutional meeting is held within a week after the announcement of the election results. In this meeting the 84 chosen parliament members are present and then they vote for the 21 SRC members.

The percentage of students who cast their votes on election day is still being calculated.

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Photo: Jonty de la Hunt

aandklas presents

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19 September ’11

A pirate’s life for me, savvy? www.perdeby.co.za perdeby@up.ac.za (012) 420 6600

I have come to understand more and more that there are people in the world, people just like you and me, who, for some odd reason, do not understand the role and function of the media.

This editorial is for those people (and for anyone else who might be slightly confused).

Here we go: Newspapers, rst and foremost, are about news. They report on things that are happening.

Something happens, a journalist is asked to go and speak to people to nd out what happened and then write everything he found out down, so that the newspaper can print it, so that people can read it. Newspapers are intermediaries. They mediate. The media mediates (see what I did there?). They don’t accuse, they don’t assume, they don’t deduce, they report. They report the facts. They are messengers.

Sometimes, the message they are given is inaccurate. And then that inaccurate message gets through to the reader. And it is the media’s responsibility, their burden, to make sure at all times that the message is as accurate as possible.

As well researched, as objective and as fair, as possible. When someone gives them the wrong information, which they then repeat, they try and correct the facts as soon as possible.

Sound simple, doesn’t it?

Except of course, there are people who love nothing more than to shoot messengers, who think that it is my fault that I told you that someone else said something about you. That somehow, I orchestrated the news just to make your life harder. This is, of course, as absurd as it is impossible. If I was going to orchestrate news,

EDITORIAL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Carel Willemse EDITOR: Beyers de Vos NEWS: Nina van Wyk news@perdeby.co.za FEATURES: Marie van Wyk features@perdeby.co.za RES UPDATE: Katlego Mkhwanazi resupdate@perdeby.co.za ENTERTAINMENT: Meagan Dill entertainment@perdeby.co.za SPORT: Charlotte Keuris sport@perdeby.co.za COPY: Hayley Tetley LAYOUT: Hickley Hamman VISUALS: Desré Barnard

TEAMS LAYOUT Camilla Coertse Celeste Theron Allan Le Roux JP Nathrass COPY

Editorial From the Editor

believe me, it would be way more dramatic than the actual news (I have theatrical tendencies).

Time for an analogy: it’s like when you nd out your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on him/her. So you make sure that your facts are right and then you tell your best friend the truth. And then your best friend takes out a gun and shoots your head off (metaphorically, of course). Doesn’t sound very fair, does it?

Maybe I’m an idealist (which is new for me, understand, I tend towards cynicism). Maybe I’m painting a simplistic, naïve, foolish version of what actually happens. Maybe I’m not considering personal agendas, money, fame, ego, corruption, greed, treachery, selshness, Hollywood.

Maybe this is just my yearning for a simpler life coming through.

In fact, I have made a decision. I’m running away. I’m becoming a pirate. Well, not an actual pirate. Because, while Jack Sparrow is a personal hero, I think that in reality a pirate life would be slightly uncomfortable. Dirty and bloody and depressing. And I’m a creature that likes his comforts. When I say pirate, I mean go live on an isolated Caribbean beach, with nothing but cases of rum and the ocean breeze (and maybe a friend or two) for company. And I’ll wear the hat.

I’ll denitely wear the hat. Maybe there will be a parrot. Every once in a while, I’ll eat a coconut.

Now that sounds simple.

Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum Beyers

Ruhan Robinson Caitlin Roberts Jaco Kotze Jenna-Lee Fortuin Mandisa Mbele Somarié Gravett Saneze Tshayana Nadine Wubbeling Yuan-Chih Yen Marissa Gravett

ADVERTISING SALES Cell: 083 318 9738 carel.willemse@up.ac.za

COPYRIGHT

Perdeby is printed by Paarlmedia. All rights reserved.

Contributions are welcome. All due care will be taken with materials submitted, but Perdeby and printers can not be held responsible for loss or damage. The editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. Perdeby can not be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed in Perdeby are not necessarily those of the editors and printers of Perdeby.

For counselling and guidance in an unplanned pregnancy, contact 0800 864 658 or go to www.adoption.org.za

Dear Tukkie The Student Parliament Election has been uneventful.

Thanks to all the participants for their cooperation. We are unfortunately not in a position to announce the results due to other ongoing processes aimed at addressing infringements that occurred prior to election day. It is only after these have been completed that the Special Election Court will be in a position to declare the elections “free and fair” or otherwise.

The societies in particular had been warned of this prior to the start of the process and urged to work within the rules framework.

While on the topic, I would like to single out our Independent Electoral Committee (ICE) and its Chairperson, Mr Wesley Timm for the superb work they have done.

Although they worked under the guidance of Ms Michelle Viljoen, the election was entirely in their hands. I am proud to be a part of an institution with such a calibre of students.

I always believe that what people are today reects what they will be tomorrow. At the same time, advice heeded today may help to draw out future potential that individuals would otherwise never be aware of. We have seen in the last few weeks how the Tuks Debating Society has handled the National Debating Competition which they hosted on campus; Student Culture (Stuku) followed with the National

Universities Serenade; now the IEC. I am certain that knowledge and experience gained by the individuals involved will be invoked for the benet of other contexts now and in future.

I also want to mention and commend the role played by our Security Department. They played an important role in ensuring that people who were dissatised with the decision to cancel Spring Day expressed their anger without inconveniencing the entire university community. During the election week and on election day in particular, they ensured that the ofcials at polling stations executed their duties without being hindered or undermined by individuals who deed the rules. I deemed it important to highlight their role because our campus security is different from others I have seen elsewhere.

They prefer to work with the students rather than against them. They are here to protect and guide rather than ensure compliance “by all means”. Hence they never resort to force or arrests during student protests. I would like our student leaders to treat them with the respect they deserve. The Department of Student Affairs has a close working relationship with the Department of Security precisely for this reason.

With the elections behind us, I would like to urge the SRC to focus on the rest of their plan of action for 2011

and serve the students until the end of December as they have promised at the start of their ofce term. I also want to appeal to the newly elected to start elevating their thinking to the corporate level. As members of the Student Parliament and Student Representative Council, they will now be expected to serve the entire student body rather than sectarian interests. We can only have a well functioning Student Parliament and a united student body if everyone feels that their interests and concerns are being addressed by these two structures.

Finally, I would like to express our sincere gratitude to those who served on structures that have just elected new committees for the new term of ofce. I am particularly grateful to those who served on committees of our service providers, faculty houses and day houses for the services they delivered during the past year and the sacrices they have made for the sake of their fellow students. It is my wish that the new committees will have a productive term.

Best wishes to everyone who is writing a Semester Test.

Prof McGlory Speckman Dean of Students

The views reected are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Perdeby

Editorial

19 September ‘11

3

SRC secretary general makes an entrance BEYERS DE VOS There are times, I’m sure, when you would really, really like to have a superpower. Fall into a vat of radioactive acid or get bitten by a mutant dinosaur or hit by super-duper strong lightening. They could make a movie about you and everything.

Except that you don’t necessarily get to choose the superpower you get. What if you get a really lame one? What if you get one of these: The top ten lamest superpowers ever: 1.

2.

3.

4.

It’s all very well and good that spiderman got bitten by a spider. That was a nice coincidence. Lucky, wasn’t he? But what if you get bitten by, say, a radioactive hamster.

What then? Super uffy power? Super burrowing powers?

So, shape-shifting is pretty nifty. Disguise yourself. Impersonate people. You could morph into Godzilla. But what if your shapes were limited. What if all you could turn into was a tree? Or, like, a daisy? Or a rock?

Scary stuff, no?

X-ray vision. Technically, having x-ray vision means you can see through someone’s esh and view their skeleton (which could be useful, if you’re a doctor), not that you can see someone without clothes on (which is, in fact, cool. But only if you can control when and who you see naked).

The power to bounce. I suppose that would be cool if someone pushed you off a building. But really, how often would that happen? What would you do with this power? And how would you stop yourself

from bouncing?

I’ve always wanted to be able to edit anything and everything. Any sign, any billboard, any piece of writing, with some kind of super pen. Because I think bad grammar is a scourge upon the earth. But if you think about it, that would be, at the end of the day, pretty much just as lame as the rest of the powers on this list.

6. So, Pyro shoots ames from his hands and Iceman, ice. And Cyclops has that awesome eye ray thing. But what if the thing you could shoot out of your hands or eyes or mouth wasn’t that cool? What if it was candyoss?

Or rainbows? Or magical pixie horses?

7. Having you senses enhanced is a classic super power. Being able to see through inanimate objects or have acute hearing would be great. But a super sense of smell?

The world would become a very unpleasant place, I imagine.

8. Super sobriety. Alcohol intolerance or immunity. That kind of speaks for itself.

Imagine the boredom.

9. Arm Fall Off Boy. This was an actual superhero who made a single appearance in DC comics in the 1960s. He could detach his arm and use it as a club. Wow. Being able to detach your limbs could be a fun game for your friends to play, though.

10. Super speed is a cool kind of power. Being able to run around the circumference of the earth in 80 seconds or something could be neat. But the opposite isn’t exactly true.

The power to move in slow-motion doesn’t exactly empower you to save the world from evil, does it?

5.

BEYERS DE VOS Katlego Malatji, Secretary General of the SRC, drove into the university boundary gate on Duxbury Road, on the morning of Saturday 3 September. Malatji refused to comment on the incident to Perdeby, saying it “was not

in the public interest.” Colin Fouché, Head of UP Security, also refused comment. The boundary gate, which is not in use throughout the year, has not been repaired yet. A Perdeby photographer was at the scene.

Photo: JP Nathrass

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News

19 September ‘11

UP degrees most forged in SA Intercampus

news

Maties professor writes about masculinity in his book Bad Sex “I didn’t choose this topic, it chose me.” This is how Professor Leon de Kock, writer, translator, scholar and recently appointed professor in the Department of English at Stellenbosch University, describes his newly-released novel, Bad Sex.The novel was ofcially launched at Kalk Bay Books on Friday 9 September. The novel tells the story of Sammy Baptista, who grew up in the 60s and 70s in the tough streets of Mayfair, Johannesburg and had no choice but to use his sts to get him through childhood. He soon learns, as De Kock’s publisher explains on the back-cover, that sts cannot defend you against everything. When, as the adult subject of the novel, Sammy gets a plum job and catches the fancy of his boss. A love affair ensues, but Sabina, like others before her, has Sammy in her power. In conversations with his psychologist, Sammy discusses “bad sex”: between fathers and mothers; men and women; and men and men.

Mantashe speaks on nationalisation at Rhodes

DAVID CROSS The number of people who have illegitimately claimed to have obtained qualications from universities across the country, including UP, has increased.

Degrees from UP are apparently the most forged degree in the country.

Prof. Niek Grové, the Registrar of the university told Perdeby that the University of Pretoria is in no way involved in the selling or awarding of academic degrees and that UP is one of numerous academic institutions who are experiencing this same problem.

There is also an increasing number of unaccredited institutions which present training and qualications, this result in the issuing of fraudulent certicates. Such illegal practices have already resulted in the removal of 1400 paramedics from the register of the Health Professions Council of SA (HPCSA).

To deal with the matter employer organisations submit qualications to a number of verication organisations in South Africa such as Qualication Verication Services (QBS). These organisations work closely with universities in order to verify the academic qualications a candidate claims to possess. “It is usually during this verication process that fraud, forgery

and any such acts of dishonesty are discovered,” reports Prof.

Grové. Misconduct of this nature is unquestionably illegal and if identied, referred to the South African Police Service followed by the Public Prosecutors Ofce.

Reports from MIE (Management Integrity Evaluation) reveal that 12-15% of the verications regarding applicants who claim to possess UP qualications prove to be false.

Recently, the University of Pretoria has taken legal action against two people in cases regarding the submission of false certicates resulting in one prosecution while the other case lies pending as a result of an investigation involving nancial fraud.

In response to being asked how the University of Pretoria is addressing the effects of fraudulent claims on the university, Prof. Grové said, “The university is satised with its system of security as it is sufcient to ensure the integrity of the degrees and diplomas that are awarded. With regard to fraudulent claims and the submission of forged certicates by candidates who seek work, it is assumed that this trend will continue and probably increase.”

Such information should caution students of the consequences they may face should they use a false qualication to obtain a work position.

Photo:Gerhard Louw

Mr Gwede Mantashe, Secretary-General of the ANC and Chairperson of the South African Communist Party (SACP), was at Rhodes recently to discuss the past, present and future of the South African economy. He addressed students, Rhodes staff, members of the public and the Mayor of Grahamstown, Mr Zamuxolo Peter. Mr Mantashe called for a more nuanced debate on government intervention in the country’s economy, saying the public debate around nationalisation needs to be broadened. Rhodes Vice-Chancellor, Dr Saleem Badat said he was encouraged by the amount of emphasis Mr Mantashe put on research and knowledge as informing action and policy implementation, as this suggests respect for knowledge and universities.

Wits to have a pride week The week will be a collective week-long dedication to merge the diverse personalities, sexualities and sexual preferences at Wits.

The 2011 Wits Pride Week runs from 26 to 30 September 2011 and will portray the theme “It’s for all of us” in creative ways.

The week is to be hosted by the Wits Transformation Ofce, Activate, the Gay and Lesbian Archive (GALA), Wits Student Affairs and the Wits International Ofce. Pride Week 2011 hopes to involve all people whether they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intersexual and asexual (LGBTIA).

UCT has discussion about Information Bill A discussion on the Protection of Information Bill was held on 14 September at UCT, titled Secrecy and Academia. There was also a march to parliament which they named Stop the Secrecy Bill. The event was hosted by the Student Representative Council, Students for Law and Social Justice, the History and Current Affairs Society and the Debating Union of UCT. Leading the discussion were the Vice-Chancellor, Dr Max Price, and Professor David Benatar of the Department of Philosophy. The talk weighed up the bill’s pros (like ensuring state security) and cons (like classifying information that may actually be in the public’s best interest).

Res Update

Pssst... Did not bump into the usual suspects Kollege and Olienhout at the Square last weekend. Pssst... knows how much they love to party and wonders if they were crying in their man rooms, still sulking about their pre-Spring and Spring Day dreams being crushed? Well, this may be good news for the liquor supply; it may last for more than four hours now that they are in hibernation. Pssst... thinks that Kollege should keep their pants on at formal dances. But then again, that is a way of getting Klaradyn girls to brul. Pssst... would like to inform Jasmyn that playing with food in varsity is considered a bit kinky. So stop throwing eggs at Klaradyn because they are not turned on and that should tell you something. Next time just buy them a bottle instead. Pssst... heard that nobody wants to have a social with Zeus anymore. Yes Zeus, you’ve ruined the beauty of socials for everyone. Just stay at home guys because it seems singing a couple of notes won’t gain you a social life. Sorry, ne!

Pssst... heard there was a bit of a skank war between Nerina and Zinnia at the formal dances. A bit out of your league, hey Pixies? When it comes to Nerina, they are their own competition in that department. Pssst... wants to commend Katjiepiering on “speed walking” to try shed that winter weight. You ladies should maybe walk more often, and not just to Varsity Bakery. Pssst... is concerned about the level of sensitivity that Lilium has towards each other. But Pssst... will give you a hand for creativity and for taking initiative. Pssst... thinks you have guts for buying washing powder and liquid soap for fellow resmates who just don’t nd bathing to be a necessity. Name and shame them on our mobile site m.perdeby.co.za.

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19 September ‘11

Licence to have fun • • • • • • • GREG LAVAGNA What were we actually allowed to do on Spring Day? After all the controversy surrounding Spring Day at UP, we couldn’t help jotting down a list of activities that we were allowed to take part in on Spring Day. Call it Spring Day nostalgia or just sad memories of sad people with sad lives.

Either way, the day proved that students don’t need a licence to have fun. So next time your plans are ruined, just refer to this list.

• Engage in non-alcoholic drinking games such as Coke-pong, fruit juice-funnelling and water-cooler stand.

• • • • • •

Brainstorm ideas on how to make all the money we would have made from pre-Spring Day parties.

Raise awareness for Winter Day, Summer Day and Autumn Day. Go to the Rag Farm party. Oh, wait. That was cancelled too.

Teach the university how to get a liquor licence.

Study, because what is Spring Day without a semester test the next day?

Get strip-searched on the way to res. Heaven forbid we poison a perfectly university-friendly braai with beer.

Nurse the hangover that never was. Okay, the hangover that should have been cheaper.

Use the “I’m protesting” excuse to overdo it in the Square.

Take bets on how long it will take the university to cancel Spring Day altogether.

Start a petition with our favourite political party on it and claim to be able to save traditions.

Find out what it’s really like to be an engineering student (no parties to go to).

Find out what it’s really like to be a BA student (all this time and nothing to do).

Contemplate going to another university. Cape Town people are annoying, but at least they have their act together.

Image: JP Nathrass

Res cleaners back at work KATLEGO MKHWANAZI After weeks of the municipal workers’ strike, the cleaners at the residences have recommenced their duties. The UP workers in res ofcially started working again on 12 September after they ofcally went on strike from 1 August. According to certain cleaners, the contractors paid the cleaners R135 for the 5 days of work they had done prior to the strike but the cleaners were told to nd alternative means of surviving during the strike.In some residences, the overowing trash bins were a clear indication that something was not right. According to some students in res, staying in res during the cleaners’ absence was a nightmare.

“Our corridors were lthy and at one stage we could not stand in our shower as it had got so dirty,” said Busisiwe Nhlapo, Nerina Vice-Primaria. According to Herkie Smit, Tuks’s Head of Housing Facilities, the contractors provided the residences with temporary cleaners and a skeleton staff (two workers instead of ve). TuksRes outsources cleaning services to four companies.

Some of the cleaners didn’t wear their uniforms when they came to work because they feared intimidation by strikers. Nhlapo was told by one of the cleaners that the intimidation was intense.

“The violence employed on workers who refused to strike was

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most disconcerting,” said Nhlapo. Emily Sithole, a cleaner at Jasmyn, added that it was difcult to come to work, especially if you travelled by train. “Those of us who usually travel by train couldn’t use the train anymore because strikers would wait for people at the train station gates,” said Sithole. “If they saw that you were in your uniform, they would force you to take it off.

But we tried our best to be at work everyday,” added Sithole.

Smit pointed out that one of the challenges that TuksRes faced during the workers’ strike was getting students to cooperate. Smit also conrmed that the skeleton staff did not clean the bathrooms and corridors in some residences Nhlapo said that temporary cleaners were sent to their res but that they didn’t make a difference. Despite the governement rejecting the demand for an 18% increase, the clearners are back, the residences have been cleaned and students can now shower without the fear of catching something from a dirty bathroom. “We are happy that things are back to normal,” said Smit. “We are glad to have the cleaning staff back and appreciate the risks they take to ensure we live in a comfortable and clean environment,” added Nhlapo.

Photo: Katlego Mkhwanazi

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19 September ‘11

Features

Realiteit of bietjie fake?

MAGDALEEN SNYMAN Die Kardashians, Paris Hilton en Jessica Simpson is name wat wêreldwyd dadelik herken word. Hierdie beroemde mense lag al die pad bank toe omdat hulle ryk geword het deur amper niks te doen nie. Alles te danke aan die fenomeen van realiteit-TV programme. Hierdie week kyk Perdeby na `n paar van die beste, slegste en mees buitengewone realitiet-reekse van die afgelope dekade.

Beste Survivor (die Amerikaanse weergawe) is `n reeks waar deelnemers in die wildernis moet oorleef terwyl hulle teen mekaar kompeteer met sekere take. Daar word elke week iemand uitgestem en die persoon wat laaste oorbly wen `n miljoen dollar. Die reeks het kykers aan die kassie vasgenael gehad en wie die wenner is (wat reeds bekend is in Amerika teen die tyd wat die reeks in Suid-Afrika uitgesaai word) word soos `n staatsgeheim bewaar tot die laaste episode.

Claudi Mailovich, `n tweedejaar joernalistiek student, sal aan dié reeks wil deelneem “om terug te keer tot `n wêreld waar manipulasie koning is.” Verder het sy gesê: “Mense sal altyd na ander mense wil kyk, ons put wetend of onwetend perverse genot daaruit om na mense te kyk sonder dat hulle ge-airbrush of ge-script is.” Volgens eerstejaar multimedia student, Jeandre Dednam, sal hy graag op The Amazing Race, wat ook deur die vervaardigers van Survivor gemaak is, wil wees. “Ek sien [dan] die wêreld en kan dalk `n miljoen dollar wen!”

So You Think You Can Dance is in 2005 vir die eerste keer uitgesaai en gaan vandag van krag tot krag. Deelnemers van reg oor die land doen oudisies en die bestes gaan deur na

die program waar hulle elke week uitgedaag word om `n dans in `n nuwe styl by `n nuwe choreograaf te leer en dan op te voer. Dansers se vernuf en deursettingsvermoë word tot die uiterste getoets en sorg vir `n geïnspireerde gehoor by die huis.

Slegste Bridalplasty is `n reeks waar twaalf verloofde vrouens meeding om die troue van hulle drome te wen. Terwyl hulle in verskeie take getoets word, wen iemand ook elke week die plastiese sjirurgie operasie van hulle keuse. Die bruide met die laagste puntetellings na die take word uitgestem deur die ander. Die reeks is deur kritici in Amerika oppervlakkig, katterig en as swak smaak bestempel.

Temptation Island is `n reeks waar paartjies

saam met `n klomp enkellopers op `n tropiese eiland gestrand word. Die idee is dan dat die enkellopende lede die paartjies probeer verlei om vas te stel hoe sterk hulle verhoudings werklik is. Die reeks het egter nie lank gehou nie, omdat meeste mense nie hulle verhouding deur so iets wou sit nie en omdat kykers dit as immoreel beskou het.

The Littlelest Groom van FoxTV het menseregte organisasies op hol gehad nadat hulle `n man wat ongeveer vier voet vyf is in `n The Bachelor-tipe situasie gesit het, saam met `n paar vrouens van dieselfde lengte en dan een “normale” lengte vrou. Die groot vraag was of liefde regtig blind is en die kort man die lang vrou bo die ander sou kies.

Vreemdste

16 and Pregnant is `n reeks op MTV wat beslis nie `n paar dekades gelede so populêr sou gewees het soos wat dit vandag is nie.

Die reeks volg `n verskeidenheid meisies wat op 16 swanger geword het en gee die kyker verskillende perspektiewe op hoe mense deur so `n geval geraak word. Dit wys die moeilike besluite wat die meisies moet maak asook hoe hulle lewens geaffekteer word na die geboorte van hulle babas.

Solitary is `n sosiale eksperiment waar deelnemers tot die uiterste getoets word terwyl hulle stoksielalleen in `n “pod” bly met net `n stem wat elke nou en dan vir hulle opdragte gee. Die deelnemers word sies en psigies beproef deurdat daar byvoorbeeld vir hulle gesê word hulle gaan nou vir agt ure slaap, net om twee ure later wakker gemaak te word. Hulle het geen manier om te weet hoe laat dit is nie en dink dus hulle het `n goeie nagrus agter die blad. Temperatuur, kos en slaaptye word van buite die “pod” af beheer en kykers kry kans om te sien wat met mense gebeur wanneer hulle net hulself het om op staat te maak.

“Ek sal op Minute To Win It wil wees,” sê eerstejaar regte student, Wessel Herbst.

“Dit lyk na cool games wat min kos. Perfek vir enige student.” Hy vertel ook dat sekere reekse nog oorspronklik en goed is maar dat Idols se “senutergende wie-is-vanaand-uitaankondigings” na soveel seisoene nie meer opwinding veroorsaak nie.

Hoe werklik realiteitsreekse is, is debatteerbaar, maar een ding is seker, hulle sorg vir ure se vermaak. Word deel van die fenomeen, en wie weet, jy mag dalk net die volgende Superster, miljoenêr of skoonheidskoningin wees.

Illustrasie: Marius Veldhuyzen van Zaten

Would you give a lay for an A?

MASENTLE NTHOLENG There must have been a time in your life when you had a crush on a teacher or a lecturer. You would try to think of any excuse just for a bit of extra interaction with the educator you felt so attracted to. You would even get the sudden urge to ask for extra classes and if that didn’t work, extra homework would do too. But what happens when the roles are reversed and the lecturer or teacher is looking at you and

thinking “How edible...”.

Teacher-student relationships have been around since the beginning of educational institutions. Hollywood has managed to exploit this scandalous part of the education system, It is a pretty safe bet that any show featuring adults and teenagers in an academic environment will explore a romantic relationship between a teacher and a student at some point.

More outrage tends to occur when a male

teacher engages in an illicit sexual affair with a younger female student, rather than the other way round. This can probably explained by the worrying generalisation that only men can be sexual predators. It also seems to be a trend that, should a female teacher engage with a student, she will be far more attractive than the average female. This can make you wonder: are less attractive female teachers less inclined to initiate such an affair?

One of the most famous student-teacher affairs is that of Mary Kay Letourneau. She served seven years in prison for the statutory rape of a 13-year-old boy, Vili Fualaau. Four months after her arrest in 1997, Letourneau (who was 34 at the time and married with four children) gave birth to a little girl. She pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 89 months of imprisonment.

Her sentence was soon suspended on the condition that she stay away from Fualaau after her release. As soon as she was released, she was discovered in a car with Vili and was promptly re-arrested to serve the rest of her seven-and-a-half-year sentence. While in prison, wardens soon discovered that she was pregnant with Fualaau’s second child.

After she had served her sentence, she coauthored a book with her child lover, titled Only One Crime, Love. Following on from this, the year 2000 marked the release of their questionable love story on lm under the title All-American Girl: The Mary Kay Letourneau Story.

Rositta Mbanze, a third-year BA student, shared her story of a teacher trying to pursue a relationship with her. “It is nothing less than disgusting. He wasn’t even good-looking,” she said. Mbanze continued to say that when

you are a student or pupil, you are put in a compromising position if you do not report something like this to a gure of authority because you risk getting really low marks or even failing. “The teacher that was pursuing me in high school was really doing some unsavoury things to get my attention and I ended up telling my mother because of the severe discomfort I was feeling because of this man. Some people clearly cannot handle power positions and choose to manipulate them for their own selsh needs,” she said.

In 2005, a Freedom of Information Act request by Times Higher Education revealed that 50 out of 102 institutions had no policy requiring staff to declare sexual or other relationships with students that may result in a conict of interest. Of those that did, few appeared to apply them and only 17 universities had records on le.

Perdeby investigated if UP has a policy requiring staff to declare sexual or other relationships with students that may result in a conict of interest and it turns out that the university doesn’t have such a policy.

The university does however have a policy regarding sexual harrassment and a code of conduct on the handling of sexual harrassment.

All complaints pertaining to sexual harrassment and intimidation can be lodged with the Student Council member for Safety and Security. So, next time a lecturer becomes a bit too friendly, you know where to go.

Besides that, we may still enjoy looking at those lecturers who make our hearts skip a beat, but you have to ask yourself if you would give a lay for an A. Image: Ezelle van der Heever

Features

19 September ‘11

7

A limb a day keeps the bad luck away

Human sacrifice and its evolution into modern day culture

MASENLE NTHOLENG

The human body is an amazing and never-ending source of interesting facts and entertainment.

A person farts an average of 14 times a day.

When you are placed in a particularly dangerous situation, you can actually lift a car if enough adrenaline is produced. Sadly, however, of all the lovely things that the human body could have been used for, mankind managed to nd it tting for human sacrice.

Like many historic and shocking traditions, human sacrice and human harvesting has evolved with the times to become a contemporary taboo.

We have all heard the gory stories of human sacrice and the harvesting of bodies for numerous reasons. Unless you are a sadist of the worst kind, then human sacrice really isn’t something to applaud. It was (and still is) seen as one of the most sinister and gruesome things that could be done to an individual. It is, however, a very fascinating subject to look at, as it is something that has great historical relevance and gives great insight into how and why heinous things were done to people back in the Dark Ages, and why some people still feel the need to chop people into pieces in contemporary society.

This gruesome phenomenon is particularly relevant and very close to home. For example, muti-murders, where body parts are incorporated into potions for “medicinal” purposes used in witchcraft. One infamous story is of Helen Madide from Thohoyandou, who was forced to assist a witchdoctor to kill her son for muti purposes back in 2007. Madide said that after the witchdoctor slit her son’s throat, he proceeded to cut off his hands, his legs and even his genitals. Limbs from

children, particularly the genitals, are said to be the most potent. These are sometimes taken from live victims because it is believed that the screams from the victims will enhance the power of the medicine. According to an investigation by BBC News carried out in Uganda in 2010 on ritual killings, one man said that he had clients who had captured children and taken their blood and body parts to his shrine, while another confessed to killing at least 70 people including his own son.

According to Ugandan ofcials trying to tackle this problem, these crimes are directly linked to rising levels of development and prosperity, and an increasing belief that witchcraft can help people get rich quickly.

“They go and capture other people’s children.

They bring the heart and the blood directly here to take to the spirits,” said the Ugandan witchdoctor.

“They bring them in small tins and they place these objects under the tree from which the voices

of the spirits are coming”. All of this for the price of around £160 per consultation.

The typology of human sacrice draws close similarities to the various practices of ritual slaughter of animals, and in some cultures, had previously completely replaced the ritual of animal sacrice.

In order to appease the gods or ancestors, victims were ritually killed as offerings. Another popular reason for these acts was for kings and pharoahs to have their slaves continue their duties and serve their masters even in the after-life.

This type of thing is not exclusive to Africa, however. Sacrice of this manner was apparently intended to bring good fortune to the individuals or societies who carried it out and keep the gods happy, similar to the dedication of a completed building like a temple or bridge. There is one Chinese legend that states that there are thousands of people entombed in the Great Wall of China, which suggests the reason why the wall has stood for an impressive number of centuries.

Ritual killings have also found their way onto our TV screens and into entertainment arenas. In the movie 300, deformed children are thrown into a mass grave, and in the series The Borgias there is a display of a king’s collection of his enemies’ decapitated heads on the walls of his kingdom.

Though human sacrices and the like were were practised a long time ago, similar “sacrices” still occur in some cultures today. You never know when you might bump into someone that may see you t for body-harvest for a bit of good luck. If such a misfortune ever does befall you, this piece may come in handy, but Perdeby hopes you never come across such danger.

Illustration: Gustav Reyneke

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8

19 September‘11

Entertainment

B-sides: the other side of the story

LUSANDA FUTSHANE Listeners are rather ignorant about what goes into choosing an album’s track list. Artists often cite reasons like “thematic conict”, song quality and overall album length when explaining why certain songs don’t make the nal cut. However, some of these abandoned tracks do end up seeing the light of day – as add-ons to singles released from the main album.

“B-sides” they were called, as a reference to their being on the reverse side of 12-inch vinyl records back in the day. The term has survived through the decades and is still being used in the digital age. The curious thing about B-sides is how some of them receive greater praise than the main singles and are eventually released

as their own independent “A-sides”. Here is a selection of great B-sides that don’t really deserve to be labelled as such.

“Pink Cadillac” – Bruce Springsteen (1984) Not exactly one of Bruce Springsteen’s biggest hits nor particularly indicative of his style, “Pink Cadillac” stands out for being among the most talked-about songs that he has produced. Backing Springsteen’s most successful hit “Dancing in the Dark”, “Pink Cadillac” is a catchy and easy tune known mostly for its use of car metaphors to refer to sex and female genitalia, much in the same vein as the timeless “Mustang Sally”. Fun fact: Springsteen wouldn’t allow Bette Midler to cover the song because he felt that it was inappropriate for a girl to sing. Ironically,

Natalie Cole managed to cover the song without protest and actually achieved more success with her version than Springsteen did with the original.

“The Amazing Sounds of Orgy” – Radiohead (2001) “The Amazing Sounds of Orgy” is arguably one of Radiohead’s most unusual songs.

An experimental track with Thom Yorke droning hypnotically over synthetic riffs and atmospheric thumps, it was on the B-side of “Pyramid Song” off their Amnesiac album.

While some describe the robust and echoing sound of the song as dark and creepy, there is something enchanting about it that lingers long after the song has ended. A split vote for most Radiohead fans, “The Amazing Sounds of Orgy” is still one of the band’s lesser-known

songs. However, it is denitely worth a listen.

“Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” – The Smiths (1984) Released on the ip side of their hit “William, It Was Really Nothing”, this is one of The Smiths’ most-covered songs – most recently, by American indie pop duo She & Him as part of the soundtrack for the 2009 romantic comedy (500) Days of Summer. There are even reports of a Lil’ Wayne mash-up doing the rounds. Even though the original is less than two minutes long, it has been credited as one of the band’s most dening tracks. It is often humorously said that fellow British rock band Oasis based their entire career on this one song.

“I Can’t Make You Love Me/Nick of Time” – Bon Iver (2011) One of last year’s most critically acclaimed artists, Bon Iver released his self-titled sophomore album just a few months ago.

The rst single was the somewhat surprising “Calgary”. Paired with it, however, was a refreshing cover of Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” with a few added seconds of “Nick of Time”. Raitt’s 1991 hit has been re-done numerous times over the years but Bon Iver’s stripped-bare version is right up there with the original. With nothing but a piano and his emotive falsetto, Justin Vernon opens up this song about helplessness and turns it into something reminiscent of the grander, melancholic days of his debut full-length album For Emma, Forever Ago. “Rain” – The Beatles (1966) In a sentence: a song about bad weather and being happy in spite of it. However, loyal fans of The Beatles will tell you that it is never really that simple with these guys. “Rain” is one of the band’s most praised songs despite being on the reverse of the “Paperback Writer” single.

It is also one of the rst songs to use backward vocals, which was far from the norm at the time. Ringo Starr shines on this track with his excellent drumming talents, which Rolling Stone described as “superb”. One thing’s for sure – The Beatles are the only band that could make a song about precipitation sound so groovy.

Photo: Desré Barnard

Idees vol vrees: Afrikaanse humor MARISSA GRAVETT Suid-Afrikaners is nou maar eenmaal bekend vir hul unieke humorsin. Enkele ure na `n ramp soos die aardbewing en tsunami in Japan vroeër vanjaar, begin die grappies al die rondte doen. Sommige mense mag dit dalk as onsensitief afmaak, maar lag is `n goedkoper kuur vir enige traumatiese of stresvolle situasie as enige medisyne. Juis daarom skakel die Idees Vol Vrees (IVV) spotprentreeks van Kobus Galloway so goed by ons SuidAfrikaanse humorsin in. In sy woorde: “Ek teken sodat ek mense kan maak lag.”

Menigte van julle het dalk al die spotprente op Facebook gewaar of `n vriend het dit aangestuur om jou dag op te kikker, en aangesien lag en algehele lawwigheid so lekker by die studente-genre inval, het Perdeby dit goedgedink om bietjie met Galloway te gesels.

Kobus, op IVV se Facebook-bladsy sê jy dat jy hoop die spotprente mense sal laat glimlag. Hoekom en waar het jou “loopbaan” as spotprenttekenaar begin?

Op die ouderdom van ses jaar het my ouers my vir kunsklasse gestuur en ek het dit vir 12 jaar geneem. Na skool het ek graese ontwerp gaan studeer en as vryskutkunstenaar gewerk.

Maar ek teken spotprente en strokiesprente vandat ek kan onthou.

Hoe het die reeks spotprente ontstaan en waarom juis die naam “Idees Vol Vrees”?

Idees Vol Vrees, oftewel IVV, het sy naam gekry toe ek gesit en dink het wat ek wil doen, teken-gewys, met my lewe. Baie mense het visies, idees en drome, maar hulle kom nooit daarby uit nie, want hulle is te bang (vrees dat iets verkeerd gaan loop). Om `n spotprentreeks

te begin was my “Idee(s) Vol Vrees”.

Waar kom jy aan die idees vir jou spotprente?

Ek sien inspirasie in letterlik enige iets.

Alles in die lewe moet met `n knippie humor opgeneem word. Daar is so baie dubbelsinnigheid daarbuite. IVV-aanhangers stuur ook graag hulle voorstelle in na kobus@ komedie.co.za of deur my webtuiste www. komedie.co.za.

Watter medium gebruik jy om die spotprente te teken; is dit handgeteken en ingeskandeer of gebruik jy `n rekenaarprogram soos PhotoShop of SketchBookPro?

Ek teken alles op die rekenaar deur middel van `n tablet, so alles verskyn direk op die skerm.

Die spotprente verskyn meestal weekliks en soms is daar selfs meer as een per week.

Hoe lank neem dit jou omtrent om `n enkele spotprent te produseer (van die konsep tot die eindproduk)?

Alles is maar afhangende van die idee. Dit kan enige iets neem van vyf minute na `n uur of twee. Maar ek glo nie dat mens tyd kan plaas op mense se glimlagte nie, so ek hou nie eintlik die tyd dop nie.

Daar is gerugte van `n IVV-boek wat in Oktober beskikbaar sal wees. Wat kan jy

ons verder hiervan vertel?

Ek wil nou nie die aap uit die mou laat nie, maar die IVV-boek is beskikbaar die eerste week van Oktober by enige goeie boekwinkel, maar meestal Exclusive Books en CNA sover my kennis strek. Daar is 154 IVV spotprente in, waarvan 50 eksklusief vir die boek geteken is. Dit sal ook by baie aanlynwinkels en webtuistes beskikbaar wees vir die mense wat bietjie vêr bly.

Op jou webtuiste, www.komedie.co.za, is daar ook soortgelyke spotprente te sien, soos IVV se Engelse boetie, Oneduhfool Cartoons en `n Afrikaanse “comicstrip” genaamd Die (mis)Avonture van Skorsie & Das. Is daar nog soortgelyke projekte in die pyplyn?

Oneduhfool is nog baie jonk, maar daar is ook groot planne vir hom. Die (mis)Avonture van Skorsie en Das word tans deur RGB & Alpha in die Kaap geanimeer en word nou `n animasiereeks, so wees op die uitkyk daarvoor.

Hou Facebook en die webtuiste dop vir meer inligting binnekort.

Idees Vol Vrees is beslis soos die Facebookbladsy dit stel, “kort, kragtig, snaaks en sinneloos” en dra op `n oorspronklike manier by tot die Afrikaanse en Suid-Afrikaanse komediekultuur. Volg gerus Kobus en IVV op Twitter @IdeesVolVrees, gaan “like” die Facebook-bladsy of besoek www.komedie. co.za. As jy die spotprente prettig vind, doen jouself `n guns en gaan koop die IVV-boek wanneer dit Oktober op die rakke verskyn.

Of seën `n vriend of familielid met die ideale verjaarsdag- of Kersfeesgeskenk.

Beeld: Kobus Galloway

Entertainment

9

19 September ‘11

Harry Potter version 2.0

KIRSTI BUICK If you think you’ve seen the last of Harry, think again. Potter-creator J.K. Rowling wants to give her fans more. On 31 July (the author’s and Harry’s birthday) this year, Rowling launched “Pottermore”, an interactive website that allows a virtual reading experience and that is also set to sell ofcial eBook versions of the series.

Rowling was quick to announce that this is not another Potter book. The site will instead be home to over 18 000 words of previously unreleased original material. This includes background on characters and settings that Rowling has “been hoarding for years”.

The 31 July beta version of the site was only open to the rst million users, who had to complete “The Magical Quill Challenge” to gain access. Fans had to answer seven questions in

a week (one each day), after which they would receive an email promising them access to the site.

Each day of the challenge corresponded to one of the seven books. Questions ranged from “how many owls are on the Eeylops Owl Emporium sign? Multiply by 49” to “what is the number of the chapter in which Professor McGonagall cancels the Quidditch match between Gryfndor and Hufepuff? Multiply this number by 42”.

The beta users will be able to give feedback and suggestions to the site’s creators, thereby helping to shape the nal product, which will be publicly launched next month.

According to Rowling’s press release regarding the site, “the storyline will be brought to life with sumptuous newly commissioned illustrations and interactive ‘moments’ through which you can navigate.” Upon entering, users will choose a magical username and travel through these various

“moments”, eventually joining Hogwarts as Harry does. The journey begins at Privet Drive, where users can explore Harry’s infamous cupboard under the stairs complete with spiders scurrying across the screen. Following this, they move on to the various locations of the rst book, including Platform 9 ¾, the Hogwarts Express, Diagon Alley and Gringotts, where each user will receive 175 galleons. This online currency will allow users to buy items on their Hogwarts shopping list. Each new witch or wizard receives a personal trunk in which they can store trinkets such as magic beans and spell cards that are hidden throughout the site.

At the wand shop, Ollivander’s, they are asked a series of questions to determine which wand best suits them.

Rowling has also designed an ofcial Sorting Hat test to sort users into the various Hogwarts houses. Those not placed in Gryfndor are given access to exclusive material from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Fans are warned that the site is not a game.

Although each user has his own prole, he doesn’t have an avatar. And while the site includes some animated features, such as Ron’s rat, Scabbers, lurking around the Hogwarts Express cabin, no World of Warcraft-esque graphics should be expected. Time magazine online likens the site to a “digitised pop-up book rather than a graphic adventure game”. Rowling says this is because she wanted to keep the emphasis on the “literary experience”.

The billionaire authoress seems to have wanted to create more of a themed social-networking site than an interactive game. In her press release, Rowling said, “Just as I have contributed to the website, everyone else will be able to join in by submitting their own comments, drawings and other content in a safe and friendly environment.

Pottermore has been designed as a place to share the stories with your friends as you journey through the site.”

Bands • Ashtray Electric, Fire Through The Window, Alan! Letsmoveon and The Olympic. Friday 23 September. Arcade Empire. R30 before 10pm and R40 thereafter.

• Spring Street Party featuring Jack Parow, Locnville and Goodluck. Friday 23 September. Manhattans, Rivonia. R50 to R120 at the gate and R100 to R200 presale from Computicket.

• Gazelle, Holiday Murray and more.

Hotbox Studios. R50.

• Culture Clash featuring Zebra & Giraffe, Gang of Instrumentals, Ashtray Electric and more. Saturday 24 September. Truth Nightclub, Midrand. R120.

Theatre • Nataniel and Other Blossom. From 19 to 25 September. Atterbury Theatre. Tickets range from R175 to R200.

• Ester runs until 2 October at the State Theatre, Pretoria. Tickets range from R140 to R260.

• Burlesque runs until 8 December in Honeydew. Tickets are R200. F Comedy • Tshwane Comedy Night: Cape Town’s Finest Night featuring Donovan Goliath, Dale Amler, Lazola Gola and Gavin Kelly.

Saturday 24 September. State Theatre, Pretoria. R60 from Computicket and R80 at the door.

Other • Night of the poets featuring 5th Groove and Mo’Afrika. Wednesday 21 September.

State Theatre, Pretoria. R50.

Image: Gerhard Louw

Sad!

Rad! CHRIS VAN DER MERWE

SAD!

Musikale toneelstukke: `n perfekte mengsel van drama, sang en dans – of is dit? Dit is moeilik om te dink dat so `n kombinasie verkeerd kan gaan, maar die teendeel is nou al oor en oor bewys. Al was daar al verskeie klassieke optredes deur die jare, is daar veel meer bevraagtekenbare en belaglike optredes wat al die lig gesien het. Vandeesweek kyk Perdeby na `n paar verruklike en `n paar vernederende toneelstukke.

Kanye West: Graduation The Musical As daar nou al ooit `n persoon met `n te groot ego was, dan is dit Kanye West. Ons het al baie in die nuus gehoor van hoe hy by toekenning-seremonies kop verloor. Hy het dit egter hierdie keer `n stap te ver geneem. Wat maak sy lewe so belangrik en ontsagwekkend dat hy dit nie net soos ander bekendes in `n outobiograe kan oorvertel nie?

Winnie: The Opera Winnie Madikizela-Mandela is `n belangrike vrou in ons land se geskiedenis, vir meer as net die feit dat sy met `n belangrike man getroud was. Sy was ook bekend as politikus en aktivis. Dit is alles goed en wel. Is dit nou regtig nodig om jou lewensverhaal in die vorm van `n opera oor te vertel?

Moby Dick Almal ken die verhaal van Herman Meville se Moby Dick. Of jy dit nou gelees het of op TV gesien het, jy weet basies waaroor dit gaan.

Dit is glad nie `n slegte idee om die verhaal te omskep in `n toneelstuk nie. Wat wel `n slegte idee was, was om die toneelstuk in `n skool se swembad te doen. Die toneelstuk het egter 15 weke by die Piccidilly Teater oorleef voordat dit tot `n gelukkige einde gekom het.

Children of Eden Soos jy sekerlik uit die naam kan aei, het hierdie toneelstuk oor die Bybel gehandel.

Soos wat mens nie oor geloof praat wanneer mens drink nie, moet mens nie probeer om die Bybel in `n drama te verander nie. Die liriekskrywer, Stephen Schwartz, het dinge nog verder met sy omstrede lirieke omgekrap.

Nodeloos om te sê, die skouspel het nie lank gehou nie.

RAD! Big Boys Don’t Dance Het jy al ooit gewonder hoe dit sal wees as The Hangover in `n musikale toneelstuk omskep word? As jy het, dan hoef jy nie langer nie. Big Boys Don’t Dance is `n satiriese uitkyk op die gewone ervaringe van `n Suid-Afrikaanse man net voordat hy trou en sy broer wat hom oor sy verlede moeilikheid gee.

Avenue Q So, jy weet hoedat Sesame Street jou oortuig het dat almal spesiaal is en dat daar absoluut niks is wat jy nie kan doen nie? Avenue Q, met sy bleek en satiriese uitbeelding van die lewe, seks en verhoudings, sal jou twee keer daaroor laat dink. Dit is een van die oorspronklikste konsepte wat al ooit in `n toneelstuk omskep is.

Sesame Street – vir volwassenes.

Wicked Vandat ons klein was, het ons ouers ons met een belangrike lewensles gepeper: dat elke storie twee kante het. Dink byvoorbeeld aan The Wizard Of Oz – almal was baie vinnig om die heks te veroordeel net omdat sy die antagonis is. Wicked speel die kaarte `n bietjie anders. Dit handel oor die verhaal van The Wizard Of Oz, maar van die heks se oogpunt af.

Beeld: Gerhard Louw

10

19 September‘11

Entertainment

A karaoke tune for every (drunken) mood

MEAGAN DILL What would a drunken night be without doing something potentially embarrassing? Particularly if that activity is based on false condence.

Karaoke is denitely something that every party animal should tick off their bucket list. It’s not always easy choosing the appropriate song though – especially when your judgement isn’t quite as sound as it should be in the rst place.

Here at Perdeby we’ve taken it upon ourselves to come up with a foolproof karaoke song guide for every alcohol-induced situation you can think of.

“I LOVE YOU, MAN!” The situation: You’re a few beers (and

maybe some shooters) in, and you realise just how fantastic your friends are. This leads to an outpouring of affection on them (and just about every stranger in the bar really). Take it to the next level by expressing this “musically”.

The perfect song: “I’ll Be There For You” by The Rembrandts. Okay, this might seem like an obvious choice considering that it was the theme song for Friends back in the 90s. But that catchy melody makes it perfect for karaoke – not to mention the added bonus of the opportunity for hand clapping.

Caution: Although you probably know a lot of the words already, the actual song is longer than the one played in the opening sequence of

Friends, so be aware that there are a few extra verses.

Iconic lyrics: “I’ll be there for you / When the rain starts to pour / I’ll be there for you / Like I’ve been there before.”

GIRL POWER The situation: Ladies – whether you’re single or attached, there’s something empowering about celebrating your womanhood. While not all of us feel the need to burn bras or use the spelling “womyn”, there’s nothing quite like a good girls’ night out.

The perfect song: “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. Bonus points if you can do the accompanying dance.

Caution: It’s no secret that Beyoncé has one amazing set of pipes. Attempt this one only if you’re either naturally brave or have acquired some Dutch courage. Or if you just don’t care what people think.

Iconic lyrics: “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it / Don’t be mad ‘cause you see that he want it.”

BROADWAY MOMENT The situation: Music and musicals. Kind of an obvious link, huh? If you’re hitting up the karaoke bar you may as well do a Broadway number for kicks. Of course, the problem here is picking a song that everyone knows – nonBroadway geeks included.

The perfect song: “The Time Warp” by the cast of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Caution: Yet another song with an accompanying dance routine. While everyone knows this routine, please note that it is inadvisable to attempt to do it with a drink in your one hand and your BlackBerry in the other.

Iconic lyrics: “It’s just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right / With your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight / But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.”

DRONK VERDRIET The situation: As the night winds down, sometimes the mood does too. Maybe a drunk dial gone wrong or an unfortunate roadside puking incident did it – and sometimes the best thing is to just go with the mood by belting out something suitably sappy.

The perfect song: “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5. An oldie, but a goodie. Alternatively, anything by Adele.

Caution: There’s a ne line between mild embarrassment and humiliation you’ll never be able to live down. So: getting a little teary-eyed and singing a bit out of tune is forgivable. But try not to go overboard by howling the lyrics between sobs. Not attractive.

Iconic lyrics: “I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door / I’ve had you so many times but somehow I want more.”

Photo: Desré Barnard

Red Hot Chili Peppers: I’m with you The Hollywood recycle machine

NADINE LAGGAR The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back after a ve-year sabbatical with their tenth album, I’m With You. After guitarist John Frusciante left the band to pursue other interests, fans wondered whether the band could pull this album off with their new guitarist, Josh Klinghoffer.

I’m With You still sounds like the Chili Peppers: a little bit of funk, Flea’s incredible riffs on bass, Anthony Kiedis’ eclectic lyrics and Chad Smith’s energy on the drums. If you are a fan, you’ll be sold.

However, you can’t help but feel the loss of Frusciante. Klinghoffer is audible but he remains inconspicuous when compared to the other members of the band. The tracks also seem more experimental and lack the direction of previous albums such as Blood Sugar Sex Magik or Stadium Arcadium. But don’t give up all hope just yet. The Chili Peppers didn’t reach their tenth album for nothing. And this is the second time that Frusciante has left the band,

the rst being in 1992 (he then returned in 1998 for Californication).

The rst single to be released off of the album is “The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie”.

It’s a well-chosen track and will give you a feel for what you can expect from I’m With You. “Factory of Faith”, “Look Around”, “Happiness Loves Company” and “Meet Me at the Corner” will soothe the panic elicited by Frusciante’s leaving. There are some songs that have a harder and more serious edge like “Monarchy of Roses” and “Even You Brutus?” that might surprise some. Throw in some slower tracks such as “Brendan’s Death Song” and “Police Station” and the Chili Peppers will have sated most appetites.

On the whole, the album will not disappoint fans, but it does sound like the Chili Peppers are in a bit of a limbo. Klinghoffer is going to have to get used to being in the spotlight and develop his own identity in the band if he’s going to make his mark like Kiedis, Flea and Smith.

Image: www.redhotchilipeppers.com

LISA DE KLERK Cinephiles often complain that Hollywood is running out of original ideas – hence the torrent of remakes that ood the box ofce every year. Remakes, however, are part of a longstanding Hollywood tradition; Hollywood’s rst narrative lm was The Great Train Robbery (1903). The remake came out a year later.

These days, lmmakers are a bit more spoiled for choice. The most promising remake of the year is David Fincher’s English-language version of Stieg Larsson’s international bestseller The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

The Swedish version was released in 2009 to great critical reception from The Millennium Trilogy fans. Diehard fans have been sceptical of a Hollywood version, but its explosive trailer has silenced most cynics. Fincher (The Social Network, Fight Club) has promised a strict book-to-lm adaptation and Nine Inch Nails

frontman Trent Reznor is back on board for another soundtrack collaboration. South African audiences can expect the lm in December of this year.

2012 promises even more spectacular remakes, the most anticipated being Baz Lurhman’s (Moulin Rouge, Romeo + Juliet) adaptation of F Scott Fitzgerald’s beloved The Great Gatsby. This will be the third lm version of the book, and if casting is anything to go by it might very well be the best. Leonardo di Caprio will ll Robert Redford’s shoes as Jay Gatsby, while Carey Mulligan takes over from Mia Farrow as Daisy Buchanan. Di Caprio’s buddy Tobey Maguire, and comedic beauty Isla Fisher will also star in the lm.

Another classic novel adaptation expected in 2012 will be a thirteenth lm version of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. Yes, thirteenth, although some previous versions have been in Russian and even Egyptian. Director Joe Wright (Atonement, Pride & Prejudice) has once again cast Keira Knightley in this period piece as well as his other favourite, Saorise Ronan. Jude Law will play Knightley’s less-than-charming husband Alexei Karenin.

Unfortunately, Steve Martin’s versions of The Pink Panther are proof that not all remakes are a good idea. For instance, Perdeby is a lot less excited about the remake of 80s musical Footloose. The lm’s tagline, “There is a time to cut loose”, has clearly been ignored by the lmmakers. Even lower on our list are remakes of horror lms It and Child’s Play. There have already been four sequels starring the innitely wicked doll Chucky, why reboot the enterprise?

To scare a whole new generation of kids away from their toys? As for It, screenwriter Dave Kajganich promises the lm will be “R-rated, gory and terrifying”. If other horror movie remakes are anything to go by (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Amityville Horror, Nightmare on Elm Street) then the prospects look dismal.

Image: www.IMDb.com

Sport

11

19 September ‘11

Maluleke excels at Bodybuilding Champs CARLO COCK Tuks student Bhekumuzi Maluleke recently competed in the International Federation of Bodybuilding South Africa (IFBSA) National Championships in Cape Town. The 20-yearold second-year BSportSci student has become something of a boy-wonder in the bodybuilding arena and the young sensation produced a great routine at the championships to earn fourth place in his division.

Competing in the junior u/21 and u/75 kg category, Maluleke is relatively light and hardly looks like the chiselled mountain of muscle he is when in his everyday attire.

However, he certainly looks the part in competition. Having taken up the sport at 17, Maluleke has rapidly developed into one of the country’s top junior bodybuilders. “I used to love playing football but in grade eleven I got injured. I had to go to gym for rehab and I met a few bodybuilders there and that’s how I got into it. Then, over time, I became more interested in bodybuilding than football.”

This year has been Maluleke’s most successful in the sport to date: he has won every competition that he has entered prior to the IFBSA National Championships. These include the prestigious International Federation of Bodybuilding (IFBB) Champs, the Federation of South African Amateur Bodybuilding (FOSAAB) Champs, the USN Rainbow Classic, the USN Boksburg Classic and the IFBB H&H Classic. He earned the right to represent Northern Gauteng at the IFBSA National Championships after winning the IFBSA Provincial Competition on 3 September.

Although dissatised with his performance at the national competition, Maluleke remains upbeat about his future in the sport. “Yeah, I was disappointed to be placed fourth because my main goal was to be in the top 3, at least. But it’s all about

being better and better each year and competing with oneself.

I’m very proud to be associated with the top 4 juniors in SA bodybuilding and now I’m looking forward to competing at the Muscle Evolution Grand Prix in October. The aim is to get my name out there.”

Maluleke follows a strict diet and training programme in order to get into peak condition for competitions. He consumes an astonishing 1500 grams of protein and only a mere 200 grams of fat every week. In addition, he has a strategically planned training programme which sees him work out six days a week, targeting specic muscles in each session. His rigorous routine is clearly working, as he boasts an impressive four per cent body-fat percentage. To put Maluleke’s achievements into perspective, consider this: the average person consumes 350-400 grams of protein per week and the average man aged between 20 and 30 has a body-fat percentage of 10-18%. These gures not only demonstrate the superiority of Maluleke’s physique but also his commitment and dedication to the sport.

After taking up bodybuilding, Maluleke developed a keen interest in biology and physiology and after completing his studies, the ambitious young man from White City, Soweto, wishes to pursue a career in high-performance sport conditioning. “Sport is a short-term career in general but for me, bodybuilding is a lifestyle. After my degree, I want to go into high-performance conditioning and bio-kinetics, specialising in rehabilitation. My ultimate dream is to set up a high performance centre specialised for bodybuilding.”

Whether he pursues a long-term career in either bodybuilding or in high-performance sport, one shouldn’t bet against Maluleke being a huge success.

Photo provided

Ways to lose the winter weight Interview with James Slipper CHARLOTTE KEURIS

With spring in full swing the only reminder of winter for some is the extra weight around their waists. Perdeby decided to put a list together of the best places to work off the last of that unwanted weight.

Good old gym We all know that most of the time working up a sweat is the most effective way to lose weight. Luckily, as students, we have the Tuks student gyms at our disposal.

The two gyms are located on the LC de Villiers campus and on Groenkloof campus. The gyms have various types of membership available to students, as well as non-students, all of which provide members with access to both gyms.

During this time of the year the two best membership options are the debit-order membership and the monthly membership. The monthly membership will cost students R140 and non-students R170 per month. This membership is useful as you have no obligation to the gym and can re-join on a monthly basis if you feel you need it. The debit-order membership is the cheapest of all the memberships and costs students only R99 and non-students R132 per month.

Put your dance shoes on For students wanting more from their exercise than an hour on a machine, the university also has TuksDance.

Dancing is a great form of exercise and works the entire body. TuksDance also offers various types of dancing, including ballroom, Latin-American, hip hop, salsa, mambo and waltz. Knowing that dancing isn’t a skill everyone possesses, several beginner classes are also available in the various dance forms. And for the men, dance classes are a great way of meeting girls (and everyone knows that a guy who is good on the dance floor is good in bed). For class times and fees visit the TuksDance page at www.up.ac.za.

Don’t be afraid to get wet Perdeby’s favourite way of staying fit this spring is by jumping into the swimming pool. Not only is swimming a fun way to work your entire body but it is also the only exercise where you don’t sweat. Luckily, we have the facilities of the swimming pool on LC de Villiers as well as the Olympic-size swimming pool at Hillcrest to make use of.

If cooling down during this warm weather isn’t motivation enough, just think of swimmers like Cameron van der Burgh.

The swimming pool is a great excuse to show off your

SAMANTHA EVANS

swimmer’s body, and who knows? Maybe you will even meet your own van der Burgh.

For lazy students All right, let’s face it. Exercise isn’t always high on a student’s list of priorities, so Perdeby decided to put together a few tips that even the laziest of students can do.

When you’re out in Hatfield, don’t sit around the bar the whole night. Get on the dance floor instead. Places like Oppi Square and Oxford normally have great music and at least some attractive drunk people.

Instead of that Castle beer why don’t you get a Castle Light or even try something completely different like vodka and orange juice?

Take the long way around. When going to nearby shops, leave the car at home. Those grocery bags are great for your arms and shoulders.

Now you don’t have an excuse, get out there, get fit and have a great spring.

Illustration: Gustav Reyneke

When did you start playing professionally?

I started playing professionally last year in 2010 for the Reds and then somehow made the Wallabies after that.

Best moment in rugby to date?

Defeating the All Blacks in Hong Kong 2010.

What are your goals for the future?

Play as many games for Australia [as I can] and win another Super Rugby competition.

How long and how often do you usually train?

Six days a week, normally twice daily. So around about 3-4 hours a day.

What is your nickname?

I have many, but the most popular would be either Styvo or Stampy.

When did you first start playing rugby and did you have a role model?

Since I started school. I looked up to John Eales when I was growing up.

What do you want to do after your rugby career is over?

I’m currently studying architecture. So something relating to that hopefully.

What other sports do you enjoy playing/watching?

I love surfing (not the best) and I love watching sports overall.

When travelling, who is the best player to share a room with and why?

When I’m travelling, the best roommate would have to be Robert Simmons (second row – Wallabies and Reds). He can be a tad messy though!

On a night out with your team mates, who is most likely to strut their stuff on the dance floor?

Definitely Rod Davis (Reds winger). Funniest bloke on a night out.

When you have alone time what do you enjoy doing?

Going to the beach is always high on my list. Besides that, relaxing is always nice.

What is your favourite drink when you go out? And are you a singles or doubles man?

Rum and Coke. I’m normally just a singles man. Really depends on the occasion.

Now that we have covered your favourite drink – what is your favourite meal to eat and do you cook it yourself or would you go to a restaurant?

A nice steak with veggies always gets me going. I can cook it, but I’d rather not clean up after. So I normally head out.

Tuks win the 2011 Carlton Cup

KEVIN VAN DER LIST On 10 September, Tuks 1 nished off an unbeaten season by beating Police 48-16 in their Carlton Cup nal at the Loftus Versveld Stadium. Tuks’s victory secured them an impressive 13 back-to-back wins this season.

This performance means that this Tuks team becomes only the third team in TuksRugby history to remain unbeaten the entire season.

Tuks 1 assistant coach David Manuel said that all the hard work the coaches and the team put in this season was very “rewarding” and that he is “proud of the boys”. Tuks showed no sign of complacency going into the nal, despite having beaten Centurion 37-23 a week earlier in their semi-nal.

All six Tuks teams made it into the nal of the Carlton Cup in their respective leagues. Four of

the six teams emerged victorious. Tuks Fezelas beat Centurion 36-28 and Tuks Pumas beat Centurion 26-7. Tuks Renegades lost 14-29 to Harlequins and Tuks Jongspan lost 23-36 to Police. Tuks u/19A beat Tuks u/20A 25-22.

Tuks 1 looked quite comfortable in their game against Police and led the game 12-9 at half time, having scored two tries. When interviewed after the game, Tuks full back Ruhan Nel said that Police couldn’t keep up with Tuks in the last 20 minutes. Tuks scored an impressive eight tries compared to Police’s one.

The game started well for Tuks when their hooker Zane Botha crossed the line in the seventh minute. Thereafter, Police showed more resistance to Tuks’ attacking play. Police put Tuks under pressure and were rewarded with scoring opportunities that their kicker

failed to convert, missing two relatively easy attempts at goal in the rst half. Both sides were presented with chances but mistakes hindered the teams’ success at putting as many points on the board as they would have liked.

The teams were evenly matched in the rst half. This changed after the half-time break.

The second half was characterised by backand-forth play by both teams, with both showing good attacking and defensive play.

However, Police’s try-line was exploited rst when Tuks captain Petrus Botma scored in the corner in the 54th minute. Police’s only try of the game was courtesy of a brilliant side step from their y half Divan Prinsloo, who then went on to score under the posts. The turning point in the game for Tuks was when they went over the line in the 67th minute thanks to replacement Robin Coetzee. After this try, Tuks

proved unstoppable, scoring four more tries in eight minutes, including two tries by substitute Pieter Oosthuizen.

Police’s defence broke down and they had no answer to Tuks’ brilliant running rugby.

Tuks undoubtedly found the form we have seen in previous Carlton Cup encounters this season in the latter part of the game and proved too strong an opponent for Police. Police prop Ryno Wasserman said that Tuks put in a “clinical performance” and that Tuks was better in all facets of the game. “The better team won,” he stated.

Tuks captain Petrus Botma was happy with the performance. He is now looking forward to the Club Champs, which start the week after the Carlton Cup nal.

Photo: Kobus Barnard

Sport hoogtepunte vir die week van die laaste Wêreldbeker is, sal hulle steeds hul sokkies moet optrek vir die volgende drie poelwedstryde. Die volgende wedstryd vind plaas op 17 September teen Fidji, 22 September teen Namibië en op 30 September speel hulle die laaste poelwedstryd teen Somoa.

MARI-LOUISE DE KOCK Internasionaal Rugby Op Sondag 11 September 2011, het SuidAfrikaanse rugby-ondersteuners hulself met groen en goud gekleë om die Springbokke te ondersteun met hul eerste poelwedstryd van

die 2011 Rugby Wêreldbeker. Die Springbokke het teen Wallis gespeel en na `n senutergende wedstryd het hulle hul oorwinning van 1716 gevier. Hierdie oorwinning was nie net beskou as `n goeie begin vir Suid-Afrika nie, maar ook as `n belangrike sielkundige wedstryd vir die spelers, omrede Wallis gesien is as die moelikste teenstanders in die poel. Alhoewel die Springbokke die wenners

Tennis Sondag was nie net `n goeie dag vir rugby nie, maar ook vir tennis. Australië se vroue tennisspeler, Samantha Stosur, het die kampioen, Serena Williams (wat die titel al drie keer verower het) in die Amerikaanse Ope Vrouenaal 6-2 6-3 geklop. Hierdie oorwinning was `n baie gesogte prys vir Stosur, omdat dit die eerste keer in agt-en-dertig jaar was vir `n vroue tennisspeler van Australië om die titel te wen. Alhoewel Stosur haar naam hoog gehou het, het Williams haarself in verleentheid gestel met haar uitbarsting gedurende die wedstryd.

Williams se opmerking was gemik op die skeidsregter, Eva Asderaki, nadat Asderaki `n punt afgetrek het oor Williams so geskree het.

Universiteit van Pretoria Atletiek TuksAtletiek het ook baie om oor te spog.

Op 1 September 2011 het `n klomp van Tuks se atlete vertrek na Daegu, Korea waar hulle deel geneem het aan die IAAF Wêreld Atletiek Kampioenskappe. Die atleet wat bo die res uitgestaan het was LJ van Zyl wat derde plek gekry het vir sy briljante vertoning in die 400m mans hekkies. Van Zyl was die eerste medaljewenner by die Kampioenskappe vir Suid-Afrika. Ander atlete, Willie de Beer en Oscar Pistorius was deel van die 4×400m mans kwartet span wat die naal gehaal het.

Hulle was die eerste Suid-Afrikaanse span wat onder drie minute dit kon gehardloop het. Caster Semenya het ook deelgeneem in die IAAF Wêreld Atletiek Kampioenskappe, waar sy op die laaste dag `n silwer medalje gewen het. Sy het haar beste tyd vir 2011 in die 800m opgestel met `n eindtyd van 1:56.35, die tweede beste tyd in die wêreld.

Swem Net soos die TuksAtlete goed op land is, het Tuks swemmers vanjaar hulself bewys by die jaarlikse African Games. Die swemmers het vyf goue, drie silwer en twee brons medaljes by hulle nale swemgeleentheid gewen.

Image:www.usopen.org

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