第 期
⾛出幽⾕ 30
⽂：⻰艳华
当世界、国家皆在疫情灾难的笼罩下，经历混乱与失序，⼜被整合的当⼉，我 看⻅⾃⼰的⽣命在神⾯前也⾯对被拔出、拆毁、种植和建⽴。 当年⾃⼰在国外求学时，觉得⾃⼰被呼召，想在⼤学毕业后，⽴⻢到⾹港念神 学，就请求⾃⼰在吉隆坡的教会写推荐信。教会牧者为了帮助我确认此呼召，以及 对未来的⽲场负责，便叫我先回来在教会服事。后来在教会服事的过程中，我抵抗 不住压⼒，病倒了。 去年，在缅甸短宣时，我也同样地深受感动，很想全时间服事。可是，我再次 因疲累⽽病倒了。我仍然不是很确定这个“异象”，便找属灵导师谈话。我问如何确 定，他说：“有些事情在做决定之后，未必需要⻢上⾏动，可以搁着半年，再看看那 个‘呼召’是否还在。” 同时他也列举三个可以服事的⽅向，让我去思考。 这次的有条件⾏动管制令下，⾃⼰被迫完全独处。哪⼉都不能去的当⼉，在静 态中看⻅⾃⼰内⼼深处的那份急躁与焦虑，终于厘清⾃⼰的状况。其实，⾃⼰在承 受不住的精神压⼒下，是会“突发奇想”地误认为那是个呼召。因为这样的想法，可 以让⾃⼰跳脱“我不济”的状况。原来⾃⼰所谓的‘呼召’是这么来的。 再看看现在⾃⼰所处的岗位——⼀位安亲班⽼师，我的属灵导师已经把我培训得 可以独当⼀⾯。记得他曾经说过，我只在短短的两个⽉内，就把教学的东西学上 ⼿，这是明显的恩赐。可是，我必须克服性格中的软弱，那是个致命伤。⾄今，我 仍在调整。 ⾛出了这个⻓久以来的困局，在神⾯前流下欣喜的眼泪，找到⾃⼰的当⼉，也 找到神。⽲场就在⾝边，活在⼈群中，服事⼈服事神。 神没有承诺天⾊常蓝，却应许与我同在。有神真好！
Issue #30
WALK OUT FROM THE VALLEY By: Long Yin Wah Translated by: Mandy Loh
When the world and countries are shrouded by the pandemic, experiencing chaos, and reformed after the storm; I also saw my life being pulled out, crushed, rebuilt and nurtured before God. When I was studying abroad back then, I felt myself being called to study Theology in Hong Kong immediately after graduating from University. I requested for a referral letter from my church in Kuala Lumpur. In order to confirm my commitment to the calling and be responsible to the future serving field, the church leader asked me to serve in the church upon my return. During the time serving in the church, I couldn’t take on the pressure and eventually fell sick. Last year, when signed up for the Mission Trip to Myanmar, I felt deeply touched in the same way as before, and wanted to be a full-time servant. However, again, I was sick due to overexhaustion. I was still very unsure about this “vision”, and I talked to my spiritual mentor. I asked about how to validate the calling, and he answered: “you can make a decision, but don’t do anything, leave it there for half a year, and check on it again later and see whether the calling is still there.” At the same time, he also listed three directions where I could serve in, for me to think through. During the MCO, I was forced to be alone. In the situation where I couldn’t go anywhere, and in a quiet state, I uncovered the impatience and anxieties that are deep in my heart, and I finally figured out my situation. The fact is, when I am under tremendous mental pressure, I tend to fall into some “extraordinary thoughts”, which I will mistakenly assume it as a calling. This is because this thought will “help” me to escape from the feeling of being “incapable” in my present situation. Then I realized this was how the so-called “calling” came about. Again, when I look at my work position now—a preschool teacher; where my spiritual mentor has trained me to be independent at work. I remember he once said, in a short duration of two months, I managed to master all the pedagogical skills, and this apparently is a gift. However, there is a flaw in my character that I must overcome, and that is unmitigated weakness. To date, I am still trying to overcome it. I shed tears of joy before God as I walked out from this dilemma that has been agitating me for so long. I found myself, and I found God. I realized that the serving field is just around me, and all I need to do is to live in the community, and serve the people around me and serve God. God never promised there will always be blue clear sky, but He promised to be with me always. It is so good to have God in my life!