Family Altar Handbook

<Family Altar Handbook> Version I (2022) Family, Inter-Generational and Faith-Imparting Ministry

Designers: Josaphine Tiong Editors: Dorcas Ng, Long Wen Yee, Ocean Chan Translators: Dorcas Yeoh, Michelle Ling, Mandy Loh Proofreaders: Deborah Chow, Choo Ting Hou

Literature and Communication Ministry

Person-In-Charge: Sis. Esther Soon Contact: 012-6299215

Writer: Pastor Albert Chai

How To Conduct Family Altar?

What is family altar?

From my observation, the majority of children are unfamiliar with family altar, mainly because their parents do not practise it at home. I believe parents would probably have heard of "family altar" at some point because church pastors would have mentioned it in their sermons.

Do you know how many per cent of Christian families today practise family altar regularly? Based on my experience in the ministry, the average is about 5-8%!

This means the other 92%-95% of Christian families have not begun family altar or have ceased doing so.

From this phenomenon, it seems that many Christian parents do not understand the importance of family altar, thus they do not begin doing it or are not persistent in leading their families to draw near to God and honour Him at home through singspiration, thanksgiving and praise, Bible reading, prayer and etc.

Therefore, before I proceed to deal with the main topic of “How to implement family altar?”, I would like to first and foremost emphasise "Why do we need family altar?".

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Why do we need family altar?

Having family altar would enable us to pass on our faith to the next generation as taught in Deuteronomy 6:1-9. According to Deuteronomy 6:1-9, a healthy Christian family is God-centred. For the LORD desires that parents, children, and grandchildren should fear Him all the days of their lives, keep all His statutes and commandments, love Him with all their heart, soul, and strength, and at the same time share with one another about Him and His works at home.

If parents neglect God's instructions and do not share with their children about God and His works at home, their faith cannot be effectively passed on to the next generation. This is because parents who do not talk about God with their children at home are generally parents who hardly show good testimony at home. A father once gave such a reminder, "If parents behave a certain way at church and another way at home, sooner or later, their children will let go of their faith”. Indeed, faith covers every aspect of life and cannot be separated from how we live.

Family altar is important because it provides a dedicated time for the family to worship God and share about His good works together.

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GOOD RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE Married couples must be willing to build intimacy between themselves through drawing near to God by regularly sharing, praying or reading scriptures together. If a couple does not pursue spiritual maturity, it will be difficult for them to be of one mind in spiritual matters, and they will not be able to bring their family closer to God. This is especially true once the children have grown up and get accustomed to their way of lifestyle; they do not enjoy being with their parents as much as they did when they were young. If husband and wife can seek God together and pay attention to God's word regularly, it will be much easier to lead their children to God. FIXED DATE AND TIME There must be a fixed schedule for family altar, be it daily, once a week or any other mode. For example, if it is set at 8:30 p.m. every Monday, one must mark it down and inform his family members

How to implement family altar at home?

After years of experience and teaching, I found that it is not difficult to implement and maintain family altar at home. However, to build a solid family altar, there are nine principles that we need to adhere to.

so that they can be mentally prepared.

Having a fixed date and time will benefit both parents and children. This is because children usually do not like to be disturbed when they are watching TV, studying, or doing their homework.

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FLEXIBLE ON LOCATION At home, family altar can be held in the living room, bedroom, or even at the dining table. Most importantly, there should be no noise interference, with a comfortable setting for everyone. If you have chosen a particular place in your house dedicated to prayer and worship, then by all means go ahead with that location. The main point is, that wherever the parents are, that is where the home is. Besides having family altar from the comfort of your home, you may consider going to another family’s house for a combined family altar.

ENCOURAGE AND NOT FORCE Parents should not force, but encourage their children to participate in family altar. Otherwise, even though the children give in, they will be attending family altar with reluctance, and as a result, their hearts and minds will not be present. On the other hand, if they choose not to give in, it may spark an argument with their parents.

Parents should always have interaction and a good relationship with each child, so when you explain to them about God's expectation of a Christian family, they will most likely cooperate because they have often felt your care and company. But, if you usually do not allocate time to interact with your children, when you ask them to attend family altar, they will interpret this as "you are using them to achieve your purpose”, so they wouldn’t buy-in. Inevitably, there will be times when they face emotional discontent, turmoil or other factors that cause them not to attend family altar, just leave them alone. Do not stop just because one person does not show up, because as you continue with family altar, your life and joy will influence them, and they will eventually join in again.

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START SIMPLE It is suggested that you can start discussing with your spouse and children to see how frequent the family altar can be and its duration. If your children are cooperative, that would be easy. You can schedule 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or even 60 minutes. This includes singing, sharing matters of thanksgiving, reading scriptures, explaining scriptures, praying for one another and so on.

If this is not possible, you can start with 10 minutes and then gradually extend the time to 15 or 20 minutes. For example, start by gathering your children together to pray, each sharing their prayer needs and then pray for one another.

Once they are familiar with it, you can put in additional elements. You may want to sing two songs before sharing the prayer items and then moving on to praying for one another. When this habit has been cultivated, then add another new element.

For example, you can say that, "in addition to singing, worshipping, sharing, and praying for each other, we are now going to read the Bible". When everyone is familiar with this style, you can add on new elements. Thus, family altar would be very meaningful and rich in content!

The beauty of this is that it would not create too much pressure on the leader and the children, thus habits and culture can be established gradually!

BE CREATIVE IN YOUR APPROACH From the perspective of learning and communicating, creativity is crucial because it engages the curiosity and interest of family members who want to explore more.

Therefore, members will always be looking forward to family altar sessions and at the same time, it will enable them to remember the

teachings.

Parents

should

include

creativity in leading family altar, more so if their children are still young. However, if the child is entering the teenage and young adult stages, then there is not much variation needed in making the session interesting.

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CHRIST IS THE CENTRE OF IT ALL God is the one who establishes and is the centre of the family.

He is to be worshipped and praised at all times. Family altar provides a spiritual environment for the family to worship God together at specific times and also to witness His faithfulness and wonderful works. Unfortunately, many families today would rather be at home pursuing worldly pleasures, catching up on TV series, indulging in Facebook or playing video games, and pursuing good grades, but do not leave room in their hearts for themselves and their families to draw close to God together. Therefore, we need to re-establish Christ-centred living through the practice of family altar.

When conducting family altar, remember that the activities or programmes of family altar may vary, but the centre of family altar is Jesus Christ, is God, and not the parents or the children, and neither the activities. If the family gathers for banter or a meal but does not worship or read the Bible or share about Jesus Christ and honour His name, it is not considered as family altar, this is more of a "family fun time”.

INVOLVEMENT OF CHILDREN When a family comes together to draw near to God, it is not wise to let the parents be in charge from the beginning to the end without involving the children. The purpose of encouraging children to participate is to give them the opportunity to learn and discover their gifts.

The scope of their involvement should be based on their age or giftings. This includes worship leading, praying, telling stories, reading scripture, preparing refreshments (if available), acting in a play, playing musical instruments, leading games, etc.

You will be surprised that children are very creative, and with these involvements, they will have a sense of participation and satisfaction. In this way, family altar will not be dull and uninteresting to the children, but rather a gathering that is fun and exciting.

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BE PERSISTENT When starting family altar, you are bound to have many different obstacles and challenges. Some examples are time scheduling, tensions in the relationship with the children, or a reluctant and uncooperative spouse. In addition to that, the lack of resources, not knowing where to source and arrange the right materials, not knowing how to lead creatively, etc., often discourage parents and cause them to give up.

Nowadays, many online resources will be of great help to us in preparing for family altar.

Family Altar Resources 1. Family Altar Resources (Chinese): https://bit.ly/3ukTiZs 2. Family Altar Weekly Devotion(Chinese): https://bit.ly/3qpZ8I4 3. English Resources: https://d6family.com/

CONCLUSION Family altar is a spiritual culture that has been lost in Christian families for over a century, and if it is not rebuilt in time, Christian families will gradually "disintegrate".

However, most churches today still do not have such a vision, and even if they have the will to do so, they find it difficult to implement.

Rebuilding the culture of having family altar is not the main task of the church, but the mission and responsibility of every Christian parent. As long as parents are willing to devote their hearts to God, live for God, and to glorify God in their homes, they will be willing to start the transformation at home. I hope that this article will help you set your heart and mind to rebuild the culture of family altar and find your way out.

Be reminded that God expects more from a family than just a weekly family altar session. He wants all family members to look to Him, have their lives centred on Him, live for Him, and do His will. May you and your family serve the LORD and act as a bright lamp that guides other families to the light.

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Special Sharing How Our Families Benefited from Family Altar Family altar allows family members to connect to God together, share their feelings, support and forgive each other. It helps families bring their faith to life. Let’s hear from some families on how they conduct their family altars, and what are some interesting and touching moments they encountered.

Q1: When did you start having family altar?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: We started irregular family altar when our eldest son was one and a half years old. When I found out that my child could put his hands together in prayer, that’s when I realised the importance of instilling God’s word since childhood, thus we started simple family altar without any clue.

Kelvin & Corlynn: During Covid-19 Movement Control Order (MCO) in early 2020, we restarted family altar that had been suspended for a long time.

John & Kathy: When the church was promoting family altar, we felt that it was not the Chee Keong, Esther & their children

right time yet as our kids were still too young.

However, we occasionally gathered together

Chee Keong & Esther: We started family

to sing songs to praise and worship God,

altar around 2011 when our eldest son was

recited Bible verses, watched Bible story

3 years old. We did it almost intermittently in

videos, shared Bible stories etc. In 2021, we

the beginning. It was only in the past few

started having regular family altar sessions.

years that we developed the habit of having family altar weekly.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: We started in 2021. We had always known the importance of family

Joseph & Dorcas: It was around the time

altar; brothers and sisters in the church often

when our son was in Standard 3. We

shared the benefits of family altar, but we often

realised that he started having his own

gave ourselves excuses, such as, “We tell our

opinions on many things as he was

children stories every night, so there’s no need

growing up. We felt the need for us to have

for family altar!”, “A little busy today, how about

a family time every week where the three of

next time!”, “I don’t know how to start.” By the

us could worship God together, listen to

grace of God, our family took the first step in

God’s word and build a close parent-child

having family altar in the middle of 2021.

relationship.

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Q2: How do you conduct family altar?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: In the beginning, the children were too young and their attention span was short, so we read picture Bibles and prayed together before going to bed. As they grew older, we would watch animated Bible videos together, and on some occasions do some extended activities like handicrafts or playing board games.

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping’s Family: Children's activities during family altar.

Kelvin & Corlynn: It starts at 8:30pm every Sunday and ends around 9:30pm to 10pm, contents shall go according to the sharing and prayer needs of everyone at that time.

We would use some devotional books to teach them biblical truths, followed by a Q&A session and recitation of Bible verses.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: We do it every Sunday afternoon for about 15 minutes. We would firstly worship God by singing 3 songs, the father would then share Bible scriptures, followed by sharing lessons and life applications. We would then conclude by praying for one another.

Chee Keong & Esther: We begin family altar by singing praises to God, followed by reading a passage of biblical teachings. Occasionally, we would play games, recite Bible verses together, and share with one another the matters of thanksgiving and matters to seek from God. Lastly, the father would lead the whole family in prayer.

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John & Kathy’s Family: Games and sharing sessions.

John & Kathy: We carry out family altar every Friday afternoon for about an hour.

We would take turns leading some sessions, such as praise and worship, sharing (a Bible verse, Bible story, special theme), games, intercession and so on.

Joseph & Dorcas: We conduct it every two weeks after dinner on Friday for about 30 to 40 minutes. We would worship God with a hymn or two, followed by sharing of God’s word, devotional materials, history of

Christianity,

history

of

prominent

Christians, discussion on current news and events etc.

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Joseph & Dorcas’ Family: Parent-child worship session.

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Q3: Besides sharing the Bible, what other things would you do?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: We would specifically ask the children what they did during the day which was pleasing to the parents, and then explain to them what would bring delight to God. While they were listening, we would highlight to tell our children the good characters we could learn from life events.

Kelvin & Corlynn: We would discuss our conducts for the past week together; give affirmation for good progress and encourage should there be regressions. In addition, we would also speak the truth with love; share about the displeasing events that hurt us, make reconciliation, and guide the party at fault to apologise to the other party voluntarily, including the parents.

John & Kathy: We would also create a love “deposit” account for each other during family altar to make everyone feel happy, appreciated, affirmed and loved. If there was any conflict or dispute between us, we would discuss it honestly. Love covers a multitude of sins, it makes big problems small and small problems negligible. Once, my daughter burst into tears during the sharing session, as she regretted her mistakes and apologised to me. We hugged and apologised to each other. It was a wonderful parent-child time, and we were willing to learn together in humility to live a better tomorrow.

Joseph & Dorcas: We would use this time to express admiration and gratitude to each other. This helps to build parent-child relationships. When we explicitly stressed what our children has done well, it would give the children affirmation and they would realise that their parents were paying attention to them. An intimate parent-child relationship helps us guide and correct our children better, and our children would be more willing to be guided and corrected.

Chee Keong & Esther: Occasionally, the children would ask questions about the Bible, we would use this time to discuss with them. After the worship, the father would help massage the children, and chit chat with them. It is a session highly anticipated by the children.

John & Kathy’s children learn to

Chee Keong & Esther’s family: The children

love one another

gather to read and discuss the Bible.

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Q4: Please share how you pray.

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: Every night, the eldest son and second son would take turns to lead the prayer. We would also assist them in the process to help them express themselves better.

Kelvin & Corlynn: After devotion and Bible reading, we would share with one another our prayer needs. The father, as the head of the family, would lead the prayer first, followed by the children praying for the parents and vice versa.

Lastly, the mother would conclude the session with the Lord’s Prayer.

Kelvin & Corlynn’s family praying in unity.

John & Kathy: We would share our prayer needs with one another. Firstly, we would thank God for protecting and caring for us every day, giving us peace, and blessing us with health. We would also share our pressures, hardships, worries, weaknesses, etc. with our children so they could realise that parents could also encounter storms and hardships in life. Although we face sorrow, pain and difficulties, we do not need to worry because God who allows us to suffer will surely protect and care for us with abundant love. Thank God that through prayers, our family has experienced His faithful provision and promises through thick and thin.

Joseph & Dorcas: Before we concluded family altar, we would share our prayer requests and prayers answered by God. Through intercession, we would care for each other’s needs and demonstrate to our child how we could rely on God in hardships.

There were times when we prayed for the father’s challenges at work, and we slowly witnessed God making a way for him. When we sincerely shared our worries, fears and weaknesses, our child also learned to speak out about the pressures and difficulties he had encountered; we also took the opportunity to learn and understand his difficulties and supported him in prayer.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: We would take turns sharing matters to give thanks to God as well as the challenges encountered in the past week, and then we would pray for each other’s needs.

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Q5: What does family altar mean to your family?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: It helps the parents in rebuilding the relationship with their children while also discipling them, as there's a time when everyone needs to gather and pray together.

Kelvin & Corlynn: Family altar is listed as one of the house rules in our family and has to be done on time. When the father was on a business trip last year, we still insisted on using a video call for family altar. In addition to edifying one another spiritually and nurturing devoted offspring, we also fulfilled the mission entrusted by God to promote interactions between parents and children as well as building a Christian family in line with God’s will.

John & Kathy: Family altar allows us to have a good relationship with God and put God first in our family as the ruler of our lives. We have learned to bear spiritual fruits in our lives and cherish God’s provisions. Family altar also allows us to have a wonderful parentchild relationship.

Chee Keong & Esther: We hope that the family altar helps to remind both the parents and children that Jesus Christ is the God of our family and that we all should come to worship Him, obey Him, and make Him the centre of our lives.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: Family altar is a dedicated dating time of our family with God. Together as a family, we would worship God, learn about God’s words, share and pray for each other.

Joseph & Dorcas: Family altar helps us to learn to include God in our family relationship. Instead of saying that we worshipped God during this time, we would rather say it was God who strengthened our family relationship, and helped us learn to rely on Him through difficulties and challenges.

Joseph & Dorcas’s family: Sharing sessions to build an intimate parent-child relationship.

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Q6: How had the children changed after a few sessions of family altar? What are the changes in the husband-wife relationship?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: Our children went from not knowing how to (or unwilling to) pray at first, to leading the whole family to do simple prayers now. Sometimes we were so tired and wanted to just lie down and sleep, but the children would remind us that we couldn't go to bed without praying. It creates a communication bridge between husband and wife. When faced with life challenges, family altar (although irregular) would become a channel of reminder for each other to maintain a good marriage and to be close to God. Kelvin & Corlynn: Our daughter couldn’t sit still in the beginning, but now she would participate throughout the session. Our sons gradually learned to be more confident in composing simple prayers. Our children had become more aware of the weaknesses of their parents, and be more considerate of our needs.

John & Kathy: Our children started learning to distinguish right and wrong, understand that the Kingdom of Heaven is our eternal home and that earthly affairs are temporary, subject to change and destruction. They would also pray to God when encountering pressures and life challenges.

Family altar has changed our relationship as husband and wife, because we learned to love each other even more. When we had conflicts, we no longer let them escalate. Now, we both know how to control our emotions, find a suitable time to communicate and resolve conflicts when our emotions are settled and calmed. When the relationship between parents is strong, their children are happy and the family is blessed with love.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: Our children learned how to pray. In the beginning, he told us that he didn't know how to pray and that he would follow after our prayers. After three family altar sessions, he could intercede on his own. He learned to examine his own life and entrust the difficulties in life to God. The husband and wife came to acknowledge each other’s burdens (through intercession and sharing time), better understand each other, and realise how certain hardships had troubled each other.

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Q7: How do you get the children to enjoy joining family altar? What elements did you add into it?

Heng Lee & Siaw Ping: After each child led the prayer, we spoke to them with

words

of

encouragement.

affirmation

and

Occasionally,

we

would also pray under the quilt, as if there were enemies outside the quilt, thus adding some fun parent-child elements into it.

Kelvin & Corlynn: After family altar, we would reward the children with treats and beverages they liked and let them enjoy the snacks happily.

Kelvin & Corlynn prepare the children’s favourite snacks and drinks.

John & Kathy: Our children look forward to the family altar very much as they say it is the best time to be together with the family, to learn the Word of God, and to have the opportunity to share the stress and hardships of their very own lives. They are delighted to have the opportunity to be in charge of some sessions, and their programmes always surprise us. If God wanted to use them, He would start with family altar.

Chee Keong & Esther: We would let the children choose the songs to sing, and whether to play an instrument or sing to worship God. This made them feel more involved.

Chan Chin & Wen Yee: We would choose some children’s hymns to worship and praise God. We would do the action while singing together. Our son loves family altar very much. On Chan Chin & Wen Yee’s family having family altar in the park.

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Saturdays, he would personally remind us of family altar to take place on the next day.

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SUMMARY & CONCLUSION HOW TO START FAMILY ALTAR?

WHAT IS FAMILY ALTAR?

◎ It

helps the family to

Parents could carry out family altar in a joyful and relaxing way, by engaging the family in worshipping God together.

Do not do it in a harsh way, or else the children would feel pressured.

Location: a place where the family can sit together living room, bedroom, dining table, or balcony... as long as it is a comfortable place.

Time: fix at least once a week, arrange a time where everyone can accommodate for approximately 30 mins, 45 mins or an hour. Begin with a short session and extend it later.

Programme: Begin with something simple, do not be forceful but encourage the children to participate in it.

Parents should interact with children, lead them in singing songs of praise, read the Bible, pray, share grateful items, play some games, and intercede for individuals or the family.

Teaching: Begin with Bible stories, the work of God, interesting things in life or things that children are concerned about, and use the Bible’s teachings to show them how God helps and loves us. Parents may also use some tools to reinforce the teachings. At the same time, parents can also encourage the children to be the chairman to lead the worship or prayer, storytelling, Bible reading or lead a game and so on, based on the children’s ages, interests, gifts, etc.

Perseverance: Parents should be persistent, and insist on gathering together at the set time so that the family can adopt the habit. Parents should always pray and seek God’s guidance.

return to God and the

The sequence of activities:

generations,

1. Sing hymns of praise to our God. 2. Share matters of thanksgiving.

3. Read a Bible passage, and briefly explain it.

4. Share from the Bible or some incidences around, and play games.

5. Care and encourage one another with the teachings of Christ.

6. Intercede for children’s personal matters and needs.

7. Pray together.

children’s characters, and

Bible’s teaching, and to build

a

Christian

Christ-centred family

that

honours God.

◎ It allows the family to

learn the word of God together, encourage and support each other, care for and comfort each other, and pray and seek God together. It improves the husband-wife relationship, and

the

parent-child

relationship, and builds a joyful family that loves each other. Parents would lead the family to worship God in one accord, doing Bible reading, prayer and living a life that is closer to God.

◎ It helps to pass on faith and belief to the next builds

teaches them to love God with all their heart, their soul, their strength and their mind, and to fear and love God for their whole life.

“…But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15 Family Altar Handbook

the

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