4 minute read
The Extended Sense of Defeat
Written by: Corlynn Kho
Translated by: Choo Ting Hou
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Have your children ever asked such questions? How did you respond? Would you discuss the issue tirelessly, or just muddle it through?
The social circles of children in the 21st century mostly revolve around schools, day care centres, tuition classes, skills classes, on the Internet, etc. The “healthy competitions” within these small communities have imperceptibly become the foundation on which the children assess themselves. Moreover, some parents have also been profoundly influenced.
It is not an exaggeration to say that the academic pressure and interpersonal relationship faced by the children at these small communities are on par with, if not surpass, the stress level faced by parents at their workplaces.
They are constantly overshadowed by a sense of defeat. When they have such frustrations, these vulnerable young hearts will gradually break down, and finally be engulfed.
Case Study 1
Student A has a well-built physique but is poor in communication. He is often jeered at by classmates during physical education classes. Once he caused the team’s loss in a competition, and was consequently bullied by his teammates. He regarded himself as a loser because he had failed to accomplish a task which other classmates could accomplish. An extended sense of defeat caused him to greatly underestimate his self-worth, hence requiring counselling from a psychologist.
Case Study 2
Student B excels in moral and academic performances and is a model student. The student failed to hand in the paper in time during year-end examination and failed one subject as a result. It was the first ever setback throughout his years of study, which seriously undermined his selfconfidence and crushed his spirit. Being a student who had always been leading as a winner, he could not identify himself with a new identity of being a loser. Eventually, he required counselling from a psychologist.
These two families share something in common – when the children were in trouble, they sought help from their parents. Their parents made concerted efforts and did everything they could to get their children out of trouble.
Listening and Communication
When children seek your help as they face difficulties, no matter how trivial, you should be grateful rather than feeling annoyed.
When children muster enough courage to tell you about their failures, you should praise God rather than making the matters worse.
– James 1:19
In moments like these, parents should let go of their tasks at hand. What you say would result in huge impacts to the children. Meanwhile, things would get back on the right path through listening, a heart-warming hug, or a sincere prayer.
– Proverbs 25:11
Putting On the Full Armour
It is beyond our choice not to live in a corrupted world. We could never change the world alone. Therefore, helping our children to empower their mental strength in order to face unexpected changes is the right thing to do.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Everything begins from the family. Parents are the first teachers of their children, whereas God is the parents’ supreme wisdom mentor.
– Proverbs 3:5-6
How to begin?
Parents shall examine themselves, admit their sins and repent.
● Correct wrong teaching values, be more active to take part in the children’s daily schedule.
Parents need to help the children to rebuild the truth behind self-worth.
● Rediscover the distinguished status of being the child of God, a unique treasure.
Be diligent in guiding the children to cultivate an intimate relationship with God.
● In facing challenges, learn to rely on God for the most effective support.
– Ephesians 6:13
Conclusion:
The cry for help driven by a sense of defeat must not be neglected.
The two case studies above are merely the tip of an iceberg. The children were lucky enough to receive timely assistance. However, there are countless children who are facing the same plight, or they are about to fall into one.
I pray that God will pour out His great love and a keen heart to parents, educators and Sunday School teachers so that they will be able to see the children’s needs, and provide timely assistance. Don’t wait until the sense of defeat intensifies to the extent of requiring a psychologist’s consultation, or up to a point when the devil rejoices. It will be too late by then.
