Permai Snapshot
Issue 37 January 2021
(Reference: pastorrick.com: grow healthy relationship)
By: Ting Choo Yuen Do you know that you can create happiness? Happiness is not a goal, but it is the result or by product of right thinking and right attitude. Happiness based on happening is temporary, but happiness built on habits is long lasting. There are four habits that create happiness. The book of Philippians is the happiest book in the bible, the words such as joy, glad, enjoy, rejoice, happiness were mentioned 17 times in this book. This book was written by Paul when he was in the prison in Rome, which means happiness does not rely on happening or circumstances, but it comes from one’s heart. The book of Philippians was actually a thank you note from Paul to the church members in Philippi for their financial gifts, prayer, support and love. How to create happiness? It begins with relationship. It is impossible to be happy if your relationship is unhappy. In Philippians chapter 1, verse 1 to verse 11, Paul showed four relational habits to build healthy relationships.
Habit 1: Be grateful for the people in my life. Philippians 1: 3 [NLT] Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.
What is the first thought when you think of your family members, colleagues, friends, church members? Do you feel grateful for who they are or what they have done? For most of us, the longer you know someone, the more you take them for granted, focus on their faults and remember the bad times. If we could develop the habit of gratitude for the people in our lives, it would change and improve our relationship with them. Always remember the good things they have done, the good times spent together. Be selective when choosing things to remember, remember the best and forget the bad experiences intentionally. Paul chose not to dwell on painful memories and did not hold on to the past.
Habit 2: Pray with joy for the people in my life Philippians 1: 4 [NLT] Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy.
Nagging and trying to change someone for good does not improve the situation or relationship, but prayer does. The quickest way to change a bad relationship to good is to start praying for them. Positive praying is more effective and powerful than positive thinking. God can change people. We feel encouraged when other people pray for us, and vice versa. But what do we pray for them? Philippians 1:9-11 give us some guidelines. “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ[b]—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.” You can use these guidelines for your children, spouse, parents, bosses, colleagues, friends and anybody you care for: a) Pray that they will grow in love. b) Pray that they will make wise choices. c) Pray that they will live with integrity d)fPray that they will develop Christ-like characteristics (fruit of the spirit). Galatians 5: 22-23 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (NLT)
Habit 3: I must expect the best from the people in my life Phillippians 1:6 [NLT] And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
We usually don’t expect the best from other people. In fact, we expect others to let us down because we have a track record. It is indeed difficult to cultivate a habit of expecting the best from others and believing in people. To bring out the best in other people, we need to (a) Believe in them Do we accord confidence to the people in our lives? We all need people to believe in us in order for us to change. You can’t change unless there is someone who believes in you, and you will then believe in yourself. Acceptance precedes transformation. (b) Give them a vision of growing up in spiritual life/character continuously We all tend to live up to the expectation of others. When teachers expect the best from the students, they always perform better than those students who are not expected to do well. (c) Be patient with people’s progress Paul was patient with people’s progress. If you insist on perfection in other people, you will be miserable because no one is perfect. Celebrate with others how much they have improved rather than judging them how much more they need to do.
Habit 4: Love the people in our lives Phillippians 1: 8 [NLT] God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.
Most of the relationship problems we face are the result of our tendency to react with our heads rather than our hearts. Loving them from the heart begins with understanding. Listen, understand, accept others’ weaknesses and respond according. Practice to love people, like Jesus. 1 John 3: 16 [NLT] We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Editor: Ocean Chan ▪ Proofreader: Deborah Chow ▪ Designer: Josaphine Tiong
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