Treatment - Trade

TRADE An Opera in one act

Based on a short story by Simon Rich

Treatment by Frank Pesci Music and Libretto by Frank Pesci

First Draft: Köln Bayenthal, August 26, 2015

Treatment © copyright 2015 Frank Pesci and Ichthus Music Press

THIS DOCUMENT IS FOR INTERNAL PRODUCTION USE ONLY AND MAY NOT BE SHARED

CHARACTERS Principal Roles (6 singers) LISA (Soprano) Mid-to late twenties; breezy and amiable, smart and savvy. Josh’s new girlfriend.

KATE (Mezzo-Soprano) Late twenties; ambitious and tough. She knows what she wants and goes after it. Josh’s former girlfriend.

JOSH (Tenor) Early to mid-twenties; sweet, naive and a little starry-eyed. Lucky to be where he is in life, but unprepared for the balance to be upset.

CRAIG (Baritone) Josh’s brother. Early thirties; bitter, washed up and alone - going through a long dry spell.

UMPIRE (Baritone) Lays the ground rules, and makes rulings on the action.

KEANU (Bass-Baritone) Mid to late-thirties. Ultra-hip performance artist. Journeyman whose been around the block several times.

The action takes place in a modern day city. The scenes are split between Kate’s nouveau riche apartment, the dive bar where Craig spends most of his time, and Lisa’s apartment, which is warm, sensible, and tasteful.

PROLOGUE To much fanfare, the UMPIRE enters, dressed for a baseball game and looking severe. HE welcomes the audience to the ball park, then launches into a list of all the things that must be properly prepared before the game is to begin – foul lines and boundaries, proper equipment and uniforms, and over all, a strict adherence to the rules of the game. HE calls for the starting lineups from each team, and the MEN and WOMEN enter from opposite sides of the stage, presenting JOSH and KATE, the first two players up to bat.

SCENE ONE KATE’S apartment. “There is nothing like Opening Day!” It’s a new season, when all the stats are at zero and everyone has a chance to win it all – being safe at home.

JOSH, who has had more than a few embarrassments in previous seasons, is looking forward to this one. HE has big plans, and wants to move on them quickly.

KATE enters the apartment looking for JOSH. SHE is preoccupied. HE beings the pitch, “We should visit both our parents this Christmas,” and “Maybe we can go shopping…for jewelry.” Finally finding him, KATE breaks the news: SHE’s trading him.

SHE hands him a phone number for LISA, the other party in the trade. SHE hands HIM a box with some of his things in it, and offers a handshake, saying “Goodbye.”

Dumbfounded, HE confronts HER. “After three and a half years?” A huge fight erupts. “How many times have I asked you to change? To improve?” SHE fires back.

Desperate, HE calls for a ruling. The UMPIRE – dressed as KATE’s maid – arrives, states the rule, and reviews the tape. Everything is cut and dry – JOSH is out.

Defeated, HE takes his box and slumps out of the apartment.

On his way to the bar, HE tries to understand what just happened. HE’s seen many guys traded, “It’s part of the game,” but this is HIS first time, and HE thought things we’re going so well.

SCENE TWO JOSH joins CRAIG at the bar. HE breaks it to JOSH that no, things were not going well – HIS batting average has been sinking, and “All those errors! There were so many errors!” JOSH concedes that HE had been playing like a rookie.

CRAIG understands JOSH’s predicament, having been traded when HE though HIS goal was in sight. Sadly, HE recounts the whole episode – hitting for the cycle (dinner, a show, jewelry and a foot massage) before being traded at the deadline Valentines Day. The worst part is, HE knows the other guy – a banker. “Sure, his stats are pretty good, but what about intangibles!?” Looking for solace in HIS beer, HE mumbles, “The only thing that matters is the bottom line.”

Trying to find a ray of hope, JOSH asks for a ruling on the timing of his trade. The UMPIRE – dressed as the bartender – hops off HIS stool, and recites the ruling “If the evidence is inconclusive, the ruling on the field stands.” HE confirms that BOTH are out.

SCENE THREE Back in KATE’s apartment, JOSH is packing HIS things, as it is stipulated in HIS contract that HE must be out in three days’ time. HE reviews his contract and finds all the appalling details that KATE had put in, in the event of a trade. “Sexual privileges revoked…no sympathy…gives up mutual friends.” HE admits that HE didn’t read the fine print before signing. It was HIS first big league contract and HE was so in love with HER. There’s a knock on the door, and KEANU enters, spouting pithy quotes by Camus and Sartre – part of HIS performance art shtick. JOSH fumbles with the keys, trying to hand them over, so HE can leave as soon as possible, as KEANU looks around the swanky apartment with approval. JOSH explains what key works for what door, and KEANU returns the favor by saying that LISA “like it from behind.”

It all hits JOSH hard that HIS relationship is over, and HE breaks down. “First time?” KEANU says. “Yes – you?” “Hardly.” KEANU is a perpetual free agent – sometimes a position player, sometimes a pinch hitter, sometimes a reliever. HE’s a journeyman. “I’m the guy they call when they need a guy like me.” And HE writes HIS own contracts. JOSH is astonished. “You can do that?” “Ask my lawyer,” KEANU says, as the UMPIRE enters, dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase. HE takes the keys from JOSH and calls HIM out.

SCENE FOUR Back at the bar. Craig, who is drunk and belligerent, is incredulous as JOSH tells HIM about KEANU. But it’s all over – BOTH have passed their physicals, and KEANU is already set up in KATE’s apartment.

Split stage: KATE’s apartment. SHE enters to find KEANU, who has made HIMSELF at home. A seduction begins, but THEY speak to each other only using baseball metaphors.

In the bar, CRAIG is lecturing JOSH on everything HE did wrong and what HE has to do right, using baseball metaphors that then appear in the progression of the KATE/KEANU tableau.

The seduction comes to its conclusion and the focus shifts back to the bar. CRAIG is being tossed out by the UMPIRE, who is back in bartenders clothing.

Alone, JOSH comes to terms with HIS situation. “I know I’m not an All-Star.” The thought of starting over is hard to swallow, but HE is hopeful that someday HE will win it all, and be “safe at home.”

SCENE FIVE LISA’s apartment. SHE answers a knock on the door and finds a very nervous JOSH. SHE invites HIM in and THEY get acquainted. HE soon realizes that SHE knows everything about HIM, as SHE already has his old contract and stat sheets.

SHE starts to tick off all the terrible items in HIS old contract and HE blows up.

“You don’t have to take me! You can put me on waivers!”

“Why would I?” SHE says. “I traded for you.” HE is stunned. The trade was HER idea; SHE knows a good deal when SHE sees one, SHE says. SHE values, and wants HIM for HER team. SHE tears up HIS old contract. “We’ll write a new one,” SHE says.

“There is nothing like joining a new team,” THEY sing. “There is nothing like Opening Day.” THEY embrace. The UMPIRE peeks in on THEM, silently gestures that JOSH is “safe,” and turns out the light.

END OF THE OPERA