Moxie - April 2014 by moxiemagazine

spring/summer 2014

health. fitness. life.

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COMPLIMENTARY

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contents

spring/summer 2014 Through Hell and Back A Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story .......................................................................................20

on the cover model Margaret Polser photo by Beth Bizer

Health

Nutrition

Life

Healthy You! Posture and spinal health.......................10

Soy The bottom line .........................................16

Bettyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Been There What would you do? Ask Betty! ............ 8

Your Best Energy Purposeful living........................................12

Healthy Recipe Healthy snack dips ....................................18

Dating At A Certain Age The challenge for women ......................29

Style

Moxie Message

Moxie Makeover Bohemian chic............................................24

The Piano......................................................34

Fitness Straighten Up! Exercises to improve your posture......14

from the editor

Are you energized about your life? Do you wake up every morning feeling fabulous and excited about the day ahead? Or are you just going through the motions of everyday life?

nowing your true purpose in life can keep you jazzed and focused so you do wake up excited to face each day. In their article on page 12, Margaret Polser and Jill Sharp explain the importance of knowing exactly why you’re here and what your best life looks like. Being excited takes energy. Lots of it! Tune in to what gives you energy each day, and what zaps it. Great sources of energy come from eating healthy foods throughout the day, getting regular exercise, sleeping well each night, and spending time with family and friends who are uplifting.

Laughter is another great source of energy. For the past four-and-ahalf years, Betty Jones has been sharing her hilarious adventures in each issue of Moxie. She has also been battling cancer for nearly all of that time, and it’s beginning to wear her out. She could sure use an energy boost right about now! If you have a favorite Betty story that added a spark to your day, please share it with us. We’ll pass it along to Betty for you. Now, tie up your shoelaces and head out the door for a brisk walk. Call up a good friend and laugh together. Grab your favorite book, or your journal, and go lie in the hammock for a while. Enjoy life! Be energized! Be excited! Be MOXIE!

moxie!

Writers: Betty Jones, Cynthia Lara, D.C., Margaret Polser, Jill Sharp, Carey Stites, Kristy Hurst, Mathis Kennington, PhD, Ashley Currie, R.D.

Editor in Chief: Georgia Williams

Photographers: Beth Bizer, Pauline Stevens

Design Director: Pete Williams

Copy Editor: Kelly Williams Advertising: Caryn Benson - caryn@moxiemagazine.com 512.627.1020

Moxie Magazine P.O. Box 310191 New Braunfels, TX 78131-0191 830.832.1207 georgia@moxiemagazine.com ads@moxiemagazine.com moxiemagazine.com

Betty’s Been There!

By Betty Jones

Have you discovered that it’s easier to be happy if you surround yourself with entertaining friends who make you laugh? Well, BETTY’S BEEN THERE!

I have always chosen friends who entertain me with their fun personalities!

ne of these friends, Beth Bizer, who is a Moxie Magazine photographer, makes me laugh on a daily basis but the thing that amuses me the most is how she mixes up words in the English language…I fondly refer to these as “Bethanisms”. Here are a few examples:

I just can’t get “manuvinated”! (motivated) If you go to Mexico, stay away from “Metamorphis”! (Matamoras) If you get caught, you’ll just have to deal with the “alterfications”! (ramifications) I’m so tired of the “monogamy” around here! (monotony) Oh, I love the “aviance” in this restaurant! (ambiance) That man’s skin looks like he has “leopardsy”! (Leprosy) That poor girl always gets the “grunt” of it! (brunt) She’s a freshman this year, so she’ll be a “south-more” next year. (Sophomore) I guess I’m going to be forced to go to school and “comizerate” with that principal. (communicate)

One of my favorite holidays is “Valentime’s” Day! (Valentine’s) Their son has gotten in trouble so many times, they may have to “execute” him from the family! (excommunicate)

When I was in high school, I dated a boy that stuttered. He was not embarrassed about this speech impediment…in fact, he used it to enhance his hilarious personality. Just a few illustrations: When he would call me on the phone, I would answer and his greeting would be “G-g-g-g-guess who?” He dreaded someone else answering the phone because he said it took too long to say, “Is B-B-B-Betty there?” He won Best Actor in a One Act Play and never stuttered one time! Afterwards I asked how he accomplished that and his answer? “C-c-c-cause I was s-s-s-somebody else!” When introducing himself one day, he was trying to say he was from Roscoe but got hung up on the RR-R-R, so just threw up his hand and said, “Oh, h-h-hhell, let’s just s-s-s-say Sweetwater!” (It’s interesting to note that Jim became a National Keynote Speaker/Humorist and believes that humor is more than laughter, it is an attitude!) In order to have a more JOYful life, surround yourself with people who make you laugh! It’s contagious and energizing! Betty Jones shares her hilarious adventures in every issue of Moxie!

8 MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014

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HEALTHYyou!

Posture & Spinal Health By Cynthia Lara, D.

“Don’t slouch!” Remember mom badgering you

about bad posture? Come to �nd out she wasn’t just talking about looking good, it really does affect health. Good posture, whether sitting or standing, not only allows bones, muscles, ligaments and tendons to be relaxed, but also provides the correct space and movement for the organs to function properly. Bad posture is a modern-day health epidemic! It provides a window to the spine. And the spine has a powerful relationship with the brain, spinal cord and overall organ health.

obel Prize recipient Dr. Rogers Sperry says that the spine is the motor that drives the brain. According to his research, “90% of the stimulation and nutrition to the brain is generated by the movement of the spine.” Only 10% of our brain’s energy goes into thinking, metabolism, immunity and healing. Sperry demonstrated that 90% of the brain’s energy goes into processing and maintaining the body’s relationship with gravity. One of the worst types of problems prevalent in modern society is the loss of the natural curves. Our spine has certain curves present that allow easy movement of the bones. A spine with the correct curve angles is also sixteen times stronger than a straight or decreased-curve spine. One of these curves is the neck curve which ideally should be 4045 degrees. This curve helps protect the lower part of the brain called the brain stem and allows the nerves to leave the bones without irritating them. Those nerve roots leaving the spine go to all areas of the body. As one loses the curve and the spine straightens and begins to misalign, it 10 MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014

will start to pull the brain stem, irritate the nerve roots and irritate the pathways of those nerves affecting the organ systems of the body. A forward head posture can be caused by trauma such as a motor vehicle accident when one is rear-ended, by sitting long hours on a work day in front of the computer, or by bending one’s head down while texting or playing games on the cell phone. The forward head posture, as it is commonly called when the loss of curve on the neck occurs, can add up to 30 pounds of abnormal leverage pulling the entire spine out of alignment and may also cause the loss of 30% of vital lung capacity. This in turn decreases the amount of oxygen delivered to all the body and decreases optimal function of the organs and systems. By decreasing lung capacity one can create problems like asthmatic conditions, blood vessel problems and heart disease. It can also affect the entire gastrointestinal system leading to altered nutritional absorption and poor digestive activity. Some chiropractors specialize in corrective care techniques that reduce or eliminate forward head posture and restore the natural curves of the spine. This is done through gentle and specific adjustments that take the pressure off the brain stem and the nerve pathways and enhance the function of the body. Corrective rehabilitative exercises are given not only to improve posture, but also to maintain it once the curve degrees have been improved or corrected. So how do you improve your posture when the demands of life keep you hunched and slumped? Here are a few tips to get you started on a path to a healthier spine. working on a computer, be sure your thighs and  When torso form a 90 degree angle. Place your feet flat on

the floor. Never place your laptop on your lap looking down while typing and working. Be sure to keep the keyboard close enough to you so that your arms are not reaching. When the arms reach forward, one has a tendency to slouch allowing the head to come forward, too. Invest in a hands free device if you spend a lot of time on the phone. Balancing the phone between the shoulder and ear causes the muscles of the neck to strain. Avoid lugging overstuffed purses and bags. If you don’t need it, don’t carry it. If you have to haul a heavy load, use a back pack as that will distribute the weight more evenly. Or better yet use a tote on wheels. Invest in a firm mattress and avoid slouching on pillows, which will accentuate bad posture even while at rest. Visit your friendly chiropractor to have a spinal checkup and prevent small misalignments from becoming worse. Practice makes perfect. Whether you are at home in the kitchen, working in an office, driving your car, or simply relaxing, assess your posture and be sure you aren’t in a slouched position. A few minor adjustments will pay off in the long run and attaining your ideal posture will soon be second nature.

    

Dr. Lara began learning alternative medicine techniques from her grandmother and went on to obtain degrees in biology and chemistry. She has 23 years of experience as a chiropractor.

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your best energy By Jill Sharp and Margaret Polser

PURPOSE

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

If you were walking down the street and someone asked you where you were going, would you be able to tell them exactly where you were headed? Before getting in your car, would you already have a clear destination in mind? If someone asked you where you were going in your life, would you know, with clarity and intention, your direction and purpose?

ost will answer the first two questions with a simple yes, since it is rare that one starts a journey without knowing his/her intended end point. Yet, when it comes to the most important question we can ask ourselves in our most important journey, our lives, many don’t have a clearly defined destination. Can this be why we feel off-balance at times? Can this explain why we feel out of control, unfulfilled, or struggle to make important changes in our lives? Bottom line: you are the author of your life, and for the story to play out the way you intend, you have to put the pen firmly in your own hand, and begin with the end in mind. Purpose, or one’s ultimate purpose in this case, can be an ordering force for creating the life you desire and is the one thing that has the power to change everything. To experience that power, consider: If someone asked you to fly a plane without any training,

you would likely say, “Heck no, no way”. But if that someone told you that a family member or friend you deeply care about is on that plane and his/her survival is dependent on you flying it, would your answer change? Many would jump into the cockpit without question. Why? Because the purpose behind doing it changed, giving you courage, strength, and determination to take on the seemingly impossible because it aligned with someone or something deeply meaningful to you. When you connect with a purpose that is bigger than any of your fears, nothing is impossible. Imagine taking on the whole of your life with that kind of courage, strength, and determination. You truly feel “alive” in every sense of the word! With a clear sense of purpose about your life and how you want to live it, the stage is set for a deeper sense of engagement, satisfaction, and success as you define it. Gone are the worries about the trivial because your priorities and what is worth worrying about is clear. Day-to-day decisions become easier to navigate because you now have a reference point to weigh them against. And the greatest gift is a deep sense of fulfillment and empowerment that takes root, unlocking a force in yourself that

gives extraordinary meaning to your life. Ask yourself: What is it that gives my life meaning and aligns with my deepest values, and what I care about most? What is the “why” behind everything I do? What does “living my best life” actually look like for me? Purposeful living doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a choice. In fact, the choices you have made in your life thus far have gotten you where you are today. What will you choose for yourself and your life moving forward? What will your Best Life be? This type of heavy lifting and training for the heart and head will not be easy, but it is the most valuable work you will ever do. Invest…ignite… take charge… and choose your life’s direction and purpose now. Jill Sharp is a certi�ed group �tness instructor and personal trainer with over 20 years of experience in the �tness industry. She is also an experienced corporate trainer and performance coach, specializing in the development and delivery of personal and professional performance improvement programs. (jillmsharp@aol.com) Margaret Polser has a master’s degree in education and is a certi�ed personal trainer. She is also a trained and certi�ed Wellness Coach, specializing in physical �tness, nutrition, and stress management. (margaret burns@satx.rr.com) MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014 13

STRAIGHTEN UP!

Good posture starts with a stong core. Fitness trainer, Carey Stites, shows you the best exercises to strengthen your abdominals and back muscles, which will help you stand tall and make your mama proud!

Photos by Pauline Stevens

Wall Squats with Resistance Ball

Place a stability ball against a wall and gently lean against it, positioning the top of the ball into the small of your back, but making contact with your tailbone, low- and mid-back. Your feet should be positioned 6 - 12â&#x20AC;? out in front of your body, hip-width apart with toes facing forward or turned out slightly. Keeping the tailbone, low and mid-back against the ball, bend your knees and begin to lower your body. Push back with your hips, allowing them to drop under the ball. The ball will glide down the wall with you as you lower your body toward the floor. Continue to lower yourself until challenged or until your thighs align parallel to the floor. Exhale and slowly push your body up away from the floor, returning to your starting position.

Dumbbell Bent-Over Row

Hold an 8 or 10 pound dumbbell in each hand with your palms facing your torso. Bend your knees slightly and bring your torso forward by bending at the waist; as you bend make sure to keep your back straight until it is almost parallel to the floor. Make sure that you keep the head up and your dumbbells should hang directly in front of you as your arms hang perpendicular to the floor. Keep the torso stationary and lift the dumbbells to your side as you breathe out; the dumbbells should remain close to the body. Squeeze the back muscles and hold for a second. Slowly lower the weight again to the starting position as you inhale. Repeat for 8-12 repetitions.

Straight-Leg Dumbbell Deadlift

Hold a pair of dumbbells with an overhand grip and place them at armâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s length in front your thighs. Stand with your feet hip-width apart and your knees slightly bent. Engage your abdominal core muscles and keep them braced throughout the entire movement. Without changing the bend in your knees, bend at your hips and lower your torso until it is almost parallel to the floor. Refrain from rounding your lower back; the back should stay naturally arched as you lower your body. Pause, then squeeze your glutes tightly and raise your torso back to the starting position.

14 MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014

Bridge (with Resistance Ball or on Mat) Plank

Lie face down on mat resting on the forearms. Push off the floor, raising up onto toes and resting on the elbows. Keep your back flat, in a straight line from head to heels. Tilt your pelvis and contract your abdominals to prevent your rear end from sticking up in the air or sagging in the middle. Hold for 30 to 60 seconds, lower and repeat for 2-3 reps.

Lie on your back on a mat, placing the heels on the top of a stability ball. Place your feet a few inches apart on the ball with your feet flexed. Gently use your abdominal muscles to press your low back into the floor. Place arms out to the side with the palms turned up (you can turn them down to help stabilize your body during the exercise). Keep the abdominals engaged and lift your hips up off the floor; the heels are pressing into the ball to assist the movement and provide stability. Press up until your torso and legs form a straight line with each other. To lower, inhale and slowly lower yourself back towards your starting position.

Carey Stites is a Certi�ed Personal Trainer, Group Fitness Instructor and a Registered Dietitian with a Masters Degree in Nutrition. Carey has worked in the Fitness and Nutrition �eld for over twenty years. She currently teaches group �tness classes and personal trains at her private studio at the Fitness Lab (www.�tnesslabnb.com) in New Braunfels, in addition to offering in-home personal training and outdoor group training classes. You can contact Carey at careystites@hotmail.com or at 210.391.1857a

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Since the early 1990â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, the consumption of foods containing soy has skyrocketed with soy food sales climbing from $300 million in 1992 to over $4 billion in 2008. Interestingly enough, even with the increased sales of soy products, many people (especially women) are still questioning the safety of soy and its possible link to breast cancer. The confusion on the safety of soy products stems from the fact that studies on its relationship to cancer have been conflicting.

By Ashley Currie

Some studies have found protective benefits against cancer while others have shown an increased risk. However, a closer look at the previous research, as well as the most current findings, reveal a much more positive side of soy.

Iso�avones: The Good and the Bad Soy, in its natural form, contains high concentrations of isoflavones. Isoflavones act as phytoestrogens in the human body meaning they cause effects somewhat similar to the natural estrogen produced by the body. These effects can be both good and bad: The Bad: It is known that that estrogen is linked to hormonally sensitive cancers in women, such as breast and endometrial cancer. Breast cells contain estrogen receptors, and when the “key” (estrogen) joins with the “lock” (the estrogen receptor), a series of signals are sent which can spur on estrogen-receptor (ER) positive breast tumor growth. The Good: While isoflavones may act like estrogen, they also have antiestrogen properties. This means they can block the more potent natural estrogens from binding to the estrogen receptor. In addition, they may also stop the formation of estrogen in fat tissue and stimulate production of a protein that binds estrogen in the blood to make it less available to bind to the receptor. Isoflavones also have antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties and work in other ways to reduce cancer growth.

gested that soy isoflavones increased the growth of ER-positive breast cancer cells and promoted breast cancer growth. But, advancing research has found that mice metabolize isoflavones differently than humans and therefore the early animal studies have essentially been discounted in the search to find the truth on soy. Human studies, on the other hand, have shown positive effects of soy consumption. Epidemiological studies, in which large populations of healthy women have reported details about their usual diet and were followed for many years, have either shown no association between soy and breast cancer, or a protective association, meaning that people who ate more soy had less breast cancer.

phytochemicals is a healthy alternative to meat. The latest research has concluded that moderate consumption of soy foods appears safe for both the general population, as well as breast cancer survivors, and it may even lower breast cancer risk. Experts recommend avoiding soy supplements until more research is done. When you make the decision about consuming soy, keep in mind that breast cancer survivors (and the rest of the population) are also at risk for other cancers and cardiovascular disease. Tofu and other soy foods are linked to lower rates of heart disease because they are excellent sources of protein, may replace other less healthy foods in the diet and may help lower cholesterol, and so can be a good meal choice for anyone. So, enjoy your occasional Soy Supplements tofu stir-fry or tofu burger - they are More research needs to be done on unlikely to increase your risk of breast the effects of soy supplements because cancer and are considered some of the they contain much higher isoflavone healthier foods you can eat! concentrations than what you would normally find in the foods you eat. I Adding Soy to Your Diet always recommend that individuals Tofu: stir-fry, grill, add to stews and choose foods containing whole soy soups, or used in mixed dishes such as rather than soy supplements in the lasagna. same way I recommend eating oranges Tempeh: Tempeh is a great addition over drinking orange juice. Whether to chili and pasta sauce. it is soy, fruit or vegetable products, Soymilk: use in smoothies and on choosing any food in its most natural, cereal. unprocessed form is always recomEdamame: use in soup, stir-fries, mended. When it comes to soy, mini- and salads or eat raw as a snack. mally processed choices such as tofu, Soybeans: eat roasted soybeans as a edamame, and temph are going to be snack or add to salads. the best options.

The Research: Animals vs. Humans After establishing both the positive and negative effects of isoflavones, researchers set out to determine whether or not isoflavones, acting as phytoestrogens, illicit the same response in the human body as natural estrogen. Early studies looked at the effects of isofla- The Bottom Line: vones in animals, specifically mice. Soy, packed with vitamins, minerThe findings of these studies sug- als, high-quality protein, fiber and

Ashley Currie RD, LD, CPT is the Community Health Programs Manager for Resolute Health. MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014 17

Dip in...

These healthy dips are a delicious alternative to the usual cheesy party dips. Enjoy them with raw veggies or baked pita chips.

Tabbouleh 1 C. cooked cracked wheat 1 lemon 1 to 2 large bunches of �at leaf parsley, washed and dried 1 large bunch of mint, washed and dried 2 scallions 2 medium tomatoes 1/4 cup of extra-virgin olive oil, divided 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice (optional) 1 small cucumber (optional) A few whole leaves of mint for garnish Place the cracked wheat in a small bowl and cover with very hot (just off the boil) water by 1/2-inch. Set aside to soak for 20 minutes. While the wheat is soaking, juice the lemon and chop the parsley, mint, scallions and tomatoes and place in a large bowl. When wheat is �nished soaking, drain off any excess water and add to bowl. Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 1 tablespoon of lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Toss to coat the grains. Add 2 more tablespoons of olive oil and another 1 tablespoon of lemon juice and the optional allspice to the bowl. Toss all ingredients. Serve at room temperature.

Hummus 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice, about 1 large lemon 1/4 cup sesame tahini One 15-ounce can organic chickpeas (drained and rinsed) 1/2 large garlic clove, minced 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 to 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper Dash of ground paprika for serving In the bowl of a food processor, combine tahini and lemon juice. Process for 1 minute. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl and process for another 30 seconds until creamy. Add the olive oil, minced garlic, crushed red pepper and salt to whipped tahini and lemon juice. Process for 1 minute, scraping sides and bottom of bowl halfway through process. Add half of the chickpeas and process for 1 minute. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl, add remaining chickpeas and process 1 to 2 minutes or until thick and smooth. Scrape the hummus into a bowl, drizzle about 1 tablespoon of olive oil over the top and sprinkle with paprika.

Baba Ghanoush 1 Eggplant 1⁄4 C. lemon juice 1⁄4 C. sesame tahini 2 cloves garlic Salt to taste

Photo by Pauline Stevens

Wash and prick eggplant with a fork on all sides. Roast or broil for smoky �avor. (Oven roast at 450 degrees for twenty minutes…or broil on high heat for 2 min. each side then �nish in 375 degree oven for 25-30 min.). Meanwhile, combine tahini, lemon juice, garlic, and the salt in a medium bowl. Set aside so the �avors meld. Split the eggplants, drain excess liquid, scrape out the �esh and add to the tahini mixture. (Discard excess liquid and skins). Mash eggplant into tahini mixture with a fork until somewhat smooth with some texture remaining.

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Written by Kristy Hurst Photo by Beth Bizer

THROUGH HELL AND BACK! A Mother’s Fight to Save Her Son Alison Mott thought she’d nipped the problem early when she caught her 13-year-old son with eye drops and gave him a tongue lashing about the drugs she suspected him of using. She had no idea at the time that she was buckling in for a seven-year rollercoaster ride that would take her to the lowest point of her life and back again. 20 MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014

A straight-A student and popular football player, Travis was in seventh grade when he tried marijuana and discovered that he liked getting high. “We’d find stuff, like pot, and we didn’t want to believe it,” Alison says. “You think it can’t be your kid because your kid is amazing. And he was. We would go to parent-teacher conferences, and they would gush about him. I was smug about that because it was just what I expected – we had a perfect life, a perfect family.”

ut soon, Travis’ grades sank, and he was sleeping too much. As he grew increasingly distant, Alison and her husband, Tommy, caught him in lies or sneaking out of the house. Then one day during his freshman year in high school, Alison received the first terrible call: 15-year-old Travis had been caught smoking pot and was arrested on campus, and would be expelled from school. Then, at age 16, another call: Another arrest, this one for driving with alcohol, marijuana and codeine in his car. He spent that night in the Comal County jail. The next step was rehab. “I just struggled, cried, and begged,” she says. “We tried to redirect him by buying video games and a movie camera. We had to get a lawyer, get through court dates, try to get him back into school. I was just a mom, doing everything I could think of to fix things. I didn’t know anything about addiction. I thought

PHOTO BY DAN BOOKS

this is what happens to rock stars messages, such as “let go, let God,” and homeless people, not suburban “one day at a time,” and “you didn’t kids.” cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” Ups and Downs At Christmas, Travis emerged Dropping her boy off for the six- from rehab clean and told Alison evweek rehab program broke Alison’s erything she wanted to hear. By Janheart. “I almost collapsed, and I cried uary, he was using again. Alison and all the way home. I had failed. I was Tommy made the impossible choice so lost.” to send him to a halfway house in The rehab facility recommended Oklahoma, where he would attend trying Al-Anon, a recovery group for high school for a year. friends and families of alcoholics and Despite Alison’s fear of sending her teenage son on a plane alone, to live with strangers, he succeeded there. Still, an entire year away felt too long, so by summer, Travis was back home. Within three weeks, he was using stronger pills and licking fentanyl patches, causing severe allergic reactions.

addicts. Alison thought the family could handle it all on their own, but she decided to go to a meeting to get information about lawyers, rehab facilities, and next steps. “The people were so welcoming, but they didn’t give me what I was looking for,” she says. “They just smiled and said, ‘How are you doing? You have to take care of yourself.’ And I didn’t listen to that message for the longest time because my focus was on Travis.” Over time, Alison slowly began embracing Al-Anon’s

Rock Bottom When he was arrested for the third time, during his senior year, he was once again expelled. Once again, Alison and Tommy sent him to rehab, where once again he succeeded. He read deeply about addiction and came home committed to staying clean. A month later, Travis’ younger brother, Clayton, found him unresponsive on his bedroom floor. He had a pulse, but wasn’t breathing. In her nightgown, a panicked Alison performed CPR on her son in the back of a truck as her husband sped toward the hospital, where they would learn that Travis had overdosed on heroin

in their home. Although his heart had stopped for several minutes, the doctors neutralized the drug in his body and saved his life. “The hospital called in a psychiatrist to see if he had tried to kill himself, and I went in the next room and howled and bawled and cried,” she recalls. “That was my low point.” Back home the next day, Alison found heroin under Travis’s bed and handed it over to the police. She called every number in his cell phone and screamed at anyone who answered. She threw herself into Al-Anon as Travis ran away from his third stay in rehab. Once they located him, an angry Alison and Tommy could not agree on what to do next. Letting Go “I was getting stronger in how to help him not be codependent on us, and Tommy just wanted to fix it and keep him alive,” she said. “It was hard on our marriage.” Despite Alison’s misgivings, Travis came home to live and work for Tommy’s roofing supply group. “He would go to work during the week, and on weekends, we’d lose him. We MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014 21

wouldn’t know where he was. I just let it go on. As awful as it sounds, sometimes I begged God to take him because he wasn’t getting any better.” When a friend of Travis’ lost her life to a cocaine overdose, Alison thought he would want a better life and decide to change. But even that wasn’t enough. As Travis sank further into darkness, Alison emerged into the light, quitting her accounting job to take care of herself, learn about the disease, and overcome her biggest barrier to helping Travis: The urge to fix everything, which only enabled him to continue using. “What really turned the corner for me was a dream,” she remembers. “Travis and I were in a car and ran into a ditch, and he was impaled. I pulled out the driveshaft, and then the ambulance got there, but he died. They said, ‘You got in the way; if you had left that in he wouldn’t have died, we could have fixed him.’ It was

so powerful. That was God’s message: I’m getting in the way by fixing, I’m not accomplishing anything, I’m stressed out, and I have no peace.” After that dream, Alison accepted that Travis wasn’t going to get better – but decided that she was. One day, when Travis was almost 19, he told her he was going back to Oklahoma for a full year to get clean. “I had listened to lies for four years, and I just looked at him with disgust,” she says. “I drove him to the airport, and just said ‘Good luck.’ He looked at me, and his eyes were so sad.” This time, the rehabilitation took. Travis returned briefly for a family vacation, and was his old self again. When the family visited for Travis’ 20th birthday, others at rehab told them about the many ways their son had given to them. Travis had finally made his choice. “That great kid was back,” Alison says. He went on to earn a journalism degree and travel the world. Over

time, the wounds suffered by everyone in the family – including Travis’ younger brother, Clayton, and sister, Monica, began to heal. Now 28, Travis lives in Spain teaching English to kids and is an AA sponsor for others struggling with addiction. Alison, back at work in accounting, has found a second calling: sensing when a mother is suffering through her child’s addiction, and opening her heart. “I want to give back what was given to me,” she says. “I want to be there for other people who are going through it and just need someone to talk to.” To those mothers, Alison gives this message: Keep loving your child, and keep having hope. But don’t enable them. Call on everything – God, a higher power, Al-Anon, whatever you’ve got. Just keep going. Kristy Hurst is a freelance writer. She lives in New Braunfels with her husband and two children.

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Dating in a Certain Age

by Mathis Kennington, Ph.D.

I hate waiting in grocery store lines.

he person behind me is usually uncomfortably at ease standing six inches on my heels while the person checking out spends more time deciding which credit card to use than he spent shopping. Fortunately, grocery stores are perfectly happy to satisfy my need to be distracted by displaying an questionable collection of reading material. The closer I get to the cashier, the sleazier the gossip magazines become. There is a good reason for this. Cashier lines are like carnivals: as you near the exit, the shouts grow louder, more desperate for your attention. Right now, they are screaming about Kim Kardashian’s cellulite. So you stare. You can’t help it. And although you would never risk the shame of being seen holding a magazine, you might sneak a peak as you pretend to deliberate your gum purchase. Dating in a certain age is like checking out at the grocery store. Except this time, your fear is that you’ll be the person on the magazine, your imperfections on display for all to see and scorn. Those dusty vulnerabilities that hid comfortably in the shell of your marriage come storming forward, screaming at you to lose 10 pounds. If you are like thousands of other women who have asked a friend for guidance or even enlisted the help of a dating coach, you may have discovered that we make poor work of delivering positive messages to women reentering the dating scene. For example, you need to be picky, but not too picky because you are too old to get what you want. You need to be perfect, but not too perfect because you might intimidate potential partners. Most of this advice pushes women into a maze of self-doubt and shame that antagonizes healthy dating. Women of a certain age are women in transition. The kids are leaving the house. The divorce just finalized. Parents are getting older. Each change is a potential challenge to your sense of self-worth, your value, which is why stale and crusty dating advice simply will not do. So how about this? To date well, you must start from a place of worthi-

ness, not scarcity. It is so easy to fall into the comparison trap, and if you are not careful, you will start to believe that every woman you see is more attractive and more appealing than you. Avoid the trap. See the self-fabricated and cultural lie that you are too old or too damaged for what it is: a myth. Instead, choose to believe that you are worthy enough to find the qualities you want in a partner. Sure, the dating landscape has changed. You are just as likely to find a date online as in a single’s group. But that does not matter as much as you think. Whether you are 16 or 60, you will still feel nervous on your first date. But if you want to have a positive dating experience, you need to believe in a beauty that is your own, one that stems from your singular significance. All your dating decisions rest on this foundation. If you know that you deserve someone who won’t scrutinize you based on a profile picture, then the temptation to post the image of that time seven years ago when you looked really great in that red dress becomes less powerful. So how do you start? First, the road to confidence is paved with self-compassion and acceptance. Accept your imperfections as novel elements of a great work of art. No one else but you possesses your quality or your pizzazz. Second, don’t buy into the pernicious lie that the dating pool is limited. If you live near a metropolitan area, you are almost certainly surrounded by thousands of single people who desire companionship as much as you. Finally, be your authentic and vulnerable self. Avoid armoring yourself with sharp criticism or perfectionism, which make lousy companions. Instead, let your potential partners see the real you, imperfections and all. Who knows? Maybe you’ll have some company in your next grocery store line. Dr. Mathis Kennington is a couple and family therapist in Austin. Visit his website at www.mathiskennington.com to learn more about his services MOXIE! SPRING/SUMMER 2014 29

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I’m the daughter of a musician. My father had a passion for music, and a near obsession with owning musical instruments!

The Piano By Georgia Williams

n my household growing up, you might have easily discovered any number of instruments hiding in the closet or under a bed, including a violin, trumpet, flute, banjo, cello, a zither and castanets (and more!). A piano was a standard living room decoration. My brothers and sisters and I never had formal training on any of the instruments, but we all loved “playing” them. Especially the piano. The only song we all seemed to be able to play was “Heart and Soul.” And we played it until my father nearly went mad! I inherited my father’s love for music. I grew up and married a musician, and gave birth to several, as well. It was early in my marriage when I had two children that my father announced that he was sending his piano to my house. “I want to hear those grandkids of mine make music!” he declared. The kids loved the piano! And of course, the first song they learned was “Heart and Soul!” The three kids that followed each learned it, too. None of them took piano lessons, but they each shared their Papa’s passion for music and were able to sit on the bench and pluck out their favorite tunes. When our nest was virtually empty and the piano had sat silent for a long time, I announced to my husband that it was time to hand the piano down to our grandkids. He reluctantly agreed. After occupying center stage in our home for nearly 31 years, it was like sending one of the kids off into the world! My husband and I were up early to greet the moving van on the big day. He followed the van to our daughter-inlaw’s to ensure a safe delivery. I held off as long as I could, then jumped in my car and raced over to help. Our grandkids were all sleeping when the piano arrived and we missed all the excitement of the delivery. As on any momentous occasion, my husband and I decided to go eat! Over coffee and eggs we took a trip down piano memory lane. I listened as my sweet, sentimental husband relived 31 years of piano memories. And I’d swear his eyes were misty as he reminisced. Just before we left the restaurant I checked my cell phone and had a missed call and voicemail from our daughter-in-law. I hit the replay button and turned the speaker on. A sweet trio of little voices bellowed, “Thank you Gigi and Papa for the piano!” And then they played us a little tune. The piano is going to have a happy new life with my grandkids, and I can’t wait to get over there and teach them to play “Heart and Soul!”

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