The Canine Chronicle MBMS MAY 2018 (SATIRE) by The Canine Chronicle

[t h e canine ] mount baker middle school, auburn, washington

may 2018

volume VIII, issue 5

inside this issue: 2020 Presidential Candidates

Only at MBMS

Before They Were Teachers

Popcorn Sabotage

A Squeaky Place

How to Yodel in 9 Steps

Drama Announces New Musical

Avengers Fashion

Gucci Teams up With Crocs

Kahoot Team Forms

Fortnite Live Action Team

WGMG: Teacher Edition

FRONT COVER PHOTO: MBMS has experienced an epidemic, because “[we] don’t feel so good.” This outbreak has spread to the journalism program as they report on the news satirically. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY T. HOLDEN BACK COVER PHOTO: School memes about the end of the school year. Obnoxious things about it, such as A Squeaky Place. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY I. GALLARDO

DEAR BULLDOGS, Welcome to the last print edition of The Canine Chronicle, which is our FIFTIETH!!! All the testing that we have been put through this year has fried our brains, so The Canine Chronicle decided to produce an entire edition that is 100% satirical. Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, The Onion, and/or Late Night With Jimmy Fallon are all examples of a satirical shows. According to the Oxford Dictionary satire means, “The use of humor, irony, or exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.” Satire humor with a purpose, so we are just letting all of you Bulldogs know articles about MBMS staff members are FAKE. All quotes and story lines were fake, and teachers were in on the joke. Most of the quotes that were used were made up. Names of Avengers have been changed, so don’t blame us for spelling their names wrong. WE KNOW. Any images or articles about famous people, generally speaking about Avengers, were used ethically and under parody creative license laws for use of publication. The purpose of this edition is to be funny and entertain our readers, so by changing names and including pictures that aren’t relevant, create sarcasm and parody in this edition. This edition is meant to reduce the stress that is occurring due to SBA testing and end of the year projects. Please understand that this edition is the only edition that is not 100% factually relevant. Most of our satirical articles are based on facts with a fun spin. We hope you have a wonderful rest of the year and finish strong at MBMS! Sincerely,

The Canine Chronicle

STAFF

The editors of The Canine Chronicle. Pose. Missing from photo is Lottie Scheschy. PHOTO BY B. MIDDELBURG

mission: EDITORS

REPORTERS

Mikaela Rabago Lottie Scheschy Isabella Gallardo Xialeemar Manuel

Jaelyn Braack Sarah Cayeros Caitlyn Dang McKenzie Emmons Isabell Flores Richard Gallagher Juan Gomez-Sepulveda Lavrielle Gueriba Ruby Hamilton

Zoe Harris Aysiah Hwande Therese Layacan Amy Martinez–Reyes Bridget Middelburg Damon Nguyen Kailynn Nguyen Ashley Ray Emily Scofield

Nora Scott Jasmine Sia Natalie Tye Madison Van Alstine Isabel Yu

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ADVISER Peter Warring

table of contents

The MBMS Journalism 8 class produced this limited-voice newspaper with intent to ethically report events accurately, without bias. As a public forum for students, all decisions made on content are made under the guidance of the adviser, with intent to uphold students’ First Amendment rights. The opinions presented in articles are provided to represent the views and perspectives of students and individuals in our diverse student population, not necessarily the whole of the adviser, faculty, and administrators. Any material that would cause a disruption to the educational process like libel, invasion of privacy, or copyright infringement will not be published. The Canine Chronicle is produced using Microsoft Publisher. Photographs not taken by students have been utilized through a Creative Commons and Microsoft license. School portraits are licensed through Dorian Photography.

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CHRISTINE EVERHART WAKANDA— In Los Angeles, the Department of Involuntary Syndromes of Eerie, New York (CA) recently published the study findings that record number of Americans “don’t feel so good.” The study, coordinated by Dr. Antonio Stark of D.I.S.N.E.Y.’s science division, found that 50 percent of all citizens and 91 percent of spring movie-goers were suffering from “I Don’t Feel So Good” Syndrome (or IDFSGS). “The number of movie-goers was surprising at first, but then we found another connection,” Stark said. “People that ingest over 20 dank memes daily were three times more likely to contract the disease.” While dank memes can cause health risks, another study proved that they pose no long-term effects. A study conducted by S.H.I.E.L.D. found that only memes with a concentration of 86 percent or higher dankness cause longterm harm. “In 2016, the thousands of cases of people suffering from ear damage from ‘liking jazz’ a little too much were alarming,” Dr. Jemma Simmons of S.H.I.E.L.D. said. “But in many cases people recovered...in the sequel.” Characterized by a strong sense of post-modern irony and dispersion of their flesh, IDFSGS causes the human body to dissolve into tiny triangular pieces. Possible triangulation of the pores and joints and tingling sensation of one’s “spidey sense” can also occur. The syndrome can affect anyone, even super heroes. The syndrome has been reported as far as the African nation of

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PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY C. EVERHART

Wakanda. Princess Shuri of the Wakandan Science Organization, who lost her brother, Wakandan King T’Challa, to the disease. “I’ve seen many of my friends, family, and countrymen afflicted by this blight,” Shuri said. “I don’t know if we will have enough heroes left for the sequel.” With no end in sight for this increase of those afflicted by the syndrome, Stark expressed his fear for what would happen to the planet if the spread of “I Don’t Feel So Good” Syndrome reached epidemic status. Stark recommended people “[swear] off dairy, [unless] Ben & Jerry's names a flavor after [you].” “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Stark said. “Ooops. Wrong D.I.S.N.E.Y. disease.” IDFSGS can afflict people of any age, and some have reported feeling the effects from other planets. *

Asgardian Thor was concerned about his health and the health of his enemies. “You know, I'm 1500 years old. I've killed twice as many enemies as that,” Thor said. “And every one of them would have rather killed me than not succeeded. I'm only alive because fate wants me alive.” Stark went on to making recommendations on how to avoid the deadly scourge, which claimed the life of a New York high school student on a field trip to Titan. “According to D.IS.N.E.Y., the best way to prevent this plague is to sadly quit whatever super hero team you have joined,” Stark said. “Avoidance of super hero work and ‘I Don’t Feel So Good’ Syndrome is the best prevention. If someone throws another moon at me, I'm gonna lose it!”

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Avoiding Syndrome: I Do Not Feel So Good Vaccinate before traveling to Wakanda. Listen to your “spidey sense.” Only consume DANKfree memes. Recharge your ARC reactor. Avoid your parents, especially if they are “MAD TITANS.” Quit the Avengers. *

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MCKENZIE EMMONS & ISABEL YU

MASON FARMSEY

KANYE EAST When Kanye East announced his campaign, “Kanye 2020” nobody believed he would actually run. However, East officially announced his plans to run yesterday at a press conference. “I will be the best president ever,” East said. “I honestly love and believe in myself so much I don’t need votes to win.” East is the oldest of all the presidential candidates at forty years old. “They’re all babies,” East said. “I’ll win by a landslide and then they can go cry to their mommies.” Due to East’s recent controversies, many of his fans are skeptical to vote for him because they are unsure if he’ll even do anything as president. “I’ll make sure to make a lot of important and necessary changes in this country. But I think it is important to start with the small things,” East said. “Every child who goes to school, will take a required rapping class to learn its explicit beauty.” Recently, East claimed he would implement many other new rules that would make America “awesome again.” “Everyone will have to carry around a badge with my face on it, “ East said. “Since my face is so handsome, people will instantly be happy.”

From performing at Coachella to releasing his first single, Mason Farmsey has done it all. Due to his recent launch to stardom, the “Walmart Yodeling Boy” decided to start his political career. “You know, since everyone loves me I decided to run for president,” Farmsey said. “I know it’s a big surprise but I just want to make a change in the world.” Although Farmsey will transfer to politics, he’ll still be the beloved yodeling boy everyone knows and loves. “I will still continue my music career, but my main focus is in politics,” Farmsey said. “In school last week, I learned about our past presidents… I can definitely be as good of presidents as them!” With his recent announcement, Farmsey launched a new song called “Farmsey 4 Prez,” The new song explains his hopes and ideas for when he becomes president. “The first line in my song is all about how I would be the youngest president ever,” Farmsey said. “...and who wouldn’t love to have a meeting with me? I can just yodel!” The world better be ready for Mason Farmsey because he is “gonna yodel his way to the White House.” “If I'm gonna be famous for somethin'“ Farmsey yodeled. “Girl, I wanna be famous for lovin' you.”

PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY M. EMMONS &I. YU

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Although the election may seem like a long time to go, a recent rule change in the Constitution stating that anyone of any age is allowed to run for president, brought the topic back into the spotlight. No matter what the future holds for the United States, here are four potential candidates that could possibly become the next president.

LIL PAY

STORMEE KENNER

Lil Pay, the “youngest flexer of the century,” has declared on her Instagram to run for president. “I may only be nine years old but I’m out here flexing on y’all broke haters,” Pay said. “I got a Lambo here and there, and if you vote for me, I’ll buy more to flex on y’all.” Pay is also part of the “Gucci Gang” and declared that if she wins, she’ll get a Gucci Gang face tattoo. “Honestly, if I get a face tattoo, it would show how responsible I am, because I promised my followers,” Pay said. “We out here living our lives, and I can get a face tattoo if I want to.” With all her Lambos and “dolla bills” many people view Lil Pay as a spoiled brat and don’t understand why she’s running for president. “I’ve been flexing all my Gucci and Versace, but my main goal all along was to become president,” Pay said. “You don’t even know, I dropped out of Harvard, y’all, and then I worked my way to the top.”

Although Stormee is only a few months old, she has already decided to run for president against her uncle. “She has no chance,” Stormee’s uncle, Kanye East said. “I don’t want to drag her but honestly, she’s a baby.” Her parents, Kylee Kenner and Travis Scote, “are so proud” of Stormee for being such a smart and independent woman. “She is just like so advanced for her age,” Kenner said. “When she came out of the womb, she cried and I just knew she wanted to be president.” Stormee later informed the media that she was going to be “goo goo goo gah-ing” when she becomes president. “Goo ga goo go ga goo ga,” Stormee said The media could not agree more that the U.S. needs more ‘Goo goo goo gah-ing’ in their lives. “Honestly, Stormee is so charming, I think she’ll be an amazing president,” a TMZZ reporter said. “And her family is just amazing, I love them!”

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he knew nothing about makeup. Bella Willbey, a worker at the store, saw Chalmers looking lost and confused. “Do you need help?” Willbey asked. Chalmer just nodded his head and pointed at everything around him. Willbey understood that he needed help finding makeup that would work for him. Loafer knew it would be a challenge because he was a horse. But she helped Chalmers look for as many

ISABELL FLORES The one and only John Chalmers has recently joined the YouTube family and is gaining more and more subscribers per day. The diversity of his channel catches the attention of all his subscribers. Eighth grader John Chalmers recently decided he wanted to join YouTube to share his expertise with other people. Chalmers was recently at the mall when he accidentally walked into a makeup store. “I immediately fell in love with the site of the sparkles and the sweet smell that filled the store,” Chalmers said. Chalmers first thought was to grab a basket and start shopping, there was one problem

things as possible before she had to go. Willbey realized what time it was and had to leave and meet her friends. Leaving Chalmers in the store on his own, he wasn’t done shopping yet he still had a lot of isles to go through and look for other sparkly objects. Once Chalmers went through the whole store and was ready to go with all his items he went to pay. “I went home and immediately

set up to make his first makeup YouTube video,” Chalmers said. “I knew it was a never done before video because he was a horse.” Although, the everyday makeup tutorial soon spiraled out of control. Making its way into the top ten most popular YouTube videos. This video brought new viewers to the channel, most people viewed the video as a joke. Chalmers soon started to make more and more YouTube videos

Chalmers’ YouTube channel is growing more and more everyday. The videos are showing his most popular. PHOTO ILLISTRATION BY L. GUERIBA

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using makeup. One time he was making a fun YouTube video to be precise the blindfolded makeup challenge with his friend Diyahnara Lockhard. “The challenge turned out to be bad idea and the makeup ended up in [John’s] mouth and he swallowed it,” Lockhard said. They had no idea what was going to happen next, so Lockhard just gave Chalmers water and let him sit for a while. Soon Chalmers stomach started to growl, he was hungry. So he went to grab some food which was not a very smart choice. “I don’t feel so good,” said Chalmers as he was running to the bathroom. Once Chalmers felt better they decided that the video still needed to be finished so they went back and finished the video making sure to be very careful with the makeup. Chalmers decided that makeup was not for him, he was going to stop making makeup videos due to that incident. “It opened my eyes to finally realize that makeup does not go on horses or maybe it just wasn’t a good fit for me,” Chalmers said.

ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF DELOREAN PHOTOGRAPHY

SARAH CAYEROS

”You just never say never, and he really does a good job of that, so inspiring.“

“Wow, he so stayed true to his heart. I mean I didn’t, I’m a brand new Tailor, but he’s just great.”

“Uuuuuuuuur Ahhhhrrrrrr Uhrrrr Ahhhhrrrrrr Aaaarhg…”

“He honestly so cool though, you know what I mean? He not regular degular schmegular. Okuuuuuurt.”

JUSTYN BIBER

TAILOR SWYFT

CHEWBACA

CARDY BI

seventh grade

sixth grade

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eighth grade

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choir teacher *

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LOTTIE SCHESCHY & KAILYNN NGUYEN

MS. LACY

MRS. CARNAHAN

eighth grade science

eighth grade social studies

Before Ms. Lacy pursued her science teaching career, she was one of the most active Avengers. Lacy took on the name Thor, and battled enemies via her mighty hammer. “Ever since I was young, I’ve wanted to be a hero,” Lacy said. “And when I put on the persona of Thor, I felt powerful and almost invincible.” Fan favorite movies such as Avengers: Infinity War and many sequels of the movie Thor, are supposedly inspired by our very own science teacher. “If I am being completely honest, those movies are definitely based on me,” Lacy said. “But, no one needs to know that.” Although she actively enjoys her classroom job, she admits to missing the thrill of the superhero lifestyle. “Being an educator for eighth grade is great and all,” Lacy said. “...but fighting evil is something that will always be a part of me.”

MBMS is filled with kind and compassionate teachers. One of which is eighth grade social studies teacher, Mrs. Carnahan. However, this does not hide the fact that our adored teacher had a past none of her students or staff would expect. “It’s true. It’s hard to admit, but I was once The Incredible Hulk!” Carnahan said. Being the Hulk was a way for her to let off steam when it was needed, and to fulfill her dream of doing good for the world. “By being the Hulk, I was able to relieve anger, but at the same time do it to benefit the world,” Carnahan said. This discovery was not new to many. One of Mrs. Carnahan’s fellow staff members may have had an idea of her past. “This news isn’t really a surprise. She always had anger problems,” fellow eighth grade teacher Mr. Warring said. “I have always suspected she wasn’t as innocent as she claimed.” After retiring her old job as The Hulk, Carnahan pursued another of her life long dreams of becoming a social studies teacher. “Although it is hard letting go of the past, I know teaching is what I am really meant to do,” Carnahan said.

PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY K.NGUYEN & L.SCHESCHY

MR. KING

MR. CARTER

physical education teacher

eighth grade math

The MBMS community all knows Mr. King as a respected physical educator and coach for various sports, but what they don’t know is that King used to live his life as Black Widow before his teaching years. King studied the martial arts, and performed complex acrobatics to pursue his adventurous career of being Black Widow. His time in this marvelous position influenced his life greatly. “If I was never Black Widow I probably wouldn’t be the man I am today,” King said. “A job like this really changes you personally.” Although he enjoyed his time in his past occupation, King doesn’t regret his superhero retirement, and had his reasons to step down. “There came a point where I just didn’t feel so good in battles,” King said, “It was a demanding job, and I needed a break.” King transitioned from his marvel life to settle here as a educator in hopes of putting his athleticism to a use other than crime-fighting. “I’ve always been an active kind of dude,” King said, “which is why I joined the field of physical education.”

Numerous students can agree that math is no easy subject, which makes it difficult to comprehend how MBMS math teachers instruct so effortlessly. Eighth grade mathematics teacher, Mr. Carter may have had practice during his daring past profession as Dr. Strange. “It was probably the most exciting occupation I have ever pursued,” Carter said. This ultimately reveals how Carter is able to coach students a difficult subject so well. “Yeah, it’s true,” Carter said “The skills and capabilities I uncovered being Dr. Strange has really assisted me during my current occupation.” As his abilities are endless, it is difficult to comprehend why Carter retired from his adventurous life. But when his identity was exposed, Carter was not “...ready for a lifestyle where peers are watching your every move.” Despite this tough decision, Carter decided that it was time for him to “educate the next generation” and move on from his old memories.

MIKAELA RABAGO

Several incidents have happened throughout the year that have involved the use of the microwave and popcorn. A lot of students are upset over this new ban that was developed to protect the school from burning down. Teachers are no longer allowed to pop popcorn during end of the year events, such as while watching movies, because of this rule. Two people, a student and a staff member, have burnt that popcorn that resulted in abandoning class for a fire drill. After the second incident with an eighth grader occurred on April 24, there was a rule that banned the use of popcorn in the microwaves. Laden Kewis, an eighth grader at MBMS, put the popcorn in the microwave and is blaming it all on his friend Cario Made, who is also an eighth grader. Everybody though that Kewis was the one who burnt it, but nobody knew that Made was present. Nobody knows the full story except for Kewis and Made. Kewis may be lying of who actually burnt the popcorn. “I didn’t burn it. Cario burnt it. I put it in the microwave, but he told me six minutes.” Kewis said. “I left it unattended, but he was supposed to be watching it.” Mrs. Rogers, a science teacher

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Burnt popcorn in the lunch room’s microwave resulted in the smoke alarm going off and every student leaving their classrooms in order to do the fire drill procedure. Using the microwave for popcorn is now banned. PHOTO COURTESY OF BINARYBLOGGER.COM VIA CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE

at MBMS, also burnt popcorn in her classroom. She said she was innocent, but was that actually true? “I thought that I put the popcorn in for two minutes, but instead I accidentally put it in for 12 minutes,” Rogers said. “It’s good to know that I’m not the only one to burn popcorn in this school.” After the incident occurred, Kewis posted on his Snapchat that

it wasn’t his fault and it was technically Mr. Billy’s. Kewis said that Billy fell and pulled the fire alarm. But from how it smelt in the hallways and in the commons, we all know that that was not the truth. “Actually it wasn’t Mr. Billy’s fault, it was Cario’s fault. [He] told me to put it in for six minutes,” Kewis said. Trust has been lost between these two friends. Kewis does not

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trust Made with anything anymore, especially popping popcorn and being able to supervise things without burning everything. “I don’t trust Cario anymore. He told me to put the popcorn in for six minutes and I decided to trust him,” Kewis said. “He’s still a good friend and still is trying to make up for what happened, but I don’t think I’ll ever trust him again.”

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In an anonymous survey of all MBMS microwave-users, 42 percent of students and 86 percent of staff were pleased with the popcorn ban. People were asked how they would deal with the ban in the future.

I came home early from school because I wasn’t feeling so good after a long, tiring day of testing. So I decided to make popcorn, make an ice cold milkshake, and watch a movie. I wasn’t really paying attention to how long I put it in there for and burnt the popcorn. I can’t believe that a teacher and a student both burnt popcorn at the school. Who thinks that putting popcorn in the microwave for 6 minutes was a good idea?

I didn’t know who put the popcorn in and didn’t know what they did to burn it. They were relying too much on their friend than on themselves. They should’ve been the one watching it and supervising it instead of his friend.

Many of my family members have told me that there are health defects of microwavable popcorn. According to recent studies, microwavable popcorn can cause cancer and will effect you later on in life. My family is not a big supporter of microwavable popcorn because they do not want me to die at the age of 28. Later on when I’m older and have children, I’ll continue to have the same rule and same reasoning as I do now. I am NOT putting my child’s life at risk if they want to eat microwavable popcorn. They can live their life however they want, as long as it doesn’t involve microwavable popcorn.

I can’t believe a teacher burnt popcorn earlier in the year. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I know that that wasn’t a good idea.

This incident resulted in a ban pf popcorn for the rest of the year and won’t be able to have popcorn during end of the year activities.

Media coverage on popcorn burning is ubiquitous and persistent. This may lead to people thinking of the possibility of more popcorn burning attention than a popcorn burner garners. Perhaps this provides would-be popcorn burners with the motivation and excuse to allow hunger to guide them.

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JASMINE SIA

seems to scare the creatures away,” Carnahan said. “If that doesn't work, I grab one of the 50-pound history textbooks and throw it in the direction of the monster.” When asked about the option of quitting her job, Carnahan doesn’t deny the fact that her students wouldn’t stand a chance without her. “Oh yes, every day! But what else would I do? What would bring me more satisfaction than slaying the

School chairs are an issue for almost all students and teachers around MBMS. Not only are they old, dirty, and uncomfortable. But worst of all, they’re squeaky. The menacing sound of people moving back-and-forth on their chairs can trigger almost any kid in the classroom. But some seem to be driven out of control as soon as the noise hits their ears. “The monsters arrive in tiny little particles like from the Infinity Wars,” eighth grade teacher Mrs. Carnahan described. “The particles are green and black and then they take the shape of the person they're after like they're ghosts of the person making it hard to tell who is real and who is not.” Students can have some real anger issues when it comes to the sound of squeaky chairs. With the horrific looks of these outbursts, they’re almost too much to handle for some teachers. “My science teacher fainted the first few times it happened,” seventh grader Billy Morfin said. “The poor kid in the back corner just wanted to get some sleep. May he rest in peace.” As terrible as they are, Mrs. Carnahan is a teacher that isn’t afraid to defend herself and her students. “I grab the tissue boxes and start banging them together. The noise

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‘Squeaky Chair Monster’? Plus, how would my kids survive without my expertise?” Carnahan said. Among all the teachers that decided to stay with MBMS throughout this issue, Carnahan is presumed to be the most protective. “The first time we faced that situation in her class she was forced to sacrifice one of the other students,” Morfin said. “I told her to use the guy who took my lunch money the day

before. She’s been my favorite teacher ever since,” However, Billy’s lunch bully wasn’t the only victim to be sacrificed by Carnahan. “My last resort is to grab a student and use them as bait which works wonders for the rest of the class,” Carnahan said. “Thankfully, I only have to do this about once a week. No wonder my second period is down to 17 kids.”

“A Quiet Place” infiltrates MBMS with the plague of “Squeaky Chair Monsters”. Squeaky Chair Monsters result in students who “Don’t feel so good.” PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY J. SIA.

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NORA SCOTT

Some people think that the snoring could be caused by lack of sleep from colossal amounts of homework teachers have plagued students with. Others think it may just be a thing students do when wanting to annoy their classmates. “I don’t know if the kids are doing this on purpose, but it needs to stop,” seventh grader Ava Lolcat said. You’re probably wondering, “How does the process of snoring drop scores and by how much do the scores drop?” Well, when humans snore, their throat is vibrating, causing a gas to emit into the air called “ D o n’ tf e e ls og o o d os is. ” W he n Don’tfeelsogoodosis gets into the

As everyone knows, the Super Boring Assessment, or the SBA, just passed, reports of obnoxious, disruptive snoring have been reported, making scores lower than usual. Some teachers have been nice enough to let their students sleep after they finish their test, yet snoring has interrupted those who haven’t finished their test. This has led to test scores falling below the city, state, and national average. “Yeah, it’s, like, really bad,” sixth grader Tim Ermahgerd said. “The snoring is messing up my thinking process about… the… wait, what were we talking about again?”

bloodstream, the brain starts to malfunction, causing people to not be able to think straight. They have found out that this can affect scores making them decrease by up to 150 percent. “The whole situation is really messed up,” eighth grader Mia Umadbro said. “But it’s no big deal. It’s only my high school career that depends on this score, which may also determine which college I go into. Like I said, no big deal.” Teachers are trying to find ways to eliminate this problem while letting students continue to sleep after their tests are completed. To come up with solutions, there was a teacher meeting after school.

Some… interesting ideas were brought up during the discussion. “I thought my idea was pretty good, but everyone thought I was a crazy lunatic!” music teacher Ms. Catchmeoutside said. “It involves a blow dryer, potato chips, and an elderly person!” All in all, the staff of MBMS is hoping that a solution will be found before any more low scores are reported. Scores are dropping dramatically and something needs to be done about it before it’s too late. “I’m not going to stress over this too much,” Lolcat said. “We’ll find a way out of this problem. We always do.”

The person snoring here looks to be in a fairly deep sleep. That’s going to drop student’s scores by at least 110%. PHOTO BY N. SCOTT

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JAELYN BRAACK Eleven-year-old sensation Mason Farmsey, aka the Walmart Yodeling Boy, earned a spot on the Fortnite Season 4 (4.2) Update, making him one of the lucky few to become a prestigious Fortnite skin. Released a day after the projected date, the Yodeling Boy himself caused the delay as he was added as a last-minute edition due to his skyrocketing fame and thousands of complaint letters demanding he be included. Since then, he had become the most played skin in Fortnite history, reaching a stunning 3.4 million hours of play worldwide in just two weeks. Farmsey was asked to comment on this, but he was preoccupied with dry cleaning his favorite cowboy hat and polishing his snazzy new spurs. Luckily, his hip manager, Igottha Luvsikbaloos, better known as “grandma in the background,” was surprisingly available. “All I can say is that this was all very unexpected. But he was up for it from the beginning. I mean, ever since he went to Coatchella and met Justin Beaver he’s been more accustomed to the perks of being adored by all,” Luvsikbaloos said. “And when he played it himself, he admitted that seeing himself “take the L” was a little unsettling. I believe he said something strange along the lines of ‘I don’t feel so good.’”

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With the addition of this skin to the Fortnite empire, sales came rolling in by the millions, which caused the CEO of Epic Games to personally thank Farmsey himself by presenting him with the honor of attending the BAFTA Game Awards 2018, which was rescheduled for a later date as Fortnite was nominated for both the Best Evolving Game and Multiplayer Game, but failed to receive either. Because of the outrage from the public that the free gameplay lost the vote, a recount was announced. Results are said to be revealed this coming July. Until then, Mason Farmsey continued to increase in fame and is said to be attending a Fortnite role play. He also sparked a new friendship between Walmart and Fortnite, which is sure to be a hit in the near future. Experts expect an estimated 13,000 customers will become shopaholics for Fortmart merchandise. To top it all off, Justin Beaver revealed in an exclusive interview that the young king of yodeling would tag along beside him as he makes his global tour next fall. “I asked him at Coachella. He was excited, him and I both actually; I think it’ll be a great experience,” Beaver said. “People are going to be very shocked, in a good way, come next harvest season.”

Users were thrilled to find the skin to be extremely reflective of Farmsey’s true yodeling character, guitar and all. On a side note, the new collaboration between Walmart and Fortnite, Fortmart, will release their new logo next Monday on all outgoing products, which will surely cause mass hysteria with all gamer and shop enthusiasts. PHOTO COURTESY VIA PINTEREST.DE, ARTISTGUITARS.COM, PIXLR.COM, FACESWAR.COM, BRIT.CO, 1000LOGOS.NET, AND, FONTMEME.COM.

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NATALIE TYE AND THERESE LAYACAN

STEP 1 Dress for success. If you look great, you’ll feel great. You’ll be setting trends for days after people see your bow tie.

STEP 2 Mentally and physically prepare yourself. Stretch your arms and legs. This process might not feel so good.

STEP 3 Tell your friends and family that your embarking on this yodeling adventure. Because they totally care!

STEP 6 Warm up. Do some lip trills or sing solfege (dough, rainy, fah soy latte, dough) in the key of your choice up and down.

STEP 5 Pick a song. Think about doing a song no one else would yodel. Consider a yodeling rendition of the classic hit “God’s Plan” by Drake.

STEP 4 Find inspiration. Religiously watch Mason Farmsey for six hours straight with no breaks whatsoever.

STEP 7 Keep practicing until you think it sounds right. If it sounds right in your head, there’s a 100% chance everyone else will agree.

STEP 8 Find your performance location. Ideally, at your local library or senior citizen bingo center. They’ll definitely want to hear you!

STEP 9 Go and be a star. Prepare for internet fame and cold hard cash overnight. You better yodel your little heart out.

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ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF T. LAYACAN

BACKGROUND PHOTO COURTESY OF PIXABAY.COM VIA CC LICENSE

AARON GALLAGHER & BRIDGET MIDDELBURG

Do you like jazz?

Do you feel good?

Bee Movie. You really like jazz, and you’re also, maybe a bee. You also feel fairly good, maybe because of all the honey you’re constantly consuming.

“I don’t feel so good” meme. You like jazz, but you don’t always feel the best. You’re usually more sick than the average person, and not in the good way.

We are number one! You’re organized; you come up with a plan, but it’s usually an evil plan, or one that isn’t always the best for everyone, but is instead best for yourself.

Do you not not like jazz?

Are you very organized?

Are you evil?

Gru’s Plan. You come up with plans, and do it in a funny, and interesting way. It may, or may not be evil. Plans you come up with don’t always work out, and are prone to having errors in them.

Are you creative?

Reaction Meme. You can see right through someone’s lies, and you usually show them that you can.

White Text Meme. You like to follow crowds, and trends, Anything you come up with on your own usually isn’t creative, and has usually been done before by a lot of other people.

RUBY HAMILTON Recently, MBMS drama teacher Mr. Char announced the musical for 2019; it is to be

Jaws, Jr., the Musical.

This production will incorporate all of the drama and horror of the original film, as well as inventive songs and deep characters, bringing to light the true musical potential that a horror movie can present. One MBMS student has high expectations for next year's musical. "I'm excited because I really, really, REALLY want to see what the costumes look like," Hunter LeSharke said. "I am also looking forward to the fake blood and guts." Others have some concerns as to how the play will turn out. "How on earth are we supposed to create the 'under the sea' effect without the use of actual water?" concerned staff member Agua Sauce said. "The only way I can see this play working out is if the entire thing is done in glass water tanks with all the actors in full scuba gear, or else the whole cast is

trained to hold their breath." Another student was asked how they felt about wearing a shark head. "I don't feel so good," eighth grader Arnold Minnow said . "If I have to wear a sweaty animal costume then I'm going to bite someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leg off.â&#x20AC;? One important shark had a deep and thoughtful opinion as to whether or not they thought the play would be a success. "Bloog farply reucle tymprel vamoter narbersker varp cholmplew, craw gherf pleut oul merroghly berfelden argh mrolorm," said Mr. Londino, grandfather of the original shark cast in the movie Jaws. This statement, thoughtfully stated in sharkanese, translates to, "Unless the songs completely recapture the feeling of victory and self-accomplishment that my grandson felt when he first bit into the swimmer, the play won't get very far off the ground." With Jaws, Jr. The Musical gaining popularity in major theatres such as Broadway, high attendance is expected for all of the performances. Since the tickets for the 2019 musical are already sold out, they are being sold for over $489.37, a sizeable sum of money on the black market. According to eBae, some tickets are worth over $1,300, which costs a good $1,000 more than many sharks available to buy as pets. Some might consider buying a shark instead of seeing MBMS's production of Jaws as they would still have the full shark experience without having to watch some 12-yearolds sing about sharp teeth.

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JAGGER LANDSPERGER From the makers of the criticallyacclaimed IT, starring Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise, comes IT 2 :The Musical on Aug. 2 in theaters! Directed by the legendary Michael Bay, the main plot points are based on Pennywise, The Dancing Clown trying to find his true love and overcome the deep depression he has gained after hundreds of years of consuming children. The plot change sounded very absurd, but with a superb cast running the show practically nothing could go wrong. Even though Bill Skarsgard had a breathtaking performance as Pennywise in the first film, he was eventually fired due to “getting in the way of production.” Michael Bay thought he had lost himself to the role, because they came back to prepare the musical over the summer, Bill was found hiding in a hole on stage. The role of Pennywise will be filled by critically acclaimed comedian and actor Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld is most notable for his roles as Seinfeld in the hit comedy Seinfeld and Barry B. Benson in the Bee Movie. Seinfeld has shown that he can accomplish almost any form of acting as long as it's within his comfort zone, hopefully he can accomplish this difficult task as Pennywise.

“I've been watching a lot of Bozo the Clown film,” Seinfeld said. “I'm trying to adjust to there being a live audience when I'm performing.” The original actor for Pennywise Tim Curry said, “I can't wait to see what Seinfeld brings to the table. The role fits him perfectly even if he has worked on more friendly material in the past.¨ The cast will also include Verne

Troyer, Oscar The Grouch, Meat Loaf, Dennis Christopher, Captain Hook, Frank N. Furter and many more big name actors. The set for the town of Derry Maine will be brightened up for the musical adaptation. This includes all of the missing children's reports will be taken down and replaced with terrible bad pun flyers and cheesy motivational cat posters.

The main performances will take place on Broadway. Sound design will be done by DJ Khaled and all performing live music will be lip-synced songs produced by Nickelback. It 2: The Musical looks like it's going to be an amazing play and audiences can't wait to see it in the coming months.

With only brief moments of PG-13 content, It 2: The Musical will be a blast for you and the family! Also the three times more mild humor will leave you and your kids confused! PHOTO COURTASEY OF T HOLDENI

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A V E NGE RS AT THE M ET G ALA CAITLYN DANG & ZOE HARRIS PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY Z. HARRIS & C. DANG

THANOS

THOR

SPIDER-MAN

Thanos strutted regally down the red carpet, rocking a gorgeous, flowing dress the color of sunlight. The Infinity Gauntlet added to the whole color scheme, and with the necklace matching the shoes, his outfit was a true work of art. His custom-made purple foundation gave him a glowfrom-within look and perfectly accented his chin ridges.

Thor, reunited with his luscious blonde locks and his hammer, looked fantastic in this stunning cream-colored mermaid dress. His signature Dwarven-crafted hammer beautifully complemented the bling on his neck. He reportedly noted that he only tripped twice, and took great pride in that.

Spider-Man stole the show (or gala) with a jawdropping wine-red gown with a train, and bedazzled hand clutch and stacked bracelets to match. Some donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel so good after making direct eye contact with the blinding jewels covering his bodice. He made it clear he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to go after having such a wonderful time at the Gala.

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The Met Gala, on May 7, 2018 in New York City, was full of celebrities flaunting the newest designs. Little do people know, a few powerful people also made their appearance that night. The Avengers, as well as Thanos, were spotted showing off their new looks on the red carpet before going into battle. They were heard admitting to a temporary truce that night so as to not ruin their delicate dresses. “I am so excited to be here tonight,” Thanos said. “I told myself I could put off universe domination for one more night. I just knew those [Avengers] were going to be just as excited as me.” He was right in not being the only one excited. “I’m so glad Thanos decided to hold off for now,” Spider-man said. “I can’t wait to get my turn on the carpet!” “It has been a very fun experience,” T’Challa, King of Wakanda and the Black Panther, said. “I’m glad we could have a good time before we destroy each other. Wakanda forever!”

IRON MAN

CAPTAIN AMERICA

BLACK PANTHER

Iron Man’s eccentric skirt astounded everyone with its unique flower designs, along with his arc reactor chest piece and rose-colored shades, which contrasted with the deep blue hue of his frock. The casualness of his sunglasses and smirk extruded confidence, and his dignified pose showed the remarkable results that such a stunning gown gave the Avenger.

Captain America arrived to the Met Gala wearing a billowy roman silver ball gown. The bright red color in the shield he carried popped against his simple but astonishing dress and reflected the glaring lights from the paparazzi. His proud, patriotic smile shows how enthused he was to be there.

Black Panther looked fabulous in a dress inspired by roses. His Wakandan necklace is both fashionable and functional, effectively completing the ensemble. Unfortunately, his facial expression revealed the jet-lag he suffered from such a long trip across the world, but everyone was delighted that he made it to New York.

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ASHLEY RAY

The CEO of Gucci, Marco Bizzarri, announced his collaboration with Crocs at a recent interview discussing how he will proceed with his growing company. Many have been wondering, “why Crocs?” but he assured them that this will be an important step forward. “I believe in taking risks,” Bizzarri said. “There’s just something about Crocs that caught my eye, and I think our customers are going to love it.” However, the high-ranking Gucci employee, Giovanni, doesn’t think he is in his right mind. “I don’t think he’s been feeling so good,” Giovanni said. “He recently had a concussion from a big fall from his balcony stairs and hasn’t seemed the same since.” Andrew Rees, the Principal Executive Officer of Crocs, is thrilled about the collaboration and has been trying to find a way to put a creative spin on the classic Croc design for years. “We really need to focus in on what the consumers want, and I believe they will be thrilled with what is coming,” Rees said. Many people have been intrigued with this announcement and wondering what the de-

[

sign of the shoe will be, including reporters from the Wall Street Journal. “I think the big question is if the design be intended for fashion, or if they will still be functional for water use,” one reporter said. “Ideally they’d satisfy both types of buyers.” Men’s Fashion Magazine thought otherwise, saying they thought the shoe would have the most success if they targeted one audience. They are predicting that there will be some never seen before features that will hopefully interest the Gucci crowd. “We are hoping there will still be the basic features of the Croc, but with a special spin like platforms or some velvet siding,” Men’s Fashion Magazine said. There have been many concerns about the prices that these shoes will be released at, but Andrew Rees has assured us that it will definitely be sensible. “I am a big fan of reasonably priced fashion, so I gave Bizzarri a maximum limit of 150,000 dollars,” Rees said. Bizzarri has recently been trying to define what he thinks fashion is at the root of it all. He was using that in order to create his innovative design of the Croc. “Especially in footwear, it’s all about creativity and emotion,” Bizzarri said.

fake fashion

CEO of Gucci seen wears the soon-to-be released Croc design. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY A. RAY VIA CREATIVE COMMONS AND PIXLR

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LOTTIE SCHESCHY

COMPLIED BY LOTTIE SCHESCHY

ENDOFTHEYEARITIS

Aries (March 21- April 19): I would tell

With only a month left until summer, students may experience endoftheyearitis. Endoftheyearitis is characterized by a depletion of motivation, lack of academic care, lazy behavior, and in general may increase the amount of missing assignments an individual has. This outbreak commonly occurs within the last weeks of school. Eighth graders are at high-risk for this epidemic due to the overt fact that this is their last year until they are released into high school. Do you suffer from endoftheyearitis?

you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it Taurus (April 20- May 20): What do you

do with a chemist when they die? You barium! Gemini (May 21- June 20): What do you call

WATER BALLOON TOSS

a fake noodle? An impasta.

The water balloon toss, an event organized by ASB, is in action. Participants

who win their grade will compete in the pep assembly to dictate the overall champions. Are you participating in the water balloon toss?

Cancer (June 21- July 22): I once ate a

BRAIN TEASERS

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22): What do you call

watch, it was time consuming.

Recently, a debate on whether an audio says the words “yanny” or “laurel” has gone viral over the internet, as well as within classrooms. Students have been arguing over what the audio actually says (although, there is no right or wrong answer) making it gain its intended attention These internet teasers have been around a long time, for instance when there was ‘the dress” quarrel. Do you like these brain teaser debates?

a magic dog? A labracadabrador.

TALENT SHOW

call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

The talent show nears as the school year wraps up. This event offers an opportunity for MBMS kids to showcase their talents, and is filled with unique performances from students. Are you trying out for the talent show?

Scorpio (Oct. 23- Nov. 21): Did you hear

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22): How does

NASA organize their parties? They planet! Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22): What do you

about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): I can’t find

SUMMER SNOW

my rutabaga, I hope it will turnip.

As the heat continues to rise, this May month has catered to students enjoying intramurals, cotton! Yes, cotton. Most kids out during intramural time can see the cotton floating alongside the track, the field, and in general the outdoors. The cotton has been reported to resemble snow, giving it the nickname, “summer snow.” Do you enjoy the “summer snow” ?

Capricorn (Dec. 22- January 19): Did you

hear about the tale of the haunted refrigerator? It was chilling. Aquarius (Jan. 20- February 18): I tried

ROYAL WEDDING

to tell a pun about rubber bands, but it was a stretch.

On May 19, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tied the knot in the UK, attracting a lot of viewers as the royal family welcomed an American into the family for the first time. Not only was Markle the first American to enter the heir, making this wedding an event both numerous amounts of US and UK citizens tuned in on. Did you watch the royal wedding?

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Pisces (Feb. 19- March 20): Why are teddy

bears never hungry? They are always stuffed! *

]

COMPILED BY MADISON VAN ALSTINE

We all know that the light bulb constantly flickers in honor students heads, but it’s not always an evil scheme to advance, sometimes these girls and guys have odd thoughts.

“Curly hair looks like spaghetti noodles. What if I had spaghetti noodles as hair. Like a bundle of spaghetti noodles, or what if I just had a single spaghetti noodle sticking out of my head….Hmmmm front or back is the question. FRONT so I can eat it. What if my dog had spaghetti noodle hair. I guess I would just shave it off and make some spaghetti for my friends and family and last second tell them. ‘Hey, that’s my doggies noodles ur eating.’” —ISABELLA GALLARDO “Are gloves socks for hands or are socks gloves for feet? Are toes just fingers for feet? Why does a shower have a head, but not a body?”

—JAYDEN WOODIE “One time I looked at my thumbs and thought, 'Somebody should study thumbs.' What if cats switched genders and deleted everyone's emails? I want to eat my kneecaps because they feel like Nilla Wafers under my skin."

—JACOB WOODEY “What if we do end up finding a way to download our brains onto computers? Technically, we wouldn't be transferring our consciousness as well, so it would basically be a simulation of you, and not even be alive. It's not even worth trying if we can't live forever; only a blueprint of who you were would remain, unable to see, feel - love. And after some time, you'd be a fragment of who you were, as your personality, and you as a person is comprised of your experiences. It's a futile attempt to stop the inevitable, the ultimate fear; death. We shall never conquer it, and in our attempt to do so, we miss out on life, battling fear and grappling with anxiety that comes with life.” ALL PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY M.VAN ALSTINE

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—SEPHORA ZORO *

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DAMON NGUYEN & XIALEEMAR MANUEL

With the national holiday Father’s Day approaching, it’s significant to know what your old man really likes. Provided to you are the top 5 items your dad will definitely want for the occasion!

SWISS ARMY WATCH This is sure to make your dad happier than ever! Tell time with a state of the art clock and slice stuff with razor sharp knives and scissors all on your wrist in the brand new G-shock Swiss Army Knife! Integrated into a G-shock GA800LT- 1A is a premium quality Victorinox AG Swiss army knife which is imported from where its made in the Swiss Alps. All for the low price $79.99.

SOCK TIE Eliminate your dad’s frustration of constantly trying to jump between professionalism and coziness. Designed with an innovative soft and fluffy sock fabric, and structured for flexible style wear. Dads can wear Sock Ties around their neck or around their feet, anytime. With this groundbreaking garment, your dad no longer has to say “I don’t feel so good” about his uncomfortable feet and definitely enjoy this gift by feeling fashionably up to date while warming his feet and neck during a dead-cold boring business meeting.

SUCCULENT 700 BOOST The Succulent 700 boost are the number one lawn mowing shoe! Along with a 2.5 inch thick sole for maximum comfort it features a grass upper that you can cut and even water! And when it comes time to cut the grass, these shoes will make you walk faster than ever. This shoe truly has a sole for each and every dad in the world. Give him the 700 Boost today and boost his confidence to mow the lawn!

JACKET OUTLET If your dad’s techy or a nerd, this gift will be perfect! This stylish jacket provides a pocket for their device, as well as an outlet plug in embedded in a shock proof fabric, so electrocution isn’t a concern. Additionally, the coat is wearable for all four seasons, so there’s no need to wait yearly . Not to mention, designed in all kinds of jackets! With this snazzy jacket, your dad can finally watch sports games anywhere, even at the dinner table.

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QUALITY TIME Put your Fortnite aside or even your Roblox to spend some time with your dad. Instead, you could play Go Fish, throw a ball around, and help keep up with the lawn. You could even play Xbox if you’re into that. The list goes on and on about the things you can do, so it really just depends on your dad. This is definitely the way to go for the low price of $00.00. *

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AYSIAH HWANDE

Find out your funny and random story with the fun test below! Just choose the month and day you were born, and your favorite color. Don’t forget to share your silly name with your friends and listen to theirs!

Month You Were Born in: Day of Birth: January - I skated with... 1. My BFF 2. The police February - I danced with... 3. Spiderman 4. Myself March - I kicked... 5. A lunatic April - I laughed at... 6. A potato May - I swam with... 7. A skeleton 8. My dog June - I jumped on... 9. A bowl of soup July - I tripped over... 10. A jar of mayo August - I ignored... 11. Deadpool 12. Ironman September - I poked... 13. Spongebob October - I read with... 14. Squidward’s nose 15. My enemy November - I wanted... 16. Dad December - I tickled…

17. A bulldog 18. A cat 19. The principal 20. Trump 21. Thor 22. My grandma 23. An ice cream cone 24. A raccoon 25. Book 26. A dress 27. Patrick 28. Kermit 29. Mom 30. Thanos 31. Donald Duck

Favorite Color: Blue - Because I’m lonely Black - Because I wanted to/I felt like it White - Because I’m extra Purple - Because I love it Pink - Because I don’t feel so good Grey - Because I feel like dancing Brown - Because I don’t care Turquoise - Because I can’t go back to jail Red - Because I didn’t want to do my homework Yellow - Because the voices told me to Orange - Because I can Green - Because...yes. Maroon - Because I am indecisive and I don’t know how to make logical decisions

You have been captured by Thanos! You need to run through the maze and find the true exit to save your friends before they don’t feel so good! Hurry!

*iI you want to make it more fun, put on a time limit for 2 minutes.

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ISABELLA G ALLARDO Launched in 2013, online quiz game Kahoot has been used by teachers, It has been rubbing off on students, so much that they’ve made a Kahoot team at MBMS, with their aim to be the best Kahooters in town. There are five player types. 1. Looker-upper: When a question pops up, the first thing they do is look up the question and report the answer they’ve found to the team. They will never give up in looking for the question. Equipped with phone for easy access, they’re the supporter. 2. SCS: SCS stands for special clicker speedster. Two types. One being, is the second a question pops up, they CLICK. No matter whether they know the answer, they will click as fast as they can and guess. The other type would be the one who actually KNOWS the answer, and is still able to click faster than the speed of sound. Usually equipped with mouse.

The team has planned to begin competition next year, and they are already had begun preparing. Practice began in April 3. The club advisor is Coach Pete Carroll, who retired from coaching the Seahawks, and started recruiting March 5. “Best team middle school team I’ve ever seen for any club. I’m glad to have quit and joined this team,” Carroll said. Others even feel disappointed in themselves for not having the idea earlier. Even President Donald Trump felt this way upon hearing the idea. “This is the greatest idea I’ve heard in years. A Kahoot Team! Huge! Successful!” Trump said. “There should be more young people like this nowadays. It makes me feel proud to know this is the generation that will lead America.” Imagine Dragons also made a Kahoot team. They

have stated that their next album will include songs about their Kahoot competition and their soon-to-come success from it. All team members have approved of this idea and had greatly supported it. “I’ve heard lots of news about the rising Kahooters, and we [Imagine Dragons] all decided to make a team to join the fun,” lead singer Dan Reynolds said. “We hope to receive plenty of support.” Seventh grader Brendon Urie had also caught whiff the Kahooters had decided to bandwagon by joining MBMS’s Kahoot team. “I figured it would be harder to make my own team, so I decided to just join one,” Urie said. “I heard about this team from a co-worker and joined.”

3. Glancer: As the name implies, they look around at others screens to figure out the answer. Usually glancing at the smartest person they know to receive the answer. 4. Average Joe: Just a normie with no absurd or special task. They just answer based on their knowledge. If they don’t know, they guess. Equipped with Average Joe clothes and Average Joe items. 5. Nero: Combines the word, hero and nerd. Due to their smarts and high nerd stats, they 99% know the answer to the question giving them the quality as nerd and hero at the same time. Equipped with glasses and cape. On May 8, Brendon Urie and Dan Reynolds have a practice face off at MBMS. Reynolds took the win in the Kahoot battle 2-1. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY I. GALLARDO VIA PIXLR.COM

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CHRISTINE EVERHART

EMILY SCOFIELD Live action role play has become more and more popular in the United States and it has finally come to MBMS! Live action role play is when you are a certain character from a movie, book, and/or video game and play the game in real life. Weapons include squirt guns, water balloons, and foam water noodles. This live action role playing team plays at Game Farm Park, usually on rainy days, so it’s close to what it would be like in the “Storm Eye.” According to sixth grader Joe King, Fortnite in real life is a great way to learn survival skills and it is fun to play. “Even though you can get really wet sometimes, playing the game can also help you get better in the video game!” King said. Along with having fun and learning survival skills, you can express yourself by wearing different types of horse heads and outfits. Some kids wear onesies along with the horse heads. “This game is so fun! It requires a lot of running and you can get really wet sometimes, but it is worth it!” eighth grader Ben Lyon said.

“The equestrian team is my first choice, but I am hoping to play Quidditch next year.”

“Some people think that we are weird playing Fortnite in real life, but it is way better than sitting in front of a TV all day. It is tough to run while wearing horse heads and onsies though.” People who do live action role playing, need a lot of skill. They need to be able to sneak around and be quiet and they need to be able to run with heavy, warm clothes on. This is why not many other schools participate in this game. Seventh grader Candice B. Fureal said, “Sometimes playing Fortnite, I don’t feel so good, but in real life I feel great playing it!” Playing Fortnite in real life can help you get more fit and it can help you prepare for future sports. Coach Al Beback said, “MBMS live action team help kids who normally don’t do sports, become active. This also helps kids have to fun!” Many kids who don’t want to do sports, can try them out with this live action team. This team just requires the ability to run, unlike other sports that include eye-hand coordination. If kids want to try different sports, this will prepare them for it!

RAUL PFERDKOPF eighth grade

“Fortnite, bro! That’s all I ever Fortnite. Fortnite Fortnite Fort….nite. Fortnite Fortnite FORTNITE, BRUH!!!”

MIGUEL ROYALE seventh grade

“Any sport where my father doesn’t attend the game. We don’t get along.” GAMORA

sixth grade

“RAAWWRGWAWGGR…. RRWWWGG...GGWRGHH. RAAWWRGWAWGGR…. RRWWWGG...GGWRGHH." CHEWBACCA

physical education teacher This picture is an example of what the game would be like in real life. PHOTO COURTSY OF E. SCOFIELD, PIXLR, AND ANDROID CENTRAL

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What

Disagree? The segment ‘What Grinds My Gears’ is presented as opinion and does not express the views of all MBMS students, TEACHERS or The Canine Chronicle. If you would like to express your opinion, write us a letter, and you may be published in our next edition.

Teacher’s

SPOILERS You know what grinds my gears? Spoilers, that’s what! In fact, they don’t make me feel so good. Spoilers make me want to disintegrate into tiny triangular particles of rage. Did I want to know that the comet hits Dusty Depot before I even had a chance to download the app? Nope. Not gonna bother now. And what about Darth Vader being Luke’s dad? Gee, thanks random, smelly friend of my younger brother for ruining that cinematic moment for me. Selfish. Or those people on social media who say “SPOILER ALERT!” but don’t even bother hitting enter 18.5 times before typing said spoiler. You know who you are. What. The. Heck. You are quite possibly the WORST! See that rectangle on the right hand side of your keyboard? Look at it, visualize it, embrace it. JUST USE IT! When a spoilee spoils the experience with a poorly posted spoiler, they steal away all the suspense needed in that moment thus basically stealing all joy. So next time you want to rush online to describe an entire plot, stop and ask yourself: Is this necessary? Is this kind? AM I ON THE EAST COAST AND HOURS AHEAD OF WASHINGTON STATE AND COULD RUIN AMERICAN IDOL BY ANNOUNCING ON TWITTER THAT JORDIN SPARKS WINS?! Or something like that.

[

And don’t tell me to stay off the internet. You stay off the internet! For the love of Tony Stark and the other two people that survived Infinity Wars, and that’s what grinds my gears.

— MS. LACY

likely will become hockey fans. If anyone wants to know what real fans are like, seek out Mr. King and myself. We represent America's Team all day everyday. How bout them Cowboys! And that's what REALLY grinds my gears. .

—MR. MIDDLETON

___________________________________

____________________________________

11 1/2 FANS

RACOONS

You know what REALLY grinds my gear? The 11 1/2s! First of all, let me establish that I have trademarked this term several years ago. It is a term that unfortunately describes many, if not most, Seahawks fans. They are the fans that jumped on the bandwagon (2014) and often can be confused with the loud and proud 12s who are the real supporters. Yes, there are a few. If you need help spotting them, ask yourself the following questions. Did they almost overnight become a football expert? Do they stare at their phone the entire game only to look up while they wait for more likes? Can they name another QB in Seahawks history other than Russell Wilson? Are they the first to show off on "BLUE FRIDAY" only to abandon their jersey after back to back losses? Show patience 12s because I believe these "somewhat fans" will no longer exist among you. Another .500 or below season and they

teacher opinion

You know what really grinds my gears? Raccoons. These tiny bears with disturbingly human hands may seem cute, but they’re actually vile beasts in a fuzzy disguise. It’s time that they are recognized as the menace to society that they truly are. I once watched raccoons climb a tree to a bird's nest and throw the eggs out. They did not eat the eggs; they threw the eggs on the ground. I'm willing to bet they were laughing when they did it too. And that bandit mask isn’t just for show, trash pandas will steal anything they can get their thieving little paws on. And those paws? Those paws have thumbs. Locks on your

trash cans and the latches on your doors are just games to these diseased diminutive demons.

If that wasn’t enough, raccoons are brilliant. We don’t always notice them, but they’re al-

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ways watching. They're staring at us from the trees when we are going to and from work. They know when we're not home, and when it's safe to creep into our yards. They see where we put things and notice the weaknesses in our defenses. And then these furry fiends strike, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Like an army invading Russia, winter is the only thing that drives these foul creatures back, giving us a few blissful raccoon-free months. Though with the way climate change is going, we’ll soon have to deal with the evil. And that's what grinds my gears.

spinning rock. Start by placing your garbage in the proper receptacle. And that’s what grinds my gears.

—MR. CARTER ___________________________________

SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS You know what grinds my gears? When I’m doing a scientific experiment and it doesn’t exactly go as planned. Just last week I was testing the reaction rate of two enzymatic polymers, listening to my music as I awaited results, and accidentally swallowed the beaker of chemicals instead of my hot tea (and we all know I need that hot tea). The next thing you know I was incredibly angry, and then blacked out. I woke up the next morning in the middle of Game Farm Park and there were tons of trees lying on the ground, cars thrown around. My skin was even this weird light green color, but thankfully that went away. It was crazy! Since then that’s happened to me like three times, all when I’m frustrated with a student for coming unprepared for class, or blurting out too much. Anyway, that’s off-topic. I never could get that reaction to work. And that’s what really grinds my gears!

—MS. ZAIDA ____________________________________

LITTERING You know what grinds my gears? Ignorantly selfish, lazy people. The type of person who is so blissfully ignorant that they have no perception of their impact on the rest of mankind. You know the type. The type of person who drops their garbage on the ground when there is literally a garbage can within sight. You can’t knowingly think throwing, I mean “dropping” (throwing would require effort) your garbage on the ground is okay unless you are a selfish, lazy person. Dropping your garbage on the ground for someone else to pick up. Can you get any more selfish and lazy? In Singapore first time garbage wrapper dropping offenders are required to pay a $300 fine. That’s just for a first time candy wrapper offenses. People who are repeat littering offenders, or people who drop larger items like cans or bottles, are subject to appear in court and required to pick up litter as a consequence. Seems fitting. Singapore is one of the cleanest and crime free cities in the world. I’m considering moving there for peace of mind. We all need to be considerate to our fellow humans as we share the limited space on this

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may 2018

—MS. DAVIS ___________________________________

MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS You know what grinds my gears? Morning announcements! I am TRYING to teach fifth grade band starting at 7:15 am each day because the Auburn School District buses have to pick up the fifth graders at 8:10 am to take them to their elementary schools, so the only way to get a significant amount of instructional time is to begin promptly at 7:15 am. Then, AROUND 7:30 am, we are interrupted

teacher opinion

for the Pledge of Allegiance and all of the many, many morning announcements. This grinds my gears in many ways; 1)Since I do not have 5 th grade band on Mondays, due to the invention of late arrivals which I had zero input on creating, I sometimes wander around our school to spy on other teachers (you never know what amazing ideas you can steal) and I notice many classrooms where NO ONE is listening to said announcements, all students are socializing with their friends: 2) Sometimes the same announcement is made everyday (Auburn High School’s future freshman night – AAAARRGGHHH!!!!); 3) My fifth graders are not the least interested in middle school announcements, so... 4) I shout over the top of them to attempt to maximize our finite educational time, and… 5) I fear the fifth graders fear my shouting as if I am angry with them; 6) Finally some people forget that we already have a designated announcement time and make announcements any old time all day long every day. And that’s what grinds my gears.

—MR. PAUSTIAN __________________________________

BATHROOM GROUPIES You know what grinds my gears? Bathrooms…or more specifically bathroom groupies. I just don’t get it. Bathrooms are supposed to private to take care of…you know…private business. But when large groups of students pile into the bathroom? Now that is just awkward. I can think of better places to have discussions: hallway, commons, courtyard, etc.…but in a bathroom? Really? C’mon. Let students who are using the bathroom have their peace and quiet and move your discussion elsewhere. And that is what grinds my gears.

—MR. DECKER

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