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FEATURES
The Phillipian
May 31, 2013
FEATURES GETS FIERY ARE YOU CHESTNUTS ON AN OPEN FIRE? CAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET ROASTED! Pearson Goodman ’13 & Lucia McGloin ’13 Him??? What, is he funny or something? Grade: 5th, judging by Pearson’s babyface. Emily Hoyt ’13 & Remington Remmel ’14 No way is he scorin’ on that goalie! Grade: Save! Connie Cheng ’13 & Lucas.Png ’13 They’re all about curves at prom, but these two will probably just break it down. Grade: 6+++++++++++
Hemang Kaul ’13 & MJ Engel ’13 Oh! Its Mike McKay and Jackie Lender! Oh, it’s not. Whoops... MJ, Prom? -Hemang Grade: Politik
Greg Cameron ’13 & Nicole Ng ’13 Somehow, we hope they’ll manage to make this newsworthy. Grade: CXXXV
Julia Smachlo ’13 & Jake Marrus ’14 Somebody Smach that girl a high-five for landing this gem! Grade: 6
Sung Woo Hong ’13 & Sophia Lloyd-Thomas ’14 Sophia better not wear heels, cause she’s gonna have to STAND the whole time. Grade: Ow, my feet.
Scott Livingston ’13 & Dylan MacDonald ’13 Scott’s got a niiiccee coxswain Grade: 5
Zelly Atlan ’13 & Stephen T Moreland IV ’14 He brought the papers. Grade: IV/XX
Patrick Naughter ’13 & Lucy Frey ’13 Patrick had better wear sunscreen, because with his complexion he could get Freyed. Grade: SPF 500
Corbin Lee ’13 & Zoe Gallagher ’14 So Corbin stood up and told that teachin’ lady, “The only three letters I need to know are Z, O & E.” Grade: ‘Murica
Samuel Lewis Green ’13 & Katherine Lee ’13 Sam really thinks he’ll be able to make her Singh, but don’t worry, she likes him because of his personality! Grade: No 4s...EVER
Jessica Lee ’13 & Max Sam Block ’14 She’ll take any chip off the ol’ Block. Grade: CXXXIV Connor Fraser ’13 & Alec Kingston ’14 Wait, isn’t that the wrong blonde girl? Grade: Quick Switch
Kristin Mendez ’13 & Jack Katkavich ’13 Now here’s a couple that is splitting the cost of tickets, am I right? Grade: F=E
Cara Daly ’13 & Austin Heffner ’13 They’re actually chaperoning this one. Grade: Nuptuals
Rozenn Carrio ’13 & Auggie Horner ’14 C’est bien! Non? Ça va? Baguette? J.SWEATY/THE PHILLIPIAN Quinn Daly ’13 & Erin Wong ’13 Features gettin hot, thirsty, sweaty and roasted on the lawn. Grade: Cinq Quinn’s so excited about this that he’s Rolando Bonachea ’13 & Rachel been talking about it at least thrice Daly. But Max Carillo-Ostrow ’13 & Natalie Kim ’14 Wittenberg ’13 is that really so Wong?? She can’t escape the vortex. Rumor has it she’s attracted to power, but I Grade: 5 Grade: AHHHH guess she had to settle... Grade: #2 Olivia Bren ’13 & Jack Sanford ’? Abby Chung ’13 & Sven Lerner ’13 He doesn’t even go here. Did anybody tell them they can’t get into the Justin Appleby ’13 & Carri Bresnahan ’13 Grade: 3 gym at the Park Plaza? They met when he had to Carri her back from Grade: 175 lbs a nice dinner at your local Appleby’s. Alexi Bell ’13 & Richard “Slick Rick” Grade: 2 entrees for $15 McAllister ’13 Alex Demeulenaere ’13 & Susanna Her genes are tighter than Rick’s, and he’s Rademacher ’14 Gaelyn Golde ’13 & Tyler Olkowski ’13 European! What are their last names? Are they gonna Tyler saw that the price of Golde was going up Grade: AAGTCCGA hyphenate that after a wedding? on MSNBC, so he grabbed himself some. Grade: xdfkadsfja;dlfkje;odi Grade: 15k Topher Hedley ’13 & Lilybet McRae ’13 Topher, you’d better deliver this one. Grade: Oper8? Eddie Ellis ’13 & Marjorie Kozloff ’14 Did somebody say hockey?? Grade: Puck!
Julia Kichorowsky ’13 & Mike Queenan ’13 At first we didn’t know why she was Mike’s Queen, but then we saw she has “row” in her name. Grade: 2k
Tahera Doctor ’13 & Nickhil Nabar ’13 Call the doctor; I hear they met in nabar and he had a heart attack. Grade: Air Conditioning
Larken Kemp ’13 & Campbell Howe ’14 Larken’s been Burnsing it up on the lax field, Jack McGeachie ’13 & Jackie Murray ’13 Gabbi Fisher ’13 & Ben Yi ’14 and his play has been award-winning. Don’t let their cuddliness fool you, attending Jack and Jack went up the hill to fetch a pail of Grade: 2015 water... Andover prom is another step in their plan to 2 Grade: Jack take over the world, one club at a time... Alex Kramer ’13 & Katie Kreider ’14 Grade: World Domination They’re only in it for the day student after-party Zach Merchant ’13 & Stephanie Grade: 4.5 Nekoroski ’14 Malachi Price ’13 & Renée LaMarche ’14 Pure, wholesome prom goodness! Wenée’s weawing a white dwess because Mimi Leggett ’13 & Simon MacIntosh Grade: High School Mawachi asked hew to mawwy hew on the She’ll be pushing the wheelchair. pwaygwound yestewday. Grade: 401(k) Christiana Nguyen ’13 & Peter Fanikos ’14 Gwade: Pwe-K Let’s hope they don’t get nug-mugged on the Shin Jae Lee ’13 & Anika Kim ’14 fierce streets of Boston! Jing Qu ’13 & Derek Farquhar ’12 It’s a match made in Gangnam! Grade: Coxswain? Ding Quarquhar will reunite in Morse. Grade: 6.0 Grade: CXXXIV John Perkins ’13 & Olivia Cabral ’14 Parker Thomas ’13 & Luke Stidham ’14 The Perks of Being @FreshLegsOC. Nikita Singareddy ’13 & John Henry They both regularly see Dr. Odjo, but he’s the Grade: 5 grand. Fitzgerald ’14 wrong kind of doctor... John Henry was highest on her list of alternates. Grade: French 400 Brendan O’Connell ’13 & Rochelle Wilbun ’13 Grade: 4.5 They’re dating? We thought they were just Rachel Andresen ’13 & Scott Diekema ’14 attached at the hip. Elaine Sohng ’13 & Graham Johns ’14 Rachel still doesn’t have her license, but it’s ok Grade: Conjoined. Don’t go into your whole sohng and dance. cause Scott’s been driving tractors since birth. Grade: Don’t make me dance. Grade: DMV Henry Kennelly ’13 & Amanda Simard ’13 One word: stamina. Rory Ziomek ’13 & Meredith Collins ’14 Stephen Fehnel ’13 & Abigail Keller ’14 Grade: If you ain’t first, you’re last. How’s the weather up there, you budding me“Oh hell no! I did NOT leave the farm for teorologists? this!”- Abigail Daniel Martucci ’13 & Nekele McCall ’13 Grade: 85º Grade: 1607 You kneeda brace yourself for these two. Grade: A+ CL Alex Du ’10 & Georgia Pelletier ’11 Claudia Giles ’13 & Seamus O’Neil ’13 The Features staff would like to take this Claudia really doesn’t like walls put up around opportunity to again reiterate our disappoint- Paul Turiano ‘13 and Jessica Vocoaturo ‘13 her. A whole new meaning to team chemistry. ment in this prom couple. Grade: Phalanges Grade: 0-0 Grade: 0