A8
The Phillipian
FEATURES
September 26, 2014
Features Amends the Blue Book
Slippers must be worn at all times to protect poorly placed, easily replaceable lab equipment.
Completion of Intro to Grinding now a diploma requirement.
Students may not interact prior to, during or after homework in order to avoid plagiarism.
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Senior room visits allowed once a week on Tuesdays from 3:55 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.
During room visits, doors must be ajar roughly the width of an African Spiny Softshell Terrapin Turtle.
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When surfing the Internet, all students must be accompanied by a certified web-browsing safety agent.
Top 10 Ways to Avoid Getting in Trouble
10. Don’t be stupid.
Students will receive one unexcused absence for every excessive cough or sneeze in Silent Study.
Textbooks should be purchased from God Knows Where; figure it out yourselves.
9. Confess to being a witch, then accuse someone else of being a witch to show you are cured. 8. You can put the blame on me. 7. Explain that it is too hard to buy the Blue Book on the new website ordering system. 6. Tell them the lunch that day was eggplant parmesan, so you didn’t eat anything.
Administration officially bans e-Tacos.
Taylor Hall is allowed to host a kissing booth on Quad Day.
Phillipian Voices! This Wednesday, all five clusters held separate meetings during All- School Meeting to discuss the first few weeks of school, and in an effort to help students adjust, one dean asked a captivated audience about their feelings going into Fall Term.
What do YOU think?
“I sometimes cry while I’m in the shower so that no one can hear.” -Julia Fitz ’18 New Boarder “I’ve taken to grading papers in the nude.” -Mrs. Winklestein Instructor in English “I just want somebody to hold me when it gets dark.” -Anonymous Upper Friend to All Reptiles and Amphibians
5. Argue a metaphysical position on everything being predestined; thus, it’s not your fault. 4. Lose on purpose when playing Mr. Murphy in NHL 15. 3. Say you’re in the CIA. It’s classified. 2. Blame Obama. 1. Change your name to Chad, grow a handlebar mustache and move to Italy.