Philadelphia City Paper, December 25th, 2014 by Philadelphia City Paper

Daily programming between Christmas and New Year’s.

Winter Family Studio Fri–Wed, Dec 26–31

Just Breathe: Yoga White Party Pay What You Wish Wed, Dec 31

philamuseum.org/holidays

A Long Weekend of Holiday Concerts Fri–Mon, Dec 26–29

New Year’s Day Brunch Thurs, Jan 1

cpstaff We made this

Associate Publisher Jennifer Clark Editor in Chief Lillian Swanson Senior Editor Patrick Rapa Arts & Culture Editor Mikala Jamison Food Editor Caroline Russock Senior Staff Writers Daniel Denvir, Emily Guendelsberger Copy Chief Carolyn Wyman Contributors Sam Adams, Dotun Akintoye, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, Caitlin Goodman, K. Ross Hoffman, Jon Hurdle, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, John Morrison, Michael Pelusi, Natalie Pompilio, Sameer Rao, Jim Saksa, Elliott Sharp, Marc Snitzer, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky, Julie Zeglen Editorial Interns Indie Jimenez, Alyssa Mallgrave, Nia Prater, Sam Fox Production Director Michael Polimeno Senior Designer Brenna Adams Designer & Social Media Director Jenni Betz Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Hillary Petrozziello, Maria Pouchnikova, Neal Santos, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) U.S. Circulation Director Joseph Lauletta (ext. 239) Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Amanda Gambier (ext. 228), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262) Classified/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel 22

Bruce Schimmel founded City Paper in a Germantown storefront in 1981. Local philanthropist Milton L. Rock purchased the paper in 1996 and published it until August 2014 when Metro US became the paper’s third owner. citypaper.net

30 South 15th Street, Fourteenth Floor, Phila., PA 19102. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-735-8444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2014, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public. 55

contents Cover story, see p. 6

Naked City ...................................................................................3 A&E ...............................................................................................12 22

Events..........................................................................................17 26

Food .............................................................................................21 34

Sex .................................................................................................23 Cover PhotograPh by neal santos design by brenna adams

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naked

the

20 35

thebellcurve

city

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 1] President Obama pardons a Bucks County

woman who was convicted of conspiracy to manufacture and distribute meth in 1984. “Well, I served 90 days 30 years ago, so it’s not really an issue,” she says. “But, hey, thank you Mr. President for telling all my new friends and co-workers about my meth days.” 22 26

[0] A new city climate-change report says Philadelphia can expect milder winters and more 95-degree-plus days by the year 2100. You’re welcome, spoiled brats of the future. Greatest generation! 31

[ - 2] A stolen viola, possibly worth $9,000, is

found smashed in a vacant lot in West Philadelphia. Cue sadviolin.wav [file not loading because this is a newspaper].

[ + 1] A French observation-deck company plans

ALL LIT UP: Despite gridlock like this, traffic lights on North Broad Street are timed for a 30 mph flow.

to open one on One Liberty Place. Unfortunately, it’ll be downwind of the XFinity Upper Decker at the Comcast Center.

mark stehle

[ traffic ]

[0] N ew Jersey Gov. Chris Christie appears on 94 WIP sports radio and says Eagles fans yelled “fairly unspeakable things” at him during a recent game. Hey everybody, this asshole thinks he deserves better treatment than Santa Claus! [ - 1] A Philadelphia Fire Department paramedic

draws the ire of Philly cops for posting what some have called racist and anti-police rants and images on his Instagram account. “Yes, yes, fight amongst yourselves,” say Fire and Crime, who are good friends.

[0]

According to the New York Times, the Philadelphia area pays 160 percent more than the national average in alimony payments. Listen, TV execs: The housewives of the Main Line are real. You might as well film them.

[0]

T he Lyft ride-share company is approved to operate in Pennsylvania, but not Philadelphia. Cause we never paid for a mustache ride and we never will. Happy Holidays, everybody!

This week’s total: -1 | Last week’s total: -7

The red and The green Checking in on Philly’s years-long project to make traffic lights smarter. By Emily Guendelsberger

hiladelphia has more than 2,950 intersections with traffic lights, most of which are the original, clanking electromechanical ones from the 1940s. The city’s in the middle of a three-year project to replace the old signals along 21 major traffic corridors. The new Led signals will connect via a fiber-optic network to a soon-to-be-built traffic operations center in North Philly, where engineers will be able to tweak the incredibly complex red-yellowgreen timing remotely to keep traffic flowing and make sure pedestrians have enough time to get across streets. We talked with richard montanez, chief traffic and street lighting engineer for the city, to see how the retiming project’s going. City Paper : How much is done? richard montanez: About half. We’re doing them in corridors

— like, broad Street being one of longer arterials, that was one of the first ones we finished. We’ve done market Street, Oregon Avenue, Aramingo Avenue, Allegheny, Frankford, Torresdale. … We’ve hit most of the major ones already, and we’re now going into the smaller ones. …

The biggest change you’ll see is a longer green given to side streets, so that the pedestrian has more time to cross the intersection. cp: Any particular success stories? rm: [Laughs.] In my job, you never fix everything for everybody.

even if you please 90 percent, it’s the 10 percent you hear from. We do get a lot of thank-you letters, but most people tell us we’re not doing the work right. When you have 70,000 people at the stadium who are sour because the eagles lost, I can’t empty them fast enough. The system’s just not intended to handle that many people all at once. cp: A German friend taught me the term “Grüne Welle,” or

“Green Wave,” which is when a street is timed so that if you drive a certain speed, you won’t hit any red lights. rm: In the U.S., people usually call it a “Green band,” but it’s the same thing. In Philly, we took two corridors in center city, Spruce and Pine [each of which has one buffered bike lane and one car lane], and timed them for 20 mph, so that you get the bicyclists going 20 mph and the drivers going 20 mph and everybody gets the green.

Streets with bike lanes are timed slower.

cp: Are Spruce and Pine the only ones like that? rm: No, they’ve all got Green bands, it just depends on the posted >>> continued on page 5

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[ the naked city ]

Cameron k. lewis

[ opinion ]

RESTAURANT INSPECTIONS KEEP PATRONS IN THE DARK No fines. No grades. No service to the public understanding of restaurant cleanliness. What’s wrong with Philadelphia’s system? By Tom Ferrick

hen it comes to food-safety inspections, the Philadelphia Health department does its best to keep the public out of the way and in the dark. The department’s motto should be: “Trust us. everything is fine.” but is it fine? City Paper’s examination of how Philadelphia’s inspection system actually works shows a process that favors restaurant operators over the patrons it is supposed to protect. Other cities have implemented policies to inform the public about restaurant food safety. In New York and Los Angeles, for instance, health departments grade and score restaurants. The grades, ranging from A to d, must be posted on eatery windows. In Philadelphia, Health department officials say they don’t like the grade/scoring system and have no intention of adopting it. They see it as too adversarial and say they prefer to work with restaurants — as opposed to, say, with consumers. To meet open-record requirements, the department does post its inspection reports on its website. These forms, thick in bureaucratese, address 56 items that indicate whether a restaurant is in compliance with the sanitary code. Though a City Paper analysis of inspection reports of the city’s nearly 3,900 eat-in restaurants found 77 percent rated average or better in cleanliness performance — including many of the bestknown restaurants in center city — the remainder, nearly 1,000 restaurants, fared worse or much worse than average. many of these were small, neighborhood eateries. but beyond the ratings, the larger questions we examined are these: does the city-inspection system work? do all restaurants meet the basic standards of food safety? The department’s answer is yes — citing its frequent inspections | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

and its protocol of escalating enforcement actions. Those actions can lead to the city taking a restaurant to common Pleas court, where a judge has the power to revoke a food license if serious violations are not corrected. The department’s records indicate the city Law department has filed 298 civil suits involving restaurants in the last five years. Yet, we found no license revocations in our review of cases. Jeff moran, spokesman for the Health department, said in an email response to our question about that: “From our experience, a business entity elects to correct all violations to stay in business so there is not a need to revoke their license.” The department’s own data tell a different story. Into each restaurant’s life, some violations do fall. rarely does a restaurant go through an inspection without getting cited for some failures. most are quick to correct them. After all, running a clean kitchen should be a central tenant of all chefs. As one restaurant owner put it: “You aren’t giving the food away, you are selling it to people. This is your business. You have an obligation to run it properly.” but, our review shows that over the last five years, about one in four of the city’s restaurants have had difficulties in correcting violations. Of these 1,000 restaurants, about 275 have had significant and repeated violations at some point over the same time period. In short, these restaurants can’t seem to get it right. When a restaurant fails two inspections in a row the Health

We found no license revocations from the civil suits.

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department’s protocol calls for it to file a civil suit in common Pleas court. but the data shows that suits are not always filed after two failed inspections, and when they are, the system begins to churn. court hearings are delayed repeatedly. cases hang without resolution. The data shows that court hearings can be delayed multiple times — even as many as 13 times — while the department reinspects and re-inspects. The result is that troubled restaurants can go for years without resolving their violations. They keep operating. The department keeps inspecting. The violations don’t go away. To put it another way, if you are a restaurant operator intent on ignoring the violations or if you simply cannot get your act together, you can continue to operate. And the cost of getting it wrong is minimal. Unlike many cities, where restaurants that violate the sanitary code are fined by the department or the courts, there are no fines in Philadelphia. In New York city, for example, there are fines ranging from $300 to $1,000 for each outstanding violation. In Philadelphia, the only additional cost a restaurant must face is the $315 charge the department makes for each additional inspection after the first two, which are conducted at no cost. If they end up before a judge, they could also be ordered to pay court costs. If you are a restaurant taking in, say, $80,000 in receipts a month, a $315 fee is negligible. There are other instances where the theory and the reality differ. If an inspector discovers a serious problem during an inspection, he will tell the restaurant to cease and desist operations until it is corrected. “A cease and desist order is never ignored,” says the Health department’s moran. Yet, the department’s own data show these orders are sometimes ignored. As one inspector dryly noted in his report on one restaurant: “management indicates that they will remain open despite this sanitarian’s recommendation to close.” There are examples in the narrative of inspection reports that indicate a restaurant has remained open, despite the fact that the department can and will call in Licenses and Inspections, which controls >>> continued on adjacent page

â&#x153;&#x161;Restaurant Inspections Keep Patrons In the Dark

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from previous page

Court hearings have been delayed, as many as 13 times. licensing of restaurants, to deliver an official cease and desist order. Our reporting team could not tell exactly how many restaurants stayed open because the language in the inspection report is not clear, and officials repeatedly gave us incorrect or incomplete answers to our questions. An example: We first were told that all restaurants in the city are inspected at least once a year. The departmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own data show that while the number of inspections has increased greatly since 2009, it is not at 100 percent. department officials assured us their website database included all inspections for the last five years. Then we found examples of restaurants inspected in 2011 where violations were found. Procedure says the inspector should have returned within 30 days to re-inspect. The data showed no re-inspection. When we asked department officials about these cases, we were told â&#x20AC;&#x201D; late in our reporting â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that there was a period in 2012 and 2013 when the department was shorthanded and re-inspections were not entered into the system. We asked

how many cases were involved. We have yet to receive a reply. Faced with outside scrutiny, the department reacted as bureaucracies often do â&#x20AC;&#x201D; by assuming a fetal position and seeking to wait out the intrusion into its business. Not to worry. despite the questions, despite the conflicts between protocols and practice, despite the failure to help the public by offering public scores or letter grades, the department has a clear message for all of you: Trust us. everything is fine. (editorial@citypaper.net) â&#x153;&#x161;Tom Ferrick is a Philadelphia-based writer.

â&#x153;&#x161; check it out View a searchable database of City Paperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ratings of 3,894 restaurants at citypaper.net

Powel House, Society Hill, Philadelphia Ring in the New Year in a most unusual way with a candlelight tour of a haunted mansion, ghostly tales of mystery and merriment, and a champagne â&#x20AC;&#x153;Toast with a Ghost!â&#x20AC;?

Call or go online for tickets!

â&#x153;&#x161; The Red and the Green <<< continued from page 3

With smartphones, drivers avoiding traffic use more roads. speed limit and what we time it for. most of center city is 20 mph. broad Street is 30 mph north of city Hall, and south of city Hall itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 25 mph. When we have a lot of bicyclist-dedicated lanes, we try to lower that to about 20 mph. cp: How much is done by computer and how much

is done by human decision? rM: computer programs take in data on volume,

crossing times, [pedestrian] count, things like that, then give us a basic timing for an intersection. but we also use our engineering judgment to fine-tune it. We look to see whether thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a SePTA stop, or a taxi station, or lots of deliveries â&#x20AC;&#x201D; you can never really model the human factor. cp: What donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t people realize about how compli-

cated it is to keep traffic moving? rM: [Laughs, almost wistfully] Aw, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of

things people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t realize about how complicated it is. Like, lots of people nowadays use their smartphones to avoid traffic. cp: Has that decreased traffic? rM: No, not decreased â&#x20AC;&#x201D; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just changed the traf-

fic patterns. Like, in the old days, if you wanted to travel to somewhere and didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know where you were going, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d open up a map and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d just follow the heaviest line â&#x20AC;&#x201D; your arterials, your interstates. Now, because the smartphone can reroute you to bypass traffic in real time, people tend to use more of the road network â&#x20AC;&#x201D; like, if I-95â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s backed up, how many people are jumping off to take local streets?

tomorrow exchange buy *sell*trade

cp: Any PSAs for city drivers? rM: Just â&#x20AC;&#x201D; please be patient. Please follow all the traffic laws, obey the red lights and take your time driving. We have to respond to every fatality to see how it could have been avoided, and a lot of the time, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because of somebody in a rush, or not paying attention, or using their smartphone. We just want everyone to be safe and careful out there â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially during the holidays. (emilyg@citypaper.net, @emilygee)

%JGUVPWV 5V ĂŠ

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THE BEST RESTAURANTS

ALL-TIME fAvEs, noTAbLE nEwcoMErs And A wIsh LIsT for ThE nEw yEAr BY CAROLINE RUSSOCK & ADAM ERACE

ith this, our first-ever Best Restaurants issue, we’re taking a seasonally appropriate cue from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and visiting the past, present and future of dining in Philadelphia. No creepy ghosts, kids on crutches or miserly bosses here, just all-time, well-established favorites; best newcomers in 2014 and a look at what’s to come. Restaurant critic Adam Erace and food editor Caroline Russock weigh in with their opinions.

NEAL SANTOS

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THE PAST

PAST: fAvoriTES

WORDS BY CAROline Russock & ADAM ERACE

MICHAEL KLEINBERG

NEAL SANTOS

CAPOGIRO

V E T R I FA M I LY

Go-To rESTAurAnT — AffordAblE CR: If you’re ever wondering where to find me on a Friday night, chances are EvERyday Good HousE in Olney is a good bet. Hidden away in the parking lot of a complex with virtual golf and private karaoke rooms is a cozy, wood-panelled room where the Korean barbecue is killer. A couple of beers, a bottle of sochu, a generous spread of banchan and one pork belly-short ribs combo is, well, it’s the stuff that dreams are made of. Or mine are, at least. 5501 N. Front St., 215-276-7942. aE: My love affair with santuCCi’s pizza and stromboli is well-chronicled. Sometimes I stray (Gennaro’s, Oogie’s, Francoluigi’s), but nine times out of 10, pizza night at my house is catered by the Santucci family. And as someone who needs something green on the side of his pizza, I really appreciate their Granny Smith apple salad with butterhead lettuce, pickled red onions, crunchy celery (an under utilized salad

ingredient), candied walnuts and a come-back cider vinaigrette I want to pour on everything. Credit chef Bobby Saritsoglou as the reason Santucci’s accomplishes more than your average pizzeria. 901 S. 10th St., 215-825-5304, santuccispizza.com.

Go-To rESTAurAnT — SPlurGE CR: In a perfect world, fresh pasta would make an appearance at least once a day in my life, specifically ostERia’s francobolli filled with robiola and tossed with paper-thin slices of royal trumpet mushrooms and thyme. I actually spend a lot more time thinking about Osteria’s francobolli than I do eating it: For me, going there is a relative rarity. Start as I usually do with some salumi and vegetable antipasti and duck liver pate with polenta beignets, a few glasses of a lesser-known Italian varietal, definitely the rigatoni with chicken liver ragu and a few (and always too many) of Osteria’s gorgeous desserts and you

have a meal that’s suitable for any and all special occasions. 640 N. Broad St., 215-763-0920, osteriaphilly.com. aE: Little brother High Street may be the more progressive place, but in my book FoRk is the one that can do no wrong. I think EllenYin and Eli Kulp deliver such a mature but thrilling experience, from amuse to mignardises, and the service is sterling. Even as they’ve ventured into other projects with High Street and a.kitchen, the mother ship has stayed consistent and innovative. 306 Market St., 215-625-9425, forkrestaurant.com.

bEST bAr CR: You can get a Beefeater martini at pretty much any bar in the city, but it’ll never taste as crisp as it does at tHE LounGE at tHE FouR sEasons. It won’t be delivered by a smartly suited server, on a tray with an icy shaker on the side like it is here, and you won’t be able to enjoy it sitting on an overstuffed couch in a timeless hotel lobby. 1 Logan Square, 215-963-1500, fourseasons.com.

aE: An always interesting tap list paired with well-seasoned food that never boasts of its conscientious sourcing makes soutH PHiLLy taP Room my favorite bar.. Plus the chance to be called out on social media by Scott Schroeder. 1509 Mifflin St., 215-271-7787, southphiladelphiataproom.com.

locAl GEm CR: In a part of town where bakeries make their names with cannoli and pignoli, finding crisp-crusted baguettes and souffle-like slices of quiche at aRtisan BouLanGERiE PatissiER is an unexpected treat. Even more unlikely is that these French pastries are baked at a family-run Vietnamese bakery in South Philly. The hours are short and the array of pastries varies from day to day, but it’s worth setting an alarm for Artisan’s pistachio croissant. 1218 Mifflin St., 215-271-4688. aE: Across from Termini’s Bakery, the family’s old-timey luncheonette, mR. JoE’s CaFé, is the perfect neighborhood

spot. They’ve got the same ladies working there since it opened, and crabs and macaroni like my grandpop used to make. 1514 S. Eighth St., 215-334-1414.

GrEAT dESSErTS CR: When trying to convey the feeling of what it’s like to walk into CaPoGiRo: Christmas morning and a kid entering a candy store come to mind. It’s more like walking into a Roman gelateria, but that’s a little too on the nose. Regardless, I’m pretty sure that cream cheese gelato doesn’t exist in the old country and Italian gelato enthusiasts are the ones missing out. Multiple locations, capogirogelato.com. aE: You can only have aRtisan BouLanGER PatissiER’s gold-standard pistachio croissant for dessert if you pick it up in the morning and save it till later. This is why I buy them two at a time. 1218 Mifflin St., 215271-4688.

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THE PRESENT

PRESENT: BEST of 2014

WORDS BY CAROline Russock & ADAM ERACE

MICHAEL PERSICO PHOTOS BY NEAL SANTOS

BEST RESTauRaNT — affoRdaBlE CR: Full disclosure: I was not a fan of hummus before I tried Michael Solomonov’s at Zahav. In my mind, hummus lived in the same place as breakfast cereal — something you eat when you have to eat something, but not something to be enjoyed. But his hummus is a game changer. With the opening of Dizengoff, that hummus went fast casual earlier this year, topped with everything from warm ground lamb to pickled cabbage served with fresh-baked pita. Mike Solo should get a Nobel Prize for bringing his singular hummus to the masses. 1625 Sansom St., 215-8670088, dizengoffphilly.com. Ae: I’ve probably been to CAfé Ynez two dozen times since it opened. It’s such a joyful-looking place, and the staff is always super nice. They’ve got my go-to breakfast sandwich (the enormous cemita with eggs, springy Oaxaca cheese, pickled jalapeños and

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refried beans on a perfect sesame bun) as well as the dinner I pick up when I don’t feel like cooking: a Latin-spiced rotisserie chicken with three sides for $15. 2025 Washington Ave., 215-2787579. cafeynez.com.

BEST RESTauRaNT — SPluRgE CR: Halfway through a recent dinner at PetRuCe et Al, my date put down his fork and said, “I want to do whatever drugs these guys are doing.” With unlikely and entirely thrilling flavor combinations — such as sweet potatoes and tomatillos — Jonathan and Justin Petruce are killing it at their eponymous Midtown Village spot. Add a few glasses from Tim Kweeder’s carefully concocted by-the-glass list and whatever is churning in the softserve machine. It doesn’t get any better. 1121 Walnut St., 267-225-8232, petrucephilly.com. Ae: Calling it a splurge makes it sound like it’s expensive, but I think townsenD

delivers great value for the price. Pound for pound, it’s the most complete restaurant I’ve eaten at in 2014 — fromTod Wentz’s surgically executed Frenchanchored food to the friendly service to Keith Raimondi’s cocktails to Lauren Harris’ offbeat wines to desserts. It’s great to see that address finally has a tenant with staying power. 1623 E. Passyunk Ave.,267-639-3203,townsendrestaurant.com.

BEST BaR CR: choosing townsenD for my favorite bar of the year might be cheating, but hear me out. Sometimes the bar is the best seat in the house and at Townsend that’s absolutely the case. While enjoying chef Tod Wentz’s gorgeous interpretations of French classics you can chat with manager Lauren Harris about the lesser-known varietals on the list or get an amaro tutorial from bartender Keith Raimondi. 1623 E. Passyunk Ave., 267-639-3203, townsendrestaurant.com.

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Ae: Not that I do a ton of hanging out in the NavyYard, but the cocktails at lo sPieDo are worth a detour. I’m totally in love with the labor-of-love drink program Steve Wildy and Stephen Warner have put together in the Navy’s old guardhouse, especially the silky green tea milk punch infused with cotechino sausage spices. 4503 S. Broad St., 215282-3184, lo-spiedo.com.

BEST food PERSoN CR: With respect to all the seeded sandwich loaves that are the building blocks of so many roast porks and Italian hoagies, before Alex Bois started baking at High Street on Market, Philadelphia’s rustic bread game was pretty weak. Using locally milled flours, Bois has created a line of breads that have won national nods and a fierce fan base. 308 Market St., 215-625-0988, highstreetonmarket.com. Ae: Ben MilleR AnD ChRistinA MARtinez, whose terrific South Philly Barbacoa truck sits outside Las Rosas

bakery on Eighth and Watkins, are just the kind of people you want to root for. They were there building their amazing tacos on sweltering mornings in July, and they’ll be there when it snows in February. I respect that kind of dedication. Sundays, Eighth and Watkins streets.

BEST NEw local PRoducT CR: Another vote for south PhillY BARBACoA, the husband-and-wife pop up that serves the best tacos in Philadelphia, hands down. Sundays, Eighth and Watkins streets. Ae: I don’t know if it’s a new product, but this year was the first time I had DAD’s hAt PoRt finish RYe.The whiskey is aged in old port barrels, where it takes on a rich, fruit-forward complexity. I love it in an Old Fashioned or a Manhattan at the Fat Ham, which stocks it reliably.

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THE FUTURE

FUTURE: WHaT’s nEXT WORDS BY CAROline Russock & ADAM ERACE

the shattering strawberry pavlova at Townsend, multilayered halo-halo at V Street, crunchy-cornered cast-iron apple pie at Lo Spiedo, tropical banana panna cotta at Petruce. I think (I hope) we’re entering a golden age of sweets — and no disrespect to pastry chefs, but all but one of the above were prepared by savory chefs.

WHaT’s missing FRom THE PHiladElPHia Food scEnE?

NEAL SANTOS

WHaT’s on THE mEnU FoR 2015? CR: I’d love to see more places like Knead Bagels and Cheu Noodle Bar opening and specializing in affordable but totally inspired fare. I’m also big into what appears to be the beginning of a dim sum wave sneaking up on the city. ae: desseRts! I’ve had a string of fantastic desserts toward the end of this year:

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CR: Philadelphia is sorely missing the raw fish and citrus magic that is the PeRuvian CeviCheRia. And with respect to Rosa Blanca, a real-deal Cuban diner with plates of pernil and yuca con mojo would be a welcome addition to the scene. ae: If somebody doesn’t start baking kouign amann on a daily basis, I’m going to. I tried the laborious, laminated pastry (traditional to Brittany, France) for the first time in San Francisco last year — B. Patisserie is the standard-bearer there — and have been thinking about it ever since. Sounds like a job for Sam Kincaid.

WHaT aRE yoU ToTally ovER? CR: Mediocre “imaginative” baR food or whatever gastropub fare has devolved into. Philadelphia does not need another place doing Thai riffs on wings, soggy sweet potato fries or cheesesteak nachos. ae: “salted CaRamel.” Any respectable caramel should be salted. Can we stop saying it like it’s a talking point?

WHicH cHEFs do yoU THink aRE going To makE iT big in 2015? CR: Anyone who’s ever had a leaden matzo ball or bland and stringy slice of brisket knows that Jewish food isn’t the easiest cuisine to get excited about. That makes what Yehuda siChel is doing at Abe Fisher (hello, borscht tartare) a pretty incredible feat that’s certainly not going unnoticed. ae: I’ve really enjoyed luke Palladino’s restaurants at the Shore, so I’m hopeful he’s going to come correct on Passyunk Avenue.

a&e

artsmusicmoviesmayhem

soundadvice By John Morrison

Heal THyself ➤ in The 14 yeaRs since the release of D’An gelo’s last album — the spectacularly dark and dreamy Voodoo — the legend of this singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist as soul music’s lost Divine Savior has grown steadily, expanding almost into the mythic. Roots drummer ?uestlove, a frequent D’Angelo collaborator, told Billboard that the new album was about “99 percent done” back in January of last year. This August, D’Angelo played a well-received headlining set at Brooklyn’s AfroPunk festival. All of this, it turns out, was leading up to last week’s surprise release of Black Messiah. Credited to D’Angelo and the Vanguard, this much-delayed album arrives neither late nor early but right on time. Full of nimble grooves, gorgeous arrangements, achingly personal lyrics and some of the most inventive vocal harmonies on a pop record since Björk’s Medulla, Black Messiah is much more than a mere “return to form” — it’s actually D’Angelo’s strongest work to date. Several moments have the singer offering up self-conscious nods to his own backstory, the mythos that surrounds him and his own desire for personal and artistic reconciliation. Stylistically, Black Messiah is ambitious; D’Angelo sounds equally comfortable referencing everything from Sly Stone’s riotous rock on “1,000 Deaths” to a sunshiny psychedelic pop vibe on “The Charade.” The New York Times has reported that D’Angelo — angered by the police murder of two unarmed Black men: Eric Garner and Michael Brown — pressured RCA to release Black Messiah earlier than anticipated. Despite the very real and present political undertones that move throughout the album, the story being told here is fundamentally personal. Black Messiah is about a man who knows that his voice can be used to bring about healing and clarity, but before he can use that gift in service of others, he must first use it to clarify his own vision and heal himself. (editorial@citypaper.net)

✚ d’angelo and the Vanguard

Black Messiah (RCA) 12 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

PRETTY GOOD YEAR: (L-R) Only Lovers Left Alive, Locke and Blue Ruin.

Top Movies of 2014

impacts and effects of time as it unfolds at its inevitable pace. Boyhood is at its best when it focuses, as it mostly does, on banalities, realizing that every individual ultimately has to ask the same questions and discover the same truths. —Shaun Brady

➤ The BaBadook

➤ enemy

First features don’t come any more fully realized than Jennifer Kent’s debut, a morbid children’s fable that doubles as an essay on single motherhood and grief. Drawing on the techniques of early cinema, and fears thousands of years older, she made a masterpiece as moving as it is terrifying. —Sam Adams

Creepy and circuitous, Denis Villeneuve’s doppelganger tale is a small movie with large aspirations. What those aspirations actually are is on the table for obsessive-compulsive debate. You’re as put off as the clueless protagonist the moment Jake Gyllenhaal’s listless lecturer spots his exact double acting in a film. And as his mission to track down and confront his mysterious twin twists and bucks in the most unnatural ways, all you can really do is try and hold on. —DL

[ best-of ]

➤ Blue Ruin Jeremy Saulnier’s captivating throwback thriller could carve out a second career as a kidnapper — it comes up behind you quietly, grips you by the neck and doesn’t let go until it says its piece. As a meek drifter dealing with the release of the man who murdered his parents, Macon Blair is criminal magic, and Saulnier matches his work with gorgeous movement behind the lens. Who knew revenge could look so pretty? —Drew Lazor

➤ FoRce majeuRe Are we most ourselves when we’re at our worst? A freak accident puts a marriage to an unexpected test in Ruben Östlund’s brutal black comedy, which only makes a good date movie if you’re prepared for there not to be another. See it with someone you like to argue with. —SA

➤ Boyhood Its much-ballyhooed 12-year shooting schedule could be seen as a stunt, but Richard Linklater’s time-lapse view of one boy’s entire adolescence is only the latest in a career-spanning interest in the

D E C E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 3 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

➤ FoxcaTcheR In the hands of Bennett Miller, the sensational John du Pont mur>>> continued on adjacent page

[ arts & entertainment ]

✚ Top Movies of 2014 <<< continued from previous page

der case becomes a morbid comedy with glacial timing. Its pace is dictated by the dull-witted interactions of du Pont, a monstrous creation by Steve Carell working a fake proboscis and a sociopathic haughtiness; and Mark Schultz, whose constricted intellect is perfectly captured by Channing Tatum’s perpetually confused stare. The final act of violence is just one inexplicable collision among many. —SB

humor and insight, remind us why we’re so obsessed with vampire lore. —DL

➤ The oVernIGhTers

➤ The Grand BudapesT hoTel Wes Anderson always makes grand surfaces, but he dug deep beneath in a frothy farce that also managed to incorporate the horrors of World War II in a stylized allegory that was like Grand Illusion if it was directed by Ernst Lubitsch. —SA

➤ happy Valley Although it’s shorthanded as a movie about Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky, Amir Bar-Lev’s documentary is really about the culture that enabled them, the see-no-evil stance that allowed Sandusky to prey on young men for decades, and the saintly image to which Paterno himself fell prey. At issue is less who they were than who Penn State and its fans needed them to be, and how some still fight against letting go. Over the course of the movie, you can see the denial crumble as the symbols that propped them up are altered and finally removed, a semiotic shift playing out in the shadow of a football stadium.—SA

➤ Ida Shot in severe black and white and squared-off Academy ratio, Pawel Pawlikowski’s Ida is an art-film throwback, something that could be passed off as a Criterion Collection rediscovery rather than a newly minted feature. The director’s off-center asceticism mirrors his subject, a young novitiate confronted by the modern world of 1960s Poland, discovering carnal thoughts, John Coltrane and ugly truths about the Nazi occupation. —SB

➤ InTersTellar Haters to the left, and fanboys to the right: Christopher Nolan’s overwhelming space opera had a heart of pure corn, but its eyes were trained securely on the heavens. The bigger the screen, the more the movie’s images of deep space seared themselves into your brain, and on the Franklin Institute’s IMAX screen, the progressively worn 70 mm print added a layer of poignancy to its paean for a dying dream. —SA

➤ Jodorowsky’s dune A behind-the-scenes doc on a film that never was, Jodorowsky’s Dune allows psychedelic-surrealist filmmaker Alejandro Jodorowsky to lay out his frustrated plans for a world-changing adaptation of Frank Herbert’s classic. As tantalizing as a film starring Mick Jagger, Orson Welles and Salvador Dali with designs by H.R. Giger and music by Pink Floyd may sound, the daunting logistics suggest that we may be better off imagining it in tandem with Jodorowsky’s vivid descriptions. —SB

➤ lIfe ITself Steve James’ affectionate portrait of Roger Ebert becomes a mov-

Nightcrawler

A Most Wanted Man

ing study in facing death with dignity as the famed critic heads into his final days. Just as importantly, the film captures Ebert’s passion for the cinema, revealing the beating heart that longtime readers knew was there behind the thumbs. —SB

➤ locke Spending gobs of time stuck in traffic is a good way to get your blood up. But that class of annoyance pales in comparison to what Ivan Locke puts himself through in Steven Knight’s sparse but domineering single-setting story. Locke, played in that oddball magnetic manner only Tom Hardy can achieve, reveals everything about his past, present and very shitty-looking future behind the wheel, through a series of painful phone calls. It’s short, but not even remotely sweet.—DL

American values are put to the test in Jesse Moss’ gripping documentary, where the residents of a tiny North Dakota town rise up against an influx of newcomers bent on reinvention. Moss doesn’t press facile judgments, but the cumulative picture of how far the country has strayed from its stated principles is sobering, and not even those who defend them are free from taint. —SA

➤ under The skIn Jonathan Glazer’s polarizing sci-fi experiment has Scarlett Johansson as a deadpan alien luring horny Glaswegian men to their mysterious demise. It’s in part an attempt to take an outsider’s perspective on the human condition, but more compellingly, it’s a hypnotic sensory experience, rife with startling, repellently seductive images and an immersive soundtrack. —SB

➤ weTlands ➤ a MosT wanTed Man John Le Carré’s weary German intelligence officer was one of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s finest performances, but after Hoffman’s death, it’s impossible to watch this portrait of a man ground down by the world’s fading decency and not think of his tragic end. Anton Corbijn’s post-9/11 Hamburg is gray on gray with morals to match, perhaps the most lyrical evocation of futility since Coppola’s The Conversation. —SA

➤ nIGhTcrawler More juicy weirdo bait from Jake G! Unlike Enemy, which sees Gyllenhaal operating in an oppressive world of sinister design, Nightcrawler is 100 percent his movie. And he murders it. Skinny, spooky and smiley, with an answer for every question and a surefooted end around for every roadblock, his Louis Bloom might be the creepiest film character of 2014. As he slices through the violent world of blood-and-guts TV journalism like an oar through water, you just know something very bad is bound to happen — and this anticipation, and exhilaration, is what makes it great. —DL

➤ only loVers lefT alIVe As preposterous as the phrase “realistic vampire movie” sounds, that at least half-describes what Jim Jarmusch has achieved with Only Lovers Left Alive. No sparkling torsos or CGI decapitations — just immortal ennui, baby. Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton are Adam and Eve, neck biters with endless talent, immense influence and very little love for where humanity’s headed. Their observations of the way us peons do things, dripping with Jarmuschian

An endearing coming-of-age tale about a heroine who goes out of her way not to seem endearing, David Wnendt’s film is rude but heartfelt, like its heroine burying its emotions beneath biological, gynecological and scatological obsessions. At its core, Wetlands is simply another story of a teenager lost in a confusing world, just one with an unusual amount of chronic hemorrhoids, anal fissures and neglected hygiene. —SB

➤ whIplash Newcomer Damien Chazelle’s chronicle of the disturbing connection between a music student and his sociopathic instructor was a festival hit thanks to its ruthless, almost gleeful dedication to psychological torture. It’s a shocking career performance from J.K. Simmons that makes this strangesounding conceit take shape. Miles Teller is a jazz percussion student with aspirations to be “one of the greats.” Simmons, as his terrifying teacher, recognizes the potential and coaxes it out with some truly fuckedup tactics. It’s far from a flawless movie — the scope is so narrow that Chazelle sacrifices quite a bit — but Simmons’ sickened turn alone makes it worth it. —DL

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7 Things You Must Know Before Putting Your Home Up for Sale Philadelphia - A new report has just been released which reveals 7 costly mistakes that most homeowners make when selling their home, and a 9 Step System that can help you sell your home fast and for the most amount of money. This industry report shows clearly how the traditional ways of selling homes have become increasingly less and less effective in today's market. The fact of the matter is that fully three quarters of homesellers don't get what they want for their homes and become disillusioned and - worse - financially disadvantaged when they put their homes on the market. As this report uncovers, most homesellers make 7 deadly mistakes that cost them literally thousands of

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movie

shorts

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Films are graded by City PaPer critics a-F.

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Big Eyes

: New big eyes | bSubtle (!) for a Tim burton movie, Big Eyes makes it a point to take on topics many members of the ascot-tying art community find gauche — commerce, sexism, publicity. That doesn’t mean this biopic of bedraggled painter margaret Keane is a revolutionary bit of work, but it deserves a little credit for making sure the right people squirm. Keane’s distinctive waif paintings, featuring kids with peepers like “big stale jellybeans,” became a lowbrow phenomenon in the ’60s, and Amy Adams makes a nice-enough run at the artist and her independent spirit. As her husband Walter, who for years took full credit for his wife’s work, christoph Waltz is the most loathsome kind of asshole, and he’s so good at sucking that he basically reshapes a complex marital struggle into a black hat-white hat fencing match. You’re allowed to root for her and hate on him, and though both parties are deserving of these assignments, that doesn’t automatically make the clash interesting. It’s the secondary influences of the media and the public, and burton’s unexpectedly tempered treatment of them, that offer the most interesting observations about art, then and now. —Drew Lazor (wide release) THe imiTaTioN game | bThe Turing Test, named for the british mathematician and computing pioneer Alan Turing, is a means of distinguishing human from machine. It’s a shame that this tepid movie about his attempt to crack the Nazi enigma code fails it so resoundingly. Little more than a machine for churning out awards nominations — at task at which, if the predictions

are accurate, it will be depressingly successful — The Imitation Game hand-holds us through a paint-by-numbers portrait of eccentric genius.As Turing, a closeted homosexual whom the british government eventually hounded into an early grave, benedict cumberbatch is twitchy and withdrawn, forming closer bonds with his collections of clicking rotors and bundled wire than co-codebreakers matthew Goode and Keira Knightley. His face is thin and bony, his body kept at angles, as if he’s constantly maneuvering to keep a sharp edge between himself and the rest of the world. but Graham moore’s script is all soft curves and plodding, pat psychology; it’s like being crushed by a Nerf steamroller. In some ways, there’s nothing wrong with The Imitation Game, but there’s not much right with it either. It’s giant bowl of tapioca served up as a four-course meal, a polished rock masquerading as a jewel. director morten Tyldum never lets a moment settle without underlining it twice; as the codebreakers toil, he cuts away to Allied ships being sunk by German torpedoes, as if we might forget the seriousness of World War II otherwise. Were it not for its foreordained course towards the dolby Theatre — thank you, Harvey Weinstein — it’s hard to believe anyone would even remember it come February, let alone find it worthy of discussion. For a movie about the race to break an unbreakable code, there’s precious little to decipher. —Sam Adams (wide release)

iNTo THe woods | bThe moral of Stephen Sondheim’s 1987 broadway fairytale mashup Into the Woods is that wishes-come-true don’t necessarily lead to happily-ever-afters. The long-in-gestation film adaptation ploddingly illustrates that point under c i t y pa p e r . n e t | d e c e m b e r 2 5 - d e c e m b e r 3 1 , 2 0 1 4 | p h i l a d e l p h i a c i t y pa p e r |

the stage-bound direction of rob marshall, helming his third musical after the inexplicably awarded Chicago and the very explicably reviled Nine. Here he’s given more of a head start with Sondheim’s largely hack-proof score, which retains its darkly satirical bite, even if the director seems the one person wholly unaware of it. That tone is an uneasy fit for disney, which has produced the film in an apparent attempt to absorb the musical into its princess monopoly. The show’s intertwining narratives pull together the stories of cinderella, red riding Hood, Jack and the beanstalk and rapunzel at the behest of meryl Streep’s irritable witch, with a wry self-consciousness that has been somewhat diluted in the intervening years by multiple Shreks and disney’s own Enchanted. The studio doesn’t entirely dull the original’s sharper edges, particularly with Johnny depp’s leering, predatory big bad Wolf, though marshall’s pedestrian direction simply ambles aimlessly through the fog-machined forest, taking no notice of the carnality and darkness lurking in the shadows of Sondheim’s melodies. but his utter lack of directorial vision also means that he never gets in the way of the songs and several smart performances, particularly chris Pine’s hammy Prince charming. marshall may miss the forest for the trees, but he doesn’t block our view of them either.— Shaun Brady (wide release)

unbroken | bChangeling isn’t one of clint eastwood’s better movies, but Angelina Jolie must have taken some dynamite notes during filming. Her second film as a director, which tells the story of Olympic runner and later Japanese POW Louis Zamperini (Jack O’connell), is a better eastwood movie (or at least a less politically repugnant one) than clint’s own American Sniper. O’connell, though seen to better effect in this year’s Starred Up and next year’s ’71, gives Zamperini’s immigrant tenacity his best shot, and it’s a good one; for once, here’s a young male movie star in a sudden spurt of movies that doesn’t seem like he’s been foisted on for no good reason. but Jolie’s even-tempered stateliness, which feels pleasantly distinct in the opening dogfight scene, grows monotonous over the long haul, especially over the distended sequence when Zamperini and two fellow airmen are lost at sea. matters get worse still when Zamperini lands in a Japanese POW camp, where he’s menaced by Takamasa Ishihara’s cartoon16 | P h i l a d e l P h i a C i t y Pa P e r |

ishly tyrannical commander. (based on historical accounts, mutsuhiro Watanabe, known as “The bird,” really was that bad, but life doesn’t always make satisfying fiction.) The climax, in which Zamperini bests his adversary through sheer force of will, is such generically inspirational bunkum you expect the scene to end with O’connell jogging up the steps to retrieve his Oscar. The end credits reveal that after the war, Zamperini returned to Japan and made peace with his torturers (or all but one): It’s a bad sign when the text over a movie’s closing credits suggests a story far more fascinating than the one it’s just finished telling. —SA (wide release)

Kurstin have the flavor of Oasis b-sides (not entirely a bad thing), and bobby cannavale brings much-needed flair to the role of a morally compromised political operative (you don’t say) who is helping Stacks run for mayor. but cameron diaz’s miss (or is it ms.?) Hannigan doesn’t come close to eclipsing carol burnett’s — the one truly great thing about the original movie — and rose byrne, as Stacks’ workaholic right-hand woman, is as amiably flavorless as a bread sandwich. Truth be told, neither Annie is particularly good, but at least one conveys a sense of why they’d want to make the movie in the first place. —SA (wide release)

tHe babadook | a-

: continuing annie | bYou could make a good case that Will Gluck’s modernized remake of the 1978 broadway musical, is a better movie than John Huston’s 1982 film version, which has the gilded hollowness of a stage-to-film transfer for which the answer to every question is “make it bigger.” Turning daddy Warbucks from a war profiteer into a cell-phone magnate named Will Stacks (Jamie Foxx) is a canny move, and it turns out foster care can offer just as many cartoon horrors as a depression-era orphanage. but if Gluck’s Annie is a better movie, or at least one more nattily tailored to the screen, Huston’s is a better Annie movie, which is to say, one considerably less embarrassed about its musical origins. The opening scene, in which a brassy, curly-haired redhead is told

to quiet down so Quevenzhané Wallis’ Annie can take her place, recalls those ’80s music videos where heavy metal bands busted into the living rooms of uptight squares, signaling a movie that’s on the defensive from the get-go. dance numbers are out — didn’t Jay-Z co-produce this thing? — replaced by some half-hearted hip-shakes, and the singers’ voices are Auto-Tuned to death and then buried in the sound mix. (Surely either one negates the need for the other.) New songs by Sia and Greg

There is no fear like a child’s, and though the protagonist of Jennifer Kent’s astonishing first feature is a grown woman, the monster that invades her house through the mind of her 5-year-old son brings with it the kind of terror that can’t be banished with logic or a splash of holy water. The Babadook — a name that only sounds silly until you’ve heard it croaked in a voice like the cracking of a tomb — first comes to Amelia (essie davis) and Sam (Noah Wiseman) in the pages of a children’s book whose illustrations combine the Victorian dread of edward Gorey with the jagged edges of a crude charcoal smear. At first, the boy’s insistence that the creature is real, and inside their house, is just one more thing pushing his mother toward the brink of mental collapse: She’s been widowed since his birth — the boy’s father died driving her to the maternity ward — and his insistence on bringing homemade anti-monster weapons to school constantly lands him in trouble, to the point where even a mild whine makes her apoplectic. but the babadook starts to make his way into her mind as well, embodying her grief over her husband’s death, and her irrational, unexpressable anger at her son for causing it. We become terrified for Amelia, and of her. Kent, who quotes maria bava and George méliès alongside Skippy the bush Kangaroo, goes back to cinema’s earliest monsters, using jerky stopmotion rather than slick cGI; as the babadook moves toward Amelia at 12 frames a second, your mind fills in the gaps with the stuff of nightmares. davis’ performance, with its shades of catherine deneuve in Polanski’s Repulsion, is a tour de force, and Wiseman captures both the innocence and aggravation of a child’s attachment to imaginary worlds. but good as both are, the real star is Kent, who made a

d e c e m b e r 2 5 - d e c e m b e r 3 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C i t y Pa P e r . n e t

masterpiece her first time out. — SA

[ movie shorts ]

(The Roxy)

tHe Hobbit: tHe battle of tHe five armies| c+ Peter Jackson finally takes his leave (fingers crossed) of Tolkien’s world with about as satisfying a conclusion as one could hope for from his problematic second trilogy. At a relatively concise two-and-a-half hours, The Battle of the Five Armies is the most focused but least involving installment of Jackson’s Hobbit adaptation. That’s because even after spending more than six hours trekking across middle earth, Jackson has never managed to differentiate most of his band of dwarves from one another, so when some of our heroes fall in battle, it hardly registers. The characters that we do care about — martin Freeman’s bilbo and Ian mcKellen’s Gandalf — are largely reduced to onlookers, popping up occasionally to express concern and then disappearing again. The professed mission of the trilogy, to vanquish the dragon Smaug and reclaim the dwarves’ lost kingdom, is accomplished before the film’s subtitle appears, leaving richard Armitage’s gold-crazy king and Luke evans’ not-quite-Aragorn bard to become its hollow center. Jackson is adept at balancing the epic and the intimate, so the film’s centerpiece, the 45-minute battle sequence, is expertly executed, albeit with little at stake for audiences who have stuck it out this long. It all feels too much like an afterthought, the final consequence of the director’s much-derided decision to pad Tolkien’s slim novel into a bloated trilogy and to uncomfortably overlay The Lord of the Rings’ darker tone over its lighthearted predecessor. Gandalf’s superfluous subplot, meant to set the events of the Rings trilogy in motion, remains superfluous to its conclusion, and Jackson riddles the final moments with hints of things to come that we finished watching a decade ago. —SB (wide release)

: repertory film tHe colonial tHeatre 227 Bridge St., Phoenixville, 610917-1228, thecolonialtheatre.com. The Polar Express (2004, U.S., 100 min.): enough Tom Hanks to last six lifetimes. Sat., Dec. 27, 2 p.m., $5-$9. Christmas Vacation (1989, U.S., 97 min.): “eat my road grit, liver lips!” Sun., Dec. 28, 2 p.m., $5-$9.

free library, nortHeast brancH 2228 Cottman Ave., 215-685-0522, freelibrary.org. Coriolanus (2011, U.K., 124 min.): ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut is a modern interpretation of Shakespeare’s roman war tragedy. Sat., Dec. 27, 11 a.m., free.

pHiladelpHia city institute 1905 Locust St., 215-685-6621, freelibrary.org. Joyeux Noel (2005, France, 116 min.): chronicling the World War I “christmas Truce” that brought enemy forces together to celebrate the holiday 100 years ago. Tue., Dec. 23, 2 p.m., free. The Dream (2004, U.S., 54 min.): American ballet Theatre’s dance adaptation of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Tue., Dec. 30, 2 p.m., free.

pHilamoca 531 N. 12th St., 267-519-9651, philamoca.org. Fateful Findings (2014, U.S., 100 min.): A tech-savvy novelist with paranormal abilities becomes a hacker to expose government corruption. A worthy competitor for The Room from bad-movie auteur Neil breen. Tue., Dec. 23, 8 p.m., $10.

ritZ at tHe bourse 400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, landmarktheatres.com. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992, U.S., 85 min.): Statler and Waldorf kill it as marley and marley, the roles they were born to play. Fri., Dec 26, midnight, $10.

pfs tHeater at tHe roXy 2023 Sansom St., 267-639-9508, filmadelphia.org/roxy. Bad Santa (2003, U.S., 99 min.): “I loved a woman who wasn’t clean.” “mrs. Santa?” “No, it was her sister.” Tue., Dec. 23, 6:15, 8:20 and 10:20 p.m., $5-$8. The Shop Around the Corner (1940, U.S., 99 min.): The double-blind analog catfishing movie that inspired You’ve Got Mail. Tue., Dec. 23, noon, 2:05 and 4:10 p.m.; Wed., Dec. 24, 11 a.m., 1:05, 3:10 and 5:15 p.m., $5-$8.

citypaper.net/events

events listings@citypaper.net | december 25 - december 31

[ anyone can tell you it’s coming ]

WEAR A SWEATER: Creepoid plays Boot & Saddle Sat., Dec. 27. (See p. 18.) noel conrad

Events is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/events. iF yoU Want to be liSted: Submit information by email (listings@ citypaper.net) or enter it yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

12.23 tuesday

[ dance/theater ]

JUNK’s 1.1 Holiday RevUe sPeCial $17.50-$25 | Through Jan. 3, 2040 Christian St., 267-269-6945, briansandersjunk.com. While Brian Sanders’ JUNK is best known for raucously fun dance-theater shows like Sanctuary, Urban Scuba and Patio Plastico, the Philadel-

phia-based company also tours its kid-friendly SKINK and holiday themed SNOWBALL this time of year. The company’s weekends-only holiday show at its playroom-gym-circus headquarters showcases JUNK’s unique delights in 1.1 hours (hence, the title). —Mark Cofta

[ visual art ]

alloRa aNd Calzadilla: iNteRvals MuseuM adMission of $20/ free | Through April 5, 2015, Perelman Building, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2525 Pennsylvania Ave., 215-763-8100, philamuseum.org, and Fabric Workshop and Museum, 1214 Arch St., 215-561-8888, fabricworkshopandmuseum.org. Puerto Rico-based artist team Jennifer Allora (who was born in Philly) and Guillermo Calzadilla celebrate their first major solo exhibition in the city with a selection of works largely featuring pieces never before seen in the U.S. The

exhibition will feature films, sculpture, sound and performances exploring “where and how human and non-humanity entities come into contact,” like a film showing a person playing a 35,000-year-old flute made from the wing bone of a griffon vulture. “Intervals” shows in two sites — the PMA and the Fabric Workshop and Museum. —Mikala Jamison

12.24

wednesday [ holiday/radio ]

25-HoUR Holiday Radio sHow oN wPRB! free | 5 p.m., Wed., Dec. 24 through 6 p.m., Thu., Dec. 25, WPRB, 103.3 FM., listen.wprb.com. My buddy Jon Solomon — former host of City Paper’s late, lamented Local Support podcast — will once again be mining his

immense collection of holiday music (the rare, the strange, the sincere, the sacrilegious) for his annual Christmas marathon/ descent into madness. This is his 26th year doing it, the poor bastard. Starting on the eve and continuing for 25 hours straight, you can enjoy the music, hear heart-weirding holiday stories recorded by comedians and such and follow Jon’s mental deterioration via radio, audio stream and webcam. —Patrick Rapa

ing Christmas on Christmas Eve, OK? So let’s add this event to the file of “other stuff to do.” Created by comedian Cory Kahaney, Moo Shu offers up Jewish-inspired stand-up comedy — from Stewie Stone, Jon Fisch, Dave Konig and Robin Fox — along with a Chinese banquet, the organizers say, “just like grandma used to make … if your grandma was from Beijing.” —Mikala Jamison

Moo sHU Jew sHow

12.26

$69-$80 | Wed., Dec. 24, 6 p.m., Ocean Harbor, 1023 Race St., mooshujewshow.com.

[ music/theater ]

[ comedy ]

Let’s go straight from the horse’s mouth on this one: “This meshuggeneh [read: Yiddish for “crazy”] show was created for Jews to enjoy at Christmastime, where Jews feel most at home, in a Chinese restaurant.” Look, not everyone’s celebrat-

friday stoMP

$39.50-$75 | Dec. 26-30, Merriam Theater, 250 S. Broad St., 215-8931999, kimmelcenter.org. For those who want December to truly go out with a bang, grab your tickets and pack earplugs for your friends

with delicate hearing. Expect eight performances complete with the usual drumming on trash cans, hand claps and, of course, feet-stomping from this percussion-themed act. New additions to the show include sequences featuring paint cans and inner tubes from tractor tires. —Nia Prater

[ folk/comedy ]

tHe FolK & CoMedy Revival toUR

$10 | Fri., Dec. 26, 8 p.m., with D&M, Miles Mueller, Mark Kilianski, John the Gun and Ari Fishbein, World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., 215222-1400, philly.worldcafelive.com. If you thought folk/comedy fusion ended with Flight of the Conchords you are so hopelessly wrong. Local folksters D&M and a whole host of heart-onsleeve singer-songwriters keep things light and lifted when this tour hits WCL. Definitely a perfect show for taking (or escaping) family. —Sameer Rao

c i t y pa p e r . n e t | D E C E M B E R 2 5 - D E C E M B E R 3 1 , 2 0 1 4 | p h i l a d e l p h i a c i t y pa p e r |

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f&d

foodanddrink

what’scooking FrANKLIN bAr

By Caroline Russock

➤NEW YEAR’S EVE PLANNER

New Year’s Eve Bash at Alla Spina Wednesday, Dec. 31, 8 p.m.-2 a.m., $120-$140 ➤ This year, the Vetri Family is bringing together all of its restaurants under one roof for a special New Year’s Eve celebration. Chefs from Vetri, Amis, Osteria, Pizzeria Vetri, Alla Spina and Lo Spiedo will be serving favorites all night long. No final details on the menu yet, but we wouldn’t be surprised to see Vetri’s spinach gnocchi and the mortadella rotolo on the lineup.The party runs from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. and drinks are coming by way of Yards Brewing and Philly Distilling’s Bluecoat Gin and Penn Rye Vodka. The all-inclusive ticket price includes a prosecco toast at midnight. DJ A Squared is manning the decks all night long. Alla Spina, 1410 Mount Vernon St., 215-600-0017, allaspinaphilly.com. Pennsylvania Dutch Cocktail-Tasting at Franklin Bar Wednesday, Dec. 31, 9 p.m.-1 a.m., $125 ➤ The Franklin Bar’s New Year’s Eve party falls somewhere between danger zone and best night ever. Head bartender Sara Justice has crafted a sevencourse cocktail menu inspired by Pennsylvania Dutch Country flavors. Her gorgeous cocktail menu includes a riff on birch beer with navy strength gin, birch, licorice and lime.Although there will be passed hors d’oeuvres throughout the evening,The Franklin suggests padding your stomach with something a bit more substantial before endeavoring on the cocktail tasting. The Franklin Bar, 112 S. 18th St., 267-467-3277, thefranklinbar.com. New Year’s Eve Tasting Menu at Will BYOB Wednesday, Dec. 31, 5:30 p.m., 7:30 p.m., 9 p.m., $85 ➤ If you’ve been sitting on some particularly festive bottles, say a Dom Perignon from ’02, Will’s New Year’s Eve prix fixe is the ideal place to pop the cork. The restaurant is offering three seatings and a menu that is full of bites that pair perfectly with Champagne. Think black truffle risotto with celeriac, mustard greens and foie gras and a chestnut and lobster veloute with rye crumble and apple. Will BYOB, 1911 E. Passyunk Ave., 215-271-7683, willbyob.com. (caroline@citypaper.net)

TASTING NOTES: Rittenhouse Hotel wine director Justin Timsit is evolving the restaurant’s cellars. maria pouchnikova

[ cork board ]

Cellar Style Justin Timsit is heading up one of the city’s most comprehensive and creative wine programs. By Caroline Russock

“

here’s a saying in Italian that if someone has had too much to drink they just haven’t had enough food,” paraphrases Justin Timsit, sommelier at Lacroix restaurant at The rittenhouse Hotel. This is a very levelheaded way to look at wine, one that comes from a person brought up with a bottle ever present on the family dining table. A native of Southern california, Timsit says his father was an avid wine collector who specialized in classic, big-name bottles like first growth bordeaux. When Timsit went to college, he began collecting, too. “I started reading and learning about wine. I was known as the wine geek or the person to turn to with wine questions,” he says. After he graduated, he began working as a men’s fashion sales rep, and his interest in wine remained only a hobby. but then he began an amateur blog with his girlfriend, a sign that his hobby was becoming something more. And when Timsit found out about the court of master Sommeliers, his hobby spiraled into — his words — a full-blown obsession. The court of master Sommeliers is no joke. The organization

provides four levels of examinations and certification for those who are truly dedicated to wine and wine education. Talking to Timsit about his level-one course and exam, he says that he probably over prepared and that if you can name the five grapes of bordeaux you are probably going to ace the test. but looking over the course topics (there’s about 40, ranging from French wine law to deductive tasting and saké), it’s clear that even the entry-level exam is very serious business. “I passed with flying colors and that excited me,” Timsit explains. He found a job running the wine program at a small moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles. It was a challenging first restaurant gig. even with his burgeoning knowledge of wine, finding pairings that worked with the aromatic, spice-market menu of this particular place would have been a task for even the most seasoned somm, let alone one who was just breaking into the business. While mastering the art of pairing tagine and traminer, Timsit was studying for his level-two certification. This next test required more on-the-floor experience, restaurant skills and mock services where master sommeliers pretend to be customers and the students are required to talk and serve wine tableside. “The whole thing was extremely nerve-racking,” Timsit said,

Read moRe citypaper.net/ mealticket

>>> continued on page 22

c i t y pa p e r . n e t | d e c e m b e r 2 5 - d e c e m b e r 3 1 , 2 0 1 4 | p h i l a d e l p h i a c i t y pa p e r |

let’sgetiton Rachel Kramer Bussel on sex of all stripes.

Meet a happy 29year-old virgin ➤ If you’ve read my previous columns, it’s pretty

clear that I’m not a virgin. but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn from someone who is. Arleen Spenceley is a 29-year-old self-described happy virgin and author of Chastity is for Lovers (Ave maria Press). We are similar in that we both write about sex, including personal details; but Spenceley advocates chastity and on that point and some others, we are far apart. For Spenceley, chastity is not, as I’d thought, simply about saving sex until marriage. For her, it’s about a way of life centered around God, and not physical urges. As she explains it, “For single people, chastity implies abstinence. For married people, it implies not using or abusing each other. It also requires intentionality about sex. A chaste married couple has to have sex for reasons more substantial than ‘because one of us had an urge,’ and they must both acknowledge and respect the magnitude of what they’re doing.” I’d venture to say that even those of us who aren’t practicing “chaste” sex can also find ways to better value our sex lives, rather than simply going through the motions. even so, there are plenty of areas where I differ strongly from Spenceley. She says chastity is “for everyone” but “sex is not for people whose orientation is homosexual.” She’s opposed to contraception and plans not to use it if she gets married. And she considers masturbation outside the bounds of chastity. but what impressed me is our common ground, namely her standing up for sexual-assault survivors and her brave opposition to church sermons that shame those who’ve had sex. Spenceley praises The Purity Myth by feminist Jessica Valenti, which exposed the creepiness of purity balls, where daughters pledge their virginity to their fathers. Spenceley writes that the purity culture “teaches that sexual activity outside of marriage so irreversibly hurts us, that there truly isn’t any turning back.” She gets it that this all-or-nothing viewpoint makes those on the receiving end feel worthless. Instead, Spenceley emphasizes what she considers the positives of her way of life as better talking points. “It’s easy to tell a kid not to have sex, or to build a wall between kids and sex by calling it bad, or by calling the people bad who have sex outside of marriage,” she says. “but saying that stuff does a lot of damage. On the contrary, it’s difficult and probably awkward to tell the truth, but it’s courageous — to define sex, to tell kids sex is good, to tell kids it’s sacred. Parents or churches who share

shame-based messages in order to stop people from having sex have missed the point.” Similarly, on the pop culture front, Spenceley found the premiere of Jane the Virgin hilarious, but didn’t like “that Jane remained a virgin because her grandmother used an analogy that implied she would be irreversibly damaged if she didn’t.” Spenceley has ended a relationship when it became clear the man wasn’t on the same chaste path as she. It’s something that’s unlikely to happen again once she came out as a virgin in the Tampa Bay Times, where she’s a staff writer. She hopes to get married, but has left that outcome in the hands of God. If she never marries, she will not have sex, yet she isn’t distraught about that possibility.

Virgins shouldn’t feel pressured to have sex. reading her book, I caught myself hoping, for her sake, that she does wind up getting married, then I stopped to wonder why. While my sexual values differ from hers, I don’t want to join the chorus telling virgins there’s something wrong with them; there’s not. If she’s a happy virgin, I’m happy for her. Virgins of any age, religious or not, should never feel pressured to have sex just to feel cool or fit in. even though she and I disagree on many points, I’m impressed that Spenceley is speaking out without judging those who don’t live as she does. An us vs. them mentality about sex, one that puts those who are doing it above those who aren’t or vice versa, doesn’t help anyone. ✚ Rachel Kramer Bussel is the editor of over 50 erotica anthologies. She tweets @raquelita.

jonesin’

22 26

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By Matt Jones

“key words” — played on the piano.

✚ across 1 Recipe amt. 4 Less leafy, like a tree 9 Govt. group with a director 12 Evening, in France 13 ___ of Two Cities 14 “I got you good on that one!” 15 ___ extra charge 16 Mail-in payment 18 Caught the villain, on the piano? 20 “The Waste Land” poet 21 How-___ (instruction guides) 22 In ___ (hurried) 25 Free letters in the Wheel of Fortune bonus round 27 Audrey Tautou role 28 Coleslaw left out in the sun, on the piano? 32 Pet for Harry Potter 35 Prince’s unpronounceable symbol, for one 36 Boxing match div. 37 Make a pop star eat the meat dress she wore, on the piano? 42 Person with phobias 43 Roots expose it 47 Combine 48 Getaway spot 51 Winter month, in Mexico 52 “Stayin’ Alive” is suddenly unhip, on the piano? 55 Rips to shreds 57 Sea eagle variety

58 Storyline paths 59 Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, for one 60 Dipstick wipers 61 Bug 62 Full of lip 63 Sault ___ Marie Canals

✚ down 1 Wrecks (a car) 2 Encouragement to a vocalist 3 Woods’ field 4 Shakespeare, for one 5 Troubled 6 Filmdom’s “one man army” 7 Sewing machine inventor Howe 8 Like some generals: abbr. 9 2000s wireless company 10 Ltd., in the States 11 Mellow 12 Swashbuckler’s sword 14 Croatian capital 17 Second side in a game, perhaps 19 Sicilian volcano 23 Omen 24 Pay attention to 26 Painter Degas 27 Reacted to a trapeze artist 29 Taina of The Mirror Has Two Faces 30 “___ think so?” 31 Annenberg/___ (nonprofit behind educational programming)

32 “...long walk ___ short pier” 33 Stash stuff 34 Trace (to) 38 Substances that make paint set more quickly 39 Trait carriers 40 Gave the look to 41 Wheel covers 44 Be derisive to 45 “___ you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’?” 46 Indicates 48 Shade in old pictures 49 Rings out 50 Fuzzy ’dos 53 Hiatuses 54 Court figure: abbr. 55 ___ chi 56 Mess up

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TO: The Father of Jayden Joel Medina, born on May 29, 2012, to Jocelynn Marie Rodriguez A petition has been presented to this court by Department of Children & Families Springfield, seeking, as to Jayden Joel Medina that said child(ren) be found in need of care and protection and committed to the Department of Children and Families. The court may dispense the rights of the person(s) named herein to receive notice of or to consent to any legal proceeding affecting the adoption, custody, or guardianship or any other disposition of the child(ren) named herein, if it finds that the child(ren) is/are in need of care and protection and that the best interests of the child(ren) would be served by said disposition. You are hereby ORDERED to appear in this court, at the court address set forth above, on the following date and time: 01/07/2015 09:00 AM Other Hearing You may bring an attorney with you. If you have a right to an attorney and if the court determines that you are indigent, the court will appoint an attorney to represent you. If you fail to appear, the court may proceed on that date and any date thereafter with a trial on the merits of the petition and an adjudication of this matter. For further information, call the Office of the Clerk- Magistrate at (413) 748-7714.

WITNESS: Hon. Daniel J. Swords FIRST JUSTICE DATE ISSUED: 11/26/2014 Donald P. Whitney CLERK-MAGISTRATE

[ i love you, i hate you ] 22

to place your free ad (100 word limit) ➤ email lovehate@citypaper.net CONCENTRATE You know who you are I really don’t have to mention your name because I know that you read this section of the paper! Your an asshole because you are making your life harder and harder, if I showed you something and you do another with something that you think that i don’t know about then you're a damn fool! I am going to play fool with your ass cause I think that it is funny and it is going to be for my benefit not yours! Don’t think that I don’ t know about your personal log on me! cause I do!

you! You just don’t want to trust me and it is getting on my nerves! If we fight about it again, trust me I am going to leave you!

GUY WHO FIXED MY BIKE Something happened to me recently that made me lose faith in humanity. Someone I thought I could trust completely had been running a game on my best friend and I. I woke up livid everyday. I was really ready to rip the world a new asshole simply because I could. And then there was you, hailing

saved us and also made US so much better than I ever thought we could be. co-dependency can be very cool. I miss you when you travel and I hate sleeping alone but every day is a new adventure and that is fucking awesome!

I HAVE BEEN.. I can’t keep you off my mind and it is giving me a headache...I really wish that I could hold and kiss you and just feel you next to me! my anxiety is kicking in and I don’t like it! I feel like I am

DAMN FAT BITCH

Try a Little

This is to the bitch that was in front of me when I was trying to catch the train to work. You fat ass bitch, I don’t know where you were going but you could have tried to walk a little faster so that the people behind you could have gotten on the damn train. I don’t know you but I hate your fat ass. Then you're going to sit on the bench and pretend that you are fucking reading a damn book. Knowing that you aren’t reading it! I hate you and your fake ass pony tail! Do me a favor when I see you again, move your fat ass so that people with real jobs can come through! bye bitch I hope I don’t see you ugly ass again!

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DON’T SMILE NOW! The only thing that I want to know is why the fuck are you checking around everything that I do! Then you have that stupid ass grin on your face thinking that shit is funny and it is not! I really don’t care for you and I know that you don’t care for me! When I see you smirking I think to myself, I wish that I could smack the taste out of your mouth. Then you look at people with that long blank look on your face like you are zoned the fuck out! Do you even know your fucking job? I don’t think that you do! Please find something else to do besides watching me, I think it is getting lame! Oh but the lamest part about the shit is you think that I don’t know! Oh! I know but...I will play stupid for awhile...

EXTRA STRESS Why do you call me and ask me why I don’t answer the phone it is getting a little old don’t you think? I am tired of you saying to me that I am cheating on you! Why don’t you go read a book or something to occupy your time because this is getting on my nerves! Whatever happened to someone trusting

I SAW YALL BITCHES To my bitch of an ex-boss. I know you were sleeping with the maintenance guy, everyone knew. I just happened to be the one that saw you together. I don’t care what you do, but I do care that I got laid off because you knew I found out your dirty little secret. Guess what though, I took a little insurance in the form of a picture of you and your boy toy in his car. Too bad for you because I’ll be sending that picture to your husband and to corporate Hr. Don’t you just love cell phones that have a camera on them?! I’ve already found another job, but you’ll be losing yours, and your hubby. Good luck, I hope your 25 year old boy toy supports your mid thirties ass when you get kicked to the curb!

OLIVE

DID WHAT YOU ASKED! Ok...you should be happy I made the ride to come to see you but it still isn’t going to make a difference especially for the fact that you cheated. Your attitude sucks so bad, I don’t even want to answer the telephone anymore...especially when you call. So I am letting you know that I did all that I could for you..when I visit..please don’t think that you and I are going to start over cause we aren’t. I am just tired of the whole thing! It is not real and it is not sincere...tell me again...what are we going to do...I think that we should just be friends...

to be, as I’ve known for about a year. I know I am crazy when it comes to you but something very powerful in me needs to see you like I’ll die if I don’t. I understand nothing, that is all I know. If you break my heart or treat me like a second class citizen, I’ll have my answer, will move forward and won’t look back. but now I need you to tell me everything. Anything you want with me or don’t whether you think it is convenient or will ruin my life I need to hear it. I love you.

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me down from the Art museum steps while I was walking my crippled bike to West Philly on the hottest day of summer. You offered to fix my flat and change my tire, giving me your own tube. You wanted nothing from me, not money or a phone number, just wishing me a good day. Thank you for restoring my faith.

I DO LOVE YOU So after 4 years of living here and the bumps we had along the way, I need to tell you just how happy and how so in love with you I am and how much I enjoy US. Saying goodbye to corporate

trapped in a box with no way out and you are the only one that can save me! I love you moody and I can’t wait to have many more opportunities to show you! You and I forever...that is what I keep writing! I love you dearly!

I NEED TO KNOW I know I am with someone else but for years I was alone and you never wanted me. I can’t live with not knowing how you feel, if you feel for me. If you swear to God you don’t truly care, I’ll move on but you are mute because I “am engaged”, which as I told you I am not but the truth is I am if I want

I can’t think of any way to describe you...I guess tall strong and handsome fits (thanks HY deli). I’m so happy I have you, and even if we have fleas, and keep our laundry on the floor, and I only see you at strange hours when one of us is leaving for work, every second I’m dumbfounded but how fucking crazy in love with you I am. So I hope we have lots more days of singing songs about the cats, drinking coffee in bed, and offending the neighbors. xoxo martine martini

RELENT OR PERHAPS You found someone, great! Let them endure your sick mind. I, until I hear the words come from our daughter's mouth that you did not do the things she has accused you of, will NeVer eVer believe you. Go on. You need someone? Go for it. I loved you so much for so many years and you destroyed my faith, my hope, my dreams. So I give you this. Hopefully you have learned something from your years of life. be kind, be HONeST, be giving, do the right thing. FOr Her. She needs honesty. I do hope that you finally find true love. A love that you really do not deserve, however, she might be the one that turns you around. I wish you both peace. I did love you. You betrayed me and our kids. And many others also. continue on until you die. my life has begun, sadly without you. I will go on with my dreams and you go on with yours. Puff

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