Philadelphia City Paper, May 21st, 2015

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Inside: Kenney’s strength with Black voters

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IN THIS ISSUE ‌ p. 6

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JIM KENNEY, who skaed to victory in the Democratic mayoral primary, started Election Day in South Philadelphia, his home turf. Kenney, the son of a firefighter and a homemaker, stopped at a polling place at the PATRICIA MADEJ Whitman Library and then headed to the house where he grew up at 338 Cantrell St. Reporter Patricia Madej says no one answered his knock on the door, but a Kenney sign in the window indicated the current resident’s loyalties.

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THE BELL CURVE +1

+1

New Jersey is considering a ban on sex with animals. “I’m not entirely sold on the idea,” says Gov. Christie. “Let’s just take a couple more trips through the Great Adventure Safari to be sure.”

-2

A video goes viral of a man in a Phillies shirt pushing a 63-year-old woman, also in a Phillies shirt, out of the way to retrieve a home-run ball for himself. “Why does everybody think I’m an old lady?” asks Grady Sizemore.

Fans of the Philadelphia Union hold a pre-game protest saying they “deserve better” from the team’s front office. “You are the best fans in the league,” says team CEO Nick Sakiewicz. “I already regret the fact that I traded you for a colony of termites to be installed in the stadium immediately.”

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A Levittown girl’s Sweet 16 party in her backyard is ruined when an airplane empties its waste on the partygoers. But it’s nothing compared to the world of shit that opened up when she found out they got her the green Mini Cooper instead of the red one.

more picks on p. 41

—Mikala Jamison

Flyers GM Ron Hextall hires college coach Dave Hakstol to coach the Flyers. At first, Hextall’s talks with Hakstol had stalled, but heck, he stood tall and Hextall had Hakstol head his team after all.

ZA

1

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President Obama visits Camden and announces that federal agencies will no longer provide police forces with items like bayonets and grenade launchers because it sends the wrong message. “We’re going for more of a drone strikes-and-surveillance type message,” he explains. “Way more terrifying.”

Thanks to replenishment projects and a calm winter, New Jersey beaches appear to be in good shape this season. “And the horseshoe crabs look especially healthy this year,” says Gov. Christie. “My my, they are looking real healthy.”

SUNDROP MUSIC & ARTS FESTIVAL Now in its fifth year, the Sundrop indoor/outdoor music fest — centered around loveable NoLibs diveThe Fire — has become a reliable excuse to hear new music and drink in public on a hot summer day. As always, indie artists are put in the spotlight, with Kuf Knotz, Sweetbriar Rose, Miloh Smith, I Yahn I Arkestra, Cicada Jade and about 25 other acts playing sets over three days and nights. May 22-24, The Fire, @TheFirePhilly. —Patrick Rapa

Cicada Jade

P E T E SO U

+2

CYNTHIA G. MASON Once and future Philly fixture Cynthia G. Mason says she hated music for awhile — that’s why it’s been eight years since she gave us something new to listen to. Now she’s back with Cinematic Turn, a stunning and understated EP that delivers classic CGM acoustic gorgeousness with a newfound urgency. Unhateable. Check citypaper.net for my interview with her early next week. 5/27, World Café Live, worldcafelive.com. —Patrick Rapa

QUICK PICKS

SPRUCE STREET HARBOR PARK AND RIVERRINK SUMMERFEST OPEN The one-stop shop for summertime merriment is actually more like two stops right near each other: Spruce Street Harbor Park (Columbus at Spruce) and the Blue Cross RiverRink Summerfest (Columbus at Market). Both open May 22 for free daily fun, games, roller skating, hammock chillin’, food and booze. SSHP will offer weekly Art Star and Punk Rock Flea markets, boating on the Delaware, stand-up paddleboard yoga, music and more — like a specialty IPA made just for the park. 5/22, Spruce Street Harbor Park and Blue Cross RiverRink Summerfest, delawareriverwaterfront.com.

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MIKE LYNCH

THIS WEEK ’S TOTAL: +1 // THE YEAR SO FAR: +11

OUR WEEKLY QUALITY-OF-LIFE-O-METER

DUKES OF DESTINY Do holidays give you the blues? One cure is to sing and shout and dance it out, and the Dukes of Destiny don’t mind if you follow their lead. For better than three decades John Colgan-Davis has been singing and blowing blues harp at the core of this band that can make you weep or shake it until you can’t stand up. 5/24, World Café Live, worldcafelive. com. —Mary Armstrong ON THE WATER Fletcher Van Vliet’s jagged, rusty, raggedy voice — more desperate than Dylan, less affected than Tom Waits — is a thing of hobo beauty. Its slurring and straining pushes Cordelia, the new record by Philly band On the Water, into dark territory, to the most defeated and sorrowful edges of blues and folk. Give him a big thumping pat on the back at Saturday’s record release show. 5/23, PhilaMOCA, philamoca.org.—Patrick Rapa

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THENAKEDCITY

NEWS // OPINION // POLITICS

BRIDGE BUILDER: Mayoral candidate Jim Kenney celebrates with supporters Tuesday night after winning the Democratic primary election with a broad-based coalition made up of unions, teachers, gay-rights activists and Black politicians. Kenney captured 56 percent of the vote. HILLARY PETROZZIELLO

Kenney — 152 (43%) Abraham — 19 (5%)

POLITICS

BY EMILY GUENDELSBERGER

RACIAL VOTING PATTERNS UPENDED IN PRIMARY ELECTION

With the aid of influential African-American politicians, Jim Kenney captures the Democratic mayoral nod with an unprecedented percentage of the Black vote. I WROTE A PIECE last week analyzing racial voting patterns in previous mayoral primaries in Philly — concluding that Jim Kenney would be able to win the primary only if Black voters extended Kenney a ton more support than they historically have. And, as it turned out, they did. With the support of key African-American politicians, Kenney won an unprecedented percent of the Black vote. I spent the day of the primary visiting poll-

ing places in Philadelphia’s wards with the most segregation — which historically have had the least cross-racial voting. Here are scenes from the day.

I begin my day in North Philly’s Logan neighborhood, where Tobias Anthony Alston, a retiree with graying dreadlocks, and Pastor Dicie Gilmore of Provisional GraceWorldwide Ministry are handing out literature (pamphlets promoting a candidate). The key issue for both, by far, is fixing the schools. Alston has hopes for a second issue: “Well — police action. It doesn’t affect me as much, because I’m older and grayer, but this stopand-frisk, I don’t like that.” I ask whether it’s happened to him. Gilmore cracks up. “Wha —” He’s struck dumb. “Uh... yes, ma’am.” He joins in Gilmore’s long laugh. Then, more gently: “Yes. I’m not a bitter person or anything. But I am a Black man, and I’m a dark Black man. So anything that can befall you because of your race has befallen me.” He laughs again.“Is it befallen or befell?” A shrug. “I’ve moved on about it. I don’t let it affect me as much as it used to.” Alston is also worried about the increasing Balkanism of Philadelphia Democrats. Brief primer: Imagine Philadelphia as Game of Thrones, with five scheming political families, three Black (North, West and Northwest Philly) and two white (South Philly and the Northeast). “I want a mayor that will be concerned with the whole city, as opposed to just worrying about the particular area they’re from,” says Alston. “Mr. Williams is from West Philly — that’s where all the money’s going to go. Even though Mr. Kenney’s from South Philly ... I think he’d know a bit better how to spread the wealth around.”

NORTH PHILLY: LOGAN 17TH WARD 93% Black, 3% other, 2% white, 2% Hispanic

NORTHWEST: WEST OAK LANE 10TH WARD 96% Black, 2% other, 1% Hispanic, 1% white

ESTHER MARIA’S BALLROOM, POLLING DIVISIONS 24 & 25 Williams — 160 (45%)

I drive around the 10th Ward, hearing that it’s pretty slow, and the list of minor candidates is too long for voters to comprehend.

En route to another polling place, a live funk quintet playing on the back of a 30-foot truck bed covered in Kenney signs drives by in the opposite direction. I immediately flip a U and give slow chase until it pulls up in front of a big Kenney campaign stop. RELISH RESTAURANT, IN DIVISION 5 Kenney — 136 (63%) Williams — 56 (26%) Oliver — 9 (4%) The truck’s rear has a hydraulic lift, and bandleader James Wynn makes a JamesBrownian gesture to cue his descent, razzing the truck’s driver for hitting so many potholes. Wynn and his band, the Prime Time, have been driving around for two hours as he improvises voting-themed lyrics, such as “Get up! Let’s vote, let’s vote!” and “It’s a Jiiiiiiiim Kenney thiiiiiiing — come on!” What matters most to the Prime Time? “Schools,” says Fran Cox, a middle-aged band attaché. Wynn agrees. Why Kenney? “He’s very experienced in city government — and I think he’s sincere,” says Cox. This is the fourth time the Prime Time has done the mobile gig. “We did Nutter, we did Obama — we haven’t lost an election yet!” Wynn grins. Do the lyrics change much between candidates? “Nnnnope!” A proud smile. “We just change the names!” He laughs. The Prime Time got today’s gig through state Sen. Dwight Evans, who brokered the alliance between Kenney and the group of powerful Black politicians who backed him. Evans is also a key host of the lunch event we’re parked outside of. And the Prime Time is ready for some lunch. “Oh, and I forgot — potholes,” Wynn adds, heading in. THE FAR NORTHEAST 66TH WARD 87% white, 6% Black, 4% Hispanic, 3% other DECATUR SCHOOL: POLLING DIVISIONS 3, 22, 23 Kenney — 275 (80%) Abraham — 41 (12%) Williams — 15 (4%) Edward Rumick is passing out Kenney literature — he’s a member of Local 98, a union that in Philly more evokes “heavy political influence” rather than “a bunch of electricians.”

continued on p. 8

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continued f rom p. 6

RACIAL VOTING PATTERNS UPENDED IN PRIMARY ELECTION

Rumick’s been disappointed by the turnout, though it’s only mid-afternoon. “We might hit 15 percent today. That’s usually what we get, unless it’s a Presidential election. People are just losing interest in voting.” The voter turnout is indeed bad — fewer than 240,000, a record low. So what does Rumick like about Kenney? Primarily, he’s just sticking with his union’s candidate. But, he says, “Lynne Abraham and Jim Kenney, for me it was kind of a toss-up between them. … Hardy Williams, I don’t know anything about him.” “And [Williams is] a West Philly guy — I’m a Northeast guy. They don’t care about us up here. We have the largest police district in the city, and the least amount of men. ... They forget we’re here, and we pay the highest taxes in the city.” WEST PHILLY: KINGSESSING 51ST WARD 94% Black, 3% white, 2% other, 1% Hispanic VICTORY CHRISTIAN CHURCH: DIVISIONS 12, 13, 17, 20 Williams — 362 (63%) Kenney — 149 (26%) Abraham — 30 (5%) Next on the list is Mastery Hardy Williams Charter School, but nobody’s home. I am assured at the makeup

polling place that it’s because the charter’s changed its layout and school hours, not because it’s named after the candidate’s father. One guy preferred not to have his real name in the paper; we’ll call him Ahmir. He’s a young-looking 40-year-old with a neat beard who’s lived in the neighborhood his whole life. “We’re supporting those who support us. … I think this year, it’s been openly put out on the table that we’re looking out for ourselves right now. We haven’t been feeling no support in West Philly, Southwest Philly from nobody but our own ward leaders, our own councilwomen, our own councilmen. Where our representation at?” What would he like to see change? “New jobs and better schooling,” says Ahmir. “Our people are running out of jobs, especially our young people. So they have to do what they have to do to make money, and a lot of that is criminal activity. A lot of that would be stopped if there were more jobs. “That’s what we’ve been seeing the past 30 years — wherever you’re from, you’re saying, ‘That’s the community I’m going to do the most for.’ And I literally mean: If you’re from South Philly, seems like you’re looking out for South Philly. If you’re from the Northeast, you’re looking out for the Northeast. If you’re from Center City, you’re only looking out for Center City. It doesn’t have nothing to do with your color, it has to do with where you’re from, geographically and demographically.” Ahmir also would like to see an end to stop-and-frisk. “I was stopped three times in one night one time,” says Ahmir. “I tell the next cop stopping me, ‘You just got me.’ They just laugh.”

WEST PHILLY: OVERBROOK/CARROLL PARK 4TH WARD 96% Black, 2% other, 1% Hispanic, 1% white OVERBROOK HIGH SCHOOL: DIVISIONS 6 AND 21 Williams — 51% Kenney — 37% Oliver — 5% I approach Overbrook High School as the day is coming to a close. A janitor is singing very loudly as he cleans up in preparation for the polls closing. Monica Sydnor is there supporting Williams. She’s known the candidate for years — she used to be secretary to West Philly power broker Lucien Blackwell, and the two were close. But friendship isn’t why he has her vote. “It goes beyond a friendship. I’ve seen him work. I’ve seen him do things.” Like just about everyone I spoke with, Sydnor’s first priority is the schools. Her number one hope? “That everyone keeps their word and does what they’re supposed to do. People come out here and support and work for politicians, but when they get in office, you don’t see them again.” The singing janitor starts locking up. It’s 8 p.m., and the polls are closed. After more than 12 hours, Sydnor can finally go home. She tilts her head blissfully to the sky and does her best hambone MLK: “Free at last, free at last; thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” (emilyg@citypaper.net) (@emilygee)

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BY ANDREW ZALESKI

SEE SPOT, RUN The PPA expects to roll out its mobile payment app this summer.

DESPITE OBJECTIONS FROM the Nutter administration, the Philadelphia Parking Authority (PPA) is going forward with plans to institute a “mobile payment of parking” program. By summer’s end, some 1,775 of the PPA’s 15,500 paid, on-street parking spaces will be upgraded to allow drivers to pay for parking via phone, web or app. According to a Request for Proposal (RFP) issued in March, the PPA plans to install the system in a “core area” of Center City bounded by Fourth and 20th and Arch and Locust streets — as well as at the Torresdale Rail Station and the parking lot at Eighth and Chestnut streets. Vendor applications were due at the end of March. PPA spokesman Martin O’Rourke said five vendors had responded to the RFP. The winning vendor will be named “within the month … at which point they will have 60 days to get the system rolling after the contract is negotiated.” Then the system gets a test drive in that core area for six months. After that, mobile payments will expand citywide,

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Adding mobile payments for city parking is something the PPA has been considering for some time. which includes five lots with parking for about 1,000 vehicles in addition to on-street metered parking spaces, according to the RFP. The RFP also states that the vendor “will bear all technical, operational, integration, implementation and functional responsibility.” Earlier this month, Nutter called for a financial impact study, saying the “mobile payment of parking” could lead to fewer parking tickets and therefore reduced funding for schools. PPA executive directorVince Fenerty called that “preposterous,” and opined that the money brought in by the system would make up for revenue lost because of fewer tickets. With the implementation of mobile payments will most likely come changes in meter rates, which are set by the City Council. For more on that, see City Paper’s tech blog, Data Points. (editorial@citypaper.net)

BY DANIEL DENVIR

HOSTILE WITNESS

PAY TO PARK

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DA AND PRISON LEAVE ABUSIVE GUARD ON THE JOB TYRONE GLOVER STILL WORKS as a corrections officer at the Curran-Fromhold Correctional Facility nearly eight months after multiple social-service providers visiting the prison told me that they witnessed Glover brutally assault inmate Marcellus Temple. At the time, Philadelphia Prison System spokesperson Shawn Hawes hinted that the heinous crime Temple is accused of committing — involvement in gunfire that wounded an 11-year-old bystander — made the incident unworthy of scrutiny. The next month, in late October, City Paper posted a prison surveillance video showing Glover assault another inmate, John Steckley, on Jan. 9, 2014. District Attorney Seth Williams’ office charged both inmates, but later dropped charges against Steckley. Temple remains charged with making “terroristic threats.” Glover, who in a brief and profanity-laced phone call told me that his uses of force were justified, is now the subject of a DA investigation. But two witnesses to the Temple assault tell me they have not been contacted by investigators; one says they were contacted by a prison staffer. Hawes insists that all witnesses have been contacted. Last week, the DA announced charges against CFCF guard Larry Levy in the “brutal beating” of an inmate. This came soon after Williams’ office announced a new policy to review any prison surveillance video and witness statements before deciding to prosecute inmates accused of assaulting guards. But why hasn’t Glover been charged? First Assistant District Attorney Ed McCann wouldn’t comment on the ongoing investigation. But he says that his office is working with the Prison System to develop protocols for reporting, investigating and referring claims of corrections officer assault. “We’re going to continue to work with them to improve this process, which clearly does need improvement,” says McCann. It does indeed. Last week Hawes e-mailed that “Officer Glover’s duties remain the same, his contact with inmates have [sic] not been restricted.” Unlike the Police Department, the overcrowded Prison System has no protocol to place accused officers on desk duty. Mayor Michael Nutter’s spokesperson has told me that the prisons’ disciplinary system, which keeps its feckless investigations secret, functions well. Fortunately, Nutter’s watch will soon be over. The new mayor and a so-far silent City Council must insist on tough and transparent discipline, and the DA must prosecute abusive guards. The notion that an accused criminal deserves whatever’s coming to him is a stomach-churning excuse. (ddenvir@theatlantic.com) (@DanielDenvir)

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GET THE PARTY STARTED: The Rev. Leah Daughtry was in Philly earlier this month for preliminary meetings about the 2016 Democratic National Convention. Daughtry is the event’s CEO and organizer-in-chief.

with City Paper, she talked about keeping the crowd interested with soaring oratory, good music and perhaps a touch of Shonda Rhimesesque drama; shared her most profound Philly experience, and alternately compared planning the convention to organizing “a wedding on steroids” and “building a Lego house.” City Paper: Why was Philadelphia chosen to host the 2016 convention? Leah Daughtry: For any convention, the primary thing is the logistics. You can have great messaging, but if the logistics don’t work, it’s impossible to go there. Philadelphia had the great combination of being a pretty compact city, having a great arena, easy transportation, easy layout for the delegates to maneuver. And then the team that’s here, the mayor and former Governor Rendell. The leadership made it easy for us to come here. We knew they were committed to making this convention successful and you need that more than anything else.

POLITICS

BY NATALIE POMPILIO

CONVENTION CHIEF: IT’S LIKE ‘A WEDDING ON STEROIDS’ THE 2016 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL Convention is more than a year away, but the Rev. Leah Daughtry, event CEO and organizer-in-chief, is already on the case. Before Philadelphia can welcome at least 30,000 delegates and guests, Daughtry has to figure out where they’ll sleep, how they’ll get around and what will dazzle them enough that they’ll want to visit again. It’s a big task, but Daughtry, 52, a Pentacostal minister, has experience: In 2008, she was CEO for the DNC’s convention in Denver, where Barack Obama accepted the party’s presidential nomination. She

has long been active in politics, serving as chief of staff to former Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean and holding leadership posts in the U.S. Department of Labor during the Clinton administration. She is a fifth-generation pastor, tracing her family’s church leadership roots to the days of slave-holders. She currently provides ministry to a small congregation in Washington, D.C. While Daughtry won’t open a full-time office in the city until July, she was in town earlier in May for a few dozen meetings, some venue tours and other business. In a chat

CP: How many guests should we be expecting? LD: In a typical convention year, it’s about 30,000. In ’08, when it was a historic convention with Barack Obama, there were 50 or 60,000 on that last night. … I would expect typically 30 or 40,000, and if we have another historic convention then it will mirror, I think, ’08. CP: Any lessons learned from the 2008 convention planning? LD: There are always things we could improve. …We’re always interested in the delegate experience and how we maximize the city to ensure the delegates have a great time and the city becomes a place that people want to go back to. CP: What aspects of Philly do you want to maximize? LD: It’s such a historic city. … When we were here for site selection, we went to the Liberty Bell, very at late night, with our little white gloves on and we touched the bell and it was really a wonderfully exciting and also a solemn moment to stand on that place and think about the people who gave their lives and the best of themselves to create this place. … I hope all of the delegates get to have that kind of moment in Philadelphia, one that brings them back to the reason we choose to be Americans, why we stay here and fight so

hard for the ideals and values of our country. CP: How will you highlight the city’s diversity? LD: We want to highlight every part of the city, not just downtown. … We want to be able to showcase not just what happened in the 1700s, but what’s happening in America now. … We are not all the same.We are different races, colors, creeds, different income levels, different family structures, but we are all Democrats. That’s what’s important. CP: How do you keep the hours of programming interesting? LD: You get the best creative minds, if you can, and match the vision of the nominee, whoever that is, and what they want to convey to the American people. … It’s prime-time television like Scandal or any of the others, Empire or The GoodWife. You have to make it interesting and keep the viewer engaged. CP: We have a lot to look forward to if we have a Scandal/The GoodWife- influenced convention. LD: Shonda Rhimes. She’s the best. CP: Do you have final say on who gets to sit next to whom on the platform? LD: It’s pretty set. . . . The left is the working side where the timekeeper and the guy with the script and I sit. On the right side are more ceremonial seats like the chair of the convention. CP: Who’s the most fun to sit next to? LD: I don’t know who’s fun. … I’m always on the working side, so my best friend is the guy with the script. … The fun is when we go overtime and have to make shifts and cuts. (She laughs.) CP: How does being a pastor impact your role as convention CEO? LD: My faith guides and informs everything that I do. … I work with many people for whom faith is not important. They have their own set of values … what their grandmothers taught them on their front porch. … It’s important to have diverse sets of people when you’re planning and thinking about where you’re taking the party and what you want this convention to be. CP: In 2003, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry visited and ordered a cheesesteak — with Swiss. Some say it was his undoing. How will you prevent a similar cataclysm? LD: How to eat and talk Philly. I think that would be a fun thing for the city to come up with a little cheat sheet, the dos and don’ts of Philadelphia, and one of those things is how to order a cheesesteak. (editorial@citypaper.net)

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t’s finally ll summertime, ti so you know what that means — you will soon be annoyed or held up in traffic by people in the city on a Segway tour. Where are they going? (Somewhere touristy.) Why did they choose this particular mode of transport? (They’re a little dweeby, probably.) Has anyone ever seen anyone fall off a Segway? (No, somehow.) So many questions, not nearly as many answers. What we do have answers for is the

T H U RS DA Y 2 1 Philadelphia is bustling, evolving and remarkably young-feeling. We should probably acknowledge that newness with some sort of giant art piece, right? So say the brains behind Monument Lab: Creative Speculations for Philadelphia, a research project-slash-event series focusing on just what that art piece could be. Today at 4 p.m., hear talks by Zya Levy of the We the Weeds botanical arts and outreach project and Elisa Ruse Esposito of Emerald Street Urban Farm. Through June 7, free, City Hall Courtyard, Broad and Market streets, monumentlab. com. —JZ FRIDAY 22 The hammocks are coming, the hammocks are coming! Sorry, I never got to hang out in one last summer because literally all of them were taken every time I went to Spruce Street Harbor Park, so I’m pretty jazzed that they’re adding more this year, and it, along with the Blue Cross RiverRink Summerfest, opens today. HOLY SHIT, THERE’S AN OUTDOOR ROLLER SKATING RINK?! PHILADELPHIA IS THE COOLEST. Through September, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. or 1 a.m., free (skating is ticketed), Columbus Blvd. at Spruce Street and Columbus Blvd. at Market Street, delawareriverwaterfront.com. —JZ SATURDAY 23 The romance of the railways is nothing new, but the Mural Arts Love Letter Train Tour is a fresh twist on a rails ride. “We share receipts” and “We share sheets” are two of the sayings that street artist

Stephen Powers (aka ESPO) painted onto the sides of city buildings. Look for more of the same in his 50 murals that run the gamut from witty gritty to straight-up love on this guided tour on the El through West Philadelphia. 10:30 a.m., $20, departs from PAFA, 128 N. Broad St., muralarts.org. —SJP SUNDAY 24 Waking up to songs of spring courtesy of Philadelphia’s varied bird population is a true pleasure after a long, cold winter. Join local birder Martin Selzer at the Wissahickon Environmental Center for a meadow bird walk during spring migration. Selzer will lead participants through Harper’s Meadow and Houston Meadow, two lesserknown and quite beautiful areas in the Wiss, and share his fowl knowledge. All ages welcome. 7:30 a.m., free, Wissahickon Environmental Center, 300 W. Northwestern Ave., fow.org/ calendar. —SJP MONDAY 25 It’s Memorial Day; The National Constitution Center and Independence National Historical Park are both hosting a lot of veteranshonoring events, like a flag raising, musical events, meets with American Revolution “soldiers,” giant flag-folding lessons, a thank-a-vet letter station and more. Check out constitutioncenter.org and nps.gov/inde for specifics on both. —MJ TUESDAY 26 Philadelphians love a native son, especially one as good looking as Bradley Cooper. The Troc will screen American Sniper, starring Cooper as

question of what you’re going to do every single day in Philly from now through Labor Day (did you like that segue I just did? Get it? Segue? Ugh.), and we promise you don’t have to wear a helmet and hide your face for any of them. We did, however, ask illustrator Dan Blaushild to dream up what Segway jaunts with some famous Philly folks as tour guides would look like. Because, well, we asked ourselves the same question you should be asking yourself all summer: Why the hell not? —Mikala Jamison CONTRIBUTORS KEY: AD: A.D. Amorosi IJ: Indira Jimenez JZ: Julie Zeglen MC: Mark Cofta MJ: Mikala Jamison MP: Mike Pelusi MS: Marc Snitzer PR: Pat Rapa SB: Shaun Brady SJP: SJ Punderson SR: Sameer Rao

a Navy SEAL (and a very obviously fake baby as a real baby) on Movie Tuesday, where $3 gets you in the door and goes toward a drink or snack. There’s bench seating in the balcony, so bring a seat cushion or two to really impress your date, if you haven’t already. This is a 21-and-up event. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., show at 8, $3, Trocadero Theatre, 1003 Arch St., thetroc.com. —SJP WEDNESDAY 27 Has it been only a decade since I could type “blog rock” without shuddering? Feels like longer. But here comes Clap Your Hands Say Yeah — the Philly band whose whimsical name and Myspacey upbringing seemed to raise their profile while limiting their shelf life — with a 10th-anniversary edition of their 2005 self-titled debut record. Know what? The music holds up. 9 p.m., $20, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas. com. —PR THURSDAY 28 First, Los Angeles ensemble Chicano Batman has one of my favorite band names, ever. Secondly, EPs such as Magma and Joven Navegante are the very height of ’60s/’70s-style samba and surf rock. Thirdly, their psychede lic new album Cycles of Existential Rhyme is the best slow-jam soul of 2015. Dig that. 8:30 p.m., $10, The Balcony at the Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., thetroc.com. —ADA FRIDAY 29 My suburban-dwelling dad once visited bar/bot-

tle shop Local 44 in West Philly with me and asked, “Don’t they have any normal beers?” (He meant Michelob Ultra.) They did not, and all of Philadelphia is collectively proud of that. Philly Beer Week starts today, and celebrates this city’s amazing craft beer scene for 10 days of events, including tonight’s Opening Tap party, featuring live music and suds from 40-plus local breweries. Through June 7, Opening Tap 7-10 p.m., $46, 23rd Street Armory, 22 S. 23rd St., phillybeerweek.org. —JZ SATURDAY 30 The list of yearly staples in the early summer festivities in our City of Brotherly Love would not be complete without the Roots Picnic. In ad di tion to showcasing the time-tested chemistry of Black Thought’s rhetoric with Questlove’s rhythm, Erykah Badu, A$AP Rocky, Afrika Bambaataa and Raury are just a few of the artists who will grace the stage for this, the eighth year. $118.40, 11 a.m., Festival Pier, 601 N. Columbus Blvd., rootspicnic.com. —IJ SUNDAY 31 Future Sensations, a seven-day pop-up art installation at The Oval kicks off May 30. The 3D, futuristic exhibition was created by manufacturing giant Saint-Gobain to celebrate its 350th anniversary. The installations will also make stops in Shanghai, Sao Paulo and Paris. Admission is free, but food and drink are pay as you go. Through June 6, noon-10 p.m., The Oval, 2451 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, futuresensations.com. —SJP

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Garden St., utphilly.com. Belle & Sebastian, 8 p.m., $47.50, Tower Theater, 69th & Ludlow, Upper Darby, livenation. com. —MP

MONDAY 1 If you’re old enough to drink, head to Movie Monday at the Troc, the most costeffective flick night in town where $3 not only gets you in the door to see Kingsman: The Secret Service, but entitles you to sexy British accents for two hours, starring Colin Firth, Taron Egerton and Samuel L. Jackson. Get buckled in for a night of city-wide specials and saving the world. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., show at 8, $3, Trocadero Theatre,1003 Arch St., thetroc.com. —SJP TUESDAY 2 If the big, brash Thermals are a rock ’n’ roll Hulk, then Hutch and Kathy are a lo-fi indie-folk Bruce Banner: kinder, gentler, subtler and more fun to be around but less likely to wreck shit if you feel like shit needs wrecking. 8:30 p.m., $10-$12, Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., bootandsaddlephilly.com. —PR WEDNESDAY 3 Noel Gallagher gives some of the funniest interviews in rock and he’s been known to write some good songs, too. Check out him and his High Flying Birds at the Kimmel, even if you’re just biding time till Blur tours here. (You know, they’re friends now.) 8 p.m., $49-$89.50, Merriam Theater, 250 S Broad St., kimmelcenter.org. —MP THURSDAY 4 Relive your adolescent emotional fragility (really, you never lost it) with The Early November as DriveThru Records’ best band tours behind their latest album Imbue (Rise Records, because who’s releasing on Drive Thru anymore?). Philly’s own Restorations opens. 8 p.m., $20, with Restorations and Lydia, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com. —SR FRIDAY 5 Chris Hardwick must have an issue with staying home or staying put, what with running Nerdist, hosting Comedy Central’s @Midnight and biting his nails between seasons of The Walking Dead when he isn’t doing stand-up comedy shows like this pair

of Troc gigs. Sold out? No points! 8 and 10:30 p.m., sold out, Trocadero, 1003 Arch St. thetroc.com. —ADA SATURDAY 6 You know Beans means business when he’s got a subtitle — this show’s been billed as Beanie Sigel: The Return — but the last time he was plotting a comeback he got shot down the Shore. Just to be safe, let’s keep him away from the windows until after this gig, OK? 9:30 p.m., $35, TLA, 334 South St., livenation. com. —ADA SUNDAY 7 Whether you’re Irish or not, everyone can appreciate a cultural shindig on the waterfront like the Irish Festival. Make your way to the Delaware River for this Celtic party that includes Irish dancing, bag-pipers and traditional food like shepherd’s pie and bangers and mash. 1-8 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing, 101 S. Columbus Blvd., delawareriverwaterfront.com. —SJP MONDAY 8 Philly-based novelist Ken Kalfus follows up his stunning, ambitious 2013 novel Equilateral — about trying to talk to Mars by building a giant fiery triangle in the Egyptian desert — with the just released Coup de Foudre (Bloomsbury USA), a novella and story collection. 7:30 p.m., free, Free Library Main Branch, 1901 Vine St., freelibrary.org.—PR TUESDAY 9 Here’s your indie rock tough call of the month: BC Camplight has made a pretty good name for himself since moving from Philly to England. His lush piano pop contains plenty of razor-sharp Nilsson/Newman barbs. Celebrate his homecoming at Union Transfer. Belle and Sebastian have played the Tower a few times now, and it’s a pretty swell place to experience a rapturous crowd singing along with their increasingly varied and memorable songbook. BC Camplight, 8:30 pm., $13-$15, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring

WEDNESDAY 10 Some men aren’t meant to be alone. That’s why when Fall Out Boy’s boys (Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz) went solo, it was terrible and they had to return to the fold. Anyway, Wiz Khalifa’s also on this bill. 7 p.m., $20-$255, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, NJ, ticketmaster.com. —ADA THURSDAY 11 Music! Fashion! Art! Hair and makeup! Enjoy these and more at Splendor, hosted by the folks at RAW: natural born artists, to showcase young, local talent. Dress is cocktail attire for this 21+ event that will include visual artist Matt Gavin, digital wiz Sharell Esoteric, photographer Amber M. Sherman and more than 40 other creatives. 8:30 p.m., $20, Trocadero Theatre, 1003 Arch St., thetroc.com. —SJP FRIDAY 12 Today’s the first day of Camp Bonfire, the first annual “real summer camp for adults” at Lake Owego in the Poconos. It’s exactly what it sounds like — the 21+ camping crowd sleeps in cabins, eats in a mess hall, bonds over bonfires (and drinks!) and participates in all the best trappings of camp: kayaking, zip-lining, talent shows, hiking, capture the flag, etc. You have to ditch your phone; you’ll probably not be OK, but it’ll make you a better person. Drive there yourself or take the school bus like a real camper. You’d better be reading this ahead of time, last day to register is May 31. Through June 14, bus leaves Philly at 11 a.m., $479 all inclusive, campbonfire.com. —MJ SATURDAY 13 The annual Fred J. Cooper Memorial Organ Day is pretty much the only way you can lay your hands on the Kimmel Center’s 32-ton, 6,938-pipe-stacked grand keyboard (named for the Philadelphia jeweler, organist and philanthropist). They paid nearly $6.5 million for the thing, so stop your bitching, Groban. They gotsta make some of that money back. Noon, free, Verizon Hall at the Kimmel Center, 300 S. Broad St., kimmelcenter.org. —ADA

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SUNDAY 14 This is the part of spring when summer’s right around the corner and you realize that yes, indeed, you didn’t have much of a spring. Escape the heat with some breezy, hazy indie rock courtesy of heralded L.A. duo Best Coast. Their latest record, California Nights (Harvest), will have you yearning for a place far from the crush of humidity you’re about to experience. Gonna be a long summer. 8:30 p.m., $20, with Bully, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com. —SR MONDAY 15 This show is sold out, but it’s still worth taking note: Aussie Courtney Barnett is one of the best rock songwriters to emerge in recent years. And on Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Sometimes I Just Sit, she and her band are getting even better at rocking and stretching out. 8:30 p.m., sold out, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., utphilly.com. —MP TUESDAY 16 Remember that time like six months ago, when Andrew Dice Clay stormed out of a radio interview (after taking credit for Chris Rock’s performance style) because the hosts insulted his sons’ band? Yeah, me neither. But maybe someone does. This’ll be a weird show. 8 p.m., $59.50, The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., thetroc.com. —SR WEDNESDAY 17 The Dillinger Escape Plan probably wasn’t supposed to last this long. Bands with their kind of frenetic energy, splayed out over shifting time signatures and brutalist ADD-like dynamic transitions, crash and burn every day. But leave it to this idiosyncratic New Jersey quintet (and co-founder/songwriter Ben Weinman, the only original member still around) to keep the flame alive for mathcore fans everywhere. This’ll be a head-scratcher for some, a fistpounder for others. 7:30 p.m., $20, with Mutoid Man, Primitive Weapons and Rosetta, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com. —SR

THURSDAY 18 It’s nearly time to bid adieu to spring, and what better way to do that than at The Food Trust’s Night Market at Callowhill? An outdoors party on the pavement, Night Market hits its fifth year of twinkle lights and street eats in 2015. With overflowing crowds eager to sample food trucks, ice cream, beer and liquor, arrive early and take a walk along the Schuylkill River Trail to round out the starry night. 6-10 p.m., pay as you go, Callowhill St. between 10th and Broad, thefoodtrust.org/night-market. —SJP FRIDAY 19 SoLow Fest’s description reads like a freaky solicitation from your one acidworshipping friend — “Immerse yourself in 11 days of strange, creative joy” — but the concept actually sounds pretty great: a D.I.Y., solo performance fest held at multiple locations, including performers’ homes, that’s meant to showcase new and experimental theater work. Plus, all shows are pay-whatyou-can. Through June 29, pay-what-you-can, multiple locations, solowfest.com. —JZ SATURDAY 20 Ask anyone who lives in West Philly what their favorite parts of the neighborhood are, and Clark Park will surely be somewhere on the list. The park has also been the home of the Clark Park Music and Arts Festival since 1970, bringing vendors, kids’ activities and assorted arts performances to the verdant oa sis. Check it out today. Noon to sundown, free, Clark Park, 43rd Street and Chester Avenue, clarkparkfest.wordpress.org.—JZ SUNDAY 21 There is SO much to do this weekend, but what you need to know about is the Manayunk Arts Festival. Yes, it’s the first day of summer and oh, also Father’s Day; but without art, what’s the point of warm nights or familial financial advice? Take Dad to the arts fest; perhaps you’ll teach him something new this time. Nearly 300 artists will showcase their work. 11 a.m.- 6 p.m., free, Main Street between Green and Shurs Lane, manayunk.com. —SJP MONDAY 22 As I write this, a Jaga Jazzist video is playing on YouTube. Giraffes and zebras are hopping to a trippy collage

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of horns, xylophones and electronica. OK now there’s a stampede of gazelles with human heads and the music’s getting choppy and forboding. Is something bad about to happen? No. The gazelle-people are flying around in vintage convertibles and the music’s super sunny again. So that worked out well. 8 pm., $20$22, with Grimace Federation, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com. —PR

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TUESDAY 23 How much you’d like to know about one-time Miss America turned Fox News host Gretchen Carlson is up to you. Knowing that she has a television show (The Real Story) and an upcoming memoir (Getting Real) is about as much as I can bear, but we’re different, you and I. 7:30 p.m. $15, Free Library of Philadelphia, 1901 Vine St., freelibrary.org. —ADA WEDNESDAY 24 Just in the last month, the Stuff You Should Know podcast has tackled subjects as diverse as the Slinky, zero population growth and water slides. Hosts Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant approach each topic with gleeful curiosity and a slouchy chemistry that feels like sharing a beer with a Wikipedia page. Wed., June 24, 8 p.m., $25, Trocadero Theatre, 1003 Arch St., thetroc.com.—SB T H U RS DA Y 2 5 Thousands of people will descend upon West Philly to check out the Baltimore Avenue Dollar Stroll; will you be one of them? Establishments set up shop outside of their storefronts as eight blocks of 10dime deals await consumers. The vendors are no joke, as last year’s participants included Little Baby’s Ice Cream, Dahlak (Ethiopian), Vientiane (Laotian/Thai), Curio Theatre, Mariposa Food Co-op and Dock St. Brewery. 5:30-8:30 p.m., pay as you go, Baltimore Ave. between 43rd and 51st, universitycity.org. —SJP FRIDAY 26 Do you know your bow from your stern? How about which way is starboard

versus port? Step aboard and check out the Tall Ships Challenge in Philadelphia and Camden. Headlining the 13ship fleet will be L’Hermione, a replica of the ship that brought General Lafayette to the aid of the U.S. during the Revolutionary War. There will also be historical re-enactments, live music, a craft beer garden and food. June 25-28, tickets $12$150, 211 S. Columbus Blvd., tallshipsphiladelphia.com. —SJP SATURDAY 27 Philly’s bumper crop of positive, communitycreating young emcees continues its victory lap with what promises to be a heartwarming and wholly soul-satisfying hip-hop show. Luminary rapper and consummate performer The Bul Bey headlines, hot off his latest mixtape Shaking Hands and Kissing Babies, but make sure you don’t sleep on opening sets from rising stars Mic Stew and Verbatum Jones. 9 p.m., $10, Ortlieb’s, 847 N. Third Street, ortliebslounge. com. —SR SUNDAY 28 Hands Up: Six Playwrights, Six Testaments kicks off June 10, so today’s the last day to catch it. Flashpoint Theatre Company’s second summer season starts with six plays from The New Black Fest about the dangers facing Black men in today’s society. Through June 28, 8 pm, $22-$25, Caplan Studio Theatre, University of the Arts, 211 S. Broad St., flashpointtheatre.org. —MC MONDAY 29 I hope you’re sitting down, but the Beach Boys reunion/dÊtente didn’t last too long. But Brian Wilson is keeping busy. There’s an upcoming biopic starring Paul Dano and John Cusack. Plus he’ll be at the Mann with his tour featuring fellow BB alums Al Jardine and Blondie Chaplin. 7:30 p.m., $49.50-$79.50, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org.—MP TUESDAY 30 Do you and your friends like to put on oversized cable-knit sweaters and double-clutch mugs of coffee and just laugh and laugh? Then may I suggest the pleasant, catchy, autumnal folk-pop of Ingrid Michaelson? Ahh. Celebrate the moments of your life. 7 p.m., $30, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org. —PR

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WEDNESDAY 1 Memphis, the 2010 Tony Award-winning musical, is a nostalgic fun night out for fans of 1950s music, and tells an important story about music industry segregation in the South. Catch it to kick off your midsummer feelgoodery. Through July 12, 8 p.m., $20-$95, Walnut Street Theatre, 825 Walnut St., walnutstreettheatre.org. —MC THURSDAY 2 Everything above, behind and over the rainbow will be celebrated at The Equality Forum this year, celebrating 50 years of LGBT civil rights accomplishments. Join in the panels and parties or meet equality icons Edie Windsor of the Supreme Court marriage equality decision in 2013 and Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard, who will be in attendance to receive International Role Model awards. Through July 5, times and locations vary, equalityforum.com. —SJP FRIDAY 3 Art Splash, the Philadelphia Museum of Art’s family-oriented artistic programming going on all summer, explores the connection between artists and nature. A gallery designed with families in mind, family tours, a creative studio where anybody can stop by and make art and a family art cart are all part of the daily events that aim to bring the museum to life for the younger set. Through Sept. 7 (closed Mondays), $20 adult museum admission, PMA, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, philamuseum.org/ artsplash. —SJP SATURDAY 4 There aren’t many events like the 4th of July, especially the way we celebrate it in the birthplace of American liberty (and, some say, debauchery, but I don’t want any Bostonians picking fights). Hit up the Parkway for Wawa Welcome America, featuring a huge Wawa hoagie and a free show from The Roots with TBA guests (we have our money on D’Angelo). Noon, free, Ben Franklin Parkway, welcomeamerica.com. —SR

SUNDAY 5 Somebody’s going to invite you to some barbecue where you’ll have to make soul-withering small talk until the jet-black burgers are ready. Instead, why not stay the fuck in and do nothing? Maybe don’t even get out of bed. Your place, where your bed is. —PR MONDAY 6 If you haven’t seen enough Dave Grohl this year — HBO’s Sonic Highways, the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, one of the last shows in Letterman’s long goodbye — this gig with the Foo Fighters is for you. Same with the one a week later at the same place. Also for you. 7 p.m., $55$75, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, NJ, ticketmaster.com. —ADA TUESDAY 7 Kid Rock has never used Twitter and seems to know little about Facebook, human nature and sexual or racial equality. If you feel then, that on his new album First Kiss, he speaks to you, have at it. At least it’s inexpensive. Foreigner opens if that helps you decide. 6:45 p.m., $45, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, N.J., ticketmaster.com. —ADA WEDNESDAY 8 The best of Philly’s D.I.Y. punk culture comes to the fore with the highly-beloved five-day Philly Punx Picnic. As of press time, the folks behind the picnic haven’t announced any bands or official list of events, but rest assured, you can find out by visiting phillypunxpicnic.blogspot.com. Through July 12. —SR THURSDAY 9 It’s been five years since Philly NerdNite staked its claim in Philly’s hippest bars, unabashedly waving the flag for all sets of esoteric interests and creating a new community for those interests. On July 9, they take over Johnny Brenda’s to celebrate the end of its infancy and the beginning of a new era. Who’s on their list of speakers? Come to find out! 7 p.m., $10, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave, philadelphia. nerdnite.com. —SR

THURSDAY 9 When Mother Love Bone fell apart more than two decades ago, failing to become the greatest hair metal band of all time, half of them formed Mudhoney, one of the Seattle scene’s longest-enduring and most eccentrically singular bands (the other half formed Pearl Jam, maybe you’ve heard of them?). Throw in an opening set from Philly’s own gloriously noisy Amanda X, and you’ve got the makings of serious flannel-hued nostalgia. 8:30 p.m., $15, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com. —SR FRIDAY 10 It’s a shame Sacramento industrial hip-hop heroes Death Grips get more notice for their album covers and label dis-affiliations than they do for their music. Rapper Stefan Burnett and co. have a habit of making brutal, beautiful noise with recent albums such as Jenny Death as livingdeath proof. 8:30 p.m., $20, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St, utphilly.com.—ADA S AT U R DA Y 1 1 Former Philadelphian/current singersongwriter sorta-sensation Christina Perri comes home from L.A. to headline the Mann and be like “I can’t wait to see you guys! Let’s totally catch up over penne at Spaghetti Warehouse and then go dancing at Rock Lobster!” 7 p.m., $36$50.50, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org. —PR SUNDAY 12 What’s with these Canadian bands and their extended-collective, dozenmember nonsense? In any case, the return of The New Pornographers is definitely worth celebrating. The band’s ever-triumphant, propulsive sing-alongs will get you and your kin shouting and dancing like it’s 2006. And with San Francisco’s gloriously quirky Thao and the Get Down Stay Down kicking things off, your depths-of-summer Sunday nights just got a whole lot less lazy. 8 p.m., $30, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., utphilly.com. —SR MONDAY 13 There are a bunch of good exhibitions on this month at the PMA, including shape master Cy Twombly’s sculptures, two multi-artist photography exhibits and a mixedmedia show all about dance. Plus, check out local artist

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Shelley Spector’s “Keep the Home Fires Burning,” an ode to “the universal quest for hope, home and connectedness” inspired by the museum’s textile collection. Through Sept. 27, free with museum admission, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, philamuseum.org. —JZ TUESDAY 14 The folks behind Five Dollar Comedy Week always crush it with their diverse lineup of accessible, cheap and on-the-fringe comedy offerings for the masses, featuring homegrown acts from funny/“funny” people around Philly. All we know now is that they’ll be announcing soon when the next Week is, sometime in “late July.” Stay tuned at fivedollarcomedyweek.com. —MJ WEDNESDAY 15 Scared of city running (or running in general)? Set your mark with City Fit Girls, a no-judgment women’s running club that hosts weekly 3- to 5-mile runs starting at Dilworth Park. Perk number one: It’s totally free. Perk number two: The Girls are totally supportive of all skill levels, with a “No runner left behind” attitude — the only stipulation is that you finish. 6:30 p.m., free, Dilworth Park, 1 S. 15th St., cityfitgirls.com. —JZ T H U RS DA Y 1 6 W h e n N e i l Young’s not shilling his hi-res digital music service Pono, he’s railing against agrochemical corporation Monsanto. So guess what his new album The Monsanto Years is about? He recorded the album with a band featuring two sons of Willie Nelson, and now they’re touring together, along with Band of Horses. $38-$282, 8 p.m., Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, N.J., ticketmaster.com. —MP FRIDAY 17 While the fact that Rockstar Energy Drink is the title sponsor conjures regrettable images of a sea of Tapout T-shirts, don’t be frightened away. The eighth annual Mayhem Festival is headlined by the unstoppable Slayer and features the long-overdue return of King Diamond, his demonic falsetto undiminished after triple-by-

SATURDAY 18 The over-smiling comic auteur behind Family Guy and Ted can’t seem to get away from that Stewie voice, so expect a night of that — yeah, mostly that — plus strings when Seth McFarlane and the Baltimore Orchestra come to town. Together. For some reason. 8 p.m., $25-$125, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 5201 Parkside Ave., Fairmount Park, manncenter.org. —ADA SUNDAY 19 As I write this, the Phil a delphia Union are the worst, most dysfunctional team in, maybe, all of professional sports and all their goalkeepers have either been injured, loaned to other teams or run out of the country for being terrible. By this point in the season they should be desperate. So. Today’s the day you might want to think about signing up to play goalie for a professional soccer team. Everybody can have a turn this season! There’s literally no pressure on you to perform well! philadelphiaunion.com. —PR MONDAY 20 British punk legends the Mekons are often credited with originating alt-country (that’s what we had before Americana, children) on their 1985 classic Fear and Whiskey. So it’s fitting that they’re playing the Boot & Saddle this summer. Hopefully, the club’s sign will be back up by then. 8 p.m., $20, Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., bootandsaddlephilly.com. —MP TUESDAY 21 The Oval, the concrete jungle turned summer paradise laden with pingpong, a playground, award-winning food trucks and a beer garden, returns this summer across the parkway from the Rocky Steps on July 15, so if you haven’t gone by today, get there. After winning a hospitality award in 2014 (was it because Macaulay Culkin’s band Pizza Underground played?), The Oval plans to bring it just as hard this season. Sunday events tend to be family oriented while Friday movie nights bring a mixed, relaxed crowd. Come for the breeze off the Schulykill and stay for the giant chess. Through Aug. 23, free, 2451 Benjamin Franklin Parkway, theovalphl.org. —SJP

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WEDNESDAY 22 Kids Run the Bases is pretty self-explanatory: Kids age 14 and under who attend this Tampa Bay Rays vs. Phillies game will be allowed on the field afterward to run around the bases. Go on, encourage Little Bobby to follow his dream of going pro. Let him experience joy. The world will take it from him sooner or later. 1:05 p.m., free after ticket purchase, Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way, philadelphia.phillies. mlb.com. —JZ THURSDAY 23 Horror-punk pioneers (and likely AARP members) the Misfits will be digging up bones at this year’s This Is Hardcore Fest and playing the entirety of their seminal record Earth A.D. Other headliners include hardcore favorites the Exploited, Snapcase and American Nightmare. July 23-26, $25-$132.10, Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St., thisishardcorefest.com. —MS FRIDAY 24 This is day one of WXPN’s XPoNential Music Festival, which features, over its three days: St. Vincent, Indigo Girls, Courtney Barnett, The Wailers, First Aid Kit, Hop Along, Cheerleader and lots more. July 24-26, $5-$150, Wiggins Park and Susquehanna Bank Center, Camden Waterfront, xpnfest.org. —PR SATURDAY 25 People already do stupid things when they’re drunk. Add giant, exotic animals to the mix, and let the “hilarity” ensue at the Philadelphia Zoo Summer Ale Fest. There are joyful gorilla impressions to be done! Conversely, this could be the saddest drunk you’ve ever been, if you actually let yourself think about all the beautiful beasts that aren’t allowed to run free in the wilderness, as they were meant to. It depends. 6:30 p.m., $55, Philadelphia Zoo, 3400 W. Girard Ave., philadelphiazoo.org. —JZ SUNDAY 26 Something I’ve personally been wanting to try: take a workout class in Philly using ClassPass. You don’t have to belong to any gym, but can pay for a monthly mem-

bership to go to tons of classes wherever you want, or just try a few first. I can attest to 12th Street Gym’s fantastic classes with trainer Kristin in particular; be prepared to be so sore you brace at the faintest gust of wind. classpass.com. —MJ MONDAY 27 At press time, U2 has not announced any Philly dates for their “Innocence and Experience” tour, so you should probably catch them at one of their Eight Fucking Consecutive Shows at Madison Square Garden. They’ll all be sold out soon, but maybe you won’t get Stub Hubbed out the ass for this Monday night concert? Madison Square Garden, 4 Pennsylvania Plaza, New York, N.Y., u2.com/tour. —PR TUESDAY 28 Iron & Wine’s Sam Beam and Ben Bridwell of Band of Horses seem like they’d make good drinking buddies, which is probably why they used painter Todd Bienvenu’s Let’s Go for a Beer for the cover of their Willie-and-Merle-like duets album Sing Into My Mouth. 8:30 p.m., $35, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., utphilly.com. —ADA WEDNESDAY 29 Shakespeare in Clark Park’s 10th anniversary production features a chorus of young West Philadelphia musicians and performers inThe Winter’s Tale. Nothing beats Shakespeare as the sun sets on a summer night. Through Aug. 2, 7 p.m., free, Chester Ave. and 43rd St., shakespeareinclarkpark.org. —MC T H U RS DA Y 3 0 Lulu’s Golden Shoes, Philadelphia native and Pulitzer Prize-winner Quiara Alegria Hudes’ satirical North Philly coming-of-age story about sex, alchemy and onions, gets its local professional premiere. Starts July 15. Through Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $22-$25, University of the Arts, Caplan Studio Theatre, 211 S. Broad St., flashpointtheatre.org. —MC FRIDAY 31 Is it me or is Weird Al Yankovic even more popular here in the YouTube era than he was when the inescapable “Eat It” dominated MTV in the ’80s? Whether you love parody rock or not (you do), Yankovic is wildly funny and still plays a mean accordion. 7:30 p.m., $29.50-$69.50 Mann Center for the Performing Arts, Fairmount Park, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org.—ADA

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SATURDAY 1 Operatic Mike Patton’s populist avant-metal act Faith No More is on a roll, having sold out smaller venues (like the Electric Factory) in May and releasing Sol Invictus, their first album in 18 years. Thankfully, they still sound as rabid and as weird as ever. 7 p.m., $53.50, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, Fairmount Park, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org. —ADA SUNDAY 2 By this point in the summer, you’re a grizzled street festival veteran. You have mastered the perfect pace for making it to maximum food tables in an hour. You know how to haggle with artisanal soap and jewelry vendors. You now have the strength to balance the lamb kebab you just bought in the same hand as your warm Kenzinger, while your other hand texts the friend you lost in the crowd back at the Little Baby’s cart. It’s hot, and you’re tired. Let the Second Street Festival be your street fest 2015 swan song. This is how you go out on top. You’ve done well. Noon-10 p.m., pay as you go, Second Street between Germantown and Green streets, 2ndstfestival.org.—MJ M O N DA Y 3 Dad rock, shmad rock. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need frickin’ Pitchfork or Judd Apatow to explain the sneaky, darkly literate greatness of Steely Dan. I’ve known about the Boston Rag, Lucy and her coke and rum, and whether there’s gas in the car for years. 7 p.m., $30-$300, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, livenation.com. —MP T U E S DA Y 4 No Sex Please, We’re British kicks off July 9; catch it for the next couple weeks. Anthony Marriott and Alistair Foot’s naughtily titled romp is Hedgerow’s annual summer farce, a door-slamming, mistaken-identity, innuendo-filled smash that ran for more than 15 years in London. Through Aug. 23, 8 p.m., $15-

$29, Hedgerow Theatre, 64 Rose Valley Rd., Rose Valley, hedgerowtheatre.org. —MC W E D N E S DA Y 5 British band Yuck will hit your My Bloody Valentine/Teenage Fanclub/ Dinosaur Jr. sweet spot. It’s a perfect sort of summer sound — one where winsome melodies and harmonies hit with woozily distorted guitars that remind you of and help you cope with the rising humidity. 9 p.m., $15, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., johnnybrendas.com. —MP THURSDAY 6 Oh, wait. Back at the Second Street Festival we told you to go out on top. But... there’s still the Lancaster Ave. Night Market. So ... one more street fest round, for old time’s sake? We know you’ve got it in you. Come hungry, leave a champion. We’re not positive about details yet, check thefoodtrust.org/night-market. —MJ FRIDAY 7 Diplo still loves Philly, but I feel like we’ve changed our status to “It’s Complicated” when it comes to the dancehall DJ/rapper/ Philly expat. Regardless, if you’re in that scene, you won’t want to miss his two-day Mad Decent Block Party which, here on day two, features Dirty South Joe, Major Lazer and lots of TBD. Aug. 6-7, 3:15 p.m., $40-$80, Festival Pier at Penn’s Landing, 601 N. Columbus Blvd., r5productions.com. —PR SATURDAY 8 If you want to see some terrible hats in their natural habitat, the Incubus/ Deftones show is for you. We’re talking bowlers, fedoras, trucker hats, conductor hats, Castro hats, knitted hats (in August!), jeff caps and baseball caps carefully rotated to reduce their usefulness as sun-blocking apparel — all summoned to swirl along to the musical equivalent of Pedialyte. 6:15 p.m., $25-$115, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, livenation.com.—PR

S U N DA Y 9 It’s one of those things you probably haven’t done if you’ve lived here forever, but should do today: take a Mural Arts Second Sunday Specialty Trolley Tour, where you’ll be able to take in 35 city murals from the comforts of an open-air trolley. A few different routes will be offered, but you’re sure to discover something new and artsy to warm your jaded heart on any one of ’em. 11 a.m., $30, departs from PAFA, 128 N. Broad St., muralarts.org. —MJ MONDAY 10 Have you been to Monday Night Quizzo at Strangelove’s yet? I’ve been to a few regularly-hosted Quizzos in the city, and SL’s is by far my favorite. Enjoy the simply marvelous beer selection, those goddamn delicious crispy chips they have with the onion dip (swoon) and go three rounds of trivia with the unmatchable host JB Farley, whose questions are that perfect mix of completely obscure and deliciously nostalgic. Come up with a fun/gross team name; my friends and I usually go with Team Urethra Franklin. Every Monday, 9 p.m., free, Strangelove’s, 216 S. 11th St., strangelovesbeerbar.com. —MJ TUESDAY 11 After helping to close the door on 50 years of the Grateful Dead — subbing for the late Jerry Garcia during those July “Fare Thee Well” shows in Chicago — guitarist Trey Anastasio heads out with Mike Gordon and the rest of Phish for another go-round of goofball jam-band tunes. Aug. 11-12, 7:30 p.m., $45-$65, Mann Center for the Performing Arts, Fairmount Park, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter. org. —ADA WEDNESDAY 12 So Center City Sips goes on from June 3-Sept. 2, so if you haven’t participated yet, today’s the day. Here’s the deal: $5 cocktails, $4 wine, $3 beer and half-priced appetizers are available at participating bars and restaurants from 5-7 p.m. every Wednesday. It’s just an ass-kicking happy hour situation, more so if you work in CC; somersault right out of your cube and into buzzed bliss. Your best best is to follow @CCDSips for up-to-date info. Or, centercityphila.org. —MJ

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THURSDAY 13 Hey Mom, Billy Joel’s coming to Philly. To Philly. Billy Joel. Now we don’t need to take the Bolt up to New York, which would have sucked for your knees. Your knees. I said now we can take an Uber to see him instead of going way the hell up there on the bus. To see Billy Joel. I’m ordering the tickets. You can go with Aunt Sissy. 8 p.m., $49.50-$129.50, Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way, ticketmaster.com. —PR FRIDAY 14 The three-day Philadelphia Folk Festival is not just about the music — there’s camping, food, crafts, chilling with the folksy folks — but the lineup’s pretty sweet: Arlo Guthrie, Tom Paxton, Low Cut Connie, Lindi Ortega and lots more playing, leading workshops and shooting the breeze. Aug. 14-16, $148.40, Old Pool Farm, 1323 Salford Station Rd., Schwenksville, Pa., pfs.org. —PR SATURDAY 15 Riff Raff Richard O’Brien’s glam theatrical The Rocky Horror Picture Show hasn’t aged particularly well as a film — hence Fox Television’s recently announced remake — but any chance to throw cold toast and uncooked rice in a crowded theater is a good thing. Plus, it’s always nice remembering Tim Curry as a young man in eye shadow. 9:30 p.m., $20, TLA, 334 South St., ticketmaster.com.—ADA SUNDAY 16 PECO’s Multicultural Series at Penn’s Landing continues with the Caribbean Festival. Details are a little sparse at this point, but while looking up some stuff about Caribbean culture online, I found this: “Satire is arguably the primary characteristic of Caribbean humour.” That, and there will undoubtedly be amazing food? Sign me the hell up. Noon-8 p.m., free, 121 N. Columbus Blvd., phillycaribbeanfestival. org. —MJ M O N DA Y 1 7 You know what? It’s a Monday in August. It’s hot and muggy. There’s likely not much going on. You know

what we should all do? We should all clean out our closets. I fucking say I’m going to do it every week and never do. Now is the time. Let’s do it together. Let’s bag up the clothes we never wear and bring them to Circle Thrift or Philly Aids Thrift. You’re not going to fit into those pants ever again, OK? It’s really fine. Let’s streamline our lives, people. Circle Thrift, 2233 Frankford Ave.; Philly Aids Thrift, 710 S. Fifth St. —MJ TUESDAY 18 Did you know that pretty much every day at Penn’s Landing you can rent any manner of boat to paddle around the Delaware? I mean, it’s right there. It’s a cute thing to do. Don’t let any water splash on you because, gross, but paddling around on a summer day in a swanshaped boat? You’re adorable. Through Sept. 27, noon-8 p.m. every day, $7-$15, Penn’s Landing Marina, 401 S. Columbus Blvd., delawareriverwaterfront.com. —MJ WEDNESDAY 19 This year, Festival Pier has a lot of sand. It was a pretty weird setting for watching Minneapolis rock legends The Replacements a few weeks ago. Maybe it’ll make more sense when SoCal punk legends Social Distortion play there. 5:50 p.m., $35, Festival Pier at Penn’s Landing, 601 N. Columbus Blvd., ticketmaster.com. —MP THURSDAY 20 It’s time for another outdoor movie screening, this time, Cinderella (the new one with real people) at Penn’s Landing’s “Screening Under the Stars.” What can we tell ya? Either you want to watch a revamped childhood classic while pondering the mysteries of space, or you don’t. These movie screenings are every Thursday in July and August, check delawareriverwaterfront.com for the schedule. 8 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing, 101 S. Columbus Blvd. —MJ FRIDAY 21 Art After 5 is the PMA’s answer to end-of-week happy hour, but with an artsy twist. Each night offers up a different type of live performance or music, along with light fare and cocktails, all in the esteemed museum space.

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Tonight is Reggae Night featuring Chris Aschman on steel drums. 5-8:45 p.m., free after museum admission, Great Stair Hall at Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy., philamuseum. org.—MJ SATURDAY 22 Have you been to Big Gay Ice Cream yet? What the hell are you waiting for, you silly bitch? They have a dulce de leche cone called The Salty Pimp! And a cone named after Bea Arthur! AND something with key lime curd in it! We need a second, here … August is unofficially the ice cream month, after all. 521 S. Broad St., biggayicecream. com. —MJ SUNDAY 23 It’s a Sunday in August, so if you have the means, get a little bit away from the city and head to Feasterville for a women’s roller derby faceoff between Philly’s team, the Independence Dolls vs. the Detroit Derby Girls. If you’ve never been to a roller derby bout, well ... I won’t spoil it. 1331 O’Reilly Dr., Feasterville, Pa. phillyrollerderby.com/ bout-schedule. —MJ MONDAY 24 Right now there are people hunched over their laptops insisting that August 24 will be the start of “four days of darkness” as the result of a Galactic Eclipse!!! So far, top scientists have not disagreed! Because top scientists don’t have time to respond to every dumb thing they see on the Internet. So, be prepared! Buy flashlights and glowsticks! Maybe repent? —PR TUESDAY 25 Have you ridden Indego somewhere yet? We’re not talking to you, regular bikers. We’re talking to you, travel divas of Philly; stop taking cabs or Ubers everywhere and go the 10 damn blocks on a bike, for once. Be a real city slicker. Just don’t die. Ask your bike-savvy friend to go with you. You’re going to be kind of embarrassing at first. rideindego.com. —MJ WEDNESDAY 26 There’s a Phillies

vs. Mets home game tonight, guys. I am not a baseball person. I am the very picture of a sports idiot. I’m just letting you know that this is happening, if you care. I’m trying to do my part, OK? Invite me to the tailgate, but don’t expect me to know who the players are. Is Chooch still a person? Go sports. Do the thing. Win the points. 7:05 p.m., philadelphia. phillies.mlb.com. —MJ THURSDAY 27 Dave, Eddie, Alex and uh, Wolfgang are all still in Van Halen. Michael Anthony, no. Sammy Hagar, no. Gary Cherone, let me check. No. 7:30 p.m., $35-$159.50, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, livenation.com.—MP FRIDAY 28 Well, the Galactic Eclipse is over. It was nice of the demon clowns to leave some of us alive to tell the story. Know what, buddy? Go get some sun. You’re not looking so good.—PR SATURDAY 29 Once a year, buttocks, breasts and any other bountiful mass of unmentionable skin can be appreciated out in the Philly outdoors during the Philly Naked Bike Ride. With pre-ride activities starting at 12:30, the ride will commence at 3 p.m. and invites riders, novice to expert, to get some exercise, have fun and shed inhibitions (and as much clothing as they desire). More details to come. phillynakedbikeride.org. —IJ S U N DA Y 3 0 Despite making every third (bad) cinematic comedy in America today, funnyman Kevin Hart is one of our own, and this end-of-summer Sunday at the Linc should be considered a local holiday. 8 p.m., $20-$150, Lincoln Financial Field, 1 Lincoln Financial Field Way, comcasttix.com. —ADA MONDAY 31 Barring an economic/political miracle, Philadelphia schools will once again be underfunded, understaffed and under-resourced this year. With the academic year looming, now’s a good time to head over to donorschoose.org and help pay for some suffering teacher’s classroom project, which is usually like building a library, buying art supplies or funding a class trip. donorschoose.org.—PR

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Home. Cooked.

GOODNESS. TUESDAY 1 What lives we begin to live the day we see our strings. God bless you, Zayn Malik, but tonight, your former comrades in One Direction will dance and sing in a football stadium for our undying shrieks and cacophonous applause. 7 p.m., $29.50-$105, Lincoln Financial Field, 1 Lincoln Financial Field Way, ticketmaster.com. —MS WEDNESDAY 2 I went on many hikes when I recently visited the Pacific Northwest, and now I’m insufferable. Philly and the nearby surrounding areas actually have some great hikes; a quick “hiking in Philly” Google search’ll do the trick. Also, there’s a group on Meetup.com called “The 20’s Hiking/Indoor/Outdoor Adventure Group” that’s always organizing hikes all over the place (and they’re young, hence the name). Be brave and do a new thing with new people. —MJ THURSDAY 3 The 2015 Fringe Festival begins today and runs through Sept. 19. We don’t really know much yet, but hundreds of performances will be happening all over the city, all day, every day. I really can’t express just how much weird and awesome arts stuff there is to do. It’s frankly a little insane. You’re gonna see some shit. Keep up with what’s going to be happening at fringearts.com. —MJ FRIDAY 4 The Starship Cong re ss 2 0 1 5 : I n te r ste l l a r Hackathon is brought to you by Icarus Interstellar, a notfor-profit dedicated to making long-distance space flight possible before the year 2100. Serious as a Mars attack. Let’s do this. $25-$150, Sept. 4-5, 8 a.m.-8 p.m., Drexel University, 3141 Chestnut St., icarusinterstellar.org.—PR S AT U R DA Y 5 There’s a Fitler Square Farmers Market every Saturday. Did you know that? Now you do. It’s getting to be fall, start planning out your ap-

ple and gourd-related recipes. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., 23rd and Pine streets, thefoodtrust.org.—MJ SUNDAY 6 Is this when Made in America will happen? It’s usually on Labor Day weekend so maybe? Nothing’s been announced yet. I predict the usual Weirdest Lineup Money Can Buy: Nicki Minaj, Hop Along, Wiz Khalifa, an Odd Future reunion, Prince, Amy Schumer, Sam Smith, Fetty Wap, a dancing can of LimeA-Rita, and a real Kanye/hologram Kanye duet. $150 most likely, The Parkway probably, madeinamericafest.com, perhaps. —PR MONDAY 7 Happy Labor Day! Also, we want to make sure this is on your radar: The new observation deck at One Liberty Place, promising stunning views of the entire city, is supposed to open “this fall.” We don’t know when that is, but we know you’ll want to be there. Keep checking phillyfromthetop.com. —MJ

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MOVIESHORTS

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FILMS ARE GRADED BY CIT Y PAPER CRITICS A-F.

REPERTORY FILM

BY DREW LAZOR

ACADEMY OF NATURAL SCIENCES

1900 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy, 215-299-1000, ansp.org. The Fly (1986, U.S., 96 min.): The Academy’s Mega-Bad Movie Night series, in conjunction with its new “Animal Grossology” exhibit, screens David Cronenberg’s metamorphosis classic. Featuring an expert panel of commentators — and an open bar! Bugs ‘n’ booze. Thu., May 21, 7 p.m., $25

SCI-FI

FUTURE TENSE: Tomorrowland takes on a Disney-fied vision of utopia.

TOMORROWLAND

/ B- / Brad Bird’s second live-action feature is a movie of ideas. The ideas are great; the movie is not. The premise has promise: What if the world’s fairs were not product expos but auditions, a means of culling humanity’s best and brightest to build a utopian community in an adjacent dimension? What if the future was something we looked forward to instead of dreading: flying cars and jetpacks rather than environmental calamity and apocalypse? But Bird’s execution is so arch and thin that he evokes “wonder” rather than wonder, strip-mining Spielberg and Disney without ever touching their heart. The script, which Bird co-wrote with Damon Lindelof (EntertainmentWeekly scribe Jeff Jensen shares story credit), is hacky but serviceable, opening with quirky dueling narration from George Clooney and Britt Robertson and laying out its big themes in a climactic monologue that’s both on-point and a dramatic dead zone. But its dramatur-

NEW LAMBERT & STAMP // C-

Kit Lambert and Chris Stamp were aspiring London filmmakers frustrated at their inability to rise through the hierarchy of the British film industry when they hit upon a long-shot scheme: Find a band on the thriving

early-’60s mod scene, film their activities, and use the resulting documentary as a directorial calling card. The ploy didn’t exactly work out as intended; instead they discovered a young foursome known as the High Numbers, rechristened them The Who, and found themselves managing one of the landmark groups of the British

gical lapses are nothing next to its directorial miscalculations. Evidently trying to recapture the stylized innocence of earlier times, Bird pushes Robertson, as teenage NASA junkie Casey Newton, and Clooney as Frank, an embittered former child genius, to the edge of cartoonishness. (The auteur behind The Incredibles and Ratatouille is doing his part to keep stereotypes about former animators alive.) Every gesture and utterance seems overthought, like a Coen brothers movie without the wit. Like Interstellar, Tomorrowland uses the gutting of NASA as a metonym for humanity’s lost sense of purpose: Once we looked to the stars, now we shuffle our feet. But even as it (quite literally) preaches idealism, Bird’s movie is grossly cynical, not least in its inclusion of a tween girl (Raffey Cassidy) who turns out to be a butt-kicking android. (Cribbing from Kick-Ass is not the road to a brighter world.) It’s a movie that urges us to give the world to the dreamers, even while itself failing to dream big. —Sam Adams (wide release)

Invasion. First-time doc director James D. Cooper doesn’t so much tell their story as let everyone involved ramble on about the early days, burying The Who’s origin story under a relentless stream of anecdotes and digressions. At nearly two hours, Lambert & Stamp is long-winded and shapeless, one moment a fascinating

glimpse of the inner workings of Woodstock-era showbiz, the next something like listening to a few old codgers recall their youths at the local pub. Cooper seems endlessly enamored of Stamp, still glib and affable in his late ’60s, and so thrilled at having an intimate conversation between Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey that he

Film events and special screenings.

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE

3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. The White Sheik (1951, Italy, 86 min.): Federico Fellini’s solo directorial debut, a cheeky comedy about a hapless husband who struggles to keep tabs on his head-in-theclouds wife during their honeymoon in Rome. Thu., May 21, 7 p.m., $9. Stations of the Elevated (1980, U.S., 45 min.): The first documentary to look at graffiti in New York City as an art form, and not an act of vandalism. Director Manfred Kirchheimer will introduce his film. Fri., May 22, 7 p.m., $9. King Kong (1933, U.S., 100 min.): The big, angry, skyscraper-scaling monster movie that started it all. A 35 mm screening. Sat., May 23, 2 p.m., $5. That Man from Rio (1964, France/Italy, 110 min.): Breakneck Gallic actioner that sends an unassuming military man (Jean-Paul Belmondo) on a thrill- and treasure-filled chase through South America. Sat., May 23, 7 p.m., $9. Death by Hanging (1968, Japan, 117 min.): Nagisa Oshima’s surreal film follows the failed execution of a prisoner convicted of rape and murder. A 35 mm screening. Wed., May 27, 7 p.m., $9. PFS THEATER AT THE ROXY

2023 Sansom St., 267-639-9508, filmadelphia.org/roxy. Beyond the Lights (2014, U.S., 116 min.): A talented but unstable starlet (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) falls into an unlikely relationship with the police officer (Nate Parker) tasked with protecting her. The screening will be followed by a discussion led by Slate film critic Dana Stevens. Thu., May 21, 7:30 p.m., $10. 42nd Street (1933, U.S., 89 min.): Soooo much tap dancing. A 35 mm screening. Mon., May 25, 2 p.m., and Wed., May 27, 2 p.m., $8. Phoenix (2014, Germany, 98 min.): A Holocaust survivor scours Berlin for her missing husband, who might be responsible for capture and torture. The screening will be followed by a discussion led by filmmaker and Temple professor Lauren Wolkstein. Tue., May 26, 7:30 p.m., $12. My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997, U.S., 105 min.): Just-friends Julia Roberts and Dermont Mulroney pull the old “if we’re not married by the time we’re …” bit, which, in a crazy twist, doesn’t work out. Part of the Roxy’s BYOB Wine Night “Wedding Season” series. Wed., May 27, 7:30 p.m., $10 ($12 if you’re BYOBing). RITZ AT THE BOURSE

400 Ranstead St., 215-440-1181, landmarktheatres.com. Wayne’s World(1992, U.S., 94 min.): “No ‘Stairway’? Denied!” Fri., May 22, midnight, $10.

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doesn’t realize their chats have derailed his narrative. Lambert and Stamp’s footage of the spotty-faced, protopunk young Who is thrilling, but tempts the viewer’s attention back to the stage when Cooper’s focus is back in the wings. —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five) SAINT LAURENT // B-

Though it’s far less gun-shy than its direct competitor, Jalil Lespert’s Yves Saint Laurent, Bertrand Bonello’s YSL biopic is only a moderate upgrade from that trite tribute to the celebrity designer — and an inability to parse that title is what ends up discoloring both the man and his myth. While Lespert’s film ran Saint Laurent all the way back to his childhood, Bonello fixes on the designer’s career crest, from the late ’60s to late ’70s. Slim, slinky and vulnerable, floating in and out of rooms like a well-tailored spectre, Gaspard Ulliel scissors out a convincing YSL, but there’s a noticeable lack of insight where the actual

work is concerned. Bonello, instead, burrows deep into his subject’s private life — his testy relationships with his longtime partner (Jérémie Renier) and paramour (Louis Garrel), his struggles with mental illness and substance abuse. These explorations are more than necessary to tell this story three-dimensionally, but Bonello makes it a monotonous walk, meaning other areas suffer. Scattered across the screen in dynamic blackbordered Mondrian blocks, Saint Laurent’s Moroccaninspired 1976 collection is a breathtaking sight, but we’re offered next to nothing about its creative genesis. And aside from his many demons, there’s very little away-fromsketchbook development helping us visualize his place in the pop pantheon. For all his monumental talent, YSL was also famous for being famous, and this gossip-rag readiness was vital to his artistic and commercial success. Here, that juicy opportunity is whispered about but ultimately ignored, like unwanted

hors d’oeuvres at a fashion-industry cocktail hour. —Drew Lazor (Ritz Five) SLOW WEST // B

Given the deadpan chit-chat, sardonic sight gags and shots filled with stylized bric-abrac straight out of the spring 2015 Free People lookbook, it’s tempting to file John Maclean’s debut under “Wes Anderson Western.” But that would be short-changing the Beta Band keyboardist turned director’s promising first film, a trim fireworks show with one hell of a finale. Kodi SmitMcPhee’s Jay, a meek Scottish teen of aristocratic stock, ditches Brittania for America in pursuit of Rose (Caren Pistorius), who’s fled the motherland following a fatal accident. Struggling to cover ground — gorgeous, unobtrusive screensaver stretches of New Zealand stand in for the unsettled Wild West — Jay enlists the help of Silas (Michael Fassbender), a hard-toread hard man with his own motivations. (“Let’s drift,” goes his only-cool-when-he-

says-it catchphrase.) They exchange philosophies with one another and bullets with everyone else en route to their ambiguous Point B, and, like all the best road trips, getting there is the fun part. Upon arrival, Maclean sheds his more irreverent filters in favor of messy frontier justice, still managing to sneak a little gallows humor in between slayings. This tendency toward the over-clever seems to be a byproduct of Maclean’s desire to dance outside genre boundaries, but Slow West is shielded from its own twee-ness by supporting performances, especially Ben Mendelsohn as a gloriously fur-coated skip tracer who can’t let anything go. —DL (Roxy)

citypaper.net/movies

: MAY 21 - MAY 27 :

GET OUT THERE

BY CAITLIN GOODMAN

THE BUSINESS: $10 // Thu.-Sat., May 21-23, 8 p.m., Adobe Café, 1919 E. Passyunk Ave., second floor, sebastian.ticketleap.com.

thursday

5.21

THEATER GoKash Productions, which won acclaim for last summer’s Death of a Salesman, reprises Kash Goins’ AIDS awareness drama for six performances. Black men account for almost one third of all new HIV infections in the U.S.; on the eve of a young man’s wedding, explosive secrets are revealed about who in the wedding party has spread and received the virus. VI Degrees won New York City’s Downtown Urban Theater Festival award for Best Play in 2009, and has been produced in Washington, D.C., and at several college campuses. —Mark Cofta

ALEX LOOPS

VI DEGREES $25 // Thu.-Sun., May 21-24, GoKash Productions at Skybox at the Adrienne, 2030 Sansom St., gokashproductions.com.

MANDOLIN ORANGE

$12 // Thu., May 21, 8:30 p.m., with Leif Vollebekk, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-7399684, johnnybrendas.com. FOLK/ROOTS As sweet, familiar and refreshing as the juice of their groanably punning namesake, this North Carolina folk-pop duo’s close harmonies, mournful fiddling and, yes, frequent mandolin use evoke the stillchugging bluegrass revival — but only loosely, with more interest in resonant, hearttugging expressiveness than

Send the Grumpy Librarian two books you like and one you hate and she’ll tell you what to read.

THE GRUMPY LIBRARIAN

SHOWBIZ

PHILLY ARTIST AND PERFORMER Sebastian Cummings’ goal, as made plain on the successfully funded Kickstarter page for Cummings’ new show, Showbiz, is diversity: “Diversity in the race of performers and the roles available to them. Diversity in the representation of women and queer people. Diversity in the ways in which we use art and entertainment to discuss the world.” Cummings has been difficult to ignore, blasting email inboxes with wry ads for the show that send up mainstream audience members’ appetite for shows that are “all the same” (as well as an email featuring a doctored newspaper front page the day after the May 4 Met Gala; the word “Baltimore” is crossed off in the headline in favor of “BEYONCÉ,” with the subheadline, “Who cares about the oppression of POC?”). The show, Cummings says, is part theater, part concert, part social commentary, “a musical that comedically follows the life of Sebastian, a young queer person of color and their journey to Showbiz.” It’s a voice in the arts community that begs to be heard. —Mikala Jamison

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musical virtuosity. Mandolin Orange’s second Yep Roc release, Such Jubilee, is several shades more wistful than its title might suggest: dusty and downbeat, but warmly comforting all the same. —K. Ross Hoffman

THE LETTER OF LAST RESORT $15 // Through May 21, Inis Nua Theatre Company at Fergie’s Pub, 1214 Sansom St., 215-454-9776, inisnuatheatre.org. THEATER Inis Nua’s contribution to last fall’s terrific A

Play, a Pie, and a Pint series (produced by Tiny Dynamite) returns for a second helping upstairs at Fergie’s, complete with pint (beer or soda), pie (meat or veggie pizza), and 45-minute show at 6:30 p.m. David Greig, who wrote last year’s Barrymore Award-winning musical Midsummer, imagines a prime minister (Susan Giddings) writing a letter to Trident submarine commanders, to be read only in the event of nuclear attack. How will she want them to react? I strongly recommend this fascinating dark comedy, and the PP&P experience. —Mark Cofta

f riday

5.22 PRISM QUARTET

$22 // Fri., May 22, 7:30 p.m., Lenfest Hall, Curtis Institute of Music, 1616 Locust St., 215-438-5282, prismquartet.com. CLASSICAL The PRISM

THE MEN WITH NO NAMES LOVED: Ben Lerner, 10:04

LOVED: Teju Cole, Open City HATED: Joseph O’Neill, The Dog

THE POWER AND THE GLORY GRAHAM GREENE

(Penguin)

THIS IS THE KIND OF communal bookshelf you’d find at one of those proud little coffee shops with the long-winded beverage names and the vegan scones. Before some cursory research corrected her terrible memory, the Grumpy Librarian was really excited that this is a list of three books starring “unnamed narrators” (turns out Open City’s doctor did have a name; it was Julius. Oh well). This is still a list of three books where the driving plot is the mannered and elliptical stream-of-consciousness of punishingly self-aware dudes. Look, the GL liked both 10:04 and Open City too, but the main takeaway from this submission is our reader prefers his highbrow mainstream and joke-free. And there are almost no jokes in her recommendation: Graham Greene’s allegorical The Power and the Glory, with its unnamed narrator and metaphysical wanderings. And since it is so Catholic and so plain, a counter-recommendation: Thomas Bernhard’s stream-of-consciousness philosophical ordeal The Loser. Surprise: The narrator of that one is unnamed too. (grumpylibrarian@citypaper.net)

JACQUELINE HANNA

THEATER/MUSIC

EVENTS

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Quartet has added more than 200 new pieces to the sax quartet repertoire over its three-decade history,

and occasionally the group likes to refill the coffers all at once. That’s the case with Friday’s “Wall To Wall”

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program, which consists entirely of world premières, including works by Curtis and Princeton students, Grammy-winner Michael Daugherty and PRISM’s Matt Levy. The centerpiece is “Cha,” a Julia Wolfe commission inspired by her father’s love of dancing. —Shaun Brady

I PROMISED MYSELF TO LIVE FASTER

$15-$36 // May 22-31, Pig

Iron Theatre Company at FringeArts, FringeArts, 140 N. Columbus Blvd., 215413-1318, fringearts.com.

saturday

THEATER Direct from national exposure at the Humana Festival of New American Plays comes Pig Iron’s latest, an absurdist sci-fi epic and wild allegory about gayness today. Conceived by Dito Van Reigersberg — famous as drag chanteuse Martha Graham Cracker — it chronicles the

REMPIS/ JOHNSTON/ OCHS +MARSHALL ALLEN

5.23

$15 // Sat., May 23, 8 p.m., Philadelphia Art Alliance, 251 S. 18th St., arsnovaworkshop.com.

PIG IRON

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adventures of Tim, a human suddenly embroiled in the intergalactic Battle for the Holy Gay Flame between nuns and a super-straight planet. If the flame goes out, homosexuals everywhere will die. Director Dan Rothenberg’s production is inspired by the life and works of Charles Ludlam, founder of the Ridiculous Theatrical Company. —Mark Cofta

NEED PLANS THIS WEEKEND? we’ve already done the work for you on what’s going on in philly!

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JAZZ A 2011 gig in Oakland brought Chicago altoist Dave Rempis, a longtime member of the Vandermark 5, together with Bay Area trumpeter Darren Johnston and Rova Sax Quartet co-founder Larry Ochs. Their intertwining melodies, chainreaction invention and shifting densities can he heard on their 2014 release Spectral. They’ll add a fourth member and third city to the mix for this date, when Sun Ra Arkestra leader Marshall Allen steps in to celebrate his 91st birthday. —Shaun Brady

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BITES & BREWS

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5.25

DANIEL BACHMAN

$7-$10 // Mon., May 25, 8 p.m., with Ignatz, First Banana, 2152 E. Dauphin St., museumf ire.com/events. JAZZ In a 2012 NPR Tiny Desk concert, Daniel Bachman finished deftly fingerpicking his own “Honey-

he can look even younger than his scant 25 years, Bachman’s take on Faheystyle American Primitivism is deeply felt and confident, even as it evinces the same guilelessness revealed in such unguarded moments. —Shaun Brady

tuesday

5.26

SEINABO SEY

ERIC MARTH

$15 // Tue., May 26, 8 p.m., with James Davis, Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St., undergroundarts.org.

suckle Reel,” and before the strings even stop resonating, turned red as a tomato and confessed his nervousness. While in moments like these

POP With only a handful of singles to her name — collected on last year’s For Madeleine EP, which was dedicated to her mother — this 24-year-old pop singer and songwriter was already enough of a force to appear on a postage stamp in her native Sweden this January. The four-track For Maudo (named for her Gambian musician father) continues

EVA TEDESJO

monday

to develop her blend of electronic club-pop, gritty R&B and moody, broad-sweeping anthemics, clinched by her bluesy powerhouse of a voice. —K. Ross Hoffman

citypaper.net/events

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FOOD&DRINK

REVIEWS // OPENIN GS // LISTIN GS // RECIPES

MARKET SHARE: Net Cost’s standout smoked fish selection. MARIA POUCHNIKOVA

Net Cost Market // 2417 Welsh Rd., 215-7953773, netcostphilly.com. Hours: Mon. - Sat., 9a.m.-9p.m., Sun., 9a.m.-8p.m.

INTERNATIONAL AISLE

BY CAROLINE RUSSOCK

WORLD CLASS

With a king’s share of caviar, an orchard full of fruit and a meat counter that crosses continents, Net Cost Market is the best supermarket that you’ve never heard of. THERE IS AN UNDERGROUND network of food lovers who pride themselves on being able to share secrets. They tell one another where to get unpasteurized cheeses, a secret source for fennel pollen or who has the best selection of caviar at prices that aren’t going to require taking out a second mortgage. Those in the know are aware that Net Cost Market, a Northeast Philadelphia outpost of a Brooklyn chain, is the destination for that last one. Located in an unassuming area of Bustleton, the first Philly area Net Cost has been quietly serving the city’s Russian community for the past 10 years. It’s situated in a strip mall, one of many in the expansive

Northeast, and is filled with under-theradar culinary gems. The story of Net Cost starts back in 1991 when founder Sam Shnayder and his family opened up shop in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. Since then, the idea of opening a grocery catering to Russians and Eastern Europeans has expanded into nine stores that embody a way of shopping that is entirely international. A second Philadelphia Net Cost opened on April 28 at the Bluegrass Shopping Center, just off of Welsh Road and near the Northeast Airport. From Turkish delight to D’Artagnan ducks and an expansive hot and cold food bar, it’s the place that could

very well pose a serious threat to both Whole Foods and Di Bruno Bros. if it were just a little closer to the city’s more cosmopolitan center. Andrey Malkin, co-owner, vice president and global buyer for Net Cost, is clear in his vision for the chain. “We’re not just your typical mom and pop Russian market,” he says. He’s intent on introducing a new, more European idea of shopping. “We’re strong on produce. We have yogurts from Europe, jams from England and chocolates from Belgium.” He sees Net Cost as one of the city’s hidden food secrets. Peter Markov, the affable store manager at the Bluegrass location, is the market’s unofficial ambassador. As he walks down the aisles of the new location, he explains that it took years for the Bustleton store to attract a wider base of customers. (Bustleton’s Net Cost will remain open.) The new store’s produce section has everything from tiny guavas to Champagne grapes, ugli fruit, a garden’s worth of fresh herbs and tiny green plums called alchas. Markov explains that the goal of Net Cost is for people from all over the world to come in and find something familiar, something that brings them back to their childhood. As a self-professed “grocery guy,” Markov is more than happy to field requests. “Anyone can come into the store and ask, ‘Why don’t you guys carry that?’ and we’ll try and get it in as soon as possible.” Walking past a refrigerated wall of pickles, Markov explains that aside from the more familiar cucumber varieties, pickles can be a hard sell to non- Eastern European customers. “Americans, they’re not used to that kind of stuff, it’s very hard to introduce them to our Russian pickles, ” he said. “At Bustleton, they sell a lot. But here it’s kind of small. It takes time for everyone to come here, notice it and say maybe I’ll try it. When they try it, they like it.” In a neighborhood where Acme and Giant are the go-to grocery chains, Net Cost isn’t necessarily the easiest sell. “Some people come here and try to compare us to Giant and that’s comparing apples to oranges because it’s something different, and that’s not what we’re trying to offer,”

Markov says. What Net Cost is offering is an unparalleled selection of groceries that ranges from showstopping pastries to pristine fresh fish, a tea aisle that reads like the roll call for a U.N. meeting and, maybe most important, a willingness to share the bounty that they’ve accrued. Moving on to the deli counter, Markov points out a salami shaped like a piglet. “Most of the meats, Americans have never seen, ever,” he says, looking over a serious selection of Russian bolognas, frankfurters, smoked hams and sausages. “Anybody who comes here, if they’re curious — it doesn’t mean that you have to buy — you can try anything. Anything from the open case, anything from the deli, smoked meats, even caviar.” There are juices that would make the coldpressed set’s collective head spin. (Seriously, when’s the last time you’ve seen sea buckthorn juice?) Also on the shelves are mineral waters, tarragon-flavored sodas, kvass, (a sparkling drink made from fermented rye) and an entire section devoted to kombucha. It would be easy to go on and on about Net

Anybody who comes here, if they’re curious — it doesn’t mean that you have to buy — you can try anything. Cost’s inventory, but the best way to experience the market in all of its glory is to make the trip out to the Northeast and go shopping. They’re going to be hosting an official grand opening party on Saturday, June 13, from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., complete with giveaways, DJs and a pelmeni (Russian ravioli) eating contest. (caroline@citypaper.net, @carolinerussock)

citypaper.net/mealticket

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AMUSE BOUCE

BY ADAM ERACE

BORDER PATROL 1739 W. Ritner St., 267-991-2636, facebook.com/ liljavaphilly. Daily 9 a.m.-9 p.m. $3-$9.50. YOU HEAR A LOT that Philly is a city of neighborhoods. What you don’t hear is how those neighborhoods are in constant flux, swelling and contracting like a ring finger with a wedding band, altering their DNA from the inside out like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park. Last week, I wrote about Los Jimenez, a taqueria on Sixth and Oregon. It’s on the southern border of a transitional zone between the meatballs of Passyunk and LoMo and the string bands of Pennsport and Whitman, one that over the past several years Cambodian immigrants (and to a lesser extent, second-wave Mexicans) have recast as the pulsing hub of their new community. This is what I love about our city, and South Philly in particular. It’s a big — but small-feeling — swath of town that looks so different from when I was a teenager here just 15 years ago. About a mile and change west of emerging Little Cambodia, in my old neighborhood, Girard Estates, and lower Newbold, Indonesians are making inroads. Ferry Takili grew up in L.A., not Indonesia, but his family is from Jakarta. He moved to Philly eight years ago — his parents were already here — and met his wife, Debby, who’s from Surabaya in the East Java province. Debby does all the cooking at Lil Java, the cheerful luncheonette she and Takili opened in March in the former Malone’s. Now this address serves nasi goreng instead of mussels marinara, and rambutan smoothies instead of VO-and-waters. What distinguishes Lil Java’s smoothies is that the Takilis use only fresh fruit — none of that powdered stuff favored by many Asian shake shops and boba parlors. The couple goes to Chinatown or Washington Avenue to pick up fresh jackfruit and durian. The rambutans that eventually wound up crushed with ice and milk and set before me at a table sheathed in protective plastic were frosty, mellow and not too sweet. The menu is lengthy (and cheap) for a place that seats about 24. Zero in on the martabak telor, a flaky crepe filled with coriander-scented ground beef and egg, served alongside a bowl of sweet, paper-thin, housemade pickles. I found the beef rendang less tender than Sky Café’s version a few blocks away, but the coconut milk-based braising liquid that becomes the dark sauce was like walking through an orchard of lemongrass and kaffir lime. While Debby cooks in the back, Ferry runs the front, and he’s just the nicest guy. He realizes that most of his immediate neighbors are still entrenched ItalianAmericans, for many of whom Indonesian food might as well mean General Tso chicken. So he offers American breakfast every day — eggs, French toast, etc. —hoping to attract hesitant locals with the familiar. “Once they come in, I’ll slowly introduce our food to them,” Takili explains. “I have a regular customer, he comes every day for breakfast. If my wife makes something [Indonesian], I’ll let him try a little bit. He’ll usually say, ‘It’s different, but good!’” (aerace.citypaper@gmail.com, @adamerace)

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PHIL ADELPHIA CIT Y PAPER // MA Y 21 - MA Y 27, 2015 // C I T Y PA PER . N ET

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LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

C I T Y PA PER . N ET // MA Y 21 - MA Y 27, 2015 // PHIL ADELPHIA CIT Y PAPER

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