Philadelphia City Paper, May 22nd, 2014

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contents THE VOTES ARE IN

BLENDER BENDER

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NAKED CITY | Sure, it was an off-year primary

FOOD | Coolers of Coors Light, sour mix-heavy margaritas and sweaty boxes of Chablis are great and all, but we tapped some of our favorite bartenders and sommeliers for a thinking person’s guide to warm weather drinking. Spoiler: There’s lots of gin. In other food news, Adam Erace checks in on the brick-and-mortar digs of Puerto Rican arepa truck Delicias, whose new home offers many takes on the versatile corn cake.

election, but there was no shortage of key races and fireworks on Tuesday. Staff writers Daniel Denvir, Emily Guendelsberger and Ryan Briggs ran all over town to cover the action.

SUMMER FUN COVER STORY | We’ve got every single day of summer all planned out, from now till Labor Day. We’re talking concerts, beer festivals, block parties, Quizzo in a cemetery, National Caviar Day, all kinds of crazy stuff. Plus: Expert mixologists from a.bar and a.kitchen spill some summery drink recipes. (Need more of that? See right.)

THE HUNT

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ARTS | Paulina Reso tracks down the trio behind

The Secret Admirer, the year-old publication that lists woodland mammals on its masthead.

NEAL SANTOS

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SEEING DOUBLE

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MOVIES | Sam Adams reviews The Double, a film

about a doppelganger that happens to closely resemble another movie, Terry Gilliam’s Brazil.

NAKED CITY 7 Bell Curve // A&E 42 Shaun Brady considers cartoon king John Hubley; 43 Album reviews: Sharon Van Etten, Sylvan Esso, La Sera and Ramona Lisa; plus Dotun Akintoye discusses Michael Jackson’s not-so-great Xscape. // MOVIES 49 The Immigrant // CITYPAPER.NET Chris Sikich on the long NonCOMM con and Maggie Grabmeier on The Districts // COVER Photos by Neal Santos; Photo illustrations by Evan M. Lopez

STAFF Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Lillian Swanson Senior Editor Patrick Rapa Arts & Culture Editor Mikala Jamison Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor Caroline Russock Senior Staff Writers Daniel Denvir, Emily Guendelsberger Staff Writer Ryan Briggs Copy Chief Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, Dotun Akintoye, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, Caitlin Goodman, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair “Dev 79” Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, John Morrison, Michael Pelusi, Sameer Rao, Elliott Sharp, Marc Snitzer, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns Maggie Grabmeier, Thomas O’Malley, Jim Saska, Diane Bayeux, Katie Krzaczek Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Allie Rossignol Advertising Art Director Evan M. Lopez Senior Editorial Designer Brenna Adams Editorial Designer Jenni Betz Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Sales & Marketing Manager Katherine Siravo (ext. 251) Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Amanda Gambier (ext. 228), Thomas Geonnotti (ext. 258), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 30 South 15th Street, Fourteenth Floor, Phila., PA 19102. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-735-8444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 The printing of City Paper was provided by Calkins Media (215-949-4224). Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright © 2014, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

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naked

the

city

thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ +1 ]

UPenn grants seven honorary degrees this year, including one to alum John Legend. Not sure what’s worse: That a multimillionaire who’s married to a supermodel just got for free what everybody else has to spend four years and $200,000 on — or that he already had a degree from Penn, so this is just an extra one he can display at parties.

[ + 1 ] Mayor Nutter decries the old Traffic Court

system, saying it “had to die and go away” and that the new court “will rise from the ashes of a tainted justice system and provide true justice for all.” And then the mayor launched into this sick, doomy bass riff. Long story short, NütterGrammite is dropping a record called Dead-End Court on Relapse in the fall.

[ + 1 ] Philadelphia lawyer Francis Alexander

Malofiy says he will file a copyrightinfringement lawsuit against Led Zeppelin for allegedly stealing a “Stairway to Heaven,” riff from deceased guitarist Randy California. “I sure hope this Randy fella gets what he’s owed,” says the ghost of Blind Willie Johnson (1897–1945).

[ 0]

[ - 1]

[ - 2]

In the 40 years since the Flyers last won the Stanley Cup, they have the highest regular-season winning percentage in the NHL. Which earns them a little honorary Stanley Cup they can display at parties. Former Princeton University President William Bowen, the commencement speaker at Haverford College, called students “immature” and “arrogant” for protesting the previously chosen commencement speaker. Everyone agrees that this Bowen guy should, immediately following the ceremony, go eat a gigantic bag of dicks. A man shot in North Philadelphia begs to be let onto a SEPTA bus for a ride to the hospital. Unfortunately, he had to stand, as all the seats were already occupied by other gunshot victims.

[ + 2 ] A local computer engineer says he plans to build a national museum in the city dedicated to Italian culture. It will be called “South Philly.”

This week’s total: +2 | Last week’s total: -1

ELECTION DAY: Voters cast ballots at a polling station at 25th and Lombard streets. MARK STEHLE

[ election ]

PRIMARY CHOICES Voter turnout was dismal in Philly on Tuesday, but the lineup in the race for governor in November’s general election was set. By Daniel Denvir, Emily Guendelsberger and Ryan Briggs hat if the city threw a mid-term primary election and nearly nobody came? Voter turnout on Tuesday — estimated by Democratic City Commissioner Stephanie Singer to be roughly 19 percent — was typically abysmal for Philadelphia. But Tom Wolf, a York businessman who spent millions of his own wealth on television advertisements, met widespread expectations and crushed Rep. Allyson Schwartz, Treasurer Rob McCord and former Secretary of Environmental Protection Katie McGinty to win the Democratic gubernatorial primary. In November, Wolf will face Republican Gov. Tom Corbett, whose deep cuts to public education have angered many Philadelphians. Corbett ran unopposed in the Republican primary. In Northeast Philly and Montgomery County, state Rep. Brendan Boyle defeated three competitors — state Sen. Daylin Leach, anesthesiologist Valerie Arkoosh and former Congresswoman and Clinton in-law Marjorie Margolies

W

— to take the 13th Congressional District seat vacated by Schwartz. Republican State Rep. John Taylor says that Boyle’s open state House seat in Northeast Philly could present an opportunity for the GOP. The party long controlled the seat prior to Boyle’s 2008 victory. State Sen. Christina Tartaglione held off a challenge for her seat, and a Latino Empowerment Alliance of Delaware Valley insurgent slate captured captured just one seat out of four, with Jason Dawkins taking the 179th state representative district. Philly’s voter turnout began to fall precipitously in the 1970s and remained low this week. But Democrats hope the prospect of defeating Corbett will draw voters to the polls in November. State Rep. Dwight Evans, one of many black Philly politicians who lunched with Wolf on Election Day at Relish in West Oak Lane, says that Philly voters won’t stay home for one simple reason: “Three-and-a-half years of Corbett.” But state Sen. Vincent Hughes said that beating the unpopular governor will require more than expensive advertisements. “November is going to be very hard,” he says. “There is going to be money spent from all over the country in Pennsylvania.” But

The average city voter “is waiting to get a political piece of Tom Corbett.”

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[ the naked city ]

✚ Primary Choices <<< continued from page 7

“the average voter in Philadelphia is waiting to get a political piece of Tom Corbett.” Wolf says that “the contrast between the Democratic ideas and his administration are pretty clear. This is going to be a real election.” ➤ BEATING A PARTY-BACKED incumbent is always challenging, and Algernong Allen didn’t even come close to defeating state Rep. Jim Roebuck in the 188th District. Allen owned the popular Cedar Park bar Elena’s Soul Lounge before it burned down in 2012. On Tuesday, he confronted the old-school skepticism that dominates low-turnout elections when he visited Harrington Elementary School on Baltimore Avenue. Lottie Bazemore, who says she has been a Democratic committeeperson for 48 years, complained that “some of these young folks get in there” and are “trying to push the old folks out.” She was referring to Gregory R. Benjamin, a Kingsessing community activist who led a slate of neighbors seeking committeeperson seats as part of a challenge to 51st Ward Leader and former Clerk of Quarter Sessions Vivian Miller. Bazemore did allow that the younger men might be ready for office in a few years time. Two years ago, the 188th district race became a proxy battle in the war over public education when third-party, school-choice groups spent money to back a challenger allied with state Sen. Anthony Williams, a voucher and charter advocate. Roebuck is a public-education advocate, and critic of charter-school financing and vouchers. It was also a fight between two political powerful politicians long seen to be at odds: Williams and City Councilwoman Jannie Blackwell. But Williams is a likely candidate for mayor in 2015, and he says that he and Blackwell are now on good terms — and both backed Roebuck. Williams says that he and Roebuck have some things in common when it comes to education. “He and I have had conversations about our perspectives regarding education,” says Williams. “It’s clear that our district needs us to be working together because we have probably the highest percentage of underperforming schools in the city.” ➤ JARED SOLOMON CAME a lot closer to ousting longtime state

Rep. Mark Cohen in the 202nd District, which stretches across lower Northeast Philly neighborhoods that have shifted from solidly white to very diverse in recent years. But the growing pains are severe: Poverty is on the rise and voters are concerned about crime. Two elderly women who had lived in Oxford Circle since 1949 told Solomon that he had their vote. One said, “My street’s not so bad.” Her friend was more pessimistic. “We’re scared to death,” she said, leaving the polling place at Tarken Recreation Center. “My children won’t come visit me.” “Everyone else moved away. Is there anybody left?” she asked. She also complained that the recreation center’s “bathrooms are disgusting.” Solomon shared their distaste. “Those swings,” he said, gesturing toward the playground, “look like torture devices.” Cohen, the son of a progressive City Councilman, has been heavily criticized for his use of per diems as a legislator. “His father was a very wonderful man, David Cohen,” the woman said. Solomon grew up in the neighborhood and has spent the past few years organizing a community organization called Take Back

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BIG VICTORY: York businessman Tom Wolf handily defeated three opponents to win the Democratic nomination for governor. MARK STEHLE

Your Neighborhood in Castor Gardens. “We brought together one of the most diverse areas of the city,” he says, arguing that the lower Northeast should embrace diversity as a strength. “This neighborhood’s my passion.” But 73-year-old Leon Moss, walking his dog near the rec center, explained one reason so many Philadelphians don’t vote. “Every politician is a bullshitter,” he says. ➤ DURING TUESDAY’S PRIMARY, various candidates in

Kensington alleged that their opponents were bribing voters, campaigning inside polling places, and, in one instance, distributing anonymous fliers that claimed one candidate was gay — and those were just the complaints made to a reporter over a few hours time. An assistant district attorney showed up at Stetson Middle School in Kensington to respond to reports that campaign workers were accompanying voters into voting booths. After observing a raucous scene that involved dozens of different political supporters in colorful campaign T-shirts, his walkie-talkie crackled and he departed — there had been another report of electioneering at the Bayard Taylor School, on the other side of the neighborhood. In theory, there are poll watchers who can respond to such Election Day complaints. Each candidate is entitled to a certain number of poll-watcher certificates, issued by the City Commissioners office, entitling that person to enter and observe activity at any polling place. But according to Pennsylvania’s election codes, all poll watchers must be affiliated with a specific party or candidate. That means non-partisan entities — like reporters and the government watchdog Committee of Seventy — are legally barred from directly monitoring elections.

Russian election monitors got permission to go inside polling places, but non-partisan volunteers are not welcome.

Ellen Kaplan, vice president of the Committee of Seventy, says her group has been lobbying to change the law for years. Currently, that group’s Election Day volunteers are only allowed to stand near the front of polling places. “It’s one of the many ways that Pennsylvania’s election laws are less than ideal,” Kaplan says. She pointed to one instance in which a delegation of Russian election monitors were given special permission by the city to monitor the last presidential election. “So, there were people from the Russian embassy who could go into polling places,” Kaplan says. “But if we wrote a letter saying ,‘We would like to have our non-partisan volunteers go in,’ that is not acceptable.” The lack of support in Harrisburg for changing the election code is puzzling, given Republican support for controversial voter ID regulations. “If you’re really concerned with fraud, why not have non-partisan poll watchers?”asked Kaplan. Efforts to introduce other basic reforms, such as online voter registration, have also languished in the capital. “There are a lot provisions in state law that really put the burden on the opposing parties and candidates to keep our elections fair,” says Commissioner Singer. “A lot of [state election codes] seem to rest on the idea that as long as you have eyes from different sides on the process, that’s the way we roll in Pennsylvania.” But that system can create unfair advantages for incumbents, which often rely on party support and can drum up more volunteers for Election Day. Singer said that the County Commissioners Association of Pennsylvania supports changing the law to allow non-partisan observers. Meanwhile, the District Attorney’s office volunteer election-day lawyers often are overtaxed: 60 to 70 legal volunteers, according to the office, cover more than 1,600 electoral divisions. ➤ REPUBLICAN CITY COUNCIL candidate

Matt Wolfe quickly got into a polite policy debate with a man gathering signatures on a petition to abolish the School Reform Commission when he arrived at the Bridesburg Recreation Center. Long-time >>> continued on page 10

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✚ Primary Choices <<< continued from page 8

45th Ward Leader Kevin Pasquay quickly tugged him inside the sleepy polling place. Wolfe, a lawerly University City ward leader, relied on Pasquay as a guide to the white-working class River Wards — heavily Democratic but what passes for a Republican stronghold in the city of Philadelphia. Rep. Taylor, the only Republican representing a district that is entirely within the city and a master of constituent services, represents the area. Wolfe lost decisively to Democratic state Rep. Ed Neilson — the former political director of the powerful International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Local 98 — in the special election to fill SRC Chairman Bill Green’s vacant Council seat. Wolfe has been at the forefront of a messy process of rebuilding the city’s Republican Party after its longterm decline. Though he lost, the campaign shows that Republicans are now playing to win. At Samuel Recreation Center in Port Richmond, Pasquay dashed after a woman who said she had given up on voting after being directed to the wrong polling place. “I don’t want to miss a vote,” he says. “I’ve seen Communist countries” where people cannot vote, and Philadelphians “take it too lightly.” ➤ “JUST ABOUT EVERY corner bar at one time had a polling place,” says Steven Suarez, speaking about Fishtown, where he’s lived all of his 49 years and served as committeeman of the 31st Ward’s 15th Division for nearly 15 years. Now, he thinks there’s none left; his division’s old polling place, Luke’s Bar, was one of the last. And he says turnout dropped drastically after the polls were moved.

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Few old-school bars were built to the levels of handicap-accessibility that current laws require of polling places, and in 2006 most — nearly 150 — of those that were left were moved to more accessible locations. Luke’s Bar survived as a polling place until about three years ago, when the polls were moved to 2424 Studios, a shiny, loft-style office building and event space three blocks away at York and Cedar. But the effort to make voting more accessible backfired, say the workers now set up at 2424. “The numbers don’t lie,” says Suarez. “We have declined so bad since it’s been here,” says Terri Burns, judge of elections for the 15th Division and owner of Luke’s Bar for “31 years — but it was my husband’s [for] 45 years.” (Her husband, who passed away in 2008, was the eponymous Luke.) Luke’s hosted a polling place for about a quarter century, says Burns. Why the decline in turnout since the move? “The elderly doesn’t want to cross York Street,” Burns says matter-of-factly. York has two lanes of traffic, impatient four-way-stop traffic and cobblestones, plus is a double-wide 50 feet across. On top of that, “This isn’t even our division — it ends on that side of York Street,” Burns says, gesturing at the opposite side of the street. Judy Spross, a 30-year veteran poll worker who’s lived across the street from Luke’s for decades, chimes in that only 53 of the division’s 500-something registered voters had turned out as of 3

Voter turnout dropped drastically after corner bars were no longer polling stations.

[ the naked city ]

p.m., and that two elderly voters wouldn’t have realized it was Election Day if she hadn’t flagged them down. “If I didn’t see them and say something to the one lady — ‘Are you voting today? It’s right here!’ — she wouldn’t have known. She ain’t been out to vote in two years. It’s sad.” “Because the elderly, they live to vote, know what I mean?” says Burns. “The bar was convenient for everyone,” agrees Spross. “They said ‘You don’t got a good enough ramp.’ Really? It was good enough, and we really had nobody in wheelchairs. They were old! But we helped them in and out.” “All the neighbors used to bring us all kinds of food,” says Burns. “Anybody who came in got donuts, coffee, soup — always had soup.” “It was minestrone in the winter, chicken noodle in the summer,” says Spross, a bit wistfully. “This place we got now, we can’t even plug in a coffeepot,” says Burns. (daniel.denvir@citypaper.net) (emily.guendelsberger@citypaper.net) (ryan.briggs@citypaper.net)

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Summer Fun Guide

MAY

PHOTOS BY: NEAL SANTOS PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY: EVAN M. LOPEZ

SAVOR A

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL Here’s what you’ll need: 2 ounces vodka ¾ ounce Aperol ½ ounce lemon juice 2 dashes Peychaud’s bitters 2 pinches of salt 2 muddled pieces of cucumber

CONTRIBUTORS KEY: AE: Ali Eaves, MG: Maggie Grabmeier, MJ: Mikala Jamison, MS: Marc Snitzer, PCR: Patrick Campbell Rapa, PR: Paulina Reso, TO: Thomas O’Malley, SJP: SJ Punderson, SR: Sameer Rao 12 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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ESPECIALLY AFTER A WINTER LIKE THAT, the heady delights of summertime can make you feel a little tipsy. Now’s the season when a few things take over the mind — relaxing, getting outside and doing stuff and sipping a damn good cocktail. Here’s a list of 100-plus items that address the relaxing and the getting outside and doing stuff , and as far as the damn good cocktails: They’re taking over our minds, yes, but in this guide, they’re also taking over the city. Thanks to boozy recipes from Matthew Polzin and Allison Hangen at a.bar and Mariko Honda at a.kitchen, you can mix one up as you plan your summer smartly. Cheers! —Mikala Jamison

T H U RSDAY 2 2

TUES DAY 27

No one twists old-school film clips into awkward and hilarious misunderstandings quite like the guys at Everything Is Terrible. Their tour rolls through Philly, where they’ll screen two new films featuring “ventriloquists, racists, prop comics, sexists, impersonators, homophobes and talk show hosts.� My favorites! 8 p.m., $12, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St., philamoca.org. —MG

The never-before publicly exhibited Symbiosis by Roxy Paine will begin being installed on the Ben Franklin Parkway today (and will be finished by May 31). Hand-made from thousands of pieces of stainless steel pipes, the structure will stand for a year, adjacent to Mark di Suvero’s orangey red steel Iroquois, not far from the Art Museum. Through June 27, 2015, reception June 6, free, Iroquois Park, Ben Franklin Pkwy. at Pennsylvania Ave. and 24th St., associationforpublicart.org. —SJP

F RIDAY 2 3 At PHAIR at The Oval, one of many outdoor artisan markets popping up this summer, you’re offered something special — a view of the Art Museum at sunset. Bring your biggest tote so your hands are free to enjoy the gourmet food trucks, including Victory Brewpub on Wheels. May 22-24, pay as you go, Eakins Oval, 2601 Ben Franklin Pkwy., phillyphair.com. —AE

SAT U R DAY 24 Little berlin, an art gallery and collective in East Kensington that used to be a vacant lot, holds its Fairgrounds Block Party today. Don’t miss PAFA graduate Colleen Rudolf’s unveiling of the “On the Run� art installation (it’s a bear in mid-gallop), plus more art and music. 2-9 p.m., free, little berlin, 2430 Coral St., littleberlin.org.—SJP

SU N DAY 25 Grab your pacifier and roll on over to Festival Pier for Jam on the River, a daylong concert featuring Lotus, GRiZ, Papadosio, Conspirator, Zoogma and Grimace Federation. It’s hard to say what to expect beyond that, but a bunch of people got naked and jumped onstage with The Flaming Lips at the last Jam (which, granted, was six years ago). 1:30 p.m., $45, River Stage at Great Plaza, Penn’s Landing, Columbus Blvd. and Chestnut St., jamontheriver.com. —AE

MO NDAY 26 It’s Memorial Day. It’s also the last night of the Philadelphia Tango Festival. One of the greatest living tangueras, Argentine Silvina Valz, headlines the fourth annual fete at RUBA Club in NoLibs. From Latin, tango means “to touch� and is a completely improvised dance. Just remember, it does indeed take two to do it. Runs May 23-26, $7-$110, RUBA Club, 414 Green St., philadelphiatangofestival.com. —SJP

WEDNE S DAY 2 8 Sandwiches. In the immortal words of Aziz Ansari on Parks and Recreation, they have many names: Sammies, sandoozles, Adam Sandlers. At City Paper’s Meal Ticket event, Great Sandwiches, we’ll have sammies of all varieties created by the city’s finest sandoozle-makers. Plus, booze to wash it all down and a neat Chopped-style sandwich-making contest. May the best Sandler win. 6-9 p.m., $35, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., citypaper.net/greatsandwiches. —MJ

THUR S DAY 2 9 The Wall Ball ain’t no schoolyard game — it’s a swanky fundraiser for the Mural Arts Program, now in its 30th year. Proceeds from the ball will help create powerful and engaging public art projects, along with programming for young people, those impacted by the justice system and individuals treated for behavioral health challenges. This year’s honorees include Mural Arts Board chair Joe Goldblum and filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan. 7-10 p.m., $200-$1,500, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., muralarts.org.—SJP

FR I DAY 3 0 Keep an eye on this year’s Philly Beer Week schedule — throughout its nine days, there are more beer-related events than we can keep track of. It kicks off tonight with an Opening Tap party, with beers from more than 30 local breweries. 7 p.m., $45, 23rd Street Armory, 22 S. 23rd St., phillybeerweek.org. —MS

S ATUR DAY 3 1 Questo and pals bring the party for the seventh annual Roots Picnic. Expect tight sets from U.K. drum ’n’ bass superstars Rudimental, our very own The War on Drugs, Janelle Monåe and legendary MC Snoop Dogg (not to be confused with reggae artist Snoop Lion). 1 p.m., $50, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing, rootspicnic.com. —SR

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Summer Fun Guide

JUNE

BABY, TRY A

BRAMBLE ON Here’s what you’ll need: 2 ounces Cognac ½ ounce crème de cassis ¼ ounce lemon juice ¼ ounce Cynar ¼ ounce simple syrup 2 muddled blackberries

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SU N DAY 1

MONDAY 9

Philly Beer Week chugs along with Craft Beer Day, 15 hours of events at eight bars and restaurants up and down East Passyunk Ave. Meet brewers and try new brews and eats at P.O.P.E., Birra, Stogie Joe’s and more. And don’t be surprised if you stumble into the Italian National Day festival, also on Passyunk (from Mifflin to Moore). That one’s more family friendly, with activities for the kids, plus food, drinks, games and music. 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Craft Beer Day, phillybeerweek.org; noon-7 p.m., Italian National Day, visiteastpassyunk.com; pay as you go. —SJP

Decide whether you want to purchase Swedish folk duo First Aid Kit’s highly anticipated third album, Stay Gold (Columbia), by seeing them the day before it drops. 8:30 p.m., $20, with Willy Mason, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., utphilly.com. —SR

MO NDAY 2 Boot & Saddle presents Beer-Lesque, a sampling of craft beers from Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery, coupled with entertainment by Naughty Pierre of Denver, whom you may recognize from an episode of Breaking Bad’s fourth season. Only $5 buys your first pint and samples of each beer on the menu. 7 p.m., $5, Boot and Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., bootandsaddlephilly.com. –TO

T U E S DAY 3 WHYY’s Willo Carey will sit down with much-loved mezzo-soprano Frederica von Stade, star of A Coffin in Egypt, debuting at Opera Philadelphia from June 6-15. Von Stade will discuss her operatic legacy and what lured her out of retirement. 7 p.m., free with reservation (required), Field Hall at the Curtis Institute of Music, 1726 Locust St., operaphila.org. —SJP

WE D NE SDAY 4 You don’t need to be a fan of The League’s ex-commissioner Kevin to find something fun in Steve Rannazzisi’s standup. Jokes about weddings and medically induced erections abound. 8 p.m., $18-$25, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., heliumcomedy.com. —SR

T H U RSDAY 5 The happiest dance style on earth comes to Philadelphia with the Painted Bride’s community-curated Bollywood Dance Workshop. You and your fellow students will create a choreographed routine and live out your Bollywood dreams. 6:30 p.m., $10, Painted Bride, 230 Vine St., paintedbride.org.—MG

F RIDAY 6 Asian Arts Initiative kicks off its third decade of enlightening art showcases with Corner Store/Take Out Stories. The complicated intersections of Asian and black communities (centered around, you guessed it, corner stores) are illuminated in this compelling exhibit. Opening reception 6 p.m., free, runs through Aug. 22, Asian Arts Initiative, 1219 Vine St., asianartsinitiative.org. —SR

SAT U RDAY 7 Part craft fair, part garage sale, this summer’s installment of R5’s Punk Rock Flea Market features 500-plus vendors selling old records, books, computer junk, regular junk and more with different sellers each day. At last year’s Flea Market I bought a “frank appraisal of my looks” for only a dollar! I’m a five. Through June 8, 10 a.m., $3, 461 N. Ninth St., r5productions.com.—MG

SU N DAY 8 The self-proclaimed largest African-American street festival in the country, the Odunde African Festival, happens right in Philly’s Graduate Hospital neighborhood, with food, art, entertainment and music celebrating the Yoruba people of Nigeria, West Africa. 10 a.m.8 p.m., free, 23rd and South sts., odundefestival.org. —AE

TUES DAY 1 0 Few bands have moved from dark hard rock to electro-pop bliss as seamlessly as Germany’s The Notwist, touring North America in support of 2014’s acclaimed Close to the Glass (Sub Pop). 8 p.m., $24, TLA, 334 South St., tlaphilly.com. —SR

WEDNE S DAY 1 1 The PRISM Quartet presents “Heritage/Evolution,” the third and final concert in a three-part series featuring world premieres of new works composed and performed by inventive jazz saxophonists Steve Lehman, Dave Liebman, Rudresh Mahanthappa, Greg Osby, Tim Ries and Miguel Zenón. The program will include a post-concert talk with Liebman and Osby, moderated by Tom Moon, longtime Inky music critic and contributor to NPR’s All Things Considered. $22, 7:30 p.m., World Café Live, 3025 Walnut St., worldcafelive.com. —SJP

THUR S DAY 1 2 Maybe it’s the geo-political pageantry. Maybe it’s that study abroad you did in Argentina. Maybe it’s Cristiano Ronaldo’s rippling quads. Whatever your reason for paying attention, it’s World Cup time. Que bonito é. Opening match at 5 p.m. between Brazil and Croatia, free, Brazil/your TV or computer, fifa. com/worldcup. —SR

FR I DAY 13 Smart move, booking Willie Nelson in an open-air venue. This time around the Red-Headed Stranger is touring with Alison Krauss, Jerry Douglas, Kacey Musgraves and a cooler full of homemade brownies. 7 p.m., $35-$89.50, Mann Center, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org.—PCR

S ATUR DAY 1 4 Want to start your fine art collection but spent all your money on beer? Fear not! At Art for the Cash Poor’s block party-style fair, local artists and craftsmen sell their wares for under $199. There will also be beer! Through June 15, free, Crane Arts, 1400 N. American St., inliquid.org. —MG

S UNDAY 15 Think you know everything about The Wizard of Oz? What about the Tin Man’s unrequited love, or the truth about flying monkeys? The Cabaret Administration will explain it all through burlesque and ballet in Of Oz. Expect costumes of drag-queen dimensions, plus a little eroticism (and scenes of drug use!). Dorothy’s no good girl here. June 13-15, $20, Skybox at the Adrienne, 2030 Sansom St., cabaretadministration.com. —MJ

MONDAY 16 If you haven’t already checked out Katharina Grosse’s psychylustro (it debuted April 29), hop aboard SEPTA to catch a glimpse of this “real-time landscape painting, where the ever-evolving city is the canvas.” —MJ ||| continued on page 18

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JUNE T U E S DAY 1 7 Easily the biggest photo show of the summer, the PMA’s “Artificial Light: Flash Photography in the Twentieth Century� traces the history of the flash, from the 1920s to today, with work from early adopters to Ansel Adams and Andy Warhol. Through Aug. 3, free with regular admission of $20, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Ben Franklin Pkwy, philamuseum.org. —MS

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W E D N E S DAY 1 8 Prediction! Buy your tickets early because this will be the summer everybody finds out what you already know about Sharon Van Etten: She rocks sweet as an avalanche on the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Her new Are We There (Jagjaguwar) is a gritty, pretty declaration. 8:30 p.m., $15-$17, with Jana Hunter, Union Transfer, utphilly.com. —PCR

T H URS DAY 1 9 Who do you want to meet/greet at this year’s Philadelphia Comic Con? If you can swallow the price of his autograph paywall, we suggest talking to former Power Ranger/current MMA fighter Jason David Frank about what not being taken seriously is like. The Awesome Fest, partnered with Comic Con this year, also kicks off today, and runs its lineup of indie films, retro screenings, sneak previews, music and standup through Aug. 16. Comic Con through June 22, $75-$600, Pennsylvania Convention Center, 1101 Arch St., wizardworld.com; Awesome Fest through Aug. 16, free-$20, theawesomefest. com. —MS & SJP

F RI DAY 2 0 Exhumed Films screens two sci-fi movies showing the many moods of John Carpenter. In Starman, Jeff Bridges plays a hapless alien who learns how to love. In Escape From New York Kurt Russell plays a one-eyed badass who attempts to rescue the president from a city-sized prison. 8 p.m., $15, International House, 3701 Chestnut St., exhumedfilms.com. —PR

S AT URDAY 2 1 Well, only two of the dudes currently in Journey were in the band when it started in 1973 but whatevs. Hold on to that feelayeein’. 6:45 p.m., $25-$260, with Steve Miller Band and Tower of Power, Susquehanna Bank Center, Camden, N.J., livenation.com.—PCR

S U N DAY 2 2 Take a stroll down Main Street on the second day of the Manayunk Arts Festival (this is its 25th year), and check out the arts and crafts of nearly 300 artists from across the country. Be sure to stop by the “emerging artist� tent at the intersection of Main and Roxborough streets and see what the local talent is cooking up. Free, Main Street, Manayunk, manayunk.com. –TO

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JUNE the ballpark. 7 p.m., $1 plus ticket, Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way, phillies.com. —SR

T U E S DAY 24 Your lonely adolescence gets blown up to grandiose proportions when Ben Folds plays a new original piano concerto (and yes, probably “Landed”) with the Steven Reineke-conducted Philadelphia Orchestra. 8 p.m., $15-$49.50, Mann Center, manncenter.org. —SR

W E D N E S DAY 25 Remember that lady from Lady Sings the Blues? Turns out she’s a pretty famous singer by the name of Diana Ross. Go figure. 8 p.m., $40, Mann Center. —SR

T H URS DAY 2 6 Celebrate two years of Philly-obsessed chronicles at Philly Love Notes’ #whyilovephilly Party. Expect open-air vibes, good food and music (including an album release gig from Toy Soldiers frontman Ron Gallo). Time and ticket info TBA, new Spruce Street Harbor Park, Spruce St. and Columbus Blvd., phillylovenotes.com. —SR

F RI DAY 2 7 Started by a group of scrappy filmmakers, the Philadelphia Independent Film Festival presents small-budget movies that might not otherwise make it to the big screen. Among international selections, expect some local color.Through June 29, $8-$10 (festival passes $40-$85), various locations, philadelphiaindependentfilmfestival.com. —PR

S AT URDAY 2 8 Funnyman Bill Maher, a 32-time Emmy nominee, brings his standup act to the Academy of Music. While his Real Time series on HBO mixes in some deep talks with the funny, Maher insists that his standup tours are all chuckles. 8 p.m, $35-$79, Academy of Music, 240 S. Broad St., kimmelcenter.org. –TO

S U N DAY 2 9 Join Project Safe, Philadelphia’s advocacy group for the health of women working in prostitution, as it hosts the Philly Feminist Zine Fest promoting female-identified people through art, advocacy, and workshops on zine writing and appreciation. June 28-29, $3, Neighborhood House, 20 N. American St., phillyfeministzinefest.com. —MG

M ON DAY 3 0 Grab the kids and head to the Academy of Natural Sciences for this Wawa Welcome America event. Visitors enter all day for free and can experience the Wawa Dairy exhibit, dinosaur skeletons, butterfly garden, etc. Ready to chill? Head to Franklin Square for the “Philly @ the Movies” kickoff: a 9 p.m. screening of Frozen. 10 a.m.-3 p.m., free, Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy., ansp.org. —SJP

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Summer Fun Guide

JULY

READY A

RELUCTANT BULLDOG Here’s what you’ll need: 2 ounces spiced rum 3/4 ounce lime juice 1/2 ounce ginger syrup 1/4 ounce dry Çuracao Ginger-sugar-rimmed martini glass

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T U E S DAY 1

WEDNE S DAY 9

The Philadelphia Orchestra returns to Penn’s Landing RiverStage to soothe our heavy hearts with an alfresco concert led by Charles Dutoit. 8 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing, delawareriverwaterfront.com. —SJP

What really makes a person a nerd? The folks behind Nerd Nite Philadelphia, a monthly panel series with specialists in all manner of oddities, certainly know. Come to this one, but know the first time you utter “geek,” you’ll probably get glassed. Time TBA, $5, Frankford Hall, 1210 Frankford Ave., philadelphia.nerdnite.com. —SR

WE D NE SDAY 2 Admission to the National Constitution Center is free all day thanks to Wawa Welcome America. Brush up on your presidents then score a complimentary hoagie at Hoagie Day. Wawa’s 50th anniversary party features a 5-ton hoagie expected to serve more than 17,000 people on the Independence Visitor Center’s lawn. Constitutioncenter.org, phlvisitorcenter.com. —SJP

T H U RSDAY 3 Goonies never say die! Penn’s Landing presents The Goonies as part of its Screening Under the Stars series. Join Sloth and the gang as they find treasure, truffle shuffle and save their neighborhood; come early as seats fill up. 8:30 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing. —SJP

F RIDAY 4 The Wawa Welcome America official Independence Day program begins at 10 a.m. on the steps of Independence Hall with music and historical remarks. A parade follows at 11 a.m. Grab an ice cream and head over to the Liberty Bell from 1 to 2 p.m. to hear the Let Freedom Ring symbolic tapping. Party on the Ben Franklin Parkway from noon to 7 p.m. and lay claim to a tuft of grass near Eakins Oval from 7 to 11 p.m. for the 4th of July Jam featuring Ed Sheeran, Nicki Minaj, Jennifer Hudson, Aloe Blacc and The Roots. Fireworks follow the concert. Welcomeamerica.com. —SJP

SAT U RDAY 5 For a casual/sporadic theater fan like myself, the recent rise of pairing thespianism and alcohol has been a delight. Bye Bye Liver, an interactive comedy, promises local talent and local jokes. Runs most Saturdays through July 26. 8 p.m., $15, Urban Saloon, 2120 Fairmount Ave., byebyeliver.com. —PCR

SU N DAY 6 Yeah, the 16th annual Super Scooper All-You-Can-Eat Ice Cream Festival is, in fact, exactly what it sounds like, but the entry price also supports the Joshua Kahan Fund, a nonprofit fighting pediatric leukemia. So by the transitive property, eating ice cream is helping the world. July 4-6, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., $7, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing. —MS

MO NDAY 7 The minotaur became a staple in Pablo Picasso’s work, but the artist only became invested in the Greco-Roman figure after archeologists went to town on Crete during the ’30s. “Picasso Prints: Myths, Minotaurs and Muses” follows his fixation with the minotaur as a symbol of id and unconscious desire. Through Aug. 3, free with admission of $20, Philadelphia Museum of Art. —MS

T U E S DAY 8 Shocker: Both tonight’s and Wednesday’s Phish concerts are sold out already. If you are like, really into Phish, you already have tickets by now, so no worries. 7:30 p.m., various prices, Mann Center. —MS

THUR S DAY 1 0 The Delaware River Waterfront breaks out the big screen for Screenings Under the Stars movie nights every week in the summer, and this week, it’s the pretty good-but-way-better-than-the-last-one The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. 8:30 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing. —MS

FR I DAY 1 1 Do some calisthenics, if you must — the heralded Philly Punx Picnic won’t rest for you. Tonight, hit up PhilaMOCA for searing sets from Cetascean and Dopecopper. Time and cost TBA, PhilaMOCA, 531 N. 12th St., phillypunxpicnic.blogspot.com. —SR

S ATUR DAY 1 2 Quizzo is cool but, like bowling, can get boring pretty fast, especially if your team is getting creamed. Taphophile Trivia: Quizzo in the Cemetery is sure to be the exact opposite, with standard trivia categories replaced with all things dead, dying and buried in the ground and possibly haunted and vengeful. 6 p.m., $20, Laurel Hill Cemetery Gatehouse, 3822 Ridge Ave., thelaurelhillcemetery.org. —MS

S UNDAY 13 Check out day two of Invisible River, a dance and movement performance that celebrates the Schuylkill. As you travel by boat along the 2-mile stretch of water, artists will dance, sculpt and perform music on a flotilla as acrobatics take place overhead. $25, June 12-13, invisibleriver.org. —MJ

MONDAY 14 Now in its tenth year, Vox Populi’s Vox X juried exhibition showcases fresh, intrepid talent from around the world. Noon6 p.m., free, 319 N. 11th St., voxpopuli.org. —PR

TUES DAY 1 5 Here’s how the Philadelphia Moth StorySLAM works: Prep a five-minute story. Put your name in a hat. If your name gets picked, go onstage and tell a story. Stories are scored by judges. Winners move on to the championships. Tonight’s theme? “Uncharted territory.” 7:30 p.m., $8-$16, World Café Live. —MS

WEDNE S DAY 1 6 The Bearded Ladies cabaret troupe presents the project ANDY: A Popera, inspired by the father of 15 minutes of fame. It’s a cabaret/opera hybrid in partnership with Opera Philadelphia. The full popera debuts in 2015, but don’t miss its “stages of development” performances. Bonus? Tickets include unlimited “special soup” (booze). July 16-27, $20, Wilma Theater, 265 S. Broad St., wilmatheater.org. —MJ

THUR S DAY 1 7 The comedians behind the “I Like to Movie Movie” podcast bring you Movie Movie Live, a monthly game-show-meets||| continued on page 26

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JULY observational-comedy deal. This month, they take on classic crime thrillers like Heat. 8 p.m., $5, PhilaMOCA, facebook. com/ilike2movie. —SR

F RI DAY 1 8 This tip is brought to you by an idiotic Google search for “unofficial weird summer holidays.” (You’ll find my name in the dictionary under “serious journalist,” by the way.) July 18, apparently, is National Caviar Day, and our food editor assures me that Volver’s caviar service is choice. Nationalcaviarday.com. —MJ

S AT U RDAY 1 9 The Big Cat Crossing exhibit (aka Tube Full of Tigers) is already impressive, but you should be properly terrified after “sampling” the “40 regional craft beers” at the Summer Ale Fest at the Philadelphia Zoo. There will also be food trucks, orangutans, etc. 6:30-10 p.m., $55-$90 ($25 for designated drivers), Philadelphia Zoo, 3400 W. Girard Ave., philadelphiazoo.org. —PCR

S U N DAY 2 0 I doubt that Josh Homme will be hurling drunken epithets at unruly fans for this concert — Queens of the Stone Age is doing far-classier venues than ever before. And that’s a great thing. 7:30 p.m., $45, with Brody Dalle and Unlocking the Truth, Mann Center. —SR

M ON DAY 2 1 There’s a really fun Neutral Milk Hotel theory out there: Jeff Mangum actually traveled back in time to rescue Anne Frank, brought her back to the 1970s where she was raised as his sister. She is now his wife, according to the Internet. Timetraveling Jeff Mangum is a nice thought. 7:30 p.m., $29.50$36, with Circulatory System, Mann Center. —MS

T U E S DAY 2 2 After sitting through weeks of terrible dick jokes and ex-girlfriend lamentations, we reach the Philly’s Phunniest Semifinals. See our city’s best comics haul out their finest dick jokes and ex-girlfriend lamentations. Time and cost TBA, Helium Comedy Club, 2031 Sansom St., heliumcomedy.com. —SR

W E D N E S DAY 2 3 The Penn Museum presents its Summer Wonder Series with a lineup of family-and kid-friendly programming. Check out “Earth Makers, Earth Shakers: Creation Stories from Around the World” with the kids. Storyteller Michele Belluomini will keep things light. July 2-30, 11 a.m.-noon, free with museum admission of $15, Penn Museum, 3260 South St., www.penn.museum. —MJ

T H URS DAY 24 This Is Hardcore Fest is a great few days for fitness. The “picking up change” move works your glutes and it’s always nice to see a bunch of old Madball fans. Through July 27, $35-$125, Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St., thisishardcorefest.com. —MS ||| continued on page 28

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JULY

THE BEN FOLDS ORCHESTRAL EXPERIENCE

F RI DAY 25 XPN’s XPoNential Music Festival features three stages of indie music headlined by Ryan Adams/Jenny Lewis/Dawes on Saturday and Beck/Band of Horses/The Districts on Sunday. Ticket prices vary, but a three-day pass is just $70 for XPN members. July 25-27, Susquehanna Bank Arts Center and Wiggins Park, Camden, N.J., xpn.org/xponentialmusic-festival. —SJP

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S AT U RDAY 2 6 In the 1910s, Theresa Bernstein became famous for “painting like a man,� (oh, early-1900s, you were so delightfully misogynist), and for eight decades she painted vivid portraits of everyday, working class folks. See them during this first day of “Theresa Bernstein: A Century in Art.� Fun fact: Bernstein was 111 when she died. Through Oct. 26, $10, open house Sept. 13, Woodmere Art Museum, 9201 Germantown Ave., woodmereartmuseum.org. —MJ

S U N DAY 2 7 It’s hot out there — get yourself an ice cream donut, fool. An old-school South Philly institution, Frangelli’s has yeasty donuts for cheap, and owner John Colosi likes to mix things up: Enter the donnoli, a donut/cannoli hybrid. 847 W. Ritner St. —SJP

M ON DAY 2 8 Rock ’n’ roll supergroup The Baseball Project released 3rd (Yep Roc) earlier this year, which is a nice album title because it is their third record and is also probably a reference to the base. In fact, it would be really disappointing if it was not. 8 p.m., $14.50-$17, with the Split Squad, World CafÊ Live. —MS

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T U E S DAY 2 9 Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are was published in 1963, but still had enough juice to warrant a 2009 film that inspired everyone to dress up like Max that year for Halloween. At “Sendak in the ’60s,� explore how Sendak’s many books reflected the social atmosphere of the decade. Through Nov. 2, free with museum admission of $10, Rosenbach Museum and Library, 2008-2010 Delancey Place, rosenbach.org. —MJ

W E D N E S DAY 3 0 There’s always somebody dressed weird and shouting in Clark Park, but sometimes he’s there on official business. For Shakespeare in Clark Park’s production of Henry IV: Your Prince and Mine, you can do some shouting of your own in a 100-person battle scene. Runs through Aug. 3, 7 p.m., free, Clark Park, 4398 Chester Ave., shakespeareinclarkpark.org. —PCR

T H URS DAY 3 1 The BlackStar Film Festival highlights the most incendiary films by black indie filmmakers. See something amazing from overlooked directors and writers this weekend. Through Aug. 3, International House, 3701 Chestnut St., blackstarfest.org. —SR 28 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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HAVE YOURSELF A

HYBRID MOMENTS Here’s what you’ll need: 1 1/2 ounces honeydew-meloninfused vodka & Beefeater gin 1/2 ounce sweet pea syrup 1/2 ounce clarified milk 1/4 ounce Bluecoat gin

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F RIDAY 1 Every summer weekday except Wednesdays, grab your mat and your overpriced Lululemons (or the ratty old leggings with a hole in the knee, whatever, we won’t judge) and salute the sun alongside the river with yoga at Race Street Pier. Free, various times, Race Street Pier, Columbus Blvd. and Race St., delawareriverwaterfront.com. —MJ

SAT U RDAY 2 Miley Cyrus. 2014. Gazing into the void. Wi-Fi. VMAs. “I’m just being Miley.” Nietzsche. Disney. Vortex. South Street. “This is our party.” Edgy. Angry moms. Zeitgeist? Hashtag. 7 p.m., $49.50$89.50, with Icona Pop and Sky Ferreira, Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S. Broad St., wellsfargocenterphilly.com. —MS

SU N DAY 3 NoLibs’ 2nd Street Festival is kind of like a blueprint for a daylong street fest: beer gardens, more food vendors than you can count, workshops, craft sellers and four stages for live music (including bands like the Low Anthem, Banned Books and Vacationer). Noon-10 p.m., free N. Second Street between Germantown Ave. and Spring Garden, 2ndstfestival.org. —MS

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MO NDAY 4 Have you already tried skydiving? Is bungee jumping old hat? Try something new this summer by flying through the air on a trapeze at Fly School Circus Arts. The folks there will teach you everything you need to know; all classes are $60 for two hours, adults and kids over 6 are welcome. 1620 N. Fifth St., flyschoolcircusarts.com. —SJP

T U E S DAY 5 There’s a lot to learn about exotic birds at the “Birds of Paradise: Amazing Avian Evolution” exhibit — extreme evolution in isolated environments like the Galapagos Islands comes to mind — but the bird move dance-off feels like the biggest draw at the moment. Through Sept. 1, free with regular admission of $15, Academy of Natural Sciences. —MS

WE D NE SDAY 6 British psych band Temples released the super acid-tripmontage-soundtrack Sun Structures (Fat Possum) this year and it’s the kind of album you’d imagine your mom would hear and say, “Oh this reminds me of college!” 9 p.m., free with RSVP, Morgan’s Pier, 221 N. Columbus Blvd., r5productions.com. —MS

T H U RSDAY 7 With their handmade quilts, furniture and toys, along with drool-worthy D.I.Y. pies, doughnuts and ice cream, the Pennsylvania Dutch blow Pinterest out of the water. Check out the Pennsylvania Dutch Festival for three days. Aug. 7-9, 8 a.m.-5 p.m., Reading Terminal Market, 12th and Arch sts., readingterminalmarket.org. —MJ

F RIDAY 8 Break out your flyest crop top and work on your twerk in anticipation of this year’s Mad Decent Block Party. Vibe out to Chance the Rapper, Flosstradamus and the neo-dancehall god himself: Diplo. 4 p.m., $40, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing maddecentblockparty.com. —SR ||| continued on page 34

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Roller derby’s all about action, hometown pride and deadly puns, and the Philly Roller Girls are no different. This evening’s a Philly vs. Montreal doubleheader, with the Liberty Belles battling New Skids on the Block, and Independence Dolls taking on Les Sexpos. 5 p.m., $12-$15, Sportsplex, 1331 O’Reilly Dr., Feasterville, Pa., phillyrollerderby.com. —PCR

S U N DAY 1 0 Take a trip away from the city for free admission on Sunday mornings at the Brandywine River Museum of Art. Exhibits feature the work of artists like N.C. Wyeth, Wilhelm Schimmel and Charles Burchfield. Through Nov. 23, 1 Hoffman’s Mill Rd., Chadds Ford, brandywinemuseum.org. —MJ

M ON DAY 1 1 Body-con dresses covered in bright red lips, giant colorful hearts made of buttons, or prints of planets or cartoon dice — the works at PMA’s “Patrick Kelly: Runway of Love” exhibition could fit right in with today’s wackiest fashion trends. Through Nov. 30, free with museum admission of $20, Philadelphia Museum of Art. —MJ

T U E S DAY 1 2 Philadelphia’s urban farms are often run by people who make less than $5 per hour, and they need volunteers. Feel good while hanging out in lush vegetation and make some new friends. Henry Got Crops!, 7100 Henry Ave., is a CSA/farm partnership between Weaver’s Way Co-op and W.B. Saul High School, and even has some farm animals you can pet.—SJP

W E D N E S DAY 1 3 Center City Sips returns this summer every Wednesday from June 4 through Aug. 27, so tonight’s one of your last chances for $5 cocktails, $4 wine and $3 beer, plus halfpriced appetizers, from bars and restaurants in the heart of Philly. 5-7 p.m., centercityphila.org. —MJ

T H URS DAY 1 4 Tonight’s Screening Under the Stars is The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. The nerds (a compliment) might be coming out in droves for this one, so it might be good to arrive early. 8 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing. —MS

F RI DAY 1 5 Let’s go back to Schwenksville. The complete Philadelphia Folk Festival 2014 lineup hasn’t been announced yet, but you can expect some country, a touch of rock ’n’ roll, and all the pickers, strummers, ramblers and warblers you’d ever wanna dance to. Aug. 15-17, $52.50-$185.40, Old Pool Farm, 1323 Salford Station Rd., Schwenksville, Pa., pfs.org. —PCR

S AT U RDAY 1 6 Back in the early 20th century, Philadelphians hopped on their penny-farthing bicycles to migrate from rural to city living. ||| continued on page 36

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FRIDAY,

MAY 30

Summer Fun Guide

AUGUST With that came the explosion of urban farming, a phenomenon that’s influenced local artist Syd Carpenter’s sculptures, on display in her “More Places of Our Own” exhibition at the African American Museum. Through Aug. 17, free with museum admission of $14, African American Museum in Philadelphia, 701 Arch St., aampmuseum.org. —TO

S U N DAY 1 7 Enter to Win Tickets at Citypaper.net/win

Not sure how the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society got into the beer garden scene, but we’re not complaining. We don’t have a lot of the details at press time but here’s your reminder that the PHS Pop Up Garden exists and you deserve a break. Some prettied up, formerly vacant lot in Center City, phsonline.org. —PCR

M ON DAY 1 8 Forget an outdoor table at a pricey restaurant .Take advantage of our city’s most abundant seating spots, and stoop it. Grab a bottle of your favorite sauce and post up on your front steps. Stoopless? Sit on a random one until someone boots you off, or offer a swig and see if they’ll let you stay. (We aren’t responsible for any arrests.) —MJ

T U E S DAY 1 9 Remember that scene in High Fidelity when Jack Black was shitting on that one customer’s tastes? Well, they were talking about New Wave pioneers Echo & the Bunnymen at some point. They still make music, and it’s still great. 8:45 p.m., $29, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., utphilly.com. —SR

W E D N E S DAY 2 0 Maybe if the little brats run around the field like idiots after the Phillies-Mariners game on Kids Run the Bases Day, they’ll go to sleep when they’re fucking supposed to. 1:05 p.m., $20-$75, Citizens Bank Park, philadelphia.phillies. mlb.com. —PCR

T H URS DAY 2 1 The hungriest adventurers come out for the best street food in Philly along with some of the best local booze at Night Market Lancaster Avenue. Insider tip: Arrive a half hour eary. 6-10 p.m., pay as you go, Lancaster Ave. at 35th St., thefoodtrust.org. —SJP

F RI DAY 2 2 Picture it: Smooth jazz (tonight by Eric Darius) under the stars. Fireworks. Blankets. Bottle of wine in a brown paper bag. Blanket. Making out on the bus ride home. Fridays in August, 7:30 p.m., free, Great Plaza at Penn’s Landing.—PCR

S AT U RDAY 2 3 A South Park vs. Beavis and Butt-Head Burlesque competition not only sounds so good that it’s nearly unbelievable, but this also seems to be an idea plucked from a think tank that develops ways to make ’90s moms furious. Time and price TBD, PhilaMOCA, philamoca.org. —MS ||| continued on page 38

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Win tickets to see RAIN at the Academy of Music! Enter to win a pair of tickets to see RAIN by logging on to: www.citypaper.net/win

Summer Fun Guide

AUGUST S U N DAY 24 It’s been a big few days for the local talent selected for this year’s beta hi-fi Emerging Music Festival, and tonight the best of the bunch — handpicked by a panel of judges — are showcased and awarded all sorts of prizes. 7 p.m., free, World CafÊ Live. —MS

M ON DAY 25 There’s a for-real wolf and wolf-dog shelter and rescue in Jackson, N.J. (a little over an hour away). Like, you make an appointment and then they let you walk around petting wolves and confronting your very rational fear of the horrible natural world. Howling Woods Farm, howlingwoods.org. —PCR

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T U E S DAY 2 6 You know how they say “do one thing every day that scares you�? Most people aren’t at their most calm when telling a story in front a roomful of people. Your best story on the theme of “chemistry� at First Person Arts’ monthly Story Slam could win you 100 bucks. $15, L’Etage, 624 S. Sixth St., firstpersonarts.org. —MJ

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W E D N E S DAY 2 7 Surely South Bowl, the South Philly counterpart to Northern Liberties’ North Bowl will be open by this point. Order a pitcher, eat some tots and bowl a few in new rental shoes. South Bowl, 19 E. Oregon Ave., @southbowlphilly. —PCR

T H URS DAY 2 8 Perfect Pussy with Joanna Gruesome will be sweaty, wild punk in a church basement in the dead of summer. I predict a wild pit, indoor rain and “I was there then� stories. 7:30 p.m., $10-$12, First Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., r5productions.com. —PCR

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Thrift and vintage stores. We have a freakin’ million of ’em. Do yourself a favor and follow Jinxed, Scout Salvage and Philly AIDS Thrift on Instagram to get a jump on their offerings when they post them. —MJ

S AT U RDAY 3 0 It’s Pagan Pride Day: No, not the motorcycle dudes. This is a gathering of witches and lowercase-w warlocks in the name of fostering “pride in pagan identity through education, activism, charity and community.� You’re guaranteed to have a baal. Sorry. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., free, Clark Park, 4398 Chester Ave., philadelphiapaganpride.org. —PCR

S U N DAY 3 1 Right now we don’t know who’s playing Jay-Z’s monster Made in America concert, but it’s safe to assume it’ll be the sort of famous pop/hip-hop/rock/electronic stuff the kids are into. This is Day 2. There’s a simultaneous concert in L.A. Betcha Jigga catches a red-eye and plays both. Noon, $99.50-$150, Benjamin Franklin Pkwy., ticketmaster.com. —PCR

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a&e

artsmusicmoviesmayhem

reeltalk By Shaun Brady

REANIMATED

➤ NOT LONG AGO, Turner Classic Movies aired Leo Penn’s 1966 curiosity A Man Called Adam, starring Sammy Davis Jr. as a self-destructive bop trumpeter. Almost immediately after the title sequence began, I wondered if the playfully abstract animation, full of jazz-quirky black and white geometric stylizations, was the work of Hubley Studios, a suspicion confirmed moments later by the credits. Animator John Hubley would have turned 100 years old this week, and to celebrate his centennial the International House will screen eight of his films in 35 mm on Saturday. Though he died in 1977, Hubley’s career spanned much of the great animation work of the last century. He began at Disney, working on films like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Pinocchio before joining the nascent United Productions of America (UPA) studio and co-creating the character of Mr. Magoo. But he was forced out after refusing to name names during the Communist witch hunt of the early ’50s, a political scar that would brand much of his satirically minded independent work. Hubley’s films, many created in collaboration with his wife Faith (who died in 2001), combined the studio’s limited animation style with inspirations from then-modern graphic design and art — his work at times resembles a synesthetic combination of a Joan Miró canvas with a Blue Note album cover. The Hubleys’ creations also extend to their two daughters: Georgia combines the same mix of the smart, the wry, the adorable and the hip from her father’s work in her music with Yo La Tengo; while Emily has carried on the family business, most notably creating the “Origin of Love” sequence for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Emily will be on hand to introduce her father’s work at I-House this weekend. (s_brady@citypaper.net) ✚ Sat., May 24, 7 p.m., $9, International House, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. 42 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

LOW OVERHEAD: David Commins lays out an issue of his free publication in his West Philly house. NEAL SANTOS

[ in print ]

THE SECRET’S OUT The mysterious, self-published Secret Admirer shows and tells. By Paulina Reso ast April, stacks of a sky-blue publication began appearing in cafes and bars around the city. On the surface, The Secret Admirer seems like a relatively conventional collection of brain teasers: There’s a crossword, trivia, “wacky facts” and logic puzzles. But read closer and you encounter smart, irreverent voices and unexpected bolts of eccentricity, like menstrual-themed haikus, koan-like snippets of overheard conversations and visceral flash fiction. The masthead of the free weekly lists five pseudonymous contributors — David Otter, Lyra Foxx, Leon Wolffe, Miranda Stoat, Wendy Otter — but The Secret Admirer, which bills itself as a “champion of the bored and lonely,” is pretty much the work of one man. A 31-year-old writer who’s contributed to more established free weeklies, David Commins started The Secret Admirer in February 2010 in the counter-cultural outpost of Athens, Ga., where he ran it for two-and-a-half years. “I was a little stranger than the other writers usually and I had a lot of my stuff edited in ways that I didn’t like all the time, so I started my own paper to be able to have the creative control that I wanted, and I have it now,” he says.

L

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He left Athens when a Starbucks opened near a cafe he owned and put him out of business. The paper went on hiatus and he traveled around the country in a van until settling in Philadelphia. A year after arriving, he resumed publication; when the paper began generating enough ad revenue, he quit his service-industry jobs and devoted himself fully to his passion project, which he thinks has a universal appeal. “Everybody, even the most normal person you’ll ever meet, has a strange aspect, and I think that that’s the part of any given reader that responds to The Secret Admirer,” says Commins. On Mondays, he starts working on the new issue shortly after waking up in his West Philly home and dragging himself upstairs to his calamitous office, where every surface is covered with papers, maps, stamps, receipts or illustrations. His meddlesome black cat NoFace likes to saunter into the room and swat at the controlled chaos. By 4 p.m., Commins finishes the layout and moves downstairs. There, he’ll print 1,800 copies of the issue using a secondhand photocopier. Within view is a Scrabble board with seven bags of extra tiles that he uses to create the crossword puzzle. The next morning, he loads his touring bike’s front and back racks with papers and delivers to roughly 240 locations. “If I just

“It has that D.I.Y. feel to it, a small-town, wiggly-tooth smile.”

>>> continued on page 44

[ watching a ghost try to keep up with a man ] soundadvice

[ album reviews ]

➤ ramona lisa | A-

➤ la sera | B-

If Arcadia (Terrible) was made in 1987 — and it totally could’ve been, by some esoteric art-pop auteur like The Blue Nile, production by Eno, vocals by Tracey Thorn — it would’ve cost a few hundred thousand in a state-of-the-art studio. Caroline Polachek recorded it in hotel rooms using MIDI plug-ins and a built-in laptop mic. I guess that’s progress. The Chairlift singer’s woozy, carnivalesque synthetic pastorale works in the context of today’s vaporwave and experimen—K. Ross Hoffman tal R&B, but it’d be enticing in any era.

While the first two LPs from “Kickball” Katy Goodman’s solo(ish) guise were dreamily downcast affairs, Hour of the Dawn (Hardly Art) warrants its title: It’s easily the erstwhile Vivian Girl’s liveliest, jauntiest outing yet. There’s a gratifying newfound looseness and punky muscle; Goodman’s Zooey Deschanelish sweetness is tempered by just a hint of Corin Tucker wail. —K. Ross Hoffman

➤ sylvan esso | AThis Durham duo — Amelia Meath of Mountain Man and Nick Sanborn of Megafaun — marries its infectious indie-pop playfulness (feistier than Feist; more toned-down than tourmates-to-be tUnE-yArDs) and crunchy synth grooves with the urbane slinkiness of ’90s girl-group R&B and some good old sing-along songs. (They manage to interpolate both “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” and Tommy James’ “Hanky Panky” without getting gimmicky.) All told, it’s a pretty lovable combination of things, and their self-titled debut (Partisan) is utterly swoon-worthy. —K. Ross Hoffman

flickpick

By Dotun Akintoye

➤ sharon van etten | B+ The biggest task facing SVE was not proving that she’s an agile singer who can write damning narratives, it was separating herself from producer Aaron Dessner and everybody else who helped shape 2012’s Tramp. On the largely self-produced Are We There (Jagjaguwar), she croons with lament and anxiety over lush instrumental tapestries that yield surprising elements of trip-hop (“Taking Chances”) and classic country balladry (“Tarifa”). She’s not “there,” she’s far past —Sameer Rao and on to something altogether bigger.

[ movie review ]

THE DOUBLE [ B ] BEFORE 2010’S Submarine, Richard Ayoade’s greatest achievement as a director

was Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, a spoof of low-budget horror that demonstrated an uncanny ability to emulate a source while nonetheless making it his own. That’s essentially the approach taken by his second feature, The Double, which notwithstanding its Dostoyevskian origins, knocks several large-size chips off the block of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. Perhaps it’s only fair that a doppelganger movie should itself so closely resemble another film, but it’s distracting, certainly in the beginning. Fortunately, The Double discovers its singularities, thanks mainly to Jesse Eisenberg(s)’ lead performance(s). A workaday schlub, Eisenberg’s Simon James finds himself with a new colleague in the preternaturally self-confident James Simon. The understated gag, a dark and cruel one, is that James is so nondescript that no one seems to notice that he’s suddenly acquired an exact physical duplicate: He’s a nothing, so with Simon around, that makes one of them. It certainly doesn’t help when Simon discovers the shy neighbor, played by Mia Wasikowska, whom James has been imperceptibly wooing; even she’s drawn to his cocky assurances. But Ayoade doesn’t go for glib distinctions: James’ passive aggression is as nettlesome as Simon’s breezy entitlement; you can see why people would prefer the one to the other, while not necessarily caring for either of them. But that also leaves The Double in a tricky spot, trying to keep us involved in a battle when we don’t care who, if anyone, wins. Stylistically, The Double makes great strides past the already confident Submarine; you get the feeling Ayoade could be a major director if he put down certain crutches. But without the redeeming personal touch of his coming-ofage charmer Submarine, it’s a cold and clinical affair. —Sam Adams

A cold and clinical affair.

IT TAKES TWO: Jesse Eisenberg plays a meek office clerk menaced by his doppelganger in a film with Dostoyevskian origins.

THE PALE KING ➤ CULLED FROM UNFINISHED and previously

unworthy archival material, Michael Jackson’s new posthumous compilation is a pop séance. Timbaland and J-Roc’s studio mastery only marginally improved some of the unfinished demos that come with the deluxe edition of Xscape (Epic). Most notable is “Slave to the Rhythm,” which admittedly needs Timbo’s touch to live up to its title. But “Blue Gangsta,” a throwaway joke on its own, becomes a bad one overtop trap drums. What’s worthwhile here are the reminders of what a unique vocal stylist Jackson was, scatting on the pretty “Loving You,” gasping and grunting on “A Place With No Name.” That tremulous tenor by which he conveyed, by moan or by snarl, both desire and desolation is employed most powerfully on “Do You Know Where Your Children Are,” about a sexually abused and exploited 12-year-old runaway girl (feel free to squirm) and “Xscape,” an inchoate version of “Scream.” Together, they address the two principal obsessions of his adulthood — the sufferings of the very young and the spiritual deprivations of his staggering fame — and unleash the hee hee heees! and woos! everyone was waiting for. The standing ovation his hologram received at the Billboard Music Awards feels like a metaphor for pop-cultural exhaustion so easy to reach for it must be bullshit. The beat goes on, and it was a fitting echo of what his last performances were like anyway, watching a ghost try to keep up with the flesh and blood man he used to be. It’s too precise, graceless, the ghost can do nothing new; all it has within are the dead man’s memories. If you like your pop heroes in their spectral phase then listen to the end of “Love Never Felt So Good” for the svelte voice of a 25-year-old Michael whispering in your ear from beyond the grave, “All right, that’s fine, that’s it.” (dotun.akintoye@citypaper.net)

✚

Michael Jackson

Xscape (EPIC)

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✚ The Secret’s Out

[ arts & entertainment ]

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bust on through it, I can probably do [the route] in five hours,� Commins says. “But normally it takes me seven or eight. I like to sit down, get a sandwich, hang out with people.� Because he mostly handles everything himself, mistakes and typos are prone to slipping into the paper. But he shrugs it off. “I think people forgive me that because it has that D.I.Y. feel to it, a small-town, wiggly-tooth smile,� he says. Commins gets help from two contributors: his girlfriend Wendy Gilligan (byline: Wendy Otter), who oversees the Period Pals column, and Marta Sicinska (Miranda Stoat), the reproductive-health advocate behind about 20 Secret Admirer comics. “I was kind of in a weird place when I got involved with The Admirer,� Sicinska says. “I was working a pretty crappy job that gave me a lot of free time. I felt like I was kind of stagnating, and I wanted to do something with my comics because I’ve been doing comics in my sketchbooks on my own for a few years.� When she was out to brunch with friends in West Philly, she happened to flip through an issue and noticed a call for comic artists. She had never published her work before, but emailed Commins anyway. “It was a very weird twist of fate just because that was the avenue I wanted to publish in. It was unpretentious and accessible but interesting and smart,� says Sicinska. Other than being told space constraints, she was given complete creative freedom. “I can process the world around me through these comics. I think they’re stories that other people would be interested in hearing about and laughing at because a lot of my comics involve me laughing at myself and the stupid things I get myself into,� Sicinska says. The paper’s other three pseudonyms belong to Commins. “David Otter is me, because I needed to have at least one that’s verifiable,� he says. “I deliver it so I felt like it would be prudent. And it makes everyone else more believable if you give that little tip of the iceberg.� “Leon is the name of a cat that I lived with in

Bloomington, Indiana, with my friend Nick in 2008 when we actually first started coming up with the idea of a publication. And then Lyra is named for Lyra Belacqua from The Golden Compass. She’s one of my favorite protagonists and I always thought, ‘Oh, if I have daughter I’m going to name her Lyra,’ and I never got around to having kids, so I’ll just create a child in my paper.� When writing certain sections, he’ll adopt one of these personas. “I get into a Lyra mood to make the horoscopes and the advice column. What’s in that section would never be similar to a Leon mood, which is crossword puzzles. For the most part, I like having costumes to put on to write different segments,� he says. In the fall, Commins plans

“I was kind of in a weird place when I got involved with The Admirer,� Sicinska says. to launch a monthly 32-page magazine that’s like a grownup Admirer with reviews, interviews and other in-depth features. Its tentative title is Optimism and Commins hopes his new endeavor becomes profitable, although that’s not really what matters to him. “I find it very calming. It’s almost medicinal for me to make this paper,� Commins says. “I have trouble holding down jobs. The only time I work really hard is when it’s my own thing.� He pauses. “It’s my best friend, I would say. It’s why I like having the pseudonymous contributors because I feel like writing the paper is hanging out with someone.� (paulina@citypaper.net) ✚ For more info, see philadelphiasecret-admirer.tumblr.com.

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[ arts & entertainment ]

re:view Annette Monnier on visual art

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH ➤ “DEPARTMENT OF NEIGHBORHOOD SERVICES� is a three-per-

son exhibition that brings together Philadelphians Isaac Tin Wei Lin and Dan Murphy with San Franciscan Barry McGee. The trio is united through a love of graffiti, and the resulting show is as fun as the tongue-in-cheek title would lead you to believe. Lin showcased his work during a solo exhibition at the Asian Arts Initiative from June through October of last year, and his work has been shown broadly in Philadelphia, in venues as prestigious as the Print Center and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. He has a signature calligraphic sort of mark-making that looks almost like a foreign language, as well as an array of distinctive cartoonish characters that include a cat face. Lin’s use of neon colors and visually buzzing combinations bring to mind the colorscape of the ’80s along with the Paper Rad installations from the early 2000s. In the press release for “Department,� the Fleisher/Ollman gallery likened Lin’s dense patterns (the surfaces are absolutely covered, with lettering often unidentifiable) to the invasive species of kudzu vine, a plant native to Southeast Asia whose introduction to the U.S. is having some serious environmental consequences. Asian Arts Initiative likened the same marks to “dazzle camouflage.�

ALL THE PRETTY COLORS: Barry McGee’s Untitled, 2014, is one of the works in the three-person exhibit, “Department of Neighborhood Services,� on view this month. CLAIRE ILTIS

Perhaps most well-known for his work on local photo magazine Megawords with partner Anthony Smyrski, Dan Murphy is a hoarder of graffiti, cycling and skateboard culture. His Ephemera Box collaborations with Lin bring to mind the altarlike ensembles Murphy showed during his “Certain Things� exhibition at Fleisher/Ollman in 2011. In this exhibition, his photo collages break down the streets into patches of color reminiscent of racing stripes. Of the three artists, McGee has the most subdued color palette.

His work seems less optimistic, highlighting the downsides of urban living and the debris of poverty. Sections of prints seem faded and dirty, and in this corrosion, you see a love for these used objects. “Department� has style to spare. It’s easy to mistake the bright colors, fun shapes and recurrent forms with a lack of substance, but the works on display simultaneously broadcast a sense of freedom, a glorification urban debris and — perhaps most notably in the works of McGee and photo-collages of Murphy — a sort of pessimism about class disparity. Graffiti is about art mixed with life, and the pieces displayed inside Fleisher/ Ollman express that. “Department of Neighborhood Services� delivers a measure of optimism in the face of the reality of the urban city and all the baggage that comes with it. (annette.monnier@citypaper.net) ✚ “Department of Neighborhood Services,� through June 7, free. Fleisher/Ollman Gallery, 1216 Arch St., 5A, fleisher-ollmangallery.com.

CONTINUING EDUCATION

Register for Summer Classes! $PVSTFT BOE DFSUJkDBUF QSPHSBNT JO 7JTVBM "SUT %FTJHO 1IPUPHSBQIZ %JHJUBM 5FDIOPMPHZ 4PDJBM .FEJB .BSLFUJOH %BODF .VTJD BOE 8SJUJOH Whether looking to move into a new career, improve job skills or explore a new area of interest, UArts Continuing Education is the place to be this summer. Our courses are designed for those eager to pursue creative interests in a range of media and at varying levels of experience.

Summer semester begins May 29. View courses or register at: cs.uarts.edu/ce 46 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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ce@uarts.edu 215.717.6095

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INVITES YOU AND A GUEST TO A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING

For your chance to win a ticket for two to see the film, log on to www.citypaper.net/win NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. This film is rated R. Passes received through this promotion do not guarantee you a seat at the theatre. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider. Universal Pictures, all promo partners and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any lost or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, winner is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. Not responsible for lost, delayed or misdirected entries. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law. Participating sponsors, their employees & family members and their agencies are not eligible. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE!

IN THEATERS MAY 30 www.amillionways.com

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movie

shorts

FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

✚ NEW THE DOUBLE | B See Sam Adams’ review on p. 43. (Ritz at the Bourse) THE IMMIGRANT | B+ Although the Weinstein Company’s release plan is more reminiscent of clandestine border crossings than entering through Ellis Island, James Gray’s evocative period piece follows Marion Cotillard’s wayward Pole through the golden door and onto the mean streets of Manhattan. She quickly falls prey to Joaquin Phoenix’s mercurial wheelerdealer, who treats her like an object of affection one moment and a piece of property the next. Gray doesn’t spare the portentous symbolism (see the prostitute garbed as Lady Liberty for proof), but he’s working in an old-fashioned idiom that supports it. The film’s classicism can be stifling — it has a touch of the self-willed masterpiece about it — but it falls away when Jeremy Renner comes on the scene as a stage magician whose dedication to sleight of hand makes him paradoxically honest. The movie’s centerpiece, a pageant for quarantined deportees at Ellis Island, is a tragic encapsulation of the American Dream in all its chimerical promise, part aspiration, part lie — and one of the most thrilling sequences in recent memory. —Sam Adams (Ritz Five)

✚ CONTINUING CHEF | B+ Little details make a big difference in Jon Favreau’s searingly sincere peek into the insecure world of modern chefs, where passion and creativity fight for breath amid a crush of egos as puffy as well-set soufflés. A former hotshot who’s lost direction but refuses to admit it, Carl Casper (writer/director Favreau) walks out on his cantankerous boss (Dustin Hoffman) after a brutal writeup from a wide-reaching web critic (Oliver Platt). After starting a viral Twitter spat with the reviewer, the chef parlays the buzz into a food truck he hopes will coax him back

into relevance. There’s never any question whether or not cheffy will get his groove back, but the predictability of the proceedings is tempered by the growth of Casper’s bond with his young son (Emjay Anthony), who’s eager to pick up pop’s trade. Favreau mostly avoids culinary cliché by reminding us that many sets of human hands are responsible for what’s placed on your plate. —Drew Lazor (Ritz East)

FED UP | BAs Katie Couric underlines in the opening moments of Stephanie Soechtig’s doc, she’s been reporting on America’s obesity epidemic for most of her broadcasting career. So why hasn’t anything been done to fix the problem? A parade of talking-head experts gather to blame a complacent, often compliant, government swayed by lobbyists from corporate food interests, fast food, sugary cereals — sugary everything, in fact. Soechtig makes the case that sugar is the nicotine of today, that the cigarette industry’s warning labels and shame-faced execs lie in the future for present-day sweets-peddlers. The ammunition is already in hand — the film includes jaw-dropping footage of a McDonald’s exec testifying before Congress that the company doesn’t market to children, that Ronald McDonald simply “informs and inspires through magic and fun.” —Shaun Brady (Ritz Five) LOCKE | B There’s massive risk and considerable reward in Steven Knight’s impressionistic pocket film, which takes 85 minutes to track a successful man’s swift sinking into shit. Loading into his vehicle after a long shift, steadyhanded foreman Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy) begins working the hands-free device the second he sets off toward London. A paragon of muddy-boot reliability, he shocks his employee Donal (Andrew Scott) with the bombshell that he will not be around for next morning’s complicated concrete pour. The long-buried secret keeping him from his work is a big one, and it’s something he must reveal to his happy

wife Katrina (Ruth Wilson) and two young sons while he speeds toward the big city. His phone’s rapid ringing and the voices on the other line create a three-dimensional understanding of Locke’s spotless professional and personal existence, forming a quick-setting mix of sympathy and resentment that Hardy manipulates with force and grace. Not even Knight’s rapiered screenplay can fully prevent the inevitable eye glaze that comes with being stuck in a claustrophobic cockpit from its first page to its last, but it helps that the guy in the driver’s seat is the sharing sort. —DL (Ritz at the Bourse)

PALO ALTO | B+ Palo Alto is drawn, apparently loosely, from a book of short stories by James Franco, but there’s not much story here: Think back, and you’re more likely to remember a mood, or a color palette, than an event. If there’s a core plot, it involves the rapport between Franco’s high school soccer coach and a student played by Emma Roberts, whom he coaxes into a sexual relationship after she babysits his kids. Double, no triple, ick, but first-time director Gia Coppola doesn’t just act outraged or horrified so much as she marinates in it, like a teenager soaking up experience for future study. Coppola’s directorial stance might best be parsed as passive engagement: She’s watching through the wrong end of a telescope, but the distance gives her perspective. It’s hard to feel like anything matters, but that malaise is a defense mechanism as well as a means of alienation. Here, adolescence is less a crucible than a gauntlet; the trick is to keep your head down and get through it any way you can. —SA (Ritz at the Bourse)

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events LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | MAY 22 - MAY 28

[ sitting out on your house watching hardcore ufos ]

TIGERED UP: Los Master Plus plays MilkBoy Philly on Saturday.

Events is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/events. IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED: Submit information by email (listings@ citypaper.net) or enter it yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

5.22 thursday [ rock/pop ]

GUIDED BY VOICES/ SURFER BLOOD/TITUS ANDRONICUS $35 | Thu., May 22, 8 p.m., The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-9226888, thetroc.com. Magnet magazine, publishing in Philly since 1993, has long trumpeted its endearingly objectivity-free adoration for 50 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

all things Guided by Voices. So it’s no shocker in Gloomtown that it would tap the Ohioan juggernauts to keynote its 21st birthday bash, alongside two bands — Jersey’s Titus Andronicus and Florida’s Surfer Blood — who surfaced during the magazine’s severalyear print hiatus but share its decidedly ’90s-steeped sensibilities. GbV, who likewise emerged from hibernation c. 2011 (and who should probably consider a subscription-based model themselves) earned a general best-post-reunion-effort consensus for February’s Motivational Jumpsuit (it certainly takes best-title honors) but they’ve already moved on: The polar vortex-inspired Cool Planet (GBV Inc.) marks their sixth full-length since 2012. At this rate, this new incarnation will eclipse the original’s two-decade, 16-album run in just two more years. It’s a tad ballad-heavy, but still has its

share of chirpy hits and glamtastic riffs, though tonight’s lovefest will likely skew toward moldy oldies anyway. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ theater ]

WHAT THE ANIMALS SAY $15 | Thu., May 22, 6 p.m., Inis Nua Theatre Company at Fergie’s Pub, 1214 Sansom St., 215-454-9776, inisnuatheatre.org. While Tiny Dynamite’s “A Play, a Pie, and a Pint” program is on hiatus, collaborative partner Inis Nua Theatre Company offers a sampling of its “casually brilliant” aesthetic with David Ireland’s one-act. PPP’s premise — started as a lunchtime event in Glasgow, Scotland — is that theater needn’t be a high-price, fullevening, sit-in-rows commitment. Instead, PPP performs shorter plays at 6 p.m., served with a pint (of beer or soda) and a pie (meat or veggie) at bar

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tables to combine the theater experience with an early evening meal. Inis Nua’s Tom Reing directs Sean Bradley and James Kern in the Belfast playwright’s comedy about rivalry and prejudice that emerges when two old schoolmates dive into comparing careers in acting and football (that’s soccer to us Americans). Inis Nua also produced Ireland’s hilarious The End of Hope, the End of Desire in a previous PPP. —Mark Cofta

5.24 saturday [ rock/pop ]

UPHOLSTERY $10 | Sat., May 24, 8:30 p.m., with Deveykus and On The Water, Boot & Saddle, 1131 S. Broad St., 267-6394528, bootandsaddlephilly.com. You’d have to be pretty churlish

not to appreciate a femme-fronted, quirky jazz and art-rock ensemble with accordions. That’s Upholstery, the Philadelphia quintet led by moody singer Kate Black-Regan with bellows queen Dorie Byrne manning the keys and buttons. For their next trick, the 7-year-old band founded by guitarist/songwriter Jeremy Prouty releases its quaintly disquieting third album Running the Badwater. It’s way blunter than the flighty theatricality they showed during their 2011 Fringe Fest show, Water Bears in Space. Bravo. —A.D. Amorosi

[ hip-hop/electronic ]

LOS MASTER PLUS $10 | Sat., May 24, 8:30 p.m., with El Malito, Milk Boy Philly, 1100 Chestnut St., 215-925-6455, milkboyphilly.com. Los Master Plus may look like cowboy Village People, but its sound is anything but kitsch.

Fun? Yes. The Guadalajara, Mexico duo makes party-balling, electronic hip-hop tinged with saintly rhythms such as norteña and cumbia for a specialized groove they call “cumbiatrónica.” Sometimes they use that vibe on songs of their own — bouncing, zesty compositions such as “La Ultima Coca del Desierto” and “Mamarazzi” — and other times they apply their garrulous groove to tunes from fellow countrymen (e.g., Juanes) or gringos (e.g., Radiohead). Either way, Los Master Plus boogie and sway. Philly’s likeminded El Malito opens the show. —A.D. Amorosi

[ electronic/techno ]

DANIEL AVERY $10 | Sat., May 24, 9 p.m., with JDH and Sean Hearn, Dolphin Tavern, 1539 S. Broad St., 215-2787950, dolphinphilly.com. Daniel Avery’s phenomenally

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Celebr ating Americ an Craft Beer and Classi c Arcade Games

sunday

askpapa By Ernest Hemingway

[ lecture ]

COMIC RELIEF: ON ART, FILM AND TELEVISION FREE | Sun., May 25, 3 p.m., AUX, 319 N. 11th St., third floor, 215-2381236, voxpopuligallery.org. High and low cultures collide this week in the academic research (and obsessive TV knowledge) of New York curator and art scholar Jamillah James. Chinatown’s indie art gallery Vox Populi welcomes James as a guest curator to plan special events in the AUX performance space for the next two months. James has organized a lineup of panels and speakers, but we’re most excited about her own keynote speech with an expanded version of her performance lecture, “Comic Relief: On Art, Film and Television.� As a curator (and not an artist herself) James offers a funny and shrewd insight on how the media deals with popular art through video clips and jokes, and her lighthearted take on the place of high art in our TV-crazed society will have you wondering why America’s Next Top Curator hasn’t aired on Bravo yet. Following the lecture, AUX will screen the art film, Made For Television, a comment-

➤ TO HAVE JELLY BEANS Dear Papa: I was wondering if you could weigh in on something that’s been bothering me. Over Easter, an adult raided one of the Easter baskets during the kids’ nap time and was caught in the act. He had eaten all the candy and thought it was funny. Some of us found this not so funny. In fact, some of us were a little angry. I have tried to let it go but it still annoys me. Am I overreacting? —Stuck with the Easter-Candy-Theft Blues Dear Easter: It sounds like this is the type of man who goes with a child to a park and pushes the child so high on a swing that the child wets himself, and then he makes fun of the boy for being afraid. After one drink, he is the type of man who gets red in the face, and demands to know if you are having a good time. But it sounds like you are the kind of man who might say, in a few years’ time, after you have been drinking and everyone else believes the matter forgotten, “You think that you are funny but you’re not.� I must tell you, Fitzgerald, that holding on to that kind of thing is no good. I should say also that I am sorry that I took the candy, but I am not. All that sugar is no good for a child. Dear Papa: My friend has a problem. Her wedding is tomorrow (which is also our graduation day) and a friend from school who wasn’t invited asked her yesterday if he can come. There are only 14 people at the wedding, so it would be a significant addition. We are sitting next to him on the bus on the way to graduation rehearsal. What should she do? —A befuddled guest Dear Guest: There is very nearly always room for one more. It is better your friend invites him than have him show up anyway. You do not want a candy-stealing wedding crasher to stumble into the party. (askpapa@citypaper.net) Hemingway communicates with writer Alli Katz via Ouija board. Send her your questions for him.

ary on early video and the current state of TV programming. —Maggie Grabmeier

[ punk ]

BANNER PILOT $10-$12 | Sun., May 25, 7 p.m., with Mikey Erg and Goddamnit, The Barbary, 951 Frankford Ave., 215634-7400, r5productions.com.

/'-& $+.*"#, !) !(!%'+*# 1 /'-& !.,! #((

OPEN MON-THURS at 4PM | FRI-SUN at NOON 0

0 0 0

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“Don’t fix what isn’t broken.â€? ClichĂŠ. Tired. A cop-out, even, if you wanna go that far. The thing is, sometimes when musicians strive to make a record fully feel like an evolution and a Major Artistic Step Forward, they alienate their audiences completely. Minneapolis’s Banner Pilot seems fully aware of this and fully aware that we don’t really want Banner

Pilot to do anything besides what they’re great at: salty, bruised Midwestern melodic punk. That’s why their latest, Souvenir (Fat Wreck Chords), feels so refreshing — because it’s not trying very hard at all KATIE HOVLAND

construction — not a drop or build out of place — with an almost ascetic devotion to writhing acid synths lines, infinitely syncopated hemiolas and tech-house thump. Vocals are limited to the odd spoken phrase or two — sometimes very odd. But whatever the hell “Water Jump� is supposed to mean, Avery’s deliriously deep, slurred intonation makes it downright anthemic. —K. Ross Hoffman

[ events ]

5.25 E VA N M . L O P E Z

enjoyable debut, Drone Logic (Phantasy Sound), got compared a lot to the Chemical Brothers when it came out last year. And that nails the album’s conspicuously accessible appeal, epic emotional scale, acid-soaked aesthetic and unabashedly Big (as they say) Beats. Indeed, these tracks could’ve slotted easily into, say, the magnificent back half of Surrender. But where the Chems are all-embracing, Beatles-besotted, pop-minded polyglots, Avery’s much more of a purist: classicist in his

to feel refreshing. Instead, Banner Pilot delivers spoonfuls of chuga-lugs and bummed-out sing-alongs like chicken-flavored Top Ramen that your mom made when you were

Oberst-ian angst. Heavy on the hooks and the talky narratives, singer/songwriter/guitarist Andy Hull’s ensemble just released Cope, a thick, dark album that’s less pop than MO’s earlier efforts. —A.D. Amorosi

[ rock/punk ]

MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA

[ rock/pop ]

$19-$23 | Sun., May 25, 7:30 p.m., with Balance and Composure and Kevin Devine & the Goddamn Band, TLA, 334 South St., 800-745-3000, ticketmaster.com.

REIGNING SOUND

ANDREW LEE

Atlanta-based video podcasting indie-punks Manchester Orchestra do the nervous, postemo, Bright Eyes-meets-Brand

New sound better than their contemporaries. Still, there’s an air of light frivolity about the band despite its brow-twitching

$14 | Sun., May 25, 8 p.m., with Residuels, Underground Arts, 1200 Callowhill St., undergroundarts.org. Greg Cartwright, rock ’n’ roll true believer and man of infinite bands (Compulsive Gamblers, Parting Gifts, Detroit Cobras …), got his gritty, stripped-down stomp on last year with the blistering on-record return of proto-neo garage punks the Oblivians, but the forthcoming Merge debut from his more rootsily inclined Reigning Sound (that group’s first outing in five years) finds his retro-rocking pendulum swinging hard in the other direction. Shattered, despite the title, is a wonderfully warm, surprisingly polished ride — several cuts feature strings

[ events ]

KYLE DEAN REINFORD

home sick from school and there was a two hour-long block of Maury on TV. You could be eating better, but right now this is comforting, cozy and all you need. —Marc Snitzer

— blending country with organdrenched, Stax-style R&B like only a born Tennessean could and generally hearkening to the peerless, pop-minded blue-eyed soul of the Rascals or, especially, fellow Memphian Alex Chilton’s Box Tops. —K. Ross Hoffman

5.27 tuesday [ theater ]

THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS $20-$38 | May 27-June 15, Lantern Theater Company at St. Stephen’s

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Theater, 923 Ludlow St., 215-8290395, lanterntheater.org.

MARK GARVIN

Anthony Lawton, one of Philadelphia’s busiest stage actors, has created a special niche on local stages for his solo adaptations of works by C.S. Lewis (1898-1963, best known for The Chronicles of Narnia) and others. One of his best is a multimedia extravaganza with Lawton as

Screwtape, a midlevel bureaucrat in hell, writing avuncular letters to his nephew Wormwood about how to corrupt human souls. Aided by his acrobatic secretary Toadpipe — the sensational Sarah Gliko — Screwtape details the many human frailties that Wormwood should prey on: war,

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[ events ]

lust, debauchery, decadence and other wickedness. The witty poetry of Screwtape’s letters is juxtaposed with tap dancing, fire eating and whip work to illustrate the seven deadly sins. The Lantern Theater Company has given Lawton’s shows several runs, and elevated The Screwtape Letters to a full run on its main stage. As I wrote in a review several years ago, “Theology has never been so wickedly fun.” —Mark Cofta

More on:

citypaper.net ✚ FOR COMPREHENSIVE EVENT LISTINGS, VISIT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / L I S T I N G S .

f&d

foodanddrink

amusebouche By Adam Erace

PARKED PLACE DELICIAS | 526 S. Fourth St., 267-687-7631, deliciasarepas.com. Tue.-Thu., 5-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 5-11 p.m.; Sun, 5-9 p.m. Appetizers, $6-$11; arepas, $16$23; sides, $4-$5. ➤ LYNETTE GUEITS SUTTON is a busy woman. She’s got two Delicias food trucks feeding arepas to HUP, Penn, Drexel and worker bees around Love Park, a five-month-old brick-and-mortar spin-off of the same name and no time to return this stalkerish food writer’s emails and phone calls. But I’m not mad at her. How could I be, when Sutton has finally given one of Philly foodies’ most fondly remembered addresses, 526 S. Fourth Street, a tenant with some staying power? This skinny exposed-brick storefront once housed Django, the farm-to-table O.G. that made Aimee Olexy and Bryan Sikora local stars. But the karmic positivity within couldn’t save the myriad businesses that followed Django’s 2008 closing: a West African spot, a sushi bar named for a Bible verse and a Jamaican beef patty slinger. From the ashes has risen Delicias, looking festive with honeydew walls, sparkly curtains and pitchers of mango-and-passion-fruit mixers. (You bring the rum, cachaça, tequila.) Though not particularly busy late one weeknight, the friendly staff, decent food and ability to cross-promote with the food trucks should keep the restaurant in business for the foreseeable future. Just don’t expect to pay food truck prices. The arepa entrees, which come with three of the white corn patties (drier than those at Sazon uptown) to stuff with assorted proteins, fetch from $16 for a mound of guacamole-creamed chicken salad topped with timid jalapeño-apple slaw to $23 for a fish of the day. In between, I feasted on juicy grilled pork marinated in garlic and cilantro ($19) and La Robinita, a link of fiery chorizo crisped tableside on an adorable barbecue shaped like a pig ($22). Sutton is Puerto Rican and did a nice job with her island’s hometown dish, mofongo, the mashed plantains topped here with tender grilled shrimp. The yucca fries were greasy — I washed them off in the addicting garlic mojo — while the crisp garden salad suffered from overly sweet passionfruit vinaigrette. Not a perfect restaurant, but one with enough charms to encourage a return visit, or at least lure you to the truck. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

BRACE YORSELF: The Grappa Sour at a.bar is brightened with saffron honey and lemon juice. NEAL SANTOS

[ bar watch ]

SPRING DRINKING A look at the best warm-weather drinking options around town. By Caroline Russock ande Friedman of Tria considers herself a seasonal drinker. “I change my drinking habits with the solstice each season,” says Friedman. “And I actually throw all of last season’s bottles out of the window.” That’s a joke, of course, but when it comes to warm-weather drinking, there’s a sea change that happens with Friedman’s tastes as well as on the menus at all three Tria locations. More on: “You tend to eat lighter in the summer. You want something that’s light and refreshing and that’s not going to weigh you down. The same thing with beverages,” she explains over a glass of Anassa, a floral Greek blend at Tria Taproom (2005 Walnut St.). Along with bringing in Tria’s first draft rose (Sabine, a provencal pour from Bieler Père et Fils), Tria is also devoting one of its draft lines to Gose, an ancient German style of beer that’s brewed with salt. “I like that they’re salty. If you can’t get a margarita because there’s a line everywhere, you can drink a Gose and you get the same effect.” At Oyster House (1516 Sansom St.), head bartender Lindsey Krueger has recently revamped the menu to reflect the season.

S

citypaper.net

Crafting a spring and summer cocktail menu is a breeze, given seafood’s natural affinity for lighter botanical and citrus flavors. With Oyster House’s history (and top-notch, 20-plus bottle-gin selection) a few of the cocktails have a permanent place on the menu — including a house martini and the Philadelphia classic Clover Club. Still, Krueger has plenty of room to experiment with lighter, more juiceforward cocktails. “It gets people in the mood for warm weather,” Krueger says, mixing up a Bonita en Rosa, an this equal-parts blend of bitter Campari, St. Germain and reposado tequila is finished with a squeeze of lime and tastes like a fruitier take on a classic Negroni. Jesse Cornell, who mans the bar at Sbraga (440 S. Broad St.), doesn’t really consider himself much of a seasonal drinker. “I don’t mind drinking dark spirits or dark beer in MORE FOOD AND the summertime. My drinking habits don’t DRINK COVERAGE really change all that much.” Cornell’s goAT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / to, an ice-cold High Life, is certainly warmM E A LT I C K E T. weather friendly and he’s introduced several new cocktails that are equally refreshing. For A Certain Shade of Green, Cornell takes advantage of some of Sbraga’s techie kitchen equipment, using a Cryovac to infuse tequila with fresh cucumbers for a riff on a Corpse Reviver. Once the tequila is infused, he shakes it with Cocchi Americano, Cointreau, lemon juice and a pinch of salt, a finishing touch that brings out the vegetal nature of the cucumber-infused tequila. The bar crew at a.bar (135 S. 18th St.) in Rittenhouse takes seasonality to a whole new level, completely overhauling their already >>> continued on page 56

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[ food & drink ]

✚ Spring Drinking <<< continued from page 55

“It gets people in the mood for warm weather,” Krueger says.

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impressive menu four times a year. Bartenders Allison Hangen and Matthew Polzin work collaboratively with other members of the a.bar staff. “With every season, we make 16 new cocktails and do a 2.0 every season — where we switch out things that haven’t sold recently, ending up with 100 cocktails a year,” Polzin says. This collaborative way of cocktail-making results in an ever-evolving list that keeps things exciting. “A fun part of making the menu is that we all tend to like boozier, more bitter drinks and when spring comes along, you have the opportunity to make things that are brighter and more sweet,” says Hangen. “It’s fun to make things that wouldn’t necessarily be our first choice, but then make them work.” The Reluctant Bulldog, named for a canine resident of the AKA hotel upstairs, is based on a house-spiced rum steeped with lemongrass, star anise, cardamom, ginger and grains of paradise and shaken with an almost tropical trio of Curacao, lime and cucumber. Around the corner at a.kitchen, head bartender Mariko Honda works collaboratively in a different way — menu plotting with the kitchen. For her Rhubarb Sidecar, she uses the rhubarb poaching liquid that’s left over from the kitchen. Honda’s goal is to blend what’s going on in the kitchen and the bar. “I like to incorporate more food as far as cocktails go. I want people to be able to drink cocktails throughout their meal as well.” At newly opened Townsend (1623 E. Passyunk Ave.), sommelier Lauren Harris and head bartender Keith Raimondi have had plenty of time to sit down with chef Townsend Wentz and talk about beverage pairings leading up to their opening. While the menu leans heavily on spring produce, Raimondi opted to keep his cocktail menu light without leaning too heavily on fruits and herbs. “The menu is pretty spring-and- summer focused to begin with, a lot of aperitif wines and cocktails that are less boozy than people are used to. When it’s hot out, you want a drink to be quenching.” “I like fresh fruit and herbs, but I want to make sure that you have the same drink every time,’ he explains, noting that ingredients like local strawberries vary widely in sweetness, especially in the beginning of the season. Instead, he’s employing spirits to do the work. Riffing on an Old Fashioned, the King Cole brings Fernet Branca together with Old GranDad bonded bourbon and Demerara, incorporating the menthol top note of the amaro to lighten the classic. “Seasonal drinking for me is lighter spirits, nicely layered flavors. Thinking about what you’d like to drink while you’re sitting outside,” Raimondi says, segueing into Harris’ concise list of by-the-glass and by-the-bottle offerings. “The wines cross over with the menu, everything is sort of bright and quaffable and easy. Even the reds we want to >>> continued on page 57

[ food & drink ]

✚ Spring Drinking <<< continued from previous page

be somewhat quenching.” For Harris, Jacquère, an intriguing white from Savoy, is the ultimate springtime wine: “It’s a little floral and a little funky. Kind of mineral.” Over at Petruce et al (1121 Walnut St.), bar manger George Costa isn’t all that concerned about strict definitions of seasonality. “I don’t stress out about seasonality stuff. Whatever they can get, you know. A lot of things that people cook with in the spring don’t really translate to drinks. Like herbs. I fucking hate herbs in drinks for the most part. There’s very few of them that I like. Mint? Of course. Tarragon? You can kind of get away with that. A few years ago one of my reps was showing me a basilflavored vodka and I looked at her and said, ‘Do you want me to garnish this with tomatoes and mozzarella and make a Caprese martini?’” The cocktails at the 2-month-old Petruce are constantly evolving, as is Costa’s stance on herbs. While crafting a magenta take on a summer-staple Tom Collins, Costa gave it a quick taste before heading back into the kitchen to grab a sprig of lovage to muddle into the Old Tom Gin with beet syrup, lemon juice and a dash of absinthe. “I’m about to take back what I said about herbs,” noted Costa, adding that the leaves gave the drink a necessary boost of brightness. (caroline@citypaper.net)

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[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ➤ email lovehate@citypaper.net BLISSFUL LIFE Just wanted to say I love you so much. Babe, I know that when we’re together again life will be blissful. We can get married and have a lot of big fatso cats and a happy dog and wake up to each other every day. It’s hard to be patient! But soon you’ll be here with me and we can wear out our shoes together again. I love you, dear, and I am looking forward to a whole lifetime with you.

FAKE BITCHES...

I wish that you would trust me to love you as much as I do. Sometimes I don’t know if your indifference is just a defense or if I need to protect myself from you. Regardless, you need to know that you are the only man I want to share my life with. No other man tempts my heart like you do, and no other man’s eyes draw me down like yours. So rest assured, your heart is safe with me, if you would just let me have it.

but to bring in new people because audiences are made up entirely of friends and relatives of performers, and after a while, even the most forgiving of souls get tired of seeing their loved ones making fools of themselves on stage. This current batch will last a year, two at the most, and then you’ll have to start again, as you always do, so why not just give up now and find a real job?

IT ISN’T FAIR

TICKLE MY FEET

To this so-called corporate world...really if that is

Can you tickle my feet...I think that you are cute..

NEVER SEEM TO GO AWAY....I can’t understand what the fuck do some of you folks fucking want from people? We work for you and we are fucking tired...we do everything within our means to make you fucking happy and you are still unhappy. Don’t you think that it is you instead of thinking that it is someone else! I can’t stand a fake-ass bitch! Go kill your fucking self already!

Hey assholes on craigslist what the fuck is your problem over there on the rants and raves why are you filling that section with all that racist crap... nobody wants to hear that shit at all...it takes people like you to make this country not only this city a fucked up place to live...everyone is equal, let’s cut the bullshit and think about how prices are going up, food is expensive, and people are losing their fucking jobs, isn’t that what holds all of us as a people...you guys fucking suck if you’re still being racist! That shit is fucking dead..get a life and suck some dick or something!! Sign the wrecker!

WALK-AWAY You have enough sense to know that I do love you but I can’t be with you...You do know that right....why can’t you just walk away from me! Things are really strange with my current relationship, I think that you know that I am hooked on you like no other...we had terrific sex together, and after that...seems like things just hit rock bottom. You said that you didn’t love yourself that is why you weren’t with me but you could have at least told me the reason, except saying soon and you had to let me know and all this shit...the time is now, we have to cut all ties with each other...I wish you luck....I will tell you when I see you if ever..you said that you want to see me, but honestly do you think that is a good idea?

FAT PIG BITCH Why the fuck did you try to squeeze in the back door knowing that you are a fat-ass pig! Then you going to say that it smelled like something on the fucking bus! That was your ass because it didn’t smell like anything until you got the fuck on! I hate the fact that some fat people try to squeeze themselves into or on something knowing they can’t fucking fit! Here’s a hint for you! If you are bigger than your primary target...don’t try to get into it! It doesn’t work! Plus think about this...how did you really think that people were going to pass through the aisles!

YOU ARE SHADY! I don’t like what you did. You brought the manager to me to ask me a dumb question. You stupid-ass bitch you made yourself look really dumb, stupid and confused. I don’t like the games that you are playing. You are old why don’t you face it you can’t play the young people games because you aren’t clever at it! I am going to keep you at arm's length and not talk or play with you too much! I don’t know what your aim is but I know that I don’t want anything to do with it! Please stay away from me because I know that shady comes in all shades and genders!

HUNGRY FOR YOUR LOVE How I crave your touch...can’t wait for you to call...I miss you and I being together...it seems like we have went together for a long time but I know we haven’t... you are doing what you want and it only seems right that I do the same thing...I hope you don’t mind if I stay out all day and night and have you up worrying about me! At this point, I am not caring..but I will still remain hungry for your love.

YOU BOTHER ME

I CAN’T TELL You told me that you liked me and I thought to myself, if he liked me he would have called me on my damn birthday! What the fuck, you get used to remembering a person’s birthday! I don’t understand it! And whatever happened to the phone call! No phone call from you at all! I am thinking to myself, what the fuck is his problem. I like you alot but that shit is starting to wear off! Who do you think that you are? I want you and you know you want me!! So what the fuck! The balls are definitely in your court...what are you waiting for!

what you wanna call it...you fucking suck, you don’t treat everyone fairly...you never seem to get your shit together at one time! You just seem like you are the worst people in existence. Life’s lesson is such a different and challenging one let’s try not to complain as much, because nobody is fucking listening anyway...

I KNOW YOU I know you more than you think I do, my love. I know that you think about me leaving, and that you wonder if I really care for you as much as I say I do. The truth is, you will never know how much I love you- but oh, how I do. I just wish that you didn’t feel the need to pretend that you don’t care that much. 60 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

ONLINE ASSHOLES

MORE SHIT FROM I see you’re at it again, unleashing new house teams on an unsuspecting city. As if what Philadelphia needs are more groups of untalented performers doing bad improv under the direction of equally untalented directors. Of course, you have no choice

M A Y 2 2 - M A Y 2 8 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

I saw you at the store and you asked me what time it was! Clearly the clock was sitting right in your face but I wanted to play the game with you..but for how long...and are you worth me playing the game with you! I am tired of the fact that you think that I am just going to not fuck you...no I am going to fuck you when I am drunk all the time. and when your girlfriend is not around. I am going to fuck you some more..you need to make a decision and make the shit fast...I am tired of you and I think that if you tickle my feet things will be alot better...who do you think that you are....fucking your girlfriend and fucking everyone else is going to be a real chore...make your mind up already!

Sometimes you’re the coolest person in the world because you reach out to me and we talk and things like that but then the other times you are a pain in my ass because you keep texting me and saying that you miss me and then when I call you, you are just about speechless, it is not common for you to get on my nerves so that is why I can say this now because I still think that you are sexy and stuff but you need to know when you back off sometimes. I can’t stand you sometimes...but then again, I love it when you come over to lick my pussy. That is my fucking favorite thing in the world. You can do that, it would be great...I don’t want anything else...you can keep your dick also...give that to your pig of a baby’s mother!

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