Philadelphia City Paper, September 25th, 2014

2 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

We buy records & cds !

STUDY GUITAR W/ THE BEST ;O`aV @R EWZ[W\Ub]\ 23 '&

! "%# ! ' TOQSP]]Y Q][ 8c^WbS`@SQ]`Ra eee `SQ]`RaT`][Xc^WbS` Q][ 6=C@A( ; BV & 4`W AOb ' Ac\ %

David Joel Guitar Studio All Styles All Levels.

Former Berkley faculty member with Masters Degree and 25 yrs. teachingexperience.

215.831.8640 www.myphillyguitarlessons.com

We put our energy into looking out for you.

Electricity and natural gas provide comfort and convenience but can be dangerous when used improperly. We look out for the safety of our employees, contractors and customers. So when you’re doing projects around your home or business that require digging—such as installing a fence or deck—always assume electric lines are energized and natural gas is owing.

Always call 811 to locate underground electric and natural gas lines before you dig. It’s the law. Also, before doing any overhead activity within ten feet of power lines, call us at 800-454-4100.

Learn more at peco.com/safety Š PECO Energy Company, 2014

www.peco.com

4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

naked

the thebellcurve

city

CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 2]

A local Kickstarter campaign encourages women to draw penises accompanied by six-word stories of their encounters with them. “’Twas a grower, not a show-er.”

[ - 2]

Large rust holes discovered in the Walt Whitman Bridge lead to a no-bid $2.7 million contract to repair it. “What is this about ‘repair’?” cries the Walt. “Just like a leaf of grass, a large rust hole is no less than the journeywork of the stars.” Up river, the Ben rolls its eyes.

[ - 1]

Police are still searching for a naked man seen jogging in New Castle County, Delaware. “’Twas a pale, flopping garter snake.” (Six words!)

[0]

Supporters of Scottish independence hang a Scottish flag over the side of the Ben Franklin Bridge. Up river, the Betsy rolls its eyes.

TOM STIGLICH

[ + 1]

[ + 1]

Mayor Nutter and mayors from Houston and Los Angeles launch the Mayors’ National Climate Action Agenda, which will focus on reducing carbon emissions. Step one: Shut down Houston and Los Angeles.

A Jack Russell terrier that went missing from the Philly area is located in Portland, Ore., thanks to an implanted microchip, and will be shipped back. “Only, from now on I require locally sourced puppy chow and fair-trade squeaky toys,” he says. “Also, every time I drop a Brownstein I’ll need you to deposit it in my jenkem barrel.”

[ + 1]

Plans are announced to install an observation deck on the 57th floor of Liberty One. “Wow, you can really see the middle of the Comcast building from here!”

[ - 2]

Eagles fans brawl with each other in the stands during Sunday’s game against the Redskins. “Your penis story was seven words long!” “I was using ‘gnarly-looking’ as an adjective so it’s hyphenated and therefore just one word!” “It ends in ly so it’s an adverb and should never be hyphenated, fuckface!” “This is war!”

This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: -7

[ telephone ‘pol’ ]

A VIP LINE TO CITY HALL? There are allegations of a secret hotline for the politically connected, so we went on a factchecking mission. By Emily Guendelsberger

C

ity Controller Alan Butkovitz put out a press release last week saying that, while going about his business as the city’s fiscal watchdog, he’d discovered a “VIP hotline call center,” a backdoor way for the politically connected to get potholes and streetlights fixed without having to call Philly311 like the rest of the plebes. And not only that, it was expensive — the six city employees who worked in the office on the seventh floor of City Hall earned a total of $164,000 in overtime pay last year.

“The primary goal of implementing Philly311 was to cease the historical use of an exclusive City Hall hotline for the well-connected,” wrote Butkovitz in the release. “Philly311 is supposed to be the VIP line for everybody, not just for those who know somebody in City Hall.”

Eliminating this sort of VIP access to city government has been the distinguishing goal of Mayor Michael Nutter’s administration, and Philly311 probably his most visible related project.

Claiming that there’s a VIP back door to Philly311, then, is a pretty serious burn.

We’re in the opening “everybody into the pool!” weeks of the 2015 mayoral race, and the names of both Butkovitz and city Managing Director Rich Negrin, whose offices launched and oversee Philly311, have been tossed around as possible candidates. The timing seemed less than coincidental. So City Paper looked into it.

Is there actually a super-secret hotline for VIPs? ³ PHILADELPHIA WAS ONE of the last big U.S. cities to get a central city-services hotline when Philly311 debuted on the last day of 2008. Before that, if you had official questions or wanted the city to deal with something that wasn’t an emergency — a broken traffic light, pothole, persistent weird smell, structurally unsound building, red-tape snarl, etc.

— you had to navigate City Hall yourself or ask a favor of somebody with political clout.

“You called your community leader, your city leaders, your local CDC, your councilperson,” says Negrin. “Or you would try to figure out for yourself: ‘Hey, is that Streets? Is that L&I? Who is that?’ That’s changed,” he says.

Questions that come in via the 215-686-8686 hotline, website, mobile app, social media and walk-ins to Philly311’s offices on the ground floor of City Hall are now answered by staffers 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. weekdays, and 24 hours a day during emergencies.

“It’s not just providing good customer service and modernizing

Before 311, you had to navigate City Hall yourself.

>>> continued on page 7

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

5

hostilewitness

[ the naked city ]

By Daniel Denvir

tomorrow exchange LAW-AND-ORDER buy *sell*trade LIBERALISM

%JGUVPWV 5V ĂŠ

TICKETS! KIMMELCENTER.ORG Kimmel Center for the performing arts

THE KI MMEL CENTER

AC ADEMY OF MUSIC

MERRIAM THEATER

6 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

³ TWO WEEKS AGO, a preppy mob allegedly staged a brutal attack against two men in Center City because they were gay. This is a reminder that homophobia persists despite the recent social revolution in favor of everyone’s rights to love, make love to, and to be who they are.

The main political response to the attack, however, has been a loud call to expand Pennsylvania’s hate-crime laws to cover sexual orientation. The problem is that these laws typically are used to lengthen prison sentences. Whether it is drugs or violence, we have tried our best to police, arrest and incarcerate our way out of almost every problem.

As a result, the United States is already the most incarcerated nation on earth (at least on record) and has very little to show for it, save for an archipelago of human misery. “There are no data to support the idea ‌ that hate-crime laws actually deter violence against the named identities,â€? says Ann Pellegrini, director of the Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality at New York University and co-author of the book “You Can Tell Just by Lookingâ€? and 20 Other Myths about LGBT Life and People. Pellegrini says that collecting hate-crime data is important, but that simply sending people to prison for longer fails to address one problem and exacerbates another. “If we want to change people’s attitudes that needs to take place in educationalâ€? and religious institutions “not through harsher penalties,â€? she says.

Anti-gay bigotry runs deeper than the angry rhetoric of fundamentalist religious nuts, asshole jocks or people violently lashing out to make sense of the anxiety of being closeted. The hatred stems from our culture’s most mainstream strictures around gender, sexuality and power.

Many civil libertarians oppose hate-crime laws because they criminalize not only the violent act but also the thought behind it. I agree. But my biggest concern is that I don’t want to grow our prison population, especially for a purpose that is not socially useful. Attacking someone because they are gay or black is wrong — but our prisons are bursting at the seams because of harsh sentences not only for small-time drug dealers but also for people who commit serious violent crimes. The question is whether the lock-’em-up, law-and-order mindset prevalent across the political spectrum makes us a safer and more just society. It doesn’t. But many liberals seem just as oblivious as conservatives.

Take District Attorney Seth Williams, who is leading the charge to create a two-year mandatory minimum sentence for illegal gun possession. Like

hate-crime legislation, the measure sounds tough, but doesn’t seem to accomplish much. “Mandatory penalty laws have not been credibly shown to have measurable deterrent effects for any save minor crimes, such as speeding or illegal parking, or for short-term effects that quickly waste away,� writes University of Minnesota law professor Michael Tonry in the 2009 study “The Mostly Unintended Effects of Mandatory Penalties: Two Centuries of Consistent Findings.�

Instead of preventing violence, they ensure that more people in the city's poorest neighborhoods — the same ones who suffer most from gun violence — get locked up for longer. Republican state Sen. Stewart Greenleaf, who went from being a tough-on-crime zealot to a prison-reform evangelist, last year explained to me why he opposes mandatory minimums.

Many civil libertarians oppose hatecrime laws. “We thought we would get really tough on crime, and reduce violent crime and have lower recidivism and things like that.

Well, just the opposite happened. ‌ All we did was fill our prisons up and violent crime continued to go up,� he said.

Violent crime has in recent years finally declined. But scholars fervently debate the reasons, and many factors are believed to be at play. A recent study by the National Research Council found that “the magnitude of the crime reduction [caused by incarceration] remains highly uncertain and the evidence suggests it was unlikely to have been large.� “Sending a message� is not sound public policy, and expanding our prison system is no pathway to a more just and humane society. (daniel.denvir@citypaper.net)

A VIP line to City Hall?

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from page 5

what we do — it’s also about having one of the most ethical governments in the recent history of Philadelphia, where you don’t have to play an insider game to get things done,” says Negrin.

Butkovitz says his discovery contradicts that high-minded claim — in reality, the rabble get stuck with a semi-functional Philly311, while those in the know can get their problems heard 24/7. “The mayor said that having access — that certain people having knowledge or having inside connections to get services — he said that was wrong,” he says. “He said that when he set up 311, he was going to abolish special access, and he didn’t.”

Butkovitz has long argued that Philly311 is expensive, inefficient and “a PR stunt;” his Controller’s Office’s 2011 report saying so was addressed to Negrin. In 2012, Butkovitz told a neighborhood meeting that Philly311 “just doesn’t work;” an aide then suggested that neighbors call Butkovitz’s office instead.

Butkovitz says his auditors made their discovery while investigating overtime expenses. “They discovered this unit that was previously not well known, and there was interrogation about its mission and what it does, and there was a lot of vagueness and fencing, and then … more of the real purpose of the operation was revealed.”

A frustrated-sounding Negrin says Butkovitz has misunderstood or is mischaracterizing the “real purpose” of a seventh-floor office called Unified Dispatch, known for decades as Municipal Radio.

Negrin says that Dispatch is staffed 24 hours a day. But he says it’s completely unrelated to Philly311 — Dispatch is a City Hall phone tree, and he’d have been happy to fill Butkovitz in about it if he’d bothered to call and ask.

“Say there’s a building collapse, a major five-alarm fire, something that requires all hands on deck,” says Negrin, who says he’s been awakened in the middle of the night by Dispatch more than a few times. If you’re a city employee who sees an unfolding emergency, but doesn’t know how to get the mayor out of bed, Dispatch “can help you contact folks you need to contact in order to make important decisions. It’s not a service line the way [Butkovitz is] trying to paint it out to be.”

It’s ridiculous to imply that just anybody who’s well-connected can “have them call me at 2 a.m. and wake me up. It’s just not common sense,” says Negrin. Butkovitz, Negrin says, is “clearly confused, and could have clarified any confusion by simply picking up the phone. … Instead, he communicates through a press release that makes allegations against city employees who do a job it’s tough to get anybody to do — work late-night shifts to ensure that we have access to each other — and calls them some kind of inappropriate hotline using public dollars to serve the few.”

On the phone, Butkovitz says he isn’t confused. “We have identified a secret call center that handles exactly the routine kind of problems helped by 311. And all I can give you are those facts.”

But Butkovitz is unable to share the facts that lead him to connect the dots between “overtime” and “secret VIP call center.”

When pressed, he says, “We have reason to believe this; we’ve conducted interviews, we have information. We cannot disclose the identities of everyone from whom the information came, but we stand by our report.”

This overtime report hasn’t been released yet, and Butkovitz declines to give even general examples from it. When will the report come out? “Sometime in the future.” Weeks, or months? “We’ll put out a media advisory.” Why notify the press and the mayor of his findings before he could share anything from the report?

“Instead of sending a secret letter and having a backdoor meeting with [Nutter], I made the letter available to the media and to

City Controller Alan Butkovitz

the public. So now we’re having a public conversation about it, and I think that’s the way government is supposed to work.

“Now you’re saying that the quality of the information that we have — you’d like it to be more detailed. I’d like it to be more detailed,” he continues. “But I think it’s perfectly acceptable for me to reveal to the people of Philadelphia what we have discovered on this issue.”

Lacking details from Butkovitz, City Paper got hold of the alleged “VIP hotline” number and started poking around. Online, it’s listed mostly for reporting emergency situations after hours — the Philadelphia Department of Public Health lists it as the number for doctors to report cases of infectious disease after hours, and it’s on the city-published “Citywide Emergency Action Plan and Response Training,” “City Wide Bomb Threat Procedures” and “Summary of Chemical Warfare Agents.”

However, the number does turn up in a few suspicious places — state Rep. Dwight Evans’ website lists it for “broken traffic light.” “Numbers to know courtesy [Councilman] Curtis Jones Jr.,” found on the Manayunk Neighborhood Council’s website, lists it for reporting “foul odor (on weekend).” And the Packer Park Civic Group lists it for “abandoned auto report, evening hotline.”

CP’s call to the number around 1 a.m. on a weeknight was picked up immediately, before the end of the first ring. “Dispatch,” said a male voice. This reporter identified herself as such, and asked if this was the right number to report a broken traffic light or an abandoned car. The man said no — you could report those things on the 311 website, or, if it was an emergency, you could call 911. He declined to answer questions about his job, seeming anxious about tying up the line.

So, is it efficient to have people working overtime as a phone tree?

Might it make sense to staff Philly311 24 hours a day instead? Those are valid questions. But is there a central VIP hotline? Minus actual evidence from Butkovitz, we’d have to say no. (emilyg@citypaper.net)

The number turns up in a few suspicious places.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

7

POST-LAST-CALL DINING OPTIONS in Philadelphia aren’t exactly plentiful. You’ve got your wholesale pretzels on Washington Avenue and food trucks lined up along Girard with their grills still hot for the post-bar masses. The Whiz-wit cheesesteak spots in South Philly are a possibility, too, but the experience of ordering can verge on soul-crushing. And our handful of neon all-night diners have the kind of lighting that no one needs late at night.

To further explore the world of after-hours eats, we sent four intrepid writers out to see what they could find. Happily, they reported back with a wealth of good late-night edibles. Among them are Thanksgiving-inspired hot dogs, ice cream-topped breakfast plates and grilled meats with a side of karaoke.

K TOP 911 RACE ST. • 267-909-9306 • K-TOP911.COM

W

COURTESY OF K-TOP

PHOTOS BY MARIA POUCHNIKOVA

8 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

e were already pretty tanked when we arrived at KTop’s futuristic, Tron-like upstairs lobby a few minutes before 2 a.m. As we waited next to a smoking teenager for the rest of the group we’d recruited for after-hours karaoke and Korean food in Chinatown, the kind hostess let us know that if we wanted to drink anything else alcoholic in the next couple hours, we had to order it in the next minute. The kitchen stays open until 4, but the booze stops at 2. We planned for the future, getting a large ice bucket of Korean OB beers for $50 and one potent Long Island iced tea, and were steered to our room and given a primer on the very confusing karaoke machine.

You should call ahead to reserve one of the private karaoke rooms if you’re trying to go on a weekend. They’re an excellent deal — technically $40/hour, but you can count food and drink purchases toward it. Each room has its own restroom, screen, mics and a wall touchpad with a bunch of icons with Korean script underneath that our drunk asses were too nervous to touch, aside from an obvious “summon waitress.”

KTop, I’ve been told, has very good Asian-fusion food downstairs; in the karaoke rooms you can order off a smaller but still expansive snack-skewer menu. I wish I could tell you I based my order on something other than being very drunk, but I can’t. I can tell you that the “grilled baby steak” was generally agreed to be about as tender as a hypothetical human infant. Butter salt tendons were a little mushy, and tasted neither buttery nor salty. A non-novelty order of Xing Jiang lamb skewers was excellent — hot, cumin-y and tender .

And the bar-until-2, kitchen-until-4 situation worked out surprisingly well. Because though we arrived at KTop wasted and left after a sloppy, ecstatic 3:59 a.m. rendition of “Livin’ on a Prayer” — and then only because our screen stopped working — nobody was hung over the next day. —Emily Guendelsberger

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

HOURS: Sun., 11 a.m.-3 a.m.; Mon.-Thu., 4 p.m.-3 a.m.; Fri., 4 p.m.-4 a.m.; Sat., 11 a.m.-4 a.m.

RECOMMENDED DISHES: Lamb skewer, grilled baby steak, butter salt tendons, fried small hot dog.

DAVID’S MAI LAI WAH

V

HOURS: Sun.-Thu., 11:30 a.m.-3 a.m.; Fri.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-4 a.m.

RECOMMENDED DISHES: Salt and pepper wings, fried dumplings.

PHOTO BY LUCAS CORAL

enture into Chinatown stalwart David’s Mai Lai Wah before 2 a.m. and the scene is pretty tame. Plates of pan-fried noodles, pot of hot tea and tropical drinks are ferried to peach-clothcovered tables in the untouched-since-the-early-’80s dining room. Service is efficient, if not overly friendly, and the clientele, polite, if not overly gracious.

But the moment the clock strikes two, David’s is another scene entirely.

There’s a bottleneck traffic jam at the entrance and all semblance of decorum dissolves. If you don’t speak up or elbow up, there’s a good chance that the more aggressive two-top behind you will commandeer your table.

Once seated, you’ll be faced with a massive menu that you’re probably in no shape to make your way through. No matter. Salt and pepper wings and fried dumplings are reason enough to fight your way to an after-hours table at David’s. The craggy dumplings are hand-formed in-house, pan-fried and served with a ginger-scallion dipping sauce that should go straight to the Chinese Restaurant Condiment Hall of Fame. Fried to a crisp and seasoned generously with salt, pepper and paper-thin rounds of spicy, raw long hots, the wings are absolutely killer. There’s no telling where the other patrons at David’s are coming from at this time of night so it’s probably better to reserve the majority of eye contact for your table mates and those appetizers. —Caroline Russock

PHOTO BY LUCAS CORAL

PHOTO BY LUCAS CORAL

1001 RACE ST. • 215-627-2610

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | 9

UNDERDOGS

132 S. 17TH ST. • 215-665-8080 • UNDERDOGSPHILLY.COM

A

ll chefs must feel some pangs of existential despair at the daily rigors of creating works of culinary architecture only to see them demolished by brutish teeth and blunt-force tongues.

As the after-after-party crowd trips down the stairs into Underdogs, the Sisyphean absurdity of this exercise is in full display.

In the kitchen, hot dogs and sausages are split and seared, arranged in buns, adorned with an inventive array of transformative toppings and given alluring monikers. The My Thai dog is decorated with a creamy peanut sauce and green papaya slaw. A smoky kielbasa is outfitted with sautéed onions and spicy golden mustard, and cheekily dubbed the Warsaw Packed.

Meanwhile, the brightly lit dining area looks like a triage for shipwreck victims: Bodies are slumped over tables and splayed across chairs, fashionable hairstyles have become spiky sea anemones, words are spoken loudly and without purpose.

Inspired by LCD Soundsystem coming through the house speakers, one man asserts that he has “high-fived James Murphy a thousand times at this point.” Nearby, a woman uses a lap for a pillow and a hoodie for a sleep mask. Both people brighten when their orders arrive. These are consumed quickly and quietly.

We, the eaters, show no signs that these complicated delicacies — complicated for hot dogs, anyway — might be worthy of a moment’s contemplation before casting them into the gullet gallows of gastric acids and Midori sours. And that’s our right, surely.

A woman in white who could barely keep her eyes open as she ate now uses friends as crutches to get through the door and up the outside stairs. Halfway to the sidewalk, everybody pauses. She looks down.

One friend rubs her back. Another gathers her hair into a ponytail. The after-after-after-party has begun.—Patrick Rapa

10 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

HOURS: Sun.-Thu., 11 a.m.-midnight; Fri.-Sat., 11 a.m.-4 a.m.

RECOMMENDED DISHES: The Tryp — a Thanksgiving-themed dish: turkey sausage, cranberry sauce and stuffing.

INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING

FOR TWO TICKETS TO SEE “GONE GIRL”, LOG ONTO TO: WWW.CITYPAPER.NET/WIN No purchase necessary. Admit two passes will be available while supplies last. Note that passes received through this promotion do not guarantee you a seat at the theatre. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. Recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider and their affi liates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a prize. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, winner is unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. Void where prohibited by law. Participating sponsors, their employees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. No phone calls, please. GONE GIRL is rated R.

OPENS NATIONWIDE OCTOBER 3 www.gonegirlmovie.com

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

11

EMPIRE DINER 106 E. BALTIMORE AVE. • 610-622-1662 • EMPIREDINER.NET

B

“

PHOTO BY MARC SNITZER

12 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

HOURS: Daily, 24/7 RECOMMENDED DISHES: Beef kabob, coconut pancakes, jalapeño poppers, Monte Cristo.

PHOTO BY MARC SNITZER

reakfast,” our waitress says, leaning across our table and pouring refills of our coffees. “A lot of folks order breakfast at this hour.”

I scan the Empire Diner’s main dining room. She’s right.

At 2:26 a.m., there couldn’t be more than 12 people in the entire place and most of them are eating some sort of breakfast. Steak and eggs, eggs and hash browns, omelets, egg whites, eggs. A nearby table just ordered three different kabobs (“They’ve been a hit tonight,” she says), but otherwise, eggs and morning carbs appear to be part of this late-night diner experience.

After scanning the menu, we order two different pancake meals, a Buffalo chicken pita pizza and jalapeño poppers. Why? Because all of this seems like a healthy and great idea at 2 in the morning.

As we waited for our plates, we find the Empire Diner to be less an after-hours meeting place for hungry, drunk people than an eerily quiet oasis. With its part art-deco/part ray-gun-Gothic-metallic glimmer and desperate television screens playing episodes of Three’s Company, it’s the kind of zone where, in the dead of night, you eat whatever you want and no one in your life has to know.

I advise against this. This is a diner and the portions are generous. Both our coconut pancakes and pancake sundae (a cartoonishly whimsical three-stack topped with vanilla ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream) were heaping in size and flavor. Pizza on pita bread proved to be as suspect an idea as it sounds. And jalapeño poppers are jalapeño poppers across the earth. Just understand diner metrics and servings. A slice of pie might work just as well next time. —Marc Snitzer

a&e

artsmusicmoviesmayhem

theartschart Your culture crash course

[ photography ] ³ ANTIDOTE TO A HATE-CRIME: A CELEBRATION OF LOVE

A gay couple was beaten viciously on Sept. 11 allegedly by a group of people shouting homophobic slurs.

In Pennsylvania, these people cannot be charged with committing a hate crime. But not everything is terrible. Photographer Barbara Proud invites viewers to a “celebration of love,” featuring First Comes Love: Portraits of Enduring LGBTQ Relationships, a book and a traveling exhibition of photos and relationship stories of 65 LGBTQ couples, 20 from the Philly area. Let it soothe you.

Free, through Tue., Sept. 30, Hamilton and Arronson Galleries, University of the Arts, 320 S. Broad St., 215-717-6001, firstcomeslove.org. [ film ] ³ FOUND FOOTAGE FESTIVAL

A VHS tape called “How to Have Cybersex on the Internet?” Who would (unironically) buy that? Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher bought it. They began collecting videotapes in the early ’90s from thrift stores, garage sales and dumpsters. They tour the U.S. hosting viewings of “strange, outrageous and profoundly stupid videos.” We imagine in their collection are dozens of awful sex-ed videos, miles of employee-training footage and at least one video guide to using Internet Explorer. How cruel time can be.

Thu., Oct. 2, 7:30 and 10 p.m., $12, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., foundfootagefest.com. [ visual art ] ³ NICK D’ANGELO, PAINTINGS ACHROMIC VII: “GOODBYE … FOR NOW”

Along with samples of his stark, saturated, colorselective paintings of both striking figures and cheeky still lifes, Nick D’Angelo recently sent out a so-long. “I’m saying goodbye to painting,” he writes. “There is no security in any creative pursuit.” Ouch. Real talk. D’Angelo does add “for now,” so unlike the aging rock band on its 10th reunion tour.

Oct. 1-Nov. 2, Rodger LaPelle Galleries, 122 N.Third St., 215-592-0232, rodgerlapellegalleries.com.

—Mikala Jamison Got an arts tip? Email mikala@citypaper.net.

14 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

IN THE DUST OF THIS PLANET: Cee Knowledge (center) and the Cosmic Funk Orchestra just released their first studio album.

[ hip-hop ]

CEE PLUS PLUS A Digable Planet goes Cosmic in pursuit of life, love and loot. By A.D. Amorosi

H

ard to believe it’s been 20 years since Elkins Park MC and multi-instrumentalist Craig Irving went by the name “Doodlebug” and recorded Blowout Comb — the last effort with his spacey, jazzy, live hip-hop trio Digable Planets.

Time has a way of slipping by. Irving’s had his own act, Cee Knowledge and the Cosmic Funk Orchestra (CFO), for more than 10 years, and the ensemble just released its first real studio album.

“Digable days were so long ago and I’ve grown so much as an artist and as a person since, I’m not sure if anything from then is a part of me now, except for the memories,” he says. Though he makes several Digable references and notes how much of a shame it is that his old trio couldn’t have “weathered its storms,” Irving stresses that his greatest wish is not to be boxed in by his past.

“Some fans have a hard time distinguishing you from the sound that established you in the business and the artist that you naturally evolve into,” he says. Cee Knowledge’s hard funk-hop and agitated lyricism (lots of money, sex and protest) couldn’t be more different than Doodlebug and co.’s smooth wifty music and conscious rap.

Live instrumentation is the one carryover from Irving’s Digable past. He “dibble-dabbled” with it when recording a live album

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

with the original CFO lineup. Return of the Cosmic Funk was selfpressed and sold at shows. After CFO version one broke up, Irving produced his music at Sigma Sound Studios using samplers and drum machines until he met drummer Gary Dann, guitarist Adam Charlton and bassist Mitch Beer. CFO 2.0 was born. “I had a show, needed a band, got with those cats and we haven’t stopped working together since.” That core foursome, with horns, percussion and vocalist Eddy Kane (on “Life Is Whatchu Make It”), makes up the root of the new, rude, raw Life, Love & Loot.

Between talking up his album’s best (“Bandits,” “Focused”), and espousing proudly the virtues of Dann’s Fishtown recording studio (“Boom Room’s like a relative of mine who I had the privilege to watch grow from a tiny idea to a thriving business”), Irving talks about momentum.

“I don’t know why I still keep going, except that I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life but making and promoting music,” he laughs. “You know, I tried to stop a few times, but music keeps haunting my soul and drawing me back into its web. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love music but I hate the fakeass industry. It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to break free from.” (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

“I tried to stop a few times, but music keeps haunting my soul.”

Cee Knowledge and the Cosmic Funk Orchestra plays Sat., Oct. 4, 8 p.m., free, Boom Room, 1300 N. Front St., boomroomstudios.com.

[ we were late among the living ] ³ steve gunn & mike cooper | B

³ music go music | A

Part of the fun of RVNG Intl’s FRKWYS series, which pairs artists with their senior influences, is imagining what a trip each installment must’ve been to make. Just picture guitar-slinger (and Kurt Vile associate) Gunn and experimental cult hero Cooper linking up in Lisbon to cut FRKWYS Vol. 11: Cantos de Lisboa, a breezily discursive six-string summit that settles in with some languid folk-blues but is unafraid to venture down weirder, noisier ambient alleyways. —K. Ross Hoffman

There are several moments on Impressions (Thousand Tongues), this L.A. outfit’s magnificent second LP, when they go out of their way to sound like ABBA. Take the glorious “Shine Down Forever,” which handily elevates the godless desperation of “Gimme Gimme Gimme …” to pious romantic rapture (“You are the sun to me/ Shine on me always with gentle beams of empathy”) — before they tease the riff. Most of the time it happens naturally. But don’t think of them as copyists — it’s just that more bands should make melodic almost-funk disco-pop with harpsichords. —K. Ross Hoffman

³ soft pink truth | ADrew Daniel — half of merrie electronic meta-pranksters Matmos — is no stranger to conceptual goofiness, but Why Do the Heathen Rage? (Thrill Jockey), released in June, is his most gleefully demented project yet. It drags Venom, Mayhem and Darkthrone through a frothy miasma of break-beat rave, acid techno, industrial glitch-core and diva house. —K. Ross Hoffman

flickpick

³ empire! empire! (i was a lonely estate) | C+ On You Will Eventually Be Forgotten (Topshelf), you get the sense that Keith and Cathy Latinen, Empire!’s core songwriting duo, have a lightbulb drifting above their heads, but it’s flickering. The record’s repetitive, low-tempo narrative-building, consisting of little more than drifting guitar twinkles and Keith’s painfully high-pitched vocals, insists on turning boring ol’ reality into a matter of life or death. That’s a fine thesis and sometimes the band pulls it off, but it’s boring when each track is nearly indistinguishable from the last. —Marc Snitzer

[ movie review ]

THE BOXTROLLS [ B- ] THE WAXY BLUE TINKERERS at the heart of the latest movie from Laika are

adept at turning cast-off bits of metal into ingenious contraptions, but the spare parts that make up The Boxtrolls don’t mesh nearly as smoothly. The elements are (mostly) in place — the stop-motion animation is deft and embellished with manic detail; the voice performances, from Ben Kingsley, Jared Harris, Elle Fanning and Isaac Hempstead-Wright, are solid; the story, from Alan Snow’s novel Here Be Monsters!, hits the requisite beats — but the movie springs only fitfully to life: It’s like a clockwork toy that no one bothered to wind. As Archibald Snatcher, an aspirant exterminator who cooks up a fictitious threat from the underground-dwelling Boxtrolls to ease his transition into the aristocracy, Kingsley has the bearing of a Dickensian scrounger and the rhetorical skill of Dick Cheney. The Brie-chomping toffs of Cheesebridge make the perfect marks for his con, but wee redhead Winnie Portley-Rind (Fanning) smells something amiss, especially when the purportedly abducted child that Snatcher uses to stoke the town’s fears turns up unharmed in the Boxtrolls’ midst. There’s plenty here for a worthwhile story, but directors Graham Annable and Anthony Stacchi don’t invest the material with the fond dottiness of Nick Park’s Wallace and Gromit stories or the gleeful grotesquerie of Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro’s Delicatessen — obvious reference points that The Boxtrolls emulates but fails to match. Frame by frame, it’s a pleasure to look at at, but run them all together and it’s still inert. —Sam Adams

A clockwork toy no one bothered to wind.

I’M LIVING IN A BOX: Laika’s latest stop-motion movie looks nice but doesn’t add up to much.

curtaincall

By David Fox

THEATER, WET AND FROTHY MARK GARVIN

[ album reviews ]

³ GENERALLY, I LIKE MY COMEDIES as I like my martinis — very dry. La Bête is … well, not dry.

In fact, it’s about as broad as broad gets. But, hey, that can be fun, too — especially in the hands of the superb comic actors in Arden’s company, deftly deployed by director Emmanuelle Delpech.

In David Hirson’s play, an homage to Molière, two rival actor-writers, Elomire and Valere, are pitted against each other. Not that it matters — this thread of a plot often disappears almost entirely.

You won’t mind, though — certainly not when Scott Greer takes to the stage (he’s Valere, the boorish one), in a virtuoso monologue that summons every shtick in his comedy playbook.

At moments like this, La Bête seems to be a vehicle for Greer, but to Delpech’s credit, the rest of the company — especially Ian Merrill Peakes and James Ijames — give equally richly textured, if quieter, performances. Peakes, in particular, delivers the verse (yes, the play follows that Molière convention) with exceptional panache.

In other featured roles, Amanda Schoonover and Dito van Reigersberg also get to strut their stuff. Hats off, as well, to the La Bête design team, who evoke 17th-century France so sumptuously.

Two caveats — the show goes on too long; and although Delpech and the delectable Schoonover fashion a gorgeously Chaplin-esque final image, the end of La Bête attempts to summon a gravitas that Hirson’s frothy script hasn’t earned.

Still, for fans of comic acting, La Bête is a mustsee.With this playing downstairs at the Arden — and 1812’s marvelous Intimate Exchanges upstairs — plan to make a weekend of it. (d_fox@citypaper.net) La Bête, $39-$50, through Oct. 12, Arden Theatre Com-

pany, 40 N. Second St., 215-922-1122, ardentheatre.org.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

15

7 Things You Must Know Before Putting Your Home Up for Sale Philadelphia - A new report has just been released which reveals 7 costly mistakes that most homeowners make when selling their home, and a 9 Step System that can help you sell your home fast and for the most amount of money.

This industry report shows clearly how the traditional ways of selling homes have become increasingly less and less effective in today's market. The fact of the matter is that fully three quarters of homesellers don't get what they want for their homes and become disillusioned and - worse - ďŹ nancially disadvantaged when they put their homes on the market.

As this report uncovers, most homesellers make 7 deadly mistakes that cost them literally thousands of

dollars. The good news is that each and every one of these mistakes is entirely preventable. In answer to this issue, industry insiders have prepared a free special report entitled "The 9 Step System to Get Your Home Sold Fast and For Top Dollar".

To order a FREE Special Report, visit http://www.phillysbesthomes.com/ seller_mistakes.asp or to hear a brief recorded message about how to order your FREE copy of this report call toll-free 1-800-560-2075 and enter 4000. You can call any time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Get your free special report NOW to ďŹ nd out how you can get the most money for your home.

This report is courtesy of Larry Levin, Coldwell Banker Preferred. Not intended to solicit buyers or sellers currently under contract. Copyright Š 2014

FINALLY! Breakthrough Treatments & REAL HOPE for HAPPINESS

DEPRESSION Monthly Seminars Advancements in Treating Depression Dr. Melinda Fudge, MD, Integral Psychiatry & Wellness Invites you to be her Guest for the 1st Monday Monthly Seminars:

Monday evenings: Oct. 6th, Nov. 3rd & Dec. 1st 6:30-8pm at the Daily Grind Café at the Pavilion 261 Old York Road, 2nd Floor, Jenkintown, PA Space is Limited- Please RSVP! Call or email to reserve seats:

(215) 887-9612 Or MelindaFudgemd@me.com Dr. Fudge will talk about the exciting advancements in Alternative Depression Therapies focusing on DNA Testing, Nutrition, Mindfulness Stress Reduction & Deep Brain Stimulation, including demo of

dTMS – Deep Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation - A Non-Invasive, Safe, Non-Drug Therapy offered in her Jenkintown Pavilion office - No Medication Side Effects - 20,000+ Patients Treated with TMS since FDA approved in 2008 Learn more about Deep TMS at www.melindafudgemdpsychiatrist.com

We welcome your calls or emails anytime for more information and/or to schedule a private session to learn about TMS.

The Theatre School at

Enroll Today!

Acting Classes for ADULTS, KIDS and TEENS

Fall semester begins Sept. 22!

Call Now to Register 215-574-3550 ext. 510 Register Online: www.WalnutStreetTheatre.org

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

17

movie

shorts

“ELECTRIFYING! ANDRÉ BENJAMIN’S MAGNETIC PERFORMANCE IS A STAR-SPANGLED TRIUMPH!”

FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

-Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

#allisbymyside

BEGINS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

@jimimovie

CENTER CITY RITZ FIVE 214 Walnut St 215/440-1184

/jimiallisbymyside

PENNSYLVANIA

NEW JERSEY UNITED ARTISTS CARMIKE RITZ CENTER 16 KING OF PRUSSIA STADIUM 16 & IMAX 900 Haddonfield Berlin Rd 300 Goddard Blvd 800/FANDANGO #644 856/770-9065

The Skeleton Twins

NEW THE SKELETON TWINS | C Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig spent seven seasons together on Saturday Night Live, so it’s not surprising that they can so deftly pull off a sense of sibling camaraderie. As twins Milo and Maggie, they alternately delight and enrage each other in the way only family can — with a life’s history of inside jokes and old wounds. Both are introduced in the midst of failed suicide attempts, which sets the mood for Craig Johnson’s morose dramedy, reuniting the estranged twins to rehash a laundry list of midlife dysfunctions that includes parental neglect, adultery and statutory rape.

Johnson and the cast, including an uncharacteristically bubbly Luke Wilson as Maggie’s clueless nice-guy husband, leaven the downer material with humor, but like the stars’ old show, it too often takes aim at the right targets with weak ammunition. Johnson has no real insight into any of these issues, so he just shrugs them off with one argument and reconciliation after another, one of which ends in a lip-sync performance of Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” that’s virtually begging to go viral. The sarcastic quips are not only a defense mechanism for the characters, but also for the film itself, which determinedly keeps all of these neuroses at an indie-cool arm’s length and makes peripheral characters disappear as soon as their storylines get interesting. —Shaun Brady (Ritz East) A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES | B There’s nothing particularly innovative about A Walk Among the Tombstones,Liam Neeson’s latest dad-vengeance vehicle, 18 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

which trailers are packaging as an off-brand Taken 3. But beyond that misleading layer of marketing, there’s a stylish, satisfying, American private-dick tale, one that sounds like a paperback and sprints like one, too. Matthew Scudder, novelist Lawrence Block’s most successful investigator, has been committed to film before, but Scott Frank, familiar with this world, thanks to 2007’s tonally congruent The Lookout, allows Neeson to hammer out his own interpretation. Throwing on a series of unremarkable coats with upturned collars and snub-nosed revolvers up the sleeves, his Scudder is nothing we haven’t seen before — a forever-haunted ex-cop who’s also an alcoholic, you say? — but lucky for us, the scumbags and street saints he associates with pay out more than they’re expected to.

Hired by a boyish drug trafficker (Dan Stevens, nicely shaking off Downton Abbey) to locate the men who kidnapped his wife, Scudder shows off his meat-and-potatoes investigatory style in straight-ahead sequences, played up by a drab, dirty NYCin-1999 setting. The uncertainty associated with the Y2K bug, silly to look back on now but scary at the time, is underplayed as a motif, but Frank deals dread in other ways — murder as a joy and as a function, addiction and its insistence on sticking around. All this, of course, is punctuated by old-fashioned action that isn’t afraid to go grotesque. As Scudder’s kid protégé TJ, Brian “Astro” Bradley delivers the standout performance, a precocious, mouthy homeless teen who’s quick to name-drop Sam Spade. —Drew Lazor (Wide release)

CONTINUING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: THEM | BNed Benson’s ambitious debut was envisioned and created

as two separate movies, subtitled Him and Her, that trace the dissolution of a marriage from the distinct perspective of each spouse. This Weinsteinmandated variant, subtitled Them, stitches pieces from both together into a single story that constantly reveals its Frankenstein scars. We first meet Jessica Chastain’s Eleanor and James McAvoy’s Conor during a dine-and-dash date, obviously carefree and in love. But immediately after the title appears, Eleanor is throwing herself off of a bridge and Conor is nowhere to be seen.

The tragedy that drove them apart is only gradually and obliquely revealed.

Unfortunately, Them forces a false reconciliation by artificially uniting the pair’s disparate perspectives, hopefully pointing audiences toward two seemingly more interesting films (Him/Her, set to screen as a double-feature later this fall) rather than driving them away altogether. —SB (Ritz at the Bourse)

ROTUNDA 4014 Walnut St., 215-573-3234, therotunda.org. Dr. Horrible’s SingAlong Blog (2008, U.S., 42 min.): The Hammer is my penis. Sun., Sept. 28, 2 p.m., $10-$15.

PRINCE MUSIC THEATER 1412 Chestnut St., 215-569-9700, princemusictheater.org. Dune (1984, U.S., 137 min.): Paul Atreides is soooooooo special in this, the latest entry in the ongoing David Lynch retrospective film festival.

Wed., Oct. 1, 7 p.m., $7.

TALLER PUERTORRIQUEÑO 2557 N. Fifth St., 215-423-6320, tallerpr.org. El Antillano (2014, Puerto Rico,

[ movie shorts ]

82 min.): Local premiere of a doc on Puerto Rican historian, poet and revolutionary Ramón Emeterio Betances, on the anniversary of Puerto Rico’s Grito de Lares revolt against Spanish rule. ¡Nadie puede dar lo que no tiene!

Sat., Sept. 27, 7:30 p.m., $10.

MORE

citypaper.net/movies

REPERTORY FILM INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. The Black Stallion (1979, U.S., 118 min.): Horsies! And death. And horsies! Sat., Sept. 27, 2 p.m., $5. Le Révélateur (1968, France, 67 min.): Experimental black-and-white silent with a new live score by Philly’s Mary Lattimore and Jeff Zeigler (see events p. 20). Sat., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., $9.

Purple Rain (1984, U.S., 111 min.): Prince’s film debut is excellent at any time, but particularly as a 30th anniversary screening opening Reelblack’s 12th season. Tue., Sept. 30, 7 p.m., $10.

INVITES YOU TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING OF

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1ST, 9:30PM LOG ON TO WWW.CITYPAPER.NET/WIN THIS FILM IS RATED R intense sequences of disturbing violence and terror.

Please note: Passes are limited and will be distributed on a first come, first served basis while supplies last. No phone calls, please. Limit one pass per person. Each pass admits two. Seating is not guaranteed.

Arrive early. Theater is not responsible for overbooking. This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any audio or video recording device into the theater (audio recording devices for credentialed press excepted) and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person. Any attempted use of recording devices will result in immediate removal from the theater, forfeiture, and may subject you to criminal and civil liability. Please allow additional time for heightened security. You can assist us by leaving all nonessential bags at home or in your vehicle.

IN THEATERS OCTOBER 3RD annabellemovie.com

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

19

events LISTINGS@CITYPAPER.NET | SEPTEMBER 25 - OCTOBER 1

[ don’t send your sphinx to town ]

WORKING ON MY TAN: Lydia Loveless plays MilkBoy Philly tonight.

PATRICK CRAWFORD/ BLACKLETTER

Events is our selective guide to what’s going on in the city this week. For comprehensive event listings, visit citypaper.net/events. IF YOU WANT TO BE LISTED: Submit information by email (listings@ citypaper.net) or enter it yourself at citypaper.net/submit-event with the following details: date, time, address of venue, telephone number and admission price. Incomplete submissions will not be considered, and listings information will not be accepted over the phone.

9.25

thursday [ theater ]

KING LEAR $20-$65 | Through Sept. 27, Annenberg Center, 3680 Walnut St., 215898-3900, annenbergcenter.org.

We haven’t seen a professional production of Shakespeare’s King Lear in Philadelphia for several years, so it’s great that London’s Globe Theatre Company — which runs the 20 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

working replica of the Bard’s 16th-century theater — is visiting. While director Bill Buckhurst honors what we know of Elizabethan staging techniques, including breaking the boundaries between actors and audience, his taut version uses only eight performers, many doubling roles, but not Joseph Marcell as Lear. Don’t let Marcell’s most recognizable credit — as The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’s butler, Geoffrey — reduce expectations; he’s a genuine Brit and a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company. —Mark Cofta

[ rock/pop ]

LYDIA LOVELESS $10-$12 | Thu., Sept. 25, 8 p.m., with TJ Kong and Josh Olmstead Band, MilkBoy, 1100 Chestnut St., 215-925-MILK, milkboyphilly.com.

At 24, Lydia Loveless’ songwriting is impressively mature — though if her lyrics are

any indication, her personal life hasn’t exactly kept pace.

Whether coke-dialing a newlywed ex (“Really Wanna See You”), romanticizing mutually destructive French poets (“Verlaine Shot Rimbaud”) or trying to lose herself in cabernet and oral sex (“Head”), on Somewhere Else (Bloodshot), Loveless catalogues a litany of bad decisions and poor impulse control, with the defiant sneer on the edge of her honeyed drawl letting you know she wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s the perfect soundtrack for the evening’s first drink too many, even better for reveling in the next day’s walk of shame.

—Shaun Brady

[ books/poetry ]

PHILALALIA

FREE | Thu.-Sun., Sept. 25-27, Temple Contemporary Gallery, Tyler School of Art, 2001 N. 13th St., philalalia.com.

This difficult-to-pronounce,

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

first annual, three-day-long small press poetry and art fair is not to be slept on. Philadelphia Poet Laureate Frank Sherlock, Philadelphia Youth Poet Laureate Soledad AlfaroAllah and renowned Philadelphia poet and critic Rachel Blau DuPlessis will all read at the opening reception. Each day there will be a book fair with more than 30 publishers — from Philly and elsewhere — representing an array of artistic niches. On Friday, attendees will be able to print, bind and publish their own books for free with help from Philadelphia’s aptly named Publication Studio. Likely highlights? A reading by contributors to the erotically charged literary magazine Bedfellows and a closing reading by the Calamity Janechanneling Thomas Devaney.

There are also evening off-site events at Tattooed Mom, the Rose Room at Snockey’s

Oyster and Crab House and the Philadelphia Art Alliance.

—Sam Fox

[ theater ]

his trademark wit and style, but he is actually making some bold statements about the role of women in the home and in society.” —Mark Cofta

FALLEN ANGELS $21-$25 | Through Oct. 5, Villanova Theatre, 800 Lancaster Ave., Villanova, Pa., 610-519-7474, theatre.villanova.edu.

Villanova Theatre starts its four-show season in style with Noel Coward’s sophisticated comedy, Fallen Angels. Set in 1928 London, the underappreciated play by the author of Blithe Spirit, Hay Fever and Private Lives features Jill Jacobs and Rebecca Jane Cureton as married socialites whose friendship is shaken by an impending visit from a handsome Frenchman (Stephen Tornetta) who has history with both. Director David Cregan calls Fallen Angels “deceptively frivolous. Coward wins the audience over with

9.26 friday

[ rock/pop ]

THE LAWSUITS $10 | Fri., Sept. 26, 9:15 p.m., with Drgn King and Tutlie, Johnny Brenda’s, 1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684, johnnybrendas.com.

The Lawsuits are on a roll.

Following up last year’s stellar debut, Cool Cool Cool, the Philly band has returned with Tumbled, an EP that concretizes their busy, soulful indie rock sound. Like the New Pornographers, they know how to satisfy both the thinky and dancy parts of the brain. That said, Tumbled’s strongest track

1VSQY ca ]cb ]\ BeWbbS` .c\R`U`]c\RO`ba :WYS ca ]\ 4OQSP]]Y C\RS`U`]c\R /`ba 0]\¿`S ^`SaS\ba(

A]\R`S :S`QVS eWbV BSS\ BVc`aROg ' # &^[ 0]\¿`S 2SObVeOZbh ^`SaS\b(

AbO`b ;OYW\U AS\aS(

BOZYW\U 6SORa B`WPcbS eWbV 6;4=( / B`WPcbS b] 6OZZ =ObSa 4`WROg ' $ '^[ @SR 0cZZ A]c\R ASZSQb ^`SaS\ba(

@82

eWbV A B A AcUO` B]\UcS AZW[ ^Zca ;O`WO\ 6WZZ 1c`ObSR Pg 8c[^ >VWZZg AObc`ROg ' % &^[ 0]\¿`S ^`SaS\ba(

506

eWbV @SOUO\ G]cbV O\R 2]^Sab`]YS Ac\ROg ' & &^[ 0]\¿`S ^`SaS\ba(

BS\\Wa

eWbV >c`S 0ObVW\U 1cZbc`S BcSaROg ' ! &^[ /ZZ /USa 0]\¿`S ^`SaS\ba(

DW\bOUS B`]cPZS( BVS AeW\U 6]caS ASaaW]\a B]c` eWbV B][ µ>O^O¶ @Og BVS A]cZ ASZSQb]` ESR\SaROg &^[ 0]\¿`S F>< ESZQ][S(

1][[c\W]\ >VWZORSZ^VWO

eWbV ^S`T]`[O\QSa T`][( ?cWSb :WTS 4WSZR @S^]`b 0W`RWS 0caQV O\R BVS 5`SObSab <WUVb ESSYS\RS` ;O`WO\ 6WZZ BVc`aROg &^[

CAITLIN MACCANN

9.27

saturday [ rock/pop/film ]

LE RÉVÉLATEUR $9 | Sat., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., International House, 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org.

twisted, lyrics-wise. “Most of the time with love songs, it’s the singer that we sympathize with,” says Strause. “What’s cool about ‘Darla Nye,’ from a lyrical/structural standpoint: It could be that the lead singer character is professing his deep, almost unnatural love

[ events ]

and admiration for Darla Nye, but also preparing her with fear by saying, ‘Never love someone the way I love you.’ As if to say his love for her is a bad thing.” —Patrick Rapa

On their recent duo release Slant of Light, harpist Mary Lattimore and synth player/guitarist Jeff Zeigler conjure evocative, ethereal soundscapes that on their own suggest vivid but elusive imagery. Their collaboration should thus be a perfect fit for French director Philippe Garrel’s stunning, mysterious 1968 silent film Le Révélateur.

The film was produced the year before Garrel embarked

askpapa

By Ernest Hemingway

E VA N M . L O P E Z

might be “(Darla Nye) Never Love Someone,” a heart-onsleeve love song, with earnest vocals, rainy-day acoustic guitars and some unexpectedly spacey effects during the bridge. “Darla Nye is a fictional character,” singer-guitarist Brian Dale Allen Strouse assures me. “I just checked to see if Bill Nye has a daughter named Darla. He does not.” That’s a relief, because this song’s a bit

³ ACCIDENTAL RIGHT-SWIPE Dear Papa: I have a co-worker whom I consistently trash talk behind his back with other co-workers (including at meetings attended by our superiors that he skips). It’s a bonding experience for us but would probably make him feel bad if he heard how vicious we are.

Should we stop or stick together? —Cackling Co-worker in Conshohocken Dear Cackler: What does this man do that he deserves the tittering of a tree full of starlings? Is he too focused on the task at hand to bother with the nonsense of a staff meeting? Is he too happy drinking a scotch alone to have a beer at a TGI Fridays with Darleen from accounting? I would not worry about making that man feel bad with your chatter. At the end of the day, when he returns to his own house, sits down in his chair, lights a cigar and puts his feet up, none of your noise will enter his mind, while you and your co-workers will have heads full of the echo of your own laughter keeping you up at night. —Papa Dear Papa: I’m pretty sure my friend blocked me from Instagram, even though we’re still Facebook friends and he totally Snapchatted me yesterday. Then again, it was a group Snapchat so maybe he didn’t even mean to send it to me. Should I ask him if he blocked me? Do you think he’s mad at me? —Snot Fitzgerald Dear Snot: I’m working on streamlining my brand, and I’ve decided to use Instagram mostly for communicating with my really close friends. You understand. If you really want to know what I’m up to, you should probably just follow my fan page. I post important stuff there all the time. —Papa (P.S. Sorry about that weird accidental right-swipe on Tinder — was on the train and someone bumped into me.) (askpapa@citypaper.net) Hemingway communicates with writer Alli Katz via Ouija board. Send her your questions for him.

on a decade-long relationship with Nico, whose work with the Velvet Underground has inspired generations of noiserock creators, many of whom count Lattimore and Zeigler as collaborators — a list that includes Thurston Moore, Kurt Vile, Arcade Fire and the War on Drugs. —Shaun Brady

[ jazz ]

REBELLUM $25-$30 | Sat., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., Painted Bride Art Center, 230 Vine St., 215-925-9914, paintedbride.org.

Guitarist/scribe Greg Tate, bassist Jared Michael Nickerson and a “splinter cell” of musicians broken off from the big, skronky Burnt Sugar Arkestra take time out from being the kings of NYC’s avant-garde downtown to execute a rude, 22 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

blunt, soulful side-album The Darknuss. Nickerson writes that, like their new album, Rebellum’s live show will be filled with “snarky protest songs, wry race music and romantic warrior anthems” to go with its “warped soul harmonies, freedom-swing horn play, maggot-brained guitar implosions and arkestral loopadelics in the dark.” —A.D. Amorosi

10.1

wednesday [ rock/pop ]

LYKKE LI $32 | Wed., Oct. 1, 8:30 p.m., with Mapei, Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden St., 215-232-2100, utphilly.com.

Canny and real (values that

welcome. She’s still not a great singer per se, but has the distinct quality of sounding just right, just ragged enough to be believable, just multitracked and produced enough to let you know she’s about her business.

—Dotun Akintoye

[ rock/pop ]

MECCA NORMAL $8-$10 | Wed., Oct. 1, 7:30 p.m., with Oceans Roar 1000 Drums and Geb the Great Cackler, Random Tea Room & Curiosity Shop, 713 N. Fourth St., 267-639-2442, therandomtearoom.com.

Mecca Normal is a don’t-fixwhat-ain’t-broken band. For one thing, mecca_normal.tripod.com is still being updated.

[ events ]

More to the point: Jean Smith and David Lester have been hammering out their clangy punk poems since 1984, and pretty much everything on the new Empathy for the Evil (M’lady’s) woulda fit on a K Recs 7-inch during the Reagan administration. While Lester sets the mood with thick, carefully plucked guitar strings (and little else), Smith’s chiming voice, flat as a frozen lake, stretches single notes

EVE! 1-2 YEARS OLD

I’m a pit bull mix looking for a home. I’m housebroken, I know lots of tricks and I get along with other dogs and kids, too!

All PAWS animals are spayed/ neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped before adoption. For more information, call 215-238-9901 ext. 30 or email adoptions@phillypaws.org

JUDITH-BAUMANN

JOSH OLINS

are not in diametric opposition, you earnest noobs) as she is, Lykke Li crafted I Never Learn (Atlantic), an album of relatively spare melodic torch songs that is just short enough at roughly 32 minutes to put across the hurt of a thawing heart without overstaying its

across measure after barren measure. Their sound is now and ever shall be weird, unhip, oddly alluring and precise.

—Patrick Rapa

MORE

citypaper.net/events

Celebr ating Ameri can Craft Beer and Classi c Arcad e Games

3RD ANNIVERSARY PARTY!!!-10/16 Try our new food menu!

OPEN MON-THURS at 4PM | FRI-SUN at NOON 1114 FRANKFORD AVE |BARCADE PHILADELPHIA.COM

BROOKLYN | JERSEY CITY | PHILLY | NEW YORK | ST. MARK’S

BARCADE .COM

COMING SOON!

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

23

f&d

foodanddrink

what’scooking CHEU NOODLE BAR

By Caroline Russock

³THE WEEK IN EATS

Ramen Rumble | Mon., Sept. 29, 6 p.m., $25 ³ This week, the Cheu dudes welcome some serious contenders for their fourth Ramen Rumble: Top chef winner Nick Elmi of Laurel and Greg Vernick of Vernick. The two chefs are going head to head in a winner-takes-all ramen battle and the diners are the decision makers. Twenty-five dollars gets you two mini bowls of ramen, a beer and a voting card.

You decide whose noodle bowl reigns supreme.

Cheu Noodle Bar, 255 S. 10th St., 267-639-4136, cheunoodlebar.com.

Meet the Makers | Saturdays, noon to 3 p.m., free ³ Green Aisle Grocery has made a name for itself by carrying only the best in locally made goods.

This fall, they’re getting even closer to home with a “Meet the Makers” series at their Grays Ferry location. They’re hosting Saturday afternoon tastings with local and national food artisans, complete with samples and a chance to chat. The lineup is looking great with Taza Mexican Chocolate specialists on Sept. 27, the bacon meisters of 1732 Meats on Oct. 4 and Side Project Jerky on Oct. 11. Green Aisle Grocery, 2241 Grays Ferry Ave., 267-687-2398, greenaislegrocery.com.

Pasta Flyer Pop Up | Thu., Oct. 2, 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., pay-as-you-go ³ Mark Ladner of NYC’s Del Posto is bringing his crowd-funded, gluten-free pasta to Philadelphia for a preview lunch at High Street on Market. One of Ladner’s quick-serve, gfree pastas will be on offer along with High Street’s regular menu. Later in the evening, chef Eli Kulp will be collaborating with Ladner for a five-course, gluten-free dinner at Fork, inspired by the dishes they cooked together during Kulp’s tenure at Del Posto. High Street on Market, 308 Market St., 215625-0988, highstreetonmarket.com.

24 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

PUNCH DRUNK: Frothy fizzes and powerful punches at the Yachtsman.

CAROLINE RUSSOCK

[ review ]

YACHT ROCK Tropical breezes and tiki reimagined at the Yachtsman. By Adam Erace YACHTSMAN | 1444 Frankford Ave., 267-251-3234, yachtsmanbar.com.

Mon.-Fri., 6 p.m.-1 a.m.; Sat.-Sun., noon-2 a.m. Cocktails, $8-$15.

C

ancun, Senior Week, 2002. I was 18, legally trashed under the Rio Grande, and making bad decisions involving frozen drinks at a hotel pool bar. Thinking back now on that sticky, blue Curacao-drenched blur of a week makes my stomach recoil.

I’m old, I guess. I grew up, learned how to drink like an adult, graduated from vodka — my high school AIM screenname was Ketel-N-Tonic, really — to small-batch gin, cultivated an appreciation for amari and taught myself to tolerate and eventually love bourbon through lots and lots of practice. All very Serious Drinking Stuff. Problem is, while this is all very sophisticated and interesting, it’s not always fun. Frozen drinks are fun, benders in the tropics are fun and in Fishtown, Tommy Up’s new Yachtsman — Philly’s only tiki bar — is fun.

Outside, tiki torches flicker, and painted waves crest across the curved stone front of the bar in frothy, storm-tossed peaks. Inside, under a green, pressed-tin ceiling, are a pan-Pacific riot of arti-

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

facts — Olmec heads, surfboards, mermaids and life preservers.

“Kokomo” is the unofficial theme song. It’s kitschy and silly, but that shouldn’t take away from the well-done space, a little slice of paradise on Frankford Avenue. At the very least, Yachtsman is something new for the millennial generation; Philly proper has not had a tiki bar since Pub Tiki on Walnut Street closed in 1977.

Making cocktails has been elevated to such high art, at times they can elicit a why-so-serious backlash, but with Yachtsman’s menu of high-octane punches, sneaky frappes and colorful rum coolers, Phoebe Esmon and Keith Raimondi have managed to weave together drinks that feel joyful as well as thoughtful. Like the Bird of Paradise, a frothy cross between a Clover Club and a Ramos gin fizz with a subtle orange blossom perfume, or the grass-green Missionary’s Downfall, a frosty, refreshing rum, peach-and-pineapple situation whose color comes from a jungle of blended-in fresh mint.The velvety Tree Frog, a Don Q banana daiquiri mix with an undercurrent of galangal, allspice and star anise, is flat-out delicious; I want to make it a part of my daily breakfast routine.

The potent Pele’s Embrace, with its double dose of rums and cherry-bark bitters, feels like the most bartender-y drink on the menu, and following a Tree Frog, came across overly alcoholic. A decade of practice, undone by one banana daiquiri. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

READ MORE citypaper.net/ mealticket

Locust Rendezvous ¬ " # :]Qcab Ab # '&# $!

<]e 4SObc`W\U =dS` # P`O\Ra ]T 0SS` /:A= /dOWZOPZS T]` BOYS =cb

<^e^[kZmbg`

25

@k^Zm R^Zkl :SW\S\YcUSZ 6O`dSab >ObQV AVO\Rg >W\ba ! :W]\aVSOR 1O\a 7QS 1]ZR >W\\OQZS 1W\\OP]\ D]RYO AV]ba

#

LmZg]bg` ma^ m^lm h_ mbf^ 4C:: ;3<C C<B7: ( /;

2OWZg O[ O[

ppp'eh\nlmk^g]^sohnl'\hf

A3:31B 033@A />>:G ;=<2/G B6@=C56 4@72/G !>; ³ &>;

Classifieds

To place an ad, please call

1-866-938-3010

Employment

Special Services

Real Estate

Merchandise

Transportation

Miscellaneous

Announcements

Apartments for Rent

Announcements

Feasterville CROFTWOOD APTS/ CHALET VILLAGE

FLAT ROOF REPAIRS • Inspections • Aluminum Coating • Skylight Repairs 35 Years Exp, 215-901-7923

Office Rentals HATBORO 429 sq.ft., off street parking, water/sewer/heat included, $425 month. Call 267-246-8001

Mobile Homes New & Pre-owned Mobile Homes in Bensalem. Please Call Terry’s Mobile Homes 215-639-2422

Adoptions

Autos Wanted

ADOPTION - Will provide a financially secure home with endless love and opportunities to share! Expenses paid.

Call 1-888-503-7093

Donations Wanted Your END of SUMMER CLEANING CAN HELP FIGHT CANCER! Call for convenient pick up of your unwanted clothing, housewares & furniture. Raising funds for Fox Chase Cancer Center, Fein Chapter for 20+ years. Call 215.842.1638 Receipt provided.

Transportation DRIVERS - Lester Fellows Trucking Burlington, New Jersey is hiring Company Drivers (incls health benefits & 401K) & Owner Operators. Good pay. Not overnight more than one day at a time. Home on wkends. Northeast Regional (350 mile radius), flat bed, CDL Class A. Call: 1-800-332-9325

Articles for Sale Copper PVC & CPVC fittings, 650 gal. storage tank, office desks, shelving.

Call 267-246-8001

Articles Wanted

ONE BEDROOM SPECIAL! Rent Starts at $875!

Free Heat • Free Water No Application Fee! Reduced Security

HORSHAM, 1 BR, 2nd floor, a/c, no washer/dryer, NO PETS, avail. 10/1, $750+. Creditable references required.

Non smoking. Call 215-628-9452 x100 HORSHAM 1st floor Duplex 2 BR, kitchen w/refrigerator, basement w/washer & dryer, $990 mo. includes water & sewer. Call 215-643-9546 Levittown ROYAL PARK APTS NEWLY RENOVATED 2 BR = $925 Heat and hot water included. Walking distance to schools, shopping and transportation. Call now 215-245-1187 Luxury at *Delaview* 1 & 2 BRs Beautifully renovated-Waterfront views

û ANTIQUES WANTED û

BRISTOL BORO 2BR, 2nd flr, $950 mo. No pets. Available immediately.

Call 215-801-5427

Motorcycles CA$H TODAY Buy • Sell • Trade Cycles & ATVs. 215-639-3100 www.eastcoastcycle.com

Call Today! 215-355-3048

Costume Jewelry, Sterling Flatware, Coins, Old Toys,Trains, China, Glassware, pottery & more. Al 215-245-4033

Real Estate Rentals Apartments for Rent

Buying all cars up to $2000. CASH Bad engines or Trans.

Junk cars to $500. 609-977-5337

$949 - $1199 Residents only pay electric! Tranquility awaits 215-245-1159

Mill Creek Village Penndel, PA

CALL FOR

Alternative Security Deposit ` 1 and 2 Bedroom apts ` New Kitchen, bath, flooring & more ` Most utilities included ` Pet welcome, call for restrictions ` Neshaminy School District

215-795-3347

www.westovercompanies.com PALMYRA 2 BR + office, near River Line, washer/ dryer, deck, no pets, avail now. $985/mo. 856-630-2225.

Homes for Rent LEVITTOWN 1631 EDGELY RD. 2 BR 1 BA, large kitchen, $1250 month Call (215) 946-1495.

Recreational Boats & Accessories KAYAK SALE Rte. 563 & 412 near Lake Nockamixon.

Saturday & Sunday, 10-5pm naturecanoe.com 215-536-8964

Public Notices COURT OF COMMON PLEAS PHILADELPHIA COUNTY, PA DECEMBER TERM, 2013, NO. 3241 JOINDER COMPLAINT IN CIVIL ACTION ARBITRATIOIN MATTER CHARLENE LANDON v.SUGARHOUSE HSP GAMING, L.P.,SUGARHOUSE HSP GAMING PROP. GP, LLC, AND SUGARHOUSE HSP GAMING PROP MEZZ, L.P. v.

RASHAN D. PEEK TO:RASHAN D. PEEK TAKE NOTICE that Defendant SugarHouse has Filed a Joinder Complaint in the CCP for Philadelphia County docketed to December Term, 2013, No. 3241 Said Joinder Complaint arises from an incident that Took place on or a about January 1, 2012 causing Plaintiff to suffer injuries due to the dangerous and defective lack of security personnel.

WHEREFORE, Defendants SugarHouse HSP Gaming LP, SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop.

GP, L.L.C.and SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop. Mezz, L.P., demand:a)Judgment in their favor together with costs and fees incurred in the defense of the case;b)Judgment that, if there is any liability to the Plaintiff, then Additional Defendant Rashan D. Peek is solely liable to the Plaintiff; and c) In the event that a verdict is recovered by Plaintiff against Defendants SugarHouse HSP Gaming LP, SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop. GP, L.L.C. and SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop.

Mezz, L.P., then Defendants SugarHouse HSP Gaming LP, SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop.

GP, L.L.C.and SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop. Mezz, L.P. may have judgment over and against the Additional Defendant Rashan D. Peek by way of indemnification and/or contribution for the amount recovered by Plaintiff against Defendants SugarHouse HSP Gaming LP, SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop. GP, L.L.C. and SugarHouse HSP Gaming, Prop. Mezz, L.P., together with their costs.

NOTICE

A LAWYER. IF YOU CANNOT AFFORDTO HIRE A LAWYER, THIS OFFICE MAY BE ABLETO PROVIDE YOU WITH INFORMATION ABOUT AGENCIES THAT MAY OFFER LEGAL SERVICESTO ELIGIBLE PERSONS AT A REDUCED FEE OR NO FEE. PHILADELPHIA BAR ASSOCIATION LAWYER REFERRAL AND INFORMATION SERVICE ONE READING CENTER PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA 19107 TELEPHONE: (215) 238-1707

You have been sued in court.

If you wish to defend against the claims set forth in the following pages, you must take action within twenty (20) days after this complaint and notice are served, by entering a written appearance personally or by attorney and filing in writing with the Court your defenses or objections to the claims set forth against you. You are warned that if you fail to do so the case may proceed without you and a judgment may be entered against you by the court without further notice for any money claimed in the Complaint or for any other claim or relief requested by the plaintiff. You may lose money or property or other rights important to you.

YOU SHOULD TAKE THIS PAPER TO YOUR LAWYER AT ONCE. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A LAWYER [OR CANNOT AFFORD ONE], GO TO ORTELEPHONETHE OFFICE SET FORTH BELOW [TO FIND OUT WHERE YOU CAN GET LEGAL HELP]. THIS OFFICE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH INFORMATRION ABOUT HIRING

EDUCATION

“Accidents With Scars”

by Mitch Connors

6 fictional stories centering on

SOCIAL WORKER TRAINEES NEEDED! Orleans Tech can prepare you for a new career in 6 months! NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED! Call for details about training at your Philadelphia Campus. 1-888-407-6008 HS Diploma/GED required.

LQQK!

Attention Sports Fans: Call for your FREE Pick today from our expert handicappers. NO Strings Attached! 21+ Call: 888513-5639.

NEEDED! Train to become a Medical Office Assistant! NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED! Online training at SC Train gets you job ready! H.S. Diploma/GED & PC/Internet needed! 1-888424-9412.

Apartments for Rent ALLENS LANE APARTMENTS 126 W. ALLENS LANE PHILADELPHIA PA 19119

AFRICA, BRAZIL WORK/ STUDY!

Change the lives of others while crating a sustainable future. 1, 6, 9, 18 month programs available.

Apply today! www.OneWorldCenter.org (269) 591-0518 info@ OneWorldCenter.org

28 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

By Matt Jones

“FROM Z TO A”—SUCH A SHORT TRIP.

HELP WANTED DRIVER

AVERITT EXPRESS New Pay Increase For Regional Drivers!

40 to 46 CPM + Fuel Bonus! Also, Post-Training Pay Increase for Students! (Depending on Domicile) Get Home EVERY Week + Excellent Benefits. CDL-A req. 888-602-7440 Appy @ AverittCareers.com Equal Opportunity Employer-Females, minorities, protected veterans, and individuals with disabilities are encouraged to apply

Learning Curve Directory INSTRUCTION/SCHOOLS

MEDICAL BILLING TRAINEES

5XX PORTER STREET (SOUTH PHILLY)

Just Renovated, New Kitchen, New Bathroom, New Hardwood Floors, Fridge, Washer/Dryer, Garbage Disposal, Large Yard, Finished Basement, $1150.Call Pete: 267-307-0371 “GRADUATE HOSPITAL AREA” $1595

Townhouse for Rent, Old Charms with Modern upgrades through out house. 2nd. Floor 2 Bedrooms,1 Bathroom. First Floor Living room, Dinning area/ All New appliances and Granite counter tops complete Kitchen, Large rear yard, Basement clean painted very well lighted can be used as your office/arts and crafts etc. Washer and Dryer, all new Central Heating and Air Conditioning Systems.

Everything is Gas Cooking, Heating and Hot water! e-mail me for appointment: bpol51@aol.com or Call 215-735-1658

CALL JAY 484-469-7731 FOR INFO.

1-888-728-8467 ext. 5040

32 35

Homes

BOX IS $199.00.

Authorhouse:

34

Help Wanted

WATCH ANY MOVIE, TV SHOW, SPORTS, PPV EVENT FREE ON THE MEGA BOX. MUST HAVE HIGH SPEED INTERNET AND FLATSCREEN.

Click on “Bookstore”, put book title in search bar, look towards bottom of screen.

Also avail. on Ebooks & Kindle.

27 31

in beautiful West Mt. Airy. We are so excited to become part of the neighborhood again. 1 and 2 bedroom units are available, starting at $999 per month. Allens Lane Apartments are coming back brand new including: Stainless Appliances that include dishwasher, microwave and garbage disposal, Granite Countertops, CherryWood Cabinets, Central A/C, Washer/Dryer combo In each unit and Private Parking.Within walking distance to train and bus transportation.

Call Jackie at 215-290-1617 for more information and to view apartments. OPEN HOUSE OCTOBER 12, 2014 2-4

LOWER YOUR BILL!!!

Terrorism, urban life, black life, adult/children.

At authorhouse.com.

jonesin’

22 26

Earn up to $1,500/week in fares driving for Uber.

Drive full-time for Uber and make great money while being your own boss. You don’t need a car to start, just a valid driver’s license and over 21 years old.

Text Drive to 51303 to sign up today!

S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

ACROSS 1 5 10 14 15 16 17 19 20 21 22 23 26 28 29 30 32 34 37 38 39 42 45 47 49 53 54 55 56 58

Chow’s chow, perhaps Western loop Dr. Frankenstein’s gofer Canal to the Red Sea First name in b-o-l-o-g-n-a Florida city, familiarly He plays Tom Haverford on Parks and Recreation Sent a quick note online Verb finish [Your comment amuses me] Reuben’s home Item in a nest in barn rafters All over again Madhouse 1970s soul group The ___-Lites Long time period High school wrestling team equipment Nutella flavor Ward, to the Beav Persian poet Khayyam Put into law Altar exchanges 0, in soccer scores Superhero in red and yellow Downloadable show Number in the upper left of this grid “Born Free” rapper Ceci n'est pas ___ pipe (Magritte caption) Film on ponds Like an infamous Dallas knoll

60 62 63 64 65 70 71 72 73 74 75

Academic period Ms. Thurman Made it into the paper Acapulco assent Second man to walk on the moon Sneaker problem John on the Mayflower Party with glow sticks and pacifiers Gram’s nickname Put up with Ogled

DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 18 23 24 25

Blind ___ bat Light, in La Paz JFK Library architect Harriet’s husband Too far to catch up to Total jerk Teatro alla ___ (Milan opera house) Asian wrap The Who's “Baba ___” “The same place,” in footnotes Wednesday’s father American wildcat They’re all set to play Broadway backer Cuatro y cuatro 1980s duo Country singer-songwriter who wrote hits for Merle Haggard 27 2000s Iraq war subject, briefly 31 Cloister sister 33 Inbox stuff

©2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

35 The Very Hungry Caterpillar author Carle 36 Work on your biceps?

40 Comedian Margaret 41 Amount equal to a million pennies 43 Ending for psych 44 One-horse carriage 46 Vegas headliner?

48 Born to be wild?

49 Dons, as clothes 50 New York silverware city 51 Goes diving, casually 52 Ruckus 57 Miata maker 59 Open author Agassi 61 Actress Sorvino 66 “Your Moment of ___” (The Daily Show feature) 67 Sliver of hope 68 “___ got a golden ticket...”

69 “Stupid Flanders,” to Homer

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ³ email lovehate@citypaper.net FOR YOU MY LOVELY BIRD Bird, you have taught me how wonderful life can be sober...You have stood by me through my dark drunken place and lifted me up...watched as I have become the person you knew I was deep down inside. Thanks for always believing in me. Its only been 90 days as the new me but you have given me the tools and the strength to see my life in a new perspective, one day at a time. I love you. Mama Bird

FRUSTRATION!

longer you stay away the more I grow away from you. I want to be with you not behind you....let me in your life...sign be there for me also.

I AM A SERVER I am not a an actress, a model, a singer, a student, I am a Server. I have bills to pay just like you, friends to see, and places to go, just like you. There is no designated end time to my shift- my day ends when you go home. I am a Server. I make your coffee, bake your bread, clean up after your children, offer you

I am really sick and tired of people lying and telling me one thing and doing another thing! I really am sick of people pretending to be someone that they aren’t! And I am really tired of people minding other people’s business when things don’t have anything to do with you! Who the fuck cares what the other person is doing if it doesn’t have anything to do with you? I am tired of your sneaky ass sneaking around telling on me and everyone else! Why don’t you ask your old ass husband for some dick! Why not it will not hurt! Maybe that shit will change your personality a little! People are really over all of your shit!

7 DAYS a WEEK NOON til MIDNIGHT

GIVE ME ROOM! This goes out to the people who get on the train with me early in the dam morning! First of all if you see some space that you are able to stand at why the fuck are you crowding into on space trying to have me all up on the damn door like I belong there! I am trying to get the fuck to work and you fat ass pigs are standing in my space where there is other space to be used for your space! I can’t help not to wonder is this person all up in their dam cell phone texting or in their iphone so bad they aren’t aware of their surroundings! I hate all of you!

GREEDY ASS BITCH Why put a child out of house due to greediness for money.yes I said it the sly,and wicked bitch.signed my mother’s house over to the DA office to be sold with out talking with other siblings who are also the executrix of the estate. We were put out of the home my mother struggle to get to provide for children in 1967.due to the negligence of her stupid ass son .selling drugs.at the age of 64 years old.my family is very upset with her .who claims to be a evangelist.

And so into the lord.they would never see a child out in the street.now the child is in her first year in college.when she comes for break where will be in a shelter .she never offer to give us a place to stay. she is a money hungry bitch.remember karma will bring her down.she lost a house and used my mother and screwed her up by not paying her bills.her husband does drugs the question us where is he at.

HAVEN’T SEEN YOU I see that it has been awhile that I am either going to spend time with you or more or less see you but I just wanted to say that I have always been there for you since day one and I hope that you understand that I am being patient with you not wanting to be around because of your family situations but the

fication, but I know that my presence as a middle class white woman may spark some animosity and racial tension based on the ugly history of what the presence of people like me has meant for local people and their potential displacement. I just want to say to my neighbors, that I love you. Thank you for the free crab meat, the many ways in which you have welcomed me warmly, for introducing me to your children, given me advice on parking my 2010 Toyota Yaris, have declared your willingness to help me out in this new neighborhood, how you

BRING IN THIS AD AND GET A FREE T SHIRT WITH YOUR TATTOO 621 SOUTH 4TH STREET PHILADELPHIA. PA 19147

(215) 922-7384 «VL ][ WV .IKMJWWS"

FACEBOOK.COM/PHILLYEDDIES621 dessert. I am a Server. I have no PTO, no vacation time, no sick days, no 401 K. I bring you your food, you steal my pens. My sweat, blood, and tears goes into the seemingly simple act of making sure you get fed. My apron is covered in the dressing you need on the side, my pants stained with cocktail sauce. I am a Server. I go home, shower, sleep for four hours, get up to do it again. It’s Monday, my day off. Where are you? I am a Server.

I LOVE MY NEIGHBORS I recently moved to Southwest Philadelphia, into a part that has not started the process of gentri-

have loaned me and my roommates multiple tools so that we can put our house together. Your love for us is quite evident. Thank you for accepting me here though presence of people who look like me in neighborhoods similar to yours has historically had damaging effects on your family and friends. I love my neighbors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’VE BEEN BORED I hate the fact that I get bored easily, I don’t know if it is because I am getting older and I just don’t feel like it anymore! But, I am just over the whole thing, all I really been doing is sleeping, eating and shit-

ting. My prince charming has finally came through but it seems like something else is missing. I don’t understand why it is like that but I know that it is for a reason. I am trying to find something to cure my boredom. Maybe you and I can go walking or travel somewhere real quick and just relax and sit back and relax. I really would love to relax but I am still bored! Help me, I know you have the solution.

LOOKING BAD Bitch!! What is your deal...I can’t stand you and you know that I can’t, you make me wanna punch you in the face! I can’t believe how two-faced you are and I can’t believe that your husband didn’t kill you already, because if you were my bitch I would have killed you already...but I will say this the last laugh is on your dumb ass! Eat shit and die bitch...and remember all of us aren’t created equal enough for me not to hate your fake ass guts!

LOSER You lost your wallet and I returned it. I didn’t understand what you were yelling I was just returning your items. I wasn’t going to steal anything from your wallet if I was going to I wouldn’t have returned it. I thought that it was so strange that you couldn’t even say that you were sorry for yelling or even say thank you! I think to myself that I know I did the right thing but next time that I see you, I hope that you cross the street, after all, we do live down the street from each other.

LOVOLOGY I’m going to start a new study of love called “Lovology.” I’m an armchair professor, so my study will be composed of anything I can find online. How do we find love online? Is a dating site as good as meeting a person out and about on the street? Does seeing a person’s words online elicit the same dopamine rush as reading a hand written letter? I think you’re an addict, I’m an addict, and maybe we should do it in the attic. Such a wasted space.

NEWPORT NEWS You: beautiful, sexy curly black hair, not a fan of starbucks, coming from Springfield to west Philly.

Jeggings. Blue coat. Me: good at geography, p coat, wanting to help you with your suitcase but I’m too slow (damn that guy for cutting in!), coming from Westwood to north of Chinatown... Waiting in Penn station for our train (we both missed a connection) at 3am... I answered your question, chatted you up a bit and sat across the isle from you on the train while we both tried to sleep... But I didn’t even ask your name! I blame exhaustion, I barely remember getting home that night. I can’t hang out around Clark Park waiting to see you, (I believe thats considered stalking) respond to this and we can begin our journey together with no more missed connections...

ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | S E P T E M B E R 2 5 - O C T O B E R 1 , 2 0 1 4 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R | 29

Learn more at ISEPTAPHILLY.COM