Performance in Motion Magazine Vol. 17 No. 4

MAGAZINE • VOL.

17 NO.

4 • CANADA

TARGA TRUCK UPDATE

PIKES PEAK

RACE INTO THIN AIR

PIM

PERFORMANCE DIRECTORY Never misss a Sale again!

E VERYB O DY ’ S AUTO M OTIVE MAGA ZINE Published Oddly VOL.17 NO.4

Publisher Editor Writer Proofreader

Bob McJannett Rob McJannett Bonnie Staring Carol “Spike” LaVigne

Contributors Thomas Anderson Mark Bovey Jim Madigan Dave Thomas

Find out about the latest Performance Improvements Sales and Events by joining our e-mail newsletter.

FEATURES Editorial............................................................................. Bob McJannett

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Pikes Peak................................................................................. Mark Bovey

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SEMA Show 2017......................................................... Rob McJannett 16 Speed Parts..................................................................... Bob McJannett 20 Targa Truck Update............................................................. Mark Bovey 2 2 Book Review ..................................................................................... Len Sly 27 Reluctant Passenger.................................................. Bonnie Staring 28 REARVIEW - Enviate v2.0.......................................................................... 30

Performance in Motion Publications, 87 Advance Road, Toronto, ON M8Z 2S6 • Phone: 416-259-3678 • Fax: 416-259-6433

ON THE COVER: ENVIATE v2.0 rocketing up Pikes Peak, 14,110feet above sea level, at a top speed of 147-mph, the fastest of the event. MARK BOVEY spent many late nights and early mornings to bring us photos of Pikes Peak International Hill Climb 2017. Look, there is his handsome self pretend shifting the Targa Truck in the upper right corner!

MOVING? Please let us know! Email both your old and new address to: info@performanceimprovements.com Canada Post: Please return undeliverable magazines to: 87 Advance Road, Toronto, ON M8Z 2S6 PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. 40609642 • PERFORMANCE IN MOTION is published irregularly. Circulation is 30,000+ (ISSN 1703-8421) Performance in Motion Copyright ©2017 by Performance In Motion Publishing. 87 Advance Road, Toronto, ON M8Z 2S6 Phone: 416-259-3678 • Fax: 416-259-6433. Be good to the environment, recycle this magazine – give it to your friends! We respect your privacy, and do not sell our mailing list. All opinions are those of our writers, (the usual gang of idiots) most of whom think gas fumes are acceptable as aftershave. The information presented is via said gas sniffers from which there can be no responsibility by the Publishers as to legality, completeness and accuracy. If you enjoy our magazine, be sure to let us know! This magazine may not be reprinted without permission of Performance In Motion Publishing. (We’re nice guys, just ask) • Thanks Mark for all your hard work! Now catch a nap. •

www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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Flickr Photo By: madmike-64 (CC BY-ND 2.0)

EDITORIAL

Winter is Coming

S

adly, as great as the fall has been, it will soon be time to put those cars away. Just a reminder of the best ways to do this.

No matter where you are planning to store it, it should be spotlessly clean both inside and out. Wash it thoroughly and follow up with a quick wax job. Take it out for a short ride to be sure all the excess water is drained off.

While you are out for that last ride, fill the fuel tank to the top and add a good quality fuel stabilizer. Fuel stabilizer prevents the degradation of the gasoline and protects the complete system from gum and other contaminants Be sure the oil is clean and up to the correct level, if it is dirty, change it now. Top up all other fluids to the correct level.

Fill the tires above the normal pressures, I usually add 10 pounds, this prevents flat spots.

MOST IMPORTANT! Check the antifreeze, be sure it is correct for the expected winter temperatures. More than once, a heated garage loses power, and before you know it, you have a frozen and cracked block.

Unless you are absolutely sure that the storage area is free of rodents and small animals do something to discourage them from making a new home in your car. Some suggest moth balls, but they are dangerous to both people and pets. Others use Irish Spring soap in chunks throughout the vehicle; it smells nice, but the jury is out on just how effective it is.

The latest thing is an electronic Mouse Blocker that is attached to the battery that sends out a sonic signal that rodents don’t want to be near.

In the old days, the trick was to remove the battery and take it into the house. However, with today’s electronically filled cars, removing the battery is no longer recommended; instead hook up the battery to a battery tender to keep the charge up to snuff. Coat the battery terminals with dielectric grease.

Finally, cover the car with a quality, breathable, properly-fitted car cover. Tarps don’t breathe which causes paint degradation.

Don’t occasionally start the car during the winter unless you are prepared to take it out on dry roads and get everything up to operating temperature. Simply starting the car for a few moments in the garage causes condensation that will lead to unwanted rust.

Come on spring 2018!

bmcj@performanceimprovements.com

www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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Story and Photos

by Mark Bovey

E

vents like the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb capture your imagination. You can totally picture it’s 1915 and a group of fine gentlemen are looking at the freshly constructed road and thinking, “These new fangled cars we have, we should drive up this mountain as fast as we can!”

The first Pikes Peak Hill Climb took place in 1916 and was won by Rea Lentz with a time of 20:55:60. The current record is 8:13.878 by Sebastian Loeb. PPIHC is

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respected worldwide for being one of the toughest events to finish, let alone win.

My trip to PPIHC occurred for two reasons, the Enviate Hypercar and the Big Red Camaro. I’ve followed both cars for years and they BOTH were competing in the 2017 race to the clouds. As it was my first time going, I went for the entire week, every practice day and of course, race day.

The only challenge being race day landed on my wedding anniversary … sooo … I showed my wife a few photos of the mountain and

convinced her she should come hang out in “nature.”

After landing in Denver, CO, I picked up my rental and headed straight for the mountain and drove right to the top. It’s 12.42 miles long, with 156 turns before you reach the finish line; at times, you can’t see the road and there are no guard rails in some very sketchy places. Very thrilling, but don’t get too excited, or you’ll need to sit down due to the lack of oxygen. The summit is at 14,115 feet above sea level.

After my trip to the summit, my next stop was an address Cody Loveland, the owner of the Enviate had sent me the week prior. It turned out to be the location of JC Fabworks, where Cody and a few other competitors called home for Pikes Peak Week.

The place was buzzing, Cody and his crew were working on the Enviate; Lyfe Motorsport had broken a crank in their R35 GTR; and JC Fabworks owner, Cole Duran was working on an Evo in an effort to make the grid.

I went to bed around 2 a.m. that night. My alarm went off at 3 a.m. (barf), I needed to be on the mountain at 4 a.m.

During practice throughout the week, the competitors run one of four sections of the mountain over the four practice days. Not many spectators come out for practice, so the mountain is very quiet. Most mornings I was completely alone, in the wilderness waiting for cars to blast past. The sound of the engines rocketing up the mountain was amazing.

The level of craftsmanship in these hill climb cars in unreal, the detail these builders put into them is beautiful. When you descend PIkes Peak, there is a mandatory brake temperature check half way. www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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Every day was basically the same, get up stupid early, drive up Pikes Peak in complete blackness, wait for race cars, watch race cars, find breakfast, prep for the next day, hang out at JC Fabworks and go to bed at 1 a.m.

Repeat every day, except Friday.

Friday I did not have a ticket as they had sold out, so I ended up sleeping in my car and hoping someone had a spare ticket. The organizers thought I was nuts, but whatever, crazy runs deep during Pikes Peak Week.

Luckily, a ticket materialized quickly, and I found myself at Devil’s Playground, the beginning of the fourth section of the course.

As the sun rose, we realized we were above the cloud shelf. It was beautiful, I’ve never witnessed this before. It’s freezing cold; there was even snow on the ground, but the engines firing up around me quickly erased my awareness of the temperature.

Practice is going as planned when fog starts to roll in. Horror movie level fog. Do you remember that Scooby-Doo episode where he cut a donut out of fog and ate it? That kind of fog. I was a little bummed as I figured this would end practice, but it did not. Much to my surprise and shock, drivers lined up and took off into nothingness. It was unreal.

Eventually, they suspended practice for safety, and we hung out in the pits until the safety teams escorted us all down the mountain. Practice was over.

To celebrate the end of practice, a street party is hosted in downtown Colorado Springs. The competitors with their cars, fans and residents hang out, it’s all so casual and fun. Great food, music and the occasional roar of an engine, a perfect Friday night.

Sunday, September 25th was race day. It also happens to be my wedding anniversary.

My wife had arrived during fan fest. I was luckily able to bridge these two events

It wasn’t as comfortable as my hotel, but somehow I got a great hour of sleep. It’s a weird experience to have a cloud shelf raise up and swallow you and everything around you. It got even wilder when teams fired up their cars and rocketed off into the abyss.

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Nothing like an LS7 powered 918. This is the path to the designated spectator viewing area. Everything is extreme at Pikes Peak.

This environment is unlike anything you’ll ever experience.

together thanks to the fact that you can camp on the mountain one night a year, the night preceeding PPIHC. My wife is an outdoorsy type.

We woke up to a perfect day with clear skies and the sun was shining. We had lots of great snacks and an awesome place from where to watch. There are loads of crazy facts surrounding Pikes Peak, but the one that fascinates me is you only get to run the course in its entirety on race day, and you only get to run it once. One time. That level of commitment is inspiring and maybe a little crazy.

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The camping was amazing. We were deep in the forest, PPIHC is the rare time of year civilians are allowed to camp on the mountain. www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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Much to my surprise, the Hoonicorn V2 was at the street party. Toyo Tires had brought the car out to support Ken Block’s upcoming video release. If you haven’t seen the Hoonicorn Climbkhana video on youtube yet, go now. (Seriously, and crank up the volume. — Ed.)

www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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The Enviate is the result of four years of design and fabrication. Cody Loveland, owner of LoveFab Inc. is the creator, with engineering knowhow care of his partner Aric Streeter, lover of all things fast. It’s 100% hand-built, with a carbon fibre body and a twin turbo LS engine. For a full story on their week at Pikes Peak, look up Speed Academy, “Race to the clouds with the Enviate Hypercar.” (Written by a gentleman by the name of Mark Bovey, it’s a great read, see the back page for an excerpt — Ed.) Cody was constantly improving the car throughout the week, you’ll likely never see the same version of the car, ever.

“Fastest car I have ever driven, not just in a straight line but braking and cornering as well...”

-Paul Gerrard

This is Paul Gerrard, driver of the Enviate.

Paul was also Top Gear’s “The Stig” for eight years. If your serious about driving, look up his book, “Optimum Drive.”

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The one thing that will strike you about Big Red is how beautiful the build quality is. Make no mistake, this is a serious race car the team pushes to the limits, but every nut, bolt and the paint is show car worthy.

SUPERIOR BRAKE TECHNOLOGY

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www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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SEMA SHOW 2017

Story & Photos by Rob McJannett

SEMA

Show began as a simple trade show bringing manufacturers together with buyers in 1967.

From 98 booths, folding card tables and 3,000 attendees, it’s grown a little bit since then. Now featuring 1.2 million square feet of exhibit space, with an additional 1.5 million square feet outside, you end up doing lots of walking. This is a tough week for feet and ankles.

The four-day event consistently attracts more than 140,000 individuals, and, while it is not open to the public, there seems to be an awful lot of people who come to the show just to line up for

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Performance in MOTION

posters and Hot Wheels. What other Trade Show in the world has trailers selling clothing with the trade association name on it, that consistently sells out each year?

No matter what, the SEMA Show is still the pivotal show of the Automotive Industry, where New Products are launched, Sales Plans finalized, awards won, friendships made, and old friendships renewed.

It has become the world’s largest automotive event, attracting Gear Heads from over 140 countries. You can see just a sample of some of the amazing builds here.

•

MORE COLORS MORE CHOICES We’ve been firing the finest rides in America since 1923!

Ringbrothers DEFIANT! - 1972 Javelin AMX features all new panels forward of the A-pillar reducing the Javelin’s front overhand. The new hood has to clear the monster supercharged 6.2L Hemi Hellcat that cranks out 1,080 HP.

MADE IN AMERICA

• Universal Wire Sets • Race Fit Sets • Custom Wire Sets For 9 decades, Taylor has been delivering more power to your plugs so you get maximum horsepower and torque. We offer the largest selection of wires and many accessories to fit numerous applications. If your ride isn’t wired by Taylor - you are not getting every ounce of power you deserve!

www.taylorvertex.com 816-765-5011 www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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The favourite car of many people at this year’s show, Connor Hofford’s 1984 VW powered by a 6.0 truck engine with an LS3 top end. Add in a Muncie four-speed plus a “Very narrowed” Ford 9-inch, all stuffed into the cleanest VW ever.

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Outside in the TredWear booth we found Project Tarantula: a vintage dirt track chassis with a ’39 Chevy body on top. “Under the hood” is a 500HP Hamner Racing Engines small block, to power around 1,800 pounds of street legal goodness. Yes, believe it or not, the car is also 100% street legal (at least in Alabama where it is registered) and recently participated in the 2017 Hot Rod Power Tour. Custom-made 20×11 gold steel wheels are mounted to Wilwood Wide 5 hubs. A custom Oil Fill allows the quick change rear end to be refilled while heading back on the track. A 10 gallon tank, in a vehicle with with no fuel gauge or odometer, means two jerry cans are always at the ready. This thing looks like an absolute blast.

Building a Better Mousetrap Story by Bob McJannett • Photos courtesy Pertronix

As

we are all aware there have been huge changes in things electronic.

Today’s vehicles feature myriads of things once, considered impossible.

The performance industry is no different.

Pertronix, long the supplier of Ignitor kits to convert points style distributors to electronic, plus Ignitor II and Ignitor III high performance replacement ignition modules, has brought some exciting new pieces to market.

First would be their Digital HP ignition boxes, “big power in a small package.” The Digital HP box is 70% smaller than current ignition offerings, yet it delivers 187 mJ or 30% more spark energy than other ignition boxes. The smaller size makes installation easier than trying to find a space for a larger box, plus it can be installed on numerous other vehicles that need increased ignition performance. Small enough for import cars, motorcycles even Jr. Dragsters. The Digital HP can be fitted to engines ranging from 1 to 12 cylinders, now your pals can install improved ignition on their Viper

V10 or Ferrari V12s. Unlike other boxes the Digital HP provides multiple spark all the way to the redline.

Along with increased spark energy the Digital HP brings increased control options. They are fitted with a 3 step rev limiter to control burnout, launch control, and fatal over rev protection to protect your engine from a catastrophic event caused by a missed shift or drivetrain disaster. An RPM activated trigger accurately controls shift lights, solenoids and other RPM devices.

Digital HP includes a start retard feature to help start those high compression engines.

With over 187 mJ of spark energy PerTronix Digital HP ignition boxes are built to rule. These boxes are 70 percent smaller than competitors units for easy mounting in the location of your choice, preferably away from power robbing heat sources. Their integrated 3-step digital REV limiter controls burnout and launch, plus fatal over REV protection.

PT510 Starting from $339

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With their adjustable start retard, Digital HP boxes are ideal for street cruisers up through hard starting, high compression race engines. Don’t let their size fool you; PerTronix Digital HP ignition boxes hold 30 percent more energy than competitors and are built for the long run.

Pertronix now has a full complement of high performance Flame-Thrower polished billet distributors, for most popular performance engines. They feature a hall effect magnetic trigger that provides extremely accurate signaling at both low and high rpm.

PerTronix Flame-Thrower magnetic trigger polished billet distributors are compatible with most capacitive discharge ignition boxes.

Finally Pertronix has added new E Core Flame-Thrower coils that deliver more than 40,000 V of spark energy to your plugs for fuller, more complete combustion. They’re available in both 1.5 ohm and 3.0 ohm versions, epoxy-filled for extra vibration protection.

Combine one of each of these new products for a great value, remarkably efficient, easy to install high performance ignition system that will take anything your performance car can throw at it. Drop into your nearest Performance Improvements location to see these and many other great new products.

•

PTD300711 Starting from $352

PT60103 Only $132

60,000 VOLT COIL! These PerTronix Flame-Thrower magnetic trigger billet distributors are perfect alternatives to the more expensive distributors that competitors offer. These distributors feature a precision magnetic pickup coil and reluctor for extremely accurate signaling at low and high rpm. These billet distributors are compatible with most capacitive discharge ignition boxes.

HC (HIGH CURRENT) E-core coils are engineered specifically for PertronixIgnitor III ignition modules. HC coils have a high turns ratio and ultra low primary resistance enabling the ignition system to charge faster at high RPM’s. The coil is supported in a special heat sink made from aircraft 6063 T5 aluminum which efficiently transfers heat away from the windings.

www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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Story and Photos by Mark Bovey

WE

left off in Performance in Motion magazine, Vol. 17 No. 1: The truck had come out of fabrication and was heading into assembly.

The aim was to be driving it this past summer.

This did not happen. There are a number of reasons… like all builds, sometimes things change part way through. Oh, and I made some mistakes.

While the truck was in fabrication, I had randomly run into Anthony Mantella of Mantella Autosport, in Performance Improvements’ parking lot. We had a chat,

he knew of the Targa Truck, and I was well aware of his Race Team. They had recently changed over from running 2014 Z28Rs to KTM X-Bow GT4 cars. This changeover left them with a shelf of parts they no longer needed, some of which would be great additions to my rebuild.

After my visit to Mantella’s Race Headquarters, I was the proud new owner of a super cool piece, one of their spare Tranzilla T56s. These are built by Rockland Standard to Pratte and Miller specs for Chevrolet Performance’s race programs. They are close

ratio, carbon syncro’d and rated for 1,200 HP. This was a fantastic upgrade from my wide ratio T56 Magnum.

Another interesting thing occurred during this visit. I was trying to figure out who could help with a few build issues, to which the gang at Mantella Autosport said they would be interested in working on the project. They wanted to give the truck a once over in person with Mantella’s Engineer, Andrew Wojtecxzko.

The next week, we met and went over the truck, inspected the work to date, and

The close ratio Tranzilla t56 is rebuilt and ready to rock. Tough everything, including carbon fibre sychros, 22 degree gears, good for 1200 HP and 1000 ft/lbs of torque. Oh, and getting to hang out with a ‘69 Camaro and a KTM XBow GT4? Good Times…

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discussed my goals. At first, Andrew seemed a little uncertain of this long bed hulk, but he warmed up, and by the end of our meeting, we agreed that Mantella would do some work on the truck. The main focus being clutch set-up, brake set-up, and we had to make some changes to the front suspension.

It came to light during my conversation with Andrew that the truck’s front A-Arms were a liability. The uppers were the ones GM had installed in 1971 and the lower A-frames were reproduction parts of questionable origin. Well, questionable for the trauma they’re signing up for.

We decided the best solution was to buy an IFS from No Limit Engineering. Their set-up has been well proven, and is very well built.

It cleared up so many issues, better geometry, coil-overs, lighter, rack and pinion and it’s highly adjustable. The parts were ordered, and the truck was moved into Mantella to tear off the front suspension again.

Everything went super smooth, No Limit Engineering sent me their Wide Ride IFS kit, minus a few parts I already had, and it fit perfectly. The kit is a bolt-in, but we opted to weld it in as the truck will see some extreme

When your build tosses you a challenge, you ante up. Independent Front Suspension from No Limit Engineering, Custom bolt-in CNC formed Crossmember. The Wide Ride was designed from scratch using CAD-CAM and Suspension Pro computer programs. No Limit wanted the Wide Ride IFS to be heavy-duty and take the abuse of aggressive, hard driving. www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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The No Limit Engineering Wide Ride has been beautifully welded in by Mantella Autosport. It fit perfect and shockingly the frame is square after all these years of abuse.

use. While Mantella was working on the front suspension, they also boxed the front frame rails. Their fabricatior, Joe Ferguson, is an artist with a welder.

Everything was going smoothly, until we tried to put my custom fabricated spindles on No Limit’s IFS. I knew it might be an issue, but it turned out to be a major problem.

There was no way my spindles would work.

Hindsight being 20/20, I don’t know what I was thinking. Thankfully, there was an easy solve. I just had No Limit send me a set of the spindles for the kit, but then those got lost during shipping. In the end, this random

number of issues ate up a lot of time.

Once we located the spindles, everything was back on track, mostly. My new brakes fit the spindles that would no longer work, requiring them to be adapted. This was not really a problem; it was just a reality of the new parts combo. We took a time out to reflect on progress and how much the performance of the truck has improved, which revealed a concern, a good one. With the weight and bias of the truck on target, we were going to be making really strong power, with the new geometry, the concern was the truck was going to be more capable (read:

faster) than originally planned for.

We decided that everything was great, and when you consider the vehicle, it’s down right amazing. Then an opportunity arose for a different brake package, a monster brake package made by AP Racing. I was reluctant at first, but fell victim to the old adage, when opportunity knocks, answer the call.

The truck landed on all fours again in September, and it looks amazing. It has a new ride height, which is lower than planned, the change-up in the parts has a number of added benefits, including the ability to run wider wheels and rubber. The measurements need

No Limit’s IFS topped by some AP Racing Brakes, 378mm x 32mm front and 356mm x 32mm rear, with massive 6P and 4P calipers.

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to be double-checked, but it seems like 12” wide wheels and 315s or 345s will occupy all four corners.

Overall, the transformation the Targa Truck has gone through in the last few months at Mantella Autosport is fantastic.

The original reason Mantella joined the project was to have the twin disc clutch and brakes set-up, and those tasks were just completed. The seating position was finalized, and we made a custom shifter to enable faster and easier shifting.

Presently, the truck is about 80% assembled, weighing about 3,200lbs, with

Ride height dictated the bell housing needed to be trimmed.

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almost exact 50/50 bias front and rear; that is a huge change from the 60/40 we started with. Our final goal is to keep the truck under 3,800lbs, which looks possible at this point and is fantastic given we are using a

stock steel body and an iron LSX race block.

Things did not go as planned, but at least we are landing in the right place.

•

Mark Bovey is the owner, builder, and driver of the Targa Truck, a 1971 GMC. It was the first truck to run in the Targa Newfoundland (2014). His love/ addiction for open road racing has led to an interest in hill climbs, prompting the trip to the 2017 PPIHC to do research for the future of the Targa Truck.

You can follow Mark Bovey’s Targa Truck on: Facebook, Instagram and pro-touring.com .

_REVIEW New Hemi Engines 2003 to Present How to Build Max Performance The New Hemi engine has an aggressive persona and outstanding performance. Powering the Challenger, Charger, Ram trucks, and other vehicles in the Chrysler lineup, this engine produces at least one horsepower per cubic inch.

Unleashed in 2003, it has been offered in 5.7-, 6.1-, 6.2-, and now 6.4-litre displacements. With each successive engine introduction, Chrysler has extracted more performance.

And with the launch of the Hellcat and Demon 6.2-litre supercharged engines, Chrysler built the highest horsepower production engines ever made, at 707 hp and 840 hp, respectively.

This third-generation Hemi carries on a high-performance Chrysler tradition and is considered the most powerful and “buildable” new pushrod V-8 engine on the market today.

Mopar engine expert and veteran author Larry Shepard reveals up-to-date modification techniques and products for achieving higher performance. Porting and modifying the stock Hemi heads, as well as the best flow characteristics with high lift are revealed. Guidance on aftermarket heads is also provided.

A supercharger is one of the most cost-effective aftermarket add-ons, and the options and installation are comprehensively covered. Shepard guides you through the art and science of selecting a cam, so you find a cam that meets your airflow needs and performance goals. He details stock and forged crankshafts plus H- and I-beam connecting rods that support the targeted horsepower, so you can choose the best rotating assembly for your engine. In addition, intake manifold and fuel systems, ignition systems, exhaust systems, and more are covered.

Larry Shepard, a distinguished engineer, parts manager, and racing coordinator, has a deep history within Chrysler Corporation and Mopar Racing. He also has an in-depth knowledge of LA small-blocks. Shepard has authored more than a half dozen books, and his latest book, Jeep 4.0 Engines, won the Best of 2014 International Automotive Media Award.

As a seasoned author and Mopar expert, he has written several high-performance Chrysler rebuild books.

The 8.5 x 11” paperback book (ISBN: 978-1-61325-357-1) features 144 pages packed with 334 colour photos and charts.

SA404 144 pages in soft-cover $42.99 www.PerformanceImprovements.com

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THE

RELUCTANT PASSENGER

Features Drivers Really Need

A

utomotive advancement is a wonderful thing. We wouldn’t be where we are today without Ford’s Flathead engine, Jonas Hesselman’s fuel injection system or even Robert Kearns’ intermittent wipers.

We’ve come a long way. Now, some vehicles can parallel park, check blind spots and avoid front-end collisions for you. And don’t forget about pressure-monitoring tire sensors and rain-detecting windshields. You know, so your wipers know when to turn on.

Add in GPS capabilities, and driving is no longer an adventure. It’s simply going from A to B. Or more like A to Zzzz. Sure, there’s less chance of anything untoward or dangerous happening, but there’s also less chance of anything remotely interesting happening too.

The open road will no longer be as enticing, and that’s a darn shame.

In the spirit of automotive improvement, here are a few vehicular features that the industry should consider developing:

Report Cam This smart dashboard camera captures footage of dangerous driving, uses X-ray vision to obtain VIN and licence plate numbers, and sends everything off to the nearest on-duty police officer. Book ‘em, Danno.

butthead pulls up beside you with “Shake Your Groove Thing” or “Ice, Ice Baby” blasting out of his Gremlin. Enter the Remote Mute. At the push of the button, the offending stereo system is silenced, and you can keep talking about the stuff you need to pick up at P.I.

Engine Noise Enhancer The problem with Teslas and other electric vehicles is you can’t hear them coming. So get one that’s equipped with ENE—speakers placed under the hood and trunk that broadcast simulated engine and exhaust sounds. Whether you choose purr, rumble or roar mode, the tone and intensity changes based on the speed and pedal pressure.

(Sadly, that one is already here — Ed.)

Vehicular Unfriend Just like cutting ties with someone on Facebook, this feature automatically locks your car’s doors when someone who’s not linked with you on social media approaches.

You’ll be protected from strangers with criminal intent, former friends with pyramid-scheme aspirations and that crazy ex who always needs a lift.

Yard Sale Scanner Ideal for rides with a bargain hunter on board, this dashboard device instantly scans the contents of a garage sale, flea market or church bazaar and issues an alert if the driver should stop. Reluctant passengers can enter search criteria ahead of time, such as general product categories or specific items like Pocket Fisherman, George Foreman Grill or Velvet Elvis.

Remote Mute We’ve all been there. You’re conversing with your passenger or driver when some

Inflato Hand Someone following too close or taking too long once the light turns? Deploy the hand, which inflates to roughly 3’ x 3’ to “push” other vehicles where they need to go.

Unlike an air bag, Inflato Hand instantly deflates and resets. It’s also ideal for keeping those weavers out of your lane. And giving someone a special salute.

Well, there you have it—fun features that would let drivers actually drive. You can thank me later.

Enjoy the ride.

•

About the Author: Bonnie Staring is a comedic triple-threat (writer, performer, coupon user), and she appreciates the road of life a lot more than she might let on. Bonnie has plans to master social media one day, right after she learns how to machine rotors. www.bonniestaring.com

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Performance in MOTION

This 1,800-pound, tube-frame, purpose-built beast rose from the ashes of Cody Loveland’s modified NSX. ENVIATE v2.0 runs a mid-mounted LS V8 that pumps out over 1,000HP with the aid of twin turbochargers. At Pikes Peak, it rocketed up the 12.42-mile road, through 156 turns, hitting a top speed of 147-mph, the fastest of the event. As it was making the final turn for the finish line, at 14,110 feet above sea level, the car stalls. It’s hard to imagine what passed through Driver Paul Gerrard’s mind in that moment. The car had stalled with the finish line in sight, and it also did not have enough energy to start. In a sheer genius moment, he jammed the transaxle into reverse and rolled backward down the mountain to blindly bump start it. Even with this mishap, he crossed the finish line in 10:19.312, capturing second place in the Unlimited class and 13th out of the 78 vehicles that had hit the starting line. Most importantly, Pikes Peak had been conquered.

Cut. Weld. Improve.

ENVIATE v2.0

Available at Performance Improvements Speed Shops: www.PerformanceImprovements.com

Ford Motor Company Trademarks and Trade Dress used under license to Mothers, Inc.