Performance in Motion Magazine Vol. 13 No. 1

Winter 2013 • Vol. 13 #1

Bucket List Bonneville Roadtrip

Canadian Publications Mail Product Sales Agreement #40609642

‘56 F100 Front Bumper Tuck

.WINTER

Chuck Vranas took this and the Cover shot in Bonneville, thanks Chuck!

Nip & Tuck 101 - Tucking your front bumper

Bonneville Bennett’s Adventure

SEMA the Ultimate Car Show

6_ 14_ 24_ • Performance in Motion •

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• Performance in Motion •

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Performance in Motion Publications 87 Advance Road Toronto, ON M8Z 2S6 Phone: 416-259-3678 • Fax: 416-259-6433 PUBLISHER Bob McJannett bmcj@sympatico.ca Phone: 416-259-3678 EDITOR Rob McJannett CONTRIBUTORS Thomas Anderson Bob A. Booey Jim Madigan Robert Michaelson Jeff Norwell Dave Thomas Leonard F. Slye Chuck Vranas

First up will be the Canadian Motorsports Expo, February 8-10 at the International Center in Mississauga.

Billed as Canada’s ultimate racing show, it is chance to see the latest in all types of racing and to meet a number of the stars of the different series. Check www.canadianmotorsportsexpo.com for information.

with Bonnie Staring as the Reluctant Passenger

COVER IMAGE Chuck Vranas PROOFREADER Spike “The Machine” LaVigne MOVING? Please let us know!

E-mail both your old & new address to: moving@performanceimprovements.com Return undeliverables to: 87 Advance Road Toronto, ON M8Z 2S6 PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. PERFORMANCE IN MOTION is published a year: Spring, Early Summer, Late Summer, Winter. Circulation is 30,000+ (ISSN

ell it’s 2013, apparently the Mayans were wrong and the world didn’t end in December. This forced me to take back the Viper I had bought on the do not pay till 2013 plan.

Our friends to the south avoided falling over the fiscal cliff, at least for a couple of months. So all is well with the world.

My only hiccup was Christmas day, we had planned to take out our roadster just so we could say we did, but when we got up in that morning not only had Santa come, but he left a layer of white stuff behind. Not conducive to driving a fender-less car.

Spring is just around the corner and the enthusiast community is getting ready for a banner year.

40609642 five times Fall, and 1703-8421)

Copyright ©2013 All rights reserved by Performance In Motion Publishing. Be good to the environment, recycle this magazine – give it to your friends. The fine print: We respect your privacy, and do not sell our mailing list. All opinions are those of our writers, (the usual gang of idiots) most of whom have sniffed too many gas fumes to trust as far as you can throw. The information presented is via said gas sniffers from which there can be no responsibility by the Publishers as to legality, completeness and accuracy. If you enjoy our magazine, be sure to let us know! This magazine may not be reprinted without permission of Performance In Motion Publishing. (We’re nice guys, just ask!) • Welcome to the P.I. team Steve! •

Next is Toronto’s only indoor Hot Rod and Custom car show, Megaspeed.

Also held at the International Center, on March 22-24. Managemant promises many new features and lots of interesting displays. Check www.megaspeedcarshow. com for full details.

Ontario Street Car Association (OSCA) this series features fast doorslammers, in fact they have some racers running in the 6 second range.

First race will be at Toronto Motorsports Park May 25-26. Check their site for full details www.raceosca.com F.J.Smith’s Can-Am Stock/ SuperStock Series a chance to see legal stock and superstock racers in action. The first event will be May 18-19 at Grand Bend Motorplex full info will be up at www.smithperformance.com If you like drag racing the way it used to be sure to attend a Ontario Nostalgia Drag Racers (ONDR) event. Here you will see all the styles of cars that used to be racing. Tons of fun. They have not set their first date so far, so check their site for a complete schedule www.fastpast.ca These are the events we know about currently, if you have an event we should let the enthusiast know about send us the information and we will try to publish it for you.

All for now, have a great car oriented year, the fun will soon begin.

We have a number of great racing series to see during the season, here are some of the ones we have information on.

TNT Super Series 10.90 Sportsman racing will hold 12 races this year beginning May 10 at Dunn Tire Raceway. Check www.tntsuperseries. com for full details.

Pro Mod Racing Association, watch the fast guys race. They will have 8 races this year starting in Martin, Michigan, May 10-11 further information at www.pmra.ca

Nothing like driving your Hot Rod to work in January!

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_TECH_

Nip & Tuck 101 Story & Photos By: Chuck Vranas

R

egardless if you are strolling through a local cruise night or covering acres at huge indoor or outdoor events, you have a chance to see countless classic trucks each one different from the next.

Sometimes it’s easy to note which ones have had major updates to their overall appearance, especially when they have been chopped, channeled, or sectioned. The ones that have subtle revisions are the ones

however that require a deeper look to determine just what might have been changed.

A mild shave here or a minor tweak there sometimes makes all the difference in the world when you look at the overall aesthetic of the truck.

On a recent visit to the Hot Rod Garage in Denton, Maryland, we caught up with the team as they prepared to undertake a simple bit of surgery on a ’53 Ford F100

1 Sometimes it doesn’t take much to improve on the looks of an already cool truck. Eliminating a bit of the stock void between the rear of the bumper and front valance will easily make the area sleeker.

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to tuck its front bumper. Shop owner Ray Bartlett is a master at adding subtle changes to many of the vehicles rolling through his shop. This particular modification is one which cleans up the gap between the rear bumper face and that of the front valance giving the truck a cleaner overall look from any angle.

As with any changes requiring fabrication, it’s a good idea to map out what you’re hoping to achieve once the job is completed. Team member Beau Wilkins got things rolling by first confirming the overall stock measurements to the truck’s bumper in relation to the body.

Measurements from the rear face of the front bumper to the front valance were noted at 2 9/16ths-inches at the left and right bumper ends; confirming each front frame horn was equally balanced. Note that this measurement may vary slightly from truck to truck.

A second measurement between the two front frame horns was taken to locate the center of the bumper which was at 13 ¼-inches. Wilkins then measured from the rear face of the bumper to the front valance which was also 2 9/16ths-inches.

2 Check out that Gap! Tightening that up will give this truck a cleaner overall look from any angle.

3 Hot Rod Garage team member Beau Wilkins first measured the area from the front valance to the rear of the rear face of the bumper. Here the measurement was 2 9/16ths-inches.

Simple steps to tucking the front bumper on your classic truck A decision was made to tuck the bumper approximately 1 9/16ths-inches which would have the updated unit at 1-inch from the front valance. To proceed, the bumper was removed with a 9/16ths-inch wrench to prepare the frame horns for surgery.

An angle finder was then used on each frame horn to determine its exact front face angle prior to marking the ends for cutting.

Here the measurement was at 86-degrees per side. A measurement of 1 9/16ths-inches was then taken from the front face on the left and right side of each frame horn rearward.

A marking line was then scribed in place

using a straight edge. The measurement was then carried to the side and bottom of each horn as well and marked with 1-inch masking tape to confirm the lines to be addressed.

Note that the tape was also used as a guide line.

To protect the truck’s finish from flying debris generated from the pending cutting and grinding, a section of cardboard was cut to fit and taped to the truck’s frontend.

While wearing eye protection an airdriven cutoff wheel was used to carefully cut through the three sides of the frame horn to remove the noted section. Wilkins fol-

lowed up by deburring the horn ends using a small circular grinder topped with a 36-grit disc.

Each frame horn top surface possessed a bit of an eyesore since they both had accessory holes in place. To clean up the overall area and give them a sanitary look, the holes were plug welded using a Miller Synchrowave 250 TIG welder and then ground smooth using a grinder and 36-grit disc.

At this time the bumper was test fit to be sure its mounting would be well-balanced and approximately 1-inch from the front valance. This gives you the opportunity to

• Performance in Motion •

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make any final tweaks prior to proceeding. With all measurements perfect, a black marker was used to outline the bolt mounting holes on the top and bottom of the frame horns. The bumper was then removed and a 7/16ths-inch Roto-Kut drill bit was used to drill the required mounting holes into the horns.

Once completed, the holes were deburred and the hardware was test fitted.

The area was then masked off and a simple coating of SEM self-etching primer. Once dry a final coating of Krylon satin black was applied.

Once the paint dried, the bumper was secured in place and final measurements were taken to confirm its rear face was 1-inch from the front valance.

Standing back and checking out the modification, it was easy to see that the subtle change made a big difference in the overall appearance to the front of the truck and to us that just plain cool!

•

4 He then measured each side of the bumper’s rear face to the front valance to be sure the framerail horns were equal to the front valance measurement. Here both sides equaled 2 9/16thsinches.

Sources: The Hot Rod Garage (410) 479-4360 www.thehotrodgarage.com

5 A measurement was then taken from the inside of each framerail and then divided in half to locate the center reference point which equaled 13 ¼-inches.

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6 A tape mark was then set to mark the spot.

8

7 A 9/16ths-inch wrench was then used to loosen and remove the bumper hardware.

With the bumper removed the work area was now clear and ready to undergo surgery.

9 An angle finder was used to determine the front face angle of the framerail horns to prepare them for trimming. Here both measurements were at 86-degrees.

11 After all three sides were scribed a 1-inch masking tape line was also run for reference.

10 A measurement was then taken from the front left and right side of the frame horn rearward at 1 9/16ths-inches and a line was then scribed in place using a straight edge.

12 To protect the truck’s finish from pending cutting and grinding, a simple frontend protector was fashioned from cardboard and taped in place.

• Performance in Motion •

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13 While wearing eye protection, Wilkins used an air-driven cutoff wheel to slowly and carefully make the incision on each side of the frame horn to remove the required section.

15 To clean up the top of the trimmed frame horn a decision was made to plug weld the accessory holes. The area was first ground smooth using a small grinder and 36-grit disc.

18 An air-driven grinder topped with a 36-grit disc was then used to grind the top of the frame horn smooth and prepare it for the next step.

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16 Using a Miller Synchrowave 250 TIG welder, Wilkins plug welded the accessory holes.

14 The front bumper was then test fitted in place to check for evenness to the front valance and each bumper side plane.

17 Here you can see the completed welding awaiting final grinding.

19 The front bumper was then test fitted in place to check for evenness to the front valance and each bumper side plane.

20 A measurement was then taken from the center reference point to the front valance to confirm it was now 1-inch from the rear face of the bumper to the valance.

23 With a 7/16ths-inch Roto-Kut bit secured in an air-driven drill, all required mounting holes were carefully drilled into the frame horns. The area was then deburred and blown clean.

26 A final measurement was taken to confirm the rear of the bumper was 1-inch from the front of the valance.

21 Once bumper placement was confirmed, the bumper was clamped in place and a black marker was used to mark the new upper and lower mounting holes to be drilled.

24 To protect the ends of the frame horns, the areas were first sprayed with SEM self-etching black primer. Once dry a final coating of Krylon satin black was applied.

22 Next, all holes were center punched using a hammer to act as a drilling guide.

25 Wilkins then reassembled the bumper in place using fresh hardware.

27 Here you can see what a difference the simple tuck made to the overall look of the front of the F100.

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There’s nothing like a little nip-tuck to change the look of your truck. Sometimes it’s the simplest revisions that make the most difference when you step back and study your frontend’s overall presence.

About the Photographer: Chuck Vranas draws inspiration from a lifetime fascination with traditional hot rods and customs every time he picks up one of his cameras. Chuck owns the notorious Lady Luck II ’23 Ford T-bucketand is starting work on a barn-find ’33 Ford coupe. See more of his work at: www.chuckvranas.com.

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• Performance in Motion •

What the Hell is This?

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his interesting device is a 1962-1963 Oldsmobile F-85 Jetfire turbocharger assembly as provided on a 215 cu in all aluminum V8 engine.

This was the first turbo ever offered by a major Detroit auto manufacturer. Approximately 5,500 units were produced over the two year period.

To make this one even more interesting it has been converted to fuel injection by Bob Keller from Turbonetics to fit on his fully restored 1963 F85 hardtop.

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• Performance in Motion •

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_TRAVEL

Story & Photos by Mike Bennett

I’m

a car guy in his mid-forties. Now I came by this addiction honestly through my father, a chronic car guy, now in his mid seventies. To know just how much of an enthusiast he is, you simply have to see the photo of him driving his roadster in the snow when we lived in Montreal.

For more than twenty years the two of us have been talking about a trip to the Holy Grail for real hot rodders, the Bonneville Salt Flats. Like most people, life has a way of conspiring against our plans and there always seemed to be some reason not to go.

Well, for a variety of reasons, 2012 was “the year” that we would procrastinate no more,

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timing was discussed and “the plan” was hatched. Throughout the spring of 2012 we honed our objectives. First and foremost we would attend the World Finals race at Bonneville in the first weekend of October.

The original plan was to drive there and back, stopping at as many eateries as we could that have been featured on Guy Fieri’s, Diners, Drive Ins and Dives (my Dad and I are both big fans of the show) that we could find along our route. After some sober thought we decided that this was going to be too much driving and not enough car guy stuff so plan B was hatched. Fly there, rent a car and drive it back. Sounds great,

except….the rental car companies all wanted my first born child as payment for a one-way rental. On to plan C! Fly to Vegas, rent a car, do a whirlwind 10 day west coast car guy tour and fly back. Perfect!

The Internet is a wonderful thing!

Knowing the dates of the world finals, I start searching for other cool car events on the west coast during the same time period. There was the NSRA car show in Sacramento…check! Nostalgia drag race at Bakersfield home of the legendary March Meet …check! Petersen Automotive museum in Los Angles…check! Carroll Shelby Museum in Las Vegas…check!

The starting line at Bonneville is very laid back and you can get real close to the action!

The Rocket Heads Racing ’52 Buick was as cool as they come. Class record holder at 168mph with a straight 8!

Super clean ’55 Chev made the trek down from British Columbia

With this rough plan laid out I decided to book two plane tickets and nothing else.

Everything we’d do will be on our time and our schedule. In hindsight, this was awesome with no stress to be anywhere at any particular time. It made the trip thoroughly enjoyable.

My plan from the beginning was to photo document our trip, so we’d always have tangible memories to look back on. In the end, I took and developed over 700 photos!

Rather then spell out the ten-day trip in words, I’ll rough out the details, hit the high spots and let some of my pictures do the talking.

An uneventful drive from Toronto to Buffalo and we were on the plane. The trip, however, wasn’t without its challenges. The connecting flight through Newark took way longer than I ever imagined, so word to the wise….get a direct flight!

Rent a car and head for the World finals in B’ville. Most of this drive is on route 318 where the famous Silver State Classic road race is held. Fun to imagine being on this same road, but going 220mph in a ’69 Camaro aka Big Red. Hit Wendover after sunset and grabbed a room at the Bonneville Inn. World Finals were very cool. With about 100 cars (they get over 500 during Speed Week in Aug) the atmosphere is very laidback,but the cars and the experience are still unreal. Bonneville is the last frontier for racing for racing’s sake. No huge sponsors, no huge paydays, simply mechanically minded enthusiasts building their machines, bringing them to the salt and driving as fast as they can. Hopefully, to get their name in the record book.

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Bonneville Bucket List Roadtrip

Stoganof ravioli at the 83 year old Ruth’s Diner in Salt Lake City was so good!

What’s in the gift shop at the Petersen Museum? Just the Outlaw built by legendary hot rodder Ed Roth!

The entrance to the early speed shop display at the Petersen Museum.

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A life size version at the entrance to the Hot Wheels display.

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Street legal deuce had current tags, was show worthy and just got back from a 200mpr run!

My candidate for the coolest shop truck on the salt!

Another winged Mopar, this one equipped with an EFI Hemi and ready to run!

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Finding a room during the October world finals was no problem. Speedweek in August however, good luck!

Troy Trepanier-built Mariani roadster just made a 219mph shakedown run.

It’s easy to see how a person could get salt fever. This is racing in its purist form.

After our fill of land speed racing we drove 529 miles from Wendover to Sacramento to take in the NSRA Golden State Street Rod classic. Over 1400 + cars to see, nothing can describe the sheer volume of absolutely stunning hot rods, street rods and muscle cars.

The plan from here was to head to Los Angeles to meet an old friend and do some more car stuff. Decided instead to make a quick trip to San Francisco, walk the waterfront and eat some seafood, this led to a side trip to the famous Famoso drag strip in Bakersfield California, now home to the NHRA California Hot Rod Reunion.

On to Los Angeles the next morning and straight to the Petersen Automotive museum, a must for any gear head. After the Petersen a quick visit to Hollywood Hot Rods, an incredible shop building traditional hot rods then off to meet my friend John, a hardcore traditional custom guy from way back.

Getting towards the end of the trip and we head back to Vegas. We take a tour of Counts Kustoms, a cool shop made famous by the popular Pawn Stars TV show, soon to have his own “Counting Cars” TV show. No car guy trip to Vegas is complete without a tour of the car collection at the Imperial Palace. To round out our trip we take a short drive out of town and visit the Motorsports complex including the Carrol Shelby museum, Exotics Racing, the Strip drag race facility and the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

All this in 10 days and unlike many other trips where you long to head home, we just wanted to keep going wherever the car guy winds would take us. All in all a great time spent with a great Dad, I’d do it again in a heartbeat!

•

Homemade comfort food at Dad’s Kitchen in Sacremento

8am at the NSRA meet in Sacremento made for some cool shadows!

My buddy JD cruising in the Grapevine clone in L.A.

Check out this cool early speed shop display inside the Petersen Museum.

Awesome Pro Touring convertible Nova was just one of a thousand plus machines at the NSRA Sacremento.

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_TESTDRIVE Story & Photos by Rob McJannett

SEMA

may be the world’s biggest car show, but there’s few chances to drive hard while there.

Most of our time is spent walking - from the hotel to the show, up and down the aisles, repeat. When Prestolite offered a chance to check out Lakewood’s new Mustang suspension system, I jumped at it!

I got to ride in two new Mustangs, one bone stock and the other equipped with a Lakewood Evolution suspension setup.

(Maybe not as fun as actually driving, but less of a chance to put one into the wall in front of a crowd.)

First drive was in the bone stock ‘Stang.

While a fun ride around the course, it’s still a stock Mustang with no suspension upgrades whatsoever.

The Evolution equipped ‘Stang maneuvered around the strategically placed cones with much less body roll. Brake diving was also drastically reduced. I expected it to bottom out as we raced into several deep dips in the parking lot, but we never did.

This system will be offered in three levels: Street Performance, High Performance Handling and Premiere Competition Handling. The Premiere kit features a ton

of parts including Adjustable Coilovers, a re-designed Watts Link, and Torque Arm. The adjustability of the kit lets you go from street to drag to auto cross in one vehicle.

“We have found that customers want that type of adjustability,” said Jeremy Weilnau, Lakewood’s product manager. “Everyone from the professional racer to the everyday Mustang enthusiast will enjoy having the ability to control the road like never before with the Lakewood Evolution.”

The Evolution system is designed for 05-13 Mustangs, and available for purchase in May, 2013.

•

The Lakewood Evolution Suspension system will be offered in three packages. Pricing is still being finalized, and all parts will also sold separately.

(LEFT Stock, RIGHT Evolution) Riding in both, back-to-back really highlightes the differences.

The Evolution system feels much more planted than the stock suspension. Brake dive is all but eliminated, it handles much better with less body roll, and feels much tighter hugging the corners and turns, even over rough surfaces. (That parking lot is not smooth!)

Lakewood Evolution Suspension controltheroad.com

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• Performance in Motion •

_PerfectStance

SEMA

2012

Story & Photos: Dave Thomas

T

he first time I heard about SEMA I knew I had to go. As an enthusiast how could I not? An enormous show that caters to every last bit of the automotive hobby sounded like an awesome time, and the fact it takes place in the city of sin was the icing on an already delicious cake.I viewed the industry only restriction as a rite of passage, not a hurdle, making admission something I had to work for and not just pay for. So work I did, taking photos for my site Stance Is Everything and publications such as this, until I earned my golden ticket to the big show.

The instant I set foot in the Las Vegas Convention Center

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parking lot for my first SEMA show in 2010, I knew it wouldn’t be my last. The amount of cars in the lot alone dwarfed several shows here in Ontario and the entire show was roughly the size of every event I attend in a typical show season combined into one.

My ‘kid in a candy store’ expression wasn’t lost on show veterans who warned me that the first year allure would eventually fade. However when I landed in 2012 for my second show, just as excited as I had been in 2010, I realized they simply underestimated my love of candy.

Compared to the 2010 show 2012 seemed like a much larger

event. Part of this could be attributed to the fact that the Global Rally Cross was happening the day before in a lot across from the show, but another contributing factor was the release of 2012s “it” car, the triple branded Toyota/Subaru collaboration project know as the Subaru BRZ, Toyota FT-86, or Scion FR-S depending on where you’re from. You simply couldn’t go more than twenty feet without running into one of these cars and people came from all over the world to display, and observe, what was possible with this new platform. Examples varied from mild street tunes and hop ups, all the way to chop top convertibles and complete custom wide

bodies with Vortech supercharger fed boxer motors. Anything and everything you could imagine done to the ‘toybaru’ had been done at SEMA 2012, sometimes even twice.

Like previous years minitrucks were also in abundance at the 2012 show and it wasn’t uncommon to see trucks ranging from slightly lower than stock to where the heck did those wheels go? levels of low all around the convention center.

Several were parked outside while a few scrapped their way inside like the surprisingly stunning chameleon painted Chevy dually parked in the Falken tire booth.

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SEMA

2012

Not to be outdone by the aftermarket tuners and tire companies OEM manufacturers stepped up their game for 2012 by bringing out a number of well put together factory optioned cars. Ford impressed several with their fleet of tricked out Fusions and RTX Mustang, while Hyndai reminded us just how serious they want to be taken in the years to come with their Veloster Turbo and Genesis coupe offerings.

Mazda and Honda also made sure that their racing heritage was not forgotten by bringing forth a few of their more memorable racing vehicles including Mazda’s legendary 787b Lemans racer.

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For myself the main draw at SEMA has always been American classics, of which there are plenty.

Standouts for 2012 included the Ring Brothers Producer which is an absolute beast of a ‘65 Mustang. This orange and black head turner has been widened four inches all around so that it can fit the wheel and tire setup necessary to harness all 740 horsepower barked out by the Keith Craft 427 stroker motor.

Another show stopper was the Eckert’s Rod Shop Mach 40 that’s an expertly crafted 69 Mach One/GT40 hybrid. This several year project was trick enough to catch the attention of Polyphony Digital

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25

SEMA2012

(the makers of the Gran Tourismo video game series) earning it a spot in the game and giving those of us who can’t afford to replicate such a creation the pleasure of driving it from our couch at home.

Another car that had me mesmerized was the ’32 Ford Roadster known as the Slyvester II. There are over 5000 man-hours in this car and it certainly shows. Extremely detailed from grill to bumper this is a deuce that has lived a heck of a life and New Metal Kustomz in California did an excellent job giving it a second

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• Performance in Motion •

chance after it was moth balled for more than a few years.

I could, of course, go on and on about the cars that were at SEMA 2012 but there’s simply too much to share and not enough space.

I encourage you, enthusiast to enthusiast; to figure out a way make it to at least one SEMA show in your life time. Even if you don’t like the show, you’re still in Vegas, and there are dollar beers in Vegas.

•

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• Performance in Motion •

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SEMA2012

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• Performance in Motion •

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Look at howmany ugly wires the MSD EFI Kit eliminates!

Phantom 340 Stealth Fuel System EFI Fuel Delivery in any Gas Tank!

Completely universal, this system will fit virtually any tank from 6” deep to 15” deep, plastic, steel, aluminum, corrugated or smooth. The Phantom system’s internal baffle / basket controls fuel slosh and keeps the fuel pump submerged in fuel, even at low fuel levels and in aggressive driving. One system gives you everything you need to fuel your ride. It eliminates the need for welding fuel sumps on your tank, or taking up trunk space with fuel cells. This is really the future fuel delivery, works great for EFI conversions. It’s serious performance you will never know is there! AF18688

Max Clean

Drill and Measure You drill a three-inch hole in the tank, then measure the depth of your tank.

Trim to Size Cut your bracket, your foam baffle and basket to the size you need.

Install Squeeze the baffle into the tank, it expands in there, fits any tank from 6” to 15” deep.

Tighten down using the nylon lock nuts and washers. The gasket ensures a tight seal all the way around, even on a corrugated tank.

Fuel System Cleaner & Stabilizer Royal Purple Max-Clean is a 3-in-1 high performance synthetic cleaner that maximizes the performance of your fuel system. Formulated with state-of-theart detergents to deeply penetrate and clean injectors, carburetors, intake valves and combustion chambers.

Max-Clean is EPA/CARB Compliant. Safe for gasoline and diesel engines.

RP11722

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Bond or Bondo Far

be it for me to make assumptions, but most automotive enthusiasts—at one point or another—wish they could get their hands on one of 007’s spectacular vehicles and take it for a spin. Of course, most of the drivers I know have spent more time with Bondo than Bond.

I think the urge to drive a spy-gear-equipped car sends relatively sane individuals to auto shows. It’s true. Car nuts buy tickets to walk around and gawk at a bunch of vehicles for hours, if not days, and return home with their heads filled with carburetor wishes and manifold dreams.

They find these events inspiring, kind of like how reluctant passengers feel about shoe sales. Or cute pet videos.

Although I don’t think James Bond would have ever asked Q to create a vehicle that could parallel park itself, there are a few Secret Service–inspired enhancements that a coveted ride or daily driver can experience—or try to emulate.

Bond gadget: Radar scanner/tracking screen Bond’s Aston Martin DB5 had this unusual device back in the ‘60s to keep track of where he was and where the baddies were headed.

Today, most drivers have a similar device on their dashboard—it’s called a GPS. Bond gadget: Revolving license plate Not only is this device highly illegal when used outside of a major motion picture, it could also be quite expensive when it comes to sticker renewals. In Canada, all a driver has to do is travel over muddy snow and no one will recognize the vehicle until he washes it.

Bond gadget: Wheel spinner lasers During car chases, Bond could pull up and give his opponent’s vehicle a side-long laser treatment. Of course, in real life we can’t go around slicing off

someone’s body panels without someone complaining to the police.

Instead, a driver can distract his so-called opponents by treating his wheels to a thorough cleaning. Nothing inspires envy like shiny rims. Or updated spinners.

Bond gadget: Rocket engine An extreme amount of vehicular power is required to operate machine guns, launch missiles and race to save the world. That’s why 007’s Vantage relied on a rocket engine. Lucky for us, weaponry doesn’t come standard in any Canadian consumer makes and models. But drivers like their power, so I have two words for you: octane booster.

Bond gadget: Burglar protection Most automotive enthusiasts weep during the scene when Bond’s Lotus Esprit blows up during a burglary attempt. That might not be the ideal theft-deterrent device for your driver. You might want to try a louder car alarm or a steering wheel lock.

Bond gadget: Oil spill generator When the villains were on his tail, 007 could have oil flood out of the DB5’s exhaust pipe to create a slippery situation. Your driver, on the other hand, could simply avoid replacing some gaskets to have a similar effect.

Perhaps it’s the lure of all things new, improved and dangerous that draws people to auto shows and Bond films alike. After all, you can get in trouble attempting to step behind a roped-off area or budding in line at the concession stand. Just remember to leave the tough stuff to the professionals.

Enjoy the ride •

About the Author: Bonnie Staring is a comedic triple-threat (writer, performer, coupon user), and she appreciates the road of life a lot more than she might let on. Bonnie has plans to master social media one day, right after she learns how to machine rotors. www.bonniestaring.com

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