PP issue 7

PINK PARENTING

THE world’s No.1 LGBT PARENTING Magazine

www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting

issue 07 WINTER 2012/2013 £3.95 07

The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!

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ISSUE 07

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ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: POTTY TRAINING i BABY BONDING i TUMTUM i ANNABEL KARMEL i CORD BANKING

embrace life

WINTER 2012/2013 07 News, WE LOVE reviews, xmas gifts, gadgets and gizmos.

18 Q&A WITH... DARREN KENNEDY TV presenter and Fashion guru, Darren Kennedy chats to us about his dreams to be a Dad, his recent documentary and his journey so far.

20 COVER STORY: MATT BOMER Hollywood Star, Matt Bomer, is a Dad to three boys conceived through surrogacy. We hear his story about fame, fatherhood and surrogacy.

25 POTTY TRAINING Creator of the My Carry Potty, Amanda Jenner explains all you need to know to make potty training as smooth as possible for your child.

28 BABY BONDING Rebecca Chicot, expert in child development and parenting, offers some great tips on how to create a strong and secure bond with your baby.

32 REAL LIFE STORY: VICTOR AND CHRIS We hear from Victor and Chris about the making of their family via surrogacy with the help of the Growing Generations clinic in the US.

36 DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW We have found 5 great ski resorts around Europe where you and your family can go and enjoy the winter days on the slopes together.

42 FESTIVE FANCIES PP’s resident child nutritionist, Annabel Karmel, cooks up some festive treats guaranteed to be enjoyed by all the family.

49 BEHIND THE BRAND: TUMTUM Suzanne Stokes, co-creator of kids dining brand TUMTUM, tell us how a passion for teaching her kids to self feed turned into a thriving company.

52 LEGAL LOWDOWN

Linzi Bull is back to explain a fascinating case about surrogacy abroad and the pitfalls that you need to know.

55 YOUR LEGAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED Law firm Finers Stephens Innocent answer more of your parenting related legal questions.

56 ASK THE DOCTOR Dr. Lavy explains how saving your baby’s cord blood at the time of birth can help to treat diseases and conditions later in their lives.

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Lives Created

Wo r l d s C h a n g e d

Growing Generations

baby

645 646

Growing Generations

We Deliver.

Family dreams since 1996.

Surrogacy & Egg Donation

Growing Generations

ww w. g r o w in g g e n e r a t io n s . c o m

WINTER 2012/2013 www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting

PINK PARENTING

THE world’s No.1 LGBT PARENTING Magazine

issue 07 WINTER 2012/2013 £3.95

07

The stories, science and all

things parenting for the LGBT

community!!

Welcome to Pink Parenting We are so excited to be sharing issue 7 with you, full of interesting articles, real-life stories and top tips to be the best Pink Parent.

In this issue, our cover feature is with Hollywood heart-throb and actor, Matt Bomer, who is the proud Dad to three boys born via surrogacy. Also Amanda Jenner, inventor of My Carry Potty explains ways on how best to potty train your child.

ISSUE 07

ING.COM WWW.PINK-PARENT

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i CORD BANKING BONDING i TUMTUM i ANNABEL KARMEL ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: POTTY TRAINING i BABY

Group Publisher Jeff Crockett Managing Editor Giorgio Severi Art Editor Damian Browning Contributors Linzi Bull, Rebecca Chicot, Louisa Ghevaert, Amanda Jenner, Annabel Karmel, Caroline Kelly, Dr. Gad Lavy.

Business Advisor PJ Mack Interim Sales Manager Carlo Mendez Freelance Sales Susan Calatayud, Pier Minole Accounts Manager Jennifer Bailey

We also catch up with the adorable Irish TV celeb, Darren Kennedy, and find out how his journey to become a Dad is going, and quiz him on all things parenting and Annabel cooks up some delicious festive fancies for the whole family to enjoy.

And finally, Linzi, our resident lawyer is back with a fascinating case about surrogacy abroad, and highlights the pitfalls you should know when considering surrogacy.

With all this, and lots more, the team at Pink Parenting would like to wish all our readers and their families a very Happy Christmas and prosperous New Year!

Team PP

Legal Advisor Samuel & Davies Client Liason Officer Connie Wilson Printed in the UK by The Magazine Printing Company using only paper from FSC/PEFC suppliers. www.magprint.co.uk Advertising Enquiries advertising@pink-parenting.com Contact details: Pink Parenting Magazine Suite 318, Building 50, Argyll Road, London SE18 6PP Tel: 0843 2895844

www.pink-parenting.com

Annabel Karmel

Dr.Gad Lavy

Caroline Kelly

Annabel is the UK’s leading child

Dr. Lavy is the medical director and

Caroline is a member of the family law

nutritionist and best-selling author of

founder of New England Fertility, and is

team at Finers Stephens Innocent.

books on feeding babies & children.

an internationally recognised speaker

She specialises in all aspects of private

Annabel was awarded an MBE in

and author on the topics of infertility,

family law, including international and

June 2006 for her outstanding work

assisted reproductive technology,

domestic children law, residence,

in the field of child nutrition.

surrogacy and egg donation.

co-parenting, surrogacy and adoption.

Linzi Bull

Amanda Jenner

Rebecca Chicot

Linzi is a Partner in the Family Practice

Amanda is a Mum of three and

Rebecca Chicot is co-creator of

at Harbottle & Lewis LLP. She is a

inventor of the multi award winning

The Essential Baby Care Guide DVDs

Family Mediator and has experience in

My Carry Potty and is passionate

and co-founder of The Essential

all aspects of relationship breakdown,

about making potty training as

Parent Company. She has a doctorate

and has particular expertise in

fun and stress free as possible

in child development and parenting

complex same-sex children law cases.

for parents and their little ones.

from Cambridge University.

SUBSCRIBE AND SAVE!!

SUBSCRIBE TO PINK PARENTING MAGAZINE AND GET 6 ISSUES FOR JUST £18.95 WITH A GREAT SAVING OF OVER 22%!!

VISIT PINK-PARENTING.COM/ SUBSCRIBE FOR DETAILS!

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WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

A CAR THAT’S AS MODERN AS YOUR FAMILY. THE NEW FORESTER. Unlike most cars the Subaru Forester has the World’s only Boxer Diesel engine which has a low centre of gravity, which helps you roll less on corners and remain stable, even on more challenging roads. It also has a Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive system, which helps it stick to the road when you need it most.

So you can rely on the Subaru Forester to keep the whole family safe, wherever you’re going, whatever the weather.

Call 08430 222074 visit subaru.co.uk/safe or text ‘forester’ to 60800 Forester range fuel consumption in mpg(l/100km): Urban from 29.1 (9.7) to 37.2 (7.6). Extra Urban from 44.1 (6.4) to 50.4 (5.6). Combined from 37.7 (7.5) to 44.8 (6.3). CO2 emissions from 174 to 167 (g/km).

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

SPLISH SPLATS

CHILDREN LOVE JUMPING IN PUDDLES. THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS, BUT WELLIES can be uncomfortable, heavy and stiff. Splats rain boots are different. Inspired by

two North London Mums, these sporty waterproof boots, are perfect for play time in the rain. The boots come in a variety of colours and have a non-slip hardy sole to withstand even the most active little feet, while the soft fabric upper boot is waterproof and breathable. For all kids who love to run, climb and best of all splash! www.thesplats.com, from £38

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WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

WE LL♥ L♥VE ♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

FESTIVE FEASTING

GET YOUR LITTLE ONES IN THE FESTIVE MOOD THIS CHRISTMAS WITH the these cool and cute dining sets from the award-winning product

designers TUMTUM. With snowy winter designs, innovative scooping edges and non slip bases, teaching your kids to feed themselves and use cutlery will be fun with these big designs for little fingers.

LEA MORE ARBNOUT TUMTUM ON PAGE 49

www.tumtumtots.com, from £25

COOL CUSHIONS

ÜBER COOL DESIGN DUO DARLING CLEMENTINE JOINED forces with interior experts, Ferm Living to create these cute

cushions for kids. The Marionette Collection, featuring Mr. Frank Fox, Aristo Katt and friends will give a vintage style to any child’s room who will love these adorable cushioned characters that seem straight out of a retro circus! www.95percent.co.uk, from £34.95

LITTLE ANGELS MOVE OVER POKÉMON, THE NEWEST COLLECTABLE craze from Japan has arrived in the UK. Introducing

Sonny Angels, the super cute naked little angel that is on a mission to spread happiness worldwide! The collection features angels from various series each wearing different headgear, including animals, marine, fruit, vegetables and special seasonal series that are sure to be a hit this Christmas. Sonny Angels are sold ‘blind packaged’ so it’s a surprise to which Angel you will receive. With an angel by your side you’re promised protection, comfort and smiles! www.kindtoys.co.uk, £5 each

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SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM One of YouTube’s latest uploads to go viral is entitled Invisible Parents and deals with the need for a law that umbrellas the whole of Europe to protect LGBT parents who are travelling to countries that do not recognise LGBT parenting laws. It’s worth checking out, and be sure to sign the All Out petition at the end!!! For more info please visit: www.invisibleparents.eu

HUNGRY MONSTERS EXPLODING WITH FLAVOUR AND AS NATURAL as if made at home, Fuss Pots from kids

nutriton expert Annabel Karmel is a new range of four delicious dishes which will tickle the taste buds of even the fussiest of eaters.

All the recipes are from Annabel’s bestselling books, in easy to use microwaveable pots include Chicken Korma, Chicken ‘n’ Rice Nasi Goreng, Spaghetti Bolognese with hidden vegetables and Kickin’ Chicken Chow Mein.

After eating, the pots can be used to plant and grow seeds to mimic monsters hair. www.sainsburys.co.uk, £2.90

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOUR GIFT, GADGET OR GIZMO FEATURED IN OUR ‘WE LOVE’ SECTION PLEASE CONTACT US AT WELOVE@PINKPARENTING.COM WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

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WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

WE LL♥ L♥VE VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

YULETIDE YETITOY

THIS STURDY RIDE-ON TRIKE BY YAMA DESIGN IS bursting with character and will enhance the imaginary

playworld of your child. Made from strong durable plastic, the Yetitoy is lightweight and wipe clean, so removing mud from the enchanted forests is easy. The rubberised tyres provide grip outdoors and a silent motion indoors. Unique optional accessories allow kids to personalise the Yetitoy. By adding ears, horns or a saddle, turning it from a tricycle to pet. www.amazon.co.uk, from £70

CHRISTMAS COUTURE

KIDS WILL LOVE THE LATEST CHRISTMAS collection from the folks over at Lipfish. What’s great about these t-shirts are the appliqué characters of a snowman and reindeer, that almost jump out at you. Printed on bright coloured long sleeve t-shirts, these fun designs will certainly attract a lot of attention around the Christmas table.

www.lipfish.com, from £20

HAPPY HEADS

SHAMPOOHEADS IS A NEW FUN HAIR CARE range for young children. Each bottle features a character with an individual personality with whom your kids can relate, Awesome Annie, Busy Bob and Raging Rosie. The range consists of shampoo, conditioner, hair gel and hair detangler and is dermatologically and tear-free tested and designed to make bath time a more fun and safe experience for you and your kids, suitable for 2-6 year olds.

www.boots.com, from £2.99

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

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THE LEADERS IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING IVF IVF EGG EGG FREEZING FREEZING SURROGACY SURROGACY EGG EGG DONATION DONATION California California Fertility Fertility Partners Partners has has been been helping helping gay gay men men build build families families for over fifteen years.

No program has the experience and expertise for over fifteen years. No program has the experience and expertise of of California California Fertility Fertility Partners Partners with with third third party party reproduction. reproduction.

THE LEADERS GUY RINGLER, MD GUY RINGLER, MD THE LEADERS (310) 828-4008 TEL // THE LEADERS (310) 828-4008 TEL // GRINGLER@AOL.COM GRINGLER@AOL.COM IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING THE LEADERS WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING IVF IVF IVF EGG EGG FREEZING FREEZING IVF EGG FREEZING IVF SURROGACY SURROGACY EGG FREEZING SURROGACY EGG FREEZING EGG EGG DONATION DONATION SURROGACY EGG DONATION SURROGACY California Fertility families EGG DONATION and women build California Fertility Partners Partners has has been been helping helping gay gay men men build build families for over fifteen years.

No program has the experience and expertise California Fertility Partners has been helping gay men build families EGG DONATION families overyears. twenty No program has the experience and for over for fifteen Noyears. program has the experience and expertise California Fertility Partners haswith been helping gay men build families of California Partners third party reproduction. for over fifteen years.

No program has the experience andreproduction. expertise expertise of Fertility California Fertility Partners with third party of California Fertility Partners with third party reproduction.

California Fertility Partners has been helping gay men build families for over fifteen years.Partners No program experience and expertise of California Fertility with has thirdthe party reproduction. for over fifteen years.Partners No program experience and expertise of California Fertility with has thirdthe party reproduction. of California Fertility Partners with third party reproduction.

GUY GUY RINGLER, RINGLER, MD MD GUY RINGLER, MD// GRINGLER@AOL.COM (310) 828-4008 (310) RINGLER, 828-4008 TEL TEL GUY MD// GRINGLER@AOL.COM (310) 828-4008 TEL GUY RINGLER, MD// GRINGLER@AOL.COM WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM (310) 828-4008 TEL // GRINGLER@AOL.COM WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM (310) 828-4008 TEL // GRINGLER@AOL.COM WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS COMFORT REACHES NEW HEIGHTS WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF THE STOKKE CRUSI stroller, a ‘from birth’ solution that comes with a wide range of configurations. Using

their experience and design know how, Stokke have created a stroller that is not only comfortable to manage but converts as your child grows. The Crusi’s features include a high seat that can be turned to face parent forwards, promoting interaction and bonding, or forward facing so as to be able to watch the world go by. There is also a height-adjustable handle and a spacious shopping basket underneath, making trips to the shops hassle free.

And if another sibling arrives, Stokke have it covered as the Crusi can be converted to accommodate a baby and toddler by simply adding the Crusi Sibling seat. www.mamasandpapas.com, from £879.00

REACHING NEW HEIGHTS WITH THE STOKKE CRUSI

Newborn

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Sibling solutions

3 positions parents facing Sleep, rest and active

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2 positions forward facing Rest and active

Sibling solutions

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©Disney ©Disney. Based on the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ works by A.A.Milne and E.H.Shepard

Healthy snacking for kids from 12 months on

Available from all major supermarkets Hello I’m Annabel Winnie the Pooh & I have searched the hundred acre wood to bring you these tasty & healthy snacks for those little ones with rumblies in their tumblies. The range is naturally yummy, contains no artificial colours or flavours & made using only the finest ingredients so your toddler will have lots of energy for fun filled adventures.

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

DREAM DROID FOR LEGO GEEKS

LEGO AND STAR WARS FANS OFTEN GO HAND

in hand, which is why we’re sure the arrival of the official Lego Star Wars R2D2 set will be welcome news for many a brick-stacking, droid-loving geek. Everyone’s favourite droid from the Star Wars galaxy is now part of the ultimate collector series and features fantastic detailing, such as retractable third leg, front panels that open to reveal a computer interface arm and a circular saw, rotating head and 2 fold-out front spacecraft linkage control arms. This model is the perfect addition to your Star Wars collection! www.shop.lego.com/en-GB, £149.99

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SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM EDITORSICK XMAS PHIM FOR «

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT STARTING THE NEW YEAR FIT AND healthy then the Nike+ Fuel band may just come in handy. The fuel band racks your day-to-day activity and measures this through a new medium called Nike Fuel. It also syncs up with a mobile app that charts your progress, so why not get fit for 2013!

www.nike.co.uk, £129

PEPPERY PAMPERING

NEW YEAR NEW YOU

A RICH AND SPICY FESTIVE BATH AND BODY GIFT SET chosen specifically for men. Blended with antioxidant-rich

black pepper oil, spicy cumin to heat up the season and cracked black peppercorns, for some serious buffing. The Molton Brown Polaris Re-charge Black Pepper Gift Set is suitable for normal skin types, contains Bodyscrub, Bodywash and Eau de Toilette and comes already gift wrapped, ready to throw under the Christmas tree! www.moltonbrown.co.uk, £57

SKYFALL SEAMASTER

THE 23RD JAMES BOND ADVENTURE, SKYFALL, WILL ONCE AGAIN SEE the world’s favourite secret agent wearing an Omega watch. Skyfall will

mark the seventh time 007 has worn an Omega on film and the new Seamaster Planet Ocean 600M Skyfall is limited to 5,000 pieces. Great for 007 fans who want a robust yet reliable side kick in their lives. www.omegawatches.com, £4,500

MINI MARVEL

SMALLER THAN AN IPAD, BUT QUITE A BIT BIGGER THAN AN iPod touch, the Apple iPad mini is the long-awaited and much-

rumoured in-betweener in the brave new world of tablets. With a higher pixel density than the original iPad and with a beautiful 7.9 inches, reading the latest issue of Pink Parenting now available on iTunes will be more enjoyable than ever before! www.apple.com/uk, starting from £269

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WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

BAGS OF STYLE

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET A TRULY AMAZING treat, check out Sugarjack’s stunning Limited Edition Holly Red changing bag. Only 100 of these beauties have been made, so you can be sure it’s a pretty special gift. Made from luxury leather, each bag comes with a secret ingredient – a detachable baby organiser. Parents can pack in everything they need from nappies to bottles, but when they’re having a baby free day all they need to do is unclip the organiser and they’ve got their bag back! Even better 5% of profit from the sale of each Sugarjack bag goes to Tommy’s so you’ll be supporting a great cause too!

www.sugarjack.com/, £329

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A CABINET OF CHOCOLATE

FOR ALL THE CHOCOHOLICS OUT THERE THIS Christmas, Hotel Chocolat will be a guaranteed

instant hit. The Signature Cabinet, is displayed in a beautifully crafted collector’s box and has three drawers filled with 138 sought-after recipes from across Hotel Chocolat’s range - including luxurious cream truffles, deeply nutty pralines, mellow caramel and many more. This is the ultimate indulgence for chocolate fans, whether they decide to share is up to them! www.hotelchocolat.co.uk, £160

REST, RELAX & REJUVENATE THE AWARD-WINNING DIVINE GIFT SET FROM

L’Occitane is a present that any woman will love.

Formulated with immortelle and myrtle essential oils, two treasures of longevity, provides complete skin rejuvenation. The set includes the Divine Cream which brings supreme nutrition to the skin, fights all signs of ageing and provides freshness, brightness and radiance to the face and body. www.uk.loccitane.com, £113

CHARM OFFENSIVE THE FOLKS AT PANDORA HAVE GOT IT CRACKED WHEN IT comes to charm bracelets, but for those who are not familiar with Pandora then here is a quick guide. First, you need to choose your starter bracelet which are available in silver, 14k solid gold, leather or textile, then you add the charms – simple!

With over 600 to choose from, you are sure to find a charm that represents that special moment. Baby related charms such as a dummy, baby carriage, baby booties and a new baby boy or girl charms are all available.

EDITORS XMAS PICK FOR HER

www.pandora.net/en-gb, bracelets from £40, charms from £15

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WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

Q&A WITH...

Irish born Darren Kennedy is a man of many talents, known not only for his keen eye on fashion, but as a presenter, producer and broadcaster.

Pink Parenting recently had the pleasure of chatting to Darren about his recent documentary, Gay Daddy, and find out how his parenting plans are going.

Q. Right, firstly, have you always wanted kids and be a pink parent?

DK: I’ve always loved children and spending time interacting with them because I’m just a big kid at heart so I have always thought I would have children at some point. My Mum said that I’d make a great Dad someday, but it was only really when I hit the dreaded 30, that I got to thinking that if this is something I actually wanted, then I was really going to have to think seriously about it, or how else was it going to happen?

However, I don’t think I’m ready for a baby right now. I’m fully aware that if I actually did want a child it would take time to achieve this. Obviously with surrogacy it’s a lot quicker but it is really expensive. I’m 31 now and there are still a lot of things that I want to do, so I guess I will have to get more serious about this when the time is right!

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Q. Have you had any experience looking after children?

Q. How many children would you and Aidan like to have in the future?

DK: I come from a relatively small family and it was only a couple of years ago that my first nephew was born. Tristan, is 25 months now and absolutely gorgeous and now has a 6 month old brother called Adam so I try to spend as much time with them as possible.

Because of my work, I end up splitting my time between London and Dublin, but the first thing I always do when I come back home is to see the boys and spoil them rotten, I absolutely adore spending time with them.

DK: I’ll start with one and see how it goes, but ideally two as I would love for my first child to have a brother or sister to play and grow up with. That said, the less grey hairs the better.

Q. What do you think it takes to be a good parent in today’s society and do you think you have it?

I’VE ALWAYS LOVED CHILDREN AND SPENDING TIME INTERACTING WITH THEM BECAUSE I’M JUST A BIG KID AT HEART SO I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE CHILDREN AT SOME POINT. MY MUM SAID THAT I’D MAKE A GREAT DAD SOMEDAY. Q. You recently filmed a documentary about your journey to becoming a Dad. What was that like?

DK: It was called Gay Daddy and was aired on Irish TV. It really was a fly on the wall documentary about me and my partner Aidan looking into what options are out there for a gay couple who want a child. During the show, (part of the Reality Bites series) reality really did bite when I had to look after my two nephews for 24 hours and I found it really tough. I realised pretty early on that I literally couldn’t take my eyes off of the kids for a second. Unfortunately I couldn’t say ‘Alright boys, we’re going to have a 10 minute break where I could do my own thing’. After that experience, I found a whole new respect for any parent of young children or newborns.

I also learned from doing the show that for us as an Irish couple it was going to be hard because we would like to have our children in Ireland, but right now the legal system is a complete catastrophe. It’s archaic, and has not kept up with today’s fast changing society.

Even before filming, I chatted with Aidan, my family and friends and really questioned if this was really something I wanted to do and share such a personal journey in front of a TV camera? I was also nervous about the potential backlash I could receive, as in London it’s a lot more the norm but in Dublin

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it’s much less acceptable, but I have received nothing but amazingly positive feedback.

My Twitter, Facebook and website were all inundated with positive responses. 70% of the feedback was from heterosexual women who empathised with the struggles of being a parent and how difficult it can be to get pregnant. It was much bigger than just a gay man wanting a kid, it was about not being able to conceive naturally and I think that’s where it really struck a chord.

Q. Given the choice, would you like a girl or boy, or does it not matter?

DK: Oh no, I wouldn’t have a preference. I really learned from the show, that things like that, don’t really matter and that the most important factor is the quality of love. So no, it wouldn’t have any bearing on me.

Q. What are your thoughts on the growing interest in Gender Selection, is it a step too far?

DK: I wouldn’t justify it as a step too far, but it just wouldn’t be for me. I think there is a limit on how much I should be able to control and it wouldn’t be something I would be overly concerned with. Obviously if I only had boys, and I really wanted a girl then I do understand that but I think there needs to be a limit.

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DK: Yes, I absolutely believe that I have what it takes and know myself and Aidan would make great parents one day. What makes a good parent in today’s society is to be able to provide an environment, a family and a loving scenario where the child has all the love and nurturing it needs. I’m not blinkered and I know that it is a hell of a lot of work and at the moment I’m always really happy after a long day looking after my nephews to be able to hand them back.

Q. Between you and Aidan, do you see yourself as being the strict parent or the soft touch?

DK: I would probably be the strict parent.

Aidan would be more of a push over, but then again he allows himself to be so - It’s an important distinction, and I love him for it. I think I would be more easily agitated. My parents were pretty relaxed with us, they weren’t super strict but they didn’t let us run wild either, it was a good mix. I really hope that I take the skills I learned from my parents growing up into fatherhood.

Q. Finally, what advice would you give to other would-be pink parents?

DK: My advice would be to just do it - go for it. If it is something that you really want to do.

Obviously depending on where you live, do your research and know what you are letting yourself in for. In Ireland, for example, if you are planning a surrogate… be sure that you are fully briefed on the legal situation, it’s not always black and white but once you’re happy with that, just go for it!

To find out more about Darren and his ‘Gay Daddy’ documentary please visit www.rte.ie.

Alternatively visit www.helpmystyle.ie for his take on what’s hot and what’s not in the world of fashion and Darren’s guide to stylish living.

WINTER 2012 / 2013 – ISSUE 07

CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT

Actor Matt Bomer, who has just celebrated his 35th birthday, is handsome, successful and adored by a loyal fan base.

He is also a busy gay father of three. Recent news of his role in the hit American TV show The New Normal, together with his own family dynamics make him a role model for the LGBT community and those looking to have a family through surrogacy.

M

CAREER AS AN ACTOR

att grew up in Dallas with his brother, Neill, and his sister, Megan. He attended Klein High School in Klein, Dallas, with fellow actor Lee Pace.

Matt knew he was gay as a teenager.

However, due to social pressures he didn’t feel he could be open about his sexuality.

Instead, he kept this to himself and didn’t publicly come out until earlier this year during his acceptance speech at an awards ceremony earlier this year.

As a child, he acted and attended Alley Theatre, a non-profit theatre company. In 2001, he graduated from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

After graduating from university, Matt secured a small role in the daytime television soap opera All My Children. He then went on to star in another daytime television soap called Guiding Light from 2001 - 2003.

Building on this experience, Matt went on to star in prime-time television soap North Shore from 2004 - 2005 as well as securing a role in the 2005 thriller film Flightplan with Jodie Foster. He also starred in film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning in 2006.

Matt then featured in various films and television programs before starring in popular US television series White Collar in 2009, which characterizes a »

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© Dan Busta/Corbis Outline

WORDS_ LOUISA GHEVAERT

Š Dan Busta/Corbis Outline

CELEBRITY SPOTLIGHT With roles as diverse as con artist Neal Caffrey in USA Network’s ‘White Collar’ and as male stripper Ken in Steven Soderbergh’s comedy, Magic Mike, Matt Bomer’s most celebrated role is that of father of three boys via surrogate which recently won him and Simon the No.1 spot in the Buzzfeed.com ‘The 10 Most Famous Gay Parents and their Families’.

» fictional partnership between a con artist and an FBI agent.

Buddy TV ranked Matt as number 1 on its list of “TV’s Sexiest Men of 2011”. In October 2011, Matt appeared in the science fiction thriller film In Time along with Justin Timberlake and earlier this year he played the part of a male stripper in the feature film Magic Mike.

Recently, Matt captured press attention when he secured the role of Bryan Collins’ handsome ex-boyfriend, Drew, in the 2012 hit US NBC television show The New Normal.

show gives gay parenting and surrogacy further visibility and it gives confidence to other prospective gay dads in particular that they too can have a family of their own.

Family life is changing and surrogacy enables families to be created in ways that wasn’t possible ten years ago. Celebrity endorsement of surrogacy inspires others and Matt’s personal experience of surrogacy, together with his high profile role in The New Normal, makes him an important role model for surrogacy. He joins the ranks of other celebrities who have turned to surrogacy to have a family in the last couple of years, including Elton John and David Furnish, Nicole Kidman, Sarah Jessica Parker and Elizabeth Banks.

SURROGACY AND THE NEW NORMAL

The New Normal is a comedy show that revolves around a blended family of a gay couple, Bryan Collins and David Murray, and single mother Goldie, an aspiring lawyer and mother of one who agrees to be their surrogate. Its portrayal of a two-dad surrogate family represents the new normal family and shows that families now come in all sorts of forms.

It is particularly apt that Matt has joined the cast of The New Normal, since in real life he has three surrogate born sons of his own with his publicist partner Simon Halls.

In recent years, there has been an explosion of public interest in surrogacy and so it should come as no surprise that The New Normal characterizes the creation of a two-dad surrogate family. The comedy

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THE LEGALITIES OF SURROGACY

Celebrities undoubtedly make surrogacy look easy. They look fabulous and they speak compellingly about the joy and happiness their surrogate born children provide and others would therefore be forgiven for thinking that the process is straightforward. Unfortunately, their silence on the legal front can lull others into a false sense of security.

Surrogacy often raises complex legal issues because there is no international harmonization of surrogacy laws around the world. Some countries ban surrogacy altogether whilst others only allow it on a legally restricted basis, as is the case in the UK.

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During his acceptance speech, Matt spoke about his own experiences of growing up gay saying, “When I was in high school, there was no outlet for you to speak your mind. So, I did what any selfpreserving 14-year-old would do – I signed up for the school play and also the football team to cover my tracks”. He went on to say “When that happens, when you aren’t allowed to speak about who you are, one of the most authentic parts of who you are, which is who you love or who you’re attracted to, feels invisible”.

Hi partner, Simon, added “Both Matt and I are incredibly impressed by the great work that GLSEN does for kids who might normally not have somewhere to turn. Even in this day and age, LGBT kids still need all the support that we can give them”. Their public endorsement of GLSEN’s work will no doubt give GLSEN’s profile a boost and it clearly marks out Matt’s recognition as an LGBT role model.

Simon also spoke about his and Matt’s three surrogate born sons, Kit, Walker and Henry saying, “Having kids teaches you so many things, and one of the things we both have learned in our parenting journey is how loving and accepting and open children’s minds and hearts are.

Unfortunately, in some parts of the country, some kids are taught at an early age that being different is somehow bad or wrong or worthy of ridicule…. Kids aren’t born to be bullies, they’re taught to be bullies”.

COMING OUT

Matt’s decision to publicly come out as gay earlier this year was low key. During a magazine interview he said, “I never really endeavored to hide anything. But there were times I chose not to relegate my history to the back page of a magazine, which to me is sort of akin to putting your biography on a bathroom wall”. He went on to say “I had somebody from the military approach me a few weeks ago just saying how this helps people, affects people. It brought me to tears” and that young gay lives “need saving, certainly in this day and age as much as ever- no matter how much we think we’ve progressed”.

Matt also spoke compellingly about equality saying “What we really have to do is stop the adjective before the job title - whether it’s ‘black actor’, a ‘gay actor’ or ‘anything actor’. Everybody thinks that equality comes from identifying people, and that’s not where equality comes from. Equality comes from treating everybody the same regardless of who they are. I hope the media and the press catches on to that because it’s time to move out of 1992”.

Surrogacy can create all sorts of legal problems, from an inability to obtain travel papers through to a complete lack of legal status for a surrogate born child. This can leave intended parents and surrogate born children exposed and legally vulnerable and subject to often outdated and cumbersome legal processes to try and obtain the legal status and protection they need as a family. These complex legal issues mean it is vital to obtain expert legal help from the outset to ensure intended parents can put a viable legal action plan into place and this is consistently highlighted here in the UK by the English Family Court.

There is still much work to be done to improve awareness about surrogacy and garner greater social acceptance of this as a family building option. There remains a lack of consensus about surrogacy around the world and this creates a confusing legal patchwork of law and policy and all manner of legal pitfalls for intended parents. Celebrity endorsement of surrogacy by the likes of Matt Bomer can help win social and legal changes.

CELEBRITY STATUS

Matt’s fame, success, remarkable good looks and popularity with his fans makes a potent combination. He represents popular culture and it gives him a great platform to make a difference in this world. He is now well placed to help bring about greater equality and acceptance of surrogacy, gay parenting and alternative family structures and highlight the need for legal changes to make surrogacy more accessible and achievable for others around the world. Family life is changing and celebrities like Matt have an important part to play looking ahead. Matt is a role model for surrogacy and the LGBT community and as he is only too aware, there is still much work to be done.

GLSEN RESPECT AWARDS

Louisa is internationally recognized as a leading expert in fertility, parenting and surrogacy law and has litigated some of the most well known fertility law cases in the UK. Louisa is a partner and head of the fertility law team at Porter Dodson Solicitors. For more information visit www.porterdodsonfertility.com.

Last month, Matt and his partner Simon, were given the Inspiration Award from the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), a gay student advocacy group. Accepting the award, Matt said “GLSEN gives visibility and authenticity to kids all across the country”.

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WORDS_ AMANDA JENNER

WEE KNOW HOW TOUGH IT CAN BE! Amanda Jenner, creator of the ingenious, multi award winning My Carry Potty, mother of three and potty training expert shares her tips for ensuring stress free potty training success…

M

astering potty training is a huge milestone in your child’s development. It’s one of the first signs of their growing independence and one that should be celebrated and enjoyed.

However, it’s a time that many parents dread because of the horror stories they’ve heard and unfortunately this stress can soon be picked up on by a potty training child. All too quickly, what should be the most natural and normal part of everyday life and development can become a source of stress, friction and unhappiness.

Follow our simple guide to making potty training a saner, happier time for everyone…

WHEN SHOULD YOU START?

Parents ask me time and time again when they should start potty training their child. The simple answer is there is no right time! Each child is an individual and rates of physical, emotional, social and mental development (all of which come into play in potty training) vary hugely from child to child.

However, your child’s physical ability to recognise when they need to go to the toilet typically kicks in around the age of two. From this point on, or earlier if you feel your child is keen, look out for the following ‘ready’ signs. By doing this you should get a fairly good indication of when your child has the skills and maturity to give potty training a good go! »

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POTTY TRAINING THE ‘READY’ SIGNS TO WATCH FOR

SUCCESSFUL POTTY TRAINING TAKES CAREFUL THOUGHT, PREPARATION AND FORESIGHT – ALL OF WHICH CAN HELP AVOID THE ACCIDENTS THAT CAN BE SUCH A HUGE SOURCE OF FRUSTRATION FOR YOU AND CAN SO QUICKLY UNDERMINE YOUR LITTLE ONE’S CONFIDENCE.

Your toddler is able to understand and follow simple instructions.

Nappies are dryer for longer. This show that your little one is developing the muscles needed for them to store urine for longer Your child knows when they have a dirty nappy and is keen to change it.

You can tell when your child is about to wee or poo because their facial expression changes or because they take themselves off somewhere private and quiet. Both of these changes in behaviour show that your child is becoming aware of their bowel movements.

Your little one becomes fascinated with other people going to the toilet and is beginning to ask lots of questions (making for some very funny moments in public toilets!).

PREPARATION IS THE FIRST STEP TO SUCCESS!

Never just launch into potty training on a whim. Unfortunately you’ll be almost destined to fail if you do that. Successful potty training takes careful thought, preparation and foresight – all of which can help avoid the accidents that can be such a huge source of frustration for you and can so quickly undermine your little one’s confidence.

SIX SIMPLE PREPARATION STEPS

Go potty shopping! Make choosing your child’s potty a big and exciting adventure and encourage them to feel proud of using and owning it from day one.

Try to make a potty available upstairs and downstairs to avoid your toddler having to make long hikes. Alternatively try a potty like the My Carry Potty that your child can carry around with them. In the first days of potty training you’ll typically only have a few seconds between your child announcing they need to go and them going!

Choose loose, comfortable clothing for your little one to wear.

Try to avoid too many layers or fiddly fastenings so that they can easily take down their own clothes when they need to go.

Chat with your child about potty training before attempting it.

Make it seem like an exciting ‘grown up’ step so that they look forward to it. Reading a book together about potty training such as George’s and Hollie’s My Carry Potty Adventure, available from www.cheekyrascals.co.uk) can really help.

Have a reward chart ready. Display it prominently and get your child excited about putting stickers on it each time they ‘perform’!

Make a conscious effort to tune into your child’s drinking and toilet timetables as this will help you anticipate when they might need to go once you kick off training.

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Once you decide to go for it, try to be as enthusiastic and stay committed no matter how tough it gets! The biggest single thing you can do to help yourself and your child master this life skill is to stick to a few simple routines. This will help them feel familiar with the process and build their confidence.

ROUTINE IS EVERYTHING!

In the first week, place your child on their potty or take them to the toilet as soon as they get up and make this part of their daily routine.

Try to stick to the same words when you’re encouraging your child to try the potty eg. ‘Let’s go to the potty’. They’ll begin to recognise the words and associate them with toilet time.

Make washing hands a non negotiable practice from day one. Buying your child their own special hand wash can make this part of the routine – which many children are keen to skip - more fun and personal.

Give your child the opportunity to use their potty or the toilet 20 minutes after every drink to minimise accidents.

Try not to resort to nappies during the day as this will confuse your little one. A good travel potty like My Carry Potty will make it easier to stay committed to this as you can take it with you even when you’re out and about If your child is looked after by anyone else, try to get them to the routine you’ve put in place too.

Remember throughout this challenging time that accidents, tantrums about going to the potty and moments when you seem to be going backwards with the training are all perfectly normal so try not to let them get to you.

Most importantly, try to keep any inevitable frustration you’re feeling to yourself (that’s a conversation for the evening over a large glass of wine!) as your little one will sense this and this may make them less confident about trying again.

With a lot of understanding, a huge amount of patience and a healthy dose of humour I promise you’ll get there and what an achievement that’ll be for both you and your little one! Bye Bye nappies, hello freedom….

MY CARRY POTTY

For more hints, tips and guides about potty training and for more information about Amanda Jenner and her multi award winning My Carry Potty please visit www.mycarrypotty.co.uk or www.cheekyrascals.co.uk

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JUNE / JULY 2012 – ISSUE 05

THE ESSENTIAL PARENT

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WORDS_ REBECCA CHICOT

Baby bonding is the intense attachment that develops between parents and their baby, and makes them want to shower their baby with love, and to protect and provide for them.

Strong ties also provide the baby’s first glimpse of intimate relationships and promotes a sense of security and positive self-esteem. Rebecca Chicot, from The Essential Parent, explains the history behind baby bonding and offers some great baby bonding tips.

O

nce upon a time, our ancestors would come together in small communities where everyone lived and worked alongside one another. Young boys and girls would see their siblings, parents, cousins and grandparents looking after babies and toddlers, day in day out, learning lots of practical parenting skills while helping to nurture and care for their little brothers and sisters at the same time.

Today things are very different for any new or expectant parents. Until you have your own family, you will have spent all of your formative years in schools, colleges and then work and spending very little time watching babies growing up around you thus preventing you to learn all those practical skills needed to look after your baby.

THE MOST IMPORTANT AND INFLUENTIAL STAGE FOR BRAIN DEVELOPMENT IS THE BEGINNING OF LIFE, STARTING IN THE WOMB AND CONTINUING ON THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR OF LIFE. That said, we still manage to form deep and powerful bonds with the children we raise. Bonding for humans is a process during which parent and child realise they are special to one another and develop a deep emotional attachment. Try not to worry about having that thunderbolt bonding moment with your baby. This does happen for some parents but it is important to remember that baby bonding is not a one-off birth event, but is a process that begins the very first time you start to interact with your child.

HUMAN NATURE

It is a well known fact that all animals reproduce, but there are many different strategies in the wild to help ensure the survival of the next generation. Marine Turtles for example lay over a hundred eggs in their nests, then leave the eggs to hatch and fend for themselves with only a very few reaching maturity.

As humans, we find ourselves at the other end of the spectrum, where we usually have one baby at a time and then we care for them intensively, not just for the subsequent days or months, but for the rest of our lives. At the beginning our babies are unable to feed themselves and are completely reliant on us for their very survival. Luckily, we have evolved a system which allows us to look after our children - a deep and loving bond.

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WHY IS THE BONDING EXPERIENCE SO IMPORTANT?

Science is only now beginning to explain how bonding helps babies to develop and thrive. Recent research indicates that the answer lies beyond both nature and nurture and in a new area of science - epigenetics.

In essence, epigenetics is the study of the changes in gene activity that do not involve alterations in genetic code, but still get passed down to the next generation, and sometimes beyond. It is through epigenetics that environmental factors such as prenatal diet and stress and postnatal care make an ‘n’ imprint on genes.

This genetic adaptation may then be inherited by future generations. Interestingly, the human brain is made up of over 100 billion brain cells, with each one having the ability to connect to as many as 7,000 other brain cells. It’s more complicated than a computer. In fact, it’s the most complicated known object in the universe.

The most important and influential stage for brain development is the beginning of life, starting in the womb and continuing on through the first year of life. The experiences and interactions a baby has during this time make millions and millions of new neural connections in the brain. Pathways are being laid down that help memories and relationships form and learning and logic to develop. This means that a baby’s brain is both complicated and vulnerable. We know that babies who experience no love, laughter and stimulation during this 12-month window will stunt the potential development of their brains.

However, with evidence brought to light through the science of epigenetics, good parenting is even more important now than we could have imagined.

MICE NEED LOVE TOO!

Studies show that mice with affectionate mothers, who are attentive and lick them caringly, grow up to be better mothers themselves when they have pups. This effect is so strong that it can even stretch over two generations. The young mice may become better mothers and be able to cope better with stress in later life too, all because their grandmother took good care of their mother. These long-lasting benefits of good early parenting and attachment are dependent on chemical changes in the DNA of the mice. These same staggering effects (called “methylation changes”) on the brains of mice have also now been found in humans.

As we begin to understand how a loving bond leads to resilience and good mental health we see that new parents can learn some simple techniques as they welcome their baby » into their world.

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THE ESSENTIAL PARENT

TOP TIPS FOR BONDING WITH YOUR BABY

A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT DADS WHO PLAYED WELL WITH THEIR 3 MONTHS OLD BABIES WERE MORE LIKELY TO HAVE HAPPY, WELL BEHAVED KIDS WHEN THEY TURNED ONE.

There are so many things that babies do not need - for example newly decorated nurseries and state of the art prams. The most important thing a baby needs is love and nurturing to help them develop from helpless infants to independent adults.

Babies love to be carried and to be able to hear your heart beat. It can be a simple and literal way to stay bonded as you go about your day with your baby. There are lots of lovely soft slings that allow you to carry your baby a lot.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

CARRY YOUR BABY

FEEDING TIME

PLAY TIME

Even if you are not breastfeeding your baby feeding time is bonding time! Feeding a baby is much more than simply the transmission of nutrients. All too often, feeding is treated as a purely functional affair; it’s all about getting nutrients into a baby. However, a mother breastfeeding her baby soon begins to realise that there is much more going on between herself and her baby – it’s like a fast track to an intimate bond between mother and child. That isn’t to say that mums and dads who bottle-feed their babies can’t make feeding times intimate and by copying what happens during a breastfeed they can also enjoy a wonderful bonding time with their baby. Parents who bottle-feed their babies should not relinquish this precious time.

When feeding your baby, hold them close, smile and look into their eyes and keep them close to your chest so they can smell your skin and hear your heart.

Recent research published this summer has identified the vital importance of fathers. The study showed that dads who played well with their 3 months old babies were more likely to have happy, well behaved children when they turned one. Dr Paul Ramchandi, who led the study, said, ‘Focusing on a child’s first few months is important as this is a crucial period for development and a child is very susceptible to environmental influences, such as the quality of parental care and interaction.

Our research adds to a growing body of evidence that suggests that intervening early to help parents can make a positive impact on how their child develops.’ So the scientific evidence supports what most of us feel as parents. That ‘love is all you need’ and there is lots you can do as a new parent to help the process of bonding. You are your baby’s secure base and with your love and support, they can flourish.

LEARN YOUR BABY’S SIGNALS

Dr Rebecca Chicot holds a child development PhD and is co-creator of The Essential Baby Care Guide DVDs which are available to purchase at www.essentialparent.com, John Lewis nationwide and selected Mamas & Papas stores.

Babies are not passive creatures and it amazing to see their instinctive behaviour to search for milk. Be observant about the little signals your baby is making when they are hungry. Often the cultural norm is to think that babies cry when they are hungry but actually they give lots of other little signals before they get desperate and cry.

And it really works well to look for these “early feeding cues.” This is an intimate non-verbal conversation between baby and parent.

Babies will start to move and open their mouths, lick their lips and begin rooting for the breast…or the bottle. They might suck on a blanket or a finger. They are quite obvious signs and parents should be encouraged to know her baby and know what the baby’s cues are.

THE ESSENTIAL BABY CARE GUIDE

SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT

In the early days after your baby has been born ideally all parents should have the frequent skin-to-skin contact. Not only can this be a lovely bonding experience, but also the skin contact really helps to calm the baby and reassure the baby and help make the transition to the world outside that little bit gentler. It is a simple and loving act between parent and baby. Having a baby lying on your chest, skin to skin, also really stimulates mums and dads emotionally and hormonally, which helps them to become a parent to their new baby.

If you are planning to breastfeed, then starting feeding can lead on from this close time which can help breastfeeding to establish.

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

Introduced and narrated by Professor Robert Winston, The Essential Baby Care Guide demonstrates everything you need to know to look after your baby in their vital first 12 months with all topics explained clearly by experts in their field including experienced midwives, doctors & consultants and nurses.

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REAL LIFE STORIES You may recognise, Chris, Victor and Coco Fraley Self from the previous issue of Pink Parenting as they are the stars of a new print campaign being run by surrogacy agency, Growing Generations, here the couple shares with us their path to parenthood.

W

e met each other in November of 2003 through an online dating site. As soon as we met we hit it off straight away and have been together ever since.

The “do you want kids?” conversation came up really early on in our relationship.

We have both always wanted to have kids and were at the point where we wouldn’t have dated someone seriously that didn’t want to also have kids. Within the first two months of getting to know each other and dating, we talked and agreed that we both wanted to have a family, but of course, there is a huge difference between talking about it and actually making it happen.

THE PATH TO PARENTHOOD

Three and a half years into our relationship, we were staying with friends for a weekend and met a couple who were expecting their first child via surrogacy. We couldn’t believe it and were full of questions like “How did you find her? How was the procedure? and what did it cost? They explained as much as they could to us and told us that they had used an agency called Growing Generations, and that we should give them a call.

The following week we made an appointment, and about a month later we had our first meeting in New York, where we were explained the surrogacy process.

After some thought we signed our retainer agreement with the clinic as our 4 year anniversary present to each other.

However, while we were submitting all our paperwork and looking for a suitable surrogate, we were also planning our wedding for April 2008, and right before our wedding we found out that we had been matched with a potential surrogate. We were over the moon and announced the exciting news at our rehearsal dinner. We knew that once we

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had found a surrogate, the process would start to speed up.

The wedding went off without a hitch, and we had a glorious honeymoon in South Africa. As soon as we got back, we met with our surrogate, and got down to sorting out the legal paperwork, agreeing on the sperm donation and choosing an egg donor.

Trials and TribulaTions

Sadly, we found out that the egg donor we had chosen would no longer be suitable for us, and then, once we had found another suitable donor, our surrogate did not fall pregnant. We were then told our surrogate was also no longer suitable for us and so had to find someone else. It was such stressful time for us as a couple, but we stayed strong and Growing Generations helped us to find another suitable candidate within a couple of weeks.

We met our next surrogate in March 2009, and as we already had our embryo ready, it was a little shorter time to get to the point where we ready to try again. Unfortunately 6 weeks into the pregnancy, we miscarried.

We were devastated obviously, however, it was still early enough on in the pregnancy to go for another transfer as we still had some eggs left in reserve.

a family aT lasT

We did another transfer in May and nine and half months later, Coco was born. We were absolutely thrilled at having our first child, and had already decided that we wanted to have a second child. So as soon Coco was born, we started talking about the possibilities of another child with the same surrogate.

This time round it was a totally different story, things went very smoothly and Kiki was born in May 2012. It was a long journey, but now we had the family we had always dreamed of. The process was long and sometimes gruelling, but was well worth it.

Looking back we really had no idea what being parents would feel like. We chatted about it many times while waiting for Coco to be born, but needless to say it was life changing for both of us. We have no regrets because our children are just the greatest little miracles. They say and do the funniest things, give you unconditional love and rely on you for everything. The only thing that we underestimated is how parenting is so all encompassing. It literally takes up every second of your day. If you’re not with them then you are thinking about them or doing

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REAL LIFE STORIES

something for them. They are never more than a few seconds away from your every thought. It never stops, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, but it’s so worth it. Yeah, sure there are days where we are completely exhausted, but you get on with it, because it’s the right thing to do. We only want the best for our kids and wouldn’t change anything.

GETTING USED TO BEING DADS

Before we had Coco and Kiki, we would like to treat ourselves to nice dinners out and expensive holidays away, but strangely all that doesn’t even matter to us in the same way anymore. We would much rather go out and buy some cute outfits for Coco or Kiki than for ourselves. It was a bit of a shock when we realised that we were no longer number one but something happened that made us not want to be anymore. Our priorities changed so much and we now have a totally different outlook on life. We have talked to so many people who have had the same experience, so hope that we are doing something right!

Coco, who will be three in February, was in the park the other day with her nanny and a little boy came up to her and asked if her nanny was her Mummy to which she replied

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT, AND NOTHING LIKE THEY WERE 50 YEARS AGO WHERE DAD WOULD GO TO WORK AND MUM WOULD STAY AT HOME TO LOOK AFTER THE KIDS, IT’S NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE AS FAMILIES TRULY DO COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. ‘No, I don’t have a Mummy, i have a Daddy and a Poppy’. At her age, she knows what a Mummy is and she knows that she doesn’t have one, but it doesn’t seem to be an issue for her right now. Of course, if she does have questions about her birth and why she has two dads, we will sit her down and explain how she was born and that Daddy and Poppy loved each other very much and wanted to have her. It will be a very interesting but positive conversation because she was really created from so much love, focus and commitment.

We are also lucky as we live in an extremely diverse community. Coco has lots of friends who have two dads or two mums, some of her friends have one dad or mum.

She knows that she is lucky to have a sister as well as some of her friends have no brothers or sisters to play with.

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Every family is different, and nothing like they were 50 years ago where Dad would go to work and Mum would stay at home to look after the kids, it’s not like that anymore as families truly do come in all shapes and sizes.

A friend told us that Coco and Kiki were so lucky to have parents that actually loved each other, which got us thinking that maybe many of the more traditional families don’t have that bond between the parents anymore? For us, it’s simple – Coco and Kiki will always know that they are loved. Some outsiders might think we look a bit different, but we don’t care, we have got what we always wanted, a family we can call our own – and it feels great!

Growing Generations is dedicated to building families through surrogacy, egg donation, and sperm donation. For more information please visit www.growinggenerations.com

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Skiing holidays with the kids are a great way to get some of that important quality-time that all families need. Whether you fancy dashing down the slopes, or simply making snowmen in the fresh snow, there is something for all ages. We’ve found some stunning snowy resorts around Europe that will make a great family holiday for you and your kids this winter, and, if planned well, won’t break the bank.

© Ola Matsson

TRYSIL, NORWAY

Trysil lies in the heart of Scandinavia, just two and a half hours drive from Oslo, and is Norway’s largest ski resort. With over 65 runs that range from beginners to pros and 32 lifts ready to take you up the slopes, all you need to do is get back down in one piece! There are also children areas, a park with jumps and rails and great restaurants to eat in, helping to ensure memorable experiences for the whole family. If you get tired of skiing, families can go dog-sledging through the snow filled country side or take part in ice fishing excursion where you will be shown how to fish under the ice to the frozen waters beneath. www.trysil.no »

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PACK YOUR BAGS

© Diego Gaspari Bandion

CORTINA D’AMPEZZO NORTHERN ITALY

© LZTG / Sepp Mallaun

© Giuseppe Ghedina

Cortina d’Ampezzo has been a winter sports mecca since the 1930’s, and in 1956 it hosted the first Italian Winter Olympic Games. It is known as the Queen of the Dolomites and is located in the heart of the eastern part of the spectacular mountain range. The area, open and sunny, boasts stunning views in every direction. One of the best-known ski resorts in the world, Cortina lives up to its reputation with a system of modern ski lifts and snowmaking capabilities that cover 90% of the slopes and which guarantee a ski season. For the family, Cortina also offers a great adventure park with thrills of all kinds. From snow rafting, canyoning and kayaking, to mountain biking, snowshoeing, bobsledding, the park provides different routes for different abilities so families can play together and separately. www.cortina.dolomiti.org

Zürs is one of the best loved skiing resorts in Europe. Boasting a vast high altitude domain of over 250km of piste, the farming village of lech offers everything you could want from a winter sports holiday including fantastic hotels, fine dining and great après ski activities for all the family to enjoy. The village is full of international flavour, attracting a wide scope of visitors from all over the world - including royalty, and is well known for its quiet and well looked after piste and superb, modern lift system. Families can also enjoy tobogganing, dog sledging and winter excursions into the wilderness, with a tour guide of course. www.lechzuers.com

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ST. MORITZ SWITZERLAND

© Courchevel Tourisme / David André

© swiss-image.ch / Christof Sonderegger

Considered the oldest winter holiday resort in the world, St. Moritz has been entertaining adventurers since 1864. Corviglia, Corvatsch and Diavolezza are the main mountains in St. Moritz and are synonymous for awe-inspiring experiences on skis. You’ll find almost everything in Switzerland’s largest snow sport region, from extensive, well-known areas with a wide range of pistes to small, family-friendly, village ski lifts. Not forgetting the numerous panorama restaurants, ski huts and snow bars, all bursting with ambiance and promising lively après-ski fun. This region is renowned for its variety of family events – after all, it was here that winter tourism was born almost 150 years ago. www.stmoritz.ch/en

Courchevel 1850 is the highest of 4 villages that make up the famous Courchevel ski resort and has skiing to suit every level from complete beginners to advanced. With a lift system linking to Meribel and Val Thorens, you can enjoy access to one of the most exciting ski areas in the world, suited to families of varying levels. Courchevel 1850

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is the ski resort of choice for many families. It also offers plenty in the way of entertainment for young children when skiing finishes for the day. The Jardin Alpin Gondola stays open until 8pm each evening allowing young (and old!) sledgers to make use of the empty slopes. www.courchevel.com

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ANNABEL KARMEL

FESTIVE C FANCIES

hristmas is one of my favourite times of the year, particularly as it gives me a great excuse to get everyone in the kitchen to help me makes lots of treats for all my family and friends.

Try making your own Christmas decorations this year with salt dough or these delicious ginger and spice cookies - remember to put a small hole in the top before you bake them if you want to hang them from your tree. Get a snowflake theme going with these fantastic cupcakes (over the page), whilst the icing may take a bit more time, the end result will delight anyone who tries them. Children love giving their home made concoctions as presents and it is always so lovely receiving something people have taken time and effort to make. Get coloured tissue paper, boxes and ribbon to make it an even more delightful gift to receive.

Wishing you a very happy Christmas full of tasty treats! Annabel x

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RECIPES_ ANNABEL KARMEL

Method Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder and spices. Heat the butter, sugar and golden syrup in a small pan until dissolved, stirring frequently, then allow to cool for 5 minutes. Stir the syrup mixture and milk into the dry ingredients and form into a ball of dough. Cover with plastic film and chill for 30 minutes.

Ingredients • 225g (8 oz) plain flour • ¼ tsp salt • 1 tsp baking powder • 1 ½ tsp ground ginger • ½ tsp mixed spice

• • • •

50g (1 ¾ oz) unsalted butter 100g (3 ½ oz) dark brown soft sugar 100g (3 ½ oz) Golden Syrup 1 tbsp milk

Decoration • White writing Icing • White decorating sugar for sprinkling • 100g Royal Icing Sugar

Preheat the oven to 180C (Fan 160C). Roll out the dough on a lightly floured work surface to about 3mm (1/4 in) thick. Cut into snowflakes using cutters. Arrange on baking sheets lined with baking paper and then use mini cutters to create the intricate snowflake detail.

Bake the biscuits for 11 or 12 minutes or until golden. Allow to cool for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Pipe designs on the snowflakes and sprinkle with decorating sugar.

Leave for 5 minutes and tap off the excess sugar. You can thread thin ribbon around the cookies and hang them on the Christmas tree or store in an airtight tin until ready to eat Makes approx 15 cookies

WHITE CHOCOLATE COOKIES These delicious white chocolate cookies are very quick and easy christmas recipe to make. Take them out of the oven when they’re quite soft so, when they cool down they are crisp on the outside but moist inside.

Ingredients • 1150g plain flour • ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda • ½ tsp salt • 25g (1 oz) ground almonds • 150g (5 oz) soft brown sugar

• • • • •

50g (2 oz) porridge oats 50g (2 oz) dried cranberries 40g white chocolate chips 150g (5 oz) butter 1 large or 2 small egg yolk(s)

Method Pre-heat the oven to 190C/375F. Sieve together the flour, bicarbonate of soda and salt in a large bowl. Stir in the ground almonds, brown sugar and porridge oats.

Melt the butter in a small pan and stir this into the dry ingredients together with the egg yolk. Stir in the chopped white chocolate or white chocolate chips Mix well, then using your hands form into small walnut sized balls and arrange on two large non stick baking sheets. Gently press them down to flatten slightly in the centre, leaving space between them for the biscuits to spread. Bake in the oven for 12 minutes.

Makes approx 20 cookies

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FESTIVE FANCIES

SNOWFLAKE CUPCAKES

These are fun to make at Christmas. Its nice to make these as presents and pop them into a gift box lined with tissue paper and tie up with a big silver bow .

Ingredients • 85g (3oz) plain flour • ½ tsp baking powder • ¼ tsp salt • 85g (3oz) butter, room temperature • 110g (4oz) caster sugar • ¼ tsp vanilla extract • 50 ml (2 fl oz) milk • 2 egg whites • 3 teaspoons strawberry jam • 100g (3 ½ oz) vanilla buttercream • 1 x 450g disc of ready-rolled white regalice icing (or roll out 450g block of icing to approx. 2mm thick) • Edlible silver dust and balls

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Method Preheat the oven to 180c/350F. Line a muffin tin with 9 paper cases. Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt and set aside.

Cream together the butter, 100g of the sugar and the vanilla until pale and fluffy.

Mix in one third flour, half the milk, one third more flour and the remaining milk and then the remaining flour. Whisk the eggs whites until foamy.

Whisk in the remaining sugar and continue to whisk until you get glossy soft peaks. Fold one third of the egg whites into the butter and flour and then fold in the rest.

Spoon into cupcake cases and bake for 20 to 22 minutes, until risen and firm to the touch.

Cool slightly in the tins then transfer to a wire rack and leave to cool completely.

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Once the cupcakes are cold, spread a quarter of a teaspoon of jam over the top of each cake and then cover with 1 tbsp. of the buttercream.

Unroll the ready-rolled icing disc (leave it on the lining paper) and cut out 9 circles the same size as the tops of the cakes (as close together as possible as you need the rest of the icing for decoration).

Peel the circles of icing from the lining paper and press one on to the top of each cake.

Cut out snowflake designs using snowflake cutters. Peel the snowflakes from the lining paper and dampen the backs slightly, then press the snowflakes on top of the iced cakes.

You can add some edible silver balls and edible silver dust for decoration.

Makes 9 cupcakes

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Behind the brand...

From cutlery to plate and bowls, the team at TUMTUM have got it covered when it comes to dining for tots. Suzanne Stokes, designer and co-founder shares her story with Pink Parenting and the company’s plans for the future.

T

eaching your children how to use cutlery can be a challenge. As they learn to control their fork and chase that pea around the plate with one hand whilst using a knife in the other to stab at that poor fish finger, it can be a pretty daunting experience for your little ones to master especially as they are just figuring out their own motor and social skills.

In 2009, with two young children of their own, Suzanne and husband Andrew found themselves in exactly this predicament.

“We went through all the usual stages of feeding with our children. First they started on milk, and then their weaning stage where we would feed them with a soft spoon. It wasn’t long before they got to the point of wanting to try and feed themselves, which

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was a whole new messy experience. As they were not agile enough yet to get their food onto a fork or spoon and into their mouth, there would be food all over the floor and they would get so frustrated trying to coordinate their little hands to work together” Searching for cutlery that could make their children’s learning experience easier and more enjoyable, the couple found that there was nothing on the market that catered to their children’s specific needs, and so devised a plan to create their own.

“Luckily both my husband and I were well placed to produce something like this.

My husband works as a 3D industrial product designer, so can literally take an idea on a sheet of paper and turn into a finished product ready to hit the retail shelves, and I

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have worked in marketing. Also, we are both from Sheffield, well known for steel production, so had worked in the production of cutlery and kitchen knives.”

“When we were doing our research with our own children, we noticed that their needs were substantially different to that of an adult. My youngest child was just at the stage of trying to get food into his mouth while my older child was just learning to hold a knife and fork properly. Regular cutlery really missed out all the important elements that we could see our children would benefit from. For example, in the fork, a deeper bowl shape was needed so that food could be easily caught and kept on the fork as they moved it towards their mouths. Knives at that time were shaped like butter spreaders with flat blunt edges on both sides so could not be used to cut anything successfully.”

“We decided to produce two sets of cutlery. The first spoon and fork set is aimed at the younger child and can be used for breakfast, lunch and tea. We added jigsaw characters on the handles so that children »

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BEHIND THE BRAND

would be able to interact by mixing and matching the forks with the spoons to make new species automatically creating an environment which is more fun for the child.”

“The second set is designed for the older child as we include a knife. Each utensil has a removable sleeve which helps the child to grip better, but can be removed as the child wishes to be ‘more grown up’. The handles feature mix and match letters, which make up simple words such as EAT, ATE, TEA and YUM and come in a useful little carry case.”

TUMTUM launched their cutlery sets at a trade show in 2009 and subsequently obtained exclusivity with John Lewis, and proved to be an instant hit with parents.

They were asked to develop more products and by October 2010 were supplying over 17 products to the high-end department store.

“We designed bowls and plates which have non-slip bases, and a built in scooping corner, so when children are chasing food around their plate, they can try and leverage it onto their cutlery more easily” “Our kids got really involved in our packaging, suggesting characters and themes for our range. At that time they would pretend to go ‘on holiday’ to another part of our

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

“WE WILL CONTINUE IMPROVING AND UPDATING ALL OF OUR RANGE SO KIDS CAN TRULY START TO ENJOY MEALTIMES, LEARNING ALONG THE WAY, WHILE PARENTS CAN SEE THEIR DEVELOPMENT AND OF COURSE SPEND LESS TIME MOPPING UP SPILLS AND CLEARING UP MESS.” house saying they were off to visit Africa or India. We loved this concept so we decided to make the packaging for our dining room sets into cardboard suitcases, which can be coloured in and kept as a toy to play with.”

As well as John Lewis, TUMTUM now supplies independent shops, on-line stores and zoos and is available in 16 countries, and the company shows no signs of slowing down.

“We’ve just launched our new beaker range, which look fantastic and will make drinking incredibly easy and fun for all toddlers. The innovative beakers include a wide ‘anti-topple’ base, together with a grippy non slip surface and base to aid grip and prevent sliding on trays and tables. The

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new designs are really bold and bright ensuring that the growing child will feel extra grown up drinking their beverage! We also have a new table range coming out later next year and a baking range which will be launched in February, so it’s all go-go for us” “At TUMTUM we will continue improving and updating all of our range so children can truly start to enjoy mealtimes, learning along the way, while parents can see their development and of course spend less time mopping up spills and clearing up mess.”

For more information on the TUMTUM range visit www.tumtumtots.com and to purchase please visit www.johnlewis.com

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LEGAL LOWDOWN

THE PINK PARENT AND SURROGACY ISSUES More and more pink parents are having children with a surrogate – including previous PP cover star Ricky Martin. Whilst many surrogacy arrangements work well and have a happy outcome, a recent High Court same-sex surrogacy case has shown up the potential pitfalls.

T

he Judgment in that case (D & L (Minors) (Surrogacy) [2012] EWHC 2631) provides helpful guidance for those considering this route and sets out steps that must be undertaken before the Court will grant a Parental Order. This article sets out the facts of that case and how the Court dealt with a very difficult consent issue.

the surrogate mother, so much so, that some surrogate mothers find it impossible to part with the baby after the birth. There is, however, an exception to the rule that the surrogate mother’s consent must be obtained if the mother cannot be located or is incapable of giving that consent. Clearly, efforts must be made to find the mother before the Court will be willing to dispense with her consent, but the legislation gives no guidance on what would constitute reasonable attempts to find her. This is why the recent High Court decision in D & L provides guidance for couples on how the Court will interpret this exception.

PARENTAL ORDERS AND THE COURT’S ROLE

If you wish to enter into a surrogacy arrangement in England and Wales, you must apply for a Parental Order from the Court in relation to your child. This Order will ensure that he or she is treated as your child in law. A Parental Order is a piece of legislation that sets out the various requirements that must be fulfilled before the Court will grant you a Parental Order. The application to Court must be made by a married couple, civil partners or a couple living together in an ‘enduring family relationship’, both of whom are over the age of 18. The application must be made within 6 months of the birth of the child and the child must be living with the couple who seek the Order.

‘REASONABLE EXPENSES’

If the surrogate mother receives any payment that goes beyond simply reimbursing her for the “reasonable expenses” of carrying the child, this would not be compliant with the legislation and the Court would need to agree to authorise these retrospectively, otherwise they could act as a bar to the making of an Order. This provision exists for public policy reasons and to prevent couples from effectively “buying” children.

THE FACTS OF D & L

THE SURROGATE AND CONSENT

Before turning to the decision made by the Honourable Mr Justice Baker in D & L, it is worth looking at the facts of the case. An English man and a Belgian man who had been married in Belgium, and were consequently to be treated as civil partners in England, decided to enter into a surrogacy agreement with a clinic in India. Importantly, they had sought specialist legal advice in England as to the steps that

The surrogate mother must fully agree to the making of the Parental Order, and must be made freely by her with a full understanding of what is involved, and iwill only be valid if given six weeks after the birth of the baby. This requirement recognises that carrying and giving birth to a baby establishes an important relationship between the child and

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WORDS_ LINZI BULL & LIDIA CANTELE

they should undertake to ensure that they could be considered the child’s legal parents through a Parental Order. They quite rightly decided that they would only proceed with a surrogacy agreement if it was compliant with the legislation requirements.

The couple looked at a variety of clinics before selecting one in Hyderabad. They then selected an anonymous Indian egg donor and decided that one of the men would be the genetic father. The couple entered into a surrogacy agreement with both the clinic and the surrogate mother, who agreed to surrendering parental responsibility over the child at birth. The agreement also recorded the payments that the couple would make at various intervals which totalled £17,000.

The couple were not allowed to meet the surrogate mother but were told that she was pregnant with twins. The couple asked the clinic about the birth and became uneasy with some of the responses.

Their solicitors contacted the clinic to say they would be happy draw up a legal document which would be compliant with the legislation to be signed by the mother; the clinic agreed.

Once the twins had been handed over to the care of the men, they received a document which was purportedly signed by the surrogate mother acknowledging that the money she had received was in compensation of her role as surrogate and that she was giving up her maternal rights in relations to the twins. The couple later repeatedly asked the clinic for the consent from the surrogate mother for the Parental Order. When this was not forthcoming, the couple imposed a deadline to provide the consent, otherwise they would complain to the Indian authorities and the British High Commission. The clinic replied concisely - with only a photocopy of an extended middle finger.

PINK PARENTS SEEKING A PARENTAL ORDER SHOULD BE WARY ABOUT THE LEVEL OF PAYMENTS THEY ARE MAKING AND SHOULD ASK FOR A BREAKDOWN OF HOW THESE ARE SPENT ON THE SURROGATE MOTHER’S CARE DURING HER PREGNANCY. the twins’ welfare in coming to a decision, he believed that any delay in making his decision would be prejudicial to them. The Judge also said the twins were never realistically going to have any relationship with the surrogate mother and her family and therefore for all of these reasons he found that the surrogate mother’s consent could be dispensed with and the Parental Order granted.

A WORD OF WARNING

The Court provided a warning for other couples to learn from the lessons of this case and to take steps to ensure that clear lines of communication with the surrogate are established.

In respect of the payments made to the surrogate mother, the men accepted that the sums that they had paid exceeded a level that could be described as “reasonable expenses”, and consequently asked the Court to retrospectively authorise these payments. There is no conventionally-recognised payment that is reasonable and the circumstances of the specific case should be examined (for example, the economic circumstances of India would be a consideration in this case). However, the welfare of the child should not be compromised by a refusal to make an Order and it is only in the clearest cases of abuse of public policy that the court will be able to withhold an Order. Finally, where the couple has acted in good faith without any attempt to defraud the authorities and the payments are not so disproportionate then the Court is likely to authorise the payments so that they do not act as a bar to making a Parental Order.

THE MISSING SURROGATE

The men did not want to risk invading the privacy of the surrogate and decided to apply to Court for Parental Orders in relation to the twins without her consent. The men decided to engage an enquiry agent to attempt to locate the surrogate mother but, despite the enquiry agent’s best efforts, she could not be found.

In deciding whether to dispense with the need for the surrogate mother’s consent, Baker J laid out the points that a Court must take into consideration: 1. The Court must carefully scrutinise the evidence of the efforts which had been taken to find the surrogate. All reasonable steps must have been taken and at an early stage, and even if the applicants do not meet the surrogate mother. If the parents do not meet the surrogate, they should establish clear channels of communication with her, and preferably not simply through merely one person or agency;

CONCLUSION

In D & L, the Court found that the twin’s welfare was unquestionably enhanced by the making of a Parental Order and that the men had always acted in the utmost good faith in entering into the surrogacy arrangement. However, it should not be assumed by future Pink Parents that retrospective authorisation of payments in excess of “reasonable expenses” is a rubber stamping exercise.

Pink Parents seeking a Parental Order should be wary about the level of payments they are making and should ask for a breakdown of how these are spent on the surrogate mother’s care during her pregnancy.

2. Whilst consent given before six weeks after the birth is not legally valid, the Court is able to take this into account but only limited weight can be attached; and 3. The welfare of the child is the main consideration where the Court is asked to decide on a Parental Order, and this includes a decision whether to dispense with the consent of the surrogate mother.

THE COURT’S DECISION

Linzi Bull is a Senior Associate and Co-Head of the Family Group at law firm Harbottle & Lewis LLP. with experience in all aspects of relationship breakdown and complex same-sex children law cases.

Lidia Cantele is currently a trainee solicitor within the company www.harbottle.com

Applying these principles to the men’s case, the Court decided that they had taken all reasonable steps to obtain the woman’s consent.

Through no fault of their own, they were given a false address. The Judge was satisfied that the men believed that the clinic would behave responsibly and had been badly let down. Giving the paramountcy of

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EXPERT ADVICE

Q&A WITH FINERS STEPHENS INNOCENT

INTERNATIONAL SURROGACY IS SOMETHING TO BE APPROACHED CAREFULLY, WITH CAUTION, AND FULLY ARMED WITH THE ALL THE APPROPRIATE FACTS AND LEGAL ADVICE, NOT LEAST BECAUSE DIFFERENT LAWS APPLY IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES could not be tracked down. Although ultimately the Court made the parental order, a lot of stress and anxiety was inevitably caused, and money spent, and it is not inevitable that our Courts will simply make orders when applications do not comply with all legal requirements.

Q. WHOSE NAME WILL BE ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE? A.

The woman carrying the child will be the child’s legal mother and will be registered on the birth certificate accordingly. A child can only have one legal mother. However if you are in a civil partnership, your partner will be registered on the birth certificate as the second parent.

If you are not in a civil partnership but you have used a licensed clinic in the UK and your partner meets the “agreed female parenthood conditions,” your partner will be recorded on the birth certificate as the second parent.

If you have used a private arrangement and you are not in a civil partnership, you partner will not be recorded as the second parent.

Assuming you are not married to the donor, he will not be recorded on the child’s birth certificate as the father without the mother’s consent, whether or not you have used a UK licensed clinic.

Q. INTERNATIONAL SURROGACY?

My boyfriend and I are thinking about going down the surrogacy route abroad. I know that there are a lot of things to consider legally with the surrogacy process, but is there anything we need to know or do before we leave for a clinic abroad?

Q. WILL THE SPERM DONOR HAVE ANY RIGHTS IN RELATION TO THE CHILD? A.

A.

International surrogacy is something to be approached carefully, with caution, and fully armed with the appropriate facts and legal advice, not least because different laws apply in different countries with regards to such basic questions as who will be considered in the eyes of the law to be the parents of children born via surrogacy.

There is useful guidance on the UK Border Agency website called “Inter-Country Surrogacy and the Immigration Rules” which is a helpful first port of call when reading around the question of international surrogacy. However, taking immigration advice in this country before you embark upon international surrogacy is absolutely critical, not least because there is a limited period from the time your child is born wherever in the world to an application having to be made in the courts here for a parental order. If you are unable to bring your child or children into the UK due to immigration problems, you can run into real trouble in complying with this element of the surrogacy process.

You should also make sure that you have taken advice from a surrogacy lawyer in the UK so that you understand the criteria that need to be fulfilled in the Courts here – there was a recent case of a couple who were unable to obtain the formal consent of the surrogate mother in India to the parental order being made, as she quite simply

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If you have used an anonymous sperm donor through a licensed UK fertility clinic, the donor will not be the legal parent of any child born as a result of that donation. If you have used a known donor through a UK licensed clinic (i.e. a friend), then providing that he has not signed as the father and has done so as a donor only, then he will not be the legal parent of any child born as a result of that donation.

The donor will have no legal obligation to the child, will not be named on the birth certificate and will not have any rights over how the child is brought up, unless parental responsibility is later acquired.

If the donation has been arranged through a private arrangement, the donor may have some legal rights and responsibilities in relation to the child. Assuming you are not married to the donor, he will not be entered on the birth certificate without your consent, and so he will not automatically acquire parental responsibility.

Finers Stephens Innocent is a Central London based law firm offering legal advice in all areas of family law and relationships for more information please visit - www.fsilaw.com

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EXPERT VIEWS

ASK AN AT QUEPSATREINOTING.com

Dr. Gad Lavy, internationally acclaimed reproductive physician and founder of New England Fertility is recognised for building families through gestational surrogacy and egg donation.

PINK-

?

CORD BANKING: THE PROCESS AND BENEFITS OF THIS UNIQUE PROCDEDURE

1 2 3

Planning for the birth of your baby is a very exciting time full of important decisions to be made. We hear from Dr. Lavy who tells us about the significance of deciding to bank the blood from your baby’s umbilical cord instead of discarding it at the time of birth.

Stem cells are the ‘master cells’ of our bodies from which all other cells, tissues, organs and bone are created. Blood from the umbilical cord is rich in these stem cells, and has the potential to treat an enormous range of diseases and conditions. However, there is only a small window of opportunity to obtain the blood, which is immediately following delivery.

Listed here are some crucial points that you may want to consider when making your decision to preserve the cord blood stem cells from your baby.

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The importance of cord blood banking is becoming more evident as the list of diseases treatable with cord blood stem cells continues to grow. Stem cells from umbilical cord blood can currently be used to treat approximately 70 hematopoietic and genetic disorders.

Umbilical cord blood is rich in stem cells which are the building blocks for the blood and immune system. These biologically unique cells have the ability to develop into other cell types, (such as heart, muscle and brain cells) within the body.

Your baby’s cord blood stem cells are a perfect genetic match for your baby. There is also an increased chance of providing a match for siblings and other family members. A 50% percent chance of a perfect match for a parent and a 25% percent chance for a perfect match for a full sibling.

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CARRIERS ARE GENERALLY CORD BLOOD BANKING IS IN THEIR 20’S AND 30’S STANDARD AND MUST SLOWLY BECOMING HAVE HAD AT ONEOF PRACTICE. IT LEAST IS A FORM SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCY. ALL MEDICAL INSURANCE THAT CARRIERS CAN MAKEARE THESCREENED DIFFERENCE FOR MEDICAL CONDITIONS BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH. THAT AFFECTS PREGNANCIES

4 5 6 7 8

One of the benefits of cord blood stem cells is that their 20’s and 30’s and must have had at least one successful you do not need a perfect match (HLA tissue pregnancy. All carriers are screened for medical conditions markers) because stem cells from umbilical cord are that might affect the pregnancy. very immature and have limited exposure to the viruses, therefore making them Gestationalenvironment carriers are and also screened for the following: more tolerant to mismatch, unlike bone marrow stem cells, Criminal background check – Your surrogate agency reviews another FDA approved stem cell source. the gestational carriers driving record and conducts a home visit.

Psychological evaluation – These evaluations are conducted Collecting cord blood is a simple, safe and painless by experienced counseling teams. An interview and written procedure, taking less than five minutes immediately personality test (PAI) is required. If the gestational carrier is after birth. After the umbilical cord has been cut, the married her partner will be evaluated as well. remaining blood in the cord is collected, and then sent Medical to Evaluation – The gestational the laboratory, processed, and carrier’s frozen in medical cryogenic records are reviewed.

If approved the carrier will be a storage tanks for long-term preservation. If you do given not save thorough FDA approved medical evaluation. your baby’s cord blood, it will be discarded after birth.

Compatibility with the intended parents – Once a gestational carrier is identified, a clinic daybeen is scheduled which the carrier Cord blood has used in inhuman regenerative and her partner meet with the intended parents under the transplants for diabetes, heart repair, and cerebral guidance of palsy our psychological counselor.

It is important that the and clinical trials in children are underway intended parents and the carrier are compatible and in agreement for acquired hearing disorders, brain injury, juvenile on some of diabetes, the important issues surrounding autism and bowel disease.the process.

Q. How does the process work when using If you are using either an anonymous egg donor or a gestational carrier? sperm donor to build your family, cord blood banking

The egg donor’s eggs are retrieved in our laboratory in the US, becomes of more importance and could be essential the sperm for from onebaby or both partners is thawed used to your because you will not haveand direct access inseminate to thethedonor eggs.

About 3-4 days later, one or two genetic cells of the donor(s) if and when needed. embryos are placed into the uterus of the Gestational Carrier.

Two weeks later the pregnancy test is performed. The remaining If you are using a surrogate, collection kits are embryos are frozen and kept in our lab for future use. available to be used at the hospital when the surrogate goes into labour. Once the cord blood is Q. What can international couples expect? retrieved it can then be sent to the lab, processed, We welcome male couples from countries where fertility services stored and preserved for future use if needed. are not available to them or are restricted. In international cases the majority of the process can be accomplished remotely, with Cord blood bankingand is slowly practice. the sperm collection testingbecoming performedstandard at a clinic in the It is a form of medical that when needed can make the couple’s native country insurance and the sperm samples shipped to New difference between life andand death. only have one opportunity England Fertility for storage thenYou later use.

Despite the fact to save your baby’s genetically cord in blood.

Thefor decision that the couples do not need to unique be present the U.S. any to bank cord blood should be made by no later than the part of the procedure, we encourage intended parents to meet 30th week, allowing ample time to choose the right facility and with their carrier, be present for the embryo transfer and attend discuss any questions the birth of the baby. that you may have with your obstetrician.

Lifeline Cryogenics international Cord Blood Skype Bank consult offers with complimentary For a complimentary Dr. Lavy, Skypesend consults.

Fortomore information contact Marion please an email info@nefertility.com.

To learn moreWelch aboutat mwelch@lifelinecryogenics.com or www.lifelinecryogenics.com gestational surrogacy please visit www.nefertility.com

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© Lady Gaga, “Born This Way” photoshoot by Nick Knight

AND FINALLY...

op icon and fashionista, Lady Gaga has been disclosing some of her political views in the run up to the US presidential election, saying that she would be happy to chain herself to the White House in an effort to help legalise gay marriage.

Gaga, godmother to Elton and David’s baby Zach, has always been a passionate supporter of gay rights. The Born This Way singer recently took to Twitter to spread the word amongst her army of ‘Little Monsters’, urging her fans to get informed about this year’s election.

When asked “What do you plan to do next when it comes to helping legalize gay marriage?” The eccentric star replied, “Chain myself to the White House singing Bad Romance on repeat.”

Gaga is not one to keep her opinions to herself and also shared some of her ‘pro-choice’ opinions when it comes to her view on abortion and admitted that she doesn’t think the government should decide on that particular issue.

She also told her followers to be ‘empowered’ and to ‘educate one another’ about the upcoming country-wide election, by tweeting, “Use my timeline. Be youth empowered, know its ok to have different views but educate one another,” “Fight for your freedom by communicating.

This is the time we should all be using to debate each other and inform ourselves no matter what our differences this is an important election.”

Neither this publication nor its contents constitute an explicit endorsement by G&J Media of the products or services mentioned in advertising or editorial content. The editorial content in this publication does not necessarily represent policies or recommendations of G&J Media. This publication is not intended to be exhaustive. While every effort has been made to ensure accuracy, G&J Media shall not have any liability for errors or omissions. Readers who have questions should consult their healthcare providers or other competent sources of information and guidance. © 2012 All copyright G&J Media unless otherwise stated. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited.

ISSUE 07 – WINTER 2012 / 2013

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RMA is proud to offer many options for gay and lesbian couples who are serious about starting a family. Our specialists balance the most advanced treatments with compassionate personalized care.

Call us for a consultation.

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