OUT OF MY DEPTH
"I CAN'T TELL ANYONE"
IT'S TIME MEN LEARNED TO BE VULNERABLE
BY GUEST COLUMNIST MARC BRULE
“BELOVED, I PRAY THAT ALL MAY GO WELL WITH YOU AND THAT YOU MAY BE IN GOOD HEALTH, AS IT GOES WELL WITH YOUR SOUL.” —3 JOHN 2 (ESV)
T
he topic of mental health is one we guys like to avoid. There’s a taboo attached to it. Our dedication to portraying strength leads us to ignore and even deny the topic. Suck it up, buttercup. Pull up your socks and move on. Don’t be a wuss. Here’s the thing: ignoring a torn ligament will not restore the athlete’s performance. Recognition and treatment will. We need the same view regarding the state of our souls. I personally experienced burnout and depression in 2015. After 31 years of pastoring, I found myself at a breaking point. What were my thoughts? “I can’t tell anyone. People will see me as damaged goods. They won’t respect me or see me in the same way. I have to suppress this.” On and on these thoughts dominated me as I was slowly losing control of my own life. Things were generally going well. The church was healthy. But my soul was not getting along well and I could not enjoy life because of it. I ended up taking an extended leave of absence while I underwent the process of rest and recovery. Did I need to wait until I reached this point? No. No way! Fear, shame, a sense of
30 SEVEN WINTER 2020
failure — these were the things that held me back from what I really needed. How many of us suffer in silence because we believe these lies: • I can fix this • I can’t tell anyone because… • Jesus & me — that’s enough We were not meant to do life alone. Yet we isolate ourselves where it matters most. I discovered something profoundly helpful: Vulnerability is strength, not weakness. It takes greater courage to be vulnerable than it does to hide. Making myself vulnerable to the right people positioned me for healing and restoration. It was the mercy of God and the support of people that brought me out of my dark places. You may have a close friend, a pastor, a spouse, that you trust deeply. Yet you may still be hiding the torment of your soul because you fear judgment or rejection. If these are not the ones you feel safest to talk to, seek out a Christian counsellor or therapist. They can at least get you pointed in the right direction. By the way, that’s what I did. I was afraid to talk to anyone close to me at first. But know this: chances are those around you already know your soul’s condition. It comes out in your attitudes, your words and your behaviours.
GETTING HEALTHY & STAYING HEALTHY "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept
blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23 (ESV) Our lives are an intertwining of spirit, soul, and body. They are interconnect and affect each other. You can’t get up in the morning and go to work, leaving your soul behind because you only need your body for physical labour! Have you noticed that when you are sick with a cold, your concentration is lessened? Your patience is reduced? Have you noticed that when your devotional time with God is reduced you have less power to resist ungodly thoughts? There is no denying that one aspect of our lives affects the others. It is therefore vital that we take a holistic approach to our health.
MANAGE ENERGY INSTEAD OF TIME We’ve learned so much about time management and how to get the most out of our time. This has sometime resulted in putting so much energy into our time that we deplete ourselves and as a result become exhausted in some way.
