g rin cien nth nanD o ioC M astt ss20 iena neG. Bstr re P De wa A
4800Excelsior.com
4800 Excelsior Blvd, St Louis Park, MN 55416
952.800.4500|4800@weidner.com
PG. 8
WE ARE CALLED TO
BE BOLD
SEE MORE ON PAGE 6
The APARTMENT you saw TODAY and plan to lease tomorrow...
...is the apartment SOMEONE else saw yesterday and plans to LEASE TODAY.
See page 15 to view your new home.
CO NTEN TS
Hello,
Readers!
You can only count on one thing to shatter the leaden darkness of a Midwest winter, and that is a brand new copy of What you are now holding is better than an Irish coffee, a vacation to Hawaii, and finding true love all rolled together into one. In this issue we explore pressing matters such as German Shepherds, men’s fashion, pizza, escapology, wine, cats, and axe throwing.
6
(Disclaimer: Those last three things should under
no circumstances be enjoyed simultaneously.) In honor of the Super Bowl I asked preschoolers to describe what their very own football teams would be like. Their answers were in no way hindered by the fact that they don’t understand what football is. So turn down the thermostat, take off your slippers, and pour yourself a cold drink, because
is all you need to feel
warm inside this winter. is distributed free of charge every month thanks to our generous advertisers.
is mailed directly to
select neighborhoods in the Twin Cities area. It is also available
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at Cub Foods, hotels, and other busy places around town. Don’t forget to regularly visit our website for more articles and news about our hometown!
VOLUME 3 - ISSUE 6
6 8 4800 Excelsior
Love From Minnesota
I always invite your ideas, feedback, and input, and I welcome you to write to me anytime at editor@planetmediacom.com. -David Scheller
10 Atmosfere 12 Escape the Room 14 Samherz Shepherds 16 The Cafe Meow 18 Shout House Dueling Pianos 20 Destination Dining
952-460-1930 | PlanetMediaCom.com
22 Bad Axe Throwing 24 Football Kids 26 Sports Trivia 28 Forkless
PUBLISHERS
MANAGING EDITOR
Scott Holgate
David Scheller
ART DIRECTOR Karen Van Oss
Burt Bauman
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GRAPHIC DESIGNER
Jennifer Crego
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30 Warehouse Winery 32 Music & Events: Sponsored by Dakota Jazz Club 36 Savvy Dweller's Guide 37 Winter Movies
Shop.Dine.Live is an exclusive publication of Planet Media Communications. We do not discriminate based on race, color, religion, gender, handicap, marital status or national origin. By-line articles are published with the permission of credited copywriter. Advertisers warrant that they either own or have full rights to any and all logos, images, photos and content that are submitted to Planet Media and that such submission gives Planet Media permission to publish their submitted material in Shop.Dine.Live. We reserve the right to edit, refuse, accept, reject, classify or cancel any advertisement at any time. We do not knowingly accept, print or publish advertisements that are illegal or misleading. We accept no responsibility for errors or omissions in content. No part of this magazine may be reproduced in whole or part without the express written consent of Planet Media. All rights are reserved by copyright, 2018, Planet Media Communications.
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S P OTLIGHT
GIFT GUIDE
In case you weren’t aware, a pretty big deal is coming to town -- Minneapolis is hosting Super Bowl LII!
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S P OTLIGHT
4800 Excelsior Blvd • St. Louis Park, MN 55416 (952) 800-4500 • 4800@weidner.com
We proudly introduce you to 4800Excelsior, St. Louis Park’s newest apartment community where the conveniences of urban living intersect with the features and
MECH
comforts of a well-designed custom home. This brand-new property is located just steps away from Uptown and shares its Wolfe Park neighborhood with mid-century DW
KITCHEN 20'-1" X 6'-6"
homes, diverse store fronts and a variety of amenities and restaurants.
LIVING ROOM 9'-8" X 7'-5"
Even
grocery shopping is an easy task as Fresh Thyme Farmers Market is located within the property. Dinner will never want a forgotten ingredient again – simply walk downstairs to pick up that spice you need to finish off your perfect meal.
If you’re looking for the ideal location that combines access, culture, shopping
W/D
BEDROOM 11'-5" X 7'-5"
and nature, 4800Excelsior is the community for you. 4800Excelsior offers you a 10-minute drive to downtown Minneapolis, however, if you are looking for an escape from all the hustle, you are able to bike, walk and run to Bass Lake Park
BATH
and Minneapolis’ Chain of Lakes. In addition, 4800Excelsior has a WalkScore of 80, meaning most errands can be accomplished quickly on foot. 4800 Excelsior Blvd • St. Louis Park, MN 55416 (952) 800-4500 • 4800@weidner.com
4800 Excelsior Blvd • St. Louis Park, MN 55416 (952) 800-4500 • 4800@weidner.com
Ginger
RENT ..................
tudio 57 square feet
BALCONY
MECH
BEDROOM 11'-3" X 11'-7"
4800Excelsior.com
MECH
LIVING ROOM 15'-1" X 12'-7"
BEDROOM 11'-9" X 11'-8"
LIVING ROOM 12' X 17'
BATH BALCONY DW
KITCHEN D
BEDROOM 10'-6" X 12'-3"
W
DW
BATH
KITCHEN
BATH W/D
Fennel 8 |
2 Bedroom 2 Bath 1,153 square feet
RENT ..................
Annato
1 Bedroom 1 Bath 746 square feet
RENT ..................
S P OT L I G HT
After a long day’s work or an afternoon of running errands, you will pull into the heated garage at 4800Excelsior and be welcomed by an impressive array of brand-new amenities. The 24-hour fitness center has treadmills, elliptical machines, stationary bikes, weight machine and free weights allowing for a complete workout without a trip to the gym. Once your workout is complete, you’ll be invigorated by a dip in 4800Excelsior’s rooftop pool and a soak in the outdoor Jacuzzi. In addition, you can make summer last all year long thanks to 4800Excelsior’s outdoor barbecue and kitchen area. To end your day, relax alone or with friends at the fireside lounge and/or have a beverage on the scenic rooftop terrace enjoying the inspiring views of downtown Minneapolis.
4800Excelsior is what home feels like 4800Excelsior offers studio, one and two bedroom apartment homes to accommodate each and every lifestyle. Each home boasts the polish of designer cabinetry with crown molding. The kitchens are chic and modern with stainless steel appliances, pendant lighting, granite countertops and counter height dining. The bathrooms are inviting and offer spa-like soaking tubs surrounded by clean, crisp ceramic tile. Front loading washer and dryers are a feature in every home so trips to the laundromat will be a distant memory. You’ll enjoy floor to ceiling windows and abundant natural light will fill your home. Features also include spacious patios, airy balconies, lighted and mirrored walk-in closets, high ceilings, double-sink vanities and skyline views of the city (available in select homes).
Whether you are looking for the perfect refuge after a productive day in the city, convenient and diverse shopping, or endless recreation, 4800Excelsior is standing by to accommodate you. For your next home, please reach out to the 4800Excelsior Leasing Team to schedule a visit today. 4800Excelsior is what home feels like!
| 9
shopdinelive.net
by David Scheller
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shopdinelive.net I used to work at weddings. I was the gawky
“The key to wearing a suit correctly,”
teenager wearing a nametag and a vest
explained
patterned to obscure stains who would
Wearing a suit off the rack is the equivalent of
pass around hors d’oeuvres, bring the beef,
eating a Thanksgiving dinner without cooking
chicken, or vegetarian options to guests, and
it first. But before we tailor a man’s suit, we
straighten up in the wake of the celebration.
will have it crafted to his specifications.
In my couple of years setting the knot tying
Whereas your typical men’s clothier may have
scene, I have seen it all.
I witnessed the
five fabrics to choose from, we offer fifty,
rise and collapse of many a structurally
and we get new swatches in every week. It’s
unsound cake. I saw one father of the bride
because of this versatility that we’ve tailored
thoroughly drenched by a dropped tray of
to so many unique demands.
champagnes, and very up close because I was
Scottish style weddings with kilts, tracked
the one who dropped it. I even observed a
down discontinued articles our clients had
rather colorful ceremony brought about by a
set their hearts on, and even once helped a
bottle of merlot, an antihistamine pill, and an
couple of friends recreate the infamous Dumb
unfortunate bridesmaid who had consumed
and Dumber look. If it can be done with a suit,
both just beforehand.
we can do it.”
Damon,
“is
proper
tailoring.
We’ve done
“Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.” -Oscar Wilde None of these things were enough to spoil the
“The beauty of men’s fashion,” continued
wedding, though. Better spirits triumphed.
Damon, “is its permanence.
To my knowledge, there is only one thing
always use refinement, but the defining
so gross and inexcusable that it will ruin a
elements of men’s fashion will never change.
wedding beyond redemption, and that is a
There is no revolutionary look on the horizon
poorly dressed groom (and, by extension,
-- a great suit now will be a great suit in a
his groomsmen).
hundred years. We always bear that in mind
Most people think that
people only pay attention to the bride at a
Things can
in the work that we do.”
wedding, but let me assure you, those aged and respected Aunt Graces and Esthers and
Having tailored for 320 weddings in 2017
Roses of the world, the ones who control the
alone, Atmosfere has truly found its calling in
family ethos with a quiet but iron grasp, will
men’s fashion. Nonetheless, their clientele is
take one look at a groom wearing Keds and a
not limited to those getting hitched and the
tie from a cereal box and resolve to make his
ones helping them do so. They also serve the
life miserable forever, starting immediately.
well-dressed man no matter what his needs may be, whether it’s to dominate in business,
That’s why, in the event that I ever get
peacock at the nightclub, or simply look
married for real one day, I’m glad I will have
smashing wherever else his elegantly shod
the good men at Atmosfere in the North
feet might carry him.
Loop on my side.
The proprietor of the
men’s clothier, Dan Capetz, has been in the
“Our mission is that our clients leave our
business since the 80’s, and he along with his
store looking their absolute best.
son and employee Damon are connected to
else would you see the owner of a store
the finest suit makers in the area. This dad
sitting
and lad enterprise carries a full stock of suits,
asked, motioning to his father bent over a
keeps two dedicated tailors on hand, and has
two button blazer.
everything you’ll need to look good on your
a personal stake in every gentleman they
day at the altar.
clothe. To them, anything less than the best
there
sewing
buttons?”
Where Damon
Indeed, Atmosfere has
is someone else’s business.
| 11
shopdinelive.net I love video games, all of them. I love shoot ‘em ups where you get to play as a hyper aggressive space marine with pectoral muscles the size of two Buicks mowing down alien scum with a chaingun. I love sports games where I’m able, if even for a fleeting moment, to pretend that I’m Michael Jordan in his prime dunking on fools. But my most favorite kind of video game, if I’m being honest by David Scheller
here, is the puzzle-adventure genre.
These are
games like Myst, Monkey Island, Maniac Mansion, and anything else where you have to look at, push around, and grab anything that isn’t nailed down in order to solve a series of puzzles so you can get through the story. It’s only in this kind of game where you can unbolt a fiberglass fish statue from the ground in order to ride it to the world’s largest ball of string.
“You’re only given one objective when you enter the room: Leave the room. The rest is up to you.”
When I heard about Escape the Room in downtown Minneapolis, a place that offers the most in depth and interactive puzzle solving challenges in Minnesota, I knew I had to go. I wanted to see if I could perform under pressure -- not while I’m in my pajamas and staring blankly at a monitor, but in an actual, physical room fraught with mystery with a timer counting down.
The folks in charge of Escape the Room on Nicollet Mall are good people. I told them that I wanted to come by, and Janessa told me to come right on in. They even put out a bowl of little candy bars just in honor of my arrival and I assume no one else’s. I brought along my friend Mark, not because I thought I needed help in the intellectual department, but because he’s a good dude and I enjoy his company and maybe some of the puzzles would have required heavy lifting which I could make him do. (It turned out that wasn’t the case, as Escape the Room is very accessible.)
12 |
shopdinelive.net We did The Agency, an homage to martini
Here is the part of the article where I planned
swilling, Aston Martin driving spies. You’re only
to brag about how smart we were for solving
given one objective when you enter the room:
the room. We did not, but it was anything but
Leave the room. The rest is up to you. I wish
frustrating. Right at the 59 minute mark we
I could describe the experience to you, but I’m
unlocked the most interesting secret about
under explicit instructions not to give anything
the whole place, and it was all we could do
about it away. What I can tell you is that that
but just gawk at how neat it was before we had
time Mark and I were locked in there were the
to call it quits. Do you ever wish you could
most frenetic, memorable, and challenging 60
find treasure? Escape the Room provides that
minutes I’ve ever spent. The puzzles are all part
feeling in full.
of a believable scenario, that you’ve stumbled into a spy’s den and have to search for clues
One day we’ll go back to tackle their other
and items in order to manipulate the cleverly
challenges: The Dig, an Indiana Jones styled
engineered space so as to give way to new
room, and The Apartment, which looks like
puzzles and areas and, ultimately, the way out.
what would happen if Franz Kaf ka started
It was tricky without being cryptic, and when
dating your landlord. I haven’t had more fun
we were totally stymied a TV screen would
in years.
chime with a subtle hint to keep things moving forward. It was helpful, but not hand-holding.
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| 13
shopdinelive.net
Samherz Shepherds by David Scheller
I remember Max. He was a gentle brute who would grunt if you squeezed him, howl back to you if you howled first, and devour any food left unattended. His greatest scores in his twelve year lifetime were: two whole chickens, raw and quartered, all at once; a one pound brick of sharp cheddar; an entire can of bacon drippings; a ball of bird suet, mesh and all; a whole box of high school band fundraiser chocolate bars (he lived); a bullfrog; and one one occasion a deer haunch salvaged from the woods. Max was a gentleman of a dog, ready at once snuggle with you or go toe to toe with a black bear and her cubs. We all canonize our childhood dogs, but you must believe me when I tell you that Max was special. He was a German Shepherd in full: sweetness and light, piss and vinegar, smarter than me and he knew it. With his pharaoh makeup eyes and bushy tail he cut a blur across the meadow every morning. Fargo born Jessi Louis shares my love of German Shepherds, so it was only a matter of time before we became fast friends. I will get my next Max from her one day. Jessi runs Samherz Shepherds in Brainerd, Minnesota where she fulfills her calling to breed the world’s greatest dog. “My family had German Shepherds since before I learned to walk,” said Jessi. “I got my own, Sam, when I was 28. He was only eight weeks old then. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis two weeks after I brought Sam home.” “At first I didn’t know how I could take care of a puppy when I could barely get up. But Sam drove me. One block turned into two. Two blocks turned into four. We kept going further and further while he got bigger and I got better. Sam saved me.” Sam galvanized Jessi’s love for his breed. She wanted to make new Sams for everyone to take home with them and love too. “But Sam,” Jessi confided in me, “had problems. He didn’t have the temperament that a German Shepherd should. When lightning struck or fireworks burst, I would find him trembling behind the toilet. He was a doll around people, but couldn’t be trusted off the leash at the dog park. A German Shepherd should give his family total peace of mind but never bother the mailman. It wasn’t his fault -- I found out later that his puppyhood was deprived, and I’ll never know about his breeding.” So a few years ago Jessi set to work seeing how to raise the perfect German Shepherd. She attended dog shows, researched pedigrees, and learned about training. She delved into the subtleties of temperaments, hips, and ears (which everyone agrees ought to stand straight up like TV antennae). Jessi lost Sam last April due to complications from stomach bloat in the meantime. She teared up while she told me. I did too.
14 |
Jessi met her husband Kyle during her journey of German Shepherd discovery. “I found that guys would usually get flighty when I would tell them about my aspirations to breed German Shepherds, buy Kyle was different. When I could tell he was genuinely interested in my dogs and not just feigning it, I knew he was the one. Kyle is now our official kennel carpenter and puppy walker. I joke that he’s the Samherz janitor, but really he is everything to me.” “I was initially into German bred dogs who could pass the schutzhund, which is a disciplinary test meant to measure attention, intelligence, and loyalty. It’s very intense and only a few dogs can pass it,” Jessi explained. “Passing the schutzhund is the highest distinction a German Shepherd can earn. They can earn the honor anywhere in the world, but I prefer dogs who were bred in Germany and passed the test there.” “I initially bred a schutzhund stud for two litters, but his puppies had way too much energy for the average home. They were dogs meant for a World War I trench, not a cozy house in the suburbs. I wanted to breed dogs who would rather toast their bellies by the stove than tackle someone.” “So I rethought my appreciation for schutzhund and I found our current stud, Jay vom Billberg. Jay has the poise, the bone structure, and the smarts for schutzhund, but he hasn’t got the seriousness. That’s why he failed the test. Jay’s a snuggler who’d rather cozy up next to you in bed than do anything else. He looks big and tough, but he’s a teddy bear. Jay’s the ideal house dog, and his puppies are angels.” After years of learning and growing, Samherz Shepherds is now home to six females and two very lucky studs. They have just celebrated the arrival of their 13th batch of puppies. To learn more about Samherz Shepherds and see about how you can take one of their prized dogs home with you, visit samherzshepherds.com. “Here is what makes German Shepherds the best,” said Jessi. “They are by far the most loyal breed I have ever encountered. While a Lab loves everyone, a German Shepherd is distinctly yours. The look that they give you is inspiring. They appear intimidating, but on the inside they are made of pure love. They can be trained to do anything. A German Shepherd will look to you to be their boss right from the get-go. If you don’t give them that, they’ll rule the roost in no time. But give them a little guidance, and you’ll have the best dog you could ever imagine.” “They’re the most beautiful dogs. They stand for strength and loyalty.” The only German I know is from early 40’s propaganda cartoons, so I asked Jessi what Samherz means. “Herz means heart,” she told me. “Sam means Sam. Samherz means Sam’s heart. He will always be my heart dog.”
shopdinelive.net
by David Scheller
“People who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.”
Concierge apartments DANCING TO A NEW BEAT
-Faye Resnick
Peas and carrots. Caviar and champagne. Cats and coffee. These are things that have gone together since time immemorial. That last pair has been tragically hard to find outside of the home, sadly, but that is finally about to change. The Cafe Meow, Minnesota’s first cat cafe, will open their doors to people and cats alike at 2323 Hennepin Ave by spring this year. Cat cafes are, in a nutshell, cafes with cats. In them you can enjoy a cup of coffee, a chocolate chip cookie, and a comfortable cat all under one roof. The world’s first cat cafe opened in Taiwan in 1998. The Cat Flower Garden became an international sensation, and soon cat cafes began popping up all over the world. California received America’s first cat cafe in 2014 (in San Francisco, of course), and now we’re next. “It’s as much a dining experience as it is a therapeutic one,” said Danielle Rasmussen, who together with longtime friend and business partner Jessica Burge will run The Cafe Meow. “The local community has always been a huge part of what we do,
7 6 2 0 P E N N AV E N U E S O U T H , R I C H F I E L D
RESORT LIVING WITHIN YOUR REACH
so we’re serving products by local companies Bootstrap Coffee Roasters, Northern Lights Tea Company, and My Sister’s Sweets. Our cats will be the real stars of the show, of course.” “Due to zoning regulations,” explained Jessica, “the cats won’t be in the actual dining area of the cafe.
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Instead, they will have their own big room full of furniture, toys, catwalks, and lots of shelves on the walls to bounce around on. There will be plenty of hiding places, too, for when the cats decide they need some ‘me time.’ The cats’ quarters will be visible from the dining area through two big windows, and of course everyone will be welcome to come visit them inside!”
shopdinelive.net
GREAT FOOD. THE LOOP BAR GREAT & R EGRUB. S TAUR ANT GREAT PEOPLE. GREAT PEOPLE.
THE LOOP BAR & RESTAURANT AT WEST END! H
Because no one wants to subject cats to something they find unpleasant, and because even H
fewer people want to be around cats in an unpleasant mood, cats are selected to lounge at The Cafe Meow after passing a personality test to see whether they’d like it there.
(Since
candidates have already spent time at a rescue, they all know someone who can vouch for them.)
Only extraverted cats
visit The Cafe Meow; shy ones maintain their preferred privacy. The best part of The Cafe Meow is that if you meet a cat there who you really love, you can take them home with you forever. The Cafe Meow is partnering with Animal Ark, Pet Project Rescue, Ruff Start Rescue, and No Kitten Left Behind to give cats who need good homes exposure like they never could have received at a rescue alone. “This is a great way for cats and people to
LOCAL FUN
meet,” said Danielle. “Whereas dogs are big andH outgoing and can get along anywhere, cats need a certain kind of environment for their wonderful
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cafe can people bond over cats in public? Until the city starts building cat parks, not many.” Whether you need to be with a cat for five minutes or for the rest of your life, The Cafe Meow will be there for you. Even if you just need a good cup of coffee, consider having one in a room with a fuzzy, purring view.
FUN
FRESH
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OPEN LATE ALL WEEK LONG.
| 17
shopdinelive.net
SHOUT DuelingHOUSE Pianos by David Scheller
I’m envious of anyone who knows how to
Minneapolis and watch professional
hating everything is antithetical to the
play the piano. It means they spent part
pianists in their prime while I drink.
love Shout House was washing over their
of their childhood doing something more
guests that night.
productive than figuring out which kinds
The place is a vast and open beer hall
of spiders are disposed to fight when
with two, as you’d imagine, pianos facing
Long after the burger and when I had to
shaken together in a jar.
each other on a stage. Mirrors reflect
go, they brought two new guys out. One
the quickfire fingerwork before them. I
of them looked like a high school math
I know what you’re thinking: “Then go
took a table up front and center, ordered
teacher, so it was even more striking
learn to play piano!” No, it’s too hard, but
a burger because this is America, and got
when he hit us with a rendition of
I can do the next best thing: Go to Shout
to work watching the pianists take turns
Highway to Hell that singed everyone’s
House Dueling Pianos in downtown
playing audience requests.
eyebrows off. (What do you have to do to be able to sing like Brian Johnson, gargle
Contrary to the name, the pianists
razor blades every morning?) The place
weren’t dueling -- if shaken in a
was gearing up for even harder nighttime
jar together, neither would harbor
rocking while I was leaving to go home
resentment toward the other.
because I’m old.
Instead, they took turns playing and complimenting the other’s performance.
I later learned from Shout House’s
They belted out the classics, cheerful
manager Angela Wynveen that the barn
and good renditions of songs about
burner who played AC/DC is an engineer
dark desert highways, nine o’clock
by day, but has been performing at the
on a Saturday, a small town girl livin'
bar for over ten years. “When we find
in a lonely world, and of course
a great pianist, they tend to stay,” said
Sweet Caroline, mandatory singing
Angela. “They love putting their own
wherever there are two or more
unique spins on top 40 hits and fielding
people. The pianists at Shout House
the occasional curve ball from the
know everything. There was even
audience. They can’t be stumped, though.
a spirited rendition of My Humps
They’re too good for that!”
by The Black Eyed Peas, which I am informed is a naughty song. You can’t
In honor of the event, Shout House will
bring your kids to Shout House, there
be open all week during the Super Bowl
is booze and the pianists swear.
rather than their usual Wednesday through Saturday. What better place
The atmosphere at Shout House is vivacious and brotherly, everyone singing along and drinking beer and happy en masse.
could there be to soak in the city’s carnival atmosphere that week, singing fight songs, eating rib tips, and drinking beer? Very few, and that’s being generous.
I requested my favorite song, Paint it Black, but
One day imminently we’ll go back.
appreciate now why
Everyone should go. Minneapolis
they didn’t play it. A
needs as many people as it can to go
song about
“BOM BOM BOM” after the “SWEET CAROLINE.” So good.
18 |
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BAD
A E THROWING For as long as there have been people, throwing, and axes, people have been throwing axes. It’s a marvelous way to blow off steam, and to this day we haven’t developed another means of getting axes from A to B quite so efficiently. Problem is, high society frowns on axe throwing in most settings. Practice the noble art at the shopping mall or theater and you’ll be sternly compelled to go
7745 Elm Creek Blvd. Maple Grove, MN 55369 763-494-4498
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somewhere quiet and alone for a while. So where does one go to throw axes without risking property damage, civil forfeiture, and a hearty round of psychiatric evaluation? Why, to Bad Axe Throwing, of course. Founded by Mario Zelaya of Burlington, Ontario back in 2014, Bad Axe Throwing is essentially bowling alleys for axes. The enterprising Canadian used to throw axes in his backyard with his brother in law for fun, but he soon saw that there was a demand for the old lumberjack’s pastime in cities as well. Mario started up an axe throwing range in his hometown and soon expanded to Toronto, Ottawa, and some other cities in the true north strong and free. He began to feel sorry for Americans,
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who have to resort to primitive guns to approach anything near the thrill that axe throwing provides, so he expanded to Denver, Chicago, Washington, D.C., and some other cities as well. Finally, in November 2017, Bad Axe Throwing came to 2505 Kennedy St
VENETIAN INDOOR WATER PARK
NE, Minneapolis. This is a permanent axe throwing facility, where all who attend may reserve their own axe throwing lanes. The scoring works like in archery, with higher points awarded for axes sunk nearer to the bullseye. If you can stick an axe into one of the little blue dots on the target under the right circumstances, you get a hefty
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bonus. Participants throw simultaneously for an added element of competition. You may throw a five pound axe or a two and a half pound hatchet. Contrary to what you might think, the
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YARD SIGNS
heavier axes are the easier ones to guide. Hatchets separate the POSTCARDS
schmoes from the pros when it comes to axe throwing -- that’s
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why Mel Gibson used a tomahawk in The Patriot. Sharpen your axe throwing skills enough and you may join the World Axe Throwing League, the governing body of the sport with members in several countries. Bad Axe Throwing is ideal for morale-building company outings, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and birthday parties (for adults).
They also boast their services to people celebrating
divorces, and they invite revellers to bring their own targets for such occasions -- of what, I can’t imagine. If you would like to play Canadian darts but don’t want to sacrifice the security deposit on your apartment, you’re very fortunate for this exciting new enterprise’s recent arrival in Minneapolis. If you’ve got pluck and luck, don’t be a schmuck -- run amok and chuck like a Canuck.
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| 23
shopdinelive.net by David Scheller With the Super Bowl coming up, a very serious question occurred to me: How would little kids make their own football teams? I asked my coach friend Linda Lee to help me to understand. What she sent me is absolutely priceless.
Addison, Age 4
Alex, Age 3
Team Name: The White Team
Team Name: Velociraptors
Quarterback Name: Football Man
Quarterback Name: Spider-Man
Team Attributes: The players can jump higher than a kangaroo
Team Attributes: The dinosaurs are really scary!
Training Regimen: Jumping jacks
Training Regimen: Playing
Training Diet: Carrots, celery, and broccoli
Training Diet: Pepperoni pizza with sprinkles
Stadium Location: By my cousin’s house
Stadium Location: Chuck E. Cheese’s
Stadium Capacity: 26
Stadium Capacity: 2,100
Team Logo:
Team Logo:
Annika, Age 4
Evan, Age 4
Team Name: Minnesota
Team Name: Crystal’s Football
Quarterback Name: Scarlet
Quarterback Name: Superman
(My daddy said the quarterback throws the football and the guy behind him pushes
Team Attributes: Ice skating
him down and the quarterback gets hurt. Then there’s a new quarterback and the new quarterback is the guy who was behind him.)
Training Regimen: Stretching and doing the monkey dance
Team Attributes: They can run faster than any other team.
Training Diet: Salmon cooked for an hour or two
Training Regimen: Run really fast like a cheetah.
Stadium Location: The lake
Training Diet: Vegetables
Stadium Capacity: 100
Stadium Location: Downtown Minneapolis
Team Logo:
Stadium Capacity: 17 Team Logo:
Kylie, Age 4 Team Name: Pumpkins Quarterback Name: Leaf Head Team Attributes: Flowers Training Regimen: No exercise because they're hungry Training Diet: Fish Sandwiches Stadium Location: My house 24 |
Stadium Capacity: 2 Team Logo:
shopdinelive.net Mason, Age 4
Team Logo:
Daily: Afternoon and late night Happy Hour.
Team Name: Vikings
Monday:
Quarterback Name: Daddy
MN Beer Monday 7-10 pm ALL MN Pints and Cans $4.00. Tuesday: FREE Sporcle Live Team Trivia 7 & 8pm
Team Attributes: Because they win Training Regimen: Jumping Jax Training Diet: Fish Sandwich
Thursdays: Happy Hour pricing on drinks all day.
Stadium Location: California Stadium Capacity: 1,000,000
Saturday & Sunday: Breakfast with Bloody Marys, Screwdrivers and Mimosas on special until 2pm. Happy Hour on Drinks 2-5pm
Ryland, Age 5
Team Logo:
Team Name: Stillwater Quarterback Name: Mēe-Hō Team Attributes: They get more points
Join MUG CLUB and get special pricing on drinks and tap beer Mondays & Fridays 11am - 11pm.
and always win WE DELIVER!
Training Regimen: Bicycle that doesn't move Training Diet: Broccoli Stadium Location: Downtown MN Stadium Capacity: 1,000,001
Sadie, Age 5
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Team Logo:
Team Name: Batman Princesses Quarterback Name: Aurora
Minneapolis
Team Attributes: I like Batman and
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Training Regimen: Lifting up heavy
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things Training Diet: Lobster Thermidor Stadium Location: Bat cave Stadium Capacity: 2
Teddy, Age 5 Team Name: Winning Quarterback Name: Teddy Team Attributes: They’re on my team and they do what I say. They play football in an awesome way. Training Regimen: Lifting things up Training Diet: Candy and vegetables Stadium Location: Outside
Stadium Capacity: One hundred and google plus one million Team Logo:
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•
The longest professional baseball game in history was played
•
The official website for the classic basketball movie Space Jam
between the Pawtucket Red Sox and the Rochester Red Wings
is still up and the same as it appeared in 1996. The “Press Box
in 1981. The game’s first 32 innings were played over the course
Shuttle” tab informs us that there is no Space Jam news at the
of eight hours, until of the president of the league finally had to
moment.
postpone the next inning in order to save the delirious players. The players saw people on their way to Easter mass by the
•
The fastest recorded slapshot in any competitive
time they finally left the stadium. The 19 fans who remained
hockey game was made by Denis Kulyash of the
throughout the 32nd innings received lifetime passes to McCoy
Russian team Avangard Omsk on February 5th,
Stadium.
When Wade Boggs' father
2011. The puck hit 110.3 mph, fast enough to go
complimented him for getting four hits in
from St. Paul to Winona in just under one hour
the game, Boggs admitted that he had been
via Highway 61 (not accounting for traffic).
at bat 12 times. The Red Sox won in the •
33rd inning held 65 days later.
Wilt Chamberlain set the NBA’s single-game scoring record by racking up 100 points for the Philadelphia Warriors on March 2nd, 1962. Chamberlain set five other league records in that game, but
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sadly, no video footage of his feat exists. The World Wife Carrying Championship is held annually in Sonkajärvi, Finland. Competitors must carry their wives on their backs throughout a challenging 832 foot long obstacle course. A competitor may practice one of three types of carry: piggyback, over the shoulder,
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or “Estonian-style,” where his wife hangs upside-down with her legs around his shoulders.
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By David Scheller
•
The sport of purring originated in England in the early 17th century. A purrer holds onto his opponent’s collar and attempts to kick at their shins until he forces them to the ground. The loser cries out “sufficient” when he has had enough. Success in purring requires agility, the ability to endure pain, and strong shins.
•
Professional sports aren’t only for the young. The great Satchel Paige played his last professional game in 1965 when he was 59
I sRv i El l e B E R Ko fSBH urn
years old. Yoshiazuma Hiroshi is the oldest active sumo wrestler at age 40. Hershel McGriff became the oldest driver to win a NASCAR feature race when he was 61 years old. He retired in 2009 at the ripe old age of 81. •
Dogs have many of their own sports, too.
In lure coursing,
sighthounds compete against one another to determine who is
enjoy
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best among them at running down prey. Prey seldom volunteers
$
to participate in lure coursing, so a system of mechanized lures and pulleys that simulate the unpredictability of chasing small animals is implemented instead. In hound trailing, hounds race along a path with no markers to guide them save for a previously
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And then there is Schutzhund, a series of
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Cats do not play sports.
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•
Despite being the smallest country in the world with only 0.17 square miles, Vatican City has its own national soccer team, Selezione di calcio della Città del Vaticano. Vatican Secretary
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An American cow has a 1 in 17,420,000 chance of becoming a football that is used in the Super Bowl.
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YOU
THE PLACE DESERVE PIZZA | WRAPZ | RIBZ by David Scheller Americans have the singular ability to take something, anything, and make it better.
Thomas Edison saw the oil lamp and
envisioned the light bulb. The Wright Brothers saw hot air balloons and invented the airplane.
In that tradition of
improving upon things, Dave and Misty Zapf have taken the pizza, a dish spectacular since the neolithic age, and made it
THE
even greater with the addition of fine barbecue meat.
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Dave and Misty are born and bred restaurateurs, both having worked exclusively in the business since they were kids. They met in a restaurant they worked at together, she in the front of the house, he back in the kitchen, and they quickly fell in love and got married. Two short years later they opened their own restaurant together, J. Cousineau’s Dram & Alehouse, and just after that they would start their family with their first baby boy. While the Zapfs ran their first restaurant together, Dave and his son started barbecuing competitively, another avenue to express their culinary passion. “The competitive barbecue scene is like one giant family,” Misty told me. “Everyone fiercely guards their recipes and techniques, but at the end of the day our shared love of meat brings us all together.” Their own methods became so honed that Dave soon served as an official competition judge, and he and Misty opened Z’s Smokin Bonez. The brisket, ribs, chicken, and pork the Zapfs smoked and barbecued at Z’s were the edible embodiment of absolute perfection.
$100! $500! SECURITY DEPOSIT
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When I learned that Dave and Misty had just opened Forkless Pizza in Maple Plain, I knew that I had to go try it. (Eating pizza falls within the scope of my commitment to journalism and going to any length to get a story.) Just on the outskirts of town, Forkless Pizza is your traditional American pizza joint complete
Coupons must be presented at time of 1st tour. Offer ends 2/28/18. SDL.
with a pinball machine, drink fridge, and snacks, candy, and even barbecue
Administrative fee now just $50! (previously $100)
paraphernalia for sale. An oil painting of a happy pig surveys the dining area. Pizzas at Forkless may be ordered à la carte with key ingredients like chopped brisket, pulled pork, and smoked meatball, or you may have one of their specialty pies. I had Kickin’ BBQ, an amalgam of smoked meat, jalapeno barbecue sauce, jalapenos, red onion, and cilantro. My girlfriend was undeterred by the gaze of the happy pig in the painting and ordered the 3 Little Pigs with smoked pork, hickory bacon, Canadian bacon, red onion, and cheddar cheese. As its name implies, all of Forkless Pizza’s dishes are meant to be eaten with your hands, but their pizza is so laden with gobbets of meat that a fork might be useful should some of those indispensable morsels fall off a slice.
B I R C H W O O D A P T S M N . CO M 28 |
shopdinelive.net mill CiTY DERmAToloGY, PA GOT SPOTS?
We tried their St. Louis dry rub style baby back ribs next. They were so tender, so juicy, and so good that they didn’t
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even require the Zapfs’ signature MN Nice BBQ sauce, although that didn’t deter us from dipping. My description of these ribs wouldn’t do them justice. They were far too delicious. They should have sent a poet. Soon we’ll return
MEDICAL, SURGICAL, AND COSMETIC DERMATOLOGY
for several more racks of those indescribable ribs as well as A’s Craze pizza, the Zapfs’ daughter’s signature creation, with gouda mac & cheese, chopped brisket, and pulled pork, and for the Buffalo Chicken, a barbecue and ranch drizzled pizza.
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Forkless Pizza’s wraps, appetizers, and desserts merit future attention
New Hours
as well. “Perfecting
the
dough
was the biggest challenge,” Misty told me after our meal. “We have the meat down pat, and Dave is a talented saucier, so getting the crust just right was our highest priority before we opened. Dough is more temperamental than you
Monday-Thursday: Take n’ Bake Pizza & Ribs available; a Fresh & healthy choice.
11am-9pm
Friday:
11am-10pm
Saturday: 4-10pm
Sunday:
might think.”
4-9pm
“We do a lot that sets us apart from other
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pizza places,” Misty continued. “Whereas standard pizza cheese is thickened with wheat products, we only use 100 percent authentic mozzarella, making our pizza entirely gluten free if you order one with a special crust. Of course, you’re going to have to search far and wide for a pizzeria that also offers competition quality barbecue, too.” Forkless Pizza is so good that it more than warrants the trip out to Maple Plain. Whether you’re after an old fashioned pie or something
$5off
exciting and new, you’ve got to go see how the Zapfs make pizza
ANY $25 PURCHASE
transcendent. I look forward to taking my father, an Italian and a
Includes dine-in, take-out or delivery. Cannot be combined with other specials, offers or coupons. One coupon per purchase. All discounts taken before tax and tips. Exp. 2/28/18 Shop.Dine.Live.
purist, out there for a revelation when he visits in spring.
Order by phone or online:
763-479-2221 | forkless.net 4902 US-12, Maple Plain | 29
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WAREHOUSE WINERY
We owe much of our civilization’s greatness to wine. Because wine has a pleasant color which we would prefer to see while we enjoy it, there arose a great demand for a clear material from which we could craft drinking vessels. Glass fit that bill nicely, so we learned how to make it well. Glass is good for more than just drinking from, however. Eventually we would use glass in telescopes to explore space, in microscopes to inspect life on the cellular level, and in microcircuitry to send pictures of cats all over the world. Without wine we would have had none of those beautiful revelations. Without wine we wouldn’t have Warehouse Winery, either. Warehouse Winery began in 2009 when Billy Smith inherited Gopher Motors from his father John. Billy was more interested in merlots than turbos, however. He had for some time already been growing wine grapes in his front yard in Wayzata, quite an accomplishment in a state with a growing season that is, at best, hypothetical. Billy believed that his Cabernet blend was too good to deprive the masses of, so he converted his newly acquired shopdineliveJanFeb2018.qxp_Layout 1 11/27/17 3:40 PM Page 1 garage into a winery.
for
s ne ’ i t en y l a v da in
Jo
four course sweetheart’s
WINE DINNER Sunday, February 11, 6pm
50
•$
•
Twice Baked Stuffed Potato Skins California Spring Roll Salad
Surf & Turf – Seabass & Manhattan Sirloin Deluxe Banana Cream Pie
All Courses Paired with Expertly Chosen Wine.
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THE LOOKOUT
DEAL
Limited Engagement!
“Crackles with infectious energy!” – Pioneer Press
12pc Broasted Chicken with Mashed Potatoes & Gravy, Coleslaw & Dinner Rolls. To-Go Only Limit One Per Coupon. Exp 3.1.18 SDL
The Biggest & Best BIG GAME PARTY! Live Music all weekend in the lead up to the main event! Thursday Feb. 1st – GB Leighton Friday Feb. 2nd – Ladies of the 80’s Saturday Feb. 3rd – Skitzo Fonic Sunday Feb. 4th – BIG GAME LIVE WITH SOUND ON OUR HUGE SCREEN & ALL TVS Facebook.com/TheLookoutBarandGrill
763-424-4365 • WWW.LOOKOUTBARANDGRILL.COM 8672 Pineview Lane North, Maple Grove, MN 55369
30 |
952.934.1525 ChanhassenDT.com
shopdinelive.net To this day Warehouse Winery still grows all of their grapes in Wayzata. They do all of their fermentation and bottling on location as well. Rather than use barrels made entirely from smoked wood, Billy adds pieces of specially smoked wood to each of his steel barrels so he may better control his blends’ characters. Whereas other wineries may let their barrels stay sealed for years, which permits tannens to accumulate, Billy opens his barrels every 30 days to permit oxidation. With 21 varieties of wine now available, Warehouse Winery’s selection leaves nothing to whine about. Surprisingly, their wine isn’t Warehouse Winery’s star attraction any longer -- it is their beautiful 7,000 square foot warehouse-style space, which is available to rent for special events. Warehouse Winery is adorned with striking pieces of original artwork collected by Billy during his decades of travel. Many of their pieces were created by master wielder Billy himself! The winery’s reception hall fits 150 guests seated, or 200 standing. “Our artistically crafted space was designed and constructed by the winemaker himself, making it the perfect location for weddings, social gatherings, corporate functions, birthday parties, bachelorette parties, and much more,” said Amy Zook of Warehouse Winery. “Our in-house caterers Green Mill Catering and Sterling Catering take care of all the details of the events we host. Our experienced staff knows the supreme importance of food, and they create the right presentation for the events we host right down to every last finishing touch.” Warehouse Winery is currently offering 15% off of room rentals until the end of March. If you would like to host a classy party in a distinctively decorated venue, go and lose yourself at Warehouse Winery at 6415 Cambridge St, Minneapolis. Remember: Without wine there would be no civilization. What have you done for wine in return lately?
Nobody beats our room rates... period. • Express breakfast • Free high speed wireless Internet • 49” flatscreen TV’s with Bluetooth connections • Pillow top mattresses • Coffee makers in all rooms
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Music & Events Menu Service at 5 : 3 0 P M
Live Music Every Night
JAN 1
4 5-6 11-12 13
15 16-17 18 19 20 23-24 27 28
JONATHA BROOKE
Gingerbread Wonderland
REBIRTH BRASS BAND
New Years Day Brunch – Pushing Chain
SQUIRREL NUT ZIPPERS AMERICA ROOTS REVUE: HALEY, CORY WONG, ANTWAUN STANLEY
10:00am-4:00pm Norway House, Minneapolis 11:00am The Icehouse, Minneapolis
Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No. 1 MN Orchestra 2:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
Timberwolves vs. Los Angeles 7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
KAUMAKAIWA KANAKA’OLE W/SHAWN PIMENTA
JAN 2
ROY HARGROVE QUINTET
6:00pm Driftwood Char Bar, Minneapolis
Fat Chance Jug Band
TRACEY NELSON WITH THE BEL AIRS
T.E.E.
NICHOLAS DAVID & THE FEELIN BAND
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
HUUN HUUR TU AL JARDINE: A POSTCARD FROM CALIFORNIA ERIC GALS: ALBUM RELEASE AMY HELM
6:00pm 331 Club, Minneapolis
Sister Act Wild vs. Florida 7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Dean Magraw 7:00pm Black Dog Café, St. Paul
Blithe Spirit 7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Solomon Georgio 8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
JAN 3 Wolverines Jazz Trio 6:00pm Hell’s Kitchen, Minneapolis
2
NEW POWER GENERATION
9
THE ACCIDENTALS
17
VIEUX FARKA TOURE
18
TEVEN PAGE & ART OF TIME ENSEMBLE
23
SERGIO MENDES
28
DONNY MCCASLIN GROUP
Sample Night Live 7:00pm Landmark Center, St. Paul
Country Music Jam 7:00pm Narrows Saloon, Wayzata
80’s Night - Dueling Pianos 7:00pm Shout House, Minneapolis
Triple Espresso 7:30pm Ames Center, Burnsville
MN Gophers Basketball vs. Illinois 8:00pm Williams Arena, Minneapolis
JAN 4 Free Thursday Nights
TICKETS & RESERVATIONS
612.332.5299 dakotacooks.com 32 |
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
Artist Talk Series - Shuji Usui 5:30pm Hopkins Arts Center
Cadillac Kolstad 6:00pm Loring Pasta Bar, Minneapolis
Spirited Glögg Tour
Nate Bargatze
6:30pm-8:00pm American Swedish Institute, Minneapolis
7:00pm Rick Bronson’s House of Comedy, Bloomington
Wild vs. Buffalo
Boom Room Jazz
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
7:00pm Boom Island Brewing Co, Minneapolis
Battle of the Blues Bands
World’s Toughest Rodeo
7:00pm Famous Dave’s Uptown, Minneapolis
7:30pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Miles Graves
Greg Fitzsimmons Comedy
7:00pm The Red Sea, Minneapolis
7:30pm Mystic Lake Casino, Prior Lake
Ditch Thursdays
Tchaikovsky: Symphonies No. 2 & 5
10:00pm City Hall, Osseo
MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
JAN 5 2018 Snocross National 11:00am-11:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
Brewery Tour with the Brewers 5:00pm Big Wood Brewery, White Bear Lake
World’s Most Dangerous Polka Band 6:00pm Can Can Wonderland, St. Paul
TheySelf 7:00pm the basement bar, Minneapolis
World’s Toughest Rodeo 7:30pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Greg Fitzsimmons Comedy 7:30pm Mystic Lake Casino, Prior Lake
The Banjo Hour ft. pat Donohue 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 4 MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
The Banjo Hour – Pat Donohue 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Lana Del Rey 8:00pm Target Center Minneapolis
The Suburbs 8:00pm Le Musique Room, St. Michael
JAN 6 2018 Snocross National 8:00am-11:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
Brewery Tour 11:30am Indeed Brewing Co, Minneapolis
Da Vinci Fest 10th Anniversary 1:00pm-5:00pm Stillwater
MN Gophers Basketball vs. Indiana 4:15pm Williams Arena, Minneapolis
Bryan White 7:00pm The Aster Café, Minneapolis
Dan Newton’s Café Accordion Orchestra 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Timberwolves vs. New Orleans 8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
JAN 7 Royal Winnipeg Ballet Audition Tour 9:45am-3:45pm MN Dance Theatre & School, Minneapolis
Swing Sunday - Patty 11:00am Aster Café, Minneapolis
The Wedding Fair 11:00am-4:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
Blithe Spirit 1:00pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Free Family Portraits 2:00pm In Progress Studio, St. Paul
Jeremy Denk – Mozart’s Piano Concertos 20 & 25 St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 2:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
MN Gophers Hockey vs. St. Cloud State 6:00pm Mariucci Arena, Minneapolis
JAN 8 Physics Force Winter Shows 10:00am Northrup Auditorium, Minneapolis
Karaoke 5:00pm Schooner Tavern, Minneapolis
Timberwolves vs. Cleveland 7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Lady J 8:00pm Minnesota Music Café, St. Paul
JT’s Jazz Implosion 9:00pm Icehouse, Minneapolis
shopdinelive.net Punk Rock Bowling
Bruce Burniece
Blithe Spirit
Michael Monroe
10:00pm Memory Lanes, Minneapolis
6:00pm Rudy’s Redeye Grill, Rosemount
7:00pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
JAN 9
Timberwolves vs. New York
Timberwolves vs. Portland
GB Leighton
7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
9:30pm Bunkers, Minneapolis
Jazz in the Lobby Bar
JAN 15
JAN 20
Martin Luther King Skate
TwinsFest 2018
12:00pm-2:00pm Brooklyn Park Community Center
9:00am-6:00pm Target Field, Minneapolis
Square Dancing
12:00pm-4:00pm Oak Hill Park, St. Louis Park
Esham 7:00pm Amsterdam Bar, St. Paul
Wild vs. Calgary 7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Soul 7:00pm Mill City Museum, Minneapolis
Pickin’ Up Steam 7:00pm Neumann’s Bar, St. Paul
Sister Act 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Costaki Economopoulos 8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
New Primitives 8:30pm Shaws Bar & Grill, Minneapolis
WRLDZ 9:00pm Nomad World Pub, Minneapolis
JAN 10 The MTVs 6:00pm Lupulin Brewery, Big Lake
7:00pm St. Paul Hotel, St. Paul
MN Gophers Hockey vs. Michigan Wolverines 7:00pm Mariucci Arena, Minneapolis
G. Love & Special Sauce 7:00pm Mystic Lake Casino, Prior Lake
Superior Donuts 7:30pm Lyric Arts Main Street Stage, Anoka
Stolyette 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Steven Copes – Beethoven’s Violin Concerto St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 8:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
JAN 13 Indoor Farmers Market 9:00am-1:00pm Bachman’s, Plymouth
7:30pm Eagles Club #34, Minneapolis
Her Root Doctors 8:00pm Minnesota Music Café, St. Paul
The Roe Family Singers
Sister Act
CodeSweat Entertainment
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Yumi Zouma 8:00pm 7th St. Entry, Minneapolis
Dan Ristrom 9:30pm Gluek’s, Minneapolis
7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Home Improvement & Design Expo
A League of Their Own
Blithe Spirit
10:00am-5:00pm Caterbury Park, Minneapolis
6:30pm Northrop Auditorium, Minneapolis
7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Minneapolis Boat Show
Dueling Pianos – 80s Night
Liza Treyger
10:00am Minneapolis Convention Center
7:00pm Shout House, Minneapolis
7:30pm Rick Bronson’s House of Comedy, Bloomington
MN Gophers Basketball vs. Purdue
MN Songwriter Showcase
11:00am Williams Arena, Minneapolis
7:30pm Aster Café, Minneapolis
Christine Lavin
Minneapolis Onesie Bar Crawl
David Crowe 8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
Sons of Soul
6:00pm-2:00pm Dinkytown, Downtown, Uptown Locations
8:00pm Wild Tymes, St. Paul
Wild vs. Winnipeg
8:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
JAN 11
6:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 3
August Burns Red
MN Orchestra 11:00am Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
6:30pm Cabooze, Minneapolis
MN RollerGirls
Minneapolis Boat Show
7:00pm Roy Wilkins Auditorium, St. Paul
2:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
Big Head Todd & The Monsters
Free Thursday Nights
7:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
Spectrum Dance Theater: A Rap on Race
Jason Paulson Band
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
6:00pm Jerseys Bar & Grill, Inver Grove Heights
Alex Aiono, Trinidad Cardona
The Devil Makes Three
8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
7:00pm First Avenue, Minneapolis
Xtreme Theatre Smackdown 2018
Spafford
8:00pm SteppingStone Theatre, St. Paul
7:00pm 7th St. Entry, Minneapolis
Cheap Date Night: Music on the Ice
La Dame Blanche 7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
8:00pm-10:00pm Lyndale Farmstead Park, Minneapolis
Bradley Kallhoff
JAN 14
8:00pm Golden’s Café & Deli, St. Paul
Minneapolis Boat Show
Thursday Night JAZZ
10:00am Minneapolis Convention Center
9:00pm Reverie Café + Bar, Minneapolis
Country Doctors
JAN 12
2:00pm Eagles Club #34, Minneapolis
Minneapolis Boat Show
The S.O.B.S
12:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
6:00pm Venue 13, Burnsville
MN Gophers Womens Hockey vs. Vermont
Wild vs. Vancouver
6:00pm Ridder Arena, Minneapolis
6:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Sunday Tango 6:00pm Loring Pasta Bar, Minneapolis
3:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee 7:00pm 7th St. Entry, Minneapolis
1:00pm MN Masonic Heritage Center, Bloomington
7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Live Mixed Martial Arts Funk Hunters
10:00am-3:00pm Maplewood Nature Center, St. Paul
Timberwolves vs. Oklahoma
1:00pm Egg/Plant Urban Farm Supply, St. Paul
JAN 16
JAN 17
7:00pm Turf Club, St. Paul
Hard Cheesemaking Class
8:00pm 331 Club, Minneapolis
Winter Open House: Snowshoes & Tracks
Flobots
Outdoor Winter Fun Day
Colleen Raye
The Killers JAN 18 Free Thursday Nights 5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
Glow-in-the-Dark Yoga Event 6:00pm Mall of America, Bloomington
Bob Poole 7:00pm Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul
Tribal Seeds
With 10 Piece Band 7:00pm The Pourhouse, Minneapolis
1964 The Tribute 8:00pm Burnsville Performing Arts Center
Timberwolves vs. Toronto 8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Malamanya 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Ben Folds 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
Mendelssohn’s Italian Symphony St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 8:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
Michael Monroe 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
The Belfast Cowboys 8:30pm Whiskey Junction, Minneapolis
Todd Jameson 9:00pm Lil Bar, Champlin
The Assortment 10:00pm Clubhouse Jager, Minneapolis
JAN 21 TwinsFest 2018 9:00am-2:00pm Target Field, Minneapolis
Cardboard Piano 2:00pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
Pianist Juho Pohjonen 3:00pm Macalester College, St. Paul
7:00pm Cabooze, Minneapolis
JAN 22
Roots Music Showcase
Wild vs. Ottawa
7:00pm The Underground, Falcon Heights
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Stray From the Path
Big Boy Karaoke
7:00pm Amsterdam Bar & Hall, St. Paul
9:00pm Moto-i, Minneapolis
The Underpants
JAN 23
7:30pm Lakeshore Players Theatre, White Bear Lake
MN Gophers Basketball vs. Northwestern Wildcats
Destroyer
8:00pm Williams Arena, Minneapolis
8:00pm Fine Line Music Café, Minneapolis
Sister Act
JAN 19
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
TwinsFest 2018
Cy Amundson
4:00pm-9:30pm Target Field, Minneapolis
8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
Collapsing Stars
Rory Scovel
7:00pm Lakes & Legends, Minneapolis
7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
Cardboard Piano
JAN 24
7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
MOMA State Pool & Dart Tournament
Ben Folds
6:00pm-10:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis CONTINUE ON NEXT PAGE >>
| 33
shopdinelive.net >> CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE
John Devine
FlashMob!
The Feels
Cardboard Piano
6:00pm Loring Pasta Bar, Minneapolis
9:30pm Jerseys, Inver Grove Heights
10:00pm The Icehouse, Minneapolis
2:00pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
BORNS
JAN 27
FEB 1
US Pond Hockey Championships
Indoor Farmers Market
FEB 5 Dot
7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
7:00am-7:30pm Lake Nokomis Park, Minneapolis
3:00pm-6:00pm Maple Grove Community Center
7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
JAN 25
Off the Streets 5K
Free Thursday Nights
7:30pm State Theatre, Minneapolis
MOMA State Pool & Dart Tournament
8:00am Target Field, Minneapolis
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
Square Dancing
Jonathan Bliss – Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto
Kimbra
7:00pm Palace Theatre, St.Paul
Cardboard Piano
9:00am-11:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
MOMA State Pool & Dart Tournament
Thursday Morning Artist Series
9:00am-11:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
10:30am-12:00pm MacPhail Center for Music, Minneapolis
Winter Farmers Market 10:00am-1:00pm Eagan Community Center
Digitour
Forced Entertainment: Quizoola!
3:30pm The Garage, Burnsville
4:00pm-10:00pm The Soap Factory, Minneapolis
US Pond Hockey Championships 5:00pm-9:00pm Lake Nokomis Park, Minneapolis
Dead Man Walking
Free Thursday Nights
Hubbard Street Dance Chicago
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
7:30pm Northrup Auditorium, Minneapolis
Artist Talk Series – Russ White
8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
5:30pm Hopkins Arts Center
DigiTour: Arctic Lights 6:30pm The Garage, Burnsville
Matoma 7:00pm Skyway Theatre, Minneapolis
The Wailers 7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
2CELLOS & London Symphony Orchestra 8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Scotty McCreery 8:00pm Mystic Lake Casino, Prior Lake
Forced Entertainment: Real Magic 8:00pm McGuire Theater, Minneapolis
JAN 25 - FEB 10 St. Paul Winter Carnival Event Locations & Times Vary Wintercarnival.com
JAN 26 US Pond Hockey Championships 7:00am-10:00pm Lake Nokomis Park, Minneapolis
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Timberwolves vs. Brooklyn Ruthie Foster & Scottie Miller 8:00pm Hopkins Arts Center
Amy Miller
MN Gophers Hockey vs. Nortre Dame 7:00pm Mariucci Arena, Minneapolis
The Morning Kings
7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
2 Dudes with Acoustic Guitars
Jackie Kashian
7:00pm Neumann’s Bar, St. Paul
8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
Feherty Live
FEB 7
7:00pm State Theatre, Minneapolis
Benjamin Clementine
Dead Man Walking 7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Sister Act 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
GB Leighton
7:00pm Fine Line, Minneapolis
Nate Staniforth 7:00pm Turf Club, St. Paul
Rhythm & Red 7:00pm Jungle Red Gallery, Minneapolis
The Royale 7:30pm Yellowtree Theatre, Osseo
Spirit of Winter Solar Powered Light Show
Anna Meredith
Event Times and Locations Very Loppet.org
4:30pm-9:30pm Winery at Sovereign Estate, Waconia
Magic Giant
JAN 28 US Pond Hockey Championships
Kevin Hart 7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
FEB 8
City of Lakes Loppet – Urban Cross Country Ski Festival
7:00am-6:00pm Lake Nokomis Park, Minneapolis
MOMA State Pool & Dart Tournament 9:00am-6:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
Dead Man Walking 2:00pm Ordway, St. Paul
Spirit of Winter Solar Powered Light Show 4:30pm-9:30pm Winery at Sovereign Estate, Waconia
The Milligan Vaughan Project
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
JAN 30 First Aid Kit 7:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
Dead Man Walking 7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Tim Harmston
Wild vs. Las Vegas
8:00pm 7th St. Entry, Minneapolis
Free Thursday Nights 5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
Feherty Live
ZZ Ward
7:00pm State Theatre, Minneapolis
Mick & The Stones 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
7:00pm First Avenue, Minneapolis
Florian Schulz 7:00pm The Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul
Jonathan Bliss – Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto
Wild vs. Arizona
St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 8:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
Love Songs
Justin Furstenfeld 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
FEB 3 Dead Man Walking 7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Dave Matthews Band 7:30pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
Mick & The Stones 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Timberwolves vs. New Orleans 8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
7:00pm LTD Brewing Co, Hopkins
Jonathan Bliss – Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto
Benjamin Raye 7:00pm Nomad World Pub, Minneapolis
JAN 31 Marilyn Manson
St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 8:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
Forced Entertainment: Real Magic
7:00pm Myth, St. Paul
8:00pm McGuire Theater, Minneapolis
Dueling Pianos – 80s Night
Mozart’s Sinfonia Concertante
7:00pm Shout House, Minneapolis
8:00pm Wayzata Community Church
Josh Ritter & The Royal City Band
Hipshaker
8:00pm The Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul
FEB 4 Super Bowl LII
9:00pm Kitty Cat Klub, Minneapolis
Sister Act
Us Bank Stadium
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
7:30pm Aria, Minneapolis
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
8:00pm Acme Comedy Co, Minneapolis
34 |
11:00pm The Exchange, Minneapolis
FEB 6
FEB 2
JAN 29 Super Bowl Opening Night
4:30pm-9:30pm Winery at Sovereign Estate, Waconia
DJ Serafin
JAN 27 - FEB 4
8:00am-11:00pm Canterbury Park, Shakopee
Spirit of Winter Solar Powered Light Show
7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
8:00pm The Lookout, Maple Grove
9:00pm Lee’s Liquor Lounge, Minneapolis
4:00pm Cadillac Ranch – Mall of America, Bloomington
Timberwolves vs. Milwaukee
7:30pm Eagles Club #34, Minneapolis
8:00pm Royal Comedy Theatre, Hopkins
MOMA State Pool & Dart Tournament Dave Hudson Music
St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 6:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
Postmodern Jukebox
Cheap Date Night: Music on the Ice 8:00pm-10:00pm Lyndale Farmstead Park, Minneapolis
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul 8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Lane 8 8:00pm Skyway Theatre, Minneapolis
FEB 9 Black Label Society 7:00pm Myth Live, St. Paul
Portugal. The Man 7:30pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
Make Believe Neighborhood 7:30pm Heart of the Beast Theatre, Minneapolis
Cardboard Piano 7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
Rigel Symphony No. 4 MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
The Federales 8:00pm Lakes & Legends, Minneapolis
FEB 9 & 10 Chilly Open Frozen Golf Tournament Lake Minnetonka - Wayzata Bay Event Times Vary
shopdinelive.net FEB 10 Plymouth Indoor Farmers Market 9:00am-1:00pm Bachman’s, Plymouth
Minnetonka Indoor Farmers Market
Sister Act
Shen Yun Performing Arts
Andre Watts – Beethoven’s Emperor
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Timberwolves vs. Los Angeles
FEB 20
MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
9:00am-1:00pm Minnetonka Community Center
FEB 16
Ham Lake Snowbowl
Minnesota Golf Show
10:00am-3:00pm Ham Lake Park
Eagan Winter Farmers Market
10:00am-7:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
10:00am-1:00pm Eagan Community Center
Minneapolis Home & Remodeling Show
Trails by Candlelight
10:00am US Bank Stadium
6:00pm-9:00pm Lebanon Regional Park, Eagan
MN RollerGirls
Haydn’s Fire Symphony St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 11:00am Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
Garrison Keillor 8:00pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
FEB 21 Hanneke Cassel Band, Orange Mighty Trio 7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
The Royale 7:30pm Yellowtree Theatre, Osseo
Celebrating David Bowie 7:30pm Pantages Theatre, Minneapolis
FEB 22
7:00pm Roy Wilkins Auditorium, St. Paul
Shen Yun Performing Arts
Wild vs. Chicago
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
Free Thursday Nights
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
The Humans
Vulcan Victory Dance
8:00pm Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
A Raisin in the Sun
7:30pm-11:30pm InterContinental St. Paul Riverfront
Remembering Glen Campbell
JD Souther
West Side Story
Indecent
MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
Robert Plant & Sensational Space Shifters
8:00pm Hopkins Center For The Arts
Book of Moron
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Four Course Sweathearts Wine Dinner 6:00pm The Lookout, Maple Grove
West Metro Home Remodeling Fair 10:30am-3:00 Eisenhower Community Center, Hopkins
Timberwolves vs. Sacramento 6:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
FEB 13 Timberwolves vs. Houston 7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Wild vs. New York 7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
The Humans
Chilly Chili Fest 12:30pm-4:00pm Bryant Square Rec Center, Minneapolis
Indecent 1:00pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Emerging Solo Artist Celebration
7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
FEB 23
Wild vs. San Jose
Frozen Bocce Ball Tournament
Lake Home & Cabin Show
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
10:00am-10:00pm Behind Brine Restaurant, Stillwater
2:00pm-8:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
FEB 27
Minneapolis Home & Remodeling Show
Chris Young, Kane Brown & LANCO
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
10:00am US Bank Stadium
7:30pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Wild vs. Anaheim
A Raisin in the Sun
1:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
Shen Yun Performing Arts
Make Believe Neighborhood
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
7:30pm Heart of the Beast Theatre, Minneapolis
Hippo Campus 7:30pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Indecent
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Music of Fleetwood Mac
West Side Story
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Andre Watts – Beethoven’s Emperor MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
Haydn’s Fire Symphony
8:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
7:30pm Yellowtree Theatre, Osseo
St. Paul Chamber Orchestra 8:00pm Ordway Concert Hall, St. Paul
FEB 24
The Humans
FEB 18
7:30pm Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis
10:00am-1:00pm Eagan Community Center
Jorma Kaukonen
Minneapolis Home & Remodeling Show
7:30pm Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
10:00am US Bank Stadium
10:00am-6:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
FEB 15
Minnesota Golf Show
Make Believe Neighborhood
10:00am-4:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
Cardboard Piano 2:00pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
5:00pm-9:00pm Walker Art Center Gallery, Minneapolis
The Humans
Wild vs. Washington
In This Moment
6:30pm Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis
7:00pm Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul
7:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
The Manhattan Transfer & Take 6
The Nightingale Trio
7:30pm Ordway, St. Paul
10:00am-4:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
9:00am-7:00pm Minneapolis Convention Center
Minnesota Golf Show
Judah & The Lion
Free Thursday Nights
Lake Home & Cabin Show
TobyMac
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
MN Orchestra 11:00am Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
FEB 25
8:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
Remembering Glen Campbell
West Side Story
8:00pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
3:30pm Pantages Theatre, Minneapolis
FEB 14
The Royale
Walk The Moon
Galactic with Lettuce
MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
6:00pm Capri Theater, Minneapolis
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
The Charlie Awards
Fundraiser: The Lukemia & Lymphoma Society Opens: 7:30am Capella Tower, Minneapolis
7:30pm Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis
Black Love
Stevie Ray’s Comedy Cabaret
8:00pm Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
Big Climb MPLS
FEB 11
8:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Music of Fleetwood Mac
FEB 17
8:30pm Palace Theatre, St. Paul
Timberwolves vs. Chicago
Antionio Duke, AP Looze, Ifrah Mansour 1:00pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Rigel Symphony No. 4
Portugal. The Man
7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
8:00pm Skyway Theatre, Minneapolis
7:30pm Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis
8:00pm Ames Center, Burnsville MN Orchestra 8:00pm Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis
7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
Killswitch Engage & Anthrax
Wild vs. St. Louis Les Ballets de Monte-Carlo 7:30pm Northrop Auditorium, Minneapolis
FEB 28 Emerging Solo Artist Celebration Antionio Duke, AP Looze, Ifrah Mansour 10:00am Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Disney On Ice: Frozen 7:00pm Target Center, Minneapolis
Indecent 7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
Les Ballets de Monte-Carlo 7:30pm Northrop Auditorium, Minneapolis
The Royale 7:30pm Yellowtree Theatre, Osseo
Eagan Winter Farmers Market Lake Home & Cabin Show
2:30pm Heart of the Beast Theatre, Minneapolis
G3 Tour 7:30pm State Theatre, Minneapolis
A Raisin in the Sun 7:30pm Park Square Theatre, St. Paul
Emerging Solo Artist Celebration Antionio Duke, AP Looze, Ifrah Mansour 7:30pm Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis
7:30pm The Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis
| 35
sav·vy /'savE-/ shrewd and knowledgeable in the realities of life
Welcome to the Savvy Dweller's Guide. Each month, features this special section that is designed to share tips and information that will make our readers “shrewd and knowledgeable” about their dwelling choices. The Savvy Dwellers Guide will cover a wide range of topics, which include: apartment hunting, DIY room decorating, babies, moving, noisy neighbors, organic living, pets, roomies, and much, much more. Please let us know if there are any other topics that interest you.
THEPark
See more Savvy Dweller's Guide content at AptLivingGuide.com
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Welcome to THE PARK APARTMENTS & TOWNHOMES
Studio - 2 bedrooms 679.00 - 989.00 2-4 Bedroom Townhome 1109.00 - 1469.00
Features and Amenities: Controlled Entry. Appliances Furnished. Wall-to-Wall Carpeting. A/C. Lighted Ceiling Fans. Hot Water Heat. Laundry Facilities. Exercise Room with Soda Machine. Sauna.
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shopdinelive.net
WINTER MOVIES by David Scheller
The Shining (1980) The Shining is a sweet and sentimental look at how family relationships are tested when a son, mother, and father become snowbound together in an empty mountain lodge. Each one initially finds their own solitary way of passing the time: Little Danny goes cycling and fosters an imaginary friendship, Wendy experiments with cooking and ham radio operation, and Jack works on his writing. In the end it becomes the father’s job to realize the importance of family cohesion. How Jack breaks down doors and navigates the maze that is the family unit is inspirational, and the end of his character arc is truly chilling.
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shopdinelive.net Frozen (2010) When three skiers are abandoned on a ski resort chairlift overnight, they’re forced to make dire decisions or face certain doom. (I thought this was an odd movie request from my fiveyear-old niece, but being the “cool” uncle that I am, I decided to let her watch it. We don’t talk anymore.) Great CGI effects on the ravenous, circling pack of wolves!
Happy Feet (2006) In Happy Feet there are all these penguins, but get this: They can talk. As strange as that sounds, the movie never once addresses its absurd premise. I vaguely recall some other message about love or diving for fish or something, but I was too hung up on all the crazy talking birds to pay much attention to it. And get this: The penguins are birds, right? But they can’t even fly! I’m giving this movie a 2/10, too nonsensical to enjoy as anything other than a cinematic curio, but marginally redeemed by the voice acting of the guy who played Frodo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. At least those movies make sense.
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988) Noteworthy only as Ernest P. Worrell’s first appearance on the big screen, Varney’s sophomoric portrayal of the rubbery-faced goofball is at once pedantic and pedestrian. One would be better advised to review other Ernest classics such as Ernest in the Army (1998), an oblique, postmodern condemnation of the military-industrial complex, Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), a gritty and claustrophobic saga about one wrongly accused man’s quest for redemption, or Ernest Goes to Camp (1987), where Ernest goes to camp.
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) The story of a man whose soul is so deadened by mundane distractions such as work, travel, and family that he can’t even appreciate how blessed he is to go on an adventure with John Candy.
Runaway Train (1985) When two escaped convicts and a railway worker find themselves trapped on a train with no brakes or driver, they can’t even appreciate how blessed they are to go on an adventure with John Candy.
Fargo (1996) I always thought that “Fargo” was a funny choice of title for this movie, seeing as how the majority of it takes place in Minnesota. I guess a title like “Chaska,” “Mounds View,” or “Chanhassen” wouldn’t have played to a wider audience. This deadpan depiction of high crime in the Midwest is the ultimate example of black humor, a study in how the bubbliest people can commit the lowest acts. Steve Buscemi gives a decidedly wooden performance toward the end, though.
Iron Will (1994) The story of a weak-willed, lazy young man who, rather than run the Iditarod on his own, forces hapless Huskies to drag him on a sled over its course instead. 10/10 because the Huskies are all good boys.
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