Special Sections - Peninsula Families Today-January 2020

familiestoday PENINSULA

January 2020 volume 10, issue 1

An advertising supplement produced by the Peninsula Daily News and Sequim Gazette

gender identity: 9 Little Free Pantries: 4

make some music: 3 staying safe in the snow: 6

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Peninsula Families Today is a family-focused publication and is inserted into the Peninsula Daily News and Sequim Gazette.

Please let us know what you’d like to see in the next issue of Peninsula Families Today.

This publication welcomes input and new contributors. Educators, parents and professionals in their fields are invited to contribute informative and educational articles or columns for consideration.

We cannot guarantee publication due to space and content considerations. If your submission is accepted, we reserve the right to edit it.

Please contact special sections editor Shawna Dixson if you are interested in contributing, sdixson@soundpublishing.com.

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make some music Use home-made melodies to build skills and encourage family bonding

By Drew Herman, Peninsula Daily News

has suffered a long decline ever since Thomas Edison made tinfoil cylinders talk and sing: home-made music.

“When I was your age, we Before that, a collection of songbooks didn’t have …” often formed an important part of How that sentence ends depends on the home’s recreational equipment, the age of whoever is talking to their and everybody would join in. Without kids or grandkids. Does someone in records or radio or internet to supply professional renditions of the latest hits, the family remember a time before music lovers depended mostly on their cellphones or high-speed internet? own ears and voices and printed sheets.

Before home computers or video Dinner guests could expect a live cassettes? Before television? performance from their hosts’ children, It’s easy to forget that even radio and any neighbor with a particularly broadcasting has not quite reached the good voice or a little skill on the fiddle, century mark, and record players have guitar or concertina was welcome for been around only a little longer. an evening visit. It provided fun, social For most of history, family members had to entertain each other after dinner bonding and also had other benefits.

And we can still do it. Maybe without screens, speakers and airwaves the quality of the performance will — if chores and homework left any time. fall short of the pros’, but listening Today, many families set aside an to perfection over ear buds isn’t as evening for board and card games, memorable as sharing a boisterous conversation or reading aloud as ways to favorite with family. spend unplugged time together at home.

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Little Free Pantries Community access to food just got better Story and photos by Benji Astrachan, WSU Clallam Extension

Michael Clemens, carpenter, left, and Ingrid Carmean, homeowner, right, with the newly installed Little Free Pantry.

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Many individuals and organizations already are tackling this issue locally, and the latest to focus its efforts on making food more accessible is Compassion Clallam County, a volunteer group seeking to weave compassion and resilience into the community through a “Food For All” campaign to increase access to good, healthy foods.

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Free food to anyone who needs it, accessible around the clock without barriers, supported by generous community members. “Take what you need, leave what you can.”

These are the basic principles behind Port Angeles’ new Little Free Pantry, a hand-crafted box that sits at the intersection of Fourth Street and Cherry Street. Without any paperwork, check-in, restrictions on usage or any other impediments that might dissuade someone from using it, the Little Free Pantry represents a new frontier in the struggle against hunger and food insecurity.

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<<MUSIC continued from page 3

North Olympic Peninsula residents enjoy a robust live music culture for a remote area with no big cities nearby.

From the large community ensembles like the Sequim City Band and Port Angeles Symphony Orchestra to dozens of medium and small groups and solo performers in all genres, there’s ample opportunity to listen, join in or learn to play. Yearning for barbershop harmonies? Listen to the Olympic Peninsula Men’s Chorus. Feel like singing the blues? Drop in for one of the regular jam sessions at a local venue.

Above all, music, even in the “serious” styles, is a way to have fun.

Just consider the list of guest stars who joined Kermit the Frog on the classic “Muppet Show,” like Dizzy Gillespie,

Beverly Sills, Harry Belafonte, JeanPierre Rampal, Jonny Cash, Lena Horne, Roy Rogers ... and on and on.

Whether from opera, country, jazz or musical theater, they all proved they could have a great time.

Developmental psychologists have long recognized the value musical training has for children, including higher self-confidence and improved performance in other subjects (see pbs. org/parents/thrive/the-benefits-of-musiceducation). Schools here take that to heart, with vocal and instrumental programs that get reliable support from parents and educators.

And we don’t need a group, class or “venue” to reap many of the benefits — just family and friends at home.

Here are some ideas to get the whole family involved: • Game songs: Everyone has a favorite from summer camp or long drives.

Remember “The Name Game” (Kelly Kelly bo-belly, banana-fanna fo-felly, fee fi fofelly)? And “Bingo” with clapping in place of letters, “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” or “People on the Bus” with motions? This kind of song leads to lots of laughs, especially when someone gets tongue-tied or claps in the wrong spot.

• Rounds: These songs make it easy to sing in harmony like a choir. Try “Row, Row, Row, Your Boat,” “Three Blind Mice” or “Frere Jacques.” Try turning other simple songs into rounds (sometime it works, sometimes it doesn’t).

• Silly Tongue twisters: Try to sound precocious singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” “Mahna Mahna” or “Aba Daba Honeymoon.”

• Creative nursery rhymes: Most folks know the nursery standards, like “Mary Had A Little Lamb” and “Polly Wolly Doodle,” which makes them perfect for substituting names and other words.

What if Mary had a little … elephant? Lewis Carrol of “Alice In Wonderland” fame loved doing this: “Twinkle, twinkle little bat, how I wonder what you’re at … .”

•Cross-generation pops: Nothing defines the image of a generation like songs and fashion, but they also make great ways to bridge the age gaps. Kids can teach their parents and grandparents the latest hits, and the oldsters can remember what was popular back in the day. The meanings of the lyrics might take some explaining on both sides. (How does everybody look after trading hats?)

• Make a video: Press record and see what happens. People are usually surprised when they see videos of themselves, even if they just made the recording. Distant family members might like to see a clip of relatives making music, especially around holiday time. And if you keep some video of an adorable 4-yearold safely stored, maybe you can use it to embarrass the teenager years later.

GIVE IT A SHAKE

Most people can sing — with a confident boom, a shy squeak or something in between. But what about people who prefer not to sing?

Appreciative listeners are always welcome, and there are plenty of ways to participate in music-making without using your voice.

Is there a clarinet or trombone on a shelf, untouched since junior high band days? An untuned guitar in the closet?

Skills may have rusted, but taking it out could lead to some fun. A parent might find they can still produce a recognizable tune (or provide some laughs by the attempt). A child might give it a try with surprising success or have their interest piqued.

Kids who are learning to play an instrument in the school band or orchestra can get encouragement from family members to use what they know “in real life.”

Simple percussion instruments are perfect for non-musicians. It’s fun for all ages to shake a tambourine or maracas, and lots of household items can turn into instruments. Remember those pre-radio days? The old-fashioned washboard was a favorite instrument, played by scraping and tapping

the bumpy surface with thimblecovered fingers.

Fill sealed containers with some dry beans, coins or gravel to make shakers with different sounds. Can you coax a tune from rubber bands stretched across a bowl? Try using a mailing tube as a didgeridoo or blowing across the tops of bottles.

How about those empty glasses? You can make a group game out of filling them each with a little water, tapping the side lightly with a spoon and seeing if you can arrange them into a scale or play a melody.

Archaeologists now believe that some odd collections of rocks found in widely separated human sites dating back tens of thousands of years were actually musical instruments. People struck these “lithophones” to make melodies and sought out rocks that made particularly pleasant sounds.

Maybe some of the rocks in your yard have more talent than we think.

Music is really all around us — it just takes our imagination and a little experimenting to hear it.

Drew Herman is a copy editor/ paginator for the Peninsula Daily News and a member of the Port Angeles Symphony Orchestra.

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staying safe in the snow Keep outside winter playtime comfortable

By Shawna Dixson, Peninsula Daily News

Winter has set in on the Olympic Peninsula, complete with endless rain, some below-freezing days and even snow.

Unless you plan to hide inside and miss out on all the great outdoor activities this season, dressing appropriately is the key to having a good time, especially for children.

“Children aren’t just little adults,” said Dr. Ned Hammar, pediatrician at North Olympic Healthcare Network. Kids don’t have as many reserve resources as adults do. They can be playing and going like they’re never going to stop, but then suddenly “crash.” This is partly because they have less blood to moderate hydration and partly because their liver can’t provide extra calories in an emergency like adults’ can.

If you’re careful to periodically provide liquids and healthy snacks, you’ll help keep them going until it’s time to go inside.

Make some hot (non-caffeinated) tea or other warm beverages to offer. Avoid anything with a lot of sugar.

The occasional cup of hot cocoa is alright, as long as it’s not an “all the time” thing, but no-calorie drinks are ideal.

“Lots of water is best,” Hammar said.

WHEN SHOULD PARENTS WORRY ABOUT CHILDREN PLAYING OUTSIDE?

The outside temperature and conditions are key.

If it’s windy or precipitating, you’re going to have a harder time keeping children comfortable. But severe weather conditions are uncommon at sea level on the Olympic Peninsula.

“Of course, ‘Snowmageddon 2020’ just proved me wrong on that score!” Dr. Hammar said as he laughed.

If you step outside and it’s cold enough for your nose to get numb and your face to hurt, limited outside play time might be called for.

If you go up to Hurricane Ridge or happen to get harsh weather at home, it’s important to be observant of your child’s behavior and know what hypothermia looks like in a youngster. Many kids are not going to give “classic” symptoms of hypothermia (grumble, mumble, stumble). They might not even complain about being cold.

A child’s behavior is your best indicator for judging whether they’re too cold. Are they enjoying what they’re doing or are they slowing down or getting fussy and irritable? When a child gets grumpy, it’s time to go inside. If the child is experiencing confusion, this is a sure sign of real problems and intervention is necessary. How long it takes to get to this point will vary depending on several factors, and age is not necessarily the primary correlation — appropriate clothing, overall health, hydration level and blood sugar all come into play.

What are common issues parents can look for?

The older a child is, the more they can tell you about how they’re doing. With a baby, if you observe a weak cry, changing color of the skin, or if extremities (and especially abdomen) are cold, it’s time to go inside.

• When they start to get overly tired. They may get fussy or difficult about not being tired or hungry or cold, but this is usually when you have to step in and know better.

• Children who have been sick recently will have limited endurance and should be given outside time with caution.

•

A kid may be safe outside all day under the right conditions.

CLOTHING SHOULD BE “JUST RIGHT”

While it is true that a hat is helpful, the most important thing is staying dry. This means good, waterproof shoes and thick socks. However, it’s also important to control sweat and not make children wear too much when they’re active.

Provide children with layers so they can selfregulate, and bring extra clothes to replace damp ones, Hammar said. If they start off with a parka, they’re going to need a lighter jacket underneath that can take over when they shed the parka on the playground.

If you want your children to actually wear their cold weather clothes, don’t underestimate the power of appearance.

“I have a 5- and 7-year-old, and the coolness factor is very important to them,” Hammar said. Work with them to make some choices. Blue or red? Hat or vest? Give them choices that make sense, but let them choose.”

Don’t let the weather stop you from enjoying the wide range of winter recreation opportunities on the Olympic Peninsula.

Dr. Ned Hammar is a family physician at North Olympic Healthcare Network. He received his medical training at Johns Hopkins University. He believes firmly in the words of the real Dr. Patch Adams, “The health of the individual cannot be separated from the health of the family, the community and the world.

If a child is showing signs of exposure ...

1. Bring the child inside.

2. Warm them up from the inside-out, starting with the core. Get warm liquids in them, undress them and surround their core with warm/dry blankets and/or clothing. Don’t focus on extremities.

3. If you have concerns, call your family physician or clinic and get their advice.

6 JANUARY 2020 | PENINSULA FAMILIES TODAY

Peninsula Daily News & Sequim Gazette

book list: kindness & love

By Jenifer Knight, Youth Services Librarian

When the weather is chilly, warm your heart with some great books for all ages about kindness and love available at your local library.

IF YOU PLANT A SEED

Written and illustrated

by Kadir Nelson Birth-second grade

MY HEART FILLS WITH HAPPINESS

By Monique Gray Smith Illustrated by Julie Flett Birth-kindergarten

Love resonates on every page, from smelling bannock baking in the oven to being with family, in this charming Canadian import written to support the wellness of indigenous children and families and to encourage children to reflect on what makes them happy.

Available in NOLS’ Read & Return board book collection.

A rabbit and mouse grapple with whether or not to share their vegetable harvest with a flock of birds in this overt metaphor about the benefits of kindness.

There’s something for both animal and art lovers to cheer for in Nelson’s magnificent oil paintings.

Written and illustrated

by Oge More Preschool-second grade

When Omu makes a giant pot of soup, she shares it with her neighbors. Will there be enough to go around? It’s the perfect book about community — I dare you not to tear up at the sweet ending!

By Wendy Meddour Illustrated by Daniel Egnéus Preschool-second grade

In the “world of tents” where Lubna and her father flee, a flat, gray rock named Pebble is one of the only things that brings her comfort. When a scared boy arrives at the refugee camp, Lubna makes a decision to share Pebble. Breathtakingly compassionate.

JULIÁN IS A MERMAID

Written and illustrated

by Jessica Love Preschool-second grade

Love, acceptance, and mermaids — what’s not to like? After seeing three women fabulously dressed up on the subway, Julián decides to create his own mermaid costume.

When his grandmother finds him in his mermaid finery, he is terrified that she won’t accept him for who he is. Vibrantly illustrated, Julián is unforgettable.

WHERE THE MOUNTAIN MEETS THE MOON

Written and illustrated

by Grace Lin Kindergarten-fifth grade

In this dynamite family read-aloud, a girl sets out on a heroic quest with a goldfish and a dragon to change her family’s fortunes. Woven with elements of Chinese mythology and lush pen and ink illustrations, this heroic quest celebrates generosity and selflessness.

WISHTREE

By Katherine Applegate Third-sixth grades

An ancient magical tree observes hatred and racism against an immigrant family in its neighborhood and risks everything to remedy the building situation.

Fantastic.

THE MIGHTY HEART OF SUNNY ST. JAMES ADRIAN SIMCOX DOES NOT HAVE A HORSE

By Marcy Campbell Illustrated by Corinna Luyken Preschool-second grade

THANK YOU, OMU!

LUBNA AND PEBBLE

WHAT IS GIVEN FROM THE HEART

By Patricia C. McKissack Illustrated by April Harrison Prechool-second grade

After the death of his father, James Otis and his Empathy takes center mama are left with very stage in this picture book. little. When his church A girl obsessed with calls upon parishioners debunking a boy’s story to give to the victims about having a horse of a fire as part of the changes her mind after community’s Valentine’s her mother takes her to Day “Love Box” program, visit his house. Olympia James Otis gives the only illustrator Corrinna gift he can — one from Luyken’s clever artwork the heart. Gorgeous folk illuminates Chloe’s change of heart — look for art adds depth to the hidden clues in the pages. meaningful story.

NOLS also hosts events for all ages, nols.org.

Peninsula Daily News & Sequim Gazette

By Ashley Herring Blake Fifth-eighth grades

THOSE SHOES

By Maribeth Boelts Illustrated by Norah Z. Jones Preschool-fourth grade

Jeremy wants a pair of the “cool” shoes everyone is wearing, but his grandmother doesn’t have the money. When they find a pair a size too small at a thrift store they buy them, but, in spite of his best efforts he can’t make them fit.

Another kid in his class also can’t afford the “in” shoes but has smaller feet. Jeremy’s choice is one of kindness and compassion that will resonate with readers.

THE WILD ROBOT

Written and Illustrated

by Peter Brown Third-fifth grades

In a Robinson Crusoe-inspired tale, a shipwrecked robot learns to survive through the help of island animals.

When trouble strikes, will the robot protect his new friends? Endearing survival fiction.

Recent heart transplant patient Sunny St. James gives her new heart a whirlwind lesson in life as she reunites with her estranged mother, learns to surf, navigates a changing relationship with her adopted mother, grapples with her sexual identity and falls in love for the first time in this comingof-age novel about finding and accepting yourself.

These books and more are available at your favorite North Olympic Library System (NOLS) location. Library staff are happy to help you find more reading suggestions at your local branch, or you can request custom reading lists at nols.org/BookMatch.

PENINSULA FAMILIES TODAY | JANUARY 2020 7

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After Hours

Peninsula Daily News & Sequim Gazette

understanding gender identity Some perspective into the lives of transgender children

By Dr. Kristin Puhl, North Olympic Healthcare Network

One of the biggest shifts in society in the last decade has been the growing awareness of gender identity. This has come with controversy, both in legislation and in our personal lives.

Transgender people identify as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth, based on their visible anatomy. (Someone who does identify with the gender they were assigned at birth is called cisgender. Most people are cisgender, although exact numbers are hard to come by.) Many trans people realize that they are not cisgender early in life, as children.

Families may struggle with what to do when a child talks about not being the gender they were assigned at birth.

In the past, most parents have thought of this as a problem. They saw it as a phase that children would grow out of, or something that could be corrected with punishment.

We have more than enough research data now to demonstrate that punishment doesn’t work; being trans, like being gay, isn’t something that can be changed.

For some children, experimenting with gender identity and gender presentation (how you present your gender to others, such as with clothing or make-up) really is a phase.

Peninsula Daily News & Sequim Gazette

their vegetables! How are you going to make them trans? Parents think we have a lot more influence than we actually do.”

Somewhere, peas went uneaten on a certain small child’s plate, attesting to that truth.

“It really wasn’t much of a struggle,” said Raven’s father, Storm, as he was working in the kitchen. “I mean, it’s just the unknown. It’s all trying to play the tape forward and see what kind of unknown challenges and extra challenges … I mean, it’s challenging enough growing up, but just trying to predict what sort of extra challenges might be beyond the normal stuff.”

Melissa nodded.

“Yeah, I think that’s the biggest thing that a lot of people who aren’t parents of trans kids maybe forget,” Melissa said. “A child being transgender is actually a really small part of who they are and, just like any child, they struggle with the same things. Like, their big obstacles are often not their gender. Their big obstacles are their friends, and whether or not they have a love interest, and whether or not so-andso is talking to them.”

“It is on his mind,” Storm added. “He thinks about how much to address it.

Many parents fear that, if they Because, ultimately, we treat him like support their child’s transition, they a 6-year-old kid. He’s just a 6-year-old will push their child into being trans. kid. But it does require some attention at times, and picking when those times How did Melissa feel about that? are and how much of an emphasis to She laughed. put on it or not to put on it is kind of “You can’t even make your kids eat uncharted. You really just don’t have However, while not all children who experiment with their gender presentation will grow up to be trans, many of them will — and this is a crucial time to respond to them in a way that demonstrates they are loved no matter what.

To get their thoughts on how to do just that, it seemed reasonable to interview a local family whose child, “Raven,” told them he was a boy around the time he was old enough to talk.

“We did a lot of watching and waiting,” said Melissa, Raven’s mother, who does not wish to include the family’s surname. She prepared a bowl of noodles for Raven’s younger sibling as she continued her explanation. Raven was playing at a neighbor’s house.

“But for us, it was very clear that not supporting him in his transition was detrimental to his mental health.

And as soon as we supported it, and as soon as we met him at the table where he was, his mental health improved exponentially, which I hear all the time in trans parents. As soon as they just get there and support their kids, their kids’ anxiety and anger just totally dissipates, and their children are the happiest they’ve ever seen them.”

any idea whether you’re doing it the right way or not.”

That could be a slogan for most parenting. It simultaneously makes parenting a trans child easier (they’re just like other kids, except for this) and harder (there is no road map to follow).

With regard to roadmaps, Melissa said, “There’s a lot of really great books out there, like ‘Raising the Transgender Child’ [and] ‘The Transgender Teen.’ I think support groups are so important.”

Many parents find support groups through the internet and there also is a support group for trans families forming at the North Olympic Healthcare Network; it will be the first of its kind in Port Angeles.

Raven’s parents also discussed gender fluidity in children, which can be even harder for parents to understand.

Gender fluidity is where gender identity is not fixed as either male or female, but may vary between the two; some people have gender identities completely outside the male/female binary, and those people often grow up to identify as non-binary. Identity is a journey, and identity changes over time.

“I think that’s another thing, giving kids the space to explore and play,” Melissa said. “That’s especially the case with [gender] fluid kids, giving them a lot of space to explore and play and just celebrate every step of the way, in a safe space — that’s probably the most important thing to do.

IDENTITY continues on page 11>>

PENINSULA FAMILIES TODAY | JANUARY 2020 9

won’t abuse the system. Radical trust is about doing it regardless of what may happen. Little Free Pantries are a way to refocus on what’s happening in our own neighborhoods and draw us back into community.”

They also offer food to people who may be falling through the cracks. People in need may not be using the Food Bank because of misconceptions about who it’s for and who can use it. Others may not want to register or fill out paperwork. And still others might simply need some snacks today or a quick meal next week, just to get through a rough patch.

By being completely open to anyone at any time, the Little Free Pantry creates inclusivity, fosters compassionate action and promotes real, tangible community-building.

Ingrid Carmean, a volunteer and the property owner hosting the Little Free Pantry, wanted to find new ways to give back to her community.

“Often people walk by my house, and some could be in need of a little extra food,” Carmean said. “So when I heard Compassion Clallam County was planning Little Free Pantries as part of their Food For All program, I offered my yard.”

Little Free Pantry on Cherry Street and Fourth Street, Mounted on a sturdy pole, with a plexiglass door stocked with food items and clean water jug. for easy viewing and to protect the food from the elements, the Little Free Pantry is ideally located <<PANTRY continued from page 4 for pedestrians, and nearby parking makes it easy for those driving by to pull over and take or donate The Little Free Pantry is one of several projects food items.

Compassion Clallam is implementing to combat Some initial concerns were voiced about having hunger, and the first of its kind in Port Angeles. Based enough food readily available, but Compassion on the popular model of Little Free Libraries, the Pantry version instead holds food, as well as whatever Clallam has been able to help stock the Little Free Pantry and, as its presence becomes known, neighbors other items neighbors and volunteers might add such as basic hygiene kits, hand-knit socks or bottled water. and community members have stepped in to make sure something is always there.

The idea started in Indiana in 2016, but has since “Many of my neighbors have contributed, and there grown tremendously. A map at littlefreepantry.org is always something left by those who make use of the shows many hundreds of the Pantries across the food,” Carmean said. “The model of ‘take what you country and even some overseas. need and give what you can’ works very well.”

While the tenets are simple — neighbors helping Other community organizations also have stepped neighbors and food without restrictions — the impacts up to support the Little Free Pantries project. on the community can be profound.

These include the WSU Clallam County Extension’s “Little Free Pantries support an open and creative Community Health and Food Access program, which way of thinking. It’s a simple way to do big things,” Compassion Clallam Steering Committee member and works on many overlapping issues and offers logistical and technical support, and the Port Angeles Farmers volunteer Hilary Powers said. “Sadly, many people Market, which is co-hosting a “builders day” event may not think something like this can work because early March to rally market-goers and volunteers in we have to trust one another; trust that others won’t constructing three more Little Free Pantries for local destroy or vandalize the pantry, trust that others

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nonprofit host sites. These partnerships have helped Compassion Clallam ensure that the Little Free Pantries are being implemented safely and legally.

This is particularly important with regard to the Good Samaritan Act, which protects good-faith contributors and recipients of donated food, and what kinds of foods are being donated.

Already, the idea is catching on fast.

In Port Townsend and Neah Bay, individuals and organizations have installed their own versions of the Little Free Pantry. As the concept becomes more popular and the trust and compassion being built within the community strengthens, Compassion Clallam will be looking for more hosts and sites to install pantries so people living all across the Peninsula and beyond might have uninhibited access to good food in their communities.

Benji Astrachan is finishing a one-year AmeriCorps VISTA service term at the WSU Clallam Extension office in Port Angeles as the coordinator for various food security and access projects. He is excited to continue work in the local food systems landscape and enjoys living on the Olympic Peninsula.

The Little Free Pantries are meant for anyone who needs food, without any restrictions on income, housing status or anything whatsoever. The rule of thumb is “take what you need, leave what you can.”

Neighbors and community members are encouraged to leave food items if they are able, and Compassion Clallam has made a list of popular items: peanut butter, ramen soups, canned fruits and veggies (with easy-open tabs), dried fruit, pasta, mac n’ cheese, canned tuna, rice, oatmeal, snack bars, fruit snacks, bottled water, hardy fruits and vegetables. Please email compassionclallamcounty@gmail.com for more information and ways to get involved!

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<<IDENTITY continued from page 9

a parent, by not supporting their child, they think that somehow they’re helping them, and that is actually the most damaging thing that you can do.

Because they can literally do it without you, but by not supporting them, you are the one that can damage them the most.

“They will eventually figure it out, but it’s not something you have to figure out for them. They’ll figure it out as long as you support them.”

“So, like anything your kids do, just love them unconditionally. Celebrate wherever they’re at, however they’re getting there.”

Although there are many potential pitfalls in parenting a trans child, it’s wonderful how ordinary trans children can be when given the chance: When Raven was asked whether there was anything his parents could have done better for him, he tilted his head, considering the question. He had to think on it at some length.

Melissa rephrased the questions for him, “What would you want me to do differently as a parent?”

“I have no idea.”

“Maybe not work as much?”

“Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Raven said, smiling.

“Stay home for the whole rest of the entire year.”

Raven went happily back to his noodles, polishing them off as the smell of freshly baked pumpkin bread filled the kitchen. In his puffy jacket, he was just another rambunctious kid with big plans for a sunny, chilly afternoon with his friends, concerned with who he would see and what they would do.

Any time a child’s biggest request is to spend more time with their parents, his parents are probably doing just fine.

Dr. Kristin Puhl grew up in Port Angeles and is now a physician in the Rural Residency Training Program at North Olympic Healthcare Network. She is passionate about the health of her home town.

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Raven, a bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked child, arrived fresh from playing at the neighbor’s house looking like an L.L. Bean ad. He seemed vaguely dissatisfied at interrupting the playdate to come talk, but also was hungry for lunch. He got noodles, too. He was interested in the conversation, listening keenly.

“What does it mean to be transgender?” Melissa asked Raven as he dug in to his plate.

He hemmed and hawed for a minute before answering. “Someone that’s growing up who grows up wanting to be a boy or a girl that was a girl or a boy [respectively] when they were growing up.”

After untangling that sentence, it made perfect sense. Sort of. He went back to his lunch with gusto.

Melissa asked him, “What [would] you tell a kid if somebody came up to you and said, ‘I feel like I’m transgender, but I haven’t told anyone.’ What would you tell them?”

“Um,” said Raven, squinting in deep thought. “Well, you can tell me.”

Which also has wisdom to it. Spending time around other people who are transgender can be a source of comfort and strength for trans families; seeing that it is possible to be happy and healthy, which is difficult to find in media representations of trans people, lifts the spirits of parents and children alike.

“I think the biggest concern I get from trans parents is they don’t think it’s going to be OK,” Melissa said. “They think life is going to be really, really hard. And it’s reassuring — over and over again — studies show that, for a trans individual, if they’re loved by their family they’re going to be just fine.

“And that’s the most heartbreaking thing ...

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PENINSULA FAMILIES TODAY | JANUARY 2020 11

THE ANSWER FOR YOUTH (TAFY) SPROUTING HOPE GREENHOUSE

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TAFY would like to THANK everyone who contributed to our Candy Cane Christmas Gala and to our Annual Christmas Party.

Every client and their children were able to get a gift. The smiles on their faces are priceless!

TAFY would also like to THANK everyone who gives all year round to keep TAFY open and help meet the needs of our many homeless clients and families.

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SPECIAL THANK YOU TO: Hermann Brothers Getta Workman Richard & Lynne Kott Ron and Karen Cole Home Depot Kiwanis Club

THE ANSWER FOR YOUTH T.A.F.Y. 826 E First Street, Port Angeles | 360-670-4363 Open: Monday - Saturday 10a.m.-2p.m. www.SproutingHopeGreenhouse.com