V O LU M E V I / I S S U E V / M AY 2 0 2 2
THE GAU NTL E T OF P OLO: T H E U.S . OP E N PO LO C HA M PI O N S HI P · DI O R X V EN ET I A N HER I TAG E B A L L CAM PE ON ATO MU N D IAL D E P OLO F EM EN I N O · PO LO C LUB DU DO M A I N E DE C HA N T I L LY
ALL ABOUT
MOM
W
OMEN'S POLO WORLD CUP
SIX TEAMS SET PALERMO ON FIRE
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT SHOULD YOU STAY FRIENDLY WITH YOUR EX?
THE SECRET POWER OF JUST
BEING HUMAN
BROOK SHIELDS' MOTHER'S DAY GIFT GUIDE & MICHELIN-STAR CHEFS SHARE EASY BRUNCH FAVORITES VIRGINIA IS FOR
WINE LOVERS DIOR'S VENETIAN HERITAGE BALL
BEAT UNCERTAINTY AT EVERY TURN
VOLUME VI / ISSUE V / MAY 2022
Ambassador Claude-Alix Bertrand Publisher
Joshua Jakobitz Editor-in-Chief
William Smith
Katerina Morgan
Polo Photographer
Aubrey Chandler
Copy Editor & Philanthropy Contributor
Contributing Photographer
Claire Barrett
Contributing Photographer & Polo Contributor
Head of Photography
Eva Espresso
Contributing Photographer
Cezar Kusik
Wine Contributor
Raphael K. Dapaah
Sofya Khizhik
Michael J. Snell
Lifestyles Contributor
Joey Velez
Wellness Contributor
Brett Chody
Art Contributor
Trends Contributor
Jyoti Paintel
Justin "Goliath" Johnson
Brand Representatives
Polo Lifestyles is a publication of HT Polo Publishing Co. 995 Detroit Avenue, Suite A Concord, CA 94518
Spiritual Contributor
Michael J. Snell - The Hamptons Stanley Pierre-Etienne Caribbean Jessica Foret Wax - Santa Fe K & Co. Media - Los Angeles Justin Johnson - Atlanta Contributing Photographers Global Polo Entertainment Angus Fonda Eric Carre Nacho Corbolan Matias Callejo
Wellness Contributor
Content Copyright © Polo Lifestyles 2021 All Rights Reserved. For information or to advertise Contact editor@htpolo.com Read online at www.pololifestyles.com Cover Photo by Katerina Morgan Photo on this page by Katerina Morgan
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GUARDS POLO CLUB La Martina Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother's Centenary Trophy Cartier Queens Cup The Royal Windsor Cup Indian Empire Shield DOMAINE DE CHANTILLY Coupe PGH - Deauville Trophee Bourbon Charity Cup INANDA POLO CLUB Africa Polo Cup SANTA BARBARA POLO & RACQUET CLUB USPA Intra-Circuit Cup Robert Skene Trophy USPA Silver Cup
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SCOREBOARDS & COCKTAILS
THE GAUNTLET OF POLO THE U.S. OPEN POLO CHAMPIONSHIP
Page 28 POLO LIFESTYLES EDITORS & CONTRIBUTORS
Ambassador Claude-Alix Bertrand Publisher Polo Lifestyles @haiti_polo_captain
Panthil Dwivedi
Wellness Contributor PanthilWrites.com @panthildwivedi
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Josh Jakobitz
Editor-in-Chief Polo Lifestyles @joshuajakobitz
Eva Espresso Photographer
Eva Espresso Photography
@eva.espresso
Claire Barrett
Head of Photography
Claire Barrett Photography
@clairebarrettphoto
Michael J. Snell
Lifestyles & Automobiles Contributor @agnello_1
Raphael K. Dapaah Art Contributor Dapaah Gallery @dapaahgallery
Aubrey Chandler Photographer Polo Lifestyles @aubreychandler
Katerina Morgan
Polo Photographer Horse Polo Art Gallery @horsepoloartgallery
Joey Velez
Cezar Kusik
Wine Contributor Polo Lifestyles @cezartastesearth
William Smith
Brett Chody
Trends Contributor Polo Lifestyles @brettchody
Justin Johnson
Wellness Columnist
Philanthropy Contributor
Wellness Contributor
@velezmentalhealth
@willismith_2000
@goliathcoaches
Velez Mental Performance May & Stanley Smith Charitable Trust
Goliath Coaches
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Brook Shields' wish list for Mother's Day, page 94
The science behind heartbreak, page 80
Nicola Peltz and Brooklyn Beckham tie the knot, page 64
Casa Fendi opens flagship store in Milan, page 111
COACHELLA
IS BACK PAGE 128
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL DE POLO FEMENINO
“W
OMEN’S POLO IS NOT VERY INTERESTING,” IS A COMMENT SEARED INTO MY MEMORY FROM MY EARLY DAYS AS EDITOR OF POLO LIFESTYLES. IN OTHER WORDS, FOCUS ON MEN’S TOURNAMENTS AND MATCHES - THE STATUS QUO OF THE POLO MACHINE THAT FOR GENERATIONS HAS GLORIFIED THE MEN’S SIDE OF THE SPORT, WHILE SUBJECTING THE WOMEN TO PLAYING ON MIXED TEAMS, IN LESSER TOURNAMENTS AND FAR LESS FREQUENTLY.
How fitting, then, that this month’s cover is of women’s polo. With the backing of the AAP and FIP, the debut of the Campeonato Mundial de Polo Femenino was held in Palermo in April. Six teams filled the Catedral stadium and the energy was palpable. The Argentine team won the highest honors on their home turf, much to the adoring crowd’s delight, in a high-intensity final against Team USA. On the ground in Argentina, I was corresponding remotely with Team USA Captain Erica Gandomcar-Sachs and our polo photographer Katerina Morgan. Have you ever WhatsApp’d a men’s player in the middle of the U.S. or French Open and received a reply? GandomcarSachs was literally texting me at halftime. Morgan sent me video after video from her phone while snapping action shots with her camera. To say they were excited doesn’t do the scene justice. To say I was taken back, pleased and delighted with what I was seeing probably also lacks a certain impression that a writer like me should be better able to describe. Mostly, I was surprised – in a really good way. I caught up with Gandomcar-Sachs the night before we published our May 2022 issue (she’s on the cover) and I teased her a bit, “Erica, I think you’re going to really like the cover of Polo Lifestyles this month.” I held the phone away from my ear when she squealed with delight in the background. “It’s time for women’s polo,” she summarized. “It was so important that this tournament be hosted in Argentina, with the support of the AAP and FIP. What happens in Argentina is always replicated all over the world. We’re just so energized and ready to work even harder than ever.” The same hard work that got six women’s teams to the Open in Argentina also lifted this month’s Vernissage featured artist from an orphanage in Kampala to the world stage and major galleries in London. Raphael Dapaah interviewed Mugabe Ronald in Uganda near the neighborhood where he first started painting. Hard work also elevated wellness contributor Coach Goliath from working security at Rite-Aid to running his own personal life coaching business. This month he opens up about the turns his life had to take in order to look past his circumstances and embrace his true potential. Best, Josh Jakobitz josh@pololifestyles.com
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VOLUME VI / ISSUE V / MAY 2022
agnello_1 Tricked out for Easter... and leaving late but still arriving on time with the Rolls-Royce
eqluxe Infinitely curious, completely at ease and unencumbered, this shot just screams luxe
restaurantxli
If brunch at home isn't in your repertoire, but you happen to be in NYC, make a reservation at Resto X page 24
allisonspeerpr A beautiful bouquet of flowers for mom on Mother's Day is the start of a lovely testament for any mom
francis.york Amazing properties worldwide make up the Francis York portfolio of luxury offerings
globalpolo Team Pilot beat La Elina in the final of the U.S. Open Polo Championship in Wellington
bodvarrose Did you say picnic on the beach? We'll pack the rose and meet you there
facundopieres The 10-goaler was the leading scorer in the Gauntlet of Polo series in Wellington and won the U.S. Open
robbreport This all-new, redesigned and sleek Ranger Rover will hit the European market soon
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Click and comment on our choices... Tag @pololifestyles. We will share noteworthy comments with you next month.
brooklynpeltzerbeckham Nicola Peltz and Brooklyn Beckham married in West Palm Beach at her family's estate
ericagandomcar Team USA met and ultimately lost to Team Argentina in the Campeonato Mundial de Polo Femenino debut
roberto_cavalli Known for its musical lineup, arts show and fashion, Coachella ticketed 750,000 attendees
compass Luxe outdoor spaces are at a prime now that summer temps are hitting Northern California
nantucketwhaler Casual-chic looks for summer abound at Nantucket Whaler
shaim_ltd Elon Musk's bid of $44 billion dollars to take Twitter private was accepted in a major business move
dr.romita Plastic surgery is more popular than ever, make sure you're booking someone you trust like Dr. Romita
onlyforluxury
Watchmakers are taking creativity to new and exciting levels with every new collection
theroyalfamily Buckingham Palace celebrated the Queen's 96th birthday - here, Her Majesty with favorite horses page 25
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P H OTO G RA P H S C O URT E SY GLO BAL P O LO E N T E RTAI N ME N T
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THE GAUNTLET OF POLO THE U.S. POLO OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP PILOT 11 / 6 LA ELINA MVP OF THE US OPEN FINAL & THE GAUNTLET OF POLO: FACUNDO PIERES BEST ARGENTINE HORSE OF THE FINAL: "OPEN MAKS" FACUNDO PIERES USPA BPP OF THE US OPEN FINAL WILLIS HARTMAN: "MEGA ESPIA" FACUNDO PIERES USPA BPP OF THE US OPEN POLO CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT: "OPEN CANDY KISS" FACUNDO PIERES USPA BPP OF THE GAUNTLET: "CORCHA" FACUNDO PIERES IPC HORSE OF THE YEAR: "OPEN MAKS" FACUNDO PIERES page 29
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THE U.S. OPEN POLO
P H OTO G RA P H S C O URT E SY GLO BAL P O LO E N T E RTAI N ME N T page 30
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T
HE CONCLUSION TO THE 2022 GAUNTLET OF POLO® AND U.S. OPEN POLO CHAMPIONSHIP® FEATURED LA ELINA AND PILOT COMPETING IN THE FINALE ON THE U.S. POLO ASSN. FIELD 1 AT THE INTERNATIONAL POLO CLUB PALM BEACH. Continuing their exceptional play from the season, Pilot captured their second consecutive title and captured the prestigious U.S. Open Polo Championship title with the 11-6 triumph over La Elina.
Entering the final with the tournament’s best defense, Pilot’s organized strategy limited open runs to goal for La Elina while committing just three fouls to leave the game in open play. Limiting La Elina to just five field goals on 29% shooting from the field, Pilot excelled in open play, led by Gauntlet scoring leader Facundo Pieres, who finished with eight goals in the victory, while also contributing two assists. Behind a dominant 5-0 third chukker, Pilot built a significant seven-goal lead and relied on their exceptional defense throughout the second half to complete an 11-game unbeaten streak dating back to February and finish the season as the champion from the field of 20 teams in the U.S. Open Polo Championship®.
Extending on his Gauntlet scoring lead in the opening chukker, Facundo Pieres stole the ball near midfield and completed the breakaway run to give Pilot the 1-0 lead just 45 seconds into play. Adding two more goals in the first chukker, Pieres drove the Pilot attack forward while holding La Elina to just a single goal from Jared Zenni. Withstanding the early pressure from Pilot, La Elina’s Facundo Obregon brought his team back within one in the second chukker. After restoring their two-goal lead, Pilot exited the second chukker break with a relentless offense that broke the game open. Scoring five consecutive goals on perfect shooting from the field, three goals from Pieres along with one goal each for Mackenzie Weisz and Matias page 31
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P H OTO G RA P H S C O U RT E SY GLO BAL P O LO E N T E RTAI N ME N T
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THE U.S. OPEN POLO
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THE THEUSPA U.S. OPEN GOLDPOLO CUP
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Torres Zavaleta resulted in a 9-2 lead in favor of Pilot at halftime. Facing a Pilot team that conceded just 6.8 goals per game in the tournament, La Elina faced a difficult task in mounting a comeback over the final three chukkers but began the chukker with back-to-back goals from Zenni and Juan Martin Obregon. Pieres’ seventh goal of the game ended the short run for La Elina, leaving Pilot just two chukkers away from victory. Content to shoot at goal from distance and avoid a quick counterattack from La Elina, Pilot fired five shots at goal, but their only offense came on a Penalty 2 conversion for Pieres. Unable to reduce the six-goal deficit any further, La Elina was running out of time with one chukker remaining. Shooting at goal during any available opportunity, La Elina managed just one goal on their six shots in the final chukker as Pilot effectively contained their opponents to capture the impressive 11-6 victory to be crowned the U.S. Open Polo Championship® winners for the second time after capturing the title in 2019.
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P H OTO G RA P H S C O U RTESY GLO BA L P O LO E N T E RTA I N ME N T & ALE X PAC H E C O
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THE U.S. OPEN POLO
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THE U.S. OPEN POLO
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P H OTO G RA P H S C O URT E SY GLO BAL P O LO E N T E RTAI N ME N T
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Leading all players in scoring for the Gauntlet with 112 goals, Facundo Pieres was named Most Valuable Player of the Gauntlet and the U.S. Open Polo Championship® final. Utilizing exceptional horsepower in every game and every chukker of the Gauntlet, Pieres
swept the season ending Best Playing Pony (BPP) awards. His opening chukker mare Mega Espia was named BPP of the U.S. Open Championship® Final, while Open Maks was selected Best Polo Argentino of the Final, along with the IPC Horse of the Year. Capturing two
final BPP awards, Pieres’ Open Candy Kiss was awarded BPP of the entire U.S. Open Polo Championship®, while Corcha took home the honor of BPP of the Gauntlet of Polo®.
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL
DE POLO FEMENINO ARGENTINA
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E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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B
UENOS AIRES – WITH A FINAL SCORE OF 6-2, THE ARGENTINE TEAM BESTED TEAM UNITED STATES, ONE OF THE WORLD’S FAVORITES IN THIS SPORT, TAKING ADVANTAGE OF PLAYING AT THEIR HOME FIELD, CAMPO ARGENTINO DE POLO, IN PALERMO.
Players were moved to tears celebrating not only the title, but the giant step to popularize this elite sport in its female version. As is the tradition in Argentina, free tickets were offered to viewers, who filled the “Catedral” stadium. “For the team, it’s something impressive, I can’t even describe it,” Argentine player Paulina Vasquetto told The Associated Press, recounting her impression of winning the championship. Third place
went to the United Kingdom, which beat Italy on Saturday. Many of the players who fought during the last week on the pitch especially celebrated all the personal and collective battles they had to win to make this World Cup possible in a sport traditionally considered for men. Argentina, United States, England, Ireland, Brazil and Italy were all represented and participated in the world debut in a venue considered the home of this discipline in the country, Palermo neighborhood of Buenos Aires. Team USA's captain Erica GandomcarSachs reflected on the experience, from assembling her team to playing in the final. "It doesn't feel like a loss; it feels like a wine - a win for the advancement of women's polo." GandomcarSachs has been instrumental in the organization of women's polo on the
international scene, but she said to have had the support of both the AAP (Argentine Association of Polo) and FIP (Federation Internationale de Polo) for the Campeonato Mundial de Polo Femenino solidified it's importance and perpetuity. The UK team, which placed third overall, fought fiercely on the polo fields of Palermo. “It is impressive to come to play in Palermo in a championship that has made history. The privilege I’ve had to play with this incredible team, play with some of the best women in the world,” English polo player Fran Townend. “It has been the most wonderful experience,” she added, recalling the strength of the United Kingdom as a team, along with the United States and Argentina, the strongest in the world in women’s polo. She only regretted that her team could not reach the final, which would have
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DE POLO FEMENINO page 44
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TEAM ARGENTINA WON THE GOLD E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL
DE POLO FEMENINO
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been an even greater achievement for her. “I would like to think that this tournament marks the launch of polo for women so that it is seen more globally, to have more time on television channels or streaming, to have more coverage in the press, especially in the English press that does not cover much of the female side of the sport. The men’s version always stands out more, so that globally we would see more tournaments like this around the world… with more teams on different continents.”
Gandomcar-Sachs echoed the sentiment and pointed out the importance of the cup being played in Argentina. "In the world of polo, what happens in Argentina will be repeated all over the world." JOSH JAKOBITZ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF POLO LIFESTYLES 2022
E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL
DE POLO FEMENINO
T E A M U S A B AT T L E D T E A M A R G E N T I N A I N T H E F I N A L page 48
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E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL
DE POLO FEMENINO
E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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CAMPEONATO MUNDIAL
DE POLO FEMENINO E X C L U S I V E P H O T O G R A P H S B Y K AT E R I N A M O R G A N
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COPA SEMANA SANTA
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COPA SEMANA SANTA PHOTOGRAPHS BY NACHO CORBALAN
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" C O D A" T O O K H O M E " B E S T P I C T U R E " page 60
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COPA SEMANA SANTA PHOTOGRAPHS BY NACHO CORBALAN
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PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY THE ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURES
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INSIDE THE PELTZ-BECKHAM WEDDING
BROOKLYN BECKHAM + NICOLA PELTZ
P H O T O G R A P H S C O U R T E S Y T H E B E C K H A M F A M I LY
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INSIDE THE PELTZ-BECKHAM WEDDING
BROOKLYN BECKHAM + NICOLA PELTZ
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P H O T O G R A P H S C O U R T E S Y T H E B E C K H A M F A M I LY
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N
ICOLA PELTZ AND BROOKLYN BECKHAM GOT MARRIED ON SATURDAY, APRIL 9, AT PELTZ’ FAMILY MANSION IN PALM BEACH, FLA., IN FRONT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS, INCLUDING VENUS AND SERENA WILLIAMS, EVA LONGORIA, AND GORDON RAMSAY.
The Valentino Haute Couture gown she wore down the aisle had an open back and a column-style skirt that fell to the floor with an accompanying train, all in a gorgeous silk to complement her square-toe satin platforms, an eccentric exchange for bridal heels. Peltz’s floral lace opera-length gloves matched the embroidery on the trim of her mesh veil, which acted as an
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overlay for her train. She carried a petite bouquet to match and accessorized with diamond stud earrings that were on full display as her hair was pulled up at the crown of her head, inspired by ‘90s supermodel Claudia Schiffer’s iconic look. At the request of Peltz’s mother, former model Claudia Heffner Peltz, the dress was reportedly complete with an evil-eye talisman and a message stitched into the gown with blue thread. Peltz confirmed back in November that she worked with Valentino on her custom wedding dresses. “We’ve been to Rome twice, watching everyone in the atelier, they’re just so talented. The first time I went to Rome, I brought my mom and my brother Brad, who’s actually my man of honor, and then Leslie Fremar who’s one of my best friends in the whole world. It is really a beautiful thing to be a part of, and it’s very exciting,” she said.
The actress previously wore a custom Valentino Couture look, crafted by Pierpaolo Piccioli, for the 2021 Met Gala. That particular design came in an empire-waist silhouette and featured hot-pink sequins stitched into a camouflage-like pattern down to the floor. She completed the look with baby-pink leather opera gloves, drop chandelier diamond earrings, and a bold cat eye. Though she’s clearly a fan of the Milanbased fashion house, many wondered if Peltz would end up in a design by future mother-in-law Victoria Beckham on her big day instead. After all, she wore a yellow ruffled midi dress from the brand to celebrate her engagement. Peltz and Beckham have been open about their wedding plans ever since getting engaged in July 2020, when Beckham proposed with a five-carat emerald-cut diamond engagement ring.
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INSIDE THE PELTZ-BECKHAM WEDDING
BROOKLYN BECKHAM + NICOLA PELTZ
P H OTO G R A P H S C O U R T E S Y VA N I T Y FA I R
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HIGH SOCIETY
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P I E R R E C A S I R AG H I & B E AT R I C E B O R R O M E O page 72
CONTENT & PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
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BIENNALE ARTE 2022
T
DIOR X VENETIAN HERITAGE GALA
HAT’S AMORE! PIERRE CASIRAGHI KEPT HIS WIFE BEATRICE BORROMEO— AND HIMSELF—DRY, HOLDING AN UMBRELLA OVER THEIR HEADS WHILE OUT IN VENICE. Princess Caroline’s son and daughter-in-law attended the Dior x Venetian Heritage gala
dinner during the Biennale Arte 2022. Dior celebrated the historic and esteemed ball like no other, renewing Dior and Venice’s historic friendship. In 1951 Carlos de Beistegui graciously hosted the Venetian Ball at the historic Palazzo Labia, a night that would go down in history as ‘the party of the century.’ The event was attended by
a broad array of nobility, celebrities, politicians, and socialites alike, including Christian Dior, Countess Jacqueline de Ribes, and Salvador Dalí. They even collaborated on costumes especially for the occasion to adorn their distinguished guests. Today the party goers are still dressed in Dior haute couture, now by Maria Grazia Chiuri, for the Venetian Heritage Gala dinner and concert. The event, page 73
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BIENNALE ARTE 2022
DIOR X VENETIAN HERITAGE GALA
PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
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which was held last weekend, commemorated the lavish taste of Charles de Beistegui. The charity dinner and celebration donated all the proceeds to restore and promote Venice’s cultural heritage in time for the Venice biennale. The celebration revived the splendor of this enormous and unique event, and the ensembles certainly speak for themselves.
BIENNALE ARTE 2022
DIOR X VENETI TIAN HERITAGE GALA PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
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THIS IS YOUR
BRAIN ON HEART-BREAK
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LOVE LOVE
LOVE CHANGES US AT A PHYSIOLOGICAL LEVEL, MAKING US MORE SENSITIVE TO JOY -- AND TO PAIN, TOO.
W
E ALL KNOW THAT WHEN LOVE IS GOOD, IT’S REALLY GOOD. RESEARCH SHOWS THAT ROMANTIC ATTACHMENTS, WHEN THEY’RE HEALTHY AND SUPPORTIVE, CAN BE IMMENSELY BENEFICIAL FOR OUR HEALTH.
Married people tend to live longer than single people and seem to fare better when seriously sick. But as poets and pop singers have long told us, when love goes awry, it hurts like nothing else. After my marriage ended—not by my choice—I found some comfort in art, but what I really wanted was science. I wanted to know why we feel so operatically sad when a romantic
attachment dissolves. What I discovered is that love changes us so deeply—at a physiological level—that when it’s lost, we hurt more than if we had never loved at all. “One of the most painful experiences that a human being can suffer is to lose a life partner,” says Helen Fisher, the author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray and a biological anthropologist who studies the neuro-chemistry of love as a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Despite that, she told me, it’s been vastly under-examined as a topic of study. Many scientists, she believes, simply underestimate the power of heartbreak, but they also find the excitatory state of falling in love more alluring. Fisher herself has done plenty of that. But
BY FLORENCE WILLIAMS/SPECIAL TO POLO LIFESTYLES
after years of tracking the brains of the suckers who fall in love, she thought it would be interesting to see what happened to them once they’ve tumbled out the other side. She herself has been there, and so have most people. For a paper published in the Journal of Neurophysiology in 2010, Fisher and her colleagues put 15 people who hadn’t gotten over their breakups in a brain scanner. Researchers took images of each subject’s brain as the person viewed a photo of their rejecter and as they viewed a photo of a neutral, familiar person. While viewing rejecters, their brains showed activation in some of the same regions as those still page 81
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YOUR BRAIN ON HEARTBREAK happily in love. It reminded me of a passage from Rachel Cusk’s divorce memoir, Aftermath: “Grief is not love but it is like love. This is romance’s estranged cousin, a cruel character, all sleeplessness and adrenaline unsweetened by hope.” In the study, brain regions that are associated with cravings and emotional regulation lit up, including the ventral tegmental area (VTA) bilaterally, ventral striatum, and cingulate gyrus. Many of the activated regions are necessary for feeling romantic love—and, Fisher added, for fostering cocaine addiction. If love is an addiction, it can be a constructive one, compelling us toward one another. But when love is not returned, the physical effects can be ugly. In addition to finding activity in parts of the brain linked to craving and addiction, Fisher’s team also saw activation in parts of the insular cortex and the anterior cingulate that are linked to physical pain. These regions also light up when you have a toothache, said Fisher. The difference is that with heartbreak, the pain can last and last.
In Fisher’s study, all subjects said that they thought about their rejecting beloveds for more than 85 percent of their waking hours. They also reported “signs of lack of emotion control on a regular basis since the initial break up, in all cases occurring regularly for weeks or months,” the researchers wrote. When it comes to heartbreak, many of us become uncharacteristically tempestuous.
extra dopamine and norepinephrine flooding your brain. You’re searching for what you’re missing, and you’re scared. I could relate: I felt like I’d been plugged into an amplifier in the months after my split. This was, Fisher told me, hypervigilance in response to one’s new threat-filled state. That helps explain the sleeplessness, weight loss, and general agitation that can occur among the newly dumped.
Sometimes we become suicidal. One paper found that among adolescents experiencing suicidal ideation in the U.S., breaking up is one of the largest risk factors for a first suicide attempt, and according to one study, among adults who died by suicide, intimate-partner problems are a factor 27 percent of the time, more than any other the study asked about, including poor physical health, financial trouble, and eviction. “I think nature has overdone it,” Fisher told me.
During the resignation stage, Fisher said, people largely give up the protests and the bargaining. This is when the dopamine drops off, and so does serotonin, a neurotransmitter often linked to feelings of well-being. “Yeah, I’m there,” I said, although I wasn’t completely convinced about the resignation. “You sound like you’re there,” she said. “Once you’re there, it’s lethargy and, of course, a lot of tears. Now some people will drink too much, drive too fast, or hole up and watch TV. Other people will talk their heads off about it. [None of those are] very good.”
She explained there are two basic neurological stages of getting dumped: protest and resignation. During the protest stage, many people try to win their beloved back. This behavior, she said, seems to be based on a cocktail of
AN OTC CURE FOR HEARTBREAK? WHETHER IT’S FROM THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP OR RECEIVING BAD NEWS ABOUT AN ILLNESS, RESEARCHERS KNOW THAT BROKEN HEART SYNDROME IS REAL. Known as takotsubo cardiomyopathy, the condition happens almost exclusively in women. page 82
Because of this connection between emotional stress and a physical response, researchers at the University of Kentucky set out to understand what happens when physical and emotional pain overlap—and whether there might be some sort of heartbreak medication. They’d previously studied the effects of Vicodin (a combination of hydrocodone and acetaminophen) on emotional pain, which is experienced in the same part
of the brain as physical pain. Now they wanted to see if acetaminophen alone (Tylenol) had similar effects. Turns out, it does. Although suffering social rejection may seem completely different from suffering physical injury, the pain of social rejection and physical pain are interconnected, their findings, published in the journal Psychological Science, suggest.
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HEALTH
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CONTENT & PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY CNN & NBC
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NO,
COVID 19 ISN'T LIKE THE FLU TWO YEARS INTO A PANDEMIC, MISINFORMATION REIGNS
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HEN DELTA AIR LINES REFERRED TO COVID-19 AS AN “ORDINARY SEASONAL VIRUS” AFTER A FEDERAL JUDGE STRUCK DOWN THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION’S MASK MANDATE FOR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, THEY WERE PARTLY RIGHT: THERE IS SOME EVIDENCE THAT IT IS SEASONAL. BUT IT IS FAR FROM ORDINARY, AND IT’S STILL NOT THE SAME AS THE FLU.
The lifting of the transportation mask mandate marks another turning point in the Covid-19 pandemic in the United States, and there are many ways to describe the situation at this inflection point. page 88
Over the past two years, official case counts suggest nearly a quarter of the country has been infected with coronavirus, and the number of actual infections is estimated to be many times higher than what has been reported. Despite a drastic drop in cases over the past couple of months, more than 35,000 people in the US are infected daily, according to data from Johns Hopkins University -- enough to fill Madison Square Garden nearly two times over every day. States in the Northeast are seeing cases tick up faster than others, leading what may turn out to be a broader national wave, just as the region has over the past two springs. This year, Covid-19 is also fightable. Vaccines have proven to be remarkably effective. In February, fully vaccinated people were five times less likely to be
hospitalized with Covid-19 and 10 times less likely to die, according to data from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The risk was even lower for those who also had a booster shot. Some treatments have held up against Omicron, too, and the federal government is shipping out hundreds of thousands of antivirals each week. But Covid-19 is not normal; Covid-19 is still not normal. Even as measures of severe Covid-19 drastically improve, they remain much worse than even the most severe flu. The 2017-18 flu season was one of the worst in decades. An estimated 710,000 people were hospitalized and 52,000 died. Daily Covid-19 deaths are nearing their lowest point in a year now -- but even with a relatively low rate of 400 deaths a day, the virus has still killed more peo-
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ple in two months than flu did over a full year at its worst. At the height of the Omicron surge just a few months ago, more people died of Covid-19 in just a few weeks than a full year of flu. Covid-19 hospitalizations have recently hit the lowest point on record and new admissions over the past week were still three times higher than the latest weekly admissions for the flu, CDC data shows. And Covid-19 is still unpredictable. Covid-19 has some similarities to the flu, but it’s not the same, said Dr. Arnold Monto, a professor of epidemiology at the University of Michigan and acting chair of the US Food and Drug Administration’s Vaccines and Related Biological Products Advisory Committee.
care facilities prepare appropriately, but they’re “not always dominant,” said Dr. Donald Burke, an infectious disease expert and former dean of the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health who co-authored the papers with Dr. Hawre Jalal. They have not yet been peer-reviewed.
coming out, which is highly unpredictable at this point,” he said Tuesday.
“If something like a particularly transmissible strain comes into play -- like Omicron -- then that can overwhelm and change the patterns,” Burke said. “Omicron really disrupted things.”
After pushback from the White House, Delta Air Lines adjusted the way it characterized Covid-19, lauding the lifting of the transportation mask mandate as Covid-19 “transitions to a more manageable respiratory virus.”
Back in December, Sen Pei, an assistant professor of environmental health sciences at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, told CNN that we were “still far away” from an endemic stage of the pandemic.
“We’re in uncharted territory,” he said. “With flu, we know what to expect pretty much, but with Covid we’re learning every day.”
A large majority of the population would need to have immunity from the virus from either infection or vaccination before reaching that point, he said then.
Two preprint papers published last year describe the seasonal patterns of the pandemic’s waves so far and suggest that these patterns may repeat in subsequent years.
The Omicron surge raised the level of immunity in the US population dramatically and brought us closer to that point, but the future of Covid-19 is still unclear.
These seasonal patterns can help leaders anticipate surges and places like health
“Long term, I think it largely depends on whether there will be new variants
“It’s not clear what the endemic pattern will look like and whether we have entered that phase right now.”
But the CDC still recommends wearing masks on planes. Conflicting opinions about next steps in the Covid-19 pandemic exist within the public health community and sometimes, even within individuals themselves. Monto says dropping the mask mandate now, at what he hopes is the tail end of the rise of the BA.2 variant, “may not be all that bad” but it may also be “a few weeks too early because we’re not sure where we’re going.” In any case, continued vigilance remains critical. “We have to be watchful and respond to what is going on,” he said. “We’ve never seen a coronavirus pandemic before.” page 89
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2
WHAT
BROOKE SHIELDS REALLY WANTS FOR MOTHERS DAY
TH E M ODEL-M OM D ISH E S O N H E R IDEAS F OR M AK I N G T H IS M OT H E R' S DAY MEM O RA B L E
T
HE RACE TO FIND THE PERFECT MOTHER’S DAY PRESENT IS OFFICIALLY ON. AND IN AN ATTEMPT TO UNEARTH THE BEST GIFTS, WE TURNED TO SUPERMODEL BROOKE SHIELDS. The mother of two recently posed sideby-side with her 16-year-old daughter Grier Henchy in Victoria’s Secret’s latest campaign. The new campaign is a complete celebration of motherhood, and it also stars a few other models such as Lais Ribeiro with her son; and Paloma Elsesser alongside her mother and grandmother. To fete the heartwarming images, Shields revealed some very thoughtful suggestions that many mothers will appreciate this year. If she’s in dire need of being pampered, perhaps a trip to the spa will make her day. Or, if she’s a stickler for handmade gifts, take your time and make her a refrigerator-worthy card—no matter how old you are. Whether it’s your own mother or your
college roommate who just had a baby, here are eleven remarkable mother’s day gift ideas, courtesy of Brooke Shields.
tasks with your little ones can take a toll on your body, so this cushioned lifesaver is the best for knee and back support.”
FOR A HIGH-FASHION MOM WHO LOVES ANYTHING WITH A LOGO…
“Absolutely anything from Hermès!” Shields suggests. “It’s the perfect blend of timeless design and elegance that I think any high-fashion mother would appreciate—including myself.”
FOR YOUR OLD COLLEGE ROOMMATE WHO JUST HAD A BABY… “A comfortable but sturdy bath kneeler for bath time, like the one by Hopkins Medical Products,” says Shields. “As a new mom, even the most day-to-day
FOR A MINIMALIST MOM WHO BELIEVES LESS IS MORE… “When it comes to less is more, this is especially true for my beauty routine,” says Shields. “I’m obsessed with the Renew Pure Radiance Oil from True Botanicals. It’s
P H O T O S C O U R T E S Y V I C T O R I A' S S E C R E T
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2 my one skin-care product holy grail. It smells heavenly, and it’s multipurpose, too! I use it on my cuticles, in my eyebrows, and hair. It moisturizes my skin like nothing else and has noticeably helped with signs of aging as well.”
FOR THE MOM WHO SWEARS ALL SHE WANTS IS A HANDMADE CARD…
“A year’s worth of diapers in ascending sizes is a gift all moms would definitely appreciate,” says Shields. “Babies grow so quickly, and the amount of diapers used throughout those early months is astonishing, so it’s so important to be equipped!”
FOR THE MOTHER WHO COULD USE SOME REST AND RELAXATION…
FOR A MOTHER WHO PREFERS GIFT CARDS TO WRAPPED PRESENTS… “A gift card to True Botanicals,” recommends Shields. “I love skin-care brands that deeply and effectively nourish the skin, and True Botanicals’ range of ingredient-rich products do just that—it’s such a beauty staple brand.”
FOR THE MOM WHO ONLY EVER ASKS FOR WINE… “A handmade card,” Shields exclaims. “There is nothing more heartfelt than something personally made, especially when it comes from your children. Some of my favorite cards I’ve received over the years are handmade and I cherish them forever.”
“For all things rest and relaxation, you could never go wrong with a pair of Victoria’s Secret cozy pajamas to unwind, or even lounge around in all day,” Shields says. “I can’t think of a more satisfying feeling for mothers than slipping into a pair of these must-have pj’s and finally having a moment to themselves.”
FOR THE MOM WHO IS ALWAYS ON THE GO…
FOR A MOTHER WHO RETURNS EVERYTHING YOU GIVE HER… “An experience-focused gift would be perfect,” she says. “Sometimes an appointment at a relaxing spa day, wine tasting, or maybe even a cooking class is a great way to give a mom an engaging gift that is still customized to her taste.”
FOR YOUR COWORKER WHO’S EXPECTING…
“I think every wine rack should include a good Chardonnay and Clos du Bois is my go-to,” says Shields. “There is an outdated stereotype that Chardonnay is old people’s wine—it’s for everyone— and if being ‘old’ means having more confidence, life experience, vitality, and wisdom, I celebrate that.” page 96
“I love Prospect Farms wellness products which have all-natural ingredients,” she says. “It’s the best way to integrate the benefits of CBD to awaken and charge your mind throughout the day, which I know is necessary for moms that are always on the go.”
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2
P H O T O S C O U R T E S Y V I C T O R I A' S S E C R E T
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2
STEP UP YOUR
BRUNCH GAME
THIS MOTHER'S DAY
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MA KE BRU N C H AT H O M E SW E E T A N D SAVO RY WITH TIP S A N D R EC I PES FRO M M ICH E L IN - STA R C H E FS
B
REAKFAST, ESPECIALLY ON A WEEKDAY, IS USUALLY AN AFTERTHOUGHT. A STRAY BANANA AS WE RUN OUT THE DOOR, A QUICK BOWL OF CEREAL BEFORE THE MORNING COMMUTE, MAYBE SOME AVOCADO TOAST IF WE›RE FEELING FANCY. But as we continue to spend time at home, breakfast has become a bigger part the day. And after a couple of page 102
weeks, it’s easy to get bored of that usual bowl of oatmeal.
that he has loved making these waffles with his kids.
We reached out to Michelin-starred chefs from around the world to see what they’re cooking for breakfast, and learn their tips for making the first meal of the day as delicious as the rest.
The batter is simple and can be made with ingredients that are likely already in your pantry. Meehan mixes cocoa powder with flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and eggs, and then throws the batter into his waffle press. He also makes a simple homemade whipped cream to top it all off.
From lemon ricotta pancakes to tortilla Española, these dishes are sure to bring some excitement to your mornings.
CHOCOLATE WAFFLES Kevin Meehan, the owner and chef of Kali Restaurant in Los Angeles, said
“It’s a simple four to one ratio of cream to sugar,” he said. “You whip it up and, at the last minute, I like to take orange zest and zest it in there — a lot of it.”
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2
Meehan often freezes his leftover waffles, which just need a quick pop in the microwave or toaster before they’re ready to go again. He’ll also often add a fried egg on top, which he said his young daughters love.
Insider. «Breakfasts are often made and eaten in a huge rush in the morning while trying to get the kids out to sports or to school, but at present we have the luxury of perfecting some of our favorites.»
“It’s a no-brainer, the recipe is super easy to do,” he said. “When you have a big fat waffle, it’s a special thing.”
“Lemon ricotta pancakes are something we make often, so we’ve been trying quite a few different recipes to find the perfect version.”
UPGRADED PANCAKES Lemon ricotta pancakes have been a popular breakfast dish in New Zealand chef Josh Emett’s house. “There has been a real focus around our morning routine in our house while in lockdown,” Emett, who recently released his cookbook “The Recipe,” told
Emett said that the key to getting the pancakes right is making sure to rest the mix “for a couple of hours” and using powdered icing sugar instead of caster sugar to “make them a little lighter.” “The cooking also needs to be controlled and slow to get the perfect color and crispness,” he added.
THE FRENCH OMELETTE Ryan Ratino, the chef behind Bresca in Washington, DC, told Insider that he often turns to omelettes for breakfast. “As often as I can, I like to cook omelettes for the simple reason that I absolutely love eggs,” he said. “A true and classic French omelette is incredibly simple, you just need eggs and good butter.” “It’s a simple combination that yields a subtle and nice tender texture, and rich comforting flavor.” Ratino also recommends making scrambled eggs and toast with Kerrygold butter, a European-style butter that he loves pairing with eggs. page 103
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M O T H E R ' S DAY 2 0 2 2 “It has much more butterfat content than regular butter, which makes dishes have a richer flavor and creamier texture,” he said. “Then top the eggs with your favorite sweet jam for a sweet and savory contrast, and bundle it up between two pieces of toast!”
REFRIGERATOR CLEAN OUT FRITTATA David Shim, the chef at Cote in Manhattan, told Insider that he loves cooking frittatas when he needs to use up leftover ingredients at home. “There might be half an onion, a few peeled garlic cloves, some spinach,” he said. “You can mix meat, something that’s leftover from the night before or that you have in your fridge. I always use bacon and spinach, that’s my go-to.” “Sauté them in a pan, put in five to six eggs, and let it bake in the oven. It’s a quick 15 to 20 minutes, and you can
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save some for the next day.”
TORTILLA ESPANOLA Tortilla Española, also known as Spanish omelette, is a signature dish from Spain that features eggs and potatoes. “Tortilla Española is a little bit heavier than a frittata,” Shim said. “I put some sort of sweet potato or regular potato with some bell peppers, so it’s a bit more of a meal.” Shim said he first whips the eggs so that they’re ready to go, and then boils or blanches the potatoes for a couple of minutes. He sautés some bell peppers and then adds the eggs and potatoes before throwing the pan into the oven and baking it for 15 to 20 minutes. Once it’s done, Shim tops his tortilla Española with some cheese or reduced tomato sauce.
THE PERFECT EGG SANDWICH “Obviously everyone is on their sourdough thing, everyone’s got a bunch of bread,” Meehan said. “What I’ve been doing is making a fried egg sandwich with sourdough, and I’ve been doing that a lot.” To make his perfect fried egg sandwich, Meehan first toasts the sourdough bread and then puts some homemade chimichurri sauce on top. “Chimichurri sauce is an Argentinianbased sauce with parsley and garlic,» Meehan said. «It›s really easy to make and you can make a big batch of it. The longer it sits in your fridge, the better it is.» Meehan then fries his egg in olive oil and slides it on top of the bread. “I kind of just cut into it too,” he added. “So the egg breaks open.”
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FASHION & STYLE
FENDI CASA OPENS IN MILAN RALPH LAUREN'S EMPIRE STATE OF MIND page 109
PHOTOS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
FENDI CASA OPENS IN MILAN
STYLE
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FENDI CASA'S FLAGSHIP STORE WOWS MILAN IN TH E H EART O F T H E P IA Z Z A D E LL A SC A L A
STYLE
F
ENDI ANNOUNCED THE OPENING OF THE FIRST FENDI CASA FLAGSHIP STORE IN MILAN, AN AMAZING LOCATION IN THE HEART OF THE CITY IN PIAZZA DELLA SCALA, NEAR BRERA AREA AND FASHION DISTRICT. The boutique covers a total area of around 700 square meters and features 13 large windows overlooking the street. In keeping with the Maison’s fundamental values of authenticity, uniqueness and desirability, FENDI Casa continues its collaboration with Peter Mabeo, born from the creative di-
alogue between the founder of the Botswana-based design studio bearing his name and FENDI Artistic Directors Kim Jones, Silvia Venturini Fendi and Delfina Delettrez Fendi. Six ‘Gallery Pieces’, part of theKOMPA Collection unveiled last December at Design Miami/ 2021, adorn the entrance to the boutique and four of its windows: each piece, numbered and crafted in Botswana, explores time-honored artisan techniques revealing a continuous connection between the past and the future. The Chichira cabinet, the efo and Loma stools and the Foro and Shiya chairs animate the store windows. The Madua chair, originally developed from the O’Lock logo PHOTOS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
designed by Delfina Delettrez Fendi for her first FENDI collection in Autumn/ Winter 2021, is on display at the entrance. Living, reading and dining areas unfold sequentially to impart other highlights of the new collection. These include the Five sofa and armchairs designed by Marcel Wanders, the Arches table by atelier oï, and the Parsifal sofa and armchairs by Thierry Lemaire, coordinated with the Marrakesh tables designed by Toan Nguyen and the Vittoria sideboard by Cristina Celestino. The new version of the Ford dining table is paired with the Doyle chairs, and the Sandia sofa and armchairs, also by Toan Nguyen, are accompanied by Chiara Andreatti’s page 113
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Astuccio Canes occasional tables. A new outdoor area, enriched by Piero Lissoni’s Sagano Collection, is proposed within a stimulating game of references to the inside and outside. The following space, dedicated to the sleeping area, plays with different levels set apart by a marble floor, with the Landscape bed by studio Marcel Wanders, elegantly complemented by the Vanitoso dressing table by atelier oï, as well as a living area where the Grand Plie’ sofa and armchairs by Thierry Lemaire are matched with the Tarsia coffee tables designed by Toan Nguyen. A cosy reading nook, dominated by
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dimorestudio’s Roma daybed, completes the installation. A wide selection of accessories and complementary items embellish each room, such as the new line of rugs from Yellow Sign, featuring the Maison’s iconic yellow accent, to Tiles, with the FENDI Pequin logo-non-logo striped pattern, to the elegant Karligraphy logo, designed by Karl Lagerfeld himself and offered in two versions: an all-over macro-pattern or explosive in Big Karl. The unveiling of the first FENDI Casa boutique will be followed by a series of international openings, including flag-
ship stores in Miami and Shanghai, and marks the new journey of the FENDI Casa world that began in 2021. As Alberto Da Passano, CEO of FF Design, pointed out, this first opening “is a major milestone in the brand’s strategic development. Situated in the heart of Milan, next to the Teatro alla Scala, one of the city’s most important and representative city landmarks, the boutique is located in an ideal position between the world of fashion and that of design. A prestigious showcase, enhancing the new collection while providing a unique experience for our customers”.
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RALPH LAUREN'S FW22
EMPIRE STATE OF MIND
C
ELEBRATING A LEGACY OF ICONIC AMERICAN DESIGN WHILE REMINDING US WHY THESE LOOKS ARE JUST AS RELEVANT TODAY AND TOMORROW, RALPH LAUREN’S FALL 2022 RUNWAY SHOW FROM NEW YORK – THE FIRST LIVE SHOW FOR MR. LAUREN SINCE 2019– WAS A SPARKLING AND DEFTLY FOCUSED RETURN TO THE RUNWAY AND A HEARTFELT ODE TO THE DESIGNER’S HOME.
The venue of the Museum of Modern Art set the tone for the collection’s celebration of distinctly New York City society and culture, PHOTOS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
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STYLE
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PHOTOS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
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which the space’s re-imagining as the designer’s own apartment further developed (in a set developed by the team at Prodject). Dressed in cocktail attire (per the well-designed show invitation’s request), the guests lounged and couches and chrome armchairs around coffee tables adorned with low-burning candles, while faux windows looked out to a black-and-white New York City skyline. Immediately at home in this space, the collection (comprising both women’s and men’s) felt exactly like what the return to the runway for Ralph Lauren should be: sophisticated, crisp, and classic. Anchored by excellent tailoring in a color scheme almost exclusively of black and white – occasionally punctuated by brief, bold moments of red – the looks drew on a wealth of page 124
design history while feeling poised for a cocktail reunion in 2022. A sense of the noirish was palpable in fedoras and double-breasted three-piece suits, while pieces like a smoking jacket or jodhpurs touched on the designer’s familiar connection to New England nouveau-aristocracy. Despite all the crisp simplicity, the collection maintained a sense of magic and sparkle, most visible in its not infrequent but not unfocused use of sequins and shimmer. Nor was it without welcome signs that the designer is willing to push forward by blending and blurring traditional modes of genre and gender, as evinced by exciting moments of unique cuts and structure, and pieces like the women’s jumpsuit suit or the shirt-and-tie dress. PHOTOS COURTESY THE IMPRESSION
Perhaps as important as Lauren’s designs themselves is his brand’s ability to foster a sense of community and inclusion. He was one of the very first leading designers to champion true diversity in casting, a commitment which was emphasized tonight by the age- and color-diverse cast – which featured the return of Tyson Beckford, Polo’s leading man throughout the 90’s – and which was further and generously realized through the recent Polo for Morehouse and Spelman Colleges collection. Reasserting both the brand’s sense of community building and its legacy of iconic American style, the show channeled that magical, rare energy of a night out on the town with friends that is impossible to forget.
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COACHELLA
IS BACK
BRETT CHODY
@brettchody TRENDS CONTRIBUTOR
A
FTER A THREEYEAR, PANDEMIC-INDUCED HIATUS, THE COACHELLA VALLEY MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL MADE ITS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED RETURN AT THE EMPIRE POLO CLUB IN INDIO, CALIF. The iconic music festival– which took place over two weekends in mid-April– boasted headliners Harry Styles, Billie Eilish, Swedish House Mafia and The Weeknd. page 128
The festival, is known for its fashionable crowd, unique art exhibitions, and incredible music talent, is put on by Los Angeles-based entertainment company Golden Voice. It draws in crowds of up to 125,000 people a day, which means nearly 750,000 people attend the festival across the two weekends. Festival goers from across the world were ecstatic to be back after waiting patiently through three postponements and subsequent cancellations of the massive event due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Jasper Conacher, a student at New York University, has attended Coachella three times previously and was overjoyed to return this year. “Of all of these festival [I’ve been to], Coachella has always been my favorite due to their superior lineup, amazing food, the elevated fashion of fellow
attendees, and the outdoor art. As cliche as it may be to say, Coachella is more than just a festival… it acts as an insight into upcoming fashion trends, an art show and amazing food experiences,” Conacher explained. “And because I attend college in New York, while most of my friends attend college in California, it served as a reunion with my best friends, too! All of these reasons contribute to why I was thrilled to be able to go this year after their hiatus… and why I willing to fly across the country to attend right before final exams.” But not all Coachella regulars were as excited as Conacher to return to the Indio Polo Fields, especially after the festival announced it was dropping all of its COVID-19 precautions in February of this year. The updated guidelines included neither proof of vaccination
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nor a negative test to enter the festival grounds and zero mask requirements. Will Davis, a ticket holder whose been to every festival since 2009, told the Los Angeles Times that he was reconsidering his attendance because his wife is immuno-compromised. Another high-risk festival goer told the Times she wished that Golden Voice had warned attendees that changes to Coachella’s COVID-19 protocols may be changing before they made the formal announcement. Despite backlash from some fans, Coachella stuck with its announcement to not enforce any COVID-19 health and safety measures and the festival went on this month without a mask in sight. Aside from the festival’s COVID-19 protocols or lack thereof, many attendees were thrilled by not only the musical lineup for this year but also the wide variety of food options. Vendors included Los Angeles favorites Ronan Pizza, Ggiata Deli, Sweetfin Poke and Kazunori Handroll Bar, to name a few. “I was obviously so excited to see some
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of my favorite artists perform, but the amazing variety of food vendors really took my excitement to the next level,” one attendee said. “The fact that I could get handrolls from Kazunori followed by ice cream from Van Leeuwen while attending the amazing festival that is Coachella… that is really what makes it such an incredibly well-rounded experience.” But the weekend wasn’t a walk in the park for all guests. Revolve, a Los Angeles-based online clothing retailer, hosted its annual “Revolve Festival” that coincides– but is not affiliated– with Coachella. The Revolve Festival is an exclusive event hosted at a venue near the festival grounds to which invitations are extended to celebrities, content creators, and micro influencers. However, it was not the social media paradise that it was chalked up to be as many guests were stranded in the desert heat without water for hours as they waited for the buses to bring them to the event. One TikTok creator, Hannah Kosh, told ELLE Magazine she witnessed “three people pass out in line” as they waited for their transportation. Once news of the chaos hit social media
platforms, many users dubbed the event “Fyre Festival 2.0.” Revolve issued a statement to E! News sincerely apologizing to the attendees affected by the lack of transportation and attributed it to COVID-19 concerns, saying the festival was nearing capacity so shuttle access for guests was limited. Apart from the mayhem that the Revolve Festival caused to its guests, the rest of the festival appeared to unfold seamlessly, with surprise appearances from Shania Twain, Gorillaz and Justin Bieber adding to the weekend’s deep musical lineup. As the end of the COVID-19 pandemic is in sight, Coachella fans should not have to fret about any more postponements or cancellations before its return in 2023. Until then, they’ll have to get their festival fix in by attending those planned for this summer, such as Governors Ball in New York City in early June, Glastonbury Festival in England in late June, Chicago’s Lollapalooza or San Francisco’s Outside Lands in August. BRETT CHODY TRENDS CONTRIBUTOR POLO LIFESTYLES 2022
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TRENDING:
MUSIC FESTIVALS
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{PRIVATE VIEWING}
RONALD MUGABE page 135
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A S E R I E S B Y R A P H A E L K . D A PA A H I N T R O D U C I N G T H E - N E X T- B I G A R T I S T S T O T H E W O R L D O F A R T C O L L E C T O R S A N D C U R AT O R S
VERNISSAGE
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FROM RAGS TO RICHES RONALD MUGABE
A STORY OF PAIN TO POWER AND TRAUMA TO TRIUMPH RAPHAEL DAPAAH @dapaahgallery ART CONTRIBUTOR
I
N MARCH OF THIS YEAR, I FOUND MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN UGANDA, THE PEARL OF AFRICA. It was my first time venturing to the eastern region of the Continent, but unlike most foreign debutantes of the beautiful, sunny nation, I wasn’t there to backpack through one of its many stunning forests, or to go gorilla trekking, nor to even go on an epic safari tour. My mission was single-minded and urgent, to meet and learn about the incredible story of a young contemporary artist raised on the streets of Kampala, whose work blew me away when I first encountered it. Ronald Mugabe, or Mugabe Ronald, as he goes by in Uganda, as is the custom there, is warm, mild-mannered and easy-going when I meet him for the first time at my apartment complex in Kampala, where myself and videographer Danny Wonders are staying. He embraces both of us like old friends, and before we know it, we have struck a great rapport and bond as we converse on subjects as diverse as his favorite football team, Manchester United, to the food, culture and nightlife of the city. But it is his personal story that intrigues
us most, and why we have both traveled thousands of miles to meet the artist, alongside, of course, to see his masterly works of art in person. Ronald, an orphan, whose mother died when he was still an infant, and whose siblings have all sadly passed, too, spent many years of his childhood and adolescence homeless, living in the streets of Kampala, having to fend for himself using his wits, creativity and instinct for survival. As Ronald recounted to us how he grew up, and the harsh surroundings and conditions in which he become accustomed to, I could not help but feel a sense of disbelief at how someone could endure so much hardship, pain and trauma, from such a young age, and yet still remain upbeat, optimistic and full of life as he was. It was a key lesson in the value of perspective, made even more pronounced when Ronald kindly showed us around the inner-city slums of Kampala where he was raised, and we were struck by how despite the poor circumstances of its inhabitants, everyone we encountered, was smiling, laughing or just getting on with their daily lives, work and hustle.
date to support street kids and orphans, resulting in him finally having a stable place to call home, but more significantly, the chance to pursue a formal education, previously denied to him, as well as to explore his natural creative talent in drawing, and later painting. Ronald paints with an undeniable hunger and passion that results in layers of texture, boldness and depth to his striking portraits. Having turned his life around, and avoided becoming just another statistic, the artist pursued his art career in earnest after receiving a diploma from one of the nation’s most-esteemed art schools, Michelangelo College of Creative Arts, a huge feat considering his earlier pursuit of education almost ended as soon as it began after his mother’s tragic death. After touring the artist’s outdoor studio, where, like many old masters such as Van Gogh, he paints plein-air, I was
His life story informs his hauntingly beautiful art: deep blue- black muses, with dreadlock hairstyles, that speak to the artist’s love of both his African heritage, as well as notions of freedom, rebellion and self-love. Ronald often paints his friends, and relays to us how when living in the streets, it was the bonds of friendship, love and companionship that allowed him to survive and make it out. After many years homeless, Ronald was discovered and supported by an international NGO with a manpage 137
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enamored by his work, a compelling fusion of aesthetic beauty and technique, underpinned by moving narrative and motifs. I asked the artist candidly, how he was able to turn his pain to power and his trauma to triumph. He paused for a moment before responding, “Even when
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I was homeless, I was never hopeless.” A profound statement, by a profound artist that inspired the concept behind his first international solo exhibition, ‘Homeless Not Hopeless’ at The Coningsby Gallery in London’s prestigious West End. Ronald Mugabe’s arresting pieces will be
on show at the Homeless Not Hopeless solo exhibition between 1 May - 7 May 2022 The Coningsby Gallery 30 Tottenham Street London W1T 4RJ RAPHAEL K. DAPAAH ART CONTRIBUTOR POLO LIFESTYLES 2022
WWW.PO LO L IFES T YLES .COM
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MANSION OF THE MONTH
MALIBU OCEAN ESTATE CALIFORNIA
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MANSION OF THE MONTH
MALIBU OCEAN ESTATE
339 FEET OF BEACH FRONTAGE $125,000,000 28060 SEA LANE DRIVE MALIBU CA 90265
C
OME SEE A BREATHTAKING MALIBU OCEANFRONT ESTATE LOCATED ON THE BLUFFS OF THE WORLD-RENOWNED PARADISE COVE BEACH IN MALIBU, CALIFORNIA. Situated on a private road, this legacy estate is the ultimate in privacy, security, and seclusion. The property encompasspage 144
es approximately 6.62 acres with direct beach access and 339 feet of beach frontage. Panoramic ocean views of the famed “Queen’s Necklace” from Palos Verdes to Pt. Dume with beautiful views of Catalina Island. Captures indoor-outdoor living with full ocean views and most rooms opening onto the expansive deck and covered patio areas that surround the main house. Ten- to 20-foot-tall walls and fencing encompass the property providing the
ultimate in privacy. The second awe-inspiring 20-foot-tall double door gate leads you into the main interior of the estate property. Smart house features include security cameras, Lutron lighting, automated shades and multi-zone air conditioning. The main house boasts approximately 16,836 sq. ft. offering a formal grand entryway, open kitchen with two center islands and top of the line appliances, full ocean view dining room and living
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BEDROOMS 8 | BATHROOMS 9 FULL | 4 PARTIAL EXTERIOR 6.71 ACRE(S) room areas, six bedrooms with en-suite baths, four additional baths, two formal reception rooms with full ocean views, two spacious ocean view offices with private balconies. The main office, with a kitchenette, has a separate staircase for entertaining clients while working from home. A fabulous 14-Seat home theater with a row of D-BOX seating for your viewing entertainment. There is an upstairs large den that can be used for many different
purposes such as another bedroom, office, exercise room or other desirable options. Both the mudroom and laundry room are conveniently located within the estate. There are seven beautiful fireplaces located with the main estate- in the two reception rooms, living/family room, primary bedroom, primary bedroom sitting room, guest bedroom and the guest house. The property offers destination re-
sort-style living with a self-contained Guest House, a gorgeous infinity pool surrounded by lush landscaping consisting of grassy lawn areas, redwood trees, eucalyptus trees, coral trees, palm trees, fruit trees and a rose garden, pool room and audio-visual room, ocean-side spa with panoramic views, north/south lighted tennis court, outdoor shower located along the stairs to and from the beach, outdoor barbecue and pizza oven with ocean views, and a 9-hole minigolf course. page 145
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MANSION OF THE MONTH
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Nothing compares to this exceptional Malibu Oceanfront Estate located on the most incredible beach in the world for the ultimate beach life. page 147
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MANSION OF THE MONTH
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NANTES PAYS DE LA LOIRE 44000 FRANCE
PRICE $29,967,206 USD BEDROOMS 8 / BATHROOMS 2 FULL INTERIOR 10,7639 SQ FT. / EXTERIOR 317.29 ACRES NANTES, PAYS DE LA LOIRE, 44000 FRANCE HUS STUD FARM This exceptional estate comprises not only a historic chateau but also one of France’s biggest equestrian facilities with page 152
the capacity to house approximately 400 horses. The castle has been restored and offers 1000 sq. meters of perfectly renovated living space including an indoor pool, a steam room and a gym. The spacious grounds comprise 128 hectares including private access to the River
Erdre, a 30-meter mooring, extensive equestrian training facilities including show jumping and dressage with 200 hectares extra rental. Restored outbuildings, helicopter pad and only 35 kilometers from the international airport. The sale includes 300 horses.
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CASTILLO CARIBE CARIBBEAN LUXURY IN THE CAYMAN ISLANDS PRICE UPON REQUEST
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N
OW YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL: LIFESTYLE, LUXURY, LOCATION AND LIMITED TAX LIABILITY. WITHOUT DOUBT CASTILLO CARIBE IS ONE OF THE FINEST BEACH-FRONT ESTATE HOMES IN THE WORLD OFFERING EVERY LUXURY FOR MODERN DAY LIFE WITH ALL THE LIFESTYLE OPTIONS ONE WOULD EXPECT FROM THE CAYMAN ISLANDS AND THE CARIBBEAN.
Although the Cayman Islands enjoy year-round sunshine and a temperate climate, this benefit is eclipsed in most people’s eyes by the Islands’ offshore status. The Cayman Islands are well known as a financial center on the world’s stage and provide the highest quality of lifestyle available in a tax
neutral environment, making it very appealing to people of high net worth to seek residency here - a position that is actively encouraged by the local government and, as a British Overseas Territory, is a very stable option. There are a number of destinations in the world that are able to offer offshore status to a greater or lesser degree, but the Cayman Islands have no local taxes whatsoever: no property tax, no income tax, no capital gains tax and no inheritance tax. Castillo Caribe offers a rare opportunity to combine this with privacy, security, luxury and lifestyle all on a pristine white sandy beach overlooking the crystal-clear waters of the Caribbean Sea. The space afforded here is too limited to provide adequate description of all the properties features and amenities, please request a detailed package by emailing: heather.carrigan@sothebysrealty.com.
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In Search The Winesof ofSolace Virginia
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VIRGINIA IS FOR
WINE LOVERS
WILLIAM SMITH
W
@willismith_2000 COPY EDITOR & CONTRIBUTOR
HILE PENNING THIS MONTH’S COLUMN, THE WALL STREET JOURNAL PUBLISHED AN ARTICLE WITH THE ATTENTION-GRABBING HEADLINE, “WHO CAN AFFORD NAPA NOW?” THE ARTICLE WENT ON TO DESCRIBE RISING PRICES FOR EVERYTHING
IN THE STORIED WINE REGION – FROM LUXE HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS AND PICASSO’S MODEL OF SECOND HOME OWNERSHIP DRIVING UP HOUSING COSTS TO THE WINE TASTINGS WHERE THOUSANDS FLOCK EACH DAY. The author, a noted wine columnist, concluded the piece by saying she’s now exploring more affordable wine regions and eschewing a place where the “region’s main crop is cash, not grapes.”
While I can’t quite make that leap, I get the sentiment. A weekend in Napa, as swoon worthy as its wines can be, is also coming at a higher cost than even just a few years ago. Still, in the spirit of looking beyond Napa, let me offer the unconventional…Virginia. Yes, Virginia. About an hour outside of Washington, DC, and driving west toward the lush and verdant Shenandoah Valley, wine country awaits. Over a dozen wineries and vineyards are within easy access from Interstate 66 as you depart the nation’s capital. Yet, it wasn’t always so and while a getaway to the region’s page 159
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Can't-Miss Wine Festivals
wineries may result in a fun experience, planning is required to explore the incredible wines to be found. It’s not that they are rare, but over the past several decades, the drive toward wine tourism in the area has outpaced the careful and thoughtful cultivation of vines that takes patience, time and talent. But to be sure, the gems are there. Most histories of Virginia wines alpage 160
ways somehow begin with Thomas Jefferson. Founding Father. Philosopher. Stateman. President. Jefferson was many things, including being the epitome of a Renaissance man. This includes of course, attempting to plant grapes for wines. History has it, however, that Jefferson was a terrible viticulturalist. His attempts failed miserably, and some even implicate his own failure as being
complicit in the massive devastation of vines in Europe by helping to export the phylloxera vine louse to France. What we do know is that overcoming the inhospitable ecosystem in Virginia for cultivating wine-worthy grapes took nearly two centuries. Now, the state has 10 distinct wine growing regions, eight designated AVAs,
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and more than 4,000 acres of grapes. The Middleburg AVA in northern Virginia is home to eight vineyards, 24 wineries and nearly 230 acres of commercial vineyards.
Linden Vineyards – Linden, Va. One of the pioneers who ushered in this new era, and my favorite vineyard in the region, is Linden Vineyards (www. lindenvineyards.com). In the early 1980s, Linden’s founder Jim Law and his family purchased 76 acres that had once been an apple orchard. Law is a genius, but also shirks from the praise and attention his talent has generated in putting Virginia on the proverbial “wine map.” I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him several times and enjoyed tastings at the vineyard with him as our guide. I recall his joy on one such occasion, in describing the concrete egg from which we tasted a delicious and soon-to-bebottled rosé. Linden grows several varietals on three separate vineyards. The original, Hardscrabble Vineyard, is the property where Linden’s beautiful tasting room is nestled into the hillside and surrounded by some of the original vines planted in 1985. Where many other newer vineyards in the region focus on volume over quality to satisfy the explosion in
wine tourism, Linden does the opposite. Its annual yield, while diverse in type and profoundly consistent in quality year to year, is not large.
Perfectly drinkable now, a bit of bottle aging creates a complexity that rivals sauternes as the perfect accompaniment to seared foie gras.
Linden’s Hardscrabble Red, year after year, is one of the best reds to be found in Virginia and rivals the best of red blends from the west coast. The 2017 vintage is 57 percent cabernet sauvignon and 43 percent merlot and aged in both new and slightly used French oak barrels. Fruit-forward and herbaceous, its perfect alongside braised meats and rich stews and only gets better with more time in the bottle.
Check Linden’s website for current hours for the tasting room which is open to the public. However, staying and enjoying the property beyond the tasting is reserved for Friends of Linden which requires the purchase of a case per year. I keep my status by stocking up on the claret.
Another of Linden’s red blends that showcases the region’s winemaking prowess is the claret. With grapes sourced from Hardscrabble as well as Linden’s two other partner vineyards – Avenius and Boisseau – the blend is typical of the moniker, bringing together cabernet sauvignon, merlot, cabernet franc, and petit verdot. The 2019 was aged for a year in used French oak barrels, which has imparted upon the wine a wonderfully deep broodiness of dark fruits and hints of cedar and balsam. Linden’s whites have also been perfected over the years, but their Late Harvest wine is a true standout. A blend of petit manseng and vidal blanc, it bursts with tropical notes of pineapple and guava.
RdV Vineyards – Delaplane, Va. One of the most beautiful and scenic drives in this region takes you through the Crooked Run Valley, which over the past two decades has turned into a mecca of great Virginia wines. Foremost among them is RdV Vineyards (www. rdvvineyards.com), where the focus on quality over quantity is front and center with a reservation-only tasting room and a laser focus on perfecting the Bordeaux style of wine in two bottlings – Rendezvous and Lost Mountain. What can be said about these two wines other than you won’t believe they are from Virginia? The only perceptible hint, and then only slightly so, that you’re in Virginia is the incredibly unique flavor imparted to cabernet franc grapes grown in Virginia’s piedmont. It’s page 161
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as unique a flavor as is a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc or a Willamette Pinot Noir and for me, a delicious indulgence that solidifies the sense of place. For both Rendevous and Lost Mountain, the blend changes from vintage to vintage but maintains its focus on the traditional Bordeaux varietals – and here, in particular, cabernet sauvignon, merlot, cabernet franc, and petit verdot. Master winemakers are at the helm, perfecting the blends for each vintage and achieving astonishing consistency. James Suckling gave both 2016 bottlings a 96. Reservations can be made at RdV’s website.
Fox Meadow Winery - Linden, Va. On the opposite side of the mountain from RdV sits Fox Meadow Winery (www.foxmeadowwinery.com). I’ve been coming up to this area for nearly three decades and I remember when the picturesque site that Fox Meadow calls home was an old apple orchard. I was sad to see those craggy old trees come down, but what rose in its place has become my go-to. Like most wine regions and wineries when they first take off, I’ll page 162
own that in those early years, the visits to Fox Meadow were more an investment in what could happen with support from patrons and with time. While the view into the Shenandoah Valley from the deck of Fox Meadow has, since inception, been an incredible way to spend an afternoon with friends or a good book, the wine and the vines needed some time to work out some kinks. And that is exactly what has happened. Fox Meadow’s Chardonnay can go toe-to-toe with most of those from the West Coast. For the 2020 vintage, Fox Meadow produced two different Chardonnays, one done in stainless steel and another in oak. Both are exceptional and speak to the artistry of the winemaker in creating two different and exquisite experiences. The stainless-steel aged bottling is bursting with fresh fruits and showcases what the grape can do in Virginia. Fox Meadow’s red blends, especially the Le Renard Rouge and Meritage, are, year after year, among the best to be found in the state. Having been going to Fox Meadow for nearly 15 years and seeing the aging potential for the earlier vintages of the Le Renard Rouge, I
collected… and continue to do so. One evening, I surprised dinner guests at my home in Santa Fe with a bottle (or two) but didn’t share where it was from. Only after rave reviews and speculations as to its pedigree did I share that it was from Virginia. Inky and opaque in the glass, Le Renard Rouge screams Bordeaux, but again with the unique characteristic of Virginia-grown cabernet franc. Finally on Fox Meadow, many Virginia wineries and winemakers attempt to capitalize on how well cabernet franc grows in the state and rather than use it in blends, bottle it on its own. In the wrong hands, it is undrinkable. But at Fox Meadow, their Reserve Cabernet Franc is perfection and uniquely Virginia. Stone fruits, toasted vanilla, and oak essences round out the experience. I know, I know. You may still not be convinced. But trust me, Virginia is the best kept secret in U.S. domestic wine production. Consider yourself informed and enjoy. WILLIAM SMITH COPY EDITOR & PHILANTHROPY CONTRIBUTOR POLO LIFESTYLES 2022
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ALIGN WITH YO SPIRITUALITY · FAITH · QUESTIONS · GROWTH · FOCUS
TH E RU LES O F EN G AG EM EN T
SHOULD YOU
STAY FRIENDLY
WITH YOUR EX?
A
IS IT A C R U ELTY OR A KIN D N E SS TO SU G G E ST F R I EN DS H I P D U RIN G A B RE A KU P ?
WEIRD THING HAPPENED TO REBECCA GRIFFITH, A GRADUATE STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS, WHEN SHE BEGAN PRESENTING HER RESEARCH FINDINGS ON “POST-DISSOLUTION FRIENDSHIPS”—FRIENDSHIPS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BROKEN OFF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP—AT CONFERENCES A FEW YEARS AGO. It was unusual research, certainly; only a few studies had ever attempted to suss out what factors made a post-breakup friendship a success or a bust, and after her presentations, Griffith often took questions from other scientists and peers in her field. But the query she encountered most often was not about page 166
her conclusions, or her methodology, or her data analysis. It was, “Should I stay friends with my ex?” The questions of whether and how to stay friends with an ex–romantic partner are, as Griffith can attest, both complex and universal. Scan through the portion of the Internet that’s devoted to crowd-sourcing answers to hard questions, for example, and you’ll find endless iterations of this conundrum: On forum sites like Quora and Yahoo! Answers, as well as Reddit pages like r/ relationships, r/teenagers, and r/ AskReddit, both dumpers and dumpees seek advice on what it means to want to stay friends, whether to agree to stay friends, and whether to ask to stay friends. The anxiety over “I hope we can still be friends” likely stems from uncertainty over what exactly is meant by it, or
whether the gesture is a sincere one. To utter it during a breakup conversation is either a kind and helpful way to lessen the pain of parting or the cruelest part of the whole endeavor, depending on who you ask. An attempt to stay friends may be a kindness if it suggests an attachment or a respect that transcends the circumstances of the romantic relationship, for instance. It can be a cruelty, however, when it serves to pressure the jilted party into burying feelings of anger and hurt. And some would say that breaking someone’s heart and then requesting the continued emotional investment that’s inherent to an actual, functioning friendship is simply an unfair thing to do. As a result, how to interpret or act on the suggestion of a post-breakup friendship is one of the great everyday mysteries of our time. Perhaps the emphasis there belongs on “our time”: Researchers
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OUR PURPOSE IN SY N C W IT H YO UR V IB E
R E N E WA L · C O M M U N I T Y · S U P P O RT · E X P LO R AT I O N · E N E R G Y
and thus we should stay on good terms to minimize drama), and for security (I trust you and want you to remain in my life as a confidant and supportive presence).
and historians suspect that the impulse to stay friends, or the impulse to at least stay on good terms after a breakup, has developed only in the past few generations. As a recently common component of the eternally common practice of breaking up, “I hope we can still be friends” reveals truths about the modern state of both romance and friendship. There are four main reasons, Rebecca
Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility (i.e., I want this breakup to hurt less than it will otherwise), for reasons relating to unresolved romantic desires (I want to see other people but keep you within reach in case I change my mind), for practicality (We work together/go to school together/share mutual friends,
To some, perhaps, that will seem obvious; indeed, several of the results in Griffith’s study, which was published in the research journal Personal Relationships, serve to confirm what many already know in a marrow-deep way to be true. For instance, Griffith and her team found that friendships resulting from unresolved romantic desires tended to lead to the most negative outcomes, like feelings of sadness, challenges moving on romantically, and disapproval from other friends. Friendships formed between exes for “security,” meanwhile, produced the most positive outcomes and the highest-quality friendships. (One surprising finding was that extroverted people were less likely to remain friends with an ex–romantic partner. Because extroverts tend to make friends easily, this wasn’t what Griffith and her team expected. “But maybe they’re so good at becoming friends with people they don’t need this [particular] page 167
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friendship,” she said.) The popularity of post-breakup friendships over time hasn’t been well studied. But the researchers and historians I spoke with for this story generally agreed that in the history of relationships, staying friends (or attempting to) is a distinctly modern phenomenon, especially among mixed-gender pairs. The experts also agreed that two of the concerns that most often lead to an offer of post-breakup friendship—the worry that a social group or workplace will become hostile, and the worry that the loss of a romantic partner will also mean the loss of a potential friend—are relatively modern developments themselves, made possible by the integration of women into public society and the subsequent rise of mixed-gender friendships. When Rebecca Adams, a sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, began researching cross-gender platonic friendships in the late 1970s, she found that women who were born around the turn of the century were unlikely to name men among their friends: “Those women had grown up in an era where if you had a male friend, it was because he was part of a couple” with whom you and your husband were friends, she told me. For much of the 20th century, she says, the assumption was that the things men and women did together were date, get married, and have families. Adams says that began to change as more women joined the workforce and pursued higher education; while some 30 percent of American workers were female in 1950, by 1990 women accounted for nearly half the workforce. Prior to the middle of the 20th century, Adams noted, “women and men just weren’t assumed to have much in common. Women weren’t as well-educated as men, and didn’t enter the workforce as frequently as men.” But as more women began to hold jobs and attend classes alongside men—and socialize with them over lunch or commiserate
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about the boss after work—men and women started to develop friendships. And when a platonic friendship between a man and woman became a more realistic proposition in its own right, Adams says, so did a platonic friendship between a man and woman who used to date. (Women’s entry into the workforce also allowed mixed-gender romances to blossom—and wilt—at work, creating a common condition in which exes will run into each other.) Other factors, like the advent of the birth-control pill and the federal protection of abortion rights in the late 20th century, made it less likely that any given sexual partner would accidentally end up a parenting partner, Adams noted—which relaxed the rules of romantic relationships considerably. That freedom helped normalize the idea that a person could have multiple lovers or companions over the course of a lifetime, and made necessary some system of protocols for what might happen if two former romantic partners remained within the same social group after breaking things off. Nowadays, Adams told me, “Men and women have more in common than they used to, and there’s a stronger foundation for friendship,” and young, unmarried people in particular tend to have what she calls “gender-heterogeneous” networks of friends. Young, unmarried Americans are a particular specialty of Alexandra Solomon, an assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University who teaches the university’s often analyzed Marriage 101 course. And indeed, in her conversations with college-age young adults over the past 10 years, she’s seen the “friend group”—a multi-member, often mixed-gender friendship between three or more people—become a standard unit of social grouping. Now that fewer people in their early-to-mid-20s are married, “people exist in these little tribes,” she told me. “My college students use that phrase, friend group,
which wasn’t a phrase that I ever used. It was not as much like a capital-F, capital-G thing like it is now.” Today, though, “the friend group really does transport you through college, and then well into your 20s. When people were marrying by 23, 24, or 25, the friend group just didn’t stay as central for as long as it does now.”
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BY ASHLEY FETTERS/SPECIAL TO POLO LIFESTYLES
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MOLD YOUR MIND W H AT
D O
Y O U
VA L U E ?
DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY
FACING UNCERTAINTY
JOEY VELEZ
@joeyavelez88 HEALTHY LIFESTYLES CONTRIBUTOR
T
HE STAR WARS SERIES IS ARGUABLY ONE OF THE GREATEST CINEMATIC DISPLAYS IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE STORY LINE, OR THE FACT THE SERIES HAS BEEN AROUND FOR 45 YEARS, BUT ALL THE PHILOSOPHICAL QUOTES PROVIDED BY THE GREAT AND WISE YODA. page 172
Yoda’s primary role was to train Luke Skywalker to be a Jedi, but also to mentor him to learn the ways of the Force. There were challenges, failures and self-doubt at numerous turns for young Skywalker, but Yoda was always there with wise words of wisdom, all of which hold relevance to many of us in our daily lives. In times of uncertainty, or when learning new skills, you may be asked to try something for the first time, which can seem daunting and add anxiety, but necessary for growth. In these times, finding ways to be confident can be difficult, but not impossible.
“DO OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY” Over the last couple of months, one of Yoda’s quotes that has resonated with
me is “Do or do not. There is no try.” In February, I found out I was slated for a certification course taking place in April. Two months did not leave me much time in terms of preparation, especially since I would be missing two weeks due to training that I needed to be eligible for this certification course. Each day over those two months was filled with reading research, diving into practical exercises, understanding the practical exercises, and teaching back skill after skill after skill. Some days, my mentor would challenge me to teach a skill without any notice. In these moments, I found myself shaken, unsure and nervous about the thought of teaching something I did not fully comprehend. I would often say, “Okay, I will try” to which she responded, “Sometimes you just gotta get up and
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do it.” And she was right. Saying, “I will try,” is not as confident as saying, “I am going to do it.” Nothing can match personal experience in terms of your level of confidence, but we do not always have the privilege of experience in our back pockets. For me, getting in the mindset of, “I am just going to do it,” gave me the confidence I needed in those uncertain times. Did the teach backs turn out well? Not always, but failure is a part of learning, and giving your best self is going to help create more accurate feedback, which is what helps you get better.
BUILDING CONFIDENCE IN UNCERTAIN TIMES Ultimately, it starts with changing your mindset about failure. Failure is an essential part of growth. Some would argue that you can learn more from failure than you can learn from success. However, often people avoid failing because of how it makes us look and feel in front of other people, or how it might
impact future situations. When you perform, there are always two options: you win or you lose. Understanding this and being comfortable with the fact that losing may in fact be an outcome, can lessen the pressure of failure just enough to help you perform like your true self. To add on to this, grounding yourself in personal growth can help you be more confident in uncertain times. Yes, knowing that failure is a potential outcome, but also that failure will help you better because you now know what not to do, or what the adjustment might be for next time. Therefore, the next time you are in a similar situation, you will be more prepared. Understanding that each and every scenario will help you grow, whether a success or failure, can help you be confident and bring your true self to that moment. Finally, having your own motto or catch phrase that you can go to in these uncertain times can help you remain
confident. For example, I would say, “Be yourself,” or, “Have fun,” right before my practice teaches. Did it mean I would remember the content? No, but it put me in the right mental state to perform my best. Having a go-to saying can increase your comfortability and help you be your authentic self, which can help you perform at a high level. Find what works for you. Find what can get you where you need to be to perform your best and learn a thing or two.
FINAL THOUGHTS Failing is not easy. Being confident is not always easy, especially when you have zero experience with what you are about to do. However, in order to perform your best and receive more accurate feedback, you must shed your fear of uncertainty and failure by attacking that situation with as much confidence as possible. So next time you are in an uncertain situation, and you are asked to perform, do not try your best, instead, do you best. page 173
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LIFE COACHING AND EXPERT
WELLNESS EXERCISES THE SECRET POWER OF HUMAN
JUSTIN "GOLIATH" JOHNSON
"BEING"
@goliathcoaches WELLNESS
S
CONTRIBUTOR
O, WHAT DO YOU DO? THIS IS ONE OF MY MOST-FIELDED INQUIRIES. AS A SOCIETY, WE USE “WHAT WE DO” AS A WAY OF DEFINING OURSELVES… AND FOR 15 YEARS, I WORKED IN THE LOSS PREVENTION FIELD. I was roughly 22-years old when my cousin called me one morning. “Wassup foo, you like to fight right?” I replied, “Bro, you know me!” Then he told me to come up to Rite Aid the next day. Actually, what he said was, “If you want a job where you’re going to fight, I can get you in.” I went to that Rite Aid and started the career that I allowed to define me for the next 15 years. page 176
Loss prevention is undercover, plain clothes security – and I was good. I didn’t take any crap from anyone, and I took it personally when someone stole from the store I was working in. I began to define myself as the tough guy, the guy who doesn’t take any crap and I started to harden my shell. The process of thickening my skin really changed me and I became more and more callous to who I was and who I grew up as. I had always been a caring kid, wanting to be accepted along with wanting to be respected. Loss prevention validated the “respect” half of this for me, which led me down a path where it was more important to be respected than accepted.
I enjoyed how I felt when people feared me, making what I said law! It gave me a sense of power and control that legitimately reinforced some negative personality archetypes of the job. This is why it is imperative to understand what your human is doing because it will totally affect your human being.
Our jobs tend to define us truthfully, in fact, we almost invite this idea. A doctor is considered a high-level person in our society because he/she/they help people feel better. We blatantly treat some careers with prestige without checking the person for who they actually are, let alone their intention. For instance, that same doctor could be over-prescribing medications or having inappropriate relationships with patients. We hold “what you do” in our society in such a high regard that we let that define the individual. Humans categorically love categories (see what I did there?). We love to group people based on what they do, what they believe, their sexual orientation, gender… I could go on. We love to make people a part of a group. One of the reasons we do this is because it takes a lot of brain power for us to look at everyone as an individual. When we can categorize, we attain a sort of predisposed understanding of that type of person. We do this to be
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able to judge people by their tribe. We are, and always will be, extremely tribal. Problems arise because your tribe is not who you are. Your tribe may be a representative of certain characteristics you exhibit or of the things you do, but it is not you are. What is your human, being? Strip down, emotionally naked vulnerable and bare. At the essence of you, what is your human, being? We need to start spending more time validating ourselves by what we are, and not by what we do. Putting time into what makes our human thrive, feel rich and satisfied from the inside out. For example, I like how morning sun feels on my skin. I like how I feel when I serve, I like when I am trusted and valued. I like to be appreciated and held in high regard. I like to be touched and complimented. Minimizing me to “what I do” does not give you a full scope of what I am or what actually makes me happy. I don’t think we cherish happiness; I feel that we cherish success. What’s scary about that is we don’t cherish our true beliefs of success but more what society deems as successful. We are literally walking around each day trying to compile Instagram likes… in real life. We are in so much pain, doing things daily that we don’t enjoy. We end up needing to medicate or ignore the nagging desires we have inside us to just be. Human being, human be. “Being” is an interesting word literally meaning existence and be; meaning to exist. Before we grade ourselves on “what we do,” we need to learn how to just be. Learn how to just exist and do that with love and gratitude. I know being doesn’t pay the bills, but when you start feeling free enough to exist in positivity and gratitude, being will be your work. You will work as you are. Just your mere existence, when under-
standing what that is, will provide all the inner success and gratification you’ll ever need. You are in existence as well as having skills allowing you to execute and validate to connect to the purpose of your existence. Once you understand your purpose, you can create ways to execute that purpose, furthermore, executing in so many creative ways. Our state of existence will bring the success. If you are a problem-solver and you execute that problem solving with
gratitude, positivity, hope and creativity, the opportunities to execute that skill will find you. When you are a being with purpose, what you are looking for is looking for you. We have to stop searching outside of ourselves for ourselves. The answers you are looking for are not in the work, they are inside of you and anything you have ever needed, to be whatever you wanted to be is already inside of you. Look in the mirror, vulnerable, stripped down, naked and ask yourself, “What is my human, being?” page 177
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