The Portland Mercury, November 14, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 26)

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VOL • 13 NO • 26 / NOVEMBER 14 - 20, 2012 / An Empire at the End of the Decadence

NEWSANGRY PEOPLE FILM BOOTH: WHO YA GOT?!? LAFFS ENDS THE WAR! SAM ADAMS VS. SOME VERY

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NOTES lovenotes@portlandmercury.com LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

THE TWO REPUBLICAN PARTIES RE: “Can the Republican Party Become Less Bigoted?” [Blogtown, Nov 9], in which Sarah Mirk speaks with Republicans on election night, and wonders if they can actually change.

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SHOCK TO THE HEART RE: “Man Almost Dies after Tasering, Struggle; Cops Give Him CPR” [Blogtown, Nov 9], in which Copwatch’s Dan Handelman comments on the police Tasering a suspect (reportedly under the influence of meth, and carrying two knives), who almost died.

It’s a much easier stance to criticize Taser use by police AFTER it has occurred than to have an effective stance on when is an acceptable time and place to use a Taser—or if the use of Tasers should be an outright ban altogether?

A cursory browsing of Portland Copwatch did not reveal a specific stance on Tasers (i.e., whether they should be banned outright or any specific standard operating procedures a police officer should follow in order to be justified in using Tasers).

I think a meth-head with felonies under the influence of drugs who’s threatening people with deadly weapons is probably a justified case.

A Chihuahua in the face… a knife in the guts.

The conundrum is that the only “Republican” people who want to take such social-moral stands go into the political realm. The rest just want government out of the way. Thus you have two parties—one who wants government to dictate finances and morals, and another that wants just wants to dictate morals. posted by D

Don’t get your hopes up on Republicans reaching out to the LGBT community. They don’t need to, and they know it; most of that community isn’t likely to vote for them whatever happens. They do however need to reach out to women and/or immigrants. Put your money now on Ricky Rubio being their nominee in 2016. posted by Stu You know, I for one appreciate it when tools like Mssrs. Akin, Mourdock, et al., explicitly state what much of the Republican Party actually feels. Usually they do it through coded language (and certainly the laws they tend to pass reflect this), but only some are dumb enough to actually say it. posted by Rich Bachelor Will the Republican Party become “less bigoted” in the future? Stranger things have happened. After all, liberals now support imperialist wars, the silencing of whistle blowers, the NDAA, torture, NSA spying, GMOs, and an infinite black hole of debt to finance all of it. posted by Spindles

CHIHUAHUA IN THE FACE; KNIFE IN THE GUTS RE: “Robbery Interrupted” [Feature, Nov 7], in which author Denis C. Theriault catches two thieves (and their Chihuahua) trying to rob his house.

Glad it all worked out, Denis, and that you weren’t hurt—as you said, things could have ended quite differently. That Chihuahua could have been tossed in your face as a knife went into your guts! Jokes aside, glad it went the way it did.

posted by Jake You should have offered to let them pay for their offense by cleaning your basement instead of wussing out and calling the police.

You could have paid them 20 bucks each, without having to get your hands dirty. It would have been worth it—not to mention, making new friends, bolstering their self-esteem, and keeping your own pride. posted by Solomon

Mission TheaTer

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posted by WS

1624 N.W. Glisan St. • Portland • 503-223-4527

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TAKE MY ROOMMATE… PLEASE! RE: “Feces: For a Brighter, Whiter Smile!” [I, Anonymous, Nov 7], in which the anonymous author complains of a roommate that smacks their lips and hangs underwear on the towel rack.

I would take that over my current roommate who didn’t pay full rent this month and still has a whole arsenal of annoying habits... or my last roommate who threatened to kill me, among other things. To Anon: Treasure this benign domestic clash, for the time will come when you’ll have a roommate so reprehensible that you’ll see fit to name one of your anal polyps after them. posted by YadaYadaYeah

WHERE’S MY GWAR? PUSSIES!

Laura Gibson

Lost Lander

12/29· Tumbleweed Wanderers 12/30· Fruition saT-moN Dec 29-31 all ages

Fri Nov 23 all ages

80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK

sat nov 17 $6 • 9 p.m. • 21 & over • lola’s room

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16 8 PM $5 21+OVER

WITH VJ KITTYROX

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RE: A nonexistent article about GWAR (AKA the greatest band in the known universe), which we never wrote because apparently we are pussies.

The ultimate neil diamond tribute band!

TO THE MERCURY: How could you not promote GWAR, the greatest live band in the known universe? Pussies! I’ll be there!

Isaac Hudson ACTUALLY ISAAC, you’re the derogatory term linked with kittens and female genitalia! Because while you were watching those pudding-faced, fancy-lad dandies in GWAR, we were watching something TRULY frightening: Disney on Ice! (Oh, the horror… the horror!) Nevertheless, we’re gonna award you the Mercury letter of the week and two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater—maybe they can make a man out of you.

Fri Feb 8 all ages

Remember! Tickets are available for online purchase up to one hour after show time.

Buy from your mobile and pick up at will call!

11/9 the deVil makes three 11/11 Brandi Carlile 11/18 Ben giBBard yOungBlOOd hawke 11/21 walk the mOOn 11/26 wOrld's finest/the BellBOys 12/2 d2r: the lumineers 12/3 d2r: passiOn pit 12/4 d2r: fun. 12/5 d2r: Of mOnsters & men 12/6 d2r: JOy fOrmidaBle 12/10 d2r: the shins 12/13 BOys nOize 12/27 & 28 Beats antique 1/8 keane 1/11 flOater 1/20 slightly stOOpid 1/25 sChOOl Of rOCk: Best Of pOrtland 2 2/6 ellie gOulding 2/8 super diamOnd 2/27 fade tO light 3/15 Big head tOdd & the mOnsters 4/25 lOCal natiVes 11/20

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COVER ART:

Jeff Drew

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AL’S DEn at CRYSTAL

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11/17

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INTERNS Lex Chase, Kathleen Marie-Barnett

MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner

DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams

NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk

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SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann

SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring

ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad

DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley

COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts

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ART DIRECTOR Justin “Scrappers” Morrison

PUBLISHER Rob Crocker

HOTEL

FREE LIVE MUSIC nIghtLy · 7 PM 11/15-17

GARCIA BIRTHDAY BAND WITH SPECIAL GuESTS

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ED FoRMAn Show - LATE-NIGHT TALk SHOW MIx OF COMEDY, MuSIC, AND INTERvIEWS – THuRSDAYS THRu SATuRDAYS AT 10:30PM

Ballroom: 1332 W. Burnside · (503) 225-0047 · Hotel: 303 S.W. 12th Ave · (503) 972-2670 mcmenamins.com

CASCADE TICKETS

cascadetickets.com 1-855-CAS-TIXX Outlets: Crystal BallrOOm BOx OffiCe, Bagdad theater, edgefield, east 19th st. Café (eugene)

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ONE DAY

at a time THE WEEK IN REVIEW

by Ann Romano

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 5 It’s time to decide. America must now make one of its most important choices ever—a decision which will shape this country for years to come. So who will you pick: Rihanna or Katy Perry? As you may know, the two young pop starlets were best buds for the longest time—until the MTV Video Music Awards, when Rihanna was spotted making smoochy-smoochy with her former abusive douchehole boyfriend Chris Brown. Now? Not so much. “[Katy and Rihanna] are barely talking and ever since [Rihanna and Chris started canoodling], there has been tension between them,” a snoopy insider TEAM KATY told Hollywood Life. “Katy fears Rihanna is making a huge mistake and doesn’t want to be part of it.” Yes, that’s troubling—but even worse? “Katy has now been spending a lot of time with pals Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.” NOOOOOOO!! Hopping from one dysfunctional couple to another? She should hang out with Hubby Kip and ourselves—there’s nothing dysfunctional about us… much. MEANWHILE… Looks like more trouble is brewing between Johnny Law and our lady of perpetual trouble, Lindsay Lohan. Remember back in June when her Porsche slammed into the back of that truck? (We know… you need a LiLo Trouble Scorecard to help you keep track.) Anyway, at the time, she told police she wasn’t driving the vehicle, when in fact, you know… she probably was. (Surprise twist!!) Well, according to TMZ, the cops are getting ready to file criminal charges against Lindsay, who is still in perpetual probation, and may end up going back to court and perhaps even… JAIL. (Can someone have her usual cell made up for her? Remember she likes Egyptian cotton sheets, and a mint on her pillow.)

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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 7 “Funny you should mention that,” said Twilight’s Kristen Stewart to the Today show’s Savannah Guthrie when asked if she and Robert Pattinson were back together. YAYYYY!! The moment of butt-clenching awkwardness we’ve been dreaming of has finally arrived! So? What do you have to say to THAT, Kristen? “I’m going to just let people watch whatever little movie they think our lives are,” she responded. Wait. WHAT? That’s it? No groveling apologies? No stammering, lip-biting explanations? That is unacceptable, KStew! Give us the terrifying awkwardness we crave! Feed the monster, Kristen! FEED THE MONSTER. MEANWHILE… Us magazine reports that 40-year-old actress Cameron Diaz was spotted “ferociously flirting” with 26-year-old RPatz at a recent LA gala. “She was pretty obvious,” said an eyewitness to the grotesque spectacle. “She was touching his arm, doing her big Cameron laugh at everything he said, and trying really hard. He was polite… but not having it.” Nice try, Cameron—but if Robert’s gonna cheat, it probably won’t be with a cackling skeleton.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8 In the most important piece of news you will read this week, Scarlett Johansson has a new tattoo. The tat was applied to her ribcage while in Paris, and is a picture of a… wait. A horseshoe? We need to do a bit more research to make sure this is actually a tattoo and not the spot where a jealous Jennifer Aniston kicked her. Burrrrn and zing-a-ling-a-ling! Thank yew, thank yew, we’ll be here all week.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 9 Back in August, John Schnatter—founder of Papa John’s—said that if Obamacare passed, he’d have no choice but to raise his prices by 11 to 14 cents per pizza to cover the business costs of, you know, basic health care. The horror. Shortly thereafter, Schnatter threatened that Papa John’s franchise owners would cut their employees’ hours, too. “That’s probably what’s going to happen,” he said. “It’s common sense.” IN RELATED NEWS… A little more about Schnatter’s tough financial situation: He’s worth $240 million (not bad for a guy who pays his delivery drivers $6.41 an hour!) and his house was a location for one of Romney’s fundraisers. “Who would’ve imagined pizza could build this?” Romney marveled at the event. He was referring, of course, to Schnatter’s 40,000-square-foot mansion, which is built to look like a medieval castle and boasts an underground 22-car garage, a car wash, a motorized car turntable, an artificial lake, and 16 acres—part of which is Papa John’s very own golf course. THAT REMINDS US… “Darden Concepts, Inc.—the umbrella corporation behind Red Lobster and Olive Garden, among other chain restaurants—is experimenting with hiring more part-time staff in order to offset the cost of implementing the Affordable Care Act,” MSNBC reported last month—with part-timers, you see, they can weasel out of providing health care. “Maybe they want to portray that [Obamacare is] the cause of the issue, but it really isn’t,” pointed out Saru Jayaraman of Restaurant Opportunities Centers, alleging that Darden is using Obamacare as an excuse to screw its employees.

Congratulations, guys! You’re as dedicated to making your employees’ lives miserable as you are dedicated VOTED FOR ROMNEY to making terrible pizza, spaghetti, and seafood. IN ANOTHER TRAGEDY… This weekend in Boston, Justin Bieber sang Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River.”

Why? Because he got dumped by Selena Gomez, and he’s feeling sad! “Selena broke up with Justin about a week ago,” a source tells Us. “Selena definitely had some major trust issues with Justin.”

We’re sorry you’re hurting, Biebs—but if you ever sully another Justin Timberlake classic with your prepubescent squeaking?

Then you’ll find out what crying really is.

“This election is a total sham and a travesty.”

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6 Kind of a terrible election day for the rich honky patriarchy in America, who had their pruned, saggy asses unceremoniously handed to them. President Obama was reelected—primarily thanks to women and people of color. (Poor, poor white male minority—when will they ever get ahead?)

Same-sex marriage passed in four states (Maine, Minnesota, Maryland, and Washington State), while Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin was the first open lesbian ever elected to the Senate. (And in Wisconsin to boot… why, that’s Paul Ryan’s home state! Imagine that!) And the New Hampshire congressional delegation will now be made up solely of WOMEN. Naturally, this is all fantastic news, and everyone should be thrilled… but of course, one person in particular was not. That would be Donald Trump, who fired off a series of hilarious, loathsome twatters dripping with sour grapes.

“This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!” Trump furiously twatted, momentarily forgetting that we are, in fact, a democracy. (He saw the same election, right?) “We can’t let this happen! We should march on Washington and stop this travesty. Our nation is totally divided!” Trump bellowed from deep inside his ivory bunker.

And finally, he fired off this wonderfully misspelled missive: “The phoney electoral college made a laughing stock of our nation. The loser one!” Maybe the actual “loser one” is the “white, rich entitled one” who can’t spell “won”?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 10 Days after the presidential election, info’s trickling out about how delusional Mitt Romney was—according to Slate, he “never saw

PORTLAND MERCURY A D O PT-A N-U N C LE! W hile uncles are a beloved staple in any family, all too often they are abandoned or forgotten for various reasons. The Mercury is committed to finding safe, loving homes for neglected uncles, which is why every week we’ll be spotlighting an uncle who is up for adoption

THIS WEEK’S ADOPT-AN-UNCLE SPOTLIGHT!

Meet Uncle Paul. He’s a fit, outgoing 42-year-old with a wealth of untapped avuncular talents, including: • Forcing all your friends to feel his abs!

• Explaining the awesomeness of Ayn Rand in excruciating detail!

• Making homemade Wisconsin-style bratwurst!

• Bragging about the awesome mountains he’s awesomely climbed, bro!

• Helping you bone exchange students! (He’s worked as a “foreign affairs advisor”! Niiiiice.)

• He’s good with words. (He even redefined “rape”!)

• Will tackle your sister rather than let her suffer a terrible abortion!

• Will tackle your gay cousin rather than let him suffer a terrible gay marriage!

• Hunts with a bow and arrow, and catches fish with his bare hands! (He’s like Tarzan… except in Dockers!)

• Rocks hard to Led Zeppelin, Rage Against the Machine, and yes, even Beethoven!

• Buys you beer and will lie to your parents about it! Seriously, lying is not a big deal for him. He literally has no moral center!

(However, don’t ask him to compromise his Judeo-Christian values. He won’t do it—unless you agree to rub his abs first.)

Give Uncle Paul an awesome home! Contact Portland Mercury Adopt-an-Uncle at justsayuncle@portlandmercury.com.

it coming” that he might lose, he had a grand fireworks show planned for his victory gala, and his advisers told him he would “decisively” win—based on optimistic anecdotal evidence, broken computer predictions, and, most importantly, an awful strategy.

“If you’re basing your entire campaign on white people,” Slate points out, “it leaves you little margin of error.” SPEAKING OF WHITEY… Turns out the GOP has some thinkin’ to do! “Republicans, in soul-searching after their loss, weighed the lessons from Mr. Romney’s failed campaign,” the New York Times reported.

Hopefully, their introspection includes realizing that discriminating against Latinos, African Americans, gays, lesbians, women, and anyone who isn’t Papa John might not be a winning strategy anymore. It’s a better, browner, less-bigoted world, Republicans.

Welcome to it. Try to learn the local customs so you don’t keep bumbling around like a bunch of assholes.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11 “I don’t understand what the ‘nickname culture’ is,” Robert Pattinson (AKA RPatz) whined to Today earlier this week, referring to the habit fans (and gossip columnists!) have of calling him “RPatz.”

“If I could figure out a way to get rid of [being called RPatz], it’d be amazing,” RPatz moaned. “It does sound like an antacid tablet.”

This has been today’s installment of Serious Celebrity Problems™.

MEANWHILE… Kristen Stewart KStew, RPatz’s significant other (when she isn’t making out with married film directors), responded to rumors she’s in the upcoming movie based on that childishly written piece of Twilight fanfic, Fifty Shades of Grey. “[The book] creeps me out,” KStew told backstage.com. “When I see people reading it on planes and stuff, I’m genuinely creeped out. Like, you’re basically just reading porn right now! Get that blanket off your lap!” “No! I won’t!” Justin Bieber replied, piling his blanket even higher and dogearing another page in his tattered copy of Fifty Shades Freed. “This book and my security blanket are all that I have left.”

THIS WEEK ON Portlandmercury.com Vamp

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Recipe for the Status Quo? A

Doubts, Questions Linger as Vote on Police Reforms Draws Near by Denis C. Theriault

CONTROVERSIAL BLUEPRINT for federally mandated fixes to the Portland Police Bureau and the region’s mental health system has taken its final shape—after Mayor Sam Adams finally revealed a longawaited funding plan for the reforms, as well as a series of tweaks meant to tamp down community concerns that the changes still don’t go far enough.

Adams unveiled the adjustments just before a contentious Portland City Council meeting on Thursday, November 8—the second one since Adams stood at a news conference last month and first announced a tentative legal settlement with the US Department of Justice over our cops’ unconstitutional use of force against the mentally ill [“But Does It Have Teeth?” News, Nov 1]. Then, late the following day, Adams released a surprise plan for a new phone tax meant to provide some of the millions in new spending the settlement will require.

As of press time, Portland City Council was scheduled to approve the agreement and consider the phone tax during hearings this Wednesday, November 14, and Thursday, November 15, setting up one last showdown with advocates, attorneys, and other skeptics who remain unconvinced the settlement will live up to its promise.

“Will we be able to fire bad police officers?

Will the community trust when they call the police that they’ll be helped rather than killed or hurt? Has the culture of the Portland Police Bureau changed?” JoAnn Hardesty, a member of the Albina Ministerial Alliance Coalition for Justice and Police Reform, testified after Adams’ amendments were detailed during last week’s hearing. “This settlement agreement does not get us there.”

Adams has hailed the first draft of the agreement as a “watershed” moment for the city, tout-

ing plans for improved police training, increased civilian oversight, and tighter limits on when and how officers can use force. A new 15-member citizens board will be conjured to oversee the agreement, along with a new community liaison, and the city has promised to add several new investigators to speed up use-of-force probes currently lost in the shuffle of what the feds call a “Byzan-

tine” accountability system.

But after community members first complained the agreement wasn’t strong enough— arguing it was filled with loopholes that may yet allow, for example, the use of Tasers against the mentally ill—Adams huddled with his fellow commissioners and went back to the feds to negotiate a handful of changes. Among them: • Any officer rapped for the inappropriate use of force in a civil lawsuit in the past five years will be banned from serving as police trainers—joining cops found guilty of misconduct in internal probes.

• The new citizens panel will no longer include the five members of the city’s current Community and Police Relations Committee, who will continue to work on issues involving racial bias. Mental health professionals or people who have direct experience with mental health

by Denis C. Theriault

issues would instead fill those spots.

• Any future changes to force policies covered by the settlement with the feds must be posted for public comment before they’re made final.

Adams and the feds, however, refused to budge on one frequently aired community demand—whether control of the bureau should be turned over to an independent civilian panel with the power to conduct its own investigations and mete out its own officer discipline.

Critics, though they welcomed some of the mayor’s other changes, call that a glaring omission that undermines the rest of the agreement.

“As long as we have a system where police are investigating police, we’re never going to get the kind of police bureau we want,” said Greg Kafoury, an attorney who specializes in misconduct cases. “When an officer brutalizes someone, he knows what he’s doing. All we’re doing is spinning our wheels.”

Advocates also are still demanding that Police Review Board hearTERRENCE NOWICKI ings, which influence discipline decisions, be opened to the public. And they want more time for the Citizen Review Committee, the city panel that handles appeals of misconduct findings, to do its work.

Although they’re poised to approve the deal, even some city commissioners have confessed doubts. One concern is that more money should be spent on preventive social services than reactive public safety. Another is that the deal is too complicated.

“It’s alphabet soup,” City Commissioner Dan Saltzman, who initially called for the federal investigation alongside Adams in 2010, said last week, confessing he’s “not sure how this improves accountability.”

Reminded he has the power to compel further changes as a voting commissioner, he replied: “Do I?”

Parking the Problem

P

Hall Monitor

Portland’s Low-Car Building Boom Angers Neighbors by Sarah Mirk

ORTLAND is in the midst of a low-car building boom. In the past 18 months, the city has approved 32 big residential buildings without parking, ranging from 10 units to 130, everywhere from the Pearl all the way out to Cully.

But angry neighbors say they’re the ones paying for the boom, as car-owning residents who move to the buildings simply take up space on neighborhood streets. Many Portlanders are now pushing the city to pass a moratorium on the progressive policy that does not mandate parking for projects in high-transit areas.

While a city study released last week shows that parking remains widely available around the controversial new buildings, about 72 percent of their residents do own cars.

Portland planners in the 1980s and early 1990s were worried about the “suburbanization” of central neighborhoods. Led by thenCommissioner Charlie Hales, now Portland’s mayor-elect, city council removed the mandatory parking rules for many neighborhoods with frequent transit service.

Though the change long ago exempted some 75,000 lots from parking requirements, the noparking trend didn’t really catch on in Portland

until the past five years. In 2006, 66 percent of multi-unit buildings permitted in the city had parking—these days it’s just 44 percent.

Not requiring parking is a good idea for a lot of reasons. Parking is expensive to build (from $3,000 a space in a surface lot to $55,000 for each space underground), so not requiring it makes development more possible. And—if landlords choose to pass along the savings—it could lead to cheaper rent. It also promotes density, allows for more walkable neighborhoods, and builds out Portland to be a less car-centric city.

“Portland can become Brooklyn over the next generation, not over the next three years.”

-Portlander Richard Lishner The city’s recent study of people who live in eight new low-or-no-parking buildings shows those residents are less likely to own cars and far more likely to commute by transit, biking, or walking than the average Portlander.

But the spate of no-and-low-parking

buildings have infuriated some neighbors, who turned out in force at a planning commission meeting on Tuesday, November 13, to complain that developers pocket savings while new residents eat up nearby street parking. Adding to the concern are TriMet’s transit cuts—many areas designated as “frequent transit” routes years ago have seen bus service slashed.

“Portland can become Brooklyn over the next generation, not over the next three years,” Portlander Richard Lishner told the planning commission, asking for a moratorium on the no-parking policy. “A ‘20-minute neighborhood’ shouldn’t mean it takes 20 minutes to find a parking spot in my neighborhood.”

A complete moratorium is unlikely, but Mayor Sam Adams says “tweaks are necessary” to the policy. During his campaign, Mayor-elect Hales seemed to agree.

“Tweaks” could include issuing parking permits to residents, installing metered parking along busy streets, or requiring car-sharing parking spots in big developments. Says Adams: “If we’re not able to provide adequate transit options, folks are going to be forced to buy cars.”

Rocky Start for Hales’ Transition

C

HARLIE HALES has begun the difficult dance of a mayor-elect hungry to assert his own power and priorities over a city council that remains, at least for the next 50 or so days, technically under the thumb of the people currently elected to run the place.

It’s a new experience for Hales, who spent 10 years as a city commissioner a lifetime ago, all of them under one of the city’s longest-serving mayors, Vera Katz. And, so far, the steps don’t appear to be coming to him very easily.

At the same time as he’s been reaching out to his colleagues, trying to forge social ties by inviting each commissioner to dinner with him and his wife, Hales has also managed to rankle them— creating some early doubts about his promise to run a drama-free, collegial, and efficient council.

Most significantly, commissioners and other city hall sources are incredibly skeptical of Hales’ campaign promise to rip away all of their bureaus during next year’s budget process.

Hales sees the move as a way to strip turf fights and territorialism from the discussions—which are expected to be bruising, what with an expected deficit of $24.5 million (before Mayor Sam Adams works one last bit of budget magic). That sounds good, but others in city hall say it’s shockingly tone deaf about the reality of politics in city hall.

Leaving commissioners with sore feelings and

The mayor-elect, as he exerts his power, must beware of reaching too far. more free time could backfire on Hales, who needs to make friends, and fast, to set about implementing a “basic services” platform that probably wouldn’t have won so handily if his opponent, Jefferson Smith, hadn’t self-destructed.

Compounding that, Hales has also blundered into a sensitive issue by announcing—on KATU, the morning after his victory over Smith— that he’d abandon Portland’s court fight over the reinstatement of the cop who killed Aaron Campbell in 2010.

What makes that statement extra baffling (unless it’s a nod to the Portland Police Association) is that there’s no way Hales can do that on his own. The decision, although led by Adams, had to be blessed by city commissioners—who did so unanimously and emphatically.

There’s no way, I’m told, Hales can peel off two other votes to give him his wish. Which is good, because the legal issue in play—the city’s power to fire police officers in deadly force cases—really is just as important as the training standards and community policing Hales says he’d rather prioritize.

It’s also fair to say that Adams, by refusing to relinquish the reins any sooner than he has to, isn’t making things easier for Hales. The awkward mayoral duo was on display on Tuesday, November 13, during a hearing on the budget and the Portland Plan where the new commissioners were invited to join the old. Hales notably sat between Adams and Adams’ strongest ally, Randy Leonard.

It was Adams’ show to run, but Hales got off some of the last words. “This represents a great start,” he said, leaving unspoken that the finish will be all his. And soon.

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com

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A Fare Fight

Permits in Hand, Taxi Co-op Now Faces Port Official by Nathan Gilles

A

FTER FOUR YEARS of effort, a driver-run taxi co-op won a big victory last week after Portland City Council approved the taxi permits they need to get started. This is huge. The city hasn’t added new permits since 1998.

But the new company, Union Cab—whose cause has been rammed through by Mayor Sam Adams and a local union—might still face opposition from another quarter: the Port of Portland.

Airport fares are huge moneymakers for cab companies and their drivers, and cabbies sometimes live and die by how many they can get. And it’s the Port of Portland that decides how many taxis are allowed at the airport. But unfortunately for Union Cab, the port official with the power to approve these fares isn’t looking kindly on its cause.

Echoing similar concerns raised by city cabbies fighting both the new co-op and additional plans to add dozens of other cabs, the airport’s landside operations manager, Michael Huggins, has gone on record arguing the city doesn’t need any more taxis. But whether he’s speaking for the whole port—or just his department—is another matter.

At the November 7 city council meeting, Huggins, who regulates taxis at PDX, testified that any increase in Portland’s taxi permits would hurt the city’s roughly 900 drivers.

“Fundamentally I believe that increasing taxi permits will not achieve the City of Portland’s stated objectives of improving driver [working] conditions.”

Reading from a prepared statement, Huggins went on to say that Portland doesn’t need the new permits because its public transit is among the nation’s best.

But signs that Huggins might be going it alone came early. At the October 10 meeting of the city’s Private for Hire Transportation Board, which oversees taxi permits, one of Huggins’ subordinates read a similar statement about Portland’s exceptional transportation system. Curiously, she still cast her vote for Union Cab—but as a stand-in for Huggins, her vote wasn’t binding. In an even stranger twist, at the recent council meeting, Adams accused Huggins of going rogue. Huggins was forced to admit he was speaking for his department and not the Port of Portland’s board.

W

ALEX CHIU

Furious, Adams proceeded to cross-examine Huggins about his claim that Portland’s transit system was unique. Once he had thoroughly browbeaten the port official, the mayor curtly ended the conversation, saying, “Thank you, that’s all.”

Huggins declined to comment on the exchange, but defended his position saying, “I represent ground transportation at the airport.

I can speak to the issue of taxis at the airport and I can speak to issues with the city.”

Adams told the Mercury he wanted to make it clear that Huggins wasn’t speaking for the Port of Portland Board. “His statements that our airport transit options are different or more plentiful than other cities, that’s just not true,” says Adams.

The spat between Adams and Huggins is part of a larger discussion between the city and the port over airport taxi fares. The port has regulated the number of taxis at the airport since the 1990s. This has led to the current—and some claim inefficient—system that lets any driver drop off passengers, but limits pickups only to drivers who have the port’s approval.

Next month, the city’s Private for Hire Transportation Board will vote on whether to add an additional 28 taxi permits for three existing companies. Union Cab Chairman Kedir Wako says he hopes to have the co-op’s taxis on the streets by February, with or without the airport permits.

SHORT-TERM PROGRAMS,

In Other News

ow—19,162 of you were not pleased erendum challenging Portland City Council’s with the mayoral election. That’s the unanimous approval of fluoridation. The meanumber of Portlanders—7.57 percent of voters— sure will appear on the May 20, 2014, primary who wrote in their choice for mayor, opting election ballot—unless the council decides, for against flawed frontrunners Charlie Hales or whatever reason, that the expense of a special Jefferson Smith. The Multnomah County Elec- election held sooner is worth the cost. Fluoride tions Office does not tally up write-in candidates foes turned in more than 40,000 signatures.

DENIS C. THERIAULT because of the cost, but elections spokesman Eric Sample looked through a Fighting hough the 2012 election small sample of ballots and says, fluoride was a victory for many proanecdotally, “The most common gressive causes, one big issue name I saw was Eileen Brady and light went down in flames in the Portand then Scott Fernandez—who rail, voting I believe was mounting a write-in Portlandia land area: light rail. Clackamas two candidates to its councampaign—and then typically Sam for mayor. tyelected commission who have vowed to Adams or Carrie Brownstein, the fight the extension of the MAX to MilPortlandia person.” SARAH MIRK waukie. Over in Vancouver, Washington, votor the fifth time ever, Portlanders will ers rejected a sales tax that would have funded vote on whether to fluoridate our mu- operation of the light rail over the planned Conicipal water supply, thereby joining much of lumbia River Crossing bridge. How that project the rest of the United States in a sensible battle will re-plan its budget is unclear—without light against tooth decay. On Thursday, November 8, rail, the $3.5 billion freeway expansion won’t be the city auditor’s office officially blessed a ref- able to get federal cash or local support. SM

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“D

edited by Chris Onstad

ECADENT” is a twofaced beauty of a word.

In common use, it describes things which are grand, opulent, and excessive. Ham-fisted, two-pound chocolate desserts at corporatedesigned, pandering chain restaurants are “Decadent™,” and caviar and champagne are the symbols of a night of decadent luxury.

But there in plain sight, on the page of your friendly Oxford English Dictionary, is the root and true original spirit of the word: decay.

Things which are decadent are degenerate, falling into inferior states, out at the elbow and long in the tooth. They are fermenting, rotting, spoiling, and moldering. If you immediately made the connection between those latter qualities and the foods you love, you may have a bit of a decadent tooth.

What is the best and most satisfying eating, if not decadent eating? From the moment something ceases to live, it decays; to cook, then, is to accelerate, retard, and arrest decay.

It is the art of locating a premium in the spec-

trum of edibility.

For nearly all of the history of our animal kingdom, we have not had sanitation, refrigeration, or wet-haired little men with clipboards running their fingers along prep counters. Our brains, though, must have developed a love of all digestible flavors—right up to the point where they became strong enough to kill us—because otherwise that would mean waste, and pre-agrarian death by starvation.

So, we have an affinity for soured milk, the byproducts of yeast, and creatures that dried

in the crooks of trees. As a species of growing intelligence and resources, we eventually cut our losses and forbade some of these things to one another, for the safety of the group—but at the loss of some pleasures.

Here is a reminder to seek those things out and consider why they thrill us. We explore moldy cheeses, disturbing animal anatomy, fermented drink, and tales of grand combinations thereof. This is some of the greatest eating, and “decadent” is just the corrupt little word for it. CHRIS ONSTAD

Barnyard Butchery

The Decadence and Horror of Butchering a Pig’s Head by Chris Onstad

M

EDLAR LUCAN and Durian Gray, in their infamous and lurid The Decadent Cookbook, describe decadent food as making your mouth water and your hair stand on end.

Perhaps that is why, when one of our editors emailed me one morning a few weeks ago asking if I wanted to go butcher a pig’s head—adding, “you’ll get to bring it home and play with it”—I accepted without hesitation. This invitation, to dismantle the most emotionally charged and personal part of an animal—the vessel of its senses, feeling, and knowledge of itself, as well as the face that advertised its soul—seemed to be something of which weird old Medlar and Durian would approve.

A few days later, I found myself on the #75, dressed in ragged jeans and a dryer-burned work shirt that I figured could take a little more staining, heading downtown. The setting of this venture into decadence was more antiseptic than depraved: I joined 10 other students—a few white-clad cooks, an older French woman in a smart leather jacket, a couple of outstandingly comfortable Asian women—in a gleaming kitchen prep space, around a massive glass table strewn with plates, handsome butchery books, stemware, and curious legal paperwork.

Camas Davis, of the Portland Meat Collective, taught the class. Davis is a veteran-food-writer-turned-pedagogic-butcher, and the willowy, serious woman made small talk while we signed forms that said ominous things like (I’m paraphrasing, but only a little), “this animal was alive until you signed up for this class,” and “...at the time of its death, it belonged to you.”

The language was somber and serious. It put in clear terms that I was a killer, a commissioner of death—but it also implied that I was a cook, and if diligent, a feeder of many people. The grand responsibility of it all was carefully codified into the beginning of the evening, and imbued the rest of it with a carefulness and sense of purpose.

From there we were led to 10 gleaming cutting boards, each

set with a fresh, scalded pig’s head, intact but for the insides of its ears and the rings around its eyes (these can harbor parasites and legally they must be removed). The tongue lolled out of the mouth of the one I’d chosen, and it had been bit. I was too far along in the process of accepting the carnality of the task ahead to let the implication of this detail get to me—though I must admit that out of context, I wouldn’t have liked to dwell on it.

Davis began to expertly bone out the skull, as we would be making a porchetta di testa—a rolled pig’s head—which is tied, roasted, and sliced thin like a lunchmeat after hours of careful cooking. Her teaching style was easy, her blade was fast, and our attention was rapt.

After she tied and presented her handsome masterpiece, it was time to begin our own. Pig heads are tricky anatomical landscapes, and it requires a great amount of careful trimming to take out the skull, remove the nebulous pockets of unpalatable lymph glands, and roll them together so that the whole head cooks evenly and presents well. Wrestling my own pig’s face-flaps together, after cutting them open and slathering them with mustard, vinegar, and spices, was like mating two shaved, doped cats between my hands. The final product—ugly, lumpy, and covered in yards of extra twine—looked more like something a madman mails to a helpless police force than a classic piece of charcuterie. The porchetta of the woman across the table from me looked like something you’d slip into the

breech of a German warship’s cannon.

I was unfazed, though. My finished pig, though unphotogenic, was something hard-won, and it was going to cook just fine.

After a few days of letting the spices set in the refrigerator, I placed the porchetta in a slow oven and let it cook overnight. Ten hours later the skin was a burnished brown, and the hair follicles had released more white stubble as the flesh had shrunk. Beautiful and ghastly, it was mouth watering with its caramelized tips, chicharrón edges, and plump folds of succulent jowl meat. It was a grand and timeless roast as appealing and delicious as any reptilian brain is likely to encounter; it also had five o’clock shadow and an unmistakable snout. It was Lucan and Gray’s very definition of decadent, in its primal appeal and intellectual revulsion.

Unable to wait for it to cool, I took a serrated knife to an edge of it, sawed off a bit of crackling skin and warm, melting fat, and took the plunge.

If there are five basic food groups, there must surely be more that are too cerebral and unquantifiable to make it into the federal labeling process. I often like to say pleasure is a food group we shouldn’t discount; this carved out new territory beyond that. Or rather, it exposed long-buried territory we see only flashes of when we get our hands dirty and cook: involvement, pride, and understanding. It also, in a decadent fashion, was a challenge, a risk, and a thrill, made all the more satisfying for its sensual reward.

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 11

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Cheat Sheet to the Top Shelf Getting Dad to Open Up (the Liquor Cabinet) by Chris Onstad and Nick Keane

T

HE HOLIDAYS are coming, which means it will soon be time to don your turtleneck sweater, sit with your father or other esteemed patriarchal figure over a tumbler of strong brown liquor, and then maturely, thoughtfully—after periods of carefully marshaled silence and reflection that show your seriousness as a person—ask to borrow money. Or explain why you aren’t married yet. Or just generally convince him that whatever you’re doing, you’re building your skill set, strengthening your CV, and “in a good place.” And that you deserve more of that top-shelf whiskey.

Persuading your beleaguered father (all fathers are beleaguered, no matter how freshly leased their Cadillac, or how thick their silver hair) to reach into his sacred liquor cabinet with a more magnanimous hand will require some display of smarts and appreciation. In consultation with dedicated spirits expert and obstreperous local barkeep Nick Keane, we put together a crib sheet that will have you speaking knowledgeably about the posh quaff in your glass through at least round three, at which point everybody’s usually tossed the cork, lost the plot, and begun revealing the fear-based side of their personal politics anyway.

How to Taste Whiskey

by Nick Keane (softened by the editor)

B

efore we start, there are a few items that will help you taste and judge whiskey in a manner that allows you to be consistent (or at least not look like a tool). Scotch is a slightly more complicated beast, with particular qualities beyond these basics, so this shouldn’t be treated like the final word on that branch of the whiskey tree.

First, no swirling! That whiskey isn’t a pinot. Swirling spirits like wine will only release alcohol vapors in excess, which will overwhelm the subtler notes you’re looking for.

Remember: spirits are 40%+ alcohol, while wine is 12-16%, and much less volatile.

Second—just like with wine, but even more important when spirits tasting—is that if you’re going to be tasting multiple spirits in one sitting, it’s not only a good idea to spit, but it’s more or less required if you want to have a clear head and palate. Now, if

you’re just tasting a few, I am not going to tell you not to imbibe! Hell, I might (read: definitely will) judge you if you spit out really good product.

If you just want to taste whiskey, go kiss a novelist and leave the good stuff to dad.

When first putting a spirit to your nose, inhale slowly while leaving your mouth slightly open so that the vapors and air enter through both your nose and mouth. This brings all your senses into play. Then, take a small sip, and swallow without really attempting to discern anything. This has the purpose of acclimating yourself to the alcohol level. Now, take another small sip. With your mouth closed, let the spirit slowly wash and “fall” off the sides of the tongue. Please, no “slurping” like in wine tasting—all you’ll do is obliterate your olfactory glands and

not have a very good time! After swallowing, inhale slowly through your mouth and let some of the air work back up into your nose. Now let the flavor and aroma linger and change.

What You’re Tasting Heat—The sensation of burn or harshness on first taste. The perceived “hotness” of a spirit is almost completely a function of its ABV (alcohol by volume). Other factors that can affect this are residual sugar content, barrel aging, and distillate purity. To discern if it’s just from being “overproof” (a term used for spirits that are generally over 50% alcohol, or are bottled at the strength at which they exit the barrel or still), add a small amount of quality water to highproof spirits to see if it calms the burn.

If it still has a harshness on the entry after adding water, it’s probably just poorly distilled.

Tannin—Tannin is by and large a byproduct of barrel aging. Some exceptions occur in spirits and liqueurs made from ingredients that are naturally tannic, such as walnuts (nocino). This isn’t to say that the slightly bitter and biting tannin isn’t a desirable flavor. Tannin levels should never overpower other flavors or aromas.

It should first be tasted midway through

the flavor progression, then become very faint to nonexistent in the aftertaste. If it lingers too long or too strongly, the spirit is probably over-aged. Yes, being too old can sometimes be a bad thing. (Look what plummeting testosterone has done to your dad’s taste in footwear).

Caramel/sweetness—This is the complementary flavor to tannin. It, too, is by and large a function of barrel aging. When the alcohol moves in and out of the wood of the barrel, it is both extracting (remember, alcohol is a solvent) the bitter tannic compounds in the wood as well as the wood sugars. In spirits such as bourbon and whiskey, the range of sugar notes can range from light honey to deep butterscotch. Time in the barrel and the amount of char (the inside of barrels are burnt to varying degrees, to both facilitate the movement of the spirit into the wood and to impart a darker, more cooked/ burnt note to the finished spirit) are the major contributing factors here.

Astringency—This can best be described as a slightly numbing and cooling sensation on the edges of the tongue, as well as the cheeks and gums. Mellow astringency, accompanied by a long smooth aftertaste, is regarded as a hallmark of a quality spirit. There should be no odd acetone/hairspray flavors here—just long and low notes that you noticed initially, but now integrate into a cohesive taste. The aftertaste of a great spirit is something special, the end result of incalculable hours of craft—hundreds of years of knowledge—and it would be a shame to let it pass unappreciated, like a dog lapping up Châteauneufdu-Pape only to pee off the deck and call it a night.

Better Than Pruno Home Winemaking Made Easy by Chris Onstad

W

INE IS THE FERMENTED juice of fruit. While it needn’t be strictly made from grapes, grapes come chemically pre-packaged with nearly everything needed to easily make a palatable alcoholic beverage. They have a good amount of their own fermentable sugar, surface yeasts to ferment the sugar, plenty of liquid to contain the alcohol, and tannins for body. However, hang out near a prison toilet sometime and you’ll see the beautiful ingenuity of some very determined amateur chemists who realize that any environment in which yeast can eat sugar will lead to an intoxicating byproduct, which will help them while away those long hours in deep reflection of past crimes. Call it what you will—pruno, swipe, jump-steady, mud jolt—with five days, moldy bread, and some commissary fruit you’ve hidden in your cheeks, a beverage that has been man’s companion since the dawn of time can be yours.

Barring regular access to a prison toilet, wine can be made at home with unscientific and dirt-cheap equipment.

Of all the homemade hooches, it is the simplest and safest to produce, as it requires none of the cooking and careful temperature monitoring of beer, and it can’t blow up your house, give you a black temper, and fry your ocular nerves in the manner of poorly distilled whiskey. Even better is that seasonal fruit can be had very cheaply: berries from the Hood River “fruit loop” can go for a dollar a pound, and on November 1, ripening pumpkins on Sauvie Island are essentially free. If you buy surplus fruit at its peak, a bottle of homemade wine can cost under a dollar to produce, so if you

find the idea of conjuring something valuable out of next to nothing as gratifying as I do, winemaking can be extremely rewarding. The only other real cost is sugar, which can be had for 50 cents a pound.

I’ll explain the process quickly, then fill in the gaps: You put some mashed-up fruit in a bucket with sugar, water, and a yeast packet, seal it with a one-way stopper that will burp out the yeast’s gas without letting oxygen and bacteria in, and in a week or two when the sugar has been eaten and the yeast stops bubbling, you have raw wine, ready for bottling and aging.

That simplification will raise plenty of hackles, because it says nothing of sanitation, racking (separating the wine from the dead yeast), recipes, and storage conditions. I just don’t want to scare anyone off. To reduce the risk of spoilage and improve the clarity of your wine, you’ll need a stopper, airlock, second bucket for draining the wine off the lees (sediment and fruit pulp), sanitizing agents, and a handful of other things which can be purchased inexpensively from the experts at F.H. Steinbart (234 SE 12th), or you can scour Craigslist for secondhand equipment (search for “homebrew”). For well under $100, you can pick up a couple used five-gallon glass carboys and a few other plastic bits that will make the process easier.

The hardest part is the waiting: Wine should age at least six months before its flavors begin to come into focus, and

it will be a wholly different animal in a year. A few years ago, for one of my first batches, I made a Hood River strawberry wine that tasted like sharp Kool-Aid right out of the fermenter, produced a gentle, surprising almond note at six months, and was sherry-like at one year. Of course, anyone who tasted it after hearing me call it “wine” thought I was off my nut, and I’m sure it seemed like some kind of bizarre hippie syrup—but having been involved with it from fresh fruit, through the stage where the raft of yeast-digested pulp looked like five gallons of clown vomit, through the long, tense stages of aging, I found it enthralling. And there was plenty of it to enjoy, because my drinking buddies stopped coming around.

One last resource: I often refer to the winemaking notes, recipes, and general wisdom at winemaking.jackkeller.net, a deep and rich resource that provides basic and advanced techniques for grape wines, but also such oddballs as dandelion, watermelon, almond, beet, and whatever else might be laying around in your yard. Most recipes are for one-gallon batches, so your experiments don’t take up much space, cost much money, or hurt too much when you pour them down the drain. Mr. Keller’s website—which appears to have been designed while the McDLT was still available—also features documentation which will aid you in worshipping Ronald Reagan, Hummel figurines, and Texas… so be forewarned.

Making wine at home… not just for prisoners anymore!

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 13

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Local and Highly Unsustainable Portland Chefs Tell Tales of Excess by Clare Gordon

N

O ONE has more of an appreciation for the edibly incredible than the people who work with food on a daily basis. And for many, it’s an ever-present pleasure to make the most decadent dish possible (as evident in trends like adding bacon and foie gras to anything and everything).

Every chef has at least one precious memory of an occasion when cost was not an issue—a meal for which they went all out. Here are a few envy-invoking tales of delicious privilege from some of our favorite food-makers—who are obviously in the right business.

From BJ Smith of Smokehouse 21, we gathered a tale of infinite truffles. “Five years ago I went to the Alba truffle festival. We were there for three weeks, rented a castle with maybe nine other people, a bunch of farmers and restaurateurs, and I was the only chef there. We would go to the market in Alba every day and buy a bunch of food to cook. The most decadent dish I made was with this beautiful bread that I crisped up with butter, shaved lardo onto it, poached duck egg on that, and topped with shaved Alba truffles. Each serving must have cost a small fortune... a $300 truffle [about the size of a golf ball] made 12 servings. I just started using lardo everywhere, straight into polenta, or like cardoons with lardo and truffles. We were right there by Barolo, too, so we literally bought cases of [Barolo wine] every night—it was just a shit-ton of lardo, Barolo, and truffles every night for three weeks.”

Greg Denton and Gabrielle Quiñónez Denton of Ox Restaurant went all out for a special tasting menu at their former restaurant Metrovino: “We did a 21-course tasting menu a while back, which was pretty extravagant, and that was probably the most courses I’ve ever done for one meal—it’s tricky because you have to go from raw courses to maybe a game course to two or three kinds of fish, into sweet… maybe two or three desserts. We did a fried short rib terrine with a frozen pea salad—as the peas warm up, they kind of cook in the drippings of the terrine, and we served that with flowers from Viridian. We also did a duck rillette rolled in a crêpe with strawberry-maple jam and shaved foie gras, and a foie gras torchon served on top of a dashi gelée with a brunoise of pickled strawberry, garnished with saba [a syrup made from grape must].”

From Gabe Rosen of Biwa, New Year’s Eve means exotic delights: “New Year’s is really our time to go all out at Biwa, to play around within the context of our concept. We have repeat customers that come back every year for the six or seven courses we prepare. New Year’s is a huge holiday in Japan, but rather than going out to a nice restaurant people stay home for a big meal with their families. You buy a box of osechi [traditional Japanese New Year foods] every year full of all kinds of delicacies. We usually center the meal around an osechi course featuring everything from foie gras and shellfish to sweetened red bean to our mock chestnut dish, which is a pain in the ass to make: It has a chestnut center that we coat with a thickened sweet potato

puree and mimic a chestnut’s skin with broken noodles, and then it’s deep fried. We get to put an emphasis on making a meal that is visually striking in our normally casual restaurant.”

From Cathy Whims of Nostrana, luxury means sharing only the best with the best: “Some things are most special when you only share them with the person you love—they aren’t as special shared with a large group. I thought of a couple things I make for [my partner] David and myself around the holidays.

When white truffles are around I like to make tortino: layered boiled potatoes, sliced, layered with a generous amount of butter, shavings of white truffle, and shavings of ParmigianoReggiano. You make several layers, enough for two people, and serve with a nice Barolo or barbaresco. When I have black truffles I make spaghettini alla norcina: Take really ripe black truffles and pound them in a mortar and pestle with garlic and anchovy, then heat gently in your best olive oil. The perfume is amazing.“ And finally Elias Cairo, Olympic Provisions’ cured meat maestro, describes his favorite holiday treats: “We make two special sausages around the holidays that are particularly decadent: cotechino, an Italian pork skin sausage that is composed of 30 percent boiled skin, 30 percent fat, and lean pork, with spices like nutmeg, clove, cinnamon, and garlic. It’s poached, sliced into medallions, crisped, and served over lentils with lots of butter and scallions. It’s this great greasy and chewy texture.

We also make a Christmas kielbasa, with our sweetheart ham and vinegary mustard seed folded into our normal kielbasa filling and smoked over applewood for six hours. It’s a Polish specialty eaten with boiled cabbage and potatoes—each serving gets a whole one and a half pound sausage, crisped up with the drippings over everything.”

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 15

G LU T E N F R E E & V E G A N S W E E T S H A N D M A D E I N P O R T L A N D

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portlandartmuseum.org/bacchanal

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When Vegetables Roamed the Earth Meatless Holiday Entrées That Aren’t Eggplant!

by Sarah Mirk and Erik Henriksen

H

AM IS GROSS. Bacon is overrated.* And reaching my hand into the severed neck of a raw turkey to remove its bag of innards before cooking? No thanks. Don’t consign vegetarians to surviving on bread rolls again this year—do us all a favor and dish up some of our favorite Portland meatfree entrées. Here are some of the best zerofootprint (footprints?) holiday dishes from Portland restaurants, both for stymied omnivorous hosts and vegetarian cooks who are in danger of getting sighed at if they show up with another pot of ratatouille.

Pumpkin Gnocchi Natural Selection (3033 NE Alberta) has a simple fall gnocchi dish with its little fatty bombs of joy. Chef Aaron Woo explains that he pours a bit of spiced pumpkin purée in the bottom of a bowl, sautés Parisian gnocchi in browned butter, deglazes it with lemon juice, pours that over the pumpkin sauce, then adds roasted apples, Brussels sprouts, toasted hazelnuts, and Parmesan. Voila! “It has very familiar flavors,” says Woo. “Comforting, tasty, and besides, who doesn’t like gnocchi and browned butter?” Terrible people, that’s who.

Cornmeal Crust Pie How did fruit pies get a corner on the market? Portobello (1125 SE Division) brings entrée-status back to the dish with a crispy cornmeal-crust pie that’s loaded with corn, kale, tomato-basil sauce, and a thick cashew cream. It’s a knee-knocker.

Beet-Citrus Salad Cooking for even an all-vegetarian crowd in this town is ridiculously complicated—the table is subdivided into rival sugar-free, glutenfree, allergenic, and dairy-free camps. Into that world steps the uniter: beet salad. Blossoming Lotus (1713 NE 15th) serves a mean one, tossing roasted beets with seasonal citrus, a handful of greens, and pickled red on-

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ion. Can’t go wrong with adding some roasted walnuts, too.

Carmelized Onion Pizza One year when the turkey went south, my family dialed up delivery from Hammy’s.

Greasy pizza turned out to be better than half the things we were planning to cook, anyway, and convinced me that pizza should be a centerpiece of the American holiday meal. Maybe skip Hammy’s and make your own by ripping off a delicious set of toppings from the great minds at Dove Vivi (2727 NE Glisan), another cornmeal-crust proponent: mozzarella piled with blue cheese, caramelized onions, and fresh thyme.

Companion plants, like this sunflower, lead to better soil, fewer pests, and more productive farming.

Sad Ritz Crackers and “Champagne” If, yet again, your family and friends have “forgotten” to invite you and your dietary special needs to their blood-slathered holiday feasts, you can easily make your own sumptuous meal with a joyful jaunt to Plaid Pantry and spend your holidays how we do: alone! Just combine a bowl of Christmas M&Ms (they’re red and green!) with a package of “holiday” Ritz crackers (shaped like whimsical snowflakes!), Pillsbury Crescent Rolls (great straight from the can!), and wash it all away with a fourdollar bottle of Asti Spumante, which is honestly a meal in itself.

Box of Instant Mashed Potatoes This one’s just for nostalgia’s sake, since, let’s face it: crappy mashed potatoes are all that you really ever ate at holiday meals anyway.

Available at any Fred Meyer and better gas stations everywhere. * The opinions expressed by the authors do not necessarily align with those of the rest of the Mercury’s food and drink editorial staff, who disagree.

Also: Get a load of how they imagine one disembowels a turkey.—Ed.

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Holiday Cocktail Recipes Umm… How Else Do You Survive the Season? by Clare Gordon

C

RAFT BARTENDERS around town have set a happy precedent of charging at least $12 for their higher-end drinks, affording them the privilege of working with good booze, fresh and seasonal ingredients, and creative garnishes. In step with our theme, here are a few cocktail recipes from some of the brightest booze-centric minds for you to make at home. Satisfy winter cravings at your next holiday shindig with two incredibly decadent drinks—say hello to dairy and whole eggs—and impress friends with two more festive concoctions featuring at least a touch of fermented fun.

Rum Club Cocoa (serves two) If you’ve never had the privilege of drinking Mike Shea’s (proprietor of Rum Club and one of my very favorite faces) legendary hot chocolate at his bar, try his recipe at home; it’s divine, and reportedly coming back to the Rum Club’s menu in January.

He stresses the importance of using quality chocolate and good brandy or cognac. It’ll be worth it, I promise.

1 tbsp. cocoa powder (Dutch process) 2 tbsp. demerara sugar (or an alternative kind of unrefined sugar) 1/4 cup water pinch salt 1 1/2 cups whole milk 1/4 tsp. cinnamon 1 tsp. vanilla extract 2 wide strips of orange peel (use a vegetable peeler) 1 1/2 oz. dark chocolate (65 percent minimum), chopped 3/4 oz. Lemon Hart 151 rum 3/4 oz. brandy or cognac Whisk together cocoa, sugar, water, and salt in a small saucepan over medium-high heat until

almost boiling. Slowly add milk, cinnamon, and orange peel to heat gently, being careful not to scald (stir often). Add chocolate, stir and whisk thoroughly to incorporate. Remove orange peel, remove from heat, and add vanilla and booze just before serving. Top with optional (but definitely recommended) whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

Innocent, When You Dream (single serving)

Dustin Knox of Central (a not-so-secret-anymore touch of class in downtown’s Ankeny Alley) offers this pleasantly rich pumpkin flip featuring a spiced Austrian spirit and visions of Yuletide cheer. Use pasteurized eggs if you fear the raw touch and worry about calories next year.

1 1/2 oz. Stroh 40 3/4 oz. freshly juiced ginger 1/4 oz. lemon juice 1/2 tsp. pumpkin butter (homemade or storebought)

1 whole egg nutmeg Shake all ingredients together to excess in a cocktail shaker or a closed (and tightly sealed) jar. Add a cup or so of ice and shake again thoroughly.

Strain through a fine mesh strainer to serve over ice. Garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg (freshly grated is preferable).

Tepache Imagine that instead of wallowing in our cloudy state, you’ve been transported to the birthplace of tiki, where fermented pineapple drinks such as this Tepache (also known as Mexican prison beer) from Blair Reynolds, owner of NE Portland’s tropical paradise Hale Pele, reign supreme and people get a healthy dose of Vitamin D yearround. Make this on your own if you’re having a hard time daydreaming over the sound of rain, and live vicariously through your tastebuds. rind of 2 pineapples (no fronds) 16 cups water 1 pound piloncillo (Mexican sugar cones, sold at your local tienda) or dark brown/turbinado sugar 1 cinnamon stick 5 whole cloves Mix all ingredients in a pot or large container and cover. Let rest for four days in a warm area.

The mixture will begin to ferment and bubble on the surface. Strain through a fine strainer or

cheesecloth, and serve very cold. You can either refrigerate it or serve over ice cubes. At Hale Pele they add a half cup of lime juice and two cups of light Puerto Rican rum for an additional dash of the tropics.

Claret Punch No. 7 Wine is a classic incarnation of decay, while punch is a great way to intoxicate a crowd with relatively low labor and cost. A combination of the two suits the season just fine, so try this boozy bowl of fun from Mark Macminn of downtown’s Kask and navigate the end of 2012 with a healthy buzz.

1 bottle of Italian red wine (not completely inferior is recommended) 3 oz. Lustau fino sherry 3 oz. cognac 3 oz. Combier orange liqueur 3 oz. oleo saccharum (oil and sugar; to make, mix peels of 4 lemons with 1 cup sugar, let sit overnight, dissolve in 1 cup hot water, strain out peels, and reserve syrup) 1/2 oz. Peychaud’s bitters 4-5 oz lemon juice (to taste) 1 oz. St. Elizabeth Allspice Dram (optional, but festive) soda water Add and mix all ingredients except the juice and soda in the order they’re listed. Refrigerate for two hours, add lemon juice and more oleo saccharum, if desired, to taste, and serve with a splash of soda and a couple ice cubes in each cup.

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Portland, Oregon

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 19

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Don’t Throw Away that Cheese!

Fromage Fort or, Frankenstein’s Muenster by Clare Gordon

F

ROMAGE FORT is a venerated amalgamation of old cheese that some American sensibilities might argue is more of a Halloween prank than a Yuletide dish. It boasts flavor, frugality, and an unparalleled complexity that might ruin you for eating one kind of cheese at a time. We asked Steve Jones, Portland’s unrivalled cheese expert (and owner of Cheese Bar on SE Belmont), to help us figure out what to make of such an apparent affront to our delicate palates, why we should love it as much as the French (its olfactorily fearless creators), and finally, how you can take the hunks and rinds going south in your refrigerator drawer and transform them into the pâté of the cheese world.

“It’s taking decay to the next level—it’s one step away from the compost pile,” says Jones. “Fromage fort is French for ‘strong cheese,’ so you basically just save up all your bits and pieces of cheese, and you can do a number of different things with it.

“Every cheese-making culture has some form of it—it was originally peasant food anyhow, and you would never waste anything. You don’t want nasty bits of blue that aren’t meant to be there, or rindy junk. [In general, discard any molded soft cheeses, and feel free to scrape any surface mold off harder cheeses, such as cheddar or parmesan.—Ed.] You don’t want to start with something inedible. It’s a great way to use little scraps, and it lasts a really long time, like two weeks maybe.”

Jones continues, “What we do [at Cheese Bar] is we pulverize garlic in a mortar and pestle or food processor, add a little white wine, and slowly integrate the cheese. I’m pretty much a purist with it—I’ll maybe add a little flat-leaf parsley, possibly a little thyme. That’s usually it for me. You don’t

need salt, obviously. I’ve seen it done with ginger and rosemary, and pepper’s a common addition. The nice thing is it’s pretty forgiving—it picks up as much wine and garlic flavor as cheese flavor.

“I started making fromage fort 15 years ago, when I started selling cheese, out of necessity—as a way to reduce waste,” Jones continues. “When I worked at New Seasons it started to become so popular we started making it on its own [instead of using what was left over]. I’d use some Comté, maybe a little goat cheese… just kind of have an array of flavors—you can let the cheese scraps dictate the way you go with it. It should be fairly garlicky, and a dry wine is more forgiving. A sweet wine could be fun, but it could easily be really nasty. You don’t have to stick to white wine, but red wine can give a really weird color very easily. Some cultures make it a little fiery, and are more forgiving with the quality of cheese they use. But you don’t want to use base ingredients you wouldn’t eat on their own—that doesn’t mean great base ingredients… but good.”

Want to make your own fromage fort? Jones referred us to the recipe in the Cheese Primer by Steven Jenkins (Workman Publishing, 1996), which he used when he first started making this blended treat. Make it at home with your finest odds and ends, and savor the flavor of the last breath of decay.

Mr. Jones left us with a final piece of wisdom: This dish is excellent when finished like its British cousin, Welsh rarebit (generally the same idea but made with cheddar cheeses and ground with seasonings like mustard powder and Worcestershire sauce). Spread your unique creation on good bread and broil—nothing like melty, slightly scorched cheese to reward your mouth for a successful year.

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 21

Have some cheese with your wine.

Delphina’s Bakery & Café offi ce (503) 221-1829 café phone (503) 281-1373 fax (503) 221-0730 info@delphin as.com

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5008 SE HAWTHORNE BLVD. www.thesapphirehotel.com 22 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

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Destination Festive

Promising Events for the Holiday Season compiled by Clare Gordon

B

Y NO MEANS AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST, here’s an early-planner’s guide to delicious happenings this holiday season.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22 Thanksgiving Out—For the culinary challenged or anyone who just doesn’t feel like dealing with a whole bird this year, there are many restaurants open and touting appropriate specials for this Turkey Day. Here are some promising options (reservations recommended, if not required): Andina, 1314 NW Glisan, 228-9535, $55 per adult, $27.50 per child Bluehour, 250 NW 13th, 226-3394, $50+ per person The Country Cat, 7937 SE Stark, 408-1414, $45 per person Higgins, 1239 SW Broadway, 222-9070, $65 per person Imperial, 410 SW Broadway, 228-7222, à la carte Paley’s Place, 1204 NW 21st, 243-2403, à la carte Urban Farmer, 525 SW Morrison, 222-4900, $49 per adult, $29 per child Wildwood, 1221 NW 21st, 248-9663, à la carte

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23 A Happy Hour with a View—This year, watch the classic tree lighting in Pioneer Courthouse Square from Departure’s sexy rooftop patio on top of the Nines hotel. Fewer crowds, heat lamps, ample drinks, and some pretty sweet food specials offer much better perspective than ground level could ever hope to match. Departure, 525 SW Morrison, lighting at 5:30 pm

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 -SUNDAY, DECEMBER 2 Hoppy Holidays—The 17th Annual Holiday Ale Festival will once again flood the center of town with pumpkin ales and spiced stouts for five festive days. This can only make shopping in downtown Portland more bearable. Admission includes a tasting mug and 10 tasting tokens. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th, Wed noon-10 pm, Thurs-Sat 11 am-10 pm, Sun 11 am-5 pm, $30, 21+

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10 Fishy Business—Riffle NW will be hosting a Sicilian-style Feast of the Seven Fishes, a Christmas Eve tradition that features seven courses of seafood preparations (the restaurant’s own specialty). The price tag is hefty, but wine pairings are included. Riffle NW, 333 NW 13th, 894-8978, 6 pm, $150 per person, reservations required

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16 Christmas Cocktailing—Over 100 members of the Oregon Bartenders Guild will be throwing a holiday party to raise money for themselves, as a nonprofit collective dedicated to improving the skills, careers, and lives of bartenders throughout the state. Shell out $5 at the door, another $5 a cocktail, and remember to tip well. Union/Pine, 525 SE Pine, 6-9 pm

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 23

Fri 11/16

Jackstraw 9:30 p.m.

Sat 11/17

The Lonesome Billies The Blackberry Bushes Stringband 9:30 p.m.

thursday, november 15 5:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

brothers oF the hound

Pheasant brothers younG CIty sQuIrreL 8:30 p.m.

FrIday, november 16 5:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

reverb brothers saturday, november 17 4:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

the student Loan sunday, november 18

Jeanna Love raCheL robInson aLICIa vIanI

monday, november 19

InFInIty oF It aLL KeLen asebrooK (oF FruItIon)

sImon tuCKer 8:30 p.m.

tuesday, november 20

amaya vILLaZan ben & Lexy· hurQaLya CraIG stewart 7 p.m.

wednesday, november 21 stantonova presents

headshaPes Luna moth waLter mItty and hIs maKeshIFt orChestra 8:30 p.m.

upcoming ticketed shows: 11/24

11/30

24 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

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Picks

My, What a Busy Week!

OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 14-20

Wednesday, November 14

Thursday, November 15

PINK ’N’ PORN—It’s a campy classic porn double-feature in 35mm starring the 1966 Japanese new-wave-influenced The Love Robots, in which a scientist invents sexy (and sex-having) love dolls designed to kill wealthy businessmen!

Immediately followed by 1979’s Ms. Magnificent about a supersexy (and sex-having) superheroine, who flies around having sex-having super sex! WSH Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, The Love Robots at 7 pm, Ms. Magnificent at 8:30 pm, $1.99 for both

CATCH IT—We recommend monthly storytelling night Back Fence PDX maybe too often, but it’s so damn good every time! Tonight a past Fear Factor contestant, an Old Spaghetti Factory connoisseur, and the Mercury’s own editor tell never-before-heard stories on the theme of “Catch Me if You Can.” Plus: free cupcakes! SM Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7:30 pm, $12-15 BOOT SCOOTIN’—Hear some classic country tunes in one of the city’s classic ballrooms: a Caleb Klauder Country Band show is one of those magical experiences that can’t be replicated or easily defined. There’ll be plenty of whiskey, a packed dance floor, and twangy tunes from perhaps Portland’s greatest live band. NL The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell, 9 pm, $10

MIRROR GAZER—Portland’s own Onuinu—AKA Dorian Duvall—is getting a lot of attention lately, and for good reason. At once catchy and hypnotic, his dense, synth-y electro-pop is unlike anything else out there. And better than just about anything else out there, too. EH w/Minden; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $8-10

Friday, November 16 IZAKAYA FEST—Portland and pub culture are an obvious match. And Japan? Sure! Izakaya 2012 celebrates the food, art, and booze of Japan, and the cost of admission gets you eats from restaurants like Biwa, Ping, Miho, and others. Plus! Sake will flow, and there are promises of a “traditional Japanese maid café.” AH Jupiter Hotel, 800 E Burnside, 5:30-9 pm, $45

STFU—Lauren Weedman’s new show No… You Shutup sounds horrible when I try to explain it to friends: You guys! It’s solo, autobiographical, comedy theater about finding love and family. Ugh. But! In the hands of Weedman—a brilliant performer and hilarious writer—it’s sure to be excellent. You’ll have to trust me blindly on this one. Just go! SM Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, Fri & Sat 8 pm, Sun 7 pm, $15-20

Saturday, November 17 ETERNAL FLAME—In the Bangles, Susanna Hoffs’ honeyed voice soundtracked some youthful moments. The singer/songwriter is still making lovely chamber-pop sounds with the reunited crew and on her new solo album, Someday. Wear an armload of bangles so you can jangle dance to her sunny folk songs. CF w/Michele Van Kleef; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $22-25

SONS OF A HUN—Powerwash your ears with metal! Portland trio Sons of Huns are going to make the rafters rattle with their thick prehistoric rock. Their sound is so big, the castle exterior of Club 21 might buckle like Fred Flintstone’s car under the weight of a mighty Bronto Burger. CF w/the Ax, Shut Your Animal Mouth; Club 21, 2035 NE Glisan, 10 pm, FREE

Sunday, November 18

Monday, November 19

Tuesday, November 20 HIP HOPERA—Long after our cities have crumbled to dust, one artifact of human existence shall remain: R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet. An epic “hip hopera” of sex, violence, closets, and Big Man the Midget, the legend is now a whopping 22 chapters long. Tonight, the Hollywood’s showing it all—so that attendees can sing along. EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $7

FORMER LIVES, LIVE—Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard released his first solo album, Former Lives, and while it’s not the juicy breakup album we were hoping for in the wake of his split from Zooey Deschanel, it’s still a supremely tuneful and down-home affair. For true inner-eye soul-searching, look to opener Damien Jurado, who’s one of the best singer/songwriters alive. NL Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 9 pm, $28-33, all ages SO DELICATE—Using his guitar in awesomely unique ways instead of his voice, Delicate Steve coaxes the strings of his Telecaster into telling stories full of positive vibes and enchanting soundscapes. Backed by an orchestra of ambient synth, there’s a powerful force at work here that belies the term “delicate.” And by all accounts his live show is not to be missed. WSH w/Dana Buoy; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $12

BLAZERS BE BALLIN’—Momma always used to say that the best things in life are friends, family, and some fine-ass men running around in gym shorts. As luck would have it, the Chicago Bulls play the Blazers on our home turf on Sunday. Watch as Batum steals your heart, as well as some awesome three-pointers! RF Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 6 pm, $19-175

PRYOR—The Hollywood reaches deep into the comedy-history vault with a screening of 1971’s Dynamite Chicken, a scattershot collection of comedy sketches, interviews, and routines that’s most notable for featuring the first film appearance of Richard Pryor. AH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $5 COLD SPECKS—So what do you get when you cross Southern gospel with goth? “Doom soul” as beautifully sung by Cold Specks (AKA Al Spx, a Canadian singer/songwriter living in London). Intense lyrics are paired with driving gloom that never quite tips into depression, and a voice whose darkness is always reaching upward toward the light. WSH w/Blind Bartimaeus; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10-12

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 25

Music

UP & COMING

On the Road

O

Titus Andronicus Think Local by Ned Lannamann

This Week’s Music Previews

N APRIL 9, 2011, Titus Andronicus opened for Bright Eyes at the Crystal Ballroom. The bulk of the New Jersey band’s set was made up of songs from their excellent sophomore album, The Monitor, which had been released a Titus little more than a year prior, but they Andronicus closed with a brand-new song writFri Nov 16 ten earlier that day. “Upon Viewing Branx 320 SE 2nd Oregon’s Landscape with the Flood of Detritus” was mere hours old, written in response to a car crash the band witnessed on I-5 during the drive to Portland.

It was songwriting as journalism, an entirely compulsive reaction to a terrible scene.

“There was a quick turnaround on that one,” TITUS ANDRONICUS You’ll be telling your grandkids about them. says Titus frontman Patrick Stickles. “It was a KYLE DEAN REINFORD very inspiring moment. Terrifying, though in- ing no matter how awful something is that’s ing up—swallowing a lot of my words, and spiring. I didn’t actually see the thing go down, going down. So that was brought home once kind of whimpering a lot. So I wanted to move but the immediate aftereffect. And people all again witnessing this car accident, because away from that and project more, put a little slowing down to check it out, and all that stuff. there wasn’t anything to do but to forget more juice into my voice.”

Local Business is, despite its theme of keepSo it was breaking news. It was a pretty unique about it and go on and do the show.”

The song “Upon Viewing Oregon’s Land- ing things small and grassroots, a mammoth, experience for me. Usually [songwriting] happens over a much longer time, much more edit- scape…” might have been written as a type excellent record with a thunderously huge ing and whittling down. This was just kind of a of diary entry, but after only a minor revi- sound. It’s punk rock blown out to classicsion—Stickle cut a seventh verse about going rock proportions, songs not so much worming wham-bam, one-and-done thing.”

The song picked up a thread from an ear- to a gas station—the song made the cut onto their way into your ears as pushing physically lier song on Titus Andronicus’ first album. Titus’ third album, the 10-track Local Busi- against your sternum. It’s a lesson in how to “Well, it was about sort of a feeling of help- ness. The new album scales back the dramatic show brawn without being brash, how it’s poslessness, because this awful thing had hap- heights and ambitions of the colossal, Civil sible to still make intelligent rock ’n’ roll with pened, but there wasn’t anything to be done War-themed The Monitor, in favor of meat- nothing but piles of electric guitar hum. It’s about it on our part. You kind of just have to and-potatoes rock ’n’ roll. Every song boasts a also further evidence that Titus Andronicus is forget about it and go on with your business,” thick wall of guitars, with all the basic tracks one of those magnificent, majestic bands that says Stickles. “You know, we’ve got this other recorded live by a newly consolidated five- we’ll be telling our grandkids about.

Stickles says that the record was made in song [“Upon Viewing Bruegel’s ‘Landscape person lineup.

“We recorded live with bass, drums, and response to “just being on the road a lot these with the Fall of Icarus’”], about this painting where we see Icarus falling into the ocean, three guitars, and did the singing afterward,” past couple years and wanting to do a record but it’s in quite a small detail. It’s a much says Stickles, whose voice possesses a new- that was more indicative of what we do onlarger landscape, and he’s just popping in found, decisive power—best heard on tracks stage rather than do a big fancy production. So in the corner, and it seems to speak to how like “(I am the) Electric Man.” “After listen- that did inform the songwriting somewhat, as there are all sorts of tragedies, awful things ing back to the first two records, I kind of felt far as wanting to do tunes that rocked and that going on around us all the time, but you don’t like I sounded like a little bit of a whiny baby would be good for a rock band format without always notice them. The world keeps turn- sometimes… like I was on the verge of throw- quite so many bells and whistles.”

A Missing Piece The Promise and Question of Cold Specks by Andrew R Tonry

I

DON’T KNOW what to say about Al Spx. haunting timbre—that makes the hair on your She may not either. “I’m not sure,” she neck stand up, whether you know what she’s told me, over and over again. “I’m actually saying or not.

Cold Specks’ record, I Predict a Graceful not sure.”

There are the facts, of course—or what Expulsion, released earlier this year, howthey appear to be. Al Spx is the moniker of ever, is missing something. There are moments approaching that live magnea black, female, Canadian-born, Engtism, but they are fleeting. land-dwelling singer/songwriter.

Cold As she told me—and I gathered She has a tremendous voice, velSpecks from other interviews when she vety and smoky, influenced by Tues Nov 20 seemed more engaged—Spx wrote tragic, breathy folk and chillDoug Fir the songs on Graceful Expulsion ing American blues. Her band is 830 E Burnside years ago. It was a heavy time. She called Cold Specks. Her chosen was wrestling with, and losing, her name “Al Spx” is to deflect attention faith—the one so important to her famfrom her family, a devout bunch who wish she’d chosen traditional study instead ily. On the record, that much is clear. To me, it plays out like a soundtrack to losing one’s of a life in music.

I found Cold Specks in a video. It was a virginity, and somewhat fearfully.

Spx says she recorded the songs years stunning live performance. Spx has the kind of born-in talent—a vocal instrument with a ago, never planning for them to be properly

WEDNESDAY 11/14 PWRHAUS, WHITE HINTERLAND, OLD FRIEND (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See Music, pg. 28.

THE FAINT, TRUST, ROBERT DELONG (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) When the Faint’s 2001 watershed LP Danse Macabre vaulted into the collective subconscious of electro-loving indie rockers, it was a weird time to pledge your allegiance. Everything coming out of Omaha, Nebraska—meaning every release from Saddle Creek Records—was being heralded with golden accolades before anyone even had a chance to hear it. The Faint were one of those bands whose pre-buzz lived up to the hype, fusing the finicky malaise of Todd Fink’s wannabe Robert Smith warble with danceable punk rock that would quietly influence (or at least boost the popularity of) a wave of early ’00s bands. To celebrate the Saddle Creek release of the deluxe version of Danse Macabre, the band is playing the album in its entirety live for the first time. Your best Ian Curtis moves are strongly encouraged. RYAN J. PRADO

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, REBIRTH BRASS BAND (Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct) I’m always surprised when a person with otherwise perspicacious tastes tells me they like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Like, totally fucking astonished. The group’s fans’ stock defense seems to be that they’re one of the only rock bands to successfully combine so many disparate genres—but to that I say the synthesis is shallow and diluted. The oft-touted reggae aspects of the band’s music are laughably amateur, and Will Ferrell look-alike Chad Smith has less “groove” in his entire body than Bootsy Collins does in a single toenail; Anthony Kiedis (winner of the “most likely to roofie your lemon drop” superlative in high school) could very possibly be the worst lyricist alive; Flea is comparatively decent but his dexterity alone isn’t enough to rescue the band from the utter recesses of inanity. This is not a case of a once-great band turning to shit—these guys have always been lame. Chances are they’re exploiting your misplaced nostalgia if you feel differently. MORGAN TROPER

THE PHARMACY, THE DANDELIONS, WHITE FANG (East End, 203 SE Grand) Seattle’s the Pharmacy continues to crank out simple psych pop that doesn’t answer to anyone. The raw energy of their new full-length, Stoned and Alone, comes from the garage, the production brings the sophistication of the Kinks’ The Village Green Preservation Society, and the songs are the kind of earworms that will take you back to the days of listening to record albums in your room with your friends. Needless to say, the record—and the Pharmacy—are a good time. And with the songs averaging around two minutes, they also serve as a good life lesson: The good times never last… and say yes to drugs. MARK LORE

STEVE WINWOOD, THE WOOD BROTHERS

COLD SPECKS Dark gothic soul.

AUTUMN DE WILDE

released. Thanks to a chance connection, the songs were re-recorded in a proper studio, orchestrated, and often scrubbed and overstuffed. The time between the songs’ original inspiration and today seems to have dulled Spx’s connection.

“I just kind of play a character on stage,” she says. “You have to remove yourself to enjoy it, if that makes any sense.”

Spx says she hates doing interviews. And Continued on pg. 29

(Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway) Cor blimey, wottya mean Steve Winwood is da fookin’ most versatile British rock star of all time? That’s lollicock, tha’s wot that is. Ever’one knows I’m the bloody most, ya doss cunt. All roight, all roight, so the tosser sang like a l’il black bugger for the Spencer Davis Band and did some bloody brill-yant organ work with Traffic, including those roight bloody flawless Mr. Fantasy and John Barleycorn albums. And those first solo records, wot wiv all the bloody synthesizer, fit roight up there with Stevie Wonder, you say. But don’ forget ’oo ’elped ’im out wiv Blind Faith. And woz ’e ever in Cream? Did ’e ever play lead guitar in da bloody Yardbirds? Did the wanker ever write “Tears in Heaven”? Has ’e ever done a song wiv bloody Babyface??? Bloody bollocks is wot that is. Wanker. ERIC BLOODY CLAPTON

REBIRTH BRASS BAND, LOVEBOMB GO-GO MARCHING BAND, MANIMALHOUSE (Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd) Boosted by the ratings push from HBO’s Treme, the generation-spanning, NOLA-rep-

Continued on pg. 29

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Egyptian”—are unoriginal compositions ret8pm open mic comedy 8pm Showtime DSL with hostess dirt starr love Showtime DSL with hostess dirt starr love Hoffs is currently on tour, promotroactively validates any initial critiTHE WEDNESDAY NOV 28Susanna ing her new LP Someday, her first COM cisms that the group was prefabriKING OF COMING FRIDAY FRIDAY SOON solo record in more than 15 years. SO cated. Really, though, it’s more like SURF GUITAR Hoffs NOV 30 11/14 Rebirth NOV 30 11/14 Rebirth Brass Band It’s also fucking awesome. This is 11/15 Spitti sheer misfortune, the equivalent 11/15 Spittin’ Cobras Sat Nov 17 11/18 Saloon Ensemble of Harry Nilsson only scoring big Mississippi Studios not surprising. In spite of her best 11/18 Saloon & Sinfe & Sinferno Cabaret hits 11/19 Karaoke From Hell with “Everybody’s Talkin’” 3939 N Mississippi efforts to stress the Bangles’ egali- 11/19 Karaok Chuck-n 11/20 Chuck-n-Buckand Show “Without You”; the Bangles tarian principles, we’ve known all 11/20 11/21 Free R 11/21 Free Rock Show along that Hoffs had the best songs 11/28 Manx + 11/28 Manx + A Happycertainly Death have a wealth of original 11/29 Sonic S 11/29 Sonic Smackdown and the best voice (her bandmates knew 11/30 Eric M glittering pop jewels to their name, too.

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THURSDAY DEC 6 him, ToIKE A FEW HUMANS before nality Star had his heart broken.

That his SUNDAY SUNDAY PDX’S OWN S ET DEC 2 DEC 2 DEC 7 TRADITIONAL FRIDAY TICKING sorrow has been so remarkably slow to fade FOLK-AMERICANA GO T! STRING BAND QUINTET + DIRTY KID DISCOUNT S PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS has been a huge boon for music fans—and A F & FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM PDX’S OWN fans of music mysteries.

ETS ETS WITH POLECAT TRADITIONAL TICKING FRIDAY DEC 7 TICKING FOLK-AMERICANA It’s no secret that Star fronts the band GO T! GO T! STRING BAND QUINTET PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS SATURDAY PLUS SAUCY YODA & THE SEXBOTS FAS FAS DEC & THE PWRHAUS, a seven-piece soul outfit, though THURSDAY 13 & FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM DEC 8 & FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM NIGHT for the moment the band may be Portland’s WITH POLECAT BEATS best-kept secret. They’ve played only a handSATURDAY SATURDAY & THE THURSDAY DEC DEC 8 ful of shows since February, when13 they made DEC 8 A STEAMPUNK THURSDAY YEAR’S EVE NIGHT MONDAY DEC 31 NEW their debut opening for drummer Neal MorWITH DEC 13 BEATS gan. Like all the best soul bands, PWRHAUS A STEAMPUNK is sexy, gritty, and passionate, with tight THURSDAY THURSDAY TICKETS AVAILABLE AT NEW YEAR’S EVE MONDAY DEC 31 STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND DEC 13 WITH the DEC 13 songwriting and a singer with style.

That WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM MORE SHOWS OR CALL 503-345-7892 S R style could best be described as hippie-boheIOU NOV 15 - SONIC SMACKDOWN YOB & SAV NOV 16 - ROSEHIP REVUE mian doesn’t matter, not once youTICKETS hearAVAILABLE his AT NOV 17 - MY OH MYS + JACOB VAN AUKEN STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND NOV 23 - NICHOLE COOPER CD RELEASE WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM voice.

Also, the horn section has two smokMORE SHOWS NOV 25 - ANUHEA & FULL BAND + POSITIVE VIBRATIONS BAND SATURDAY OR CALL 503-345-7892 NOV 27 - LUKA BAZOOKA'S PERKY PROMISCUOUS PEP RALLY VIOURS IO NOV 15 - SONIC SMACKDOWN ing saxophones.

DEC 15 & SA NOV 28 - DICK DALE YOB & SAV B O Y NOV 16 ROSEHIP REVUE NOV 30 - THE SORRY DEVILS + ANDREWS AVE+ MUFFALUFFAGUS NOV 17 MY OH MYS + JACOB VAN AUKEN But even before that first show, Star alPWRHAUS That’s MR. Star to you.

DEC 1 - DEATH GRIPS NOV 23 - NICHOLE COOPER CD RELEASE DEC 2 - BARFLY XMAS PARTY 25 - ANUHEA & FULL BAND +none POSITIVE BAND SATURDAY ready had NOV legions of fans, though of VIBRATIONS SATURDAY DEC 4 - PDX STRIPPIES 2012 NOV 27 LUKA BAZOOKA'S PERKY PROMISCUOUS PEP RALLY FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO DEC 15 Just that Fleet FoxDEC 15 WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MACHINE 28 - DICKwhom DALE Nothing so sinister. them knewNOV precisely they were fans DEC 7 - FRUITION & POLECAT NOV 30 - THE SORRY DEVILS + ANDREWS AVE + MUFFALUFFAGUS DEC 8 - MATINEE SHOW 3PM: SCHOOL OF ROCK HOLIDAY PARTY DEC 1 DEATH GRIPS es’ Robin Pecknold had included the of. His firstDEC album, To My: Long Lost Love, DEC 8 - GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW THE 2 - BARFLY XMAS PARTY DEC 11 - KOPECKY FAMILY BAND DEC 4 - PDX SATURDAY DEC 13 - TY SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS was the opposite of STRIPPIES a vanity2012 project. SOCIETY + O’DEATH album “by an anonymous Portland WORLD/INFERNO FRIENDSHIP DEC 6 WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MA DEC 15 - ALT-J WITH GOATWHORE + LO-PAN + APE MACHINE DEC 29 7 - FRUITION & POLECAT musician” on his top-10 list for DEC 16 - QUEENS OF THE POLE XMAS SHOW There is noDEC name anywhere on the DEC 8 - MATINEE SHOW 3PM: SCHOOL OF ROCK HOLIDAY PARTY DEC 19 - JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND: SNOW ANGEL PWRHAUS DEC 8 GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW THE THE CIRCUS 2011. “Easily the new album DEC 31 - ABNEY PARK & WANDERLUST vinyl or packaging.

DEC 11 - KOPECKY FAMILY BAND SATURDAY SATURDAY DEC 13 - TY SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS I’ve listened to most,” Pecknold Wed Nov 14 Star distributed the album DEC 29 DEC 15 ALT-J DEC 29 16 - QUEENS OF THE POLE XMAS SHOW Holocene wrote. locally, andDEC went about hisBOND: life,SNOW ANGEL DEC 19 - JUSTIN VIVIAN DEC 31 - ABNEY PARK & WANDERLUST CIRCUS 1001 SE Morrison Soon after, Star released as much as any broken-heartTHE $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT Down at the Roller Rink, equally ed keyboard player can.

Then 9PM SHOWTIME LEGENDARY anonymous, though even better and came the day that he woke to an TH just as much about the titular lost love of overflowing inbox. “I thought someLE body had hacked my Bandcamp page,” the first album.

Continued on pg. 29 he says. $20 ADV 8PM

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28 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

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(5 0 3) 2 3 2 - 0 0 5 6 Music

Cold Specks from pg. 26 though she has spoken of the intense anxiety she feels before going on stage, which at times causes her to vomit, she says there are indeed worthwhile parts of this newfound life in music.

“Ahh, shit,” she says. “I do like playing shows and I do like it when the crowd enjoys it.” Yet she cannot help herself. “There are certain songs that I’m completely bored of at this point”—in particular, “Lay Me Down,” the live performance that first piqued my interest.

Which all makes me wonder: How much does Spx want to be a part of this, a life in music and entertainment? Was her voice pushed in directions it didn’t really want to go?

I’m not sure. But I know if Spx’s artistic voice can take more control of her physical voice, if it discovers where it wants to go next, and that it wants to share, the future is promising. She’s just got to find the missing piece.

Susanna Hoffs from pg. 28 tesy of producer Mitchell Froom and engineer David Boucher. The result is a sophisticated, mature pop album (in a Van Dyke Parks, not James Blunt, sense).

“When you do a solo record, it tends to be easier to focus on the more deeply personal stuff,” says Hoffs, discussing the uncharacteristically solemn nature of the lyrics on Someday. “November Sun” is a tribute to her second son, and “Picture Me” is a love song that could only come from a calloused heart. Only “Raining” sounds like it might fit in on a Bangles record, but only marginally.

“I still feel like my music is extremely accessible—it’s pop, with a tremendous amount of influence from the ’60s and ’70s still kicking around in those songs—but it’s also modern,” Hoffs says. Someday, like all great pop records, is indeed a flawless marriage of past and present—and proof that Hoffs still has it.

PWRHAUS from pg. 28 Taken together, they sound like Gene Ween at the bottom of the ocean covering the Antlers’ tear-jerker Hospice. For a casual listen, they are lush and pretty, just bizarre enough to catch your attention, just poppy enough to hold it, and not particularly saddening—but certainly not classifiable as soul.

Save the close listens for a time when you feel like drenching yourself in somebody else’s grievous isolation.

This might come as a shock, but Tonality Star isn’t the name on his driver’s license, though he’ll answer to Tony. Star is a gently private aesthete, not a spotlight craver, and the renown spawned by Pecknold is directly responsible for PWRHAUS’ existence.

“Suddenly I was selling that record all over the world,” Star says. “There was a surge of excitement. And that’s why PWRHAUS got together. We put something on and it stuck.”

Though Star’s first albums are textured collages of keys and voice, the songs translate fantastically well to soul. “Motown and ’50s and ’60s music has always been my favorite,” he says. “I’m grateful for my bandmates. I couldn’t make this music alone.”

PWRHAUS has played a handful of shows, mostly covering the anonymous albums and songs from another breakup album, confusingly named *, released under Tonality Star.

Currently, the band is recording a new album, which will be the fourth about the ending of this particular relationship.

“Everything I’ve been putting out, it’s all about the same thing,” he says. “I’ve not ever told her I’ve made them, I’ve never given them to her, and to this day, I don’t know if she knows. But I think she knows. So her silence is my answer.”

UP & COMING

This Week’s Music Previews

Continued from page 26

ping Rebirth Brass Band has finally received the recognition they deserve. Formed in 1982, the band has undergone numerous lineup changes, performing as a second-line attraction through copious touring and for tourists in the French Quarter. The group’s 2011 LP Rebirth of New Orleans reached number one on the CMJ Jazz charts and also snagged the group a Grammy for Best Regional Roots Music Album. On those heels, Rebirth is currently on a national tour opening for Red Hot Chili Peppers; after their opening set at the Rose Garden tonight, the whole Rebirth crew is hoofing over to Dante’s for a more intimate set of brassy swagger. Flea has been known to join them during their opening slots. Will he continue that tradition within these fiery confines? Guess you’ll have to see for yourself. RJP

THURSDAY 11/15 ONUINU, MINDEN (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

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weds. 1 1/14 - the PHARMACY, DANDELIONS, WHITE FANG THURS. 1 1/15 - (PRODUCT), PARTICLE SON, REAK(TION)

FRI 1 1/16 - INK BLOT, CADET, ELECTRO KRAKEN

sat. 1 1/17 - 800 octane, thundering asteroids, stumblebum

SUN 1 1/18 - Wes urbaniak, Vanessa Rogers, Sam Densmore,Crystin Byrdand hula hoop dancers MON 1 1/19 - LA PUMP, LAVENDAR MIRROR, DUBIAS

CALEB KLAUDER COUNTRY BAND (The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

THE COUP, SPEAKER MINDS (Bob White Theatre, 6423 SE Foster) The new Coup album, Sorry to Bother You, uses new sounds to get their message across: a plucky, fuzzy, Afropunk-funk approach that was foreshadowed on 2006’s Pick a Bigger Weapon. Sorry to Bother You mixes on-point geo-local-sociopolitical raps from Boots Riley with wailing, jumpy, Fishboney, Madness-esque funk-rock and West Coast new wave—a tall order, but they pull it off, with help from no less than Killer Mike, Das Racist, Vernon Reid, and Japanther. LARRY MIZELL JR.

BEAT CONNECTION, MAGIC FADES, ODESZA, SEX LIFE (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Beat Connection’s electronic pop extends cleanly out of concentric, pastel arpeggiations. The danceable, fresh-faced disco beats float cleanly on shades of sky-blue synths and rhythm guitar. Lucidity in sequencing yields images of a jade-green lily pad with tropical nods to Friendly Fires, MGMT, and M83. This past summer, Beat Connection released their first full-length, The Palace Garden, and have steadily logged road miles in the United States and abroad opening for Holy Ghost!, STRFKR, and Toro y Moi. TRENT MOORMAN

FRIDAY 11/16 TITUS ANDRONICUS, CEREMONY (Branx, 320 SE 2nd) See Music, pg. 26.

MINUS THE BEAR, CURSIVE, GIRL IN A COMA (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) I was skeptical when Seattle mainstays Minus the Bear released “Lonely Gun,” the first single from their new album Infinity Overhead. It wasn’t that I thought the song was bad, it was just… okay, no, the song is bad. While the lyrics and chorus have familiar Minus the Bear flavor, the song feels like an out-of-place remix, layering the vocals over some canned electronic bits—wiry synth and dance beats. And then there is saxophone! Why is there saxophone? Thankfully, the more mellow follow-up single, “Steel and Blood,” is less, um, confusing, and a better overall representation of Infinity Overhead. MEGAN SELING

SIT BACK

& RELAX.

ROGER CLYNE DUO (Hawthorne Theatre Lounge, 1507 SE 39th) Roger Clyne spent most of the ’90s fronting the Refreshments, that straightforward rock band whose best known song is the wordless theme to King of the Hill.

Less influential than the Meat Puppets and less selfserious than the Gin Blossoms, the Refreshments were part of the same milieu of Middle American rock bands that could never quite escape the long shadow of grunge. Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers, a supergroup with members of Dead Hot Workshop and the Gin Blossoms, started the second the Refreshments stopped. They continued with the same occasionally tongue-in-cheek, Spanish-laden dad rock that appeals to those who loved the Refreshments for their clever lyrics. Recently, though, Clyne entered a serious phase. Unida Cantina, the Peacemakers 10th album, is straight-faced and somber, a downturn that doesn’t hold a candle to most of the oeuvre, espe-

Continued on pg. 30

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November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 29

Music

UP & COMING

THE COUP Bob White Theatre, 11/15

This Week’s Music Previews

Continued from pg. 29

cially its excellent predecessor Turbo Ocho. Tonight and tomorrow, Clyne performs as a duo with longtime drummer Paul “PH” Naffah. REBECCA WILSON

MYKA 9, FACTOR, ONRY OZZBORN, PARANOID CASTLE, GRAVES33 (Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington) Myka 9 is a cornerstone of the Freestyle Fellowship, a West Coast original and hella influential stylist—so fuck with him.

But let’s speak on Banner for Boxed In, the most realized sounds yet from Beacon Hill, Seattle’s deeply prolific emcee/producer/visual artist Graves33; something like a basement with a skylight, Banner bridges Graves’ dusty DIY ethos to a lofty, ethereal new understanding. Evoking the best instincts of both vintage Oldominion and cold-swept Minneapolis weathervane rap, Graves33 has bottled the feeling of that uniquely autumnal ritual: heading indoors to create, going inward to take stock. Now that Onry Ozzborn— Seattle’s dean of dark and thoughtful indie-hop—has at last found the light with his Dark Time Sunshine project, the Northwest needs a moody craftsman like Graves33, who in 2012 has truly hit his stride. LMJ

SATURDAY 11/17 SONS OF HUNS, THE AX, SHUT YOUR ANIMAL MOUTH (Club 21, 2035 NE Glisan) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

SUSANNA HOFFS, MICHELE VAN KLEEF (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25, and Music, pg. 28.

ROGER CLYNE DUO (Hawthorne Theatre Lounge, 1507 SE 39th) See Friday’s listing.

VOICE TRAFFIC, MEMORY BOYS, GLASS TEETH (Red & Black Café, 400 SE 12th) Memory Boys seem to span the Northwest—their members claim origin in Portland, Olympia, and Whidbey Island—and their music similarly spans the recent pop-music history of the terrain, with echoes of K Records’ and Kill Rock Stars’ best-loved releases and artists like Elliott Smith and LAKE. The first full-length, Send It Across to Me, is a deviously catchy album, with simple musical ideas that kaleidoscopically expand in front of your ears. Listen to the way “Pact” turns from slow, ground-out chords into a blossoming piano figure and a stunningly warm chorus. Throughout the record, there’s church-like organ, Zombies-esque harmonies, bummed-out balladry, sunshiny sing-alongs, and groaning guitar fuzz.

These are perfectly constructed pop songs, and Send It Across to Me is a richly interesting and deeply rewarding album—the kind that you hang onto for years and years. It has “all-time favorite” potential written all over it. NED LANNAMANN

WILDLIFE, ALBATROSS (Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) Wildlife’s Strike Hard, Young Diamond came out two years ago, soaking wet with contemporary Canada. Visceral fi rst takes, synths shouldered up against guitars, yelps in between the grandiose, so on and so forth. Putting a fi nger on them isn’t the takeaway, though—it’s the fact that they offer something highly familiar while still nourishing a nascent desire within the listener’s ear. I’ve found myself listening to “Sea Dreamer,” the second track from Strike Hard, multiple times on end.

Is it Wolf Parade? Not quite, but close—and still “not quite” enough to undermine that closeness. Opinions aside, the fi rst 10 seconds of any track off SHYD are electric enough to push curiosity into pursuit.

JONATHAN MAGDALENO

TOO $HORT, CHILLEST ILLEST, STEADY THE BOSS, MANIAC LOK (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) One of the most enduring figures of West Coast hiphop, Too $hort was just 20 when he dropped his seminal 12-minute-long narrative about a young woman named Blow Job Betty, who enjoyed her favorite pastime so much that she refused to accept compensation, despite $hort’s best efforts to monetize her skills. More than 25 years later, he’s made consistent forays into the spotlight—the third chorus of “The World Is Filled...” on Biggie’s Life After Death is a standout—but he’s never left his beloved Bay Area underground for long. His 19th album, No Trespassing, came out in February and features cameos by 50 Cent and Devin the Dude, among others. You have to admire his tenacity, and his swagger is still 100 percent intact, but he hasn’t matured any. That’s fine, except that Too

30 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

TODD COOPER

$hort is at his finest when he tells a great story, and not one of these approaches the charm of “Betty.” RW

THE POLISH AMBASSADOR, UNLIMITED GRAVITY, ELFKOWITZ (Branx, 320 SE 2nd) The Polish Ambassador (Oakland producer David Sugalski, AKA Ample Mammal) is one of those ridiculously versatile music-makers who sound good—if not great—in a lot of different styles.

His extensive catalog includes libidinous down-tempo funk, glitchy IDM, dub, chiptunes, and even a gorgeous, angelic remix of Explosion in the Sky’s “Your Hand in Mine.” The Polish Ambassador live experience is enhanced by visuals person Liminus and dancer/ enthusiasm-generator the Great Red Hype. DAVE SEGAL

ICELAND (The Lovecraft, 421 SE Grand) Iceland’s new EP, Carrion, is about as chilly and corrupted as you might expect from the name, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some solid tunes boiling underneath the darkness. The Portland band plays precise, nearly martial post-punk with gothic flair, with echoes of Gang of Four and the Cult via roiling guitar fury and a barebones but undeniable sense of melody. The trio’s most appealing when they’re stripped down, and there’s plenty of lean, mean rock on Carrion, without anything in the way of fat or sag. Fitting in with this issue’s theme of decay and decadence (see Feature, pg. 11), Iceland offer a royal, spoiled treat of the best kind, leaving room for a sweet dessert in the EP’s swooning closing track “Strangers.” NL

SUNDAY 11/18 BEN GIBBARD, DAMIEN JURADO (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

MIKE COYKENDALL, PONY VILLAGE (Rontoms, 600 E Burnside) A good word to describe Portland’s Pony Village is “dependable.” While that may not sound very sexy, there is something to it—a band that over the past few years has delivered some terrific indie pop tunes that are cut from the same cloth as other notable Pacific Northwest bands. If you live here, you could say they feel like home. But not many bands can do that while still sounding fresh. Pony Village main man Ryan Barber has proven himself to be a gifted popsmith, and the band has yet another batch of solid tunes on their new, laidback 7-inch, “Wildwood Drive,” which sees its release tonight. ML

WITCH MOUNTAIN, CASTLE, EIGHT BELLS (Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash) If patience really is a virtue, then Witch Mountain ought to be on a particularly sinister motivational poster espousing the same.

In the first 12 years of their existence, they released only one album, ...Come the Mountain; but in the last two years, Portland has become at least 80 percent more ominous, thanks to their South of Salem LP and this year’s follow-up, Cauldron of the Wild. The jaw-dropping catalyst of this dark resurrection is Uta Plotkin, whose voice just might be the most stunning ever to soar in front of a monolith of doom metal. The songs on Cauldron of the Wild tend to be a bit shorter, though none falls under five minutes long. This works so well because of the band’s commitment to songwriting and musicianship, and the spiky, nearly psychedelic guitar riffs that create the deliciously menacing atmosphere. RW

MONDAY 11/19 DELICATE STEVE, DANA BUOY (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

TUESDAY 11/20 COLD SPECKS, BLIND BARTIMAEUS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25, and Music, pg. 26.

Music

Live Music

LISTINGS

503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi info@mississippistudios.com

WEDNESDAY 11/14

AL’S DEN—Garcia Birthday Band, 7 pm, free ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Steve Winwood, The Wood Brothers, 7:30 pm, $48-81, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Siren’s Echo, Nafisaria Scroggins, Ajane’a, Rose Bent, 9 pm, $5 ★ BARRACKS—Abstract Rude, The Kleenerz, DJ Zole, B Squid, Jaeda, Tope, DJ Spark, 9 pm, $8 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Henry Hill Kammerer, 9 pm ★ BING LOUNGE—Diamond Rings, 3 pm, free w/ RSVP BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BRANX—Set it Off, Hand Guns, Sparks the Rescue, Icarus the Owl, Stories & Soundtracks, Falling in Flight, 7:15 pm, $10, all ages BUFFALO GAP—Andy Stokes, 9 pm, Free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm ★ CLUB 21—Sei Hexe, IX, Party Foul, 10 pm, free ★ DANTE’S—Rebirth Brass Band, 9 pm, $17 ★ DOUG FIR—Diamond Rings, Gold Fields, 9 pm, $10-12 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm ★ EAST END—The Pharmacy, The Dandelions, White Fang, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Freak Mountain Ramblers, 7 pm, free, all ages; Radical Revolution, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Country Trash, Dear Rabbit, Palace Fiction, 9 pm, $5 EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GEMINI LOUNGE—The Paper Dolls, 7 pm, free GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—The Dead Kenny G’s, 9 pm, $10 HAWTHORNE THEATRE—The Birthday Massacre, William Control, Aesthetic Perfection, Creature Feature, 7 pm, $17-20, all ages ★ HOLOCENE—Pwrhaus, White Hinterland, Old Friend, 8:30 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES—Brasil Band, 7:30 pm, $8 JADE LOUNGE—Adam Brock, Those Willows, The Weather Machine, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Pat Buckley, 9 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Renegade Stringband, 6 pm; Matt Cadenelli, Longmire, Tiny Montgomery, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages; Airshow, 9:30 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Apollo, The Restitution, Cold Ground, She Preaches Mayhem, 7:30 pm, $5 MUDDY RUDDER—Stumbleweed, 8 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile THE PRESS CLUB—Lindsay Clark, 8 pm RECORD ROOM—Burn Burn Burn, Danger Death Ray, Pagerippers, 8 pm, $3-5 RED ROOM—The Breakdowns, Random Axe, Stuck on Nothing, Die Robot, 9 pm, $5; Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris, 9 pm ROSE GARDEN—Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rebirth Brass Band, 7:30 pm, $39.50-55, all ages ★ ROSELAND—The Faint, Trust, Robert Delong, 8 pm, $20, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY—Josh Hoke, Matt Brown, Annie Bethancourt, 8 pm, $7, all ages SHAKER AND VINE—Robbie Laws, 6:30 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—A People’s Choir, Betty & The Boy, Jeremy Murphy, Cory Baker, 9 pm, $6 SUNDOWN PUB—SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Ed and the Red Reds, Balto, Stirling Myles, 9 pm, $3 VIE DE BOHEME—Jenny Finn Orchestra, 8:30 pm, $8 WHITE EAGLE—Device Grips, Lustful Monks, Oreganic, 8 pm, free WONDER BALLROOM—The Green, Natural Vibrations, Billy Van, 7 pm, $16-18, all ages

THURSDAY 11/15 ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON—Machetaso Profano, Crime Machine, Hepsi, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Tyler Hilton, Jerad Finck, 8 pm, $10, all ages

8pm doors/ 9pm show BarBar all ages until 9pm 21+ unless otherwise noted

TWO NIGHTS LA PUMP East End, 11/19 AUBREE BERNIER-CLARKE

★ BARLOW TAVERN—Mike Coykendall, Garth Steel Klippert, Zeb Dewar, Tosten Larson, 8 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Josh Bigg, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Ben Jones, 9 pm ★ BOB WHITE THEATRE—The Coup, Speaker Minds, 8 pm, $13 BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Alan Jones Jazz Jam, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Velvet Knights, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Paper Dolls, 8 pm THE CONQUISTADOR—Greazy Rock Oomph: DJ AM Gold, 10 pm, free CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Laura Ivancie, 8 pm DANTE’S—Spittin’ Cobras, 9 pm, $5 ★ DOUG FIR—Onuinu, Minden, 9 pm, $8-10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; The Sorry Devils, 9 pm EAST END—Product, Particle Son, Reaktion, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Kevin Blackwell, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Adam Brock & the Magic Beets, Those Willows, HeadShapes, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Sam Densmore, Afroknot, Claxton Kent, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—Otis Heat, Yogoman Burning Band, 9 pm GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Lindsey Stirling, Von Grey, 7 pm, $13-15, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Josh Putnam, 6 pm, free; Joe Buck Yourself, The Hooten Hallers, 8:30 pm, $7 HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm ★ HOLOCENE—Beat Connection, Magic Fades, Odesza, Sex Life, 8:30 pm, $8 IVORIES—David Valdez, 8 pm, $8 JADE LOUNGE—Acoustic Oceans: Colin Fisher, Ben Wolman, Sparkle Nation, 7 pm JAM ON HAWTHORNE—Hot Club of Hawthorne, 6 pm, free JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Pat Buckley, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Sam Adams, The Mucks, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Andrew Paul Woodworth, 7 pm, free, all ages KENTON CLUB—Johnny & The Bells, Neighbor Wave, 9 pm, free THE KNOW—IS, Pinkzilla, Gorgon Stare, 8 pm, $3-5 LANDMARK SALOON—The Pickups, 8:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Lewi Longmire Band, 6 pm; Tin Silver, The Darlin’ Blackbirds, 9:30 pm MAGNOLIA’S CORNER—Teri Untalan, 8 pm, free MISSION THEATER—Far Wes: A Tribute to Wes Montgomery: Dan Balmer, 7:30 pm, $15 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Jeff Donovan, Matt Lauretano, 6 pm; Krebsic Orkestar, NME, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Emmitt-Nershi Band, Head for the Hills, 9 pm, $20 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Boots n’ Honey, 8 pm MUDDY RUDDER—Joe McMurrian, 8 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Gary Ogan, Dave Captein, Kris Deelane, 7 pm, $10 QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Chris Baum Project, 9 pm, free RED ROOM—All Hail the Yeti, American Roulette, Set to Burn, 9 pm ROSE GARDEN—Eric Church, 7 pm, $37.50-47.50, all ages ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—Libertine Belles, 6 pm, free, all ages; The Caleb Klauder Country Band, 9 pm, $10 SHAKER AND VINE—Kate Brown, 8 pm, free SLABTOWN—Dead Remedy, The Hoons, The Autonomics, 9 pm SLIM’S—Alexa Wiley & The Wilderness, Alexa Wildish, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Vagabond & Tramp, Shores of Astor, Izza Kate, 9 pm, $6 STAR THEATER—Tentacle Burn, Amerakin Overdose, Never Awake, 9 pm, $12 THIRSTY LION—Robert Meade, 9 pm

★ Means we recommend it. To list your live music or DJ event, send your information at least nine days in advance to music@portlandmercury.com.

MAST Presents: Traditional ear-ripping barn turners from notable artists of the Stringcheese Incident and Leftover Salmon

101.9 KINK.FM Presents: Founding member of The Bangles brings 60s era folk to the stage with her latest solo album

SUSANNA

EMMITT-NERSHI BAND HOFFS HEAD FOR THE HILLS 2 DAY PASSES AVAILABLE FOR $30 (limited to 100) $20 Adv

Thu, Nov 15 - and - Fri, Nov 16 Red Bull Music Academy Presents The Endless Summer Tour: West Coast dance powerhouses join forces to make sure you feel the heat

MICHELE VAN KLEEF

Sat, Nov 17

Multi-instrumentalist whose songs make for otherworldly and expansive pop

DELICATE

CLASSIXX JEROME LOL COSMIC KIDS Sun, Nov 18

$22 Adv

$8 Adv

STEVE

DANA BUOY

Mon, Nov 19

(OF AKRON FAMILY)

$12 Adv

The annual championship of quizzy masters.

Testicide XV

Soul Food: A Benefit Concert for the Oregon Food Bank

SOUL

VACCINATION

Tue, Nov 20 7pmDoors/7pmShow Free Show!

Wed, Nov 21 6:30pmDoors/7pmShow $15 Adv KZME Presents: Annual post-Thanksgiving bash from a PDX favorite featuring special guests and more

TONY FURTADO

Watch Oregons oldest rivalry, the 116th Civil War Game, at the studios and bar for free post-Thanksgiving fun

DAVID JACOBS-STRAIN

Sat, Nov 24 Happy Hour All Day Free!

BAND

Fri, Nov 23

$13 Adv

Jack Daniels Presents Mississippin w/: Surf/garage and psychedlia from local up-and-comers

BLOOD BEACH SUN FOOT APPENDIXES Sun, Nov 25

$5 Adv

BRUCE TRIBUTE & BOOK RELEASE 101.9 kink.fm Presents:

PETER AMES CARLIN, AUTHOR CORIN TUCKER STORM LARGE

CASEY NEILL · JIM BRUNBERG KASEY ANDERSON · HONDO II JONAH TOLCHIN

Tue, Nov 27 7pmDoors/8pmShow $8 Adv Coming Soon...

11/28: LEE DEWYZE 11/29: AND AND AND 11/30: CALIFONE 12/1: BATTLEME / MY GOODNESS 12/2: LAWRENCE ARABIA 12/3: CINEBITCH 12/5: MOONDOGGIES 12/6: SCOTT LAW REUNION BAND 12/7: THE CHARLIE HUNTER &

OREGON VS. OREGON STATE 1:00 PM in Mississippi Studios, Bar Bar & heated outdoor patio.

Woodchuck Cider Sweet-n-Local Presents: High energy groove and pop

THE LOVE LOUNGERS BRENT AMAKER & THE RODEO

Sat, Nov 24

THE SORRY DEVILS

$5 Adv

An evening of righteous and masterful comedy from New York and PDX favorites

HANNIBAL BURESS IAN KARMEL Mon, Nov 26

SCOTT AMENDOLA DUO 12/8: SARA WATKINS (EARLY) 12/8: MRS (LATE) 12/9: PDX/RX: SHY GIRLS 12/11: LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS 12/12: PINEHURST KIDS 12/13: THE DIMES 12/14: DAVID BAZAN BAND 12/15: COREY SMITH 12/16: EL VEZ MEX-MAS

$12 Adv

12/20: FANNIE MAE’S QUEER QUISTMAS 12/21: THE DRUTHERS 12/22: TANGO ALPHA TANGO 12/27: PETUNIA AND THE VIPERS 12/29 &12/30: JERRY JOSEPH & THE JACKMORMONS 1/4: DANNY CORN 1/10: MELVILLE 1/12: PAULA BOGGS BAND 1/15: OHIOAN

mississippistudios.com November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 31

MIND-BLOWING ELECTRO POP FROM BUZZ-WORTHY PDXER

A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF STELLAR CANADIAN INDIE AND ALT-ROCK

THURSDAY!

WINTERSLEEP FRIDAY!

ONUINU +MINDEN

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 15

•

ELLIOTT BROOD +THE WOODEN SKY

YARDS

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 16

•

$12 ADVANCE

Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room

$6 ADVANCE

A THANKSGIVING EVE HONKY TONK WITH

DENVER

830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com

DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–LATE EVERYDAY SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...

RAYMOND BYRON

& THE WHITE FREIGHTER

+MERIDIAN

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 21 •

$8 ADVANCE

A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF EPIC PDX RAWK!

The

AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH POWERHOUSE TRIO OF ESTABLISHED

PRIDS

•

TICKETS GOING FAST

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 17

•

$14 ADVANCE

CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DOOM SOUL FROM UK SINGER/ SONGWRITER

COLD

+LINE & CIRCLE

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 25

•

$16 ADVANCE

$8 ADVANCE A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF BUZZ-WORTHY GOODNESS

IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS THEIR FINAL DF SHOWCASE

WILL WEST & THE FAMILY STRANGERS

+BLIND BARTIMAEUS

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 20

•

$10 ADVANCE

POST-THANKSGIVING EVENING OF STRING-BENDING MADNESS

LEFT COAST

COUNTRY

BRAD PARSONS BAND +BEN LARSEN & JACK DWYER DUO

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 23

•

$8 ADVANCE

LEGENDARY ALT-POP FROM BELOVED ENGLISH SINGER/SONGWRITER

RNDM WORLD

THE UPSIDEDOWN +MIRACLE FALLS

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 24

YAMAGATA

SPECKS

MAKE IT A NIGHT

•

RACHAEL

ED ROMANOFF +ADRIEN REJU

$8 ADVANCE

A WELCOME AFFAIR FOR PDX INSTRUMENTAL POST-ROCKERS

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 18

AN EVENING WITH ELOQUENT AND SOULFUL SINGER/ SONGWRITER

SATURDAY!

DEEP SEA DIVER WILD BELLE

PARTY

+THE WINDSOR PLAYER

MONDAY NOVEMBER 26

•

$22 ADVANCE

KZME PRESENTS AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH PDX’S PURVEYORS OF SPAGHETTI WESTERN SOUNDTRACKS

FEDERALE

MCDOUGALL +FOREIGN TALKS

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 28 •

$5 ADVANCE

+LEMOLO

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 29

A MIND-BLOWING EVENING AND ALBUM RELEASE EXTRAVAGANZA WITH

BRAINSTORM •

$10 ADVANCE

RUSTIC BLUES-TINGED FOLK FROM THE EMERALD CITY

The

CAVE SINGERS

POOR MOON +ROSE WINDOWS

THURSDAY DECEMBER 6

•

$12 ADVANCE

MESMERIZING GUITAR WORK AND SMOLDERING VOCAL CHEMISTRY FROM CANADIAN DUO

WHITEHORSE

WILD ONES +GRANDPARENTS

SATURDAY DECEMBER 1

•

$16 ADVANCE

TUESDAY DECEMBER 4

•

$10 ADVANCE

ETHEREAL EXPERIMENTAL R&B FROM BROOKLYN

PT JUNCTURE WA +THE SHIVAS

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30

•

$10 ADVANCE

PUNK-INFUSED ALT-COUNTRY FROM FOR 16 HORSEPOWER FRONT-MAN

WOVENHAND +1939 ENSEMBLE

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 5 •

$14 ADVANCE

HOW TO DRESS WELL Astronautalis/Busdriver 12/10 The Dandy Warhols 12/16 - All Ages Matinee/21+ WEINLAND NYE Supergroup 12/31 Marco Benevento 2/8 Mouse On Mars 2/19

+BEACON

FRIDAY DECEMBER 7

•

$12 ADVANCE

All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

TRIXIE WHITLEY 12/8 • KING TUFF 12/9 • ASTRONAUTALIS 12/10 • LAVENDER DIAMOND 12/14 • THE MOTHER HIPS 12/15 THE DANDY WARHOLS 12/16 TWO SHOWS • WATER & BODIES 12/21 • SUPERSUCKERS 12/29 • RADIATION 12/30 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

32 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

Music

Live Music

LISTINGS

TIGER BAR—Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free ★ TONIC LOUNGE—Fang Moon, Better Being, Homunculust, 9 pm TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Dan Eagan, Ed Cohen, Aaron Curley, 8 pm VIE DE BOHEME—John Dover Big Band, 8:30 pm, $10 THE WAYPOST—Dorian Wood, Ben Von Wildenhaus, Disemballerina, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Pheasant, Brothers Young, City Squirrel, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Ellen, Gene & Jean, 7:30 pm

FRIDAY 11/16 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—California Honeydrops, 8 pm, $12-15 AL’S DEN—Garcia Birthday Band, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Spatia, In Repose, This Fair City, 9 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—Chemical Channel, DJ Etbonz, Foxall to Foxall, 9 pm, $3, all ages BERBATI—Slutty Hearts, Ten Million Lights, Very Wet, 9:30 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Counterfeit Cash, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—The Vermen, 9 pm BOOM BAP!—Voices, Wilder Maker, Amenta Abioto, 8 pm, all ages ★ BRANX—Titus Andronicus, Ceremony, 8:30 pm, $10, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—The Martens Combination, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Steve Hale Trio, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Anandi, Steve Christofferson, 7:30 pm, $10 CANVAS ART BAR—Open Mic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ COMMUNITY MUSIC CENTER—Portland Cello Project, 7:15 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Elliott Brood, Wintersleep, The Wooden Sky, 9 pm, $12 DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Steady Boys, The New Iberians, 9 pm, $10 EAST BURN—The Get Ahead, 10 pm, free EAST END—Inkblot, Cadet, Electro Kraken, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—John Shipe, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Autronic Eye, The Caste, Met City, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Saucy Town, Tosten Larson, 9 pm, free FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH—Several Firsts: Portland Columbia Symphony Orchestra, 7:30 pm FORD FOOD & DRINK—The Low Bones, 5 pm, free, all ages; Alexander’s Real Time Band, 8 pm, free, all ages FUNHOUSE LOUNGE—Thom Lyons, Peter Rodocker, 9 pm, $10 GOODFOOT—DJ Aquaman’s Soul Stew, 9 pm GROOVE SUITE—Trifecta: Solovox, Dylan Gouty, Ernest Ryan, Phyre, 10 pm, $5 HALIBUT’S—Sonny Hess, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—I Fight Dragons, MC Lars, Sky Fox, Asteroid M, 6:30 pm, $12-14, all ages ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Roger Clyne Duo, 8:30 pm, $25-30 HOTEL FIFTY—Marc Hutchinson, Jon Letts, 8 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm IVORIES—Rebecca Kilgore, Tom Wakeling, Randy Porter, 8 pm, $10 JADE LOUNGE—John Chap, African Xylophone Band, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Lloyd Jones & the Atlas Horns, La Rhonda Steele, 8 pm, $15 KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Papa Dynamite, 9 pm, free KELLS—Coming Up 3s, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Myka 9, Factor, Onry Ozzborn, Paranoid Castle, Graves33, 8 pm, $10 ★ KENTON CLUB—Sad Horse, Last Prick Standing, Wooden Indian Burial Ground, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Terrible Feelings, Warcry, Autistic Youth, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Hank Sinatra, 6 pm; Barn Door Slammers, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Oregon Mandolin Orchestra, 6 pm; Moon Mountain Ramblers, Twisted Whistle, 9:30 pm MEMORIAL COLISEUM—Winter Jam: Toby Mac, Red, Sidewalk Prophets, Jamie Grace, Chris August, Group 1 Crew, Jason Castro, Dara Maclean, Capital Kings, 7 pm, $10, all ages MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Sons of Malarky, 6 pm; Melao d’Cuba, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Emmitt-Nershi Band, Head for the Hills, 9 pm, $20

MOCK CREST TAVERN—Nopo Mojo, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—The Original Guitar Slingers & Singers Showcase: Ben Rice, Jake Blair, Ty Curtis, 8 pm, $8 MUDDY RUDDER—John Bunzow, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—The Twangshifters, 6 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Tinsilver, 8 pm, $5 THE OLD CHURCH—Stravinsky vs. the Minotaur: Denise Dillenbeck, Nikolas Caoile, 7:30 pm, $12, all ages PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Flexor T, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB—The Druthers, 8:30 pm RECORD ROOM—A Breakthrough in Field Studies, Lubec, Needles & Pizza, 8:30 pm, $3-5 RED ROOM—The Confederats, Chase the Shakes, High Desert Hooligans, Bad Strip, Mr. Plow, 9 pm ROTTURE—Bone Sickness, Scolex, Necrot, Torture Rack, 9:30 pm, $6 ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—Boy & Bean, 6 pm, all ages; Shoeshine Blue, Jarad Miles, Jake Kelly, 9 pm, $6 SHAKER AND VINE—Wrong Kind of Girl, 8 pm, free SLABTOWN—Bobby Joe Ebola & the Children MacNuggits, The Chair Project, Delaney & Paris, 9 pm THE TARDIS ROOM—Arthur Moore, 8 pm THIRSTY LION—Schwing!, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Love & a .38, Jet Force Gemini, 9 pm, $5 TONIC LOUNGE—The Dead Beetles, Vivid Curve, My Fellow Traveler, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Soulcity, 8 pm, $10 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Xousoux, 9 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Wes Urbanik, 7 pm; Catarina New, 9 pm, $5 THE WAYPOST—Dan Lurie, Sun Tunnels, 8 pm ★ WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Jackstraw, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Tom Grant, 7:30 pm ★ WONDER BALLROOM—Minus the Bear, Cursive, Girl in a Coma, 8 pm, $20-23, all ages

SATURDAY 11/17 AL’S DEN—Garcia Birthday Band, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—In the Mood, 7:30 pm, $33.75-77.40, all ages ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Goh Kurosawa & Sharp Three, 8 pm, $15 ASH STREET SALOON—Rare Monk, Beautiful Lies, Odd Owl, Growwler, 9 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—The Globalist, The Harrowing, Zoic, Subverse, 8 pm, $7, all ages BERBATI—Amber Havana, 9:30 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—The Barkers, 6 pm, all ages; Manimalhouse, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Margo Tufo, 9 pm BLUE MONK—The Filthy Beasts, 9 pm BOOM BAP!—Goomy, Poppet, Ultra Peach, William Ingrid, 8 pm, all ages ★ BRANX—The Polish Ambassador, Unlimited Gravity, Elfkowitz, 9 pm, $12 BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Tablao, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Ants in the Kitchen, 9 pm ★ BUNK BAR—Wildlife, Albatross, 9 pm, $10 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Tina Raymond, David Valdez, Emilio Terranova, 8 pm, $6 ★ CLUB 21—Sons of Huns, The Ax, Shut Your Animal Mouth, 10 pm, free ★ CONGA CLUB—Ruben Torres Memorial Concert: Caña Son, Barrio Latino, Conjunto Alegre de Aquile, Los Boricuas, 9 pm, $15-30 DOUG FIR—Rachael Yamagata, Ed Romanoff, Adrien Reju, 9 pm, $14-16 DUFF’S GARAGE—Bill Rhoades & The Party Kings, 9 pm EAST BURN—The Oh My Mys, 10 pm, free EAST END—800 Octane, Thundering Asteroids, Stumblebum, 9 pm, $6 EDGEFIELD—Brady Goss, 7 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Roving Eyes, Metropolitan Farms FOGGY NOTION—Swampbuck, M.A.R.C. & the Rodeo, Damn Family, 9 pm, $3 GOODFOOT—Tapwater, 9 pm HALIBUT’S—Margo Tufo, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—People under the Stairs, Kinetic Emcees, TxE, 7 pm, $16-28, all ages ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Roger Clyne Duo, 8:30 pm, $25-30 ★ HOUSE SPIRITS DISTILLERY—Harvest Fundraiser: Béisbol, Sean Flinn, DJ Hanukkah Miracle, 6 pm, $35-85 IVORIES—Farnell Newton, 8 pm, $10 JADE LOUNGE—My Father’s Pocket Watch, Colin Johnson, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Soul Vaccination, 8 pm, $12 KELLS—Coming Up 3s, 9:30 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Aaron O’Bryan, Mighty, Durante Lambert, Scott van Wald, Hijinks, Lance Edward, 9 pm, $10 ★ KENTON CLUB—The Whines, The Slidells, Still Caves, Scared Crow, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Heavy Voodoo, Ancient Warlocks, Beard of Bees, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—The Portland Playboys, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Crow Quill Night Owls, 9:30 pm ★ THE LOVECRAFT—Iceland, 10 pm

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 33

34 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

Music

Live Music

LISTINGS

★ MISSION THEATER—Patrick Watson, Half Moon Run, 9 pm, $15 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Toy Trains, 4 pm, all ages; Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm; Snapperheads, Hey Shut Up, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Susanna Hoffs, Michele Van Kleef, 9 pm, $22-25 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Johnnie Ward’s Sharkskin Review, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Tony Trischka, Twisted Whistle, 7 pm, $18 MUDDY RUDDER—Terry Robb, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Rachael Yamagata, 3 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm THE OLD CHURCH—Singing Classics: Satori Men’s Chorus, 8 pm, all ages ★ PETER’S ROOM AT THE ROSELAND—The Internet, Syd the Kyd, Matt Martians, 8 pm, all ages PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Rodeo Rose, 9 pm, $2-5 ★ THE PRESS CLUB—Meester & Meester, Jenny Conlee, Bernardo Gomez, 8 pm RECORD ROOM—Gay Ghost, Lunar Grave, Mallory, 8:30 pm, $3-5 ★ RED & BLACK CAFE—Voice Traffic, Memory Boys, Glass Teeth, 7 pm RED ROOM—Mohawk Yard, Chronological Injustice, Sabateur, 9:30 pm RINGLER’S PUB—Jonah Luke, 3 pm, free ★ ROSELAND—Too $hort, Chillest Illest, Steady the Boss, Maniac Lok, 8 pm, $25, all ages ROTTURE—Contempt, Ninth Moon Black, Antikythera, Rolling Through the Universe, 9 pm, $5 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Jaime Leopold & The Short Stories, 6 pm, free, all ages; Shanghai Woolies, Toque Libre, 9 pm, $10 SHAKER AND VINE—Noah Bernstein, 8 pm, $5 SLABTOWN—The Underlings, Pellet Gun, Hot for Chocolate, Fasters, 9 pm ★ SLIM’S—Hooker, Sun Angle, 9 pm, free SLOAN’S TAVERN—The Witching Hour: DJ Dark Daughter, 9 pm STAR THEATER—The My Oh Mys, Jaycob Van Auken, Jenna Ellefson, Amanda Breese, 9 pm, $5 THIRSTY LION—Gentlemen’s Club, 9 pm TIGER BAR—Hardcount, Go Ballistic, Ol Devols, 9 pm, $5 TONIC LOUNGE—Lighter than Dark, The Sorry Devils, Will Stenberg, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Torch & Twang: Mia Nicholson, 8 pm, $10 VIE DE BOHEME—J-Cam, 6 pm, free WHITE EAGLE—The Student Loan, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; The Lonesome Billies, The Blackberry Bushes, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Richard Arnold & The Groove Swingers, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM—Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens, Tonight Alive, Hands Like Houses, 7:15 pm, $16.50-18, all ages

SUNDAY 11/18 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Sibelius’ Fifth Symphony: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $21-95 ★ ASH STREET SALOON—Witch Mountain, Castle, Eight Bells, 9 pm, $8 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—Moraine, 8 pm CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Ben Gibbard, Damien Jurado, 9 pm, $28-33, all ages DANTE’S—Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Yards, 9 pm, $6-8 EAGLES LODGE—Cirijaye, Railway, 5 pm EAST END—Wes Urbanik, Vanessa Rogers, Sam Densmore, Christin Byrdand, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD—Billy D, 5 pm, free ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Glassbones, Bath Party, A Happy Death, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—DJ Danny Dodge, 10 pm, free IVORIES—Frank McComb, 8:30 pm, $15 JADE LOUNGE—Alexa Wiley, 7 pm KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Danny O’Hanlon, 9 pm KENTON CLUB—Joe Smith & the Going Concern, 9 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free

LV’S—Blues, Brews & BBQ, 6 pm MIGRATION BREWING CO.—Whistlepig, 7 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Bathtub Toasters, 6 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Classixx, Jerome LOL, Cosmic Kids, 9 pm, $8-10 ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm ★ MUSIC MILLENNIUM—The Next Waltz, 3 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Country Side of Sunday, 7:30 pm, $5 RED & BLACK CAFE—Joe Hill Night: General Strike, 7 pm RED ROOM—Hurricane Sandy Benefit Show: Nothing Said, Grey for Days, Cellar Door, 8 Ohm Prophet, Race of Strangers, The Applicants, 7:30 pm REFUGE—Spark! Circus Fundraiser: Afro Q Ben, The Incredible Kid, Mr. Wu, Sporeganic, Will Kinky, DJ Mom, 3 pm, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—Mike Coykendall, Pony Village, 9 pm, free SLABTOWN—God Bless America, Erik Anarchy, Sabateur, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Lila Rose, Beli3ver, Robbie Jackson, Luz Elena Mendoza, 9 pm THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free TWIN PARADOX CAFE—Sore Finger Jam, 2:30 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—The Woolen Men, Focus Troup, Razorguts, Charles Berlitz, 9 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Mousai Trio, 5 pm; Adam & the Wishermen, 7 pm, $5 WHITE EAGLE—Alicia Viani, Rachel Robinson, Jeanna Love, 7 pm, free

MONDAY 11/19 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Pete Krebs, 7 pm ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Sibelius’ Fifth Symphony: Oregon Symphony, 8 pm, $21-95 ★ BING LOUNGE—Mike Coykendall, 2 pm, free w/ RSVP BLUE DIAMOND—Tom Grant, 9 pm DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm ★ EAST END—La Pump, Lavender Mirror, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Scott Deams, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free KELLS—Danny O’Hanlon, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free LOLA’S ROOM—Freak Mountain Ramblers, 7 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Delicate Steve, Dana Buoy, 9 pm, $12 MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—Melody Guy, 7 pm, $5 PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE—Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm ROSELAND—Grouplove, 8 pm, $18.50, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY—The Carlton Jackson Dave Mills Big Band, 7:30 pm, $7, all ages TIGER BAR—AC Lov Ring, 9 pm ★ TONIC LOUNGE—Dirty Rubbers, Thee Four Teens, Pataha Hiss, 9 pm TRADER VIC’S—Sneaky Tiki & The Lava Lounge Orchestra, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Infinity of it All, 8:30 pm, free

PORTLAND - SEATTLE - VANCOUVER THU, NOVEMBER 29TH FRI, NOVEMBER 30TH SAT, DECEMBER 1ST

Conga Club PORTLAND, OR Club Sur SEATTLE, WA Ukranian Centre VANCOUVER, BC

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TUESDAY 11/20 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Neftali Rivera, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON—Manx, Brain Capital, Chronicles of Bad Butch, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE—Unkle Funkle, Haste, Sun+Fun, 9 pm, $5 BLUE DIAMOND—The 4 of Diamonds, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUFFALO GAP—Chris Baron, 6:30 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—Thanks, Pictorials, 9 pm, $3 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Youngblood Hawke, Aan, 9 pm, $0.94, all ages ★ DOUG FIR—Cold Specks, Blind Bartimaeus, 9 pm, $10-12 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EAST END—Waffle Taco, 9 pm ★ EDGEFIELD—Caleb Klauder, Reeb Willms, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—21 Horses, Laugh at Linus, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—Radula, 9 pm, free; Scott Pemberton Trio, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Woe Is Me, Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, Our Last Night, Secrets, Capture the Crown, The Seeking, 6 pm, $13.50-15 HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES—Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, Hank Hirsh Trio, 7:30 pm

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 35

Wednesday january 23 neWmark theatre

1111 SW BroadWay · Portland, or 5:30Pm doorS · all ageS ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

On Sale

fri 10:00AM

On Sale

saturday february 16 crystal ballroom

fri 10:00AM

1332 W BurnSide St · Portland, or · 8:00Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at caScade ticketS · charge By Phone 855-caS-tiXX X2 ticketS alSo availaBle at the cryStal Ballroom BoX office

KopecKy DADDIES Cherry Poppin’

Family Band

This

thu

Straight No Chaser

thursday november 15 elsinore theater 170 high St Se · Salem, or 7:30Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall 1037 SW BroadWay · Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at all ticketmaSter locationS charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

& neon culpa

saturday december 1 dante’s

1 SW 3rd ave · Portland, or · 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

“the gentle giant”

tuesday december 11 star theater 13 nW 6th ave · Portland, or 9:00Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

On Sale

fri 10:00AM

squarepegconcerts.com

& henry at War

saturday december 15 mississippi studios

3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave · Portland, or 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

36 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen thursday january 17 mississippi studios 3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave · Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · 21 and over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

the neXt BeSt thing to Johnny caSh

tuesday april 23 elsinore theater 170 high St Se · Salem, or 7:30Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

friday may 3 mississippi studios

3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave · Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · 21 and over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

Music

THURSDAY 11/15 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Maxamillion CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Counter Culture, 10 pm, free DIG A PONY—DJ Safi THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—\Joystick/: DarkCloud, 10 pm, free JONES—New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—Synthicide: Tom Jones, Erica Jones, Jared White, Luke Buser, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS—DJ Maxamillion, 10 pm; King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK’S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free SANTA FE TAQUERIA—Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX—Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm TIGA—Erich Zann TUBE—Big Trouble in Little Chinatown: DJ Zimmie, Dev From Above, 7 pm VALENTINE’S—Don’t Care TV 3: DJ Jed Bindeman, Jason Urick, 9 pm VAULT—Jams: DJ 60/40 THE WHISKEY BAR—Emalkay, Cory O, 10 pm WORKSHOP PUB—Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm ★ YES AND NO—Pussy Control Prince Night: Black Dog, Nathan Detroit, 10 pm, free

FRIDAY 11/16 BEULAHLAND—DJ Nik Fury, 9 pm BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Sex Life DJs ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—DJ Drew Groove, 10 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—DJ MT, DJ Raw3, 9 pm, $2 ★ HOLOCENE—DJ Honey O, 5 pm, free; Rockbox: 6 Year

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AALTO LOUNGE—DJ Maxamillion BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Hero Worship CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Pretty Ugly THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—VJ Norto, 9 pm GROUND KONTROL—TRONix: Maximum Electronica: DJ 808, 9 pm JONES—Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Death Trip: DJ Tobias, 10 pm MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free THE REFECTORY—Wednesday Eastside Karaoke: KJ RC, 8 pm SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal TIGA—DJ The Wrong Heather TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free

AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Dave Fulton BEULAHLAND—DJ Just Dave, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CRUZROOM—DJ Edgar Hoover DEVILS POINT—DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Mikee Lixxx, DJ Dirty Red ★ EAGLES LODGE—Shout!: DJ Drew Groove, DJ Void, Just Alice, DJ Liberator, Katrina Martiani, 9 pm, $5 THE EMBERS AVENUE—Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, DJ Disorder, 10 pm, free GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE—After Dark GROUND KONTROL—DJ I <3 U, DJ Avery, 9 pm, $2 ★ HOLOCENE—Gaycation: DJ Snowtiger, Mr. Charming, Ill Camino, 9 pm, $3 JONES—’80s & ‘90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—Manchester Night: DJ Bar Hopper, Selector TNT, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Kenoy, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu TIGA—Hostile Tapeover TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE—Holla & Oates, 10 pm VALENTINE’S—DJ Safi, 9 pm

D RTLAN O P AL GIN Y STYLE I R O ENCH FR

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WEDNESDAY 11/14

SATURDAY 11/17

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DJ LISTINGS

Anniversary: Matt Nelkin, DJ Kez, Dundiggy, 9 pm, $3 JONES—Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOLOKO PLUS—Gulls, MonkeyTek, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu SAUCEBOX—HomoDeluxe: Roy G Biv, Mr. Charming, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm TIGA—DJ Easy Ian TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE—Townbombing: Ante Up, 10 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Ancient Heat, 9 pm

101 1

JADE LOUNGE—Siren Sessions: Margaret Wehr, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mac Potts, 6:30 pm, $3 KELLS—Danny O’Hanlon, 9 pm THE KNOW—French Exit, Pagerippers, Abolitionist, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Honky Tonk Union, 6 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free; Hawkmeat, Sam Watts, Michael Sherry, 9 pm, free LV’S—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Boys without Toys, 6 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Matty Charles, 6 pm, free O’CONNORS VAULT—Linda Lee Michelet, 7 pm, $5 QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore, 7 pm, free SLABTOWN—Serenghetto, Bea Arthur, 9 pm SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Bo Ayars, 6 pm, free TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—The Memories, Mope Grooves, 9 pm, $3 VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—Amaya Villazan, 7 pm, free

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SUNDAY 11/18 AALTO LOUNGE—Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free ALLEYWAY CAFE & BAR—Country Music, 3 pm, free, all ages ★ BEULAHLAND—The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH—DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT—Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Super Cardigan Brothers THE EMBERS AVENUE—Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free

ON VINYL! The Beatles’ studio albums are back! And once again available the way they were meant to be: on 180-gram stereo vinyl, available individually or in a limitededition lavish box set that includes a 252-page hard cover book.

MONDAY 11/19 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Scifi Sol BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21—Witch Throne DIG A PONY—Tre Slim GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free TIGA—DJ Little Axe

TUESDAY 11/20 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Nietzsche CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Mint Revolver, Last Call THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm, free ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—La Jefa TUBE—Tubesday, 10 pm

Get ‘em on sale thru 11/25/12

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SAT 11/17 - TAPWATER, McTUFF FRI 11/16 - DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW THURS 11/15 - OTIS HEAT, YOGOMAN BURNING BAND WED 11/14 - THE DEAD KENNY G’S (Skerik, Mike Dillon, Brad Hauser) MON - SONIC FORUM - OPEN MIC TUES 11/20 - FREE!!! - SCOTT PEMBERTON TRIO

WED 11/21 - QUICK and EASY BOYS, SCOTT LAW, SUGARCANE FRI 11/23 - DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW SAT 11/24 - SHAFTY: A PHISH TRIBUTE TUES 11/27 - FREE!!! - SCOTT PEMBERTON TRIO

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THEATER REVIEW

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X-Rated Slumber Party

OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK

Awkward, Honest, and Everything in Between by Jenna Lechner you think you have your sexuality all sorted out, amory (audience members receive a ticket to Dawn of Sex will bluntly ask you to reexamine.

Ron Jeremy’s Club Sesso), the tone of the viA group of six women of different ages, gnettes at least tries for variety. There’s a sweet body types, and backgrounds, perform a series story about a couple far into a monogamous reof vignettes based in part on information lationship (which even involves a cookie jar) provided by around 200 women AND there’s a sweaty story about a surveyed about their sex lives. jungle orgy.

Aspects of the show feel like One of the biggest strengths a slumber party (although of the show is how stripped X-rated): there’s pillowed down, sincere, and vulnerable seating at the bottom of the the performers make themstage, cathartic complainselves—especially commendDance Naked Productions ing about partners, gosable in Milepost 5’s super Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st, sipy bits, and popcorn. exposed, tight space (which, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through Nov 24 Sometimes the show is strangely, has church pew (no Thanksgiving show), $25, goofy (e.g., a scene involvseating). Sometimes, though, dancenakedproductions.com ing couples therapy that subthe performance feels oversexustitutes a stuffed gorilla for the alized or forced; signs in the audihusband). Often it’s erotic (men in ence encourage cuddling. And, as exthe audience seemed stuck with their citing as it is, the show drags—two hours in, legs crossed or their hands folded at their crotch). and we were only finishing with intermission.

Sometimes it’s over-the-top awkward, to the point For whatever questionable tastes the show rewhere it’s almost confusing—namely, a scene flects, several days later I found myself bringing where unicorns discuss their sex life. See also up the show with the guest I brought. In the end, the show’s banana-themed promotional materials. the best part of The Dawn of Sex may just be the Although there’s a general emphasis on poly- conversations that happen afterward.

Inviting Desire: The Dawn of Sex

MARK GAMBA

I

S IT NAÏVE to believe in monogamy? Are humans polyamorous by nature? Dance Naked Productions broaches these questions with Inviting Desire: The Dawn of Sex—a mixed bag of awkward and erotic vignettes, which covers all the topics you’ve pondered in the deepest recesses of your mind, and plenty you probably haven’t. If

BOOK REVIEW

HE AMERICAN RIGHT is unquestionably anti-science. Denying global warming, choosing religion over evolution, calling a scant few cells a “person,” believing that homosexuality is a choice—these are all well documented, and liberals such as myself (and, if you’re reading the Mercury, probably you) derive no shortage of smugness from tarring conservatives as anti-science. However, denials of evolution and climate change are by no means the only currents of American discourse that fly in the face of science. Plenty of Americans think that vaccines cause autism, that animal experimentation is unethical, or (just throwing out a hy-

COMIC REVIEW

Science, Bitches pothetical here) that fluoridating a city’s water passages are so aggressively axe-grindy that Christopher Hitchens’ drunken ghost very well supply is anything other than beneficial.

In Science Left Behind, Alex B. Berezow could have penned them. Such posturing is not going to convince organic food enthuand Hank Campbell (who describe siasts that their given issue is so themselves as “science liberals”) Science much marketing hype, or memrun down a litany of leftist sins Left Behind bers of PETA that animal reregarding science, and outline search saves human lives. The progressive contributions to

by Alex B. Berezow, various chapters, too, are not America’s grand tradition of Hank Campbell equally good. Berezow and anti-intellectualism. As laud(PublicAffairs) Campbell are engaging when able as Berezow and CampPowell’s City of Books, they’re talking about green enbell’s project is, though, the 1005 W Burnside, Thurs ergy and GMOs, but later chapbook is better in concept than it Nov 15, 7:30 pm ters railing against political correctis in execution. ness with regard to gender and race While the authors do a decent job of listing ways that progressives have (just feel tacked on, boilerplate, and a little silly.

Nevertheless, Berezow and Campbell’s meslike conservatives) hampered science, they do not do an especially good job of saying where sage is jarring and necessary. Science is vilified given anti-science ideologies come from. The in American political life. People believe things book is a sometimes-enjoyable (and accurate) because they wish to, not because of what is collection of polemics, but it’s not any good as true. This has real-world consequences when it comes to the implementation of beneficial techcriticism or sociology.

Given that they spend so much time tilting nology. Anti-scientism is everywhere, and acat straw men, Science Left Behind’s tone is knowledging that much of it comes from our own more angry than it is persuasive. Some of the political tribe is a hard and inconvenient truth.

Big Plans Bridge City Comics Dives into Publishing by Courtney Ferguson

W

E CAN’T have too many comic books

in this town. Bridge City Comics jumps into the happy slough of local funny-book publishers with Big Plans, a collection of lo-

RANIA MATAR • BLUE SKY GALLERY 122 NW 8TH • THROUGH DEC 2

The Cleanest Filth—A special edition of Whitney Streed’s Weekly Recurring Humor Night, with Ian Karmel, Shane Torres, Anthony Lopez, and more, all telling the dirtiest jokes allowed on TV. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, Wed Nov 14, 9:30 pm, $3-5 Ian Frazier—The Cursing Mommy’s Book of Days is a novel culled from Frazier’s widely read columns for the New Yorker. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, Thurs Nov 15, 7 pm, powells.com

Why Your Hippie Friends Are Filled with Wrong by Joe Streckert

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A GIRL AND HER ROOM

cal creator Aron Nels Steinke’s autobiographi- deceptively cute artwork.”

It’s true. Steinke’s art is unabashedly adorcal comics. The handsome soft-cover spans able—cartoonish and bubbly and full of five years of Steinke’s life, from trips cats. With strong lines and crossto the bar to scary experiences at Big hatching, his characters and dethe airport to enduring slave-wage Plans tailed Portland backdrops alpizza shifts. It’s an enjoyable colmost beg you to break out your lection of Portland-centric exby Aron Nels Steinke supply of colored pencils—not periences—simple, engaging, (Bridge City Comics) to deface, but to spend more and relatable.

Release party at Bridge coloring-book time in this world.

“I started bugging him about City Comics, 3725 N But what’s lurking under all that two years ago to let me be the Mississippi, Fri Nov 16, 6-9 pm charm is that Steinke’s well-timed one to publish a collection of his stories are emotionally charged and Big Plans series,” says Bridge City harrowing (he evades a shooter at the Comics owner Michael Ring. “Aron has a great art style… I also think he has a really mall, there’s a potential terrorist at the airport, pure, honest voice in his storytelling and I love and his house gets broken into). He’s grappling seeing his more raw storytelling clash with his with becoming an adult, studying to become a

The Lathe of Heaven—A group exhibition featuring new work from artists Damien Gilley, Daniel Glendening, Laura Hughes, and Jordan Tull, inspired by Ursula K. Le Guin’s novel of the same name. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, Thurs Nov 15, 6 pm, through Dec 30 Wild Arts Festival—It’s the 32nd annual celebration of Northwest artists and writers working in nature-related fields. The fest includes a silent auction, the Audubon’s educational birds exhibit, and a signing by Colin Meloy for his book Under Wildwood. Montgomery Park, 2701 NW Vaughn, Sat Nov 17, 10 am-6 pm, Sun Nov 18, 11 am-5 pm, $6 (kids under 16 free) Fred Armisen & Carrie Brownstein—Uh oh. The Portlandia stars introduce their new travel guide Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors.

Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, Tues Nov 20, 7 pm, $16.99 (includes copy of the book), powells.com

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS

teacher, drinking and drawing, and in love with his girlfriend. Sound like anyone you know?

As for Bridge City Comics’ publishing future, Ring says he plans to put out two books a year, and ultimately he’d like to publish quarterly as momentum gathers. “I really love all types of comics and my interests pinball all over the place,” Ring explains. “I’d love to dig into fiction or fantasy or anything, really. I would love to publish a great, hard sci-fi book like Image’s Prophet… but I’ve been bugging a couple of people here and there about letting me at their work. I’ve also been kicking around a few ideas with some friends about doing a line of youngadult horror novels. And then there’s the Rockford Files zine I’ve been threatening people I’d put together!”

Ring jokes, but given how well Big Plans turned out, it doesn’t seem that farfetched that Bridge City Comics might be able to pull off a James Garner omnibus.

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 39

News

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Arts Calendar READINGS WEDNESDAY 11/14

FRONT 2ND EDITION DISTRIBUTION PARTY A celebration of the second edition of the magazine about Portland’s dance scene. Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand, 5 pm

SINA GRACE A signing by the author of the semi-autobiographical Not My Bag, a gothic story about a young artist working at a department store. Things from Another World, 2916 NE Broadway, 284-4693, 7 pm

CIRCLE Loggernaut presents readings from Evan Schneider, author of A Simple Machine, Like the Lever, Natalie Serber, author of Shout Her Lovely Name, and poet W. Vandoren Wheeler.

Ristretto Roasters, 3808 N. Williams Suite 125, 7:30 pm

SANDOR ELLIX KATZ Celebrate National Pickle Day with the release of The Art of Fermentation. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

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HOP IN THE SADDLE

A release party for the successfully Kickstartered beer ’n’ bikes guide Hop in the Saddle. Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd Ave, 922-2012. Thurs 6 pm.

BRAVE ON THE PAGE

A reading from five local authors featured in the publication, including Scott Sparling, Kate Gray, Stevan Allred, Liz Scott, and Jackie Shannon Hollis. Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 248-2900, 2 pm, free

SUNDAY 11/18 JOE BIEL

Beyond the Music is a collection of interviews from myriad people showing the ways that punk values shape mainstream American life. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

TRUTH OR FICTION: BRING IN THE CLOWNS A storytelling event in which the audience must distinguish between true and fictional stories. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th, 309-3723, 8 pm

MONDAY 11/19 JACK NISBET

David Douglas, a Naturalist at Work is Nisbet’s illustrated collection of essays examining of Douglas’ career. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

RACHEL NEUMANN Not Quite Nirvana is Neumann’s memoir, telling the story of a fast talking New Yorker who became editor for a Zen master. Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

TUESDAY 11/20

BRIAN DOYLE, ROBIN CODY Doyle will read a recently published story of a war vet who lost his foot and decides to go and find it, and Cody will read from his memoir Voyage of a Summer Sun: Canoeing the Columbia River. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726, 7 pm

HUMANITY ON WHEELS 2 Tri-Met and the Jack London join forces once again to present the sequel to their transit-themed storytelling event, featuring Portlanders sharing stories of their adventures on bus and train. Jack London Bar at the Rialto, 529 SW 4th, 227-5327, 7:30 pm

JEFF SPECK Walkable City is a practical vision on how to make cities great again through maximizing potential walkability. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

THEATER PERICLES, PRINCE OF TYRE Northwest Classical Theatre Company’s collaboration with Willamette Shakespeare, presenting one of Shakespeare’s fairytale-esque romances. Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th, 971-244-3740, opens Nov 16, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 9, $18-29

SHAKESPEARE PARTY: RICHARD III Another get together from Surprise Party Theatre, translating Shakespeare through the prism of karaoke: audience members get parts at the door, are provided scripts, and then perform the play. Jack London Bar at the Rialto, 529 SW 4th, 227-5327, Thurs Nov 15, 7:30 pm

40 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

MOTHER COURAGE AND HER CHILDREN Theatre Vertigo’s production of Bertolt Brecht’s passionate anti-war play, translated by Pulitzer Prize-winner Tony Kushner. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, through Nov 17, $15

BLOODY BLOODY ANDREW JACKSON Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is a fantastic script, full of pointed reference to the shallowness of our political discourse, but Portland Playhouse’s uneven production suffers in striking a balance between comedy, musical spectacle, and legitimate historical tragedy. ALISON HALLETT Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott, 488-5822, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm, Wed Nov 14, 7:30 pm and Wed Nov 21, 7:30 pm, through Nov 25, $21-40

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM Portland Center Stage presents their production of William Shakespeare at his most fantastical, featuring a tale of love, magic, and confused actors getting up to mischief in the middle of the forest. Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th, 445-3700, Tues-Sun 7:30 pm, Thurs Nov 15, noon and Sat Nov 17, 2 pm, through Dec 23, $30-43

COMEDY THE CHUCK N BUCK SHOW A live variety/talk-show from the stage of Dante’s, featuring special guest Blag Dahlia of the Dwarves. Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, Tues Nov 20, 9 pm, $21

COMEDY... FOR YOUR HEALTH Featuring stand-up performances from Marcia Belsky, Jon Washington, Nick Walker, Anthony Lopez, and Ian Karmel.

Hosted by Andie Main. Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 2482900, Wed Nov 14, 8 pm, free

JOHN CAPARULO A man known for his blue collar roots, Caparulo first got major notice in Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show and has been touring non-stop ever since. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-643-8669, Thurs Nov 15, 8 pm, Fri Nov 16, 7:30 & 10 pm and Sat Nov 17, 7:30 & 10 pm, $25-30

LIVE WIRE RADIO! Portland’s homegrown radio variety show, hosted by Courtenay Hameister, featuring NPR White House Correspondent Ari Shapiro, writer/director Arthur Bradford, author Lois Leveen, and music by Sara Jackson-Holman and Federale. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055, Sat Nov 17, 7:30 pm, $23-25

VISUAL ART THE ART OF GUY BURWELL AND 2ND ANNIVERSARY BEST OF GROUP SHOW People’s celebrate both their second birthday and the art of Guy Burwell with a joint exhibition of works. People’s Art of Portland at Pioneer Square Mall, 700 SW 5th, Suite 4005, Sat Nov 17, 5 pm and Nov 18-29

AVIGAIL MOSS A discussion on the works of Marianne Wex, including her relationship to painting, and how painting can be a horizon for different kinds of practice. YU Contemporary, 800 SE 10th, 236-7996. Sun Nov 18, 4 pm

CRIME AGAINST NATURE An exhibition of works from artist Gwenn Seemel, using colorful paintings of animals to explore societal myths about gender. Place Gallery at Pioneer Place Mall, 700 SW 5th, 3rd floor, Sat Nov 17, 5 pm

DEREALIZATIONS I A one-night-only exhibition of interactive and static multimedia works made from hacked 32-bit gaming consoles.

Light Box Kulturehaus, 2027 NE Martin Luther King, Fri Nov 16, 6 pm

MUSH, MUSH, THE SLOPING MIDNIGHT LINE An exhibition of new works on paper by artist Carson Ellis, influenced by Belgian novelist Sigrid Undset. Features supporting works by Midori Hirose. Nationale, 811 E Burnside, Suite 112, Nov 14-Dec 9 and Sat Nov 17, 6 pm

NIKKI MCCLURE An exhibit of new papercut works by Nikki McClure, made with single sheets of black paper, an x-acto knife, and a willingness to tell stories of life, motherhood, friendship, and community. Land, 3925 N Mississippi, 451-0689, through Dec 2

For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com

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Fashion

by Marjorie Skinner

Emily Katz’s In the Flower Months

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NE OF THE most prominent forces in the local apparel scene, multimedia artist/designer/musician Emily Katz has been off the radar for the past few years. This month marks her exciting return with art show In the Flower Months. In conjunction with the show, she is launching her first clothing collection since 2010. Katz took a moment to catch up with us on where she’s been and what her return looks like. Art show at Breeze Block Gallery, 323 NW 6th, through Nov 30; fashion show at same location, Sat Nov 17, 8 pm, $7 (includes hosted bar)

EMILY KATZ ALICIA J. ROSE

MERCURY: Why did you withdraw from the fashion scene, and what led to your return?

EMILY KATZ: There were many reasons for my withdrawal. The economy crashed and affected me pretty heavily. I had shipped 100 skirts to Anthropologie and they refused to pay for them. Luckily I convinced them to take half, but it was bank-breaking. Many other stores closed that also had outstanding orders or payments due, so it was partially a financial decision.

Then there was a general feeling of a shift in the fashion scene, and I admit I didn’t feel emotionally connected or safe. In the interim, I have spread out my time making art, music, writing, cooking, and searching for greater meaning and purpose. The reason I decided to return is that I found myself at the fabric store inspired. And working in embroidery again, which is where it all began, made me think about what comes most easily to me, and I am setting out to focus on it.

The accompanying art exhibit draws heavily from Jeevan Singh’s poetry. Can you tell me about your relationship to the author?

I was offered this solo art show back in February, and at the time, I didn’t know what I planned on doing. I have been working on these layered tulle-embroidered drawings for a few years now, but wasn’t feeling connected to any imagery. I was talking about my dreams one day with Jeevan, and she said she was writing poems about her dreams. It just clicked. Jeevan and I have known each other for 10 years, and we used to play music in my band Love Menu. I respect the way in which she exposes her subjects, shines light on them, and plays with her words. From there it all made sense: rearranging my room to recall dreams, drawing images of flowers that evoke dreams, poppies, angelica….

The description of materials in your new line suggests that these clothes are detail heavy, meant to walk a line between waking and sleeping. Can you expound on that a bit?

I imagine them as dream-wear. That can mean many things. I was thinking about dreaming in the literal sense, maybe you would wear the dress to sleep, but maybe it

EMILY KATZ ALICIA J. ROSE

EMILY KATZ ALICIA J. ROSE

is your “dream dress”: the colors are soft, but with some bold standouts. The fabrics are all very sumptuous. There is velvet. There are formal details, lace that is made through embroidering. There are tops, dresses, vests, skirts, and outerwear. I would say that the garments are all functional and wearable, but there is a lot of sheerness, and while some items are delicate and “dreamy,” others are more grounded and “awake.”

Does this collection mean that you are “back” in terms of clothing?

Before I was stuck in a machine that wasn’t working or making me happy, and now I feel excited to have the freedom to create beautiful things because I want to, because I am inspired.

That said, I sometimes miss the days of the old guard. I miss Seaplane, and the very DIY fashion shows that were always put on so elegantly. But now we have events like Content, which I think is really amazing. And as long as it is still inspired and satisfying, then I will continue. I don’t yet know what that looks like, but I am ready for whatever it is. @MJK+Skinner800 on Twitter

THIS WEEK ON THE MERCURY ’S FASHION BLOG mod.portlandmercury.com Shopping

HOT HOLIDAY SALES! ( SCREW YOU, “BLACK FRIDAY.” ) November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 41

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42 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

Film

Lincoln Is Fucking Crazy!!!

Just Kidding! Lincoln Is Exactly What You Expect by Erik Henriksen

Janusz Kaminski’s reverential sepia tones: Even when it tries to humanize Lincoln, it’s mostly just here to reaffirm what a Great Man he was and how he made some Lincoln Very Important History.

Kushner smartly sidesteps the dir. Steven Spielberg weakness of most biopics—trying to Opens Fri Nov 16 fit everything in—by keeping Lincoln Various Theaters focused on the end of Lincoln’s life, as the Civil War wraps up and he gets all sneaky in his attempts to force the House into ratifying the Thirteenth Amendment. Simultaneously finishing up a brutal war and trying to end slavery makes for a few challenges, which means Lincoln leans heavily on both his savvy secretary of state, William Seward (David Strathairn), and professional cantankerous bastard Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones), a Pennsylvania representative who gleefully pisses off as many people as LINCOLN “Did I mention I freed the slaves? I did? Oh. Right.” possible. There are about a billion other peoSCAR BAIT doesn’t get much more Spielberg’s other Oscar bait-y films have tak- ple here, too, from Lincoln’s wife Mary Todd baiting than this: Steven Spielberg di- en—this one feels particularly like Amistad, Lincoln (Sally Field) to his son Robert (Joseph recting Daniel Day-Lewis with a Tony Kush- though there’s some War Horse in here too. Gordon-Levitt), Ulysses S. Grant (Jared Harner script about the final months of America’s Lincoln is a generally well-made film, but it’s ris) to shady political operative W.N. Bilbo most beloved, tragic president. By and large, also one stitched together from Day-Lewis’ (James Spader, who basically steals every Lincoln wanders many of the same paths dramatic monologues and cinematographer scene he’s in, even when he’s going up against

O

Messy Melodrama

A Late Quartet: The Inherent Messiness of Life, Set to Music by Jen Graves

A

A LATE QUARTET “It’s like Mr. Walken’s Opus. Did you get the joke I made?”

T THE START of A Late Quartet, Chris- drama, it’s Philip Seymour Hoffman and topher Walken’s character explains to a Catherine Keener. They play the second viogroup of his cello students that Beethoven’s lin and the viola, respectively, of the Fugue late quartet, Opus 131, is not the standard String Quartet, of which Walken is cello. Mark Ivanir plays the driven, obsessive first four movements but instead has seven violin; Imogen Poots is the just-postparts and that you have to play them A teenaged daughter of Hoffman and straight through with no breaks, Late Keener, a rageful, driven violinist which causes your instruments to Quartet herself. go all out of tune with one anothdir. Yaron Zilberman The Parkinson’s registers not er. “It’s a mess,” he says.

Opens Fri Nov 16 only in the body of the cellist, but It’s also a metaphor about how Fox in the body of the quartet. Upon basic entropy affects togetherness.

Tower 10 Walken’s announcement, Hoffman deThe togetherness, say, of a musical cides it’s time to announce his desire to share group that’s been playing together for 25 years when the oldest member finds he has the lead, not just play second, as well as for more Parkinson’s and can’t go on. Walken plays free-spirited readings of the music. Meeting that character. Has he ever been the emo- resistance, he decides to fuck a hot dancer; not tional center of a film before? It’s magical. For exactly a creative decision. Neither is the brief much of A Late Quartet, the camera follows coupling of the two driven violinists of two difthe storm of the other characters’ drama—of- ferent generations.

But the movie’s central truth—messes get ten, melodrama—until it finds a resting place once again on Walken’s alien face, quietly made, regardless of intentions—overshadows registering the effects of old age, including its tidy, clumsy Jenga of a drama because the performances are just that good. Walken is the death of his wife.

If any pair of actors could mellow melo- getting old. See him.

Day-Lewis). Not only is there a lot going on, but whenever Lincoln’s involved—which is almost always—the history-defining significance of each of his words and actions weighs the picture down.

It’s when Spielberg too-briefly wanders off and focuses on Stevens or Bilbo that Lincoln starts to feel lively and sharp—less like a reverent tribute, and more like a series of events that real people experienced. If there’s one thing Lincoln illustrates, it’s the difference between a well-crafted film (which Lincoln is) and a film that’s interesting (which Lincoln isn’t): I’m unable to point to any element of Lincoln that doesn’t more or less work as it’s supposed to, but it’s largely a film that just doesn’t intend to do much. Some of it is rousing and some of it is sappy, and all of it will be vaguely familiar to everyone who didn’t fail eighth-grade US history, and that’s about it.

That’s not to say there isn’t some great stuff here, mostly when it comes to the performances: Jones, Spader, and Strathairn are fantastic, and there are solid turns from the grab bag of stars who basically make cameos. As every poster, every ad, and almost every frame reminds us, though, this is Day-Lewis’ movie, and he’s as unrecognizable and powerful as ever. He’s a great Lincoln—and even if Spielberg’s movie isn’t all that great, it gets the job done. Which, when it comes to your annual dose of Oscar bait, is about all that one can reasonably expect.

No Laughing Matter Monty Python’s Soul, Reduced to a Cartoon by Jamie S. Rich

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A LIAR’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY “We are the annoying comedians who say ‘Ni!’”

behind for extended sequences while the HIS MUST’VE SEEMED like a good animators show off. Flying Circus sketches idea, once upon a time. The concept for A are reimagined via Terry Gilliam-esque Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty cutting and pasting, while the Pythons Python’s Graham Chapman fits in with the late plotting their television takeover are comedian’s anarchic approach to humor: Usrendered as computer-animating recordings Chapman made for ed chimpanzees. Abstract the audiobook version of his brushstrokes that vivunconventional memoir, the idly relate Chapman’s directors behind the exceldetoxing from booze lent Monty Python: Almost butt up against Adthe Truth reconstruct the venture Time-esque actor’s account of his life journeys into outer as a fast-paced hodgespace. The only conpodge of fact and falsenector between the hoods. Hiring a bunch dirs. Bill Jones, Jeff Simpson, Ben disparate elements is of different animation Timlett that the film is in 3D. studios to helm each segOpens Fri Nov 16 Admittedly, the carment, and bringing in most Living Room Theaters tooning benefits from the of the remaining Pythons to added dimension, even if add new vocal snippets, it’s a docGraham Chapman’s legacy does umentary as freeform and unconvennot. The performer could be an interesting tional as the original Flying Circus programs. subject: He struggled with alcoholism and Sounds amazing, yeah? was a gay man who was out of the closet Unfortunately, from pitch to realization, long before it was fashionable. I’d love to something went wrong. A Liar’s Biography is see a legitimate documentary on his life, as a boring mess. There’s a difference between opposed to A Liar’s Biography, which merely “anything goes” and “all over the place,” applies a light basting of reality to a whole and this film ends up being the latter, never lot of hooey. quite gelling and, worse, leaving its subject

A Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 43

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44 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

Film

Tied to the Mast

Siren Nation: Of Wonder Woman and Weed by Alison Hallett

WONDER WOMEN! “Has anyone seen my invisible plane?”

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HE SIREN NATION FILM FEST power,” it was clear this doc wasn’t going anyshowcases films by and about women. where new.)

A better option is Audre Lorde: The Berlin Siren Nation—along with Portland’s other Years 1984 to 1992, which follows the more annual women’s film festival, POW—is profitable formula of focusing on a highly an essential part of the local film Siren specific and little-known subject: Poet/ conversation, dedicated to raising the visibility of feNation Film activist Audre Lorde’s connection to Berlin, where she became an influmale creators in a medium Festival ential figure among the city’s small that remains dominated dirs. Various by men. A-plus bona fides Thurs Nov 15-Sun Nov 18 African German population. Audre offers both a look at an under-exaside, the catalog itself is a Clinton Street amined facet of German racism and mixed bag, from insightful Theater a window into how women’s and black documentaries to limp polemmovements intersect and conflict. ics on girl power.

The best of the pre-festival screeners I The festival’s opening night selection is the uninspired Wonder Women! The Untold Sto- watched was the excellent documentary Code ry of American Superheroines, which invokes no of the West, which documents Montana’s ongoshortage of talking heads in its examination of ing battle over marijuana, focusing largely on popular representations of powerful women. a lobbyist who describes his belief in medical The doc opens with a cursory introduction to marijuana’s efficacy and importance as “spiriWonder Woman, and follows up with strong tual.” Other offerings: The promising Mosquifemale heroes throughout pop culture, from ta y Mari documents the relationship between Sarah Connor to Buffy. The doc’s pop-culture two 15-year-old girls in a Mexican neighborlens is narrow and predictable, however, as it hood of LA; She Said Boom: The Story of Fifth retreads familiar narratives of female oppres- Column is yet another documentary, this time sion and empowerment. (I’m as much a fan of about the queer/punk band Fifth Column; and Bikini Kill as anyone, but by the time Kath- Second Best is a quick local short about how leen Hanna showed up to talk about “grrrl IKEA makes monsters of us all.

Globe Trekkers

The Loneliest Planet: Worst Vacation Ever! by Erik Henriksen

“G

OD HELP YOU if you use voiceover emotionally. In The Loneliest Planet, they’re in your work, my friends!” So bel- played by Hani Furstenberg and Gael García lows Robert McKee—or at least the version of Bernal, and the local guide they’ve hired is Robert McKee played by Brian Cox in Adap- played with stony toughness and subtle retation—in one of his screenwriting seminars. sentment by Bidzina Gujabidze. In “Expensive Trips Nowhere,” we know this privileged, “God help you! That’s flaccid, sloppy writuneasy couple—where they come from, ing! Any idiot can write a voiceover The they resent, and how they feel narration to explain the thoughts Loneliest what as their relationship is slowly broof a character!”

Planet ken apart. In The Loneliest Planet, we There are countless flaccid, dir. Julia Loktev know… well, we for sure know that sloppy voiceovers in the history of Opens Fri Nov 16 they spend a lot of time looking pencinema, but at least a few of them Cinema 21 sive, and even more time walking. (Seexist for a reason—sometimes they riously, there’s a lot of walking: The Lonereally are the best way to explain a character’s thoughts. Compared to literature, liest Planet is so stultifying slow that it makes film’s at a disadvantage: It’s great at conveying The Tree of Life look like a frenetic thriller.)

The Loneliest Planet is pretty to look at, but characters’ actions, and less great at conveyeverything it thinks it says through silence ing characters’ thoughts.

Case in point: The Loneliest Planet, Julia ends up being either dull or underwhelming.

Loktev’s film based on a short story by Tom Skip it—instead, pick up Bissell’s collection God Bissell. Bissell’s “Expensive Trips Nowhere” Lives in St. Petersburg and flip to “Expensive packs a punch, in no small part because it Trips Nowhere.” It says a hell of a lot in 17 pagtraps the reader in the confused heads of its es, while The Loneliest Planet says remarkably main characters—a traveling couple heading little in two long hours. God help me, it’s the into uncharted territory, both physically and sort of movie voiceovers were invented for.

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November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 45

‘‘YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IMAGES LIKE THIS BEFORE...

IT DESERVES TO BE SEEN AND FELT ON THE BIG SCREEN’’

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–ROBERT REDFORD

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Film Shorts

‘‘STUNNING IMAGES...TIMELY...

A SOLITARY QUEST WITH GLOBAL IMPLICATIONS”

– Neil Genzlinger, THE NEW YORK TIMES

“HHHHH” – Joe Neumaier, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

A FILM BY JEFF ORLOWSKI

STARTS FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16 HOLLYWOOD THEATRE 4122 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland (503) 281-4215

CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR SHOWTIMES

Q&A with Cast Member SVAVAR JONATANSSON on Sat 11/17. Visit www.chasingice.com for details.

2.25" X 4" THURS 11/15 PORTLAND MERCURY DUE MON 6PM

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Artist: (circle one:) Heather Staci Freelance 2 Jay

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CHASING ICE As interesting as watching ice melt. (In this case, very interesting.)

★ ARGO Ben Affleck’s direction delivers a brilliantly simple telling of a complicated story. Detailed without ever feeling dense, the film should satisfy nearly all classes of nerds (history! Politics! Science fiction! Movies!), as well as normals who just want to watch something entertaining.

ELINOR JONES Various Theaters.

Israeli military. Not surprisingly, for both the boys and their families, this shocking revelation leads them to reexamine their beliefs about love, faith, and family. The boys serve as a heavy-handed but ultimately compelling excuse to ask that grand question of any Israel/Palestine conversation: Who belongs where? ELINOR JONES Living Room Theaters.

★ CHASING ICE National Geographic photographer James Balog’s Extreme Ice Survey took photos of glaciers as they melted over hours, days, months, and years—and captured remarkable, time-lapse images of climate change in action. Chasing Ice spends too much time on Balog and the ART challenges he faces in getting his footage, but APPROVED the footage itself is gorgeous, majestic, and horrific.

AE APPROVED Subject Svavar Jonatansson in attendance for 7:10 and 9:20 shows on Saturday November 17. ERIK CLIENT Hollywood APPROVED HENRIKSEN Theatre.

PLANEAT

Deadline:CLOUD ATLAS

Confirmation #:

Portland’s Historic non-Profit tHeatre

enter taining Por tl and since 1926

4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard

EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128

now servInG Beer & wIne. All AGes stIll AdmItted!

a NaTioNal GEoGraPhiC PhoToGraPhEr’S EXPloraTioN oF CliMaTE ChaNGE

CHAsInG

ICE oPENS Friday NovEMBEr 16

Svavar JoNaTaNSSoN iN aTTENdaNCE 11/17

David Mitchell’s 2004 novel Cloud Atlas has long been considered unfilmable, and make no mistake: It still is.

The new movie by the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer is very much an adaptation, borrowing the basic outline of Mitchell’s book to create something entirely its own. But for all the energy and flair this adaptation possesses, it’s so focused on pulling off the logistics of adapting Mitchell’s novel that there isn’t room for much depth.

ALISON HALLETT Various Theaters.

★ THE FLAT The grandson of a recently passed Israeli German expat makes a startling discovery while combing through the titular Tel Aviv “flat” where the 98-year-old had managed to cram 70 years’ worth of life: Both before and after World War II, the woman and her husband clung to, and even nurtured, a close friendship with a high-ranking Nazi apparatchik (as in, the guy who gave Holocaust enabler Albert Eichmann his start). What follows is a thoughtful examination of the nature of buried truth—the kind that lies forgotten in old letters and news clippings but also, more importantly, in the long-sealed shelves and bureau drawers inside our own minds. DENIS C. THERIAULT Living Room Theaters.

FLIGHT A clumsy, preachy, feature-length infomercial for AA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

FLOOD STREETS “Creative malcontents struggle to find love, money, and marijuana on the surreal streets of post-flood New Orleans.”

Clinton Street Theater.

★ A LATE QUARTET See review this issue. Fox Tower.

A LIAR’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY: THE UNTRUE STORY OF MONTY PYTHON’S GRAHAM CHAPMAN See review this issue. Living Room Theaters.

WiTh adaM BravE BooK SiGNiNG! sUndAY AUGUst 19 · 2:00pm

OREGON KICK ASS HISTORY Presents

THE MISFITS D.B. COOPER NIGHT

TIN HOUSE PrESENTS ARTHUR MILLER’S

SaTurday NovEMBEr 17 7:30 pm · ONLY $5 See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website

w w w .H o l l y

w o o d T H e a T r e . org

LINCOLN

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

THE LONELIEST PLANET

See review this issue. Cinema 21.

★ TH E NORTHWE ST FI LM MAKE R S’

FESTIVAL

Now in its 39th year, the Northwest Filmmakers’ Festival showcases the best and most relevant output from the region. For more info, see “One of Us,” Mercury, November 7. MARJORIE SKINNER Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

THE OTHER SON In 1991, during the first Gulf War, two mothers give birth on the same night, in the same hospital; one mother is Palestinian, the other Israeli. Their babies are switched at birth, a mistake that is only discovered when one of the boys registers for his compulsory service in the

A documentary that will make you feel bad about how you eat. Clinton Street Theater.

★ PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES “I really don’t care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really didn’t care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face.” Academy Theater.

THE PURSUIT OF DB COOPER A film about mysterious hijacker/extortionist DB Cooper, starring Robert Duvall and Treat “Everwood” Williams.

In attendance will be Marla Cooper, “DB Cooper’s Niece,” who will talk about mysterious DB Cooper stuff.

Hollywood Theatre.

REPRESSED CINEMA A monthly series at the Hollywood Theatre, “showing vintage and contemporary films that are obscure, neglected, and from the fringe.” This month: Foxfur, “plus a surprise or two.” Introduced by filmmaker Bob Moricz. Hollywood Theatre.

★ SIREN NATION FILM FESTIVAL A showcase of original films made by women. It’s good. See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater. ★ SKYFALL We’re all in love with James Bond again. Maybe it’s because we nearly lost him when MGM virtually went bankrupt in 2010. Or perhaps it’s due to the general global unease of the day, when there’s something pretty appealing about a hero without superpowers.

Maybe, and most likely, it’s because Daniel Craig has now fully assumed the mantle, with his grim, tightlipped, almost thuggish 007 a worthy reinvention of Ian Fleming’s character. For whatever reason, Skyfall is the most anticipated Bond movie in decades, and for the most part it doesn’t disappoint. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters. ★ SMASHED Smashed introduces a schoolteacher who’s bottoming out hard: Kate (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), a heavy drinker in her mid-20s, for whom “fun drunk” is fast dissolving into sad, destructive, smoking-crack-undera-bridge drunk. Winstead’s smart performance utterly grounds the film, but where Smashed really succeeds is in offering a nuanced, human portrait of an alcoholic: Kate is a good person who does bad things when she’s drunk. It’s refreshing to see a movie that permits this kind of complexity, and it’s impossible not to root for Kate as she finds the courage to take responsibility for her disease. ALISON HALLETT Fox Tower. ★ TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET SING-ALONG See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25. Hollywood Theatre.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 2

Sigh. Not screened in time for press. Review forthcoming at portlandmercury.com/film. Various Theaters.

★ VHS VARIETY SPECIAL Seattle’s beloved Scarecrow Video presents VHS oddities. Hollywood Theatre.

VIDEO VAULT The Hollywood’s series of “some of the most obscure masterpieces of the video store era.” This month: Richard Pryor’s Dynamite Chicken. Hollywood Theatre.

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY NOVEMBER 16-THURSDAY NOVEMBER 22, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

46 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

News

Feature

Picks

Music

Arts

Fashion

Film Film

TV

Sex

Fun

Film Times

LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY-THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16-22 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED.

Downtown The Brother from Another Planet Fri-Sat 7, 9:30; Sun 3

Skyfall Fri 1:10, 3:10, 4:35, 6:30, 8, 9:50; Sat 1:10, 3:10, 6:30, 9:50; Sun 1:10, 3:10, 4:35, 6:30, 8, 9:50; Mon 1:10, 3:10, 4:35, 8; Tues 1:10, 3:10, 4:35, 6:30, 8, 9:50 Skyfall IMAX Fri-Wed 12:30, 3:50, 7:10, 10:35 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Sun 10:30 am, 1, 1:30, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 10, 10:30; Mon-Thurs 1, 1:30, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 10, 10:30 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Tues 11:35 am, 2:10, 4:55, 7:45, 10:20

Fox Tower 10

Lloyd Mall 8

Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Cloud Atlas Fri-Thurs 12:10, 4, 8 Hotel Transylvania Fri-Tues 12:20, 3 Lincoln Fri-Thurs 12:35, 3:45, 7:50 Pitch Perfect Fri-Thurs 12:30, 3:10, 6, 9:05 Rise of the Guardians Wed-Thurs 12:30, 6:30 Rise of the Guardians 3D Wed-Thurs 3:30, 8:55 Skyfall Fri-Tues 12, 3:05, 5:30, 6:10, 8:50, 9:15; Wed-

Fifth Avenue Cinema 510 SW Hall, 725-3551

846 SW Park, 800-326-3264

Living Room Theaters 341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005

Argo Fri-Sat 12, 1:40, 2:30, 4:20, 5:10, 7, 7:45, 9:10, 9:30; Sun 1:40, 2:30, 4:20, 5:10, 7, 7:45, 9:10, 9:30; MonThurs 12, 1:40, 2:30, 4:20, 5:10, 7, 7:45, 9:10, 9:30 The Details Fri 6:40; Sat-Thurs 12:20, 2:20, 6:40 Detropia Fri-Thurs 11:45, 4:40, 9 The Flat Fri-Thurs 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:30, 9:35

15 Lloyd Center, 800-326-3264

Thurs 12, 3:05, 6:10, 9:15 Taken 2 Fri-Thurs 12:05

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs 12:15, 3:15, 6:15, 8:55

A Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman Fri 5:20, 7:15,

Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Thurs 12:25, 3:30, 6:05 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Thurs 9

10:10; Sat-Thurs 12:30, 3, 5:20, 7:15, 10:10

The Other Son Fri-Thurs 11:55, 2:10, 4:30, 6:50, 9:15

Roseway Theater

Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

Skyfall Fri-Thurs 1, 4:30, 8

1219 SW Park, 221-1156

The Northwest Filmmakers’ Festival Fri-Sun See nwfilm.org for showtimes.

Pioneer Place Stadium 6 340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264

Flight Fri-Tues 12:15, 4:45, 8:15 Life of Pi 3D Wed-Thurs 1:15, 4:15, 7:15, 10:10 Pitch Perfect Fri-Tues 1:15 Rise of the Guardians Wed-Thurs 4:30, 10 Rise of the Guardians 3D Wed-Thurs 1:30, 7:30 Skyfall Fri-Tues 12, 12:45, 3:15, 4:15, 6:45, 8, 10:15 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Thurs 1, 4, 7, 10 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Tues 3:30, 9:55 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Tues 12:30, 7:10

Northeast Hollywood Theatre 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215

Access to the Danger Zone Sat 2 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 7; Sat 5; Sun 3, 9:15; Mon-Tues 9:15; Wed 7 Chasing Ice Fri 7:10, 9:30; Sat 3:15, 5:15, 7:10 (subject Svavar Jonatansson in attendance), 9:30 (subject Svavar Jonatansson in attendance); Sun 3:15, 5:15, 7:10, 9:30; Tues 7:10; Wed 7:10, 9:15 The Master Fri 6:45, 9:20; Sat-Sun 3:30, 6:45, 9:20; Mon-Wed 6:45, 9:20 The Pursuit of DB Cooper Sat 7:30 Repressed Cinema Tues 7:30 Trapped in the Closet Sing-Along Tues 9:30 VHS Variety Special Fri 9:40 Video Vault Mon 7:30 The Walking Dead Sun 7

Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474

Brave Fri 3; Sat-Thurs 5:30 The Odd Life of Timothy Green Fri-Mon 3; TuesThurs 2:30

ParaNorman Sat-Sun 12:30 Sleepwalk With Me Fri-Thurs 9:55 Trouble With the Curve Fri-Thurs 7:40

Laurelhurst Theater 2735 E Burnside, 232-5511

Arbitrage Fri-Wed 7:15 The Dark Knight Rises Fri-Sun 3:30, 8:50; Mon-Wed 8:50 E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial Fri 4, 9:25; Sat-Sun 1:30, 4, 9:25; Mon-Wed 9:25

Moonrise Kingdom Fri 6:45; Sat-Sun 1:20, 6:45; MonWed 6:45

ParaNorman Sat-Sun 2 Robot & Frank Fri-Wed 7:30 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Sun 4:15, 7, 9; Mon-Wed 7, 9 Searching for Sugar Man Fri 4:30, 9:40; Sat-Sun 2:10, 4:30, 9:40; Mon-Wed 9:40

Lloyd Center 10 Cinema 1510 NE Multnomah, 800-326-3264

Argo Fri-Tues 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 10:15 Flight Fri-Tues 12:10, 3:30, 6:50, 10:10 Life of Pi 3D Wed-Thurs 12:10, 3:30, 6:50, 9:55 Lincoln Fri-Sun 11:30 am, 3, 6:30, 10:05; Mon-Tues 11:30 am, 3, 6:40, 10:05

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D Fri-Tues 11:50 am Silver Linings Playbook Wed-Thurs 12:40, 3:40, 7:20, 10:10

7229 NE Sandy, 282-2898

Southeast Academy Theater 7818 SE Stark, 252-0500

The Bourne Legacy Fri-Thurs 8:45 Brave Fri-Wed 12:10, 2:15, 4:20; Thurs 4:20 The Dark Knight Rises Fri-Wed 8:35 End of Watch Fri-Wed 10 Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Wed 2, 6; Thurs 8:35 ParaNorman Fri-Wed 12:30, 4:35; Thurs 4:35 Planes, Trains & Automobiles Fri-Wed 12, 4, 8; Thurs 4, 6, 8

Robot & Frank Fri-Wed 2:30, 6:40; Thurs 6:40 Trouble With the Curve Fri-Thurs 6:25

Avalon

3451 SE Belmont, 238-1617

Brave Fri-Thurs 12:55, 4:20, 6:20 The Campaign Fri-Thurs 4:30, 8:10, 10 The Expendables 2 Fri-Thurs 8, 9:50 Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri 2:45; Sat 11:10 am, 2:45; Sun-Thurs 2:45

ParaNorman Fri-Thurs 12:45, 2:30, 6:15

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555

House at the End of the Street Sun 6; Wed 8:20 ParaNorman Sun 2; Mon 6; Wed 6 The Terminator Mon 8:45 The Walking Dead Sun 9

Cinemagic

2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919

Skyfall Fri 5:30, 8:30; Sat-Sun 2:40, 5:30, 8:30; MonThurs 5:30, 8:30

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899

Flood Streets Wed 7:30 K2uesday Tues 7 Planeat Mon 7 Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11:30 Siren Nation Film Festival Fri-Sun See cstpdx.com for showtimes.

The Last Waltz Thurs 8 The Walking Dead Sun 10

Northwest Cinema 21

616 NW 21st, 223-4515

The Loneliest Planet Fri-Thurs 4:30, 7, 9:15

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527

Moonrise Kingdom Fri 9:30-Mon 9:30; Wed 9:30 Robot & Frank Fri 5:30; Mon-Wed 5:30 Sleepwalk With Me Fri 7:30; Sat 2:30; Mon 7:30; Wed 7:30

Film Times are updated daily at

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 47

Savage Love

by Dan Savage

Straight-Up Thanks

R

eading you over the years has absolutely changed my mind on gay marriage. I wanted to let you know that. I also live in Maryland, and, as you know, we voted last week to allow same-sex couples to legally marry. I was excited that I got to vote for marriage equality in my home state, Dan—even I agree that it’s fucked up that people get to vote on the civil rights of LGBT people at all. Thanks for all your writing over the years—it’s really made a difference in my love and sex life. And congrats to you and all gay people in the United States for the big wins last week in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington State.

Just Some Straight Guy

T

here’s something I want to say about the votes—and about the voters—in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington State. But first I want to say this to all my fellow queers: We built this. The breakthroughs we saw last week, which included the election of the first openly gay person to the United States Senate (Wisconsin’s Tammy Baldwin), we made that. LGBT people came out, fought back, and changed the world. We have a fuck of a lot left to do—repeal DOMA, pass ENDA, unfinished business with DADT (trans people are still barred from serving), defending the rights of queers around the world—but LGBT people have made tremendous progress since Stonewall. It has gotten better for us because we came out and fought to make it better. We demanded better.

Now here is what I want to say to straight people: Thank you.

I know so many straight people in Washington State, where I live, who worked unbelievably hard on the campaign to win marriage equality for their gay and lesbian friends, family members, and neighbors. I know straight people in all four states who voted, gave money, worked phone banks, and knocked on doors—all in an effort to make it possible for same-sex couples to marry.

Gays and lesbians are a tiny percentage of the population. And while we laid the groundwork for the breakthroughs we saw last week in Maine, Maryland, Washington, and Minnesota—we built this—we didn’t build it on our own. The majorities in the state legislatures in Maine, Maryland, and Washington that voted to make same-sex marriage legal? Straight. The governors who signed laws making same-sex marriage legal? Straight. The overwhelming majority of people who voted in favor of marriage equality in all three states after anti-gay bigots forced public votes on our civil rights? Straight.

The majority that voted against writing anti-gay bigotry into Minnesota’s state constitution?

Straight. And the president who took a huge political risk and came out for marriage equality before his reelection campaign? Straight. It has gotten better for us—better, not perfect—but it hasn’t gotten better for us in a vacuum. It’s gotten better for us because straight people have gotten better about us.

Rights are rights. They shouldn’t be put up for a vote. And we shouldn’t have to say “thank you” when they’re recognized. The sad fact is that we have had to fi ght for our rights. But here’s the happy fact: We didn’t have to fi ght this one alone. Thousands and thousands of straight people stood with us and fought for us. We had help. And that’s what we should thank the straight people for. Not for granting us our rights—rights are rights are rights—but for joining our fi ght.

Last week on my blog, I floated the idea of having a big party for all the straight people who came through for us in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington State. But all those

Sex

straight people wouldn’t fit in a single ballroom.

But we can fit them on a single Tumblr page.

Queers? If you know a straight person in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, or Washington—if you know a straight in any state or the District of Columbia—who donated money, phone-banked, went door-to-door, or took a political risk on our behalf, take your picture with that straight person, write a few words about what they did, and post it to straightupthanks.tumblr.com.

We saw a huge breakthrough in the struggle for LGBT equality last week. And it wouldn’t have happened without the help of so many righteous, kick-ass straight people. I’ll bet every queer person reading this knows a straight person who they should thank. I certainly do. Thank them in a public way: Go to straightupthanks. tumblr.com, click “submit a post,” share a photo, and thank a straight ally.

Because we literally couldn’t have done it without them.

I

am a twentysomething bi guy who loves sucking cock. I especially enjoy when the recipient really enjoys himself (which is often) (not to gloat) (but I just did). Anyway, my problem is that I don’t really enjoy receiving. I have received head from three guys, which I realize is not a large sample size, but every time it has been a nonevent. It’s almost like I can’t even feel a mouth on my dick. How do I fix this?

Blowjob Boredom Blues

I

n sex comedies, sitcoms, and porn, head is always presented as the ultimate sexual experience, but in reality, some men just don’t dig head. But three cocksuckers is a pretty small sample. Let a few other guys suck your dick—let ’em fall face-first on your sword—but don’t stress out if nothing changes. It could be a preference, BBB, and not a malfunction.

JOE NEWTON

M

y wife and I have been together for 20 years. I love to receive oral, but my wife has no interest when I try to return the favor. She claims it does nothing for her. We celebrated Obama’s reelection with a bottle of wine in the bedroom. When I made a move downstairs, she didn’t stop me.

However, she said it tickled her like crazy. Is this common? Is there something I can do to make this experience less hilarious for my wife?

What’s So Funny?

S

ome women struggle with hang-ups or body issues that make it difficult for them to relax and enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. But some women who don’t struggle with hang-ups or body issues simply don’t enjoy receiving oral sex. If your wife is generally comfortable in her own skin and with her own body, WSF, you may have to take her word for it when she says that oral sex does nothing for her. But if it truly does nothing for her—“nothing” would include “annoy” and “turn off”—maybe she can lie back and enjoy what it does for you.

I

am a 22-year-old female who’s only ever achieved orgasm during fellatio, and my boyfriend will not perform fellatio on me! I have tried bringing it up during sex, but he didn’t cooperate. He told me that he didn’t want to do that to me because a mutual female friend told him that I didn’t want him to do that to me. I did tell her that at the beginning of our relationship, but I don’t feel that way anymore! I’m way too embarrassed now to ask again, because it would feel like I was begging him for fellatio.

Please help me!

Need to Get Mine

T

ry asking your boyfriend for cunnilingus, NTGM, not fellatio. If that doesn’t do the trick—if he doesn’t start eating your pussy— then DTMFA. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage.

48 portlandmercury.com November 14th, 2012

I❤ TV

TV

™

by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

3 Locations Open 24HRS!!!

Cruel and Unusual

I

’M NO STRANGER to cruelty. I firmly believe in the adage “humor trumps cruelty,” and if it’s a choice between making someone cry or delivering an insanely hilarious joke—well, that’s why they invented Puff’s lubricated tissues.

Example! When I was younger, I was fond of terrifying people. Not just scaring them—but actually pushing them to the edge of sanity, where bodily functions act erratically or shut down completely. A fave gag would be to wait for my neighbor to unload groceries out of his car trunk at night.

When he’d take a bag into the house, I’d hop inside the open trunk. Upon returning, he would reach inside for another bag of groceries, and instead feel a human body. Now most people would say “BOO!” at this point.

But as I am extraordinarily cruel, I’d wait an extra five seconds—to ensure my victim was at the height of confusion—and then scream, “A IIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEY Y Y YA R RGHHHH!!!” at the top of my lungs, leaping out to strangle him. Oh, did I mention I was wearing a hockey mask?

Sooo… yeah. I’m well versed in the ways of cruelty. HOWEVER! I always did it for laughs, and never to be a dick—unlike those cruel dicks over at NBC and their insanely cruel and dickish behavior toward the cast and crew of Community.

As you undoubtedly know, Community is an NBC sitcom about a tight-knit clique of odd community college students starring Joel McHale, Alison Brie, Donald Glover, Gillian Jacobs, Yvette Nicole Brown, Danny Pudi, and that also kind of cruel dick, Chevy Chase.

After three seasons of great reviews, a cult following, and so-so ratings, NBC abruptly yanked the show from the schedule, replacing it with reruns of 30 Rock. It took an insane amount of nagging from fans, but they resumed broadcasting the show in March of 2011—without promising to pick it up in the fall. (So far, only slightly cruel!)

JEREMY EATON

Then without warning, the show’s production company Sony (in association with NBC) announced that show creator Dan Harmon was fired—umm… cruelly forgetting to inform Harmon of that critical piece of info—and being replaced by two new writers. Though offered a job as “creative consultant” for the show (which in industry speak is one step higher than a jizz mopper at a porn store), Harmon told them in so many words to “go screw.”

Shockingly, NBC gave Community a fourth season—ordering a scant 13 episodes instead of the usual 25—and scheduling it to return on FRIDAYS (instead of its sweet Thursday night slot) starting on October 19. Hey, waitasecond… it’s way past October 19, and still no Community? How come?

Because the dickishly cruel NBC yanked the rug out from under fans AGAIN by rescheduling it for the spring. This time Community won’t return until at least February 7, 2013 (if at all, right?), which means their Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas episodes won’t run until… hmmm… I dunno… maybe April?

NBC? You guys are CRUEL DICKS. And not “funny” cruel either. Word to the wise, my network friends. You might want to keep your car trunks closed after returning from the grocery store.

Because someone might try to add a bag full of “AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEYYYYARRGHHHH!!!”

Cruel… but festive. @WmSteveHumphrey

This Week on Television WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14 10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM In “I Am Anne Frank, Pt. 2,” we discover if that really is Anne Frank! (Which might explain some things.)

10:00 SPIKE EDDIE MURPHY: ONE NIGHT ONLY An all-star tribute to the king of ’80s comedy, Eddie Murphy!

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 15 8:00 NBC 30 ROCK Tracy plays Jack as a villain in a new movie, which kind of sorta makes Jack INSANE. 9:00 HBO CROSSFIRE HURRICANE A historical documentary of the Rolling Stones featuring tons of archival footage, interviews, and music.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16 9:00 CW AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL A one-hour retrospective of “the best Top Model freakouts.” Yesssssssssssss.

10:00 CBS WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU: A SALUTE TO WHITNEY HOUSTON A tribute show devoted to Whitney, starring Jennifer Hudson, Usher, CeCe Winans, and more!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17 11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Host: The Avengers’ Jeremy Renner! Cue lame Hawkeye jokes.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18 8:00 DSC MYTHBUSTERS The guys examine myths regarding lasagna.

There are myths regarding lasagna? Like what?

Like it’s “not delicious”?

9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD Rick and the gang start to feel like prison life isn’t as awesome as they once thought. Plus, ZOMBIES. MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19 10:00 ABC CASTLE Castle and Beckett go on the run with a witness being pursued by the mob. Sounds more fun that it is.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20 8:00 FOX RAISING HOPE The family helps Jimmy win a contest by selling candy bars—possibly laced with crack?

9:00 FOX NEW GIRL In an attempt to get her divorced parents back together, Jess launches a Parent Trap-style plan. Best plan evarrr!!

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 49

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IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS

Picks

Music

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Film

TV

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Fun Fun

Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com

T

MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE

Tony Millionaire’s work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com

DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH

by Ian Karmel

HE VAST CAVALRY of Portland’s bicycling citizens are the enlightened ones. I’m not saying this sarcastically, I’m not saying this so some girl with total beefcastle thighs will read this and kiss me in public (wink), I’m not even saying it because I’m happy about it—I just think it’s true.

It has to be true. Bikes are so much better for the city, the world, the bank account, and the health of the populace than cars, that it’s scarcely a debate. As long as Portland isn’t Jacksonville, bicycles are the future.

Do you want Portland to be Jacksonville? Do you want to eat Walmart bananas, listen to the Zac Brown Band, and pretend that teal isn’t a stupid color for a football team? Me neither.

Bikes are the future.

So what do we do about it?

There’s an uneasy peace between bicyclists and motorists. (“Motorist” makes it sounds like you’re wearing goggles and a scarf and your eldest son, Randolph, recently took ill with consumption. “Motorist.”) However, there are a lot of cyclists who act like their moral superiority will protect them from the dangers of a crowded road. They slam the back of your car and shout about being entitled to a whole lane, all while ignoring the fact that cars should also be entitled to a whole lane. They death-clock you like Ice Cube if you creep six inches past a stop sign, then blow through stop signs with impunity. And you fucking hate them, or you’re jealous… like when some dude with a nose ring tells you he’s in an open relationship.

But of course they roll through

stop signs! Because you know what sucks? Stopping and starting a bike every other block. Unlike motorists, they can’t summon dinosaur ghosts to reestablish momentum. Yeah, bicyclists glare and huff and act like the road belongs to them, but so do we. Plus, wouldn’t you glare? Bicyclists are naked out there, protected only by a helmet (hopefully) and some kind of microbrewery apparel (probably). What’s the reward? Big calves… superiority? You’re all dry and comfortable and get to sing along REAL loud to some Melissa Etheridge and nobody is the wiser—isn’t that enough? Do we need to play lane sheriff and bully bikers off the road? Do motorists need to exact revenge for every injustice they’ve ever experienced? Naw, dawg.

Instead, let’s try to empathize.

Are you cycling 10 MPH on a major street? Maybe that lady behind you had a lousy day, and all our good radio stations keep getting fucked up so there isn’t anything decent to help her pass the time. Let her by… feel good about your generosity. Did that cyclist just slam your Subaru’s hood? It’s metal—it’ll be fine (plus you kind of drifted into their lane with your 3,000-pound block of screaming machinery). Just give him that “Hey, sorry pal!” wave. Wow, what a levelheaded person you are! You deserve oral sex.

Listen, we’re all going to end up at the same bars on Friday night, anyway. We’re neighbors! Let’s act like it, cheer our civility, and then get on/in our bikes and cars and head home… way too drunk to drive ANY kind of vehicle.

Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com

YOUR ANONYMOUS RANTS FROM THE MERCURY ’S I, ANONYMOUS BLOG ILLUSTRATED BY KALAH ALLEN

I, RAPIST? My friend hooked us up, after I asked her if she had any single lady friends. We went out, and we hit if off. On our third date, we had sex and it was great. You were kinky and so am I, and we stayed up a good portion of the night experimenting with one another. The morning after, as you were still asleep, I climbed on top and entered you. About 45 seconds into it, you woke up and struggled to get away, but I held you down. The night before, we were doing things much more intense than this, so I thought it was okay. You finally screamed, scratched the fuck out of me, pushed me off, and ran out of the room. I was dazed. What the fuck? You left shortly after, ignoring my attempts to talk with you. That afternoon, my friend calls to scream at me and call me a rapist. A rapist?! She said we’re no longer friends and she’s going to tell everyone what I did. I can’t believe this is happening to me! I really don’t know what to do now, except to beg for forgiveness. If either of you read this, I’m sorry!—Anonymous

UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.

November 14th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 51

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