The Portland Mercury, November 21, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 27)

NEWS NEWS

Trading Jail Beds for Hospital Beds? P. 7

FILM FILM

The New Red Dawn and the Old Miami Connection! P. 35

SEX

FREE EVERY WEDNESDAY / VOL • 13 NO • 27 / NOVEMBER 21 - 27, 2012 / At Night, the Pyres for the Dead Light Up the Sky. It’s Medieval.

The HUMP! Fest Winners! P. 5

“I (MAY HA

I M P R E G N A V E) MY S I STE RTE D P. 43 !”

KEEP PORTLAND Why Portland Is Ground Zero for UFOs, Sasquatch, and Ghosties!

P. 11

PARANORMAL

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News

Feature

Picks

Music

Arts

NOTES lovenotes@portlandmercury.com

Food

Film

TV

Sex

Mission TheaTer

Fun

ment, and as a public act is just plain creepy. Not dissimilar from [Camas Davis’] public butchering of animals widely considered as pets.

There is something a bit off about this story, perhaps a whiff of sadism. Good luck with that. posted by Oregon Mamacita

1624 N.W. Glisan St. • Portland • 503-223-4527

JOhn Cale

tue

12/4

(Of the VelVet undergrOund)

LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

RE: “I, Rapist?” [I, Anonymous, Nov 14], in which a “kinky” encounter turns bad when a man doesn’t ask for consent prior to having sex with his sleeping date.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The teacher of this class, Camas Davis, had a great, thoughtful response to this comment. Check it out in the comment section of the online version of this story at portlandmercury.com.]

DEAR RAPIST—What the hell were you

FREE PARKING

thinking? While many Portland hotties love on the kink, consent + kink = the WIN. Kink has two major requirements: (1) establish a safe word, and (2) establish boundaries. No good kinkster can get their whip/cuffs/gagging/ spanking/etc. on without these. You can’t enter a sleeping woman’s hot pootang on a third date or even 15 years into a relationship without first getting conscious consent, such as, “Hey baby I’d love to stir you from your dreams by slowly fucking your brains out… maybe I could do that tomorrow morning?” To which the response might be, “Baby, what a great idea! I’d love to wake up to some hot cock. Can I peg you afterward?” Shit fool, WTF were you thinking?! It’s good you’re apologizing because you messed up big time. You should consider yourself lucky you’ve only lost a friend.

RE: “Parking the Problem” [News, Nov 14], in which the city okays big residential buildings to be developed without parking—and neighbors get MAD.

CONSENT IS SEXY

Does this guy really believe that sharing kinks with someone means it’s okay to fuck her WHILE SHE’S ASLEEP? And then he hold her down and keeps fucking her after she wakes up and TELLS HIM TO STOP? Sorry—Republican congressmen notwithstanding—no means no and rape is rape.

Sue

BEST BUS STOP EVARRRR!

adds to the cost of development. That may mean “excess profits” for developers in the short term, but once the rental market drops, landlords who don’t have to cover the debt service on parking spaces will be able to lower their rents and stay competitive, whereas developers forced to pay for mandated parking will lose out.

Also, where in a homeowner’s title deed does it say that their house comes with a free space to park their personal car in the public right of way?!? If demand for on-street parking starts to exceed supply in our neighborhoods, the city should manage the situation with permits and meters. HOWEVER, at least part of the resulting revenue should be returned to all residents of the neighborhood— even those who choose not to own cars—in the form of neighborhood enhancements. posted by Steve G

EMPATHETIC AS FUCK RE: Portland as Fuck [Nov 14], in which column author Ian Karmel advises both motorists and cyclists to employ empathy while on the road.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN—The bus

You’re missing the most important point:

stop at SE 12th and Hawthorne is the BEST in the city. Not only is it sheltered and labeled with its stop ID, Burgerville plays music just for the bus stop (Smokin’ Oldies: Thank you, Burgerville!) and it smells like hash browns in the morning. It’s also catty-corner to all the food carts in case you get hungry during your bus wait. Thank you, bus stop at 12th and Hawthorne! You make my commute that much sweeter.

one cyclist isn’t every cyclist and one motorist isn’t every motorist. Don’t drift uncomfortably close to every cyclist just because you saw one run a red light three months ago. Don’t ride down the middle of single-lane streets knowing that there are cars behind you in retaliation for the friend of a friend that got hit last year. Remember that there are dumbasses using every mode of transportation, and more importantly, that not everyone using a particular mode of transportation is a self-entitled asshole. Or

Anonymous

PIG STRIPPING: FETISH OR SADISM? RE: “Barnyard Butchery” [Food Issue, Nov 14], in which Food Editor Chris Onstad describes taking a pig-head butchery class taught by Camas Davis of the Portland Meat Collective.

Let me start off by saying that I eat meat.

Let me add that I don’t think that working in the meat department at a grocery store makes you a bad person by any stretch of the imagination. If my neighbor prides himself on BBQ ribs, more power to him (and pass the coleslaw).

I have known many fishermen, but none made a fetish of the entrails.

At the same time, making a fetish of stripping the meat from a pig’s head as art, entertainportlandmercury.com

CRYSTAL

THE

HOTEL & BALLROOM

CRYSTAL BALLROOM

Forcing developers to provide parking

Rape, pig skulls, and the best bus stop EVARRR!

Mistress Belladonna

Cass mcCOmBs

World’s Finest

mcmenamins and opbmusic present

album release Party

Laura Gibson

the BellBoys simon tucker Group

Lost Lander

other special Guests

Fri Nov 23 all ages

moN Nov 26 21 & over • $5 aT Door McMenaMins and True WesT presenT...

red cube presenTs

RailRoad EaRth

Thur Dec 13 16 & over

12/29· Tumbleweed Wanderers 12/30· Fruition saT-moN Dec 29-31 all ages

AmericAn Girls

80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK

sat nov 24 $6 • 9 p.m. • 21 & over • lola’s room

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23 8 PM $5 21+OVER

WITH VJ KITTYROX

LOLA'S ROOM

The ultimate neil diamond tribute band!

maybe we all are. posted by Aestro CONGRATS AESTRO! For being even more empathetic than the hilarious Ian Karmel—check out Karmel’s new column Portland as Fuck on the comics page, BTW—you win two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater… where they care about how you care about movies. They really care!

Fri Feb 8 all ages

d2r: the lumineers 12/3 d2r: passiOn pit 12/4 d2r: fun. d2r: Of mOnsters & men 12/6 d2r: JOy fOrmidaBle 12/8 d2r: atlas genius 12/10 d2r: the shins 12/27 & 28 Beats antique 1/8 keane 1/11 flOater 1/20 slightly stOOpid 1/25 sChOOl Of rOCk: Best Of pOrtland 2 2/6 ellie gOulding 2/8 super diamOnd 2/27 fade tO light 3/15 Big head tOdd & the mOnsters 4/25 lOCal natiVes 12/2

12/5

danceonair.com

COVER ART:

Koen Hauser

koenhauser.com

AL’S DEn at CRYSTAL

115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 • 503-294-0840 • info@portlandmercury.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey

INTERNS Lex Chase, Kathleen Marie-Barnett,

MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner

Cheyenne Sophia Ruth, Rose Finn

NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk

DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams

SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann

SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson

ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad

SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring

COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts

DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan

SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead

ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David

AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos

OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake

ART DIRECTOR Justin “Scrappers” Morrison

PUBLISHER Rob Crocker

HOTEL

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SaM FowlES

11/25-12/1

Scott law

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November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com

3

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SATURDAY

FRIDAY NOV 30 FRIDAYNOV

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SALE PRICES GOOD FRIDAY–SUNDAY M–F 10 –7, SAT 10 – 6, SUN 11–5 503-233-0706 • 426 SE GRAND • NEXTADVENTURE.NET

4 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

www.StarTheaterPortlan

$7 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

FREE SHOW NO COVER

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SUNDAY

Best Show Burlesque,“The Firedancers In Town!”

DJs, Magic & Debauchery!

NOV 25

$12 ADV TICKETBISCUIT - 8:30 SHOWTIME - 8PM DOORS

TOP FLYTE ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS

Surfsdrugs MONDAY

$12 ADV TICKETBISCUIT - 8:30 SHOWTIME - 8PM DOORS

TOP FLYTE

ENTERTAINMENT & King KliftonTUESDAYNOV27 PRESENTS BAZOOKA'S TUESDAY NOV 27 LUKA

NOV 26

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“The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers In Town!”

DJs, Magic & Debauchery!

NOV c a25b a r e t 9pm - TOY RUN BENEFIT

MONDAY So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? THE

cabaret

10pm NOV 279pm $3 - TOY RUN BENEFIT

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S $20 ADVANCE H So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR ? TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME O WITH A LIVE BAND KARAOKE W FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS !

CHUCK’N’BUCK open mic comedy with hostess dirt starr love

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S ATIC ZMOD SPEAAP CS THIS WEDNESDAY NOV 28 IA IS HR & TH

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ONE DAY

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at a time THE WEEK IN REVIEW

by Ann Romano

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12 Ugh! “Young love,” right? All those (ew) “hormones” and “lack of life experience” and “hopefulness for the future”…

BLECH! We’re just so glad we’re not that little 20-yearold pop starlet/Disney actress Selena Gomez, who’s having a dickens of a time breaking up with that little boy with the hair… oh, what’s his name? Ah! Justin Bieber. As we recently gabbed, SelGo gave JBiebs the heave-ho after reportedly witnessing him lusting after a Victoria’s Secret model—and ever since? The jilted lad has been trying to woo the Disney princess back into his BIEB-PROOF hairless pre-pubescent arms. According to TMZ, Biebs has been texting her to the point where she finally agreed to meet him on Sunday at a NYC hotel for a relationship summit on whether they should get back together. The answer? No dice, pretty boy! Selena reportedly remains unconvinced of the viability of their relationship, and spent the majority of today blocking and Bieb-proofing all her communication devices. UGH! Does that mean we can expect Justin to record a slew of Taylor Swift/Kelly Clarkson/Justin Timberlake-style heartbreak songs? Young people, listen carefully: NO… ONE… CARES about your stupid high school drama!

For once, just let it go! IN A RELATED STORY… We’re old and jealous. MEANWHILE… Well, well, well… look who’s cavorting in public? Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart arrived TOGETHER at tonight’s Los Angeles premiere of Breaking Dawn—Part 2, holding hands and looking as cuddly as two lovebirds who nearly imploded because of a very public cheating scandal can be. RPatz was dressed in a very dapper and slimming green Gucci suit, while KStew was wearing a nude Zuhair Murad gown that… wait. Is that someone else’s sperm on her dress? HA! Made Kristen look.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 13 New news from America’s most fucked-up family—the Lohans!

Part-time dad/full-time creep Michael Lohan appeared on some sort of daytime chat program we’ve never heard of called The Trisha Goddard Show (?) in which he agreed to take a paternity test—no, not in regard to Lindsay. This time he was being tested to see if he’s the biological father of 17-year-old Ashley Horn—the daughter of a woman he admits to having sex with back in 1995. According to mama Kristi Horn, she unsuccessfully tried to inform deadbeat daddy Lohan of his daughter and asked him to pay child support several times—though Michael vehemently denies all charges. Well, as the three sat there together on The Trisha Goddard Show (seriously, is this program on Canadian TV or something? We can’t find it!) the results came back, and… “Michael Lohan? YOU ARE THE FATHER!” Cue Lohan’s fake shock, and then his attempts to hug his newfound progeny. “No! No! NO!” the daughter screamed in horror as Papa Lohan tried to take her in his arms. “I just want to hug you,” Lohan pleaded. Heh… heh… hehhhhh. IN A RELATED STORY… In response to hearing today’s news, Lindsay Lohan asked for a “reverse paternity test.” We don’t think she understands what a paternity test is.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14 In a sad attempt by People magazine to stir our withered ovaries

Fashion

Film

TV

Sex

Fun

back to life, they announced their 2012 “Sexiest Man Alive” to be movie hunk Channing Tatum. (One champagne popper goes off.

The honk of a party horn. A single strand of confetti falls listlessly from the ceiling. And across America, a huge sigh of disappointment. However, since today was a slow gossip day, we’ll momentarily maintain the façade of excitement.) Says People: “[Tatum] is also a sculptor who quotes Edgar Allan Poe, loves to give massages, and can’t wait to start a family.” Anything happening down there, ovaries? No? Fine, let’s continue. “Tatum is all heart and muscle at 195 pounds. ‘I like to be lean,’ he says. ‘If I get too bulky I can’t move well and I like to move.’” Nothing, ovaries? Okay, then.

Onward we go. “People know [Tatum] to be fun and sexy—but they don’t know how emotionally deep and spiritually open he is,” says his wife. Anything, ovaries? Anything at all? Wait. WAIT! They’re stirring! We can’t believe it! Our long barren, dried sacks of dusty eggs are actually moving, and… oh, never mind. They were just reaching for the Kit Kat bar we ate this morning. False alarm.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 15 Are your ovaries dry and dusty, too? This could be the reason why: According to Us magazine, whenever Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt visit his hometown of Springfield, Missouri, the pair takes their six children to the local pizza parlor to let them run wild and “enjoy themselves.” “The place shuts down for the entire night and the kids raise a ruckus,” a restaurant insider tells the magazine. “They jump on tables and even throw food at each other.” In response our ovaries said, “See? That’s why. We’re gonna take a nap, now… see if you can drum us up another Kit Kat.”

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16 In all of hiphop’s feuds—Ice Cube and N.W.A., Dre and Eazy-E, Biggie and Tupac—none even come close to the beef between JayZ and Robert De Niro. Wait. What? Oh, yeah: Robert De Niro hates Jay-Z—because Jay-Z once told De Niro he’d record a song for De Niro’s Tribeca Film Festival, but then never called De Niro back!

Shit got real earlier this week at Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday party, where, a source tells Page Six, “Bob was sitting at a table, and when Jay-Z went over to say hello, De Niro told Jay that he never called him back. He told Jay that if somebody calls you six times, you call them back.” Jay-Z—who was likely bewildered as to why an old white man was lecturing him about telephone manners— tried to joke about it, but De Niro wasn’t having it. The source added, “He can be quite scary when he’s angry.” In conclusion, here’s hoping there’s a Robert De Niro diss track on Jay-Z’s next album! Maybe Jay-Z could just list De Niro’s crappiest movies—Analyze This, Meet the Parents, Analyze That, Meet the Fockers—followed by the line, “’Sup Bob, PHONE A FRIEND I just call ’em like I see ’em.” (Jay-Z: Please contact Ann Romano, c/o this publication, for any and all royalty payments. Mwah!)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17 “Animal wranglers involved in the making of The Hobbit movie trilogy say the production company is responsible for the deaths of up to 27 animals, largely because they were kept at a farm filled with bluffs, sinkholes, and other ‘death traps,’” the Associated Press reports. Why, this is a horrible crime worthy of… um… hold on a mo, dears. We need to ask Hubby Kip for a nerd reference. Oh yes, that should work nicely. Let’s try that again! “This is a horrible crime worthy of Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor!” Hubby Kip says. Sigh. Naturally, the whistleblowers were the only group of people more annoying than Lord of the Rings dorks. “We want to send a clear message to Hollywood that they need to be very careful when using animals,” Kathy Guillermo of PETA scolded. Hubby Kip replied thoughtfully. “I don’t hear ’em saying anything about how Gandalf tricked those poor stone-trolls into staying out until the sun came up so that they turned to stone,” he pointed out.

“Where’s PETA when it comes to the easily preventable deaths of stone-trolls, huh? Not to mention orcs, goblins, the Urukhai, Nazgûl, fell beasts, Shelobs—” MOVING ON.

THE HE

WINNERS

OF 2012

HUMP!

HUMP!

2012 by the numbers: three cities, 27 films, 35 packed screenings, 13,500 happy, horny audience members, two cucumbers, several strap-ons, and 13,500 audience ballots to count. The Pacific Northwest’s biggest, best, and only amateur porn festival has come and gone. HUMP! is a truly magical event, a joyful celebration of sexual diversity—but it couldn’t happen without the performers and directors who make the films!

Therefore it’s our pleasure to announce the winners of this year’s HUMP! Awards. Audiences voted for the best films in four categories, and audience ballots determined the winning films.

BEST HUMOR Runner-up ($250 prize): Boyfriend—a spoof of Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” video… with a serial killer!

First Place ($1,000 prize): Magic Love—a straight stop-motion couple engage in adorable sex around their house!

BEST KINK Runner-up ($250 prize): Mansmash—speed metal + absurdity + genital mutilation + coconut milk = GULP! First Place ($1,000 prize): Krutch—proving that the genitalia of people with disabilities work just fine.

BEST SEX Runner-up ($250 prize): Magic Love—see above!

First Place ($1,000 prize): Alice and Miles—gorgeous, artsy, and the best breasts in HUMP! history.

And... BEST IN SHOW The coveted Palme d’HUMP!—and the $5,000 Grand Prize—goes to… Magic Love!

C

ongratulations to the winners and a huge thank you to everyone who participated in HUMP! 2012. We hope you had as much fun making your films as we had watching them. And if you think you can do better... start working on your five-minute porn flick for HUMP! 2013 now! Details on HUMP! 2013 coming soon!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18 This weekend, chaos struck a plane Rihanna had chartered to take 250 fans and members of the press along with her on her “777 Tour,” which has the dimwit starlet performing seven shows in seven countries in seven days.

The only problem? The plane was beset by delay after delay—frequently with no wifi, phone service, or amenities like “places to sleep.” The tension finally broke when RiRi decided to be three hours late for the f light from Berlin to London—and, as luck would have it, former Mercury Music Editor Julianne Escobedo Shepherd was onboard! “Everyone in coach lost their collective minds simultaneously,” Shepherd wrote for Spin.

“Psychologists will study the footage for years to come…. You could hear the collective snap as people just began chanting and AIR RIHANNA clapping, screaming, until all the crazy unified into a single plane-sized globule.” Label officials looked on helplessly as drunken, “complete chaos” took over the plane, culminating in an unnamed Australian streaking “the entirety of coach, racing up one aisle and down the other,” Shepherd wrote. “I can never unsee his ass, I buried my face in my blanket not to look at his balls, and then I puked into it from coughing so hard. I was sober. Did I mention I have pneumonia?” Shepherd adds that the plane’s passengers were then crammed onto a bus for a 14-hour-long ride to London. At least as things wound down, Shepherd notes there was one upside. “Tanya, one of the plane’s excellent f light attendants, brought back a bottle of cognac. “‘It’s Jay-Z’s,’ she said.”

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Condemned to Death

Hall Monitor

Radical Idea for Rewarding Smaller Prison Sentences May Not Survive by Denis C. Theriault

F YOU BELIEVE the forecasts (and, no, not everyone does), Oregon’s alreadystuffed prisons are facing a budget-busting crisis in the coming decade.

Unless something changes, as many as 2,000 more inmates will join the 14,000 our state already houses in 14 prisons—forcing the state to spend $600 million to reopen closed cells and build new ones.

That threat—following years of budget cuts, and coming at the expense of starving schools and social programs—has pushed Governor John Kitzhaber into some deep soul-searching on the best ways to cut prison costs without compromising public safety. His Commission on Public Safety is poised to release a sweeping set of fixes in time for next year’s legislative session.

Those fixes are expected to include some kind of sentencing reform. But one of the most radical ideas under consideration—giving counties a financial incentive to reduce prison sentences—may never make it out alive, the Mercury has learned.

Despite cautious interest from some lawmakers and other officials—and the emergence of quiet champions like City Commissionerelect Steve Novick—hard-line district attorneys are lining up against a plan they worry would free dangerous criminals and fall short of promises to actually send money back to counties. They also worry that projections for the rising inmate population are too high.

“There are people who ideologically want to reduce sentences,” says Clackamas County District Attorney John Foote, a member of the governor’s commission. “It has nothing to do with cost. It has nothing to do with anything else. It is bad public policy and it will lead to bad results.”

And, perhaps most troublesome for the idea, even prosecutors known for being “reasonable”

about their approach to sentencing are keeping quiet.

Rod Underhill, who will take over as Multnomah County district attorney in January after serving as the office’s longtime deputy, wouldn’t say whether he supported the idea or not.

His office, the largest in the state and known for its commitment to measures like diversion

programs, would be an important laboratory for deciding the shape of any incentive program. And his imprimatur would go a long way toward overcoming whatever concerns his colleagues had.

“There are a number of ideas being talked about,” he said. “There are some ideas surrounding incentives that I have concerns about. That doesn’t mean there aren’t ideas we don’t want to continue to talk about.”

The incentive idea could work something like this: Instead of sentencing someone to, say, 65 months in prison, a prosecutor would instead ask for something like 51 months. The state would send the county funding equivalent to the cost of those 14 months. And the county would use that money for underfunded priorities like mental health counseling, drug addiction programs, or post-sentence

by Denis C. Theriault

reentry programs.

Counties would love to get their hands on that kind of money—which arguably does more to keep people from committing crimes than punishment alone.

“It’s proven work—work that helps people get back on their feet at less of a cost to society than having somebody sit in a prison cell,” says Multnomah County spokesman David Austin, pointedly not commenting on whether the county supports sentence-reduction incentives. “It’s worth the money to try to do those kinds of things.”

The governor’s commission, which is working closely with the Pew Center on the States, a national policy think tank, will likely include some kind of sentencing reform. Kitzhaber, according to the Oregonian, all but said as much when speaking to commission members in September—exhorting them not to heed skeptics who “use fear and emotion to drive public policy by anecdote.”

But instead of attacking prison BRETT SUPERSTAR sentences, the reforms pushed by the commission might tackle something that’s less politically fraught: a costly revolving door that sees parolees and convicts on probation cycle in and out of prison over minor violations.

Oregon wouldn’t be blazing any trails, though, if it does go after sentences. A handful of states, including Arkansas, Texas, and Illinois, have already launched similar pilot programs, according to Pew research.

Jake Horowitz, state policy director for Pew’s Public Safety Performance Project, said a surprising coalition of liberal reformers and groups like the Tea Party have banded together in the name of reform. He praised Oregon as more forward thinking than most states but also cautioned that the subject isn’t simple.

“If it were easy,” he said, “other states would be jumping on this.”

Idling Anger

T

Bus Drivers Join Neighbors in Protesting Woodlawn’s Stinky New TriMet Layover by Sarah Mirk

HE CITY seems to be quietly adjusting to the most recent round of public transit budget cuts. Rider grumbling hasn’t stopped the price of a TriMet ticket from jumping to $2.50 or brought free rail back to downtown.

Except in one neighborhood, where outcry over September’s transit cuts is loud and clear— and gathering steam. In Woodlawn, complaints will actually lead to change, with TriMet promising to repair the situation.

TriMet cut service on nine bus lines and reconfigured 15 others to save $1.1 million this year—and $500,000 of that came from whacking the last 2.5 miles off the #8 bus line, which used to end at North Portland’s Jubitz Truck Stop. Businesses and residents along NE Dekum in the Woodlawn neighborhood were surprised to learn that the end of the line changed overnight, now dropping buses, drivers, and riders into the middle of Woodlawn’s fledgling business district, four blocks east of busy NE MLK. Now, up to three buses at a time line up in front of Woodlawn Park. And, at peak times, six buses an hour circle the outdoor café at the Firehouse Restaurant.

For the past two months, neighbors have been meeting with TriMet to voice their com-

plaints about the change. They’re joined by TriMet drivers, whose union penned a forceful letter in September saying the change has also stressed out drivers.

The complaints get to the heart of the dirty work of driving a bus. The buses lingering next to Woodlawn Park make a choke point for traffic on NE Dekum. Unlike at the truck stop, the noise and diesel fumes that buses create when they idle and make their slow turnarounds irritate neighbors and business owners who are trying to create a cute, walkable neighborhood.

“We’re suffering, so we’re asking them to make some sort of change as soon as possible.”

-Mark Hoskins, Business Owner “It’s loud. It’s smelly,” says Mark Hoskins, who owns the business Upcycles near the new end of the line. “Locals felt blindsided.”

Ending the line at the small park instead of a truck stop has created a rather pressing problem for drivers: There’s nowhere to pee. The two businesses that agreed to let drivers use

their bathrooms say they’ve seen twice as many drivers come in as TriMet said there would be.

“TriMet management has deemed not to include enough time in their schedules” to continue the route to Jubitz, where there is a bathroom bus drivers can use 24 hours a day, reads the union’s letter, signed by President Bruce Hansen. “For the local businesses that have the outside cafés, we totally understand the annoyance of diesel fumes your customers are subjected to.”

Though it bungled the rollout of the #8 reroute, TriMet has made some changes. The agency posted signs saying that all idling buses must be turned off. And TriMet spokeswoman Mary Fetsch says that, as a temporary fix, 40 percent of the buses will use a different layover location in the spring.

But Hoskins and the Woodlawn Neighborhood Association want 100 percent of the buses back to the truck stop, pronto. Frustrated by meeting with TriMet reps in their neighborhood, they’re planning to show up in force to TriMet’s board meeting next Wednesday, November 28.

“We’re suffering, so we’re asking them to make some sort of change as soon as possible,” says Hoskins.

Sam’s Scramble for the Finish Line

T

HERE HAS BEEN no rest for the weary in Mayor Sam Adams’ office this fall—with the mayor, and his dwindling cadre of staffers, still scrambling to push a whole host of contentious issues across the finish line before their impending exit from city hall next year.

Adams, on his third chief of staff this year and fourth since 2011, has been scaring up cash to keep from leaving Mayor-elect Charlie Hales with a crippling budget deficit. He spent weeks wrangling what became unanimous votes on federal police reforms and an expansion of the city’s landmark ban on plastic bags.

His office on Tuesday, November 20, announced a long-awaited compromise on the redevelopment of the Rose Quarter and Veterans Memorial Coliseum. And the mayor remains committed to—and, sources say, has been deep into closeddoor horse-trading to secure—a pay-for-parking plan for the posh environs of NW 23rd.

But reality is beginning to bear down. Adams— struggling against the inertia of the exhaustive, process-heavy political culture he’s championed, while at the same time navigating a city council schedule pinched by holiday vacations—is running out of time.

Will a West Hayden Island deal slip away?

And that means one of his biggest white whales—the Port of Portland’s decades-old dream of swallowing West Hayden Island—is on the verge of slipping away.

Andre Baugh, the chairman of the Portland Planning and Sustainability Commission, told me on Monday, November 19, that there’s only the slimmest of chances his board will finish its work vetting the plan in time for a 2012 council vote. The commission—an important element of the Portland Plan that Adams also muscled through this year—is charged with making landuse recommendations to the city council.

“I don’t know that we can get all the best information in front of us to make a decision before the end of the year,” Baugh says. “It’s not impossible. But it wouldn’t be a good step in my view. It’s very tight.”

Baugh’s comments came after an hours-long planning commission hearing last Thursday, November 15, that brought out so many people— many of them viscerally opposed to the deal—that the commission was compelled to hold another session, scheduled for November 27.

Baugh and other commissioners say they want to make sure they hear from everyone before voting. They’re also waiting for a final report from a special advisory committee also working on the annexation issue—specifically on how to offset the environmental pain that would come from the despoilment of one of Portland’s last great tracts of pure wilderness.

“We’ll need time to digest that,” Baugh says.

Adams already stepped into the process this month by brokering a last-minute deal with the Port of Portland that would pour millions into environmental mitigation. He told me on Monday, November 19, that he’d release another draft of that agreement this Wednesday, November 21. Later Monday, Adams shared his optimistic timeline for a vote with the Oregonian.

Environmentalists like the Audubon Society’s Bob Sallinger have long been urging Adams to slow down and allow for more scrutiny. And so has Mayor-elect Hales.

Adams promises to respect the public process he helped enshrine. And he says there’s never been a land-use vote in Portland backed by this much information. But he also allows that it might not happen under his watch, despite his prodding.

“It’s worth the investment,” he says. “Either way, the city council is going to make the decision.”

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com

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Fundraising Hell C

Progressive Nonprofit Accused of Union-Busting by Sarah Mirk

LIPBOARD-WIELDING canvassers are part of Portland’s social fabric. You can’t miss them—try though you might—fundraising for progressive causes on street corners, door to door, and over the phone.

The tough job has high turnover and long hours. But the local office of one of the country’s biggest canvassing nonprofits, the Fund for the Public Interest, managed to unionize last year. Now, workers say, it’s done them little good—they say that the progressive Fund has fired pro-union workers and failed to negotiate with the group in good faith.

A pro-union protest outside the Fund’s phone-banking office last Wednesday, November 14, brought more than 100 people—many of them veterans of liberal causes, now out to rally against a group that provides the cash for progressive lobbying causes. Signs and chants lambasted the Fund for allegedly undermining workers who toil on campaigns for issues like affordable health care.

Canvassing, and the donations it brings, is the financial lifeblood of progressive nonprofits like the Human Rights Campaign, Sierra Club, and Environment Oregon, all of which contract with the Fund to do their outreach and draft new members. The Fund was founded in 1982 to serve as the fundraising wing of numerous public-interest groups and when it comes to making money, the Fund is very successful: In 2010—the most recent tax forms available— the Fund employed more than 10,500 people nationwide to knock on doors and make calls, raising $26.5 million.

Portland’s unionizing efforts could have implications for all those workers, especially the ones employed in the Fund’s two other permanent “telephone outreach project” offices.

After various stalled efforts, the Fund’s Portland phone-bank office voted to unionize a year ago.

The union is demanding better job security (workers are immediately fired if they don’t meet a fundraising quota two weeks in a row; the union wants that upped to four weeks), a process to appeal firings, and wage stability (calculating hourly wages based on a lifetime fundraising rate, rather than on their performance over the past two weeks).

Since the union vote last year, all six original members of the union negotiating team have been fired. That’s not entirely surprising, given that canvassing often sees immediate firings when workers fail to meet fundraising

A

SARAH MIRK

quotas. But the workers say the Fund managers are finding trumped-up reasons to fire union leaders. Then, over the summer, the canvassers’ union—an affiliate of the AFL-CIO’s Communication Workers of America—complained to the National Labor Relations Board that a Fund representative had verbally threatened to shut down the office if canvassers kept working with the union. The issue goes before a judge this January.

“They’ve been firing us left and right. We’re done with that,” says David Neel, a union organizer who supported two kids on Fund paychecks for a year and a half before he was fired this month, allegedly for cheating on his fundraising numbers. Seventeen of the Portland telephone office’s current 20 workers joined the walkout, according to organizers.

Oregon AFL-CIO President Tom Chamberlain says the union no longer will work as political allies with the Fund’s local partners, Environment Oregon and the Oregon State Public Interest Research Group, until union negotiations improve.

“We recognize the right of all employees to form or join a union, and would not retaliate against them for doing so,” says Fund spokesperson Caitlin Seeley, who adds that the Fund is considering various union proposals.

After last week’s protest, union leaders met with Pat Wood, the Fund’s national telephone outreach project director for negotiations.

Things did not go well, according to former canvasser Neel, who says the Fund presented a proposal worse than the one union leaders had seen at negotiations this fall.

“It was the biggest slap in the face,” says Neel. “Things are not moving forward.”

Full disclosure: Author Sarah Mirk worked in the Portland Fund for the Public Interest office as a door-to-door canvasser in the summer of 2006.

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little more than a year after enthusias- laid out by Mayor Sam Adams and approved a tically approving a partial ban on plastic landmark legal deal with the US Department bags—applying only to the biggest retailers in of Justice meant to settle findings that our cops town, making more than $2 million a year— have a history of beating up, and even killing, Portland City Council on Thursday, November people with mental illness. The deal promises 15, unanimously decided to extend the ban improvements in police training on mental citywide. By October 1, 2013 every single res- illness, new units meant to proactively help Portlanders in crisis, speedier misconduct taurant, food cart, big-box behemoth, and probes, and an ambitious timeline for mom-and-pop grocery in Portland will A starting up a new drop-off clinic. But be barred from handing out singlebigger, also will cost more than $5 miluse plastic bags—the long-derided sexier plastic itlion a year—a cost Adams hopes scourge of rivers, beaches, and bag ban, and to partly offset by raising taxes on trash recyclers. Larger restaurants and stores will have to fall in line conflicted cop two landline phone companies.

Nick Fish fretted that the settlea bit earlier, by March, with some reforms. ment might have committed more 5,000 businesses to be affected overcash to front-end social services. And Dan all. DENIS C. THERIAULT Saltzman, perhaps unaware of just how lean the espite significant misgivings by city city’s Independent Police Review office already commissioners, the Portland City Council is, worried about the dollar amount involved in on Wednesday, November 14, followed the script adding positions like investigators. DCT

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Fun Fun

KEEP PORTLAND Why Is Portland a Hotbed for Unexplained Phenomena?

PARANORMAL J

by Alex Zielinski

ENNIFER ANDERSON loves listening to people that aren’t really there.

From irritated pioneers to lonely prostitutes, the Oregon native’s heard it all— a result of many long nights recording seemingly one-sided conversations with eroding gravestones and empty basements. And she’s not stopping anytime soon.

“Ghosts are just as real as you and me,” says Anderson, who received a degree in physics years back. “We’re all just electricity floating around up here. Might as well make the connection.”

Anderson isn’t alone in her paranormal pursuits. Whether it’s rumors of werewolves in St. Johns or UFOs over Milwaukie, the Portland region has been teeming with folks on the hunt for the unexplained since the 1940s. From blurry Sasquatch photos, creepy underground tunnels, abandoned chemical weapon and nuclear waste sites—the Pacific Northwest was tailor-made for unexplained phenomena. Hollywood even knows it.

So what makes Portland such a hotbed for the paranormal? Is it the volcanic current trapped in the nearby Cascade Mountains? Is it an extraterrestrial attraction to Oregon’s various military bases? Or is it just the curiosity of the population itself, raised in a city where weirdness is a badge of honor?

One thing’s for certain: Paranormal activity has been a staple of the Northwest for a long time—and it’s not going anywhere.

U

DARK HISTORY

FOs owe a lot to Oregon. The state was the first to coin the term “flying saucer,” after a sighting over the Cascade Range— weeks before the famous 1947 Roswell, New Mexico, UFO incident. It even produced some of the first and most famous photographic evidence of UFOs in Oregon (and in the nation) taken in McMinnville, now home of the annual UFO Festival.

“Regardless of what skeptics say, history tells you that this is the place,” says Clyde Lewis, host of Ground Zero, a talk radio show dealing with paranormal topics. “Oregon is the paranormal capital of the country.”

Lewis moved himself and his nationally syndicated show to Portland in 1999 from Salt

Lake City, solely for its spooky history.

“It’s a dark place,” says Lewis. “And for some reason, the paranormal is drawn to it. So I was, too.”

Ghost hunter Jennifer Anderson, head of North Oregon Paranormal Investigators, agrees that the area’s present-day paranormal attraction sprouted from its gloomy history, specifically during the pioneer days. She says that compared to the East Coast, the Northwest had a much more tumultuous and tragic past of colonization.

“With pioneers crossing thousands of miles to get here, some perishing along the way, it wasn’t an easy transition,” says Anderson. “It’s a haunted land.”

Continued on pg. 13

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Continued from pg. 11

Anderson says she recently visited a river crossing spot in Eastern Oregon with a history of pioneer drownings. “Not only were the houses near the bank haunted, but I could feel the spirits in the air,” she says.

She’s also sensed the dead’s tragic past on late-night patrols with her small group of investigators. The most common phrases she claims to capture on her small hand-held recording device used on these hunts are “Help me” and the occasional angry “Get out!”

Once, while traipsing though Portland’s Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery, she was unsure whether she was walking on an unmarked gravesite. “I hope I’m not walking on anyone,” she said aloud.

Back home, listening to the night’s tape recording, she heard a clear “I don’t know” after her question. “A lot of these people had troubled, tragic lives,” Anderson says. “It lives on in what we hear.”

Alien investigators, on the other hand, say that the land itself could be luring in the unearthly.

“We’ve got a large volcanic underlay of quartz here,” says Charlie Robinson, member of Northwest Paranormal Investigations. “Quartz! It may act as a battery to attract other beings’ attention. And then there’s the military bases.”

Oregon has more than 50 major military facilities—ranging from air force bases to armories—a wealthy amount for a state its size. Robinson suggests that the military institutions may draw attention from undercover aircrafts, extraterrestrial or earthly.

“Who knows who we’ve attracted,” he says.

D

PECULIAR PEOPLE

espite its eerie past, many people see the open-minded community of Portland as key in keeping paranormal interest afloat.

“It’s the whole ‘Keep Portland Weird’ thing. People here have a different mindset than others,” Robinson says. “They have the ability to believe in things we can’t see. Or at least not discount it.”

Robinson says that most people who are interested in investigating the unknown do so because of a personal interaction with the paranormal. But in Portland, many simply want to believe.

At a recent Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) meeting in a Portland church, a group of 25 eager UFO investigators dis-

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cussed the reason they were there. Some were old veterans who always questioned unusual objects they had seen in the sky while on duty, others had dedicated years of their lives to taking video footage of flying objects hovering over their backyards.

One couple even said they often interacted with beings in different dimensions in their own home.

But the majority of the attendees had never seen a UFO in their life. Curiosity, they said, was the biggest draw.

“I grew up reading every sci-fi book I could get my hands on,” one thirtysomething man said. “And even though I haven’t seen anything specifically to prove it, I think there’s got to be something out there.”

Eyes trained on a photo of a bright orange orb displayed on the room’s projector, a teenage girl shyly echoed the man’s reasoning. “Yeah, I’m just curious, that’s all. What if?”

Even local skeptics are open to the possibilities. Jim Todd, OMSI’s director of space science education and member of Rose City Astronomers, is known by MUFON as one of the top debunkers in the area. However, he sees reason in the group’s mission.

“Considering that Oregon has one of the best dark sky viewing in the United States, there is great interest in the viewing of celestial wonders,” says Todd. “The belief that we on Earth are not alone in the universe is a persistent one, and follows a human inclination to investigate the unknown.”

And while Robinson is an active member of Northwest Paranormal Investigations, he still dubs himself the “group skeptic.” After going on over 300 ghost hunts with the group, Robinson says he only truly believes three of them could be real hauntings (McMenamins’ Edgefield, the Klondike Restaurant and Bar in St. Helens, and the Heathman Hotel).

“I question everything and tear it apart,” says Robinson, laughing at his stubbornness. “That way we’re certain we’re providing accurate, scientific data. We want to be taken seriously.”

R

PHONY BUSINESS

obinson’s dedicated drive to be taken seriously comes from the fact that so many paranormal groups aren’t. From clearly Photoshopped UFO photos to videos manipulating fil-

tered Star Wars clips, it’s effortlessly easy to find a hoax piece of evidence online. He says that the only way paranormal investigators can be seen as reputable scholars, rather than kooks, is to crack down on these “scams.”

“You can’t prove anything by manufacturing something,” says Robinson. “Until we can weed out the hobbyist investigators, the future’s a little cloudy.”

Even the media’s played a part in belittling the bizarre. Radio host Lewis says that one of his “dreams” would be to eliminate the media’s use of The X Files motto.

“You see TV anchors mention a potential UFO sighting over Portland and laugh,” says Lewis. “Well, you know what they say, ‘the truth is out there,’ they say. It’s bullshit. This is more real than plopping down in front of your TV to watch Snooki.”

FUTURE PROPHESIES

A

s for the future of Portland’s hunt for the paranormal?

Investigators agree: It’s complicated. With the endless stream of fabricated material popping up on YouTube and the media, it’s an uphill battle for those who want to be trusted.

MUFON State Director Tom Bowden says that belief in UFOs in particular will only be accepted on the mainstream level if it comes from someone that people can trust, similar to the nation’s politics system.

“I mean, heck, people trust guys like Paul Ryan, who is full of crap. It’s all a matter of credibility,” says Bowden, who’s been working for years to bridge the gap between academia and “UFOlogy.” “The only way people will believe is if they hear it from someone with a great deal of leadership and following.”

Regardless of achieving the widespread belief in the paranormal, Robinson says that there’s still a lot of work to be done in the field locally.

“This is an excellent area. We’re dripping with paranormal activity here waiting to be found,” he says. “We’ve only just scratched the surface.”

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Picks

My, What a Busy Week!

OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 21-27

Wednesday, November 21

Thursday, November 22

FUNNY—Reliable comedy showcase Funny Over Everything pairs Portland’s best local comics with topnotch touring talent. This month? The utterly off-kilter Los Angeles comedian Duncan Trussell, who’s half stand-up, half “apocalyptic shit disturber,” and 100 percent hilarious. AH w/Ian Karmel, Shane Torres; Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $10

HIPHOP HOORAY—Maybe you remember the Pharcyde as another J Dilla project, or maybe as the soundtrack to frat party Jell-O shots circa ’93. Now we know them as (partially) back together: Fatlip and Slimkid3 are teaming up to play their first album, Bizarre Ride II, from start to finish. It’s a ’90s hiphop dream. RF w/Latyrx, Speaker Minds, & more; Barracks, 1235 SW 16th, 9 pm, $18, 21+ FREEDOM—You know what I’m thankful for? FREEDOM. You know why we have it?

BECAUSE WE MURDERED PEOPLE FOR IT. You know there’s a movie about these timeless themes? RED DAWN. And they’ve remade it! This new one is just as jingoistic and violent as the original. Watching Red Dawn is the perfect way to give thanks—for America, for the Wolverines, for being alive. EH Various theaters, see Film Times at portlandmercury.com for showtimes, WOLVERINES!

A BLACK ANGUS THANKSGIVING—Alone again on Thanksgiving, huh? Here’s your plan for the best Thanksgiving EVER! Go alone to Vancouver’s Black Angus Steakhouse. Gorge yourself on their three-course Thanksgiving Day Feast. Then find a boy or girl hooker.

Smoke a ton of weed (now legal!) and then get gay married (now legal!). Nap. WSH Black Angus Steakhouse, 415 E 13th, Vancouver, 4–10 pm, $16.99 for Thanksgiving dinner (weed/ hooker not included)

Friday, November 23

HOMETOWN HYPE—Some hype about Portland isn’t all it’s cracked up to be— the rent, the roses, the retirement—but musicians like Laura Gibson and bands like Typhoon are worth heaps of hometown pride. Gibson’s folksy voice and the quadrillion harmonic people in Typhoon are fun and engaging enough to make you get all sentimental about PDX. SM w/Lost Lander; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 9 pm, $15-17, all ages

KILL! KILL!—Portland’s favorite sketch comedy troupe—the 3rd Floor, natch—revives their muchloved 2006 show After School Girlfight! Kill! Kill! featuring such classic sketches as “Deep Inside the Valley of the Girl Whores,” “Supertrain,” and “It’s Not Easy Being Teen.” AH Miracle Theater, 525 SE Stark, starts Fri Nov 23, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 22, $15-17, the3rdfloor.com

DANCING DIGESTIF—How’s the huge wad of Thanksgiving feel in that poor, distended stomach of yours?

Pretty loafy, eh? How’s about you boogie-oogie-oogie like you just can’t boogie no more at the boogie-funk Night Moves dance night. DJs Cooky Parker, Rev. Shines, and Ohmega Watts will make your post-disco dreams come true. CF Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5 (FREE before 10 pm)

Saturday, November 24 CHARLIE VOTRUBA

PUNX—Everyone’s home for T-Day, so the Mean Jeans are hosting a post-Thanksgiving punk party ’til you puke! The Eagles Lodge got a little skittish when Scavenger Cunt was added to the bill, so this party moved a couple blocks down to eternal dive Angelo’s. Punk rock, beer, out-of-town friends—this sounds like a goddamn holiday done right. NL w/the Whines, White Fang; g , 4620 SE Hawthorne, Angelo’s, 10 pm, $4

DRAGON SOUND—A recently unearthed epic, 1987’s mind-blowing Miami Connection follows the members of synth-rock band Dragon Sound—who’re also orphaned BFFs and kung fu fighters! When cocaine-dealing ninjas threaten Miami, Dragon Sound springs into violent action… and kick out some bitchin’ jams, like “Friends” (about how friendship is forever) and “Against the Ninja” (about how coke-dealing ninjas suck). EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri Nov 23-Sat Nov 24, 9:30 pm, $7

Sunday, Sunday y, N November ovember 2 25

LIZ & DICK—It’s the trainwreck we’ve been waiting for: Tabloid mainstay Lindsay Lohan stars in a role that she’s nowhere near qualified to play, as Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime movie, Liz & Dick! Based on the true story of Taylor’s mercurial romance with Richard Burton, Lindsay’s “version of events” may just be the campiest, trashiest flick of year! WSH Liz & Dick on your TV, Lifetime network, 9 pm

NEW JACK SWING ON MY NUTS— Your rayon memories of ’90s middleschool dances need not stay memories!

Relive those days in all their Aqua Netdrenched, pleated-pantsed glory, fueled by New Jack City DJs playing the masterworks of Teddy Riley, Bell Biv DeVoe, Keith Sweat, and more! BR Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand, 9 pm, FREE

Monday, November 26 ROADRUNNER—The chance to see one of the world’s greatest songwriters in a teeny-tiny dive bar doesn’t come along very often, so don’t miss the legendary Jonathan Richman when he returns to the Know for a three-night stand. Only 40 tickets will be sold at the door each night, so line on up! NL w/Tommy Larkins; The Know, 2026 NE Alberta, ov 26, 8 pm, $12 Sat Nov 24-Mon Nov

HANNIBAL—The even-keeled Hannibal Buress has a slow and smooth stand-up cadence, but with his deadpan delivery are some absurd anecdotes and very funny twists. And at the intimate Mississippi Studios, his funnyass self will lull you into yukking it up with impunity. CF w/Ian Karmel; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $12

Tuesday, T uesday, N November ove 27 7

SCIENCE SKULLS—What kind of guy collects 300 skulls? An obsessive and morbid guy, that’s who. Tonight at OMSI’s nerd night out (official name: Science Pub), author Simon Winchester tells the story of skull-lovin’ man Alan Dudley, his massive cranium collection, and the power skulls wield over human imagination. SM Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, $5

BROOOOCE!—Former Oregonian TV critic Peter Ames Carlin got all-access to the inner world of the Boss, resulting in his definitive, authorized Springsteen bio, Bruce. Tonight a bevy of local talent, including Corin Tucker, Storm Large, and more, play Springsteen covers for the book’s release party. NL Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $8-10

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 15

16 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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Record Store Day’s Special Black Friday Releases by the Mercury Music Experts Dream Team™

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KAY, OKAY—Black Friday is a horrible concept, responsible for such atrocities as: camping in Walmart parking lots, Bumpits, tramplings, and cherry cordials. But you know and I know that your crocheted pencil warmers and hand-whittled crucifixes are going to take WAY longer to make than you thought they would, and let’s face it… music (music) makes the people (makes the people) come together (yeah).

Record Store Day usually happens in April, but to stimulate your seasonal shopaholicism, record labels have started producing extra-collectible editions of beloved rare releases exclusively for the shoppingest shopping day of the year. Take a look at what we think is worth trampling your fellow consumer for this year.

THE SHINS, No Way Down

Naysayers, in addition to saying “nay,” have been saying it’s not the same since frontman James Mercer revamped the Shins lineup. But all other sayers—you! Me! People with ears!— know that this year’s Port of Morrow album is a damn great pop record, and we’ll swear it by the hair on our shinny shin shins. This 7-inch features alternate versions of two killer album tracks, and be sure to go to recordstoreday. com/NewsItem/3260 for the record’s special, inexplicable promotional video. Ideal recipient: fans of Portland music; yeasayers. NED LANNAMANN VELVET UNDERGROUND & NICO, Scepter Studios Acetate

This is a 1966 demo that was found at a garage sale and released just for you! And other people! The Velvet Underground’s haziness paired with the deep mono-drone of Nico is heavenly and drug noddy (nods to buying and being on drugs, see also: nodding out on drugs). Ideal recipient: anyone whose ears would perk up to hear that this record is on 180-gram vinyl, gold foil stamped, and individually numbered, or anyone you know with beaded curtains.

EMILY NOKES

This Week’s Music Previews

Capitol-era rarities on a 10-inch record. Ideal recipient: your snazzy white cowboy boots, false eyelashes, and clip-on ponytail–wearing aunt. EN

Jesus Christ, why would you give this song as a gift? “Here, friend, listen to this and open a vein while crying your face off.” Unless you want blood on your hands, make sure the giftee is emotionally stable enough to handle it, or at least stuff their stocking with a bottle of Prozac, too. Ideal recipient: a Leonard Cohen–loving ex. MS

Some local record stores participating in Black Friday!

Everyday Music, 1313 W Burnside,(1) 1931 NE Sandy(3) Jackpot Records, 203 SW 9th,(2) 3574 SE Hawthorne(5) Music Millennium, 3158 E Burnside(4)

singles (including two by Ann-Margret!) collected in this box set on genius reissue label Light in the Attic. Ideal recipient: appreciators of skewed country pop and acid folk and all Hazlewood fanatics (why aren’t you one yet?). DAVE SEGAL THE FAT BOYS, Pizza Box

Is it music? Is it pizza? IT IS BOTH, MY FRIEND. The Fat Boys were pure rap magic, and their flat-out perfect 1984 debut album comes in a delicious-looking picture disc reissue— made to look exactly like a pizza. Ideal recipient: any living human being, obviously. NL WANDA JACKSON, Capitol Rarities

The ever-influential First Lady of Rockabilly (the early, country/rock/hillbilly sort, not the Bettie Page bangs/flaming dice graphics/ cuffed jeans, er, style of more recent times), Wanda Jackson’s Capitol Rarities showcases six

LOVE, Forever Changes

Both silky and gritty, Forever Changes is the greatest orchestral psych-pop album ever.

This reissue of the LA band’s 1967 peak comes with a bonus 7-inch featuring an unreleased edit of “Alone Again Or.” Ideal recipient: somebody curious to know what the Summer of Love sounded like without it being filtered through the typical Baby Boomer lens. DS THE ROLLING STONES, The Rolling Stones

This 1964 self-titled EP from the Stones is kinda crappy, with some okay covers alongside some shitty ones, but it’s super-duper rare, and it’s a damn sight better than those shitty new tracks on that greatest hits album that just came out. Ideal recipient: first-time great-grandfathers. NL JUDAS PRIEST, Screaming for Vengeance

The best-selling Priest album of all time has turned 30 years old! Screaming for Vengeance is a hits-packed, classic metal album—and by hits, I mean YES, this is the album with “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’” on it.

The anniversary edition picture disc has a bitchin’, 3D, mechanical war hawk on it! Ideal recipient: appreciators of brutal metal falsetto or anyone whose bones you would like to jump. EN

A collection of blues, jazz, and gospel from the ’20s through ’50s, featuring holiday songs from Harmon Ray, Bo Carter, Butterbeans and Susie, and the Reverend J.M. Gates. Comes in both CD and vinyl! (The CD version includes two extra tracks, including “Santa” by Lightnin’ Hopkins.) Ideal recipient: the coworker who listens to Murder City Devils’ “364 Days” on loop every December. MEGAN SELING

DAVID BOWIE, The Jean Genie

Not only does this 7-inch reissue of the glamrock classic come with a totally rare Top of the Pops version of “The Jean Genie” on the B-side, but the picture disc has an absolutely magnificent vintage photo of Bowie and Cyrinda Foxe leaning on a bar, shot by Mick Rock. It is amazing. NL Ideal recipient: poor little greenie.

LEE HAZLEWOOD, You Turned My Head Around: Lee Hazlewood Industries 1967–1970

One of the wryest, driest, slyest singer/songwriters ever to hit the Top 10, Hazlewood also ran a label (LHI) and produced the rare

COUNTERPOINT: Fuck Black Friday!

Black Friday—and Record Store Day, for that matter—is bullshit! We asked Andrew Neerman of Beacon Sound what they’d be doing for this gross, greasy, consumer-driven non-holiday, and he replied: “Thanks for asking but we’re not really doing the Black Friday thing.

We will be carrying a few titles that we actually care about (M83, Mogwai, Velvet Underground) but, to be honest, this and Record Store Day are increasingly turning into an embarrassing sham. The major labels and giant

one-stop distributors are all over it—any time 7-inch singles cost $7 wholesale, you know something is wrong with the picture. So... yuck.

“On the other hand,” Neerman continues, “we certainly will be open that day with a killer selection of stuff that no one else has, including the new Andy Stott LP, Pye Corner Audio on Ghost Box, and Robin Pecknold’s entire record collection, which he sold to us last month before leaving town. Much more exciting than a bunch of major label re-presses!” Beacon Sound, 1465D NE Prescott, beaconsound.net

(Barracks, 1235 SW 16th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Eschew the company of your cat and malt liquor this Thanksgiving Eve and feel mournful in the company of strangers and pedal steel guitars. And, unless you happen to be a member of the headlining band, you will not even be the drunkest person at the Doug Fir. Capable of bridging several generation gaps in a single song, Denver is a handsome honky-tonk supergroup with a number of Portland standouts. Their self-titled LP sounds big—like it was recorded in a cathedral in Montana—and all three frontmen (Mike Elias, Tom Bevitori, Birger Olsen) sound like they’re singing about heartbreaks from 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. Despite their lonesome twang, they nevertheless have a reputation for a rowdy, whiskey-fueled live show, and this’ll be their last performance before drummer Sean MacNeil moves to New York City. Get there early for the Southern gothic blues narratives of Raymond Byron and the White Freighter (AKA Ray Raposa of Castanets) and the chilling country harmonies of Meridian. REBECCA WILSON

WALK THE MOON, FAMILY OF THE YEAR (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) There is a lot to like about Walk the Moon’s self-titled album: synthy hooks, a predilection for new wave, cerebral lyrics, easy comparisons to Passion Pit. Adorably, their bestknown song, “Anna Sun,” is named after one of the band’s professors at Kenyon College. These undeniably charming attributes, combined with dance-worthy beats and immaculate production, go a long way toward balancing out Walk the Moon’s more toe-curling aspects: There are the occasional forays into Killersstyle vocal histrionics; the video of “Anna Sun” features a throng of young white people cavorting in something uncomfortably similar to Native American garb; and frontman Nicholas Petricca has voiced his pleasure at people “fratting out” to their songs. I don’t actually know what that means, but it sounds miserable. While certainly worthy of eye rolls, these are things that will probably (hopefully?) dissipate as the band grows into their excellent songwriting skills. RW

THURSDAY 11/22 Eat, poop, love.

JOAN JETT, Bad Reputation

A clear vinyl LP comes with a bonus CD and features kick-ass songs like “Doing All Right with the Boys,” “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah),” and “Shout,” as well as some live footage from ’82, ’83, and ’98. JOAN JETT 4-EVER. Ideal recipient: a tween who needs to kick that Taylor Swift habit. MS

VARIOUS ARTISTS, Death Might Be Your Santa Claus

FATLIP, SLIM KID TRE, J-SWIFT, LA JAY, LATYRX, SPEAKER MINDS, MOSLEY WOTTA

DENVER, RAYMOND BYRON AND THE WHITE FREIGHTER, MERIDIAN

LEONARD COHEN/JEFF BUCKLEY, Hallelujah

HILLER GOODSPEED

WEDNESDAY 11/21

FRIDAY 11/23 TYPHOON, LAURA GIBSON, LOST LANDER (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

NIGHT MOVES: BOOGIE FUNK DANCE PARTY (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

THE NEXT WALTZ (Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta) The Last Waltz is considered one of the greatest concert documentaries of all time, and whether or not you are a fan of the Band, it was undoubtedly a monumental musical event, with guest appearances from Neil Young, Muddy Waters, Joni Mitchell, and more. The original performance took place on Thanksgiving Day in 1976, and it will be recreated for the second year in a row over two nights by some of Portland’s own rock stars, including Kevin and Anita Robinson (Viva Voce, Blue Giant), Jenny Conlee-Drizos (the Decemberists, Black Prairie), and Calico Rose (AgesandAges, Black Prairie). The night is a benefit for Oregon Food Bank and the Jeremy Wilson Foundation, which is dedicated to helping uninsured and underinsured musicians in the Northwest. With Levon Helm’s passing in April, it

Continued on pg. 19

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Music

World Party of One Q&A with World Party’s Karl Wallinger by Matthew Slessler

WORLD PARTY Sitting in the shadows watching you. Always watching you.

T

HE SLY WINK on the moniker World piece as when I do it with a full band. I’m Party is that it is actually the work of just much looser these days. Much looser! one person, multi-instrumentalist and pop You mentioned the brain aneurysm you craftsman Karl Wallinger.

Wallinger formed World Party a quarter had in 2001. That probably changed your of a century ago and introduced the world perspective a little?

Yeah. I was riding my bike with my son to a studio wizard who kept one foot planted in freezing cold weather, after spending six in the lyric and craft world of the Beatles months in the studio, chain smoking. and Dylan, but mixed in pastiches of Honestly, I don’t really know what Prince-inspired ’70s soul and funk.

World happened. I had a headache, and The usual record label gaffes Party the next thing I know I’m telling were to follow, as well as a nearMon Nov 26 them to phone an ambulance. [I] death illness that had Wallinger Doug Fir fell back asleep and when I woke down for five years, but he’s back 830 E Burnside I was in the hospital in Camand happy to be making music bridge.

It was a strange event and on his terms. I talked to him on the there is nothing you can do about it. It’s phone from his studio in North London. weird, I wasn’t freaking out, I was strangely MERCURY: This tour of the US comes on the okay. I just tried to go along with it. I had some amazing visions; it was like being the heels of the release of the five-disc career spanner Arkeology. What sort of madness pilot of a ship with no course. You do get made you undertake that project? past it and then kind of go, “What the fuck KARL WALLINGER: Well, I was at that was that?” time of life when someone comes up and says, “How about a box set!?” and that made me When you were in the hospital recovering, go into a pale-faced stupor. But I was writing Robbie Williams covered “She’s the One” in a great diary that we get every year called and it sold a bazillion copies.

That was quite lucky, wasn’t it? They used the Redstone Diary, where you have images on one page and the week on the other. It just the band that I had been using on the road, kind of hit me that I’ve got loads of stuff on and stayed faithful to the song. What can I tape that people have never heard. But the say, it kept me in baked beans and ice cream, problem was, I couldn’t choose the songs, it and kept the kids in school. It paid the bills was like seeing the forest through the trees. for five years, while I was trying to figure out So I got Mike Worthington, our label manag- what the hell I was doing after the aneurysm. er, to sit locked in a room with five days’ worth It was amazingly fortunate that it did so well; of music and when he was done, he had four of it went to number one in quite a few countries.

I was very lucky. the five discs picked out.

I enlisted my daughter and her friends to put the pictures together so it had the feel of a Do you have any bitterness toward the way diary. I just sat in the front room for about six Chrysalis Records botched up your career weeks putting it all together. It’s a very World on the heels of Goodbye Jumbo?

Well, hey, yeah, you can think about it, Party project. Of course the irony is not lost that I doubled the output of World Party discs or you can just get on with it. You know, it is amazing, but I’ve always been my own person. in one go of it.

I’ve made mistakes, too. I was never somebody who was going to be pushed around by You have a reputation as a bit of a perfecthe business. I think that probably didn’t do tionist, but you were recently quoted as sayme any favors in a lot of ways, but in the end ing, “I’m not a control freak anymore, I realI’m glad I was my own person because I have ize the futility of it.”

[Laughs] It’s definitely a good feeling. I control of my entire catalog. I’m lucky. I’ve think having the aneurysm helped in deal- got my studio, I get to record and play songs, ing a blow to—well, it made me loosen up. You I mean I don’t really know how much better it know, I used to have a fear that if I didn’t play can get actually.

I don’t really know what the bonuses are. a certain way, well everything would blow up, People who seem to have made it to the top of but I’m over that now. All I believe in is the harmonies, the melodies, and the words, and the mountain seem to go quite crazy. if you have that, you can get a good performance out of it in various ways. In some ways, Visit portlandmercury.com/music for the complete interview with Karl Wallinger. the song thrives equally if I do it with a three-

18 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

Music

UP & COMING

ShOp EM fOR

This Week’s Music Previews

Continued from pg. 17

seems even more important to keep musical collaborations like these alive. So, since you have finished stuffing yourself silly, bring some cans to donate and rediscover why every all-star concert since 1976 has ended with “I Shall Be Released.” RACHEL MILBAUER

DRAGON SOUND (Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy) After blowing the roof off of Park Avenue—central Florida’s hottest nightclub!—the one, the only Dragon Sound brings a new dimension to rock ’n’ roll! With not one, but two lava-hot singles, the handsome boys (and sassy girl!) of Dragon Sound promise to rock Portland with their exhilarating blend of panty-melting synths, bone-shaking electronic drums, and feel-good lyrics—like in their number-one fan favorite, “Friends”! (“Friends through eternity/loyalty, honesty/we’ll stick together through thick or thin/friends forever we’ll be together/we’re on top/’cause we play to win!”) But that’s not all—as their explosive smash single “Against the Ninja” suggests, the members of Dragon Sound—all of whom are, incredibly, orphans, and all of whom are also roommates—are also black belts in tae kwon do, and they use their powers to keep Miami safe from its roving bands of motorcycle-riding, cocaine-dealing ninjas. In other words?

The phenomenal, deadly Dragon Sound is your new favorite band—unless you’re a cocaine-dealing ninja!

(And if that’s the case… watch out!) SKIPPY “SKIPPER” RAMIREZ, THE MERCURY ’S SPECIAL (AND SELDOM USED) MIAMI CORRESPONDENT Also see Film, pg. 36.

RABBITS, SIOUX, FLESHLAWN (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Rabbits’ Jekyll-andHyde personality only amplifies the intensity of the band’s menacing soundtrack. When they’re onstage, you’re afraid to step within 10 feet of them; in interviews, they come across as loveable, painfully selfaware dudes that you’d buy beers for all night. Their latest LP Bites Rites is a Frankenstein’s monster of heavy music, bringing forth a furious mix of styles from the past four decades. Rabbits are not metal, but they will squash you like a bug. Then they’ll take you up on that beer. MARK LORE

TONY FURTADO BAND, DAVID JACOBS-STRAIN (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Almost exactly one year ago, Tony Furtado and his band recorded their live set at Mississippi Studios, and now that live recording is out: The aptly titled Live at Mississippi Studios CD/DVD sees banjoist and slide guitarist Furtado leading a remarkably capable band through ambitious performances of American folk- and roots-influenced music. While there is definitely some extended jamming, it never feels bloated or indulgent, and Furtado—one of the city’s unsung but most capable musicians—always puts the music ahead of his formidable chops, never simply allowing himself or his band to showboat. The real question is, though: Will tonight’s set also be recorded? And will it see a release a year later, and will Furtado and crew then play a release show for that live recording, and will that set then also be recorded? And so on—the mind boggles.

NED LANNAMANN

BEEJAN (Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington) If the name Beejan Iranshad sounds familiar, it’s likely due to his work as a music video director, as he has helmed visual projects for a diverse array of hiphop artists including Cool Nutz, Layzie Bone, and Mikey Vegaz.

What you may not know is that Beejan is also an Iranian American emcee and producer from Portland who is celebrating the release of his latest self-produced EP, A Heartfelt Interlude. As the title alludes, Beejan’s brand of hiphop is much more introspective and emotionally raw than that of his industry peers. Meditations on pain, love, and happiness stretch across seven tracks that culminate with “Finally Happy,” a reflection on suicide, mortality, and the search for emotional wellbeing. RYAN FEIGH

COOPER, SEAN NOWLAND TRIO (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) I’ve only heard one track from Cooper’s self-titled debut, but it’s enough to pique my interest for more: a slow-burning, torchy soul number driven by Nichole Cooper’s passionate vocals and a tight, simmering backing band. Cooper recorded the album in her current hometown of Nashville, but the Oregon native spent many years in Portland, winning the crown as Miss Multnomah County and performing at Dante’s Sinferno Cabaret. Now she’s a full-on soul singer, and an entirely convincing one

COOPER Star Theater, 11/23 at that. This homecoming show sees her backed by a 12-piece band, including Portlanders Ben Darwish, Farnell Newton, Sean Nowland, and others. NL

SATURDAY 11/24

BlAck fRIDAy SpEcIAlS Stop in on the 23rd & pick up exclusive vinyl for that record collector on your list. limited-edition titles from Bob Dylan, M83, Miles Davis, The Stones, Jeff Buckley, nirvana, Velvet underground & more.

Come early – Quantities limited!

THE MEAN JEANS, THE WHINES, WHITE FANG, SCAVENGER CUNT (Angelo’s, 4620 SE Hawthorne) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

THE NEXT WALTZ (Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta) See Friday’s listing.

DRAGON SOUND (Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy) See Friday’s listing.

JONATHAN RICHMAN (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Can Jonathan Richman do anything that isn’t fluidly genuine? The man has nothing but sardonic class running through his veins.

I’ll write strongly about anyone who chooses to play a song called “I Was Dancing at a Lesbian Bar” for his national TV debut. Truly, to see him live at the Know can accurately be tagged with the staggeringly nonselective American pop-culture label of something you “can’t miss.” Not because he’s been described as the godfather of punk, but because he’s effortlessly tactful—almost, it seems, by accident. From the Modern Lovers to his recent productions, it’s within the realm of possibility to suggest that Richman probably shows up to recording sessions with no plan and simply vocalizes whatever thought he scrounged together en route to the studio. JONATHAN MAGDALENO Also see My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

See recordstoreday.com for details

OR ShOp OuR gREAT NEW RElEASES

ON SAlE NOW

Y LA BAMBA, THE ALIALUJAH CHOIR, SHY GIRLS (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) As 2012 winds down and the familiar wave of anxiety surrounding year-end lists sets in, I see that Court the Storm, Y la Bamba’s second LP, has stood me through the entirety of 2012. Luz Mendoza, an unrestrained dynamo of a singer, still sends shivers up my spine; the mariachitinged pop, the lavish orchestrations, and the harmonies of Mendoza’s many male bandmates continue to thrill me. Earlier this year, the Alialujah Choir made their debut with another spine-tingler. The product of three ultra-earnest folk-rock veterans—Adam Shearer and Alia Farah of Weinland, and Adam Selzer of Norfolk and Western—this choir combines harmonies and quiet acoustic intricacies that you must have earphones on to truly appreciate. Shy Girls are the wildcard in this lineup. Decidedly not folk, their sexy electronic jams may not be appreciated by quite the same fanbase, though they certainly deserve to be. RW

WOODEN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND, AU DUNES, THE CASTE, BUBBLE CATS (East End, 203 SE Grand) At first, Wooden Indian Burial Ground might sound like a slew of psych rock bands that you’ve heard before. Expansive guitar riffs shriek with distortion, yelps and screams punctuate mumbled vocals, drums make your body shake to their beat. It only takes a few songs to realize that WIBG takes the genre and makes art from it. Their new self-titled album stems from synth-infused garage roots and spirals out into deep, cavernous places. Just when you think you’re going to get lost in a tripped-out guitar riff, they reel you back in with a bang and remind you that this isn’t just some happenstance jam. While frontman Justin Fowler has been making music under this moniker since 2007, WIBG are finally getting some crosscountry recognition, most notably at CMJ this past September. Their precision and talent is something we can’t let go unheard, now that we know it’s there. RM

DETHKLOK, ALL THAT REMAINS, MACHINE HEAD, BLACK DAHLIA MURDER (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) Along with This Is Spinal Tap, Metalocalypse shares the distinction of satirizing a relatively esoteric subject (metal and its entire aesthetic) while still being accessible to those who might not understand all of the references. Aside from being one of the funniest shows of the last decade, Metalocalypse has provided us with arguably the best madefor-TV band since the Partridge Family: the fictitious Dethklok, a GWAR-meets-Banana Splits metal ensemble

Continued on pg. 21

Diana krall Glad Rag Doll

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Gary Clark Jr. Black & Blu

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DOWNTOWN • 1313 W. Burnside • 503.274.0961 EASTSIDE • 1931 NE Sandy Blvd. • 503.239.7610 BEAVERTON • 3290 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. • 503.350.0907 for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 19

A THANKSGIVING EVE HONKY TONK WITH

DENVER

WEDNESDAY!

AN EVENING OF PDX RAWK

POST-THANKSGIVING EVENING OF STRING-BENDING MADNESS

LEFT COAST

COUNTRY

The

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SATURDAY!

RAYMOND BYRON

& THE WHITE FREIGHTER

+MERIDIAN

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 21 •

$8 ADVANCE

AN EVENING WITH POWERHOUSE TRIO OF ESTABLISHED ROCKERS

SUNDAY!

FRIDAY! BRAD PARSONS BAND +BEN LARSEN & JACK DWYER DUO

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 23

•

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 25

WILL WEST

GOING FAST

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MONDAY NOVEMBER 26

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WORLD PARTY

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IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS THEIR FINAL DF SHOWCASE

TICKETS

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SATURDAY NOVEMBER 24

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RNDM

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MIRACLE FALLS +THE DANDELIONS

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WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 28 •

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KZME PRESENTS AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH PDX’S PURVEYORS OF SPAGHETTI WESTERN SOUNDTRACKS

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PT JUNCTURE WA +THE SHIVAS

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 30

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A CO-HEADLINE EVENING OF BUZZ-WORTHY GOODNESS

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MESMERIZING GUITAR WORK AND SMOLDERING VOCAL CHEMISTRY FROM CANADIAN DUO

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FRIDAY DECEMBER 7

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The

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THURSDAY DECEMBER 6

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GOING FAST

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SUNDAY DECEMBER 9

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SATURDAY DECEMBER 15

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Reva DeVito 12/28 Two Gallants 1/19 Niki & The Dove 1/24 Tristan Prettyman 1/26 Benjamin Francis Leftwich (rescheduled date) 2/6 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

THE MOTHER HIPS 12/15 • THE DANDY WARHOLS 12/16 TWO SHOWS • TIGER HOUSE 12/19 • WATER & BODIES 12/21 KELLI SCHAEFFER 12/22 • REVA DEVITO 12/28 • SUPERSUCKERS 12/29 • RADIATION CITY 12/30 • WEINLAND NYE 12/31 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

20 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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Music

Live Music UP & COMING This Week’s Music Previews

Continued from pg. 19 made up of five individuals who fucking rock but display a borderline autistic ineptitude toward functioning in everyday life—the resultant scenarios are always brilliant. Surprisingly, the music often is, too. While the “band” certainly doesn’t eschew comic ridiculousness (the first track on their newest LP, Dethalbum III, is titled “I Ejaculate Fire,” for example), this could not accurately be classified as comedy music— it’s too convincingly similar to what it’s parodying.

MORGAN TROPER

GAYTHEIST, OLD JUNIOR, BROTHERS OF THE LAST WATCH, TOAST, DJ HWY 7 (Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy) At the beginning of October, local photographer, musician, screenprinter, and jack-of-all-trades Sean Claughton fell down an elevator shaft in the Industrial Southeast building where he kept his studio, and broke his foot, arm, and back.

As you might imagine, his hospital bills aren’t cheap.

Tonight’s show will help to put a small dent in them, which is why it’s vitally important for you to help out.

Aside from the crucial assistance to helping a great guy get well soon, there’ll be a bevy of equally great local bands—including the magnificent Old Junior and the rampaging Gaytheist—to deposit rock into your earholes. And local vendors, from the B Side Tavern to PBR to Le Pigeon, are offering a ton of items for a raffle as well. It’s only seven bucks, and the cause can’t be beat. NL

SUNDAY 11/25 NEW JACK CITY DANCE OFF (Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15.

JONATHAN RICHMAN (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and Saturday’s listing.

REVELLEVER, AUX.78 (Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash) Nicholas Matta records indescribable, elemental work under the name Aux.78. The Sun Decays Them is Matta’s new work, recorded partly in his previous home of El Paso and partly in his current home of Portland. Some of it sounds like upside-down folk performed by a prankish group of inmates (Matta’s responsible for all the overdubbed weirdness therein). Other tracks sound like they’re not made by man at all, but rather an invasive variety of sonic plants and vines that have taken root and steadily, insidiously grown from sun and rain and dirt. While The Sun Decays Them is a decidedly unsettling listen, Aux.78’s involving depth of field is worthy of praise. This is desertmirage music, in which shadows stretch to unreasonable, ghastly lengths, and the most frightening things out there are actually in your head. NL

MONDAY 11/26 WORLD PARTY, THE WINDSOR PLAYER (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See Music, pg. 18.

JONATHAN RICHMAN (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and Saturday’s listing.

WORLD’S FINEST, THE BELLBOYS, SIMON TUCKER GROUP, DK KELBEL (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) Sometimes you come across a combination that you didn’t know you wanted: oysters and stout, French fries and chocolate milkshake, the Ramones and Phil Spector, Zola Jesus and David Lynch—all of those combos work splendidly.

But Portland genre-jumping band World’s Finest and their mashup of ska and bluegrass doesn’t quite work so well for me. With clucking banjo providing the offbeat “chk” rhythms, mellifluous upright bass holding down the bottom end, and a proliferation of vocal harmonies, there are elements of folk and bluegrass in their second album, 33 (which is ushered into the world tonight). Folksy accoutrements aside, this sounds pretty much like white-guy reggae to me, but if that’s your bag, World’s Finest has it all sewn up. NL

TUESDAY 11/27 BRUCE: A MUSICAL CELEBRATION (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and Arts, pg. 29.

LISTINGS

bookingeastend@gmail.com

www.eastendpdx.net

WEDNESDAY 11/21

ALADDIN THEATER—Redwood Son & the Moonlight Choir, The Heritage, Tyler Stenson, Gavin WahlStephens & The New Americans, Jordan Harris, 8 pm, $15-20 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Jason Okamoto, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON—The Fallmen, No Passengers, 9 pm, $3 BACKSPACE—The Boy Who Lived, 9 pm, all ages ★ BARRACKS—Fatlip, Slim Kid Tre, J-Swift, LA Jay, Latyrx, Speaker Minds, Mosley Wotta, 9 pm, $18 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, 6 pm, all ages; Stringed Migration, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BUFFALO GAP—Andy Stokes, 9 pm, Free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Walk the Moon, Family of the Year, 9 pm, $15, all ages ★ DOUG FIR—Denver, Raymond Byron & The White Freighter, Meridian, 9 pm, $8 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EAST END—Long Knife, Chemicals, DJ Dennis Dread, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Redlight Romeos, 7 pm, free EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—Quick & Easy Boys, Scott Law, Sugarcane, 9 pm, $10 HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Memphis May Fire, Attila, Verah Falls, Above the Broken, I Reckon, 7 pm, $12.50-15, all ages ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES—Catarina New, 7:30 pm, $7 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO—Counterfeit Cash, 9 pm JADE LOUNGE—Jeffree White, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Danny O’Hanlon, 9 pm KENTON CLUB—Lopez, Fruit of the Legion of Loom, Holy Grove, Duty, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON—Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Renegade Stringband, 6 pm; Lewi Longmire & The Left Coast Roasters, Resolectrics, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages; The Glyptodons, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Soul Vaccination, 7 pm, $15 MOCK CREST TAVERN—The Chancers, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER—Sleepy Eyed Johns, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free RED ROOM—Open Mic, 9 pm REVIVAL DRUM SHOP—John Gross Trio, Grammies, 8 pm, $5-15, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris, 9 pm ROSELAND—Figure, Nit Grit, Sidestep, 8 pm, $15, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY—The Carlton Jackson Dave Mills Big Band, 7:30 pm, $7 SLIM’S—Basketball Jones, Chocolate Town Players, Notes Underground, 9 pm, free SUNDOWN PUB—SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Travis Peterson, 8:30 pm VALENTINE’S—DJ Tuff Fuzz, City Mouth, Montgomery Word, 9 pm, $3 WHITE EAGLE—Unfiltered Showcase: Met City, What Did You Do, The Modern Golem, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Ron Steen, Heather Keizur, 7:30 pm

THURSDAY 11/22 ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 1:30 pm; Matices, 6 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Alan Jones Jazz Jam, 8 pm EDGEFIELD—Jack McMahon, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Quick & Easy Boys, Scott Law, Sugarcane, 9 pm

★ Means we recommend it. To list your live music or DJ event, send your information at least nine days in advance to music@portlandmercury.com.

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 21

VERY VERY IMPORTANT NEWS About Your Portland Mercury Newspaper

REQUIRED VIEWING

22 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

Picks

Music

Live Music

LISTINGS

FRIDAY 11/23

★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—The Next Waltz: Lewi Longmire, Kevin Robinson, Anita Robinson, Jerry Joseph, James Low, Kris Deelane, Dan Haley, Joe McMurrian, Darrin Craig, Jim Brunberg, Don of Division St., Calico Rose, Jeremy Wilson, 8 pm, $20-25 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Dan Diresta, 8 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Hyperthermia, Another Dark Hour, Swamp Lotus, Cellar Door, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE—A Very Punk Rock Thanksgiving: Youngins, Dente Na Mente, Closet Case, 9 pm, $5, all ages ★ BARRACKS—Devin the Dude, My-G, Luck-One, The Alchemist, DJ Wicked, DJ Spark, 8 pm, $25-30 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; The Honeycuts, 9:30 pm, free BLUE DIAMOND—Pat Stillwell Band, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Liquor Music, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—The Djangophiles, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Dryland Farmers Band, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Andre St. James, 8:30 pm, $6 CANVAS ART BAR—Open Mic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ CLUB 21—Thee Chemicals, No Tomorrow Boys, DJ Cecilia, 9 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Typhoon, Laura Gibson, Lost Lander, 9 pm, $15-17, all ages DANTE’S—Spellcaster, The Daggers, Rat Party, 9 pm, free DOUG FIR—Left Coast Country, Brad Parsons, Ben Larsen, Jack Dwyer, 9 pm, $8-10 DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Kevin Selfe, 9 pm EAST BURN—Bottleneck Blues Band, 10 pm, free EAST END—The Knast, Thee Four Teens, The Fuckin Fucks, Sewers of Paris, 9 pm

EDGEFIELD—Casey Hurt, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Twins, Tracey Trance, The Savage Young Taterbug, Hanz Bronze, 9 pm, $5 FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH—Italy c1600-1760: Portland Baroque Orchestra, 7:30 pm, $18-54, all ages FOGGY NOTION—Monster Sized Monsters, Guyve, Erik Anarchy, 9 pm FORD FOOD & DRINK—Ray Ottoboni, 5 pm, free, all ages; Sportin’ Lifers, 8 pm, free, all ages GEMINI LOUNGE—Brown/Erbe, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—DJ Aquaman’s Soul Stew, 9 pm HALIBUT’S—Norman Sylvester, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Halestorm, In This Moment, Eve to Adam, 7 pm, $16-18, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm, free; Witchburn, 9 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm IVORIES—Tommy Hogan Band, 8 pm, $10 JADE LOUNGE—Ryan Short, Lucas Biespiel, Dan Pelley, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—The Curtis Salgado Band, 8 pm, $20-25 KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Black Sparrow Press, Hot Larva, God Bless America, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez, 9 pm KELLS—Grafton Street, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Beejan, 9 pm KENTON CLUB—Redrick Sultan, 9:30 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Rabbits, Sioux, Fleshlawn, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—WC Beck, 6 pm; Countryside Ride, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—The Darlin’ Blackbirds, 6 pm; Freak Mountain Ramblers, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Boy & Bean, 6 pm; Begin Oliver, Mbrascatu, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Tony Furtado, David Jacobs-Strain, Scott Law, Stephanie Schneiderman, Eli West, Johnny B. Connolly, 9 pm, $13-15 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Bordertown, 9 pm MOLOKO PLUS—MonkeyTek, 10 pm, free MT. TABOR THEATER—Black Friday Reggae Party: Ras Jammie & the Splifftones, Oreganic, Irie Idea, Positive Vibrations, 7:30 pm, $6 MUDDY RUDDER—Bass Mandolin, 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm NORSE HALL—The Pranksters, 7:30 pm, $5-8 O’CONNORS VAULT—Jack McMahon Band, 8 pm, $5 PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Rock ’n’ Roll Cowboys, 9 pm, $2-5

RED ROOM—Taint Misbehavin, Skatterbomb, Go Fuck Yerself, Ham Sandals, Merna Shmernies Downstairs Mixup, 7 pm ★ ROTTURE—Ancient Heat, Coronation, Foreign Orange, DJ Brokenwindow, 9 pm, $5 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Pete Krebs & His Portland Playboys, 6 pm, free, all ages; Lincoln’s Beard, The Lonesome Billies, 9 pm, $5 SHAKER AND VINE—No Passengers, 8 pm, $5 ★ SLABTOWN—Thrones, Palo Verde, Machine, 9 pm, $7 SLIM’S—Manhole, Cadet, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Garage Rock Holiday Gathering: The Food, 9 pm, $5 THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 9 pm, free ★ STAR THEATER—Cooper, Sean Nowland Trio, 9 pm, $15 THIRSTY LION—The Bradley Band, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Catherine Loyer, Strawberry Roan, The Keri Ehli Band, 9 pm, $5 TONIC LOUNGE—Bad Luck Blackout, 42 Ford Prefect, Mother’s Whiskey, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $15 ★ VELO CULT—Dreamdecay, Wishyunu, U Sco, 8 pm, $5, all ages VIE DE BOHEME—Cameron Quick, 6 pm; Deep Blue Soul Revue, 8:30 pm, $5 ★ THE WAYPOST—Jeff Donovan, Anne-Marie Sanderson, 8 pm ★ WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; The World Radiant, HeadShapes, Walter Mitty & his Makeshift Orchestra, 9:30 pm, free WILF’S—Brent Kimbrough, 7:30 pm

SATURDAY 11/24 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—Y la Bamba, The Alialujah Choir, Shy Girls, 8 pm, $15 ★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—The Next Waltz: Lewi Longmire, Kevin Robinson, Anita Robinson, Jerry Joseph, James Low, Kris Deelane, Dan Haley, Joe McMurrian, Darrin Craig, Jim Brunberg, Don of Division St., Calico Rose, Jeremy Wilson, 8 pm, $20-25 AL’S DEN—Sam Fowles, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ★ ANGELO’S—The Mean Jeans, The Whines, White Fang, Scavenger Cunt, 10 pm, $4 & can of food, all ages ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Disney in Concert: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $25-95, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Stumblebum, Truth Vibration, 9 pm, $3

BACKSPACE—Southgate, Ocean of Mirrors, When They Invade, Wayfarer, Jade Grenade, 7:15 pm, $7 BLUE DIAMOND—Frank Tribble, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Ukeladies, 9 pm BOOM BAP!—Micrasoft, Dads II, Effword, 8 pm, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Trashcan Joe, 8 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Hurqalya, 9 pm, $5 CLUB 21—The Pynnacles, The People Electric, Sharks from Mars, 10 pm, free DANTE’S—Mustaphamond, The Daggers, Rat Party ★ DOUG FIR—The Upsidedown, Miracle Falls, The Dandelions, 9 pm, $8-10 DUFF’S GARAGE—The Phoreheads, 9 pm EAST BURN—Stoffer, Side Street Reny, 10 pm, free ★ EAST END—Wooden Indian Burial Ground, Au Dunes, The Caste, Bubble Cats, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Warren Floyd, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—The Sorry Devils, Whisky Nick & the Dusty Bottles, Election Year, 9 pm, $5 FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH—Young People’s Concert: Portland Baroque Orchestra, 3 pm, $5-10 ★ FOGGY NOTION—Dinosaur Heart, The Silent Numbers, Time & the Bell, 9 pm, $4 GOODFOOT—Shafty, 9 pm, $10 HALIBUT’S—Cool Breeze, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Joe Brooks, Vincent Joseph, Mike Mains & the Branches, Amanda Jones, 7 pm, $12-15, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Mad Moniker, Tempest Theory, 9 pm, $5 IVORIES—Randy Porter, 8 pm, $10 ★ JADE LOUNGE—Harrison Fulop, Karyn Patridge, Alison Wesley, Caitlyn Olds, Shoeshine Blue, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—The Curtis Salgado Band, 8 pm, $20-25 KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Dwight Dickinson, Mr. Plow, 48 Thrills, 9 pm KELLER AUDITORIUM—Portland’s Singing Christmas Tree: 50th Anniversary, 7:30 pm, $20-69, all ages KELLS—Grafton Street, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—The We Shared Milk, Fanno Creek, Tiger House, Talkative, 9 pm, free KENTON CLUB—Crag Dweller, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Jonathan Richman, 8 pm, $10-12 LANDMARK SALOON—Shorty & The Mustangs, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Tree Frogs, 6 pm; The Druthers, Groovy Wallpaper, 9:30 pm, $5 MISSISSIPPI COMMONS—Mississippi Ave Holiday Tree Lighting: Mr. Ben, Tyleena Fairyfunkmother, The Sugarplum Elves, 4 pm, free, all ages

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 23

SAT 11/24 SHAFTY: a Phish Tribute FRI 11/23 DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW WED 11/22 QUICK & EASY BOYS, SCOTT LAW, SUGARCANE MON SONIC FORUM OPEN MIC TUES 11/20 - FREE!!! SCOTT PEMBERTON TRIO

special thanks to the

This

tues

Straight No Chaser tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall 1037 SW BroadWay · Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at all ticketmaSter locationS charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

Cherry Poppin’

DADDIES

& neon culpa

GOODFOOT

saturday dec 1 dante’s

1 SW 3rd ave · Portland, or 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

KopecKy Family Band

tuesday dec 11 star theater

13 nW 6th ave Portland, or 97209 9:00Pm ShoW · 21 and over ticketS at SafeWay/ ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

& henry at War

WED 11/28 BOTTLENECK BLUES BAND, THE RESOLECTRICS THURS 11/29 THE ROSE CITY THORNS, THE HILL DOGS FRI 11/30 - DJ AQUAMAN’S SOUL STEW SAT 12/1- THE MONOPHONICS, BROWNISH BLACK TUES 12/4 - FREE!!! - THE TRUE SPOKES

saturday december 15 mississippi studios 3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave · Portland, or 8:30Pm ShoW · 21 & over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen thursday jan 17 mississippi studios

3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave · Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · 21 and over ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

Wed jan 23 neWmark theatre

1111 SW BroadWay · Portland, or · 5:30Pm doorS · all ageS ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt · charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX online at PcPa.com

saturday february 16 crystal ballroom 1332 W BurnSide St Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at caScade ticketS charge By Phone 855-caS-tiXX X2 ticketS alSo availaBle at the cryStal Ballroom BoX office

“the gentle giant”

tuesday april 23 elsinore theater 170 high St Se · Salem, or 7:30Pm ShoW · all ageS ticketS at SafeWay/ticketSWeSt charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

the neXt BeSt thing to Johnny caSh

squarepegconcerts.com

friday may 3 mississippi studios

3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave Portland, or 8:00Pm ShoW 21 and over ticketS at SafeWay/ ticketSWeSt locationS charge By Phone 503-224-tiXX

24 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

irs upsta aily d open :30 5-2 airs st downn at 9 ope w nights o on sh

2845 SE STARK * WWW.THEGOODFOOT.COM * 503.239.9292

Music

Live Music

LISTINGS

★ MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Brad Creel & The Reel Deel, 6 pm; Swansea, True Margrit, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—The Love Loungers, Brent Amaker & The Rodeo, The Sorry Devils, 9 pm, $5 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Blueprints, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER—James Clem, 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm O’CONNORS VAULT—John Bunzow Band, 8:30 pm, $5 PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Michele Drey & the Branded Band, 9 pm, $2-5 RECORD ROOM—Deepak Chupacabra, Jollapin Jasper, Roselit Bone, 8:30 pm, $3-5 RED ROOM—Stolen Rose, My Robot Lung, Dear Assassin, The Ascendants, 9 pm ★ ROSELAND—Dethklok, All That Remains, Machine Head, Black Dahlia Murder, 7 pm, $35-130, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY—The Martens Combination, 6 pm, free, all ages; The Twangshifters, Brian Harrison & The Last Draw, Ants in the Kitchen, 9 pm, $10 SHAKER AND VINE—Nick Sweet, 8 pm, $5 SHERMAN CLAY MOE’S PIANOS—The Pipsqueak Scrolls: Gary Noland, 3 pm SLIM’S—Mysterious Creature, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Hip Hop & Zouk: Bel Mizik & Balans, The Resistance, Mr. Romo, Snackmaster DJ, 9 pm, $7 ★ THE SPARE ROOM—Teri & Larry, 9 pm, free SUZETTE—Crash Parlor, 8 pm, free THIRSTY LION—The Kept Men, 9:30 pm ★ THORNE LOUNGE—Matty Charles, Zedekiah Child, 8 pm TIGER BAR—Unofficial Dethklok After-Party: Adrian H & The Wounds, Eric Powell, free ★ TONIC LOUNGE—Gaytheist, Old Junior, Brothers of the Last Watch, Toast, DJ Hwy 7, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Tony’s AM Gold Show: Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $16 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—The Lovely Lost, 9 pm, $3 ★ VALENTINE’S—Neill Von Talley, DJ Tre Slim, DJ Courier, 9 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Mitzi Zilka, 6 pm, free THE WAYPOST—Booty White, La Dona, Tender Age, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Student Loan, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; The Mermaid Problem, Glassbones, Bevelers, Denim Wedding, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Devin Phillips Quartet, 7:30 pm

SUNDAY 11/25 ALADDIN THEATER—Chris Robinson Brotherhood, 8 pm, $18-20 AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Nancy Curtin Trio, 6 pm; Danny Romero, 7 pm ★ ASH STREET SALOON—Revellever, Aux 78, 9 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—Cactus Truck, 8 pm CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free DANTE’S—Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm DOUG FIR—RNDM, Line & Circle, 9 pm, $16-18 EAST END—The Cool Whips, Jim Jams, Metropolitan Farms, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD—Jon Koonce, 5 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—The Deep Dark Woods, James Low Western Front, 8 pm, $8-10 IVORIES—Boy & Bean, 6 pm, $7 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO—Beaver Boogie Band, 9 pm JADE LOUNGE—Soulful Sundays: Morgan Quin, 7 pm KELLER AUDITORIUM—Portland’s Singing Christmas Tree: 50th Anniversary, 1:30 pm, $20-69, all ages KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Cronin Tierney, 9 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—The Ghost Ease, Gay Ghost, Ghost Ranch, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—Invivo, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Jonathan Richman, 8 pm, $10-12 LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free LV’S—Blues, Brews & BBQ, 6 pm MIGRATION BREWING—Whistlepig, 7 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Wicky Pickers, 6 pm; Welfare, How to Build a Fire, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Blood Beach, Sun Foot, Appendixes, 9 pm, $5

BEEJAN Kelly's Olympian, 11/23

★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—RNDM, 3 pm, free, all ages O’CONNORS VAULT—Side Pocket, 7:30 pm, $5 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—Foreign Orange, Natasha Kmeto, 9 pm, free ROSE GARDEN—Trans-Siberian Orchestra, 7 pm, $30.50-60.50, all ages ROSELAND—Prince Royce, 8 pm, $50-80, all ages SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Hive: DJ Brian Backlash, DJ Skully, DJ Waisted, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free STAR THEATER—Anuhea, Positive Vibrations, 8:30 pm, $12 STARKY’S—Stark Raving Queens, Last 6:45 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—IBQT, Jeau Breedlove, Unkle Funkle, 9 pm, $3 THE WAYPOST—Edward Cameron, 8 pm

MONDAY 11/26 AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Pete Krebs, 7 pm CLUB 21—Tokyo Deathstare, The Darlin’ Blackbirds, Count Kellam, Lindsie Feathers, DJ Pretty Ugly, 9 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—World’s Finest, The Bellboys, Simon Tucker Group, 8 pm, $5 DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm ★ DOUG FIR—World Party, The Windsor Player, 9 pm, $14-22 EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Gallows, Barn Burners, Vendetta Red, 6:30 pm, $13-15 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm ★ THE KNOW—Jonathan Richman, 8 pm, $10-12 LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm ★ MUSIC MILLENNIUM—World Party, 6 pm, free, all ages PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE—Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm SLABTOWN—London Fuzz, The Darkest Moons, 9 pm TIGER BAR—AC Lov Ring, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Infinity of it All, 8:30 pm, free

TUESDAY 11/27 AL’S DEN—Scott Law, 7 pm, free ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Straight No Chaser, 8 pm, $36.75-58, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Drawing Flies, Young Splendor, Animism, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE—Christopher Neil Young, Jeremy Murphy, Joshua Hedlund, 9 pm, $5 BLUE DIAMOND—The 4 of Diamonds, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—Animal Eyes, Just Lions, 9 pm, $3 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EAST END—Ion Storm, Path to Ruin, Subverse, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Michele Van Kleef, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Radula, 9 pm, free; Scott Pemberton Trio, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES—Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, Hank Hirsh Trio, 7:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Her Ghost, 7 pm KELLS—Cronin Tierney, 9 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Rocky Butte Wranglers, 7:30 pm

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503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi info@mississippistudios.com

8pm doors/ 9pm show BarBar all ages until 9pm 21+ unless otherwise noted KZME Presents: Annual post-Thanksgiving bash from a PDX favorite featuring special guests and more

SOUL TONY FURTADO VACCINATION

BAND

Sat, Nov 24 Happy Hour All Day. 1pm. Free!

Jack Daniels Presents Mississippin w/: Surf/garage and psychedlia from local up-and-comers

BLOOD BEACH

$13 Adv

Woodchuck Cider Sweet-n-Local Presents: High energy groove and pop

THE LOVE LOUNGERS BRENT AMAKER & THE RODEO THE SORRY DEVILS

Sat, Nov 24

$5 Adv

An evening of righteous and masterful comedy from New York and PDX favorites

HANNIBAL SUN FOOT BURESS APPENDIXES $5 Adv IAN KARMEL

Sun, Nov 25

BRUCE TRIBUTE & BOOK RELEASE 101.9 kink.fm Presents:

PETER AMES CARLIN, AUTHOR

CORIN TUCKER STORM LARGE

CASEY NEILL · JIM BRUNBERG KASEY ANDERSON · HONDO II JONAH TOLCHIN

Tue, Nov 27 7pmDoors/8pmShow $8 Adv Rock/pop sextet celebrate a record release

AND AND AND

THE SHAKY HANDS SUN ANGLE MINDEN

Mon, Nov 26

$12 Adv

A showcase w/American Idol Season 9 Winner, a star on America’s biggest stage

LEE DEWYZE

Wed, Nov 28 · 7pmDoors/8pmShow · $15 Adv Rich and soulful melodies from Chicago based luminaries

CALIFONE &

Thu, Nov 29

REBECCA GATES THE CONSORTIUM

$6 Adv Fri, Nov 30

$13 Adv

FILTER Presents: Post-modern rock and soul

BATTlEME

MY GOODNESS THE AX

New Zealand artist presents minimalist pop influenced by the symphonic late-sixties of Scott Walker and Serge Gainsbourg

LAWRENCE

ARABIA ANDREW

Sat, Dec 1 Coming Soon...

12/3: CINEBITCH 12/5: MOONDOGGIES 12/6: SCOTT LAW REUNION BAND 12/7: THE CHARLIE HUNTER & SCOTT AMENDOLA DUO 12/8: SARA WATKINS (EARLY) 12/8: MRS (LATE) 12/9: PDX/RX: SHY GIRLS 12/11: LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS

$10 Adv

KEOGHAN Sun, Dec 2

12/12: PINEHURST KIDS 12/13: THE DIMES 12/14: DAVID BAZAN BAND 12/15: COREY SMITH 12/16: EL VEZ MEX-MAS 12/20: FANNIE MAE’S QUEER QUISTMAS 12/21: THE DRUTHERS 12/22: TANGO ALPHA TANGO 12/27: PETUNIA AND THE VIPERS 12/29 &12/30: JERRY JOSEPH &

$10 Adv

THE JACKMORMONS 1/4: DANNY CORN 1/10: MELVILLE 1/12: PAULA BOGGS BAND 1/15: OHIOAN 1/16: BIRDS OF CHICAGO 1/17: RANDY ROGERS BAND 1/19: THEMES 1/20: JENNIFER O’CONNOR 1/23: KEN STRINGFELLOW

mississippistudios.com 26 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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Music

★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free LV’S—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Awna Texeira, 6 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Bruce: A Musical Celebration: Corin Tucker, Storm Large, Casey Neill, Jim Brunberg, Kasey Anderson, Hondo II, Jonah Tolchin, 9 pm, $8-10 MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free POWELL’S CITY OF BOOKS—Andrew Solomon, 7:30 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore, 7 pm, free SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Whiskey Party & Songwriter Showcase, 8 pm, $3 TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Ayars Vocal Showcase: Bo Ayars, Barbara Ayars, 7:30 pm, $7 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm VALENTINE’S—Phone Call, After Touch, DJ Freaky Outty, 9 pm, $3 VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—Add Love Showcase: Will West, The Druthers, The Sale, Tanner Cundy, 8:30 pm, free

DJ LISTINGS

WEDNESDAY 11/21

★ BEECH ST. PARLOR—Grapefruit CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CRUZROOM—Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio: Pat Kearns, Mark Brachmann DIG A PONY—Battles, DJ Lamar, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—VJ Norto, 9 pm GROUND KONTROL—Baby Ketten Karaoke, 9 pm JONES—Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—DJ Horrid, 9 pm THE REFECTORY—Wednesday Eastside Karaoke: KJ RC, 8 pm SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal SOMEDAY LOUNGE—The Night Before We Eat Getdown: Richie Stax, Scottie Soul, Mr. Romo, Grimes, Chris Aarta, 9 pm STAR BAR—DJ Chris Crusher, 10 pm TIGA—DJ Blackwell TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—Thirsty & Miserable: DJ Co-Mags, 10 pm THE WHISKEY BAR—Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free

THURSDAY 11/22 CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free ★ DIG A PONY—Newrotics, DJ Cooky Parker, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm STAR BAR—Red Rooster, 10 pm

FRIDAY 11/23 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Dweomer BEULAHLAND—DJ Pants, 9 pm BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—NOISE!: DJ Nature, 9 pm, $5 ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—DJ Jimbo, 10 pm ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm ★ GROOVE SUITE—Jerome LOL, Astronomar, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup, Breakmode, 10 pm, $5 GROUND KONTROL—DJ Notaz, 9 pm ★ HOLOCENE—DJ Nealie Neal, 5 pm, free; Night Moves: Boogie Funk Party: DJ Cooky Parker, Rev Shines, Ohmega Watts, 9 pm JONES—Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFT—Azphodel, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY—DJ Holiday, 7 pm STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Ikon, 0 pm, free TIGA—Sweet Jimmy T TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm

TUBE—Hood Rich: Ronin Roc, 10 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Ausland Schlage, 9 pm, free THE WHISKEY BAR—Whiskey Bar 3 Year Anniversary: DJ Icey, Gabriel Driscoll, DJ Eddie, 10 pm, $10

SATURDAY 11/24 AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BERBATI—Kyle O.Blivion, 9:30 pm, $5 BEULAHLAND—Hey Queen!: Bruce LaBruiser, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Trap Funeral: NastyNasty, Tyler Tastemaker, Gangsigns, Quarry, Nathaniel Knows, 9 pm, $7 CRUZROOM—Vnylogy DJs DEVILS POINT—DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—DJ Freaky Outty, 10 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GEMINI LOUNGE—DJ Kaoz, 9 pm, free GOLD DUST MERIDIAN—Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, DJ Disorder, 10 pm, free GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—DJ Sonero, 9:30 pm GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE—After Dark GROUND KONTROL—Roxy’s Ego Hour: Roxy Epoxy, 9 pm, $2 HOLOCENE—Jai Ho!: DJ Prashant, 9 pm, $10 JONES—Inferno: DJ WildFire, 6 pm, $8; ’80s & ’90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT—Darkness Descends: DJ Maxamillion, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Kenoy, free MATADOR—Butter Ball Dranksgiving: DJ Drew Groove, 10 pm MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu MT. TABOR THEATER—Dementia: DJ Valence, DJ Missionary, DJ Jsin, 10 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY—DJ Snacks, Choncey Jones, 7 pm ROTTURE—Blow Pony: DJ Airick X, DJ Just Dave, Stormy Roxx, Kasio Smashio, Ill Camino, Carla Rossi, 9 pm, $5 STAR BAR—DJ Trimmy Trim, 10 pm TIGA—DJ Ramophone TRIPLE NICKEL—DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE—DJ Wels, 10 pm

SUNDAY 11/25 AALTO LOUNGE—Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free ★ BEULAHLAND—The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH—DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT—Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free ★ DIG A PONY—New Jack City DJs, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free RADIO ROOM—DJ Nature, DJ Stray, 6 pm STAR BAR—DJ Joey Prude, 10 pm

MONDAY 11/26 BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm DIG A PONY—Slim Fortune, 9 pm GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Nefarious, 10 pm, free TIGA—DJ Jen O TRADER VIC’S—DJ Drew Groove, 6 pm VALENTINE’S—DJ Zac Eno, DJ Maxx Bass, 9 pm

TUESDAY 11/27 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Pattern & Shape CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY—Team Atkins, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—DJ Straylight, 9 pm; Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Bradly, 10 pm ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—DJ Chains Crumley TUBE—Tubesday, 10 pm

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 27

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28 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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Born to Read

OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK

All You Need to Know About Bruce Springsteen by Ezra Ace Caraeff bio fandom, instead offering a balanced, level- dt—but Carlin unearths long-lost tales of Springsheaded examination of the complicated existence teen’s near-romantic encounter with Janis Joplin, of one Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen. and his time spent perfecting his skills in the barn Blessed with complete access to Springs- at Esalen, the famed Big Sur hippie retreat. teen’s inner circle, Carlin lays the foundaYou don’t need Carlin to hold your hand tion for Bruce before the enigmatic when explaining what happens next— rock icon took his first breath of Bruce became “Bruuuuuce!”—yet Jersey air. Springsteen’s worrithe author does a masterful job

by Peter Ames Carlin some home life took root long of documenting Springsteen’s (Touchstone) before the rocker rebelled, gradual ascent from blue-collar Reading and musical release crashed his motorcycle, and dreamer to a denim-draped party with Corin Tucker, got a haircut in a hospital bed global icon with the world’s Storm Large, and more; against his will (or, basically evweight on his weary shoulders.

Mississippi Studios, 3939 N erything he recounts in his epic From there it gets complicated; Mississippi, Tues Nov preamble to the Live/1975–85 the once-pristine image of Spring27, 8 pm, $8-10 version of “The River”). The early steen is tarnished with a failed maryears of Doug and Adele Springsteen riage, the dissolution of the E Street were less a romantic whirlwind of young love Band, and that awkward period where he wore a than they were a blunt reminder of lower-class bolo tie on the cover of Tunnel of Love.

America’s endless struggle to endure. Then Throughout Bruce, Carlin precisely balances along came Bruce, an obsessive child with a his shrewd examination of Springsteen’s career wide-eyed attention to detail that far exceeded without canonizing the singer. If anything, Bruce his years. Most disciples of the Boss are well takes stubborn pride in deliberately distancing itversed in what followed—a baby-faced Bruce self from Springsteen’s spotlight, instead offering perfecting his chops with the Castiles and Steel an unprejudiced look at one of the most fascinatMill, crossing paths with a young Steve Van Zan- ing characters in rock music.

Bruce

P

ETER AMES CARLIN is to Bruce Springsteen as Robert Caro is to Lyndon B. Johnson. That is either the single greatest endorsement for Bruce—the latest epic rock and roll biography from Oregonian writer Carlin—or a sentence that’ll strike fear in your very soul. Weighing in just south of a wrist-shattering 500 pages and painstakingly arranged to leave no grain of Jersey Shore sand unexamined, Bruce is an absolutely massive undertaking that steers clear of shrill rock

BOOK REVIEW

Diligently Unfair James Wood Embraces The Fun Stuff by Thomas Ross focuses on Moon’s “addiction” to fun, but ev- er’s “accidents attack the narrative like automobiles erything in Wood’s essays is grounded in—and falling from the sky”) and honest when he loves it ground into—the rest of his knowledge. Thus in (frequently praise is handed out in the first person “I praising Moon’s style of drumming—of playing admire…”), but he is a careful and showy stylist fills over and through the time a drumalways. His description of Richard Yates’ mer is meant to keep—Wood borrows lifestyle is too clever to be poignant: a word from poetry and calls him “the “Around the compulsion of writing he drummer of enjambment,” for the way shaped everything else. There were Moon seemingly ignores the boundtwo other compulsions, smoking and

by James Wood aries of musical measures. drinking, but they only killed him, while (Farrar, Straus, In the same essay, Wood disparages writing plainly kept him alive.”

Giroux) Supertramp and the Eagles, implying that The collection is caught between two “elves are apparently squeezing the singers’ cornerstone personal essays, conveniently testicles.” It’s this willingness to be funny, base, placed at the beginning and end. “The Fun Stuff” and downright rude that makes Wood an appeal- is one, and “Packing up My Father-in-Law’s Liing postmodern critic. The same critic who can brary” is the other. If Wood is the Keith Moon of write incisive literary portraiture about literary literary criticism, obsessively playful, addicted to portraitist Edmund Wilson, or an unexpectedly fun, then he is also his father-in-law, a collector of necessary defense of Tolstoy against Tolstoy’s books, devourer of knowledge, and uncomfortably supporters, or a stunned close reading of László proud of the anonymous ruins (“broken columns”) Krasznahorkai’s insane prose, always deliver- of the read and unread books in his library. At the ing history and criticism within the same honest end of that essay, after Wood has sworn off colpackage, can write a cruel parody of Paul Aus- lecting books, a page of handwritten notes falls ter, nearly a page long, as the introduction to an from one of his father-in-law’s books. Wood offers essay unironically titled “Paul Auster’s Shallow- no commentary on it, but it is a reminder that ruins ness.” (He has the righteous audacity to refer to are also rubbish, byproducts of life—and among this parody as “unfair, but diligently so.”) those broken columns are played games of brilWood is funny when he hates something (Aust- liant, silly fun.

The Fun Stuff

M

OST OF THE ESSAYS in James Wood’s new collection The Fun Stuff are examples of a certain kind of literary criticism— the Wood style is playful, rude, unaccountably subtle, and brilliant. A title essay about Keith Moon, the manic, novelty-obsessed drummer of the Who, then, seems a bit from left field. But in the combine of Wood’s criticism, Moon is threshed up with the whole of literature. Wood

COMEDIAN Q&A

Comedy First Duncan Trussell Is No Guru by Andrew R Tonry phy, metaphysics, Duncan Trussell insists he’s a of people listening to my fucking raspy lesbian comedian first—and certainly not a guru. voice in Afghanistan, that’s enough to melt my Nonetheless, the mix of comedy and philosobrain.” And as the podcast continues to grow, phy on his podcast, The Duncan Trussell so do such encounters.

Family Hour—and in his live stand-up— “It happens after every single is producing real-world effects. show,” Trussell says. “I think it’s a re“This guy came up to me who ally sweet thing. But I try as quickly was a military contractor,” Trusas I can to make sure that people w/Ian Karmel, Shane Torres; sell tells me over coffee. “He understand I’m an information DJ.” Funny Over Everything was crying. He said he would Raised and schooled in North Hollywood Theatre, 4122 listen to [the podcast] when he Carolina, Trussell came to both NE Sandy, Wed Nov 21, was in Afghanistan. He said, ‘A lot philosophy and comedy relatively 9:30 pm, $10, all of the shit happening out there is young. Before majoring in the forages just really fucking bad, and listening to mer at Warren Wilson College, Trusyou guys made me realize that I didn’t have sell discovered Eastern literature as a to stick to this career path for the rest of my life, teenager. Not long after, he began taking LSD. so I quit and I left and I thank you.’”

Comedy, meanwhile, was ever lurking.

Trussell was taken aback. “That was a really in“I’ve always been a funny guy,” Trussell says. “I tense moment for me,” he says. “Just the thought would use comedy as a defense mechanism be-

Duncan Trussell

D

ESPITE HOSTING a podcast where he regularly quotes Ram Dass, expounds the virtues of hallucinogenic drugs, and beckons listeners to unfurl their “psychic tendrils” before delving deep into the dark corners of conspiracy, philoso-

MUSH, MUSH, THE SLOPING MIDNIGHT LINE. CARSON ELLIS AND MIDORI HIROSE NATIONALE • 811 E BURNSIDE THROUGH DEC 9

Tommy Chong—One half of the duo that invented the “stoner-comedy” genre, Chong takes to Helium’s stage with decades of legend-making and law-breaking trailing behind him like so much bud smoke.

Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Fri Nov 23-Sat Nov 24, 7:30 & 10 pm, $2530, heliumcomedy.com A Midsummer Night’s Dream—The Portland Ballet performs what they hope will become a new holiday classic. PSU’s Lincoln Hall, 1620 SW Park, Fri Nov 23, 4 & 7:30 pm, Sat Nov 24-Sun Nov 25, 1 & 4 pm, $1535, theportlandballet.org The Liberators—Portland improv royalty, the Liberators return to their throne after a long hiatus thanks to gigs with The Lost Boys— Live! and other projects. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, Sat Nov 24, 7:30 pm, $1215, theliberators.net Skulls—An exploration of the largest animal skull collection in the world. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Mon Nov 26, 7:30 pm, powells.com Andrew Solomon—The National Book Award winner presents Far from the Tree, about parents whose kids aren’t “normal.”

Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Tues Nov 27, 7:30 pm, powells.com

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS

cause I’m not an athletic dude and I hate sports.

So if you can make people laugh, they like you... but I never had the confidence to be like: I’m gonna be a comedian when I grow up. That just seemed ridiculous.”

In his late 20s, Trussell moved to Los Angeles where comedy offered another life raft. After running out of money he applied for a job at the Comedy Store, not as a comic, but simply because “it seemed like a fun place to work.” There, he learned the craft.

“It’s kind of like Hogwarts for comedians,” he says.

In particular, Trussell was impressed with George Carlin, and the way Carlin’s sets progressed “from a sort of silliness in the beginning to this kind of dark, existential surgery where he’s sort of... snipping the wings off the precious little bird that defines their existence.

“The way Carlin was doing that was so beautiful that you realize, yeah, this is something more than telling jokes,” Trussell continues. “But still, the jokes are the medium through which that media is transmitted.”

For our complete interview with Duncan Trussell, see portlandmercury.com/theater.

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 29

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Arts Calendar READINGS

pen afterward. JENNA LECHNER Milepost 5, 900 NE 81st, 724-6933, Thurs-Sat 7 pm, through Dec 1, $25

SATURDAY 11/24

PERICLES, PRINCE OF TYRE

A signing from the artist behind comics such as Batman: The Black Mirror, Captain America & Black Widow, and Black Beetle. Things from Another World, 2916 NE Broadway, 284-4693, 6 pm

Northwest Classical Theatre Company collaborates with Willamette Shakespeare to present Shakespeare’s tragicomic romance, featuring shipwrecks, pirates, knights, and an epic journey. Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th, 971-244-3740, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 9, $18-29

FRANCESCO FRANCAVILLA

SUNDAY 11/25

PORTLAND POETRY SLAM

PINKALICIOUS: THE MUSICAL

Portland’s punk-rock poetry competition, tossing eight tender souls into a grinder of verse, for a shot at prizes and a chance to represent PDX poetry at its finest. Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 248-2900, $5

Oregon Children’s Theatre brings back the story of the Pinkerton family caught in the throes of a fevered cupcake craze, who fight the effects of pink cupcakes with the power of vegetables. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335, Sat-Sun 2 & 5 pm and Fri Nov 23, 11 am, through Dec 9, $15-26

MONDAY 11/26 LAIRD HUNT

A reading from Hunt’s newest novel, Kind One, accompanied by a musical score and video projections inspired by the novel. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

TUESDAY 11/27 THE VOYAGE

A reading from co-authors Ben Parzybok and David Naimon, with a Q&A session afterwards about their book The Voyage and the delicate art of co-authorship. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams, 367-3182, 8 pm, free

THEATER THE FORGOTTEN CAROLS Michael McLean stars in the story of Constance, a nurse too practical for Christmas, who learns about the spirit of the season while caring for an old guy with alleged psychiatric tendencies. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335, Fri Nov 23, 7:30 pm, $20.25-37.75

THE BLACK FRIDAY COMEDY SHOW Scoot Herring’s post-Thanksgiving comedy feast, featuring Ian Karmel, Marcia Belsky, David Mascorro, and Andie Main. Featuring music by Shades Mathison. Hawthorne Hideaway, 2221 SE Hawthorne, 445-4600, Fri Nov 23, 9 pm, free

FREE LAUGHS A monthly comedy showcase from Eddie Wretch, featuring performances from Alex Rios, Nariko Ott, and Amanda Arnold. Langano Lounge, 1435 SE Hawthorne, Mon Nov 26, 10 pm

HANNIBAL BURESS, IAN KARMEL A one-two punch of top-notch stand-up, from Portland’s own Ian Karmel and New York’s Hannibal Buress. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 288-3895, Mon Nov 26, 9 pm, $12

JOKE SWAP!

The Jewish Theatre Collaborative presents the return of their popular family show, featuring classic stories by Patricia Polacco and Eric A. Kimmel, performed by actors Sara Fay Goldman and Darrell Salk. Miracle Theatre (Teatro Milagro), 525 SE Stark, 236-7253, Sun Nov 25, 11 am and Sun Dec 2, 11 am, $5-10

A special edition of Whitney Streed’s Weekly Recurring Comedy Night, featuring some of Portland’s finest standups trading sets with their fellow comedians. Featuring Tim Hammer, Kyle Harbert, Christian Ricketts, Marcia Belsky, Xander Deveaux, and more. Hosted by Jessie McCoy and Whitney Streed. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 2380543, Wed Nov 21, 9:30 pm

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF THE CHRISTMAS CAROL

VISUAL ART

HANUKKAH: THE POWER OF LIGHT

Artists Rep remounts last year's successful play, essentially a mashup of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic character and Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas tale. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, 241-1278, starts Nov. 23, Wed-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm and Wed Dec 19, 11 am, through Dec 30, $25-50

BLOODY BLOODY ANDREW JACKSON The conflicted, aggrandizing presidential personality at the heart of the musical Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson is Andrew Jackson like we’ve never seen him before. As played by Seattle’s Logan Benedict, Jackson is a rock star, a self-serious, self-mythologizing people’s president in skinny jeans (they could be tighter) and floppy emo hair. It’s a fantastic script, full of pointed reference to the shallowness of our political discourse, but Portland Playhouse’s uneven production suffers in striking a balance between comedy, musical spectacle, and legitimate historical tragedy. ALISON HALLETT Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott, 488-5822, ThursSat 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm and Wed Nov 21, 7:30 pm, through Nov 25, $21-40

EPHEMORY A new play from Portland playwright Miriam Feder, about a daughter coming to understand what an amazing person her mother is, as her mother begins losing her grip on not just her memories, but reality itself. The Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut #9, 702-6222, Fri-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm and Wed Nov 21, 7:30 pm, through Nov 25, $15

INVITING DESIRE: THE DAWN OF SEX Is it naive to believe in monogamy? Are humans polyamorous by nature? Dance Naked Productions broaches these questions with Inviting Desire: The Dawn of Sex— a mixed bag of awkward and erotic vignettes covering all the topics you’ve pondered in the deepest recesses of your mind, and plenty you probably haven’t. One of the biggest strengths of the show is how stripped down, sincere, and vulnerable the performers make themselves.

Sometimes, though, the performance feels oversexualized or forced; signs in the audience encourage cuddling. For whatever questionable tastes the show reflects, several days later I found myself discussing the show with the guest I brought. In the end, the best part of The Dawn of Sex may just be the conversations that hap-

30 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

COMEDY

12TH ANNUAL LITTLE THINGS Guardino’s traditional showcase of tiny works, all 7” x 7” or smaller, from over 45 local artists. Guardino Gallery, 2939 NE Alberta, Fri Nov 23, 6 pm, Nov 24-Dec 31 and Thurs Nov 29, 6 pm

A GIRL AND HER ROOM An exhibit of photography from Rania Matar that began as an attempt to understand her own daughter and grew to become an investigation of the transition from adolescence to womanhood. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th, 225-0210, through Dec 2

HEADTRIP An exhibition of new works by Tripper Dungan, the majority of which react with ChromaDepth 3D glasses in order to make Dungan’s cartoon imagery even more immersive.

Redux, 811 E Burnside, 231-7336, through Dec 4

THE LATHE OF HEAVEN A group exhibition featuring new work from artists Damien Gilley, Daniel Glendening, Laura Hughes, and Jordan Tull, inspired by Ursula K. LeGuin’s novel of the same name.

Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, through Dec 30

MUSH, MUSH, THE SLOPING MIDNIGHT LINE An exhibition of new works on paper by artist Carson Ellis, influenced by Belgian novelist Sigrid Undset. Features supporting works by Midori Hirose. Nationale, 811 E Burnside, Suite 112, through Dec 9

NIKKI MCCLURE An exhibit of new papercut works by Nikki McClure, made with single sheets of black paper, an x-acto knife, and a willingness to tell stories of life, motherhood, friendship, and community. Land, 3925 N Mississippi, 451-0689, through Dec 2

For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com

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HIS IS THE WEEK of all weeks for retail. The collective need to shop reaches its zenith with the sometimes all too aptly named Black Friday. There are riots, stampedes, and hand-to-hand combat over toys and toasters, and lots and lots of bargains. But fuck that. The big box scene may be full of hazard and carnage, but in lucky little Portland there’s a whole alternative universe created by the huge, thriving, and super-talented community of independent designers, makers, and curators. You’ll still find plenty of bargains, but you won’t need a mouth guard to get to them.

Below we’ve done our best to list as many sale events, trunk shows, and pop-ups as we can find, but something that no Portland shopper should miss is this year’s great crop of PDX Pop-Up Shops. Supported by a network of agencies—including the Portland Business Alliance, Portland Development Commission, and the City of Portland—a small collection of temporary shops fill in empty storefronts with locally focused merchandise in the heart of the downtown retail corridor each holiday season. This year’s pop-ups are perhaps the strongest team yet, including the bold, graphic, laser-cut apparel and home goods at Emit (535 SW 6th); natural, local health and beauty products paired with rustic vintage décor at Wolf’s Apothecary (902 SW Morrison); the return of Boys’ Fort’s dizzyingly appealing, clever array of boyishly themed products (614 SW 11th); and the luxurious, gorgeous alpaca goods at the Enchanted Alpaca (902 SW Morrison). Now, to the calendar!

BLACK FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23 Little Boxes: A citywide effort that includes an astonishing 170 local retailers. Drop in to any of these “Little Boxes” today or tomorrow and earn yourself one raffle ticket a visit, plus more with purchases, to win things like iPads and gift certificates. You can also get your Little Boxes map stamped for every one that you visit, which kicks in a discount. Fri-Sat, visit littleboxespdx. com for the complete list of participants, rules, and details Open for Business II: The return of one of last year’s greatest hits of holiday shopping events, Open for Business II is a weekend-long collaboration between Nice Work and OLO Fragrance. With merch including home goods, jewelry, and bags, plus wrapping paper and cards, this could easily wind up as your onestop. The list of vendors is, as usual, impeccable, including Better Late Than Never, Btwn Wind + Water, Draught Dry Goods, and Liam Drain. The Cleaners, 403 SW 10th, Fri-Sun, 11 am-6 pm Bridge & Burn Pop-Up and Preview: Portland-designed outerwear and clothing company Bridge & Burn is warming up their soon-to-be permanent retail space (due to open the first week in December), offering dibs on the most comprehensive collection of Bridge goodies

walk-ins and by appointment ELIZABETH MOLLO

available in the city and a glimpse at what the store will look like. 1122 SW Morrison, Fri-Sat 11 am-7 pm, Sun noon-5 pm The Store: Concept retailer Stand Up Comedy turns the biggest shopping day of the year on its head (as expected) by screening Frederick Wiseman’s 1983 “visual essay about Neiman Marcus,” The Store, on loop. Their announcement of the event was accompanied by the comment, “Naked capitalism is very close to what we’ve always heard about the nature of pure evil—it’s banal.” Stand Up Comedy, 811 E Burnside, approximate start times noon, 2 pm, 4 pm Wacky Holiday Photo Booth: Crafty Wonderland’s huge sale at the Convention Center is coming right up in December, but they’re not waiting until then to campaign for your attention. Today they host their annual Tinderbox Photobooth event, in which attendees are encouraged to wear their ugliest holiday attire (or borrow from the selection on hand), select a corny background, and smile for the camera.

You can buy the prints on the spot, order merch with the image (mugs, anyone?), or download them later yourself. Crafty Wonderland, 808 SW 10th, noon-4 pm Carley Kahn: Local textile designer Carley Kahn is kicking off an online holiday sample sale of her 100 percent silk scarves at 70 percent off retail, so you can engage in the Blackness without having to put your rain boots on. carleykahn.com, through Dec 24 Mellow Black Friday: Eastside boutique Citrine invites shoppers to take it easy, doling out Bailey’s and coffee along with 20 percent off storewide.

Citrine, 2937 E Burnside, 11 am-6 pm Collage Clearance Sale: Whether you have a crafter on the gift list or decorating duties on your hands, Collage’s huge clearance sale has a year’s worth of merchandise at 50-75 percent off. As they put it, “We don’t mess around.” Collage, 1639 NE Alberta, Fri 10 am-4 pm, Sat 10 am-7 pm Frances May: For one day only, Frances May offers 20 percent off their entire selection, including new merch from favorites like Wood Wood and Rachel Comey. Frances May, 1013 SW Washington, Fri in-store, online from Fri midnight-Sat midnight with coupon code thanks2012 on francesmay.com

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SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 24 Herb & Seed Sale: Here’s an outlier for those who prefer to stay in the bunker on Black Friday.

Hawthorne boutique Mag-Big hosts a two-day sale of goodies from Daggawalla, from gardening seeds for veggies/herbs/flowers/tobacco, herbal tinctures, remedies, teas, and smoking mixes.

Groovy. Mag-Big, 3279 SE Hawthorne, Sat-Sun 11 am-5 pm @MJSkinner800 on Twitter

THIS WEEK ON THE MERCURY ’S FASHION BLOG mod.portlandmercury.com Shopping

CONSTANT UPDATES ON ALL THE SALES AND EVENTS STILL TO COME!

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 31

1934 NE Alberta, 971.255.1793 NEVER stop doing what you like; ALWAYS take it to the HILT.

32 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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Last Supper THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT The Baowry: Home at Last by Chris Onstad

Grendel’s Coffee f House Serving organic coffee

8th & East Burnside

I

503-595-9550

NOLAN CALISCH

’M TRYING to imagine a financial advi- the classic and feature togarashi fried chicken, sor counseling someone bent on opening confit duck, “red cooked pork,� or their shiian Asian fusion restaurant/ bar in St. Johns. take tofu terrine. The crisp chicken tenderloin “Suicide with receipts,� they’d say. “Death version, with pickled vegetables, cilantro, cuby moony ambition.� But the Baowry, one cumber, and aioli, delivered a lot of flavor and of the city’s latest cart-to-restaurant success pleasure for a bar snack, so I ordered a second stories, is a tangible, functioning example of while enjoying the first.

The duck plate ($22) is their flagship item, what you can do if you buck the naysayers, grab a hammer, and just get started. It’s also featuring two large leg quarters of Peking “style� (confit) duck and all the trimmings: a good place to eat.

Two years ago, a couple kids opened a cart of four large steamed buns, house-made hoithe same name, hawking steamed buns and ta- sin and plum sauces, pickled vegetables, and pickled chiles. The meat is abundant and cos and whatever else took with the public. moist, and while the skin is underWhen a derelict little craftsman home The crisped and under-seasoned for my on their block—a howling shithole, Baowry taste (this is where the dish can by all accounts—finally coughed out really stand out), it’s rich and well its last addicts, wall-punchers, and 8307 N Ivanhoe 285-4839 cooked. The Baowry steak ($16) is transients, they dug their nails into the place’s bones, gutted every last baowrypdx.com a generous portion of surprisingly tender marinated meat, grilled mevestige of decay and abuse, and made it dium-rare but also a little lacking in sear. theirs. It’s not slick or precious—it feels exactly like what it is: an old house that some first- Served with a poached egg, slaw, and shiitake time buyers gave new life to, on a shoestring, mushrooms, it was a balanced set of flavors but so they could cook their food and show people needed something dry or crunchy to offset all a good time. It’s too dark in some corners, but the soft textures.

A third of their menu is staked on large the floor’s level. The tables are a little low, but they match, they don’t wobble, and they’re well pork, duck, or vegetarian steamed buns spaced. It’s rough around the edges in an honest (“bao�), $4 apiece or three for $10. The housemade hoisin sauce tends to dominate the mild and endearing way.

None of that bootstrap charm would mat- meats, which could also use stronger and more ter, of course, without the food. Over three distinctive spicing.

Service has been thorough and quick durvisits I’ve tried 12 of the 15 or so items on the menu, and I’ll admit that at first I didn’t ing off-peak times, though at capacity it shows get what the Baowry was trying to be. The signs of stress. Appetizers and entrÊes can sizzling rice soup ($10, for two) seemed a come out all at once after a long wait, crowdlittle off from the standard, until I realized ing the modest table and forcing some items to what was bugging me about it was that it sit and cool while others are rushed through.

Ambitious cocktails are generally decent, was scratch-made and had its own personality. Meaty, perfectly cooked shell-on shrimp, but can lack balance. The Salty Plum ($7, made pork belly, and braised greens are the chef’s with Monopolowa gin, lime juice, plum vinunusual additions, but the familiar toasted egar, and simple syrup) was far too sweet, but rice squares hiss warmly in the fresh, dark the Baowry Vesper ($8, made with Yazi ginger vodka, Aviation gin, Lillet vermouth, and broth, making for a deeply satisfying bowl.

The chile garlic prawns ($14, for sharing), a sweet vermouth) was smooth and balanced.

The Baowry, now three months old, is an heaping serving of butterflied, shell-on shrimp in a butter-enriched garlic-chile sauce, was an- important and inspiring chapter in the reviother one of the better dishes. Dealing with talization of St. Johns. More useful in a daythe peel is worth the mess, as the meat keeps to-day sense, though, the food shows promise, its tender texture and delicate moisture; the imagination, and integrity. mildly spicy sauce evenly coats a generous bed of noodles. The braised greens ($5) are truly Open daily 5 pm-2:30 am. Happy hour 10:30 excellent, with deeply smoky bacon (ordered pm-close. Check out thebaowry.tumblr.com from a Montana purveyor) and a vinegary gar- to see renovation pictures featuring foundlic-miso broth that should be drunk once the ing partner Ross Skomsvold tossing old matvegetables are gone. Unconventional happy tresses while dressed and coiffed like a midhour banh mi ($5) are overstuffed versions of 1970s Ron Wood.

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Find restaurants, bars, and reader reviews at portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 33

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Film

Pi of the Tiger

Life of Pi’s Pretty Parable by Alison Hallett 3D we’ve seen to date, and enjoy the adventure despite its self-seriousness.

In Life of Pi’s framing device, a softspoken Indian man, Pi (Irrfan Khan), Life of Pi tells a Canadian journalist (Rafe Spall, distractingly terrible) a story dir. Ang Lee that promises to make the journalNow Playing ist “believe in god.” Pi never achieves Various Theaters that lofty goal, a shortcoming director Ang Lee has frankly acknowledged in interviews. “I don’t think this is a movie… that will make you believe in god, as they advertise it,” he told Charlie Rose, “but I hope people believe in storytelling.”

That’s an elegant summation of the strengths and weaknesses of Lee’s new film— which is, it should be noted, far better than its goofy, hyper-stylized trailer would suggest.

Pi tells the journalist the story of his childhood in India, where his father owned a zoo stocked with all the requisite animals, including a fearsome Bengal tiger named Richard LIFE OF PI It’s greeeeat!

Parker. The young Pi (Suraj Sharma) graviNG LEE’S Life of Pi is an overblown but adventure story; like the novel, some people tates toward religions like other kids collect nonetheless quite beautiful adaptation of will think it contains profound truths, and superhero comics, seeing no conflict between Yann Martel’s 2001 novel of the same name. some will find it unbearably overwrought. his interest in Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Like the novel, it’s a parable disguised as an Others—me!—will appreciate some of the best and Buddhism. The film lingers on his happy

A

Child Soldiers

Anna KareninWHAAAA?!

Tolstoy Is Just Like Speed Racer! Sort Of. by Jamie S. Rich

’Merca Rises (Again) in Red Dawn by Erik Henriksen

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childhood, but things don’t get interesting until Pi’s family boards a ship bound for Canada.

A storm soon upends the ship, and when the weather clears, Pi finds himself sharing a lifeboat with a zebra, an orangutan, a hyena, and Richard Parker.

The bulk of the film is set as sea, as Pi figures out how to avoid getting eaten by a tiger while simultaneously dealing with storms, shark attacks, food shortages, and more. As he struggles to survive, the natural world provides a canvas for Lee’s artful 3D, lingering on the bottomless blue ocean and the creatures that live within it, or the way a still ocean and a clear sky seem to merge. The 3D visuals are endlessly imaginative, by turns subtle and dramatic—and, when the weather gets bad, frighteningly intense.

Pi is a very faithful adaptation of Yann Martel’s novel—if you felt betrayed or duped by the book’s ending, all the pretty 3D in the world won’t redeem the movie for you. But while Life of Pi won’t make anyone believe in god who doesn’t already swing that way, the film is notable for being more spiritual and less overtly Christian than most of what hits the multiplex around this time of year.

In Lee’s adaptation, as in Martel’s novel, the story’s big twist doesn’t so much inspire belief in the divine as it highlights the utility of faith—take it or leave it, it’s a powerful illustration.

RED DAWN “Awesome idea guys! They’ll never think to look for us behind a log!”

O SAY THAT the remake of Red Dawn er Matt (Josh Peck) and Matt’s dweeby friends is better than the original isn’t saying a into his pickup, Jed heads for the hills… and lot: John Milius’ 1984 flick is basically just prepares to fight back. Soon enough, these tykes porn for people in militias. Because you never are a tight-knit group of sadistic little terrorists, finally putting all those hours of Call of know! Russia could invade at any minute— Duty: Modern Warfare to good use. and then only a heavily armed band Red Like last summer’s completely unof teenagers will have the balls to Dawn necessary Total Recall remake, the fight back! dir. Dan Bradley surprising thing about this completeIn 2012’s Red Dawn, the Ruskie Now Playing ly unnecessary remake is that it’s siginvaders have smartly been reVarious nificantly better than it needs to be. placed with the Chinese—which Theaters It’s as charmingly hammy as its predemakes perfect sense, as the Chinese cessor, but this louder, punchier Red Dawn will inevitably conquer us all. Oh, but wait: Red Dawn was shot back in 2009, before also makes a few decent stabs at establishChina became a super-important film market! ing actual characters, not to mention getting Awkward. Luckily, Asians are interchangeable, some mileage out of good ol’ irony. (Jed’s time so this Red Dawn got some CG revisions to in Iraq made him an IED expert? Thanks for turn its invaders into… um… North Koreans? the tips, Iraqi insurgents!) But rest assured, Huh. North Koreans are about as threatening National Rifle Association members: This Red Dawn still taps into the delusional, violent, as Kiwis, but okay.

This time around, dreamy Iraq vet Jed unapologetic jingoism that made the first (Chris Hemsworth) is visiting his family in Red Dawn such a bizarrely fun fantasy. As one Spokane when—AAAH! North Koreans start gentleman proudly noted after my screening, falling from the sky, shouting gibberish and “Them kids really got ’er done.” Indeed they shooting Americans! Chucking his emo broth- did, sir. Indeed they did.

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ANNA KARENINA This is what it looked like in olden times when people had ideas.

:

(Alicia Vikander and Domhnall Gleeson).

REDICTION Joe Wright’s Anna KareniMost directors would jettison at least some na is going to be the Speed Racer of literof these side stories, but Wright and screenary adaptations—defended by nerds, derided writer Tom Stoppard are determined to get as by other nerds, and baffling to the public at much of Tolstoy’s 800-page novel in as they large. It’s an audacious interpretation of Leo can. They turn the story into an elaborate Tolstoy that’s overstuffed and overflowing stage production—its characters move from with style. I can’t be sure that it’s a good movset to set, jumping from the stage to the orie—but I was so overwhelmed by its boldness chestra pit, all of it timed and executed like that I can’t deny I kind of loved it. a choreographed musical. It’s a mesmerizing Keira Knightley plays Anna, a Russian conceit, somewhere between Lars von princess who throws away her marriage Trier’s Dogville and Baz Luhrmann’s to a pious councilman (Jude Law) Moulin Rouge. to chase after a handsome young Anna Anna Karenina is a breathless soldier (Aaron Taylor-Johnson).

Karenina two hours. Whereas Wright’s OsAnna’s a tragic tale of a woman dir. Joe Wright car-winning Atonement was preof desire trapped on the wrong Now Playing tentious and slow, this is more like side of morality and history. She Various Theaters his cool action picture Hanna: preis only one of a large cast of chartentious, weird, and relentless. Even acters, however: There are subplots if you know the book, it’s going to take all involving her scoundrel brother and his your attention to keep everyone and everyput-upon wife (Matthew Macfadyen and Kelthing straight. It might be genius, or it could ly Macdonald), as well as Anna’s younger rival be madness. Nerds, choose your weapons! and the farmer who would be the girl’s suitor

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 35

Film

Friends Through Eternity

FINALLY SOMETHING TO HONK ABOUT, IF PORTLANDERS HONKED.

Who Also Fight Ninjas! It’s Miami Connection! by Erik Henriksen

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MIAMI CONNECTION They’re a kickin’ rock band.... literally!

UMMARIZING MIAMI CONNECTION side a bunch of his friends), the low-budget, is a goddamn fool’s game, but here goes: much-derided Miami Connection languished The members of synth-rock band Dragon until 2009—when a curator from Austin’s Sound are orphans, roommates, and black Alamo Drafthouse Cinema blindly bought it on eBay for $50. The first audience to see it belts in tae kwon do. They only have was warned that no one knew what the hell two songs, but man, they’re some Miami Connection was—but as soon as the songs: “Friends,” about how Miami friendship is for eternity, and Connection film began, that changed. Within moments, everyone realized exactly what “Against the Ninja,” about dirs. Y.K. Kim, Miami Connection was: genius. how ninjas suck. Dragon Woo-sang Park From its weirdly catchy musical Sound isn’t making that Fri Nov 23-Sat Nov 24 numbers to its bloody, pulpy violence, up: Their beloved Miami is Hollywood Theatre from the bitter threats of rival bands under siege from motorcycle(“You fired me why? ’Cause of the godriding, cocaine-dealing ninjas! damn Dragon Sound? That’s bullshit! They So when they aren’t rockin’ Florida’s hottest nightclubs, cruising for tail, or feel- came in here and played goddamn songs for ing sad about being orphans, the members of kids!”) to the thickly accented smack talk of Dragon Sound use their fists and feet to keep Grandmaster Kim (“You don’t scare me at all!

At all! Goodbye!”), Miami Connection is a jawninjas in their place.

Nearly as great as Miami Connection’s bat- dropping, hilarious jumble of kung fu, rock ’n’ shit premise is the story behind it: Made in roll, cocaine, dismemberments, romance, bro1987 by Korean immigrant and “modern phi- mance, and boobs. In other words, everything losopher, motivational speaker, and world- that all of us have ever wanted from cinema. renowned evangelist of the martial arts” Welcome back, Dragon Sound. Don’t ever Grandmaster Y.K. Kim (who also stars, along- leave us again.

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The Rise (and Fall) of the Guardians by Wm. Steven Humphrey

HERE’S A PRETTY BIG disconnect Sandman’s sweet dreams into nightmares, an between children’s books and children’s insecure Jack Frost (Chris Pine) is invited to films. The former still occasionally produces join the super holiday team.

There’s fun to be had here—Santa (Alec a work that’s moody, thoughtful, and doesn’t treat its audience like drooling miniature Baldwin) is a burly, tough Russian with “naughty and nice” tattoo sleeves, while the idiots. The latter hasn’t received the memo Easter Bunny (Hugh Jackman) is an that it’s okay to trust kids’ (admitRise Australian, boomerang-throwing tedly, somewhat limited) attenof the Meanwhile, Jack Frost is tion spans. Make a great film for Guardians badass. a boisterous but sad sprite who children with a great story—My dir. Peter Ramsey doesn’t know where he’s from or Neighbor Totoro hops to mind— Now Playing where he belongs. All these heand the bells and whistles won’t Various roes—splendidly rendered—would matter. Trust them. They’ll watch.

Theaters be fantastic ingredients for a fun, They’ll listen. thoughtful retelling of beloved characRise of the Guardians is based on the beautifully illustrated books of William Joyce. ters… if it weren’t for Hollywood’s trust issues.

Three quarters of Rise of the Guardians in(Check out his terrific/scary/sad/hopeful children’s book The Leaf Men for a great read.) volve unnecessary, dizzying action sequences Guardians re-imagines the origins of child- (such as Jack swinging through the streets, à hood’s greatest heroes (Santa Claus, the Eas- la Spider-Man), rather than focusing on buildter Bunny, the Sandman, and the Tooth Fairy) ing characters, plot, and the subtext of the as an Avengers-style team that—in addition to story. While the ending works, it does so just their day jobs—protects the innocence of kids barely—and makes one long for the great, goraround the world. And when the evil Pitch geous, thoughtful children’s film that Rise of (voiced by Jude Law) figures out a way to turn the Guardians could’ve been.

Film

Crazy in Love

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David O. Russell’s Sneaky Romance by Jamie S. Rich

S SOMEONE who’s skeptical of silver ton sex—complicates Pat’s plan for redemplinings being an actual thing, so too was I tion. She sees a kindred crazy in Pat, and she skeptical of Silver Linings Playbook, the would- promises to help contact his wife if he’ll be her partner in a dance competition. be feel-good holiday release from I Heart The path of this thing seems obvious, but Huckabees director David O. RusSilver the film’s romance sneaks up on you: Russell. Midway through the trailer, Linings sell disguises his love story by shooting I half expected a voiceover Silver Linings Playbook with the same Playbook to proclaim it was “from the visceral immediacy he brought to producers of The Blind Side dir. David O. Russell The Fighter, cloaking the courtship in of the Help.”

Now Playing the manic energy of mental disorders.

Philly native Pat (BradVarious Bradley Cooper comes at the screen ley Cooper) has been cooling Theaters with a rapid-fire attack of paranoia and his jets in an asylum for eight delusion, and I was too on edge to ever remonths. Newly freed, he moves back in with his loving mom (Jacki Weav- ally root for him and Lawrence to get together. er) and doubting dad (Robert De Niro) and, It doesn’t help that she’s so cagey—a Katniss against judge and doctor’s orders, sets out to Everdeen of love, dodging emotional hungers to win back his ex-wife by showing how fit he’s indulge in games of a whole other kind.

And then, before you know it, you’re somegotten in the loony bin. Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence)—a fellow neighborhood pariah how invested in these two, and somehow in love who, following the death of her police officer with them as much as they love each other. And husband, has indulged her pain through wan- then it’s too late to stop the waterworks.

TAGS: Halo 4|Halo|343 Industries|Bungie|Microsoft SUMMARY: Halo 4: It’s Romeo and Juliet… IN SPACE! Geek Out Romeo and Juliet… IN SPACE!

by Erik Henriksen Halo 4 Developed by 343 Industries Now Available for Xbox 360

HALO 4 Holograms: the ultimate forbidden love.

ROMEO AND JULIET… IN SPACE!

by Erik Henriksen THE MULTIPLAYER OPTIONS in Halo 4 time—but Halo? Not so much. And yet Halo are varied and robust. Which is to say: They 4’s best moments are the small ones, beprovide everything from a profound sense of tween series star Master Chief and his A.I. accomplishment to the unique shame of becompanion, Cortana. Master Chief’s been ing humiliated by some 12-year-old who is far, perforating aliens for years, always with far better than you. Halo 4 hews to the Cortana’s voice in his head, telling him scope of previous Halos: There’s a where to go and what to do. But Coruniverse-spanning threat, some tana has outgrown her programvaguely Latinate, weirdly porming—once reliable, she’s tentous words like “Didact” now volatile, unpredictable, and “Cryptum,” and the masand angry. As Halo 4 begins, Developed by 343 sive scale of both the environMaster Chief vows to get CorIndustries ments and the missions is tana to the people who can fi x Now Available for ridiculously grandiose. Since her. Naturally, an ancient alien Xbox 360 2001’s Halo, the series has jerk gets in the way, so there’s been a blockbuster: big, fun, and some shooting and stuff too. But polished to a spit-shine. But mostat the core of Halo 4’s rewarding ly just big. campaign is the oddly sweet relationWhich is why Halo 4—developed by Miship between a cybernetically enhanced crosoft’s 343 Industries, rather than original murder machine and his super-smart holoHalo developers Bungie—is weird. Oh, it still gram girlfriend. Who, even as aliens are trydelivers the well-paced, addictive shooting ing to kill them, won’t stop acting all crazy. that’s the series’ hallmark, and that alone Ugh. Relationships, right? would’ve been enough to convince Halo fans As a fun, bombastic, explosion-y shooter, the series was in good hands. But then 343 Halo 4 does everything right. The fact it also Industries did something more: They focused attempts—and accomplishes—something more on the characters. subtle and emotional is a hell of a surprise and Indie games, and stories from studios a great sign of where 343 Industries plans to like BioWare, focus on character all the go from here.

THE MULTIPLAYER OPTIONS in Halo 4 are varied and robust. Which is to say to the unique shame of being humiliated by some 12-year-old who is far, far bett a universe-spanning threat, some vaguely Latinate, weirdly portentous words environments and the missions is ridiculously grandiose. Since 2001’s Halo, the s But mostly just big.

Which is why Halo 4—developed by Microsoft’s 343 Industries, rather than orig paced, addictive shooting that’s the series’ hallmark, and that alone would’ve bee then 343 Industries did something more: They focused on the characters.

Indie games, and stories from studios like BioWare, focus on character a are the small ones, between series star Master Chief and his A.I. companion, Co with Cortana’s voice in his head, telling him where to go and what to do. But C volatile, unpredictable, and angry. As Halo 4 begins, Master Chief vows to get C gets in the way, so there’s some shooting and stuff too. But at the core of Halo cybernetically enhanced murder machine and his super-smart hologram girlfrien crazy. Ugh. Relationships, right?

As a fun, bombastic, explosion-y shooter, Halo 4 does everything right. T and emotional is a hell of a surprise and a great sign of where 343 Industries pla

Halo 4

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 37

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38 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

#4

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Film Shorts

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS They’re totally going to bone later.

Amidst unintroduced talking heads and splashes of archival imagery, there’s a soundbite from Luke Fowler’s All Divided Selves—the feature-length experimental film about Scottish psychoanalyst and anti-psychiatry figure R.D. Liang—that seems worth a paraphrase: schizophrenia is a confusion in the use of metaphors. Schizophrenia, a central point of study for Liang, can then also be seen as the structural inspiration for Fowler’s collage of interviews, television appearances, and archival documents. Delivered from talkshow couches and staged instructional settings, Liang’s philosophies are entangled with scenes of treatment and therapy, often with little connective significance. The result is less linear and more tonal; Liang arrives indistinguishable from those he attempts to help, a semi-mad mender of madness. All Divided Selves is as much a documentary as it is a re-creation of a state of mind. MATT STANGEL YU Contemporary.

★ ANNA KARENINA See review this issue. Fox Tower 10. ★ BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD I’ll let you in on a secret: Writing negative reviews is pretty easy. Every doofy plot twist and bungled CG jumpkick pulls you out of the moviegoing experience, allowing you plenty of time to compose elaborately mean puns for your headline. It’s harder to review a movie when it succeeds–and I mean really succeeds, in that it draws you in completely.

The surreal, fantastic Beasts of the Southern Wild is that kind of movie: You may leave the theater conflicted and even confused, but you won’t be thinking about anything else while you’re watching it. BEN COLEMAN Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

BUOY

★ MIAMI CONNECTION See review this issue. Hollywood Theatre.

THIS FILM IS RATED PG-13. WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. Please note: Passes received do not guarantee you a seat at the theatre. Seating is on a first come, first served basis, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider.

FilmDistrict, all promo partners and their affiliates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a ticket. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, guest is unable to use his/ her ticket in whole or in part. Not responsible for lost, delayed or misdirected entries. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the guest. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. Participating sponsors, their employees & family members and their agencies are not eligible. NO PHONE CALLS!

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

THE SACRIFICE Andrei Tarkovsky’s final film is a mere two and a half hours long! For Tarkovsky, that’s practically a music video! Fifth Avenue Cinema.

THE SESSIONS Helen Hunt plays Cheryl, who’s been hired to indoctrinate paralyzed writer Mark (John Hawkes) in the ways of S-E-X. Mark contracted polio as a kid, and the iron lung has seriously hindered his game—so after realizing that other disabled people still manage to have sex lives, he contacts Cheryl to figure out just what kind of experiences his paralyzed body is capable of having.

The Sessions is bound to be over praised, but Hunt and Hawkes are so damn good, and the scenes between the two of them so rich in awkward, funny, premature ejaculate-y tenderness, that the strengths of this odd little true story far outweigh its imperfections. ALISON HALLETT Various Theaters.

FLIGHT

STARLET

A clumsy, preachy, feature-length infomercial for AA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

A drama about “the unlikely friendship between 21 year-old aspiring actress Jane and elderly widow Sadie.”

Featuring 27 straight minutes of ultra-tight poppin’ and lockin’ dance-off action. Living Room Theaters.

★ A LATE QUARTET At the start of A Late Quartet, Christopher Walken’s character explains to a group of his cello students that Beethoven’s late quartet, Opus 131, is not the standard four movements but instead has seven parts and that you have to play them straight through with no breaks, which causes your instruments to go all out of tune with one another. “It’s a mess,” he says. It’s also a metaphor about how basic entropy affects togetherness. The togetherness, say, of a musical group that’s been playing together for 25 years when the oldest member finds he has Parkinson’s and can’t go on. Walken plays that character. Has he ever been the emotional center of a film before? It’s magical. For much of A Late Quartet, the camera follows the storm of the other characters’ drama—often, melodrama—until it finds a resting place once again on Walken’s alien face, quietly registering the effects of old age. JEN GRAVES Fox Tower 10.

SCREENING WILL BE HELD ON TUESDAY, DECEMBER 4TH AT 7PM

RED DAWN

★ SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK See review this issue. Various Theaters.

The Grindhouse Film Fest presents the only known 35mm print of XTRO, 1983’s “batshit crazy sci-fi/horror” flick involving aliens, monsters, telekinetic powers, and more. Hollywood Theatre.

TO DOWNLOAD YOUR PASSES VISIT WWW.GOFOBO.COM/RSVP AND ENTER CODE MERCCZWH

★ THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS “Attacked by Christmas toys? That’s strange. That’s the second toy complaint we’ve had.” Laurelhurst Theater.

A Portland-set drama. See next week’s Mercury for our review. Hollywood Theatre.

GRINDHOUSE FILM FESTIVAL

YOU AND A GUEST ARE INVITED TO A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING

IN THEATERS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7 www.facebook.com/PlayingForKeepsMovie

Portland’s Historic non-Profit tHeatre

PORTLAND MERCURY THURSDAY: 11/22 BW 4.75” x 3.25” ALL.PFK-P.1122.TS

★ LIFE OF PI See review this issue. Various Theaters.

LINCOLN Oscar bait doesn’t get much more baiting than this: Steven Spielberg directing Daniel Day-Lewis with a Tony Kushner

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TALES OF THE NIGHT A beautiful animated film. With its shadow puppet technique set against gorgeous, vibrant scenery, this thing on mute would be an excellent backdrop at art parties. That said, its telling of several folkloric tales of love and bravery feels a little... racist? Like, I don’t think people are supposed to think that pre-Columbian America and Africa are culturally interchangeable. It’s uncomfortable. If you take your kids—and by all means, go for it, because kids would probably like it—be sure to set aside some time during the car ride home for a conversation on exoticism and cultural appropriation.

But still. Pretty movie! ELINOR JONES Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

enter taining Por tl and since 1926

TIN HOUSE PrESENTS ARTHUR MILLER’S

ALL DIVIDED SELVES

script about the final months of America’s most beloved, tragic president. By and large, Lincoln wanders many of the same paths Spielberg’s other Oscar bait-y films have taken—this one feels particularly like Amistad, though there’s some War Horse in here too. Lincoln is a generally well-made film, but it’s also one stitched together from Day-Lewis’ dramatic monologues and cinematographer Janusz Kaminski’s reverential sepia tones: Even when it tries to humanize Lincoln, it’s mostly just here to reaffirm what a Great Man he was and how he made some Very Important History. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

WiTh adaM BravE BooK SiGNiNG! sUndAY AUGUst 19 · 2:00pm

A screening of Free Radicals, a doc about the history of experimental film, followed by a slew of shorts and a “public salon to engage everyone in a discussion about the current state of experimental filmmaking and exhibition in Portland.” More info: cstpdx.com. Clinton Street Theater.

THE MISFITS

THE 2012 PORTLAND CINE SPREE

Friday & SaTurday Nov. 23 & 24

GRINDHOUSE FILM FESTIVAL PrESENTS

XTro TuESday NovEMBEr 27 · 7:30 pm

See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website

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★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY NOVEMBER 23-THURSDAY NOVEMBER 29,

UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 39

Savage Love

by Dan Savage

Adventures in Babysitting

I

am a 22-year-old straight female. I used to babysit for a wealthy family, but their children have outgrown babysitters. The dad of this family is very into martial arts/fighting and has invited me over several times for “self-defense training.” I have accepted his invitations a few times, and it has always started off as a normal workout in their home gym—treadmill, weights, swimming laps—but he is always pretty anxious to get to the self-defense part. Often he will blindfold me and then come at me, and I must then wrestle my way out of the situation using the moves I’ve learned.

I did this a few times, Dan, but I found it a bit unsettling. However, he never touched me inappropriately. Last time we did this, he told me he wanted to see how much pain he could take. He asked me to kick him in the groin with no protection until he couldn’t take it anymore.

I thought, “This is strange,” but I was curious, so I did it. He was able to take it for a surprisingly long time. I haven’t been back since, but for the last six months, he has been pestering me to come back.

Recently, he suggested that we have what he calls a “competition.” He will stand there, and I will kick him in the balls—or anywhere else I want—and if he gives up, I get $150. If I give up, by getting too tired, I give him $20. His wife knows about the workouts, but he said he doesn’t want me to tell her about the fighting.

My question is this: Is there a sexual component to this? I have never heard of anything like this before, and I find it odd. But I am a poor college student, and for $150, I’ll stand there fully clothed and kick this guy in the balls! Please let me know your thoughts.

Will Kick Balls for Money

T

here are no nonsexual components to this, WKBFM, and if you’ve never heard of something like this before, well, you must be a new reader.

What we’ve got here is a rich guy attempting to manipulate his kids’ former babysitter into doing sex work for him—no, scratch that. What we’ve got here is a rich guy who has already manipulated his kids’ former babysitter into doing sex work for him, WKBFM, and that’s pretty fucking creepy. (Your previous workouts with the blindfolds and the wrestling and the kicking? Unpaid sex work.) Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think his ball-busting fetish is creepy. It’s extreme, as fetishes go, and there are definitely risks. But the risks are his. Paying you to kick him in the nuts doesn’t put his wife at risk (swiftkick-to-sack is not a known mode of STI transmission), it won’t take food out of his children’s mouths, and, as he presumably has all the children he wants, ball-busting-induced sterility might be a blessing/vasectomy in disguise.

If you need the money, WKBFM, and you don’t think you’ll be scarred by the experience, tell the rich guy you’ll consider doing this for him—you’ll come over, remain fully clothed, and kick him in the nuts—but only if he levels with you: He’s getting off on this. If he can’t level with you, WKBFM, don’t do this.

You don’t want this rich asshole to think he’s successfully manipulated you into doing sex work for him, because once the session is under way, you don’t want him thinking, “Well, if I could get her to do this, I can probably get her to [remove her clothes, watch me masturbate, have sex with me].” If you go into a ball-busting session without both of you having acknowledged what you’re actually doing—you’re sorta selling

Sex

sex, he’s definitely paying for sex—and he does try to get you to remove your clothes or watch him masturbate or have sex with him, WKBFM, you may find it difficult to say no. Being direct with someone (“No, I’m not taking my clothes off, asshole!”) after you’ve accepted a dishonest premise (“Sure, rich guy, this isn’t about sex, you’re just testing yourself!”) requires you to admit that you were being dishonest, too. Most people are reluctant to admit to dishonesty, and a skilled manipulator will exploit that inhibition to get what he wants.

So tell him you’ll play—you’ll bust his balls— but you’re not going to play along. He has to admit that this is about sex and he has to agree to honor your conditions: Everything that happens is agreed to in advance, no special requests during a session, he remains fully clothed, you remain fully clothed, no recordings are made, and you get the $150—make that $250—whether or not he bails.

I

am a 30-year-old straight man who has always known that he is a poly. The woman I love is not a poly. She is a monogamous person. When we started being sexual, it was a strictly friends-with-benefits arrangement, although a sexually exclusive one, at her insistence, and I agreed to that because neither of us expected anything long-term to come of it. But we fell in love, and now I can’t imagine life without her. She is amazing, and I love her like I’ve never loved any other woman. But she has asked me to betray my sexual identity by remaining sexually exclusive. If I cannot commit to that, she does not want to be with me.

I am not asking the same of her: She does not have to sleep with other people to keep me in her life. She is, JOE NEWTON however, insisting that I not sleep with other people to keep her in my life.

Can someone who is poly be happy with someone who isn’t?

Polyamorous Polymath

Y

ou are not “a poly.”

Poly is not a sexual identity, PP, it’s not a sexual orientation. It’s not something you are, it’s something you do. There’s no such thing as a person who is “a poly,” just as there’s no such thing a person who is “a monogamous.” Polyamorous and monogamous are adjectives, not nouns. There are only people—gay, straight, bi—and some people are in monogamous relationships, some are in open relationships, some are in polyamorous relationships, some are in monogamish relationships, some are in four-star-general relationships. These are relationship models, PP, not sexual identities.

So the question isn’t “Can a poly be happy with a monogamous? ” The question is can you, despite your clear preference for nonmonogamous relationship models, be happy in this relationship? Do you love your girlfriend so much that you’re willing to pay the price of admission that she’s demanding—you’re willing to behave monogamously (adverb!)—in order to be with her? Yes or no?

Since your girlfriend has already indicated that she’s not willing to have a nonmonogamous relationship with you (or anyone else), PP, the choice is yours to make. If you truly can’t live without her, if she’s the-one-you’re-going-toround-the-fuck-up-to-the-one, you’ll have to be monogamous. If that’s not something you’re willing or able to do—and “willing” and “able” are two different criteria, and you’ll need to make an honest self-assessment on both counts— then end this relationship and go find someone whose romantic desires more closely align with your own. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage.

40 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

I❤ TV

TV

™

by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

A Liz & Dick Thanksgiving

H

ERE’S AN IDEA: How about we rename Thanksgiving? Maybe something like, “Passive-Aggressive Relative Day.” THINK ABOUT IT. When a relative asks you at Thanksgiving to name something you’re thankful for, it’s unacceptable to tell the truth and say, “A sweet taste of BOO-TAAAAAY, BAY-BAY! BOOM-BOOM, SHACKALACKA, BOOM-BOOM!” What they’re really asking for is a compliment—something along the lines of, “I’m thankful for Grandma, who says she’s okay with me never calling, writing, or visiting, even though she’s not really okay with it, and drops constant reminders that she’ll probably be dead within three-to-five months, at which point I’ll feel very sorry I ignored her all these years, because she just may decide to haunt me and peep at my unseemly masturbation habits.”

My grandma’s a jerk—if you haven’t figured that out.

The problem is that it’s hard to be thankful for my family, because they are DEATHLY UNINTERESTING. They don’t like excessive amounts of booze, rambunctious public sex, or stealing prescription medications from Grandma’s medicine cabinet. (By the way, Grammy— someone switched your Vicodin with stool softeners! Keep a better eye on it, or I’ll have to take my prescription-stealing business elsewhere… and then I’ll NEVER come to visit!)

But hey! I’m a good person—and good persons like me are recognized as good persons because they are willing to meet bad persons halfway. So even though I’ll probably end up being bored to tears, sitting in a stuffy, moldering, tiny rent-controlled apartment crammed with teetering piles of ancient newspapers and crystal bowls of half-melted Werther’s candies that fused together sometime in the late 1970s—I will visit my grandma this coming Thanksgiving weekend. IF! (And this is a big “if”!) IF Grandma agrees to the following

JEREMY EATON

conditions: (1) No guilt trips about how I spend her borrowed money on horse tranquilizers.

(2) No “clicking” her dentures. GROSS!!! And (3) We get to watch Liz & Dick on the Lifetime network (Sun Nov 25, 9 pm).

Grandma, this is a movie we both can love! You’ll love it because it deals with “old, historical” things—like Elizabeth Taylor and her insane, passionate, drink-throwing marriage to Richard Burton. It documents the sexual fireworks between these two actors who left their respective spouses to marry each other, and then fought, drank, made sex, divorced, remarried, and fought and drank and made sex again! (Kind of like your relationship with Gramps—without the making sex part… because BLECHHH, right?)

Meanwhile, I’m going to love Liz & Dick, because it stars Hollywood troublemaker Lindsay Lohan as the late Elizabeth Taylor— who’s probably haunting every single person involved in this travesty of a TV movie.

GUYS. This is going to be sooooo terrible—and it’s going to be terrible in a way you’re gonna love. Besides the fact that Lindsay is insanely under prepared to take on this role, it’s on LIFETIME. The same network that brought you Tori Spelling’s Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? and My Stepson, My Lover! In other words, this could very well be THE GREATEST MOVIE EVARRRRR!!

So I’ll see ya on Sunday, Grandma! And don’t forget to visit the pharmacy this week—your medicine cabinet is looking purrrrretty sparse.

Let’s have a Liz & Dick Thanksgiving!

(Eww.)

Twitter me that! @WmSteveHumphrey

This Week on Television WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21

10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY Yay! The origin of “Bloody Fist” is revealed… wait. Did I say “Bloody Fist”? I meant “Bloody Face.” Gross.

10:30 E! THE SOUP Joel McHale and the gang bring the PAAAAIN with this special “WWE edition.”

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22

8:00 ABC A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING Charlie steals prescription medicine from Lucy’s “psychiatric office.”

9:30 ABC BAD25 Spike Lee does a song-by-song tribute to the greatest Michael Jackson album EVARRRRR! (Arguable.)

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23

8:00 CBS FROSTY THE SNOWMAN Frosty is unconvinced global warming exists—until he becomes “Frosty the Puddle.”

9:00 IFC TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET, PART 3 R. Kelly’s newest entry in his classic (and hilarious) hiphop opera!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 24

8:00 NBC INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL—Movie (2008) Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!! Right.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 25

9:00 LIF LIZ & DICK—Movie (2012) Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor—currently spinning in her grave.

9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD A new arrival at the prison forces Rick to make a decision: KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILLLLLL HIIIIIIMMM!!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26

9:00 LOGO RUPAUL’S ALL STARS DRAG RACE Season finale! RuPaul picks the draggiest of them all!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 27

8:00 ABC HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS And he would’ve gotten away with it, too—if it hadn’t been for a huge turnout of Latino, black, and women voters.

8:00 FOX RAISING HOPE The Chances sign up for a charity run. (Don’t worry, it’s for “Angry Bowel Syndrome.”)

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 41

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42 portlandmercury.com November 21st, 2012

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MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE

Tony Millionaire’s work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com

DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH

by Ian Karmel

HERE SEEM to be three opinions about the television show Portlandia: (1) “It’s pretty funny, I like it.” (2) “It’s the worst.

I named my dog Sleater-Kinney because of it, and I HATE MY DOG.” And (3) “I’m not familiar with Portlandia.”

Count me among the first group. Portlandia isn’t perfect, but writing sketches is hard, and they knock out some banging sketches.

Sometimes it generalizes Portland in ugly ways, but they’re just trying to be funny.

I would have to say my one criticism of the show is that they don’t have a native Portlandian on the writing staff... well, I’m here to offer my services. Here’s a list of sketch ideas that I think would go over great on the program.

• A graphic designer makes a fixedgear bicycle out of pork belly. Portland vibrates violently and dematerializes.

• A local white becomes flummoxed.

• A radio disc jockey tries to sneak his own mandolin-based songs onto a Top-40 radio station. The microphone in the radio station is played

by Randy Newman.

• The word “quinoa” is used in conversation an absurd amount of times.

• The Starlight Parade is picketed due to the inherent white privilege of a group of people being allowed to cavort drunkenly through public streets near police horses.

• A breakfast fiasco!

• A group of husbands get into an “I saw Radiohead first” measuring contest. Radiohead is played by Randy Newman.

• Something with Lake Bell in it at some point.

• A debate erupts at a waffle window.

In question is the appropriate direction for a line to proceed after it has exceeded the width of the sidewalk.

Fred and Carrie insist left, Randy Newman has other ideas.

• A man insists “ciabatta” is properly pronounced “seeah-bash-eya.” He cites the Chilean heritage of his adopted daughter for his authority and expertise. Nobody calls him on his bullshit.

• A couple make themselves destitute and penniless through their practice of “Incredibly Unfair Trade,” where they pay indigenous workers WAY TOO MUCH money for their goods.

• A travel agency specializing in Costa Rica exists only to dissuade people from going to Costa Rica because “tourism is really super not great for the ecosystem there.”

• An entire conversation takes place in ascending tones.

• LESBIANS. IN. ADOBES. • Fred and Carrie open a fixed-gear popsicle stand. It is obnoxious.

• At a trivia night, two teams and a judge quibble over the correct pronunciation of author Chuck Palahniuk’s last name. Chuck Palahniuk guest stars as Randy Newman.

• A man opens a confrontational “24 Hour Church of Chuck Berry, Ivory Joe Hunter, and James Brown” right across the street from the 24 Hour Church of Elvis.

• Burning Man Person.

• A woman tries to urban farm on a bus. It does NOT go well.

• Fred and Carrie run for mayor of Portland. Despite receiving Kyle MacLachlan’s endorsement, they lose a narrow race to Randy Newman.

Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com

YOUR ANONYMOUS RANTS FROM THE MERCURY ’S I, ANONYMOUS BLOG ILLUSTRATED BY KALAH ALLEN

I (MAY HAVE) IMPREGNATED MY SISTER I’m not the cleanest of people—I know and admit this. But I didn’t think I’d ever have this type of problem. My sister, whom I live with, just told me that she’s late. We’ve been roommates for over a year and we talk often. She’s had trouble with dating and so have I—so be it. Okay, so when I pleasure myself, sometimes I have to take a shit after—like that one bowling movie with Bill Murray, whatever. Recently, I remember dropping a load, then sitting on the toilet to take a dump and having a shower afterward. My fear is that I might have left some drops of splooge on the toilet, and when she sat down after my shower... fuck, I don’t know if she could have gotten pregnant from it.

When she told me she was late, I thought nothing of it, but then, the day after, while engaging in my daily routine, I noticed that I did leave cum on the seat.

That’s when it clicked, and when the fear struck. I thought it over for a day or two, and now I’m getting freaked. I know she hasn’t dated anyone in a few months—so what else could it be? Do I tell her? How could I? If I wait too long and my suspicion proves to be true, then it’ll be even worse. But if I tell her now, it will just be a fucking disgusting thing to tell your sister… but at least she could go get tested or something. This is some fucked-up shit.—Anonymous

UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.

November 21st, 2012 portlandmercury.com 43

The Portland Mercury BULLETIN BOARD online > > > www.portlandmercury.com/backpage (503) 294-0840

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