The Portland Mercury, December 5, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 29) by Joe Davis

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FREE EVERY WEDNESDAY / VOL • 13 NO • 29 / DECEMBER 5 - 11, 2012 / Send Them to the Screaming Pit.

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SAFETY FIRST RE: “Cops on Campus” [News, Nov 28], regarding a plan to create a police force at Portland State University in the face of increased reports of sexual assault.

lovenotes@portlandmercury.com

I work on campus and would welcome an in-

LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

JUST A PRETTY METAL FACE RE: “Up & Coming” [Nov 28], in which music writer Aris Wales discusses the role that frontwoman Jill Janus’ breast implants and general attractiveness have had in her band Huntress’ professional development. DEAR ARIS WALES—It’s unfortunate what people have been saying about Jill Janus. Pop music today has far too many pretty females who are not very good singers—heavy metal is not excluded—so it’s nice to have one who is pleasing both to the ear and the eye. Isaac Hudson

CHOC IT TO ME

crease in security. There is an unusual amount of crime—I’ve been solicited for handgun purchases in the parking garage, a number of women have been assaulted in adjacent buildings, clearly imbalanced people regularly wander into the office and make a scene.

I wish you guys hadn’t locked the comments on the chocolate article so that people who aren’t angry at Chris Onstad for existing could share their opinions about other comments. Like how articles such as this shouldn’t seem surprising or forced considering the New York Times and Wall Street Journal have run similar articles about craft batch chocolates. Or maybe how Stirs the Soul is terrible and couldn’t stand up to most of its raw chocolate competitors, much less any traditionally roasted chocolate. Pazzo

BUTTHURTLIA RE: “Carrie On” [Letters, Nov 28], in which Portlandia principal and Portland celebrity Carrie Brownstein wrote in to sincerely express gratitude regarding the amount of attention the Mercury and its readers give to the hit show on IFC that Portland just can’t stop talking about! I think the folks at Portland Mercury are a little butthurt over Portlandia. Most likely because the show parodies the exact type of people the Merc employs and champions: self-important hipster d-bags. The show is pretty funny because it holds a mirror to quirky Portland. Too close for comfort?

PSU isn’t increasing its police staff because of sexual assaults alone—it feels the need to make a safer environment for its students, which they deserve. And yes, more police on campus will lower crime. I know the anti-police people will probably downvote me for saying that, but the truth is if you’ve ever been a victim of a crime, you wouldn’t hesitate to call the police. Not that they’re perfect, but they’re an essential urban service most sane people want.

posted by ws

OH, SIT DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY—As one who reads [the] Portland Mercury every week, and have for years, I look forward to the day when the s___ word is not commonplace. It has no rightful place in good journalism. It is disrespectful to the reader, and diminishes what [the] Portland Mercury is, or could be.

WE ARE SORRY, steve, for having offended your fine sensibilities with our affinity for blue language. Speaking of linguistics, let’s make a deal: We’ll stop talking s___, if you and everyone else agree to quit ignoring the grammatical rules regarding the capitalization of proper nouns. It’s not cute, and it has no rightful place in proficient communication. In the meantime, you get two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater where you can pretty much guarantee avoidance of the s___ word by sticking to films made for children.

COVER ART:

Good job trying to make a show you like im-

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posted by cryaboutit

mune to any criticism or ridicule. You find it funny, so if someone else doesn’t, there must be something wrong with them, right? What makes you think you know the real deep-down reasons someone you don’t know doesn’t like a show? Not everything that “holds a mirror” does so with good ideas, writing, sense of comic timing, etc. And something is funny just because it’s true? How is that supposed to work?

Meshell Ndegeocello

posted by Ovidius

Welcome to Butthurtlia.

RE: “Bean, Bar, Revolution” [Last Supper, Nov 7], regarding the boom in Portland’s craft chocolate scene. Food writer Chris Onstad was criticized in the comments for not including a mention of Stirs the Soul. (BTW, the Mercury locks comments on articles 10 days after their publication date. Keep it fresh, people!)

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ONE DAY

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at a time THE WEEK IN REVIEW

Fashion

More drama from the set of the absolutely terrible sitcom Two and a Half Men! (Yay!) As you undoubtedly recall, One Day at a Time Freak of the Year (2011) Charlie Sheen was booted off the show for… well, you know… “tiger blood.” Today yet another cast member, Angus T. Jones—who plays the “half” in Two and a Half Men— may have tossed his career down the toilet when he appeared on a freaky Christian video, craptalking the show paying him upward of $300,000 an episode. “I’m on Two and a Half Men, and I don’t want to be on it,” Angus HALFMAN confessed on a video for the Forerunner Christian Church. “Please stop watching it, and filling your head with filth.” You must admit, he makes a compelling argument. Angus continues, “I don’t want to be contributing to [Satan’s] plan. You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can’t.” Uh… oh! For Angus’ sake, heaven better have a good 401K plan. MEANWHILE… Two of this planet’s more annoying people are arguing. Former American Idol judge and longhaired skeleton Steven Tyler dissed the mentoring abilities of new Idol judge Nicki Minaj, saying that inexperienced contestants won’t be given a fair shake by the screeching rap harpy. “If [the contestant] were Bob Dylan, Nicki Minaj would have him sent to the cornfield.” While this makes absolutely no sense, Nicki hit back (and hard!) on her poor, abused Twatter machine. “Steven Tyler said I would have sent Bob Dylan to a cornfield???” Nicki bellowed. “That’s a racist comment… You assume that I wouldn’t have liked Bob Dylan??? why? black? rapper? what? Go fuck yourself….” IN A RELATED STORY… The new season of American Idol is trying really hard to make us give a shit.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 27 Meanwhile pop starlet Rihanna continues to tempt us to pick up a gun and blow our beautiful brains out. Last week she took to Twatter “giving thanks” for spending Thanksgiving with her former abuser Chris Brown in Berlin. (GAHHHH!! This is not what the pilgrims intended!) Today she returned to Twatter to post a picture of a shirtless man—who is almost certainly Chris Brown—lying on her bed, adding the cryptic message, “Dis ni**a….” Okay, now she’s just trolling us. This is not how it works, Rihanna! We’re the gossipmongers! We troll YOU! MEANWHILE… Well, well, well… look which “God-fearing” actor is crawling back to the Two and a Half Men trough. Satan-and-paycheck-hating Angus T. Jones released a statement today apologizing to his Two and a Half bosses and coworkers. “I apologize if my [cray-cray Christian] remarks reflect… a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed,” Angus wrote. “I never intended that.” That’s right, Angus. Jesus don’t pay the bills. MEANWHILE… Former Two and Half crazy person Charlie Sheen weighs in: “I dare anyone [in particular Angus] to spend 10 years in the laugh-track that is [creator] Chuck Lorre’s hive of oppression and not suffer some sort of emotional tsunami.” See, Angus? Now that’s how you do “crazy!”

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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 Oh, so now former American Idol judge Steven “Skeletor” Tyler is apologizing to Nicki Minaj… for not being a racist? “I apologize if it was taken wrong, Nicki,” Tyler said in a Canadian interview. “But I am the furthest from being a racist. I am the last thing on this planet as far as being a racist… a racist I’m not, Nicki.” Okay, okay! You’ve convinced us, Steven. You’re totally a racist.

by Ann Romano

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 26

Film

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29 Well, we knew this day was coming. Lindsay Lohan was arrested today and charged with third-degree assault after allegedly sucker-punching 28-year-old Tiffany Ava Mitchell at a Manhattan nightclub. (And yes, for those keeping score, Lindsay is still on probation for her $2,500 necklace heist back in 2011.) Here’s the convoluted story: Linds had attended a Justin Bieber concert (!!) earlier in the evening, and began partying with the dreamy Max George of boy band the Wanted (Lindsay is right… yum). According to witnesses speaking to TMZ and Radar Online, Lindsay was either super drunk, high on coke, or both—regardless, when Tiff Mitchell, a psychic/palm reader (!!) offered to tell the starlet’s fortune, LiLo allegedly called her a “gypsy” and warned her to step off. Apparently while the palm reader was trying to do so, Lindsay dropped a haymaker on the side of Tiff’s face, and made a run for the door. She was stopped by cops, and taken into custody, only to be released awaiting a January 7 court date. In Lindsay’s defense, the psychic should’ve seen it coming! Thank yew, thank yew… our cruelty will be here all week.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30 Lindsay Lohan’s Terrible Thursday continues with even more juicy details! According to TMZ, Linds told friends that psychic Tiffany Mitchell first attempted to “do a reading” on LiLo—but after Lohan turned her down, some of Mitchell’s friends stole her purse! Hence: The punch heard ’round the world. “Lindsay has admitted to calling Tiffany a ‘gypsy’ but says she did not know the word is considered a slur,” TMZ concludes. “As for hitting Tiffany—Lindsay’s totally denying that… and feels she’s the victim of yet another setup.” AND WHY, YES, VODKA! THERE’S MORE… Hours after that altercation, Lindsay was officially charged for crashing her car on the Pacific Coast Highway earlier this year while filming Liz & Dick. AND SINCE THESE THINGS COME IN THREES… Lindsay’s friends are reportedly urging LiLo to return to rehab before a judge orders her to do so—a strange, baffling concept that Lindsay is refusing to consider… even though she’s reportedly chugging two liters of vodka a day to deal with her current legal, vehicular, and psychic-related problems. MEANWHILE… The New York Post reports that a man who lives on the Upper West Side paid $140,000 to make two clones of his beloved dead dog, Astro. (He really loved the original Astro. He even had a hat made out of Astro’s fur.) The only problem? He lets Astro’s clones run free, “defiantly” flaunting the leash law! Thus, the greatest headline of all time: “Cloned Dogs Run Wild in Central Park, Attacking Other Pets and People.” Dears, this is it. We are living in the future.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1 More proof we’re living in a brave new world? Pope Benedict XVI has joined Twitter. “The Vatican acknowledged that it had chosen the @pontifex handle not only because of its meaning but also because many other handles had been taken,” the New York Times reports. (“Pontifex” means “bridge-builder” in Latin—not, as we first guessed, “Pontiff X-treme.”) The pope will answer tweets about “matters of faith” that use the #askpontifex hashtag. “The pope will post messages however often he feels like it,” the Times adds. Welcome to the internet, Pope! Sometime soon, someone’s going to tweet “Check out two girls one cup #askpontifex.” Pope, we wholeheartedly encourage you to do so.

SOUTHER SALAZAR

Gossip

Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction…

Ends This Friday! PANIC!! L

OOKING FOR A GREAT gift or some amazing art to put on your wall? The Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction (online at portlandmercury.com) is for you! Bid on some of the greatest pieces of art ever featured on the cover of the Mercury—and feel good about it, too, because all proceeds go to the Children’s Healing Art Project, which provides art supplies and instruction to kids (and their families) with critical medical needs. (Check ’em out at chap.name.) Some of the greatest Portland (and national) artists are featured in our auction, including Carson Ellis, Jen Corace, Nicholas Gurewitch, Nikki McClure, Tony Millionaire, Tripper Dungan, and more! Plus all these pieces are super high-quality archival giclée prints—so it’s gonna look awesome on your (or a loved one’s) wall. Have you had trouble affording cool-looking art in the past? You’ll find the pieces in the Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction easy on the pocket. BUT YOU GOTTA HURRY! The Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction ENDS THIS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7, AT 3 PM. (Buying one as a gift? Don’t sweat it! If you win, you can pick up your cover art as soon as next week!)

The Mercury Cover Art Charity Auction at portlandmercury.com—ending this Friday! Get some great art, help out a great charity— and have the happiest holiday ever!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 2 Okay, New Zealand? STOP. We know you are very, very excited about The Hobbit movies that were made in your tiny, adorable, sheep-governed country, but stop. First you put hobbits and dwarves and wizards all over your postage stamps and passport stamps (“Welcome to Middle-earth” the stamp says, somewhat misleadingly). Fine. Then you emblazoned the visage of Bilbo Baggins on your money. Hmm. Okay. Then you laid down 550 yards of red carpet and put up a 30-foot-tall sculpture of Gandalf in downtown Wellington for the premiere of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, then you had NERDTOPIA Peter Jackson make an “Air Middle-earth” safety video to be shown on Air New Zealand flights, and then you installed a terrifying, 43-foot-long sculpture of Gollum that menacingly hangs over everyone who enters the New Zealand Airport. And now—ugh. NERDS. “A Fiordland peak could be named Mt. Tolkien, after the author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, if a Manapouri man’s proposal is accepted by the New Zealand Geographic Board,” New Zealand’s edition of Stuff reports. The man—who previously tried to rename a river used in Lord of the Rings to the remarkably dweeby “Anduin Reach”—has so far failed, since New Zealand won’t rename landmarks after things in pop culture… yet. At this rate, it’s only a matter of time until New Zealand officially changes its name to Middle-earth, forcing all 14 of its residents to call themselves hobbits and live in caves and smoke weed all the time and—oh, for chrissakes. Excuse us, dears. Hubby Kip was reading this over our shoulder; now he’s on the phone with the New Zealand Immigration Service. We’re going to go nip this in the bud.

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A Temporary Armistice

Mayor’s Plan to Solve NW Portland’s “Parking Wars” Still Has Some Critics by Cara Mico

AYOR SAM ADAMS strode into a cramped conference room in his office last Friday, November 30, pointed to the small map of Northwest Portland over his shoulders and made a bold declaration: After decades of acrimony between residents and businesses, he had brokered a “truce” in the neighborhood’s vaunted “parking wars.” Adams’ deal—essentially a reworking of a city plan first drafted in 2003—would put parking meters on streets whose occupants have long resisted them: NW 21st and 23rd. It also would require parking permits for people who live in the dense, increasingly congested area. The whole thing would be hustled in front of city council on Thursday, December 6, and go into place in as soon as 18 months. “It’s been my obligation to take on issues that have been ignored or delayed in terms of council action,” Adams said. “It’s time to put the parking wars to rest.” The conflict, however, may not be as settled as Adams hopes. Some residents, hoping to clear spaces in front of their homes, broadly support the plan. But businesses—remembering the pain of lost revenue amid streetcar construction—worry the meters will crush their bottom lines by keeping shoppers away. “People don’t really come down here now,” says Mary Pham, owner of Hair Mechanix, on NW 21st between Northrup and Overton. “I don’t really see how meters are going to make people more likely to come here.” Parking in the neighborhood—a collection of popular bars, stores, and restaurants surrounded by apartments and houses—is a hassle. Less than 10 percent of the area’s 10,000plus spots have a time limit of an hour or less. Many spots have no time limit at all. “The status quo is not an option,” said Ron Walters of the Northwest District Association, appearing alongside Adams. But the debate comes at an especially sensitive time. Neighbors already are closely watching plans to plop down hundreds of apartments, along with retail and office space, on a large industrial plot near NW Thurman owned

ALEX CHIU

“It’s been my obligation to take on issues that have been ignored... it’s time to put the parking wars to rest.” —Mayor Sam Adams by the Con-way freight company. The Con-way plan would add 1,266 housing units (plus parking spaces), nearly double the existing office space, and add roughly 150,000 square feet of retail space. The Con-way plan, however, specifically looks to discourage auto-

mobile trips to the neighborhood. It also comes as the Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) looks to shore up its leaky finances—and as Adams looks to add to his record of accomplishments with less than a month before he leaves office.

Jail Is Broken

Says Governor Kitzhaber, “Read My Lips: No New Prisons” by Sarah Mirk

OR 30 YEARS, Oregon’s prison population has spiraled upward. Now, says Governor John Kitzhaber, is the end of that era. In his budget released last Friday, November 30, Kitzhaber laid out a way to save hundreds of millions of dollars over the next 10 years: Flatline the prison population. Oregon’s prison population has recently grown at a rate of 150 people a year. That might not sound like a lot, but caring for the average inmate costs the state $85 a day. Keeping the prison population steady will save $17.8 million next year, according to Kitzhaber’s budget—with those savings increasing over time as more people are kept out of prison. The governor’s gamble is this: Spend more money upfront on treatment, supervision, drug testing, and keeping kids out of foster care, thereby spending less money in the long-term on maintaining inmates and building prisons. The budget also names reducing the overrepresentation of people of color in prison—nonwhites make up 11.4 percent of Oregon’s population, but 27 percent of our inmates. “The vision of flatlining the prison population is really bold and needed,” says David Rogers, executive director of Oregon’s Partnership

for Safety and Justice. It’s not just advocates who favor the plan: “We feel very confident that we can be smarter about the way we spend our public safety money,” says Oregon Department of Corrections spokeswoman Liz Craig. If the prison population does flatline, Oregon can nix plans to build two expensive new prisons. The rise in prison population is driven by a couple factors. Much of it comes from Oregon’s growing population. But 27 percent of projected prison population growth comes from 2008’s Measure 57, which imposes mandatory minimum sentences for drug and property crimes. The number of people requiring men-

portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

“The vision of flatlining the prison population is really bold and needed.” —David Rogers, executive director of Oregon’s Partnership for Safety and Justice

tal health services in Oregon prisons has also grown six percent since 2006. With the state strapped for cash, it will be tempting for legislators—who will have the final say on the specifics of the governor’s budget—to just bluntly cut the prison budget. But although the governor’s budget forecasts deep long-term cuts, including some inmate-cost savings this year, it would actually increase the state’s overall public safety budget in the short term. Kitzhaber wants a 10.7 percent increase, investing $32 million in community corrections, $8.9 million in drug courts (which sentence people to treatment and supervision), and $23.6 million to intervene with families whose kids might otherwise be placed in foster care. The specifics of these prison policies will come from the Oregon Commission on Public Safety, which is slated to issue budget recommendations next month. The recommendations could include some radical, practical ideas for keeping the prison population steady—like giving counties some kind of financial incentive to push for shorter sentences in local prosecutions [“Condemned to Death,” News, Nov 21].

Without the meters, Adams warned, PBOT would run a deficit within the next five years. The money won’t “begin to plug” a larger gap in PBOT’s budget driven by unreliable gas-tax revenues, Adams admits—but every little bit helps. PBOT tells the Mercury the plan will cost $2.1 million a year to operate, with $2.27 million in startup costs—but then turn an annual profit of about $2 million. Revenue could go up if the city looks more closely at ideas like charging market-rate prices for meters [“Rough Road to Prosperity,” News, Nov 28]. Thursday’s 3pm hearing, which could be the first of two hearings before a vote at the end of this month, is expected to draw a large crowd. City Commissioner Amanda Fritz, who joined Adams at last week’s news conference, also wants her colleagues to consider a handful of amendments—the biggest one requiring the city to phase in the plan over the next year and a half. Fritz also wants to add a nearby charter school to the district and help ease the burden of buying $60 permits for low-income residents. Skepticism, however, runs deep. The Nob Hill Business Association, which had endorsed the 2003 plan, has since removed its support of the latest proposal. Residents also worry the new time limits, which would last only until 7 pm, won’t actually make it easier to park in front of their houses. Jeff Baldwin, owner of the former Northrup Food Center and a third-generation neighborhood resident, calls the plan elitist and thinks meters will destroy the quaint feeling of the area. “I remember when it was a neighborhood,” he says. Another business owner—who declined to identify himself, citing neighborhood tensions over the years—invoked the lost revenue from streetcar construction. He said his business lost $500,000 then and thinks making people pay to park will have a similar effect on his neighbors. Northwest Portland, he says, “isn’t ready for meters.” Fritz apologized during Adams’ press conference for the short notice—she usually prizes public rumination, but said it shouldn’t be “endless.” “There’s been a lot of process,” she says. “It will probably be a robust hearing.”

FACES OF MATH Oregon Incarceration by the Numbers

Prison population in 1982: 3,120 Prison population in 2012: 14,232 Two-year state public safety budget: $5.1 billion Inmates reporting mental health needs: 70% Inmates dealing with substance abuse issues: 72% Oregonians who identify as African American: 2% Oregon inmates who identify as African American: 9.3%

Prison reform has long been an untouchable political issue in Oregon, but the November election results show that voters may be ready for change. Voters in California reformed their controversial “three strikes” felony law, while Washington and Colorado’s legalization of marijuana made a clear statement about the “war on drugs.” It’s up to the Oregon legislature either to fight or support Kitzhaber’s push to flatline the prison population—but looks like the political climate could be right for reform.

Hall Monitor

by Denis C. Theriault Hales Picks His No.1

Date

12/6/2012

HARLIE HALES, taking over as Portland mayor in a month, has been operating like something of a specter over the past few weeks— quietly, respectfully haunting city hall during the last days of his predecessor, Sam Adams. His transition staff is camped out at a safe distance in the Portland Building. And with little fanfare, Hales has been visiting city hall and hitting up offices for policy meetings and sitdowns. During a city hall briefing last week on Adams’ plan to rehab Veterans Memorial Coliseum, for instance, it was revealed that financial planners had walked Hales through much of what they were presenting to the council. On Tuesday, December 4, Hales was in the city council chambers with Commissioner-elect Steve Novick to talk about the city’s state and federal legislative wish lists—and then sit for his official portrait. His presence in the city’s current government, however, is about to become all the more corporeal. And that manifestation may be operating more smoothly than I previously asserted [“Rocky Start for Hales’ Transition,” Hall Monitor, Nov 14]. What changed? On Monday, December 3, Hales announced the first major hire of his administration, naming former Oregon State Representative Gail Shibley as his chief of staff. (Or, as Hales put it during an interview, “my emissary and alternate.”) It’s a big job, one that sets the tone for the rest of the mayor’s tenure, and Hales appears to have chosen wisely.

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Shibley comes to city hall with an impressively expansive résumé that leaves her well positioned to help Hales lead on priorities like mental health and police reform, paying for “basic services” in transportation without sacrificing innovation, and maintaining good relations with federal, state, and regional governments. She was the first open lesbian elected to the Oregon House, serving from 1991-1996. While commuting to Salem, she kept a high-profile job under then-City Commissioner Earl Blumenauer in the Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT). More recently, she’s spent the past nine years working for the Oregon Health Authority and also logged time with the Federal Highway Administration and the US Department of Labor. When touting Shibley’s experience, Hales specifically mentioned the city’s legal settlement with the feds on police reform—which includes the daunting task of working with health care groups to set up a new drop-off clinic by the middle of next year. “There’s a lot of work to do there,” Hales told me. “Her understanding of public health will equip her to be very credible.” Hales’ enthusiasm has been matched, so far, by advocates who don’t always shower city hall with love and affection. The Mental Health Association of Portland called it an “excellent first move.” And Jonathan Maus of bikeportland. org said the pick was “reason for optimism among transportation reformers.” Shibley’s first job, Hales says, will be helping him fill out the rest of his staff. Sources say she’ll almost immediately join the current council’s chiefs in their regular meetings. And while Shibley’s hire gives Hales something to crow about, it’s also something of a coup for superstar political consultant Mark Wiener and his firm, Winning Mark. Wiener was brought on to help guide Hales’ mayoral campaign, and then his wife, Aisling Coghlan, was brought on to run Hales’ transition office. So don’t forget to give them a gold star, too. OWINS4182_CoByCo_Multn_PortMercury_7.25x13.5.indd 1

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Keeping the Vigil

City Hall Camping Protest Marks One Year by Denis C. Theriault

HE PARTY started off a little small. Maybe a dozen or so people showed up outside city hall last Saturday, December 1, to mill about in the rain and occasionally do karaoke over an amplifier. In one tent, organizers lined up chips and drinks cleverly named Amanda Spritzers. Under another, camping stoves warmed the ingredients that would eventually become Nick Fish Tacos. But the reason for the bash was big. It was a chance to mark the one-year anniversary of a religious vigil and protest targeting the city’s anti-camping rules—one of the longest-running such protests city hall has ever seen. It started humbly, in the shadow of Occupy Portland, with a small altar in the building’s plaza. Later, it won the right to its own modest tent. Since then, thanks to the efforts of a tenacious few, it’s hung on—defying arrests, reports of drugs and sex, cold weather, and the glare of a hunger strike. The Mercury spoke with one of the vigil’s founders, Moses Wrosen (AKA Kernel LooseNut), about the vigil’s chances of seeing another year. MERCURY: What did you expect when you set this up? KERNEL LOOSE-NUT: I was hoping there was enough energy when the Occupy camps closed down that people would rock it and rally around it. It was a local issue, something we could actually do something about instead of whining about these international corporations that are still doing whatever they want. The right to safe sleep is a moral issue. It’s apolitical. The prayer [vigil] thing scared a lot of people away initially. I wanted it to pick up, and I thought it had the potential to last. But without it having caught on with the “activists,” I’m surprised it’s lasted this long. How many people have participated? It peaked in the summer, with people on all four sides of city hall and down along the parks on SW 4th. I counted more than 70 people, walking around one night. That was just because the momentum had built to that level. [That was also about when the city started circulating reports about needles and public sex.] Then the police started amping up the hassles and a lot fewer people stuck around. Now there are five to 10 people sleeping there. It’s impossible to control who shows up—or how they treat people. Talk about that. We haven’t really figured that out. But we have

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some people who are concerned and want to try to reassert more positivity in the vibe there. The person holding down the vigil right now [a protester known only by the name “99,” in solidarity with the 99 percent invoked by Occupy] is a great person. And one of the reasons the vigil stayed so long is because we’ve been mostly friendly with the city hall security, treating them with respect, not heckling them, staying positive. And sometimes we’ve lost that. How has the city’s response evolved since the summer, when they went from being pretty hands-off to making arrests for technical violations? With the legal stuff, we’ve continued to assert our rights and we showed them that we aren’t going to go away easily. And, for whatever reason, they backed off. Maybe they realized it wasn’t getting them anywhere, or maybe they decided if they don’t control things so much we’ll be our own demise. But even if, say, 99 disappeared, other people would step up now. It has momentum. The city is also afraid of infringing on religious rights, and that’s another reason why the vigil has stayed. You took a few months off while others worked on this. What’s next? I wish I could find some funding and some sponsorship for a public education campaign. That’s the long-term thinking. I think I can get some of these bigger churches on board. It’s such an easy argument, and it’s easy to understand how fundamental sleep is to health.

In Other News T

ayor Sam Adams’ end-of-term agenda he Bureau of Planning and Sustainsuffered a pair of staggering blows last ability has rounded up some stats from month. The day before a long-awaited hear- the first year or so of the city’s experiment ing on a $31.5 million public-private plan to fix with food-scrap composting and semiup Veterans Memorial Coliseum, the Winter- weekly garbage collection. The result? We hawks—the arena’s main tenant—was slapped should all give ourselves a pat on the back. with a series of discipline sanctions so costly From November 2011 through October 2012, that the team might find itself out of busiPortlanders sent just 58,300 tons of trash ness. (If the team goes away, so do the to landfills—a 38 percent reducTwo millions it pledged to help along the tion from what we tossed during hits to stadium project.) Adams held the the same period the year before. Sam Adams’ hearing anyway on Thursday, NoAlso during the same period, the vember 29—letting city commis- legacy. Also, stop amount of compost collected moaning about went up by nearly 55,000 tons. sioners publicly beg the Western composting. But the best part? To check on Hockey League to lighten up. Earlier in the week, on Tuesday, Novemhow many Portlanders were going ber 27, the city’s Planning and Sustainwith the new trash flow, the city actuability Commission, as we reported was likely, ally sent out workers to personally inspect punted the fate of Adams’ West Hayden Island compost carts for the presence of real, acplan to 2013. If a deal to develop the natural tual food detritus. Meanwhile, people cranky area does go through next year under Mayor- about a program that’s hardly been an imelect Charlie Hales, Adams will still get to take position remain cranky. However, the city’s some credit for moving it that far… but not all of report points out, those cranks are a distinct it. DENIS C. THERIAULT minority. DCT

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The Portland Mercury’s Holiday Wish List—of Things You Should Purchase for Us

from each editorial staff member full of items that we would s you certainly know, the staff here at the Portland totally love to see gaily wrapped underneath our holiday Mercury spend day after day giving every ounce by an of our talent and energy so you can have a extremely greedy tree/menorah/pot plant. Are these gifts also examples of things that YOU might want? Perhaps… but not our stupid newspaper to read every week that doesn’t problem. Take that up with the loved ones in your life. make you want to throw up. DON’T YOU THINK ed d i t ori i al l Right now we’re talking about us. And what we want. IT’S TIME TO GIVE A LITTLE BACK? And when we want it. (Now.) Because… let’s all be honest If you agree, the Mercury is once again willing to for a second… we totally deserve it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! help—by coming up with a short wish list of gift ideas

staff

Editor in Chief

Wm. Steven Humphrey’s

Wish List AND an ancient working soda fountain where you can suck down delicious milkshakes and sundaes. If you’re smart, you’ll buy ALL my holiday prezzies here. Main Street Collectors Mall and Soda Fountain, 10909 SE Main, Milwaukie

2) Duet Vibrating Cock Ring

called the Duet vibrating cock ring, which sports TWO vibrating heads for tickling up there while simultaneously tickling down there! Plus it’s got a couple of vibration modes (to better control the ride) and is nice and stretchy enough to fit a centaur like me. Toys make fun times even funner—so pick one up for me and let’s take this ring for a ride around the block! She Bop, 909 N Beech, $42

3) Tsubo Acheron Sneakers

the design geniuses at the California-based Tsubo shoes, which combine gorgeous style with hearty construction and loving comfort for my tootsies. Buy them for me, or suffer the consequences of my ugly footwear embarrassing you forever! Louie’s, 3426 SE Hawthorne, $82.95

4) Jam Skating Classes at Oaks Park Roller Rink

1) Teddy Ruxpin Holding a Switchblade and Drinking out of a Chewbacca Mug First of all, these are all technically separate gifts—but they all come from the same place, and they’re all affordable, so why not save yourself some time and get ’em for me all at once? The Main Street Collectors Mall and Soda Fountain in Milwaukie is a goddamn goldmine of fantastic geeky gifts—many of which are surprisingly affordable. Gorgeous antique switchblade-style knives for $25-50, bad-ass belt buckles, rows and rows of Star Wars/Star Trek/He-Man and the Masters of the Universe figurines and memorabilia, as well as books, clothing, furniture, knickknacks,

MOM, STOP READING THIS. Now that she’s gone, remember last year’s holiday wish list, when I asked for the Tenga Flip Air masturbation sleeve from super awesome, super sex-positive sex shop She Bop? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT IT’S SOOOO AWWWWESOME! And to doubly thank you, this year I’m asking for another She Bop product we both can enjoy! It’s

Shoes make the man! And that means while I may have the hair of Donald Trump and the style of Bruce Vilanch, I’ll still look all cool and intentional IF I have an awesome pair of shoes. That’s why—if you don’t want me embarrassing you by walking around town in a pair of white New Balance sneaks—you should get me these Tsubo Acheron sneakers from Louie’s on SE Hawthorne. The newly expanded Louie’s has a store full of great men’s casual and fancy shoes to choose from, but I especially love these kicks from

One of my most favorite activities in the winter is roller skating at Oaks Park Roller Rink. It’s fun, hilarious, and if you go on Friday or Saturday night, it’ll feel like you’re in high school all over again. You’ll see the coy teenage girls, the show-off boys, the odd, but technically amazing, adults—all skating to the beat of today’s Top 40 hits. HOWEVER! While I am a very proficient skater, I need Continued on pg. 12

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 11

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Continued from pg. 11

5) Survivalist Manuals

News Editor

to worry about making noise. But the crappy old Tama Rockstar DX drum kit I got back in high school (still with original factory heads!) just isn’t going to cut it. That’s why I need this gorgeous vintage Ludwig drum set from the ’70s. It’s part of their acrylic, seethrough Vistalite drums line, and no, they don’t make ’em anymore. There is nothing cooler in the world than clear drums, but Revival Drum Shop has tons of other insanely great stuff, with vintage, new, and custom drums, percussion, T-shirts, and all kinds of other bizarre things to bang on. Revival Drum Shop, 1465 NE Prescott, Ste. C, $1,700

2) Dunderdon Fleece Sweatshirt

Just to make it easier for you to buy terrific gifts for me, don’t forget that Andy and Bax is a goddamn treasure trove of unusual holiday present ideas. Besides the expected military garb and camping gear, you’ll also find things you never knew where purchasable in a quasi-military store… like Soviet-embossed liquor flasks! Ninja outfits! Throwing stars! And… a gorilla suit? Sure, why not! But since I’m very concerned about the upcoming zombie apocalypse (and who isn’t?) I’d like you to buy me a selection of their very informative survivalist manuals (which make great stocking stuffers). There’s the Special Forces Handbook, Explosives and Demolitions, Improvised Munitions Handbook, and my favorite—which will be used daily around the office—Boobytraps! Get me these manuals and rest assured that awesome people like me will be around to make the world a better place tomorrow. Andy and Bax, 324 SE Grand, manuals $7.97 each

Music Editor

Ned Lannamann’s

Wish List 1) Ludwig Vistalite Drum Kit As a former apartment dweller who recently graduated to house living, I no longer have

it to us.

Denis C. Theriault’s

It’s cold and wet out, which means it’s hoodie season. Swedish workwear manufacturer Dunderdon makes the greatest hooded sweatshirts known to man. Luckily, one of their two US outposts is right here in Portland, which means you can pop downtown and pick this up for me today. Now, this isn’t the $10 cheapo hoodie that you get at the state fair—these cost a little extra, but I’m worth it. With a full zipper and cozy pockets, this will keep me warm and dry until July. I’ll take a navy blue XL. Dunderdon, 1300 W Burnside, #300, $129

3) Salt & Straw Ice Cream Pints to Go Speaking as one of the world’s foremost experts on ice cream (hips don’t lie!), we have one of the all-time greatest ice cream makers in the entire world right here in town in Salt & Straw. (Only New York’s Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream comes close.) Salt & Straw makes crazy, far-out flavors that only an insane person would come up with—pear with blue cheese, cinnamon snicker doodle—but somehow, they make them taste like unicorns orgasming rainbows directly into your mouth. (In other words, delicious.) That’s why you need to bring me several pints of

12 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

MARNIE HANEL

to develop some “moves”… which is why you’re going to gift me some passes to the Oaks Park “Jam Skating” lessons on Saturday nights! (And you can come along, too!) Let’s show up at 7 pm before the rest of the crowds, and the knowledgeable instructors will teach us basic hiphop-style footwork and groundwork skills—with an emphasis on safety so ya don’t crack ya neck! After a few of these lessons, I’m sure I’ll be the super cool, awesome, and most popular star of the skating rink—that is, if it were still 1987. Oaks Park Roller Rink, jam lessons 7-7:40 pm on Saturdays, $7 includes admission to the following skate session

their butterfatty miraculousness, or don’t even bother coming over on Christmas. Salt & Straw, 2035 NE Alberta, 838 NW 23rd, $8

4) Teenage Engineering OP-1 Synthesizer

This isn’t the Casiotone I had as a kid; this is a beautiful, versatile, compact synthesizer that includes a sampler, a four-track recorder, a built-in FM radio, and the capability to create more sounds than I’ll be able to make in one lifetime. Synth and music electronics store Control Voltage is a mind-boggling wonderland of keyboards and modular synth kits—with some of the components made right here in Portland. Walking into their North Mississippi store is like time traveling and hearing the sounds of the future; it’s the most fun toy store in town. Control Voltage, 3742 N Mississippi, $849

5) A Weekend in One of the Sou’wester’s Vintage Trailers

Wish List 1) Taser X26C

I totally could have used one of these sleek little stun guns over the summer when I caught two dudes taking shit from my new house. This gun is designed to solve problems just like that one! And they never create any of their own! This one’s not as powerful as the model Portland police use, but it will go through bulletproof vests. Order it in a variety of finishes—I prefer clear!— and it even comes with a handy training DVD. Simple! Don’t get this for that felon on your shopping list; background checks are required. And don’t worry about this “lesslethal” weapon going to anybody’s head. For instance, Portland cops never, ever wind up being sued for misusing Tasers and have bigshot feds telling them to dial things back. Oh... wait.... The Home Security Superstore, thehomesecuritysuperstore.com, $999

2) 72” Rubber Speed Bump

I deserve an out-of-town getaway, and there’s nowhere I’d rather go than the Sou’wester Lodge, an old-school seaside resort with a lodge, cabins, and RV hookups, but I’ll stay in one of their gorgeous, lovingly-cared-for travel trailers that date from the ’50s. The cozy retreat is about 15 miles north of Astoria, and they’ve got events and live music, making it the coolest place to stay on the coast. The Sou’wester, 3728 J Place, Seaview, Washington, souwesterlodge.com, $58 & up a night

So, yeah, I’m a new homeowner. Or should I say “owner,” since the only thing I technically own is a piece of paper telling me some financial institution has dibs on kicking me out. However! This means I’m very much in the market for housewarming gifts. I’d be happy with anything people normally give in these circumstances: vases, cookware, appliances, cheese boards, Ikea wine goblets, but here’s what I need: a portable speed bump. Because my house just so happens to be on North Fessenden in St. Johns—a notorious cut-through route for speeding trucks too lazy to take the (slightly) longer official route from the St. Johns Bridge to the Port of Portland. (Tradeoffs, tradeoffs, tradeoffs, as they say on real estate TV shows.) The city is sensitive to the neighborhood’s plight—but it’ll take state grant money to make anything happen. And even then, nothing will happen Continued on pg. 15

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until 2015. I’d rather not wait. Global Industrial, globalindustrial. com, $137.95, plus $1.50 for set of four steel anchoring spikes

ative formats all the way from Christmas to New Year’s Day. The board game-sized boxed compendium includes 14 distinct stories about people living in one building printed as a newspaper, books, pamphlets, and a magazine. I love it. I love it and I haven’t even read it yet. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, $50

3) Star Trek Federation: The First 150 Years by David A. Goodman under your kids’ constant whining for expensive and overly articulated playsets they’ll inevitably destroy, but you’re also too fussy to let them clutter your house with cheapskate cardboard boxes, these Pop to Play structures might represent the middle ground you can live with. Made up of sturdy cardboard notched to fit together like puzzle pieces, these structures—two different castles and a farmhouse—offer elaborate yet fundamentally simple platforms for imaginative play that won’t have you scurrying around the house looking for missing plastic detritus two hours after you open presents. Etcetera, 8621 N Lombard, $17-21 When I bolt awake at 3:39 am, fretting over the inevitable dilapidation of my real estate investment, one of my favorite ways to pass the time is firing up my phone and diving into the minutia over at Memory Alpha, the Star Trek wiki. Of course, this rarely actually ever beams me back to dreamland—something about light from a flickering screen doing a terrible job of coaxing down an overactive mind. Which is why this book—a wormhole of Trek continuity and history, but rendered in nonglowing, non-flickery paper and ink— would make for a much-improved sleep aid in the wee hours. And in the morning, I can show it off for the handsome conversation piece that it is—and trust that no one will ever, ever, pretend to be bored. St. Johns Booksellers, 8622 N Lombard, $99.99

News Reporter

Sarah Mirk’s

Wish List

AM A CYCLIST PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SPANDEX REGIMEN.” Some kind soul needs to buy me a nifty North St. convertible backpack-pannier—a purty, handmade, waterproof backpack (with special reflective stripes and space for a U-lock) that will snap easily onto my bike rack. North St. Bags, 2716 SE 23rd, $250

5) Pop to Play Structures Now here’s an idea: Maybe I should put something on this list for my kids! If you’re the kind of parent too sensible to buckle

6) Two-Pound Can of Omelet Mix

3) Dynamo Lights Commence arguments in favor of spending $250 on wheel-powered dynamo bike lights! (1) They’re super bright! (2) They're unstealable! (3) I lose everything and these are unloseable! (4) They don’t need batteries! (5) Regular stealable, loseable, battery-powered bike lights cost like $40 a pop anyway! Splurge a little on a super practical gift! Please? Clever Cycles, 900 SE Hawthorne, $250 & up (includes new wheel)

4) Salt-N-Pepa Buttons

When the Big One hits, y’all are going to be crying for brunch. Portland Preparedness Center, 7202 NE Glisan, $50.36

Managing Editor and Style Columnist

Marjorie Skinner’s

Wish List

1) No Drum Circles Poster

4) Lego Architecture: Willis Tower By all rights, kits that promise the inevitably frustrating experience of sorting and then painstakingly assembling tiny plastic blocks should have stopped exciting me about the same time as furtively sipped liquor and awkward attempts at flirting with girls started. But Lego has cleverly managed to hurdle that reservation by branding a bunch of its new sets with the grownup word “architecture.” So here I go. My favorite is the glassand-steel Willis Tower—a landmark that reminds me of my hometown and a design perfect for the blocky right angles for which Lego is famous. It’s also simple enough that I can put it back together if my kids get hold of it and tear it apart. Lego Store, Lloyd Center, 2201 Lloyd Center, $19.99

it to us.

Shoop! Shoop ba doop ba doop ba doop! That’s all. These rad pen-and-ink drawn buttons are by Nathan McKee. Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, $5 for set

1) Schmidt’s Deodorant

5) Building Stories by Chris Ware I need three of these posters letterpressed by Olympia artist Sarah Utter: one for the home, one for the office, and one to keep on me at all times just in case I need to whip it out and establish an emergency hippie perimeter. Land, 3925 N Mississippi, $15

2) North St. Backpack-Pannier I’m tired of being that nerd who has to choose between either (a) lugging around a giant backpack or (b) using my bike pannier as a massive purse that screams, “HELLO I

Chris Ware’s innovative comics collection will keep me busy reading sad stories in cre-

As my friends and coworkers may have noticed, I have a touch-and-go relationship with deodorant. For most of my life I have preferred to sit in my own stink (personally Continued on pg. 17

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 15

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16 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

11/30/12 9:31 AM

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Continued from pg. 15

I think I smell pretty good) than to smear around a nasty chemical-smelling chalk or a useless crystal slime. Enter Schmidt’s, the only deodorant to have ever moved me to genuine excitement! Certainly it’s the only deodorant worth gifting. It smells good (but subtle) and it’s all natural, yet despite these things, it’s effective! And it’s made locally in small batches and comes in two scents as well as fragrance free. I’ll be needing a lifetime supply, please. schmidtsbeauty.com, $8 for a twoounce jar (a little goes a long way)

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hands rarely got dirty, now I can actually do it. Taking truckloads of construction debris to the dump requires a certain level of practicality in your dress, and this denim jacket fits the bill; sturdy in the face of dirt and nails, it’s also kind of chic, don’t you think? Hand-Eye Supply, 23 NW 4th, $80

it to us.

4) A Détacher Duncan Heels

2) Osei-Duro Bogalon Bag

I fell in love with a similar pair of A Détacher heels earlier this year, which, to my dismay, were both impossible to fasten tidily (suede ribbons are a good idea in theory) and way too big for my foot. This slimmed-down, simplified version is straightforward and equally cute. Obviously, they go with everything. Una, 922 SE Ankeny, $485

5) Stone & Honey Polis Bracelet Full disclosure: I’ve known Molly Keogh, one half of the team behind clothing line Osei-Duro, for well over a decade. But I’m just one of many who have fallen for designs that merge the influences of the company’s dual headquarters in Los Angeles and Accra, Ghana. Their Bogalon bags use a Ghanaian technique of hand weaving and printing cotton mud cloth to create eyecatching graphic patterns. Sword + Fern, 811 E Burnside, #114, $110

3) Pointer Brand Denim Chore Coat in Indigo Blue

that’s how laser-cut designs work. And they’re Portland sharks too, not underage sharks with tiny fins in terrible swimming conditions. Emit specializes in pillows, bags, skirts, and dresses with pop-art, ’60s-style designs and modern sporty silhouettes. Their shop is one of the downtown pop-ups that sprout up in vacant storefronts during the holidays. So what I’m really trying to say is hurry! You have T-minus 28 days left to hit up Emit’s brick ’n’ mortar to get me this awesome frock. Emit, 535 SW 6th, emitcreative.com, $290

2) Plaid Leggings

It’s no easy feat to stand out from the crowd of jewelry designers in Portland, much less the world. But with Arcos, Teresa Robinson’s latest collection from her Stone and Honey line, she’s done it with original styles in bronze and waxed linen, tapping into how hot the incorporation of fiber in jewelry design is right now. stoneandhoney.com, $117

Copy Chief

Courtney Ferguson’s

Wish List I bought a house this year, which means I now spend most of my free time fantasizing about building and tearing out walls. Except that unlike the apartment days when my

Who doesn’t want to wear pajamas all the time? No one, that’s who. But unlike Walmart patrons, I’d like to land on the dapper side of the jammies-in-public divide—I think I can get away with wearing these plaid leggings under a skirt with no shame while maintaining optimum comfort. These babies by PACT in “Portland Plaid” are super soft and warm, yet still fun. Look out leggings, I’m looking to move into you. Radish Underground, 414 SW 10th, $38

1) Black-and-White Laser-Cut Dress

3) 35mm Resin Bracelet

Sharks with lasers precisely cut each of the circles in this rad dress—at least, I think

The Etsy shop Duck and Cover specializes in big jangly bracelets made out of 35mm

film encased in clear resin. Holy mother of holiday shopping, that’s the kind of jewelry I want! Artist Nikki Hollander uses strips of celluloid from 35mm and 16mm films like Cry Baby, E.T., and Star Wars to make accessories of delight. While I love Cry Baby to death, I want my Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me 35mm trailer preserved in bangle for all of eternity. Good thing Hollander loves doing commissions! Duck and Cover, etsy.com/shop/ duckandcovershop, $60

4) Roller Derby Helmet

I do what you could modestly call “dabble” in recreational roller derby. As an amateur, I fall a heck of a lot. Sometimes on my hematoma-besmirched hip. Sometimes on my big old casaba-melon head. While I love my bike helmet and it’s been staving off concussions on the regular, I’d like to upgrade to a fullon derby helmet that fits my head snug and proper. So this 187 Killer Pads brain catcher is perfect. Because as one derby chick said about my current helmet sitch, “Hmm, your head’s shaped weird.” And yet I’d like to keep it in its current peculiar state. Flywheel Skate and Style, 2032 NE Alberta, $40

5) Sauna and Steam Room Ugh, another thing about dipping into the roller derby pool… all those screaming muscles. I could really use some sauna and steam room time. By all accounts, I hear the Scandinavian-inspired Löyly is a lovely and rejuvenating spot to hit. (I should stop thinking about hitting things—help me, Löyly!) If Continued on pg. 19

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 17

18 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

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Continued from pg. 17

Arts Editor

Alison Hallett’s

1) Powell’s Indiespensable Subscription Every six weeks, members of Powell’s subscription book service open their mail to discover the prettiest package a book lover could imagine—a signed first edition of a big-deal book like Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom or Karen Thompson Walker’s The Age of Miracles, for example, or an exciting smallpress title like Leni Zumas’ The Listeners.

Fun

made by San Francisco outfitter juleselin—is literally—LITERALLY—the perfect skirt. (I am using words correctly.) A versatile basic that hits just above the knee, it’s both flattering and comfortable, and the bamboo/ cotton blend is stretchy and soft. I’ve already got it in green and black—I just need it in blue or gray (or both!) and I’ll never need to wear pants again. (All the better to show off my new legwarmers, made from recycled old-man sweaters—yes, also purchased at Radish. I HAVE A PROBLEM.) Radish Underground, 414 SW 10th, $59

you’re feeling super generous, they also offer all manner of massage and foot soaks, which sounds like the bee’s knees for my blistered and barking dogs. Löyly, 2713 SE 21st, $20 for two hours or $100 six-visit punch card

Wish List

Each special-edition volume comes packaged with clever extras, from handcrafted chocolate from Alma to a bonus broadside from a notable author, and the book themselves warrant their own special section on the ol’ bookshelf. powells.com/indiespensable, $39.95 per shipment

2) Fletch Skirt I am not a fancy-boutique kind of a person, yet I desperately covet most of what’s on the rack at the excellent local shop Radish Underground. The owners pick good stuff to sell! Case in point: The Fletch skirt—hand-

Give

it to us.

3) Subscription to Portland Center Stage

Portland Center Stage recently stopped offering complimentary review tickets to the Mercury—which means if I’m gonna keep reviewing their shows, I need to get my hands on some tickets! Pony up, and I’ll tell you what I really think about the The Santaland Diaries. Portland Center Stage, pcs.org, $225

4) Pendleton Wool Blanket I’m sick and tired of crappy synthetic blankets that weren’t all that warm to begin with, and are even worse now that all their filling is lumped up all weird on one side. (It is possible that I wash my blankets incorrectly.) A decent wool blanket is definitely in the “things adults should Continued on pg. 21

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 19

Happy Holidays Great Gifts for Pets and Pet Lovers! NoPo Paws 2148 N Killingsworth St 503-477-8381 nopopaws.com

20 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

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Continued from pg. 19

Senior Editor

Erik Henriksen’s

glourious Basterds. Plus, there are five hours of new bonus features, a good number of which likely feature a twitching Tarantino shouting about movies no one else has ever heard of. Or! Alfred Hitchcock: The Masterpiece Collection, a ridiculously awesome set containing 15 of Hitchcock’s classics, from big ones (Rear Window, North by Northwest, Vertigo) to less-big ones (Family Plot, Rope, Marnie, Frenzy). It also boasts over a dozen hours of documentaries, commentaries, and screen tests—and hopefully footage showing how Hitch crept into Tippi Hedren’s closet each and every night so he could watch her sleep. Special order from CD Gamexchange, various locations, cdgamexchange. com, Tarantino XX, $119.99, Alfred Hitchcock: The Masterpiece Collection, $299.99

Wish List own” category, and why look any further than Pendleton’s sizable range of styles and colors? I’m torn between a pretty/spooky leaf-skeleton pattern ($358), and the Yakima camp blanket in Green Heather ($124)— either one will do. (Queen sized, please! I like to stretch out.) Pendleton, 900 SW 5th, pendleton-usa.com

5) No Straight Lines: Four Decades of Queer Comics edited by Justin Hall Okay, okay: I actually own this already. But this anthology of queer comics—which doubles as a crash course in underground comics over the past 40 years—is worth

1) Fine Cinema mentioning in any gift guide. No Straight Lines is an unusually satisfying collection, full of funny, personal stand-alone strips and stories by artists exploring both their own sexuality, and the medium they’re working in. It’s a fascinating, absorbing read, and it should go without saying that you certainly don’t have to be queer to appreciate it—this is an absolutely vital window into an oftenunderrepresented segment of comics history. And if you don’t know a goddamn thing about funnybooks? This anthology is a perfect place to dive in. Try Cosmic Monkey Comics (5335 NE Sandy), Bridge City Comics (3725 N Mississippi), or Floating World Comics (400 NW Couch), $35

it to us.

2) Bagels Specifically, two new Blu-ray sets that will keep me staring at my TV, dull-eyed and slack-jawed, for weeks. First: Tarantino XX, a 20-year retrospective featuring eight films Tarantino picked as his most essential: Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Tony Scott’s director’s cut of True Romance, Jackie Brown, both Kill Bills, Death Proof, and In-

Remember when Kettleman Bagel Company kept Portlanders alive with delicious New York-style bagels? And then Einstein Bros. ruined everything? Dark times, my friends. Dark times. Luckily, Bowery Bagels has gloriously ascended, offering truly excellent boiled bagels— and they have breakfast and lunch sandwiches too, and house-made schmears! Continued on pg. 23

Voted “Best in the City” by Portland Mercury Readers Now Hiring Stylists

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December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 21

109 se salmon st. Portland OR. www.facebook.com/steelopdx

22 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

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Continued from pg. 21

Including kimchee schmear! WHA?! Bowery Bagels, 310 NW Broadway, $16 for a baker’s dozen

3) Totally Mad: 60 Years of Humor, Satire, Stupidity, and Stupidity Mad magazine has profoundly influenced countless individuals, be they very small children or functionally illiterate adults. Now, Mad’s worst material has been shoveled into a hardcover you’ll be ashamed to have on your shelf—it’s packed with everything from fake ads to movie spoofs

to fold-ins to Spy vs. Spy to a million other gleaming examples of inane bullshit. It’s a thing of beauty. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, $34.95 (Cheap!)

4) Game of Thrones Life-Sized Replica Iron Throne A 350-pound, $30,000 fiberglass replica of the throne from Game of Thrones. I NEED IT. Yes, fiberglass does seem like it would be uncomfortable to sit on, and fine, $30,000 is kind of expensive. Then again, Ygritte will be totally impressed when she sees that not only have I won the Iron Throne, but also that I had it sent—at enormous expense—to

it to us.

my palatial studio apartment in the North! “You know everything, Erik Henriksen,” she’ll murmur in my ear. I’ll whisper back: “Yes, I do, and this blurb must be incredibly annoying to anyone who doesn’t watch Game of Thrones. Now, let us bone as if we were on premium cable.” store.hbo.com, $30,000 (plus $1,800 shipping)

site doesn’t even have prices. (This means a Duchess suit costs somewhere between “something crappy from Men’s Wearhouse” and “a giant-ass Game of Thrones chair.”) I dress like a halfwit six-year-old. (Today’s How about if you set up a fitting appointhoodie features the Ghostbusters’ car chas- ment for me, and then you write them a ing the Pac-Man ghosts.) So quick! Some- check, and then I’ll strut around town lookbody handsome-fy me with a striking suit ing dapper as fuck? That is, after all, what from the nationally renowned clothiers Christmas is all about. at Duchess—a place so classy their web-2:49 Duchess Clothier, 2505 SE 11th, #10 Holiday_2012.pdf 1 11/16/12 PM

5) A Suit

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December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 23

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My, What a Busy Week! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF DECEMBER 5-11

Wednesday, December 5

HEY HOLMES—What might open-faced, goodnatured comedian Pete Holmes have in common with Conan O’Brien besides a towering frame? If the rumors are true, it could be his own talk show—a televised answer to his You Made It Weird interview podcast—which would blast him onto a new level of exposure. Say you saw him when. MS Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Wed-Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $10-25

Thursday, December 6

SOUL TIME—The funky, funky soul of Charles Bradley may sound sweet now, but it was hard won from years of homelessness and scrambling from job to job. Now paired with the heavy horns of the Menahan Street Band, Bradley is spreading his danceable James Brown-influenced music to the world—and we are all the better for it. WSH Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $20-23, 21+ EUROPE—As anybody who watches OPB on the weekends knows (REPRESENT, MOTHERFUCKERS), Rick Steves’ Europe is a charming look at traveling through Europe through the eyes of the charming Rick Steves. Tonight, he’s giving a lecture on how to hone your travel skills—and while tickets are a bit spendy, the money all goes to OPB, so yes, okay! EH Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 7:30 pm, $50

GET GAY MARRIED—Today is the first day samesex couples can apply for marriage licenses in Washington, so if you’re a lovey-dovey Portland queer, indulge in a romantic trip to America’s Vancouver. Or volunteer to make the day special for others by handing out snacks and managing lines with Equality Southwest Washington. SM Clark County Clerk, 1200 Franklin, Vancouver, 8 am-7 pm, $64 cash for license, 18+

Friday, December 7

LOOK SHARP—The minimal, haunting R&B of How to Dress Well (the alter ego of Tom Krell) is delicately, icily beautiful, with glowing crystals of sound forming to make tragic love songs. New York duo Beacon opens, and they’re no strangers to melancholy, offering subdued electronica that pulses and shivers. NL w/Hustle and Drone; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $12

THE END—I suppose all good things must end, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. After nearly a decade of jawing away about movies, videogames, politics, and poop, beloved Portland podcasters cortandfatboy are calling it a day. Help Cort Webber and Bobby “Fatboy” Roberts (who’s also our calendar editor) celebrate their last show. Sigh. CF w/Mike Russell, Courtenay Hameister, & more; Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, $6, 21+

HAL 9000—One of the greatest filmmakers of all time takes over Cinema 21 this week, with four classics screening on 35mm! A Bit of the Old Ultra-Kubrick features the absolute must-sees by Stanley Kubrick: Dr. Strangelove, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Barry Lyndon, and A Clockwork Orange. Go to this. All of them. EH Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, Fri Dec 7-Thurs Dec 13, see cinema21.com for showtimes, $6-12

Saturday, December 8 AFRO-UPBEAT—Even if you’ve never heard the sharp afrobeat tunes of Antibalas, their home on Daptone Records gives them immediate and funky cachet. If you’re sick of floating around like a stoned pixie at your usual electro/ indie shows, Antibalas’ upbeat tempo and great horn lines will refresh the shit out of you. RF w/Stay Calm; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez, 7:30 pm, $16-18, 21+

SHOP—Pick your independently run, carefully curated poison this weekend with two massive shopping events. Local treasure Crafty Wonderland unleashes its biggest edition of the year while the nearby Portland Bazaar presents a Design*Sponge-curated bevy of delights. MS Crafty Wonderland, Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK, Sat-Sun 11 am-6 pm; Portland Bazaar, Sandbox Studio, 420 NE 9th, Sat 9 am-5 pm, Sun 9 am-4 pm

CHEER UP, LOSER—This weather is the worst, the holidays are the worst, and EVERYTHING IS THE WORST! So let’s get cheered up by cheeriest people—cheer teams competing in the Portland Starz Championships! Watch the best cheer squads in the state go head to head in the most insanely POSITIVE event you’ll see EVARRRRRR! WSH Expo Center, 2060 N Marine, 10 am-6 pm, $12

Sunday, December 9

UNDERWATER DOGS!—Dogs are the best, so you’d think there wouldn’t be any way to make them cooler, right? WRONG! You put them underwater and take wacky pictures! Photographer Seth Casteel is presenting his new book Underwater Dogs, and it’s full of pictures of dogs… underwater! Why are you not more excited about this? EH Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

TUFF ENUFF—The glittery, punky pop of King Tuff is better than any sugar rush, and lasts much longer. With rock-solid bass, speedy drums, and guitars dripping with amplifier fuzz, Tuff and his band make good, old-fashioned rock ’n’ roll sound better—and feel better—than anyone else around. NL w/White Fang, the Mean Jeans; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10-12

Monday, December 10

Tuesday, December 11

SCREW LABELS—Tonight’s bill is nothing but gold: Opener Busdriver is an LA-based rapper with a dizzying flow, and as for headliner Astronautalis—we could call him a “hiphop indie rocker,” but who needs labels when his songs are this smart, weird, and catchy? (I mean, have you seen the video where he dresses up like a vampire and raps about the Revolutionary War? Amazing!) AH w/Jel; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $12 DANCE, PUPPY, DANCE—Something about this time of year makes me want to see cats riding piggyback on dogs, pushing a stroller, or walking a tightrope. Doesn’t this sound better than The Nutcracker? The Popovich Comedy Pet Theater brings its pack of circus-trained pets to town—all rescued from animal shelters—to sate your holiday cravings for whimsy. CF Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 7 pm, $25-35

PULPY—Crooked Portland cops, drug kingpins, shady deals—this is the pulpy stuff of the new based-on-true-events Dark Horse crime comic City of Roses. Phil Stanford, author of Portland Confidential, teamed up with local artist Patric Reynolds on the extremely graphic novel, presented tonight at a history talk with all the dirty details. SM Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7 pm, FREE, all ages

CHILLIN’ WITH TRILLIN—Calvin Trillin is legitimately famous for being witty—his archives are littered with brilliant food writing, poems, and essays for outlets like The New Yorker and The Nation. Trillin’s in town with Dogfight, a hot-off-the press collection of poems about the 2012 presidential campaign. AH Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 25

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Not Really Sorry

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White Lung Have No Need to Apologize by Ned Lannamann

This Week’s Music Previews

’M ON THE PHONE with Mish Way. It’s early. We’re both a little hungover. We’re doing an interview, ostensibly, but we end up mostly shooting the shit. Her band had a show in Seattle the night before that White they had to cancel due to visa issues. Lung I tell her that, the night before, I Wed Dec 5 watched Bruce Springsteen—who The Know probably never has visa issues— 2026 NE crowd surf halfway across the Rose Alberta Garden floor. She tells me a story about Coolio stage diving at some show in England: The crowd let him hit the ground, he knocked himself out, and everyone in the audience promptly robbed him. I bet that never happens to Bruce, either. Way’s a music writer, like me, but she’s infinitely cooler than me: She’s the singer for White Lung, the Canadian band that’s one of the most visible exports of the punk scene that revolved around Vancouver’s fabled Emergency Room venue. Listening to the four-piece’s second record, Sorry, it’s tough to explain what differentiates it from other fast, heavy, aggressive punk rock—other than the fact that it’s great. There’s explosive anger, WHITE LUNG “Hmm. Some dirt on my shoulder. Perhaps I should go and brush it off.” but it’s perfectly channeled into two-minute MICHELLE FORD bursts of dynamite. Not a single ounce of en- different, eclectic places. I would have never that have kind of figured out how to do that. ergy is wasted; every raw, roaring hit lands called us really a punk band—which is kind of It’s a lot more cohesive, the melodies are like a bull’s eye. delusional in my own head that I don’t think stronger; it’s just a better record, and I think The sound comes out of full-on collabora- that. I’m like, oh, it’s super melodic! I remem- that’s natural, because you’re supposed to tion between all four bandmates: Way, guitar- ber showing someone the song ‘Glue’ after we grow and become better as a band and better ist Kenny William, bassist Grady Mackintosh, wrote it, and I was like, ‘Look, I wrote a pop musicians. I’ve said this before, but I’m sure and drummer Anne-Marie Vassilou. “It’s just song!’ And my friend was like, ‘This is not a when we write our next record, I’ll think some the way we write together,” Way says. “I feel pop song. Are you stupid?’” of the songs on Sorry are really crappy. like maybe we all kind of have this anxious, “We didn’t want to put any filler songs on White Lung’s 2010 debut album won Canaon-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of nervous en- dian music mag Exclaim!’s punk record of the this record,” continues Way. “We didn’t want to ergy that makes us want to play fast. We just year, but Way says the band has progressed just throw a song on because the record should don’t know how to write any other way togeth- well beyond it in a couple short years. “This be 25 minutes. We weren’t gonna do that. We er. That’s just what comes out. And it’s funny, is the way I think of it: It’s the Evil, our first were like, it’s a 19-minute record, and that’s fine. because we all listen to such a variety of dif- record, is four people trying to learn how to We’re not gonna put on some song we all think is ferent music and our influences all come from write songs together. And Sorry is four people crap just to make it a little bit longer.”

The Final Frontier Astral Traveling with Moon Duo by Mark Lore

HE DOWN-TO-EARTH space cadets in like it shouldn’t. Yamada and guitarist-vocalpsychedelic two-piece Moon Duo seclud- ist Ripley Johnson do a lot with very little, aled themselves in Blue River, Colorado, of all lowing motorik beats to give them necessary places, to record their latest LP, Circles. The space for guitars and synths that swarm in Rocky Mountain high must have done them and out of earshot. Even the band’s most disright, as the new songs lurk in the shadows sonant voyages into Krautrock, dating back to their 2009 debut EP, hinted at endless while inexplicably dancing in the spotpop possibilities. light at the same time. Circles feels Moon For Johnson, Moon Duo was a so warm and fuzzy not because of Duo diversion from his band, San FranMoon Duo’s environs, but rather Thurs Dec 6 cisco psych mainstays Wooden because they cut themselves off Holocene Shjips; Yamada, on the other hand, from everyday distractions. 1001 SE was making her maiden voyage into “The thing about Colorado is it’s Morrison rock. “I wanted to get back to playing really sunny there—blue skies, snowmusic,” says Yamada, a former teacher capped mountains, the evergreens,” says keyboardist/vocalist Sanae Yamada. “But to who took piano lessons growing up. “We just me the album feels cohesive in a different way, started playing. I felt like it was a risk worth because it was recorded in one stretch. The taking.” Moon Duo made the move to Portland from isolation made it easier to focus.” Moon Duo’s minimalist noise pop has al- the Bay Area this August, which might be news ways managed to work even when it seems to most, considering the two-piece spends much

WEDNESDAY 12/5 CHARLES BRADLEY, MENAHAN STREET BAND (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

WHITE LUNG, DEAD CULT, INDUSTRIAL PARK, DJ AHEX (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) See Music, pg. 26.

OF MONSTERS AND MEN, GREAT WILDERNESS (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) Iceland, a country with a population about one-seventh of the Portland metro area’s, has a rich musical tradition, often described on the world stage as challenging, eccentric, and chilly sounding—a sonic reflection of a bizarre and sparsely populated landscape. Now, Of Monsters and Men have rebelled against their compatriots and made an album that’s the opposite. Accessible, warm, and uplifting, My Head Is an Animal has been out since April in the US, but it’s already the highest charting album by any Icelandic band in history. Helmed by 23-year-old co-singer/ guitarist Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir, Of Monsters and Men makes feel-good folk pop with lots of instruments and sing-along choruses, like a more northerly Mumford and Sons. You know “Little Talks,” that hooky song with the male/female vocal and the rousing trumpet that you hear, yes, every single time you enter a grocery store. REBECCA WILSON

THE KILLERS, M83, TEGAN AND SARA (Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct) Well, this is almost a really good bill… almost. You can’t throw darts at the great M83 or Tegan and Sara. The former are still riding high upon their masterwork, the double album Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming, which still sounds as ravishing as it did a year ago. They’ve become an excellent live band, to boot. And Canadian sisters Tegan and Sara have continued their surprising but effective growth from indie mope-folk to purveyors of the purest synthesized pop. The twins’ latest injection, “Closer,” from their forthcoming album Heartthrob, is that perfect wave of nostalgia and pop, a song that surely will soundtrack movies made years in the future about this current decade. But terror lurks in the latter third of this bill: Vegas-concocted rock-star simulators the Killers. Perhaps the single greatest insult foisted upon the mainstream pop-rock listening audience at large since Milli Vanilli, the Killers have painted well inside the lines at every turn (even their name is brain-slappingly obvious), and in the process have stripped away everything that’s vital and original and imaginative about rock ’n’ roll. For some reason, it’s paid them handsomely. Oh, so you liked that one “Mr. Brightside” song? That’s nice. That was nearly a decade ago. Since then, the Killers have left behind a long, non-biodegradable vortex of junk, the musical equivalent of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Get to this show early, then get the fuck out. NED LANNAMANN

DAVID WAX MUSEUM, VIKESH KAPOOR, BARNA HOWARD

MOON DUO Cheer up, hippies! PAGE BERTELSEN

of their time on the road. It’s where they’ll be until mid-December. But making Circles—on which the band spent more time than any previous full-length—has the members eager to explore the studio even more. Yamada’s recent rediscovery of Stereolab has her exploring new sounds, and she says that just because Moon Duo use repetition in their songs (to great effect), doesn’t mean they fear change. “We don’t want to be boring,” she says. “I think we’re open to anything outside of what we do. Anything is possible.”

(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) David Wax Museum is actually led by a guy named David Wax. The name is not nearly as creative as some of the band’s instrumentation, which includes a percussive instrument made with a donkey jawbone and knitting needles that drum on fiddle strings. That’s only part of what makes David Wax Museum more interesting than your average folk band. For the past few years, DWM has incorporated traditional Mexican music and American folk into a less cleverly named hybrid called “Mexo-Americana.” David Wax Museum resisdes in Boston, but sounds right at home on NPR and would fare well among the folkies in Portland. It’s warm and cuddly music, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that. MARK LORE

THE MOONDOGGIES, THE MALDIVES (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) In 1973, the Band released a passion project, an album of covers of their favorite blues and R&B songs called Moondog Matinee. It’s not their best or most beloved album, but it speaks to the importance of musicians being music fans.

Continued on pg. 28

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Beyond the Bayou

Lost Bayou Ramblers Rewire Cajun Music by Ryan J. Prado

LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS “Shut up, guys. I’ll wear sunglasses inside if I want. IDGAF.”

ZACH SMITH

OUIS MICHOT is enjoying a few well- beyond. The steady metamorphosis from priearned weeks of rest. The vocalist and marily acoustic Cajun French swing band—for fiddler is in between the East and West Coast which they achieved ballyhooed accolades like legs of the current tour for his band, the Pi- a 2007 Grammy nomination in the short-lived lette, Louisiana-based Lost Bayou Ramblers, Best Zydeco or Cajun Music Album category for and their recent groundbreaking LP, Mam- Live: À la Blue Moon—to rough-and-tumble barnmoth Waltz. In the context of South Louisi- burning rockers was inevitable. Apprehension for how it would mesh ana’s insular Cajun music scene, the enortogether, however, was a concern. mous variety found on Waltz evokes Lost “Whenever you’re trying somecomparisons to how every convenBayou thing new on something that’s altional jazzhead in America might ready there, you always have the have felt when they first heard Ramblers possibility of it going two ways: Bitches Brew. Tues Dec 11 It can either be one of the coolest As fruitful as Miles Davis’ Mississippi Studios things you’ve done, or one of the experiments in rock and psyche3939 N cheesiest things you’ve ever done,” delic funk were for American jazz, Mississippi says Michot. Cajun music is itself ripe for diverse Luckily, it was the former. And just as improvisations and perspectives, combining the expansive sonic capabilities of accor- Bitches Brew utilized the advantages of the dions, fiddles, double bass, and more. Michot studio for its end result, Michot and the Ramunderstood that when Lost Bayou Ramblers blers also fully embrace the creative freedoms decided to take the progressive elements of found in extended studio time. “It really did take a lot of time to figure out Cajun, punk, hard rock, and zydeco into the studio to record Mammoth Waltz, they were how to do things how we wanted it to sound,” says Michot. “We tried a lot of different things embarking on completely new territory. “We’d already been playing for 13 years and and just really opened up to a new musical exhad written a bunch of originals,” explains perience instead of [relying on] what it’s supMichot, who sings nearly entirely in Cajun posed to sound like.” Accenting the expansion of the Ramblers’ French. “But it had taken us that long to get comfortable enough with our own sound. It’s oeuvre were special guests Dr. John, Gordon not like we could have just come up the first or Gano of Violent Femmes (who accompanied second year and started making that stuff. It the band during their sets at this summer’s Pickathon festival), Scarlett Johansson, and was just part of our natural evolution.” Michot and his brother, accordionist/lap French singer Nora Arnezeder. Despite the steel guitarist Andre Michot, have been part boosts those cameos provided, and the testiof Louisiana’s deep Cajun music history since monials of gushing Deep South diehards, Mitheir time playing in their family band Les chot’s humility in the face of such an intriguFrères Michot as kids. By the time Lost Bayou ing listen is oddly endearing. “Mammoth Waltz has probably been the Ramblers formed in 1999, joined by guitarist Cavan Carruth and eventually drummer Pauly furthest anyone’s ever taken Cajun French Deathwish, the two brothers had imbibed the music,” begins Michot. “I guess. I mean, that’s strange elixirs of psych-rock, punk, blues, and what I’ve heard.”

UP & COMING

This Week’s Music Previews Continued from pg. 26

There is a maturity and a humility that’s the result of looking backward and around, and it’s something that the Moondoggies have. And yes, they sound not unlike the Band. Though their 2010 album Tidelands is full of backporch atmospherics, the ambitious songwriting and dark undertones make for lots of quietly shocking moments. The occasional organ sob of a keyboard (“Can’t Be in the Middle”) is affecting without ever being heavy-handed—not something the organ is known for. And, with his world-wise phrasing, Kevin Murphy sounds like the hobo mentor you’d turn to for advice if you ever found yourself inhabiting a boxcar. RW

28 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

THURSDAY 12/6 MOON DUO, LIFE COACH, WHITE RAINBOW, DJ E*ROCK (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See Music, pg. 26.

SUFJAN STEVENS, SHEILA SAPUTO (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) Must we explain who Sufjan Stevens is? (Minimally: Detroit singer/ songwriter, beloved by many, weird to the core.) So: This is a concept-heavy event formally titled “The Surfjohn Stevens Christmas Sing-a-Long Seasonal Affective Disorder Yuletide Disaster Pageant on Ice” or, sometimes, the “Sirfjam Stephanopolous Christmas…” (etc.). Perhaps lovely Sufjan is off his rocker. Or perhaps he just looooooooooves him some Christmas. Either way, it has to be pretty rad, right? Stevens is permanently wonderful. Don’t sleep on the weird ticket restrictions—in order to eliminate scalping, it’s all will-call and you have to pick up your tickets yourself, so expect a line at the ticket window. ANNA MINARD

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damn good, too. Blue Skies for Black Hearts provide precisely what their name suggests: a inspiriting, sympathetic soundtrack for those who have been ravaged by love. They’re like an umbrella in the rain. MORGAN TROPER

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SATURDAY 12/8 ANTIBALAS, STAY CALM

THE CAVE SINGERS, POOR MOON, ROSE WINDOWS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) “Have to Pretend,” the brandnew song from the Cave Singers—from their upcoming album Naomi (due out on Jagjaguwar in March)—continues their stream of taking familiar, even threadbare folk and rock elements and coming up with something fresh. With an odd, incomplete-sounding guitar riff, singer Pete Quirk’s tenor bark, and little else, “Have to Pretend” is a choppy, dirt-covered mover that, sure enough, becomes an unlikely single. Since their inception in 2007, the Cave Singers have grown from a mellow, candlelit, old-weirdfolk act into a shit-kicking live band, and a blessedly idiosyncratic one at that. “Have to Pretend,” for all its rough edges, is proof of the jagged songwriting chops that have made all three of their records—and presumably the forthcoming fourth one as well—worth listening to in full. NL

FRIDAY 12/7 HOW TO DRESS WELL, BEACON, HUSTLE AND DRONE (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

THE SWORD, GYPSYHAWK, AMERICAN SHARKS (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez) While metalheads of the old-school variety eagerly await a new Sabbath record, they’ll always have the Sword to tide them over. The Austin quartet’s latest, Apocryphon, leans even more heavily on the NWOBHM than their previous efforts do. It’s no surprise that another little band reared on Sabbath and Diamond Head, called Metallica, has taken the Sword on tour several times. But whether these denim-clad metallers are playing head-whipping thrash or voyaging into more early-’70s psych territory—as they did on 2010’s Warp Riders—the Sword do it with the same fuck-all attitude. And until they release their “Enter Sandman,” the worst the Sword can do is bring sorcery and scifi to those willing to eat it up. This might be seen as crimes against humanity, but to others it’s simply righting the wrongs. ML

NO KIND OF RIDER, BY SUNLIGHT (Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) No Kind of Rider have been playing together since childhood in Tulsa, writing music that’s smart and charged with raw energy. Their songs switch between moody and melodic to poppy and electronic, with Sam Alexander’s brooding vocals and lyrics leaving a lasting impression. Layers of guitar and synth create an electric atmosphere in their music, like witnessing a storm and the calm that comes after it. They have been playing around Portland for a couple of years now, so if you haven’t already seen them, they put on a live show that you will not want to miss. RACHEL MILBAUER

HOT VICTORY, HELMS ALEE, KOWLOON WALLED CITY, THE BODY (Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th) Call it an insult, a cop out, or just plain lazy, but Weatherhead, Helms Alee’s most recent effort, could be called indie metal. (Ugh, I’m sorry. Does it feel gross reading it, too?) It’s heavy but hip, multi-influenced but untraceable. The first few tracks are loud and abrasive with rumbling bass, thumping Big Business-like drums, and red-in-the-face vocals. Weatherhead then quickly turns a sensitive corner and gets all shoegaze-y and psychedelic. The band weaves gentle, two-part harmonies and spacedout guitars that make for good night driving. However, the psychedelics don’t last long before they drop back into a fuzzed brain-smasher of a riff with vein-bulging screams. The whole thing feels very stream-of-consciousness. Helms Alee seems to take inspiration from anything and everything, at any given time, and runs with it. ARIS WALES

BLUE SKIES FOR BLACK HEARTS (Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th) When I first became involved with the music scene here, I developed a remote kinship with Pat Kearns of Blue Skies for Black Hearts. I spent the majority of my free time in high school exhuming and obsessing over obscure powerpop bands like Shoes and the Records (after a while, Big Star and Badfinger simply weren’t enough) and was pleasantly surprised to discover a fellow champion of classicist power-pop was contemporaneously making music in that same vein, in my hometown. Not a lot of local releases have hit me as hard as 2008’s Serenades and Hand Grenades did, and last year’s follow-up, Embracing the Modern Age, was pretty

(Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

TRIXIE WHITLEY, DUMPSTER HUNTER (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Trixie Whitley has a set of pipes so astounding that this is reason enough to see her live. But it’s by no means the only one. Whitley is Belgian, but her American music pedigree runs deep—she’s the daughter of the late blues musician Chris Whitley. At just 25, she has made a name among music nerds as a DJ, multi-instrumentalist, and the sometime collaborator of Daniel Lanois. Her debut LP, Fourth Corner, is coming out in January, but last year’s Live at Rockwood Music Hall showcases her prodigious talents just fine. To me, it’s the contemporary R&B vocals set against a backdrop of moody rock ’n’ roll—two familiar sounds not often heard together. An amazing range surrounds both sides of her sexy contralto. Singers capable of impressive vocal runs typically eschew restraint, but Whitley isn’t a showoff, and bluesy pain underlies every instance of vocal gymnastics. RW

SUNDAY 12/9 KING TUFF, WHITE FANG, MEAN JEANS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25.

SHY GIRLS, SOCIAL STUDIES, HOSANNAS (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Shy Girls’ music transports you back to middle school, or the first time you heard those R&B hits on the radio that you can still sing along to. Dan Vidmar writes songs that sound like a mix between Smokey Robinson and Backstreet Boys, and has the formula to this niche squared away. The music is funky and sexy, and makes you want to move your hips and pull out all of those long forgotten dance moves. The songs have a similar, carefree quality to the ones that dominated airplay in the days of Mariah Carey. The distinguishing difference with Shy Girls is their ability to write songs that, while rooted in the familiar, expand past this to add fresh body and soul. RM

MONDAY 12/10 ASTRONAUTALIS, BUSDRIVER, JEL (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25. THE SHINS, PURE BATHING CULTURE (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) The Shins have more ex-members than Def Leppard; frontman James Mercer is the one who remains from the first three fulllengths that made the band famous in the first place. But their current lineup is, technically, the Shins’ strongest. We’ve got Joe Plummer of ye ol’ Modest Mouse on drums, Yuuki Matthews of Crystal Skulls on bass, Oregon producer extraordinaire Richard Swift on keyboards, and Jessica Dobson of Deep Sea Diver on guitar. So it’s a Shins supergroup, of sorts. And seeing as how the band’s latest album, Port of Morrow, contains just as much charm, catchy choruses, and witty lyrics as before, even hardcore fans of the original lineup will find it hard not to be enamored of the Shins 2.0. Also, as an unashamed holiday-music junkie, I really hope they squeeze in their cover of Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” during tonight’s set. MEGAN SELING

SIT BACK

& RELAX.

TUESDAY 12/11 LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS, ALBATROSS (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See Music, pg. 28.

BIG EYES, THE CRY, HORNET LEG (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Like some sort of new school Joan Jett, Big Eyes’ Kate Eldridge commands a blitzkrieg melody like few others. The Seattle trio parlays fast, cranky power-pop in the same breakneck vein as the Thermals, trading four-on-the-floor drumming back and forth with chunky, jangly guitars and impossibly catchy vocals. The band’s 7-inch single from spring 2012 on Grave Mistake Records, “Back from the Moon” b/w “I Don’t Care About Friday Night,” expanded ever so slightly on the punched-up M.O. of 2011 debut LP Hard Life, with head-thrashing punk and good old fuck-everything, aimless rock ’n’ roll abandon. For a refresher course in rebelliousness, bring your big old ears to the Know—and come early for excellent Portland psych-punks Hornet Leg. RYAN J. PRADO

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Music

TEGAN AND SARA Rose Garden, 12/5

Live Music

LISTINGS WEDNESDAY 12/5

★ ALADDIN THEATER—Charles Bradley, Menahan Street Band, 8 pm, $20-23 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Chris Thomas King, 8 pm, $15-18 ASH STREET SALOON—Fang Moon, Better Beings, Mechlo, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BACKSPACE—Saint Motel, Little Lord Fauntleroy, Pictorials, 8 pm, $8, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, Every other 6 pm, all ages ★ BING LOUNGE—Menahan Street Band, 2:30 pm, free w/ RSVP to becca@binglounge.com BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BOXLIFT BUILDING—Jazz Jam: JB Butler, Al Criado, Martin Zarzar, 8 pm, $5 BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Nicole Glover, 7 pm BUFFALO GAP—Andy Stokes, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Of Monsters & Men, Great Wilderness, 8 pm, $25, all ages ★ DOUG FIR—1939 Ensemble, Dubais, 9 pm, $5 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Redlight Romeos, 7 pm, free EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—Shafty, 9 pm, $7 HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Hunter Paye, Justin Soileau, 9 pm, $5 ★ HOLOCENE—David Wax Museum, Vikesh Kapoor, Barna Howard, 8:30 pm, $10 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES—Tri Jazz Trio, 7:30 pm, $7 JADE LOUNGE—Adria & Friends, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Bill Tollner, 9 pm ★ THE KNOW—White Lung, Dead Cult, Industrial Park, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Don of Division St., Drunken Prayer, 7 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages; Kos, 9:30 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—The Moondoggies, The Maldives, 9 pm, $12 O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free THE PRESS CLUB—Jet Black Pearl, Mike Danner, 8 pm RED & BLACK CAFE—Lycka Till, Bevelers, 4 pm ★ REVIVAL DRUM SHOP—Frode Gjerstad Trio, 8 pm, $5-15, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris: Lost & Found, 9 pm ★ ROSE GARDEN—The Killers, M83, Tegan & Sara, 7:30 pm, $29.50-59.50, all ages SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Giraffe Dodgers, Oreganic, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Jordan Harris, 8:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Grant High School Jazz Ensemble, 7:30 pm, free VALENTINE’S—Venus Beltran, Slutty Hearts, Space

LINDSEY BYRNES

Waves, 9 pm, $3 VIE DE BOHEME—Hush Hush Smut Club, 7:30 pm, $8 THE WAYPOST—Classical Revolution, 7 pm WHITE EAGLE—How Long Jug Band, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Ron Steen, Shelly Rudolph, 7:30 pm

THURSDAY 12/6 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—The Surfjohn Stevens Christmas Sing-along Seasonal Affective Disorder Yuletide Disaster Pageant on Ice: Sufjan Stevens, Sheila Saputo, 8 pm, $20 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—2nd Annual Joy Now FunRaiser: Vagabond Opera, Joy Now Youth Marching Band, DJ Globalruckus, 7 pm, $15-50 ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Songwriter Roundup, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON—The Bogdown, The Modern Golem, King Ghidora, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BARLOW TAVERN—The Be Helds, Bath Party, Fake Nails, 8 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—John Ross, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Ben Jones, 9 pm ★ BOOM BAP!—You Are Plural, Aantarticaa, Like a Villain, Sedan, 8 pm, all ages BUFFALO GAP—The Undercover Band, 9 pm, free CAFFE UMBRIA—Peppe Voltarelli, 7 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Andrew Goodwin, 8 pm, free CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Steve Bradley, Jim Mesi, 7 pm CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Adlai Alexander, 8 pm CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Grouplove, The Joy Formidable, 8 pm, $25, all ages DANTE’S—Earth to Ashes, Stealing Lucky, Five-O, 9 pm, $12 ★ DOUG FIR—The Cave Singers, Poor Moon, Rose Windows, 9 pm, $16-18 DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Billy & the Rockets, 9 pm, $8 EAST END—Lucky Punks, Thorntown Tallboys, Sugartits, Dartgun & The Vignettes, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Bobby Bare Jr., 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Hannah Glavor, Steven Roth, Josh Hoke, 9 pm, $5 GOODFOOT—Philly’s Phunkestra, 9 pm, $6 GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—The Grouch, Eligh, Mistah F.A.B., Prof, DJ Fresh, 7 pm, $20-23, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Dekkar, M-DoubleA-L, 6 pm, free HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm ★ HOLOCENE—Moon Duo, Life Coach, White Rainbow, DJ E*Rock, 8:30 pm, $10-12 JAM ON HAWTHORNE—Hot Club of Hawthorne, 6 pm, free, all ages JANTZEN BEACH BAR & GRILL (RED LION HOTEL)— Hometown Holiday Show: Little Big Town, Rodney Atkins, Th vompson Square, 7:30 pm, $30-50, all ages JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Bill Tollner, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Shut Your Animal Mouth, The Choices, The Hitman Hearts, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Jig Jam Holiday Hooley, 6 pm, free, all ages ★ KENTON CLUB—Dolorean, Hello Damascus, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON—Chris Miller, 6 pm; The Pickups, 8:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—The Barkers, 6 pm; Anna Tivel, Tucker Drez, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—The Sale, 6 pm; Mandis Brothers, Inky Shadows, Don & The Quixotes, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Scott Law Reunion Band, 9 pm, $10-12

★ Means we recommend it. To list your live music or DJ event, send your information at least nine days in advance to music@portlandmercury.com.

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If interested in performing email ashstreetsaloon@aol.com or call 503-226-0430 to sign up!

Music at 9:30pm $5

Tue Dec 11th

theGoodSons Knox Harrington • Mothers Whiskey

SUFJAN STEVENS Aladdin Theater, 12/6

Live Music

LISTINGS

THE PRESS CLUB—The Brazillionaires, Alexandra & Sergio, 8 pm ★ RECORD ROOM—Drunken Prayer, Mike Coykendall, 8 pm RED ROOM—Abash’t, 9 pm RETRO RHYTHM—Ron Steen, 8 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Ben Rice, Gil Reynolds, 9 pm ROTTURE—FurOcity: Low Key, Antique Antics, Dreams In Yous, 10 pm, $5-10 SAVOY—Grand Lake Islands THE SECRET SOCIETY—Hunter Paye, 6 pm, free, all ages; Inspirational Beets, 9 pm, $5 SHAKER AND VINE—Kelsey Lindstrom, 8 pm, $5 SLABTOWN—Whales, The Robinson Age, Unkle Funkle, 9 pm SLIM’S—The Wildish, Rachel Lynn, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—The Dookie Jam: Doo Doo Funk All-Stars, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—The Breaking Yard, Sam Densmore, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—World/Inferno Friendship Society, O’Death, Dirty Kid Discount, 9 pm, $15 THIRSTY LION—Hair Assault, 9 pm TIGER BAR—Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free TONY STARLIGHT’S—Sing for your Supperclub: All-Star Horns, 7:30 pm, $10 VIE DE BOHEME—Loose Change, 7:30 pm, free THE WAYPOST—Ten Thousand Tigers, Million Brazilians, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; The Sorry Devils, Right on John, Jennie Wayne, 8:30 pm, free WILF’S—Mike & Haley Horsfall, 7:30 pm

FRIDAY 12/7 ALADDIN THEATER—The Trail Band, 7 pm, $39 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—A Circus Carol: 3 Leg Torso, 8 pm, $20-30 ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Gospel Christmas: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $25-96 ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—The Good Sons, Mother’s Whiskey, Knox Harrington, 9:30 pm, $5 ★ BACKSPACE—Deep Fried Boogie Band, Thollem Electric, Rllrbll, 8 pm, $7, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Twisted Whistle, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Larry Pindar, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Trio Subtonic, 9 pm ★ BOOM BAP!—Posture, Tunnels, Regular Music, Ni Hao, 8 pm, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Wayward Vessel, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—The Sale, 9 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—No Kind of Rider, By Sunlight, 9 pm, $5 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Circle 3 Trio, 9 pm, $6 CANVAS ART BAR—Open Mic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free, all ages ★ DOUG FIR—How to Dress Well, Beacon, Hustle & Drone, 9 pm, $12 DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; The Buckles, 9 pm EAST BURN—Andrews Ave, Cascadia Soul Alliance, 10 pm, free EAST END—Dirty Rubbers, The Dandelions, Piss Test, Roxy Moon, 9 pm EDGEFIELD—Dickens Carolers, 7 pm, free; John Bunzow, 7 pm, free

Music at 9:30pm FREE!

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The Magic Beets Sloe Loris • Homunculust

12-12 The Blood (UK)/Shock Troops 12-13 Vises 12-14 System & Station/The Greater Midwest/Very Foundation 12-15 Gasoline Kings Reunion/ Assisted Living 12-16 Down & Dirty Comedy Showcase 12-18 Solid Gold Balls 12-19 Mohawk Yard 12-20 Alabama Black Snake 12-21 End of World Bash! 12-22 The We Made It Bash! 12-23 A Very Metal Christmas Party! 12-25 closed 12-26 Swim Atlantic 12-27 Siren’s Echo 12-28 Blood Owl 12-29 Shelter Red/Ancient Warlocks 12-30 Jibstick 12-31 Raise the Bridges/Goodyear/Drawback/Rendered Useless 1-4 Riverpool 1-5 The Georgetown Orbits 1-11 Sioux 1-12 The Real Good Things 1-18 The Tanked 1-25 Dirty Kid Discount 2-2 The Toasters

DENNY RENSHAW

THE ELIXIR LAB—We Are Brothers, Jesse Robison, 7 pm, free, all ages FIRKIN TAVERN—Sold Only as Curio, Nate Jackson, 9 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Eagles of Freedom, 5 pm, free FRED G. MEYER MEMORIAL BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB—Skye Stevens, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—DJ Aquaman’s Soul Stew, 9 pm HALIBUT’S—Lisa Mann, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—The Sword, Gypsyhawk, American Sharks, 7:30 pm, $16-20, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm IVORIES—Dmitri Matheny, 8 pm, $10, all ages JADE LOUNGE—Joe Seamons, Jet Black Pearl, Accordian, Annie Vergnetti, 6 pm KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Manx, The Karmaceuticals, Brain Capital, 9 pm, free KELLS—Cu Lan Ti, 9:30 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Sound People, Sustentacula, Daniel Rafn, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—The Steven Lasombres, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Minot, Ghost to Falco, Excuses, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Ron Rodgers & The Wailing Wind, 6 pm, free; The Redeemed, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Sassparilla, 6 pm; Baby Gramps, 9 pm MILEPOST 5—Christmas Sing-Along Concert: Portland Chamber Music, 9 pm, free, all ages MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Jenny Sizzler, 6 pm; All the Apparatus, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Charlie Hunter, Scott Amendola, 9 pm, $20 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Suburban Slim, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Current Swell, Jacob Miller & the Bridge City Crooners, Zax Vandal, DJ Nacho Business, 8:30 pm, $8 NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm THE OLD CHURCH—Aaron Meyer, 6 pm, $30, all ages PEOPLE’S CO-OP—The Portland Sacred Harp, 6:30 pm, free PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Jonathan Harris, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB—Cary Miga Trio, 7 pm RECORD ROOM—Solar Sea, Technocide, Rockthrowe ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jelly Bread, 9 pm ★ THE SECRET SOCIETY—The Ladykillers, 6 pm, free, all ages; Big Big Love, Duover, The Oh My Mys, 9 pm, $8 SHAKER AND VINE—The Rainbow Sign, 8 pm, $5 SLABTOWN—Hot Victory, Helms Alee, Kowloon, Wall City, The Body, 9 pm, $7 SLIM’S—We Sick Boss, 9 pm, free ★ SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Blue Skies for Black Hearts, 9 pm, $6 THE SPARE ROOM—Danny Hay Davis, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—Fruition, 9 pm, $10 THIRSTY LION—Ants in the Kitchen, 9 pm TIGER BAR—Dimefest, 9 pm, $7 TONIC LOUNGE—The Flailing Inhalers, Ambush Party, Idiot S.C.I.E.N.C.E., 8:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Holiday Spectacular: Bureau of Standards Big Band, 8 pm, $12 VIE DE BOHEME—Los Gallos Rumba, 8:30 pm THE WAYPOST—Mike Moore, Paul Shutz, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; The Flurries, Andrew Paul Woodworth, Velvet Knights, 9:30 pm, $8 WONDER BALLROOM—Blood on the Dance Floor, 8 pm, $16, all ages

SATURDAY 12/8 ALADDIN THEATER—The Trail Band, 7 pm, $39 ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Gospel Christmas: Oregon Symphony, 7:30 pm, $25-96 ASH STREET SALOON—Members Only, Lost City, Growler, 9:30 pm, free ★ BACKSPACE—The Shivas, The Hoot Hoots, Tiana-

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for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9 A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 37

sQuarePegCOnCerts.COm

On Sale

fri 10:00AM

sunday march 3 theatre of the clouds at the rose Garden One Center COurt POrtland, Or early 2:00Pm shOw late 5:00Pm shOw tiCkets are On sale at the rOse Quarter BOx OffiCe, Online at rOseQuarter.COm, at PartiCiPating safeway/tiCketswest lOCatiOns, and By PhOne at 877.789.rOse (7673)

KopecKy Family Band

& henry at War

saturday december 15 mississippi studios

tuesday december 11 star theater

Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen

3939 N Mississippi Ave · portlANd, or 8:30pM show · 21 & over tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest locAtioNs chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

13 Nw 6th Ave · portlANd, or 9:00pM show · 21 & over tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest locAtioNs chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

saturday february 16 crystal ballroom 1332 w BurNside st portlANd, or 8:00pM show All Ages tickets At cAscAde tickets chArge By phoNe 855-cAs-tiXX X2 tickets Also AvAilABle At the crystAl BAllrooM BoX office

thursday january 17 mississippi studios 3939 N Mississippi Ave · portlANd, or 8:00pM show · 21 ANd over tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest locAtioNs chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

1111 sw BroAdwAy · portlANd, or 5:30pM doors · All Ages tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

the NeXt Best thiNg to JohNNy cAsh “the gentle giant”

tuesday april 23 elsinore theater 170 high st se · sAleM, or 7:30pM show · All Ages tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

38 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

Wednesday january 23 neWmark theatre

friday may 3 mississippi studios 3939 N Mississippi Ave · portlANd, or 8:00pM show · 21 ANd over tickets At sAfewAy/ticketswest locAtioNs chArge By phoNe 503-224-tiXX

Music

503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi info@mississippistudios.com

8pm doors/ 9pm show BarBar all ages until 9pm 21+ unless otherwise noted

Sprawling Americana and folk from Seattle mainstays

THE MOONDOGGIES THE CAVE SINGERS Doug Fir, 12/6

Live Music

LISTINGS

men Bear, The Groundblooms, Scatter Gather, 8 pm, $6, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—The Honeycuts, 6 pm; JPC, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Norman Sylvester, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Superposition State Quartet, 9 pm ★ BOHEMIA WAREHOUSE—Art Migration: Pure Bathing Culture, Inspirational Beets, DJ Jimbo, 7 pm BOOM BAP!—Jesse Mejia, Lucy Lee Yim, 8 pm, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Boy & Bean, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—Mick Schafer, Treetop Tribe, The Colin Trio, Daniel Cecil, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Eddie Gomez, 8 pm ★ CLUB 21—Rabbits, Fist Fite, Monogamy Party, Brokaw, 9 pm, free ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Atlas Genius, Sheppard, 8 pm, $12, all ages ★ DANTE’S—Hillstomp, 9 pm, $8 ★ DOUG FIR—Trixie Whitley, Dumpster Hunter, 9 pm, $10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Nikki Hill, 9 pm, $10 EDGEFIELD—Dickens Carolers, 7 pm, free; Matt Meighan, 7 pm, free ESCAPE—Kritik & the Beatz, DJ WildFire, 9 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—The Great Hiatum, Small Joys, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—Mike Dillon, The Unsinkable Heavies, 9 pm, $8 ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Antibalas, Stay Calm, 7 pm, $16-18 HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—New York Rifles, 9 pm, $5 JADE LOUNGE—Flying Bird South, Evan Larsell, Ryan Short, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Blue Christmas: Portland Soul All-Stars, 8 pm, $10 KELLS—Cu Lan Ti, 9:30 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Angry Moofah & The Joints, Donovan Breakwater, Baby I Love You, 8 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB—Los Perros Olvidados, Joshua James & The Runaway Trains, The Blast-O-Casters, 9 pm, free KNUCKLEHEADS—Mitch Kashmar, William Chapin, Catahoula Soul Stew, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Austin McCutchen, 6 pm; Loudermilk Sisters, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—James Low Western Front, 6 pm; The Nutmeggers, Payne & Money, 9:30 pm METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH OF PORTLAND—’Tis the Season: Confluence, 7:30 pm, $12-18 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Lorna Miller, 4 pm, all ages; z’Bumba, 9:30 pm, $7 MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Sara Watkins, Aoife O’Donovan Band, 6:30 pm, $20 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Sweet Home Band, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER—Sag Gala VI: Huckle, Grant Farm, 8:30 pm, $10 MT. TABOR THEATER LOUNGE—Northbound Rain, Cody’s Wheel, 8:30 pm, free NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Jonathan Harris, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB—Yiddish Republik, 8:30 pm RECORD ROOM—Bubble Cats, Ramune Rocket 3, The Charlie Darwins, 8 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Tim Snider, 9 pm ROSELAND—Kix Brooks, Uncle Kracker, Parmalee, 7 pm, $25-40 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Jenny Finn Orchestra, Johnny Boyd, 9 pm, $10 SLABTOWN—Lydian Gray, Iceland, Ever So Android,

KYLE JOHNSON

Sad Little Men, 9 pm SLIM’S—Papa Coyote, Wendy & The Lost Boys, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Portland Geek Council 3rd Annual Epic WINter Formal: Stovokor, Cognition, DJ Michael Grimes, Mr. Romo, 7 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Sonny Hess Band, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—School of Rock, 3 pm, $12 THIRSTY LION—Boys Next Door, 9:30 pm TONIC LOUNGE—The Rodeo Clowns, Mohawk Yard, Chaotic Karisma, Raw Dog & the Close Calls, 9:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Tony Starlight Christmas Extravaganza: Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $18 VIE DE BOHEME—Twilight Troubadour, 5 pm; Soul Vaccination, 8:30 pm, $10 THE WAYPOST—Felix Hatfield, Mikah Sykes, Davy Coffin, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Student Loan, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Renegade Stringband, Warren G Hardings, 9:30 pm, $8 ★ WONDER BALLROOM—The Tragically Hip, 9 pm, $30

SCOTT LAW

REUNION BAND

THE

MALDIVES

(RECORD RELEASE)

Wed, Dec 5

$12 Adv

A musical virtuoso of the eight string guitar

THE CHARLIE HUNTER & SCOTT AMENDOLA duo Fri, Dec 7

FREE CD WITH EACH ADVANCE TICKET

Thu, Dec 6

$10 Adv

MAST Presents: Founding member of bluegrass supergroup Nickel Creek presents her second solo album, Sun Midnight Sun

SARA WATKINS

AOIFE

O’ DONOVAN

$20 Adv

Sat, Dec 8 6pmDoors/6:30pmShow $20 Adv

A delectable dance party for the Ice Queen in you

Opbmusic Presents PDX/Rx: Hypnotic and mesmerizing pop

SHY GIRLS

SUNDAY 12/9 ALADDIN THEATER—The Trail Band, 7 pm, $39 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Rob Ickes, Jim Hurst, 8 pm, $15-17 ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Gospel Christmas: Oregon Symphony, 4 pm, $25-96 ASH STREET SALOON—One for the Wolves, Synesthesia, Stepper, Fluid Spill, 9:30 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BEULAHLAND—A Pokey Twig Christmas, 3 pm BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—John Stowell, 8 pm ★ BOOM BAP!—Portland’s Rock-n-FilmFest: Criminal Mastermind, Rustlah, 6 pm, $5 BRANX—Betrayed by Weakness, Chronological Injustice, Mortal Plague, Guillotine, From Here to Eternity, 6:15 pm, $7, all ages CENTRAL LUTHERAN CHURCH—Julesangfest - A Celebration of Norwegian Christmas Music: Portland Scandinavian Chorus, 3:15 pm CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Catarina New, 6 pm DANTE’S—Jet Black Pearl, 9 pm, $10; Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm ★ DOUG FIR—King Tuff, White Fang, Mean Jeans, 9 pm, $10-12 EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD—Lewi Longmire, James Low, 5 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Dance Gavin Dance, A Lot Like Birds, I the Mighty, Hail the Sun, The Orphan The Poet, 6 pm, $17-19, all ages IVORIES—Hanukkah Extravaganza: Mazel Tov Orchestra, 6 pm, $25-36, all ages JADE LOUNGE—Vanessa Rogers, 7 pm KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; Acoustic By Candlelight, 7:30 pm; Cronin Tierney, Dec 9-13, 9 pm KENTON CLUB—David Alexander, Juice, The Cover Girls, The Richard Gere Experience, Wood Shampoo, 9 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free LV’S—Blues, Brews & BBQ, 6 pm MIGRATION BREWING—Whistlepig, 7 pm MISSION THEATER—The Crafty Underdog: Bryan Graves, Tim Bartlett, Taylor Williams, Halfwit Adlib, 11 am, free, all ages MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Amber Sweeney, 6 pm; Amber Sweeney, 6 pm; Patchy Sanders, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Shy Girls, Social Studies,

A steel-string guitar master whose bluegrass and blues merge the timeless and the modern

DJ BEYONDA

Sat, Dec 8

$5 DoS

10pm-2am

Grammy-nominated Cajun music from a four-piece of talent

SOCIAL STUDIES HOSANNAS Sun, Dec 9

LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS

Free Show!

Jack Daniels Presents Missippin w/: Riveting powerpop and punk

PINEHURST KIDS

ALBATROSS� Tue, Dec 11 7pmDoors8pmShow $13 Adv A night of danceable folk-pop benefitting Foundation First:

THE DIMES HOLIDAY FRIENDS NORTHEAST NORTHWEST

Thu, Dec 13

EMPIRE ROCKET MACHINE CHARTS

Wed, Dec 12

$5 Adv

Celebrate the vinyl re-issue of Pedro The Lion’s back-catalog and the 10th anniversary of the band’s seminal album, Control

DAVID BAZAN BAND PLAYS PEDRO THE LION’S

$10 Adv

STAGNANT POOLS

Fri, Dec 14

CEBS Presents a Portland Radio Mixer

XDS

CONTROL

Sold Out

Square Peg Concerts Presents: Countrified funk/folk that rocks a hybrid of G. Love and Jack Johnson

COREY SMITH�

LIKE A VILLAIN DJ MAGIC BEANS

HENRY AT WAR� Sat, Dec 15 · 1pmDoors/1pmShow · Free Show Sat, Dec 15 · 7:30pmDoors/8:30pmShow · $11 Adv

NYE

28th: ITAL · 29th & 30th: JERRY JOSEPH & THE JACKMORMONS

WEEKEND

Coming Soon... 12/16: MY VOICE MUSIC (EARLY) 12/16: EL VEZ MEX-MAS (LATE) 12/20: FANNIE MAE’S QUEER QUISTMAS 12/21: THE DRUTHERS 12/22: TANGO ALPHA TANGO

31st: TYPHOON

12/23: AMY RAY (OF INDIGO GIRLS) 12/27: PETUNIA AND THE VIPERS 12/28: ITAL 12/29 & 12/30: JERRY JOSEPH & THE JACKMORMONS 12/31: TYPHOON

1/4: DANNY CORN 1/5: FEDERALE 1/10: MELVILLE 1/11: SIR RICHARD BISHOP 1/12: PAULA BOGGS BAND 1/15: AND AND AND

mississippistudios.com December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 39

A REVIVAL DRUM SHOP CELEBRATION WITH

1939 ENSEMBLE

WEDNESDAY!WEDNESDAY!

RUSTIC BLUES-TINGED FOLK FROM THE EMERALD CITY

The

CAVE SINGERS THURSDAY!

POOR MOON +ROSE WINDOWS

ETHEREAL EXPERIMENTAL R&B FROM BROOKLYN

HOW TO DRESS WELL FRIDAY!

TICKETS

THURSDAY DECEMBER 6

GOING FAST

•

BEACON +HUSTLE AND DRONE

$16 ADVANCE

FRIDAY DECEMBER 7 WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 5

•

$5 ADVANCE

•

$12 ADVANCE

LA-VIA-VERMONT GARAGE/POWERPOP WUNDERKIND

A SPECIAL EVENING WITH BELGIAN-BORN BUZZ-BUILDER

TRIXIE WHITLEY

MAKE IT A NIGHT

KING TUFF

Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room 830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com

DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–LATE EVERYDAY SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...

+DUMPSTER HUNTER

SATURDAY DECEMBER 8

•

$10 ADVANCE

A 1-2-3 PUNCH OF ABSTRACT HIP-HOP AND INDIE ROCK

ASTRONAUTALIS

WHITE FANG

+MEAN JEANS

SUNDAY DECEMBER 9

•

$10 ADVANCE

BACARDI PRESENTS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES

THE

WE SHARED MILK +SPIRIT LAKE

THE LOWER 48

AN EVENING OF SENSORY STIMULATION WITH

HALO REFUSER THURSDAY DECEMBER 13 •

BUSDRIVER

L’HA: THE LASER HARP +GUDA (PDX, MYCELIUM)

+JEL

MONDAY DECEMBER 10

•

$12 ADVANCE

WHIMSICAL INDIE-FOLK FROM LA QUARTET

LAVENDER

DIAMOND +CALICO ROSE

FRIDAY DECEMBER 14

•

$10 ADVANCE

A LIVE ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH

TIGER HOUSE

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 12 •

$5 ADVANCE

AN EVENING OF CALIFORNIA SOUL FROM BAY AREA HIP-SHAKERS

THE

TWO SPECIAL HOLIDAY SHOWS WITH BELOVED PDX ROCKERS

DANDY WARHOLS THE

MOTHER HIPS

THE PARSON RED HEADS +AINA HAINA

SATURDAY DECEMBER 15

•

$14 ADVANCE

A SPECIAL EVENING WITH FORMER SILKWORM FRONT-MAN

Doors at 4:30pm TWO Doors at 8:30pm, Show at 9pm Show at 5pm EARLY SHOW! SHOWS! LATE SHOW!

SUNDAY DECEMBER 16

GOING FAST

$25 ADVANCE

WATER & BODIES

JOEL R.L. PHELPS FRAME BY FRAME

LIQUIDLIGHT +HERE COME DOTS

•

+MOSBY $10 ADVANCE

A FESTIVE, FUN-FILLED HOLIDAY EVENING WITH

$6 ADVANCE

DOUG FIR PRESENTS THE ANNUAL NYE BLOWOUT

•

TICKETS

AN END OF THE WORLD PARTY WITH

FRIDAY DECEMBER 21 WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 19 •

$5 ADVANCE

KEVIN CALABA +MISS MASSIVE SNOWFLAKE

THURSDAY DECEMBER 20

•

(FORMERLY OF STARS OF TRACK & FIELD)

$8 ADVANCE

THE ANNUAL AMIGO/AMIGA HOLIDAY SOIREE

KELLI SCHAEFER

+ THE MINUS

FIVE

MONDAY DECEMBER 31 •

$22 ADVANCE

SATURDAY DECEMBER 22 •

TOPE +SLANG $7 ADVANCE

+THE JENNY FINN ORCHESTRA

SUNDAY DECEMBER 23

•

$10 ADVANCE

Augustana (acoustic) 1/8 on sale 12/7 Willy Mason 1/27 Night Beds/ Indians 2/25 on sale 12/7 Thao & The Get Down Stay Down 3/5 on sale 12/7 Veronica Falls 3/23 Jamie Lidell 3/30 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

REVA DEVITO 12/28 • SUPERSUCKERS 12/29 • RADIATION CITY 12/30 • CASEY NEILL & THE NORWAY RATS 1/5 CROWN POINT 1/11 • TWO GALLANTS 1/19 • NIKI & THE DOVE 1/24 • WILLY MASON 1/27 • BUILT TO SPILL 1/31 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

40 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

Music

THE SWORD Hawthorne Theatre, 12/7

Live Music

LISTINGS

Hosannas, 9 pm, free ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—Fanno Creek, Steelhead, 9 pm, free ROTTURE—Ritual Necromancy, Tormentium, Dead Conspiracy, Cult of Unholy Shadows, 9 pm, $6 SHAKER AND VINE—Muriel Stanton, 6 pm, $3 SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Hive: DJ Brian Backlash, DJ Skully, DJ Waisted, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free TABOR HEIGHTS UNITED METHODIST CHURCH— Advent Carol Service, 4 pm, all ages ★ VALENTINE’S—Bruxa, Ill Camino, 9 pm, $3 VIE DE BOHEME—Alternate Destination, 7 pm, $5 WAVERLY HEIGHTS CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH— The Portland Sacred Harp, 2 pm, free THE WAYPOST—The Tony Green Orchestra, Awkward Energy, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Sale, 7 pm, free

MONDAY 12/10 BACKSPACE—No More Parachutes, Clackamas Baby Killers, Mad Moniker, 9 pm, $5, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—Sumo, 9 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—The Shins, Pure Bathing Culture, 8 pm, $35, all ages DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Astronautalis, Busdriver, Jel, 9 pm, $12 DUFF’S GARAGE—Susie & the Sidecars, 6 pm EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Bright Lights Conversation, 6 pm, free; Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free KELLS—Acoustic By Candlelight, 7:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE—Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm TIGER BAR—AC Lov Ring, 9 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Nucular Aminals, Au Dunes, Hurry Up, 9 pm, $3-5 WHITE EAGLE—Sidestreet Reny, 8:30 pm, free

TUESDAY 12/11 ASH STREET SALOON—The Magic Beets, Sloe Lorus, Homunculust, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE—Haste, Sun+Fun, Grrlfriend, 9 pm, $5, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—La Rhonda Steele, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUNK BAR—Lindi Ortega, Nathan Trueb, 9 pm, $3 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EDGEFIELD—Old Yellers, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—The Groundblooms, Mufasa, Fontaine Classic, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Jom Rapstar, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT—Roseland Hunters, 9 pm, free

SAM HOLDEN

HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free; Tin Silver, 6 pm, free THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES—Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, Hank Hirsh Trio, 7:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Songbird Showcase: Cynthia O’Brien, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Septet, 8 pm, $6 ★ THE KNOW—Big Eyes, The Cry, Hornet Leg, 8 pm ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free; Jolie Holland, 9 pm LV’S—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Biscuits & Gravy, 6 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Lost Bayou Ramblers, Albatross, 8 pm, $13-15 MT. TABOR THEATER—Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free THE OLD CHURCH—Conchords Chorale, 7:30 pm, $5-10, all ages ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ‘n’ Laws, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore, 7 pm, free SLIM’S—Open Mic, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER—Kopecky Family Band, 9 pm, $6 TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONIC LOUNGE—Freak Heat Waves, Focus Troup, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—PCC Student Showcase: Mitzi Zilka, 7:30 pm, $7; Ayars Vocal Showcase, 7:30 pm, $7 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm ★ VALENTINE’S—Magic Fades, Moon Mirror, Dasani Reboot, 9 pm, free VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE—Like Years, 8:30 pm, free

DJ LISTINGS WEDNESDAY 12/5

BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ Troubled Youth CC SLAUGHTERS—Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CRUZROOM—Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio: Pat Kearns, Mark Brachmann DIG A PONY—Champagne Jam, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN—VJ Norto, 9 pm GROOVE SUITE—Mndsgn, Ages, DTCPU, Ahnnu, Bone Rock, 9 pm, $5 JONES—Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD’S INN—DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—DJ Nealie Neal, DJ Unruly, 9 pm MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free THE REFECTORY—Wednesday Eastside Karaoke: KJ RC, 8 pm SAUCEBOX—DJ Nealie Neal STAR BAR—DJ Chris Crusher, 10 pm TIGA—Cowboys from Sweden TIGER BAR—Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE—No Counts: Chazz Madrigal, 10 pm

THURSDAY 12/6 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Gabe Celestino CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Counter Culture, 10 pm, free DIG A PONY—Two Arm Tom, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—TRONix: Bryan Zentz, 9 pm JONES—New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 THE KNOW—Dirt Bag: Bruce LaBruiser, Hold my Hand, 10 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Vortex: DJ Kenny, John & Skip, 9 pm

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 41

42 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

Music

TRIXIE WHITLEY Doug Fir, 12/8 GUY KOKKEN

LUCKY DEVILâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Panty Droppa, free â&#x2DC;&#x2026; MATADORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ A-Train, 10 pm, free MOLOKO PLUSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FAMOUS CONEY ISLANDâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free RADIO ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ghost Train, 9 pm SANTA FE TAQUERIAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOXâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm THE SPARE ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Doc Rock, 9 pm, free STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Barrett, 10 pm TIGAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Sunny 1550 TUBEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Big Trouble in Little Chinatown: DJ Zimmie, Dev From Above, 7 pm VALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Sâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Gulls, 9 pm VAULTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Jams: DJ 60/40

FRIDAY 12/7 BEECH ST. PARLORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Musique Plastique BLITZ 21â&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Dev From Above: DJ SwerveWon, 9 pm, $5 CRYSTAL BALLROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 â&#x2DC;&#x2026; DEVILS POINTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Luiza, 10 pm EAGLE PORTLANDâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Jackie Beatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Holiday Show: Hold my Hand, 10 pm, $10 ELEMENTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm Eâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;NJONI CAFEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ E3, MonkeyTek, 8 pm, free GOLD DUST MERIDIANâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ryan Organ, 10 pm, free GOODFOOTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Magneto, 9 pm, $5 â&#x2DC;&#x2026; HOLOCENEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Crow, 5 pm, free; Fresh: Eliot Lipp, Grenier, Philip Grass, 9 pm, $10 JONESâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Brickbat Mansion: Curatrix, DJ Wednesday, 10 pm, free LUCKY DEVILâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Joe, free MATADORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Mr. Mumu ROTTUREâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Shutup & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Blank Fridays: DJ Ikon, 10 pm, free TIGAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Old Frontier TRIPLE NICKELâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Hot Mess: Doc Adam, 7 pm VALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Sâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Ross, 9 pm

SATURDAY 12/8 AURAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ vs. Nature CC SLAUGHTERSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Up & Up: DJ Nature, 9 pm, $5 CRUZROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Vnylogy DJs DEVILS POINTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIG A PONYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Montel Spinozza, 10 pm EAGLE PORTLANDâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Slunt Realness: Little Bear, Hold my Hand, 10 pm, $3 EAST BURNâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Twisted Whistle, 10 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIANâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, DJ Disorder, 10 pm, free GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free â&#x2DC;&#x2026; GROOVE SUITEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;After Dark; Bubblinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;: Ghosts On

Tape, Recess, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup, 10 pm, $5 GROUND KONTROLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Epor, 9 pm, $2 HOLOCENEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Blown: Tyler Tastemaker, Quarry, D. Poetica, PRSN, Rosbarsky, 9 pm, $5 JONESâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s & â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 LOLAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Video Dance Attack Christmahanukwanzaa Party: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Musick for Mannequins: Tom Jones, Erica Jones, 9 pm LUCKY DEVILâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Kenoy, free MISSISSIPPI STUDIOSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;MRS., DJ Beyonda, 10 pm, $5 MOLOKO PLUSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Mr. Mumu ROTTUREâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;The Bridge: PDX Edition: Guilty Simpson, House Shoes, Samiyam, Knxwledge, Citymouth, 9 pm, $10-12 STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Trimmy Trim, 10 pm â&#x2DC;&#x2026; TIGAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Comedienne TRIPLE NICKELâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Stray, 10 pm VALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Sâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Kiffo, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ronski Speed, DJ Eddie, DJ Zoxy, Gotek, 10 pm, $10

!" # $

SUNDAY 12/9 AALTO LOUNGEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free â&#x2DC;&#x2026; BEULAHLANDâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSHâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free â&#x2DC;&#x2026; DIG A PONYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Sahelsounds, DJ Cuica, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm GOLD DUST MERIDIANâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Mike-a-nay, 10 pm, free GROUND KONTROLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Destructo, DJ Chip, 9 pm, $2 LUCKY DEVILâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Bobcat, 10 pm

MONDAY 12/10 BEECH ST. PARLORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Roxie Stardust BLUE MONKâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Deep Cuts, 8 pm DIG A PONYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Atom 13, 9 pm GROUND KONTROLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S OLYMPIANâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;MALLEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SALOON & GRILLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Metal Mondays: DJ Nefarious, 10 pm, free TIGAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Alex John Hall

TUESDAY 12/11 â&#x2DC;&#x2026; BEECH ST. PARLORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Jason Urick CC SLAUGHTERSâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOMâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free â&#x2DC;&#x2026; DEVILS POINTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Womb Service, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROLâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFTâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADORâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Donny Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, 10 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Lift: DJ Whores, 9 pm, $7-10 STAR BARâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;DJ Bradly, 10 pm â&#x2DC;&#x2026; SWIFT LOUNGEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGAâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;The Crow TUBEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Tubesday, 10 pm

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 43

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BALLET PREVIEW

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The Nutcracker Strikes Again

ArtChart OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK

Big Changes at OBT Amid a Familiar Show by Jenna Lechner has had financial issues in the past; in 2009, they weeks, because of the dancers’ familiarity with turned to fundraising to curtail a looming deficit of the work. Regardless of the rote familiarity, the several hundred thousand dollars.) performances themselves seem “shot out of Regardless, the show must a cannon,” as OBT Artistic Operations go on. A week before The Director Anne Mueller describes it. Nutcracker opens, the studio Jumps are nearly five-feet high, is aswarm. It’s Saturday, capped with the horizontal splits and the company is running (a straddle jump). A soloist will Oregon Ballet Theatre, Keller through the show’s second dance multiple parts within Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, 222act. Entering OBT, you’re a performance, small and 5538, opens Sat Dec 8, runs Fri faced with tiny, wily synthetic large roles, which will change 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 & 7:30 pm, beards and sparkles—mini throughout the years, serving plus Wed Dec 19-Thur Dec 20, nutcrackers sit on a red as a gauge of talent (initially, a 7:30 pm, through Dec 23, sales table accompanied by dancer plays a mouse, then maybe $23 & up, obt.org glistening snow globes. Inside moves on to play Clara, or eventually the rehearsal room, the Sugar Plum the Sugar Plum Fairy). Fairy skitters en pointe and approaches In the rehearsal’s close proximity, you feel the glass partition; on the other side, a pallid literal gusts of wind while the company leaps preteen watches with droopy eyes. Behind her, across the stage, chocolate and candy cane pockets of children are seated pretzel-style, in incarnate. Behind the scenes, things at OBT circle formations on the floor. A grand piano are gusty too. In addition to Stowell bowing out, alternates with tape recordings to play the famous Marketing and Communications Director Trisha Tchaikovsky score. Mead announced her decision to leave last week. The Nutcracker is special. Rehearsals only In the midst of the most familiar show, changes last about two weeks, as opposed to, say, five are afoot.

The Nutcracker

BLAINE TRUITT COVERT

T’S AS PREDICTABLE and perennial as flu season. This weekend, Oregon Ballet Theatre opens George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker—the most famous version of the most famous ballet in the world, the show is both a hallmark and an epitome of the holidays: half heartwarming, half cash cow. However, this year’s production comes with some surprises, as it coincides with the departure of OBT’s Artistic Director Christopher Stowell, a nine-year veteran of the company who attributes his resignation to OBT’s decision to “adopt a new business model.” (The company

BOOK REVIEW

A Beautiful Butterfly Global Warming in Flight Behavior by Courtney Ferguson sciences look like a gossamer rainbow in her new that sets Dellarobia’s world on its teeth, with scinovel Flight Behavior. It’s a rare author, indeed, entific, religious, and philosophical ramifications who takes the gloom ’n’ doom themes of global for everyone in her small town, and ultimately the warming, science vs. religion, and the poverty world. As Dellarobia bemoans, “Why did that divide and makes them palatable, relatone rare, spectacular thing in her life able, and bittersweet. have to be a sickness of nature?” The Flight Behavior’s shining star is trappings of Dellarobia’s narrow life protagonist Dellarobia Turnbow. start to slough off as she volunteers She’s a bored housewife and mother with the scientific studies being conby Barbara of two young kids in rural Tennessee, ducted in her backyard, even as her Kingsolver where she entertains fantasies of afhusband’s family are in global-warm(Harper) fairs with men she meets on her errands. ing denial, maintaining that “Weather is She’s smart, but uneducated—a thriving the Lord’s business” as Tennessee floods mind with no outlet, stuck in a loveless marriage around them. Dellarobia’s inquisitive, formerly on a small sheep farm. Dellarobia is hell-bent on dormant mind begins to show signs of health consummating one of her crushes, but en route and prosperity even as the drenched and rotto the rendezvous she chances upon millions of ting earth around her crumbles. She begins to monarch butterflies dripping from the trees on her comprehend the ravages of global warming and Appalachian property. It’s proclaimed something the possibility of a species’ extinction on her very of a miracle by Dellarobia’s church, and soon fol- doorstep, but also to understand the truths of lowed by the arrival of a prominent scientist and herself—and she doesn’t despair. She picks herthrongs of sightseers and environmental activists. self up and starts anew, a little rain-soaked and But it’s the worrisome nature of why the but- sad, gathering data and considering the big picterflies have strayed from their normal migration ture—just like a scientist.

Flight Behavior

CIENTISTS can make great writers. You don’t hear that sentiment bandied about much—entomologists are not exactly known for creative-writing acumen—but their eye for detail and ability to parse what all those bits of minutiae add up to can make for an engrossing novel in the right hands. And Barbara Kingsolver’s hands are perfect. The seasoned novelist and former biologist makes the bridge between hard and soft

BOOK REVIEW

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

TRISH GRANTHAM • AUGEN GALLERY 716 NW DAVIS • OPENS DEC 6

Artsy + Fartsy—Portland’s art and comedy communities collide, with a stand-up showcase and art show with work by participating comedians hanging on the walls. Featuring Sean Jordan, Danny Felts, and more. Bare Bones Café, 2908 SE Belmont, 7197128, Fri Dec 7, 8 pm, $5, all ages George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker— The Oregon Ballet Theatre does their holiday due diligence. It is what it is. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, opens Sat Dec 8, runs Fri-Sun 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm, through Dec 23, $23 & up, see obt.org for more showtimes Aidan Koch & Zack Soto—A joint release party for Aidan Koch’s Field Studies, published by Floating World Comics, and Zack Soto’s The Secret Voice. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, Thurs Dec 6, 6 pm, floatingworldcomics.com Prints for PICA—More than 100 artists spend the day making prints at PICA’s popup print shop, and sell ’em to you at holiday budget-friendly prices. PICA, 415 SW 10th, #300, Sat Dec 8, 6:30-8:30 pm, pica.org King Hedley II—Portland Playhouse presents August Wilson’s story of a Pittsburgh man struggling to reconcile with the past while improving the present in his troubled community. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott, opens Thurs Dec 6, runs ThursSat 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm, through Dec 30, $15-39, portlandplayhouse.org

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS

by Alison Hallett & E. Bowling • Naomi Wolf is reading at Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Wed Dec 5, 7:30 pm

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 45

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Arts Calendar

READINGS SUNDAY 12/9 ★ SETH CASTEEL

See My What a Busy Week, pg. 25. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

TUESDAY 12/11

★ GRACE PALEY: 1922-2007 A reading of essays and poems by the influential writer and activist. Includes a screening of the documentary Grace Paley: Collected Shorts. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7 pm, free

★ CALVIN TRILLIN See My What a Busy Week, pg. 25. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

THEATER 24 HOUR PLAY

tation of Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas story, featuring music by 3 Leg Torso. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055, Fri Dec 7, 8 pm, $20-30

DANCE CAMILLE A. BROWN DANCERS White Bird Uncaged presents the West Coast debut of the Camille A. Brown Dancers, featuring new work celebrating the perserverance of African American performers throughout history. PSU Lincoln Performance Hall, 1620 SW Park, Dec 6-8, 8 pm, $20-30

★ IN GOOD COMPANY NW Dance Project’s annual holiday show, featuring company members bringing back their favorite works and premiering new ones, inspired by sounds found on vintage vinyl, spun by DJ Anjali. Northwest Dance Project Studio, 833 N Shaver, 421-7434. Opens Dec 7, runs Wed-Sat 7:30 pm and Sun 4 pm, through Dec 16, $30-40

SKINNER/KIRK DANCE ENSEMBLE

Profile Theatre presents newly-formed company Jamestown Productions as they write, produce, and perform a play completely from scratch, all within 24 hours, using 20 actors, and four writer/directors. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Sat Dec 8, 8 pm, $15

A performance blending musicality and deliberate physical constructions, incorporating elements of ballet, aerial, and contemporary dance. BodyVox Dance Center, 1201 NW 17th, 229-0627, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm and Sat Dec 8, 2 pm, through Dec 8, $36-59

COMING HOME

COMEDY

This reading of Athol Fugard’s sequel to Valley Song is part of Profile Theatre’s One Night Stand series of staged readings. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Mon Dec 10, 7:30 pm

SCROOGE’S LAST CHRISTMAS (ADULT ONLY) A Commedia Dell’arte performance combining the freefloating anxiety about 2012 with Dickensian themes and messages, resulting in a comedic interpretation of A Christmas Carol unlike any other. Milepost 5, 900 NE 81st, 7246933, opens Dec 7, runs Fri-Sat 10 pm, through Dec 22

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT Tears of Joy and Bag & Baggage Productions combine to present an adaptation of Margery Williams’ classic story via puppetry and traditional acting. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Fri Dec 7, 7:30 pm, Sat Dec 8, 11 am & 1 pm and Sun Dec 9, 1 & 3 pm, $17-21

ZOOZOO Imago Theatre brings to life the fascinating adventures of your everyday housecat, who apparently doesn’t just lay around and lick itself for hours on end, but in fact joins in the frolicking with Imago’s troupe of frogs, penguins, hippos, polar bears, and more. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th, 231-9581, opens Dec 7, various showtimes through Dec 30, $16-31, see imagotheatre.com

LITTLE WOMEN Circle Theatre presents Kristin Laurence’s stage adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s classic tale, where even the men are played by women. Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate, 8234322, Thurs-Sun 8 pm, through Dec 9, $18-22.5

A BRIGHT ROOM CALLED DAY Portland Actors Conservatory presents Tony Kushner’s political drama set in 1930s Berlin, following a group of artists and activists concerned about the rise of Hitler. Portland Actor’s Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, Fri Dec 28, 7:30 pm, Sat Dec 29, 7:30 pm, through Dec 16, $10-25

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Stumptown Stages presents their original musical adaptation of the holiday classic about a frustrated man realizing his life isn’t so bad, and things could be a hell of a lot worse. Brunish Hall, 1111 SW Broadway, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm and Sun 2 pm, through Dec 23, $35.25

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF THE CHRISTMAS CAROL Artists Rep remounts last year’s successful play, essentially a mashup of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic character and Charles Dickens’ classic Christmas tale. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, 241-1278, WedSat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm and Wed Dec 19, 11 am, through Dec 30, $25-50

A VERY JOAN CRAWFORD CHRISTMAS Triangle Productions brings a new holiday tradition to Portland, one with no wire hangers: Joan Crawford and her loyal housekeeper Mamacita educate the viewers on how to make it through the holidays. The Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Dec 23, $15-35

A CIRCUS CAROL Wanderlust Circus presents a cabaret-styled circus adap-

★ AFTER SCHOOL GIRLFIGHT! KILL! KILL! A night of parodies and homages, including a spoof on Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. The show is hilarious and enjoyable through and through, marked with energetic character acting and deft parody. JACOB SCHRAER Miracle Theatre (Teatro Milagro), 525 SE Stark, 236-7253, Thurs-Sat 8 pm, through Dec 22, $15-17

THE COMEDY BULL Anatoli Brant hosts a night of stand-up that has less in common with most showcases, and more in common with Urban Cowboy: Comedians take to the stage to see how long they can last before either the audience or a judge throws them off. The winner gets to return the following week as the headliner. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227, Thurs Dec 6, 7:30 pm, $6

DOOMED TO REPEAT IT An improv show where the audience chooses a historical event, the performers have a week to research, and then they present an improvised history lesson featuring debates, monologues, and scenes. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227, Sat Dec 8, 7:30 pm and Sat Dec 15, 7:30 pm, $9-10

THE HAMSTER VILLAGE Nathan Brannon presents a night blending sketch comedy, video, and stand-up, featuring performances from Sharon Lacey, Whitney Streed, Phil Schallberger, and Marcia Belsky. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 238-0543, Wed Dec 5, 9:30 pm

PETE HOLMES See My What a Busy Week, pg. 25. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-643-8669, Wed-Thurs, 8 pm, FriSat, 7:30 & 10 pm, $20-25

VISUAL ART THE FIGHTING SEASON An exhibition of photographs by Louie Palu, taken between 2006 and 2010, of the conflict in and around Kandahar, Afghanistan, featuring portraits of the young soldiers caught in it. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th, 225-0210, Thurs Dec 6, 6 pm, Dec 7-30 and Sat Dec 8, 10:30 am

LA DANSE FRANCAISE A photographic ghost story by Theresa Viska, recording the history of the Stockholm Military Academy’s annual winter ball, with photographs inspired by the paintings of Francis Bacon, the television show Twin Peaks, and the film The Shining. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th, 2250210, Thurs Dec 6, 6 pm, Dec 7-30 and Sat Dec 8, 10:30 am

THE LATHE OF HEAVEN A group exhibition featuring new work from artists Damien Gilley, Daniel Glendening, Laura Hughes, and Jordan Tull, inspired by Ursula K. LeGuin’s novel of the same name. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, through Dec 30

WATERSHED An exhibit of works from Jeff Rich, focusing on issues surrounding water, such as recreation, sustainability, and exploitation. Newspace Center for Photography, 1632 NE 10th, 963-1935, Fri Dec 7, 6 pm and Dec 8-Jan 27

For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com 46 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

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by Marjorie Skinner

Our British Invasion

T’S THE TIME of the year for retail to thrive, so it makes perfect sense that the month ahead is teeming with events, parties, and sales (see mod.portlandmercury.com for our constant updates to the schedule). But this year, folks seem to be craving something more interesting than mere opporDIRTY PRETTY THINGS tunities to browse, and the season has seen an unusual number of more formal fashion show presentations. What’s more, while most people are focused on layering on various weights of wool, we’re also experiencing a rash of crowd-pleasing, skin-baring lingerie shows: Check back next week for the scoop on the Lille Boutique showcase, Astral Bodies. LASCIVIOUS Remember when getting socks and underwear as holiday presents was joked about as tantamount to receiving coal? Those days are far behind us now. This week’s event comes from Oh Baby, in collaboration with Eyes + Edge, the newish event-based online lifestyle publication that has been ingratiating itself to the local world of fashion and retail through frequent collaborative events. Specifically designed to showcase Oh Baby’s recently acquired lingerie collections from three contemporary British lines, the show takes the name “Our British Invasion.” Dirty Pretty Things is a new line that came out of the gates by nabbing the 2012 award for “New Designer of the Year” at the UK Lingerie Awards (that’s a thing); Lascivious has been around since LASCIVIOUS 2004 and is still actually produced in the UK; and Kriss Soonik, legend has it, is responsible at all. We wanted to celebrate having these for coining the term “loungerie.” (I don’t buy designers in the store. All three lines are it, personally, but her designs are gorgeous.) award winning, and [at] the cutting edge of Oh Baby Event Manager Chelsea Araycurrent lingerie fashion, and we are proud din—who, along with owner Laura Fitzpatto be among a select group of stores to carry rick and buyer Anna Jones, form the Oh Baby any of them. We wanted to have a party to triumvirate—took a moment to talk show our customers that we bring in about the upcoming show and just and exciting lines all the time, what it is about the British and Our British new and introduce Oh Baby to a new their knickers. Invasion group of people that don’t know MERCURY: Where did the idea The Space, 1030 NW who we are and what we do. for the show come from?

12th, Fri Dec 7, 6:30

What

distinguishes

lingerie

pm, $12, 21+ CHELSEA ARAYDIN: I reached design as being British? out to Delia [Tethong] and Holly In general, Britain has more fun with [Hoover] from Eyes + Edge a few weeks their lingerie. When people think of “classic” ago about the possibility of collaborating on lingerie it’s about a lace bra and panty set or an event together. Holly had shopped with a teddy. I think that sometimes people forget us before and once I saw the website launch that lingerie can be different and fashionable. and what their brand was doing it looked like In the past few years Britain has been experia good fit. I like the fact that Eyes + Edge is menting with lingerie, wearing it as outercatering to men and women, and it’s more of wear or for dressing up. Designers coming a “lifestyle” [publication] about what do in out of Britain are changing [which] materials Portland rather than [focusing] on one thing. they use and how it’s meant to be worn. We wanted to have a major launch for the British lines arriving while kicking off the holiday There are a huge number of retail events on season, and Eyes + Edge has connections to the calendar this month; so much so that we’ve throw a bigger bash than we could in the store. designated a special place on the internet for weekly updated schedules of all the trunk shows, Are all the lines being featured new to the pop-up shops, and sales you can handle. Look for Oh Baby repertoire? it on portlandmercury.com! All the lines are new to the shop (the Pacific

Northwest, even) and Dirty Pretty Things is just beginning to arrive in the United States

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Last Supper SUGAR YOUR OWN PLUMS My Wish List, or Tools for the DIY Gourmet by Chris Onstad

Grendelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Coffee f House Serving organic coffee

Y CHRISTMAS LIST has been the same my entire adult life: 12 pairs of matching black socks. My mother always throws in a few button-down shirts from the This Manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Done Breeding collection at Marshallsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need those. If I can harness the power of Christmas giving to get this one simple thing squared away for the year, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve won the game. Let the clapping man-children have their $200 wine openers and tasseled terrycloth shower shoes. This year, however, a monkey wrench was thrown into my normally peaceable holiday plans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We want you to write a five-item holiday wish list for your column,â&#x20AC;? my editor said last week. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to be hard,â&#x20AC;? I said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;unless you count 12 pairs of Goldtoe Milan Comfort Tops five things.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. Food- and drink-related, locally available. On my desk, Thursday,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Get thinking.â&#x20AC;? I mentally trawled the wealth of shops, cooks, and artisans Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d come to know this year. Bit by bit, useful gift ideas began to appear. Here are the best of the bunch, and while they canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ever be as satisfying as knowing youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have matching socks when you wake, they are fine things to play with once that basic human need is satisfied. 1) Vintnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Harvest Wine Starter Kit This kit has every piece of hardware you need to get your hands dirty with your own winemaking. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s far easier than trying to piece together stuff from Craigslist, and far less expensive than gathering equipment individually. With this kit, fruit and sugar, and about $10 of yeast and enzymes (available at F.H. Steinbart), a total novice can be making wine before he starts actually needing it for the day. F.H. Steinbart Co., 234 SE 12th, $109.95 2) Emerson Wine Cooler (for Repurposing) This isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t some poncey thing for wine. The temperature and humidity controls of a wine fridge make it an ideal environment for home charcuterie projects. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I absolutely recommend [a wine fridge] for anyone who is going to do home charcuterie,â&#x20AC;? says Eric Finley of Chop Butchery and Charcuterie. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perfect for the job. After your meat has gone through the fermenting or curing process, it should be set at 56 degrees and 70 percent humidity, which is what these machines do. Open the door every day for a half hour for fresh air, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re good to go.â&#x20AC;? Target, 9401 NE Cascades Parkway, starting at $89.99, depending on size

3) Portland Meat Collective Butchery Classes Intangible gifts donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t clutter the backs of drawers, waste no wrapping, and are not limited to â&#x20AC;&#x153;A Charitable Donation in Your Name Has Been Made to the Axis Deer Abatement Project of Outer Tomales Bay, California.â&#x20AC;? I recently took a pig-head butchery class from Camas Davis of the Portland Meat Collective [â&#x20AC;&#x153;Barnyard Butchery,â&#x20AC;? Food Issue, Nov 14], and the experience was enthralling. These small hands-on classes have students cutting, consulting on, and fabricating their own sausages, chops, roasts, and more. Long after the meat was gone I had a deeper appreciation for food, the butcherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s craft, and what â&#x20AC;&#x153;nose to tailâ&#x20AC;? means in real-world practice. Portland Meat Collective, pdxmeat.com, usually $125 and up, but includes meat, materials, and hors dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;oeuvres

8th & East Burnside

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4) Modernist Cuisine at Home by Nathan Myhrvold and Maxime Bilet This book is the far more practical and affordable follow-up to the landmark Modernist Cuisine: The Art and Science of Cooking, a six-volume set that lists at $625. If Alton Brown and Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Illustrated got together with Ferran AdriĂ , and then found unlimited money to blow through (author Nathan Myhrvold is a former Microsoft bigshot), the results would look something like this. An information-dense 456 pages, this 400-recipe book showcases stunning photography, scientifically backed techniques, and clever tips for wonking out in your home kitchen. RaciĂłn chef Anthony Cafiero says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s] perfect for the inventive home chef, with new techniques for old standards.â&#x20AC;? If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for a cookbook that actually means something to the recipient this year, leave Jamie Oliverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s latest dash-and-slop catalogue on the shelf; Modernist Cuisine at Home is it. Powellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, $98 5) Le Nez du Vin Le Nez du Vin is an educational set of numerically coded aroma vials. But wait! Before you run out and buy one, I should explain further. It focuses on aromas commonly found in wine, but its usefulness is hardly limited to geeking out on Gamay. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a useful tool for anyone interested in building a scent- and flavor-vocabulary: Our scent memories are filled with information, but naming a flavor in the absence of context often leaves a taster stymied. This kit helps you identify the flavors going on in anything youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re tasting, from mushroom to saffron to â&#x20AC;&#x153;cut hayâ&#x20AC;? (useful if you are a horse). Wine Aromas, winearomas.com, begins at $119 & up

Find restaurants, bars, and reader reviews at portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 49

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Film

Murder by Numbers

Hitchcock Congratulates You for Liking Hitchcock by Ned Lannamann

HITCHCOCK “Yes, yes! This will be the finest Fast and Furious film yet!”

H E M A K I N G O F Alfred Hitchcock’s classic 1960 horror film Psycho is fodder for Hitchcock, the new by-the-numbers biopic from director Sacha Gervasi (Anvil: The Story of Anvil). Making a movie about one of the Hitchcock most celebrated filmmakers of all time is a dangerous game, and while Hitchcock dir. Sacha Gervasi is competent—and occasionally even Opens Fri Dec 7 breezily entertaining—it mostly plays Fox Tower 10 like a cable TV movie. All the requisite historical plot points are trotted out— Hitchcock’s snapping up of every in-print copy of the Psycho novel to keep his movie’s ending a surprise; the quick-cut editing of the famous shower scene (we don’t see the chocolate syrup that was used as blood, sadly); the promotional stunts that prohibited anyone from entering the movie theater late. We also hit a few points that seem entirely invented, and just as many crucial bits that are hastily skimmed over. Anthony Hopkins has the droop and stockiness to play Hitch, and it’s fun to watch him bumble along in a fat suit, leering at starlets, slurping down alcohol and foie gras. He doesn’t nail Hitchcock’s precise diction or sly wit, but he works well opposite

VHS Gold

Playing for Creeps Soccer + Mommy Issues by Alison Hallett

PLAYING FOR KEEPS Starring that guy from 300, that terrible actress, and Adidas product placement.

HE MOST INTERESTING thing about white moppets with disturbingly hot moms, Playing for Keeps is trying to figure out and after George says, “Actually, kick with who the movie is for. Is it for lonely housewives the side of your foot!” they transform into a itching to nail Gerard Butler? Soccer fans des- monochromatic crew of winners, no training perate for validation that their little game of montage required. Hot moms, natch, pant with gratitude. “futball” is actually a real sport? Moviegoers hoping for a glimpse of Uma Thurman with Hollywood’s great at subtly (or, in this case, her top off? (Trick question, that’s everybody.) not so subtly) communicating the difference The only satisfactory answer is that this movie between women who are viable romantic is for adult children of broken homes who kind partners, and chicks who are just good for banging. In the latter category, Playing of blame their mothers. During his heyday, soccer star Playing offers a weepy Judy Greer (Kitty from George (Gerard Butler) got “more for Keeps Arrested Development)—too needy; a ass than a toilet”—which is a LOT dir. Gabriele Muccino competent, assertive Catherine Zeta-Jones—too aggressive; a cokedof ass. (Plus a lot of pooping ass, Opens Fri Dec 7 out Uma Thurman—slumming but whatever.) After an injury Various it! Uma, GTFO of this movie; and takes him out of the game for Theaters a dressed-down, jaundiced Jessica good (coulda been a star!), he lands Biel, whose sensible cheekbones make in suburban Virginia to be near his it clear from frame one that she’s the only ex-wife and 9-year-old son. Broke and living in a crappy guesthouse, he soon takes over as one capable of plunging George’s toilet heart. captain of his kid’s soccer team, after he sees TOO BAD SHE IS ENGAGED TO SOMEONE the old coach being all, “Kick with your toe! ELSE! Goodness, I wonder where this is goThis isn’t REAL football!” The Mighty Ducks this ing. Sorry your parents divorced, everybody, ain’t—the team is made up of interchangeable and remember—don’t kick with your toe.

Helen Mirren, who plays Hitchcock’s wife, Alma Reville—who was also the filmmaker’s uncredited collaborator, script editor, and assistant director. This is Reville’s story as much as Hitchcock’s, and what the film does best is demonstrate how essential she was not just to Psycho, but also to every movie Hitchcock made. Scarlett Johansson is admirably committed to playing Janet Leigh, despite having almost nothing to do except stand under a showerhead. Jessica Biel plays Psycho costar Vera Miles, who’d dropped out of Vertigo at the last minute, leaving Hitchcock feeling betrayed; he blames her for that film’s initially poor reception. (It feels like vast portions of that intriguing plotline were excised to focus on Hitchcock and Reville’s marital relations.) A clunky framing device in which Hitch interacts with Ed Gein, the serial killer who inspired Psycho, is the low point; the rest ticks along merrily and inconsequentially. As okay as everything is, though, I can’t quite shake the notion that, in place of a proper movie, Gervasi has made a 98-minute wink to Hitchcock lovers. The good news is that there are plenty of those. The bad news is that, during his lifetime, Alfred Hitchcock made roughly 50 feature films that are more interesting and entertaining than this. So why bother?

The Found Footage Festival Returns by Ned Lannamann

FOUND FOOTAGE FESTIVAL Dumpster divers extraordinaire.

ICK PRUEHER and Joe Pickett have spent years of their lives sifting through old VHS tapes, and their touring Found Footage Festival collects videos that are kitschy, strange, and just plain hilarious. With their newest show of impeccably curated VHS gold coming to town this week, I asked co-founder and host Prueher what keeps the fest vital—and funnier than ever.

ster and gave it to us. It seems to me that the longevity of the Found Footage Festival is because you guys genuinely love these videos and the oddballs who make them.

I totally agree. It really bothers me to see TV shows and websites where the guys are just snarky and dismissive of the footage. That gets old really fast. Sure, we are havFound ing some fun with the videos and MERCURY: How have you been Footage laughing at them, but we always able to keep finding these Festival ask ourselves if we’d be comfortlost treasures, particularly able showing them with the subwhen everything seems to get dirs. Various jects in the room. In every case so regurgitated online? Fri Dec 7-Sat Dec 8 far, the people we’ve tracked down NICK PRUEHER: We started the Laurelhurst and met have been flattered to be show before YouTube, so we weren’t Theater part of the show, or at least happy for really sure how it would affect us, but if the attention. anything we’ve found that it’s helped us out. There is such a glut of material out there onAny favorite Portland video-hunting line, most of it not worth watching, so I think spots? people appreciate the role of a curator to help We found the Sexy Treadmill Workout at the sort through the garbage and serve up just the Bins [the Goodwill outlet in Portland]. It’s one best stuff. And now that we’ve been doing it for of our all-time favorite video-finding spots in eight years or so, people actually donate footthe country because they don’t sort through age that they’ve found to this cause. In fact, anything. We’ve found home movies in VHS there’s a video in this new show that was given camcorders at the Bins. Last year, we found to us in Vancouver last year. It’s a masturbaabout a dozen tapes there labeled “Courtroom tion instructional tape called Hand Made Love Evidence.” We’re looking forward to spending and we thank our lucky stars every day that that saint in Vancouver dug it out of a dumpsome time there this weekend.

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 51

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H H “HH

DR. STRANGELOVE Pictured: The most reputable of Portland’s anti-fluoride crusaders.

apels l e h t ic.” u by s o s y a s l b c gra coyocrkkobserver h c t i h like raex reed, the new

28 HOTEL ROOMS A romance in which “two people wrestle with the intoxication of sex and the confusion of loving more than one person.” Also see every single Savage Love ever written. Living Room Theaters.

★ ANNA KARENINA Prediction: Joe Wright’s Anna Karenina is going to be the Speed Racer of literary adaptations—defended by nerds, derided by other nerds, and baffling to the public at large. It’s an audacious interpretation of Leo Tolstoy that’s overstuffed and overflowing with style. I can’t be sure that it’s a good movie—but I was so overwhelmed by its boldness that I can’t deny I kind of loved it. JAMIE S. RICH Bridgeport Village Stadium 18, Century Clackamas Town Center, Fox Tower 10. ★ BAD SANTA Hey, look! The one holiday movie that won’t put you to sleep or make you puke! Laurelhurst Theater.

BEAR CITY 2: THE PROPOSAL

A sequel to the “hirsute Sex and the City” that follows “the funny, romantic, and occasionally dramatic adventures of a group of bears and cubs in New York City.” Clinton Street Theater.

★ A BIT OF THE OLD ULTRA-KUBRICK:

FOUR DEFINITIVE FILMS BY STANLEY KUBRICK

See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 25. Cinema 21.

BLACK CHRISTMAS

The 1976 horror flick starring Margot Kidder. Hollywood Theatre.

CLOUD ATLAS

aca

y anthon

w in n er

hopkin

d ® w in n

ren len mir

a c a d em

wa r d d em y a

y aw a r

David Mitchell’s 2004 novel Cloud Atlas has long been considered unfilmable, and make no mistake: It still is. The new movie by the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer is very much an adaptation, borrowing the basic outline of Mitchell’s book to create something entirely its own. The film juggles six characters with six distinct storylines, set in time periods ranging from the 1830s to a distant, post-apocalyptic future. Given the audacity of its undertaking, Cloud Atlas is remarkably cohesive. Some storylines resonate more than others, but they’re all efficiently told. But for all the energy and flair this adaptation possesses, it’s so focused on pulling off the logistics of adapting Mitchell’s novel that there isn’t room for much depth. ALISON HALLETT Century Clackamas Town Center, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall 8.

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE

to n i

collett n o s s n oha s c a r le tt

a stuhlb l e i b huston danny

m ic h a el

Je s s ic a

Ja m es

rcy rg d’a

The online purveyors of found footage present their Holiday Special—an “abominable video collage of everyone’s least favorite time of year.” Hollywood Theatre.

FLIGHT A clumsy, preachy, feature-length infomercial for AA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

FOR ELLEN A family drama starring Paul Dano, Jena Malone, and Napoleon Dynamite. Clinton Street Theater.

★ THE FOUND FOOTAGE FESTIVAL See Film, this issue. Laurelhurst Theater.

GRACE PALEY: COLLECTED SHORTS A documentary about writer Grace Paley, screening on the 90th anniversary of Paley’s birth. Screening will also include select Portlanders reading Paley’s stories, essays, and poems. Clinton Street Theater.

PORTLAND_HCK_1202

THE HEALTHCARE MOVIE

exclusive engagement

starts Friday, december 7

52 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

PORTLAND Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10 (800) FANDANGO #327

A documentary about the difference between Canadian and American healthcare, narrated by Kiefer Sutherland.

JACK BAUER HAS NO NEED FOR HEALTHCARE; HE HEALS LIKE WOLVERINE. Clinton Street Theater.

HITCHCOCK

See review this issue. Fox Tower 10.

HOLY MOTORS A twisted French fantasy about a man who leads many parallel lives. Plot keywords include: monkey, accordion, penis, Kylie Minogue, and talking car. Not screened for critics. Fox Tower 10.

THE INVISIBLE RED THREAD A Canadian documentary in which a Chinese teenager— who was adopted as a baby by a Canadian couple— returns to China to see what her life could have been. Co-director in attendance via Skype. Clinton Street Theater.

JAPANESE CURRENTS The Northwest Film Center’s annual series of contemporary Japanese films. This week’s films include Shuichi Okita’s The Woodsman and the Rain, Amir Naderi’s Cut, various shorts (via the Sapporo Shorts Program), Atsushi Funahashi’s Nuclear Nation, and Yûya Ishii’s Mitsuko Delivers. More info: nwfilm.org. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

★ KILLING THEM SOFTLY The story of Killing Them Softly is timeless: Here are a bunch of guys struggling to get by, fighting back despair, and screwing each other over for money. While it’s based on George V. Higgins’ 1974 novel Cogan’s Trade, Killing Them Softly feels utterly contemporary—largely because writer/director Andrew Dominik has picked up Higgins’ story and plopped it down a few decades later. Now it plays out in the gray ruins of post-Katrina New Orleans, with a soundtrack of news stories about the 2008 financial crisis leaking from every TV and car radio. Suddenly, that bunch of guys struggling to get by, fighting back despair, and screwing each other over for money is part of a bigger story. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters. ★ KUNG FU THEATER A 35mm print of 1986’s Martial Arts of Shaolin, starring a young Jet Li! Hollywood Theatre. ★ A LATE QUARTET At the start of A Late Quartet, Christopher Walken’s character explains to a group of his cello students that Beethoven’s late quartet, Opus 131, is not the standard four movements but instead has seven parts and that you have to play them straight through with no breaks, which causes your instruments to go all out of tune with one another. “It’s a mess,” he says. It’s also a metaphor about how basic entropy affects togetherness. The togetherness, say, of a musical group that’s been playing together for 25 years when the oldest member finds he has Parkinson’s and can’t go on. Walken plays that character. Has he ever been the emotional center of a film before? It’s magical. For much of A Late Quartet, the camera follows the storm of the other characters’ drama—often, melodrama—until it finds a resting place once again on Walken’s alien face, quietly registering the effects of old age. JEN GRAVES Laurelhurst Theater. ★ THE LIFE AND DEATH OF

COLONEL BLIMP

Though buoyant entertainment through and through, this 1943 Powell & Pressburger movie smuggles a sturdy “war is hell” message in its titular hero’s walrus mustache. The Technicolor adaptation of David Low’s comic strips tracks a British career soldier through three wars. Fueled by the filmmakers’ usual visual panache and a tremendous performance from Roger Livesey, Colonel Blimp shows how youthful ideals can be overtaken

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY DECEMBER 7-THURSDAY DECEMBER 13, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

PORTLAND Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10 (800) FANDANGO #327

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BAD SANTA Is Bad Santa the best Santa, or is he the best Santa?

by the obsolescence of age, leading to a bittersweet finish that pays honest tribute to the men who answer when duty calls. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

★ LIFE OF PI Ang’s Lee’s overblown but nonetheless quite beautiful adaptation of Yann Martel’s 2001 novel of the same name. Like the novel, it’s a parable disguised as an adventure story; like the novel, some people will think it contains profound truths, and some will find it unbearably overwrought. Others—me!—will appreciate some of the best 3D we’ve seen to date, and enjoy the adventure despite its self-seriousness. ALISON HALLETT Various Theaters.

LINCOLN Oscar bait doesn’t get much more baiting than this: Steven Spielberg directing Daniel Day-Lewis with a Tony Kushner script about the final months of America’s most beloved, tragic president. By and large, Lincoln wanders many of the same paths Spielberg’s other Oscar bait-y films have taken—this one feels particularly like Amistad, though there’s some War Horse in here too. Lincoln is a generally well-made film, but it’s also one stitched together from Day-Lewis’ dramatic monologues and cinematographer Janusz Kaminski’s reverential sepia tones: Even when it tries to humanize Lincoln, it’s mostly just here to reaffirm what a Great Man he was and how he made some Very Important History. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

★ LOOPER Looper is “just” an action movie the same way Brick was “just” a noir, or The Brothers Bloom was “just” a heist flick: All three were written and directed by Rian Johnson, and with each, Johnson appropriates the skeleton of a genre, then fleshes it out in astonishingly clever ways. All you need to know to enjoy Looper is that actions have consequences—and Looper is an action movie. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Bagdad Theater, Edgefield, Joy Cinema & Pub, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater, Valley Theater, Vancouver Plaza 10.

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS Somehow RZA managed to make his very own kung fu movie, and it’s exactly like you’d expect: really, really enthusiastic, and really, really not very good. Weirdly drained of his charisma, RZA stars as “Blacksmith,” a... blacksmith who eventually makes himself some iron fists, which he then uses to punch the fuck out of people. Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe also show up, and there’s a lot of fighting between various clans, and a lot of callbacks to Shaw Brothers classics, and a lot of ridiculous wigs. It’s kind of fun and entirely incomprehensible, and the action is underwhelming. But still, good for RZA. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Portlander Cinema.

NICK PETERSON: FILMS NEW AND OLD Short films from Portland filmmaker Nick Peterson (yellow, Field Guide to November Days). Clinton Street Theater.

★ OLD GOATS The story of three old guys and their friendship. Britt lives on his tiny boat and is out of touch with modern life, Bob is full of energy and attitude and is a ladies’ man, and Dave is recently retired and spends his time “managing his retirement funds” (looking at internet porn). It’s refreshing to see older characters being active and having their own lives and opinions, and not just playing someone’s grandparent or having dementia. GILLIAN ANDERSON Living Room Theaters.

OOH LA LA: A HISTORY OF LINGERIE Film historian Dennis Nyback presents a collection of 16mm rarities that will “take the viewer from the prebrassiere days of 1910 to the dawn of pantyhose in the ’60s.” The Faux Museum.

PLAYING FOR KEEPS

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

ROLLED Filmmaker Whit Scott checks in on the covert toiletpapering society in Claremont, California, that he was part of in high school. Director in attendance. Alberta Rose Theatre.

★ SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN Detroit singer/songwriter Rodriguez released two obscure albums of introspective, Dylanesque agitprop-lite in 1970 and 1971, then promptly vanished. Documentary filmmaker Malik Bendjelloul picks up his thread in South Africa, where Rodriguez’s music has amassed a huge following over the decades—and where nobody knows a thing about the mysterious man behind the records. If this is the first you’ve heard of Rodriguez, you might choose to stop reading here, because the twist that Searching for Sugar Man reveals—while not a surprise to anyone who’s picked up the recent reissues of his albums on the Seattle-based Light in the Attic label—is handled brilliantly in the film. Even if you do know what happened next, Sugar Man is still one of the most intriguing and satisfying music documentaries in a good while. NED LANNAMANN Laurelhurst Theater. ★ SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS Martin McDonagh’s feverish story about a drunk screenwriter, Marty (Colin Farrell). And the probably insane Billy (Sam Rockwell). And a charming, doddering dog thief (charming, doddering Christopher Walken), and an Amish sociopath (Harry Dean Stanton), and an exceedingly troubled man with a bunny (Tom Waits), and a trigger-happy crime boss (Woody Harrelson). Things get a bit meta, and they get impressively bloody, and there might be one or two women in it? Briefly? There is definitely a dog in it. This isn’t a movie for everybody, but it’s well aware of that fact, and it’s a hell of a good time. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Hollywood Theatre, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Liberty Theatre, Mission Theater, Vancouver Plaza 10. ★ SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK As someone who’s skeptical of silver linings being an actual thing, so too was I skeptical of Silver Linings Playbook, the would-be feel-good holiday release from I Heart Huckabees director David O. Russell. Midway through the trailer, I half expected a voiceover to proclaim it was “from the producers of The Blind Side of the Help.” But while the path of this thing seems obvious, the film’s romance sneaks up on you: Russell disguises his love story by shooting Silver Linings Playbook with the same visceral immediacy he brought to The Fighter, cloaking the courtship in the manic energy of mental disorders. JAMIE S. RICH Bridgeport Village Stadium 18, Century Clackamas Town Center, Fox Tower 10.

SOUND, SOUND, SOUND, SOUND, SCREEN! Cinema Project’s final program of the season is an Andrew Ritchey-curated, two-night program featuring “recent work by Robert Todd and Sarah RaRa and the belated Portland premiere of Larry Gottheim’s masterwork of image-sound analysis, Four Shadows.” More info: cinemaproject.org. YU Contemporary.

WAITING FOR LIGHTNING A 90-minute documentary about pro skateboarder Danny Way that would’ve been far more powerful had it been cut down to an hour. Way undeniably has experienced an interesting life thus far—losing his biological father in a freak prison death, suffering a drug addict mom, and fighting to become accepted in the skateboarding world—but the meat of this documentary is his attempt to jump the Great Wall of China. When that attempt is made, you will quite possibly squirm out of your seat from anxiety—but unfortunately, the wait is too long and the joys of grainy ’80s skateboarding footage are too few and far between. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY Living Room Theaters.

WHITE CHRISTMAS Do something nice for once take your grandmother to a Bing Crosby movie, you ungrateful jackass. Hollywood Theatre.

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY DECEMBER 7-THURSDAY DECEMBER 13, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 53

Yulia Gorodinski

“A sensual but delicate coming-of-age tale.” – San Francisco Chronicle

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an epic journey. an4.75" impossible THe birTH oF a legend. X 3.5" dream. THUR 12/6 PORTLAND MERCURY

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Bid on over 25 gorgeous prints of the most beloved Mercury cover artists from the past 12 years!

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SAMUEL GOLDWYN FILMS PRESENTS IN ASSOCIATION WITH DC SHOESMUSICA BANDITO BROTHERSMUSICFILM “WAITING FOR LIGHTNING” STARRING DANNY WAY FEATURING TRAVIS PASTRANA LAIRD HAMILTON RODNEY MULLEN ATE CREATIVE ASSISTANT MAT HOFFMAN KEN BLOCKEXECUTIVEROB DYRDEK TONY HAWK COMPOSED BY NATHAN FURST SUPERVISOR RUDY CHUNG ASSOCI PRODUCER PAM “ZAM” ZAMOSCIANYK CINEMATOGRAPHER MICHAEL SVITAK DIRECTOR YOGI PROCTOR EDITOR ROMMEL MENDOZA PRODUCED BY MAX LEITMAN DARRYL FRANKLIN JACOB ROSENBERG HANA RIPPERGER-SUHLER EDITOR CAROL MARTORI PRODUCERS MICHAEL MAILIS RAY IBE JAY POLLAK SCOTT WAUGH MOUSE MCCOY WRITTEN DIRECTED BY BRET ANTHONY JOHNSTON BY JACOB ROSENBERG DANGEROUS SPORTS ACTION, SOME LANGUAGE AND THEMATIC MATERIAL INVOLVING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

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Film Times

LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY-THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7 — 13 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED.

Downtown The Faux Museum 139 NW 2nd, 206-218-3984

Ooh La La: A History of Lingerie Sat 8

Fox Tower 10

846 SW Park, 800-326-3264

Anna Karenina Fri-Sun 11:45 am, 2:05, 4:45, 7, 7:45, 9:40 Cloud Atlas Fri-Sun 9:15 Hitchcock Fri-Sun 2, 4:15, 7:15, 9:20 Holy Motors Fri-Sun 12, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:45 Lincoln Fri-Sun 12:20, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:45, 9:35 The Perks of Being a Wallflower Fri-Sun 2:25, 4:40, 10

The Sessions Fri-Sun 12:05, 2:20, 4:35, 7:10 Silver Linings Playbook Fri-Sun 12, 1:50, 2:30, 4:20, 5, 7:05, 7:30, 9:55

Living Room Theaters 341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005

28 Hotel Rooms Fri-Thurs 11:30, 3:20, 5:20, 7:30, 10:05 Argo Fri 12, 2:40, 4:15, 6:50, 7:40, 9:20; Sat-Wed 12, 1:45, 2:40, 4:15, 6:50, 7:40, 9:20; Thurs 12, 2:40, 4:15, 6:50, 7:40, 9:20 The Flat Fri-Thurs 1:15 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 12:20, 2:30, 4:45, 5:25, 7, 9:10 Old Goats Fri-Sat 12:30, 2:45, 4:50, 7:15, 9:25; Sun 12:50, 2:45, 4:50, 7:15, 9:25; Mon 12:30, 2:45, 4:50, 7:15, 9:25; Tues 4:50, 7:15, 9:25; Wed-Thurs 12:30, 2:45, 4:50, 7:15, 9:25 The Other Son Fri 9:20; Sat-Wed 11:35, 9:20; Thurs 9:20 Waiting for Lightning Fri-Thurs 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:40, 8:45

Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

Safety Not Guaranteed Sat-Sun 1:15 Searching for Sugar Man Fri 6:45; Sat-Sun 2, 4:40, 6:45; Mon-Thurs 6:45

Seven Psychopaths Fri-Sun 4:30, 9:10; Mon-Thurs 9:10

Lloyd Center 10 Cinema 1510 NE Multnomah, 800-326-3264

Argo Fri 12:30, 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Sat 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Sun-Wed 12:30, 3:45, 6:40, 9:35; Thurs 12:30, 3:45, 6:40

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 11:59 pm The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey IMAX 3D Thurs 11:59 pm

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 11:59 pm Killing Them Softly Fri-Wed 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:35, 10:10; Thurs 12:05, 2:25, 4:45, 7:05, 9:25 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Wed 12:20, 3:30, 6:30, 9:45; Thurs 12, 2:50, 5:45, 8:40 Lincoln Fri-Wed 11:55 am, 3:20, 6:50, 10:15; Thurs 11:55 am, 3:20, 6:50, 9:35 The Lord of the Rings Marathon Sat 11:15 am Playing for Keeps Fri-Wed 11:50 am, 2:30, 5:10, 7:50, 10:25; Thurs 11:50 am, 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Wed 12, 2:25, 4:50, 7:25, 9:55; Thurs 1, 3:30, 6:05, 8:25 Skyfall Fri-Wed 1:20, 4:45, 8:05; Thurs 1:20, 4:40, 7:50 Skyfall IMAX Fri-Wed 12:40, 4, 7:15, 10:30; Thurs 12:40, 4, 7:15 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Wed 12:50, 3:55, 7, 10; Thurs 12:15, 2:55, 5:35, 8:15 Wreck-It Ralph Fri 1, 3:40, 7:05, 9:50; Sun 1, 3:40, 7:05, 9:50; Mon 1, 3:40; Tues-Wed 1, 3:40, 7:05, 9:50; Thurs 12:50, 3:25, 6, 8:35

Roseway Theater 7229 NE Sandy, 282-2898

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 11:59 pm Skyfall Fri-Thurs 1, 4:30, 8

Southeast

1219 SW Park, 221-1156

Japanese Currents See nwfilm.org for showtimes The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Fri 7

Pioneer Place Stadium 6

Academy Theater

340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264

7818 SE Stark, 252-0500

Flight Fri-Wed 12:40, 4:20, 7:45 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 11:59 pm Life of Pi 3D Fri-Wed 12:30, 3:45, 7:20, 10:30 Playing for Keeps Fri-Wed 12:50, 4:30, 7:30, 10:10 Skyfall Fri-Wed 12, 3:15, 6:45, 10:20 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Tues

Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri-Thurs 6, 8 Brave Sat-Sun 11:45 Frankenweenie Fri 4:05; Sat-Sun 12:10, 4:05; Mon-

12:15, 3:30, 7, 10; Wed 12:15, 3:30, 6:30, 10

Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Tues 4:10, 9:50; Wed 3, 9:50 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Tues 1, 7:05; Wed 12:05

Northeast Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055

Rolled Wed 7:30 (director in attendance) Super Fly Tues 7:30

Hollywood Theatre 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215

Black Christmas Fri-Thurs 9:30 Chasing Ice Fri 7; Sat 3, 5:15, 7; Sun 3, 5:15, 7, 9:10; Mon-Thurs 7

Everything Is Terrible Mon 7 In Search of Blind Joe Death: The Saga of John Fahey Fri 7:30 Kung Fu Theater Tues 7 Seven Psychopaths Fri 9; Sat 5, 9; Sun 6:45, 9; MonTues 9; Wed 6:45, 9; Thurs 9 White Christmas Fri 7:15; Sat-Sun 2:45, 7:15; MonThurs 7:15

Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474

Beasts of the Southern Wild Sat-Sun 12:30; TuesThurs 2:30

Frankenweenie Fri-Mon 3 Pitch Perfect Fri-Mon 5:30; Wed-Thurs 5:30 Seven Psychopaths Fri-Mon 9:45; Wed-Thurs 9:45 Taken 2 Fri-Thurs 7:50

Laurelhurst Theater 2735 E Burnside, 232-5511

Bad Santa Sun-Thurs 9:30 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 7; Sat-Sun 1:45, 7; Mon-Thurs 7

The Found Footage Festival Fri-Sat 7:30, 9:40 Frankenweenie Sat-Sun 1:30 A Late Quartet Fri-Sun 4:15, 7:10; Mon-Thurs 7:10 Looper Fri-Sun 4, 8:45; Mon-Thurs 8:45 The Man With the Iron Fists Fri-Sat 9:25; Sun-Thurs 9:40

Thurs 4:05 Looper Fri 4:30, 7; Sat-Sun 12, 4:30, 7; Mon-Thurs 4:30, 7 The Man With the Iron Fists Fri-Thurs 2:05, 10 Seven Psychopaths Fri-Sat 2:40, 5, 7:30, 9:45; Sun 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thurs 2:40, 5, 7:30, 9:45 Taken 2 Fri-Thurs 2:30, 9:30

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555

Fargo Sat 10:15; Sun 6, 8:25 Frankenweenie Fri 5:15; Sat 2, 5:15; Mon-Thurs 6 Looper Sat 7:30; Mon-Thurs 8:15

Century Eastport 16

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY A boy and his computer.

Cinemagic

2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 11:59 pm Skyfall Fri 5:30, 8:30; Sat-Sun 2:40, 5:30, 8:30; MonThurs 5:30, 8:30

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899

Bear City 2: The Proposal Fri 7:30; Sat 6:30, 9:30; Sun 7:30

For Ellen Thurs 7:30 Grace Paley: Collected Shorts Tues 7 The Healthcare Movie Mon 7 The Invisible Red Thread Sun 5 Nick Peterson: Films New and Old Wed 8 Repo! The Genetic Opera Fri 11:30 pm Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11:30 pm

YU Contemporary

800 SE 10th Ave, 236-7996

Sound, Sound, Sound, Sound, Screen! Tues-Wed 7:30

North The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 11:59 pm Skyfall Fri 5, 8:25; Sat-Sun 2:10, 5, 8:25; Mon-Thurs 5, 8:25 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri 5:30, 7:55; Sat-Sun 3:10, 5:30, 7:55; Mon-Thurs 5:30, 7:55

2001: A Space Odyssey Fri 7; Sat 12:45; Sun 7:45;

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 11:59 pm Home Alone Wed 2, 7 Killing Them Softly Fri-Thurs 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:40, 10:15

Life of Pi Fri-Thurs 1:30, 7:35 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Thurs 12, 3, 4:35, 6:05, 9, 10:30 Lincoln Fri-Sun 11:10 am, 12:05, 2:25, 3:35, 5:40, 7, 9:10, 10:20; Mon-Thurs 12:05, 2:25, 3:35, 5:40, 7, 9:10, 10:20 The Lord of the Rings Marathon Sat-Sun 11 am Playing for Keeps Fri-Sun 11 am, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10; Mon-Thurs 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10 Red Dawn Fri-Thurs 12:15, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:10 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Thurs 7:25, 10 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Sun 11:30 am, 2:05, 4:50; Mon-Thurs 2:05, 4:50 Skyfall Fri 11 am, 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Sat-Sun 11 am, 12:20, 3:40, 4:40, 6:55, 10:05; Mon-Tues 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Wed 12:20, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05; Thurs 12:20, 2:10, 3:40, 5:25, 6:55, 8:50, 10:05 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri 11:05 am, 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25; SatSun 12:25, 2:10, 3:15, 6:05, 7:50, 8:55; Mon-Tues 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25; Wed 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 6:05, 8:55, 10:25; Thurs 12:25, 1:50, 3:15, 4:40, 6:05, 7:30, 8:55, 10:25 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Sun 11:05 am, 1:40, 4:25, 7:10, 9:50; Mon-Thurs 1:40, 4:25, 7:10, 9:50

Anna Karenina Fri-Wed 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 10:10 Argo Fri-Wed 11:10 am, 2, 4:50, 7:40, 10:35 Cloud Atlas Fri-Wed 12:45, 4:30, 8:15 End of Watch Fri-Wed 11:20 am, 1:55, 4:30, 7:05, 9:45 Flight Fri-Wed 7:05, 10:20 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 12:01 am

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 12:01 am Home Alone Wed 2, 7 Killing Them Softly Fri-Wed 12:05, 2:40, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15 Life of Pi Fri 11:25 am, 5:25; Sat-Sun 2:25, 8:30; Mon-

Northwest

The Collection Fri-Thurs 12:30, 2:40, 4:55, 7:20, 9:45 End of Watch Fri-Sun 11:30 am, 2:15, 5, 7:45, 10:30; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 11:59

12000 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

8704 N Lombard, 286-1768

4040 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

Mon-Thurs 2:15, 5, 7:45, 10:30 Flight Fri-Thurs 12:10, 3:25, 6:40, 9:55

Century Clackamas Town Center

St. Johns Twin Cinemas

Cinema 21

Killing Them Softly Fri-Wed 11:15 am, 1:45, 4:20, 7:35, 10:15 Life of Pi Fri-Tues 3, 7:15; Wed 3 Life of Pi 3D Fri-Wed 11 am, 11:50 am, 2, 5, 7:55, 10:05, 10:55 Lincoln Fri-Wed 11:05 am, 12:10, 2:30, 4:25, 6:30, 7:50, 10:25 The Lord of the Rings Marathon Sat 11:15 am Playing for Keeps Fri-Wed 12:15, 2:40, 5:10, 7:45, 10:40 Red Dawn Fri-Wed 11:30 am, 1:50, 4:35, 7:05, 10:30 Rise of the Guardians Fri-Wed 11:45 am, 2:15, 4:50, 7:20 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Wed 9:55 Silver Linings Playbook Fri 11:10 am, 1:55, 4:45, 6:25, 9:30; Sat 11:10 am, 1:55, 4:45, 6:25, 9:50; SunWed 11:10 am, 1:55, 4:45, 6:25, 9:30 Skyfall Fri-Wed 12, 3:30, 7, 10 Skyfall IMAX Fri-Wed 1, 4:15, 7:30, 10:35 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri-Wed 11:55 am, 2:55, 7:10, 10:20 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Wed 11:25 am, 2:05, 4:40, 7:25, 10:10

616 NW 21st, 223-4515

Tues 4; Wed 9:40; Thurs 7

Barry Lyndon Sat 3:30; Sun 4:15; Mon 3:30; Thurs 3:30 A Clockwork Orange Fri 9:45; Sat 7; Sun 1:30; Mon 8:55; Tues-Wed 7

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb Fri 5; Sat 9:40; Mon 7; Tues 9:40; Wed 5; Thurs 9:40

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527

Looper Fri 5:30; Mon 5:30 Seven Psychopaths Fri 8, 10:15; Sun 10; Mon 8, 10:15

Elsewhere Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 7329 SW Bridgeport Rd., Tigard, 800-326-3264

Anna Karenina Fri-Wed 12:05, 3:15, 6:40, 9:50 Argo Fri 11:20 am, 2:50, 6:45, 9:40; Sat 2:50, 6:45, 9:40; Sun-Wed 11:20 am, 2:50, 6:45, 9:40

The Collection Fri 11:40 am, 2:10, 4:30, 7:40, 10:45; Sat 11:40 am, 10:45; Sun-Wed 11:40 am, 2:10, 4:30, 7:40, 10:45 End of Watch Fri 12:20, 3:10, 6:55, 10:50; Sat 3:10, 6:55; Sun-Wed 12:20, 3:10, 6:55, 10:50 Flight Fri-Wed 11:35 am, 3:05, 6:20, 9:35 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 3D Thurs 11:59 pm

Wed 11:25 am, 5:25 Life of Pi 3D Fri 1, 4, 7, 10:05; Sat 10 am, 11:25 am, 1, 4, 5:25, 7, 10:05; Sun 11:25 am, 1, 4, 5:25, 7, 10:05; MonWed 1, 4, 7, 10:05 Lincoln Fri 11 am, 12, 2:20, 3:30, 5:40, 7, 9:05, 10:20; Sat-Sun 11 am, 12, 3:30, 5:40, 7, 10:20; Mon-Wed 11 am, 12, 2:20, 3:30, 5:40, 7, 9:05, 10:20 The Lord of the Rings Marathon Sat-Sun 11 am Playing for Keeps Fri-Wed 11:30 am, 2:10, 4:45, 7:25, 10:05 Red Dawn Fri 12:35, 3:05, 5:35, 8:05, 10:35; Sat 10:05 am, 12:35, 3:05, 5:35, 8:05, 10:35; Sun-Wed 12:35, 3:05, 5:35, 8:05, 10:35 Rise of the Guardians Fri 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30; Sat 10 am, 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30; Sun-Wed 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8, 10:30 Rise of the Guardians 3D Fri-Wed 11:10 am, 1:45, 4:15 Silver Linings Playbook Fri-Wed 11 am, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:25 Skyfall Fri 11:15 am, 12:40, 2:30, 4, 5:50, 7:20, 9:10, 10:30; Sat-Sun 12:40, 2:30, 4, 7:20, 9:10, 10:30; MonTues 11:15 am, 12:40, 2:30, 4, 5:50, 7:20, 9:10, 10:30; Wed 11:15 am, 12:40, 2:30, 4, 5:50, 9:10, 10:30 Talaash Fri-Wed 12:10, 3:25, 6:40, 9:50 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Fri 11:05 am, 12:25, 1:55, 3:20, 4:45, 6:10, 7:35, 9, 10:25; Sat 11:05 am, 1:55, 3:20, 4:45, 6:10, 7:35, 9, 10:25; Sun-Tues 11:05 am, 12:25, 1:55, 3:20, 4:45, 6:10, 7:35, 9, 10:25; Wed 11:05 am, 12:25, 3:20, 6:10, 7:35, 9, 10:25 Wreck-It Ralph Fri-Wed 11:05 am, 4:25, 10 Wreck-It Ralph 3D Fri-Wed 1:45, 7:15

Film Times are updated daily at

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey IMAX 3D Thurs 11:59 pm

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Thurs 11:59 pm

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 55

Savage Love by Dan Savage

Poly-Clamorous

ometimes I kick the proverbial hornet’s nest intentionally—“bullshit in the Bible,” for instance—and sometimes I kick the hornet’s nest accidentally. I honestly didn’t expect the outraged response I got after I wrote that poly wasn’t a sexual identity in the “sexual orientation” sense of the term. Some people identify as poly, of course, just as some people identify as, say, dominant or submissive. While I recognize that poly (or D/s) can be central to someone’s sexual identity, I’ve never viewed it as a sexual orientation and I didn’t think this was a controversial point of view. Many poly people disagree. I’ve received a ton of impassioned emails from polyamorous readers, most of whom see themselves as poly-oriented, not just poly-identified. And while some seem confused—I’ve never denied the existence of polyamorous people, I never said that people couldn’t or shouldn’t identify as polyamorous—I’m turning the rest of this week’s column over to the polyoutraged.

Sex

people can be innately one or the other. My husband and I decided to have a three-way. My husband could barely keep his dick hard when fucking our third. He couldn’t get into it until I got involved directly, and even then it didn’t really do much for him. (Believe me, our third was any straight guy’s dream. The only reason he wasn’t into that is because he’s really only into me.) When he’s in love with someone, all he wants is that person. He’s very one-person-and-one-person-only oriented. In contrast, although he satisfies me and I love him, I want other partners. I feel that I’m polyamorous innately. I feel I am wired to be like this. I didn’t choose it. Likewise, my husband couldn’t choose to be polyamorous. He can practice polyamory, and he has for my sake, but naturally he’s a monogamous person. I appreciate that you advocate nonmonogamy. I credit you with helping to save my marriage. We married as virgins and were clueless about sex. But my husband and I have a great sex life—and I’m free to pursue people on the side—because we read your column. I Am How I Am

’ v e b e e n p o l y all my life, since well before I knew there was such a possibility. As far back as grade school, I’ve generally had a crush on more than one boy/guy/man, and as an adult, I can’t imagine a life where I’m limited to one man, even though I love my husband deeply. When I was with someone before I knew about polyamory, I’d cheat. I wouldn’t want to, but sooner or later I’d meet someone else and fall in love so hard that I had to be with the other person, too. I hated cheating. I hated dishonesty. I hated myself. Reading Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy’s book The Ethical Slut changed my life. I finally understood the person I had been my whole life. I’m poly. I’m not monogamous and I can’t choose to be monogamous. I will always have the capacity to love more than one person and the incapacity to keep myself from falling in love with others—the way you will always have the capacity to love men romantically and no capacity to love women. It’s a choice whether I act on that capacity, just like it’s a choice whether you act on your attraction to men, but it’s not a choice whether I fall in love with more than one person at a time. Some people might just flirt with the lifestyle, but some of us are built to love more than one person at a time. Poly of Long Years

etero/poly guy here. I’m part of a live-in quad, and we all raise our kids together, so I’m pretty far down the polyamory rabbit hole. FigJOE NEWTON ured I’d add my two cents to the discussion. I don’t think that polyamory can really be defined as an “orientation,” because that’s an improper way to describe what polyamory is. I can still be attracted to monogamous people, and being poly doesn’t change or alter that fact. I do, however, think that polyamory— or, by contrast, monogamy—can be defined as a sexual identity, and that’s where I think your advice to PP went astray. Consider: A gay man can be attracted to a straight man, correct? Similarly, I can be attracted to people who identify as monogamous. But that attraction doesn’t separate individuals from their identity. Gay men tend to date other gay men and would generally be advised not to go chasing after straight men. In the same way, I try my best to stick to other people who identify as poly. Poly is very much an identity, Dan, and poly people form communities around that identity. We face some unique challenges (how do you raise kids in this environment? How do you balance time between partners?), while some other life challenges are made easier (four parents make getting kids to soccer easier). I’m not saying that we need to add a “P” to LGBTQQIA, but I don’t think we can just be written off, either. Poly Identified Emailer

o e n s h r i n e t h e homosexuality/heterosexuality spectrum as the one sexual motivator around which individuals can choose an identity seems strange to me. I’m a hetero-identified man, but I could be in a homosexual relationship if a situation forced me to choose a partner from outside of my preferred sexual-gender-orientation. (Jail, for example.) It wouldn’t change how I identify, but it would change the relationship I’m in. However, the fact that closeted homosexual men operate in hetero relationships and fuck their wives, or hetero guys fuck other hetero guys in jail or submarines doesn’t make the identities of gay and straight any less valid. Thinking Straight

b e l i e v e s e x u a l i t y exists on spectrums. Not just one spectrum from gay to straight with bi in the middle, but several spectrums. One spectrum is how sexual you are, from those with little to no sex drive to people who have very active sex drives. There is also, perhaps, a spectrum from monogamous to polyamorous. You say that monogamy and polyamory are things people do, not things people are. However, I feel some

’m a bisexual, polyamorous 24-year-old woman. From the very first time I was faced with a cute boy who wanted to date me, I knew that I couldn’t be in a closed/exclusive relationship. I knew it as instinctively as I knew that I found women attractive as well as men. I had never heard of open relationships or polyamory. I was a virgin, so it wasn’t about sex. I didn’t have anyone else on the horizon and I really liked the boy, so it wasn’t about keeping my options open. And yet I knew—I knew—that I couldn’t agree to be his girlfriend without the freedom to date, flirt, sleep with, and love other people. Six years later, I started dating someone I think might turn out to be the love of my life. He’s a match for me intellectually, sexually, and emotionally. We make each other so happy, it’s silly. Even so, even in the best relationship I can possibly imagine, I know monogamy is not for me. Incredibly, he feels the same way. Maybe there are very few people like me—I think most people fall somewhere in the middle, with probably more oriented toward monogamy than not—but poly people like me exist. Poly Like Me mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. 56 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

I❤ TV

™

by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

A Very Doomsday Christmas

S WE ALL KNOW by now, on the 21st day of this month, the Mayan calendar supposedly predicts that a gigantic cataclysmic event will take place that will probably result in the destruction of the planet and all human life. This is awesome for the following reasons: (1) I’m too lazy to do my Christmas shopping. (2) I won’t have to take down my Christmas lights. (3) All the people from other religions who make me feel guilty about celebrating Christmas will be dead. And (4) no more Walmarts. Naturally, this Mayan endof-the-world thingy has some downsides as well: (1) No sex toy Christmas gifts from random fanatical readers. (2) I still have to put up Christmas lights. (3) The end of the world will probably knock out my cable TV for at least a week or two. And (4) that big round stone Mayan calendar in my living room will now be useless. HOWEVER! While the pros definitely outweigh the cons—did I mention no postapocalypse nagging from lonely relatives?— I figure there’s got to be a way or two to either forestall the Mayan end of the world or stop it completely. For example… human sacrifice! Study any history book, and you’ll quickly learn that Mayans were totes hot and heavy for human and animal sacrifice. Bad corn crop that year? Drop a virgin in a volcano! Dedicating a newly built temple? Carve the heart out of a child and drain the blood into a bowl to offer up to the gods! You know. THE YOOZSH. Now before we choose which human we’re going to sacrifice, I have one thing to say: NOT IT!! (Ha, ha, haaaaa!!! You gotta get up purrrretty early in the morning to outsmart Humpy-doodle-doo!) Besides, I’m nothing

JEREMY EATON

close to a virgin. And who decided that gods want sacrificed virgins anyway? If you want to stop the end of the world, I think we should sacrifice someone that the gods WANT to see sacrificed—and in a way they want to see it. For example, I think the gods would be super psyched to see dickbag Republican leader Grover Norquist blindfolded and dropped naked into a giant barrel of elephant squirts. That alone should buy us at least five more years on earth. Or how about sacrificing Donald Trump by making him live inside a medical waste dumpster for three weeks? And then tossing him into a volcano? (That last part would be just for our own amusement.) WHATEVER! You guys think about who you wanna sacrifice and how you wanna do it. In the meantime, I’m going to watch the original Syfy movie (which means it’s sure to be terrible) 12 Disasters of Christmas (Saturday, December 8, 9 pm), which promises to be an exact depiction of what will happen when the Mayan calendar runs out! Expect squirting volcanoes, crashing planes, house-collapsing earthquakes, freaky tornadoes, Christmas light electrocutions, and a partridge in a pear tree. (The partridge is carrying an airborne virus that will turn anyone he looks at into a brain-chomping zombie. Oh, and don’t eat the pears either… he pooped on them.)

The upside of the end of the world!

Twitter! The only thing working after the apocalypse! @WmSteveHumphrey

This Week on Television WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 5

8:00 CW ARROW Oliver trains the Huntress to be his sidekick—but maybe she’d like it better if he were the sidekick? 10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY Yay! Santa Claus visits Briarcliff! Wait… what’s he doing with that ax?

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 6

9:00 HBO IN VOGUE: THE EDITOR’S EYE A chronicle of 120 years of the most fashioniest fashion magazine ever! 9:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Ron introduces his new girlfriend to ex-wife Tammy Two—and surprise! The poop hits the fan!

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7

9:00 SPIKE VGA 10 Coverage of the Video Game Awards—which I wish were hosted by Donkey Kong.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8

9:00 CBS THE FLIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS An animated story about a reindeer who wants to fly, but is crippled by vertigo.

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE This week hosted by Jamie Foxx with musical guest Ne-Yo!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 9

10:00 HIST BAMAZON Debut! Hillbilly construction workers from Alabama search for gold in the Amazon? Okay, now these shows are just getting cruel. 11:45 TOON ROBOT CHICKEN A very special Robot Chicken Christmas special where very bad/funny things will happen.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10

9:00 NBC TAKE IT ALL Debut! A new game show based on your office’s white elephant gift exchange, brought to you by Howie Mandel who ruins everything.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 11

8:00 ABC SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN Hands down the best stop-motion creepy wooden puppet holiday special EVARRRRR! 8:00 FOX RAISING HOPE Virginia prepares for the Mayan-prophesized end of the world by stocking up on coupons. Good idea!

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 57

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58 portlandmercury.com December 5th, 2012

Gossip

News

Feature

Picks

IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS

Music

Arts

Food

Fashion

Film

Sex

Fun Fun

Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com

by Ian Karmel

O A BUNCH of my fellow Port-

MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE

Tony Millionaire’s work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com

DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH

2) The Blogs Who Will Make This land Mercury editors (I edit the Blazers Season Bearable rarely printed “Rigmarole” sec- It’s becoming clear that this season is tion of the paper, home to such going to be maddeningly inconsistent. The fictional articles as “I Lost My Phone and emergence of Damian Lillard and Meyers Leonard will intoxicate you, even as 15 Other Lies About Why I Didn’t s for You the dismal bench and frustrating Save Your Number,” “What the t f i front office also will intoxicate Fuck Is Broasting?” and, of you, but like when you take course, the Pulitzer Prizemushrooms when you’re mentioning, “If Whitney sad. Luckily, Portland has Houston Was from Newa small group of bloggers ark Then Why Didn’t She who take these lemons and Go by Whitney Newark then throw them away and and Save Us All a Bunch of write insightful, funny content Time and Embarrassment?— about our basketball team. Get An Exposé.”) have put together to your internet and check out Blazer’s their lists of five gifts they’d like for Edge, Portland Roundball Society, A you to buy them (see pg. 11). I’m not gonna do that. Instead, local Young Sabonis, and especially Ben Gollivdufus Ian Karmel is going to recommend er, Sean Highkin, and Dane Carbaugh, three local gifts that you can give your who you can follow on Twitter. Speaking own damn self—because I love you. of basketball, does anyone else think Rick While you’re enjoying them, think of me, Adelman looks a little bit like Hitler? Look, it’s not Rick’s fault that he looks like Hitler. but don’t text ’cause I lost my phone. There are only so many ways people can look, and some of us are gonna look more 1) Ivizia I know I already covered the strip-club like Hitler than others. I look like a fatter experience in Portland pretty extensively, Artie Lange—you think I’m happy? I know it’s cliché to mention how banging they are, I know the fact that I’m talk- 3) The Fried Pickles at Fire on the ing about another stripper pushes me Mountain dangerously closer to becoming Luther They’re so good you won’t give a fuck Campbell BUT YOU HAVE TO SEE how loud that dude’s banjo is. Plus, Elvis THIS! One of Ivizia's routines involved liked fried pickles. I think I heard that once. roller skates, a Jesus puppet, and a Even if it’s not true, it seems like the kind of song from Jesus Christ Superstar that thing Elvis would’ve been into, right? I feel I would probably know the name of if I like that’s the real tragedy of Elvis’ untimely hadn’t been so busy getting poon in death. He’d probably peaked musically, high school (“poon” is the name of the but with his money, hunger, and lack of currency in the MMORPG I played). As shame, he really could have revolutionized a comedian, you get a little bit jaded to the world of fried novelties. Rest in peace, comedy, but this was one of the funni- you sweet, fat hillbilly. Oh, but yeah, try est things I’ve ever seen—and yeah, I those fucking pickles. They come with this had a boner, but it’s only because her sauce that’s probably mostly mayonnaise, routine was so funny that my dick was but let’s just not look into that and instead also trying to laugh. Check her out at live in the glorious suffocating comfort of @IanKarmel ignorance. flamesofmirth.com. Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com

YOUR ANONYMOUS RANTS FROM THE MERCURY ’S I, ANONYMOUS BLOG ILLUSTRATED BY KALAH ALLEN

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER My wife doesn’t know that I watch you, and my kids don’t know. Nobody knows. I watch you from my window at night, and I’ve been doing so for almost a year now. There’s only one window between our two apartment buildings, and I discovered it the very first week we moved in. You are so lovely, and I can’t take my eyes/mind off of you. I see you watch TV with your boyfriend, I see you two eat dinner, walk around, hug and kiss. It’s lovely. One time, I swear you saw me, and my heart skipped a beat. I wanted you to see me. I wanted this charade to be over, for I think I’m in love with you. I know it’s stupid to say, I know this. I masturbate to you sometimes, and I admit that I’m ashamed of it. I can’t help it though. For the love of god, I can’t stop watching you. I’m becoming obsessed, I guess, but it just feels right. I don’t know anything anymore… all I do know is that you are just so lovely. How can it be a crime to love a woman you’ve never met? Am I a sicko?—Anonymous

UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.

December 5th, 2012 portlandmercury.com 59

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