Positive Thinking: How to Get Started

By Maggie Allen

Positive thinking was not something that ever came naturally to me. Or self-love, for that matter. Growing up, I was frequently plagued with self- doubt and overbearing internal criticism. I sought validation from everyone but myself, and several people were all too happy to reinforce my low opinion of myself.

So what turned this around? A number of things, but the first wa s to identify what kinds of negative thoughts I was having. Having a name for our experiences can be surprisingly powerful, because lang uage is a major agent that affects the way we think.

What flavor is your negative thinking?

Negative thoughts are like ice cream; they come in several different flavors. Maybe you are a catastrophizer, meaning that anything negative around you can quickl y become a world -ending tragedy , in a way that seems deceptively logical. For example, you’re running late to work one morning, and you stressfully conclude that your boss will be angry, you will lose your job, and you might not be able to get another one. How will you pay your bills? Will you have to starve?

Or maybe everything has to fall into one of two categories: success or failure. You ate a brownie at breakfast this morning, which obviously means that your diet is shot, and there’s no point in trying to be good for the rest of the day. Maybe you shouldn’t even bother trying to eat healthy at all.

Or maybe you feel stressed and tired all the time and take that as a sign that there is no way to move forward. The fact that you feel so overwhelmed mean s it must be true, and if it is, what can you really do about it?

There are many more patterns like these, but they all have at least one thing in common: they are traps designed to paralyze you in self- loathing and pity. They play on your insecurities and fears, about yourself, about life, about the things you can and can’t control.

But while they can be debilitating and discouraging, you can jump the hurdle .

Be mindful of your thoughts

Sun Tzu once said, “ If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” In this case, the enemy and the self may be one and the same, but surely you know yourself better than anyone, right?

Well, there is always more to learn. No man leaves this world knowing everything there is to know about it, or even himself.

I am a vocal advocate for therapy, but there may be times when it is too expensive or difficult to maintain. While there is no true substitute for a licensed professional, at the very least, consider journaling. Keep a book and pen on hand and write down the kinds of thoughts you experience. It can be very cathartic by itself, but you can also keep track of all sorts of things: when the thoughts occur, the severity, how long they persist, what effects, etc.

Perhaps most importantly, you can list and monitor possible triggers. Most ideas don’t come out of nowhere, and if you can successfully identify encounters, ideas, conversation, or objects that spark or contribute to the negativity, you can begin either removing or minimizing them in your everyday life. If nothing else, you are better prepared for them when they occur again.

Challenge your inner critic

According to the philosopher Simon Critchley, the human mind can be split into two entities: the experienced self and the ideal self. The ideal self is the little voice that sometimes acts as our moral conscience, or the feelings of “should” and “should not” that frequently guide ou r choices.

The ideal self can be a tool of betterment, but it can also be one of self-destruction. As with my example earlier, it can also be fed negativity by outside sources, repackaging it as your own words, or just the bitter, “keeping it 100”.

But just because something is harsh doesn’t mean it is true. There is a difference between realism and pessimism. Falling short of your personal or professional goals doesn’t inherently make you a bad person. Everyone struggles, and it’s usually indicative of some change or adjustment that needs to be made.

Keep track of the harsh voices in your head and try to discern fact and opinion. You’d be surprised how much opinion is masquerading as fact. Is the thought

helping you, or just making you feel worse? If i t helps, think of yourself as your best friend, or even your child . Would you talk to them this way, and if not, why not? What is preventing you from loving and respecting yourself, the way you would someone else?

If you can respect and lift up other people, you are definitely capable of doing that for yourself. And the more confidence you gain, the less you will ultimately be shaken or knocked down by others.

Make a conscious effort towards positivity

Watch your thoughts, until it becomes a habit. Your current thoughts might be so prevalent that they seem second - nature , so you will need to be vigilant and consciously fight back as much as possible. No good comes from self- loathing, so correct your ideal self, firmly but kindly, and steer it towards more positive motivations.

In addition, take care of yourself. Sleeping well, eating well, and exercising regularly will improve your outlook and general thought processes, but so too will taking time for yourself and the things you enjoy. Remember, this is what your “friend” deserves.

This may be challenging for a while, but there is some wisdom to the expression, “Fake it ‘ til you make it.” Treat yourself as worthy, even if you don’t always feel like it.

Photo by Willow Wood

Other good habits that contribute: trying to focus on positive happenings, and the ways in which you excel. Write them d own in your journal to keep yourself grounded and encouraged. Practice expressing gratitude for the good things in your life and being more forgiving of mistakes and difficulties.

If you just can’t do this alone, you shouldn’t have to. Surround yourself with positive people in healthy, mutual, fulfilling relationships. Ask them to challenge you and hold you accountable. If they can’t, or you need more support, seek out local and online communities of those with similar goals.

If thoughts persist or seem like too much to bear with alone, consider seeing a therapist, or exploring options with medication. Whatever you do, don’t sit quietly in darkness and despair.