Fatherhood Issue Be #1 in Making Food Choices for Your Kids Support for Rebuilding Families Nevada State Resources
In This Issue Fatherhood Issue June 2019 Letter from the Executive Director
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Word of the month
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Nevada State Resources
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Fatherhood Programs Assist in Rebuilding Connections
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Nutrition – Be #1
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Support for Children with Incarcerated Parents (and Their Parents Too)
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What’s new
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Cover image by Image by Silvia Trigo from Pexels
Letter from the Executive Director Last month, we highlighted motherhood in honor of Mother’s Day. In June, we want to highlight fatherhood in time for Father’s Day on June 16th. Whether we are girls or boys, children need their fathers. We want this issue to highlight the impact that daddies have on who we are and who we become. Although women are the fastest growing prison population, men make up the majority of prisoners – currently and historically – and there are many programs that help men learn the skills to become better fathers after incarceration. We highlight some of those programs in this issue. We have to be patient when building and rebuilding bonds with our children. In this issue, we offer advice on how to take on this task that can be overwhelming, yet worth all of the effort. We hope you enjoy this issue. Sincerely, Porche Proffit
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Masthead and Contributors Editor-in-Chief, Porche Proffit Editor, Ericka Foster
Contributors Writer, Maggie Allen Nutrition and dietician Isabella Dos Santos
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re¡build build (something) again after it has been damaged or destroyed My father used to say that it's never too late to do anything you wanted to do. And he said, 'You never know what you can accomplish until you try.' Michael Jordan
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Nevada State Services Hope for Prisoners: Transforming Lives hopeforprisoners.org/ Hope for Prisoners provides training programs for men and women re-entering society. The program offers training in leadership, financial literacy, job training, and technology training. Las Vegas Urban League lvul.org/ The Urban League is a national organization that empowers individuals in urban communities. The Financial Empowerment Center provides vocational, financial, and service training. My Journey Home myjourneyhomenv.org/ This nonprofit has two programs – FAFPI is a support group for friends and family of inmates. T.R.I.P. is the transitional re-integration program, which is a network of exfelons to assist those re-integrating to readjust and obtain the resources they need. Nevada Cure nevadacure.org Nevada Cure is a support and advocacy group that helps former inmates and their families cope with the effects of incarceration. Nevada Partners nevadapartners.org Nevada Partners is a community development organization that provides workforce development resources. They also have a housing partnership to assist with purchasing and maintaining a home.
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Ridge House www.ridgehouse.org/ For 30 years, Ridge House has been a resource center for individuals re-entering society. The program offers workforce training, mental health resources, and substance abuse support. United Way of Southern Nevada uwsn.org/ The United Way has a legacy of assisting communities with the resources required to thrive. The United Way of Southern Nevada offers assistance to parents, workforce support and food assistance. Foundation for an Independent Tomorrow lasvegasfit.org/re-entry-initiative-program/ Foundation for an Independent Tomorrow offers several programs to help individuals get back on their feet, including men and women reentering society. This program focuses on job preparedness skills, along with case management. WestCare westcare.com/page/where-we-serve_NV_01a With facilities in more than 18 locations across the country, Westcare provides community services in Nevada. The Community Involvement Center - Las Vegas Campus offers reentry services. Contact the center at 702-385-3330.
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Fatherhood Programs Assist in Rebuilding Connections By Maggie Allen How do you reconnect with someone who has left you behind? It’s a hard question to answer, especially for young children who cannot completely understand their situation. As in cases of divorce, many end up blaming themselves for something that was out of their control, or they become angry with the person they believe has failed them. And can you blame them? Their entire world has fallen apart.
Without the assurance and support of the incarcerated parent, this massing guilt, uncertainty, and frustration could follow them for life. What began as the struggle of one person can have ripple effects for his children, and even their children afterward. It turns out that reentry may have effects across as many as three generations. The process of honestly, earnestly rebuilding relationships is mutually beneficial for parents and children. According to Dr. Bruce Western, who conducted a research project in June 2018 called the Boston Reentry Study, “Our main finding was that formerlyincarcerated parents had regular contact with their children if they lived in a stable private household (often with their own mothers or grandmothers).� 7
Western and his study co-author pinpointed three areas that contributed the most to a strengthened family structure: stable housing; complex and supportive family ties (prior to and during incarceration); and the discontinuation of drug use and crime once released. But what more can be done? How do you sail the choppy seas of a child’s emotional turmoil, especially when dealing with demons of your own? The good news is that you don’t have to go it alone. Depending on where you live, there are programs ready and able to offer assistance. The South Carolina Center for Fathers and Families, offers six fatherhood programs in twelve communities across the state, while also promoting and lobbying for “father-friendly” policies and practices. As a faith-based organization, the South Carolina Center for Fathers and Families has a mission to erase society’s negative views of unmarried, low-income fathers, particularly those who have been incarcerated. One of their success stories is Sidney, who came to the Upstate Fatherhood Coalition (UFC) not really knowing what to expect. Up to this point, he had not taken very good care of himself, his self-esteem was very low, and at least one of his partner-child relationships was seriously lacking. But after Sidney enrolled in the program and began to attend job readiness, parenting and healthy relationship classes, he gained part-time employment at Red Lobster, and then a second position with Diamond Detail. This offered him full-time hours and a much higher salary, allowing him the time and financial stability to play a bigger part in his children’s lives. While it can feel like your time, energy, and attention are getting pulled in all directions, taking a genuine interest in your families and children, and committing to living as your best self, can help take back control of your life. Another organization is the Fathers’ Support Center of St. Louis, Missouri (FSC), whose main program, the Responsible Fathership Project, puts men into a six-week, full-day classroom and roundtable discussion setting to learn about different styles of parenting. The organization’s goal is to “to break the cycle of poverty, child neglect and abuse, and welfare dependence by educating and preparing fathers to become responsible parents with the financial stability to support their children materially and the parenting skills to support them emotionally and developmentally.”
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It’s a holistic approach, with curriculum topics including parenting, financial literacy, one-on-one mentoring, employment opportunities, career certification resources and family bonding experiences. FSC also has a youth program for children and young adults ages 13-21, offering guidance for how to be a positive role model in school and society at large. One of the graduates of the program, Howard, eventually went on to be hired by FSC itself, as a full-time career advisor and facilitator. “Every day I come to work, it’s a blessing. I get to help fathers become better versions of themselves for their children.” Mending family bonds is not easy, but it has the amazing ability to heal years of separation, isolation, and hurt, for all parties who are open to it. It is especially important for men, who often face mockery for showing their struggles and emotions. Honest vulnerability, when nurtured, shared, and supported, can lead to unshakable bonds that last a lifetime. And in this short life, don’t we all deserve that? Fatherhood Programs Across the Country
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PB &J Family Services (NM)
Arkansas Voices for the Children Left Behind
Family Connections Centers (NH)
Lutheran Social Services of South Dakota
The Osborne Association (NY)
The Fathers, Families and Children’s Program, St. Augustine Park Slope (NY)
| People for People, Inc. (PA)
Friends Outside in Los Angeles County (FOLA)
The RIDGE Project (OH)
Be # 1 Dads are not #2 parent. They are as important as mothers in child’s development. By Isabella Dos Santos More and more we see fathers embracing the role of parents and participating in activities that “historically” they were not part of, and we love it! We are definitely not in the times where mom is the one in charge of child´s bathing, clothing, food, education, bed time and so on, and if you still know an “oldfashioned” dad tell him to board the fatherhood revolution. Nutritionally wise, the commitment of both parents towards a healthy and nourishing environment at home (and outside) will help children embrace better and long-lasting eating habits. Even from before, the nutritional status of the father, not only the mother, plays a key role in the development of the embryo and fetal programming (which occurs during the period in which tissues and organs are being formed). This means that unhealthy habits in the father (even when the mother is healthy) can affect the baby and pre-dispose a child to have chronic diseases later in life. Here are some key points to keep in mind in the diet of healthy men: 10
Fruits and vegetables 2-3 times a day (remember to check what is on season). Replace ultra-processed carbs (bagels, juices, chips, pastries, sugary cereals) with whole-grain bread, rolled oats, barley, rice, amaranth or quinoa.
Lower the meat consumption, and try to embrace a 1 or 2 vegetarian days (or meals) per week. Get cooking, dad! Plant-based protein can be a great alternative for some of your meals. Some ideas are recipes with beans, lentils, tempeh and tofu, pairing them with some rice or quinoa and tons of vegetables. Boost the consumption of healthy fats, such as olive oil (virgin to cook and extra-virgin for salad dressing), nuts, avocado, chia, hemp seeds and flax seeds. Keep added sugar to the minimum! Check blood pressure often. Get moving! Be an example of active adult to your kids. Unfortunately, nowadays technology is stealing park time of our kids… help us get it back! To end, I would like to propose to you to practice mindful eating with your kids: eating should not be a mechanical activity, but rather a moment to recharge our body and mind. Not multitasking, listening to your body (and stop eating when full), sharing eating time, eating healthy food, slowing down and thinking where our food comes from are some practices you and your family can apply.
Passing this message to our kids and explaining them that food supplies the energy and nutrients for every single thought and movement in our life can help them develop a healthy relationship with food. This is a duty of both parents, and standing united in how you want to deliver this message to them is the best way to win the badge of TOP nutritious family.
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Support for Children with Incarcerated Parents (and Their Parents Too) By Ericka Foster In a 2017 article in Teen Vogue, Soros Justice Fellow Ebony Underwood explains, “When you incarcerate an individual, you incarcerate a whole family”. Loss of a loved one to incarceration has financial and emotional effects on the entire family, including children who are still learning about the world and how to process their feelings. According to a 2016 Anne E. Casey Foundation report, approximately 5.1 million children have experienced parental incarceration – at least one of their parents has been incarcerated. Also according to the report, compared to their white peers, African-American children are seven times more like to have a parent incarcerated, and Latino kids are over two times more likely to have a parent incarcerated. In any circumstance, raising a child is hard work. Even two children who grow up in the same house can have different experiences and become completely opposite adults. Parents of incarcerated children face a specific set of challenges. When parents are involuntarily separated from their children, the effect on those children can include lower grades, behavioral issues, and emotional issues. Additionally, the circumstances around the incarceration – interpersonal and domestic violence, drug abuse – add an additional layer of complexity to these children’s experiences. Although there is no exact way to rebuild a relationship with a child upon reentering society, parents have resources to help. Sesame Street and other children’s books With smaller children it is important to help the child understand what incarceration is and to answer the question where did daddy go? Sesame Street has a series of 12
resources that can help young children understand incarceration. There are books for all ages that help young people understand incarceration, violence, involuntary separation and addiction. Therapy and support groups For smaller children, play therapy can help them process what is going on. Play therapy is a lot like it sounds – therapists use techniques to help children process their feelings through play. Filial play therapy is when family members are trained in techniques to that therapists use for play therapy. You can learn more about free and low-cost mental health resources from re-entry programs and local social service departments.
Of course, there’s no one-size fits all for parenting, especially if you have been incarcerated. But most guides offer similar advice to get started: Take an interest in your child’s development, schoolwork and hobbies.
Respect your child’s caregiver. Older children and teenagers might have somewhat of an idea of what incarceration is. Be honest and vulnerable. They may even have memories of what Learn more here. happened before their parent was incarcerated or the effect that it has had on their lives. In addition to the “growing pains” that we all experience, they may be also processing feelings of anger, abandonment, fear, and resentment that smaller children can have – plus puberty. With chapters in Alabama, Georgia, and Michigan, Skip, Inc provides modular programs that can be implemented in schools, community centers, and other organizations that help children cope with having an incarcerated parent. POPS the Club is a school club that allows teens with incarcerated parents to share their experiences among their peers. The program focuses on the four pillars of dignity, empowerment, community, and voice. Parenting classes Parents need support too. Many re-entry programs offer parenting classes for fathers. The Fatherhood Initiative’s InsideOut Dad and Parenting Inside Out are just two programs that provide tools for better parenting. These classes can provide instruction on anger management, teaching responsibility or being vulnerable with your children.
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Next month’s issue Next month we address education. We will also highlight Texas resources
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