Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You - NYTimes

Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You - NYTimes.com

HOME PAGE

TODAY'S PAPER

VIDEO

MOST POPULAR

19/03/11 22.56

Up to 60% off IHT home delivery

TIMES TOPICS

Welcome, henningsen...

Log Out

Help

TimesPeople

Search All NYTimes.com

Fashion & Style WORLD

U.S.

N.Y. / REGION

BUSINESS

TECHNOLOGY

FASHION & STYLE

SCIENCE

DINING & WINE

HEALTH

SPORTS

HOME & GARDEN

OPINION

ARTS

STYLE

WEDDINGS/CELEBRATIONS

CULTURAL STUDIES

TRAVEL

JOBS

REAL ESTATE

T MAGAZINE

Latest in My Network

Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You

AUTOS

What’s This?

Kristian Steenfeldt Petersen RECOMMENDED

Consumer Prices on Most Goods Expected to Rise in 2011

Published: March 18, 2011

(Page 2 of 2)

RECOMMEND

Phone call appointments have become common in the workplace.

Without them, there’s no guarantee your call will be returned. “Only people I’ve ruthlessly hounded call me back,” said Mary Roach, author of “Packing for Mars.” Writers and others who work alone can find the silence isolating. “But if I called my editor and agent every time I wanted to chat, I think they’d say, ‘Oh no, Mary Roach is calling again.’ So I’ve pulled back, just like everyone else.”

TWITTER COMMENTS (241) E-MAIL

Karin Kalda RECOMMENDED

Search Optimization and Its Dirty Little Secrets Kresten Schultz Jørgensen RECOMMENDED

Book Review - The Net Delusion - By Evgeny Morozov POPULAR NOW

U.S. Missiles Strike Libyan Air Defense Targets

PRINT SINGLE PAGE REPRINTS SHARE

Readers' Comments "I ... am not interested in receiving messages that resemble the lyrics to a Prince song, wt r u doing b4 lunch?

Uh, no thanks."

Lynn in DC, DC Read Full Comment » Post a Comment »

Whereas people once received and made calls with friends on a regular basis, we now coordinate such events via e-mail or text. When college roommates used to call (at least two reunions ago), I would welcome their vaguely familiar voices. Now, were one of them to call on a Tuesday evening, my first reaction would be alarm. Phone calls from anyone other than immediate family tend to signal bad news.

Receiving calls on the cellphone can be a particular annoyance. First, there’s the assumption that you’re carrying the thing at all times. For those in homes with stairs, the cellphone siren can send a person scrambling up and down flights of steps in desperate pursuit. Having the cellphone in hand doesn’t necessarily lessen the burden. After all, someone might actually be using the phone: someone who is in the middle of scrolling through a Facebook photo album. Someone who is playing Cut the Rope. Someone who is in the process of painstakingly touchtapping an important e-mail.

For the most part, assiduous commenting on a friend’s Facebook updates and periodically e-mailing promises to “catch up by phone soon” substitute for actual conversation. With friends who merit face time, arrangements are carried out via electronic transmission. “We do everything by text and e-mail,” said Laurie David, a Hollywood producer and author. “It would be strange at this point to try figuring all that out by phone.”

Global Update Sign up for a summary of the day's top stories from around the globe, delivered at the start of the European morning. See Sample

henningsen@empower.dk

MOST E-MAILED

21

Of course, immediate family members still phone occasionally. “It’s useful for catching up on parenting issues with your ex-husband,” said Ms. David, who used to be married to Larry David, the star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” “Sometimes when you don’t want to type it all, it’s just easier to talk.”

But even sons, husbands and daughters don’t always want to chat. In our text-heavy world, mothers report yearning for the sound of their teenage and adult children’s voices. “I’m sort of missing the phone,” said Lisa Birnbach, author of “True Prep” and

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/fashion/20Cultural.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=homepage&src=me

articles in the past month

RECOMMENDED FOR YOU

povlhenningsen All Recommendations

1. Security Firm Is Vague on Its Compromised Devices 2. Pornography Sites Will Be Allowed to Use .XXX Addresses 3.

OFF THE CHARTS

A Shift in the Balance of Debt Obligations 4.

WEALTH MATTERS

As Remodeling Rebounds, Caveats for the Homeowner 5. David Rumelhart Dies at 68; Created Computer Simulations of Perception 6.

OP-ED COLUMNIST

Social Science Palooza II Side 1 af 3

Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You - NYTimes.com

19/03/11 22.56

Social Science Palooza II

mother of three teenagers. “It’s warmer and more honest.”

7. Palin’s Successors (Republicans Too) Seek to Dismantle Her Energy Legacy

That said, her landline “has become a kind of vestigial part of my house like the intercom buttons once used in my prewar building to contact the ‘servants quarters.’ ” When the phone rings, 9 times out of 10, it’s her mother.

8. Camden Mayor Plans to Rehire Police Officers and Firefighters

There are holdouts. Radhika Jones, an assistant managing editor at Time magazine, still has a core group of friends she talks to by phone. “I’ve always been a big phone hound,” she said. “My parents can tell you about the days before call waiting.” Yet even she has slipped into new habits: Voice mails from her husband may not get listened to until end of day. Phone messages are returned by e-mail. “At least you’re responding!”

But heaven forbid you actually have to listen — especially to voice mail. The standard “let the audience know this person is a loser” scene in movies where the forlorn heroine returns from a night of cat-sitting to an answering machine that bleats “you have no messages” would cause confusion with contemporary viewers. Who doesn’t heave a huge sigh of relief to find there’s no voice mail? Is it worth punching in a protracted series of codes and passwords to listen to some three-hour-old voice say, “call me” when you could glance at caller ID and return the call — or better yet, e-mail back instead?

9. A Faded Industrial Town Is Feeling Britain’s Cuts 10.

Q&A

How Fast is Netflix?

PRESENTED BY

Go to Your Recommendations » What’s This? | Don’t Show

Many people don’t even know how their voice mail works. “I’ve lost that skill,” Ms. Birnbach said.

“I have no idea how to check it,” Ms. David admitted. “I can stay in a hotel for three days with that little red light blinking and never listen. I figure, if someone needs to reach me, they’ll e-mail.”

“I don’t check these messages often,” intoned a discouraging recorded voice, urging callers to try e-mail. And this is the voice-mail recording of Claude S. Fischer, author of a book on the history of the telephone and more recently, “Still Connected: Family and Friends in America Since 1970.”

“When the telephone first appeared, there were all kinds of etiquette issues over whom to call and who should answer and how,” Dr. Fischer, a sociology professor at the University of California, Berkeley, told me when finally reached by phone. Among the upper classes, for example, it was thought that the butler should answer calls. For a long time, inviting a person to dinner by telephone was beyond the pale; later, the rules softened and it was O.K. to call to ask someone to lunch.

Telephones were first sold exclusively for business purposes and only later as a kind of practical device for the home. Husbands could phone wives when traveling on business, and wives could order their groceries delivered. Almost immediately, however, people began using the telephone for social interactions. “The phone companies tried to stop that for about 30 years because it was considered improper usage,” Dr. Fischer said.

We may be returning to the phone’s original intentions — and impact. “I can tell you exactly the last time someone picked up the phone when I called,” Mary Roach said. “It was two months ago and I said: ‘Whoa! You answered your phone!’ It was a P.R. person.

She said, ‘Yeah, I like to answer the phone.’ ” Both were startled to be voice-to-voice with another unknown, unseen human being. « PREVIOUS PAGE

1

Officials in Scotland Try to Avoid Tuition Increases ALSO IN EDUCATION »

Find a Sponsor to Pay for That M.B.A. Italy Makes an Exchange

ADVERTISEMENTS

Subscribe to the IHT and enjoy daily delivery to your door

Join the conversation - follow the IHT on Facebook

Ads by Google

what's this?

Free Security Webinar Learn How Cloud & Mobility Trends Threaten Your Business & What To Do

www.BarracudaNetworks.com/Webcast

2

A version of this article appeared in print on March 20, 2011, on page ST1 of the New York edition.

COMMENTS (241) E-MAIL PRINT SINGLE PAGE

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/fashion/20Cultural.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=homepage&src=me

Side 2 af 3

Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You - NYTimes.com

19/03/11 22.56 REPRINTS

Get the IHT delivered daily.

Ads by Google

what's this?

Abonnér på magasinet Q Få 2 nr. af Q og Marguerit ørestikker. Kun 59.95 + porto

Q.responseffekt.dk Get Free E-mail Alerts on These Topics Telephones and Telecommunications Customs, Etiquette and Manners Text Messaging Electronic Mail

INSIDE NYTIMES.COM U.S. »

REAL ESTATE »

OPINION »

FASHION & STYLE »

OPINION »

TRAVEL »

The Sidekick No More

Disunion: Divorce, Antebellum Style

37 Asian Odysseys

Bloggingheads: Daniels and the Right

Another Role for Buses in Civil Rights History Home

World

U.S.

Is Mitch Daniels being unfairly attacked by conservatives for advocating a “truce” on social issues?

Lively Neighborhood Essential N.Y. / Region

© 2011 The New York Times Company

Business Privacy

Technology

Your Ad Choices

Science

Health

Terms of Service

Sports

Opinion

Terms of Sale

Arts

Style

Corrections

Travel RSS

Jobs Help

Real Estate

Contact Us

Autos

Work for Us

Site Map Advertise

MORE IN FASHION & STYLE (4 OF 35 ARTICLE

Virtual Visitation Rights Read More »

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/fashion/20Cultural.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=homepage&src=me

Side 3 af 3