Walking in the door can be hard – but it’s a relief

BY AN ANONYMOUS MEMBER OF AL-ANON

Anonymity is one of the corner stones of our fellowship and the thoughts that follow are from some of the members of our local group.

I came to Al-Anon as a last resort. I didn’t know it at the time but I was taking Step 1 “admitting” I was powerless over the effects of alcohol – my life had become unmanageable. After attending my first meeting I felt a huge relief – I wasn’t crazy and I wasn’t alone – I belonged.

Someone encouraged me to come to Al-Anon and even though I felt that it wasn’t right for me I checked it out all the same. I thought I didn’t belong, but I stayed because I felt so much better after that first meeting.

I couldn’t explain it but I kept coming back and now I’m glad I did.

We are a group of people similarly affected by someone’s alcohol problem. We don’t talk about our difficulties in detail and we respect the anonymity of the alcoholic. We listen and share our experience strength and hope, using the 12 steps as a template for respectful, functional, and balanced living. I love the program and the slogans: “keep coming back”, “take what you like and leave the rest.” I feel grateful for the support, connection and encouragement that I get at our weekly meeting.

Here are some of the stories shared by our anonymous members:

“Family life with an alcoholic wife was a constant struggle amidst the bickering and arguments,” said one member of our group. “Meals were seldom prepared and I struggled to make sure there was cereal and milk, so the children would have breakfast and sandwich bread and meat for them to make lunches. I always made it look normal, but it was chaos. Al- Anon provided me with an understanding that I was facing the disease of alcoholism. I was not able to cure the disease, but over time I learned to cope and stop reacting and trying to change my spouse.”

Another member recalled, “I grew up in a large family whose priority was religious obligations. I was fearful, insecure and lonely. The one person who I felt drawn to was my uncle who never judged or scolded. I later came to see that this generous playful man was an alcoholic. I wanted a man like him! Needless to say, I found one. After 25 years of high drama, I let him go. I was advised to go to Al-Anon but I didn’t think I needed it, until the disease showed up again in my extended family. That was eight years ago and I am so grateful to have the structure and acceptance of the program for me to regain my trust in myself, others and my higher power.”

“I wanted a close intimate relationship but we were both children of alcoholics and our relationship was struggling,” said one member. “I walked into the doors of Al-Anon angry and frustrated, wanting to fix my partner. It took years to realize that I was there for my own benefit. Now, 10 years later our relationship is healthier and I attribute that to the blessings of the Al-Anon program. I continue to grow in awareness and acceptance”

“Growing up with an alcoholic father can really make you crazy. I knew about Al-Anon from my mom who was an active member for 40 years. I saw how it changed her life for the better. Recently, I came to realize how much I needed it. I like the way it helps me recognize crazy thinking. I like Step 2 of the 12 steps: ‘Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.’”

I have come full circle from despair to peace and serenity. I continue to attend meetings for friendship and fellowship and to help others affected by alcoholism. Practicing the 12 steps in my life has given me a spiritual awakening; a gift of being happy, joyous and free. A life based on forgiveness, tolerance and love for others. I am forever grateful to have found Al-Anon.

Could Al-Anon help you get through the holidays?

For more information please call Bill at 604-483-9031.

And read Isabelle Southcott’s Last Word article this issue, “The holidays can be brutal for the families of alcoholics,” about finding Al-Anon when she most needed it.