12 minute read
ANITA DUCKWORTH-BRADSHAW
7 STEPS TO LETTING GO OF PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT NO LONGER SERVE YOUR PURPOSE
- ANITA DUCKWORTH-BRADSHAW
Advertisement
Often times we hold unto things and people for longer than necessary. Just because we have become familiar with such people or things, we become afraid to let go of them even if they are limiting our potential. This behaviour in turn prevents us from moving to a higher level of personal development and successes. Most times it requires a mental shift for the change we are looking for to take place. These things and people that we hold unto instead of letting go, becomes toxic to our system.
I have discovered that the longer we hold unto such belief, the more desperate we become to save such relationship with things or people. We build a wall of defence filled with excuses telling ourselves reasons why we should hold unto them for much longer. We keeping telling ourselves that everything is ‘ok’ but on the contrary, it is ‘not ok’. This behaviour is often exhibited by women. In my little journey of life, I have experienced the ups and downs of life storms and challenges. In all of this, I have built a mindset of a ‘warrior’. Life has taught me to navigate my ship (thinking and action) towards what ‘serves me’ the most.
I have experienced poverty, hate, bulling, rejection, relationship breakdown, death of loved ones, debt, homelessness, fear, lack, shame, discouragement and betrayal. In all of this, I refused to give up on my dream to do, have and become more. Some people reading this book might say: ‘Lady Anita you won’t understand’. Yes! I might not understand because our life experiences are different, and the way we each handle situations are totally and completely different. In saying that, you have to decide what works best for you at each point in time, and discover the best possible ways of dealing with such situations.
It’s very easy to ask someone to let go of people and things that no longer serve them. it is much harder to convince such individual to totally and completely rid themselves of such ‘baggage’. I call them baggage because anything holding you back from moving forward is a weight. They come in various forms and sizes. They come in form of people (love relationship, friendship, colleague, business partners, family members etc). they also come in sizes (familiar territory, cars, houses, shoes, clothes, accessories, bank account, luxury, a place of comfort etc). you may have to identify the area of your life that is holding you back.
Here are some quick questions to guide you towards letting go: 1. By holding unto this person, of what benefit is this act to me? 2. What is this person doing to my personal growth? 3. What is this person doing to my health? 4. What is this person doing to my finances? 5. What is this person doing to my Spiritual growth? 6. What is this person making me become? 7. By staying in this relationship, what would become of me in the next 1 year, 3 years and 5 years?
The beauty of letting go of someone or things is the opportunity it creates for ‘the new’ to come into your life. Let’s look at the scenario of a closet filled with clothes, the more we take out those extras we no longer need, we create room for better styled and more trendy fashion into our closet. There is pain in selecting those clothes, shoes, bags and accessories we no longer need, but there comes a sense of freedom once we take those clothes out to the charity shop or give them away to those who need them. we discover space and clarity in the process. It even brings healing to our mind. In other words, the more we hold unto people and things that no longer serve us, the more we wrap ourselves in unpleasantness. Just like we tell ourselves that we still need those clothes, which when we tell ourselves the truth, it becomes obvious that we don’t really need them. that is the same way we lie to ourselves in order to hang unto things and people because we are afraid to see them go.
Now is the time for you to do the needful. Search your Soul and tell yourself the truth. That person who causes you more pain, that person who puts you down in front of others, that person who sees you as a burden rather than a blessing, that friend who only contact you when they need your help, those associates who only come to you when they want to pick your brain, that person who tolerate your presence instead of celebrating your brilliance, that person who rather give others the opportunity rather than pass them to you, that person who leaves you high and dry each time they come around you, that person who discourages you from pursuing your dream, that person who would rather take someone else to the party instead of you etc….the list is endless.
These people are all ‘destiny destroyers’. You need to detox yourself from such relationship. What do you do if you find yourself in such situations? If you find yourself in the above-mentioned situations, you just have to go on the mission of ‘DE-CLUTTERING’. De-clutter your circle of influence and association. Yes! The same way we de-clutter our closet could be used to ride ourselves of people that no longer serve our purpose. The only difference is that you have to place them in the order of importance.
Here are a few ways to declutter: 1. Limited association - unlike our clothes which we can give away without the hope of getting them back (we don’t really need them back), people are different. When we are able to place them in the order of importance, it becomes a lot easier to manage their effects on our emotion. You have to decide where to place each person in your board of importance. Once upon a time I was that girl who tried so hard to keep relationship with people who devalued her. I was once that girl who would travel over four hours to be with people who only tolerated my presence. I was once that girl who thought it was ok to be looked down upon by those who at that time thought to be better than me. I was once that girl who would make room to accommodate people who only need her for their own benefit.
Now! I am that woman who thrust people out of her field of purpose, because they no longer serve her being, and without apologising for wanting to live her full potential. You too can!
2. Disassociation – yes! It’s a tough decision but it is the necessary one to make. When we remain in a toxic relationship, we hamper our personal and professional growth. When we stay with people who are constantly putting us down, we lose our self-confidence which in turn limit our productivity. When we keep holding unto people who walked away from our lives, we shut the doors for better people to come through. When we allow the pain of our past to determine our behaviour towards others, we hide our brilliance because of the fear of rejection. When we keep relationship with people who would rather be elsewhere than be with us, we hurt our Soul and deny our existence. We give our power away completely.
3. Repackage yourself – several times in my life I have had to repackage myself (my gifts, talents, ability and my strength). Several times life had thrown stones at me, and I had to find the best possible ways to bounce back. The process of repackaging is a ‘self-discovery’ time.
4. Reposition – a few years ago I spoke at an event in Houston, Texas on this topic (Reposition for change). I later published an anthology book with a few incredible women from across the globe on this same title (Reposition for change). So, in order to see clearly and differently, you must reposition yourself. Often times when we are in relationships, we become blinded by our emotional attachment to such people. We become less motivated to keep being brilliant. We become complacent to our duty of love. Nothing anyone says about our toxic relationship matters, because we live in self-denial. Unless we break the siege that holds us in such relationship, we would end up broken on the long run. “One of the most courageous decision you would ever make, is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and Soul.”- Brigitte Nicole
5. Invest in your personal and professional development – this is a never- ending journey if you must become relevant in the world today and tomorrow. As a qualified life coach, my brilliance was discovered when I went on the personal development journey. The Coaching Academy UK was the place of my brilliance discovery. It was a personal choice to uncover what lies beneath my physical eyes, or what people say about me. I know there was more to life than what I already knew as at that time. This could be an uphill struggle if you do not have the right support. Many would discourage you not to invest in continual personal development due to the cost involved. “What doesn’t cost you much will matter less to you on the long run”. – Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw
6. Love yourself – yes! So many people out there are waiting for validation from others before they can be happy. “You cannot give what you don’t have.”- Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw If you are struggling to love yourself due to broken relationship, you must seek for extra support through a counsellor or coach. I understand that some people have deep psychological wounds which has completely messed up their will to love and be loved. The truth remains that, “Yesterday is a cancelled cheque.”- Anita DuckworthBradshaw
A wise person said: “You cannot build today with yesterday’s broken pieces. By filling up your space with guilt and regrets, you deny yourself the opportunity to give and to receive love. At the age of 19, my heart was first broken by my then fiancée who ended up marrying my proposed maid of honour. I shall tell this story at another opportunity. This event took place over 20 years ago, and I have grown into an inspiration for others because I never gave up on my definite resolute to be ‘brilliant’. I love without reservation because love is what makes all the difference in life. I have become a ‘global voice’ for so many others because I chose to love myself despite my setbacks. You too can start right now to heal the pain of the past WATCHOUT for my other book ‘HEALING FROM WITHIN’ coming out soon.
7. Share your success story with others – the world is waiting for you to show up. Don’t hide your brilliance. Find new people who are interested in hearing your story. As you share your experiences with others, you gain more inner strength, and you become an inspiration for others. That is the beautiful thing of going through life challenges. By letting go of people and things, your wings become un clipped as you work daily towards your personal and professional freedom. Remember this;
YOUR VOICE IS YOUR POWER. Go out there and make things happen for you and those that matters in your life. Don’t forget to celebrate your wins no matter how small. You are more than you think you are. Break free from the hold of your past, and walk into the beauty of your brilliance. I hope this book has been valuable to you.
Please share it with others and send your feed back to me via womanthepowerhouse@gmail. com
ABOUT
LADY ANITA DUCKWORTH-BRADSHAW
Lady Anita Chioma DuckworthBradshaw is an Award winning Global Impact Leader, Best Selling Author, Change Agent, Life Coach, and the Creator of the Powerhouse Global Brand (Powerhouse Global Magazine, Powerhouse Global Awards and Powerhouse Global Conferences). Her eye for beauty, her talent for design, and her imaginative and creative skills have led her to build a global social media platform that helps further her social work. Culminating in an elegant and most sophisticated publication that serves humanity and shares their stories, she’s managed to create a world where to feature women and men alike. Her brilliant use of social media allows her to vastly influences the masses. With a distribution reach of 73 countries from around the world Lady Anita helps feed minds and touch souls.
Providing basic education for children, designing skills acquisition programs for women, and fostering social skills for youngsters, feeding over 1000 children and supporting more than 1000 women through her work within her foundation since the inception in 2016. Lady Anita is a true embodiment of a servant leader. She has created a platform for men and women alike from all spheres of life to showcase their brilliance. A place leaders have come to love. Through online presence she gives hope to many people – especially women.
Her own personal struggles gave birth to her purpose. Having grown up in Africa, she understands first hand, the importance of supporting others and helping provide ways to have life’s basic needs met. She found a solution and therefore, created her foundation Powerful Global Women Foundation (PGWF) in 2016 in Nigeria and subsequently, her most radiant Powerhouse Global Magazine publications. She lives by her motto of: Transforming Lives – one person at a time. Utilizing her voice, she addresses pressing issues and topics related to her work. Topics such as: Global Visibility; Your Voice. Your Power; Reposition for change;The Leading Leader; Risk to Reward; Healing From Within; The Road To Discovery and others.
Websites:
http://www. powerhouseglobalmag.com http://www. powerhouseglobalstars.com http://www. powerhouseglobalwomen.com
