Transitions are not for the Faint of Heart, but you can Learn to go with the Flow

Have you noticed how transitions are seemingly ever-present in our lives?

But if they’re such a normal part of life, why is it so hard to navigate through them? In 500 B.C., Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.” Even Plato quoted him, saying, “Heraclitus says that all things pass, and nothing stays and, comparing existing things to the flow of a river, he says you could not step twice into the same river.” Because the river flows, it is literally ever-changing. Life is like that, too. So, if change is inevitable, I contend that the fear of change is also.

Whether we see changes coming or they happen unexpectedly, they can be stressful. Our sense of control goes out the window when something significantly up-ends our lives and disrupts our routine. And sometimes, the anticipation of what’s coming or what might happen can be scarier than the change itself. Every so often, multiple things change at once, and life as we know it is no more. For example, during the height of the pandemic, people lost their jobs, family members became ill or died (and they couldn’t say goodbye), or they became impromptu teachers for their children who couldn’t attend school. Talk about a pile-up! There were multiple transitions, one on top of the other. Bruce Feiler, author of “Life is in the Transitions,” calls this a “lifequake.”

No wonder emotions rise. Transitions can

By María Tomás-Keegan

be painful and frightening, and they can catch us off-guard. We often worry, feel anxious, get stressed, fear the unknown, and buckle under uncertainty. We might also push back, resist, and deny that anything is happening. Or, we could feel sad, lonely, exhausted, and crave sleep, which might not come easily. These emotions can invade our minds and hearts, destroying our sense of security, peace, and harmony.

So, transitions are the shifts that happen on the inside when things change on the outside. It’s that journey over time during which we respond and adapt to life circumstances that have altered.

By recognizing that we’re in a transition, understanding why it feels challenging, and discovering the coping mechanisms that work for us, we can learn to flow through each one. As we do, we evolve, become better at who we are and how we show up, build confidence, and flex our resilience muscles. Additionally, with a shift in how we think about transitions, we can rein in our inclination to fight against them and learn to move with them.

This quote from M. Ferguson always helps me explain what a transition can feel like: “It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s the place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.” Because times like these happen often, we need strategies to manage those places in between—what might seem like a dark tunnel with no light at either end.

How we learn to cope can put us back on firm ground and teach us life-long tools to keep in our treasure chest, making the next inevitable transition one you can face with more ease and flow.

Here are some strategies from my book, “Get Unstuck,” that worked for me and now work for my clients.

1. Accept It

When change happens, it can be a shock. Panic might set in. Instead of resisting or hiding, choose to be the victor, not the victim. Start by breathing and letting the shock wear off. Then, put your brave face forward and meet it head-on. Allow your emotions to flow through so that you can get on the other side of them with more perspective. Then, practice approaching the change in a way that allows you to look in the mirror and like what you see, with dignity.

2. Face What Scares You

Whether it’s fear, anger, or uncertainty, don’t allow your emotions to paralyze you. Instead, talk about your feelings with someone you trust, who will listen, have your back, and tell you the truth. Write about what you’re feeling to become aware of how it’s affecting you. Writing can bring clarity and get unhelpful thoughts out of your head. Then, you can step back and gain perspective on your emotions. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen? Is it likely to happen? Or are you blowing it out of proportion?”

3. Change How You Look at Things

Remember that perspective is your friend. If this change was your idea, how would you respond differently? Not everything is in your control, but some things are, especially your choices about how you respond to the changes around you. Look to the past for lessons. Examine how you’ve behaved when a change flipped you upside down. What did you do well? What could you have done better? Look for the unexpected gems from those experiences.

4. Build Resilience, Not Resistance

Next, allow the change to make you stronger and more resilient. Learn from each experience, so the next life change doesn’t take you down for the count—at least not for long. Learning from your past strengthens you and allows you to use the strategies again. Since life is designed to change, you’ll need that arsenal of tools you’ve already assembled to bounce back quicker the next time.

5. Don’t Be a Lone Wolf transitionandthrivewithmaria.com

Lastly, ask for help. Create a network of support—it’s what I call ‘your personal board of directors.’ Seek people who have been through what you’re going through to make your journey more manageable and shorter. Let them reveal their secrets, tell you the truth, and bring much-needed objectivity. That’s when you can find solace in the fact that you’re not alone.

Change is painful. And growth is uncomfortable. But nothing is worse than staying stuck where you don’t belong. Learning to change as a river changes keeps you free flowing through the canyons of life. Deciding what strategies work to move through and beyond each transition is essential to making a successful shift from who you were before the change to who you are becoming.

María Tomás-Keegan, founder of Transition & Thrive with María, is a certified career and life coach for women specializing in transitions. She is the award-winning author of “Upside Down to Right Side Up: Turning Transition into Triumph,” and host of the streaming podcast, Tips for the Transition ~ The Career Roadmap. This long-running podcast features weekly interviews with global experts and influencers about career, leadership, personal development, starting over, problem-solving, decision-making, balance, self-care, and how to take your dreams to the next level.

María creatively brings into play in coaching her 30-year corporate leadership experience and training, along with lessons from navigating life-changing events like loss, divorce, and career upheavals. She has been called a master of reinvention and is passionate about coaching and mentoring women who struggle to find meaning and purpose in their careers and life—bringing a calm force into what can feel like chaos. María partners with women to create a firm foundation, so they can confidently leap into their next chapter while gathering lifelong tools to help them thrive.

Renée

Greenstein

“Women With Control: 12 Secrets of My Success That Every Woman Should Follow”

“Style is not about size; it’s about attitude.” You may have no control over the garbage life throws at you, but you can certainly control how you deal with the trash. You can look your best no matter what. QVC fashion designer Renée Greenstein wants you to look your best no matter what life sends your way.

In Women With Control, Renée takes the reader on a journey into her world as a global fashion designer and founder of the Women with Control® and Attitudes by Renée® brands, two of the top selling fashion lines featured on QVC USA and UK. Both collections reflect the designer’s flair, playfulness, and life experiences. She is one of the first designers to create stylish clothing for women of all sizes, not just the typical size 2-10’s the fashion industry caters to.

You may have seen Renée on QVC doing her No More Wiggle, No More Jiggle® dance, smiling and laughing away. That’s because Renée genuinely loves fashion and loves her customers who she affectionately dubbed Wardrobe Warriors.

While a college freshman, her interest in fashion drew her out of academia to the Garment Center and New York’s Fashion industry. Life throws everyone obstacles, even a successful woman like Renée. As she states in the book “You are so in it. Life. The stress. The things you have no control over.”

That is why Renée invites you to be in it together. There’s strength in numbers, right? And she knows we can win if we put our minds to it. Because let’s face it. We can get lost in the negativity that swirls in our heads, and we would be so much happier if we would only get out of our own way. That’s what being a woman with control is all about. Each chapter offers an insight into Renée’s journey as well as a takeaway lesson.

María Tomás-Keegan

“Upside Down to Right Side Up: Turning Transition into Triumph”

Have you ever thought you should be able to handle anything life throws at you because you’re smart and resourceful? Do you keep going through the motions of life, but never seem to get off the hamster wheel? How often have you asked yourself, “Is this all there is?” or “Who am I now that my life has changed so profoundly?” If so, María Tomás-Keegan has something to say about all that: you are not alone.

Drawing on her on own experiences, María starts her book, “Upside Down to Right Side Up: Turning Transition into Triumph,” by sharing her view that there are seven phases of transition. Regardless of the life event, she noticed that the phases she went through to move from tragedy to triumph were very similar. From abuse to divorce; personal loss to career upheaval; reinvention to caregiving. María found a way to unpack her treasure chest of tools and techniques, so they could help her move beyond coping and surviving and begin to thrive—making each new life event less daunting than the last.

As she relays stories of other women, we begin to believe that we are not alone. As she reveals her life strategies, we understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope that we can take control and change our perspective. There truly can be joy in learning to thrive.

The book concludes with a preview of her empowering system, called “5 Petals of Power,” which helps women take off the mask they wear pretending they are fine. She helps them to find their footing again and clear the path of what stands in their way. The final leg of the journey is clear and concise as she guides women to spread their wings and take flight, so they know who they are now and can make their new dream happen. With honesty and humor, María helps women create a unique roadmap for their next chapter, as they uncover their authentic voice and step back into their power.

Peggy Stanton

“From the White House to the White Cross: Confessions of a TV News Correspondent”

“Storytelling is deeply embedded in my DNA,” says Peggy Stanton, who served ABC-TV as its first female news correspondent in Washington, D.C., in the 1960s. Opening up the journals Peggy kept for decades, especially while traveling the world with her husband, Congressman Bill Stanton, “From the White House to the White Cross,” offers an entertaining and revealing glimpse into a storied world of glitz and glamour, featuring A-listers from Julie Andrews and Charlton Heston to Lyndon Johnson, Fidel Castro, and Salvador Dali. Peggy’s perspective - and life - change unexpectedly during a visit to Medjugorje, where, in her words, “The master attempts to chisel a poor piece of clay into what he intended her to be.” Her dramatic conversion from “a cultural Catholic to a committed Catholic” opens a new chapter in a life filled with adventure, opportunity, and service.

Brooke Burke

“The Naked Mom: A Modern Mom’s Fearless Revelations, Savvy Advice, and Soulful Reflections”

Brooke Burke knows all too well that when you’re raising four children, running a household, tending a relationship, building a multimillion- dollar business, and pursuing a television career, there’s no room for pretense or posturing. Rejecting the idea that there’s some simple step-by-step path to the perfect body, the perfect relationship, or the perfect career, she reveals the truths about motherhood with the sincerity that today’s smart, sexy, and soulful moms need. Brooke lets readers know what really goes on behind the scenes of a surprisingly ordinary life as a celebrity mom, and how she manages to make it all work (on the good days). Always acknowledging the chaos that is present in any woman’s life, Brooke offers readers a more calculated approach to life and motherhood: dance through it. It’s all about hearing the music, finding your footing, and moving gracefully.

From tips about caring for your body, to her own stories about the missteps she’s made as a mother, to advice about how to handle the tough emotional challenges moms face, Brooke paints an honest picture of motherhood that all women can relate to, insisting that it’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about being your authentic, naked self.

Tarryn Nicole | “Perfectly Imperfect”

On the surface, Tarryn had it all- a great family, house, friends, and she was a very gifted athlete, but everything that glitters isn’t gold. Tarryn’s life took a turn and all she knew was suddenly different. In her quest to cope, she embraced a horrific eating disorder that lasted 20 years of her life and almost took her life. Her eating disorders included bulimia, binge eating, and orthorexia. Tarryn talks about being viciously bullied in high school, assaulted, and her suicide attempt. After years of kicking herself while she was down, she decided that enough was enough and started paving a better path for herself. She became a published celebrity personal trainer, highly regarded nutritionist, and eating disorder coach worldwide. Tarryn holds three state titles in women’s powerlifting and is the owner of www. irontfitness.com, her online coaching website.

In this book, Tarryn takes you for a walk down memory lane and another walk down her new healthier, and happier lane. She candidly talks about the rise of eating disorders today and tells all about the not-so-healthy tactics used in the bodybuilding industry.

Sadie Katz an actress, writer, producer, and documentarian with an award named in her honor, AMDOC’S Sadie Katz Award for Hustle. She recently launched her own production company called See You Next Tuesday Films. Sadie recently converted to Judaism, and is a passionate supporter and participant of Little Free Library. She is the mother of Griffin Katz, a Gen Z artist and model and has a six-month-old baby boy, Gideon, with filmmaker Myles Reiff.