WRITTEN BY ERIC DOMINGUEZ // EDITED BY JAKE JOHNSON SERMON AUDIO CONTENT AVAILABLE AT PRAXISCHURCH.COM
An Introduction to Song of Solomon Throughout the centuries, Christians have had widely, often contradictory, opinions about sex. Starting with some of the earliest church fathers, sex was always a difficult issue. Some Christians outright claimed that sex was not of God at all. For instance:
hermeneutical challenge of the Old Testament” and can lay claim to the most diverse array of interpretations of any book, from a book purely about sexuality to a book purely symbolic about the relationship between God and His people.
• Origen was so against sex and sexuality that after denouncing it, he castrated himself
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• Tertullian said he would rather see the extinction of the human race than to endorse people having sex • Augustine said that married people can have sex, but they can’t enjoy it • Thomas Aquinas taught that sex was only for procreation • John Chrysostom, early in his life, wrote in Genesium Homiliae, “In keeping with God’s will man and women dwelt in Paradise like angels, enflamed by no sexual lustfulness. There was no desire for intercourse, there was neither conception, nor birth, not any sort of corruption.” Needless to say, sexuality has been a topic of great anxiety for Christians. Because of this, the Song of Solomon has been called “the greatest
Solomon, who reigned over the united kingdom of Israel for forty years, appears seven times by name in Song of Solomon. In view of his writing skills, musical giftedness, and the authorial, not dedicatory sense of 1:1, this piece of Scripture could have been penned at any time during Solomon’s reign, but it fits best if written in his relative youth. The cities described in the book point to the united kingdom of Israel before it was divided after Solomon’s reign ended. Knowing that Song of Solomon comprises one song by one author, it’s best taken as a unified piece of poetic, wisdom literature rather than a series of love poems without a common theme or author. Background & Setting Two characters dominate this true-life, dramatic love song. Solomon, whose
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run.
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kingship is mentioned five times, appears as “the beloved”. The Shulamite maiden remains obscure. Some commentators guess she is Pharaoh’s daughter, although the song possesses no evidence for this conclusion. Others favor Abishag, the Shunammite who cared for King David. An unknown maiden from Shunem, whose family had possibly been employed by Solomon, is also possible.
love for Israel and/or Christ’s love for the Church. A more satisfying and consistent way to approach Solomon’s Song is to take it at face value and interpret it in the normal historical sense, understanding the frequent use of poetic imagery to depict reality. To do so understands that Solomon recounts 1) his own days of courtship,
Whatever her identity, she was probably Solomon’s first wife (Ecc.9:9) before he sinned by adding 699 more wives and 300 concubines. Theological Themes All 117 verses in the Song of Solomon are included in the holy scriptures of the Jews and, combined with Ruth, Esther, Lamentations, and Ecclesiastes, it’s part of the Five Scrolls or “Megilloth”. The Jews read the Song at Passover, calling it the “Holy of Holies”. Surprisingly, God is not mentioned explicitly in the book, and no formal theological themes are present. In contrast to the two distorted extremes of ascetic abstinence and lustful perversion outside of marriage, Solomon’s ancient love song exalts in the purity of marital affection and romance. Interpretive Challenges The Song has endured strained interpretations over the centuries by those who use the “allegorical” method of interpretation, claiming that Song of Solomon has no actual historical basis, but rather that it depicts God’s
2) the early days of this first marriage, followed by 3) the maturing of this royal couple through the good and bad days of life. The Song of Solomon expands on the ancient marriage instructions of Gen 2:24, thus providing spiritual music for a lifetime of marital harmony. It’s given by God to demonstrate His intention for the romance and loveliness of marriage, the most precious of human relations and “the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). For Parents We will be honestly discussing adult themes during this series but it will be done in a respectful way. Not all of the topics will be suitable for all ages, so please use discretion with your children. The Challenges We Face As a church, we face difficult challenges during this series. We all are combating our culture’s sexual
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onslaught in seemingly every area of our daily lives. Some of us carry some deep seeded hurt and pain from past relationship and sexual experiences. Others bring emotional burdens and theological presuppositions that will collide with how we present God’s gift of relationships and sexuality. Many people either view sex very conservatively and ultimately negatively, or have such a low view of sex that promiscuity has dominated their lives. Whichever side of the coin you’re on, the goal of studying Song of Solomon is to reform our view of sex and release us to enjoy sex as God created it to be experienced. It’s our personal prayer for all of us that we’d be freed from any shame or guilt that we have experienced in this area and that God would ultimately free us to worship Him in this area of our lives. The Praxis Pastors
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Introduction to Themes The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. The Bride Confesses Her Love She Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. Others We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. She I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept! Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?
Song of Solomon (also referred to as Song of Songs) begins with a Broadway musical-style monologue. We see a young girl, a bit self-conscious of her appearance, yearning for her future husband’s love. This is something we are used to seeing in Glee-like television shows, or even romance books. But scripture? How does an adoring lyrical duo (complete with backup singers), musing on the desires of their heart, soul, and yes, body, fit into the Holy Word of God? As our introduction states, this quandary has left many Christians baffled and often stretching interpretive limits to make this book and its contents fit into their understanding of the Bible. Yet, God created us for deep, intimate, and yes, physical, relationship. Adam and Eve celebrated, being “naked and unashamed” before the fall. We often erroneously think that our relationship problems before and after our wedding days are unique to our time and our situation. However, God gave us His Scripture to be a light unto our feet and to guide us in all aspects of our life. Discussion Briefly, articulate your view of relationships, sex, and marriage. How
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should they be lived out and enjoyed? Who has the “right” to relationships, sex, and marriage? How have influences in your family shaped your view of sex? How have influences within the church shaped your view of sex? How have influences outside of your family and church shaped your view of sex? Do you believe you have a healthy view of relationships and sex? Discuss with one another your beliefs and articulate where those differences may come from. Explanation Many wrongfully assume that God is distant from sex and has very little to do with the act. If that were true, why would God include the following in His word? • The opening song has our female character yearning for her future husband. • There are others encouraging her feelings. • There is an element of praise for
her future husband, as well as a bit of self-consciousness as to how he will react to her body. • While this scripture is meant to be taken literally (meaning that this is not an extended metaphor for the church), there are metaphors, symbols and innuendos within the text. Application The application to this book may differ depending on where God currently has you. For the Single: What are your hopes and desires for a relationship? Do these hopes and desires rule over you, or do you trust God to bring you true companionship? This week pray that God shapes and refines you for your future relationships. Understand His desire for you to be deeply rooted in Him, and make Him your top priority and desire before you make anyone else the object of your affection. For the Dating: Dating someone without open, honest channels of communication is like driving a car blindfolded. You may be able to stay on the road and
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avoid disaster, but only for a very brief amount of time. Openly discuss the topics in the sermon and in the study guide. Talk about your view of relationships, sex, and marriage. Be able to talk about appropriate boundaries and future plans. It doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have to be scary, awkward, or creepy. You don’t need to set a wedding date, but if you’re committed to dating this person, it would be good to have an open discussion. For the Married: The common assumption is that married couples are passionate about their communication and their bedroom only up until the honeymoon phase is over; then routine kicks in and stagnation becomes the norm. God didn’t create relationships or sex for only the honeymoon but created us to be in relationship and intended for marriage to constantly glorify Him. This week, go out on a date and talk openly about what you have learned in the sermon and in this study guide. What are some of your hopes and desires for you to learn together? How does God fit into your marriage? Above all, pray together. A marriage without unified prayer is one unprotected by the seeds of bitterness and gives a foothold to the enemy. Pray
that God would be deeply entrenched in your marriage and that He protects and guides you through the next eight weeks as you strengthen your relationship with each other, and above all, with Him. For All: How can you help and learn from those in your Missional Community who are in a different stage in life? Dating couples, how can you learn from married couples? Married couples, how can you help single people? Bless someone this week who is outside of your life stage and engage in open discussion and prayer about their relationships. Additional Recourse for All If you are single, dating, or married pick up a copy of Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More than To Make Us Happy? The book goes in a lot of depth on some of the topics we will be covering. It includes discussion questions and has an additional devotional you can read with your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse.
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Continued Study Richard Foster states that “we…have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles.” The pitfall in a practical series such as this one is that we want the steps, the rulebook, and the projected outcomes for all of our problems. The reality is that if we are not deeply rooted in Christ, His Word, love, and provision, there is no self-help book, therapy, or sermon that can guide us to a “successful” relationship. This week, in preparation for tackling some difficult topics, be devoted to prayer and praise in Him through a reading of Ephesians. Monday: Read Ephesians Chp. 1 Consider: What does it mean to be adopted into God’s family? (1:5). What does it mean to have “obtained an inheritance?” (1:11). What ultimate reward or rewards should we be looking forward to? What does it mean that God the Father “put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is the body, the fullness of him who fills all in all?” (1:22-23).
What impact does that have? Where does God have authority and control in your life? Pray: Pray that the Lord rules over your entire life and cast all of your anxieties about relationships or anything else to His love, sovereignty, and control. Tuesday: Read Ephesians Chp. 2 Consider: What does it mean that we were “dead in our trespasses and sin”? (2:1). How did you see this in your life before Christ? Reflect on verses 1-3. What impact do these verses have on our view of the Gospel? How do we combat our past? What can be done about the sins we have committed? “…in the coming ages he might show us the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus” (2:7). What does it mean to have “immeasurable riches”? What rewards are you looking for? What rewards are you working towards? “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which
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God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (2:10). What good works fill your life? Where do you see yourself living out the grace you have been given?
Why do you think Paul emphasizes families in this prayer? What is his hope that families look like in relation to God? Pray:
Pray: Today, praise the Lord that despite the fact you were once very far away from Him, He has brought you near. Not by anything you have done, but by His will. Ask Him to show you His complete control in every facet of your life—from finances to relationships. Ask Him to be King over all.
Today, pray for your family. It may be your biological family, the family you have been adopted into through your Missional Communities, the family you share within your roommates, or your extended family. Pray the same thing Paul did—that your family may be deeply rooted in God. Thursday: Read Ephesians Chp. 4
Wednesday: Read Ephesians Chp. 3 Consider: Consider: Verse 10 states “that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.” What does this mean about our relationship and involvement in the church? What is the churches’ role in communicating the message of God? What are the churches’ limits to what it can/can’t speak into? Paul prays for God to “grant you [families] to be strengthened with power through is Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that suppresses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (3:15-18).
What does it mean to be a “prisoner for the Lord?” (4:1) What does that look like in your life? Verses 17-19 state, “Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.” Without judging those who may not have been raised in Christ yet, how have you seen such impurity infiltrate your thoughts and actions? How have you changed having Christ in your life? How have you resisted change? What does it mean to give an oppor-
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tunity to the devil? (verse 27). What specific warnings does Paul give us? Pray: Pray against temptation and sin. Invite the Lord to every facet of your life and ask Him to be with you as you battle sin. Identify that which you struggle with and declare war against what keeps you from the Lord. Friday: Read Ephesians Chp. 5
band is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Consider: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” God does not mince words in His view of sexual immorality. There is very little wiggle room God leaves for us. How have you battled sexual immorality and impurity? What accountability systems do you have in place? Who supports you in that battle? What do you see as sexual immorality?
What do think this means? What does God call you to do as a current or future wife or husband? Why is this, and sexual purity, amongst God’s most clear commands? Why does God see this as important? Pray: Pray against sexual immorality. Pray that the Lord shows you, through His word, through His guidance, and through His people what it means to be a Biblical husband or wife. Pray for your heart to be pure as you peruse a deeper relationship with Him and the one He has provided to walk next to you on your journey to Him. Saturday: Read Ephesians Chp. 6 Consider:
Ephesians 4:22-27 is one of the most currently controversial passages in scripture:
Verses 11- 20 outline one of the most famous defenses and attack options in our spiritual battle:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the hus-
“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the
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schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in open-
ing my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.� Why does God see conflict against sin and temptation as a war? What does that mean to battle against it? As we have seen, Ephesians is a book that speaks at length about families and how those relationships impact our relationship with God. Why would He include a final attack strategy to combat sin? What does this battle mean in our relationships? Pray: Pray that the Lord gives you the tools to battle your sin. Ask for courage to confess sin to your spouse or to combat sin as you prepare yourself for marriage, and as you prepare for the topics we will cover in this series.
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Personal Thoughts & Reference
Song of Solomon
Attraction & Dating Read: Song of Solomon 1:7-2:8 Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? Solomon and His Bride Delight in Each Other He If you do not know, O most beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock, and pasture your young goats beside the shepherds’ tents. I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. Others We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver. She While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance. My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi.
He Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. She Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine. I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. He As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women. She As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
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The Bride Adores Her Beloved The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. This passage gives us a beautiful back and forth flirtation between the two main characters of Song of Solomon. The lyrical poetry portrays two future lovers in complete adoration of each other, each volleying a compliment to the other, praising their great attributes. While many have tried to allegorize these passages, there is a beautiful simplicity in the words. There is a beauty within courtship and marriage that is not often celebrated within in churches. God created man and woman to be in wonderful partnership and companionship—it’s something to be celebrated. Later, our lovers will emphasize that it is unwise for passions to be unleashed before their appropriate time.
Yet, we still see their infatuation growing. This has many applications for us, regardless of our relationship status. God calls us to mature and appropriate courtship, dating, and celebration of love, and the two speakers give us a great framework on how to do that. This week, we’ll explore the various elements of these passages and their applications, not just so that we can use them to have a better relationship or marriage, but also so that we can glorify God with our relationships. Discussion How do you view courtship and dating? How do you see people approaching finding and keeping a relationship? Where do you see traps of pride, lust, or other sins? How can we encourage each other and be a part of each other’s love, relationship and marriage? What accountability can we keep?
Song of Solomon
Explanation
Application
Read through the passage several times. There are various similes and metaphors that have cultural and geographic allusions that we may be unfamiliar with. Work through some of these images and extract possible meanings.
For the single:
What is one trying to say to the other? How does this show their passion?
Keep in mind that such passion is reserved for the confines of a marriage. How can you prepare yourself for a passionate relationship and eventual marriage? How can reading passages like this help? What pitfalls can you see in yearning for such passion too early? For the dating:
Keeping in mind that these images are scripture, what does this say about God’s view about relationships and love?
How can you, keeping all purity, help compliment and praise your dating partner? What is appropriate for your dating relationship, and what is going too far? For the married: Does the passion in these passages match the passion in your marriage? Do you take time to lift your partner up, praise them, and adorn them with love and compliments? How can you better flirt with your spouse?
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Continued Study Monday: 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
work, effort, and above all, prayer.
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Today, pray that your passions are in their rightful place under the Lord’s watchful eye. Ask for help from Him and from those around you to keep you accountable.
This is a great memory verse for married couples. Paul very clearly outlines that marriage should start and continue to be a passionate affair under the covenant and watchful eye of God. The passions we saw in Song of Solomon this week should not end in courtship. Married men and women should celebrate their yearnings for one another and express them often, unless the Lord calls you to a (short) season of fasting. For the single folks and young couples, this passion needs to wait. For the married, this passion needs to be cared for and cultivated. All approaches take a lot of
Tuesday: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Early in their relationship, couples too often sinfully succumb to passions and stay in that season. It’s far too easy to justify the status quo when you are getting all the benefits of marriage without truly making the commitment. This is not exclusive to young dating couples however; when do you give in to the passions of your flesh, outside of the wisdom of the Spirit? Today, evaluate what passions you need to better take control of and ask God to help you combat those urges. Talk to your dating partner or spouse openly about your desires and struggles and pray together that the Lord guide your passions in a way that is appropriate to His word.
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Wednesday: 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Thursday: 1 Timothy 3:1-7
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, soberminded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
Unfortunately, singleness can get a bad reputation, especially within the Christian community. It’s only a matter of time before someone asks about your relationship or engagement status. Paul clearly outlines that being single is not a curse or a burden that the Lord bestows upon you. He knows your needs and knows, as a perfect Father, the right time to fulfill your needs. If you are single, praise the Lord that you have the opportunity to focus the time you might spend with a spouse serving Him instead. How are you serving the kingdom? Are your passions distracting you from your opportunities? Today, pray how you are fulfilling your vows to be a Christian servant and ask Him to best guide you. If you’re married, please pray for our single brothers and sisters that they would use their singleness well to serve God faithfully.
While these are the qualifications of an elder, these are attributes that all Christian men should strive for. Men, read this passage over. How well do you fit under the charges that Paul commands of you? Do you lean into the Lord for your weaknesses and praise Him for your strengths? Women, are you looking for a man who follows the Lord and leads with these qualities? Today, pray over this passage that the Lord may give you guidance to live these out as men, or that the Lord bring you a man who is willing to submit to God’s word and God’s command.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
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Friday: Proverbs 31:10-31 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. In today’s scripture, we evaluate the portrait of a Biblical wife. Women, how are you leaning on the Lord for these qualities? Men, are you searching for a wife based off of superficial criterions, or are you finding a woman who first and foremost fears and loves the Lord? Today, pray over this passage that the Lord may give you guidance to live these out as women, or that the Lord bring you a woman who is willing to submit to God’s word and God’s command.
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Saturday: 1 Timothy 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. Sometimes our passions get the best of us. We assume that just because we’re dating, we have knocked down some barriers or achieved a different level of Christian maturity. However, scripture calls us to have appropriate relationships with those around us, those to whom we are not married to, as family members. If you’re not married, are you treating those around you with purity? Today, evaluate your intentions for dating and passions. Ask the Lord to convict you of sin and to bring you wisdom as to the best ways to lean into Him for appropriate, pure relationships.
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Dating, Problems, & Temptations Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5 The Bride Adores Her Beloved The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains. The Bride’s Dream On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
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If we’re honest, honesty hurts. Every dating couple rejoices in each other’s majestic qualities during the dating onset. Yet at some point, the relationship has to transition from the Hollywood romance to reality. We’re sinners, and we date sinners who have not only their flaws but also their pasts. These are obstacles to fuller relationship with each other—and fuller relationship with God. We can’t ignore them. We can’t avoid them. We can’t sweep them under the rug. Scripture here teaches us to hunt those “little foxes”—to chase out any potential disasters before they come chasing after us. The question is not whether or not conflict will occur but rather when it will occur. This means spending some time in meditation, prayer, and reflection. It means having difficult, honest, bold, blunt conversations with those to whom you’re accountable and those with whom you’re in relationship. There will be nothing easy about this process. It’s not one that is often rejoiced in. But God didn’t create our relationships solely to make us happy; He created them to refine us (yes, sometimes through some painful circum stances) in order to best glorify Him.
And, if we’re honest, that’s the best possible outcome of any relationship. Discussion What “little foxes” have gotten in the way of your relationships? How could you have better hunted those potential pitfalls out? If they ended the relationship, do you think it’s something that could have been avoided? Reflect on your friendships and relationships. Do you live in fear or in trust? Do you feel like people are bound to hurt you, or do you give them the benefit of the doubt. Explain why you default to this position. Explanation Note that the opening part of this passage is an exultation on her love; she is praising him. Yet within that praise, she identifies that there could be obstacles to their love. What does this say about the timing of hunting those “little foxes”? When should a dating couple address those issues? The next passage, a dream sequence, shows her upset by a potential conflict
Song of Solomon
with her love. She warns her friends to not unleash passions before their time. What is the link in these two thoughts? Why is that her response to the dream? Application For the single: Sin issues will not go away when you start dating someone. A relationship will not “fix” what God intents for you to address. While the context of this passage is in relationship, the entire Bible speaks of our progressive sanctification as we move closer to God. What are your “little foxes”? What will get in the way when you do come into a relationship? What is getting in the way of a fuller relationship with God? For the dating: Having an open, confessional discussions is not only difficult because of its content but because of its timing. We
often hesitate to reveal parts of ourselves and of our struggles because we may feel it is too early in the relationship or that it may be too late (and thus, fearing that they may leave if they found out who we “really” are). Pray about what you should be confessing to your dating partner; ask the Lord to help guide you to relevant, timely, and productive discussions with each other about sin and relationship issues. For the married: Unfortunately, even the best premarital counseling doesn’t kill off all the foxes. As the marriage grows and changes, the problems also shift. Do you have a good plan for conflict resolution? What are some obstacles to your friendship and marriage that you didn’t have when you first got married? Do you harbor any un-confessed sin in your life? Spend some time in prayer and consider what needs to be better communicated in your marriage.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Continued Study Monday: Malachi 3:2-3 But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord. This passage may initially seem out of context with our current series. Yet, hunting down the sin issues that stand in the way of our relationships is not a cakewalk. In fact, it’s more like a walk through fire. Progressive sanctification, or growing in the Lord, especially as we grow in relationship with each other can often be like a “refiners fire and like fuller’s soap.” The editors of the ESV Study Bible explain it best when they state: “The heat of the refiner’s fire was intense in order to separate the dross from the molten pure metal. Similarly, the fuller washed clothes using strong lye soap, after which the clothes would be placed on rocks and beaten with sticks. If sinners prefer the Lord’s cleansing work to his judgment, this is the price that must be paid.” Pray that the Lord give you the strength and focus to have the difficult conver-
sations, and trust that He is carefully and lovingly shaping you in Him. Tuesday: 1 John 5:1-10 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. We can very easily fool ourselves into thinking we can tip the scales of God’s justice. Hiding away that “one” sin is okay as long as we are following the rest of God’s commands. Yet, today’s passage reminds us that God is not fooled. We are either walking in His light, or we are not. What have you kept tucked away from God? From your spouse? What unconfessed sin is lurking in your heart, deceiving you into thinking you have a full relationship with the Lord?
Sex, Love & Jesus
Wednesday: James 5:13-18
Thursday: Colossians 3:1-11
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
James 5:16 is almost always referenced in regards to confession. The author, who doesn’t mince any words, is clear that we must open up our hearts to others, even if that means exposing some of the ugly sins rooted deep within. But what we often forget is the context of this verse. James outlines for us strong Biblical community, filled with support and fervent prayer. Many, while searching for our little foxes, will need to step out and confess sin. It’s important for the confessor and the one hearing the confession to be bathed in prayer. As you look to some difficult conversations, root yourself in prayer, trusting that God has paid the price for all sins and that we are playing the pivotal role in redeeming what we have broken.
Confessing sin means nothing if there is not true repentance. Anyone can apologize for doing something wrong, but very few often take the next step into active combat against that which wars against us. Christ died for our sins, not just so that we could have infinite second chances but so that we could have infinite life in Him, and living in Him means putting to death many of the habits that plague us. Today, as you continue to confess sin and root out deadly habits, pray that
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I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Sex, Love & Jesus
the Lord be with you as you move towards active change to be more like Him. Find ways in community, either with your spouse, friends, or your family, to hold you accountable in your fight. Friday: 2 Corinthians 5:16-21 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. This has been a difficult week of devotionals; it’s never easy to confront your
shortcomings—either to yourself, to others, or to God. Keep in mind that, while the Holy Spirit may convict you of sin, He never condemns you. For those made alive in Christ, it’s natural for us to feel guilty for the sins we have committed. We, like Christ, should balk at the horrific nature of sin. Yet, God reminds us no matter how ugly, no matter how terrible, no matter how irrevocable it may be, you are forgiven and a new creation in Christ. Today, rejoice that Christ has paid the penalty for your sin. Cast your anxieties on Him, trusting that He can and will take your burdens and lead you to a closer place with Him. Saturday: Colossians 3:12-17 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were
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called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Again, this has been a difficult week for devotionals. Often, it’s just as difficult to hear someone confess sin, as it is to confess our own faults. When someone has sinned against us, it’s often in our nature to retaliate, harboring anger, and letting the seed of bitterness grow in our heart. However, Christ calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we blindly ignore the situations around us, but it does means that we, with the cross in mind, move to healing. Take some time, despite any anger you may feel, to celebrate that God has provided a way for us to be reconciled—not just to Him but also to those whom we can call brothers and sisters in Christ.
Song of Solomon
The Wedding & Honeymoon Song of Solomon 3:6-5:1 Solomon Arrives for the Wedding What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night. King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its posts of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart. Solomon Admires His Bride’s Beauty He Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins,and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon. Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards. You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than
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wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices— a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Together in the Garden of Love She Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. He I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.
Others Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love! Weddings are joyous occasions. We all love to gather around those we care for and pray, celebrate, and eat, building community and commemorating a significant part of a family’s life. The air is filled with nerves, remembrance, joy, anticipation, and a mixed pot of other emotions. The couple further celebrates the marriage by consummating it in God’s gift of sex. This sacred act, although often marred by our sin, seals the covenant we make to our spouse. This is not primarily a procreation process but rather a beautiful event and an important part of our marriage. Today’s passage gives us a glimpse into the couple’s sacred and joyful day and night. Like any romantic story, we’ve been captivated by the anticipation of the day and celebrate with the couple when their time has arrived to enjoy each other as husband and wife. Yet, weddings, marriage, and sex are not just about emotions, although many unfortunately think that they are. If they were, marriages would end much quicker than many already do.
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Weddings, marriages, and sex are about covenants—a promise to one another and to God that this is the way that we choose to grow in Him. Does this celebration last? What happens in the weeks, months, years, and decades after? How do we, in Christ, prolong our covenant even when the heightened emotions have worn off? How do we honor God in our covenant of marriage? In sex? What does this mean for single people and the dating? This week, we will be exploring these questions in our devotionals.
Explanation The female is known to speak significantly more in this book than our male character. Why do you think he has such a long monologue in this portion of the book? What could men learn from this? He celebrates her beauty in creative similes and metaphors, adorning her with compliments. There is no question that she is the full focus of his affection. Based on this, when looking for a suitable husband, what can women look in their potential spouse?
Discussion
Application
To say that this couple’s wedding feast was extravagant would be an understatement. They pulled out all the best to make their day the best. What was your wedding like? What would you have changed or done differently? If you aren’t married, how do you see your wedding day? What obstacles do you think you could face?
For the single: Nothing reminds us of our singleness more than the engagement and wedding of others. This can often be very painful as many, wrestling with loneliness, truly long for that day themselves. Yet, God’s timing is perfect in every way. What do you think God is trying to teach you during this time of singleness? Why is He having you wait? Pray to the Lord that He reminds you that He is enough to guide you and to fill your heart. Learn from this week’s word and process to better prepare yourself for when you are closer to being engaged and married.
In a mixed group (married and single) recount what your day was like/could be like and learn from one another about the marriage feast. Some are uncomfortable with the sexual innuendos and imagery in this passage. Remembering that this is God’s Holy Scripture, what do you think was His purpose in including a passage like this? What does this say about God’s view of sex?
For the dating: We’ve discussed in our study and our sermons the importance of timing. Depending on how long you’ve been
Sex, Love & Jesus
dating, it may or may not be appropriate for you to discuss marriage or sex in your dating relationship. But avoidance of the topic is certainly not an option and it’s critical that you’re clear with the person you’re dating. What are your goals, your hopes, and your aspirations? What are your boundaries? What are your past obstacles, downfalls, or disappointments? Yes, “the talk” can be very uncomfortable. But if it’s uncomfortable for you to talk about them now, at what point will it become easy? If you’re too intimidated to talk to your dating partner now, how will that eventually be remedied? This week, pray that you’re able to be clear and honest and that He guide your conversations to best direct your paths. For the married: Recall your wedding day. What has changed in your marriage since then? How have you grown in each other? In the Lord? How has your sex life changed and developed? How consistent has it been? Discuss openly with your spouse your thoughts and feelings and how you can use today’s passage and this week’s devotions to continue to grow in intimacy with each other and closeness with the Lord. To aid you in your discussions, we highly recommend A Celebration of Sex by Douglas Rosenau and Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat for theological and practical resources for the married couple and their sexual intimacy.
Song of Solomon
Personal Thoughts & Reference
Sex, Love & Jesus
Continued Study Monday: Genesis 2:18-25 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Our series has made many uncomfortable. Few with or without church background realized the explicit nature of scriptures teaching on the matter. Many were taught that these discussions, even this topic, is too taboo for church grounds. Yet, from the beginning, before the fall, God created sex, rejoicing that we were able to be “naked and not ashamed.” Yet we clothe our thoughts about the topic with shame, guilt, or perversion. It’s critical that we see sex in its rightful, healthy place—under sanctity and protection in the covenant of marriage. Today, pray that the Lord illuminates your view of sex and redeems it from either shame or perversion. Ask that He convict you of past sinful avoidances or justifications and that He lead you to a correct, Biblical view of the beautiful gift He has given. Tuesday: John 2:1-12 On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do
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with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him. After this he went down to Capernaum, with his mother and his brothers and his disciples, and they stayed there for a few days. Most people overlook the fact that Jesus’ first miracle was to keep the party going. Not unlike today’s celebrations, you couldn’t just be anyone off the street to be invited to a wedding. You needed to have a close connection to the family or town, and be the type of person one would want to have at a wedding. We learn in this passage that God wants to be part of our weddings and our marriages. How often do you invite Him into your celebrations? How
often do you ask Him to be a significant part of your marriage? As with everything else in our lives, without Christ as the focus, our propensity towards sin will eventually crumble even the best of situations. Today, whether you are single, dating, or married, ask Christ to be with you as you root yourself in a relationship with another. Invite Him to be part of your wedding and your marriage and to keep the celebration going well past the wedding feast. Wednesday: Proverbs 7:1-9 My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. It’s no surprise that the two leading causes of divorce are money followed closely by sex. While a natural and beautiful celebration of the human
Sex, Love & Jesus
You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine
Sex, Love & Jesus
body, the act can be so easily perverted and so easily taken out of where God intended it to be. Sexual temptations and promiscuity is one of the enemy’s greatest attacks on the single and the married. We can so easily be swayed by our emotions and our passions, casting God’s wisdom aside. For the next few days, we will read and pray through Proverb’s warnings against adultery and promiscuity. Today, pray that God gives you wisdom, that He roots you in His word, and makes you not like the foolish, simple person so easily lead by our temporary desires. Thursday: Proverbs 7:1-9 And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”
Temptation never comes without deceit or warning. Despite what modern media may argue, sexual diversions don’t just “happen”—at least not to the wise. The simple, foolish individual is lead by the immediacy of their emotions and their sexual desire. These people usually lack boundaries and a plan, and are so easily swayed to justify their actions and even more so, as we see in this passage, plan out their infidelity. How do you combat lust? What is your plan with your dating partner? What situations are you most likely to fail and fall into temptation? Who is holding you accountable? Today, take some time to consider these questions and ask the Lord to help you create a plan of attack against the sin of lust. Friday: Proverbs 7:21-27 With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.
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While our sin can make us foolish, those who tempt us are anything but. Usually, justified sin comes with very reasonable, very well presented arguments that this passage argues lead to nothing but death. There are ways to protect our bodies and passions, but we must also protect our minds. How well rooted are you in Scripture? Do you truly know the Biblical mandate for sex? Can you effectively argue, at least to yourself, when combating temptation that God intended sex to be only within the confines of a Biblical marriage? Proverbs consistently calls us to search out for wisdom. Today, search for that wisdom. Explore the passages dealing with sex and temptation. Read them, analyze them, pray through them, and memorize them so that you are truly prepared to debate those that would so much like to stray you away from what God wants from you and for you. Saturday: 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps
by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. We often joke that this is many people’s favorite memory verse: a Biblical mandate to have consistent sex with your husband or wife. Many, however balk at the fact that, when married, our bodies are not our own, but also belong to our spouse. This shouldn’t be something we recoil, but something we rejoice. God gave us sexuality to seal us into one, to link us to have a unified family in His mission to spread His Gospel and combat those that oppose His word. How are you using sex to glorify your marriage? To glorify Him? Is God a part of your entire marriage or only part of it? Is He part of your entire life or just part of it? Today, rejoice in God’s gift of sex. If you’re single or dating, pray that He gives you the tools to combat temptation and to patiently wait for the day when He brings you a husband or wife to rejoice in. If you’re married, celebrate His gift and remember that God is a part of our entire lives, and our entire lives should be focused and dedicated to Him.
Song of Solomon
Separation, Trouble in Marriage, Restoration Solomon 5:2-6:3 The Bride Searches for Her Beloved She I slept, but my heart was awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking. “Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is wet with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.� I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them? My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me. I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke. I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city; they beat me, they bruised me, they took away my veil, those watchmen of the walls. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am sick with love.
Others What is your beloved more than another beloved, O most beautiful among women? What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you thus adjure us? The Bride Praises Her Beloved She My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. His arms are rods of gold, set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Others Where has your beloved gone, O most beautiful among women? Where has your beloved turned, that we may seek him with you? Together in the Garden of Love She My beloved has gone down to his garden to the beds of spices, to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies. Those who think marriage eliminates conflict are blind to the realities of our sinful nature. When two sinners are married and move in together, you don’t get half the sin—you get double. While partnerships and joint community are the best way to live out the Christian life, conflict inevitably seeps into our bonds, even in the bests of marriages. Here we see our two lovers’ first squabble, caused by miscommunication, differing expectations, and rising tensions. Some may think that this conflict pales in comparison to others’ marital mayhem, but the principals are still the same. Two people living out their day-to-day lives often collide in an unfriendly fashion.
When conflict comes, it’s easy to give up hope and become a cynic to all valentine-like emotions, surrendering any expectations for peaceable solutions and a return to the utopian, honeymoon state. But the question isn’t if conflict occurs but when, and how we deal with it when it does. The Gospel centers us in the discipline of forgiveness and of the giving of ourselves. This week, we rejoice that Christ made a way for us to be reconciled, not just to God but also to each other—to come together as a family and combat the conflict that would seek to tear us apart. We look at the book of Ephesians as we examine what God has called us to and where God has asked us to submit to His call to our lives. Discussion Regardless if you are single, dating, or married, explore how you can learn from others in the following questions: Do you have a plan for conflict resolution with your spouse? If so, what is it? Do you have a plan for identifying potential conflicts? When are you (as a couple) most vulnerable? What can you do to avoid this?
Song of Solomon
Explanation
For the dating:
What is the conflict in the opening passage? Why does the beloved not want to answer her husband? How is this “typical” of any marriage we see today?
How often do you forgive one another? When conflict ensues, how do you deal with it? How can you better deal with it? What are your primary fears when you do have ongoing battles? Talk to the person you are dating and ask them how you can better serve them when there is conflict.
We see a vivid dream sequence that mirrors her feelings. What does this say about the way she feels about their conflicts? How does he respond? How does he rectify the situation? What can we learn from this? Application For the single: What are your expectations for a dating relationship? Do you fall into the “perfect life” syndrome? In other words, do you believe that you’ll be completely happy once you do find that perfect someone? What’s wrong with this thinking? How can you have a realistic mindset of what a dating partner should be without lowering your expectations?
For the married: How have your conflicts changed throughout your marriage? Have they stayed steady, or have new problems arisen with new situations? Talk about your conflict management strategies and how effective they have been against the differing seasons of your marriage.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Continued Study Monday: Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Although short, this verse packs a powerful punch in our battle against sin and conflict. Being imitators of God means that we follow what He did, always walking in love. Jesus had every right to fight back, especially when He was wrongfully accused and horrifically abused. Yet, because He loved us, He gave Himself up to be sacrificed in order to have reconciliation. How do you follow God’s example? Do you sacrifice yourself for the good of those you love? Today, pray that the Lord give you the heart of Jesus in order to best serve Him, and serve those whom you love. Tuesday: Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
This is one of the most controversial verses in the Bible today. Volumes of theological critiques have been written and churches have been split over various interpretations of what this verse means and what it doesn’t mean. At the core of this message, however, is that there is a willful submission to an authority that can’t be yielded by human hands. Wives and husbands must first submit to the power of God. Sometimes a begrudged submission is worse than total rebellion. Today, evaluate how you practice the disciple of submission. Do you always have to get your way? What happens when you don’t? What would happen if you would let others lead and make the decision? Today, evaluate how you can serve others by submitting to their will. Wednesday: Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Sex, Love & Jesus
If yesterday’s verse was one of the most controversial, today’s verse is one of the most forgotten. Scripture calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means dying for her—sacrificing everything, even our greatest desires, so that she may in the best place to worship, love, and serve her God and creator. How do we sacrifice for one another? How do we lay down our needs and give up our wants so that others can be happier? How can we (and do we) help others grow closer to our Heavenly Father?
that must be protected for the sake of the relationship and marriage, and for the sake of the Gospel. When in conflict, are you looking out for your best interests, or are you looking to see how you can maintain unity? Is your family joined in the battle against attack, in the mission of God to evangelize? How does your marriage shine a light on what Christ has done and is doing?
Today, examine how you do this, especially in the face of conflict, and pray that the Lord gives you opportunities to give yourself up for the benefit of those you love.
Friday: Ephesians 6:1-4
Thursday: Ephesians 5:28-33 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. The enemy hates marriage and hates strong relationships, especially those unified in Christ. Today, we learn that there is a physical and emotional unity
Today, evaluate your unity. How does your marriage glorify God? Ask Him and invite Him to help you be a part of His great journey and mission.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Not all of us are parents, but all of us are certainly children. It’s easy to point out how selfish and childish someone may be without first looking to ourselves and how rebellious we are. We simply don’t have it all figured out, no matter what our experiences are, and we’re called to be lead by a greater authority, a greater experience. How do you honor the “fathers and mothers” in your life? How do you learn from them and their lives? As a young married couple, do you have an older couple you can look up to? As an older married couple, do you have
Sex, Love & Jesus
His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.
Sex, Love & Jesus
someone you are helping through the turbulent first years of marriage? Today, pray that the Lord helps you submit to the authority of those you are under, and ask Him to help you learn how to best glorify Him in your conflicts by learning from others’ lead. Saturday: Ephesians 6:10-20 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and
the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. The imagery in this passage, one of the most famous in scripture, can very easily distract us from its main point. Visions of “the armor of God” pajamas (they are real…look them up) make us chuckle. But Paul wrote this passage in the context of his instructions to families, knowing that conflict was inevitable. He is calling us to be prepared against attack and to be active against what may drive us away from unity. Today, pray that the Lord gives you the resources as a family to combat the roots of bitterness and anger, and that He fills your home with the unifying power of the Holy Spirit. Pray with one another that Christ be the center of your family, and that regardless of the conflict, you will always return home to the Gospel for reconciliation.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Personal Thoughts & Reference
Sex, Love & Jesus
Personal Thoughts & Reference
Sex, Love & Jesus
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