WRITTEN BY ERIC DOMINGUEZ // EDITED BY JAKE JOHNSON SERMON AUDIO CONTENT AVAILABLE AT PRAXISCHURCH.COM
An Introduction to Song of Solomon Throughout the centuries, Christians have had widely, often contradictory, opinions about sex. Starting with some of the earliest church fathers, sex was always a difficult issue. Some Christians outright claimed that sex was not of God at all. For instance:
hermeneutical challenge of the Old Testament” and can lay claim to the most diverse array of interpretations of any book, from a book purely about sexuality to a book purely symbolic about the relationship between God and His people.
• Origen was so against sex and sexuality that after denouncing it, he castrated himself
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• Tertullian said he would rather see the extinction of the human race than to endorse people having sex • Augustine said that married people can have sex, but they can’t enjoy it • Thomas Aquinas taught that sex was only for procreation • John Chrysostom, early in his life, wrote in Genesium Homiliae, “In keeping with God’s will man and women dwelt in Paradise like angels, enflamed by no sexual lustfulness. There was no desire for intercourse, there was neither conception, nor birth, not any sort of corruption.” Needless to say, sexuality has been a topic of great anxiety for Christians. Because of this, the Song of Solomon has been called “the greatest
Solomon, who reigned over the united kingdom of Israel for forty years, appears seven times by name in Song of Solomon. In view of his writing skills, musical giftedness, and the authorial, not dedicatory sense of 1:1, this piece of Scripture could have been penned at any time during Solomon’s reign, but it fits best if written in his relative youth. The cities described in the book point to the united kingdom of Israel before it was divided after Solomon’s reign ended. Knowing that Song of Solomon comprises one song by one author, it’s best taken as a unified piece of poetic, wisdom literature rather than a series of love poems without a common theme or author. Background & Setting Two characters dominate this true-life, dramatic love song. Solomon, whose
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run.
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kingship is mentioned five times, appears as “the beloved”. The Shulamite maiden remains obscure. Some commentators guess she is Pharaoh’s daughter, although the song possesses no evidence for this conclusion. Others favor Abishag, the Shunammite who cared for King David. An unknown maiden from Shunem, whose family had possibly been employed by Solomon, is also possible.
love for Israel and/or Christ’s love for the Church. A more satisfying and consistent way to approach Solomon’s Song is to take it at face value and interpret it in the normal historical sense, understanding the frequent use of poetic imagery to depict reality. To do so understands that Solomon recounts 1) his own days of courtship,
Whatever her identity, she was probably Solomon’s first wife (Ecc.9:9) before he sinned by adding 699 more wives and 300 concubines. Theological Themes All 117 verses in the Song of Solomon are included in the holy scriptures of the Jews and, combined with Ruth, Esther, Lamentations, and Ecclesiastes, it’s part of the Five Scrolls or “Megilloth”. The Jews read the Song at Passover, calling it the “Holy of Holies”. Surprisingly, God is not mentioned explicitly in the book, and no formal theological themes are present. In contrast to the two distorted extremes of ascetic abstinence and lustful perversion outside of marriage, Solomon’s ancient love song exalts in the purity of marital affection and romance. Interpretive Challenges The Song has endured strained interpretations over the centuries by those who use the “allegorical” method of interpretation, claiming that Song of Solomon has no actual historical basis, but rather that it depicts God’s
2) the early days of this first marriage, followed by 3) the maturing of this royal couple through the good and bad days of life. The Song of Solomon expands on the ancient marriage instructions of Gen 2:24, thus providing spiritual music for a lifetime of marital harmony. It’s given by God to demonstrate His intention for the romance and loveliness of marriage, the most precious of human relations and “the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). For Parents We will be honestly discussing adult themes during this series but it will be done in a respectful way. Not all of the topics will be suitable for all ages, so please use discretion with your children. The Challenges We Face As a church, we face difficult challenges during this series. We all are combating our culture’s sexual
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onslaught in seemingly every area of our daily lives. Some of us carry some deep seeded hurt and pain from past relationship and sexual experiences. Others bring emotional burdens and theological presuppositions that will collide with how we present God’s gift of relationships and sexuality. Many people either view sex very conservatively and ultimately negatively, or have such a low view of sex that promiscuity has dominated their lives. Whichever side of the coin you’re on, the goal of studying Song of Solomon is to reform our view of sex and release us to enjoy sex as God created it to be experienced. It’s our personal prayer for all of us that we’d be freed from any shame or guilt that we have experienced in this area and that God would ultimately free us to worship Him in this area of our lives. The Praxis Pastors
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Introduction to Themes The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. The Bride Confesses Her Love She Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. Others We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. She I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept! Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?
Song of Solomon (also referred to as Song of Songs) begins with a Broadway musical-style monologue. We see a young girl, a bit self-conscious of her appearance, yearning for her future husband’s love. This is something we are used to seeing in Glee-like television shows, or even romance books. But scripture? How does an adoring lyrical duo (complete with backup singers), musing on the desires of their heart, soul, and yes, body, fit into the Holy Word of God? As our introduction states, this quandary has left many Christians baffled and often stretching interpretive limits to make this book and its contents fit into their understanding of the Bible. Yet, God created us for deep, intimate, and yes, physical, relationship. Adam and Eve celebrated, being “naked and unashamed” before the fall. We often erroneously think that our relationship problems before and after our wedding days are unique to our time and our situation. However, God gave us His Scripture to be a light unto our feet and to guide us in all aspects of our life. Discussion Briefly, articulate your view of relationships, sex, and marriage. How
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should they be lived out and enjoyed? Who has the “right” to relationships, sex, and marriage? How have influences in your family shaped your view of sex? How have influences within the church shaped your view of sex? How have influences outside of your family and church shaped your view of sex? Do you believe you have a healthy view of relationships and sex? Discuss with one another your beliefs and articulate where those differences may come from. Explanation Many wrongfully assume that God is distant from sex and has very little to do with the act. If that were true, why would God include the following in His word? • The opening song has our female character yearning for her future husband. • There are others encouraging her feelings. • There is an element of praise for
her future husband, as well as a bit of self-consciousness as to how he will react to her body. • While this scripture is meant to be taken literally (meaning that this is not an extended metaphor for the church), there are metaphors, symbols and innuendos within the text. Application The application to this book may differ depending on where God currently has you. For the Single: What are your hopes and desires for a relationship? Do these hopes and desires rule over you, or do you trust God to bring you true companionship? This week pray that God shapes and refines you for your future relationships. Understand His desire for you to be deeply rooted in Him, and make Him your top priority and desire before you make anyone else the object of your affection. For the Dating: Dating someone without open, honest channels of communication is like driving a car blindfolded. You may be able to stay on the road and
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avoid disaster, but only for a very brief amount of time. Openly discuss the topics in the sermon and in the study guide. Talk about your view of relationships, sex, and marriage. Be able to talk about appropriate boundaries and future plans. It doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have to be scary, awkward, or creepy. You don’t need to set a wedding date, but if you’re committed to dating this person, it would be good to have an open discussion. For the Married: The common assumption is that married couples are passionate about their communication and their bedroom only up until the honeymoon phase is over; then routine kicks in and stagnation becomes the norm. God didn’t create relationships or sex for only the honeymoon but created us to be in relationship and intended for marriage to constantly glorify Him. This week, go out on a date and talk openly about what you have learned in the sermon and in this study guide. What are some of your hopes and desires for you to learn together? How does God fit into your marriage? Above all, pray together. A marriage without unified prayer is one unprotected by the seeds of bitterness and gives a foothold to the enemy. Pray
that God would be deeply entrenched in your marriage and that He protects and guides you through the next eight weeks as you strengthen your relationship with each other, and above all, with Him. For All: How can you help and learn from those in your Missional Community who are in a different stage in life? Dating couples, how can you learn from married couples? Married couples, how can you help single people? Bless someone this week who is outside of your life stage and engage in open discussion and prayer about their relationships. Additional Recourse for All If you are single, dating, or married pick up a copy of Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More than To Make Us Happy? The book goes in a lot of depth on some of the topics we will be covering. It includes discussion questions and has an additional devotional you can read with your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse.
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Continued Study Richard Foster states that “we…have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles.” The pitfall in a practical series such as this one is that we want the steps, the rulebook, and the projected outcomes for all of our problems. The reality is that if we are not deeply rooted in Christ, His Word, love, and provision, there is no self-help book, therapy, or sermon that can guide us to a “successful” relationship. This week, in preparation for tackling some difficult topics, be devoted to prayer and praise in Him through a reading of Ephesians. Monday: Read Ephesians Chp. 1 Consider: What does it mean to be adopted into God’s family? (1:5). What does it mean to have “obtained an inheritance?” (1:11). What ultimate reward or rewards should we be looking forward to? What does it mean that God the Father “put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is the body, the fullness of him who fills all in all?” (1:22-23).
What impact does that have? Where does God have authority and control in your life? Pray: Pray that the Lord rules over your entire life and cast all of your anxieties about relationships or anything else to His love, sovereignty, and control. Tuesday: Read Ephesians Chp. 2 Consider: What does it mean that we were “dead in our trespasses and sin”? (2:1). How did you see this in your life before Christ? Reflect on verses 1-3. What impact do these verses have on our view of the Gospel? How do we combat our past? What can be done about the sins we have committed? “…in the coming ages he might show us the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus” (2:7). What does it mean to have “immeasurable riches”? What rewards are you looking for? What rewards are you working towards? “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which
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God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (2:10). What good works fill your life? Where do you see yourself living out the grace you have been given?
Why do you think Paul emphasizes families in this prayer? What is his hope that families look like in relation to God? Pray:
Pray: Today, praise the Lord that despite the fact you were once very far away from Him, He has brought you near. Not by anything you have done, but by His will. Ask Him to show you His complete control in every facet of your life—from finances to relationships. Ask Him to be King over all.
Today, pray for your family. It may be your biological family, the family you have been adopted into through your Missional Communities, the family you share within your roommates, or your extended family. Pray the same thing Paul did—that your family may be deeply rooted in God. Thursday: Read Ephesians Chp. 4
Wednesday: Read Ephesians Chp. 3 Consider: Consider: Verse 10 states “that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.” What does this mean about our relationship and involvement in the church? What is the churches’ role in communicating the message of God? What are the churches’ limits to what it can/can’t speak into? Paul prays for God to “grant you [families] to be strengthened with power through is Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that suppresses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (3:15-18).
What does it mean to be a “prisoner for the Lord?” (4:1) What does that look like in your life? Verses 17-19 state, “Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.” Without judging those who may not have been raised in Christ yet, how have you seen such impurity infiltrate your thoughts and actions? How have you changed having Christ in your life? How have you resisted change? What does it mean to give an oppor-
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tunity to the devil? (verse 27). What specific warnings does Paul give us? Pray: Pray against temptation and sin. Invite the Lord to every facet of your life and ask Him to be with you as you battle sin. Identify that which you struggle with and declare war against what keeps you from the Lord. Friday: Read Ephesians Chp. 5
band is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Consider: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” God does not mince words in His view of sexual immorality. There is very little wiggle room God leaves for us. How have you battled sexual immorality and impurity? What accountability systems do you have in place? Who supports you in that battle? What do you see as sexual immorality?
What do think this means? What does God call you to do as a current or future wife or husband? Why is this, and sexual purity, amongst God’s most clear commands? Why does God see this as important? Pray: Pray against sexual immorality. Pray that the Lord shows you, through His word, through His guidance, and through His people what it means to be a Biblical husband or wife. Pray for your heart to be pure as you peruse a deeper relationship with Him and the one He has provided to walk next to you on your journey to Him. Saturday: Read Ephesians Chp. 6 Consider:
Ephesians 4:22-27 is one of the most currently controversial passages in scripture:
Verses 11- 20 outline one of the most famous defenses and attack options in our spiritual battle:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the hus-
“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the
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schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in open-
ing my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.� Why does God see conflict against sin and temptation as a war? What does that mean to battle against it? As we have seen, Ephesians is a book that speaks at length about families and how those relationships impact our relationship with God. Why would He include a final attack strategy to combat sin? What does this battle mean in our relationships? Pray: Pray that the Lord gives you the tools to battle your sin. Ask for courage to confess sin to your spouse or to combat sin as you prepare yourself for marriage, and as you prepare for the topics we will cover in this series.
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Personal Thoughts & Reference
Song of Solomon
Attraction & Dating Read: Song of Solomon 1:7-2:8 Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? Solomon and His Bride Delight in Each Other He If you do not know, O most beautiful among women, follow in the tracks of the flock, and pasture your young goats beside the shepherds’ tents. I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. Others We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver. She While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance. My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi.
He Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. She Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine. I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. He As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women. She As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
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The Bride Adores Her Beloved The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. This passage gives us a beautiful back and forth flirtation between the two main characters of Song of Solomon. The lyrical poetry portrays two future lovers in complete adoration of each other, each volleying a compliment to the other, praising their great attributes. While many have tried to allegorize these passages, there is a beautiful simplicity in the words. There is a beauty within courtship and marriage that is not often celebrated within in churches. God created man and woman to be in wonderful partnership and companionship—it’s something to be celebrated. Later, our lovers will emphasize that it is unwise for passions to be unleashed before their appropriate time.
Yet, we still see their infatuation growing. This has many applications for us, regardless of our relationship status. God calls us to mature and appropriate courtship, dating, and celebration of love, and the two speakers give us a great framework on how to do that. This week, we’ll explore the various elements of these passages and their applications, not just so that we can use them to have a better relationship or marriage, but also so that we can glorify God with our relationships. Discussion How do you view courtship and dating? How do you see people approaching finding and keeping a relationship? Where do you see traps of pride, lust, or other sins? How can we encourage each other and be a part of each other’s love, relationship and marriage? What accountability can we keep?
Song of Solomon
Explanation
Application
Read through the passage several times. There are various similes and metaphors that have cultural and geographic allusions that we may be unfamiliar with. Work through some of these images and extract possible meanings.
For the single:
What is one trying to say to the other? How does this show their passion?
Keep in mind that such passion is reserved for the confines of a marriage. How can you prepare yourself for a passionate relationship and eventual marriage? How can reading passages like this help? What pitfalls can you see in yearning for such passion too early? For the dating:
Keeping in mind that these images are scripture, what does this say about God’s view about relationships and love?
How can you, keeping all purity, help compliment and praise your dating partner? What is appropriate for your dating relationship, and what is going too far? For the married: Does the passion in these passages match the passion in your marriage? Do you take time to lift your partner up, praise them, and adorn them with love and compliments? How can you better flirt with your spouse?
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Continued Study Monday: 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
work, effort, and above all, prayer.
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Today, pray that your passions are in their rightful place under the Lord’s watchful eye. Ask for help from Him and from those around you to keep you accountable.
This is a great memory verse for married couples. Paul very clearly outlines that marriage should start and continue to be a passionate affair under the covenant and watchful eye of God. The passions we saw in Song of Solomon this week should not end in courtship. Married men and women should celebrate their yearnings for one another and express them often, unless the Lord calls you to a (short) season of fasting. For the single folks and young couples, this passion needs to wait. For the married, this passion needs to be cared for and cultivated. All approaches take a lot of
Tuesday: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Early in their relationship, couples too often sinfully succumb to passions and stay in that season. It’s far too easy to justify the status quo when you are getting all the benefits of marriage without truly making the commitment. This is not exclusive to young dating couples however; when do you give in to the passions of your flesh, outside of the wisdom of the Spirit? Today, evaluate what passions you need to better take control of and ask God to help you combat those urges. Talk to your dating partner or spouse openly about your desires and struggles and pray together that the Lord guide your passions in a way that is appropriate to His word.
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Wednesday: 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Thursday: 1 Timothy 3:1-7
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, soberminded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
Unfortunately, singleness can get a bad reputation, especially within the Christian community. It’s only a matter of time before someone asks about your relationship or engagement status. Paul clearly outlines that being single is not a curse or a burden that the Lord bestows upon you. He knows your needs and knows, as a perfect Father, the right time to fulfill your needs. If you are single, praise the Lord that you have the opportunity to focus the time you might spend with a spouse serving Him instead. How are you serving the kingdom? Are your passions distracting you from your opportunities? Today, pray how you are fulfilling your vows to be a Christian servant and ask Him to best guide you. If you’re married, please pray for our single brothers and sisters that they would use their singleness well to serve God faithfully.
While these are the qualifications of an elder, these are attributes that all Christian men should strive for. Men, read this passage over. How well do you fit under the charges that Paul commands of you? Do you lean into the Lord for your weaknesses and praise Him for your strengths? Women, are you looking for a man who follows the Lord and leads with these qualities? Today, pray over this passage that the Lord may give you guidance to live these out as men, or that the Lord bring you a man who is willing to submit to God’s word and God’s command.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
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Friday: Proverbs 31:10-31 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. In today’s scripture, we evaluate the portrait of a Biblical wife. Women, how are you leaning on the Lord for these qualities? Men, are you searching for a wife based off of superficial criterions, or are you finding a woman who first and foremost fears and loves the Lord? Today, pray over this passage that the Lord may give you guidance to live these out as women, or that the Lord bring you a woman who is willing to submit to God’s word and God’s command.
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Saturday: 1 Timothy 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. Sometimes our passions get the best of us. We assume that just because we’re dating, we have knocked down some barriers or achieved a different level of Christian maturity. However, scripture calls us to have appropriate relationships with those around us, those to whom we are not married to, as family members. If you’re not married, are you treating those around you with purity? Today, evaluate your intentions for dating and passions. Ask the Lord to convict you of sin and to bring you wisdom as to the best ways to lean into Him for appropriate, pure relationships.
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Dating, Problems, & Temptations Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5 The Bride Adores Her Beloved The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains. The Bride’s Dream On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
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If we’re honest, honesty hurts. Every dating couple rejoices in each other’s majestic qualities during the dating onset. Yet at some point, the relationship has to transition from the Hollywood romance to reality. We’re sinners, and we date sinners who have not only their flaws but also their pasts. These are obstacles to fuller relationship with each other—and fuller relationship with God. We can’t ignore them. We can’t avoid them. We can’t sweep them under the rug. Scripture here teaches us to hunt those “little foxes”—to chase out any potential disasters before they come chasing after us. The question is not whether or not conflict will occur but rather when it will occur. This means spending some time in meditation, prayer, and reflection. It means having difficult, honest, bold, blunt conversations with those to whom you’re accountable and those with whom you’re in relationship. There will be nothing easy about this process. It’s not one that is often rejoiced in. But God didn’t create our relationships solely to make us happy; He created them to refine us (yes, sometimes through some painful circum stances) in order to best glorify Him.
And, if we’re honest, that’s the best possible outcome of any relationship. Discussion What “little foxes” have gotten in the way of your relationships? How could you have better hunted those potential pitfalls out? If they ended the relationship, do you think it’s something that could have been avoided? Reflect on your friendships and relationships. Do you live in fear or in trust? Do you feel like people are bound to hurt you, or do you give them the benefit of the doubt. Explain why you default to this position. Explanation Note that the opening part of this passage is an exultation on her love; she is praising him. Yet within that praise, she identifies that there could be obstacles to their love. What does this say about the timing of hunting those “little foxes”? When should a dating couple address those issues? The next passage, a dream sequence, shows her upset by a potential conflict
Song of Solomon
with her love. She warns her friends to not unleash passions before their time. What is the link in these two thoughts? Why is that her response to the dream? Application For the single: Sin issues will not go away when you start dating someone. A relationship will not “fix” what God intents for you to address. While the context of this passage is in relationship, the entire Bible speaks of our progressive sanctification as we move closer to God. What are your “little foxes”? What will get in the way when you do come into a relationship? What is getting in the way of a fuller relationship with God? For the dating: Having an open, confessional discussions is not only difficult because of its content but because of its timing. We
often hesitate to reveal parts of ourselves and of our struggles because we may feel it is too early in the relationship or that it may be too late (and thus, fearing that they may leave if they found out who we “really” are). Pray about what you should be confessing to your dating partner; ask the Lord to help guide you to relevant, timely, and productive discussions with each other about sin and relationship issues. For the married: Unfortunately, even the best premarital counseling doesn’t kill off all the foxes. As the marriage grows and changes, the problems also shift. Do you have a good plan for conflict resolution? What are some obstacles to your friendship and marriage that you didn’t have when you first got married? Do you harbor any un-confessed sin in your life? Spend some time in prayer and consider what needs to be better communicated in your marriage.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Continued Study Monday: Malachi 3:2-3 But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord. This passage may initially seem out of context with our current series. Yet, hunting down the sin issues that stand in the way of our relationships is not a cakewalk. In fact, it’s more like a walk through fire. Progressive sanctification, or growing in the Lord, especially as we grow in relationship with each other can often be like a “refiners fire and like fuller’s soap.” The editors of the ESV Study Bible explain it best when they state: “The heat of the refiner’s fire was intense in order to separate the dross from the molten pure metal. Similarly, the fuller washed clothes using strong lye soap, after which the clothes would be placed on rocks and beaten with sticks. If sinners prefer the Lord’s cleansing work to his judgment, this is the price that must be paid.” Pray that the Lord give you the strength and focus to have the difficult conver-
sations, and trust that He is carefully and lovingly shaping you in Him. Tuesday: 1 John 5:1-10 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. We can very easily fool ourselves into thinking we can tip the scales of God’s justice. Hiding away that “one” sin is okay as long as we are following the rest of God’s commands. Yet, today’s passage reminds us that God is not fooled. We are either walking in His light, or we are not. What have you kept tucked away from God? From your spouse? What unconfessed sin is lurking in your heart, deceiving you into thinking you have a full relationship with the Lord?
Sex, Love & Jesus
Wednesday: James 5:13-18
Thursday: Colossians 3:1-11
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
James 5:16 is almost always referenced in regards to confession. The author, who doesn’t mince any words, is clear that we must open up our hearts to others, even if that means exposing some of the ugly sins rooted deep within. But what we often forget is the context of this verse. James outlines for us strong Biblical community, filled with support and fervent prayer. Many, while searching for our little foxes, will need to step out and confess sin. It’s important for the confessor and the one hearing the confession to be bathed in prayer. As you look to some difficult conversations, root yourself in prayer, trusting that God has paid the price for all sins and that we are playing the pivotal role in redeeming what we have broken.
Confessing sin means nothing if there is not true repentance. Anyone can apologize for doing something wrong, but very few often take the next step into active combat against that which wars against us. Christ died for our sins, not just so that we could have infinite second chances but so that we could have infinite life in Him, and living in Him means putting to death many of the habits that plague us. Today, as you continue to confess sin and root out deadly habits, pray that
Sex, Love & Jesus
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Sex, Love & Jesus
the Lord be with you as you move towards active change to be more like Him. Find ways in community, either with your spouse, friends, or your family, to hold you accountable in your fight. Friday: 2 Corinthians 5:16-21 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. This has been a difficult week of devotionals; it’s never easy to confront your
shortcomings—either to yourself, to others, or to God. Keep in mind that, while the Holy Spirit may convict you of sin, He never condemns you. For those made alive in Christ, it’s natural for us to feel guilty for the sins we have committed. We, like Christ, should balk at the horrific nature of sin. Yet, God reminds us no matter how ugly, no matter how terrible, no matter how irrevocable it may be, you are forgiven and a new creation in Christ. Today, rejoice that Christ has paid the penalty for your sin. Cast your anxieties on Him, trusting that He can and will take your burdens and lead you to a closer place with Him. Saturday: Colossians 3:12-17 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were
Sex, Love & Jesus
called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Again, this has been a difficult week for devotionals. Often, it’s just as difficult to hear someone confess sin, as it is to confess our own faults. When someone has sinned against us, it’s often in our nature to retaliate, harboring anger, and letting the seed of bitterness grow in our heart. However, Christ calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we blindly ignore the situations around us, but it does means that we, with the cross in mind, move to healing. Take some time, despite any anger you may feel, to celebrate that God has provided a way for us to be reconciled—not just to Him but also to those whom we can call brothers and sisters in Christ.
Sex, Love & Jesus
Personal Thoughts & Reference
Sex, Love & Jesus
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