PressureLife Issue 24 by PressureLife

weedland The Botanist medical marijuana dispensaries are budding across Ohio. PRESSURELIFE TURNT

MUSIC / ENTERTAINMENT / ARTS + CULTURE / LIFE / INDEPENDENT / PRESSURELIFE.COM

Creative Arts ® at Tri-C Register now for summer or fall semester! Tri-C offers a world of opportunity in hands-on, customized learning experiences for degree-seeking students and those interested in exploring the arts. Start your educational path in one of the following Creative Arts program areas to gain professional skills and find a career.

Program areas: • • • •

Art Dance Journalism and Mass Communication Media Arts and Filmmaking

• • • •

Music Recording Arts and Technology Theatre Arts Visual Communication and Design

Enroll now at

www.tri-c.edu/creativearts 216-987-3509 18-0390

S AY WH AT YOU SEE

PressureLife Creative Director, Owner Art Director, Partner Managing Editor, Partner Senior Writers

Staff Writers Media Producer Contributors

Jim Bacha Hannah Allozi Alex Bieler Adam Dodd Dan Bernardi Kevin Naughton Dave Sebille James Earl Brassfield Kevin Naughton Aaron Gelston @gelston.design

Anthony Franchino Casey Rearick @caseyrearickphoto

Dave Skorepa India Pierre-Ingram Jason Dunlap Mary Santora Scott Anderson Tesh Ekman Wilson Rivera Distribution

PMK Logistics

Enjoying PressureLife? We would love to hear your thoughts. PressureLife.com/feedback

FIND THIS GUY IN ONE OF OUR ADVERTISEMENTS + WIN $25 Weir was found by Brian hiding in Rood's ad in Issue 23 of PressureLife. Weir will he be next? For your chance to score a $25 gift card, locate the elusive Weir stashed in one of our advertisements and be the first to cast his location to @thepressurelife through Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

Want to wear Weir?

PressureLife.com has your size.

CONTENTS APRIL / MAY 2019

06 Cleveland’s New Psychic Leaders

Join the OSTOD cult.

08 Cleveland’s Other Football Team

10 (Will You) Mary Me

The right and wrong ways to court the bartender.

12 The Illuminati of Akron

Cleveland SC attempts to break the local soccer cycle.

The beards, beers, and branding behind Whiskertin’s handmade lights.

14 Cilantro Taqueria

Dine with the PressureLife team.

16 Weedland

The Botanist medical marijuana dispensaries are budding across Ohio.

22 The Ballad of Annie Zaleski

24 Wildflowers for Monarchs

Robert Boyer’s butterfly haven.

26 Tech Trends

The potential benefits and hazards of generative adversarial networks.

28 Swing and a Miss

The forgotten travesty that was the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

30 My Favorite Mothers

The woman writing the book on rock ‘n’ roll.

The mother of all mother lists.

The Ongoing Story of Inside Akron’sTent City From CIFF to Nightlight Cinema. Kevin Naughton, Jason Dunlap, and Ian Douglas drove to Akron to the selforganized homeless community called Tent City. What started as an idea to create a short video on Tent City turned into a six-part series that focuses on life for a marginalized portion of American society and the events following Akron City Council’s decision to close the camp.

BACK IN THE FALL OF 2018,

On Thursday, April 4, the first episode of Inside Akron’s Tent City was an official selection for the 43rd Cleveland International Film Festival as part of a Local Heroes screening. There, a crowded room saw property owner Sage Lewis and the denizens of Tent City share a screen with stories on Cleveland Cavaliers player Larry Nance, Jr., Cleveland Public Theatre’s community event Station Hope, and six other topics. Attendees of the screening got a first introduction to the Tent City, but there’s much more to tell about the overlooked community. The whole, six-part story will return back to the Rubber City from May 10-16 when independent, nonprofit movie theater The Nightlight Cinema will premier the full-length documentary. During that run, PressureLife and The Nightlight will host a special panel discussion with Naughton and a few guests to update the ongoing story of the Tent City community and discuss the impacts that a human approach to homelessness had on its members. The filming of Inside Akron’s Tent City may be done, but the story of homelessness in America is far from over.

Want to watch Inside Akron’s Tent City? Head to nighlightcinema.com for information on screenings or watch all six episodes of the series at Ipressurelife.com/inside-akrons-tent-city.I

vidual members of the band are certainly not limited to playing fuzzy, warm, riff-soaked psych-rock songs. The band also performs under the pseudonym Oregon Space Trail of Jazz when it need a few extra bucks. The band’s first single “Psychic Leader” is a seven-and-a-half-minute-long mind bender. Every band member gets a moment to display their skills, although showing off is not the goal.

Cleveland’s New

“We could all just go, go, go, go, but then no one would be entranced by the songs,” Guitarist Nolan Cavano explains.

Psychic Leaders Oregon Space Trail of Doom’s bright future both locally and beyond. Dave Sebille Photography // Kory Gasser + Herald Martin

regon Space Trail of Doom is a name that sticks in your head like the saxophone part in George Michael’s “Careless Whisper.” The mere mention of the band sparks people to throw their heads back and exclaim “I keep hearing about those guys!” Why is Oregon Space Trail Of Doom becoming an increasingly recognizable combination of words in Northeast Ohio?

The most important reason is that the group is one of the most interesting bands playing right now in the area. Dripping with talent and knowledge, the band sucks you into its psychedelic playground and tickles your senses in ways you didn’t even know were possible. Along the way, the band gently guides you down a path of scorching guitar tones and melodies that swirl around your head like a welcome tornado. Another reason why the name may be familiar is that the band played 30 shows in Northeast Ohio last year, none of which were given any less attention than the others. The band tries to focus on each individual

6 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

show as it approaches, while still keeping the big picture in mind. “It’s moving exactly how we want it to,” Drummer Tony Kazel explains. “We want this band to spread like bacteria—good bacteria, probiotic bacteria.” The band members plan to stretch their legs out across the country this fall in support of their debut LP Into the Wood. Singer and Guitarist Ryan Fletterick is confident that setting up a countrywide tour won’t be as big of a task as some may think. “We have connections all over the country, it’s just a matter of connecting the dots,” he says. The album will be its own passport as well. With a near perfect specimen in all aspects from production to writing to art and layout, no self-respecting concert promoter is going to say no to booking these maniacs. Into the Wood is a sonic journey that pairs absolute musical precision with whimsical imagination. While the album does carry a musical theme of simple riffs, occult-based lyrics, and wild, guitar-driven instrumentals, it never gets stale. Bassist Nick Yanasko’s work is hypnotizing and weaves magically throughout the album to Kazel’s drumming. To dispel any confusion, Oregon Space Trail Of Doom is not a “doom metal” band. If you show up to their next concert in corpse paint, you may feel slightly out of place. The indi-

We want this band to spread like bacteria— good bacteria, probiotic bacteria.

Other than being some of the best musicians in the city at the moment, the members of Oregon Space Trail of Doom have the freedom to travel, as they all view playing music as their chosen careers. This advantage will almost certainly propel the band toward very long tours in the upcoming years, but Cleveland will always be their home.

“Cleveland is the best home base for a musician,” says Fletterick, who has lived and played in New York City in the past. “We will always be excited to come back home and play here.” For the time being, it’s recommended that you see Oregon Space Trail of Doom as many times as you can before the band leaves to travel the world and spread Cleveland’s own brand of psychedelic bacteria into every nook and cranny of the globe.

You can follow Oregon Space Trail of Doom on all social media platforms. Also, make sure to catch the band at PressureFest Aug. 10.

Pressure Picks Upcoming Events to See.

Of Montreal April 15 // Beachland Ballroom

Buckethead April 26 // Agora Theatre

She Wants Revenge April 26 // Beachland Ballroom

Adventure Club May 1 // House of Blues

The Slackers May 3 // Grog Shop

Hope for the Hollow May 5 // The Foundry

Pale Ale Throwdown May 7 // Voodoo Tuna

Hatebreed May 8 // Agora Theatre

mewithoutYou May 10 // Grog Shop

Jay Pharoah May 24-26 // Hilarities

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 â&#x20AC;&#x192;7

Cleveland’s Other

Football Team How Cleveland SC works to break the cycle for local soccer clubs. Tesh Ekman Photography // Ric Kruszynski

The

recent hype around the Browns has locals buzzing and Vegas giving the team legitimate Super Bowl odds, but Cleveland Soccer Club wants to prove that Cleveland is a football town in more ways than one.

The city has been home to several soccer teams over the years, starting with the Cleveland Stokers in 1967. Clubs have come and gone, including a Cleveland Crunch team which brought home a national Major Indoor Soccer League championship trophy in 1994. When semi-professional soccer club AFC Cleveland folded in 2017, it was yet another in a cycle of a soccer clubs that came and went. Still, some passionate locals saw it as an opportunity for a fresh start. When former AFC Cleveland media relations staff member and current Cleveland SC Owner Sam Siebert got word that AFC Cleveland was no more in December of 2017, he couldn’t bear the

8 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

thought of there not being a soccer team representing the city. He soon found others, like SC Marketing Director Gary Wiggins, and former AFC players who felt the same way. By February of 2018, the National Premier Soccer League (NPSL) gave charter to a new team: Cleveland SC. Siebert and company had 90 days to go from zero to fielding a team in mid-May for its first match. The front office staff, all volunteering their time, realized that doing things differently meant more than just sending players out onto the pitch. Partnerships were formed with The Old Angle Tavern, a longtime base for local soccer fans, and CLE Clothing Co., which designed the team logo and sells Cleveland SC apparel. Platform Beer Co. Co-Founder Justin Carson, a rabid soccer fan, also got engaged and launched a special-edition ale containing electrolytes called Orangeaid. Connections in the local soccer community were invaluable. Ryan “Ozzy” Osborne, an Englishman and experienced soccer coach living in Northeast Ohio, became head coach of Cleveland SC after a former AFC Cleveland player reached out about the role. Within two weeks, he was on board after a conversation over beers with Siebert. Jason Lansdale of Offside Marketing offered to have his company help promote the team because of his love for the sport, adding PR experience the team couldn’t turn down.

“We want to work with those who share the same local vision,” Siebert explains. “Striving as a small business wanting to grow and develop and be the best in their area/industry and be an ambassador to the city. We want invested partners who help each other.” Given the mad scramble to get up and running last year, the team performed beyond expectations in its debut season, finishing second in the Midwest Region’s East Conference. After a playoff win in the regional quarterfinals, its season ended after a close 1-0 loss in the semis against Ann Arbor. With those results and a full offseason to prepare, hopes are high for the 2019 campaign.

The front office staff, all volunteering their time, realized that doing things differently meant more than just sending players out onto the pitch.

The team has used the time to find a new home, moving from John Carroll University to Baldwin Wallace’s George Finnie Stadium in Berea. It’s also organized an international friendly at home against Monarcas Morelia Reserves of Mexico on Cinco de Mayo to get the team and fans geared up for their NPSL season, which kicks off May 19 at Syracuse. The first home match takes place May 26 vs. Rochester.

“Regardless of level, we want to operate as a professional organization,” Wiggins explains. “An example. Setting those expectations early. Put forward that we’re serious, that we think it’s going to work and something to be proud of. It all starts with us with being professional, caring, and putting forth that effort.” Cleveland SC is proud to represent the city on the local sports landscape. It may not be the Browns, Indians, or Cavs, but SC planted the right seeds both on and off the pitch and plans to be a part of the city for a long time.

Interested in learning more about Cleveland SC? Become a fan, attend matches, and for more information, visit clevelandsc.com.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 9

(Will You)

MARY ME The right and wrong ways to court the bartender. Mary Santora @marysantoracomedy

Drinkers are drawn to bartenders like vegans are to homemade almond milk.

ell yes, it’s Wednesday. Wednesday’s half-off pizza night at your favorite bar. Round up the troops! Not Blake though–he never throws in for shots and always suggests some bullshit like cauliflower crust. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. You walk in and there’s the real reason you go to a shithole bar where your shoes stick to the floor like it's a port-a-potty on day three of a music festival: the bartender.

Everyone has had that bartender who makes you feel amazing from the moment you walk in the door. This person knows your drink order, notices your haircut, and genuinely cannot wait to hear about the hot mess Tinder date you had. It's easy to develop a crush on someone you see on a regular basis, but what is it that makes bartending such an innately hot career? Is it that the bar acts as a barrier, like it’s an obstacle you have to overcome? Is it getting the attention of someone who is simultaneously paying attention to 30 other people? Is it the badassery of being able to down eight shots of Jameson during a shift without skipping a beat or missing a drink order? Whatever the reason, drinkers are drawn to bartenders like vegans are to homemade almond milk; they’re both smooth, delicious, and goddamn do you want them with your coffee in the morning. Be careful, though. Before you know it, booze is whispering in your ear. “She’s totally into you. That free shot was her way of flirting. Did you see the smile she just gave you from across the bar? Give her your number. What's the worst that could happen?” Getting a number is nothing new for someone in the restaurant business, but how it’s done can make all the difference in the world. Did you call her “toots” all night and ask her what her “real” job is? Did you follow him on Instagram and Twitter after sending an unresponded friend request on Facebook two weeks ago? Did you drunkenly sing “Pony” by Ginuwine at the top of your lungs while making unwavering eye contact and “dancing” with the rhythm of the blow-up guys at a used

10 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

car lot? Like any area of dating, there are right and wrong ways to court a love interest. As a long-time service industry employee, I’ll walk you through the three major “don'ts” when leaving your number for a bartender.

No.1

Don't leave a shitty tip. We all have times when money is tight, but you should never skimp on tipping those doing you a service, especially if you're simultaneously hitting on them. There isn't a person on this planet with a banging-enough personality to make leaving $3 on a $37 bill okay. Honestly, the arrogance of leaving your number along with pocket change is borderline presidential. It’s insulting and rude, and definitely not going to end with a date. You should be tipping 20 to 25 percent as is, but leaving a few extra bucks is only going to make you look even more kind and generous. Who doesn't want those qualities in a potential partner?

No.2

Don't get absolutely obliterated. Bartenders deal with drunk idiots all the time–you’ll stand out more if you aren’t one of them. You have a much better chance of getting a text or call with great conversation and casual flirting than if you fall off of your barstool or make out with the stranger sitting next to you. Just like you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you get more dates with coherent sentences than passing out into your chicken wings.

No.3

Don't make it a big to-do. I understand that giving someone your number can be nerve-wracking, but it doesn't necessarily need to be addressed. The whole, “listen, I never do this, and honestly, I'm kind of embarrassed, but I felt like we really connected and I have always thought you were cute and wanted to do this last week but you were super busy and I didn’t want to bother you, and if you aren’t into it that’s cool too, I just wanted to give you this” is really awkward for all parties involved. Just write it down on the receipt with a cute compliment. A little confidence goes a long way. Keep these few simple rules in mind the next time you're feeling yourself and decide to finally make a move on that hunk behind the bar. Although I can't promise you a date by avoiding these dickhead moves, I bet you get a drink quickly the next time the bar is three deep simply because you weren’t a trainwreck of a human being hitting on them the week before. Cheers and good luck out there .

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 â&#x20AC;&#x192;11

The

Illuminati of Akron The beards, beers, and branding behind Whiskertin. James Earl Brassfield

a modern bachelor, few things in this world can be a centerpiece for your pad. The team at Whiskertin, a hand-crafted lighting company in Akron, enhances the feel of the room while drawing any visitor’s eyes to their fixtures. Nothing says “I'm a cool, adult man” like a lamp from Whiskertin.

Aaron Novak and Glenn Miller are two friends turned business partners. They are both the design and manufacturing branches of Whiskertin–just two guys with day jobs and a bit more than high school shop electrical expertise. The pair have giant beards and even bigger ideas about the art of lighting any space. The ex-roommates and longtime buddies are transforming what was a one-off garage project into functional, fashionable lights and a very intriguing brand. Everything is moving fast for Whiskertin right now. The company is only four years old and Aaron and Glenn still work their respective daytime gigs. The irony is the very genesis of this company is weirdly rooted in after work hangs. Sometime in 2015 after a typical HVAC workday, Aaron had a strong need for a cold beer with his buddy Glenn. He also had a need for a cheap lamp, so the duo hit the garage and grabbed a drill. They punched holes in some scrap ductwork, put their basic wiring skills to work, and made their first light. After an Instagram post of the spoils, the frame of the brand had been wrought. Still, Aaron and Glenn needed to be sure the product was cool enough to sell. If they were going to market, the lamps, the fixtures, the logo, and the overall vibe had to grab consumers’ attention and properly light their spaces. Therefore, every aspect

12 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

of the business was designed with marketability in mind, from the grandness of the Whiskertin gonfalon, which is classically little more than a poster hung from a crossbar, and the old-school feel of Edison bulbs on skateboard decks. All the bones of the Whiskertin brand are marketing class 101 mixed with post-work beers and beard whiskers. The company expanded in April 2018 into Akron’s version of Lakewood’s Screw Factory. The Saalfield Building is the home of “The Whisker Space.” The beautifully-lit showroom and workspace is warm, bright, and welcoming. Everything in the room emits a familiar glow. Local artists can display work there

for sale. Aaron and Glenn are among the first artists to inhabit the building and set the standard for what’s possible in this burgeoning space. With a fantastic mural on the central pillar, a TV playing skate videos, and a rustic bar, the sales floor becomes a hang space after hours on occasion. This is ground zero for the Whiskertin stamp. The effectiveness of Whiskertin’s mark is based on them creating a product that is undeniably cool and customizable. Even the merch is an attractive, mind-bending homage to some of the best metal tees of all time. The main logo is a moth with a light bulb bum–brilliant meme-level stuff. Some of the lights are best described as art first. Aaron All the bones of and Glenn have found a way to fashthe Whiskertin ion handmade fixtures into a rock ‘n’ roll band. They are lighting the room brand are for effect and making moods possible. marketing class

101 mixed with post-work beers and beard whiskers.

Get down to Saalfield Square and see the Wiskertin showroom. Aaron and Glenn will be there. Don't be afraid of their massive beards. They’ll explain how Glenn has always had the bigger better beard–Aaron is not bothered by it. These two friends have seen all sides of life together. Fun times, sad times, dark times–now the light days are here. Seriously, don’t miss out on this amazing art lighting by two guys in Akron. Ask them about the “Litany Spears” or the work they’ve done in local fine dining. These dudes took Whiskers and Tin, smashed them together and found a brand that's handmade for the spotlight.

Need to brighten up your space? Visit the showroom at 1145, #306, Getz St. in Akron. or check out Whiskertin online at whiskertin.com

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 13

What We Ate

The group's menu item ratings

Cilantro Taqueria

Ground Beef: 3 Grilled Chicken: 2.5 Grilled Steak: 2.5 Pastor: 2.5 Veggie: 2.5 Chorizo: 3 Barbacoa: 3 Shrimp: 2 Queso: 3 Nacho bowl: 4 Guacamole: 2.5 Margaritas: N/A

Dine with the PressureLife Team.

ate onions? Put ketchup on your ketchup? We all have unique likes and dislikes, but you don’t always know if a reviewer’s tastes align with your own. Instead of reading a review from one source, take it from four members of our team, along with a list of our personal preferences. Even though we are woefully under-qualified to review a restaurant, at least one of us will likely share some of your distinct tastes.

For this issue, the PressureLife crew visited Cilantro Taqueria. Cilantro opened back in January of this year in the former Chipotle location right by the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights. Like the major chain, Cilantro offers fast-casual Mexican eats such as tacos and burritos, except without a long history of E. coli and norovirus outbreaks. We decided to stop by to test out Cilantro to see if it could offer a fresh take on Mexican food or if Clevelanders should turn elsewhere for their taco Tuesdays.

ALEX:

It’s tough to judge service based on a single visit, but let’s just say Cilantro didn’t have the most helpful staff. It wasn’t so much that the people there were unfriendly as much as they seemed rather disinterested. It also didn’t help that I had to stand by myself at the register as nobody behind the counter wanted to ring up my

Likes + Dislikes Get to know the group's taste preferences 14 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

Alex: Mango is death; thinks garlic is a beautiful ingredient; can be seduced with a good meat and /or cheese board but hates blue cheese; loves meat in pretty much all forms. Jim: Prefers a salad over a burger but a steak over anything else; loves spicy

order. Still, I’ll forgive some questionable service if the food is worth the experience, and I can say that what I ate was… okay. The meats themselves were actually quite nice. The barbacoa and pork al pastor had an inviting sweetness, while the chorizo–while rather salty–had a nice kick that livened up my tacos. The rice bowl with ground beef was also quite enjoyable, especially since the added queso seemingly absorbed into the Mexican rice to make each bite nice and cheesy. However, things quickly got soggy. The aforementioned barbacoa oozed both juice and grease that turned some nice taco shells into slippery disks. The nacho bowl was nice at first, but the mound of ingredients soon turned into a pile of sauce, sour cream, and mushy chips that would be perfect to feed people who are unable to chew. Cilantro has some nice options–especially when it comes to meat–but it’s quite a hit-and-miss affair. Rating: 2.5/5

JIM:

You know when someone goes, “You have got to try this place?” This is not that place. Cilantro Taqueria is a spot if you’re in the area with a craving for Mexican or you’re going to show at Grog Shop and need a base. The selection of protein was more than what you’ll get at Chipotle with some tasty options. The

and sour flavors; despises donuts and dry bakery; will try anything once. Hannah: Enjoys foods that are savory and slightly over-salted; meals are typically a collection of small snacks; hates funky cheeses and properly cooked red meat; generally not a picky eater.

Dave: The bolder, the better. Prefers big flavors that stick around in your molars. Not a huge fan of sweets; would rather have an Irish coffee for dessert. Tries to keep it as unique and local as possible, but is not above McDonald's breakfast. Please hold the zucchini and squash.

pastor, ground beef, and grilled steak wasn’t too bad. The chorizo was good, but I needed a few glasses of water to wash down the amount of salt it had. To be honest, the veggie taco was probably my favorite. Other highlights for me were the Mexican rice, the hot, smoky salsa, and the fresh cilantro as an optional topping. As for the experience, the staff didn’t seem too excited that they had customers, which initially put me in that awkward “should I be here?” mode. I know Cilantro Taqueria is new and I hope the establishment will work out the kinks, but I won’t be back unless The Get Up Kids are at Grog. Rating: 2.5/5

HANNAH:

I realize there is a difference between fine dining and quick service. While I enjoy eating out of a plastic basket, some things are just table stakes—like having a staff with motor skills. Though the people were extremely slow and very disinterested about what I wanted in my burrito bowl, there were a few things that I enjoyed. I really liked the variety of meats and sauces they had available and that the bowls are made with Mexican rice. They had fresh cilantro and onions as a topping, which I think is often missed with other similar restaurants. I was extremely disappointed that at the time we reviewed Cilantro, their liquor license had not yet gone into effect. This meant that judging their ability to make a good margarita was unfortunately not an option. The food also had a very short shelf life; everything seemed to quickly liquify into a soupy mess. In short, I was slightly jealous of Dave and whatever thing he had to do that kept him from joining us for the food review. Rating: 2.5/5

Cilantro Taqueria 2783 Euclid Heights Blvd, Cleveland, OH 44106 216.331.3069

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 15

weedland Green Leaf Apothecaries proves pioneers in the new frontier of medical marijuana. Adam Dodd

Ohio

voters’ decision to legalize medical marijuana has created a Wild West with new frontiers being carved and quartered by a growing caravan of ambitious pioneers, all racing to establish themselves amid a budding industry.

For Green Leaf Apothecaries and its growing number of dispensaries, they’ve already established themselves as the new business model’s standard bearers. “Our grand vision has always been to be the true north of this program,” attests cofounder Dave Neundorfer.

16 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

His latest venture finds him as one of four companies awarded dispensary licenses in Ohio, but it’s under a different company’s banner that they market themselves. This is possible after licensing the brand and likeness of preexisting national dispensary, The Botanist, for the multiple Green Leaf dispensaries they they’ve recently opened across the state. For Neundorfer, who is also the owner and operator of cleantech firm Neundorfer Incorporated, medical marijuana presented a

“fascinating opportunity to be part of a brand new market and be one of the first businesses involved in building it.” His retail interests found a kindred spirit in Kate Nelson whose personal history led her to become one of the Green Leaf ’s fellow founders. Shortly after graduating from law school with a focus on medical marijuana legislation, Nelson became caretaker to her grandmother who was suffering through stage four bone cancer.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 â&#x20AC;&#x192;17

a need for an alternative, but also wanted something to be a part of the community that would contribute in a positive way.”

“Soon the quartet was serving as the de facto Fleetwood Mac of medical marijuana for the region.”

the sum of its parts. Along with their spouses, they applied for the proper cultivation and dispensary permits. After licensing the more established The Botanist brand for their stores, the quartet was soon serving as the de facto Fleetwood Mac of medical marijuana for the region.

“Towards the end of her life we talked with her doctor to see if medical marijuana would be an option,” she recounts. “His response was ‘well, it could be, but it’s not legal here and I don’t know enough about it.’ She passed away shortly afterwards and was never able to find out if medical cannabis could have been an alternative to the morphine she was on.”

Facilities in Akron and Columbus will soon join the three dispensaries Green Leaf has already established in Wickliffe, Cleveland and Canton. The sheer population of Cleveland makes Green Leaf’s Botanist inclusion elementary, but the motivation behind the Wickliffe store, which tracks approximately 90 patients a day, proved perceptive to the varying needs of the communities Green Leaf selects to enter.

At first glance, Neundorfer’s world of button-down plaids and khakis appears in contrast to Nelson’s laidback jeans and oversized military fatigue jacket, but the two have been able to produce a whole larger than

“Mayor Barbish has been arms wide open with this and there was no push back from Council either,” Nelson explains. “They know that Wickliffe not only has an older generation population that may have

18 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

Neundorfer wants the company to be more intrinsic to the cities they serve. He expresses an interest in supporting the Cleveland Food Bank and WeCanCodeIt, which trains people to better adapt to an increasingly tech-savvy workplace. He is mindful to add that these philanthropic ambitions won’t turn to action until their Botanist facilities can reach “steady state profitability.” Our interview takes place at the Cleveland facility on Lakeside Avenue hours before its grand opening to the public. More industrial than its Wickliffe strip mall counterpart, both storefronts are nondescript by design. Their lobbies invite the public to discuss general questions about obtaining a marijuana card through a physician, but they’re not interested in foot traffic. Only those with valid marijuana cards are allowed entry into the actual storeroom, which best resembles an Apple store a few days into the post-apocalypse. Sleek display cases and checkout counters are flanked by walls of sprawling ivy and potted plants. Amid the foliage, a trained staff member explains the different strains of marijuana they have available and the different effects they produce to first-time patient customers.

“The stigma that this is going to be ‘wink-wink’ medical just doesn’t hold up.” The shifting public perception appears to be paying off for Green Leaf. Of the approximately 20,000 patients signed up to receive medical marijuana cards in Ohio, only 5,400 have entered a dispensary yet. According to company records, half of those who have entered a dispensary have done so through one of their Botanist facilities. According to Nuendorfer, their CBD-heavy products are far outperforming those that are THC-leaning. “Our most popular strain is one that minimizes the psychoactive effects and maximizes the health benefits of anti-inflammation and anti-anxiety.” For him, this speaks to the efficacy of medical marijuana as well as the legitimacy of the patient’s needs.

The group expects these numbers to increase once more processed products such as tinctures, edibles, transdermal patches, and capsules become available. At the moment, only the plant flower is accessible as Green Leaf awaits processing licenses to come into effect, which they think will occur by the beginning of April.

Green Leaf’s Chief Compliance & Communications Officer Caroline Henry spoke on the processed products’ popularity. “I think people are more comfortable with processed forms than they are with flower that, to them, they’ve never tried before.” Once processing licenses are approved, Henry envisions the actual marijuana flower being “a very small fraction” of the products that they will be offering. Other products that are quickly proving mainstays are accessories, like grinders and vaporizers. While

Weed

101 t

Medical marijuana is a new subject for many. Naturally, our first instinct was to make a cheat sheet.

SATIVA: Consider the two main strains

CBD: (CANNABIDIOL) This chemical

INDICA: Totally the Oscar Madison

VAPORIZERS: According to Ohio

of marijuana like the Odd Couple. Sativa is definitely the Felix Unger. It offers a lighter effect that, while still potent, is favored for those who want to be able to get high and still remain functional without totally vegging out.

of this equation. As comedian and weed connoisseur Doug Benson explained, it’s called Indica because it puts you “in-da-couch.” Its sedative quality makes it effective in treating insomnia, arthritis, and chronic pain.

THC: (TETRAHYDROCANNABINOL)

The active component in marijuana, the level of THC determines the psychoactive potency of the strain. Flower buds of the plant have a typical percentage anywhere from around 15 to 25 percent. Vape pens have a much higher potency, with some reaching levels over 90 percent.

component in marijuana is responsible for many of the actual medicinal effects like anti-inflammation and nausea relief. In fact, CBD also works to counteract many of the psychoactive effects that THC poses. law, you’re still not allowed to smoke medical marijuana with a typical lighter and bowl. You are, however, able to inhale the smoke in vapor form.

PROCESSED PRODUCTS:

Once The Botanist gains its processing license, a wide variety of non-smoking alternatives will be available including edibles, vape pens, chewing gum, and transdermal patches.

ROTATION: To the left-hand side; always, to the left-hand side.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 19

medical marijuana is legal, smoking it is not. Patients are instead allowed to vaporize the plant material and then inhale. “We usually give [vaporizer] tutorials every 15 minutes just because people may not be familiar,” Nelson details. “We’ll teach them how to use them, as well as grinders, make sure they’re comfortable with it. For many people, this is the first time they’ve ever purchased, not only cannabis, let alone anything that’s consumed like this.” Neundorfer breaks down how the cultivators, processors, and dispensaries establish the eventual retail costs. He tosses around terms like “free market economy,” “value chains,” and the “laws of supply and demand.” It comes as little surprise that their dispensary menu gives

a wide berth of street prices. With everything appearing to run slightly above street value, an ounce from The Botanist runs approximately $500. This effectively removes any potential profit margin that could be gained by attempting to resell it on the black market. There are currently 21 conditions that a patient can qualify to be prescribed medical marijuana. Green Leaf representatives cite chronic pain as the most frequently-stated cause among their customers. Despite it being seen as such a frequent cause, not every state that has approved medical marijuana allows chronic pain as a qualifying condition. “A lot of states that didn’t include chronic pain did not see the patient adoption rates that Ohio has,” Henry states. “I think the program did a great job including chronic pain in their initial rollout of conditions.” More conditions are being considered, including depression and opiate addiction, but the full medical scope of marijuana’s potential remains bottlenecked at a federal level due to its Schedule 1 classification. The Drug Enforcement Agency claims that it has “no currently accepted medical use.”

“The stigma that this is going to be ‘winkwink’ medical just doesn’ t hold up.”

This severely limits the ability to run large scale clinical trials that would work to prove the benefits of medical marijuana at comprehensive national levels. It is an outdated assessment that proves wildly tone deaf considering the thousands of medical prescriptions Green Leaf ’s multiple Botanist facilities fill. With medical marijuana legal in 31 other states, Neundorfer and Nelson’s ambitious venture proves the latest spark promising to light a much larger fire.

The Ballad of

Annie Zaleski

Image courtesy of Laura Wimbels

The woman writing the book on rock ‘n’ roll.

Annie’s deep dive into little-known electro-punk bands and her articles in the newspaper may have led to her internship at Alternative Press at age 19. Other than working for the magazine that sparked her interest in rock ‘n’ roll journalism, interning for Alternative Press at such a young age helped Annie achieve one of her original goals in writing.

Dave Sebille

nnie Zaleski is arguably one of Cleveland’s most accomplished writers. She has had articles published in little magazines and websites such as Rolling Stone, Billboard, NPR Music, Salon, The Guardian, The A.V. Club, and even a review of a Morrissey concert in The Pirate Press, Rocky River High School’s newspaper.

“I was very shy and felt intimidated,” she says. “One of the main reasons I started in journalism was to get over my shyness.”

Annie's penchant for prose began well before she ever saw Morrissey take the stage. After a memorable writing assignment in second grade, Annie knew she was meant to be a writer. She recalls going above and beyond her eight-year old contemporaries at the time.

“It’s a giant thrill, almost impossible to explain, like, wow that’s me that’s my name, and people are going to read it.”

“The teacher told us to write a story,” she explains. “I came back with multiple pages and chapters in mine.” Although she is now primarily a music writer, Annie originally wanted to write about sports. “Baseball is my first love” Annie claims. It wasn’t until high school when copies of Cleveland’s own Alternative Press started making its way into Annie’s hands that she decided to switch her focus.

She also recalls the feeling of seeing her name in print for the first time during those years.

The teacher told us to write a story. I came back with multiple pages and chapters in mine.

After graduating from Harvard, Annie wrote freelance for a few years before accepting a full-time job as an editor and music writer at a St. Louis newspaper, The Riverfront Times. She worked there until she returned back home to Cleveland eight years ago for a job she had dreamed of since a young age: a fulltime gig at Alternative Press as its managing editor. “It was not lost on me that this was a full circle moment in my life,” she admits.

After graduating from Rocky River High School, Annie attended Harvard University as an English major. She worked on the student newspaper her first year and was a DJ on the college’s radio station.

Annie’s job at Alternative Press was a little bit of everything, from writing and editing to answering phones. If it needed to be done, she was on it. There is no room for slackers in professional journalism and Annie’s work ethic and perseverance is what has kept her afloat in an industry where many are here today and gone tomorrow.

“They had an overnight rock show on the station called ‘Record Hospital’–we were encouraged to play underground stuff,” Annie recalls. “I remember playing very early The Faint records.”

Not only was she returning to the publication she interned at so many years ago, Annie had to come face to face with an almost unrecognizable Cleveland from when she left in the ‘90s.

22 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

“I can’t believe the food and beer scene here now,” Annie says. “I tell all of my friends from out of town that I am never bored. There is something to do every single night, no matter what you’re into.” Annie is still very dialed in to the local music scene, as much so as when she wrote her first concert review back in high school. She feels like there is a new level of talent surging through the city’s musicians these days compared to when she left. “Cleveland is an exciting place to live right now, so much going on on a local level,” she says. “The Masonic is booking shows again the Agora looks amazing and The Phantasy seems to be on the upswing. It’s a really good time to be a music fan in Cleveland. It elevates everyone in the music scene.” This June will mark Annie’s 20-year anniversary as a journalist and she One of the main shows no signs of slowing down. reasons I started She’ll have two books released in the upcoming year. The first in journalism book chronicles the importance of was to get over The B-52s both back in the band’s my shyness. heyday and now, a passion project of Annie’s for years that is finally seeing the light of day. The second book is a 33 ⅓ release about Duran Duran’s album Rio. The 33 ⅓ series has an open call for writers to write short books about an album of their choosing, and while this was not Annie’s first time applying, it is her first book being published by the Bloomsbury satellite. “Whatever I did this time, it worked,” Annie says with a laugh. Being published hundreds of times by some of the most recognizable names in popular culture is a feat for anyone, but Annie has the added challenge of being born with cerebral palsy. “I walk with a noticeable limp and get tired more easily, and I can't stand for long periods of time or walk long distances,” she explains. This is a true testament to Annie’s overwhelmingly positive spirit. Always looking on the bright side, she adds, ”The perks of working at home and being self-employed!” Annie definitely sees herself staying in Cleveland for the foreseeable future with her husband. The plan as of right now is to focus on writing more books and keep the freelance train rolling. Hopefully, we’ll all be lucky enough to have another 20 years of smart, funny, and informative journalism from this native Clevelander.

You can follow Annie on Twitter @anniezaleski. To check out more of Annie’s work, head to anniez.com.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 23

Wildflowers for

Monarchs India Pierre-Ingram Photography // Robert Boyer

One local turns his land into a butterfly haven with government support.

pring and summer mean a lot to Northeast Ohioans. It marks a time when people can finally sit on their porches, the sun stays out past 5 p.m., Lake Erie melts, and the color green arrives. Another arrival is the Monarch butterfly and its iconic orange and black wings.

However, the monarchs aren't visiting quite like they used to in recent seasons. Experts estimate that the eastern monarch population has decreased by 90 percent in the last 20 years. This is due to many reasons, such as increasing weather changes that

The Butterflies of Cuyahoga County may be one of the most recognizable arthropods seen in Northeast Ohio, but they’re far from the only ones that visit the region. The Butterflies and Moths of North America (BAMONA) project has verified sighting records for 136 butterfly and moth species in Cuyahoga County alone. Here are a few groups that you can find around the region.

THE MONARCH BUTTERFLY

24 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

have killed off migrating monarchs from the south and the decrease of their only food source, Milkweed. To curb the population loss the federal government has created programs in which farmland can be repurposed to become wildflower fields.

Cue Robert Boyer. Currently residing in Avon Lake and a photographer at TRG Multimedia, Robert inherited three acres of farmland in Wooster, Ohio in the in ‘90s. Though he has family and friends with farms, Robert had no plans to use the land as such. Originally, the property was going to be used as a retirement for Robert and his wife Debbie, but after consideration they wanted to be closer to town.

Skippers:

Brush-footed Butterflies:

Swallowtails:

Gossamer-wing Butterflies:

Unlike monarchs, most members of the skipper family are less vibrant colors like brown, black, white, or grey, although some share that iconic orange hue. These butterflies typically sport large eyes, stout bodies, and short, hooked antennae. Like hummingbirds, they flap their wings rapidly to the point of being blurred.

This family of butterflies includes more species than any other and greatly vary in size and wing shape. The monarch is just one type of brush-footed butterfly, showcasing two common colors associated with the family. In addition to orange and black, browns and oranges are typical for the brush-footed variety of butterflies.

Swallowtails got their family name thanks to the notable forked hindwings found on these butterflies, although various members don’t have tails. The butterflies tend to be big and flashy. Because of this, some swallowtails will mimic less tantalizing butterflies to discourage predators from eating them.

These butterflies are named as such because of their stunning, delicate appearance. Adult gossamer-wing butterflies are usually small and vibrant, displaying brilliant shades of blues, bright reds, and oranges that make them stand out among other arthropods.

“Two thirds of the land is open farmland and I decided that one acre could be donated to butterfly conservation,” Robert says, noting that his parents who had lived through The Great Depression influenced his lifestyle. “It wasn’t an overnight thing for sure. I’ve always been interested in conservation and sustainable living.” Robert found online that the United States Department of Agriculture had the Environmental Quality Incentive Program, providing technical assistance and incentive payments to establish monarch habitat through the Monarch Butterfly Project. While watching the news, he learned more about the reasons behind the decrease in monarch butterflies due to the loss of milkweeds.

Experts estimate that the eastern monarch population has decreased by 90 percent in the last 20 years.

Robert wanted to help and had the land to do so. Luckily, he didn’t have to take on this project without financial assistance. Being a part of the USDA Environmental Quality Incentive Program, Robert was provided with $1,000 towards his conservation project to offset the costs, with the money going toward funding for seeding and soil. However, getting into the program wasn’t easy. “There’s a lot of paperwork; I couldn’t believe it,” Robert says. “There was 30 to 40 pages of paperwork.”

He also had to rezone the property from residential into farming. Robert was determined to get the land up and running. According to District Conservationist John Knapp, more than 200 landowners have participated in the Environmental Quality Incentive Program since 1996. Most focused on production

MONARCHS continues on page 27

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 25

Here are some highlights of what's possible: • Create scenery needed for video games (furniture, trees, whole neighborhoods, etc.) • Generate new art that is nearly indistinguishable from a famous deceased artist (imagine new works from Vincent van Gogh) • Predict the next frame of a video (if you only had 30 seconds of a surveillance video and needed the next two seconds, a GAN could predict it for you) • Forecast how a person might age (better than those stupid Facebook quizzes) • Reconstruct 3D models from a series of 2D images • Provide high-resolution image synthesis (turning a crappy MS paint image into an Instagram-ready vacation photo) • Translate text to image (make me a picture of red roses in a blue vase sitting on an oak table inside a log cabin)

TECH TRENDS This Article Does Not Exist.

Dave Skorepa

• Repair images that have a part of them missing or obscured

“Despite the potential benefits, the idea of GANs should make us fear for our very humanity.”

you haven't seen one of these "This "X" does not exist" sites yet, get ready. Let's start off slow and go to thisresumedoesnotexist.com. Pretty neat, right? All those resumes look realistic, but they're fakes created by a "Generative Adversarial Network," or GAN for short. Now it’s time to go to thispersondoesnotexist.com. Here's where things start getting serious. Those are not real people. Not any single one of them. Is it starting to click yet? So what's a GAN?

Basically, it's two opposing machine learning networks locked in a constant back-and-forth (adversarial) battle. The generative network tries to create content good enough to fool the other. The discriminative network tries to block content that is obviously "fake." As they each get better, only very realistic content makes it through the process. The generative network is the artist and the discriminative network is the critic. Make sense? What a GAN can do is really only limited by your imagination and how you train your GAN.

26 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

That’s pretty cool, but let's explore the dark side of this tech for a moment. At the very least, the Russians will want to use this to meddle in our elections. Fake news will actually be fake. Imagine being able to generate incriminating images or videos of your enemies that are impossible to distinguish from reality. While I love the idea of making pictures of my high school bullies in "compromising situations," I don't love the idea of Vladimir Putin having the same technology. Also, we don't need to describe the applications for the adult film industry.

Despite the potential benefits, the idea of GANs should make us fear for our very humanity. They seem capable of taking away the one thing we thought a computer could never replace–creativity. Creativity was thought to be the one last stronghold of humankind once the robots (AI) take over, but GANs introduce uncertainty for that as well. If a GAN can turn out new art that's as good as, if not better than, all the great masters of human history, where do we have left to go? Anyway, it doesn't matter because this article does not exist.

This article is sponsored by Aztek, a web design, development, and digital marketing agency located in downtown Cleveland. aztekweb.com

MONARCHS continued from page 25

ERY DAY

FREE

SHIPPING

PRINT LOCAL agricultural projects, leaving only three of those landowners to partake in the Monarch Butterfly Project. “I think a lot of farmers don’t do this program because they are trying to make a profit from their land,” Robert explains. Though the property is primarily managed by Robert, he made sure to work locally to learn more about monarch conservation with local business Ohio Prairie Nursery. A vital rule of the USDA Environmental Quality Incentive Program is that participants only use plants native to their area. Robert was able to work with Ohio Robert’s acre Prairie Nursery to ensure that he of land will be used the best local seedlings for the project. Currently in its third year, a mix of yellow the property’s seeds have survived and purple two cold seasons, which is good for coneflower petals ensuring longevity of the plant. To stay in line with program requireshining in the ments, Robert keeps track of the soil sun, milkweeds used, watering amounts, and seeds.

SAVE 15%

ON BUSINESS CARDS, T-SHIRTS, STICKERS & MORE! Use Exclusive Promo Code

PRESSURE19 Call 216.622.6360 Click jakprints.com

Call for custom pricing on orders over $1000. Promo Expires 6/30/2019

Pressure Life - 2019-v02.indd 1

2/5/19 11:06 AM

fluttering in the breeze, and bird eggs nestled in trees.

“This is an experiment, essentially,” Robert says. According to Knapp, “The Monarch Butterfly Project started out as a pilot project.” Participants would gather information by monitoring their sites and keeping detailed records of what was done. The Monarch Butterfly Project and other participants could then use this information to gauge the success of individual projects and make changes in the future. Once spring comes, Robert’s acre of land will be a mix of yellow and purple coneflower petals shining in the sun, milkweeds fluttering in the breeze, and bird eggs nestled in trees. Monarchs and other butterflies will have started their own dance from wildflower to wildflower. Though it will take years to for Northeast Ohio to benefit from the full impact of Robert’s wildflower sanctuary, the beauty of the monarchs landing on milkweeds is worth the wait.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 27

SWING MISS

Kevin Naughton

ay “Cleveland’s sports history” and words like “almost,” “disappointment,” and “areyoufreakingkiddingme” immediately come to mind. Michael Jordan sinking “The Shot,” John Elway directing “The Drive,” the Chicago Cubs breaking “The Curse”—all these great sports moments came at the expense of Cleveland teams and fans.

Now a formidable team, the Spiders had a few solid seasons throughout the 1890s and even reached a few prototype versions of the World Series, winning one in 1895. Unfortunately, this was to be the high-water mark for the Spiders.

Baseball was just starting to become a profitable business and still lacked common standards of practice and ethics regulations. The owners of the Spiders, brothers Frank and Stanley Robison, made enough money off the Spiders’ success that they were in the market for a second team. The phrase “conflict of interest” will become important to this story.

The forgotten travesty that was the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

Then there are the truly tragic moments, the ones that feel like betrayal—think Art Modell taking the Browns to Baltimore or LeBron taking his talents to South Beach. These moments hurt the most and they only stop hurting after they’re forgotten by history.

Such is the case with the 1899 Cleveland Spiders. If you’re asking “What’s a Cleveland Spider,” it was an official National League Baseball team based in Cleveland between the years 1887 and 1899. The reason there were no 1900 Cleveland Spiders is because the 1899 campaign was so god-awful that the team was disbanded after the end of the season. In fact, the team's absolutely dismal 20-132 record gives the 1899 Spiders the worst single-season winning percentage of all time, a feat that's virtually unbreakable. How could this happen, you may ask? Let’s begin. The franchise started in 1887, in the nebulous early days of Major League Baseball. Before the Spiders, the team was known as the “Cleveland Blues” or the “Cleveland Forest Citys.” The Spiders joined the National League in 1889 and began to rise through the ranks after signing future hall-of-famer Cy Young in 1891.

28 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

and a

In 1899, they bought the St. Louis Browns—today’s Cardinals— another team in the National League. After taking stock of their

teams, the brothers decided that St. Louis was a better market for baseball than Cleveland. They proceeded to cannibalize the Cleveland Spiders’ roster, sending Cy Young and other top performers to St. Louis just two months before the start of the season. Spiders player-manager Lave Cross—who was one of the poor souls sent to Cleveland—scrambled to put a team together, but it was clear that it wouldn’t stand a chance. The Spiders were now essentially a minor league team in a major league world. The Robison’s made no bones about it either, going as far as to publicly call their Cleveland team a “sideshow.” As a result, game attendance suffered dramatically—fewer than 150 tickets were sold for the average Spiders home game in 1899.

The Spiders’ reputation was so bad that when one Baltimore Orioles pitcher lost a game to them, he was actually fined and suspended for it.

Low attendance had a different effect on teams than it would today. Back then, players were paid according to ticket sales—an empty stadium meant empty pockets for both teams. Consequently, teams largely refused to come to Cleveland, forcing the Spiders to play the majority of the season on the road. Their away record that year was 11-101, an abysmal record that is impossible to break under the modern MLB game schedule.

The reputation of the Spiders, commonly referred to as “The Misfits” at this point, was so bad that when one Baltimore Orioles pitcher lost a game to them, he was actually fined and suspended for it. The next day, the Orioles beat the Spiders 21-6. Individual Spiders’ players had some of the worst statistics of the league that year and own the second-longest streak for consecutive losses at 24. When the pitiful season finally concluded, the team gifted its traveling secretary a diamond locket because he "had the misfortune to watch us in all our games." The team was mercifully disbanded at the end of the season, part of a general reorganization of the National League that took place at the turn of the century. Similar team plundering in other franchises that year led the league to create regulations that prevented such conflicts of interest. Finally, the newly-founded American League took advantage of Cleveland’s new baseball vacuum and founded a new team called the Cleveland Blues in 1901. Today, we know them as the Indians. Alas, we all know the Cleveland Spiders’ 1899 season was not to be the last major Cleveland sports tragedy, but maybe that’s our cross to bear. Would Cleveland really be Cleveland without its long, checkered history of letdowns and disappointments? It might just be what makes the victories that much sweeter and the drive to persevere that much stronger. Lastly, it’s worth noting that while they only won 13 percent of its games, the Cleveland Spiders were the only team in the league that didn’t miss a single game of their 1899 schedule—and that might be the most Cleveland thing a Cleveland sports team ever did.

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 23 24 29

My Favorite

MOTHERS Celebrate Mother's Day with the Top 5 moms of all time (and space).

Dan Bernardi

hether or not you have a special Mom in your life to pamper with breakfast cards and Hallmark in bed, everyone can take this time to celebrate the heart of the family this Mother’s Day. Without them, we would have nothing but harsh dads–but thanks to the unspoken global shadow matriarchy, that will never happen. In honor of all moms on their one special day a year, here are my all-time top five favorite mothers (other than my own).

Martha Washington started as an average single mom. She was a widow with a hefty inheritance and four children, two of whom died young. She also ran five slave plantations just to make ends meet. Eventually, the then-Martha Custis unwittingly became “the Mother of America” after marrying pre-Founding Father George Washington in 1759. Thirty years later, George took the unprecedented gig of POTUS No. 1 against Martha's wishes, and first First Lady skipped his inauguration in disapproval. Martha Washington is a rough, but important mom in the history of America, even if she was often on the wrong side of it.

The saint, formerly known as Mother Teresa Bojaxhiuo, was a 20th century Roman Catholic nun devoted to caring for the poor, world peace, and the God that started this mess in this first place. Mother Teresa became a name synonymous with selfless humanitarianism, so it was no miracle as to why the church canonized her as a saint. If the Catholic stuff isn't exactly your cup of Kool-Aid, her charitable deeds were so expansive they also earned her a Nobel Peace Prize. She had no kids, but we were all her children. For that, St. Teresa is one blessed mother I'd like to praise.

MU-TH-UR 6000 was a 182 model 2.1 terabyte AI computer mainframe installed in the USCSS Nostromo, a Weyland-Yutani starfreighter. Informally called “Mother,” this synthetic mama watched over her hyper-sleeping little ones as she piloted the hulking mothership through the black mass of space. Mother's maternal instincts were fully operational when she protected an unknown alien specimen, but unfortunately was set to self-destruct by notoriously bad mother Ellen Ripley, who famously went on to plunge herself and her unborn child into a molten furnace. Game over, mom.

It may be an old wives tale, but this old wife holds the fabled record for “Most Times a Mom.” Back in 1700s Russia, Vassilyev was reported to have given birth a whopping 27 times, resulting in 69 children–16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets. She was a one-woman baby boom and was pregnant for 18 years of her life, demonstrating a serious dedication to the reproductive process and likely obtaining uncanny, super-human nipple resilience. Mrs. Vassilyev is a friendly reminder that being a mom really can be a full-time job.

Here's the only mom truly awesome enough for the entire planetary population to collectively appreciate. Enjoying her 13.8 billionth birthday this year (but don't mention that to her), Mother Earth has packed the proverbial lunch for all living creatures since the dawn of time. She's spoiled us with everything we need to survive– and in many ways we've spoiled it right back. Fortunately, big Mama Earth has a fierce way of restoring order among her children just like a human mother–with scoldings, groundings, and tornadoes. Don't make Mother Earth ask twice dammit; just clean up after yourself.

ST. TERESA OF CALCUTTA

VALENTINA VASSILYEV

30 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24

MARTHA WASHINGTON

MU-TH-UR 6000

MOTHER EARTH

1 IN 5 CHILDREN IN CLEVELAND ARE HUNGRY. YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT POVERTY IN CLEVELAND? IT’S TIME TO THINK AGAIN WITH

INTERTWINED Learn the root causes of why our kids are really going without food. Think. Learn. Act.

UNITEDWAYCLEVELAND.ORG/INTERTWINED

PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24 31

32 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 24