A Survival
Mission Sub Zero Mission fights homelessness one person at a time.
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CONTENTS DECEMBER 2019 / JANUARY 2020
12
06 King Buu Makes Music Fun Again
Kent transplants decide to be agents of chaos.
08 A Class in Comedy
The value of improvisational theater on the Cleveland community.
26 24
10 Abstract Men in a Concrete World
The odd couple behind Faction.
12 (Will You) Mary Me
10 holly jolly Christmas dates.
14 Literary Tavern
Dine with the PressureLife team.
22
06
16 A Survival Mission
Al Raddatz and the Sub Zero Mission form the frontline combating homelessness.
22 On the Other Side of the Redline
Campus District’s ongoing efforts to relink the downtown community.
24 Designing Dreams
How Jamal Collins came to be a mentor to inner-city kids through teaching design.
26 A Material Boy
World-recognized artist Frank Oriti Jr. continues to evolve in Cleveland.
28 Tech Trends
A new streaming platform a day mean the new cable bill’s here to stay.
30 20/20 Visions
20 not-so-20/20 predictions for the year 2020.
Follow Us Facebook // Twitter // YouTube // Instagram @thepressurelife
10
16
28
And Now for Something Completely Different FunMill Films Fest to provide a new local film festival experience. in the local film festival scene, and FunMill Films Fest & Competition aims to provide something a bit different than usual for both interested filmmakers and attendees.
A NEW PLAYER HAS ARRIVED
The festival, run by local film production company FunMill Films, will take place Feb. 16, 2020 at Atlas Cinemas Lakeshore. Unlike other film festivals where someone will submit a project, pay a fee, and hope everything works out, FunMill doesn’t have a selection process. Instead, every project submitted to FunMill is guaranteed to screen during its Short Films block and be eligible for awards as long as it meets video length guidelines and is submitted before all the spots are filled. “Yeah, festivals are very risky now-a-days for a filmmaker to submit to,” explain FunMill founders Kinsley Funari and Josh Miller in a press release. “You never know if you’ll be selected and you’re really gambling with your hard earned funding. We want our Cleveland filmmaking peers to be guaranteed a screening to show off their hard work to their friends and family.” In addition to the submissions for short films and trailers, FunMill also added a new twist with a main event competition where 15 entrants will have from Jan. 2 until Feb. 2 to complete a short film with the same first page of a script. While the lack of a selection process and the competition certainly tweaks the typical film festival formula, it’s not the only ways that the event will feel more like a one-day convention for the local entertainment industry. Vendor tables for local photographers, videographers, make-up artists, special effects professionals will also create more networking opportunities for those at FunMill Films Fest. Want to submit your film or partake in the competition? There still may be time (depending on when you read this fine article). Submissions are due by Dec. 31, while the competition deadline is first come, first served. If you just want to attend, an all-day pass will cost you $25 and can be purchased through Atlas Cinemas.
Want to learn more about FunMill Films Fest?
Head to funmillfilmsfest.weebly.com for more information or buy your all-day pass at atlascinemas.net.
“I would see a lot of bands not taking advantage of the fact that someone could be making an ass out of themselves up there, this could be a real spectacle,” Madger says.
King Buu Makes Music Fun Again
Kent transplants decide to be agents of chaos.
Dave Sebille Photography // Jarrod Berger
The Ballad of Tin Erik listens like an acid trip fueled by Johnny Cash and Nekromantix albums. When King Buu decides to write a hook, it crawls into your brain and builds a house. Likewise, when the group decides to step on the gas toward the cliff and make noise, there is an attractive calculation to it. The concept of the album is that bassist Erik Marsh is the sheriff of a wild west town in the future. He is then visited by a past version of himself, and hijinks ensue. Why Marsh specifically? “I wasn’t there when they thought of it,” Marsh says, his only explanation for "The original all the special attention.
idea was to be the most off putting, frantic, all over-theplace mess."
T
here are no rules anymore. Cleveland has become a town where you can do anything you want musically and conceptually, and you are rewarded for it – the stranger, the better. Let us all take in this beautiful time in Cleveland music and remember it fondly, as King Buu is taking full advantage of this lull in conformity.
Named after King Boo of Mario Bros. fame and Majin Buu from Drangonball Z, the nerds in this band met in Kent half a decade ago and moved to Cleveland together after realizing they were “becoming townies.” King Buu released its debut LP Black Jacket Lounge in 2018 and a follow-up concept-driven second album The Ballad of Tin Erik earlier this year, pulling off quite the ankle breaker of a pivot in a year following some fairly different conceptual beginnings.
King Buu has had a busy year writing and recording a full-length album and a two-sided single released on vinyl and digitally this year. The band has been a bit more selective with show choices as of late, feeling that the group played enough empty rooms to consider its dues paid. The members of King Buu plan on getting out for some long weekends regionally in the near future. Future plans also include writing and recording a third full-length release within the year.
“Our next album could be a polka album or a disco album, maybe a combination of the two with thrash elements,” Madger says, getting lost in his own wormhole before finally concluding that “It’s all just an exercise in being ridiculous.” As off the wall bonkers as these guys would like you to think they are, they are just as much solid pop writers. The songs get stuck in your head and the riffs make you feel a certain way. Most of all, you can tell that whatever King Buu is doing at the exact second they are doing it, the band loves it and are giving it ten thousand percent at that moment.
“The original idea was to be the most off putting, frantic, all overthe-place mess,” he says. “Since then the ideas have gotten more ridiculous, but the music has become more relatable.” Madger admits he’s not a virtuoso musician. He surrounded himself with a band so talented that he was able to pursue his original goal – fronting a band that fearlessly pushed the boundaries of what is cool or rock and roll.
6 PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28
Ready to check out King Buu for yourself? You can follow the band on Facebook and listen to their debut album on Spotify.
Oregon Space Trail of Doom
PressureLife’s Band of the Year 2019 ambition, and sacrifice. Looking back at the year, we wanted to congratulate the local band that embodies these three pillars the most along with putting out some of the best music of the year.
PRESSURELIFE IS BORN OF HUSTLE,
Oregon Space Trail of Doom, or OSTOD for short, have had a hell of a 2019. The band released their first full-length album Into the Wood, later doing a 10-date cross-country tour to support it. Once home, the band started working on their second album, set to be released march of 2020. OSTOD released some of the most technical and immersive music to come out of the city in years. Playing almost every Cleveland festival and endless local shows, OSTOD’s name is firmly planted in most music fans heads. There is an old joke that goes, “a punk, a metal head, and a rocker are driving in a car; what are they listening to? Motorhead.” OSTOD embodies that same mass appeal by writing the music that they want to hear and putting on an electric live show. Some songs are two-minute pop songs with a verse and a chorus. Others are 15-minute trips to the center of the mind and back. All these songs played with gigantic smiles and without the faintest hint of ego. No matter what your cup of tea may be, OSTOD scratches your itch. With some major endorsements under their belt (Earthquaker Devices and The Panza Foundation, among many others) the band plans on taking major steps toward the national stage in 2020. OSTOD is on the brink of being the most well-known band from Cleveland since Cloud Nothings – a position that is well deserved and heavily supported. The city loves this band and soon will the world. That is why Oregon Space Trail of Doom is the PressureLife 2019 Band of the Year.
Keep up with OSTOD You can follow the band on all social media platforms and listen on Spotify and Bandcamp.
PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28 7
A Class in
performance. He is humorous, generous, and adored by his students. He admitted he stumbled into improv completely by accident while working at a management consulting firm and taking a class for recreation. This led him into the field of acting, and he soon left the firm to embrace his unique talent.
Comedy
The class started with him taking attendance, and each person he called had to name a different pizza topping. This warm-up activity soon led to much more difficult exercises, where students were thrown into sink or swim scenarios where they had to learn to think quickly and flexibly while performing a scene. The absence of a script adds a lot of tension. After I tried a few of the exercises myself with some difficulty, Aaron shared his thoughts on the Beck Center’s role in the community in terms of improv classes and workshops.
The Beck Center for the Arts, and the value of improvisational theater. Jeffrey Spicer
On
a November day in Lakewood, the sand washed bricks of an old theater glitter in the rain. The door opens to the familiar sound of a grand piano playing in another room as people gather outside classrooms and stage doors, studying scripts and reading scenes. It was exactly this particular phenomenon, the kind that brings strangers together, that I had come to examine.
"Doing improv isn’t simple and it’s something we aren’t taught anywhere else."
The Beck Center for the Arts, founded in 1929, was originally named the “Guild of Masques.” Ninety years later, students still flock to this epicenter of culture in the middle of Cleveland’s near West Side to try on some proverbial masks of their own. The building is a familiar location to many in this part of the city, and one with which I was very familiar. I had taken classes and performed in plays at the Beck Center as a teenager, and I still remember the opening night jitters and the roar of applause. The Beck Center is far from just a theater for children. On the contrary, there are many adult classes available. One of the most exciting challenges is the improvisational theater. The services that the Beck Center provides the community can perhaps be best examined by looking at these highly difficult, yet very popular improv theater classes. I sat in on an improv class taught by Aaron Patterson, a respected member of the theater community who specializes in this type of
Something Dada - Courtesy of Beck Center for the Arts
“Just from the improv aspect, I think it’s really good for anybody that’s wanting to get better at public speaking or just get out of their shell,” he says enthusiastically. “Before I did all this stuff, I was always the guy that would hide in the corner. It gave me a real boost of confidence.”
Aaron says that much of the students’ motivation for taking improv classes lies in a desire to improve for their jobs, gain confidence, and hone social skills. This gives them an ability that serves them in their daily lives as the takeaways of these exercises help the students grow as individuals after working through these projects as a team.
“That’s what gets them out of their shells,” Aaron says. “That makes them better at their job. And then they go teach this to their friends, and it becomes a philosophy, a way of life.” “I wanted to take improv classes at the Beck Center to be quicker on my feet in life and in acting,” says Marie McKenzie, a former student of Aaron’s improv classes. “Being able to do improv is such an awesome talent to have. I learned to be more confident when speaking to others. I also learned how to think faster, which spills over into every aspect of life. Doing improv isn’t simple and it’s something we aren’t taught anywhere else. It’s a skill I think everyone should learn.” The Beck Center fills a much needed niche in the community, and its popularity and merit is most evident in classrooms like Aaron’s. The lessons learned in improv are most often those that the students find buried deep within themselves. They discover and unearth their potential in this process. The value of art is intrinsic, and the benefits are very tangible in the lives of the students. They then carry those skills and lessons into the community.
Want to test out your improv skills? Learn more about classes and other activities at beckcenter.org.
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Pressure Picks Upcoming Events to See.
Reinbeer Games Dec. 17 // Voodoo Tuna
Tesh Ekman
Dave Attell Dec. 20-22 // Hilarities
Signals Midwest Dec. 21 // Grog Shop
The Modern Electric Dec. 21 // Beachland Ballroom
Bill Squire's Christmakawanzakah Dec. 29 // Agora Theatre
King Chip Dec. 29 // Grog Shop
Sean Patton Jan. 3-4 // Hilarities
Lo-Pan Jan. 4 // Grog Shop
Vince Neil Jan. 10 // MGM Northfield Park
Nine Shrines Jan. 18 // Phantasy Nightclub
PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28  9
Abstract Men in a
Concrete World The odd couple behind Faction.
“Beyond a love of bourbon, our interests could not be more different,” Beau says.
James Earl Brassfield
B
eau Miller and Kevin DeOliveira are Faction. The two wholly comprise, decide, produce, and direct everything the company unveils, but they are more than a production house. Faction specializes in transcending lifestyle, product, and documentary-based commercial art.
Beau is the executive producer, Kevin is the director and editor. Together they make commercial art that does not abide by the old rules of corporate creative. The pair are truly an odd couple of a creative team that is based in Cleveland and working for clients worldwide, and damned good.
Kevin’s Dream Factory
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How Kevin and Beau met is, according to Beau, “The most boring part of the story.” The two started working together as an in-house team for a now-defunct agency. After a few years of working together, Beau and Kevin realized they had natural chemistry. Emboldened partly by a changing business environment and the combined knowledge of how the creative process worked, they went out on their own to start Faction around 2013.
OH! ABOUT THAT COOL ALIEN spacesuit being in Kevin's basement – it's the closest thing possible to the original space suit from Alien. It's made from the same original casts that were preserved from the movie. All the suits were destroyed, but one cast remained. That's what one of the highest-level commercial directors and editors does for fun – he builds nerd fantasies that sometimes end up in major motion pictures.
Kevin and Beau are so not peas in a pod. Kevin is sci-fi, Beau is a thriller. Kevin is a family man. Beau is a hard-and-fast single guy. Kevin has handmade spacesuits from Alien in his basement. Beau wears loafers and an outstanding hat. Strong knowledge of commercial creative is the basis of the friendship that grew into the business. With two different personalities working in the corporate arena, the standard song and dance of client meetings can take away from what shows up on film. Beau and Kevin only do one pitch. Also, they don’t do meetings about just anything. Faction knows the client
If there are monuments to all that is nerdom, that is, everything that you can imagine that is cool about sci-fi, Kevin likely has tucked deep away from an adoring wife in every man’s safe space – a basement. Kevin always wanted to be a big-time Hollywood director, so his obsession with movie-quality replicas and original pieces is fully understandable. Kevin, of course, is taking it to a whole new level. His leisure activity has made him become one of the
few people in the world that’s involved in the finishing of props and oddities for film studios. The props Kevin makes and collects are used and seen on the silver screen. His basement is a fictional armory. Kevin has what amounts to every worthy sci-fi gun of all time. Working with and collecting props is how Kevin winds down. His hobby is kind of niche, so it turns out there's a couple of bucks to pick up for some good replica work – which he can use to get more cool sci-fi stuff to add to the collection.
relationship is not mired in truth. They aren’t an anti client house, they just want to give them the best option. “In most meetings, other companies just kind of nod their head, offer up the occasional ‘that’s a great idea.’” Beau says. Faction does everything possible to avoid that. Beau and Kevin will tell you no. They put everything they have into that one pitch – it’s their best work every time. “Oftentimes, everyone on the team knows one pitch is bad,” Kevin says. “More often than not, the second one isn't that great either – I mean, you don’t want to put your soul into it… it’s a commercial. Still, you need to bring all you can to a project.” Especially if that project is for something that Beau would describe as “unsexy.” You can only wonder what their clients think when they see the duo. A 6-foot-tall bearded Beau with a Brazillian blowout standing shoulder to shoulder with Kevin, who looks like Beau started cheating off him in high school and took it to the next level. When you hear them talk, they seem more like a husband and wife than anything. The two have a visible connection. Kevin is quieter, but not necessarily more reserved. Kevin’s got the directors bag filled with every charger known to man. Beau is at Walmart at 3 a.m. buying all the crew steel toe shoes. Beau and Kevin do love their work – it shows in the end product. They don't subscribe to any old sayings when it comes to what they do for a living. They work hard. Some days are harder than others, yet they persevere to create and expound the bounds of what's possible in commercial artistry. “The path is not always pretty but you have to do it,” Kevin says. “Just get your hands dirty.” Two Kent State University grads, one chance meeting at work, and 10 years of friendship. That’s the recipe for what is Faction. Beau and Kevin are ahead of the competition, beyond expectations, and somehow still friends.
To learn more about Faction, check them out @factionpictures on Instagram or at wearefaction.com.
PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28 11
(Will You)
MARY ME 10 Holly Jolly Christmas Dates Mary Santora @marysantoracomedy
T
rying to stay romantic and on top of your dating game can be a difficult task in the dead of winter. Not only are people not particularly attractive layered up in sweaters, hats, and gloves, the freezing temperatures really limit the activities in which you can feign interest in this season. Here’s 10 great ideas for you and that special someone to get all bundled up and try out this holiday season.
01.
Ice Skating. Sit this one out, eat an edible, and strap in for
06.
Go Last Minute Shopping. There's no relationship test like a mall on Dec. 23 that's overfilled with other trash people who are also too busy to prioritize their loved ones. Surviving the lines, picked-over toys, and general panic is either a surefire sign you're meant to be or horrible foreshadowing that you’ll stay in this relationship way longer than either of you intended, because you're both procrastinators who chalk red flags up to “personality quirks.”
07.
Drive Around Looking at Christmas Lights. The perfect date for a couple with no money and some gas. What's more romantic than driving around neighborhoods you can never afford to live in and ogling at the Xanax-induced holiday displays put together by stay-at-home moms who secretly hate their lives?
some of the best people watching you'll see this season. Why tear your meniscus trying to impress a girl you couldn't pick out of a line up when you can poke fun at some idiot for doing the same thing? Bonus points if they laugh harder A perfect way to when the kids fall down.
02.
gauge just exactly how much toxic masculinity he's been holding back.
03.
09.
Decorate the Christmas Tree. A perfect way to invite them over for the first time without the thirsty undertones of “Netflix and chill,” even though that's clearly the intention. Throw on Elf and sip that rum and eggnog. Hopefully by the end of the night, the star won't be the only thing that ends up on top.
Meet the Fam. What could go wrong bringing the Hinge match you've been dating for three weeks (who doesn't shave her armpits and has a septum piercing) to your incredibly religious parent’s house? Bonus points if she goes on a feminist rant at your PaPaw for “mansplaining” the difference between stuffing and dressing.
04.
Snowball Fight. A perfect way to gauge just exactly how much toxic masculinity he's been holding back. Bonus points if he yells, “fuck you, dad!” at any point.
05.
Build a Snowman. Bypass the pleasantries, just arrange the
coals and carrot into a dick and balls like everyone knows you want to. If they laugh, hey, you've got a winner! If they roll their eyes at your immaturity, hey, at least you made a weiner.
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08.
Watch Lifetime Holiday Movies. The number of glasses of wine she has is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit holiday-themed lines she wishes you would hurl her way. Two glasses? Try something cliché and romantic like, “What could I possibly ask Santa for when everything I’ve ever wanted is standing right in front of me?” Five glasses? She can't hear you anyway, so just grab a bucket and let her sleep it off on the couch.
Christmas Songs Drinking Game. Go to a trendy bar with a well-played jukebox. Take a drink for every Christmas song you hear. Take a shot every time a dusty old regular bitches about the music. Take two shots every time *NSYNC’s, “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays” or Mariah Carey’s, “All I Want for Christmas is You” plays. Chug your drink when the bartender inevitably has had enough and switches the music to his or her own personal Spotify. Call an Uber and compare hangovers in the morning.
10.
Watch a Christmas Play or Musical. Who doesn't want to see
their fourth grade English teacher cope with his divorce by expressing himself through the art of community theater? Bonus points if you bring flowers and give them to a random thespian saying that their performance, “really spoke to you.”
The Cold Truth of the Blizzard of ‘78
THEATER/ACTING CLASSES
@ BECK CENTER FOR THE ARTS Theater classes for all ages, experience levels, and abilities. From improv to Shakespeare. It’s the perfect role for you.
A two-day stretch forever frozen in the minds of the locals who lived through it. Kevin Naughton That means it’s time for every Clevelander’s favorite pastime: griping about the cold. Before you get too carried away with this proud local tradition, take a second to read about the Blizzard of ‘78, one of the worst – and deadliest – winter storms to ever hit our region.
WINTER'S HERE.
The blizzard started on Jan. 26 and lasted for two full days. Wind chills reached as low as minus 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and dropped as much as 40 degrees at a time within hours. Sustained winds of 80 mph were recorded at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, and gusts topped 110 mph over Lake Erie. Videos online show Clevelanders trying to cross the street looking like toddlers wearing roller skates due to the wind. In a desperate, frustrated bid to get his car unstuck, one unfortunate driver spun his tires so much they caught fire.
VIEW THE THEATER COURSE CATALOG:
bit.ly/TheaterAtBeck
BECKCENTER.ORG | 216.521.2540 x10 17801 Detroit Avenue, Lakewood, OH 44107 Just minutes from downtown CLE | FREE parking
Custom Printed T-Shirts, Stickers, Posters + More
A photo in The Plain Dealer shows a couple of resourceful fellows wearing cardboard boxes over their heads with eye holes cut out, but it’s impossible to know whether this was a way of shielding their faces from the icy wind or just an avant garde fashion statement. The barometric pressure reading of 28.28 inches remains the lowest recorded in Ohio, and one of the lowest in U.S. history not associated with a hurricane. The storm knocked out power in more than 100,000 homes and every major freeway in the region was forced to close, except for I-77. A state of emergency was declared. Virtually every school in the region had a snow day, although it’s unlikely that the students were out having snowball fights and building snowmen in a storm that was ripping roofs off houses and freezing pipes to the point of bursting. The snow was no joke; some Northeast Ohioans suffered greatly. A truck driver, stuck in a snowdrift, was trapped for days until he was rescued. A woman froze to death walking her two dogs. Altogether, 51 Ohians died during the two-day debacle. So there you go. A little perspective for this season of snowy strife, dreaded by so many morning commuters in Cleveland. The cold might sting and the snow might be a hassle, but at least it’s not the Blizzard of ‘78. PressureLife assumes no responsibility if a worse blizzard hits Cleveland this winter.
THE INK BEHIND YOUR BRAND Cleveland’s Favorite Printer Since 1999
PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28 13
What We Ate
The group's menu item ratings
Literary Tavern
Burger: 5 Carbonara: 2 Mussels: 3.5 Sprouts: 5 Mushrooms: 4.5 Tacos: 2 Muffuletta: 4.5 Meatballs: 4 Tavern Fries: 3.5
Dine with the PressureLife Team.
F
or this issue’s food review, the PressureLife crew visited Literary Tavern. The old Literary Cafe spot in Tremont reopened under its new name this summer after a complete renovation. While the bar was ready for business in June, it took a few more months for the kitchen to be ready for hungry patrons. Were the dishes worth the wait? Find out what our reviewers thought of the new Literary Tavern.
JIM:
If I were to live in Tremont, this would probably be my home bar. Newly renovated just enough to be not so “Tremont.” Tremont has a vibe to it, I don’t know what it is, but it does. Regardless, food was off the charts for the price. I don’t think any of us were disappointed at all. On the top of my list was the burger; Big Mac inspired, yet they somehow managed to make it taste better than a Big Mac. The two veggie dishes were phenomenal; brussel sprouts and mushrooms with goat cheese. Another notable dish was the muffuletta. You have to be really ballsy to drop a muffuletta on your main menu. I will tell you, it’s worth the drive and worth the time. Thank you Literary Tavern, you win.
HANNAH:
Man. It’s been at least 4 or 5 issues since I haven’t complained about literally almost everything. Literary Tavern has officially broken my streak. From the moment we drove up, I knew I was going to want to come back. We were lucky enough to find four bar seats in the tiny, yet perfectly cozy place. As everyone perused the menu, (and after Jim and I bet rounds of shots on what Alex would order) I quickly realized it was taco Tuesday – and also only three bucks per taco… so I ordered all of them. Now, this might sound like a complaint, but I swear its not. I took one bite of the chorizo taco during the flurry of all of the rest of the food coming out, and the only reason why I went back for another bite was because I felt bad for it. With all the other out-of-thisworld food flying around, I quickly abandoned my “okay” tacos to reach for the mushrooms, sprouts, burger, and muffuletta. So, eat tacos at Taco Bell. Eat literally everything else at Literary Tavern. With their outstanding service, atmosphere, and menu, they’re sure to quickly become a Cleveland staple. Rating: 4.5/5
DAVE:
I wish young Alex understood that Brussels sprouts were not an object to fear or despise. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to love some well-prepared tiny cabbages – a Literary Tavern has some damn good sprouts. These fried, green buds are served with garlic, lemon zest, and sea salt, and I could destroy a bucket full of them. While the Brussel sprouts were a big highlight, they weren’t the only standout dish. From the burger to the muffuletta sandwich, Literary Tavern has got plenty of flavor packed on its menu. However, I do have to knock the establishment for its take on carbonara, one of my favorite dishes. Their iteration of carbonara highlighted corn, but the salty, meaty notes that I usually expect from the dish were nonexistent. I guess I should have gone with the lasagna, but at least everything else ranged from good to great.
As soon as I walked into Literary Tavern, alone and fresh off a 12-hour work day, the bartender instantly made me think, “I would come here all the time if I lived in Tremont.” I ordered a Sazerac and an Aviation, neither of which were made according to classic standards, but who cares. The little tweaks to the recipes did not detract from the taste and balance of the drinks. The smashburger, which sounds like something Brett Kavanaugh would say at a job interview, was amazing. Perfect execution of a popular menu item all over the city. Jim’s mussels were another great representation of a common menu item. The side dishes of mushrooms and brussel sprouts would be a perfect late night snack for winter – tons of garlic, char, and butter. Muffuletta isn’t something you see everyday and Literary has a great sandwich. It’s kind of small, but you’re not breaking the bank here either. Literary gets high marks on all levels; service was memorable and comfortable, everything was fairly reasonable, and there were zero hiccups. It’s a great spot, so get there before Tremont gets so expensive that only rocket surgeons can afford to live there!
Rating: 4/5
Rating: 4/5
Rating: 4.5/5
ALEX:
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Where CLE Eats Favorite dining destinations from local culinary experts. Who’s going to eat? Joe, operating partner at Voodoo Tuna, a sushi bar and Asian fusion restaurant located at 15326 Detroit Ave. in Lakewood. Where does he suggest? Taki’s Greek Kitchen, located at 377 Lear Road in Avon Lake, and Il Rione, located at 1303 W. 65 St. in Gordon Square. Why does he go there? When it comes to why he suggests that people go to Taki’s, Koskovics has a simple answer. “They have the best dish in Cleveland,” he explains. That particular dish is the octapodi skaras, a char-grilled octopus served with arugula, warm Greek potato salad, and a red wine vinaigrette. Koskovics first encountered the dish on his first trip to Taki’s around two-and-a-half years ago. Now he stops by Taki’s at least once a month to enjoy the atmosphere, daily specials, and some standout cephalopod. “I’ve never had octopus prepared that well in my life,” Koskovics says. “I love octopus, especially being a sushi chef. After ordering the dish 20-plus times, it’s been just as good every single time.” Koskovics second establishment also highlights good seafood, but this time the sea creature plays a supporting role. “One of my favorite pizzas in the Cleveland area is the clam pie at Il Rione,” he says. “It’s not overloaded with toppings – the middleneck clams, smoked pepper, and Italian seasoning make this my favorite seafood pizza to have any time of year.” While molluscs might not be everyone’s go-to pizza topping, the briney goodness of Il Rione’s clam pie takes the cake for Koskovics. In fact, he suggests pairing it with a nice, buttery Chardonnay if you’re in the mood for a real treat.
PRESSURELIFE | ISSUE 28 15
A Survival
Mission
Sub Zero Mission fights homelessness one person at a time. Adam Dodd Illustrations // Aaron Gelston
The
man in the blue coat pushed deeper into the woods. He was warned not to go ahead on his own, but like he told the others, “this is not my first rodeo, Marine…”
He could tell by the smell of bonfire he was drawing close. The encampment would be just ahead. He let the crunch of snow under his boots serve as introduction. The hard-liv-
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ing man had watched him approach through the tree line and had the drop on him. By the time the man in the blue coat turned around, he was already looking down a rifle’s barrel. “Yeah, that was one I had to talk down over the radio,” Sergeant Al Raddatz reminisces from his Painesville Township office. “I had to have the guy with the rifle pointed at him hold the radio so I could talk to the guy holding rifle just so I could deescalate, calm everybody down.” Al Raddatz uses the “not my first rodeo” anecdote as a teaching lesson for those who join his Sub Zero Mission. As their name implies, the charity is far less a fundraiser and more a missionary cause driven by personal and incredibly passionate convictions. He’s spent the past 11 years putting cold weather survival clothing in the hands
of the homeless community across Northeast Ohio, literally and without intermediaries. “The government cannot or will not help everybody,” Raddatz explains. “People pay their taxes and just think that the government is taking care of all of this. People don’t realize how inefficient the government is in helping those people out there and how many of those people there actually are. Even when the money is out there, it doesn’t always get where it needs to. It stops somewhere in that big bureaucratic net up there. You need a group that’s willing to go out there and put boots on the ground and find these people.”
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A Glimpse at the
Numbers Numbers from the U.S. Interagency Council on Homelessness estimated 10,249 people were homeless on any given day in Ohio throughout 2018 with 749 of them being veterans. Bear in mind, this is merely the number that was able to be reported to the Department of Housing and Urban Development, with countless more not being counted. According to the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans, while only seven percent of the American population can claim U.S. veteran status, 13 percent of the country’s homeless population is comprised of veterans. The plurality of the country’s male homeless population is also veterans, at 20 percent.
A retired U.S. Marines Sergeant, Raddatz was in a VFW hall one particularly bitter winter night 11 years ago when he first learned a fellow veteran was trying to survive under a nearby bridge. “We loaded up our old military gear and took it out there,” he recalls. “It ended up being two gentlemen out there under that bridge that night. Once the Leroy (Township) VFW heard we were doing that, they started bringing their own stuff in and the Mission started from that.” Despite the best of intentions, Raddatz soon saw a fundamental disconnect in the cold weather clothing donations they gathered for local drives and shelters. “We were carrying things into rooms and parking them right next to things that we had brought in the last time. That’s when we discovered we needed to be a little bit more direct with all of this.” Raddatz eventually outfitted a trailer with a side service window as a mobile Sub Zero Mission command center, supplying various homeless communities with much needed clothing to survive the elements. “I was pretty naïve,” he admits of his initial outings. “I’m a Somalia vet. I was part of Operation Restore Hope back in the early
You need a group that’s willing to go out there and put boots on the ground and find these people.”
‘90s. When you’re handing out food, the crowd can get worked up into a frenzy. What I didn’t realize was how much an effect a bunch of people standing around with guns has on crowd control. “I didn’t expect the level of aggression that I saw. We were getting pushed against our vehicles while we were trying to hand things out. It was dangerous. Not everybody out there on the street who is homeless is also kind and gentle. You can run into some rough bunches.” Raddatz understood they needed better control and played to his strengths, creating the Blue Coats, a trained regiment composed primarily of veterans and first responders. The act of receiving a blue coat is not offered lightly and only done after Raddatz believes the volunteer is willing to commit. “We’re in this
are people in need out there, we’re going to find a way to get them what they need.”
for the cause, not the applause,” he tells new recruits. “I’m not here to give you a homeless tour or a feel good story.” Run entirely on donations and volunteer hours, many within his group have earned their Blue Coat status by going on multiple runs or contributing in their own ways like in the motor pool or grant writing. Some of his most valuable contributions come directly from the homeless community. It is not uncommon for a homeless veteran to act as liaison between the Mission and the various enclaves they’re attempting to approach. While their initial and continued driving focus is serving the homeless veteran community, no one in need is off of their list. City and sometimes state boundaries are afterthoughts in the face of their cause. “For the most part, most places know who we are. We don’t get any kind of hassle. We don’t do a lot of forecasting,” he acknowledges. “I’m more of a beg forgiveness than ask permission kind of person.”
That’s not to say Sub Zero hasn’t made in-roads with communities either. Organizations like Painesville’s Heritage Middle School and Willoughby’s United Methodist Church have previously participated in the organization’s recurring “stuff the bus” fundraisers where they gather donated hats, gloves, coats, sleeping bags, and boots for the homeless alongside the larger-than-life penguin and polar bear mascots of the group. Raddatz is aware of how closely public perception is tied to interaction and likewise introduced the mascots in order to captivate youth to significant social issues at an early age. The past decade has been a balancing act for Sub Zero Mission. Their ambitions and expansion is tempered by financial limitations. Outside of the 60 hours a week he’s afforded three veterans, no one involved with Sub Zero draws a paycheck. To cover assets, he’s begun renting back offices out of the building which Sub Zero operates to other businesses. Still, the location is an ill fit. Without garages, their vehicles, which he describes as being “held together by chewing
gum and chicken wire,” are left exposed overnight. Even with additives to their diesel fuel, there have been morning when frozen tanks left unable to reach others in need. If there have been financial strains, they come in the face of increasing overall support from the surrounding communities. This year is projected to be the first one in the history of Sub Zero Mission that they will be able to operate entirely off donations. According to internal numbers, Sub Zero handed out approximately 25,000 of its “Stay Alive Five” cold weather survival items (hats, coats, gloves, boots, sleeping bags) in 2018. The group estimates this directly
The government cannot or will not help everybody."
He carefully adds, “If (law enforcement) want us to leave, we leave. But if we know there
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in time, he explains. Theirs is a constant race against death. “It’s hard to drive away,” he says, “but you can’t save everybody.”
aided 2,500 individuals in need. Sub Zero has also limited the donations they accept to exclusively these five items in order to provide the most essential items in the most efficient way possible. Far from self-congratulations, Raddatz points to the skull and crossbones attached to the grill of their service truck. It’s a constant reminder of the person in need that they were too late to reach
It’s a hard truth he’s had to reconcile with his members. “I’ve brought people back in tears before,” Raddatz says. “That’s part of the reason I cycle my people out when they go on missions. Charity exhaustion is a real thing.” Raddatz likens his work to wiping the nose of an epidemic. Taken in its totality, it would easy to succumb to the obvious futility that ending homelessness poses. Instead, the Sub Zero Mission and the Blue Coats that comprise its ranks focus on the individual, one person in need at a time. Paired against the sheer scale of national averages,
Sub Zero’s
Universe
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they’ve but little hope. But to those huddling under a bridge or amid ramshackle enclaves in the woods unsure if they’ll make it through the night, Al Raddatz and the Blue Coats of the Sub Zero Mission make all the difference in the world.
For those interested in volunteering or donating to the Sub Zero Mission be sure to visit subzeromission.org.
We wanted to convey some of the issues that are affecting veterans.”
Expanded
Al Raddatz has recently partnered with artist Adam Fields to produce an original comic book stand-alone issue, The Blue Coat Missionary. Not only a creative way to fundraise, the comic book also highlights the struggle veterans dealing with PTSD face. The book is deceptively powerful, with its narrative coming from the personal insights and experiences with which Raddatz had first-hand experience.
10,249 people were homeless on any given day in Ohio throughout 2018 with 749 of them being veterans."
“We’d go to events to hand out flyers and then we’d be seeing our brochures laying in the trashcan or that parking lot so we wanted to produce something that would be a little more lasting,” he explains of the creation. “We met with a couple local artists and threw around some ideas. We wanted to make something for the older kids, maybe using our bear or penguin for the younger kids.
“This story is a powerful one,” Fields comments. “It sheds light on what it looks like when a veteran is down on his luck and struggling day-to-day with battling some remnants from his war days; the constant internal battle with voices and reminders of what he saw, what he went through and what he did while in combat. On top of the battle within, Death takes the form of a frigid, winter night and tries to claim another soldier that has been shunned by so many.” Want to support Sub Zero and purchase The Blue Coat Missionary? The issue is available online at subzeromission.org/szm-store/.
On the Other Side of the
Redline Mark Lammon and Campus District’s ongoing efforts to relink the downtown community. Wilson Rivera
A
ccessibility, the quality of being able to be reached or entered, is also defined as the quality of being easy to obtain or use. To one person, something may just seem to be that, but accessibility could mean so much more to another.
Throughout the last decade or so, Cleveland has experienced an exponential amount of growth. Budding arts districts, expensive condominiums, and small businesses rise up, but if you keep location in mind, this growth only appears in small pockets of much larger neighborhoods. Though these new structures or establishments provide a flow of wealth for some, does it take into account the displaced businesses and citizens from before? If not, how do we strive towards developing these communities, while maintaining the quality of life for the people who currently live in the city? Campus District is a non-profit organization which assists in community development by providing access to various healthcare, education, and arts programs. The group oversees 33 percent of downtown Cleveland in partnership with Cuyahoga Community College, Cleveland State University, and the St. Vincent Charity Medical Center. At the head of this organization is Mark Lammon, the executive director of Campus District. Mark, a native of Toledo and current resident of Lakewood, joined Campus District about a year and a half ago after several years with Block by Block, a national organization that also works in community development. Though Mark found the work rewarding, he grew tired of the constant travel which kept him away from his family. With his experience, Mark decided to take his work a little closer to home and help develop the communities in his own “backyard.” Now there was a new question to answer, according to Mark. “How do we link these neighborhoods back together?”
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With Campus District covering such an extensive ground area downtown, Lammon and his team appear to have a difficult task ahead of them. One challenge is redlining, a term Mark describes as an “informal type of segregation” that not only separates certain areas from services, but also from being provided loans or insurance due to being a financial risk. This process is a common practice in many lower income neighborhoods, an issue Campus District had noticed late last year. Mark even referred the innerbelt bridge as “the ultimate visual of redlining cutting through this neighborhood.” The organization conducted an experiment in which social caseworkers took ride alongs with local law enforcement patrolling the Superior Arts District. The original goal was to make sure residents were being provided with mental health interventions, which involves making sure people who are experiencing a mental illness receive proper care and attention. This experiment morphed into a case study about how the services provided interacted with the people and how difficult it was for people to access them.
One of the key issues Campus District discovered was how difficult it was for recently homeless people to access these services. Unfortunately, the correlation between mental health and homelessness are closely related. According to United Way of Greater Cleveland, 37 percent of homeless people in the Cleveland area have a severe mental illness or substance abuse issues, while 40 percent of the same group suffer from some form of disability. These issues "How do we are all things that require treatment, but link these how can homeless individuals expect to access these services if they lack the neighborhoods essentials to acquire them, such as Social back together?” Security cards, birth certificates, and state identification? There are many challenges to housing instability. Not having a place to rest overnight can affect one's psychology in a great way. More often than not, homeless individuals are likely to be pushed out from where they took residence, lose their belongings to the elements, or have them confiscated by police. One idea Campus District has to potentially rectify this small part of the issue and give people a chance came from a trip Mark and a colleague took to Austin, Texas. While there, the two saw personal storage lockers being provided for the homeless to keep their belongings safe overnight. The inspired project was simple – provide storage for those facing housing insecurity. Though it's not a permanent solution, there are ways the project can alleviate the daily woes of those without residence. This process would give those experiencing housing instability a place to hold those important documents and belongings. The aforementioned project isn’t the only plan Mark and Campus District have in mind. Increasing accessibility to those without vehicles comes into play as well, such as making use of the Superior midway. The thoroughfare was originally built as a three car lane, but morphing the unused lane into a dedicated bike lane which stretches from the Superior Arts District all the way to West 9th Street in downtown providing easy access to those without motor vehicles or consistent finances for transportation fare. Mark seems to understand that the task ahead isn’t an easy one, but as the old saying goes “it takes a village.” However, Campus District lives and breathes for and because of its love for the community. “I believe there is a real community development opportunity to relink these East Side neighborhoods, back to the economic powerhouse of downtown,” Mark says. Campus District is a people’s movement, providing new opportunities, but never turning its back on those who came before and paved the way.
Learn more about Campus District and their mission at campusdistrict.org.
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Designing
DREAMS
The story of youth mentor Jamal Collins.
Tesh Ekman
E
veryone has those life-defining moments, hardships, or other events that shape them. Mentors use those experiences to help guide others. They pass on what they've learned the hard way to make it easier for someone else, so others don't go through the same struggle.
Jamal Collins is one of those mentors. Born in 1970 and raised in East Cleveland, he uses graphic design to teach life lessons to local inner-city kids from the same area where he grew up. He not only teaches them design related concepts using software such as Photoshop and Adobe Creative Suite, but also what he wished he would have known when he was younger. Furthermore, he wants to impart that they have the power within them to forge their own path and that anything is possible if they take the initiative.
Back then, Collins was just trying to make it through and follow a script. Go to school, get a job, buy a house – a path that his hard-working, blue collar parents had followed to provide for the family. He wishes he would have told his parents about his passion for art. His high school offered a commercial arts program and his eyes lit up when he saw they were doing things such as airbrushing jean jackets, but his grades weren't up to par. “I wasn’t focused Collins didn't have anybody to help him see the possibilities. on design. I was
drooling over design, but I wasn’t telling my mother about it.”
Collins remembers he had a passion for art and drawing as a young child, but his academic struggles meant he was held back in second grade. Not only was he left behind from his peers, but his younger classmates also bullied him for it. "I was at a point where I was getting physically abused by the teacher because I was disrupting, because I wasn’t connecting," Collins explains.
That’s something he wants to make sure his students have in him. Someone to help them navigate life in the pursuit of their own passions and avoid negative distractions.
"I wouldn’t have been focused on ripping and running on the streets, smoking, drinking, chasing girls. I wasn’t focused on design. I was drooling over design, but I wasn’t telling my mother about it," Collins states. "That was the disconnect I had. Just do school, waiting to be told what to do.”
After high school, Collins made the decision to go to college for graphic design at The University of Akron. He was the first from his family to attend university, but he also found himself struggling academically again. Up to that point, he wasn't sure how to study and people in his dorm had to show him how to approach learning itself. He was following the script he felt he had to – go to college, build a portfolio, get a job. He did just that by getting a job at PricewaterhouseCoopers after graduating in 1997. By most accounts, he was already successful, but Collins found himself still unfulfilled and felt like an outsider in the corporate environment. After getting laid off, he freelanced for four to five years to make ends meet. It was in 2015 that he started working with the Boys and Girls Club as an art teacher. On his second day there, his car was stolen.
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Rather than get discouraged, he persevered. While on the job, he noticed the organization had iMac computers available and suggested that he use those to teach the kids about graphic design. A year later, he was brought on as a teaching consultant and has since expanded his reach into the community with other school programs in the area, as well as doing work with PNC Fairfax Connection. For Collins, it's about showing kids that the resources are out there, but they have to do the work to find and exploit the opportunities that exist. He encourages his students to create content, make things, put themselves out there, and not wait for opportunity to come knocking. He teaches lessons about business, marketing, and branding, while also holding discussions on social issues to empower them, rather than feel stuck, like he once did. "I can upload some images for a hoodie and sell it with PayPal. I don't need permission. All I need my mother to do is hook the PayPal up to a bank account that’s it,” Collins says. “Just try to do it and see where it takes you. I need an LLC. I can look that up. What is an S-Corp? What is this? What is that? This information is so readily available I can make my own career. Using design as a way to change youth behavior and give them a winning mindset." Collins’ goal is to keep honing his message and further engage students beyond their time with him in the classroom. Unleashing his own potential to help others unlock theirs is Collins’ model. He recognizes you only know what you know. The realization that there's always more to learn and going after it? That's the key.
To learn more about Jamal Collins and his work, follow him @jayworking on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. Or visit his site jayworking.com
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A
MATERIAL
BOY The artistic reconstruction of Frank Oriti Jr.
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James Earl Brassfield
M
ore than once over the course of an interview, Frank Oriti Jr. repeated what seemed to be his mantra: “Tattoos, leather jackets, denim, facial hair.” Painting with the detail needed to make those things peel off the canvas is not easy. Frank, through practice, has mastered rendering flesh and fabric.
This local artisan made a name for himself by painting portraits of Clevelanders that hang in London’s National Portrait Gallery. He’s also got a very different project on the way that is an evolution of his style. Frank’s new subjects or studies are transformative for modern fine art, and now this portrait master is ready for his artistic reconstruction. Frank’s artistic genesis opens on a kid in Parma with some raw talent and the forethought to nurture his gift. How does one go from local kid to world-class oil painter out of Parma High School? Frank matriculated at Tri-C, then Bowling Green, and eventually received a full scholarship to Laura Wimbels Ohio University to obtain a master's degree. Frank came home after he wrapped up all the book learning, but not without traditional modern problems. “I was having the college debt conversation with my brother,” Frank says. “He was in the military and used his GI Bill to pay for all of that.” Frank did have a full scholarship, but he still says that he “had to take out loans just to exist.” Art is as hard as life. The odds of you making it as a studio or commercial gallery artist are not the best. Even if you are lucky enough to get a gallery gig, the bills don’t stop. Often the pay for unknown artists isn’t enough to furnish them with supplies.
“That's a big part of who I am, but as my situation evolves I don't feel as connected to paint these portraits anymore.”
“Making a steady living is not certain unless you want to be an art teacher,” he says. “I know plenty of people that went to school and got a degree in photography that are shooting weddings.”
He’s not taking away anything from those professionals. According to him, painting is just different. When Frank is not busy painting, he has a 9-to-5 job making glass and aluminum wall panels for modern-looking interior designs used in Ivy League schools and national trophy displays. “I have done painting full-time a year or two at a time and then have always had to go back to (traditional) work,” he explains.
A MATERIAL BOY continues on page 29
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It wasn’t too long ago that Netflix and Hulu both had significant libraries of programming backing up a strong line of original content. Now, as more and more shows and movies are pulled back to their respective motherships, it feels like both Netflix and Hulu are missing a significant piece of the entertainment pie. For studios, playing ball with digital streaming services was initially a way to prevent piracy and make a pretty penny by selling or renting their intellectual property. But as these platforms siphoned off cable viewers, Netflix raked in the cash. What are the studios and networks supposed to do – be content that they’ve put a dent in piracy and made As things stand more money from content that's just today, it seems sitting in their vault? No, of course not! inevitable that Why? Because shareholders (which might as well be Michael Bloomberg’s piracy makes a 2020 campaign slogan).
comeback.
As things stand today, it seems inevitable that piracy makes a comeback. This certainly won’t be a Napster circa 2001 type of comeback, but something that will cause studios to fret about lost revenue – again.
TECH TRENDS Cable Bill+ Robert Davidson
N
ot too long ago, Netflix, Hulu, and Sling TV looked like they were turning the entertainment industry on its head. Millennials and Gen-Xers were increasingly ditching their cable subscriptions for low-cost streaming alternatives. Well, hose low-cost alternatives are now so bifurcated that many viewers’ television habits have them coughing up a chunk of change not too dissimilar from *gasps and clutches whatever is the millennial equivalent of pearls* their cable bill!
With the recent launch of both Disney+ and Apple TV+ (because we'd all be nonplus if it weren't "plus"), the sum of streaming options has become both more confusing and increasingly mediocre. While it’s great that Disney’s content is once again available to stream – after being pulled from Netflix a year ago – and that Apple is throwing gobs of money at premiere directors, producers, and showrunners, it’s become more difficult to find a service that offers a deep library of quality entertainment.
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Let’s consider a hypothetical television viewer. We’ll call him Rob. Rob is a big fan of Ken Burns, The West Wing, and House of Cards. He’s also always down for a good documentary. Netflix will scratch those itches. Rob is also a bit of a sports nut. However, his inability to hit a wide open jumper or throw a 100-mph fastball meant he never collected that pro athlete paycheck to shell out for MLB.TV or NBA League Pass, so he’ll settle for ESPN+. Now that he’s committed to ESPN+, Rob might as well spend a few dollars more to get Disney’s fancy new bundle that includes Hulu and Disney+ so he and his wife can keep up with Jake Peralta’s latest shenanigans on Brooklyn Nine-Nine and their nephew can get his Pixar fix when he comes over. Oh, I almost forgot to mention Rob’s Amazon Prime subscription which offers The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and whatever Jim from The Office is up to these days. This two-person household, that hasn’t had time to binge-watch a series since season one of Orange Is the New Black, has now committed to five different streaming platforms just to watch some of what they want to watch. Those early streaming platforms certainly succeeded in shaking up the entertainment industry. That shakeup just might not end the way that cord-cutters were hoping.
This article is sponsored by Aztek, a web design, development, and digital marketing agency located in downtown Cleveland.
learn more at aztekweb.com
A MATERIAL BOY continued from page 27
One day, Frank took an inventory of where he was in life. He started looking at just who he’s working with and partying next to in the area. Frank saw that Cleveland had people who were becoming the new blue-collar – hairdressers, tattoo artists, and service industry people transforming the work-a-day landscape. People with their own style and hustle made for natural subject matter. “Around the time that I moved back to Cleveland 2011, I started making all these paintings of people who were moving back to the suburbs,” Frank says. “People who’d finished service in the military, or I thought people who were just back home because they didn't have a plan or know what was next. Then it became apparent that people were and still are moving back to Cleveland because they want to be here. I was surrounded by people who were excited to be here.” Still, artists must grow and change or die. Now Frank is pushing aside the old ways. “As my situation evolves, I don't feel as connected to paint these portraits anymore,” Frank explains. His new project is based on a huge underground obsession: sneakers. Frank claims that he’s not a sneakerhead. Still, the choices for his most recent studies scream otherwise. The Air Jordan 1, the Yeezy Red October. Also, as a shout out to his mantra, the Denim Air Jordan Levis collaboration. Frank is lending his realism to these shoes to give them a reverence that may make those of us who don't subscribe to shoes over $80 see the art hidden in those $200 retail, fashion statements. As Frank says, “I'm probably not going to be able to afford $7,000 for a pair of shoes, but those are fucking amazing.”
Want to see Frank’s evolution for yourself? Follow him on Instagram at @frankoriti or at frankoritijr.com
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20/20 Visions 20 not-so-20/20 predictions for the year 2020.
Dan Bernardi A LEAP FORWARD – The '20s kick off with a leap year, and 2020 will be a historical first year to include a Feb. 30 and 31 so future generations stop asking why those days don't exist.
PROS & CONNECTIONS – The internet’s existence is threatened when advanced capabilities of 5G and Wi-Fi 6 give rise to a digital black hole comprised of email spam and robocalls.
GOOD LUCK – According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 is the Year of the Metal Rat, promising a “strong, lucky, prosperous” year for anyone who believes in the Chinese Zodiac.
“YOUR”-TUBE – Due to content demand on the multitude of video streaming services, the government will mandate all citizens to produce and star in year-round television programming.
SUFFRAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE – The 100-year anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which granted women voting rights, will remind everyone that the constitution is amenable.
TALLBOY – The Jeddah Tower in Saudi Arabia finishes construction to become the world's tallest man-made structure at 3,280 feet and will be visible from your backyard.
FOUR/TWENTIES – In April, the popular marijuana holiday 4/20 will be celebrated for the entire month resulting in an economic boom and inadvertently bringing about world peace.
CONSOLE SURVIVOR – With the holiday release of Sony's PS5 and Microsoft's Scarlett, the console war will unintentionally alienate gamers, causing an increase in nationwide book sales.
SPACE WARS – NASA and the ESA launch dueling Mars rovers toward the red planet, and both will be intercepted halfway by alien lifeforms who look nothing like Baby Yoda.
DATA DUMP – In response to ongoing privacy concerns, Facebook dawns a new age of corporate transparency when they begin to sell user data in their online marketplace.
OUTER-MONOLOGUE – Texting by thinking becomes mainstream tech, bringing an end to the usage of the initialism “LOL” when the programming requires actual laughter to text it.
COMMON CENTS – In the pursuit of renewable resources, researchers discover a method of converting billions of forgotten pennies into payment for their thankless efforts.
GOLDZILLA – The Summer Olympics are held in Tokyo, Japan where in an effort to increase viewership, athletes must compete in rubber kaiju monster costumes for the entirety of the games.
EVERY VOTE COUNTS – On Nov. 3, the U.S. Presidential Election will see a record turnout as millions of young voters elect former joke candidate “Deez Nutz” as the 46th POTUS.
BLOCKBUSTED – Ghostbusters 2020 hits the big screen uproaring fans of the 2016 reboot, and a new cinematic revolution follows, allowing online voting for what films should be made and how.
HOT STUFF – Global warming is proven true, and in an attempt to reverse it, scientists incite global cooling which leads to a worldwide outbreak of sunglasses and leather jackets.
AUTO-RAMA – An influx of automation leads Tesla to unveil a new breed of self-driving car that holds no passengers, equipped with robotically conceived destinations, and life goals.
A ROARING HUSH – Social sensitivity laws are put into effect which prevents speech from upsetting or offending, earning the new decade the nickname “The Silent Twenties.”
ELTON & THE JETS – Legendary musician Elton John finishes his goodbye tour, after which he will board his bedazzled rocket and space travel to retire in the Messier 51 Whirlpool Galaxy.
THE END – After several failed predictions, the apocalypse finally hits Earth after Disney gains license to the entire planet, vaults it, and releases a subpar CGI remake.
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