QATLus Magazine | July 30, 2020

July 30, 23, 2020 July 16, 2020

Dog

DAYS

Staying cool in the hottest months

Hard Case of Summer SAD Lies Trans Kids Tell Themselves You’ve Got More Issues than Time

Exceptional

SERVICE.

Exceptional

RESULTS.

678-982-7022 kylestevens@atlantafinehomes.com kstevensrealestate.com @kylestevens_realtor

4 theQatl.com

Steeped IN LIKE THE OBNOXIOUS SUMMER HEAT bakes our mood, sat-

urated hues at thrift prices are baked into this issue of Q ATLus to make sure we at least look good dealing with everything 2020 throws at us.

For our cover feature, we scoured LGBTQ thrift shops for WFH prices and came up with looks in saturated colors. Then we steeped the rest of the issue in great distractions as Dog Days take over Atlanta.

10 Q Things offers ways to get through any summer depression you might be feeling, then Heather Maloney discusses the hurdles our transgender siblings must jump on their way to self-acceptance.

In Q Events, the LGBTQ ATL finds ways to do downtime, whether virtual or in person. Speaking of events, COVID’s latest toll takes away the annual Southeast Leather Fest in this week’s Q Community story.

As always, we leave you with the latest Q Advice, as well as reminders to find fresh content every day at theQatl.com. You can also find our editor at mike@theQatl.com.

RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5

INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 3 ISSUE 2 4

J U LY 3 0 , 2 0 2 0

SUCH A MOOD

10 Ways to Battle the Summer Sads

14 COVER

10

That’s Rich

Fashionable Thrift Finds

24

Q VOICES

8

In Transition

Atlanta Woman Makes Her Own Way COMMUNITY

13 Q Voices..............................8 10 Q Things......................10 Q Events...........................24 Q Map..............................26 Q Advice...........................30 6 theQatl.com

SELF Doubt

Corona Cancels Southeast Leather Fest

Q EVENTS

Doing Downtime

in person 30 Activities and online

Q

Q VOICES

Gender

FEARS

One Atlanta woman’s journey through dread, horror and self-acceptance to discover her true self

IT CAN BE A DIFFICULT PROCESS OF SELFrealization to learn that you are not the gender you were told you were from birth. So difficult inf act, there are countless transgender people who don’t transition or even acknowledge that it’s something they need to deal with outside of their deepest thoughts and feelings.

We learn early that transitioning from one perceived gender to another is one of the most socially unacceptable practices. It’s seen as a joke when we’re growing up. As we begin to think about it more and more, we see transition represented only as men dressing up as women for laughs.

Most transgender kids aren’t the courageous ones defying social norms at a young age. That’s not to say they’re any less brave, but most of us tell ourselves we simply can’t be transgender, even making excuses as to why.

“Every guy wants to secretly be a girl” is something so many trans women have said to themselves, myself included, even though it sounds ridiculous to others. “Of course, nobody would admit to it, but who wouldn’t want to be female?”

When we realize that this isn’t the case, it can be enlightening but also lonely. Many suppress those feelings for a seriously impressive amount of our lives before it becomes unbearable — or more unbearable than it already has been.

We’re told from the moment we’re born that you’re unquestionably this gender, and it becomes one of the basic building blocks of life What comes after is often times and society. We go along with this, just as hard. Coming out to believing that the constructs are family, friends and anyone is an H E AT H E R there for our own good. No need effort in genuine horror. There’s MALONEY to ask what someone goes by or no promise that the other person figuring out how to treat a person will understand it or accept it. because it’s right there in their presentation like a Even when we’ve embraced that trans is who we are, name tag. when we’ve come out to at least one other person It’s great, right? As you might imagine by my tone, close to us, when we decide now we’re ready to do no, it is not. what it takes… Well... How, exactly?

For those whose gender identity varies from the Resources for transgender people aren’t common one we’re given and all of its implications, it’s like knowledge. Just finding a qualified therapist is holding a vat of acid and told not to spill it. We’re difficult, much less an endocrinologist for hormone expected to keep it balanced wherever we go, since replacement therapy. Even then, there are plenty of a spill would certainly hurt us and those around us. professionals who won’t give you what you need That’s how I perceived it while growing up, until it And what about clothing? Or tucking? Or binding? finally shattered.

Or voice training?

As much as people love saying how it’s important Heather Maloney is a writer, editor, and creative to “go against the grain” and “don’t worry what thinker in Atlanta.. everyone else thinks,” it’s not always simple. We’re PHOTO BY ROBIN RAYNE NELSON/ZUMA social creatures.

8 theQatl.com

Q

Ain’t No

10 THINGS

By Mike Fleming NETFLIX AND PORNHUB ARE ENDLESS, but their entertainment value isn’t. You don’t care if you never see another daquiri, and it’s basically too hot to do anything but cuddle an air conditioner and pray for the sweet relief of fall.

There’s actually a reason for some of those summer doldrums. You know, besides (gesturing broadly) all of 2020. For some people, the body has a tough time adjusting to earlier sunrises and later sunsets.

Instead of enjoying the extra daylight, you get the “sads.” Literally: SAD is an actual a thing ­— Seasonal Affective Disorder. It usually affects people in winter, but the Summer Onset variety is just as dangerous and, well, sad.

Beyond that, maybe you have vacation envy of your Facebook friends. Maybe your anxiety over tanktop-manboob is overwhelming you.

But who cares why we feel this way, right? We just want it to stop. Make the most out of the warmer months and be ahead of the game by fall. Here are some steps that actually work.

10 theQatl.com

Sleep In Yes, really! You have permission. That blinding light through the window at the buttcrack of dawn may make sleeping sound impossible, but endless weeks of getting up with the sun could be taking its toll.

Consider blackout curtains or a sleep mask to get those extra winks.

Lower Your Expectations Counterintuitive? Maybe, but building up summer in your mind can create a disconnect when compared with reality. Be ready for a pop-up storm on picnic day. Expect ungodly long lines at Six Flags. If you’re prepared for the worst, you can be pleasantly surprised when everything goes fine. Pre-set your attitude and ability to go with the flow.

Build in Relaxation Time Hustle. Bustle. You know the drill. Even the fashions are louder and busier during summer. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you overdo any time, but burnout is even more possible during summer. Map out your down time. Take some vacation days.

Cure Work It Out Getting the blood pumping keeps your mind sharp so the sads (and the SAD) don’t eat you alive. One study found that simply walking 35 minutes a day, three times a week, can stave off mild to moderate depression.

Reality Check No. Everyone on Facebook and Instagram does not have a better dog, boyfriend or summer celebration schedule better than you. Pick your head up off the keyboard. Some people do have more resources than others, but you can figure out how to make a version of the Good Life happen on your budget and in your way.

Eat Smart and Love the D. This is your go-ahead to eat dark chocolate and drink coffee, in moderation. They elevate the mood and ease anxiety. But don’t be fooled; other candy, carbs and processed sugar ultimately increases despair after an initial euphoria.

Your body gets most of its Vitamin D3 from the sun.

Cruel summer?

Summer sads are a thing.

Try 10 things to rethink the summertime blues

If you’re avoiding the heat like the plague, you could literally be starving for D3. Consider adding a supplement if heading out is not in the cards for you.

Brighten Up It sounds like pop psychology, but surrounding yourself with light and color really helps you feel better. Wear bright colors, get out into that sunshine, work near a window.

Crank the Tunes Enhance the mood with music, like a soundtrack for the movie of your summer life. Hint: Not Adele. It may look like a movie and sound like song, but that shit is depressing.

Make Plans Looking toward the future can be one of the best spirit lifters. Find something to look forward to.

Plan a vacation, a weekend, or just a night out on the town. Just visualizing the future can help.

Take Action Now do it. Busy yourself. Take a step toward a goal.

Revisit a cast-aside resolution and try again. theQatl.com 11

Q

COMMUNITY

Down But

NOT OUT

SouthEast Leather Fest cancels 2020 annual event

By Patrick Saunders

ORGANIZERS FOR SOUTHEAST LEATHER Fest announced they are canceling this year’s event, as the coronavirus pandemic clears another occasion off LGBTQ Atlanta’s calendar.

The announcement was made in an email to event supporters earlier this month. The 25th annual festival was to set to occur in September at the DoubleTree by Hilton Atlanta Perimeter Dunwoody.

the next event will be our 25th anniversary. We can wait. Heartbreak dissipated to hope and enthusiasm that we have a bit more time to plan.”

SELF organizers are working with the hotel to cancel the room block and get fees refunded. They’ll rebound from the financial hit caused by this year’s cancelation, Gross said.

“SELF is well supported by those who attend and those who sponsor. They know we are a strong organization with strong management,” she said. “Our participants understand the nature of the cancelation and are ready to join us next year. We believe we will remain solid, solvent and ready to throw a great party in the future.”

“With heavy hearts, SELF is officially canceling our 2020 event,” the email said. “Since May, we have been working with the hotel as we have not felt we could celebrate together with any measure of safety due to COVID-19. Our primary concern is for the members of all of our communities.”

“Your health and welfare come first no matter what. We hold your health and your lives dear,” the email continued.

Last year’s event featured over 150 demos, parties and educational sessions, and organizers planned to supersize this year’s event to mark the milestone year.

“We expected our 2020 attendance to easily blow past the 650 people who joined us for 2019,” SELF executive producer Catherine Gross told Project Q Atlanta. “Given this and so much to celebrate for our 25th, we had added another 40 classes and dozens of fun social entertainments.”

PHOTO BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD

The pandemic forced Atlanta Pride to cancel its outdoor festival and parade earlier this month. The 50th annual celebration will be held online instead.

Out on Film committed to its September festival but hasn’t announced the form it will take yet.

Organizers of other LGBTQ events in the fall – including Black Gay Pride and AIDS Walk Atlanta – said last month they are in a holding pattern.

Gross said there was an initial feeling of heartbreak after the cancelation.

Read more coverage of how the coronavirus pandemic is impacting LGBTQ Atlanta.

“Then I realized that time isn’t only measured by years; we have been counting the number of events we have produced,” she said. “From this perspective,

This story is made possible through a grant from Facebook Journalism Project’s COVID-19 Local News Relief Fund. theQatl.com 13

Q

COVER

Shirts & Shorts from $4 Hats $5 and up

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Saturated

SUMMER

How to do rich hues at thrift prices through September

By Mike Fleming BASK IN THE OUTDOORS AND SOAK IN color this summer. On these pages, find looks that show steeped shades without waterlogging the wallet.

Local thrift shops including LGBTQ-centric Lost N Found and Out of the Closet can help you achieve head-to-toe looks for under $30.

Take your coin purse, your patience, and an eye toward fully marinated colors in contrasting warm and cool tones.

Lost N Found Youth 2585 Chantilly Drive NE 6409 Jimmy Carter Blvd., Norcross Out of the Closet 1858 Cheshire Bridge Road NE ď ľ

theQatl.com 15

SATURATED SUMMER continued

Vintage Dresses from $20 Shoes, $10

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SATURATED SUMMER continued

Jackets from $15 Shirts from $5 Pants from $10 Accessories from $5

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theQatl.com 21

SATURATED SUMMER continued

Jackets from $15 Shirts & Shorts from $5 Scarf, $8 Espadrilles, $10

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I take Pride in helping everyone.

Jesse Watts, RealtorÂŽ

M: 678-237-5310 | O: 404-604-3100 | jwatts5310@gmail.com jessewatts.kw.com | c @jessewattsrealtor Licensed in Georgia. Keller Williams Realty, Inc. is a real estate franchise company. Each Keller Williams office is independently owned and operated.

Keller Williams Realty, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and supports the Fair Housing Act.

theQatl.com 23

Q Events FRIDAY, JULY 31 Queer Bait Mary’s is back with limited, ticketed shifts and keeps its online party running for those at home @ twitch.tv/marysatlanta, 9 p.m. First shift is Happy Hour, 6 p.m. marysatlanta.com

The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week THURSDAY, JULY 30 Cabana Fever DJ Deanne holding #TGIT down online every week. Check out her ThursGay beats every week courtesy Fuego Productions @ twitch.tv/ djdeanne, 6 p.m.

FRIDAY, JULY 31 G8yties Gaga Of course, she was barely born, but these ‘80s-loving dancing queens are giving Lady Gaga her due upon a grand re-opening with rules enforced @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com Michelle Malone The queer indie rocker and her guitar return after a postponement of four months to rock a set @ The Train Depot, Lawrenceville, 7:30 p.m. michellemalone.com

SATURDAY, AUG. 1 DJ Mohammad The boys are back with this international sensation, required masks and enforced social distancing @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com 24 theQatl.com

Eagle Nights The leather and Levi’s you miss have missed you too. City regs and socially responsible partying goes seven nights a week @ Atlanta Eagle, 8 p.m. atlantaeagle.com Reserved Spot MSR brings comedy, DJs, bands queens and kings back to the stage for shows with reserved seating every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Patio and dance floor open with limited capacity, too. Safety rules enforced @ My Sister’s Room. mysistersroom.com All Month Elena Undone (photo) is the true lesbian love story that you don’t want to miss. You can also catch the hilarious movie Gayby and trans child’s tale Just Charlie. All three run on Hulu through the end of August.

PALS supports people in Atlanta who are elderly or who are living with or disabled due to a critical illness.

We provide pet food and basic veterinary care for the pets of our clients, which enables them to keep their pets.

You can support PALS by:

• Attending our monthly Drag •

• •

Queen Bingo fundraisers.

Making PALS the beneficiary. of your Amazon Smile, Kroger Plus or Chewy.com accounts.

Making a donation online.

To learn more about PALS or to donate visit:

www.palsatlanta.org

on tA ve .N E dm Pi e

5

10

11th St. NE

9

10th St. NE

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14th St. NE

12th St. NE

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Q Atlus Map

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Virginia Ave. NE

2 9th St. NE

12 7

Key

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

 Bars

 Restaurants North Ave. NW

North Ave. NW

 Clubs  Retail/Services

Not Shown

1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE

8. Flex 76 4th St NW

2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE

9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE

Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE

10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE

Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE

4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St

11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE

6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE

12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)

7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

26 theQatl.com

Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE

3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE

4

The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

St. Charles Ave.

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

r. NE roe D Mon

Charles Allen Dr. NE

NE

NE

Piedmont Park

Piedmont Ave.

Spring St. NW

8

3 Juniper St. NE

85

Peachtree St.

75

West Peachtree St. NE

8th St. NE

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 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE

2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE

6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE

7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

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4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

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5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE

D Monroe

Piedmont Park

1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

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Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE

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r. N

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Morningside Dr. NE

mon t

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1. Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE

Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE

theQatl.com 27

Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies.

BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

28 theQatl.com

Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE

RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RAC CARDS CALENDARS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARD LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS CALENDARS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINES CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIE WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS CALEN DARS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLY ERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILING POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS CALENDARS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS CALENDARS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BRO CHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS 1080 WLETTERHEAD Peachtree Street / 8:30-5:00 M-FPOP-UP BANNERS TEE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS POSTCARDS RACKNW CARDS CALENDARS 404.480.8222 / mycreativeapproach.com TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL ART ENVELOPES LABELS @mycreativeapproach NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS LABELS FORMS POP-UP BANNERS TE SHIRTS BUSINESS CARDS TUMBLERS POSTERS BROCHURES BOOKLETS FLYERS FORMS COPIES WALL AR ENVELOPES LABELS NEWSLETTERS MAILINGS POSTCARDS LETTERHEAD RACK CARDS CALENDARS POP

we print CMYKLGBTQ+

ATLANTA'S ONLY LGBT CERTIFIED PRINTER.

theQatl.com 29

Q Advice Party for

ONE?

Help! I’m old, poz, in recovery and depressed

There are some things to think about that might help set you on the right track.

As cliché as it might sound, gratitude is a great place to start. It’s proven to help if you start each day mentally listing what you have to be thankful for: the love of a pet, a roof over your head, a job you love, your sobriety, a therapist who helps sort it all out.

Q

Throughout my 20s and much of my 30s, I deluded myself that Mr. Right was just around the corner. Nearly 40 now, I’m lonely and haven’t dated in a while.

Our community is so age obsessed, I just feel too old to attract the right guy. I am also HIV-positive, and even after a decade, I still don’t know how to brooch the subject and and face the inevitable rejection. On top of all that, I’m in recovery from self-medicating my depression.

Since I work out and have a great job, some might think I have it together based on the outside, but the inside is a wreck. I’m in therapy, and it’s helping, but I can’t help but think this confluence of problems just makes me damaged goods.

I know that I’m not the only HIV-positive, 40-year-old gay man out there that’s lonely, carrying baggage and tired of the scene and online bullshit. Is it too late for love?

Dear Sadface: You have more issues than Time magazine, and you literally have more issues than time. There’s no use wasting another second worrying about things you can’t change — your age, your serostatus, your challenges — and spend it instead working with what you do have.

Hint: A lot of good stuff lies just beneath the surface of your stated problems.

The world is filled with good-looking, successful people who haven’t had a significant other in years.

Loneliness, depression and internalized shame can be immobilizing, and they feed on themselves.

30 theQatl.com

Wallowing, including reviewing your laundry list of problems, perpetuates loneliness and makes you unbearable to boot. At some point, we all have to decide if we’re going to get into our fears or get out of them.

As for aging, think of it as a privilege. A slew of our queer brethren died before finding that out, and they’d trade places with you for surviving into an age when HIV is manageable.

Acknowledge queer ageism, but don’t internalize it.

Reject groupthink and re-evaluate. How much better off are you than when you were 25? How much are your knowledge and life skills worth? Would you really take your youth back in exchange for all you’ve gained?

Experiences define you, and your life is rich with them.

Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not professional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON