Q ATLus Magazine | September 10, 2020

September July 10, 23, 2020 July 16, 2020

Still We

RISE Is increasing equality erasing queer culture?

16 Signs Your Love is Toxic 2020 Tests Gay Baker’s Dough Mariah Parker Talks Power to the People

Doing YOU LGBTQ CULTURE WAS FOUNDED on a fight for variance, for jus-

tice, and the right to be whatever and however we choose. But is it being erased by assimilation into broader society? This issue takes a look.

For all that lip service to diversity, people on the LGBTQ spectrum sure

like to play gatekeeper to who’s in and who’s out. In an in-depth Q Cover story, we find evidence that our very infighting is a good problem to have and a testament to advances in our movement.

The big questions give way to individual LGBTQ Georgians living their

lives and paving our future. Q People meets progressive rabble-rouser and Athens-Clarke County Councilmember Mariah Parker. Q Community introduces Baker Dude’s Orran Booher.

Q ATLus is committed to you doing you and letting others do the

same. Our reliable weekly features highlight diverse aspects of life in the LGBTQ-ATL. This week’s Q Events offers opportunities to socialize.

Help for abusive relationships comes in Q Things, and there’s Q Advice for letting a date down easy.

Enjoy this issue, and let us know what you think via theQatl.com, our social platforms or mike@theQatl.com.

RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

VOLUME 3 ISSUE 30 SEPTEMBER 10, 2020

QUEERING THE POLLS

Athens Councilmember Mariah Parker

18 COVER

11

Saving Ourselves

Is Queer Culture Being Erased?

25

16 Q THINGs

8

So Toxic

LGBTQ Couples & Mutual Abuse COMMUNITY

13 Q Things................................ 8 Q People............................... 11 Q Community...................... 13

Tasty and Tested

Baker Dude Fights through 2020

30

Q Events.............................. 22

Q SHOTS

Q Advice.............................. 30

Heretic Party Pics

Q Map.................................. 26

6 theQatl.com

Peachy

Q

E V O L C I X TO 16 THINGS

your t a h t s n g i s 6 1 busive a s i p i h s n o i relat

ming H

By Mike Fle THIS MONT ISTIC OUT T TA S s G le IN up sex co AN ALARM tween samec violence be ti es straight m om do fr ts t se e — apar al m fe d s an e d lesbian case — both mal alf of gay an h an th e or s. couples. M both partner ual abuse by of include mut Association the National by ses rt ca po ’s re the guild The 2019 that 62% of es at st of rs n ke er tt pa Social Wor a tit-for-tat les involved physical d an al n with gay coup io ger, emot an e iv worse os pl ex will be even control, be that 2020 d ul co It s. eruption together. e quarantined as couples ar wer dynamic against the po es go e us ab e other. Often Mutual mistreating th on rs pe “giving e on of only thought to be e ar e us ab l utua and partners in m g their own,” t” or “holdin ge ey th as as good y suffering. made both are likel ar, such a case ye st la e ic dv QA In a letter to city. ls of such toxi al tf pi e th clear s, so and short fuse hair triggers ve ha e are w th bo er e “W e. The long st as explosiv ju mean is t r n’ ge do an I e th uptions get. er e th se or w ppened. together, the those have ha gh ou th s, st ur physical outb lly, at each irly, even crue fa un t ou sh When I’m We’ve both la stead of heal. in nd ou w to handle, I’m other. We aim flying off the r ne rt pa y m not af raid of me fear. created the sa worried I’ve ng I’m ithout admitti I’m abused w ctims vi be th I couldn’t say . We can’t bo es im et m so e also abusiv ” rs, or can we? and perpetrato user rs can play ab at both partne th x can be do rs ra ne rt pa a It’s rs worse, pa te at m g in ak at causes and abused. M each other th in g in th ry ve ate with drawn to the there’s a love-h s, ct di ad e ik napses fire. the trouble. L makes their sy at th or vi ha destructive be 8 theQatl.com

s of abuse. s that are sign or vi ha be c xi to an a few.

Below are 16 k off more th ec ch s ur yo d/or See if you an ey treat you. u for how th s.

1. Blame yo that happen er ything bad ev r fo u yo e 2. Blam n. nds or childre of family, frie ill ak pe S .

3 e u see or wher trol whom yo n co to ry T 4. you go.

to things ipulate you in an m or ce or 5. F t to do. you don’t wan

hful. being unfait 6. Lying or unfree. ful, insecure or ar fe el fe u yo 7. Make h you. lly rough wit 8. Physica r n’t do it thei when you do py ap h ot N 9. do. py when you way, not hap

opinions terest in your in e tl lit ow h 10. S or feelings.

the silent u or give you 11. Ignore yo ” “punishment. treatment as

s. u with other ly compare yo 12. Regular - harm to them to do bodily en at re h T .

13 eone else. selves or som

telling you ood swings — m e m re xt E 14. inute and eatest one m gr e th re u’ yo

e next. the worst th calling you down — 15. Putting t, etc. upid, ugly, fa you dumb, st

ts worse behavior ge 16. Abusive over time.

rn, one ow where to tu If you don’t kn org. They d. atlantalegalai local resource is , find hotline search shelters offer help to re vocacy. look for legal ad numbers, and anlican House Jackson via B orkers Sources: Jim F. on of Social W ti ational Associa Publishers, N

theQatl.com 9

I take Pride in helping everyone.

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Protesting, Policing

PEOPLE

Q

& PUBLIC OFFICE

Meet Athens-Clarke County Commissioner Mariah Parker

By Matt Hennie MARIAH PARKER TURNED HER POLITICAL activism and Hip-Hop experience into a run for public office, becoming the first LGBTQ person elected to the Athens-Clarke County Commission.

Throughout her transition from activist and artist to elected official, Parker has thrived to be her authentic self – blemishes and all. She says that’s why she’s won two elections to the county commission in two years.

“I’m a hip hop artist. I cut my teeth in political speeches and organizing through telling my stories and they’re being myself and then making audiences laugh, cry, connecting with them on a person to person level,” Parker said in a new episode of Podcast Q.

But being an activist — she’s organized or taken part in several racial justice demonstrations — as well as a performer, podcast host, graduate teaching assistant, doctoral student and public official makes for long days and nights.

What fuels her? Passion and self-care, Parker said.

“When you’re passionate, it just kind of fuels you through the fatigue and through the overwhelm at times,” she said. “But once that flame is stoked, it’s kind of self-perpetuating and so it’s easy to work these long days to get it all done.”

Tune into the full episode of Podcast Q for more on Parker’s fight with coronavirus, turning protests into lasting reform, reimagining police and bringing rainbow crosswalks to Athens.

Mariah Parker’s episode of Podcast Q is online now at theQatl.com and on your favorite audio apps. theQatl.com 11

12 theQatl.com

COMMUNITY

Q

Taste,TESTED Baker Dude rises in heat of 2020 challenges

By Mike Fleming ORRAN BOOHER THOUGHT THAT FIGHTING to save his business was behind him, but then 2020 came. A GoFundMe Hail Mary last year was a success, but the relief was short-lived amid the coronavirus pandemic.

The economic downturn for most businesses landed at Booher’s feet too, and obstacles at his Baker Dude bakery and café challenges arose anew.

“We were really beginning to make some head way with catering and such, and then the

pandemic hit,” Booher told Project Q. “Now optimism became uncertainty. I began to reduce hours in the beginning of March to try to minimize the impact of reduced sales and then the citywide lockdown hit.”

Quarantine meant furloughs for the whole staff at the store on the Southside Trail of the Beltline. At home, the future became uncertain for Booher, his husband Dave and their 1st-Grade twins, he said.

“Although his office allowed him to work remotely, we still had to make sure that our twins were able to continue with remote learning and assignments,” he said. “We didn’t know how all this would work and what would be the fate of the bakery.” 

theQatl.com 13

BAKER DUDE continued As many LGBTQ business owners in Atlanta have shown in recent months, Booher wasn’t about to go down without a fight. Having started in 2015 as an e-commerce site for cupcakes in his home kitchen, Baker Dude switched back to online orders with next-day pickups and deliveries in April.

“rules of engagement for our customers,” he added. Only one person or group at a time can be in the store.

To enhance social distancing protocols, online ordering remains, as well as third-party delivery app orders, and now, a Baker Dude mobile app that allows customers to order for in-store or curbside pickup.

“The changes we’ve made have been welcomed, and folks at the end of the day understand that we are doing our best to protect everyone and not merely inconvenience them,” Booher said. “Most patrons are just very happy that we have been able to weather the storm and stay open.”

Times are still tough, but learning to pivot as a business owner has not been without its lessons and blessings, according to Booher.

Orran Booher, owner of Baker Dude

ABOUT THOSE CAKES

Being one of just a handful of bakeries to remain serving at first, one that delivered, and one that catered to special orders like vegan and gluten-free items, the business made it through April and May. “Cakes saved the day,” Booher said. “Folks far and wide, local and out-of-state discovered Baker Dude and fell in love with us and our cakes. By May, I had to begin bringing staff back to help as the one-man show was not sustainable.”

The dining room remains closed at the physical location, but walk-in service for takeout resumed in June. First it was weekends only, but as orders increased, Baker Dude offers walk-in takeout seven days a week.

“We have tweaked our model to one that can be sustained in pandemic times,” Booher said.

“We’ve removed all self-service items and everything is behind the counter now.”

‘PIVOT TO SURVIVE’ Other changes include masks and gloves worn by staff throughout the food handling and packing process, as well as hand sanitizing stations and 14 theQatl.com

“For us, 2020 helped us to refocus our business and gain clarity on how we should proceed,” he said. “We’ve set some goals, and we need to see them through.”

That includes a second location opening in a food hall later this year, and Booher is about to launch his first retail product, Baker-Doodles.

Delicious details to come.

PHOTO BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD

Baker Dude is open for business at 1039 Grant Street SE, Ste B18. Order online at bakerdude.com, and look for them in your app store and on your favorite delivery service.

PHOTOS COURTESY ORRAN BOOHER

Q

Equality COVER

Is assimilation erasing LGBTQ culture?

By Mike Fleming AS THE EQUALITY FLOODGATES CONTINUE opening, the LGBTQ landscape is morphing.

Steps forward, even amid the requisite and expected steps back, create new challenges and spur a debate that has the potential to usher in the next queer generation — a great one if we conduct it wisely, and a Next Generation Borg-like assimilation shitshow if we don’t.

If you’ve been around a while, or have your eye on the trajectory of LGBTQ life since Stonewall, reasons to celebrate include, but are not limited to, marriage equality, gender identity and sexual orientation breaking into Title VII and Title IX protections, hate crimes laws, and the right to serve openly in the military.

But are these gains taken by some as automatic passes to join the mainstream and leave queer identity behind?

“I look forward to the day being gay is no more significant than being left-handed,” wrote Evan Urguhart in Outward. “It will not dictate to which cities they move or what cultural products they consume. They will lack that inner sense of their unique vulnerability or unworthiness that you and I still have to deal with.”

Others mourn the loss of queer culture that made being LGBTQ special, unique, and most of all, worth saving. Not to mention, they argue, that “straight culture” perpetuates a system that caused the very sexual and gender-based oppression that we worked so hard to overcome.

18 theQatl.com

“In the rush to embrace traditional relationships as defined by heterosexual marriage, the gay community is discarding the very sexuality that the Supreme Court has validated,” writes Patrick Moore in Beyond Shame: Reclaiming Radical Gay Sexuality.

To complicate matters, others of us are left cold to positive changes by the remaining lack of rights.

It’s hard to celebrate progress with issues still on the table like racism; health, home and employment inequities; bigoted politicians and legislators quite specifically out to get us; and rampant individual cases of hate attacks.

And that’s not to mention LGBTQ bickering, wrangling, gatekeeping and power plays amongst ourselves.

GOOD PROBLEMS TO HAVE

At first glance, it would seem as if we’re left with two distinct sides of an intimidating fence. Those on one side dive headlong into assimilation of heteronormative traditions, while those on the other reject those standards whole-cloth in efforts to keep queer life, well, queer.

To listen to some arguments, you’re either for equal status within the status quo, or anti-establishment. Period. You get married, buy a house in the suburbs and have babies, or you think that those who do that have lost the very essence of what queer culture has rallied to attain: It’s own identity.

But it’s more complicated and difficult — and ultimately more beneficial ­— to admit that most people don’t land perfectly on one end or the other of that spectrum of 

RISING

theQatl.com 19

CULTURE continued views. To work toward compromise and acceptance of each other’s preferences lets us enjoy the best of both worlds.

But it’s very American of us to stick to binary visions of reality.

As a country, we love to pick sides. Heroes and villains. Black and white. Love and hate. Good vs. evil.

All or nothing. You’re either with us or against us.

Just the phrase “Us vs. Them” rings through our ears like classic Americana.

The dynamic rears its head within LGBTQ circles, too, of course. Even when we come together, some want to choose up sides and fight it out. It’s a conundrum that plays out time and again.

Ultimately, it’s a great problem to have. Remaining challenges of the movement and opportunities for compromise with each other leave room to grow.

But the questions remain: Does acceptance mean blind assimilation? Do we have to lose what’s great about queer life to have it all?

Maybe it’s neither… and both. Sometimes we have to leave things behind so that we can move forward. And sometimes we can embrace the past while forging ahead into the future with the past in our back pocket.

‘PSSST: STOP IT.’ Ask a dinner table of LGBTQ friends for their views on anything — drag, open relationships, racism within the community, transgender inclusion, bottom shaming, having children, femmes vs. butch, non-profit spending, public displays of affection, or hell, even mixing prints in the same outfit.

Voices will raise between the best of friends. Now ask a larger, more diversified LGBTQ 20 theQatl.com

gathering whether queer acceptance means blind assimilation. Heels will dig in. Fur might fly.

Pssst. Stop it.

We don’t have to choose sides. The emerging renaissance queer can have it all. And that goes double when it comes to our identities and civil rights.

Want to get married? Go for it. Want to eschew that heteronormative system? Feel free. Maybe you want to define your relationship outside legal parameters. Maybe you want to have a wedding, but not in a house of worship. Maybe you want to have it in a church, but one without walls.

Join the gay softball league and your alumni association’s football boosters. Focus on Democratic fundraising or a grassroots crowdfund.

LGBTQ culture was founded on a fight for variance and diversity, a battle for justice, and the right to be whatever and however we choose — inside or outside of conventional parameters.

Grant each other the equality to live, love and be as we see fit.

Meanwhile, it’s a safe bet that our very queerness can and will persist. It will be there as we fight for what remains unsettled. And like everything else in the universe, our identities will likely morph to suit new needs. Maybe mainstream and queer cultures can even change each other for the better.

Being LGBTQ doesn’t mean you have to stop meaning being unique or fabulous or radical. Rather than doing old things in old ways, we can keep doing everything in new ways, all ways, as determined by each one of us and our personal set of priorities.

Keep your queer identity and your demands for social justice, as well as the trappings and perks of equality. Have it all.

Nothing is stopping you.

All options are on the table.

That’s a good thing.

Q Events The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week THURSDAY, SEPT. 10 Eagle Nights All the Leather-Levi fun you expect every day, every night with pop-up specials and affinity group takeovers @ Atlanta Eagle, 3 p.m. to close. atlantaeagle.com

THURSDAY, SEPT. 10 AND FRIDAY, SEPT. 11 Ho Sho: Rock Was Young The Ho Sho, the only live singing drag troupe in the city, is back for Pride season with a new streaming concert every month. First up, the Elton John tribute you didn’t know you needed but totally did, starring Craig A. Meyer as the legend himself.

Tickets and more info: dunlop-entertainment.com

SUNDAY, SEPT. 13 Womyn’s Brunch How do $3 mimosas, $5 hookahs and no cover sound? What if they come alongside an amazing menu for takeout or delivery? Do Sunday with the ladies of Atlanta’s lesbian bar @ My Sister’s Room, 6 p.m. mysistersroom.com Sunday Funday Gather on the refreshed patio of the re-branded hotspot for bites, beats, boys and booze @ X Midtown (formerly Ten Atlanta), 4 p.m. - 12 midnight. facebook.com/XMidtownX

MONDAY, SEPT. 14 Stars of the Century Consistently called the best-kept drag secret in town, this weekly show features a mind-blowing allblack cast of kings and queens led by Stasha Sanchez (photo) @ Heretic, 7 p.m. hereticaltanta.com

FRIDAY, SEPT. 11 Armorettes The monthly Backroom Burlesque show returns with Atlanta’s camp queens doing what they do for charity. No cover and your tips benefit the PWHA Fund @ Heretic, 8 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

SATURDAY, SEPT. 12 DJ Serving Ovahness Just when you thought Saturday’s gay dance was done, nope. This circuit legend does afterhours @ Xion downstairs at BJ Rooster, 3 a.m. – 7 a.m. Sunday morning. facebook.com/xionatlanta 22 theQatl.com

September Streams Streaming queerness is the new going out (for some). Netflix this month features the latest Ryan Murphy-Sarah Paulson collab, Ratched, about the nurse the 1970s loved to hate, starting Sept. 18. Over on Prime, The Boys (photo) is stirring up political cognitive dissonance, streaming now.

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PEACH PARTY 2020

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS

PHOTOS BY RUSS BOWEN-YOUNGBLOOD

theQatl.com 25

on tA ve .N E dm Pi e

5

10

11th St. NE

9

10th St. NE

Amsterdam Ave.

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Q Atlus Map

11 6

Virginia Ave. NE

2 9th St. NE

12 7

Key

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

 Bars

 Restaurants North Ave. NW

North Ave. NW

 Clubs  Retail/Services

Not Shown

1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE

8. Flex 76 4th St NW

2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE

9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE

Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE

10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE

Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE

4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St

11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE

6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE

12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)

7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

26 theQatl.com

Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE

3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE

4

The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

St. Charles Ave.

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

r. NE roe D Mon

Charles Allen Dr. NE

NE

NE

Piedmont Park

Piedmont Ave.

Spring St. NW

8

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85

Peachtree St.

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8th St. NE

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Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE

2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE

6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE

7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

nr Mo

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4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

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5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE

D Monroe

Piedmont Park

1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

8

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Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE

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Key

 Bars  Restaurants  Clubs  Retail/Services

7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE

theQatl.com 27

Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies.

BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

28 theQatl.com

Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE

RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE

ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE

Q Advice

Ghosted &

SHAMED

Right, wrong and just plain mean when you’re not interested

Q

I had sex with this person, and it was fine.

With booze and whatever other circumstances, I was attracted in the moment.

I don’t regret it, per se, but I’m not interested in doing it again. Unfortunately, he is all about Round 2, and he’s ignoring or missing my notso-subtle hints and detachment as clues.

Is it OK to ghost on him? Should I say something specific? Both of those options feel like ways to hurt his feelings, and I just want an option to move on without being a total dick.

Dear Ghost Writer: The distance of technology and anonymity of urban life make it easier to dehumanize each other in general. Still, it hurts a bit more personally when you do it as part of dating and hookups — and the pain is not just his, but yours, even if it’s unconscious.

Texts, social media and apps make it easier to stop communicating. That’s why many reading this will cite experience on both sides of ghosting.

But just because it’s popular, is it the right thing to do? No. The result for the victim is obvious, but it leaves a little scar on the perpetrator’s psyche too. Scars build up.

Do better. The guy may be disappointed, but just say, “Hey, I had fun and I’m not interested in anything more.” The truth isn’t nearly as harmful to either of you as leaving him hanging.

Tell him the truth, then walk away knowing

30 theQatl.com

you did the right thing — and that you matured a little in the process.

Q

I’m a loud, proud slut. I hit on and meet a lot of people on hookup apps. No shame here, but I do have a problem: Rude rejections.

Some people who aren’t interested go out of their way to make me feel bad for trying. Responses include, “Fuck no, “Are you seriously messaging me?” and “I’m out of your league.” One said, “I don’t want to catch any diseases.”

I’ve been around, but my feelings still get hurt. I’d rather get no response or a simple “not interested” without making a point to denigrate me.

Dear Slut Shamed: People can be awful. Being “not interested” is not some kind of high ground.

Not responding is mildly OK, though five seconds to tap out “No thank you” would go a long way. It’s unacceptable to be mean. Shame and insults are insecurities disguising themselves as superiority.

To put a finer point on it, we don’t “owe” each other kindness as much as we owe it to ourselves and to the rest of humanity.

Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not professional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON

PALS supports people in Atlanta who are elderly or who are living with or disabled due to a critical illness.

We provide pet food and basic veterinary care for the pets of our clients, which enables them to keep their pets.

You can support PALS by:

• Attending our monthly Drag

Queen Bingo fundraisers.

• Making PALS the beneficiary. of your Amazon Smile, Kroger Plus or Chewy.com accounts.

• Making a donation online.

• To learn more about PALS or to donate visit:

www.palsatlanta.org