September July 17, 23, 2020 July 16, 2020
Book of
LOVE
A Relationship Spectrum All Our Own
Gender Reveal But Good Fire The Dreaded L Word: Love Favorite Spot Gets A MetroFresh Start
A Love of
OUR OWN
THE IMPULSE TO HOP the marriage train has been in full force in
some circles for five years, but a growing chorus of detractors wants to be heard: There’s more than one way to skin a relationship.
Options for LGBTQ people in love include, but are not limited to, legal marriage. This week’s Q Cover story offers five alternatives to tradition, alongside photos of one cute couple’s day-in-the-life together.
Speaking of relationships, we come out strong on the side of giving love a chance in this week’s Q Advice column. Other weekly features lay out
a calendar of local Q Events, as well as a profile of longtime community businessman Mitchell Anderson.
When you’ve taken it all in and simply must have more, we are here for
you online. Find our newly designed website at theQatl.com, and interact with us every day on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube and on your favorite Podcast app.
Until next week, write our editor with your thoughts and ideas at mike@theQatl.com.
RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM
MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5
INSIDE THIS ISSUE VO LU M E 3 I S S U E 3 1
S E P T E M B E R 1 7, 2 0 2 0
ROSE IS A ROSE
Embracing the Gender Myriad
18 COVER
9
On the Spectrum Re-defining LGBTQ Love
25
COMMUNITY
Fresh Start
MetroFresh saves both shops from 2020
13 EVENTS
Pull Up
Virtual and IRL Things to Do Q Things.................. 9 ADVICE
Q Community........ 13
‘L’ Word
Q Events................ 25
Running from Love
6 theQatl.com
30
Q Map.................... 26 Q Advice................ 30
I take Pride in helping everyone.
Jesse Watts, RealtorÂŽ
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10 THINGS
Q
Gender
REVEAL
10 gender identities and terms everyone should know By Mike Fleming BETWEEN, BESIDE AND BEYOND THE binary come those community members who identify outside the traditional male and female roles and expectations. Whether someone’s gender identity is contrary to the one they were assigned at birth, whether it’s cohesive with or apart from their physical sex traits, and whether it’s expressed outwardly and/ or felt inwardly, there’s one bottom line: Whatever gender we say we are, we are. Whatever terms we prefer should be respected. Those among us whose personal truths break the binary should be trusted to know their own minds and feelings regarding their own gender, including the 10 common gender identities on this page and every other one you may meet.
theQatl.com 9
GENDER continued
If you think they sound similar, note the nuances while also remembering that everyone deserves to identify with the terms that make the most sense to them, not the most sense to someone else.
GENDER FLUID
Shifting gender identity and gender expression. This can be androgynous as neither male or female, or it can be organically passing from one to the other and back again.
BIGENDER
Either male or female at any given time. Shifts vary and can last from hours to years.
GENDER NON-CONFORMING
(Also: Gender Variant) Don’t go along with cultural expectations of gender roles. Obvious examples include people born with male genitalia who wear makeup and people born with female genitalia who like short haircuts and sports.
THIRD SEX
Society or the person themselves categorize them as neither woman nor man, but as a separate and distinct third gender. Some cultures include four genders — feminine man, masculine man, masculine woman, and feminine woman.
TWO-SPIRIT Some scholars consider the Native American identification of Two-Spirit as part of the Third Sex category. These people are thought to spiritually be both male and female, and they are highly revered, often as religious leaders with a direct line to the spirit world. 10 theQatl.com
GENDERQUEER
(Also: Non-Binary) Usually used as an umbrella term referring to all gender identities that are outside the gender binary of exclusively female or male. They may see themselves as having two or more genders, or no gender, being beyond gender, or moving between genders.
AGENDER
(Also: Genderfree and Neutrois) Genderless. People with bodies assigned either of the traditional binary roles may feel or present themselves as neither male nor female. They may seek to appear androgynous to match these self perceptions.
TRANSGENDER
The person’s inner male or female identity does not match the one assigned to their sex traits at birth. Through choice or circumstance, trans women and trans men may or may not seek to alter their bodies with surgery.
INTERSEX
Born with some mix of, or all of, the physical sex characteristics of both binary sexes. Can refer to combinations of chromosomes, hormones and/or genitalia that are outside the binary. Depending on the person, intersex individuals identify as either, both or neither binary gender.
CISGENDER
Perhaps the most common gender identity: Individuals who feel their gender is in line or homogenous with their biological sex. The gender assigned at birth matches how they see themselves. Source: The Talko
theQatl.com 11
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12 theQatl.com
COMMUNITY
Q
Dark Days
& FRESH STARTS
MetroFresh overcomes 2020 challenges to save both locations
Project Q. “The impacts on my business, my employees, my husband and I will be felt for years.” The second business-lunch savvy location of MetroFresh in Midtown Plaza opened late last year.
IF HE’S NOT WARMING BELLIES WITH fresh-to-order meals, he’s warming hearts in acting roles. MetroFresh’s Mitchell Anderson has seen a lot, but the pandemic threw even him for a loop.
With only six months of foothold in the tower, Anderson had to close it immediately and furlough the employees, but he tried to hang onto the original Midtown Promenade location as long as possible.
“The last seven months have been, by far, the most challenging of my adult professional life,” he told
“I was completely freaked out that 15 years of work was going to be wiped away in a month.” theQatl.com 13
METROFRESH continued Anderson called March the “dark days,” when a lack of leadership at the federal and state level left him at odds about how to handle it. “Of course, my first responsibility was to keep people safe, but I had to weigh that with keeping my business viable,” he continued. Closing at the end of March took its toll, but as the calendar turned to April, so the tide turned for MetroFresh. A twice-weekly pop-up shop for delivery or pickup lasted through May. Out-of-work staff was able to collect unemployment, and MetroFresh was also able to get in on the Payroll Protection Program to pay fulltime people.
“I do believe we will survive, but I want people to know none of it is certain. We will need every bit of support we can get until the pandemic is finally in the rearview mirror.” — Mitchell Anderson
“After I pulled myself together from the initial fear, I threw myself into work,” Anderson remembered. “I was pretty much a one man show for much of the time before we re-opened.” Now even the second location in Midtown Plaza is back. As of Sept. 8, it started serving businesspeople in the area as they slowly return to work. Both MetroFresh locations are still focused on takeout, but there is seating on the patio with single-use utensils.
“We also continue to do ‘take-and-bake’ dinner entrees that were a huge success during our Pop Up deliveries,” Anderson noted. “This has been a good change that we will most likely continue for a while.” So is he ready to put this all behind him and move forward? Yes, and he tries to remain hopeful for the future. There are good days and bad days, and sometimes both at the same time. “I do believe we will survive, but I want people to know none of it is certain,” Anderson said. “We will need every bit of support we can get until the pandemic is finally in the rearview mirror.” About that acting career: The second season of the Emmy Award-winning series “After Forever” premieres during Out on Film on Sept. 29. MetroFresh is in Midtown Promenade at 931 Monroe Drive NE, and MetroFresh Uptown is in Midtown Plaza at 1360 Peachtree St. NE. Visit metrofreshatl.com.
14 theQatl.com
Q
COVER
Beyond
MARRIAGE
Defining our own love stories along an LGBTQ spectrum By Mike Fleming WHETHER YOU’RE YOUNGER OR older, coupled or single, and no matter which LGBTQ subcultures you call yours, you may have noticed an odd phenomenon: the polarizing notion that same-sex couples should get married, instead of can get married.
Some of our social feeds tell this varnished version of the age-old love story. Longtime pairs tied the knot in droves in 2015 and 2016 with ceremonies from simple to extravagant… but tons of short-term couples also jumped into nuptials, more or less because marriage was “so hot right now.” They still do. Activists and advocates are fond of reminding us that “we still have work to do” after marriage equality, but rather than stamping the issue “done” and setting it aside, there may be LGBTQ work left to do on defining relationships, including what it means to marry. It’s great that the option exists for couples to be just as impulsive as any ill-advised straight couple to tie the knot. On the other hand, there’s a rumble of discontent over the loss of something distinctly ours, distinctly queer: Without marriage equality, we were free to define our relationships in non-traditional ways like no other demographic. Some people aren’t as in love with marriage and its connotations as so many others appear to be. 18 theQatl.com
They still eschew the constraints of the sanctioned institution as heteronormative at best, restrictive at least, and played-out at worst. They long for a time when no legalized marriage meant the sweet freedom to not get married. On the plus side, when expectations are aligned, one-to-one commitment for life can work for many LGBTQ couples. Married people are adept at compromise, and they generally live longer. There is a built-in support system, and many say that they accomplish their goals faster together. On the other hand, the divorce rate is well over half of all marriages, and married people are more likely to be overweight, in debt and too reliant on the other person at the expense of beneficial friendships. Luckily, it’s not an either-or proposition. Rather than get caught up in “traditional” ideas of what marriage is, LGBTQ people could stop insisting that there’s one right way to engage with each other. We could recognize the awesome assortment of approaches, and we could stop expecting everyone to feel and act the same way.
theQatl.com 19
DEFINING LOVE continued As is appropriate and correct in every situation or life challenge, we hearken back to the great gay muse, that sage soothsayer, that endless font of advice: Carrie Bradshaw, Candace Bushnell’s fictionalized dating diva of Sex and the City. After the trials and tribs of singlehood and matrimony, she figured it out at the end of the deliciously awful Sex and the City 2. Naturally, her newlywed gays knew it at the beginning of the movie: There’s more than one way to skin a relationship.
Choices: Points on a Spectrum
“YOU HAVE TO TAKE TRADITION AND DECORATE IT YOUR OWN WAY. … WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS, THERE’S A WHOLE RANGE OF COLORS AND OPTIONS TO EXPLORE.”
— Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City 2
tionally slutty,” but it works with varying degrees of success for scores of LGBTQ people.
Pros & Cons
These are our top five alternatives to “traditional marriage for life.” Which type(s) of love do you do, which have you tried, and which ones tempt you to try a new one?
Serial monogamy often gives you emotional security, familiarity with morés, societal approval, and maybe even reduced risk of STDs. On the downside, you might also find boredom, societal pressure to take it further than dating, and decreasing emotional and physical pleasure over time. Of course, it may fit you just right to give everything to one person at a time without biting off the broader expectations of traditional marriage.
Serial Monogamy
Open Relationships
Most of us are, were, or have tried to be this kind of person. You may like the “mating for life” concept and go around applying it to each person you date, one at a time. Friends may call you “emo-
Like the serial monogamist, most of us also know of, or have been in, open relationships. “Consensually non-monogamous” couples, like other types of relationships, can define their relationship
WITH ALL OF THE ABOVE IN MIND, WHY not welcome marriage as just one of many relationship options, and only then as it’s defined and redefined by each couple.
20 theQatl.com
DEFINING LOVE continued Pros & Cons Big pluses here include sexual variety, additional “emotional team members” for support, and deep friendships between non-intimate partners. You might also develop a skill for communication as each partner learns to express their needs. Cons? Societal misunderstandings, inequity, “ganging up” on individual members in disagreements, and that old green nag, jealousy.
Non-exclusive Dating Unlike serial monogamy, these people have no intention of ever tying their love to just one person. You like them, you may even love them, and you may also feel the same way about other people. Your place is not their place, your life is not their life, and that’s just the way you like it.
Pros & Cons
agreements in multiple ways. Perhaps it’s to stay emotionally monogamous but not sexually, or perhaps it’s open to explorations of the body and heart outside the couple.
Pros & Cons You get to indulge your wandering eye and you get more varied experiences. You might also get time management challenges, competition and jealousy. Advance planning and clear agreements are crucial, and honest communication can help solve conflicts if they arise.
Polyamory You love Dick, and lord knows you love Harry. You also love Tanya and Tom. And damn it, they love you back. Polyamorous relationships between more than two people are more common than some people realize. Whether there is a clear “Alpha” couple, one person with multiple spouses, or egalitarian sharing, triads, quadrangles and other configurations are available to explore. Fun fact: In June 2020, city council members in Somerville, Mass., unanimously approved legal domestic partnerships between two or more adults. Some say polygamy and recognition of polyamory are the next legal steps in marriage equality. 22 theQatl.com
Independence means you can take care of yourself and you have the skills to self-motivate and self-satisfy. It can also mean you are a little inflexible, unaccommodating and hard to work with, plus you only have the resources of one person to accomplish goals and meet challenges.
Single For Life The one kind of LGBTQ relationship most often overlooked, possibly derided, and arguably the most important is self-love. Some singles have grown so used to their lives, they prefer it. They treat themselves, trust themselves and make sure their own needs are met.
Pros & Cons Every psyche study, ever, points out that loving yourself is the surest way to contentment and satisfaction. When you love yourself, you usually get what you want, but conversely you may be unable to let others have their way. Loving your own company trumps any validation you might get from other people. On the flip side, some singles may think it’s impossible to get what they desire in another person, or worse, that they don’t deserve a relationship. If this is the case, the ageless wisdom of RuPaul remains correct: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Sources: Psychology Today, Positively Sexual, Thought Catalog
PALS supports people in Atlanta who are elderly or who are living with or disabled due to a critical illness. We provide pet food and basic veterinary care for the pets of our clients, which enables them to keep their pets. You can support PALS by:
• Attending our monthly Drag
Queen Bingo fundraisers. • Making PALS the beneficiary. of your Amazon Smile, Kroger Plus or Chewy.com accounts. • Making a donation online. • To learn more about PALS or to donate visit:
www.palsatlanta.org
Q Events The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week THURSDAY, SEPT. 17 Lambda Legal The LGBTQ-HIV lawyers take their annual Atlanta fundraiser virtual so you can support their ongoing battles for equal protections @ lambdalegal.org/atlanta, 6:30 p.m.
FRIDAY, SEPT. 18 Sisters Summertime The backyard and patio are open for women who love women who love an open-air party @ My Sister’s Room, Fridays and Saturdays 8 p.m. – 3 a.m. Pssst. They also sell gallon margs and taco bar kits for delivery or pickup. mysistersroom.com Rosh Hashanah The gay-founded, gay-led and inclusive Congregation Bet Haverim does holiday shabbat online this year @ congregationbethaverim.org/ streaming#, 6 p.m.
SUNDAY, SEPT. 20 Sunday Funday Gather on the refreshed patio at the re-randed hotspot for food and drinks @ X Midtown (formerly Ten Atlanta), 4 p.m. - 12 midnight. facebook.com/XMidtownX
TUESDAY, SEPT. 22 Eagle Nights All the Leather-Levi fun you expect, and it goes down seven nights a week @ Atlanta Eagle, 3 p.m. to close. atlantaeagle.com
SATURDAY, SEPT. 19 Armorettes Camp queens host Backroom Burlesque for charity before the dancing starts @ Heretic, 8 p.m. hereticatlanta.com AJ Reddy This DJ sensation swoops into town to move queens through their dancefloor paces @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com
September Streams Streaming queerness is the new going out (for some). Netflix features the latest Ryan Murphy-Sarah Paulson collab about the nurse that the Cuckoo’s Nest loved to hate, Ratched (photo), starting Sept. 18. Over on Prime, The Boys is stirring up political cognitive dissonance, streaming now. theQatl.com 25
on tA ve .N E dm Pi e
5
10
11th St. NE
9
10th St. NE
Amsterdam Ave.
Dr. N E
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14th St. NE
12th St. NE
1 13
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E
75
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85
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Spring St. NW
Q Atlus Map
11 6
Virginia Ave. NE
2 9th St. NE
12 7
Key
Ponce De Leon Ave. NE
Bars
Restaurants North Ave. NW
North Ave. NW
Clubs Retail/Services
Not Shown
1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE
8. Flex 76 4th St NW
2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE
9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE
Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE
10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE
Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE
4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St
11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE
6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE
12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)
7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE
26 theQatl.com
Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE
3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE
4
The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE
Ponce De Leon Pl. NE
St. Charles Ave.
Ponce De Leon Pl. NE
r. NE roe D Mon
Charles Allen Dr. NE
NE
NE
Piedmont Park
Piedmont Ave.
Spring St. NW
8
3 Juniper St. NE
85
Peachtree St.
75
West Peachtree St. NE
8th St. NE
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Bars Restaurants Clubs Retail/Services
Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE
2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE
6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE
7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
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4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
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5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE
D Monroe
Piedmont Park
1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
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6
Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE
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1. Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE
Key
Bars Restaurants Clubs Retail/Services
7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE
theQatl.com 27
Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies. BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
28 theQatl.com
Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE
RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE
ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
Q Advice Q
I’ll never forget my ex’s alcoholic, spiteful, cheating and backstabbing ways. It was bad.
Like, Cops bad. Hair-pulling, throwing things, the whole nine.
That was years ago, but a friend of mine who
wasn’t around back then is dating her now. I felt I owed it to the friend to warn her about this toxic P.O.S., so I did. Now she’s mad at me.
I was just trying to protect the friend from sure
trouble, but somehow I’m the bad guy. I give zero fucks about the ex, but how can I move forward
Running
SCARED
Avoiding that Other ‘L’ Word: Love
Q
My girlfriend is getting too close for comfort. She says my past heartbreaks are
obstacles to me feeling the same way about her as she does about me: in love.
She leaves things at my house. She wants to introduce me to her mom. I want to bolt.
Why do girls do this when things are fine as is? Dear Phobia:
with the friend?
Dear Hardcase: Even if you’re right, you’re wrong. Injecting your experiences on someone else, much less unsolicited, is not your place. Their relationship is not about you.
Your dire predictions may be accurate, but maybe
not. Just because the ex was a nightmare with you doesn’t mean she hasn’t changed or learned her lessons, or that your friend will make the same mistakes you did.
You’re the exact wrong person to offer these people advice. To you, she’s the asshole who wreaked havoc. To your friend, she’s a romance trying to grow. Either way, you’re the odd woman out. Your friend’s reaction was predictable, even
probable. You can try to rebuild trust by admitting
None of your girlfriend’s actions constitute a
to yourself what you did wrong then apologize
discover what’s next. Progress comes from outside
Assuming you’re able to repair the damage, stop judging — even and especially if you’re right about their outcome. Be prepared to take “I told you so” to the grave.
lifetime obligation. Stick around long enough to your comfort zone.
Even though she said it, you included it, so I’ll address it: Your emotional shield against being hurt in the future may be hurting you in the
present. It may be worth it to sit openly with the possibility and weigh how it makes you feel. 30 theQatl.com
sincerely.
Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not profes-
sional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com. ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON
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