October July 15, 23, 2020 July 16, 2020
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OUT
Where to Find LGBTQ Atlanta
Coming Out at 15 or 55 Virgil’s Dishes Grub & Hope Gay Couple Serves ATL Pride All Year
Medica l Center & Pharmacy
Need a LGBTQ-friendly Primary Care Provider or HIV Care Provider? AbsoluteCARE provides comprehensive primary and HIV healthcare. Health, wellness, holistic care, and prevention are at the core of what we do. Call 404-231-4431, use Reference Code: ABC05, and make your appointment today!
Our SPOT
CLAIMING AN LGBTQ PLACE at the table has gone from pipe dream to tokenism to increasingly equal consideration. Claiming our spot on the map is broadening its scope too.
This issue of Q ATLus looks at the expanding geographical options for
queer people in Atlanta. As Midtown priced itself out of the gay ghetto long ago, burghs and suburbs became new territory. Our cover story investigates where we are and where we’re going.
We also meet a gay Millennial couple making a name for themselves with
Pride merch in Q Community, while two of their Gen X business counter-
parts face 2020 fears with optimism in Q Dining. Q News tracks diverging courses for two more businesses in the age of COVID.
Speaking of the LGBTQ generations, two folks are coming out of the closet in Q Advice. One is 15 and one is 55.
Also on tap, Q Map plots intown businesses for residents and visitors alike, and Q Events serves your best LGBTQ things to do in Atlanta this week. When you put down the magazine, pick us up again on your mobile
device. We update fresh content of local LGBTQ interest every day at theQatl.com. You can also write to mike@theQatl.com.
RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & SALES RICHARD@THEQATL.COM 404-917-9678 JOHN NAIL ART DIRECTOR JOHN@THEQATL.COM
MIKE FLEMING EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM RIVENDELL MEDIA NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 theQatl.com 5
INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 3 ISSUE 35
OCTOBER 15, 2020
PENCIL IN
Best Events of the Week
18 COVER
24
Outside Influence
LGBTQ Residents Across Atlanta
14 COMMUNITY
Cute Couple
9
These Guys Have Your Swag
DINING
High Hopes 2020 Can’t Keep Virgil’s Down
NEWS
In & Out
Richard’s Reopens, Amsterdam Closes Q Community.......... 9 Q Dining................ 13
13 6 theQatl.com
Q Events................ 22 Q Map.................... 26 Q Advice................ 30
8 theQatl.com
COMMUNITY
Q
Melvin Buchanan and John Graves
PRIDE All Year Atlanta couple’s virtual shop has your swag By Mike Fleming WHEN MELVIN BUCHANAN AND JOHN Graves found themselves locked down in a pandemic, they put their sense of community, commitment to love and creative skills to use launching a shop of Atlanta-centric Pride merchandise. “The pandemic stopped the world, and that gave us space for reflection,” the couple said. “We realized that now is the time to show resilience and shine our light on a world that is hurting and dealing with a great deal of uncertainty.” Their rumination manifested in the swag-filled virtual ATL Pride Shop. T-shirts, bags, caps, beanies and more carry LGBTQ themes with local flair. The owners anticipated some designs to
fly off of the shelves, but buyers offered a few surprises, too, they said.
“The best sellers are the simple, multi-colored bottom ‘ATL’ hats or sweatshirts,” the owners
added. “The surprise was how many people were checking out our Bi merch. We’re here for it!”
theQatl.com 9
PRIDE SHOP continued They’re here for you, too. So another Pride, such
In fact, that latter issue plays into another critical
but you and this shop don’t stop.
of sales benefits Lost N Found Youth. A second
as it was this year, is past. The committee is done, Buchanan and Graves have been a couple for over three years, and that good fit translated well into working on the shop. Buchanan handles design
and marketing, and Graves oversees the website, social platforms and customer service.
GIVING BACK
aspect of the ATL Pride Shop vision: A portion non-profit is in the works, with plans to expand the donations and beneficiaries down the road. “We are a new business. As we begin to sell
more, the plan is to donate at least 10 percent
of our proceeds to LGBTQ organizations,” the couple promised. “We want the amounts to be
substantial, but it's depends on the market. Out-
Buchanan kept the idea for rainbow-themed
Pride merchandise under his hat for a few years, and Graves kept his finger on the pulse of community issues through his graduate work in Applied Sociology. The coronavirus shutdowns created the time to pool those interests.
side of donating to organizations, we hope to use our social account to highlight ones that serve our community.”
HIGHER LOVE The commitment to a broader
community runs deep for the ATL Pride Shop guys. They offered a
challenge to other LGBTQ Atlan-
tans that goes far beyond t-shirts
and hats.
“We would like to challenge people to
reach out to someone in their lives — or
not so much; even a stranger — and just check on them,” they said. “ You never know who needs to hear from you.” It’s a matter of Pride, and it lasts far beyond Pride Week in Atlanta.
“Pride is so many things, and it’s
year-round,” the couple said. “It should
make us feel warm and encouraged. It is
our job as human beings to make everyone
feel welcome.” “We’ve always
wanted to make some
sort of impact within
our community,” the men
said. “Through [Graves’] studies, he has focused
on issues such as increasing the use of PrEP and reducing homelessness of LGBTQ+ youth.” 10 theQatl.com
The sentiment, like the ATL Pride Shop itself, comes through one constant, the men said.
“Love is our key motivator,” they said. “Love is
essential for our survival. If we can make at least one person feel that they are loved through our creations, we’ve succeeded.”
Visit the ATL Pride Shop virtual store and on Instagram @ATLPrideShop.
I take Pride in helping everyone. Brande Elise
Jesse Watts, RealtorÂŽ
M: 678-237-5310 | O: 404-604-3100 | jwatts5310@gmail.com jessewatts.kw.com | c @jessewattsrealtor Licensed in Georgia. Keller Williams Realty, Inc. is a real estate franchise company. Each Keller Williams office is independently owned and operated. Keller Williams Realty, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and supports the Fair Housing Act.
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12 theQatl.com
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DINING
Q
Hopeful FUTURE
Reopened dining room feeding optimism at Virgil's
masks when not seated.
By Patrick Saunders
“Staffing has presented challenges because not all have decided to come back yet,” Smalls said. “And it’s just hard to find them right now, people that are wanting to work.”
GEE SMALLS IS OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE future of Virgil’s Gullah Kitchen & Bar — even after coronavirus closings, a steep drop in revenue and staffing shortages. With the restaurant reopened and now enjoying in-person dining at 50% capacity, Smalls said that there's renewed hope for the 2,000-squarefoot restaurant that he and husband Juan opened in June 2019. “I’m excited about opening at least partially back up,” Smalls said. “I’m still pacing myself and not in a rush to go full-fledged again. I probably would guess by the end of the year, as the [coronavirus infection] numbers go down, that we go up to 100 percent [capacity].” New safety protocols include masks for front-of-house staff, sanitizing tables between guests, sanitizer stations throughout the restaurant and encouraging customers to wear
Virgil’s is also experiencing a staff shortage, and Smalls is hiring a general manager.
During the worst of the pandemic, the restaurant’s revenue dropped to 30 percent of its normal haul, but Smalls sees a turnaround coming. The restaurant received federal funds that allowed them to stay afloat the last six months. “We just opened up for dine-in, so we’ll probably increase that back up to 60 to 75 percent, just because takeout still does very well and has compensated for a lot of what we did dine-in,” he said. A positive attitude keeps hope alive, Smalls added. “I’m very optimistic about the future,” he said. “I think we’ll come back bigger and better than ever. I’m confident.” Read the full interview and other local LGBTQ stories on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com. theQatl.com 13
Q
NIGHTLIFE
Amsterdam Atlanta closes after 15 years By Patrick Saunders
LONGSTANDING GAY BAR AND RESTAUrant Amsterdam Atlanta shut permanently last month. Its final day was Sept. 13. “Our lease was coming up in November, and the business just wasn’t what it was after the pandemic,” co-owner Joel Bradshaw told Project Q Atlanta. “Winter’s coming on, and the majority of our business is outside on that patio.” Bradshaw and co-owner Earl Duffey opened in 2005 at the Amsterdam Walk shopping center in Midtown. Numerous drag shows, political fundraisers, LGBTQ sports league parties and other events took place there over the years. After closing due to the pandemic in March, Amsterdam reopened its expansive space in June, but business was never the same. A staff of 25 whittled down to a skeleton crew. “The space had gotten too big for us since the pandemic came along,” Bradshaw said. “The
landlord said it wasn’t feasible for them to divide that space off.” Bradshaw retires after a nearly 40-year career in gay Atlanta nightlife. He worked for 19 years at the Armory and four at Oscar’s before he bought Amsterdam. “I’ll be 70 years old in May, so I’m hanging it up,” he said. “I’m just thankful that we did have a good 15 years. Atlanta’s been good to me.”
Swinging Richards reopens with masked dancers By Patrick Saunders
SWINGING RICHARDS REOPENED LAST month with a limited schedule while it continues its “All Male, All Nude” ways with a caveat fit for these pandemic times. “People onstage naked have a mask on,” owner C.B. Jones told Project Q Atlanta. “It makes some people look better.”
The gay Atlanta strip club closed in March after a customer, bartender and two dancers tested positive for coronavirus. Less than two weeks later, Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms ordered all bars, nightclubs, gyms, movie theaters and other venues to close. The club reopened over the summer, but Jones shut it down again after coronavirus infection rates spiked in Georgia. “We did not have any positive tests in the club,” he said. “I just felt it was too much in the news.” Swinging Richards reopened again in September with a limited schedule — Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Jones reduced customer capacity, and the staff deep cleans the club every night after closing. They also check customer temperatures and requires masks except when seated.
14 theQatl.com
Q
COVER
New HO 
Pride to the Polls
18 theQatl.com
RIZONS De-gayed gayborhood. No 2020 Census Data. Where in Atlanta are we now? By Mike Fleming AS SOME CHATTER GOES, MIDTOWN is being ruined by monied yuppies reversing the suburban flight of several decades ago, and LGBTQ Atlanta is worse for it. We fixed up the place, and rich straight people moved in. So we spread out at increasing distance to make our mark, first on in-town places like East Atlanta Village and Old Fourth Ward, and ultimately to every suburb within driving distance. Whether that’s a good thing or not — and the opinions vary widely with each person you ask — the de-gaying of the gayborhood is long over. It isn’t happening; it already happened. Some say in the last 15 years, and some say it was long before that. Gone are male sex workers for male clients sitting on the rock wall on Piedmont Avenue by the park or standing in shadows of West Peachtree Street north of 10th Street. There is not a majority gay men in every store and restaurant from north from Ponce to Cheshire, and east from the Connector to Highland. The most famous 24-hour gay bar, Backstreet, and its infamous neighbor The Armory, closed more than a decade ago. Straight bars far outnumber gay ones in the area, gay-dominant adult venues are being replaced with pricey condos, and the last vestiges
of the Red Light District on Cheshire Bridge Road are being razed while you read this. We can debate the legislation of morality and mourn the loss of some aspects of LGBTQ culture, but the battle for Midtown is ending or essentially over. Atlanta is Post-Gay, and in the view of at least some of the city’s queer residents, everybody won.
Many of us enjoyed those gone-but-not-forgotten sides of inner-city life. Others are part of the Midtown fabric that helped usher in the change, including Midtown’s gay former Atlanta City Council member Alex Wan. “There’s obviously a demand in the market for [the changes]” Wan said as early as 2012. “I just don’t think that the gay agenda is only 24-hour bars and sex clubs.”
Where We Are We lost the culture war battle for the 2020 Census. There isn’t a slot to count gay-led households, and the U.S. Census of 2010 showed why it matters. That was the first federal inquiry into samesex shared households. It gave us real numbers about where gay people live across the country, including pinpointing the “gayest” parts of each state and metropolitan area. To show how LGBTQ life in Atlanta changes from some people’s perception as the decades pass, the 2010 Census also showed that onein-four same-sex households are raising kids in Atlanta. That’s more than the nationwide average for any city with more than 100,000 people. theQatl.com 19
URBAN SPRAWL continued
As acceptance, visibility and equality grew across the country, times were going to change for gay Atlantans whether Midtown changed with them or not.
None of the top five areas for those households in Atlanta are in Midtown. Within city limits, self-identified LGBTQ households were most prevalent in Avondale Estates, Decatur, North Druid Hills, Scottdale and North Decatur, with up to 50 queer-run homes per 1,000 households. And when it came to gay African-Americans, the Census found the highest concentration of self-identified gay residents in the country — yes that’s nationwide — in Clayton County. The density of those homes fall south of I-20 just east and south of Downtown Atlanta. Again, not Midtown.
Signs of the Times
The Midtown District 6 seat on City Council is no longer held by a gay person. Bisexual council member Antonio Brown represents District 3 west of the Downtown connector. The city officially and regularly backs LGBTQ citizens and opposes anti-LGBTQ bills at the state level. While some LGBTQ residents may feel forced out of formerly queer spaces, others feel a little freer and more comfortable to venture further to beautify and enrich every area of town. Find our people thriving as close as Cabbagetown and Castleberry Hill, and as far as Marietta, Milton and beyond. We spread our acceptance by being who we are openly among our neighbors, new and old.
Were local LGBTQ people slighted in some way, or does life, culture and society just evolve? It’s natural as time passes to romanticize our past and view it through rose colored glasses, but what is it, exactly, that we’re missing?
The older we get and no matter who you are, it’s human nature to mourn how things once were. We can also celebrate the fact that increased equality allows us live anywhere to suit our own lives. We no longer huddle together in fear of reprisal for being who we are.
As acceptance, visibility and equality grew across the country, times were going to change for gay Atlantans whether Midtown changed with them or not. Now we are only one of the many flavors to enjoy as we hold hands through Piedmont Park, grab a meal near Colony Square, or party at one of the Cheshire Bridge, 10th Street or Ansley-area venues.
There’s lots of room for hope to continue making our mark in more places than ever across the metro.
20 theQatl.com
To be sure, LGBTQ rights still have a ways to go, and concerns remain as each election tweaks the outlook. While the glory days of all-night bars may be gone, a whole new acceptance and safer world opens its doors a little more each year.
URBAN SPRAWL continued
Where We Are
GOING
Georgia leads the South with a whopping 8.3 same-sex-led homes for every 1,000 households. Dekalb and Fulton unsurprisingly lead the counties, but mountain burghs in Fannin, Gilmer and Rabun Counties round out the top five. Some guys even call Blue Ridge Midtown Mountain. We’re on the move.
The numbers skyrocket when looking at parts of Atlanta. Atlanta is fifth in the country for same-sex-run homes after San Francisco, Seattle, Oakland, and Minneapolis, respectively. Within the metro, gay households are most prevalent in Avondale Estates, Decatur, North Druid Hills, Scottdale and North Decatur, with up to 50 gay-run homes per 1,000 households. GAY-RUN HOMES IN METRO ATLANTA (per 1,000 Households)
Avondale Estates.............................49.3 Decatur...........................................39.37 North Druid Hills............................36.87 Scottdale.........................................32.36 North Decatur..................................... 30 Notice something? None of those neighborhoods are in Midtown, and that was 10 years ago. Sources: Project Q Atlanta, United States Census, Williams Institute, Emory University, the GA Voice
22 theQatl.com
theQatl.com 23
Q Events The Best LGBTQ Things to Do in Atlanta This Week
My Sisters’ Room
FRIDAY, OCT. 16
who love women who
Fury
love an open-air party @
The lesbian and trans feminists of Charis host a discussion of this volume of collected stories on “Women’s Lived Experiences During the Trump Era” @ Zoom, 7 p.m. charisbooksandmore.com
The backyard and patio are open for women
My Sister’s Room, Fridays and Saturdays 8 p.m. – 3 a.m. Pssst. They also sell gallon margs and taco bar kits for delivery or pickup, and they’ve added a mimosa brunch on Sundays. mysistersroom.com
MONDAY, OCT. 19 Eagle Nights
Happy Hour & Queer Bait
All the Leather-Levi
East Atlanta’s gay bar is selling admission tickets
fun you expect, and
in shifts for your safety. Some drinks are includ-
it goes down seven
ed in your entry fee @ Mary’s, 6 p.m. and 9 p.m.
nights a week @
The Other Show
Atlanta Eagle, 3 p.m. to
Edie, Jaye (photo) and their
close. atlantaeagle.com
cast of queens take it online for their left-of-center show @ Twitch and Facebook Live, 9 p.m. twitch.tv/theothershow
SATURDAY, OCT. 17 Recovery Party It’s been a week, but DJ Mike Pope feels his boys’ Pride party pain. They get back on that horse together @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com
SUNDAY, OCT. 18
October Online
Sunday Funday
There’s always LGBTQ content streaming
Gather on the refreshed patio at the re-rand-
online. In October, that includes the Netflix’s
ed hotspot for food and drinks @ X Midtown
Dancing Queen, a reality series starring RuPaul’s
(formerly Ten Atlanta), 4 p.m. - 12 midnight.
own Alyssa Edwards, and Elite about a backstab-
facebook.com/XMidtownX
bing boys’ school (photo).
24 theQatl.com
on tA ve .N E dm Pi e
5
10
11th St. NE
9
10th St. NE
Amsterdam Ave.
Dr. N E
Piedmont Park
14th St. NE
12th St. NE
1 13
Mon roe
West Peachtree St. NE
E
75
t. N eS tre
85
ach Pe
Spring St. NW
Q Atlus Map
11 6
Virginia Ave. NE
2 9th St. NE
12 7
Key
Ponce De Leon Ave. NE
Bars
Restaurants North Ave. NW
North Ave. NW
Clubs Retail/Services
Not Shown
1. Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE
8. Flex 76 4th St NW
2. Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE
9. Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE
Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE
10. Joe’s on Juniper Ralph McGill Blvd. NE 1049 Juniper St NE
Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE
4. Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 5. My Sister’s Room 84 12th St
11. Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE Highland Ave. NE
6. X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE
12. Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Eagle)
7. Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
13. Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE
26 theQatl.com
Future (Opens July 3) 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Glen Iris Dr. NE
3. Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE
4
The T 465 Boulevard SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE
Ponce De Leon Pl. NE
St. Charles Ave.
Ponce De Leon Pl. NE
r. NE roe D Mon
Charles Allen Dr. NE
NE
NE
Piedmont Park
Piedmont Ave.
Spring St. NW
8
3 Juniper St. NE
85
Peachtree St.
75
West Peachtree St. NE
8th St. NE
Lin
dbe
rgh
Dr.
1
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be
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Ch
6
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ulk
9 NE
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Lam
Manchester Rd. NE
Dr.
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ircle NE nt C mo d e Pi
P
Rd. N
10
NE
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ista
85
rt
ve. sA ter
Lav
Alco S t. NE
Piedmont Ave. NE
3
NE
8 E
d. N eR
dg
Bri
Key
Bars Restaurants Clubs Retail/Services
Cheshire Bridge Road 5. The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
9. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE
2. Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE
6. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
10. Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
3. Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE
7. Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
11. Tokyo Valentino (Cheshire Bridge) 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
4. BJ Rooster’s 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
8. 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
nr Mo
3
5
Pied
4. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
tA ve .N E on ed m
r. NE
Pi
5. Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 6. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE
D Monroe
Piedmont Park
1. Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
3. Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
8
6
Ansley Park 2. The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE
E
4
r. N
7
D oe
2 1
Morningside Dr. NE
mon t
Ave. NE
1. Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE
Key
Bars Restaurants Clubs Retail/Services
7. Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 8. Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE
theQatl.com 27
Q Atlus Map Directory The businesses on the preceding pages are integral parts of Atlanta’s LGBTQ landscape. Those listed in boxes are consistent Q partners and community allies. BARS, CLUBS & RESTAURANTS Amsterdam Cafe 502 Amsterdam Ave. NE Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Blakes on the Park 227 10th St. NE Bulldogs Bar 893 Peachtree St NE Felix’s on the Square 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Friends on Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE Future 50 Lower Alabama St SW, Suite 180 Henry’s Midtown Tavern 132 10th St NE The Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Lips Drag Show Palace 3011 Buford Highway NE Mama’s Cocina 1958 Piedmont Road NE Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave SE Midtown Moon 1510 Piedmont Ave NE My Sister’s Room 84 12th St Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave NE
28 theQatl.com
Roxx Tavern 1824 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
Sequel Bar 1086 Alco St. NE Sister Louisa’s 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr NW The T 465 Boulevard SE Tripp’s Bar 1931 Piedmont Circle NE Woof’s Sports Bar 494 Plasters Ave NE X Midtown 990 Piedmont Ave. NE Zocalo Mexican Kitchen & Cantina 187 10th St NE
RETAIL & SERVICES 2Qute Hair Salon 1927 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Barking Leather 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Barking Leather After Dark 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE (inside Atlanta Eagle) Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE Equilibrium Fitness 1529 Piedmont Ave NE Lost ’n Found Youth Thrift Store 2585 Chantilly Dr NE Urban Body Fitness 500 Amsterdam Ave NE
ADULT Flex 76 4th St NW Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Starship Galaxy/Starship Novelties 2273 Cheshire Bridge Road NE Tokyo Valentino 1739 Cheshire Bridge Road NE
PALS supports people in Atlanta who are elderly or who are living with or disabled due to a critical illness. We provide pet food and basic veterinary care for the pets of our clients, which enables them to keep their pets. You can support PALS by:
• Attending our monthly Drag •
• •
Queen Bingo fundraisers. Making PALS the beneficiary. of your Amazon Smile, Kroger Plus or Chewy.com accounts. Making a donation online. To learn more about PALS or to donate visit:
www.palsatlanta.org
Q Advice
15 or 55
Freeing yourself whether everyone, no one, or just your Mammaw is clueless
Q
I’m 15, out and unhappy. My mom is cool with me being gay, but she’d rather talk about me finishing school and getting a job. I can’t go to bars yet, and I don’t have money. I know only one other gay dude. Being out is like having a new car with nowhere to drive it. I know: It Gets Better. Well, life sucks now. Dear Queer Youth: Gay, straight, bi or otherwise, it’s hard to be 15. The good news is that what seems like forever now is a small, fleeting portion of your life. Spend this time setting yourself up for a better future. “It Gets Better” because you get better. Mama knows best: Going to school and getting a job earn the fun and the funds. Practice gratitude. Tons of people would love to have an accepting mom, to know even one other LGBTQ person, or to be able to come out and get on with life.
Q
There’s one thing standing in the way of a future with my boyfriend: He says it’s me. I say it’s him. He thinks that if I don’t come out to my devoutly religious grandmother, I can’t have true Pride in myself. I say his being out to literally
30 theQatl.com
everyone he meets is grating and that breaking her heart isn’t worth it. Now he says come out to my Mammaw, or he leaves me. Dear Ultimatums & Threats: You say it’s him, and he says it’s you. I say you’re both right. Assuming you generally don’t hide your identity, you can come out to whomever you choose. It doesn’t make you ashamed, just different. You should similarly accept his being out to everyone bar none. People in long-term relationships must decide whether to live with the other person’s choices and consequences. This is one of those subjective calls you both must make. The only red flag here is the ultimatum. Holding conditional love over someone speaks more to relationship issues than who knows you’re gay.
Q
I never acted on being gay, but I’m considering coming out at 55. I worry that I waited too long, but I also worry that denying it would shortchange my true self. Dear Better Late: There are as many ways and times to come out as there are people who do it. If your “true self ” is nagging you to come out, it’s worth exploring. Others who can relate and appreciate the sum of your life experiences are out there. Your next chapter is coming whether you come out or not, so think about how to make it great. It’s never too late. Q Advice is intended for entertainment, not professional counseling. Send your Qs to mike@theQatl.com. ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON
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