Q mag v1i17 | March 15, 2018

Q

Q ueer, Looking & STILL SO SINGLE

inform | inspire

Q ueer Atlanta

MUSIC MAKERS

Matchmaking With YOUR BEST SELF ‘Love Simon,’ ‘Heathers’ SAME OL’ LGBTQ-YA? 10 Queers You’d NEVER DATE AGAIN

March 15, 2018

+

Q News Queer Agenda Q Shots

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@QMAGATLANTA.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@QMAGATLANTA.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@QMAGATLANTA.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@QMAGATLANTA.COM

Living

SINGLE

Looking, loving, losing and living large ONE OF THE WAYS SOME OF Atlanta’s queer communities identify is through our sexual orientation and the expression of our multi-faceted sexuality. But living and loving isn’t just LGBTQ equality then happily ever after. It’s work. And it’s headaches.

And it’s frustrating if you’re single and want not to be.

So why are you still single? It’s a dreaded question that our newest columnist Vince Shifflett tries to answer for himself in this week’s opening Voices column. From longterm relationships to sleeping with other people’s boyfriends for all the wrong reasons, he’s made some realizations and decisions about what he’ll do going forward.

Inspired by Vince’s musings, The Q advice column focuses on two letter writers, one named “Single,” the other “Looking.” The combination of their predicaments and our answers unearths a few compelling insights into finding love while working toward your own best self.

ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@QMAGATLANTA.COM CONTRIBUTORS LAURA BACCUS BUCK C. COOKE JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON TAMEEKA L. HUNTER SUNNI JOHNSON ERIC PAULK DUSTIN SHRADER DISCLAIMER The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors do not necessarily reflect opinions, beliefs or official policies of Q Magazine or its publisher Initial Media, except where individual publishers’ names specifically appear. Appearance of photos, credits, or names in this publication neither implies or explicitly states the sexual orientation or gender identity of its subject.

Q Magazine and the author of each article published on this web site owns his or her own words, except where explicitly credited otherwise. Articles herein may not be freely redistributed unless all of the following conditions are met. 1. The re-distributor is a non-commercial entity. 2. The redistributed article is not be sold for a profit, or included in any media or publication sold for a profit, without the express written consent of the author and this publication. 3. The article runs in full and unabridged. 4. The article runs prominently crediting both the author’s name and “courtesy Q Magazine.”

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

The road to get there, of course, is fraught with a ton of super bad dates and a few misguided relationships.

Grumpy and vengeful, we couldn’t help but run down the worst of them. Meet 10 queers we’d never, ever date again in this week’s 10 Queer Things feature. It’s a solid look at what to avoid – and who to avoid being as well.

But remember when love was new and so were you? Well, perhaps cinema’s biggest reminder of the year hits theaters this week in Love, Simon. Our Film columnist has seen it and offers a fresh-faced and adorable review. To go with it, we do a quick hit on the new Heathers and Everything Sucks TV shows, because queer representation in media isn’t just pretty white boys coming of age any more. Does this trio cast shadows of LGBTQ-YA stories to come? Are they good enough?

Speaking of up-and-coming singles, meet with prolific queer Atlanta music makers in our cover story. Contributing artist Jon Dean shoots another photo essay for us, this time focusing on six acts representing the gamut of genres from Hip Hop to House, Rock to Synthpop, and beyond. Along with their breathtaking images, we also get their thoughts on the Atlanta music scene, as well as more about their work and where to hear it.

As in every issue, our weekly Q Departments are here for your information and inspiration. Q News reports the latest from our sister site Project Q Atlanta. The Queer Agenda calendar previews our top picks for events this week. And Q Shots points a camera at your mug during recent queer events and shows off the results for the world to see.

Enjoy this week’s offerings, remember to pick us up each week, and get fresh content every day on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com.

theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 17

MARCH 15, 2018

10 QUEER THINGS Dating Disasters

15

COVER STORY

8

Tune Up

The diverse and decidedly queer ATL music scene FILM

13 12

30 Heavenly Body

‘Simon’ Says Coming of age in a queer-er era

QUEER AGENDA

25

Going Down

33 Sunday Funday

This week’s calendar of LGBTQ events

FEATURES

4

Q Voices

6

Q News

11

Q Shots

28

The Q

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Q

Q VOICES

WHY AM I

Still Single?

Other people may ask, but one local gay man faces the tough question for himself I FIND MYSELF PONDERING THIS QUESTION often: Why am I still single?

It is certainly not because I have to be. There are men on every corner. I meet them in the grocery store, coffee shop, walking down the street, on Facebook, at work, and seemingly everywhere I go.

So, why am I still single?

It has been my experience that with the advent of social media and apps, people have very little interest in committing to one. Why commit to just one when you can have a different one every night?

could care less about a movie, dinner or conversation.

First let’s be real. Once again, I have been guilty. I have allowed this behavior. So then I just answered my own question regarding reasons I could still be single.

What value am I placing on myself by giving the most intimate part of me to someone who has no intention of building anything special between us? What does it say about me when I do the same by using someone just for sexual pleasure? By doing so, I am sending a message to the universe that I am not worthy of having that special one.

I have come to realize that by placing so many limitations on what it is I want, I may bypass someone very special.

I was in an 18-year relationship, so I understand how special the intimacy between just two can be. I have learned that the answer to why I’m still single lies within me.

For me it was about realizing that my body is special. I am a gift not to be given to just anyone. I am a beautiful package with beautiful contents. I recognize my value. I recognize my worth. It is only when I am able to recognize all these things, that others will recognize the same things in me.

The other issue I have found to be prevalent is open relationships. Who needs a boyfriend V I N C E S H I F F LET T when I can sleep with yours while you’re at work or away? I am certainly not judging if that works for you. I am speaking from my personal perspecWhat makes my intimacy special if anyone can have it? What tive only in reflecting about the reason I am single. makes me special if I give myself to anyone?

Perhaps I have also been too superficial in the past. Looking at outward appearance only. Wanting someone with a bigger bootie or bigger anatomy. Wanting someone bigger, smaller, richer, younger, older, more educated, or someone that lives in a certain demographic.

I have come to realize that by placing so many limitations on what it is I want, I may bypass someone very special. Again, have I been guilty? Yes. I have learned that sometimes the package can be beautiful but the contents are ugly.

I have also learned that some men will say whatever they need to say to get you under the sheets. Then they will keep coming back for nothing but a bootie call as long as you allow it. They

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Start seeing yourself as special, and that special one will show up.

Tell the universe you are ready by letting go of all the bootie calls and sex apps. Let go of the past. Allow that special someone in when they do show up. Love them. Embrace them. Commit to them and live a happy beautiful life together.

Let go of the limitations and analytical thinking and just trust. If you are faithful, the universe will be faithful and send you exactly what you want.

Vince Shifflett is a critical care Registered Nurse, writer, and thought contributor living in Atlanta. Read more of his work at vinceshifflett.com.

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Q

10 QUEER THINGS

BITTER & JADED

N

They don’t even know exactly what’s wrong, but they definitely know it is. You’ll know them by the disapproving look of insecurity disguised as superiority.

Just Say

EX ‘EX GAY’

Congratulate them on finally getting it together regarding their sexuality and wish them the best, but this one’s got more issues than the National Geographic.

By Mike Fleming

You know them. Maybe you loved them.

10 queers you never, ever want to date again

NARCISSUS FLOWER

This selfie-snapper and InstaCeleb shares good hair days and bad blood. They forego human interaction to obsess in the mirror and strike “subtle” poses in public.

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SLUT SHAMER

Not on Grindr and doesn’t do one-night stands.

Making you feel gross about hooking up is less about you and more about his hang-ups.

GOP (GAY OLD PARTY)

It’s OK to be financially conservative, but their politics actively work against their equality.

Let them fool themselves, but don’t get dragged into it.

STRIPPERS AND ESCORTS

DRAMA QUEEN

The first to remind you that they’re “not into drama,” and the first to be offended, assume the worst, or push your buttons.

If dating is a numbers game, they’re an oddson favorite for other options. Maybe give them a second chance after they put themselves through school.

COOL KID

HOT METH

TOXIC MASC

They’re so into you – until something shiny catches their attention or they’re off to the bathroom for another bump of personality.

If everyone is into it, they’re over it. Conforms to being a non-conformist. Too busy being oh-so special to notice you.

It’s not a contest, but they’re winning. Being a “total top” is one thing; out to prove it by shaming others is another. theQatl.com

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NEWS BRIEFS Q 30 years in the state House. Democrat Jen Slipakoff announced last month that her campaign raised more than $62,000 and surpassed Ehrhart’s fundraising.

Slipakoff ’s campaign was likely to shine a light on Ehrhart’s long-running fight against LGBT issues. She serves as a PFLAG co-president and sits on the Atlanta Steering Committee for the Human Rights Campaign. Last June, she won Georgia Equality’s Guiding Star Award for her transgender advocacy. Slipakoff ’s 9-year-old daughter, Allie, is transgender.

Rep. Earl Ehrhart

Notorious homophobe Earl Ehrhart to quit Georgia House

By Matt Hennie REP. EARL EHRHART – THE LONGEST SERVING Republican in the Georgia House and its most outspoken anti-LGBT member – has called it quits, announcing that he won’t seek a 16th term.

Ehrhart made the announcement on March 5 as candidate qualifying opened at the State Capitol. His wife, Ginny, is running to replace him in the District 36 seat. Via the AJC: “I have always tried to do what I thought was best for my constituents by building a better economy, keeping us safe, improving public education, and promoting family values,” Ehrhart said.

A campaign against Ehrhart would have also highlighted how Ehrhart trolls sexual assault victims, ridicules political opponents and mocks LGBT people.

In 2017, Ehrhart mocked transgender people from the House floor.

In 2016, he called LGBT students at Kennesaw State University a “bigoted, intolerant hate group,” mustered outrage over an “Art AIDS America” exhibit, and tried to make sure a sweeping civil rights bill didn’t protect transgender people. Also in 2016, Ehrhart voted for an anti-LGBT “religious freedom” bill that sparked national controversy and was later vetoed by Gov. Nathan Deal.

In 2015, he punished Delta Air Lines for opposing an anti-gay “religious freedom” bill a year earlier. In 2013 and 2017, Ehrhart pushed for the expansion of a state program that allowed people and corporations in Georgia to divert a portion of state taxes to scholarships for students to attend schools with anti-LGBT policies. He runs an agency that would benefit from such an expansion.

The lawmaker faced political headwinds if he sought to add to his

In 2012, he called the gay executive director of Better Georgia a “pansy,” and in 2005, he helped gut an Atlanta non-discrimination ordinance.

PrEP use explodes across U.S., but Georgia lags behind

AIDSVu, an interactive map that tracks HIV prevalence, new diagnoses and mortality. The tool was launched eight years ago

by Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health.

By Matt Hennie

AIDSVu’s tracking shows an 880 percent increase in PrEP use since 2012 – a 73 percent increase year over year. Documenting that increase is crucial, according to Patrick Sullivan, principal scientist for AIDSVu and an epidemiology professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health.

THE USE OF PREP – A DAILY PILL THAT PREVENTS HIV – has exploded across the U.S. in recent years, but Georgia lags behind other states in PrEP use, according to a first-ever interactive map that tracks usage across the country.

Georgia ranks fifth among states for new HIV diagnoses, and only some 25 of every 100,000 people used PrEP in 2016. That is high among states in the South, but it falls well below the states with the highest rates of PrEP use – New York (76 of every 100,000 people), Massachusetts (59), Rhode Island (48), Washington (44) and Illinois (41).

PrEP use in Georgia outpaces Southern states except Florida, where 32 of every 100,000 people use PrEP. That compares to South Carolina (11), Alabama (15), and Tennessee and North Carolina (17).

The data was released March 6 as part of an expansion of

“For the first time, there are numbers available state by state to give us a sense of how things are going with PrEP across the country,” Sullivan said.

“Georgia routinely ranks in the top of new HIV diagnoses,” Sullivan added. “Certainly, we’d like to see Georgia have one of the highest rates of PrEP uptake, given that it has one of the highest numbers of new diagnoses. There is a lot of opportunity for an increase in PrEP use given Georgia’s epidemic.”

View state-by-state PrEP use and HIV statistics at AIDSVu.org.

Q’s home site Project Q Atlanta reports the latest news of LGBTQ interest daily at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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Q

FILM

Simon, Sandy Springs, and ‘Sit on my face!’ Love, Simon shines on the queer future

‘SIMON’ Says

By Buck C. Cooke

IF YOU’RE EXPECTING THE EXPECTED IN Love, Simon, you’re in for a pleasant surprise.

When it was time for the film to start at a recent press screening, a spokesperson gave a shout-out to Riverwood High School, and the theater full of teenagers went bananas. Becky Albertalli, a 2001 graduate of the school, wrote the novel Love, Simon is based on, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.

Shot in Atlanta, the film’s director, Greg Berlanti (Brothers and Sisters, Riverdale, all of the CW’s DC Comics series, Dawson’s Creek, and more) was in attendance, as were several of the cast members, including lead actor Nick Robinson (Jurassic World) and Alexandra Shipp (X-Men: Apocalypse).

When Robinson, who plays the title character, was introduced, the crowd went apeshit. The teenager beside me began screaming things like “I love you,” “You’re so hot,” and, my personal favorite, “Sit on my face!” Every time Robinson spoke, the youngman swooned and, as the film was playing, gasped every time Robinson appeared onscreen.

I just turned 45, and it’s impossible to put myself in the shoes of this bi or gay teen, who feels comfortable enough in his own skin to be self-aware, 12

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out, and bold. Far from being annoying, it was endearing and heart-warming. That kid might as well have ridden to the theater on a unicorn because his life seems like science fiction to me, but wonderful nonetheless.

Midway through the film, which is as mainstream of a teenage romantic comedy as Sixteen Candles or anything else born from the mind of John Hughes, I realize that the strikingly handsome man next to me, with a baseball hat pulled down low over his eyes, is Drew Starkey, one of the cast members of the film. We chatted a few minutes after the screening, and he said it was the first time to see the film all the way through, and that he was amazed at the reaction of the crowd.

As you can imagine, a theater full of teens isn’t the quietest place … until the film started. They fell silent, as if under a spell. As the film progressed they started emitting quiet reactions of “awwww” in sweet moments, whispering “no” during sad occurrences, and cheering Simon’s triumphs. Normally, all of this would irritate me, but feeling the excitement and support from these teens made a different impact.

I kept thinking, “What if a mainstream film like this had been

made when I was a teen? How would my life, and the lives of thousands like me, have been different?” Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel – actual movie stars! – play Simon’s parents. This isn’t an independent movie that might find a life on video; this is from 20th Century Fox. And it tells the story of a young gay teen!

After the screening, I thought about the young actor who got to see the finished product with a theater full of kids from the high school that inspired the source material. He got to hear their cheers and feel their personal, uplifting energy. I hope their enthusiasm informs his career and future.

I also thought about the queer teen, living an authentic life at such a young age. I’m glad he won’t have to go his whole adolescence without seeing a relatable story onscreen. I’m glad he has peers who cheered for the gay protagonist.

I was moved to tears several times during the evening, touched by how accepting and positive the crowd was. I hope the real Atlanta can become more like the Atlanta in the film, and that all the teens like Simon hear more cheers in their lives.

Love, Simon hits Atlanta theaters on March 16. foxmovies.com/movies/ love-simon received since critics received their screener copies.

Much of the criticism stems from the fact that the new Heathers are comprised of queer and genderfluid characters. It subverts audience expectations by turning the misfits into the popular kids who wield their identities like weapons and take no prisoners.

Some queers are upset, too, as we all know this is not the reality for most LGBTQ high-schoolers.

Future of

GAY Y.A.?

How TV and movies are queering the Young Adult genre

By Jon Dean ONE OF THE MOST REVERED HIGH SCHOOL CULT films, Heathers, got the TV reboot treatment with a full season order from Paramount Network. The 1988 Winona Ryder classic, full of iconic lines like “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw” and “I love my dead gay son” left no fan thrilled by the idea of another watered down reboot, but no could’ve expected the firestorm of angry think-pieces this show has

Having seen just the pilot, I thought it was refreshing to see subversive new layers of queer representation. In a media landscape full of Cam & Mitchells, where lesbian characters are constantly being plucked off and trans characters seem to be incapable of doing anything except crying into mirrors (and played by cis actors), it’s exciting to watch.

Also, the call is coming from inside the house, y’all ­— the staff of this show is mostly queer. Let’s learn to laugh at ourselves once in awhile. Give me more queer villains! And I’m not talking about the coded queer Disney villains. I want more full-on Divine level fabulous villains, who look good and revel in their wicked dysfunction.

In light of the recent Parkland school shooting, the series is postponed, but the pilot episode is free on the Paramount Network.

[Over on Netflix, Everything Sucks is another look at a queer-inclusive high school, this time with less uproar at least from the home team, but just as much attention from conservative critics. On it, a lesbian character on the crux of coming out is treated equally as one of the main-cast anti-heroes – with authentic, heartwarming results. ­— Editor] theQatl.com

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SOUNDS Q

Queer ATL FROM HIP HOP TO HOUSE, Rock to Electronica, and Techno to Synth Pop, meet six acts mak-

ing the Atlanta music scene queer.

We chatted about their music, as

well as their thoughts on the ATL scene and their place in it.

MUSIC MAKERS Photos & Interviews by Jon Dean jondeanphoto.com

CHARLIE XILE

Instagram & Soundcloud: @charliexxile Also on iTunes & Spotify “I’m a queer Hip-Hop, Rap artist, with a passion to kill close minds and splash rainbows over mainstream media.”

ON ATL: “The Atlanta music scene is what you make It. My advice is to be yourself and don’t let anybody steal your shine. Have your own sound and look, and fly to the top.”

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SOUNDS, Continued

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BITTER

Instagram: @wearebitteratl Bandcamp: @bitteratl Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes and other streaming services “Latinx people aren’t celebrated enough in film, music and TV, and when they are, a lot of times they’re forced into a stereotype. I want to recognize brown girls and POC, because there are few times I see people that look like me playing music and taking up space. It’s important because representation leads to pushing boundaries, and also being able to relate to something. Is like finding a home.” ­- Maritza

ON ATL: “Atlanta has changed quite a bit over the years. It’s become a more inclusive place, but it’s not anywhere close to being where it needs to be in terms of representation of queer folk, POC, and women. We are happy that we have found our home here, but we realize there is still a lot of work that needs to be done to help our community. This means having more representation through members of bands in the scene, but also for more queer folks, POC, and women to feel comfortable and safe coming out to shows.” theQatl.com

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Q

SOUNDS, Continued

LEONCE NELSON Instagram & Bandcamp: @Leonce Soundcloud: @DJLeoATL

“I’m a producer and touring DJ, and my music is influenced by the things I love the most about music and club music mixed with my personal sensibilities and energy.

ON ATL: “Atlanta has an extremely black and queer and creative young music scene that encompasses so much more than just our mainstream, and it’s unfortunately at danger of being snuffed constantly due to racism and gentrification issues that plague ATL to this day.”

ADVICE: “Support anything that you possibly can that is being created by our talented young queer black & POC community, including events curated by Morph ATL, Oye.Fest, SFQP, FWM Ent, countless queer and DIY events and spaces, and many others.”

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SOUNDS, Continued

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AGYN

aka Leo Heikkila Instagram: @try.agyn Soundcloud: @agyn_agyn Bandcamp: @agyn

“I am an artist, technician, and producer of all sorts. AGYN is my solo project in which I make electronic music using Ableton, midi controllers, several instruments, and my voice. I also run an underground electronic label and rave, GNR Sound. My music, performance, and raves are a way to bring healing to myself and others via communication, dance, sound, and radical self expression.

ON ATL: “The national press has yet to catch up with all the amazing, experimental, and progressive pockets of musical development happening in this amazing city.”

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Q

SOUNDS, Continued

HYDRAKISS Instagram: @hydksxnotgr Soundcloud: @hydrakiss Bandcamp: @notiger

“Until recently, I produced mainly house and techno music, but I decided to venture out and showcase my skill and love for orchestral and ambient music.

I’ve had a few people dub my music as ‘video game music,’ which I’m honestly flattered by.”

ON ATL: “It’s more than just an indie/punk/emo music scene.

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with that, but Atlanta has so many different views of music and so many people wanting the showcase what kind of music they love and their interpretations of it. If you’re willing to step out of your own musically comfort zone you’ll discover a whole new world of great sounds and artists in this city.”

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The reviews are in!

Readers love

Q

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

and your messages are the proof!

Thank you for the support, and please continue reaching out!

Wow. I just found Q, and it’s great!

Congratulations on the new magazine.

Atlanta didn’t even know Finally! A queer publication what it was missing!

for everybody, not just some.

A gay magazine I actually want to sit down and read!

I just wanted to tell you how much my husband and I love your new magazine…

omg I love your mag!

Q magazine is the best thing to happen to Atlanta in 2017!

I thought I knew what to expect in local rags, but Q is totally different. I need to pick up more often.

You guys are like a breath of fresh air.

Q is informative and

energetic, something that was sorely missing in the ATL.

Thank you for bringing Q to Atlanta!

You guys should have done this years ago!

Atlanta needed this.

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Q

SOUNDS, Continued

TREVOR PERRY

Instagram & YouTube: @MusicklyGifted Facebook Fan Page: Trevor Rayshay Perry “I’m a non binary performer in the musical theater scene and lead singer of Good Judy.

When I perform with various theaters across town, I strive for them to break from the norm, frequently performing in traditionally female roles. With Good Judy, we’re creating purposedriven, fun, queer themed synth pop.”

ON ATL “Our music scene is incredibly diverse.

I’m constantly meeting performers of all genres, and I’m always inspired by their work.”

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Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

March 15 - March 21

FRIDAY, MARCH 16 Sugarboyz

Performance art and dance

party with creative queers including De’Andre

D. Smith, Montre and

LaRico (photo) @ Heretic,

10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com

SATURDAY, MARCH 17 Respect the Brunch

The monthly event that raises money for worthy

LGBT-based nonprofits does so for Joining Hearts @ Zocalo, 12 noon. facebook.com/RespectTheBrunch Patty-O Party

Hotlanta Softball League’s Atlanta Talons team hosts its annual bottomless green beer fandango @ Frogs Cantina, 3 p.m. hotlantasoftball.org St. Patrick’s Swank

Lesbian promoter Anna from Bellissima

bathes women in green @ Henry’s, 9 p.m.

facebook.com/bellissima.atlanta

SUNDAY, MARCH 18 Bubbles & Biscuits

The Victory Fund, which helps train and elect

LGBTQ officials, hosts with Victory Fund president, former Houston Mayor Annise Parker @

Wimbish House, 12:30 p.m. victoryfund.org/events

Q

Writers!

Photographers!

Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.

Samples to mike@qmagatlanta.com

Heifer Review

They’re baaa-aaack! Camp drag with a side of

steak and potato on the patio @ Cowtippers, 1 p.m. cowtippersatlanta.com

Queens United

The benefit group for drag queens that grew out of the Burkhart’s drama puts on a show for the cause @ Out Front Theatre, 5 p.m. facebook.com/Queens-United

Project Q Atlanta’s full Queer Agenda with dozens of events hits each Thursday at theQatl.com.

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Q SHOTS

NFFLA TEAM REVEAL AT DEEP END

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DRAG BRUNCH AT CACTUS HOUSE

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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HOTLANTA SOFTBALL LEAGUE JERSEY PARTY AT HERETIC

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PURIM OFF PONCE WITH SOJOURN

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COACH DILF PARTY AT HERETIC

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NIGHTLY DRINK SPECIALS!

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THEQ?!

Single &

LOOKING

The dreaded ‘Why are you still single?’ question, and finding a mate while pursuing your best self

Q

I was already sick of straight friends and family trying to set me up on dates. Now my queer friends are in on it, pushing their work colleagues and random acquaintances on me.

Straight people think that “he’s gay too” is a great reason to have dinner and drinks. My mother thought a guy she met was so friendly that she’d like him for a son-in-law.

“You can’t base everything on appearance,” she said as I blanched at his profile photo.

But my fellow queers should know better, shouldn’t they? They’re setting me up with crazies and weirdos – sorry, but these people are actually crazy and weird, they just are – who would never make a match for me.

How can I get everyone to stop it and let me find my own dates?

Or at least stop asking, “Why are you single?” Ugh! Dear Single: Setting people up on blind dates can be just as annoying, and can even border on insulting, whether the well-meaning matchmaker or their “victim” is queer or straight.

Misguided or not, your friends and family think you’re a great catch, and they’re just trying to help. This mindset might help when you sit them down and set them straight… so to speak.

First, decline the blind date. You’re not obligated to go, and it will help them see that their efforts are fruitless. Maybe they won’t try again so readily next time.

Then lay out your case. Point out that you are capable, and that they are nosy, in as friendly of terms as you can muster. Add that their choices have been borderline offensive. “Is this guy (“crazy person,” “weirdo,” etc.) really what you think of me?”

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On the other hand, if you’re down for a blind date, ask a qualifying question: “Would you be flattered if I set him up with you?”

Q

I’ve been single for a long time. I haven’t had a date since Obama’s first term. I want a significant other, but after two long-term relationships, I wonder if I’ve already had my allotted love for this lifetime.

The people who I find attractive don’t reciprocate, and the ones who do show interest aren’t setting off any sparks on my end. What am I doing wrong?

Dear Looking: It’s difficult to be perpetually single when you want a relationship.

Too many of us feel your pain.

But you’re not finished with relationships unless you decide to be. Of course, deciding to find The One won’t make it happen tomorrow, but being open to the possibility is a great way to start.

Having former relationships means you know what you want, and what you don’t. You’re naturally pickier, and that’s OK. It also means you know that you can survive being single, so stop playing it safe. Take chances. Show the real you. Say what you mean. Do what you love.

Be on the lookout for similarly experienced people you meet while pursuing your best self. They automatically share your interests in events, career field, or hobbies.

In short, Mr. or Ms. Perfect Potential will cross your path while you’re living your life. Get out there, do you, keep your eyes open, and have faith.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@qmagatlanta.com.

Illustration by Brad Gibson

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