Q magazine | v1i35 July 26, 2018

Q inform | inspire

Hannah Gadsby’s COMIC TENSION

July 26, 2018

Bulldogs: 40 Years of BLACK GAY PRIDE

+ Legend

The Dark Side of LGBTQ GENIUS

Atlanta Q ueers Try To LOVE AWAY ADDICTION

Q Voices The Queer Agenda Q Shots

McQueen documentary inspires queer fantasy fashion The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

Q

EDITOR’S NOTE

You LEGEND You

How regular queers become unforgettable every single day

AS WE GO ABOUT OUR DAILY LIVES often in narcissistic thought patterns about ourselves — my schedule, my issues, my concerns, my joys, my cornerstone relationships, my successes and failures — it’s easy to get lost in the minutia and forget the long game. Not only that the big picture is not about any one person, but conversely that individual people do make differences that will never be forgotten.

But how do they do it? What makes someone a legend? How do you become unforgettable?

The answer — from industry leaders and celebrities, from politicians to artists — is that legends touch others in one way or another. Even the most famously selfish “legends” and “geniuses” have offered something that changes the world.

Notorious jerk who also happened to be bisexual William S. Burroughs began writing freeform prose at age 40, and he led literature out of the narrative MIKE FLEMING dark ages with his fellow Beat Generation revoluEDITOR & PUBLISHER tionaries. Infamously self-centered designer Coco Chanel designed no-nonsense armholes and necklines for herself — in a way that women will thank her for until the end of time.

Both of them, and everyone we consider “legendary,” made their marks while rooting about in their routine lives, overcoming their overwhelming task lists and dealing with daily drama. That means you, too, and each of us, has the ability to answer Elizabeth Taylor’s famous question, “What becomes a legend?”

This week’s issue of Q picks up the theme of legendary genius and runs to a few places that we hope inform and inspire you. In Q Voices, Ian Aber talks about Hannah Gadsby’s divisive Nannette comedy special, and how queer genius is often rooted in dark places. In 10 Queer Things, we offer steps to becoming a legend with a legendary LGBTQ example for each one.

Our cover package spring-boards from the new documentary about the late, great Alexander McQueen in our Legends feature. We preview the new film, which hits Atlanta next week, then we take and share inspiration from his famously alternative aesthetic in this week’s Fantasy Fashion photo essay.

All the while, we keep tabs on queer Atlantans leaving their legacies with our weekly commitment to Q Shots photo galleries, Queer Agenda calendar, and The Q advice column.

Enjoy, you legend you.

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Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER SUNNI JOHNSON ERIC PAULK VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER

DISCLAIMER The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors do not necessarily reflect opinions, beliefs or official policies of Q Magazine or its publisher Initial Media, except where individual publishers’ names specifically appear. Appearance of photos, credits, or names in this publication neither implies or explicitly states the sexual orientation or gender identity of its subject.

Q Magazine and the author of each article published on this web site owns his or her own words, except where explicitly credited otherwise. Articles herein may not be freely redistributed unless all of the following conditions are met. 1. The re-distributor is a non-commercial entity. 2. The redistributed article is not be sold for a profit, or included in any media or publication sold for a profit, without the express written consent of the author and this publication. 3. The article runs in full and unabridged. 4. The article runs prominently crediting both the author’s name and “courtesy Q Magazine.”

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 35

JULY 26, 2018

MILESTONE Black & Proud

COVER

15 13

Fantasy Fashions

Looks inspired by genius 10 QUEER THINGS

Legendary

13 10

28 Queerly Beloved

How to become an unforgettable queer

PEOPLE

12

Behind The Scenes

30 Full Deck

Interview with Atlanta anchor Thomas Roberts

FEATURES Q Voices

8

Queer Agenda

14

Q Shots

28

The Q

38

38

35 Parks & Rec theQatl.com

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Q

Q VOICES

No-No

NANETTE!

Why is Hannah Gadsby’s Neflix special so divisive?

BY NOW, MANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD OF OR SEEN Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette, one of the latest in a seemingly endless stream of comedy specials released by Netflix. Whether you thought it was funny, or held any value or interest at all, is widely up for debate.

So much debate in fact, it could be the most widely discussed special Netflix has ever released, in part because it’s so unique to the “comedy special” format. To some, it’s an hour special about a queer, gender non-binary person who peels back the curtain and shows the unfunny parts of the self-deprecating jokes she has made a career of, while simultaneously indicting the audience for being complicit in a society that marginalizes people based on their sexuality and her gender expression.

teared up each time. As a queer person pursuing comedy, it was heartbreaking to read all over her face the anger and sadness that many of us carry just beneath the surface.

The debate has been raging across my social media for a few weeks. Many straight comedians came out to mock and dismiss Nanette as unfunny and not valuable — not that anyone asked them.

As a cisgender gender-binary man, I cried because Gadsby also showed me what it’s like to be misgendered, and the real danger it poses in her life. As a trauma survivor of homophobic attacks, I was reminded how we are not that far from the days of queers being harassed in the streets. It has never actually stopped, and in the current political climate, could be increasing.

“But is it funny?” you ask. That’s a fair question. It’s a “comedy special” after all and Netflix wouldn’t release an unfunny comedy special, right? Since comedy is subjective, there is a lot of room to criticize all specials, and Nanette is no exception. I would venture to say that, where Nanette stops being funny, it is intentional tension crafted by Gadsby for the purposes of fulfilling her narrative. That can’t always be said for scores of debatably funny Netflix comedy specials out there.

So yes, Nanette is funny. There are really smart To another group — often the most cis hetero genjokes, really big laughs and really big releases of der binary among us — Nanette’s uniqueness is that IAN tension throughout the performance. The parts the so-called “comedy special” is simply not funny.

ABER that are deliberately not funny are captivating, and Or more precisely, not funny enough. Even though comedy is subjective at its core, the detractors of Nanette portend to you can tell Gadsby is a genius at what she does. have objective measures for why it’s not funny to them, and that is The best comparison I could find in terms of Netflix specials is mostly that their friends agree with them. Very scientific.

Neal Brennan’s 3 Mics. In it, Neal uses three microphones set As a comic who is queer, the debate has been raging across my up in different spots on the stage to tell different styles of jokes on two. The third is for serious or “dark” subject matter of which social media for a few weeks. Many straight comedians came there is a lot. However, there was no debate on whether the speout to mock and dismiss Nanette as unfunny and not valuable cial was funny to the degree Nanette has gotten scrutiny; there’s — not that anyone asked them. no debate on whether Neal Brennan is actually a comedian the I couldn’t tell whether it was the show they were mocking and way folks are debating Hannah Gadsby’s right to call herself one. dismissing, or queer comics in general. It was hard to tell how The most amazing thing to me about Nanette is that it’s just one deep the animosity went, because most of the biggest detracqueer comedian’s experience. There are literally hundreds of us tors didn’t even watch the piece all the way through. out here at all levels, all over the world. Imagine the conversations Without giving anything away for those who haven’t seen it, and discussions if there were two or 10 or 20 queer comedians Nanette takes a very serious turn partway through the perforwith Netflix specials. mance. Gadsby breaks from jokes to talk about the real cost of Our stories are the ones yet to be told, and based on the bluster about doing comedy while being queer and gender non-conforming.

Nanette, seems like the world is ready for more. Your move, Netflix.

For a lot of queer and gender non-binary folks, it’s tough to watch because her story is our story.

Ian Aber is a queer comedian and show promoter living in Atlanta.

I watched Nanette three times, once when it came out and twice later to get myself in the headspace to write this column. I 8

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Laughter through tears is his favorite emotion. Read his full column at theQatl.com.

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Q

10 QUEER THINGS

What Becomes A

Be Original

Legend?

Oscar Wilde

Chart a path to extraordinary with these inspirational tips from famous faces

By Mike Fleming

Adapt & Reinvent

Play Your Own Game

Freddie Mercury

Rita Mae Brown

Do What You Love Audre Lorde 10

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Be Determined Harvey Milk

Take Risks & Act Boldly Marsha P. Johnson

Be Unpredictable & Unapologetic

Lift Up Others Bayard Rustin

Divine

Aim High Martina Navratilova

Act Out Silvia Rivera theQatl.com

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Q

PEOPLE

On the

AIR

Former MSNBC star Thomas Roberts tells us why he ‘split’ for Atlanta’s CBS46

By Patrick Saunders

NEWLY NAMED CBS46 ANCHOR THOMAS ROBERTS was so excited to be back “home” in Atlanta that the former MSNBC star split his pants on his first day at work.

“I ripped my pants in the seat about one hour before starting, and I was epically mortified because these are all my new colleagues, and I did it right in the middle of the newsroom and I was a little embarrassed,” Roberts said.

“I powered through because there wasn’t needle and thread and enough time to deal with it, and my coat covered it, but it was a pretty big rip.”

had eight great seasons, but it wasn’t going to be for a lifetime.”

Roberts took meetings for jobs in Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and New York, but then CBS46 — and just as importantly, Atlanta — came calling.

“The fact that we could come home and be around all of our old friends and people we love so much and to be in a city we love so much — it was almost a no-brainer, especially after eight years in New York,” he said. “We’ve always talked about how we want to come back to Atlanta so we can have a home, so we can have a closet again, so we can have a garbage disposal again. It’s the simple things that matter.”

It’s been 11 years since Roberts and his now-husband, pharmaceutical executive Patrick Abner, left Atlanta. It’s been 12 years since Roberts came out while an anchor at CNN, but he also said he wouldn’t change how things happened and that being out strengthens the bond with viewers by being able to talk about his personal life.

“That was something that most LGBTQ [media figures] did not feel confident in sharing — not only because there weren’t other people doing it, but because of any type of workplace retribution or feeling as if you would be singled out or potentially lose a livelihood or lose a promotion. People had a right to that and it was a real thing,” he said.

The good-natured journalist took it in stride as he spoke with Project Q Atlanta about his departure from MSNBC, the importance of out media figures, and his new gig while house-hunting in Midtown.

Roberts co-anchors the 4 p.m., 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. newscasts alongside Sharon Reed on CBS46 and the 9 p.m. newscast on sister station Peachtree TV. He left MSNBC last November after seeing his role diminish over time. His “Live with Thomas Roberts” was cancelled in December 2016 just three months after winning an Emmy for coverage of the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision legalizing marriage equality. He then anchored “MSNBC Live” on weekends until his departure.

“I think the tides had shifted with NBC and MSNBC in a lot of different and unique ways,” he said. “That was really difficult to watch up close and to see what was going on behind the scenes, because I loved my experience there and I was really proud of what I was able to achieve in that eight-year period.”

“But places and people and things change, and I really believe that my season there had come to an end,” he added. “It’s a reason, a season or a lifetime. I had a good reason to be there, and I 12

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Photo courtesy CBS46

Numerous LGBTQ media figures followed Roberts’ lead, including Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper, Don Lemon and others.

“It’s fantastic that we have so much representation now in 2018 across every landscape when you think about cable, network morning shows, network evening shows, whether they’re reporters, anchors or producers and executives, it’s never been a better time to stand up and be counted for,” he said.

It’s Roberts’ time to be counted for at CBS46, which he calls “a great product” that viewers should tune back into if they’ve wandered to other local stations.

Meanwhile, he plans to refamiliarize himself with an Atlanta that looks much different than it did in 2006, and the city’s newest anchor hopes to continue on the job with clothes intact, he said.

“I just pulled up at Suitsupply to have my pants fixed, so hopefully I won’t bust my ass out of my pair today.”

MILESTONE Q

Black Gay

PRIDE

Bulldogs owners plan blowout 40th anniversary and reminisce about the early days

By Patrick Saunders

IN 1978, WHEN MICHAEL CLUTTER AND HIS BUSINESS partner Jerry Pyszka decided to open a gay bar in Midtown and call it Bulldogs, they had no idea what to expect.

“I thought if this makes it five or 10 years, I’ll be happy,” Clutter tells Q magazine. “You do the five or 10 years, and it fades in and out of popularity, and you just move on to another business.”

There was no moving on in this case. The black gay bar celebrates its 40th anniversary on July 28 with a weekend of events to back it up.

When Clutter and Pyszka found the property, it wasn’t much to look at.

“It was an empty building that used to be a strip bar,” Clutter says. “It had been empty for a couple of years, and I thought it would be a great spot for a gay bar.”

They signed a lease, and Clutter handled the business side while Pyszka — who managed a gay bar at the time called Mrs. P’s — handled the rest.

“Bulldogs was the pre-eminent cruise bar on the strip and renowned for its Sunday afternoon tea dances and outdoor barbecues,” said Dave Hayward, coordinator for LGBTQ Georgia history organization Touching Up Our Roots. “It became the place to meet ‘Mr. Right Now,’ especially around 1 a.m. when people would migrate from the other bars, in hopes of meeting a new friend for the evening.”

Crime in the neighborhood affected Bulldogs customers, who fell victim to muggings.

“There were times I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue operating it,” Clutter remembers. “But I had founded it, and it was like my baby. I didn’t want to give it up, so we stayed through those hard times in the ‘80s.”

“Those hard times” refers to the early days of the AIDS epidemic.

Clutter and Pyszka lost numerous friends, employees and customers. Eventually, the disease claimed Pyszka.

Hayward said Pyszka was one of the first openly gay people to operate one of the city’s gay bars.

“We celebrate him for being the forerunner for LGBT owners and community organizers today,” Hayward says.

Photo by Matt Hennie

Living through the worst years of the epidemic instilled a resolve in Clutter.

“Having all my really close friends pass away kind of bonded me to it even more, and I wanted to hang onto the place because of all the memories it had,” he says.

As the ‘80s closed out, the clientele at Bulldogs evolved from a predominantly white crowd to a predominantly black one.

“We had several black employees, and they started inviting their friends in, and it evolved into where it’s maybe 80 or 90 percent black now,” Clutter says. “That wasn’t a specific plan or anything; it just kind of happened that way.”

The business has thrived since the 1990s and avoided being driven out of the neighborhood by new development like other Atlanta gay bars. Clutter buying the land in 1988 played a big part in that.

“Since that time, I’ve had several offers from people that wanted to bulldoze it and put up a high-rise,” he says. “But I really didn’t know what else to do with my life. I loved that place. I worked seven days a week because I loved it. I liked going into work every day, and I loved my employees and customers.”

Still, Clutter, who turns 70 in January, reached a point where it was time to move on. Luckily, he had someone in-house ready to take the reins.

“I’m old and tired, and didn’t want to do it anymore, but I didn’t want to see it closed,” Clutter says.

Brent Cochran-Maddox started as a doorman at the bar in the late ‘90s and quickly moved up the ranks to become general manager. He took over sole ownership last year.

Clutter is enjoying retirement in Atlanta and has watched the bar come a long way since finding that old empty building in a very different Midtown in the late ‘70s. He says Cochran-Maddox is the right fit for the bar and the community “He was the perfect guy to buy it from me, Clutter says. “I hope he operates it for another 40 years.”

Bulldogs is at 893 Peachtree St. NE. They celebrate 40 years in Atlanta this weekend with events Friday through Sunday. See their ads in this issue of Q for more details. theQatl.com

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Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

July 26 - August 1

THURSDAY, JULY 26 Happy Birthday, Marsha

Q

Writers!

Photographers!

Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.

Samples to mike@theQatl.com

Film about Stonewall legend Marsha P.

Johnson in the hours before the infamous 1969 riots screens @ Rush Center, 7 p.m. atlantapride.org, transhousingatlanta.org

FRIDAY, JULY 27 Best In Show

Queer Atlanta’s own Jeffrey Hollington

shows his latest artwork @ Conant Per-

forming Arts Center, 7 p.m. facebook.com/ jeffrey.hollington.7 Kristy Lee

Have lesbian crooner with guitar, will travel @ Eddie’s Attic, 9:30 p.m. eddiesattic.com

SATURDAY, JULY 28 Respect the Brunch

Mix breakfast and lunch to benefit Georgia Equality @ Ten, 12 noon. georgiaequality.org, tenatlanta.com Drag Queen Story Time

Terracotta Sugarbaker reads to kids for the enter-

tainment of adults @ Ponce de Leon Library, 3 p.m.

afpls.org/ponce-branch6 Bulldogs Anniversary

One of the oldest gay bars in town turns 40 with celebratory specials and

birthday swag @ Bulldogs, 6 p.m. – 8 p.m. See our preview in this issue of Q. Big Queer #Sizzle

Song, dance, poetry and spoken word performances support lesbi-

an-feminist collective Charis Circle @ Charis Books & More, 7 p.m. charisbooksandmore.com

Pentatonix

The gay-led and queer-riffic acapella group performs with openers Echosmith and Calum Scott @ Chastain Amphitheatre, 8 p.m. classicchastain.com

Find even more events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at theQatl.com.

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LEGENDS Q

Alexander McQueen documentary exposes the price he paid to become a legend

FR AGILE

GENIUS

By Buck C. Cooke

I

have to make a confession: I am not a “fashion queen.” I just don’t know that much about that world. Everything I know about it, for the most part, came from Project Runway, The Devil Wears Prada and Sex and the City, but I can’t tell if a garment was made by Gucci, Halston, or Chanel.

As much as I’m a Luddite when it comes to haute couture, I was captivated by McQueen, the documentary about queer designer Alexander McQueen’s short life and tragic end that opens in Atlanta on August 3. The film combines present-day interviews with the McQueen’s family, friends and business associates with archival footage and stunning visuals from the designer’s life and career.  theQatl.com

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Q

LEGENDS, Continued Before he became the toast of the fashion world, Alexander was just “Lee” to family and friends in East London. Even as a schoolboy, he would sketch clothing. He dropped out of traditional schooling in his teens and talked his way into a fashion course.

He made his nontraditional background work for him by reinterpreting assignments free from the formal background and rules of his classmates and instructors.

His show at the culmination of the course, titled “Jack the Ripper Stalks His Victims,” shows how that manifested, and why McQueen commanded early respect.

Even then, his designs were visually striking in an almost otherworldly way. From the beginning, McQueen originals were never merely dresses or blouses.

They were goosebump-inducing pieces of art.

History shows, of course, that McQueen made good on the promise and potential of that first show. He went on to close British Fashion Week at just 22 years old, though at the time he was still struggling financially as he became the toast of the town.

“I was on unemployment benefits,” McQueen explains in an archival interview. “I bought all of my fabric on dole money.”

Ultimately, Alexander McQueen became one of the most celebrated names of his time. He worked as creative director at Givenchy and then Gucci while running his own McQueen label. He won the British Designer of the Year award four times, and he dressed the likes of Michelle Obama, Janet Jackson, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Lady Gaga, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cate Blanchett, Beyoncé and Gwyneth Paltrow.

By many accounts, McQueen should have been on top of the world, but the designer suffered from depression and anxiety. His personal demons began taking their toll on his mental health.

As he became more successful and made more money, he

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Photos by Ann Ray, Courtesy of Bleecker Street

pursued a drug habit. In the documentary, friends, family and colleagues recount the designer’s transformation from Lee into Alexander —and how he found it increasingly difficult to be himself. McQueen began altering his appearance, got liposuction, and indulged in more drug use.

He was very close with his family and leaned on them for stability. In the end, coping with an HIV+ diagnosis and the stress of running two design houses and producing 14 shows each year got the better of McQueen.

When his mother passed away in 2010, the designer found himself unable to cope. He committed suicide the night before her funeral. Found in his home in one of London’s toniest neighborhoods, it was a world away from his humble beginnings in the city’s hardscrabble East End. “I don’t like the norm,” McQueen says in one of the documentary clips. “You don’t move forward if you play it safe.”

The film leaves us wishing McQueen could have played it safer with himself, but while we lost the man, the clothes and his iconic name remain. The documentary does an excellent job providing a look into the world, and the undoing, of a true talent.

McQueen opens in Atlanta on August 3. His work inspires this week’s Q photo essay, Fantasy Fashion, on the following pages.

FANTASY FASHION Q

Inspired &

INSPIRING Nature and McQueen legacy inform whimsical looks

By Mike Fleming

E

legant meets avant-garde. Grey Gardens meets the Met Gala. As seen in the forthcoming documentary on Alexander McQueen’s life that hits Atlanta on August 3, the experimental genius behind the queer designer’s work continues influencing culture and fashion well past his untimely death.

And it’s a legacy that shows McQueen joins a small handful of other designers like Jean Paul Gaultier in the last 30 years to be a total original. From designers like Christian Siriano and Marchesa, from artists like David Jones to performers like Lady Gaga — she

wrote “Fashion of His Love” and dedicated it to him on Born This Way — the McQueen legend lives on.

In fact, the fashion world is just beginning to catch up to McQueen’s vision. Pattern mixing? McQueen. Baroque resurgence? McQueen. 70s silhouettes? McQueen.

Another of his design legacies is directly incorporating elements from nature like flowers, butterflies, sticks, feathers and leaves into his looks in new and bold ways. He brought the real into the surreal and created wearable art.

This week’s Q photo essay takes that baton and runs with it to inspire your own fantasies. Keep turning the page.  theQatl.com

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FANTASY FASHION, Continued

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Shavonna B. Brooks Niesha Dupree

Raquel Lord

Show starts at 11 p.m.

Tristan Hartman Panucci

THE FUN CONTINUES ALL WEEK LONG! MONDAYS

THURSDAYS

Musical Mondays

TNT Talent Night

Presented by OutFront Theater Company

6 p.m.

TUESDAYS

Karaoke Hosted by Angelica D’Paige Brooks

10 p.m.

WEDNESDAYS

Whatcha Singing Wednesday Hosted by Ron Scoza, Baby D GaLore and DJ Weston

10 p.m.

Hosted by Destiny Brooks

9-11 p.m.

Latin Night

Hosted by Alexia G. Markova, Alissah Brooks and Destiny Brooks

Midnight

FRIDAYS

Fresh Fish Friday Drag

SATURDAYS

The Midnight Moon Scarlets Hosted by Misti Shores

8 p.m.

Divas of the Moonlight Cabaret with Shavonna B. Brooks

11 p.m.

SUNDAYS

Gospel Brunch

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8-10 p.m.

T-Dance Sunday Funday

Movie on the Patio Bar

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FANTASY FASHION, Continued

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FANTASY FASHION, Continued

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FANTASY FASHION, Continued

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THE QUEERLY REVUE AT MY SISTER’S ROOM

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

FANTASY GIRLS AT TEN

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DECK PARTY AT MIDTOWN TAVERN

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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WEEKENDS AT MIXX

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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AUGUST 2-5, 2018

TRAILER TRASH/SORDID LIVES WEEKEND

Presented by Craig and Drew/RV Site #7A Many imitators but Timberfell has the original! Our 10th annual event commemorates the specialness of embracing our “inner trash” in the rural south! Brother Boy Splash Bash poolside party, Trashiest Campsite/RV, Trailer Parks Tour of Booze shots party, Redneck Golf Cart Parade, Trash Sale,a fun-filled weekend featuring this great satire movie of the South.

SPECIAL GUEST DJ EricX AUGUST 17-19, 2018

STUDIO 54 WEEKEND

Presented by Rob, Joe & Earnie/RV Site #1 Join us to celebrate the 1970s disco palace Studio 54!

Friday night is set to be a Tom of Finland Mustache Party, “It’s Raining Men” cocktail mixer Saturday, and Saturday night the Tavern will transform to a disco for the Saturday Night Fever Party!

AUGUST 31-SEPTEMBER 3, 2018

LABOR DAY WEEKEND

Always a huge party! Book early to get your room and RV spot of choice. It always sells out quickly!

Be here for all the fun, food, and MEN! SPECIAL GUEST DJ EricX

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BACKPACK IN THE PARK AT GREYSTONE IN PIEDMONT PARK

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Q SHOTS

BROADWAY BOYS AT TEN

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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OP EN

The Club Where Men Do It! Open Thursday - Sunday at 9pm Special Theme Nights every Wednesday!

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LA TE

www.manifest4u.org 2103 Faulkner Rd SE Atlanta, GA 30324

!

Q

THEQ?!

In Love with an

ADDICT

Try as you might, you can’t love someone out of addiction

Q

I love two people. Well, they are both in the same body.

The adult by day treats me like a queen. The child who comes out after 5 o’clock drinking time needs me to take care of him, which I gladly do.

They hold down a great job, provide for us, and love me. Every night, I know they’re drunk when they get quiet in front of the TV until bedtime. I cook and care for them, and I occasionally play designated driver if we are stuck out of the house when it hits.

Thing is, they admit to being an alcoholic, and that’s the “first step,” right? They quit for a month several months ago, and they quit for a year a long time ago after a pretty nasty DUI. A friend says I’m headed for trouble, but I think we have a good work-around going. Things could be better, but am I wrong to hang in there?

Dear Nurse Ratchet: I think you’re half right to decide not to give up yet. But loving someone is easy. Loving them right is hard.

You feel things are under control, and they are. You’re both under the control of the addiction. You make adjustments and allowances so that things don’t get so messy as your boo continues to indulge. In recovery parlance, they’re a functioning alcoholic, and you are an enabler.

When they stop drinking but don’t address the issues that lead them to drink, they become what is referred to as a “dry drunk.”

Still a slave to addiction, they white-knuckle it to “stay dry.” As you’ve seen, it only works for a time.

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It may not be time to throw in the towel, but the status quo won’t last. It won’t get better until two things happen: 1. You figure out how to stop enabling, and 2. Your partner gets sober with therapy and/or support to stay that way.

Both will take a new kind of commitment, and both can lead to a happier life than the one you’re living.

Q

My fiancé is an awesome human being. He’s also a party boy. He seems to jump from one drug of choice to another, and no matter what he’s on, the underlying depression is still there when he’s sober.

He’s sweet, funny and loving. Until he isn’t.

Usually that means he’s grumpy. Sometimes though, the guy I know is almost unrecognizable. He abuses me verbally and physically.

When he crosses over, he lashes out. Everything I do to help is wrong, and everything I suggest is stupid. He refuses to get help, and if I try to reason with him, I’m the bad guy trying to control him, and he takes it out on me.

I love him, but I’m afraid to marry him. We’ve invested so much time, and I don’t want it to go to waste for either of us.

Dear Mr. Hyde: You have a recipe for disaster, not marriage. If there was ever an “easier said than done,” it’s this: Detach with love.

Your situation is severely unhealthy for both of you. The most loving thing you can do for him is to move on. Maybe he’ll see the light and get help, maybe not, but your wellbeing is at risk too.

Leaving seems overwhelming, but the consequences of staying could be devastating. You’re delaying the inevitable, and it’s better to have an ex-fiance than an ex-husband.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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