Q Magazine Atlanta | October 4, 2018

Q inform | inspire

Out Dispatches INTO THE CLOSET

October 4, 2018

Queer MASKS Trans model brings Atlanta designer’s jeweled looks to life

Know When to Cut & RUN FROM YOUR EX LGBTQ Health & METH REDEMPTION Get Straight with STRAIGHT PEOPLE

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Q Shots Queer Agenda Q News

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER MARK S. KING ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

Queer

FACES

Q exposes the masks we wear and unfair roles we assign

THERE’S LITTLE ROOM TO ARGUE that every human wears multiple hats and swaps multiple masks, often multiple times per day. It’s the struggle for authenticity while doing so that separates the sincere and aware from the disingenuous and two-faced.

It would be all too easy to accept our predetermined roles in society and fall into the trap of relegating others to theirs. Ian Aber cuts straight people some slack in Q Voices as he learns to navigate a new world — and a new breed of straight person — that’s come a long way since he was tortured in his queer youth.

Speaking of queer youth, the spotlight of this week’s 10 Queer Things falls on folks still floundering in the closet or struggling with their identity and fears MIKE FLEMING both real and imagined. For encouragement, I’ve EDITOR & PUBLISHER compiled tidbits from out and proud LGBTQs as a Pride-season invitation to join so many people on the other side of that lonely closet door. All the faces you wear can be versions of the real you, and there’s nothing more liberating and empowering than that.

Still, wearing false faces is never more painful than the view hiding behind the shame masks of an addict. Not only is it tough to live that way, it’s tougher when that deceit of yourself and others is exposed. Ask Gabriel Torres, the legendary AIDS doctor who succumbed to crystal meth, was publicly humiliated for it, and ultimately served prison time on drug charges. Luckily, his life now, as revealed in our Talks feature, also serves as an example for making an epic queer comeback and never letting your worst act be your last.

In an ironic twist, artist Johnny Addison covers mouths to make his statement. His one-of-a-kind masks and harnesses made from reclaimed vintage jewels are a sight to see. Learn how his passion for downtime with a speechless mannequin turned into a business, and watch how the results empower local trans model Venus Valentine in our latest Q Photo Essay by genius photographer James L. Hicks.

Your weekly Q wouldn’t be complete without our cornerstone destination features, so this issue also includes Q News from Project Q Atlanta, the Queer Agenda events calendar, Q Shots photo pages and The Q advice column. We hope you enjoy it, and that you’ll contact us any time on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and on the contact page at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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ATLANTA, IT’S TIME TO

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 45

OCTOBER 4, 2018

10 QUEER THINGS To Sirs, With Love

COVER

22 10

Talent Pool

Venus & Mugshott Cheryl work a look NEWS

13

30 Business Class

School Daze

Pride School closes and more LGBTQ briefs TALKS

19

Fall From Grace

32 Disco Ball

A meth addict’s heroic comeback

FEATURES Q Voices

8

Q News

13

Q Shots

32

The Q

38

38

34 Gay Jocks theQatl.com

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Q

Q VOICES

Getting

company and spaces of queers. I know this feeling, and it has

STR8

Celebrating real straight allies this Pride season, not just the self-aggrandizing ones

been in the back of every interaction I’ve had with straight

people my entire life. But in order to progress in any capacity in stand-up comedy, I’ve had to address this aversion to, and mistrust of, straight people.

That process has not been easy or smooth in any capacity.

There have been nights where I didn’t think I could sit through one more open mic of homophobic jokes or have one more

side conversation with a straight comedian who identifies as

an ally because “they love going to gay bars to dance.” But I

persisted because of my love of the art form and because of my refusal to be marginalized because I am queer.

After attending not one but two queer comedy festivals this

I AM GOING TO SAY SOME NICE THINGS ABOUT

year and meeting at least 100 other queer people pursuing

straight people. That may be the most provocative sentence

stand-up comedy as a career all over the country, I realized I

I have ever written, because in being queer and out over the

am not the only one. There is a groundswell of funny queer

last 25 or so years, I have had my fair share of negative experiences with straight people.

people who are becoming better comedians, run-

Even the most well-meaning straight person

of the infrastructure of their comedy scenes,

ning more shows, and essentially becoming part

can say and do things that leave queer people

roles usually exclusively held by straight men.

feeling less than or marginalized.

My firm belief is the next big wave of comedy

Growing up and being noticeably effeminate,

is going to be queer, and its roots are in every

before I ever acknowledged to myself and

others that I was queer, was its own hell of sorts and colored my world view of the fallacies of

heteronormative and patriarchal power struc-

comedy scene across this country.

IAN ABER

straight people in comedy who have queer

tures. So the lens through which I view straight people is

people in their lives and who value the diversity we bring to

lingering suspicion.

know what an ally is by definition, but many of them do more

tinted with, at best, self-preservation and at worst, a deep and But in the last seven years doing stand-up comedy, I have been more engaged with the straight world. I’ve been exposed to it because most comedy takes place in straight clubs, bars and music venues, and most comedians are straight.

In short, the straight world of today is not the straight world that I essentially left behind in my 20s. Since then, most of my time and

energy went into being around and involved with other queer people.

the comedic experience. These are people who probably don’t as allies in their actions to support queer people than some self-described allies will do in a lifetime.

There are now straight people whose support of queer people

is almost instinctual and a part of their being, not some aftermarket add on to their personality that needs to be switched on and acknowledged every time they use it.

I am reminded that we are all in this together and that some-

The main difference is the effect that we out queer people have

times the source of past trauma can be the present’s remedy.

and include straight people in our lives, the more they see the

ing queer people in my life, but also the straight people who

For some of us, this may not be an option as we still carry the

Ian Aber is a queer comedian and show promoter living in Atlanta.

had on the world. The more of us who are visible and vocal

This year, I celebrate Pride by not only recognizing the amaz-

similarities than the differences.

support and advocate on behalf of all of us.

scars of experiences with straight people and find solace in the 8

Part of this change comes from more and more

theQatl.com

Download his podcast, Str8ppl, on your favorite streaming network.

OCTOBER 21, 2018•REGISTER AT AIDSWALKATLANTA.COM FUNDRAISE | WALK/RUN | VOLUNTEER ONLINE REGISTRATION UNTIL 10/21: WALKERS $15 | RUNNERS $35 ON SITE/DAY OF EVENT REGISTRATION: WALKERS $20 | RUNNERS $50

Q

10 QUEER THINGS

complicated

Closets Accept yourself. Other people’s acceptance comes second, and in some cases, not at all.

10 messages if you’re managing coming out or questioning an LGBTQ identity

By Mike Fleming

The moment you stop hating yourself, everything will start getting easier.

You can practice your faith and stay true to yourself.

Don’t try to be someone you’re not.

It will only hurt you and others.

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Don’t be afraid of bigots. They’re weaker than you.

There are good people.

You will find them, and they will find you.

There are a lot of people like you. You are not alone.

Someone will love you, not despite of who you are, but because of it.

Don’t be afraid. Show who you are.

Your sexuality doesn’t make you a deviant. theQatl.com

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NEWS IN BRIEF Q

Mike Pence coming to ‘troll LGBTQ Atlanta’ on eve of Pride Pride School Atlanta shuts down as enrollment dwindles

By Patrick Saunders PRIDE SCHOOL ATLANTA, GEORGIA’S first school for LGBTQ and allied students, has closed after two years, and school officials are asking for donations “to meet our close-out financial obligations.”

A note from Christian Zsilavetz, the transgender educator who founded the school, was posted to Pride School’s website. It suggested the school’s small enrollment and the difficult logistics of serving students outside metro Atlanta played a role in its closure.

“Some may find it sad that we are closing our operations as an organization and school, but we have done great work all around the world thanks to all of you,” Zsilavetz’s statement said.

“In good conscience, we have been working diligently to pay off our final bills by selling and donating our inventory to Title I schools and home-school groups and families. Our offices are now completely closed,” Zsilavetz added.

The school opened in August 2016 with eight students, and that number dropped to five a year later.

“While we served about 17 students and their families in our brick and mortar school, our organization has empowered hundreds of youth, educators, families and organizations all around the world in our efforts to make this world a kinder place for LGBTQQIA & Ally people wherever they go,” the statement said.

Zsilavetz came up with the idea for Pride School after moving to Georgia for a teaching job, where he was told by a superior not to come out as trans at the school.

By Patrick Saunders

be closed to the press.

VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE IS bringing his long anti-LGBTQ record to Atlanta on the eve of Atlanta Pride in what Georgia Democrats call an act of “trolling Georgia’s LGBTQ community.”

Georgia Democrats didn’t miss the chance to point to Pence’s anti-LGBTQ record, including the 2015 signing of a “religious freedom” bill into law when he was governor of Indiana.

Pence will stump for Brian Kemp, the Republican nominee for governor. The Oct. 11 “Victory Dinner” falls on National Coming Out Day and will also feature Gov. Nathan Deal, U.S. Sens. Johnny Isakson and David Perdue, House Speaker David Ralston, Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle and others, according to the AJC. The event at the Grand Hyatt Atlanta in Buckhead will reportedly cost $250 for dinner and run as high as $100,000 for multiple private photo opportunities with Pence.

Kemp spokesman Ryan Mahoney told Project Q Atlanta that the dinner will

“By inviting the pioneer of RFRA to Georgia on the eve of Pride weekend, it seems Brian Kemp is trolling Georgia’s LGBTQ community and the 400+ major Georgia employers who oppose his plan to sign RFRA into law after all the chaos this law wreaked on Indiana’s economy,” party spokesman Seth Bringman told Project Q. Pence’s signing of that “religious freedom” bill into law led to a national backlash that factored into a similar bill failing to pass in Georgia that year.

The event is expected to draw protesters.

Atlanta Pride is Oct. 12-14.

20,000 trans Georgians face voting barriers in November election

By Patrick Saunders THE STATE’S STRICT VOTER ID LAWS could keep tens of thousands of transgender Georgia voters from taking part in elections on Nov. 6.

A recent Williams Institute study noted that Georgia is among eight states — five in the South — with the most strict voter ID laws in the country.

across those eight states, with 78,300 at risk of having their vote go uncounted on Election Day. “In order for these 78,000 voting-eligible transgender people to obtain the updated IDs required to vote in the November 2018 general election, they must comply with official requirements for updating their state-issued or federally-issued IDs,” the report said.

There are 37,050 eligible transgender voters in Georgia, and 20,400 of them — 55 percent — have no updated identification or records that accurately reflect their gender, according to the report. That means they may face substantial barriers to voting at the polls and possible disenfranchisement in November.

Chanel Haley, gender inclusion organizer for Georgia Equality, pointed transgender voters to the organization’s Transgender Voter ID Toolkit. It includes information on how to register, what counts as a valid ID, information on provisional and absentee voting and more. The deadline to register to vote is Oct. 9.

The institute said that an estimated 136,900 transgender people will be eligible to vote

Project Q Atlanta updates local and national LGBTQ news daily at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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ENTERTAINMENT COCA-COLA STAGE NISSAN PARTNERS OF PROGRESS STAGE HEINEKEN STAGE BEBE REXHA, MIKE POSNER, CECE PENISTON, MADISON BEER ADA VOX, DJ JOHN MICHAEL, LOGAN HENDERSON MICHEL JONS BAND, STARLIGHT CABARET, DJ TRACY YOUNG BRYCE VINE, SOCIAL HOUSE, AJ MITCHELL, RAHBI AFRICAN SPACE PROGRAM, BRODY RAY, HEATHER MAE LILY ROSE, CHELSEA SHAG, MICHELE MALONE SHOOTING STARS CABARET, QUEER YOUR GENDER DANCE PARTY SWEET TEA, OUT FRONT THEATRE, EXQUISITE GENDER ALISSAH BROOKS, J. TAYLOR, DANII ROUNDTREE, J LINE

FOR THE FULL TALENT LINEUP AND SCHEDULE, PLEASE VISIT ATLANTAPRIDE.ORG/ENTERTAINMENT

OCTOBER12-14,2018 atlantapride.org

31ST ANNUAL

OUT ON FILM ATLANTA’S LGBT FILM FESTIVAL Celebrating Pride at the Movies

SEPTEMBER 27 - OCTOBER 7, 2018 Landmark Midtown Art Cinema OutFront Theater Plaza Theatre www.outonfilm.org

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

SATURDAY, OCT. 6 – SUNDAY, OCT. 7

October 4 - October 10 THURSDAY, OCT. 4 Rainbros Lunch

The gay male social network grabs a bite and networks @ Roxx, 12 noon. rainbros.us

Slay the Vote

Georgia Alliance for Social Justice and Southern

Fried Queer Pride drag you to the polls with a show, DJ beats and voter registration @ Noni’s, 9 p.m. southernfriedqueerpride.com

FRIDAY, OCT. 5

LGBTQ Weekend of Action

With HRC Atlanta, including canvassing for Jen Slipakoff on Saturday and for Stacey Abrams (above) on Sunday. hrcatlanta.org

SATURDAY, OCT. 6 Yours in Sisterhood

Modern people read aloud and respond to

letters from the 1970s sent

to the editor of Ms. Magazine

to create an intimate, provoc-

a-

tive, and sometimes heartbreaking conversation @ Out Front Theatre, 11 a.m. outfronttheatre.com Kicking for a Cause

Pride Ride

Indoor cycling raises fun and funds for Lost N Found Youth @ Cyclebar in Dunwoody, 7 p.m. dunwoody.cyclebar.com

GO Kickball, Joining Hearts and

Piedmont Park Conservancy raising money against HIV @ Piedmont Park, 1 p.m. gokickball.com/atlanta

THROUGH OCT. 7 Out on Film

The 31st annual LGBTQ film festival

continues with original programing every day through Oct. 7, including the Q Spotlight

Screening of Mapplethorpe on Saturday, Oct. 6 at Landmark Midtown Art Cinema, 9

p.m. Read our movie review, salute to Robert Mapplethorpe, and best-of-

the-fest previews at theQatl. a

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com, and visit outonfilm.org for full schedule.

SATURDAY, OCT. 6 Art for Impact

Photographic works by Mike Shaefer, open bar and special surprises form a backdrop

for this popular annual fundraising party @ Positive Impact Health Centers, 5:30 p.m.

NO MATTER HOW YOU PAIR, YOU’RE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE

positiveimpacthealthcenters.org

MONDAY, OCT. 8 Mayor’s Pride Reception

Keisha Lance Bottoms toasts her

LGBTQ constituency for Pride Week @

Atlanta City Hall, 6 p.m. atlantapride.org, weareoneatlanta.com

TUESDAY, OCT. 9 PALS Drag Queen Bingo

A “Rocky Horror” theme reigns over this edition of the popular bingo game that raises money for Pets

Are Loving Support, which helps

critically ill people keep and care for

their pets @ Lips, 7:30 p.m. palsatlanta.org

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 10 Angela Davis

The legendary writer and activist gives a lecture on “1968: Lessons from 50

Years of Change” @ Glenn Memorial United Methodist Church, 6:30 p.m. candler.emory.edu

appropriate looks are encouraged, maybe not including a bucket of

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

Find even more LGBTQ events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at

650 NORTH AVE NE, SUITE 201, PONCE CITY MARKET, ATLANTA, GA 30308 CITYWINERY.COM/ATLANTA | 404-WINERY1

Carrie

Wussy screens the 1976 classic camp film. Your prom- and horrorpig’s blood @ Plaza Theatre, 7 p.m. wussymag.com theQatl.com.

theQatl.com

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Stand Out from the Crowd

Get noticed in Atlanta’s best LGBTQ weekly!

Call 404-949-7071 or e-mail sales@theQatl.com to advertise in Q Magazine and Project Q Atlanta.

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TALKS Q

Meth REDEMPTION How a fall from grace didn’t define the rest of one legendary queer addict’s life

By Mark S. King THE ARTICLE APPEARED IN NEW YORK MAGAZINE IN 2008. “Another AIDS Casualty” by David France, a profile of once-famous New York AIDS physician Dr. Ramon “Gabriel” Torres, was a heart-wrenching read.

The story outlined a horrifying downward spiral brought on by Torres’ meth addiction, a habit he had picked up in the 1990s, just as new HIV medications were calming the mortal tidal waves that Torres had been fighting for years in his role as director of AIDS programs at St Vincent’s Medical Center in New York City. Torres fell from a high perch, having become well known, heralded in fact, for his work with marginalized populations dealing with HIV. Torres’ ravenous addiction stole his career, his homes, his relationships and his reputation. Before finally being sent to prison on drug charges in 2014, Torres was reduced, in a final tragic irony, to living in housing provided by a city program for homeless people living with HIV.

The 2008 profile made such an impression on me because I was an active crystal meth addict at the time. I recognized in Torres my own plight and that of others — activists, doctors, commu- Gabriel Torres today nity leaders — who had fought hard against one (above) and in 1996 (inset) epidemic only to be swept up in a new one.

Gabriel Torres is alive and doing well. He was released from prison in November 2017, and has been writing about his experiences for TheBody.com. Here we talk about his difficult past, his hopeful life today, and his plans for the future.

It’s strange talking to you like this, because David France’s 2008 piece about you freaked me out so much. I was in my own active addiction during that time.

After that story, I had a period of relative abstinence, but I relapsed and unfortunately fell prey to a dealer that set me up in an entrapment that led to my arrests. … I went through a great deal of soul searching after a period of self-pitying but have come to terms with everything that happened.

I don’t believe it’s any accident that drug abuse of so many people

really took hold in 1996, when new HIV medications began saving lives, and we all took a collective breath. I felt entitled to the circuit parties and the drugs.

Yes. It felt liberating at the time. Somehow, it allowed us to experience a new freedom after the long toll of repression. It also made me even less cognizant of the repercussions that continued use could have on my life. It numbed me to the risks that I was taking.

Do you, like so many addicts, have trouble forgiving yourself?

Forgiveness has been a long process. But I have to, to move on. The only way I can make amends with myself and others is by maintaining my sobriety and helping others that are still struggling.

As you’ve probably noticed, meth addiction among gay men is as bad, maybe worse, these days.

Yes. Meth continues to intercalate itself in our sexual lives, destroying and undermining our personal relationships. I believe we as gay men can and are slowly pulling through it. Those of us that have somehow survived the meth epidemic can help serve as role models and help those that are still struggling and prevent those that have never tried it from ever experimenting with it.

And it’s been seeping into LGBTQ communities of color.

Yes, this has recently been recognized and it’s going to take members of the black gay male community to develop strategies to combat this drug from decimating their community.

Already there has been some recognition of the problem by film makers such as Michael Rice (Partyboi) and the ACT UP meth working group in NYC is seeking funds to conduct forums and draw attention to the problem.

You’re working as a research assistant for the first national multicenter study of methamphetamine treatment in the U.S. Tell me about that.

The main study involves two drugs, bupropion and naltrexone combination, which reduce the cravings and are an adjunct to CMA, therapy and counseling for those who wish to reduce or quit using.

What are your long-term plans? Are you able to practice medicine again?

I’ve started a process to recover my medical license. It’s going to take several years and must wait until I’m done with parole and probation.

In the meantime, I will continue pursuing research endeavors.

Mark S. King is an award-winning blogger and long-term HIV survivor. Read his full conversation with Gabriel Torres and all of his work at myfabulousdisease.com. theQatl.com

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COME HOME TO MO O hosted by

Shavonna B. Brooks Raquel Lord

featuring

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FRIDAYS @ 11 p.m.

Alicia Kelly Savannah Leigh

SATURDAYS @ 11 p.m. hosted by

Shavonna B. Brooks Evah Destruction

featuring

Maya Ross Monroe Raquel Rea Heart

1492 Piedmont Ave NE • Atlanta, GA 30309 • 404-343-6514 • Kitchen H o

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Q

ARTISTS

Wearable

ART

LGBTQ Atlanta designer and model make a statement in one-of-a-kind masks and harnesses

By Mike Fleming Photos by James L. Hicks

J

ohnny Addison never expected his love of reinvention to re-set his forward course toward the future. But Mugshott Cheryl had other ideas.

“’Cheryl’ is my cosmetology mannequin that evolved into my artistic outlet during ‘me’ time,” Addison tells Q. “When people are too much, and I need to disconnect, Cheryl doesn’t talk back.”

But the inanimate object does have a lot to say as a muse, the Atlanta hair stylist admits. “She” inspired his off-duty work creating reimagined, thoroughly modern accessories and full looks from reclaimed jewelry.

“My pieces are one of a kind that cannot be replicated,” the artist says. “Along with natural quartz crystals and gemstones, piece by piece I take apart antique and vintage jewelry, which is then carefully constructed into an amazing piece of wearable art. “‘Cheryl’ turned into me making masks which then lead into making body harnesses,” he continues. “Each piece has an individual statement of its own, and they definitely don’t go unnoticed.”

As seen in this week’s Q photo essay by contributing photographer James L. Hicks, the results are stunning. They’re made even more-so here by the model, Atlanta’s own self-described “unapologetic, queer, vegan, trans, drag queen activist,” Xt Venus Valentine.

“It was such a fun shoot, and James and Johnny are both wonderful to work with,” Valentine says. “I love how intricate and unique each piece is, plus he’s up-cycling and giv22

theQatl.com

ing new life to old, unused materials which I love.

The attention, which stems originally from sharing social media postings of the work, is still setting in for Addison.

His pieces range from $150 to $2,000 and up, but he really just started doing them simply because he loves it.

“I wanted to use Instagram as a platform to only post Johnny Addison my art. No politics and no of Mugshott Cheryl opinions,” he says. “It resulted in a new path that I never knew could be a possibility for me. I’m an average person who likes to take things that were once pretty and loved and turn them into something new that someone will love and take care of for a long time.

“If this can happen to me, then anyone’s dreams can happen,” he asserts. “Just be compassionate to one another and try to love everyone.”

The effects of his efforts are palpable to those who wear his accessories. Just ask Venus.

“I felt powerful, elegant and editorial,” she says.

In this case, editorial in a literal sense. Flip for pics on the following pages, and feast your eyes on Q’s unique collaboration of artist, model and photographer.  Find Addison’s Muggshot Cheryl work on Instagram and Facebook @MugshottCheryl. Catch Xt Venus Valentine in shows including My Sister’s Room and Edgewood Corner Tavern.

MugshottCheryl Accessories instagram.com/mugshottcheryl Photos by James L. Hicks jhicksphotography.net

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WEARABLE ART, Continued

MugshottCheryl Accessories instagram.com/mugshottcheryl Photos by James L. Hicks jhicksphotography.net 24

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WEARABLE ART, Continued

MugshottCheryl Accessories instagram.com/mugshottcheryl Photos by James L. Hicks jhicksphotography.net 26

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WEARABLE ART, Continued

MugshottCheryl Accessories instagram.com/mugshottcheryl Photos by James L. Hicks jhicksphotography.net 28

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Q SHOTS

AGLCC COMMUNITY AWARDS AT MARRIOTT MARQUIS

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY LAURA BACCUS

Q

Q SHOTS

RAINBOW BALL AT OUT FRONT THEATRE

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

SOUTHERN SOFTPAW LEAGUE OPENING DAY

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

OP E

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The Club Where Men Do It! Open Thursday - Sunday at 9pm 34

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Q

THEQ?!

I Want

OUT

propriate attacks.

That said, don’t focus on him. There’s been enough of that. Focus on what you can do.

Your instinct for counseling is a good one, though maybe with a tweak in your case. It sounds like he may be uncooperative and unwilling to say the least. Go to counseling anyway, even if it’s

alone. Read your Q letter out loud when you get there. It contains all that any professional needs to know to start helping you.

Whether it’s an abusive relationship or a mean bully, here are some steps for freeing yourself

For your wellbeing, “Marriage is forever” can’t mean “stuck no

Q

In your case, though, his desire for a divorce may be exactly

My hus-bear of less than two years wants a divorce. He

blames me, and while I know there were mistakes on my

part, I feel he played a role in this too, and we just need counseling.

He doesn’t see it that way.

I admit that we rushed to get married. We had been dating less than a year. He says that he didn’t know all he needed to know about me yet to make a lifetime commitment.

I can be overly sensitive, take too long to make decisions, and afraid of conflict. He hates that. I cry when I’m upset. He hates that more. I get it.

From the beginning, even things totally beyond my control became triggers for him to lash out. He was insensitive at

best, mean at worst, and never willing to

look at his own actions or shortcomings.

Still, to me marriage is forever. How can I get him to work it out?

Dear PTSD: What you’re describing is abuse. Even if

he never lifts a finger against you physically,

he’s do psychological damage. Your husband

has you believing that your natural reactions

are faults, and has you blaming yourself for inherent aspects of your personality. That’s not good.

He definitely plays a role in your marital issues, because he’s a husband in the relationship too, not an innocent 38

bystander. He exacerbates whatever problems there are with inap-

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matter what.” I like where your head is about divorce in general, though. Too many couples jump at a “final solution” without

trying to resolve problems. Even a brief separation can lead to healing for some of those couples. what’s needed for you.

Q

It seems everyone is offended by everything these days,

but how do I handle someone who is seriously being an

offensive bully without making a scene?

Dear Hurt:

First, make sure that you’re not being overly sensitive to what may just be someone else’s opinion. You’ve

heard opinions are like assholes: Everyone has one, and only a few people, if any, actually want to

see it. Sometimes showing yours just leaves two assholes out for all to see.

If someone is disparaging others based

on race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or physical condition, among others, first consider

that the offender might be uninformed.

Ask, “Do you know how that sounds?” If they clearly do and continue, go ahead

and make a scene, but calculate it for their

ability to hear it and your own safety from

the fallout.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and

not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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