Q Magazine Atlanta | October 18, 2018

Q

October 18, 2018

Outsiders Spark GENDER FEARS

inform | inspire

Fiery looks take red fashion inspo from AIDS Walk Week

inspired Q ueer Q &A Bows with JOHNNIE KORNEGAY III LGBTQ Atlanta Bids FOUNDING FATHER FAREWELL Nothing Harder Than AMICABLE BREAKUPS

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Q Shots Queer Agenda Q News

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

The reviews are in!

Readers love

Q

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

and your messages are the proof!

Thank you for the support, and please continue reaching out!

Wow. I just found Q, and it’s great!

Congratulations on the new magazine.

Atlanta didn’t even know Finally! A queer publication what it was missing!

for everybody, not just some.

A gay magazine I actually want to sit down and read!

I just wanted to tell you how much my husband and I love your new magazine…

Q magazine is the best thing to happen to Atlanta!

I thought I knew what to expect in local rags, but Q is totally different. I need to pick up more often.

You guys are like a breath of fresh air.

theQatl.com

Q is informative and

energetic, something that was sorely missing in the ATL.

Thank you for bringing Q to Atlanta!

You guys should have done this years ago!

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omg I love your mag!

Atlanta needed this.

EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER MARK S. KING HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

Harvest

GOLD

Q goes mining for fall and harvests queer Atlanta treasure

POST-PRIDE IN THE LGBTQ-ATL is no time to rest on our laurels. Atlanta has places to go and people to see, and Q remains steadfastly dedicated to bringing you all of it.

A week after thousands stomped the same grounds, AIDS Walk Atlanta hits Piedmont Park on Oct. 21, and 10 Queer Things takes the opportunity to highlight the beneficiaries of this year’s event. AIDS Walk also serves as the cornerstone of this week’s Queer Agenda calendar of shows, specials and soirees to keep that Pride vibe going strong all season.

Speaking of the season, the temps have finally decided MIKE FLEMING to catch up to the calendar, and just in time for our EDITOR & PUBLISHER Cover Feature, which takes red inspo from AIDS Walk Week and mixes it liberally with the monochrome trends stomping runways these days. Shake vigorously with leather and faux fur, present it in a wheat-field flourish, and fall fashions are served.

On a more somber note, just as Atlanta Pride prepared its 48th bow, the city said goodbye to one of its founding fathers not just of Atlanta Pride but of the entire local queer movement. Our Community Profile remembers the life of Berl Boykin, from standing up to homophobia at Emory in the ’60s, marshaling the first Atlanta Pride march, and working well into the modern era of LGBTQ rights in Georgia.

In Q Voices, Heather Maloney is talking gender fears from an insider’s perspective, and in Q News, Atlanta continues its official progress as the best city in Georgia for LGBTQ residents. This week also sees the introduction of our new biweekly Q&A feature, which profiles queer locals you should know. First up, artist, activist and advocate Johnnie Ray Kornegay III lets us in on his multi-faceted life and vision for civil justice.

Of course we also have Q Shots galleries from recent events, and The Q advice column wraps this week’s coverage with words of wisdom for the hardest breakups of all — the amicable ones.

Keep doing amazing things in queer Atlanta, y’all, and Q will keep celebrating, covering and shouting them from the rooftops. Hit me up with your feedback and ideas at mike@theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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OCTOBER 21, 2018•REGISTER AT AIDSWALKATLANTA.COM FUNDRAISE | WALK/RUN | VOLUNTEER ONLINE REGISTRATION UNTIL 10/21: WALKERS $15 | RUNNERS $35 ON SITE/DAY OF EVENT REGISTRATION: WALKERS $20 | RUNNERS $50

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

VOLUME 1 ISSUE 47 OCTOBER 18, 2018

10 QUEER THINGS Walk Tall

COVER

18 10

Red Hot

Fiery fashions for fall

COMMUNITY

13

Hello & Goodbye

27 Strut Streets

ATL pioneer dies as city makes strides Q&A

17

Art as Activism

30 #Winning

Meet Atlanta’s Johnnie Ray Kornegay III

FEATURES Q Voices

8

Q News

14

Q Shots

27

The Q

38

38

36 Movie Mavens theQatl.com

7

Q

VOICES

Gender

to another is one of the most socially unacceptable practices we learn of while growing up.

One Atlanta woman’s journey through dread, horror and selfacceptance to discover her true self

Most transgender kids aren’t the courageous ones defying social norms at a young age. That’s not to say they’re any less brave, but most of us tell ourselves we simply can’t be transgender, even making excuses as to why.

FEARS

IT CAN BE A DIFFICULT PROCESS OF SELF-REALIZATION to learn that you are not the gender you were told you were from birth. I have no doubt that there are countless transgender people in this world who will never decide to transition or even acknowledge that it’s something they need to deal with outside of their deepest thoughts and feelings.

Think about it: You’re told from the moment you’re born that you’re unquestionably this gender, and it becomes one of the basic building blocks of your life and society as a whole. Some people are men, some people are women. They didn’t choose to be that way, but they are. And the answer when trans children inevitably ask “why” is biological.

It’s great, right?

As you might imagine by the analytical tone here, no, it is not.

For those who don’t feel comfortable with the gender identity that they were given to carry their entire lives with all of its implications, it’s like holding a vat of acid and told not to spill it. We’re expected to keep it balanced wherever we go, since a spill would certainly hurt us and those around us. At least, that’s how I perceived it while growing up until it finally shattered.

Lo and behold, the “acid” was estrogen all along!

And as much as people love saying how it’s important to “go against the grain” and “don’t worry what everyone else thinks,” that’s not always so simple. We’re social creatures. We’re afraid of losing our social lives, and transitioning from one perceived gender theQatl.com

“Every guy wants to secretly be a girl” is something so many trans women say to themselves, myself included, even though it sounds ridiculous to others. “Of course nobody would admit to it, but who wouldn’t want to be female?”

When we realize that this isn’t the case and that men don’t feel this way, it can be enlightening or lonely. Many can suppress those feelings for a seriously impressive amount of our lives before it becomes unbearable — or more unbearable than it already has been.

H E AT H E R MALONEY

And so we go along with this, believing that the constructs are all there for our own good. We have the luxury of never needing to ask what someone goes by or knowing how we need to treat the person because it’s right there in their presentation like a name tag.

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It’s seen as a joke, so when we’re growing up and thinking about it more and more, many of us see transition from male to female as one of many examples we’ve seen in the media as men dressing up as women for laughs.

What comes after is oftentimes just as hard. Coming out to family, friends and anyone is an effort in genuine horror. There’s no promise that the other person will understand it or accept it.

And let’s say that everything up until now has been done and over with. You’ve embraced that this is who you are, you’ve come out to at least one other person close to you, and now you’re ready to do what it takes.

Well... How, exactly?

Resources for transgender people aren’t common knowledge, after all. It can sometimes be difficult even to find a therapist who knows anything about it, much less about hormone replacement therapy ­— for the record, typically it would be an endocrinologist.

And even then, there are plenty of professionals out there who won’t give you what you need for a number of reasons, so finding the right one is key to starting right away.

And what about clothing? Or tucking? Or binding? Or voice training?

Heather Maloney is a writer, editor, and creative thinker from Atlanta with a vested interest in gender and sexuality. Read the full column at QMagAtlanta.com.

PHOTO BY ROBIN RAYNE NELSON/ZUMA.

At Your Service To advertise, contact us at sales@theqatl.com or 404-949-7071

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Q

10 QUEER THINGS

Thrive SS thrivess.org

In addition to hosts AID Atlanta, these are the LGBTQ beneficiaries of AIDS Walk Atlanta on Oct. 21

Lost N Found Youth lnfy.org

Positive Impact Health Centers positiveimpacthealthcenters.org

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theQatl.com

Someone Cares someonecaresatl.org

NAESM naesm.org

Open Hand

openhandatlanta.org

Jerusalem House jerusalemhouse.org

Living Room livingroomatl.org

The Names Project Foundation

Aniz Inc. aniz.org

aidsquilt.org

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ATLANTA, IT’S TIME TO

RAISE

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Fresh content served daily

Founding

FATHER

LGBTQ pioneer, Atlanta Pride co-founder dies at 74

By Patrick Saunders BERL BOYKIN — AN ORGANIZER OF THE FIRST Atlanta Pride march in 1971 and a longtime LGBTQ activist — died on Oct. 6 just as excitement over the city’s 48th Annual Pride Festival began to build. Boykin was 74.

His queer activism started in 1963 when he was a student at Emory University. The school expelled Boykin, an undergraduate at the time, for hosting a man in his dorm room.

Dave Hayward, an LGBTQ historian and longtime friend, said Boykin continued to agitate for LGBTQ rights on campus alongside the late Steve Abbott, the Emory student body president at the time.

Later that decade, Boykin and the late Shelby Cullum petitioned the state legislature and Atlanta City Hall for LGBTQ rights on behalf of the Georgia Mattachine Society.

In August 1969, Atlanta police raided the Ansley Mall showing of Andy Warhol’s “Lonesome Cowboys,” leading Boykin and others to found the Georgia Gay Liberation Front two months later.

“As the first marshal for Atlanta’s first Pride march in June 1971, Berl says, ‘There were 125 marchers — I know, I counted them twice,’” Hayward wrote in a remembrance of his friend sent to Project Q Atlanta.

Boykin recalled the march in a Georgia Voice profile on him published in April 2018.

“We could not get a parade permit from the city,” Boykin said. “We marched up Peachtree from the Federal Building downtown … by the Baptist church at 5th and Peachtree, just as they were getting out of church and they were freaked out.”

At the time of his death, Boykin was believed to be the last person alive who took part in the first Atlanta Pride march and still lived in the city.

COMMUNITY Q In July 1971, Boykin, the late Klaus Smith and the late Bill Smith met with Gov. Jimmy Carter to advocate for LGBTQ rights. Carter didn’t budge, but Hayward said he and Boykin later cajoled Carter to come out in support of same-sex civil unions in December 2004.

Boykin and Hayward would go on to found Touching Up Our Roots, an organization devoted to documenting Georgia’s LGBTQ history that is still active today.

In addition to his work as an activist, Boykin was a staff member for Atlanta’s alternative newspaper the Great Speckled Bird, which often covered LGBTQ issues.

Berl Boykin

“Berl wrote and published both as a journalist and as a poet, and acted and directed in plays and music videos,” Hayward said.

Hayward added that for many years, Boykin was the chief drama critic for local NPR affiliate WABE 90.1 FM. Boykin was part of the first contingent of honorees Atlanta Pride recognized at the “Our Founding Valentines: Celebrating Our Pioneers” reception in 2015.

Boykin reflected on the importance of LGBTQ Atlanta remembering its roots in the Georgia Voice profile.

“People need to know now, younger gay people, how bad the oppression was in the old days and how it had to be fought against for people to even get to the relative state of liberation we’re in now,” he said. “Never forget the struggle.

Our enemies won’t, and they will definitely have the energy to push us back. … Struggle on until you get more freedom in each aspect. … Until we get full equality, every way with straight people, no more, no less, things are not over.”

Details of a memorial service or celebration of Boykin’s life have not been made public.

LGBTQ news is updated daily on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl. theQatl.com

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Q

NEWS BRIEFS

Brian Kemp ‘cruising for votes’ on Grindr “But we don’t expect him to

By Patrick Saunders

find much support,” Bring-

BRIAN KEMP IS OUT WITH AN ATTACK AD

man told the AJC. “He has

against his Democratic rival Stacey Abrams in the un-

made clear that he wouldsign

likeliest of places — Grindr — despite Kemp’s support of

discrimination into law if he is

anti-LGBTQ “religious freedom” bills.

elected governor, even though

400+ major Georgia employers

The banner ad has a picture of Abrams beside the line

“Where was Stacey Abrams.” The AJC reported that the ad

harm thestate’s economy.”

attacks Abrams’ stance on sex offender legislation.

Brian Kemp

The Georgia Democrats called out the odd pairing.

The Kemp campaign didn’t respond to Project Q’s request

“Instead of cruising for votes on Grindr, Brian Kemp

should stand up for LGBTQ Georgians and promote a

strong economy by committing to veto RFRA — just as Nathan Deal did,” Seth Bringman, Democratic Party of Georgia spokesperson, said in a press release.

Bringman refers to House Bill 757, a controversial anti-

LGBTQ “religious freedom” bill that Deal vetoed in 2016.

for comment about its advertising on the social networking app for gay men. A look at the campaign’s latest financial disclosure shows ties to a political advertising firm that has used Grindr to support its GOP clients before.The

Kemp campaign paid about $90,000 to Majority Strategies between July and September. This firm gained attention in

2014 when it ran ads on Grindr for the NRA in support of Senate candidate Tom Cotton.

The Georgia Democrats also noted the timing of the ad

Find LGBTQ news updated daily on Project Q Atlanta at

Atlanta gets highest-ever score on annual LGBTQ equality index

the city treats its LGBTQ employees, municipal services, law

running during Atlanta Pride week. According to the AJC:

By Patrick Saunders THE CITY OF ATLANTA NOTCHED A PERFECT SCORE on the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index for the sixth consecutive year, while nine other cities and areas across Georgia received failing scores.

theQatl.com.

enforcement and relationship with the LGBTQ community.

HRC gave Atlanta an 82 when the MEI first started in

2012. The city has had perfect scores or higher each year

since then. Atlanta earned “MEI All-Star” status again this year “for scoring above an 85 despite being a state with no

LGBTQ-inclusive protections,” Griffin said.

Bottoms reacted to the announcement in a post-reception press release.

HRC President Chad Griffin announced this year’s MEI score during a Pride reception that Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms hosted at Atlanta City Hall on Oct. 8.

Griffin said it was “vitally important that cities like Atlanta are stepping up to provide crucial, commonsense protections for their LGBTQ residents and visitors.”

“To the activists, stakeholders, City officials and community members who made this

possible — thank you,” Bottoms said. “Words cannot express our gratitude for your continHRC President Chad Griffin

The MEI scores hundreds of municipalities across the country in five key areas ­— non-discrimination laws, how 14

have said that doing so would

theQatl.com

ued and unrelenting efforts to push Atlanta toward its promise.”

The report graded 10 cities and geographic areas in Georgia.

Atlanta was the only one that didn’t fail.

Find all the MEI rankings for Georgia at theQatl.com

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA SUNDAY, OCT. 21

The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

AIDS Walk Atlanta & 5K Run

October 18 - October 25

The 28th annual event marches through Mid-

THURSDAY, OCT. 18

town against HIV in Atlanta. Steps off @ Pied-

MAAP: Out in the Workplace

Wear purple to celebrate Spirit Day and talk on-the-job queerness with

Metro Atlanta Association of Professionals @ Merchant E-Solutions, 6

mont Park, 11 a.m. See our ode to the beneficiaries in

this issue of Q. aidswalkatlanta.com

p.m. maapatl.org

Rainbow Trout Recruitment

QWIK Tips

welcome potential members to swim, meet

Atlanta’s LGBQ swim and water polo teams

Queer Women in Kink share coming out stories and tips for coming out kinky @ Rush Center, 7:30 p.m. facebook.com/QueerWomeninKinkATL Lisa Stansfield

and greet @ Georgia Tech Recreation Center,

11 a.m. Join them for pizza afterward @ Fellini’s on Howell Mill, 1 p.m. atlantarainbowtrout.com

Still serenading her gays with those singularly

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 24

8 p.m. centerstage-atlanta.com

Hairy guys and their admirers hit At-

rich vocals after all these years @ Center Stage,

Scare-A-Bear

lanta’s scariest haunted house en masse.

FRIDAY, OCT. 19

Meet at Woofs before thrills and chills

Haunted Basement

‘Tis the season to spook up your DJ dance party,

this night with Nonsense ATL @ The Basement, 10 p.m. nonsenseatl.com

SATURDAY, OCT. 20 L5P Halloween Parade & Festival

The coolest Halloween party in town is always a

week early. Hit the hipster hood for the big proces-

sion down Euclid Ave. @ Little Five Points, 12 noon

@ Netherworld Haunted House, 6 p.m. woofsatlanta.com

THURSDAY, OCT. 25 The View Upstairs

Atlanta’s LGBTQ theatrical company opens its season with the story of

a young gay man in 2018 who buys an abandoned building in the French Quarter and is transported to the UpStairs Lounge, the 1970s gay bar

that infamously burned with patrons inside in a hate-crime arson @ Out Front Theatre, 8 p.m. outfronttheatre.com

FRIDAY, OCT. 19 Werq the World

The queens of RuPaul’s Drag

Race Season 10 make a victory tour stop @ Center Stage, 9

p.m. centerstage-atlanta.com

Find even more LGBTQ events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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Q

Writers!

Photographers!

Q magazine and Project Q seek to expand our pool of contributors Reporting, commentary, event pics, portraits and photo essays. Help us express Atlanta’s diverse LGBTQ perspectives on a one-time or recurring basis.

Samples to mike@theQatl.com

Q&A

Q

Johnnie Ray

KORNEGAY III

‘Art is indispensable from social change’ Photo by Kirklan H of XL Shoots

By Patrick Saunders JOHNNIE RAY KORNEGAY III IS MANY THINGS, BUT stagnant is not one of them. Photographer, creator, consultant, activist — his imprint shows across Atlanta.

He advocates around issues impacting black gay men for the Counter Narrative Project, he’s heavily involved in HIV and civil rights advocacy and he’s the founder and artistic director for an arts company called Staticc, with a mission of “delivering beauty to the world” through his own work as well as singer-songwriter Kipper Jones.

Kornegay talks more with Q about his heroes, his motivation, his art and his fears.

Tell us about your background.

I was born and raised in Chester, Pa. I was raised by my two heroes, my parents, Brenda and Johnnie Kornegay. They were supported by a whole host of family. I have one brother, Ed Kornegay.

My upbringing was a very 1980s black experience. Atari, Nintendo, rap music and bike riding. While there were parameters I had to stay within as a kid, I always had a feeling of freedom at the same time. I was fortunate to have a large supportive family around. I was always a little different as a kid, but I never felt ashamed because of it. There was a lot of love around me.

What drew you to civil rights advocacy?

It started young. My parents would take my brother and I with them to vote. It planted the seed that we had a civic duty, and we were taught that my ancestors were killed so we could have the right to do it.

This civic action was stoked again around the time I was 8 or 9.

I remember I was in third grade, and my teacher Ms. Shelly had given us an assignment to read a newspaper article. The article I picked happened to be about the HIV epidemic. This was around 1985. I remember being so moved by it. After high school, around

1996, I began volunteering with the Chester AIDS Coalition. It was humbling. I learned a lot.

How important a role do the arts play in advancing civil rights?

For context, the music, writing and poetry of black artists in the 1950s and 1960s wasn’t separate from the civil rights activism happening at the time. It was part of it. It was all one thing with multiple creators.

I learned about HIV because of 1980s and 1990s pop culture. I remember watching Neneh Cherry’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” video. It was the visual arts from Keith Haring, the music from Janet Jackson, the poetry from Essex Hemphill that gave me courage and knowledge. Art of my childhood was seductive in the way it taught me to think more deeply. I could speak out.

Art is indispensable from social change for black folks. It gives us context. It gives us language. It helps us understand the world around us.

What moment are you most proud of so far?

The moment I am selecting is actually one of my most recent accomplishments. I am most proud that I was selected to shoot the cover of Positively Aware Magazine’s September/October 2018 issue on HIV decriminalization. As a person who’s released two bodies of artistic work publicly that included the stories of black gay men living with HIV, I was so honored to do the cover. HIV laws around the country must be modernized. I am committed to being part of that change.

What’s something people would be surprised to find out about you?

One of them I did this morning. I shocked both of my best friends by rapping the entirety of “Relentless” by Erick Sermon.

I think people would also be surprised that I, too, worry that I won’t find a life partner. Take note y’all, I’m available for dates and chats about changing the world. theQatl.com

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Q

FASHION

Harvest some monochromatic inspiration for rich fall looks

PHOTOS BY ANDREY VALEREVICH

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theQatl.com

adored

By Mike Fleming

ith Atlanta AIDS Walk & 5K Run

set for Oct. 21 and the weather finally cooperating with the calendar, this week’s photo spread takes the red theme and the latest color-on-color trend to heart. Let the results inspire your own ideas when raiding your closet and the shops this season.

theQatl.com

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22

RED ON RED, Continued

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PHOTOS BY ANDREY VALEREVICH theQatl.com

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Q

RED ON RED, Continued

PHOTOS BY ANDREY VALEREVICH 24

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Q

RED ON RED, Continued

PHOTOS BY ANDREY VALEREVICH 26

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Q SHOTS Q

EAST ATLANTA STRUT AT MARY’S

theQatl.com

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

7TH ANNUAL GENTLEMEN’S BALL AT MARRIOTT MARQUIS

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

MISS ATLANTA PRIDE AT MIDTOWN TAVERN

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com 30

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PHOTOS BY LAURA BACCUS

Q

Q SHOTS

AIDS WALK MARGARITA BUST AT ZOCALO

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Stand Out from the Crowd

Q Get noticed in Atlanta’s best LGBTQ weekly!

Call 404-949-7071 or e-mail sales@theQatl.com to advertise in Q Magazine and Project Q Atlanta. theQatl.com

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Q SHOTS

CELESTIAL FRIDAY AT BLAKE’S

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

News | Events | Culture | Photos | Podcast

IN PRINT WEEKLY fresh content online daily Q Magazine theQatl.com

Project Q Atlanta

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OUT ON FILM’S ‘MAPPLETHORPE’ AT PLAZA THEATRE

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

From Exes to

FRANDZ

Jumping hurdles in the obstacle course that is an amicable breakup

Q

I was enjoying what I thought was a tough but amicable split from my ex of nine years. He stopped trying, and I stopped trying to make him prioritize us, and we finally agreed to end it.

We get together occasionally to ease the transition of being on our own again. We have two dogs, and since he stayed in the place with the yard and I took our condo, he was going to keep them and give me visitation.

you. They are unhappy and acting out at best, neglected at worst. Tell him that you are keeping the dogs for their own good, and that you don’t want to see or hear from him for at least a month.

The problem is, he’s never there to take care of them.

Not talking or texting won’t come naturally to either of you, and that’s the point. You can both see what it’s like to live single and begin to process your relationship as well as its end, and begin to dig out of this back-and-forth.

First, he complained about them “acting out” and blamed it on me for being gone. Then he said he never even wanted them when we got them, and only agreed to keep them to shut me up. Finally, he made me take them permanently to the cramped condo, which is OK I guess, but now he is actually asking for them back! I’m at a loss.

Even before the dog episode, I felt like he was getting together only when it suited him, to the point that it was confusing.

Like he wants all the good fun parts of a boyfriend and dogs, but none of the work.

Dear Right but Wrong: It’s hard during a split to remember that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can no longer rely on each other for your daily needs, and you can’t facilitate a breakup by seeing each other and intertwining your lifestyles — especially at first.

You need a clean, hard break. Even if it’s subconscious or unintentionally, he is keeping you on a leash, and the dogs are his last bargaining chip.

Even if he has the bigger yard, if he is not letting the dogs take advantage of it, they might as well be at the condo with 38

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Q

My ex and I have all the same friends. We don’t want anyone to “pick sides,” but we’re also not super excited about seeing each other every time we might want to meet up with the crew. Can I get a break without losing friends?

Dear FRANDZ: It’s definitely complicated. You can maintain those relationships and the distance, but the key is for both of you and all of the friends to be honest. White lies about get-togethers to avoid hurt feelings have a way of coming out.

Set up ground rules, and be flexible. There may be occasions when one of you straight-up isn’t invited, and other times the two of you need to suck it up and be in the same room so your friends aren’t caught in the middle.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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