Q Magazine Atlanta | January 24, 2019

Q

inform | inspire

10 LGBTQ Jocks Creating Change

Dos & Don’ts for Trans Allies

January 24, 2019

SUPER BOWL

Inclusion Party

Sporty SPICE Out athletes Amazin LeThi, Esera Tuaolo in Atlanta

Relationship Paranoia vs.

Gut Instinct Q Shots Queer Agenda Q Voices

The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q

Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM

Game ON

Q ueer Atlanta is all up in preparations for Super Bowl LIII, and Q is here for it.

EVEN WEIGHED DOWN IN SOCIAL ALBATROSSES, the NFL is still making

strides for LGBTQ inclusion as it prepares a week of activities during the Super Bowl in Atlanta. That includes several out athletes, allied organizations, satellite panels and officially sanctioned queer events.

As this issue hits the stands, openly gay football player Michael Sam and lesbian

WNBA player Layshia Clarendon are hosting Breaking Barriers: Sports for Change at the Center for Civil &

ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

Human Rights. And that’s just the beginning.

Building on that momentum, Q Cover model Amazin LeThi is preparing an appearance during the Atlanta Women in Sports Panel at the Gathering Spot, and

out former Falcon Esera Tuaolo is gathering a Who’sMIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

Who in sports and entertainment for his Super Bowl

Inclusion Panel & Party in Q Events.

In this issue, Q talks to both LeThi and Tuaolo about the influence of out athletes and LGBTQ inclusion, as well as the high stakes of queers at the proverbial table when

all eyes are on Atlanta like they are the next couple of weeks. In the spirit of all that

sporty spice, 10 Queer Things lists just a few of the earliest pioneers who came out and changed the trajectory of their sports.

But when it comes to making change, few segments of our readership have seen more growth in recent years than our transgender brothers and sisters. Columnist Heather Maloney embraces her friends and supporters with a few pro tips on the Dos and Don’ts of being a trans ally in Q Voices.

Likewise, a record number of queer state reps are sworn in and ready to create a new reality at the Gold Dome. Both pro- and anti-LGBTQ legislation is already being

discussed in the new legislative session. The Q News section covers all of it in this issue, and Project Q Atlanta has daily updates at theQatl.com.

While you soak it all in, Q also honors our weekly commitment to bring you the best

queer things to do in Atlanta in the Queer Agenda calendar, Q Shots photo galleries

including NFL playoffs parties, The Q advice column on queer fears, and of course the LGBTQ and allied advertisers who keep us coming every week.

Like what you see? Have ideas for future coverage? Write me any time at mike@theQatl.com.

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 10 JANUARY 24, 2019

GAME CHANGERS LGBTQ pioneer athletes

Photo by Alina Oswald

COVER

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Action Figure Amazin LeThi talks diversity in sports

NEWS

25 As Folk

Represent

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Most queer lawmakers ever sworn in at Gold Dome

EVENTS

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Bowl Games

29 Glam Squad

Esera Tuaolo hosts NFL Inclusion Party for Super Bowl

FEATURES Q Voices

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Q News

13

Q Shots

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Queer Agenda The Q

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Q

VOICES

My Genitals vs.

YOUR BUSINESS Dos & Donts of supporting our transgender brothers and sisters

IT CAN FEEL LIKE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS WHEN talking to certain people. Maybe it’s someone you look up to or just an especially intimidating individual.

The same can be said for interacting with someone who comes across as different in one way or another. Many people, queer or not, know what it’s like to be stared at awkwardly or given a second, more curious glance.

Trans people know this all too well. Some of us have to teach etiquette on a weekly or even daily basis, succeeding only some of the time.

So how can you avoid being rude, disrespectful, or tone-deaf with transgender people? It’s been said a million times, but the most important — and obvious — answer is to treat us the same as you would anyone else. Y’know, like a human. More people have caught onto this rule than haven’t as awareness grows, but it certainly sets the tone nicely regardless.

While the sentiment may be appreciated, the fact that it needs to be pointed out can seem awfully unflattering and potentially invalidating. It can make someone feel like they stick out.

What does work is to just treat that individual as any other person of their gender you would otherwise come across.

If you absolutely cannot discern someone’s gender, avoid using gender-specific language. And regardless of how you personally perceive anyone, if that person tells you what their gender is, that is their gender. No exceptions. It’s not up for discussion.

theQatl.com

Unless someone gives you express consent to talk about their genitals... Don’t talk about someone’s genitals. It’s weird.

It’s uncomfortable. It can be borderline, or even outright, harassment.

Speaking of harassment, grabbing or touching a trans woman’s breasts qualifies. The fact that they’re trans does not give automatic permission to touch their chest as if they’ll understand the intent because “they were once a guy.” They were never a guy, and it’s still sexual harassment. And if they are a guy, one who might have had surgery to remove his breasts, it’s still not an excuse to go touching people.

Unless you’re intimate with someone, keep your hands to yourself.

Now, what if you’re talking about a trans person with someone else? If both people in the conversation are cisgender, there’s still harm in misgendering a trans person. Maybe not directly, but it encourages the continuation of intolerance.

H E AT H E R MALONEY

But what if you see someone “in the wild” who looks like they could be transgender? What if you know they’re transgender? Do you try to show your support by mentioning it to them? More often than not, the answer is no.

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What about friends who are trans, or if someone who comes out to you? Believe it or not, the most common question, even from friends and family, is about our genitals — if we’ve “had the surgery” or if we are going to have it.

Transitioning isn’t a ruse that trans people want everyone else to “go along with” to make us feel better. It’s just who someone is, and all we ask is others to see — and respect — who we are.

Nobody is immune to making mistakes, of course. A lot of this advice can be directed towards other trans people as well as cis people. I’ve had experiences with both that left me feeling uncomfortable, if not a bit violated. Ignorance is indiscriminate.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but no one else is obligated to do the same. Asking a trans person about something trans-related doesn’t require them to answer. It (usually) isn’t their job, and it can be draining.

Treat your fellow humans nicely. Hopefully, they’ll do the same.

Heather Maloney is a writer, editor, and creative thinker from Atlanta with a vested interest in gender and sexuality. Read her full column at theQatl.com.

PHOTO BY ROBIN RAYNE NELSON/ZUMA

Q

10 QUEER THINGS

Billie Jean King WTA

Jason Collins NBA

Game CHANGERS

Long before Michael Sam, Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy, here are just a handful of the LGBTQ athletes who came out and changed the world

John Curry OLYMPIC ICE SKATING

Glenn Burke Greg Louganis OLYMPIC DIVING

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MLB

Martina Navratilova WTA

Brittney Griner WNBA

Dave Kopay NFL

Tom Waddell OLYMPIC TRACK & FIELD

Renée Richards WTA

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NEWS Q

Represent!

From left: Matthew Wilson, Renitta Shannon, Karla Drenner, Park Cannon and Sam Park

Record number of LGBTQ lawmakers take office in Georgia

Drenner (photo, middle) entered her 10th term representing House District 85 in Avondale Estates. She became the first-ever openly LGBTQ person in the Georgia legislature when she was sworn in in 2001.

By Patrick Saunders

“It’s nice to have friends,” Drenner said. “It’s exciting. It was lonely for the first 10 or 12 years. The world has changed a lot since 2001. I welcome all of them. I think they’re an amazing group of individuals and I’m honored to serve with them.”

MATTHEW WILSON WAS SWORN INTO THE GEORGIA House on Jan. 14, making him the fifth LGBTQ member of the legislature — the largest number of openly LGBTQ members the Georgia legislature has ever had.

Wilson (top photo, far left) — whose mother stood with him on the House floor during his oath of office — called it “a very exciting day.”

“I’m just taking it all in. We’ve already started voting on some stuff,” Wilson said. “So, it’s just an incredible honor. And to have my family here and friends — we had about 10 volunteers and supporters up in the gallery to watch it — it’s an honor to have them here and to be here.”

Wilson was sworn in alongside fellow LGBTQ state Reps. Karla Drenner, Park Cannon, Sam Park and Renitta Shannon. Georgia now has the most openly LGBTQ state legislators of any state in the South, according to the LGBTQ Victory Fund.

“With a larger LGBTQ legislative caucus comes more influence and more political power,” said former Houston Mayor Annise Parker, president and CEO of the LGBTQ Victory Fund. “We know that when LGBTQ elected officials are in the room, it humanizes our lives, changes political debates and leads to more inclusive legislation. Georgia is behind most states in pro-equality laws and policies, but this army of five will undoubtably begin to change that.”

Cannon (second from right) entered her second full term representing House District 58 in Atlanta. Cannon, who identifies as queer, won a special election to replace former state Rep. Simone Bell in 2016.

Park (far right) entered his second term representing House District 101 in Lawrenceville. He became the first openly gay man elected to the Georgia House in 2016. He is also the first Asian-American man elected to the House.

Shannon (second from left) entered her second term representing House District 84 in Decatur. She came out as bisexual on the eve of National Coming Out Day in 2017. Shannon is the first openly bisexual member of the Georgia legislature.

One issue the five House members will likely face this session is anti-LGBTQ “religious freedom” bills, even though House Speaker David Ralston has made clear his opposition to such bills, saying they could “tear at the fabric of the state.”

Ralston was re-elected House Speaker on Jan. 14 with a vote of 162 to 10. All five of the LGBTQ caucus members voted for Ralston.

Read full coverage of the 2019 legislative session as it pertains to LGBTQ Georgians at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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IN BRIEF

Meet the new LGBTQ liaison for Atlanta police

Georgia House Speaker: RFRA ‘tears at fabric of state’

By Patrick Saunders

By Patrick Saunders

A NEARLY FOUR-YEAR VETERAN OF THE ATLANTA Police Department was named as the agency’s newest LGBTQ liaison.

GEORGIA HOUSE SPEAKER DAVID RALSTON SAID that anti-LGBTQ “religious freedom” legislation “is a solution in search of a problem,” and he acknowledged the severity of the state’s HIV epidemic.

Officer Lynadius Joseph, who joined Atlanta police in July 2015, said that she took on the LGBTQ liaison role because, as a lesbian, she relates with issues facing LGBTQ Atlanta.

“That along with the work that APD is trying to do throughout various liaison positions and just with our community policing unit in generOfficer Lynadius Joseph al as far as building relationships, repairing relationships where needed — I really wanted to be a part of that,” Joseph said.

She was introduced at a meeting of Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms’ LGBTQ Advisory Board on Jan. 11. Joseph was named to the new position in December.

Joseph — a Pasadena, Calif., native — started her career in marketing, then transitioned to police work.

“I’ve always had a passion for working with the youth as well as the community, even in my personal life as far as different advocacy groups. That led me to policing,” she said. “Some of the things that were going on in the country at the time — I thought about change from within. So, I applied with the Atlanta Police Department and pretty much hit the ground running.”

Ralston, a Republican from Blue Ridge, made the comments in a media session on Jan. 10 at the State Capitol, just days ahead of the Jan. 14 opening of the legislative session.

He questioned the level of support for “religious freedom” legislation among House Speaker David Raltson House members.

“I’m on record as being very concerned that that is a solution in search of a problem,” Ralston said. “I’m even more concerned that it’s the kind of issue that divides the state.”

He said that the topic takes away from other issues that lawmakers want to address, including job growth and education.

“I would just ask us to pause before we get into an issue that has the potential to tear at the fabric of the state,” he added.

House Democrat files sweeping bill to protect LGBTQ Georgians

STATE REP. SANDRA SCOTT FILED A BROAD CIVIL rights bill that would protect LGBTQ people and others from discrimination in housing, employment and public accommodations.

of the goods, services, facilities, privileges, advantages and accommodations of any place of public accommodation without discrimination or segregation on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, disability or national origin,” the bill states.

Current Georgia law prohibits people from refusing to sell or rent a dwelling to someone because of their race, color, religion, sex, disability, familial status or national origin. HB 19 would add sexual orientation and gender identity to that list.

Under HB 19, a victim of such discrimination would be able to file “a civil action for preventive relief, including an application for a permanent or temporary injunction, restraining order or other order,” according to the text of the bill.

HB 19 would “expand and clarify” Georgia law to prohibit discrimination, according to the text of the bill. It would also “safeguard against the discrimination prohibited herein and shall be construed in light of federal judicial and administrative interpretations of similar federal civil rights laws,” according to the bill.

HB 19 would also make it illegal to fire or refuse to hire someone because of their race, disability, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age or national origin. This would cover both public and private employees.

By Patrick Saunders

“All persons shall be entitled to the full and equal enjoyment 14

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Project Q Atlanta offers more on these and other Atlanta news stories of LGBTQ interest at theQatl.com.

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COVER

Cover and Cover Story photos by Alina Oswald

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Diminutive

DYNAMO

Out sports advocate and international LGBTQ activist Amazin LeThi hits Atlanta with global message

A

By Patrick Saunders mazin LeThi experienced bullying, homelessness and depression so severe that she contemplated suicide. But the Vietnam native found salvation through sports and became a competitive bodybuilder.

She continued that trajectory to become an internationally known LGBTQ and HIV/AIDS activist. LeThi will share some of her life’s journey on a panel on LGBTQ inclusion in sports during the Atlanta Women in Sports Luncheon on Jan. 31. Queer state Rep. Park Cannon moderates the discussion taking place at The Gathering Spot.

And it’s all just in time for Super Bowl Week at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on Feb. 3.

“You’re always trying to find a sense of community and where you fit in,” LeThi told Q. “We spend our entire lives trying to fit in. Sports became my haven, because it was something that I could do. I wasn’t necessarily judged by who I was. It was more about my ability as an athlete.”

BUILDING A PLATFORM LeThi was shorter and thinner than other kids her age, which led to her getting teased. She tried tennis and softball, but they didn’t change her physical appearance.

Then she found what she was looking for.

“I was fortunate enough to have dumbbells where I was living,”

she said. “Someone mentioned that I should start weight training.

I loved bodybuilding because it was something I could do alone.”

And it definitely changed her physical appearance. By her teens, Le Thi was competing in bodybuilding, then she qualified as a strength and conditioning coach. That led to writing numerous health and fitness books.

“It really gave me a very different perspective in terms of how women are seen in sports,” she said. “And I didn’t think I would have that perspective if I were in athletics or tennis.”

But LeThi found herself wanting to do more, especially coming from her perspective as an LGBTQ Asian, or as she prefers to say, “part of the rainbow community.”

“In Vietnam, we use the word ‘rainbow,’ because we feel it’s far more inclusive than LGBT,” she said.

LeThi is determined to increase the visibility of that population in the U.S. “Many Asian-American people, especially in the South, are first generation immigrants, so they have this dual identity that you have to have, which is very tiring for the person,” she said. “You could be out in your American life but not out in the Asian community.”

Media portrayals of LGBTQ Asians are lacking as well, she said.

“If you’re struggling to come out as an Asian person, if you don’t see yourself generally, and if you only see white and  theQatl.com

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COVER, Continued black LGBT storylines, there’s that feeling — especially if you’re young — that being LGBT is not for you,” LeThi said.

She specifically noted the ground broken by state Rep. Sam Park when he became the first openly gay man and first Asian-American man elected to the Georgia legislature.

“It’s so important that we have people like [Park], because that presents such a positive image to the LGBT Asian community,” Le Thi said. “We’re the fastest growing community in the South, but we’re also the most invisible.”

FROM HIV IGNORANCE TO ACTIVISM LeThi admits that she didn’t know anything about HIV and AIDS when she was younger. An incident during that time moved her to action.

“I worked in the entertainment industry, and I went to a radio station and was told that someone living with HIV was coming to the meeting,” she said. “There was one seat left, and I remember lifting that seat up and sitting as much as I could away from that person. I just saw this look in their eyes where they didn’t even flinch. And I thought, ‘They must go through this all the time.’”

She educated herself on the issue, finding how prevalent HIV was among Asians. The Harvey Milk Foundation referred her to be a guest speaker at the NPS Italia Onlus HIV/AIDS national summit in Milan, Italy in 2012. The press coverage led her to be the first Asian HIV/AIDS activist on the cover of Real Life — Italy’s national HIV/AIDS publication.

“If I have a platform, I should raise my voice about these issues that affect us in society,” LeThi said. “I think it goes hand-in-hand within the rainbow community, because we do have a high rate of HIV. It’s important that we have wider conversations about other issues because people living with HIV suffer a terrible amount of discrimination and stigma.”

MAKING CHANGE IN ATL LeThi has been visiting Atlanta more and more often in her work.

“As an advocate, it’s very easy to go to the East or West Coast, but that market is very congested,” she said. “There are issues with being LGBT and bullying and racism there, but if you really want to change America, you have to go to the South.

This is where for the most part all the anti-LGBT laws are in place or pending.”

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Amazin LeThi with vice president Joe Biden and his wife Jill Biden; inset: LeThi during her competitive bodybuilding days

When Le Thi spoke to homeless shelters in different parts of the country, she found out that our region is an epicenter for homeless LGBTQ youth.

“They said they were coming from Georgia and North Carolina, and I said why wait for the youth to come here when I can just go there?” she said.

She also cited the number of out LGBTQ politicians in Atlanta, plus the presence of the Center for Civil & Human Rights (and within that, The LGBTQ Institute).

“I thought this is where I would be able to make the most progress and impact for not just the rainbow community, but also the Asian community as well,” she said.

Amazin Le Thi speaks as part of the LGBTQ inclusion in sports during the Atlanta Women in Sports Luncheon on Jan. 31 at The Gathering Spot, 9:30 a.m. – 4 p.m. Tickets at Eventbrite and sportsunlimitedenterprise.com.

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA

Trinity ‘The Tuck’ Taylor

The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

The RuPaul’s Drag Race queen and All

January 24 — January 30

Star joins the cast of Fantasy Girls @

THURSDAY, JAN. 24

Ten, 10 p.m. tenatlanta.com

Surpassing Certainty

Black Feminist Book Club discusses this book by trans luminary Janet Mock @ Charis Books & More, 7 p.m. charisbooksandmore.com

SUNDAY, JAN. 27 New Year, New Me

FRIDAY, JAN. 25

Glitter Goddess Productions

throws this queer female bur-

lesque show @ Red Light Café, 5 p.m. redlightcafe.com hateiswrong.org

FRIDAY, JAN. 25 Cher

The original reinvention queen hits town on her

“Here We Go Again” tour @ Infinite Energy Center, Duluth, 8 p.m. infiniteenergycenter.com

Cruise Control DJ Mister Richard sets the scene for your weekend adventures @ Atlanta Eagle, 10 p.m. atlantaeagle.com

SATURDAY, JAN. 26 Winter Beef Ball

The fourth annual

Bearracuda winter party

features DJ Ryan Jones

@ Heretic, 10 p.m.

hereticatlanta.com

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 30 King Princess

The one and only performs a

set @ Terminal West, 8 p.m.

terminalwestatl.com

TUESDAY, JAN. 29 Super Bowl Inclusion

Panel & Party

Out former Falcon Esera Tuaolo (picture)

hosts these two official NFL Super Bowl Week

events for LGBTQ and diversity awareness with queer and allied luminaries from the sports and entertainment worlds. Q Magazine and Project

Advocacy Training

Learn to lobby state lawmakers on LGBTQ issues during this session with Georgia Equality @ Rush Center, 1 p.m. georgiaequality.org

Q Atlanta sponsor both @ Civil for Center

and Human Rights, 1 p.m. and Buckhead Theatre, 7 p.m.

Atlanta Disco Society

Throw all the way back with DJ Kimber and her gays and gals @ The Basement, 10 p.m. basementatl.com

Panther L/L Date Auction

Your leather-Levi fantasy date

is just a few bids away, benefiting Positive Impact Health Centers @ Atlanta Eagle, 10 p.m.

Find even more LGBTQ

events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at

theQatl.com.

atlantaeagle.com

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AT M I D T O W N M O O N

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Q

‘BOWL’ EVENTS

Out former Falcon Esera Tuaolo queers up Super Bowl Week with Inclusion Party & Panel

W

By Patrick Saunders

Games

hen Esera Tuaolo comes to Atlanta Super Bowl Week, it will be under very different circumstances than when he played in the big game as a member of the Atlanta Falcons in 1999.

Tuaolo was in the closet at the time, and it was starting to wear on him.

“We’re in Miami and sitting in the lobby with a bunch of players on the team, and their families come in and they’re introducing them to players and coaches,” Tuaolo tells Q. “My partner walks in, and he walks the opposite direction. [When he did], everything walked out for me. To make it to the Super Bowl and not be able to share it with the person that you love was heartbreaking.”

Tuaolo retired later that year. In 2002, he came out, making him only the third former NFL player to do so. To date, still no active players have ever come out in pro football, so he has become one of the faces of out athletes in the U.S. On Jan. 29, Tuaolo hosts some of his fellow LGBTQ athletes and coaches, as well as sports allies, during a pair of events through his nonprofit, Hate Is Wrong, which champions diversity in sports and fights bullying among youth.

The Hate Is Wrong Inclusion Panel at the Center for Civil & Human Rights features Falcons Assistant General Manager Scott Pioli, gay Olympic Gold Medalist Greg Louganis, and former Atlanta Falcons Assistance Katie Sowers, who is out in her current position as San Francisco 49ers Assistant Coach. Others on the panel include an Adidas executive, a legendary sports writer and Tuaolo himself. The event is free and open to the public.

RSVP through the Center for Civil & Human Rights.

Then things really heat up. The Hate Is Wrong Super Bowl Inclusion Party later that night takes place at the Buckhead Theatre and features singers, DJs, RuPaul’s Drag Race cast members, and Miss America 2019 Nia Franklin. Ticket sales benefit anti-bullying programs in Georgia.

Tuaolo says that after he came out, it was a dream of his to bridge the gap between the LGBTQ community and the NFL. The name of his nonprofit comes from a saying he used during his playing days.

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“If anyone said anything sexist, or racist or homophobic, I would say ‘Hate in any form is wrong,’ and it sort of caught on,” he says.

Tuaolo began advocating for LGBTQ inclusion across the country through speaking engagements and on programs like The Oprah Winfrey Show and Ellen.

In 2018, Tuaolo hosted the organization’s first Hate Is Wrong Inclusion Party during Super Bowl week in Minneapolis.

The NFL and host team Minnesota Vikings supported the idea, and they even got a title sponsor in sportswear giant Adidas. Money raised through the event went to nonprofits in the Minneapolis area.

“We’ll do the inclusion party in every city that the Super Bowl plays, and the money will stay in that city,” Tuaolo says.

MONEY FOR LGBTQ ATLANTA Tuaolo’s Atlanta events will benefit the LGBTQ Institute at the Center for Civil & Human Rights. The Institute will direct all funds raised through the events toward anti-bullying efforts in Georgia.

“On the eve of the Super Bowl, it’s important to understand the greater power sports can play in advancing equity,” says Ryan Roemerman, LGBTQ Institute executive director. “Having sports leaders share their experiences helps us find ways to make sports welcoming for all.”

Tuaolo says that adding a panel discussion to this year’s Hate Is Wrong events was an effort to further bridge the gap between the NFL and LGBTQ people.

“We know what the problem is. We know the hurt and stuff we’ve gone through. So now, let’s talk solutions,” he says.

Tuaolo says he puts so much effort into LGBTQ inclusion in sports because he doesn’t want players to feel like he felt on Super Bowl week in 1999.

“I want the day that when their partner walks in, they can introduce them to the players and coaches and front office staff.”

Project Q and Q magazine sponsor the Hate Is Wrong Inclusion Panel on Tuesday, Jan. 29 at Center for Civil & Human Rights, 3 p.m. Free with RSVP via the center, as well as the Hate Is Wrong Inclusion Party that night at Buckhead Theatre, 7 p.m. Visit buckheadtheatre.com or hateiswrong.org. Super Bowl LIII is Feb. 3 at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

Catch the impressive full lineups of both events on the following page.

ď ľ

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EVENTS, Continued

Guest Stars

Esera Tuaolo’s Super Bowl Inclusion Panel & Party features some big names in sports and entertainment

Super Bowl Inclusion Panel with HateIsWrong.org Tuesday, Jan.29, 1 p.m.

Center for Civil & Human Rights

Karin Nelsen

Vice President, Legal and Social Impact, Minnesota Vikings

Peter King

Panel admission is free with RSVP, civilandhumanrights.org

Sportswriter

Zion Armstrong

President of Adidas North America

Greg Louganis Olympic Gold Medalist

Esera Tuaolo Cyd Zeigler

Moderator, OutSports

Katie Sowers

Scott Pioli

San Francisco 49ers Assistant Coach

Atlanta Falcons Assistant GM

Former NFL Player and Event Host

Super Bowl Inclusion Party with HateIsWrong.org Tuesday, Jan.29, 7 p.m.

Buckhead Theatre

Party tickets are $39 - $209, buckheadtheatre.com and hateiswrong.org.

DJ Ryan Kenney Shawn Hook Singer

Brooke Lynn Hytes RuPaul’s Drag Race

Nia Franklin

Miss America 2019

DJ Lissa Monet

Esera Tuaolo

Former NFL Player and Event Host

Raja

RuPaul’s Drag Race 24

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DJ Tie Dye

QUEER AF AT MY SISTER’S ROOM

Q SHOTS Q

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GLAMOROUS AT HERETIC

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Q SHOTS

NFL PLAYOFFS AT WOOFS

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

REVIVAL AT MIDTOWN MOON

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ONYX NIGHT AT ATLANTA EAGLE

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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Q SHOTS

MAAP MIX & MINGLE AT TEN

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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Q

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

Fear & LOATHING Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you

Q

I’m seeing a new psychotherapist to help with a general anxiety. I fear the worst in most situations for no reason. Still, I’m right about those fears often enough that I can’t tell the difference between my good instincts and my bad paranoia.

Like that I suspect my significant other of sleeping with this new therapist.

Before you write me off, let me explain. The therapist recognized me from somewhere and asked about my significant other. When I confirmed, the therapist smiled wryly and began talking about how they used to counsel my partner and helped them through some tough situations.

When I asked about it at home, my partner said nothing ever happened but that the therapy stopped because their talks became “unprofessional and too informal.”

I can’t shake a nagging feeling that they hooked up, and if so, I want a new therapist. How can I be sure?

Dear Paranoid: You need a new therapist, but because of their unprofessionalism not your jealousy. A new counselor is in order because the one you have talks openly about past clients with new ones.

If you can’t let it go, you can communicate with your partner about it as long as you keep it productive, fair and reasonable in both tone and content.

Focus not on your suspicions but your feelings. It’s not to find out “the truth” of their relationship but to learn more about yours.

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Put the therapist’s behavior on the table and explain that it would help ease your fears to define “too informal.” Explain that the therapist freaked you out and you want to understand. Say that the brief explanation you heard so far leaves open questions.

You will never know definitively what happened between them because you weren’t there, but why torture yourself? Rather than paranoia, you may have garden variety trust issues, and that’s where you can start when you find a new, better counselor.

Q

I’m new to Atlanta and have fallen into a group of friends who have known each other for years. A couple of them are really welcoming, and I like them a lot. The rest hate me, and I can’t figure out why.

I’ve decided that they’re probably jealous of the careers and interests that the others and I share in common, but the harder I try to make nice, the worse it seems to get.

They actively ignore me, and when I chime in, they stare blankly like I farted and they’re waiting for an apology. I’m beginning to dislike them as much as they dislike me.

What should I do?

Dear Hate4Hate: What people do is about them and not about you. Every. Single.

Time. Even if they think their behavior is about you, it’s about them, just as what you say and do is about you. It’s annoying, but it’s not personal.

You can either put in the time that they’ve put into their group, and over the years you’ll eventually find some footing, or you can focus on the members of the group you like and develop those relationships.

You already offered one key to the solution: The harder you try, the worse it gets. People sense desperation like sharks, so don’t chum the waters. You admit that you don’t have anything in common, so if the feeling is mutual, leave it alone. Be pleasant and move on.

If you’re intent on pressing it because you genuinely want to become friends with this half of the group, inquire with one of the people you do like about any underlying issues, and try to address them.

If there is no concrete problem, be prepared to drop the issue. Not everyone in life is going to like everyone else, and that’s OK. The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling.

Send your burning Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

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