Q Atlanta Magazine | May 9, 2019

Q

May 9, 2019

TFW You Outgrow Those Bar Friends

inform | inspire

Here to

SLAY

Ripparachie takes on Hip Hop via queer Atlanta

Ben Platt ‘Sings to ATL Instead’

10 Things Bisexuals Want You to Know Can LGBTQ Relationships Be Considered Permanent?

Q News Q Shots Queer Agenda The Q The Weekly Print Publication of Project Q Atlanta

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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@THEQATL.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@THEQATL.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@THEQATL.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@THEQATL.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@THEQATL.COM

Locally

GROWN

Q tackles Atlanta music, relationships, gatherings and queer issues YOU NEVER HAVE TO LOOK FAR for LGBTQ inspiration in Atlanta. While others search for news, views and interviews in other cities or national sources, we’re right here with a thriving crop of local LGBTQ fodder to keep you interested and motivated.

If we’re not attending a trans symposium at the Center for Civil & Human Rights, we’re attending a concert at Cobb Energy Centre. If we’re not balancing deep thoughts on aging while gay, we’re embracing the bisexuals in our ranks. If we’re not making waves with a local rapper, we’re pondering the longevity of our relationships.

PROJECT Q ATLANTA PATRICK SAUNDERS EDITOR PSAUNDERS@THEQATL.COM CONTRIBUTORS IAN ABER LAURA BACCUS GABRIELLE CLAIBORNE BUCK COOKE CHARLES E. DAVIS JON DEAN BILL DICKINSON JIM FARMER BRAD GIBSON JAMES L. HICKS TAMEEKA L. HUNTER HEATHER MALONEY ERIC PAULK KYLE ROSE JAMES PARKER SHEFFIELD VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER VAVA VROOM NATIONAL ADVERTISING RIVENDELL MEDIA SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM 212-242-6863 LOCAL ADVERTISING SALES@THEQATL.COM 404-949-7071

MIKE FLEMING EDITOR & PUBLISHER

All of that and more takes place in this week’s Q magazine.

On the Q Cover, Ripparachie returns to music with a vengeance. Learn about his journey in our profile

by Online Editor Patrick Saunders and Staff Photographer Russ Youngblood.

Taking us on a 180 from rap to ballads, Ben Platt had us at Pitch Perfect. From there, his Tony in Dear Evan Hansen got us swooning, and now his debut album comes with a concert in Atlanta. Meet the man behind the heartthrob in Q People.

Find out what bisexuals wish the rest of us would get in 10 Queer Things, then quit the Fashion Victims Unit policing your friends and manage your own crises in The Q advice column. That trans symposium we mentioned? That and more than a dozen other Atlanta events are in The Queer Agenda of the week’s best downtime options.

Meanwhile, locals are up in their feelings for myriad reasons. Columnist Vince Shifflett waxes philosophical in Q Voices about the impermanence of everything, and the owner of Tokyo Valentino is feeling good about his chances in federal court on our Q News pages.

Of course, our cameras are never far from your sightline, and we have those results in the Q Shots at the back of the book. Smile all you want. We’ll make more.

And as long as you’re doing cool stuff, we’ll be watching and recording it in future issues of Q. Until then, click through and smell the fresh content every day on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 2 ISSUE 25

MAY 9, 2019

10 QUEER THINGS Pros & Cons

COVER

23 10

Rapper Rippa Ripparachie queers Atlanta Hip Hop

NEWS

13

27 That’s Odd

Turf War

City of Atlanta vs. Tokyo Valentino PEOPLE

16

Mr. Serenade

32 In Deep

Ben Platt preps pipes for ATL show

FEATURES Q Voices

6

8

Queer Agenda

19

Q Shots

27

The Q

38

theQatl.com

38

36 Room-y

theQatl.com

7

Q

VOICES

Is Your Relationship

PERMANENT?

Letting go of clingy attachment and accepting that nothing is built to last

some level of non-attachment. That is completely different from

THE LAW OF IMPERMANENCE PRETTY MUCH SAYS

Relationships are ever-evolving. It is important to be able to

detachment. I am certainly not talking about detachment.

I love the old Zen Proverb that says, “Knowledge is learning something every day and wisdom is letting go of something every day.”

that nothing is permanent. Letting go of the idea of permanence

embrace the evolution and embrace the law of impermanence.

concept of permanent prepares us to better deal with situations

will change too.

is important for more peace and less suffering. Letting go of the

Keeping in mind that in every instance, all will change, and this

when they become not permanent.

Nothing is permanent. Not your job, your relationship, or your life.

Since no physical or mental object is permanent,

desires for or attachments to either causes suffer-

There are however two constants in life. One is

ing. Understanding that nothing is permanent can

change. Change is constant. This is why non-at-

help get us through times of change and pain.

tachment is key to peace and happiness. This is why understanding the law of impermanence

I like to think of it as riding the train. Each

allows us to let go when it is time to let go.

person gets off at a different stop. You ride the train longer with some than others. No one is permanently on the train.

VINCE SHIFFLETT

In thinking of relationships, when two people are together for

state of change. Nothing remains permanently the same.

what appears to be forever, even that relationship is not per-

The second constant is spirit. Spirit is permanent. It never dies.

separation.

impermanence, it is also important to see that we are all connect-

manent. Eventually the relationship will end through death or Truth be known, some should have ended years ago, but the idea of permanence keeps people together. The clinging, the attachment keeps them together.

I used to think, “I want a relationship that lasts forever.” I have

even said to someone, “I want to be with you forever.” “This love is forever.”

We set ourselves up for something unrealistic, then when the

relationship doesn’t work out or that person passes away, we are devastated because we are holding on to the concept of permanence. We are clinging. We are attached.

When it comes to relationships, I have found it essential to retain 8

Everything and every situation are in a constant

theQatl.com

It is always alive. So, while it is important to embrace the law of ed spiritually because we are all spiritual beings.

I think of my mom and her passing. Even though our physical

connection ended, we are still connected spiritually, and that will be permanent as long as I am in alignment spiritually and aware of the connection.

Let go of the idea that things are permanent. Just enjoy your rela-

tionship today, and let go of the idea that it is permanent or forever.

Embrace change. Cease clinging. Being able to do this will most certainly lead you down a path of less suffering and more peace.

Vince Shifflett is a nurse practitioner and writer living in Atlanta.

Read more of his work at vinceshifflett.com.

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9

Q

10 QUEER THINGS

Struggles & 5 annoying challenges and 5 awesome pluses of being bisexual St r u

ggle

Online: “Pick One”

s

“Can’t you just say you’re gay while we’re dating?”

Bisexuals should not have to hide their orientation to suit your comfort level or your public image.

Dating sites and hookup apps almost never have a bisexual option, so bisexuals are forced to swap settings and in effect, hide from the “other side” every time.

“How About a Three-Way?”

Bisexuals aren’t necessarily down for having sex with both genders at the same time. They just don’t limit their options for love or sex by gender, most often one at a time.

“It’s a Phase”

Bisexuals are sick of being told that they have just stopped briefly on a train to Gay Town.

“Bisexuals are Cheaters” Everyone has attractions to other people, so why are bisexuals singled out as unable to control those urges if monogamy is the agreement?

10

theQatl.com

TRIUMPHS S

MPH

TRIU

Empathy Queer Frontrunners

Challenging heteronormativity outside LGBTQ circles, and embracing differences within them, has been part and parcel for bisexuals since the days of all-“gay and lesbian”-all-the-time in the 1970s.

Loving yourself, especially amid a culture that doesn’t see you for you, gives many bisexuals the ability to understand things from the perspective of others.

Perspective

Learning to embrace “both sides” of their nature often informs finding shades of gray in all aspects of life, and that’s empowering.

Sexual Diversity

Second Sight

Bisexuals are more likely to report seeing the inner beauty in everyone, no matter their gender manifestation.

Variety is a matter of fact for bisexuals, who often experience very different forms of sex across their relationship history.

Sources: Williams Institute, Pride.Org, Center for Sexual Diversity theQatl.com

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theQatl.com

NEWS Q

Turf

WARS

City of Atlanta hires anti-gay attorney to fight Tokyo Valentino

By Patrick Saunders

THE ATTORNEY REPRESENTING THE CITY OF ATLANTA in its efforts to shut down Tokyo Valentino has fought against marriage equality and transgender rights, and he’s received over $200,000 from a notorious anti-LGBTQ group.

Scott Bergthold has spent his career trying to shut down sexually-oriented businesses across the country. He’ll be in federal court in Atlanta on Wednesday arguing against Tokyo Valentino (photo), the self-proclaimed “adult superstore” on Cheshire Bridge Road. It’s the latest chapter in a two-decade legal fight between the city and the store with a sizable gay customer base.

ended with an $11,000 grant in 2016. The reason for the grants was listed as “general litigation.”

In 2008, Bergthold donated $2,500 in support of Prop 8, the measure to ban same-sex marriage in California, according to Out & About Nashville.

In 2013, Bergthold fought against adding domestic partnership benefits in Chattanooga, Tenn., according to the Chattanoogan.

ONGOING BATTLE Supporters of Tokyo Valentino rallied at Atlanta City Hall in August in support of the store, which has been in a long legal battle with the city. A Fulton County Superior Court judge in 1998 ruled against the city in its move to deny a permit for the business, which was then known as Inserection.

All was quiet between both parties until 2014, when Inserection renovated and rebranded into Tokyo Valentino. The permit application prompted the city to rule that the business’s video booths were a code violation and needed to be removed.

Bergthold’s legal record and his longtime affiliation with anti-LGBTQ groups led elected officials in other cities to try and remove him from their payroll.

‘THE TANGIBLE EFFECTS OF MORAL DECAY’ Bergthold has been affiliated with anti-LGBTQ forces his entire career.

He received his law degree from Regent University School of Law in 1997, according to LinkedIn. The private Christian school in Virginia Beach, Va., was founded by Pat Robertson, the televangelist with a long anti-LGBTQ history.

In 1999, Bergthold told Christianity Today that as executive director of the National Family Legal Foundation, his focus is on “the tangible effects of moral decay which local governments are quick to recognize.”

Bergthold listed “an increase in crimes, lower property values leading to lower tax revenues, and health and safety issues like the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases” as examples of that moral decay, according to Christianity Today.

Bergthold was hired out of law school and eventually became president of the Community Defense Council, a group that Alliance Defending Freedom lists as a “resource.”

Alliance Defending Freedom gave over $213,000 in grants to Bergthold’s law office between 2010 and 2016, according to a Project Q Atlanta review of its tax records. It started with a $10,000 grant in 2011, reached as high as $55,000 in 2012 and 2013, and

Tokyo Valentino sued the city and its zoning board in 2015, claiming the ordinance was a violation of its Fourth Amendment rights. The city countersued, and both parties moved for summary judgement.

A federal judge denied the store’s constitutional claims in January 2018. Attorneys for the store appealed the decision to the 11th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals, which heard oral arguments on May 1.

Attorneys for both sides squared off in that hearing before a three-judge panel. After the hearing, Michael Morrison, Tokyo Valentino’s founder and CEO, was confident that the judges will rule in his favor.

“I like our position. I’ve always liked it,” he told Project Q Atlanta.

Morrison called the city’s actions “an attack on gay rights.”

“This is basically saying, ‘Don’t be gay in my neighborhood,’” he said.

The city has said it is not targeting any group in the ongoing legal battle. Bergthold declined comment to Project Q after the hearing, and an 11th Circuit clerk told Project Q that there is no timeline for when the judges will issue their opinion.

Read our full ongoing reports and more from Morrison at theQatl.com. theQatl.com

13

Q

IN BRIEF

Gay, bi men at center of hepatitis A outbreak in Atlanta usually sees less than 10 hepatitis A cases a year, according to Holland.

By Patrick Saunders PUBLIC HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE CALLING ON WIDEspread vaccinations for gay and bisexual men in metro Atlanta to stem a hepatitis A outbreak.

Hepatitis A causes an illness that usually lasts about a week and can be “very severe,” according to Holland.

The effects include abdominal pain, nausea, jaundice and extreme fatigue.

Gay and bisexual men, drug users and the homeless are driving the outbreak, according to David Holland, the out chief clinical officer for medical and preventative services at the Fulton County Board of Health.

“Hepatitis A is spread through the fecal-oral route,” he said.

“Various sexual practices that gay men engage in put them at increased risk of getting hepatitis A.”

“For most people it’s self-limited and just goes away, although it will knock you down pretty bad for a week,” he said.

David Holland

There have been 15,000 hepatitis A cases resulting in 8,500 hospitalizations and 140 deaths in the U.S. since the outbreak began, according to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention.

The outbreak of the disease started in Southern California in 2017 and has been moving across the country since then, according to Holland.

“We knew it was coming, so we’ve been preemptively vaccinating our [homeless] shelter residents since last July in anticipation of this,” he told Project Q Atlanta.

There have been 214 hepatitis A cases statewide so far this year, according to the AJC. There were only 24 cases in 2017 and 37 cases in 2016. Metro Atlanta accounts for 34 of the cases in 2019, including 19 in Fulton County. The county

A vaccine will prevent infection, and routine hepatitis A vaccination is recommended for all men who have sex with men.

Fulton County residents that are in one of the risk groups can get a free hepatitis A vaccination at any county health center, according to Holland.

Find the latest news of local LGBTQ interest every day at theQatl.com.

Coming This Spring...

Q

June 20, 201

9

inform | insp ire

I Do! THE WED

DING ISS

UE

Area Quee rs Talk Ab out the Joy the Knot — s of Tying and the Un ique Challe of Planning nges a LGBTQ Wedding

The Weekly

• Swimsuit Issue (May 16) • Summer Preview (May 30) • Wedding Issue (June 20)

Q News Q Shots Queer Age nda The Q Print Publica tion of Projec t Q Atlanta

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Q

PEOPLE

Sing to Me,

BEN PLATT Evan Hansen, Pitch Perfect star breaks out, serenades Atlanta

By Buck C. Cooke

B

enji in Pitch Perfect. Elder Cunningham in Chicago’s production of The Book of Mormon. The title role in Broadway’s Dear Evan Hansen.

Ben Platt packed some extremely noteworthy roles onstage and onscreen into his first 25 years. And he shows no signs of stopping.

Platt lands in Atlanta on May 16 at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre behind his debut album, Sing to Me Instead. The album showcases Platt’s clear, strong vocals. Hey, the man won an Emmy and a Grammy for his singing, so the album wisely doesn’t distract from the main event: Platt’s pipes.

In the music video for “Bad Habit,” Platt officially came out to the last few fans who didn’t know he was gay. At the end of the video, Platt goes to his ex’s photography exhibition where we see some glimpses of their time together. The video concluded by revealing the ex in question, played by hunky gay heartthrob Charlie Carver.

The subsequent video for “Ease My Mind” flashed back to happier days, with Platt and Carver portraying heartwarming and tender moments as a couple. The video trilogy concluded with “Grow as We Go,” which used interpretive dance to illustrate a couple who have decided it’s best to go their separate ways.

16

though. “New” and “Share Your Address” are up-tempo and exuberant. The former celebrates moving on and finding a

renewed sense of self after the dissolution of a bad relationship, and the latter chronicles infatuation and the giddiness of new love.

If you’re hoping Platt will sing some of your favorites from

Pitch Perfect or Dear Evan Hansen when he hits Cobb County next week, you’ll be disappointed. Platt is focusing on his al-

bum on this tour, so it is highly unlikely he will bust out with

a number from the Treblemakers from Perfect or belt out “You Will Be Found” from Hansen.

After the tour, Platt returns to the silver screen in Drunk

Parents, costarring Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek. In September, he hits the boob tube in Ryan Murphy’s new show, The Politician on Netflix.

Platt serves as one of the executive producers for the Netflix series in which he plays a high school student running for

student body president. Trans editor and author Janet Mock (Pose) is one of the series writers, and the cast includes

Gwyneth Paltrow, January Jones and Bette Midler along

with Murphy alums Dylan McDermott, Judith Light and Jessica Lange.

Platt also released videos for mid-tempo tracks “Temporary Love” and “Older,” which had the same emotional, evocative quality as their predecessors. Both videos portrayed a variety of types of couples in their narratives, which are refreshing, as is Platt’s use of male pronouns in his songs on the album.

It sounds like Platt is busy packing in more noteworthy roles

Not all of the tracks on Sing to Me Instead are tearjerkers,

Records. Visit cobbenergycentre.com and benplattmusic.com.

theQatl.com

and experiences into his second 25 years.

Ben Platt appears at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre on May 16, 8 p.m. “Sing to Me Instead” is available on Atlantic

theQatl.com

17

PALS Drag Queen Bingo

Pajama Party Night May 14, 2019

For tickets visit our website www.palsatlanta.org

Hostess Bubba Dee

18

theQatl.com

Q

THE QUEER AGENDA

Eddie Izzard

The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week

The one and only brings his latest one-man

Thursday, May 9 – Wednesday, May 15

show, Wunderbar, to the stage @ Fox Theatre,

THURSDAY, MAY 9

7 p.m. foxtheatre.org

Jordan Stubbs

Miss Mid-Life Crisis

Southern Fried Queer Pride hosts this artist talk with the creative mind behind Facet Gallery, 5 p.m. southernfriedqueerpride.com

A pageant that only the

Armorettes could conceive @ Heretic, 7 p.m. armorettes.com

Desert Hearts

This lesbian movie is part of Out on Film’s series

Rise

celebrating the 50th anniversary of Stonewall.

DJ Mike Pope and ENL Productions take the dancing queens on a

Screening @ Rush Center, 6 p.m. outonfilm.org

musical journey @ Heretic, 9 p.m. Xion with DJ Morabito follows @ BJ Roosters, 3 a.m. hereticatlanta.com

The American Music Show

Film Love hosts screenings from

the queer Atlanta cable access show of yore @ High Museum, 6 p.m. high.org

Lizzo

SUNDAY, MAY 12 Mom Concert

Taylor Alxndr, Jamee Cornelia and Sweet William (photo) play live sets @ Mother

You know her, you love her,

Bar, 2 p.m. mother447.com

and you can’t stop singing that damn song.

Blame it on her juice @ Tabernacle, 7 p.m.

Mother’s Day

tabernacleatl.com

When the cult classic

with Grey Gardens

and hit Mother Bar for the afterparty, 9 p.m.

on the big screen is the

Holy Sh!t

concept for Mother’s Day

Ian Aber hosts comedy night with the cool kids @ Sister Louisa’s

viewing, you know Wussy

Church, 9 p.m. sisterlouisaschurch.com

and Plaza are behind it, and delightfully so

FRIDAY, MAY 10

@ Plaza Theatre, 7 p.m.

Trans Equity in Housing, Employment & Healthcare

plazaatlanta.com

The LGBTQ Institute hosts this panel discussion @ Center for Civil & Human Rights, 8 a.m. lgbtqinstitute.org

TUESDAY, MAY 14 Pajama Party Bingo

SATURDAY, MAY 11

Pets Are Loving Support

NOH8 Photo Shoot

hosts its monthly theme

Photographer Adam Bouska is back snapping you

game with you in your

mouth and his sticker on

palsatlanta.org

with duct tape over your

PJs @ Lips, 6:30 p.m.

your face. Wear white @

WEDNESDAY, MAY 15

W Atlanta Downtown,

Pride Run

1 p.m. noh8.org Atlanta Rollergirls

Rock em sock em roller

skating chicks in a double header @ Yaraab Shrine, 3:30 p.m. atlantarollergirls.com

Michelle Malone

The rocker sings her own birthday blues and throws a barbecue @ Eddie’s Attic, 6 p.m. eddiesattic.com

Community Night Before they can hit

FRIDAY, MAY 10 – SUNDAY, MAY 12

the bricks in their annual Stonewall

OutlantaCon

run next month,

The annual queer cosplay, sci-fi, fan-

they need to

tasy and gaymer convention goes for three days in southwest Atlanta

@ One Hartsfield Center Parkway, all weekend. outlantacon.org

drink beer with you

@ Joe’s on Juniper, 10 a.m. frontrunnersatlanta.org Find more LGBTQ events in the Queer Agenda each Thursday at theQatl.com.

theQatl.com

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1492 Piedmont Ave NE • Atlanta, GA 30309 • 404-343-6514 •

KITCHEN HOURS: Mon-Sat 4 -10 p.m. • Sunday: Noon-10 p.m.

COVER Q

By Patrick Saunders

W

estside Atlanta resident DeMarquis Oden, better known as Ripparachie, is back from a music break and ready to own the streets.

The Indiana-born trap artist who burst out of the closet in 2012 with his album F.A.G. (Free and Genuine) has been compared to Lil B and Gucci Mane. In Atlanta, he’s performed such recent gigs as Southern Fried Queer Pride’s ATL is Burning Ball back in November.

After finding success with SoundCloud hits like “Twerk Like Ashton,” Ripparachie took a long break in 2016, but returned to making music again last summer. He released the single “Bouncing” in January.

The artist sat down with Q to talk about his origin story, the reason for that long break, his prominent facial tattoo, and his plan to “turn up the world and end the shade.” He also joined us for the photo shoot seen on this week’s cover and these pages. Find even more shots at theQatl.com. 

Taking the

RISK

Queer Atlanta rapper Ripparachie ‘would risk it all for equality’

Photo by Russ Youngblood theQatl.com

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Q

QUEER RAP continued Where did the name Ripparachie come from?

I was going by the name of Lil Rippa back when I was inspired by battle rap. The Rip part comes from what I started calling myself after I found my grandmother during her untimely demise.

The Rachie part comes from my late brother Feenie Roc, who I mention in most of my music. He started calling me that because of me being flamboyant and always wearing bright colors. This was way before I came out of the closet.

I was young and didn’t realize he was saying it because of Liberace. So in a way, it was a take on Liberace. When I found out about Liberace, I ran with the name because I knew I would come out one day.

Why did you break from music back in 2016?

When I moved to Atlanta, I came to focus on music. I ended up being in the streets of Atlanta more than the studio.

During [the break], I canvassed on behalf of the Human Rights Campaign here in Atlanta. Yeah, I was the annoying person on the streets asking if you had a minute for LGBTQ rights. Doing that type of work was draining because of all the people that judged us even though we were risking our lives for a good cause.

On top of that, I got into the party scene heavy, so I lost focus on releasing music. It was a few things that helped me get back into releasing music. One was my older brother, Kaddy Kobain, moving down here. He is my main producer, and we started working on a project called Trippy Cunt.

But what really motivated me to start taking music seriously again was this local rapper named Lord Narf reaching out to me on Twitter. She and her Awful Record friends inspired me to give rap another shot.

A couple of months after meeting them, Candy Ken reached out to me for a verse. So, I have been slaying things ever since.

You’ve talked about being a force for queer people in Atlanta. What does that mean to you?

When I moved to Atlanta, I was walking down this block and was told that I’d start being beat up if I keep bringing that gay stuff over there. Long story short, I still walk down that block in booty shorts.

Also, when I canvased on behalf of HRC, I felt like I was on the front line for queer folks. I feel like I would risk it all for equality. Which is the reason why I got the equal sign tattooed on my face. I stopped canvasing, but I continue the fight using my music. Someone has to fight back.

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Photo by Russ Youngblood

There are also definitely a lot of closet cases, but I won’t be the one to spill the tea.

What’s next for you?

I will continue dropping singles every couple of weeks. I have three projects finished, so look out for Trippy Cunt, Pink Panther Party and the joint project with Lord Narf called Team Rocket. I also have a big bop produced by Kaddy Kobain called “Love Me Long Time” featuring Father that will shake this summer up.

Who are some of the other out-and-proud rappers on the Atlanta scene?

As for life, I just plan on turning up the world and ending the shade in the community. I want to break all the barriers down and still keep it cute.

There are other talented queer artists like Divoli S’vere, Kaius and Jamee Cornelia, just to name a few that I know personally.

Visit soundcloud.com/ripparachie and f ind more on his YouTube channel and on Instagram at @ripparachie

theQatl.com

Tickets Available @ joininghearts.org

ODD BALL AT MY SISTER’S ROOM

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

Q SHOTS Q

PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com

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Q

Q SHOTS

MR. HOTLANTA SOFTBALL AT HERETIC

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

AGLCC FOURTH FRIDAY AT CLUB DiOGi

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

DEEP SOUTH AT MARY’S

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

Q SHOTS

EAV TEA DANCE AT BANSHEE

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

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Q

Q SHOTS

THE ROOM AT HERETIC

Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com

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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD

Q

THEQ?!

Manboys

& MIDLIFE

When you grow up but your friends are stuck in a queer culture loop

Q

I found myself at a big gay outdoor to-do last month.

This is an event that I’ve looked forward to for years, but this

year, it fell flat. Not the event itself, but the same group of guys that were so fun in years past.

Shuffling through the crowd on

my fourth drink and my buddies’

sixth or seventh, I caught a glimpse of us in a nearby window. There

we were, three 40-something men and a

30-something. I looked miserable, but they were

yucking it up in crop tops and plastic sunglasses like it

was a carnival instead of the line to the port-a-potties.

I’m not sure exactly when I graduated from innuendo t-shirts, gold booty shorts and Mickey Mouse ears when I’m not at Disney World, but I did. Other

than the fact we’re all still single, I find myself with increasingly less in common with my friends, but they are my friends after all. They have been there for me and I for them.

Still, I can’t shake that reflection in the window,

and I can’t help feeling that what I saw was what I have to show for the last 15 years. I want more.

Dear Manboy: So many issues, so little time. Let’s unpack and try to put away one manageable issue at a time.

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theQatl.com

What you may be experiencing is a midlife crisis. Most people

look up one day and ask, “Is this all there is?” Also on the table

are blaming your buddies for your feelings, as well as a defeatist attitude that keeps you from addressing your real concerns.

First of all, getting older is certainly better than the alternative, and a slew of our queer brethren died before finding that out.

Aging is a privilege, and as long as you’re alive, you are in a position to do something about your problems. Stop inventing road blocks to your progress.

Much has been written about the gay Peter Pan Syndrome —the Lost Boys who never grow up, and the corners of queer culture

that support and encourage them. Even if your friends are among those who need to work on it, no one appointed you to the Special Victims Unit.

In short, it’s not them. It’s you. Enjoy your sensible

separates from Target, and let them work their own issues in their own time, and yours in yours.

Speaking of which, you’ve got enough on your

plate. You mention a couple of things in passing

that imply issues that may be a real concern for

you: Who your friends are, the fact that you’re single

and don’t like it, and your number of drinks.

It sounds like your friends share a real, valuable

history, not just happen to be there. If they weren’t worth it, you wouldn’t be worried about losing them. You can want more without throwing out the friends

with the booty shorts. Growing apart might happen

naturally, but without you kicking good people to the

curb over their silly choices.

As for the cocktails and relationships, change nothing at first and think about it consciously (and while

sober). If you decide it’s necessary, put forth a plan to change. There is no “good number of drinks”

or “perfect relationship.” The right one of either

is the one you feel good about, not the one you regret while doing it.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not

professional counseling. Send your burning

Qs to mike@theqatl.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD GIBSON